00:00:06
go Wills right mate all right mate okay
00:00:09
um are you a day counter how many days
00:00:11
have you been sober oh so I I actually
00:00:14
looked the other day and it's something
00:00:16
like it's
00:00:18
1,79 or something like that so it's a
00:00:21
whole heap of time now just just under
00:00:24
two yeah two it's just over two and a
00:00:27
half years I think so you're not super
00:00:28
rain a little better I know a lot of um
00:00:29
recovering alcoholics are they no no so
00:00:32
there's a lot of people who um yeah but
00:00:36
but I think that's the biggest thing for
00:00:37
me is that I don't Define Myself by it I
00:00:40
think that's uh not that saying people
00:00:42
who do can't Define themselves by it but
00:00:44
I think once when you're saying I am
00:00:46
this you then have to follow up with
00:00:48
those numbers and that's becomes your
00:00:50
identity whereas for me it's not it's
00:00:52
been part of my journey and that's where
00:00:54
I'm going like I don't want to be boxed
00:00:56
off in it yeah well congratulations
00:00:59
however many days yeah yeah um let's
00:01:01
start this conversation at Rock Bottom
00:01:03
uh was was Rock Bottom for you a moment
00:01:06
or was it like a prolonged period of
00:01:08
time a serious of series of moments so I
00:01:11
think it was a series of moments but
00:01:13
there was a specific time that it
00:01:15
happened and I was like right okay I
00:01:17
need to sort my [ __ ] out and and fix
00:01:19
this and but there had been multiple
00:01:22
occasions I'd lived in obviously I'm
00:01:23
from the UK lived in the UK and then we
00:01:28
uh I came over here over to New Zealand
00:01:31
was living over here and I could just
00:01:33
see a lot of the same patterns that had
00:01:35
affected me back in the UK reoccurring
00:01:37
again it's it's funny I think it's a
00:01:39
quote from um confucious it's like
00:01:41
wherever you go there you are yeah and
00:01:43
it's true like you can't you can't yeah
00:01:45
you can change your situation but you
00:01:47
need to change yourself exactly and it's
00:01:49
something that is I didn't realize it
00:01:51
it's like obviously people speak about
00:01:53
all the time and and and that it's that
00:01:56
you can't run away from your troubles
00:01:58
and that was something that I didn't
00:01:59
even
00:02:00
really think of I didn't realize I was
00:02:02
doing it to be honest I thought oh no I
00:02:03
just go for the trip and it'd be a good
00:02:05
break away but yeah over time then I
00:02:08
realized oh hang on this isn't this
00:02:11
isn't this is all following me this is
00:02:13
all go to [ __ ] manchest is not the issue
00:02:15
oh yeah yeah exactly exactly and it was
00:02:19
um and that's the biggest thing that was
00:02:21
the biggest part on this kind of
00:02:23
Learning Journey of giving up booze is
00:02:26
is that you suddenly realize that it is
00:02:28
you and and it's and that's the toughest
00:02:30
pill to swallow with it is that
00:02:32
acceptance of that and going do you know
00:02:35
what and and part of that you forgive
00:02:37
yourself as well while you're doing it
00:02:39
is or you have to because you otherwise
00:02:41
you can just I'm this Dreadful person
00:02:44
I've I've put people through this so
00:02:46
there has to be an element of accepting
00:02:49
and forgiveness while you're while
00:02:50
you're doing it definitely so so so what
00:02:53
was that what was that last night the
00:02:54
Final store oh so last night it was like
00:02:56
a week it was the we my birthday weekend
00:02:58
and it was nothing there was nothing
00:03:00
it was bad but it wasn't it could have
00:03:02
been I've done way worse things what
00:03:05
what were you like as a as a drinker
00:03:06
like were were you angry were you suly
00:03:08
were you fun I was everything I was a
00:03:10
bit of it it depended when what slipper
00:03:14
fit really uh I was very gregarious I'd
00:03:18
be out there I'd jump on tables dance i'
00:03:21
would I'd act as if it was like a Greek
00:03:24
Wedding at a funeral do you know what I
00:03:26
mean so I'd be up on the I'd be smashing
00:03:28
plates I'd be be I just caused chaos and
00:03:32
I and I think over time I I came to
00:03:34
realize that that chaos came from a
00:03:36
place of one needing to be seen I think
00:03:39
and wanting that kind of and it was a
00:03:41
tough tough road to go down but yeah as
00:03:44
a kind of drunk I wasn't ever there was
00:03:47
a lot of occasions where I did offend
00:03:48
people uh but then that just came part
00:03:50
of my character that was the sad part of
00:03:52
it is that people then like oh it's guy
00:03:55
got is it's all right he's he upset
00:03:58
whoever or is it and would kind of wake
00:04:00
up on a Sunday and or Monday or whenever
00:04:02
I was waking up hung over and be like oh
00:04:05
I think I [ __ ] up last night but I
00:04:06
can't remember who it was and I kind of
00:04:08
almost send out like a blanket message
00:04:10
it wasn't as saying too much but enough
00:04:12
to be like was it you that I offended oh
00:04:15
they anxiety yeah yeah so there so there
00:04:18
was no I suppose this is what you sort
00:04:21
of expect if you see like a Ben Affleck
00:04:22
movie um it's like there H crash's car
00:04:25
and it's like that's it this is my rock
00:04:26
bottom so you were just sort of like s
00:04:28
sitting in a [ __ ] state for a while yeah
00:04:30
it' been a [ __ ] I think Co had a lot to
00:04:32
do with it i' I'd massively upped my
00:04:35
drinking intake over Co I'd gone from
00:04:39
like well every day was a bloody holiday
00:04:41
when it during Co but it was for me with
00:04:43
the odd wage yeah yeah exactly so I was
00:04:46
like oh well I must spend this on
00:04:47
alcohol so uh so that's what I did but I
00:04:50
go up to like four bottles of wine a day
00:04:52
while I was doing it and I was hammering
00:04:53
it and then it's ju yeah it just became
00:04:57
really um just one of those where it was
00:05:01
really eaten away at me with that but
00:05:04
that I had the the issue the issue just
00:05:07
arose and it just became a real very
00:05:10
problematic thing over time and I I was
00:05:12
feeling it and my life wasn't going the
00:05:13
way that I wanted it to so and there was
00:05:16
one there was one weekend specifically
00:05:19
where it was my birthday weekend went
00:05:20
out upset my partner and came back home
00:05:24
and is is this the partner that you got
00:05:26
married to Congratulations by the way
00:05:28
yeah just recently yeah
00:05:30
what' you do um so it was I got really I
00:05:36
ended up getting really paranoid I was
00:05:37
extremely tired I was I knackered from
00:05:40
work I'd gone out on the pace and I just
00:05:42
got really paranoid about some fell with
00:05:45
my wife and I was just um yeah I just
00:05:49
kind of was horrible I was just horrible
00:05:52
to everybody uh ended up going home
00:05:54
couldn't remember most of the rest of it
00:05:56
and then the next day she was in bits
00:06:00
quite rightly so and I was I could just
00:06:03
see it all happening again because I'd
00:06:04
already been married in the UK i' split
00:06:08
from that it was a bit of a toxic
00:06:09
relationship for both parts as these
00:06:12
things go um but that I definitely saw
00:06:15
how my side was had affected that hugely
00:06:20
um so yeah it was just massively it just
00:06:24
I could just see it all un unraveling
00:06:26
again and I just thought there's only
00:06:28
one common denominator and that's just
00:06:30
booze and I I I thought to myself how
00:06:33
long am I going to keep going on that
00:06:34
how long am I going to keep putting
00:06:37
myself and other people through that
00:06:39
especially the people who love me the
00:06:41
most so yeah so you said your partner um
00:06:45
I'm never going to drink again um how
00:06:47
did I'm sure this wasn't your first last
00:06:49
time in commer how did how did you know
00:06:51
that this would be the last last time oh
00:06:54
good question
00:06:56
I I I I don't know there was just a
00:07:00
feeling in the pit your stomach where
00:07:02
it's almost like you know when you [ __ ]
00:07:05
up in life and you have been caught out
00:07:09
and something catches you out or you've
00:07:11
set a porcupine and it's kind of like
00:07:14
the internal lie to yourself and you've
00:07:15
lied to yourself go no I don't have a
00:07:17
drinking problem there's nothing there
00:07:19
that is affected everything else is all
00:07:20
right there's but it one thing for
00:07:22
certain it's not the alcohol and then
00:07:24
there's the this point where you kind of
00:07:26
just go yeah it's the alcohol and and
00:07:29
that kind of weight fell off me and when
00:07:33
I kind of internally took it on and knew
00:07:36
it was that it just I I knew that was
00:07:39
that that was it then I just knew I I
00:07:41
kind of there's a big thing with the AA
00:07:43
where they say um it's like the first
00:07:45
step and it's that admitting defeat and
00:07:47
everything and for me it they don't say
00:07:50
admit defeat but it's that kind of um
00:07:53
that acceptance yeah completely uh and
00:07:56
that's what and it's such a strange
00:07:58
feeling I think the only time you feel
00:08:01
or that I can acknowledge that I felt
00:08:03
like that is when you fall in love and
00:08:05
it's that kind of suren that surrender
00:08:06
to yourself is that you're going okay
00:08:08
I'm going to let my guard down and let
00:08:09
somebody in and just like love whereas
00:08:12
with alcoholism because it kind of is
00:08:14
like your mistress it's that kind of
00:08:16
thing on your side that's always there
00:08:17
and protects you and has always looked
00:08:18
after you and helped you in great times
00:08:21
but also in your worst times for me
00:08:23
especially um so to let that go and yeah
00:08:27
it became a bit of a
00:08:30
yeah just having to Let It Go was quite
00:08:32
a hard hard process because it was like
00:08:35
my protection for a long long time and
00:08:39
how how was your mental health at this
00:08:40
time do you have any suicidal thoughts
00:08:42
or anything or not at this not at this
00:08:44
point but I I definitely had uh
00:08:46
beforehand and this is what I mean is
00:08:48
when you're saying before is it was it
00:08:50
this like rock like was it this bottom
00:08:53
were you right at the bottom of the
00:08:55
barrel or were you was there multiple
00:08:57
things there had been multiple things
00:08:58
there had been time back in the UK where
00:09:00
i' contemplated not being here anymore
00:09:03
there had been times in New Zealand as
00:09:05
well where I just was lost like
00:09:08
completely lost I didn't know what to do
00:09:11
uh and it was getting to the point like
00:09:12
I'd just been sapped from my job um I I
00:09:16
didn't know where to turn I didn't know
00:09:17
what to do but at the time at that time
00:09:20
I still didn't give up drinking it
00:09:21
wasn't the alcohol's fault whereas now
00:09:23
when I look back it kind of still wasn't
00:09:26
the it it was a me problem it's exactly
00:09:28
what you said at the start of this it
00:09:29
was a me problem and it's something that
00:09:32
I I couldn't delve deeper in while I was
00:09:36
still drinking and but I knew it was
00:09:38
something I had to delve deeper in for
00:09:40
me to have that life that I knew I
00:09:43
probably deserved and wanted yeah good
00:09:45
on you and um so so ya that that that
00:09:50
seems like a big a big step I me there's
00:09:51
so many resources online and that's um
00:09:53
that's our parts in up Crossing you're
00:09:55
one of these resources now so many so
00:09:57
many podcasts so many books um so many
00:10:00
Instagram accounts um why AA that seems
00:10:02
like yeah so the AA for me is it kind of
00:10:06
seemed like
00:10:07
the the the beginner's guide to giving
00:10:10
up booze uh and it seemed like the right
00:10:13
place to go for me there was books and
00:10:16
there was but I wasn't I knew I had to
00:10:18
be around people who wanted the same
00:10:20
thing and that was something that became
00:10:22
really apparent once I went there and I
00:10:25
I went in I had had to go with my now
00:10:27
wife walked in
00:10:30
uh [ __ ] myself because it's not it's
00:10:33
all good saying it to yourself and going
00:10:34
you know what I think there's a bit of
00:10:35
an issue there with drink or I think
00:10:37
there's a problem with myself and
00:10:39
alcohol um but the biggest issue is and
00:10:43
and that's all good saying it to
00:10:44
yourself but I think saying it to other
00:10:47
people especially people you don't
00:10:49
[ __ ] know and then you're saying oh
00:10:51
yeah by the way I'm guy and I'm an
00:10:53
alcoholic and it was hard as well
00:10:54
because I
00:10:55
don't I wasn't a perceived alcoholic I
00:10:58
wasn't in my I wasn't somebody who was
00:11:00
uh I wasn't up in the morning having VOD
00:11:04
on my cornflakes do you know what I mean
00:11:05
I was just I just like to drink a lot at
00:11:08
weekends and stuff yeah yeah that's the
00:11:11
funny thing about it because um yeah
00:11:13
even if if you tell people I think I've
00:11:15
got I think I'm an alcoholic they'll be
00:11:16
like well you're not you're not drinking
00:11:18
myths on the street you never miss a day
00:11:20
of work you still keep fit exactly so
00:11:23
yeah the the comparison games I think is
00:11:25
very dangerous when it comes to
00:11:27
completely and I think it's like
00:11:28
anything with it whether it's mental
00:11:30
health or alcohol is it's all Spectrum
00:11:33
based you can't judge it off off you're
00:11:36
either on a par bench drinking a bottle
00:11:38
of vodka or you're not or or you're
00:11:41
sober there's I and I think that's why I
00:11:43
really needed to make a page like right
00:11:47
mate or something which is for the
00:11:48
people who are in the gray area who who
00:11:51
can go out on a Friday and Saturday and
00:11:53
Sunday and are really in that middle
00:11:56
part of do is this a drink is this a
00:11:59
drinking problem because I'm told by
00:12:01
alcohol companies I'm told by look just
00:12:04
by looking at other people that this is
00:12:06
completely normal and it is completely
00:12:09
normal and that's the scary part of it I
00:12:10
think for myself is when you take a step
00:12:13
away from alcohol and you look it for
00:12:14
what it is it is all encompassing in
00:12:17
society and it's very hard
00:12:19
to break that down and see how um we can
00:12:24
take a step away from that and look at
00:12:26
it so that we can better ourselves in
00:12:28
certain
00:12:30
yeah cuz I had um Dr Ashley Bloomfield
00:12:32
on the on the podcast and we we talked
00:12:34
about alcohol and I said alcohol it'll
00:12:36
probably end up being like tobacco or
00:12:38
sugar and you'll be like I can't believe
00:12:40
they got away with it um but he said
00:12:41
it's a drug that can be consumed um
00:12:44
safely and without issue and small
00:12:46
quantities but the the difficulty there
00:12:48
is it's so addictive yeah and it's and
00:12:51
it depends what kind of P like depends
00:12:53
on what kind of person you are as well
00:12:55
and what you if like maybe there's parts
00:12:59
of it that are hereditary for yourself
00:13:02
or maybe it's just something and it
00:13:03
depends where you're using it and uh if
00:13:06
you use it in small amount I don't know
00:13:08
anybody who goes to a doctor and tells
00:13:10
the doctor the legit amount of alcohol
00:13:12
they actually drink do you know what I
00:13:14
mean I think it's um the occasional
00:13:16
glass we now yeah yeah exactly that's
00:13:18
what I mean it's like every once in a
00:13:20
while you mean every night so do you
00:13:21
know what I mean and I think it's it's
00:13:23
and and and this is how these companies
00:13:25
get away with it as well is they put
00:13:26
drink responsibly on the back of the the
00:13:29
and nobody like what does what is
00:13:31
responsibly um if we're taking it from
00:13:35
the actual statistics and stuff we're
00:13:37
saying that maybe one glass a month is
00:13:39
going to be all right for you um
00:13:42
anything more than one to two a night is
00:13:46
high is suggesting that you not don't
00:13:50
not that you have a problem with it at
00:13:51
all but that that there could be issues
00:13:53
with the health later on down the line
00:13:55
yeah so so so AA where do you even where
00:13:58
do you even begin with it you Google it
00:14:00
and you go to like a a hall locally or
00:14:03
yeah pretty much pretty much I got on
00:14:06
Google and was just like where's my Lo
00:14:08
like where's my closest one and it's
00:14:11
really there was really helpful on there
00:14:13
uh found my Google was great for it
00:14:16
obviously just popped up closest one was
00:14:18
like a kilometer away or a couple of K
00:14:20
away I was like right okay and I just
00:14:23
walked in you kind of just walk in
00:14:25
people are there and it's funny cuz
00:14:26
there's some people there who've been
00:14:27
for years like like 20 years 30 years uh
00:14:33
and then there was like little old me
00:14:34
trying to be like oh yeah okay and you
00:14:37
kind of iron it open half of the battle
00:14:39
is getting through the door like most of
00:14:40
these things uh and I was just trying to
00:14:44
kind of work out what was like did I
00:14:47
need to be there and that's the like
00:14:48
it's like well I I don't need to be
00:14:50
there like and and you have this
00:14:52
internal battle all the way through it
00:14:53
but once I got to the but they the
00:14:56
people there were great very supportive
00:14:59
you you get up you don't have to say
00:15:01
anything if you don't want to uh did you
00:15:04
I did but I felt I needed to um what was
00:15:07
um can you remember it like repeat your
00:15:11
yeah I can vividly I can't remember the
00:15:12
speech but I just I just
00:15:15
remember I God it was hard I remember
00:15:18
just standing they they go around and
00:15:21
they they're like oh we've got a new
00:15:22
person here would you like to say
00:15:23
anything and I Knew by saying something
00:15:26
that it would put my stamp on I've got
00:15:29
job to do now um so I I I said yeah I
00:15:32
said yeah hello my name is guy and I'm
00:15:35
an alcoholic and I just burst into tears
00:15:40
uh and it was yeah it was just horrible
00:15:44
it was horrible oh sorry uh and yeah it
00:15:50
was just let me just switch this sorry
00:15:54
uh and yeah it was just it was just
00:15:58
horrible it was the worst thing that I
00:16:01
could ever think of doing but it was
00:16:02
also the most relieving thing that I
00:16:04
could have done um I I came away from it
00:16:09
feeling ton lighter I went to a few I so
00:16:13
I I then did that for about 12
00:16:15
weeks um but that was just my preference
00:16:19
for it like there was people that you
00:16:20
could go you can go for as long as you
00:16:22
want um so you don't have a you don't
00:16:24
still have a sponsor or no no no no no I
00:16:26
never I never had a sponsor
00:16:29
uh there was a couple of people in there
00:16:30
who said that they could help me if I
00:16:32
wanted um but I think I
00:16:35
managed I I I think after the after
00:16:39
admitting it to myself that it was a lot
00:16:42
easier to move forward and it
00:16:47
was it just became yeah it just became a
00:16:49
lot easier it became a lot easier and um
00:16:53
you're you're now wife who was your
00:16:54
girlfriend at the time so she she came
00:16:56
with you um yeah I can't imagine much
00:17:00
like a higher level of vulnerability
00:17:02
than that no what was what was that day
00:17:04
like the day after well for her I think
00:17:07
it probably was very relieving for her
00:17:09
because literally a day before she was
00:17:12
probably quite close to leaving me and
00:17:14
want to so to actually see me doing
00:17:16
something proactive towards bettering
00:17:19
myself which in the long term would
00:17:21
better the relationship and all that I
00:17:23
think she was probably quite happy about
00:17:25
it and I think she she was unbelievably
00:17:28
supportive
00:17:29
um we talked openly and frankly which is
00:17:32
always best um and yeah we got
00:17:38
to yeah we it just it was she was great
00:17:41
and for myself it
00:17:43
wasn't I needed her support and I think
00:17:46
that's I think that's part of part of it
00:17:50
so
00:17:51
yeah but it must it must be scary for
00:17:53
her at the um the same time like she
00:17:55
must be thinking well I does this mean I
00:17:57
can't drink again I can drink
00:17:59
responsibility I I don't have a problem
00:18:01
with it yeah she well she didn't drink
00:18:03
too much but um it was something that we
00:18:08
had to at the start kind of work around
00:18:11
and we had to have those conversations
00:18:12
uh is it okay if I have a drink tonight
00:18:15
is it and I would be like I'd be like
00:18:17
yeah yeah yeah it's fine but in the back
00:18:18
of my mind I was like this is this is
00:18:20
quite hard this is this is i' would love
00:18:23
a bear with you right now um but I I
00:18:28
wasn't that kind of what was tough for
00:18:30
me was the social aspect it wasn't the
00:18:32
having the
00:18:33
alcohol
00:18:35
necessarily um it was a social aspect of
00:18:37
it and it felt like to me it felt like
00:18:39
the elephant in the room whereas the
00:18:41
actual matter of the fact is nobody
00:18:43
really really cared that much um so it
00:18:47
wasn't yeah it was it was just a lot
00:18:49
easier it it wasn't too hard in that in
00:18:52
that respect because we're quite
00:18:53
supportive of each
00:18:54
other um have you relapsed at all no
00:18:58
well I've
00:19:00
relapsed is that a tricky word no I
00:19:02
don't think re no it's not a tricky word
00:19:04
but it's uh so I did a year first I did
00:19:08
one year and after that year I'd already
00:19:10
said after this year I'm going to see if
00:19:12
I can dip my toe back in the water again
00:19:14
and see how it goes and I did the year
00:19:17
uh we were back in the UK at the time on
00:19:19
holiday and that year i' so the year had
00:19:24
gone and we kind of celebrated had a few
00:19:27
drinks and it was I did about three
00:19:28
weeks where I drank and then after that
00:19:31
3 weeks I stopped again uh I just Mass
00:19:34
it wasn't that I was became the Savage
00:19:36
animal as soon as the alcohol touched my
00:19:38
lips or anything and started tearing
00:19:40
things apart I just could see it
00:19:43
progressively get quite quickly changing
00:19:45
back like I got into this really good
00:19:47
place I felt fantastic my health was
00:19:49
great all everything was tip toop and I
00:19:52
thought maybe I can reintroduce alcohol
00:19:55
and I tried and it I could just see I
00:19:59
felt lethargic I became more
00:20:02
irritable uh I was just tired in general
00:20:06
I couldn't be bother those things like
00:20:07
the gym and those nice like positive
00:20:10
things that You' I was a bit like oh
00:20:12
well tomorrow tomorrow everything became
00:20:14
a bit more tomorrow rather than just
00:20:16
being like no I can do that today um so
00:20:20
yeah after that year after that three
00:20:22
weeks I was just like I'm going to go
00:20:23
again and then ever since that I've not
00:20:26
I've not and I've never had the urge to
00:20:27
now is it's
00:20:29
I just don't even think about it anymore
00:20:31
yeah that's funny that's why I opened
00:20:33
this chat by um asking about the day
00:20:35
counting thing because I I feel like um
00:20:37
I mean it's a proven Theory and it does
00:20:40
work um but if if you're thinking about
00:20:43
every morning when you wake up you
00:20:44
you're constantly thinking about it yeah
00:20:46
um but it seems like it's just not even
00:20:48
not even a part of your life and you've
00:20:49
been through a massive um upheaval
00:20:51
recently it's quite funny so you were
00:20:52
you you were living in Manchester and
00:20:54
drinking and your mom died and then you
00:20:55
moved to New Zealand then you've been on
00:20:57
this whole briy journey and um just
00:21:00
recently your dad's died so if there was
00:21:02
ever a point or a life event where you
00:21:03
were going to maybe take to the bottle
00:21:05
again yeah you think that would be it
00:21:07
yeah completely and I think
00:21:10
um it was something that that was I was
00:21:16
aware of cuz I thought especially at the
00:21:18
funeral I thought maybe maybe I should
00:21:21
kind of see him off you know and give
00:21:23
him a a a razor glass to him do you know
00:21:26
what I mean um but then I just he was
00:21:30
extremely proud of where I'd got to and
00:21:32
he was fully understandable that his age
00:21:36
group had this kind of warped idea of
00:21:39
what alcohol did and that wasn't their
00:21:40
fault either it was just due to the fact
00:21:43
that that's how people like alcohol was
00:21:46
good to have a glass with your meal it
00:21:48
was good like education and stuff like
00:21:50
that and um if you've got a cold have a
00:21:54
bit of whiskey do you know all those
00:21:55
kind of like home remedies and stuff um
00:21:59
so I but he was proud of where I'd got
00:22:01
to with it and I think I didn't I didn't
00:22:05
ever I was I was proud of myself for
00:22:07
that you know what I mean so I never
00:22:09
felt that kind of urge and and along
00:22:11
this time as well like over these kind
00:22:13
of last three years I've managed to
00:22:15
build up tons of ways to cope with [ __ ]
00:22:19
and I think that's the key thing is it's
00:22:21
not just doing your having a four-week
00:22:24
dry January or whatever you're going to
00:22:26
do is fantastic but people fall off very
00:22:29
quickly and they wonder why and it's
00:22:31
because the the they're they're
00:22:33
expecting to stop something that has
00:22:34
served as a served its purpose for such
00:22:36
a long time in what in in helping them
00:22:39
and then they go okay well that's it and
00:22:43
or what and then they go back to the
00:22:44
bottle so easily because they've not put
00:22:46
anything else in place that would cover
00:22:48
what you like which would help you if
00:22:50
you were feeling a bit stressed or a bit
00:22:52
sad or a bit happier you what are your
00:22:54
viices now oh chocolate and sweets and
00:22:58
have a nightmare for it sugary stuff is
00:23:01
just a oh a my achilles here all right
00:23:06
what about what about like um maybe
00:23:08
they're not called vies but you know
00:23:09
just just like good things that you've
00:23:11
replaced the AL oh yeah so um so now I
00:23:15
I'm big in the gym I love going to the
00:23:17
gym uh I go and do I go almost every day
00:23:22
I've I try new things that's my biggest
00:23:24
thing I try new experience that's what
00:23:25
I'm kind of addicted to now is trying
00:23:28
all the things that I couldn't when I
00:23:29
was drinking uh and I think that's the
00:23:32
most poignant thing for me is the you
00:23:34
get time back when you stop drinking and
00:23:37
and and it's something that when you're
00:23:38
drinking you don't realize how much of
00:23:40
it there is that you're wasting on it uh
00:23:44
or the all the hangover or however
00:23:46
you're feeling um so now I it's exper
00:23:49
I'm addicted to new experiences exper
00:23:52
experience new things new people new
00:23:55
Ventures new just doing stuff definitely
00:23:58
what about um what about your old friend
00:24:00
group either in Manchester or your
00:24:02
friends that you made here in New
00:24:03
Zealand did you did you have to shed
00:24:05
that and move on to a new friend group I
00:24:07
did it's it's funny and that's one of
00:24:09
the the big things I think with alcohol
00:24:11
is a lot a lot of the time when people
00:24:13
are thinking of cutting back or stopping
00:24:15
completely they think there's this this
00:24:17
mentality of what you have to give up
00:24:19
but I think also there's a you have to
00:24:21
look at what you can gain from it
00:24:23
massively and that I have I've not lost
00:24:27
any of my friends still all there but
00:24:29
it's just that they're doing stuff that
00:24:31
I don't want to be doing and that's that
00:24:33
doesn't mean that I have disregarded
00:24:35
them or I don't care for them and still
00:24:37
wouldn't check in on them I just won't
00:24:40
go and see like if they're going to
00:24:41
going to a pub BS me like there is
00:24:44
literally a a place where you just drink
00:24:46
alcohol and yes you will have a
00:24:47
conversation stuff but I can do that
00:24:49
over a coffee and a cup of tea and or a
00:24:52
Dr and I can go for an hour or two to
00:24:55
support to go for six hours and to P or
00:24:58
a bar just that doesn't interest me
00:25:00
anymore so you do lo you do lose so you
00:25:04
lose that close connection cuz you're
00:25:06
not trying to phone up somebody and say
00:25:08
oh don't I come for a bear tonight um
00:25:10
but that doesn't stop you from checking
00:25:12
in and seeing how they are and stuff
00:25:14
what do you what do you miss the most if
00:25:15
anything about a full s session is it
00:25:17
the
00:25:18
anticipation oh I I don't know you know
00:25:21
I miss I miss the whole kind of the
00:25:24
setup of it before you go out
00:25:26
and Yeah completely the reality is when
00:25:29
you go out it's the same it's it's the
00:25:31
hamster wheel right the anticipation
00:25:33
yeah and it's like all right and you
00:25:35
start getting that fizz you start
00:25:36
fizzing up for it and and you get
00:25:38
excited and I enjoy I do enjoy there's
00:25:41
something that I said to said to my wife
00:25:43
the other day and I was just like [ __ ] I
00:25:45
sometimes I miss the chaos I miss the
00:25:48
chaos of it all they just the complete
00:25:51
disregard which is something that I'll
00:25:53
dig deeper on my because that's
00:25:54
something for myself I need to dig
00:25:56
deeper and go what is that that I'm
00:25:58
what I miss out of alcohol why do I want
00:26:01
chaos he wants that but there's just
00:26:02
that kind of power that kind of no [ __ ]
00:26:05
like no [ __ ] given a little bit you know
00:26:07
what I mean and it's just and I suppose
00:26:09
it becomes your identity in a way it's
00:26:10
like oh you know go he was crazy last
00:26:13
night yeah it is a bit but there's it is
00:26:16
but that comes as well with the there is
00:26:19
a part of it where you're like [ __ ] we
00:26:20
don't want him coming out cu he's always
00:26:21
a bit of the liability you know what I
00:26:23
mean it's just they want you the P but
00:26:25
definitely not at the wedding or yeah
00:26:27
yeah exactly and as a person you come
00:26:29
away from that thinking well where's my
00:26:31
value then as a person it's it's [ __ ]
00:26:34
it's good at the time and you think
00:26:35
you're you're the person in that group
00:26:38
but but in the long like you want to be
00:26:40
valued as as a in a friendship you want
00:26:43
to be valued as a friend you don't want
00:26:44
to be valued as the class clown who just
00:26:47
gets pissed up and is great for to you
00:26:50
want to be seen as who you are generally
00:26:53
do you know also yeah yeah how so how
00:26:54
old were you when you gave up late 20s
00:26:56
early 30s uh early 30s early yeah see
00:27:00
you can still get away with new early
00:27:01
30s but if you're in your 50s or
00:27:02
whatever it's quite a trade joke yeah
00:27:04
and you see it you see it do know what I
00:27:06
mean and and you think oh [ __ ] these a
00:27:08
Le bastard but then you also and this is
00:27:11
pointing the finger at anybody but then
00:27:13
you also can see that person and and a
00:27:15
lot of their life they don't have much
00:27:17
of a life I see it especially in
00:27:19
construction um there's a lot of guys
00:27:22
out there who have because they've not
00:27:25
dealt with their mental health in
00:27:27
certain ways just not understood their
00:27:29
mental health they've used alcohol to
00:27:31
counteract it and because they've used
00:27:33
alcohol it's it's uh it's made them into
00:27:36
a person that they generally probably
00:27:38
are not and they've lost family members
00:27:42
and friends to it and they and they they
00:27:44
become quite isolate isolated and lonely
00:27:47
people um which I find that's that's
00:27:50
when you look at and you're just like oh
00:27:51
[ __ ] like what what did they go back to
00:27:54
now it was all good 20 years ago but
00:27:56
what are they going back to now yeah
00:27:58
why did you decide to um start the
00:28:01
account right mate why was that was was
00:28:03
part of it a reason to like keep
00:28:05
yourself accountable yeah well you know
00:28:08
what I don't at the time I I I would
00:28:10
have said oh no it's just yeah I it's a
00:28:14
it's a tough one that I I think there's
00:28:16
definitely a part of it that was but
00:28:18
there was also a part of it that I
00:28:19
wanted to be the person that I wanted
00:28:23
out there uh because when I was feeling
00:28:25
[ __ ] and depressed and burnt out
00:28:28
and alol was my only really good mate I
00:28:32
felt that no that that nobody else was
00:28:35
out there who could who I could relate
00:28:38
to or anything so I wanted to be
00:28:39
somebody who other people could relate
00:28:41
to and be like oh [ __ ] I got on a and or
00:28:44
I wake up on Sundays and feel like the
00:28:46
world's [ __ ] ending and and that this
00:28:49
keeps happening every weekend and I'm
00:28:51
bored of it and I'm tired of it and I
00:28:53
don't know how to get out of it so I
00:28:55
just thought while I try and navigate my
00:28:59
way through this weird world of like
00:29:01
sobriety and stuff I'll put it out there
00:29:04
and it's also good for now I I I'm glad
00:29:07
I did it because I can reflect back on
00:29:09
it and just be like oh God God what what
00:29:12
was I thinking there
00:29:13
or what why why did I go down that route
00:29:16
with it and stuff so yeah yeah cuz I
00:29:18
think that's how our paths uh cross we
00:29:21
were going to the same gym at different
00:29:22
times of the day one of those um bft
00:29:24
gyms yeah and um the uh the gym owner
00:29:27
she said there a guy there's a you
00:29:29
should meet so we we caught up for um
00:29:31
for a drink and I think this was at the
00:29:32
beginning of your journey yes you're
00:29:33
asking some podcast questions and it's
00:29:35
been it's been fun watching you junor
00:29:37
since then it's it's bloody hard you
00:29:39
know you you post most days yeah um and
00:29:43
the you expect to sort of get that
00:29:44
exponential growth or go viral or
00:29:46
whatever and um the reality is it's
00:29:48
generally a grind and it's quite slow
00:29:50
you do what Gary ve says you post every
00:29:52
[ __ ] day but you've been very very
00:29:55
consistent with it it's been bloody
00:29:56
great yeah no I think it's well there's
00:29:58
a consistency with myself there do you
00:30:00
know what I mean and I think it's about
00:30:02
um it's a big thing for me is I I know
00:30:05
how bad and I know you've been in that
00:30:07
kind of mental health space when you
00:30:08
feel like dog [ __ ] and you don't feel
00:30:11
like the world deserves like like like
00:30:14
you're just a burden on the world a
00:30:16
little bit and I I I do it because I
00:30:18
want to catch that person who needs it
00:30:20
the most on that day and it and I some
00:30:23
of it will hit with people some of it
00:30:24
doesn't and I honestly couldn't care
00:30:27
less but as if
00:30:28
now and again I'll get a random message
00:30:30
off somebody and they' be like oh thank
00:30:32
you so much for like that just made me
00:30:34
that just helped just a little bit
00:30:35
that's it that's that's and that's that
00:30:39
makes me happy that's that's the
00:30:41
byproduct of doing what I do is that it
00:30:43
makes makes me happy that was something
00:30:45
for a long time that I couldn't get or
00:30:47
hold on to or grasp yeah 100% what do
00:30:50
your workmates think because a lot of
00:30:52
you oh they're funny they watch a lot of
00:30:54
it's done with your reflective jacket on
00:30:55
at work yeah yeah they must you in the
00:30:58
the T room or whatever like oh there he
00:30:59
is yeah well they see me just kind of
00:31:01
walking through sight like this and my
00:31:03
camera be like who's this dick Ed does
00:31:05
he think he is um so yeah but um I
00:31:10
exactly for the very reasons I just said
00:31:12
before I don't give a [ __ ] because I
00:31:13
just know it needs to be like hopefully
00:31:15
it might help somebody along the way or
00:31:17
something but yeah they uh they're all
00:31:20
quite they're all begin to it and I and
00:31:22
I open the conversation but as soon as
00:31:24
they're like oh what you doing I say
00:31:25
about right and then we get into a
00:31:26
conversation about mental health so it's
00:31:28
a win-win for me if they see me doing it
00:31:29
and they question it then it gives me an
00:31:31
opportunity to see how they're doing and
00:31:33
see how their mental health is yeah how
00:31:35
how is your mental health now I mean
00:31:37
it's it must be a lot better it's good
00:31:39
but it's not a cure all isn't it you
00:31:41
can't stop drinking and then you're
00:31:43
happy for the rest of your life yeah
00:31:44
that's [ __ ] yeah and I I'd hate for
00:31:46
anybody to listen to this thinking that
00:31:48
that's that that is what happened
00:31:50
especially when they quit drinking it
00:31:52
isn't it just gives you the opportunity
00:31:53
to fix uh or I say fix what a [ __ ] word
00:31:56
but help yourself on that Journey um
00:32:01
don't give up booze and suddenly think
00:32:03
oh my life's going to be amazing and
00:32:05
I've seen a couple of people on
00:32:06
Instagram or social media and they're
00:32:08
doing this amazing things and they're
00:32:10
doing ultramarathons it don't happen
00:32:12
overnight you've got to really work it
00:32:15
you've got to go and see a counselor
00:32:16
you've got to go and see therapists uh
00:32:18
try different things with therapists as
00:32:20
well you don't if I know a lot of people
00:32:22
a lot of guys a lot of girls that I talk
00:32:23
to and they go on oh I've had this
00:32:26
therapist and they've never been back
00:32:27
since and I say it's like a car mechanic
00:32:29
you've got to go and you'll find the
00:32:31
right one eventually but don't just go
00:32:33
to one have a [ __ ] experience and go oh
00:32:36
this is never like this is this this
00:32:38
isn't for me and also there's heaps of
00:32:40
therapy different therapies out there
00:32:42
don't just think sitting on a couch and
00:32:44
and talking to somebody is is the only
00:32:47
therapy out there there's there's
00:32:48
different kinds of therapies get get
00:32:50
Advent some of that will be mad and out
00:32:52
the gate and have fun with it like I
00:32:55
always say especially to people that I
00:32:57
work with
00:32:58
this not the process of looking after
00:33:00
yourself doesn't have to be this
00:33:02
horrible Hellbound kind of thing where
00:33:05
you delve deep and you and you get
00:33:07
relive all these traumas and it's and it
00:33:09
eats at you there they will be part of
00:33:11
it and it will be hard and you'll have
00:33:13
to but you'll shed a few tears and stuff
00:33:15
but there'll also be moments where you
00:33:16
can have a laugh at yourself and be like
00:33:18
[ __ ] H yeah like that I was C I was
00:33:20
just coping I was just trying to get
00:33:21
through it and maybe if I try this
00:33:23
therapy so yeah but my my mental health
00:33:27
on the whole is is is good I when again
00:33:30
sorry but there's another thing as well
00:33:32
when you give up booze you you almost
00:33:34
fly off the other handle to the other
00:33:37
side and you try and do everything that
00:33:38
you you run you you you go to the gym
00:33:42
you eat all the healthy foods and you
00:33:43
become this other side it's about
00:33:45
finding that kind of bit in the middle
00:33:47
cuz you'll burn yourself out as much
00:33:49
doing that stuff as you will drinking as
00:33:51
well so it's about finding that happy
00:33:52
media yeah what about um yeah yeah what
00:33:56
about your biggest sort of physical
00:33:58
changes oh so my physical change I think
00:34:01
I definitely shed a few pounds uh that
00:34:05
was definitely something but I think
00:34:07
again I I my skin was 100% better like
00:34:11
my I would always have like dry skin uh
00:34:13
and I just wouldn't and also I'd never
00:34:16
drink water because I was always like I
00:34:18
drink a bit of water but it was kind of
00:34:19
a gap filler before I was having a drink
00:34:22
um but my my skin my like and there was
00:34:26
one thing that I noticed straight after
00:34:27
after was people could see it straight
00:34:28
away in my face there people oh you look
00:34:31
you're looking great like you your skin
00:34:33
looks good and all this I was like oh oh
00:34:35
this is this is it's quite nice this and
00:34:37
then you because people are saying nice
00:34:38
things you obviously start reacting to
00:34:40
it and you feel a bit better about
00:34:41
yourself and stuff um well it's like the
00:34:44
book Atomic habits say like you do
00:34:45
little things and then you get that um
00:34:47
you get that forward momentum habit yeah
00:34:49
exactly um so someone gives you some
00:34:50
feedback about your appearance it's um
00:34:52
inspiring yeah and also it kind of
00:34:54
solidifies the thought processes that
00:34:56
you've had before about what you're
00:34:58
than having quitting boo and I don't see
00:35:00
as soon as somebody says oh you look
00:35:02
great or you're glowing or something
00:35:04
like thatly those thought processes that
00:35:06
have led you to that point start going
00:35:08
ah okay this is good if I want more
00:35:10
reactions like this I've got to keep
00:35:11
doing more of the same which is so you
00:35:13
just solidifying that so yeah yeah what
00:35:16
about um mental changes what what about
00:35:18
the most surprising mental changes I'm
00:35:20
mental is it's unbelievable for mental
00:35:24
changes for myself um I I don't ever
00:35:29
feel I don't feel depressed generally I
00:35:32
don't feel I I I still deal with an
00:35:34
anxiety and social anxiety but I don't
00:35:37
know I think we all kind of do a little
00:35:39
bit 100% And and I think that another
00:35:43
reason why I think a lot of white
00:35:44
alcohol is brilliant for that thing is a
00:35:46
lot rather than dealing with small talk
00:35:48
and thinking that everybody's
00:35:50
hyperfocused on you a drink just takes
00:35:53
the edge off a lot of people so um so
00:35:56
yeah so I deal with anxiety a a bit and
00:36:00
and new things but
00:36:02
generally not my mental health is
00:36:05
generally great all the time and that's
00:36:06
not me trying to blow my own trumpet or
00:36:09
be like hey look I'm I'm but that is it
00:36:12
is honestly even when my dad passed away
00:36:14
I could process the whole
00:36:16
thing so e and I'm still processing it
00:36:19
now obviously but it's something
00:36:21
that I can just manage my like I'm not
00:36:24
going from really happy to really sad
00:36:27
really anxious or any and I think that's
00:36:30
something that alcohol really does to
00:36:31
you is because of your cuz it [ __ ] up
00:36:34
your gut like microbiome and stuff like
00:36:37
that it means that your mood stabilized
00:36:39
your serotonin is all over the place so
00:36:42
then you can't your your mood you have
00:36:44
these weird mood swings uh so I just
00:36:47
don't have moods I'm pretty generally
00:36:49
quite happy all the time you what about
00:36:51
people that love you and are really
00:36:52
close to you I'm think in particular
00:36:54
your now wife like so she was um she was
00:36:56
with you at the worst yes and she's with
00:36:58
you at at your best like what are some
00:37:00
observations that she's noticed oh I
00:37:02
don't I just think she I don't know I
00:37:05
think there's more I'm not more driven
00:37:08
I've always been driven but now I do the
00:37:11
driving rather than just thinking about
00:37:13
oh yeah I should be doing this and I
00:37:14
should be and I'm got to be at this
00:37:15
level now I can do it and I think she
00:37:18
she enjoys that and I take her on that
00:37:20
ride with me as well as much as I can
00:37:22
like anything that I'm learning or in a
00:37:24
new book that I'm reading and it tells
00:37:25
me oh you should do this for anxiety or
00:37:27
you I I'm I I've got her on my fun bus
00:37:30
with me do you know so I think she's I
00:37:33
think she bounces off it as well and
00:37:35
she's taken a lot of the things that
00:37:37
I've used and and and the things that
00:37:40
I've read about on board as well which I
00:37:42
think has has helped her because she
00:37:43
deals with anxiety and stuff like that
00:37:45
as well uh or struggles with anxiety
00:37:48
sometimes so I think yeah I we just help
00:37:50
each other in that way yeah have you
00:37:52
been reading heaps more obviously got
00:37:53
heaps more productive hours yeah well
00:37:56
that's it you get so much time
00:37:58
uh it's what what do you do with all
00:37:59
that time um so yeah start just reading
00:38:03
a lot of mindful books and I just want
00:38:06
to I try and it's great having your
00:38:08
Jetties and Steven bartletts and stuff
00:38:11
but I these thoughts come from somewhere
00:38:13
else as well so I I I just try and go
00:38:17
I'm just trying to go down see how deep
00:38:19
the river goes a little bit uh what does
00:38:22
that mean can you elaborate on that yeah
00:38:24
so I now because I find that everything
00:38:26
so especially when you see it on social
00:38:29
media a lot of stuff kind of gets
00:38:31
regurgitated and it's from other
00:38:35
psychologists or theorists or people
00:38:38
who've said it thousands of years like
00:38:40
you I mean like You' never seen so many
00:38:42
kind of Roman philosophers and stuff or
00:38:45
like Greek philosophers like senica or
00:38:47
some and these are things that were said
00:38:49
thousands of years ago so I'm like on
00:38:51
this kind of like bit of a a mooch now
00:38:54
to not just go for the books that are
00:38:56
kind of hinted to me by certain
00:38:58
companies on the internet I'm like okay
00:39:00
well and as soon as a name is mentioned
00:39:03
in a book I'll buy that book of that
00:39:05
person even though I've not heard
00:39:06
anything else of them or and I and I
00:39:08
just try and see how deep the rabbit
00:39:12
hole goes with it because I inevitably
00:39:14
it's going to tell me more about myself
00:39:16
or maybe they might say the same point
00:39:18
but in a different light so yeah yeah
00:39:23
um yeah what would you message BD anyone
00:39:25
that's on the hamster wheel right now
00:39:27
you know so the it's the rinse repeat
00:39:29
cycle you know go out Friday night
00:39:31
Saturday night yeah I think it's hard
00:39:34
it's extremely you've you've got to meet
00:39:36
people where they are and and it's some
00:39:39
people won't ever be able to see any
00:39:41
difference some people will be
00:39:43
questioning it um it's how deep people
00:39:46
really want to go that inevitably you've
00:39:49
got to have that kind of moment of
00:39:51
surrender whether it's just for a just
00:39:56
for cutting back or just but I think
00:39:59
there's so many people I've spoken to
00:40:01
who've who've tried and failed and tried
00:40:03
and failed and I just think just keep
00:40:05
trying and that is the main part of it
00:40:08
you only need to succeed once exactly
00:40:10
exactly and maybe the first time last a
00:40:13
week and then you have a drink or maybe
00:40:16
it last a couple of days and you have a
00:40:17
drink that's okay it's like just meet
00:40:19
yourself where you are on that day and
00:40:22
and and don't and that's where mindful
00:40:24
mindfulness has been my biggest asset
00:40:26
for doing this is just that reflect when
00:40:28
it when things do go wrong or don't go
00:40:31
to planets about just reflecting on that
00:40:33
and finding what where the um where
00:40:37
where the messages in that for you what
00:40:39
is it why have you had a drink why have
00:40:41
you what is it a certain way that you
00:40:44
drive home is it the way you shop at
00:40:46
night is it because you get at the end
00:40:48
you're so used to going in and doing
00:40:50
your shopping at night that uh and then
00:40:52
getting the drink at the end of it that
00:40:54
you suddenly get this urge at the end
00:40:56
say there's there's like you've just got
00:40:57
to delve deep and just keep asking why
00:41:00
and then once you've kind of worked out
00:41:01
the why then it's what what is it
00:41:03
teaching me I think have you sort of um
00:41:06
with all the work you've done and
00:41:08
especially looking internally to
00:41:09
yourself like have you figured out where
00:41:12
your problem with alcohol started I
00:41:14
don't I think um is it just something
00:41:17
you start to do for you know with the
00:41:19
rugby boys and then it becomes like a
00:41:21
bad habit yeah definitely I I think it
00:41:24
was
00:41:25
um I it always been part of my life cuz
00:41:28
my parents drank so much and I say so
00:41:31
much they drank on the every evening but
00:41:33
nothing crazy but they would just drink
00:41:35
every night uh and I think it was just
00:41:38
so part of the norm and family life that
00:41:40
that's kind of what it was and it was
00:41:42
ever
00:41:43
present uh and then yeah with the rugby
00:41:47
and I'd gone from playing in my own age
00:41:50
group to then moving up to the seniors
00:41:52
and there was a lot of older BLS all had
00:41:54
jobs and I was this kind of new kid on
00:41:56
the Block didn't really know
00:41:59
anybody and alcohol was a was the kind
00:42:02
of communal meeting point for everybody
00:42:04
and it was something that it didn't take
00:42:06
very long for me to be very good at uh
00:42:08
was drinking so uh it help I when I look
00:42:12
at it now and where it took its turn was
00:42:14
definitely that kind of social anxiety
00:42:17
part of it was my biggest one and I
00:42:20
think it just got exacerbated in the
00:42:22
more and again just going back to what
00:42:24
we were saying on when you when people
00:42:27
start going oh you're so funny last
00:42:29
night you did this thing you start going
00:42:31
oh okay well my that was the behavior so
00:42:33
you start solidifying that behavior even
00:42:35
more because you go oh okay it must have
00:42:37
been the booze and and later on it
00:42:39
became the booze and the Coke and and
00:42:41
and it's it just tick follows talk a
00:42:43
little bit and yeah yeah and then
00:42:46
because people appraised that then it
00:42:49
became ah okay well I can hide behind
00:42:51
that alcohol quite a bit and I and I
00:42:53
don't have to worry and be scared of I
00:42:54
can just get go hard quick and get
00:42:57
pissed and then and then everybody will
00:42:59
like me and it won't matter and I won't
00:43:01
care as well at the same time um what
00:43:03
about um regret anything you change no
00:43:07
no there's I wish there'd be some
00:43:10
moments that I wish I'd maybe done it a
00:43:12
bit differently but I don't I don't
00:43:13
regret anything because it's led me to
00:43:15
this point now and I'm extremely happy
00:43:17
and I'm the healthiest I've been and all
00:43:20
that so I don't I just it's just
00:43:23
sometimes a shame the way it had to play
00:43:25
out I think so it's not that but don't
00:43:27
you think you could have found this
00:43:28
happiness years earlier I think yeah I
00:43:31
could have I I could have but i' also
00:43:35
there was I think there's been lessons
00:43:36
along the way in relation like my past
00:43:40
relationships with people that if I'd
00:43:43
had not been such a horrible bastard
00:43:47
sometimes that I wouldn't have been able
00:43:48
to be as good as I am now for the person
00:43:51
that I've just married if that makes
00:43:53
sense and that isn't the fact that I'm
00:43:54
like oh well it was a good thing that I
00:43:56
was horrible isn't and but but what I'm
00:43:59
saying is that it's kind of led me to
00:44:01
this this point if I had not I would
00:44:05
have yeah I don't know I don't know it's
00:44:08
it's a good good question again but I
00:44:10
just I don't I I don't think you should
00:44:13
ever have regrets really I think there's
00:44:15
just certain times when you could have
00:44:17
maybe it could have played out a bit
00:44:19
differently yeah I suppose everything
00:44:20
everything's going to happen in its own
00:44:22
own sort of time a you got to figure
00:44:24
these things out for yourself and for
00:44:25
some people it'll be a quicker Journey
00:44:26
than other yeah and I I I look at it as
00:44:29
well that yeah maybe 10 years ago would
00:44:31
have been perfect like maybe I could
00:44:33
have been one of these fantastic people
00:44:35
at 21 that doesn't drink and but then I
00:44:38
maybe not have had a perspective where
00:44:41
I'd be able to help people now in this
00:44:43
position do you know what I mean and I
00:44:45
and I get a lot out of what I can do now
00:44:47
and help other people then I and I
00:44:49
wouldn't have been able to do that if
00:44:50
I'd not gone through these experiences
00:44:53
what what was it like the first few
00:44:54
times going to um like festivals
00:44:57
conerts sports games yeah you know I
00:45:01
suppose things that you associate with
00:45:02
um getting a tray of beers or yeah
00:45:05
exactly it's and it's exactly like when
00:45:08
you go to a festival or or a rugby game
00:45:10
or anything you never just go and get
00:45:12
one cuz the cues are so bloody long and
00:45:15
ages yeah exactly exactly um so yeah
00:45:19
it's it's hard the first kind of couple
00:45:22
were hard and you feel a bit like itchy
00:45:24
feet and you're a bit like oh I should
00:45:26
be doing something head what what do I
00:45:28
normally
00:45:29
do but equally at the same time you
00:45:32
start you start to enjoy enjoy what
00:45:35
you're doing like I've gone to go and
00:45:38
watch a rugby game and it becomes the
00:45:40
the thing that you've gone to do becomes
00:45:42
primary again rather than secondary
00:45:44
rather than going oh we we'll have a few
00:45:45
Bears then we can watch a rugby it's
00:45:47
like we can watch a rugby and have a few
00:45:49
Bears um so it becomes the things that
00:45:52
you want to do become more primary
00:45:54
rather than secondary I think whereas
00:45:56
beforehand it'd be about getting to the
00:45:59
getting to the set event getting Bears
00:46:01
getting a certain and then enjoying the
00:46:03
music or enjoying the gig and half the
00:46:05
time you get halfway through it and you
00:46:08
you you're that drunk that you don't
00:46:09
know what's happening anyway oh M I've
00:46:11
I've got um some videos on my phone of a
00:46:12
Lady Gaga concert like $170 tickets or
00:46:15
whatever and it's like no I don't
00:46:17
remember taking that I don't remember
00:46:19
taking that it's terrible yeah I've done
00:46:21
it so many time I've just look back and
00:46:23
I'm like what the f what what what why
00:46:25
have I spent all that money and just not
00:46:27
even taking any of it in whereas now I
00:46:30
go to all the gigs that I want to go to
00:46:32
I go to rugby and I remember it all I
00:46:35
remember it all it's good um did you
00:46:38
encounter any sort of like peer pressure
00:46:40
early on calling you a [ __ ] or a little
00:46:42
[ __ ] or you at the age where I think
00:46:46
there's a lot I think a lot of the
00:46:47
people that I'd surrounded myself could
00:46:49
see the reasons why I was doing it and I
00:46:51
and I they they they supported that now
00:46:55
don't get me wrong there's been some
00:46:56
times where I've been out with people
00:46:58
that don't know me and it's been a bit
00:47:00
more oh and and and people are really
00:47:02
taken back by it and I think it's
00:47:04
because it's out the norm and it's not
00:47:06
people are like oh why are you doing
00:47:08
that and people question it which is
00:47:10
quite is quite funny really CU it's it's
00:47:12
the end of the day all it is is a drink
00:47:14
but as I've said to a lot of people it's
00:47:16
more to do with that person so and and
00:47:18
you have to if you are going to some
00:47:21
something like that and people are being
00:47:22
a bit kind of like oh go on [ __ ] have
00:47:24
a drink what up with you like it's it's
00:47:27
not about you it's about them they've
00:47:30
they've got a perception of how the
00:47:31
night should be and how it should look
00:47:34
so as soon as you've kind of Jarred that
00:47:37
that makes them Panic a little bit
00:47:39
internally you're not fitting into the
00:47:40
narrative exactly I think um yeah I
00:47:43
think there's never been a better time
00:47:44
for that now like in terms of
00:47:45
understanding and awareness about it and
00:47:47
alcohol-free drinks and all that sort of
00:47:49
stuff but yeah I don't know I don't know
00:47:51
like we yeah we're slightly older if
00:47:53
you're if you're younger like in your
00:47:54
early 20s or whatever i' imagine that
00:47:55
peer pressure is quite
00:47:57
yeah no definitely um but the for low
00:48:01
like recent statistic statistics which
00:48:03
is great is that it is going down in um
00:48:06
18 to 25 year old alcohol like alcohol
00:48:09
usage is going down although it is going
00:48:11
up between from people 65 onwards yeah
00:48:14
so you got they're like oh it's going
00:48:15
down so it's it is and I think it's a
00:48:19
it's a cruel world out then then you've
00:48:20
got online kind of things and I think
00:48:22
that's another thing that comes into
00:48:24
play now and I'd imagine why people
00:48:25
don't like getting drunk as much is you
00:48:28
can film it and back when I was growing
00:48:31
up and you couldn't you'd be a dick and
00:48:34
it would just last for that evening and
00:48:35
that was it whereas now if you're a
00:48:36
[ __ ] it it can go viral uh and you
00:48:39
can be planted over it so it's more of a
00:48:42
kind of people don't I I presume don't
00:48:45
do it not just for the health reasons
00:48:47
but for showing phase people don't want
00:48:49
to be seen as that idiot yeah it seems
00:48:51
like it's it's it's okay to be drunk as
00:48:53
long as you're not the drunkest person
00:48:54
in you know as long as you're not the
00:48:56
person that ever talking about the next
00:48:57
day yeah yeah yeah yeah what about um in
00:49:00
the beginning it must have been like a
00:49:02
scary Prospect
00:49:04
thinking I'm never having another drink
00:49:06
again in my
00:49:07
life yeah that was the the scary this
00:49:10
the two scary things for me was that
00:49:13
because it it was my fail safe it was
00:49:15
the the thing that if anything ever went
00:49:18
wrong or like I said to you before if
00:49:20
there's anything like any celebration or
00:49:22
anything that I could just drink was
00:49:25
always there and that crutch was always
00:49:27
there but all the the other thing that
00:49:29
was the most nerve-wracking was the the
00:49:32
the loss of friends I thought nobody
00:49:34
would want to hang around with me and
00:49:35
that was that was equally the scariest
00:49:37
thing I I I didn't feel like people
00:49:39
would want to know me uh because I
00:49:42
that's the only life that I'd L like
00:49:44
lived by was an alcohol driven
00:49:47
lifestyle um so yeah it it it was scary
00:49:51
at the start but in the in the long in
00:49:54
the long term it's it's not it's it's
00:49:57
all up here people it's it's not uh
00:50:01
something that you really have to be
00:50:02
that worried about yeah seems like
00:50:04
you're almost like disgusted by alcoh
00:50:07
yeah no I it's funny I'm not I never
00:50:10
want to demonize it but I in the long
00:50:12
run end up demonizing it not it's funny
00:50:15
because there's um there's a m of our he
00:50:17
used to work on the podcast called um
00:50:18
Jack Henderson and I I I heard you do a
00:50:21
podcast with him a couple of years ago
00:50:22
and you're like I'm never going to be
00:50:24
one of these people that goes on about
00:50:25
drinkers the devil
00:50:27
your Instagram feed that's what it is
00:50:29
now I I did partially wonder if part of
00:50:31
that is um like a defense mechanism for
00:50:33
yourself and you're you know you're
00:50:35
constantly reinforcing this to yourself
00:50:37
to yeah no it is and I think it's you
00:50:40
it's part when you say it I think for
00:50:41
myself anyway but also also can I can I
00:50:44
just say there's there's nothing wrong
00:50:45
with you saying something two years ago
00:50:47
and having a different approach now
00:50:48
because it's all part of the journey and
00:50:50
the evolution yeah and I think we're all
00:50:51
changing all the time and exactly and I
00:50:53
just think it's what you educate
00:50:55
yourself in I'm I'm sure or if people
00:50:58
read more about alcohol or even listen
00:51:01
to a few more deeper podcasts like the
00:51:03
hubman one about alcohol and heard about
00:51:05
that suddenly you go [ __ ] hell like
00:51:10
and and that isn't about pointing the
00:51:12
finger at alcohol going if you drink it
00:51:14
you it's the worst thing ever but the
00:51:18
science kind of says a lot about it and
00:51:20
what it does to our bodies and it's not
00:51:22
just about what it does to us as people
00:51:26
on a out it's what it's actually doing
00:51:28
to our internal function and what it's
00:51:31
doing it's it's a real Iceberg and we're
00:51:33
seeing the tip of it and sometimes our
00:51:36
tips might be higher than others and you
00:51:39
might see somebody's like alcohol on the
00:51:41
outside bit but but it's what it's doing
00:51:43
to to us internally and our gut health
00:51:48
our mental health like it affect it can
00:51:50
affect your full body like your full
00:51:52
body uh it's link to seven different
00:51:55
types of cancer like there's just
00:51:57
there's just a lot there's IBS there's
00:52:00
there's heaps of links to it and I think
00:52:02
it's once you delve deep but for the
00:52:05
most part like I didn't want to you
00:52:07
don't want to you don't want to see that
00:52:09
oh yeah it's all right there's always
00:52:10
something there's always something
00:52:11
that's going to kill us don't worry
00:52:13
about it yeah everything causes cancer
00:52:15
um the hubman lab um podcast that you're
00:52:17
talking about it's about 3 hours long
00:52:19
but [ __ ] that's a good podcast um ever
00:52:22
since listening to that I've sort of you
00:52:24
know reassessed and reevaluated um my
00:52:26
relationship with alcohol he talks in
00:52:28
the he's like if you're a heavy drinker
00:52:30
like um you one to two standard drinks
00:52:32
day I'm like that's heavy oh my
00:52:37
God yeah it's quite alarming it's I
00:52:39
found that that really good like I I I
00:52:42
still drink um but it's definitely made
00:52:44
me um more mindful about my personal
00:52:47
relationship with alcohol think it's a
00:52:49
good it's a good one as well because
00:52:51
it's something you can go back because
00:52:52
there's so much sciency com like stuff
00:52:55
that he speaks about in it that you can
00:52:57
go back on multiple occasions and just
00:52:58
go and check it out and just take little
00:53:00
Snippets from it but um but yeah yeah
00:53:04
how long does it I mean you had a very
00:53:06
very good career like 10 10 years or so
00:53:08
maybe more of of drinking have you
00:53:10
reversed all the damages or is there
00:53:12
longterm damage or I think there yeah
00:53:15
there's definitely some I still have my
00:53:18
memory I still would say my memory loss
00:53:20
is still there so there's a lot of my
00:53:22
20s I don't remember um which is fine in
00:53:25
some parts like it's your 20s you're
00:53:27
having a bit of fun but there's also a
00:53:29
big part of it where there's significant
00:53:30
things like moments with my mom that I I
00:53:33
won't ever get back because and I don't
00:53:35
remember because I was either drunk or
00:53:38
hung over or missed out on it because I
00:53:40
went out on the piss and stuff like that
00:53:43
um but um yeah no a lot of the things I
00:53:47
I think I've managed to revert um energy
00:53:51
levels my sleep is the biggest one uh my
00:53:54
sleep was all over the place whereas now
00:53:57
I sleep like a a bare hibernate and it's
00:54:01
unreal um so yeah no I there's a lot of
00:54:05
Hell things that are reverted but me
00:54:07
memory loss is one thing that is kind of
00:54:09
scary and I I I still have moments where
00:54:12
I can't remember certain times and and
00:54:14
those memories and it's kind of
00:54:16
frustrating when everybody else can um
00:54:19
but you can develop that as well like I
00:54:21
obviously can do the Mind Games and all
00:54:22
the kind of apps and all that kind of
00:54:24
stuff to try and increase it again um
00:54:28
but yeah I think there's some points
00:54:30
where you can just kill it off you you
00:54:33
kill off with all that gray matter and
00:54:34
stuff you some a lot of the time you can
00:54:38
gain it back but there's also that time
00:54:40
when you can't there's a point it's what
00:54:44
what does um an average Saturday night
00:54:45
look like for you now oh cup of Team
00:54:47
biscuits
00:54:49
really uh no it varies it varies uh like
00:54:53
any other I I enjoy at the moment like I
00:54:56
said to you before I'm starting to study
00:54:58
restudying so I'm swatting away at the
00:55:02
moment and just trying to smash that out
00:55:05
but uh it's like any other but I just
00:55:07
have more boundaries in place now before
00:55:09
I had very little boundaries and I would
00:55:11
do stuff to excess whereas now I'll go
00:55:14
out and socialize and still do exactly
00:55:16
the same things but I will I I when I'm
00:55:21
had off I just say oh that's it I'm I'm
00:55:24
done now I've said hello who to who I
00:55:26
need to to I've and people are getting a
00:55:28
bit louder and a bit more like a bit
00:55:30
spitty yeah exactly yeah yeah exactly
00:55:33
real spitty it's like yeah when when
00:55:35
when your mate tells you the um the same
00:55:37
bullet point or conversation Point that
00:55:39
he's told you twice already it's like
00:55:40
okay I'm out exactly exactly that
00:55:43
exactly so and there's no no harm in
00:55:45
like that's like you're going into the
00:55:47
lions then a bit do you know what I mean
00:55:49
if you go so yeah it's but I have my
00:55:52
feeling then I'm like all right okay I'm
00:55:54
going to I'm going to go and also start
00:55:56
filling up your time again so in the on
00:55:59
a Sunday it depends what I'm doing on a
00:56:01
Sunday morning now so it's not about the
00:56:03
Saturday night is what I'm do yeah 100%
00:56:05
I think this is something you sort of
00:56:06
touched upon earlier if you got
00:56:07
something um to look forward to the next
00:56:10
morning that you're excited about um
00:56:12
you're not going to have fomo about
00:56:14
what's happening around you know behind
00:56:15
you because you'll be busy looking and
00:56:16
getting excited about what's ahead of
00:56:17
you yeah completely um and that's one
00:56:20
thing that I say to people that I work
00:56:22
with again and stuff is is about what
00:56:25
you can gain it's not about losing your
00:56:27
Saturday night and that that 4 hours of
00:56:30
a Saturday night or 6 hours um but by
00:56:35
maybe cutting that night a bit shorter
00:56:37
or having less to drink or stopping
00:56:39
drinking completely you're going to gain
00:56:41
a whole day maybe two days cuz let's
00:56:43
face facts all hangovers kind of go into
00:56:46
Monday and Tuesday a little bit anyway
00:56:48
um so you're gain all that time so on
00:56:51
the Sunday you're going to gain time
00:56:52
which means that you can go and try that
00:56:54
new thing you've never done before or or
00:56:56
you can start on that project that you
00:56:57
really want to start on and all those
00:56:59
kind of aspects I think and what are you
00:57:02
studying uh so at the moment I'm doing a
00:57:04
certificate in
00:57:06
Psychology uh and counseling and youth
00:57:08
counseling at the moment uh so yeah
00:57:12
that's fun and there's a few more of the
00:57:13
certificates in there but I can't
00:57:14
remember them off the top of my head
00:57:16
Jason there um I was going to say this
00:57:18
one small thing but I suppose it's not
00:57:20
really that small but you know removing
00:57:22
alcohol from your life it's opened so
00:57:23
many sort of unexpected doors for you
00:57:25
hasn't it yeah definitely it is it's the
00:57:28
best life hack ever and I it doesn't
00:57:31
matter what kind of supplements right
00:57:33
there on the market or what new fad
00:57:37
there is going on I promise you if you
00:57:39
are somebody who drinks and you stop
00:57:41
drinking just go even if you're not the
00:57:43
biggest of drinkers just say to yourself
00:57:45
I'm going to just do one year that this
00:57:47
isn't my forever this isn't but I'm just
00:57:49
going to do one year I'm not drinking
00:57:51
let's just see what can happen let's
00:57:54
just get and and then you can and this
00:57:55
is what I was saying to you about it
00:57:56
doesn't have to be a scary Prospect it
00:57:58
doesn't have to be this oh [ __ ] it can
00:58:00
just be I'm just going to do it for you
00:58:01
and it also makes it a bit easy with
00:58:03
your friends he's just I'm just doing a
00:58:05
year doing this support me I'd really
00:58:06
appreciate if you support me just going
00:58:08
to do it and just find out how how far
00:58:11
the rabbit hole goes a bit with it and
00:58:12
and see what you can do and for me it's
00:58:15
it's been the best thing I've ever ever
00:58:17
ever ever done it's not just physically
00:58:20
not just for my mental health but for
00:58:23
financially for relationships for for
00:58:26
just everything work I'm more productive
00:58:28
at work it's it's apart from when you
00:58:31
dash off to the lunch room to do your
00:58:32
videos yeah exactly exactly um but I I I
00:58:36
can still fit that in you know what I
00:58:38
mean um but yeah no it's and it just
00:58:41
means I can I can yeah it's honestly
00:58:45
it's it's the best thing and it and
00:58:47
that's it's one of my little things now
00:58:50
where it's it's not a it's not I don't
00:58:53
know if the frustration is the right
00:58:55
word but with friends and people who do
00:58:57
still
00:58:58
drink um and they live their lives and
00:59:01
they do whatever they want but I just
00:59:03
can see the potential in them of where
00:59:04
they could when they have these little
00:59:06
dreams or oh I wish I was doing this or
00:59:08
I'm not getting that job promotion at
00:59:09
work and I just don't know why but but
00:59:12
they'll be super lethargic on a Monday
00:59:14
CU they've been out and had a massive
00:59:15
weekend and it's just like if you just
00:59:17
gave up just for half a year not even a
00:59:20
four year just give it just just see how
00:59:23
how far you can go with it and just see
00:59:25
what benefit you can and do do stuff
00:59:28
with the time don't just sit on your
00:59:30
hands just going oh I've given up boo
00:59:31
now I'm expecting the world to offer it
00:59:33
to me it's you've got to do the work
00:59:36
with it
00:59:37
definitely yeah and that's true with I
00:59:40
think any aspect of anyone's life yeah
00:59:42
like mentally if you're in a bad place
00:59:44
like you have to do the work yourself
00:59:46
yeah and anything good that happens
00:59:48
you've got to do it yourself you make it
00:59:49
happen completely and I think it's uh
00:59:52
you you've yeah you've just always
00:59:54
you've always got to do you can't expect
00:59:56
the world to give you anything you are
00:59:57
the creator of your own world so you
01:00:00
have to create the the world you want to
01:00:02
see around you and that's one of my man
01:00:05
like Manch be the vibe you want to
01:00:07
receive you've got to put out what you
01:00:10
want back massively and I I think if you
01:00:13
if you can't just point the finger do
01:00:15
you know what I mean you can but you're
01:00:18
not going to get much back in
01:00:20
return yeah yeah yeah you got to you
01:00:23
cast yourself as the as the leading the
01:00:25
leading man or lady in your own movie
01:00:27
definitely don't just be an extra in
01:00:29
someone else's movie no exactly and it's
01:00:31
just and you've got to bring that energy
01:00:32
to that you can't be if you can't you've
01:00:34
got if you're going to bring that Robbin
01:00:36
energy you're never going to be Batman
01:00:38
and you and and I've never heard that
01:00:40
one I like it though and no one wants to
01:00:42
be robbing no exactly uh you want you
01:00:45
want to be uh saving the day and that's
01:00:48
uh you've got to be your own hero and
01:00:50
your own cheerleader and it's something
01:00:52
that I actually found hard within the
01:00:53
first three months of not drinking is I
01:00:55
was was kind of expecting this kind of
01:00:57
brass band to rock up and be like well
01:00:59
done he's up to three months and it hit
01:01:01
me like a ton of bricks that I wasn't
01:01:03
going to get that and I think that's
01:01:04
some and you learn to become your own
01:01:06
chery and you've got to celebrate
01:01:08
yourself massively and in everything in
01:01:10
life I don't think that's just alal but
01:01:12
I think you have to stop down stop
01:01:14
playing quiet play play loudly and and
01:01:18
people some people will like your music
01:01:19
and some people won't that's on them not
01:01:21
on you yeah are you pray of yourself
01:01:24
yeah yeah you know what the first first
01:01:27
first time I think yeah it's something
01:01:30
that it's funny that you asked that I've
01:01:31
been thinking about that quite quite a
01:01:33
lot recently because it's something that
01:01:34
I really struggle with is is being a lot
01:01:37
a lot of the time I I wanted to make my
01:01:39
mom and dad proud and now they're not
01:01:40
here it's something that you kind of you
01:01:44
sat with and you and it's not about
01:01:46
making them proud anymore but can you
01:01:48
make yourself proud and by doing that
01:01:51
hopefully in in the course of it you'll
01:01:53
make other people proud of you as well
01:01:56
um but yeah I I think I am and I just I
01:02:01
just need
01:02:02
to keep in my lane and and keep doing
01:02:04
what I'm doing um not worry about where
01:02:08
this goes or what happens with it or but
01:02:10
just just keep on keeping on really and
01:02:16
yeah just just do just be the person
01:02:18
that I I need for myself I think I love
01:02:22
that I think that's a good place to end
01:02:23
it yeah from when we first met like two
01:02:26
and a half years ago whatever it's now
01:02:27
like you can see this um compounding
01:02:29
momentum you're getting yeah um yeah
01:02:32
you're becoming Unstoppable it's bloody
01:02:33
great mate hopefully hopefully that's
01:02:35
like I I know where I want I know where
01:02:37
I'm going that's the big thing for me at
01:02:39
the moment is yeah where where's that
01:02:40
are you are you like a go plan like twoe
01:02:42
plan five year plan or do you just have
01:02:44
like a bunch of things that yeah I just
01:02:46
have a bunch of things that I know I'm
01:02:47
going to do I know I'm going to I'm I'm
01:02:49
going to be the best in my position of
01:02:51
what I do and I don't like saying coach
01:02:53
or therapist or anything like that cuz I
01:02:55
I think that incorporates a lot of kind
01:02:57
of other things but I'm going to be
01:03:01
successful at helping people get to
01:03:03
where they want to be definitely as a as
01:03:05
a coach if you want to call it that but
01:03:07
I hate the word coach um so yeah I'm
01:03:10
going to be doing that I'm going to be
01:03:12
getting around speaking uh at different
01:03:14
events that's on the cards as well we
01:03:16
got a few coming up this year uh and
01:03:20
yeah just going to be helping out and
01:03:22
also as I said to you before once I've
01:03:24
finished my learning I'm going to write
01:03:25
a book I'm going to say that now and
01:03:28
then speak into existence mate and man
01:03:31
100% 100% big believer in it so well
01:03:34
it's not the uh it's not the Saturday
01:03:36
night piss talking is it you know I'm
01:03:37
going to write a book I'm going to do an
01:03:39
Iron Man yeah exactly uh no I'll leave
01:03:42
the immen to you that's insane all
01:03:46
running all right guy Wills right mate
01:03:49
um oh I um if anyone's made it to the
01:03:51
very end of this and has been captivated
01:03:53
by this conversation what's the best way
01:03:54
they can get hold of you so the best way
01:03:57
is DDD wrem uh. co.nz or I've got my
01:04:02
Instagram page where I've got tons of
01:04:04
tips help and I'm always open to a
01:04:06
conversation about alcohol or mental
01:04:08
health or
01:04:09
mindfulness love it hey it's been
01:04:12
wonderful to sit down with you um man
01:04:14
you've done the hard work haven't you
01:04:16
you too yeah uh yeah yeah it's it's it's
01:04:19
it's been fun it's a pro it's an
01:04:21
experience I don't know whether it's the
01:04:22
the hard hard work it's it is hard work
01:04:26
but it's it's everything's hard I think
01:04:28
depends on which way you look at yeah no
01:04:29
you just seem to have this lightness
01:04:31
about you now yeah I do I feel like mate
01:04:34
I definitely feel like I don't feel like
01:04:35
there's no there's no pressure anymore
01:04:38
there's no pressure I don't give a I've
01:04:39
got to a point where I don't give a [ __ ]
01:04:43
and and it's such a freeing feeling to
01:04:44
have um so yeah I don't I'm just ready
01:04:48
to I I know where I'm going where
01:04:50
wherever that may be but I know I'm
01:04:52
going somewhere and it's going to be
01:04:53
good oh I know where you're going you're
01:04:54
going to new or next buy some
01:04:56
choc yeah yeah probably to be honest all
01:05:00
right hey thanks mate it's been an
01:05:01
absolute pleasure today really
01:05:02
appreciate your time mate cheers mate
01:05:04
appreciate it
