00:00:00
[Music] Trump's on Theo's [ __ ] uh podcast I
00:00:07
love Trump sitting there and Theo going you know in fourth grade my uh teacher was a raccoon and he's like that's good
00:00:14
okay Theo that sounds a little different but sure and he's like yeah so yeah I
00:00:19
kind of I kind of feel like a a tad pole is a tad too big what do you think of
00:00:24
that I think you're nuts I think you're crazy I do you think that Grinch was a
00:00:30
real guy like way
00:00:36
back okay ready go ready welcome to Superfly with
00:00:42
your host David Spade and Dana Carvey that's it yes you leaned a little
00:00:50
early I leaned a little early didn't I we would have let's do one more take
00:00:55
ready oh do one more take let's just check it okay do your thing welcome welcome to Superfly with your host David
00:01:01
Spade and oh wait now I'm later oh I wait for
00:01:06
my name yeah I got give name anyone watching this trust me this is we're shooting the rehearsal I did not get go
00:01:14
ahead this is quality you won't believe this this is not scripted okay welcome
00:01:19
to Superfly with your host David Spade and Dana Carby yeah there you go [ __ ] print it
00:01:27
moving on going to lunch damn it podcast Cas it's easying get so many people smashing our
00:01:36
subscription button thank you so much smash that [ __ ] thing I don't care if you break your phone or camera whatever
00:01:42
or your laptop don't touch it don't just get go oh yeah we're at 175 now on
00:01:48
YouTube damn that's it inching up don't just go like that yeah don't go like
00:01:54
that don't go like this rub rub subscribe go [ __ ] a
00:02:01
bam let's ask Tyson to come on for because he's got that fight coming up yeah we got that fight coming up and I'm
00:02:06
gonna hit him so hard it's it's going to kill his whole family you I didn't really want to kill his family but I hit
00:02:13
him so hard even his relatives will feel the pain I'm Mike Tyson I know now he's
00:02:18
nicer he goes I'll hit you so hard you're gonna wake up with a bit of a stomach ache I know that's what we T tummy a he
00:02:27
threatens really heavily but he's he's after the fight he's a [ __ ] cat you know before the fight I kill you I kill
00:02:34
your entire family after the fight you know would you like to go maybe climb on some jungle bars come over I could put a
00:02:41
hot water bottle on it let's going
00:02:46
do I don't have my Tyson down news flash to impression us it takes a while sounds
00:02:52
good I got to do it hard not you know I was hitting them so hard I was so scared I was it's still very Brooklyn there
00:02:58
yeah I was so scared I was so scared you got Tyson let's get let's get Iron Mike
00:03:05
I like Tyson I did his podcast and it was um he had a guy there because you
00:03:10
know he has like a he I sit in the middle and he has a guy on one side that's sort of the
00:03:18
mediator you know like co-host yeah oh yeah yeah and then he would uh ask
00:03:24
questions um Mike would ask questions it was kind of fun but the other guy
00:03:30
uh not a professional but like a professional football player you know I mean yeah the the Mike
00:03:38
Tyson has a a kind of a sneaky hyper wisdom you know yeah no filters it's
00:03:45
just really simple you know I think it's called hot boxing so I think they combine boxing with smoking weed and
00:03:53
yeah the results are incredible let's look at a clip he is known to have a little bit of a funny cigarette it's
00:04:01
funny 7s you get a little um Mary
00:04:08
Jane little wacky tobacky there's
00:04:14
one that was a good cuz it's it's the lips pinched and then to the right a
00:04:21
little little funny friend this side that's really [ __ ] poof town
00:04:28
okay so let's talk what's going on in the world we'll start with the convention the convention this past week
00:04:35
yes unbelievable the we talked about the Republican convention for those of you
00:04:41
who don't know who don't know they have a convention and then the Democrats do four days long and they're kind of
00:04:47
similar to each other there's a lot of like Diehard freaks out there with Badges and hats just jangling things
00:04:54
yeah you know and there's they start at 3 in the afternoon and some of the speakers are
00:05:01
obscure congressmen you've never heard of and they just drone Bill sank me and yeah from the
00:05:08
great state of Tennessee we ladies and gentlemen we go
00:05:14
out into a new world a world that's
00:05:20
changing a changing world yes but if you're the he if you're Obama
00:05:27
you're like don't bite my [ __ ] don't talk about crime don't this is my stuff don't say Trump that's all my stuff if I
00:05:33
was a headliner I'd say these things don't I don't want the openers talking about and then yeah when you know Obama
00:05:40
comes out he's he's just cool you know he just he just brings it all down he's
00:05:45
got 18,000 people waiting and that's the thing we're going to do do it every time and what he did which surprised me and I
00:05:52
thought it was funny he did a dick joke about Donald Trump oh what was it so
00:05:58
he's up there he goes like this he goes goes he goes and Donald Trump seems to have a strange obsession with crowd
00:06:05
sizes then he goes with his hands he goes like this goes apart looks down and goes back big laugh oh visual he's doing
00:06:14
visual stuff too he did a visual thing he said that I heard they had some tape of him with Michelle I'm going to do the
00:06:19
hand out a hand in a look down they'll know it's a dick joke stay on me go wide shot come make sure this strange
00:06:26
obsession with crowd sizes and then I'll bring my hands in I'll look down and then cue the left hit the Applause
00:06:32
button yeah you know it's funny because people were saying he's obviously a great speaker if he wasn't goodlooking
00:06:37
what do you get this much attention he is good-look uh yes yeah he's uh very very
00:06:44
photogenic um I I you know I think it's a combo you
00:06:49
just he's just a rock star I mean he you know he just has has that down I mean even in 2004 he's waiting in the wings
00:06:57
he's going to speak at the Democratic National Convention he was nobody and somebody said to him are you
00:07:04
nervous he goes no not really I can play this game I got this i got this so he
00:07:09
knew he had a talent for public speaking now Biden on the other hand is a little
00:07:14
bittersweet because it was his Farewell he went on Monday at noon right no the
00:07:20
thing is they held him past prime time he went on at like 11:30 in New York at
00:07:26
the end of 50 years of Public Service let's put on another the acrobat is
00:07:32
going to do a you know jugglers will come out got that Sam Kennison last spot
00:07:37
my favorite line of him and he's done it before he like Trump trump he said he
00:07:42
said our troops are suckers and losers and then he just goes really hard he goes but Trump you're the
00:07:49
loser almost it was such schoolyard bullying you know it's ironic what you just said
00:07:56
you're the loser and then and then he did he come out in
00:08:02
his pajamas or they he waited he had to wait everyone's going along that sucks here a comedy
00:08:09
going yeah I mean he's 81 years old and yeah and there's another one another one and matter of fact they bumped James
00:08:16
Taylor it got so late that they go look one guy you want to hear James Taylor
00:08:21
and he just picked up his guitar and he said you have not got a friend and walked out boy it's perfect thing to say
00:08:29
can we Rim shot bunch of suckers and losers of Donald Trump the mega Republic
00:08:35
is a threat to democracy it was like 12:30 1:00 a.m and the people say but anyway democracy is a big catchphrase
00:08:42
that like just I don't even know what it means anymore when people say something so much I don't know what it means anymore well everybody both sides say
00:08:49
the other side is a threat to democracy so it's it's it's likeone list goes what's democracy David Spade is a threat
00:08:56
to Comedy I am now I listen yeah
00:09:03
maybe maybe I don't know why that face always gets anytime cuz I hate when I
00:09:09
watch this I'm looking down because I have to see these dumb [ __ ] squares because I'm on I look good cuz I'm
00:09:19
onomic oh come on stay close folks trying to get from 156 to 144 I really
00:09:27
am I I fattened up during grown-ups which oh couple people remember thank you um in gr I remember you were a bit
00:09:35
round I was a little rotund you were a little round chubby cheeks I asked shock
00:09:41
Point black if I was fatter and he said yeah I did you notice I said was I said
00:09:47
I actually gained 20 PBS in the last five years and I didn't even know it I said did you notice he go
00:09:55
yeah he goes you're getting in a Val Kilmer area which then was valkum on the
00:10:01
beach with a [ __ ] wet suit with his big gun I go I'll [ __ ] kill you rock
00:10:06
it's called a scale you just get on it once in a while keep track stuff go King I know I didn't get on it here is
00:10:14
a okay go ahead you you put your head in the sand and you paid the price yeah
00:10:20
um they found maggot m a g o TS in the
00:10:26
breakfast bar at the Democratic National Convention oh they don't know how they
00:10:32
got there but that's the last thing you want when you're getting a a cup of Special K apparently Clinton went down
00:10:39
there Bill Clinton and he went ballistic uh listen excuse me somebody I've got
00:10:44
megot in my Special K and I will not stand for that I will not sit here godamn it get the meots out of my
00:10:50
goddamn cereal right now I will [ __ ] you up you know what they call him they call
00:10:56
him a m a g tits we got mega no I don't want to make
00:11:04
any trouble but we got megas we got Megas in us and I do not like megas and megas are a threat to my cereal and
00:11:11
democra I think it was they said the uh protesters that came in that are behind
00:11:17
[ __ ] if they said you have to take eight you have to show eight your ID eight times to get in so there's so many
00:11:23
walls around that place it is lock solid so there's protesters on the out skirts
00:11:30
of town at this point and I think they're around throwing maggots like their confetti and
00:11:37
just to [ __ ] everyone's game up it's you know well it's like there's lines and lines of protesters and usually the one
00:11:43
behind the protesters it's more protesters protesting what they're protesting and then it goes back and
00:11:48
back and back and then 17 miles outside of Chicago there's people Pro protesting
00:11:54
the state of Illinois they wanted to rejoin Indiana they're constitutionalist was it part of Indiana look at how much
00:12:00
I don't know the more you don't know if you don't know I don't know it either but look at the
00:12:06
confidence oh yeah you do you're like I Goa knows he's like don't let me walk you through everything and then the roll
00:12:13
call went on for four hours that was the great state of Indiana they always go we we we we nominate for president the next
00:12:20
president of these here United States comma HR w n YZ comma yeah
00:12:30
I like when they go where the great state of Maine and we're taking our four voters and giving them to
00:12:36
you we are the principality of the USA the GU the principality of Guam with we
00:12:43
have one half of a delegate he's a dwarf from New Guinea and we nominate for we
00:12:50
are the delegates of Gilligan's Island and we give you the professor we are the delegates
00:12:57
of sorry you have me going all right anything else on the on the uh
00:13:02
DNC DNC really is that what you want is that what you do not really just just
00:13:09
said JFK Jr maybe is going to drop out today and and um go with Trump his VP
00:13:17
said that right his running mate said that yeah and Trump commented I didn't know which one he said one of them
00:13:23
they're very nasty they've been very nasty and you look at it you look at it they're nasty there say nasty things
00:13:30
they're not nice nasty things and you can look at it they keep doing it and there's one particular person that's
00:13:36
very nasty but I'm not gonna say I'm not gonna tell you who it is so I don't know who it was but somebody Trump's on
00:13:42
Theo's [ __ ] uh podcast I love Trump sitting there and Theo going you know in
00:13:47
fourth grade my uh teacher was a raccoon and he's like that's good the okay Theo that sounds a little different but sure
00:13:54
and he's like yeah so yeah I kind of I kind of feel like a a tad pole is a tad
00:14:00
too big what do you think of that I think you're nuts I think you're crazy
00:14:06
I do you think the Grinch was a real guy like way back yeah so I didn't hear yet but I
00:14:13
love Theo and he gave me a shout out of course we love Theo love Theo all right
00:14:18
my hair we're gonna talk about later I can't get this to show me from the side and that's all I want that's why I'm pring and printing like a you got to
00:14:24
just stay front and center you don't need I would primp less but the problem
00:14:29
is I keep seeing myself and I try to make it better and it's just like that is this is Vanity City because folks the
00:14:36
way we're doing this it I can look at David right now and then I then I'm looking at a video of myself so then
00:14:42
you're like damn really how's that possible I won't say if that's a negative or positive comment I just go I
00:14:48
go really I start to space out then I go oh I'm watching a podcast with Dana Carvey and Nick
00:14:55
Noti I get so spaced out I can't the drawers in the back I'm
00:15:00
sorry still doing some phys all right let's look at the headline all was Nick
00:15:06
NTI yeah I look like Nick NTI yeah [Music]
00:15:19
um obviously I'm on the road I'm doing this tour Dana you're out there I took
00:15:24
my new away bag let's take a look at it Heather's here he's gonna okay I'm an international stupid Star as you know
00:15:32
yes I've heard the rumor this is the black one here twist a little bit you're not being a good well sideways
00:15:39
yeah this is the one so everyone has black but you know this one is great you
00:15:46
can tie a little thing around it that's enough but it's good because it's not completely Rock Solid it's got you know
00:15:53
the the uh yeah totally it's got the soft side right
00:15:59
and these are the best ones in the world this is a game changer and you can take it on the plane so you know like when
00:16:05
you go out and you shove all your props all things from your acting all my wigs and my G glasses yeah yeah Hans and
00:16:12
frond outfit and when people kept stopping me to sign a million things
00:16:17
most of them were like what's that is that new is that an a away luggage and I have to go through the whole rigoll with
00:16:22
them mhm there you go okay you can put it Down's getting sore umal like Bob Barker you've got assist
00:16:31
holding holding up away away luggage uh you know this is their best seller is
00:16:37
the uh black best color but they come in four sizes four colors guess what I'm a
00:16:43
rebel look at this what do you got it's kind of a a whitish gray soft side feel
00:16:51
it touch it got to do it so I love maneuvering I these things can maneuver
00:16:57
through an airport like nobody business yeah cuz my old one was like I was carrying bricks around and these are a
00:17:04
little lighter you kind of push them and just you don't think about they have four wheels and they turn and they're
00:17:09
very uh this Pack's a punch you can fit a lot of stuff into this little guy here
00:17:14
you know this is like an R2D2 size it's tear resistant water resistant cuz you
00:17:20
know those guys don't care and in your case fan resistant it's a shield get back Talent
00:17:27
resistant um yeah if you spill stuff on it wipe it off that's easy uh if you cry
00:17:33
and your tears hit it that's fine it's like water it thinks it's water even though they're you baby tears and and
00:17:40
listen softside is actually made of high strength nylon so it's durable and tear
00:17:46
resistant as well as water resistant that's a threesome right there it holds a lot it stays upright check out the new
00:17:53
softside luggage from away away and head over to awaytravel.com SL
00:17:59
fly that's us Fly Donald Trump reshares IA generated images falsely claiming
00:18:06
Taylor Swift endorsement I saw this I think this is supposed to be funny it's
00:18:11
not I don't think it's a good idea because a people believe it at first glance
00:18:16
B it's I'm you know I don't know who Taylor is voting for or if she talks
00:18:21
about it but are all these fake I would think okay this Taylor Swift one in the middle as Uncle Sam is fake but are are
00:18:28
Swift maybe there swifties for Trump but if you make it AI maybe I don't believe all of
00:18:37
it right I'm saying it so you either say I'm sure some Taylor Swift fans are for
00:18:43
Trump but if you do this and then you know that's AI in the middle then you don't believe I've had I'm calling all
00:18:50
AI all yeah I'm just saying the idea of it I don't think is you know in in the
00:18:59
grand scheme of these things I would say I would stay away from that kind of stuff because AI makes people nervous
00:19:05
anyway and then if you start saying that if you reshare something what is your responsibility to check that it's real
00:19:12
and how do you check that it's real yeah always someone debunking the debunker so really you just don't know
00:19:19
anything I know everything but some people don't know anything I don't mind I like deplaning but I don't like
00:19:26
debunking MH debunking is probably something you should take in college because there's so much of it going on
00:19:32
if you were debunking while you were deaning what would you be called yeah I don't think you could do that that's too
00:19:38
much that's all that's the only phrases in the human language you start with a D
00:19:43
yeah uh okay next one okay
00:19:50
oh oh really okay klyn Clark rejects see again a million dollars to
00:19:57
appear on The View come on going to pay her a million dollars I I barely get
00:20:02
$575 when you do a talk show yeah she says I believe she said I'm not a fan of the view I don't think anyone's offering
00:20:09
anyone money to be on The View I'm thinking that she's pretty savvy so I
00:20:18
would say she would stay out of this so I'm calling can we can we figure out if
00:20:23
this is a real quote never I'm not a fan never h
00:20:29
we're just let's just I don't even know if that's Caitlyn Clark I'm gonna I'm gonna yeah I don't
00:20:36
that's dra from Hotel Transylvania yeah I think that's uh
00:20:41
don't laugh at that he K how many times in no I I'm gonna say
00:20:48
that's AI this is our AI episode yeah okay actually tell us in YouTube comments CU we don't know [ __ ] one
00:20:54
thing obvious all right next one donut slogan said says America runs
00:20:59
on Duncan I think I know look at this what is my friends this is a pumpkin
00:21:05
swirl frozen coffee who the thought it was a good idea to put this on the menu
00:21:10
because this drink has 185 g of sugar in here how much is it
00:21:17
it's this much it's 46
00:21:22
this story the amount of sugar Story how much sugar
00:21:31
artificial flavors there's 12 dimensions of sugar and I try not to eat any sugar
00:21:38
I worked with an editor once that had an iced coffee like that every morning and
00:21:43
he was trying to lose weight he goes this is all I have this is all I'm having all I'm having and I go it's a
00:21:49
billion calories it's like I haven't had that much sugar since high school one drink yeah keep it go easy on the sugar
00:21:56
I've heard here's another thing you can debunk for me cancer can't live unless there's white sugar in your body is that
00:22:02
a lie that sounds like there's well put it this way I don't know if that exact quote but cancer loves sugar so does
00:22:08
heart disease sugar is uh kind of bad in high
00:22:15
doses watch the sugar would you call 185 grams at once
00:22:20
High I only have a Coca-Cola every once in a while oh not cool how much sugar go
00:22:26
read it oh man I got a shame myself this is either my hands I have Shack hands or
00:22:31
this is a small I know easy that's makes your dick look bigger good job it's the most important thing in
00:22:38
life okay okay sugar 25 grams yeah it's not too bad
00:22:46
you're skinny by the way I do these five hour energies now and then and every time you turn on like a Tik Tok it's
00:22:52
like do you know energy drinks make you tireder I'm like oh boy no actually a
00:22:59
lot of caffeine makes you sleep I'm like please everyone let's not ruin everything I once got pulled over for
00:23:05
sleeping while driving and I said to the officer I said I I took a 5H Hour Energy
00:23:12
drink five hours and 10 minutes ago so it it wore off and I fell asleep knocked
00:23:17
you out and he let me go you going unconscious they're working on a 6our energy drink they've been working on it
00:23:24
for years um they have for they were three-hour energy drinks for a couple
00:23:29
decades then they got to 5 hours well they if they could do an eight hours maybe I could go to work and stay awake
00:23:35
the whole time how about yeah a drink that makes you not cranky how about yeah
00:23:41
okay next one okay here's one okay I don't even know what this one is okay ready we'll see how the tech
00:23:49
industry collectively responds to the fact that their threats are not working Dell fired everybody 12,500 people now
00:23:57
unemployed the video reported that Dell wanted people to come back into the office and the employees refused and
00:24:03
they won well now they're unemployed she's wondering how other companies especially Tech will respond they're
00:24:09
responding already by firing remote workers and the cuts have been increasing over the last year 2023 over
00:24:16
880,000 cut April 2024 almost 120,000 fired just 2 weeks into August
00:24:23
over 60,000 have been terminated corporations are already responding oh
00:24:28
reme you're more likely to be cut and employees are remote they'll just fire by email teams or Zoom I hate to say I
00:24:35
told you so but I told you so did employees really win by refusing to come back into the office I guess so if they
00:24:42
were looking to get terminated they got what want yeah we're luckily we're sort of doing work by home right now um but
00:24:50
so we can't comment well we have the capability of interviewing Steve Martin
00:24:55
in in uh London or something if we want yeah so I don't know if it's the same but you know on that first headline he
00:25:01
didn't say that they make AI pivot Dell makes AI pivot so
00:25:08
AI I know a guy who works with AI and it says it does half of his job you just
00:25:13
talk to the AI and it writes a paper about the you know so I I think maybe
00:25:18
what I was thinking is someone told me this that hires and Fires at a company
00:25:24
we know and they were saying people come in and say I'm willing to come in one day a week and and this boss was saying the problem
00:25:32
is don't make yourself so invaluable that they don't miss you like if they're
00:25:39
saying who would we cut first that guy was saying let's keep the people we have interactions with that work around us
00:25:45
every day that we see and it's easier to take people you don't see you don't have any relationship that are just like
00:25:51
emails and and just say We'll Lop them off first it sounds like but I don't know cuz I'm not in the workforce every
00:25:57
day now when we a movie or something you have to be there every day so there's no getting out of it or TV show it's a
00:26:03
different weird job fine but I don't know if that's I think that's what he was saying I was sort of shocked by the
00:26:10
fact they are even are laying off um you know remote workers I don't know I don't know if you could I don't know what the
00:26:17
legalities are well in the early days I assume it goes on now it's a little difficult I
00:26:23
know people employ a lot of people and the people I know who work from home like they are so flexible they can get
00:26:30
all their work done in the morning if it's something that they can truncate you know and then sure sometimes they're
00:26:36
then they go to Cancun and they're instagramming and then doing their work from 12 to 1 then hitting the beach so I
00:26:44
don't I don't know it's up to each employer to see if that that person is productive enough to to uh be employed
00:26:51
so right I had one that I work with that would only email me after their day so
00:26:57
they do do their whole day get everything done you know their whole day their personal life kids whatever and
00:27:03
then from 6:00 to around 11: at night you'd start getting the emails from the day to answer so a lot of things are
00:27:09
only open in the day and only effective in the day so doesn't always work and I I do think that the pandemic kind of
00:27:16
shifted people's mindset a lot of young people the idea of you it's sort of
00:27:22
European in a way that you you you work so that you can live you don't live to work I mean we live to work because it's
00:27:28
it's we are our job kind of I don't know I'm just hanging out with you right now but um I think people just question
00:27:35
things especially young people what what am I doing um and they're thinking for alternative Lifestyles part of that's
00:27:41
work from home or travel or you know I don't know yeah it's after obviously since Co it flipped the script yeah
00:27:48
everything okay next one I'm G to take a bite but I'm going to cut this part out
00:27:54
[Music]
00:28:02
are you catching the big game or making big mods going on that first date or
00:28:07
installing that first break kit binging that new show or watching install videos
00:28:15
when you're a real car lover the choice is obvious eBay Motors has you covered with over 122 Million Parts to fit your
00:28:22
number one ride or die brake kits turbochargers LED headlights exhaust
00:28:27
kits bumper ppers roof racks and engines whether you're into speed power or style
00:28:33
eBay Motors has all the parts you need for the ride you love Plus at these prices you're burning rubber not cash
00:28:39
and with eBay guaranteed fit your part is guaranteed to fit your ride every time or your money back keep your ride
00:28:46
or die alive at ebaymotors.com eligible items only exclusions apply this
00:28:52
phenomenon is just a gang of cicas cicas pee you see cicas have an insa thirst
00:28:58
for the liquid flowing through a plant's xylm system to Cobble together enough nutrients each cicada must consume up to
00:29:06
300 times its body weight iny I love xyl fluid which means they have to pee a lot
00:29:11
it does make you pee cicas don't just dribble droplets they they form a jet of liquid which is more energy efficient
00:29:19
their relatively large body size allows them to expel Jets without being overpowered by the liquid tension it's
00:29:26
like a mini water gun on the volume it's not just we got houses underneath those
00:29:33
trees surprisingly their price is held up and which shocked me there a lot of real estate moves quickly I don't know
00:29:39
what it is about that being rained on by urinated on by some kind of weird insect all day long yeah I hope you don't mind
00:29:47
when you leave your house and enter you're smothered and splashed in Chic PE
00:29:52
yeah the real estate says we have a very nice kitchen we have bedrooms upstairs we have a rainy insect urine that will
00:29:59
come down your head when you leave the place but we're the the the owners are willing to negotiate we're willing to
00:30:06
school district but you got you're drenched and chicap PE and doesn't come out of your hair and it stinks yes it
00:30:12
will you know it's full disclosure it's in the contract the uh uh is it Zada or
00:30:17
cada what is it shikada I think sh shikada urine will soak you through we
00:30:24
suggest you have a place before you go into your house you strip down on the deck and you put it on cicada hangers
00:30:30
where they also will then you know we have a mud room where and then the Chas
00:30:36
but the mudrooms also filled with them and they pee on you again then they throw up on you yes now when when this disclose here
00:30:45
when you open the washer in the morning to put clothes in to wash them there will be cicada spray coming out of that
00:30:52
because they do Nest was out of the washer into your face we expect you get a dry cloth you wipe it off you take a
00:30:59
shower you strip down you come back then you stay away from the opening to the washer and you throw your stuff in this
00:31:06
is just true disclosure we're willing to negotiate we want 20% down yeah and they
00:31:11
don't like I mean chicas make a lot of [ __ ] noise too but they're not allowed to say that anymore because it's offensive to them to say that you don't
00:31:17
like their pee so you have to go along with it yeah the the uh Shak is I know
00:31:22
it's weird it's never happened before but they have technically unionized um in terms of ownership of
00:31:29
that tree and unloading of urine so I wouldn't challenge them they will go on
00:31:35
strike and then you're going to miss all right next one that was good we
00:31:41
really milked a lot of chic pee out of that one we milked some chicat there I'll tell you that much okay this is
00:31:47
just a what happens on Instagram that is I guess the
00:31:52
realities the stress of being a girl
00:32:01
that's what you can do I didn't know you could just use little I mean I know people I thought in a photo you could
00:32:07
make yourself like curved a little skinnier or bigger butt if you want but I didn't know you can just take a video
00:32:13
it's so weird to me it's just like digital copies if they can make a digital copy and make it look like
00:32:19
you're in a porn film they can do that I'm not surprised but I've been saying
00:32:25
this for a long time yes whatever it is your digital image so if that young lady
00:32:31
can look like that or any way she looks the only way integrate with her is on a
00:32:37
digital screen so if she then has a new body that is the reality so um I'm all
00:32:43
for it everyone's going to look gorgeous no one's going to be fat because of OIC everyone's going to look stunning
00:32:49
because of filters and AI the whole world's going to be gorgeous and the only rulers of this planet will be
00:32:56
chicas right and the only two people that look like [ __ ] are me and you until I get you on
00:33:04
OIC guess what this is prefilters wait till I get the filters oh [ __ ] look out
00:33:12
you think I'm a six now wait till I [ __ ] Gussy it up with
00:33:17
the [ __ ] d d all right next one we run a tight ship here we go no idea what
00:33:24
this is what's this guy blabbing about bring a brief two-month period at the tail end of the summer of 1991 seven
00:33:32
albums were released that change course of history August 12th 1991 The Black
00:33:39
Album from Metallica August 27th 1991 10 from Pearl Jam September 17th
00:33:47
1991 use your Illusions One and Two from Guns and Roses September 24th 199 never
00:33:55
mind by Nana and blood sugar magic and October 8th
00:34:04
1991 it is absolutely incredible that all of these albums came out almost in
00:34:10
succession I was 13 years old at the time and absolutely changed my life it
00:34:15
changed the course of rock history and to this day these albums stand the test of time that guy with his finyl good on
00:34:22
him he had like a million records back there yeah but just picture that so in two months there you go in two months
00:34:29
yeah those were like [ __ ] monster top 100 of all time albums kind of some
00:34:37
icon iconic for for rock in our generation absolutely you know it's
00:34:42
funny because we during SNL We around what I was around like 93 94 that's I think when we had Pearl Jam we had
00:34:49
Nirvana we didn't get and maybe the peppers we didn't get the sound
00:34:55
garden what else did he say oh we didn't get Guns and Roses you know SNL used to
00:35:00
have a thing where they wouldn't put some bands on they wouldn't put in sync on no matter how big they were during when I was there they wouldn't put back
00:35:06
boys even if people sold this many albums they go it's not it's not us oh
00:35:12
oh because we were rock and roll basically cuz those were nerdy yeah they were considered something else now
00:35:18
anybody sells anything they're on you know what I mean remember when I hosted the VMAs the one that you wrote on yeah
00:35:25
we had you too we had nirv we had Guns and Roses Elton that was a
00:35:31
big one that was a big one don't be that I was
00:35:39
there the we were underneath when Chris novas threw the his guitar Bas guitar
00:35:45
and him in the head yeah oh boy those were the [ __ ] days my friend I thought they all right next
00:35:52
one next oh good one let's see what other [ __ ] we have okay wait wait I'm just saying when
00:35:59
girls complain about guys guys complain about girls but this dude puts in the
00:36:05
work he's not the best looking frog or whatever he is MHM but nobody works harder to impress a potential partner
00:36:12
than whatever this guy is let's see what okay exciting harder to impress a potential partner than this puffer fish
00:36:18
he's in the middle of spending an entire week crafting a delicate sand mural on the ocean floor just hoping that one
00:36:24
female puffer fish will like it enough to give him a chance he's in the finished work of art will be a
00:36:30
perfectly symmetrical geometric Masterpiece over 20 his size he's also something of an engineer and has learned
00:36:36
that plowing the finer grains of sand to the center will help protect it from the current preventing the work of art from
00:36:42
being washed away immediately but even so the current will constantly erase or alter small parts of his work so he
00:36:48
can't rest it all constantly tending to the piece to correct small errors as they happen and as a final tou when the
00:36:55
main shape is complete he'll add sand doers and seashells around the outer edge as finishing accent pieces soon
00:37:01
enough a female puffer fish looking for a mate will swim around as if browsing an underwater art gallery and if she
00:37:07
likes a particular work of sand art she'll hover over the center of it to communicate her approval and she'll mate
00:37:12
with the male artist in order to deposit her eggs after she swims away the artist will stay nearby fiercely protecting the
00:37:19
eggs until they hatch the wh spotted puffer fish is the only species that crafts such highly ordered works of art
00:37:25
and until the species was discovered in the early 2010s the constantly reappearing sand circles were a mystery
00:37:31
to divers and scientists but now we know that this little puffer fish [ __ ] this dude I'm already tired of
00:37:37
wow but that's unreal that dude what oh
00:37:42
they say ants are hard workking no one's talking about puffer fish the grind yeah
00:37:48
it's a grind just to get life and then they has to protect it
00:37:53
and then I mean that was um that puffer fish was 7 hours old and it started the
00:37:59
circle at 52 hours and their average life expectency is 8 8.2 hours so it's a
00:38:06
rough life well I read a lot I read laid but he gets laid then he's like I don't
00:38:12
even care about this [ __ ] thing anymore CU he's got it's so much upkeep it's like living worse than living near
00:38:17
the beach he's under the water and you know the real reason they call them the puffer
00:38:22
fish cuz you at the bottom of the ocean there's nearby alcohol deposits and is an absolute alcoholic puffed up fish and
00:38:31
it Puffs his face up or he slept on it I don't know I've been called a puffer fish cuz
00:38:37
I wake up it's so swollen you know you wake up swollen every day my face yeah we'll talk about
00:38:45
that later doctors are baffled okay next one I like the alcoholic fish yeah okay
00:38:53
here's a here's Alicia Silverstone she had a little situation here we go
00:38:59
discovered something that I can't figure out what it is and I need your help I just bit into it because it was
00:39:05
on the street and we were discussing whether this was a tomato or not it's definitely not because look at these
00:39:11
leaves so she randomly walks up to those leaves pluck so what the heck is this
00:39:17
because when you open it up it looks like that and if I bite it dumb who's biting
00:39:24
someone else's I don't think you're supposed to eat this what the it's almost like a pepper does anyone
00:39:29
know what this is It's a Jerusalem Cherry I don't know what it is I need some to tell me I'm Inland so basically
00:39:36
it's a no it's poisonous so you're not supposed to eat it so her her comments
00:39:43
got flooded with people going go to the [ __ ] Hospital those are did the person who planted them and had them
00:39:50
grow through the fence so people could pluck them know I don't think anyone thinks you're GNA go eat them but she
00:39:58
they said yeah you're not supposed you're supposed to not eat them and look at them and then what did you say then
00:40:04
no one heard from her oh no one heard from her for six she didn't say anything and everyone's like are you okay an old picture and said I'm okay I didn't she
00:40:12
said I'm okay didn't swallow funny there she is so she didn't swallow it but it
00:40:19
was more of a mystery when she was gone you know I'm glad she's safe and
00:40:24
she's she's lovely I just remember I was doing a movie once and talked to some crew members and they her name came up
00:40:30
alici Alicia said s what's she like goes she's got a funny habit of just picking
00:40:35
anything and grinding on it chewing it up and so that that it's a good in the
00:40:41
90s yeah she'll just grabing boom yeah she's a sweetheart and uh I hope she
00:40:47
didn't get totally sick but I I am not good at just picking things up that look shiny and
00:40:53
pretty and just shoving my mouth because that's how you get poison I don't eat
00:40:59
mushrooms mushrooms are if you're in a mountain would you eat a mushroom if you just found it no no no not My Dana
00:41:09
unless I saw Rob Schneider sitting to it and saying it's sell a hin take
00:41:15
it hi Rob it's good for empyema and
00:41:23
inflation I mean not inflation but oh well it'll do your tax returns what no
00:41:32
give it a chance all right let's go next one don't be like
00:41:37
that okay I don't know what this is I got a client request to write his name on a sock and wear it in a sauna for
00:41:44
$400 oh this is how people are making money forget only fans this is a new one
00:41:49
I haven't seen write the guy's name sealed for
00:41:56
freshness oh you oh and you have to sick so and I'm guessing only
00:42:03
F so this is what a guy wants this is what we want Dana guys to have someone a
00:42:10
woman that we think's attractive sign a sock with our name put it on go in a
00:42:15
sauna and then send it to us for $400 oh put their perspiration on it and
00:42:21
sickening Ziploc bag for $400 yeah nice work if you can get it
00:42:28
mhm nice work if you get it hey there's Dana socks how
00:42:36
much go on YouTube tell us they'll send you some filthy [ __ ] socks a million dollars a million a million that's too
00:42:44
much that's too much I may only get one or two offers I I admit it if it's a
00:42:49
million dollars I'll probably only get one or two offers but it's worth it you have to write their name on it with a marker look we see the perer fish
00:42:57
slaving I mean it's it's it it's hard to be a man in this world or a fish it's
00:43:02
all tied in chicas are pissing on everyone poor all right let's go to the next one we're lonely all of
00:43:09
[Music]
00:43:18
us and now a word from our sponsors at betterment do you want your money to be
00:43:23
motivated do you want your money to rise and grind do you think your money should get up and work well don't worry
00:43:28
betterment is here to help betterment is the automated investing and savings app that makes your money hustle their
00:43:34
automated technology is built to help maximize returns meaning you can invest
00:43:39
with betterment your money can auto adjust as you get closer to your goal rebalance if your portfolio gets too far
00:43:45
out of line and your Dividends are automatically reinvested that can increase the potential for compound
00:43:52
returns in other words your money is working like a dog while you can be sleeping like one and snoring like one
00:43:58
to you'll never picture your money the same way again betterment the automated
00:44:04
investing and savings app that makes your money hustle visit betterment.com to get started investing involves risk
00:44:12
performance is not guaranteed all right let's do one more we're we're getting uh I got so much going on Dana so I'm
00:44:19
turning down things right left um there's a new trend where oh I
00:44:25
didn't know what to say about this there's a new where women are putting a gap between their teeth not a permanent
00:44:32
Gap oh a permanent Gap she looks like a beaver she like
00:44:40
a that's what you want look at the song TLC Unpretty is that what the song is
00:44:46
that a real song a funny who's happy about that I mean why would I mean let's
00:44:53
see famous Gap to people Arnold for go much more much more attractive David
00:44:59
Letterman you know you know Paul it's great that everybody's doing this and that who else
00:45:04
um the guy Good Morning America um yeah
00:45:09
well David Hartman from the
00:45:14
60s it's a first first see no who else I had four teeth pulled
00:45:23
in the 60s that's why I have a tiny mouth my tooths my tooths were like this
00:45:28
when I was in third grade I'm like oh and you know what I will tell you this I didn't care I just thought these are my
00:45:35
tooths you know and I would smile on a picture like this I didn't care I just wanted my picture taken and they were
00:45:41
like this and finally someone goes what's wrong with your teeth they look [ __ ] so stupid I was like
00:45:48
huh and then they go Wrangle those in so when I was in fifth grade I roped them
00:45:54
in with some barb wire it was basically braces but they were so so like out of control and then I never smiled big
00:46:00
again because they told me I look bad and from that day on they dimmed my light well wait a minute don't CLI my
00:46:07
wings you roped in some barb wire you made homemade braces bar braces but they
00:46:13
really had to like because they were just going every which way and once I
00:46:19
was made fun of I went into a shell Dana I don't know if I've ever come out of it I've always wanted
00:46:25
to anybody who needs Dental it's a it's a handicap not to
00:46:31
have straight teeth in life it's it's definitely you know no one there are five kids in the family I was the only
00:46:38
one that got braces because I was I my nickname was for a while was Bucky what
00:46:43
are you guys figuring to do you know so they said f to do he's gonna be called Bucky unless you do something so at
00:46:51
first my parents didn't have money they could only put them on the top so the bottoms were all like like crooked then
00:46:58
the orthodontist said to me can you just develop a habit of of just pushing that
00:47:04
tooth or push it back that was going to be for real for real just could you
00:47:09
possibly just push that tooth back over time but that that didn't fly I fck are
00:47:16
you listening to me I said I don't think I can do that
00:47:21
but yeah it would have been a very different life but I did uh pay for the bottoms when the door closed he goes
00:47:26
sayy Bucky you know how a sucky and you go I'm sorry what and he goes nothing what nothing and you're
00:47:34
like and then you go hey have you seen my new Chada spray the guy in the face with his
00:47:41
Fe I'm trying to do your face like it's so good you got to go up to the camera look right in it m you know how to sucky
00:47:49
fella young F Well that's what you do you go to the camera I was going here yeah go to the camera dude that's the
00:47:55
funniest that was a good on mhm it helps a joke and M need help it does all right
00:48:02
all right so let's we could wrap on that right we did pretty good I think we did pretty good um we don't want to torture our
00:48:09
audience smash that subscribe button and uh smash the [ __ ] out of it we'll we'll make history come see me on the road
00:48:16
David spay where am I going first this week where you going David where you going to Seattle Seattle next to
00:48:22
Hartford Connecticut I'm going to hether look me Indianapolis
00:48:28
Indianapolis Boise boolis Minneapolis where I did my last
00:48:33
special was great so come check me out great audiences there and U and we'll
00:48:39
see you guys next week thanks for tuning in see you next week uh God Save the
00:48:45
Queen God Bless America to all our troops overseas God bless you and to Joe
00:48:51
Joseph orbid for 50 years of service yeah a service
00:48:57
and all the lights go off in the convention sir sorry it's over K we're witnessing history let's
00:49:04
see how this whole thing plays out it's going to be interesting let me tell you what it
00:49:10
is I'm not even trying to do Trump anymore bye guys all right peace out thanks for listening or watching
00:49:18
goodbye this has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly is executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade Jenna
00:49:25
wife sperman of Odyssey Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman hope you liked it
00:49:33
[Music]
