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From Alcoholic to Running Ultra Marathons in The Sahara & The Arctic - Freddie Bennett

April 24, 2024 / 01:26:58

Video

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[Music]

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Freddy Bennett welcome to my podcast

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thank you pleasure to be here I am very

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excited about this one yeah mate I'm I'm

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so pleased that you made the time to

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come here today um I I was thinking

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about how we structure this and I think

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it might be like a podcast of two halves

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so first half we'll get to know a bit

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about you fry Bennett and your backstory

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and your story and then um second half

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um just some maybe like sort of tips

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traps tips tracks pointers hacks that

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anyone can use for mindset and

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resilience and yeah the good stuff like

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that all the good stuff no worries yeah

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because you according to your website

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you help people get unstuck unfucked and

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Unleashed yeah which I love and um and

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and you've done the hard work and you've

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found the stuff out the hard way so um

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just a quick introduction Who is Freddy

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Bennett so Freddy Bennett is a guy to

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quite the opposite of my website used to

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be stuck [ __ ] Unleashed is it I would

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talk about the the the new me and the

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old me and and the old me lived a very

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different life uh you probably guess by

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now I'm from the UK original Al moved

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out here to New Zealand 3 years ago and

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um the old me had a very different life

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I was working in the corporate world in

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London uh at the age of 35 I was uh I

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was a director at a at a big Finance

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firm I had all the things I was supposed

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to have I had the the Rolex on the wrist

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the Porsche on the driveway I had the

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granite in the kitchen I had the ski

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holidays the young family but on the

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inside life was falling apart I was

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stressed I wasn't sleeping I was

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massively unfit I was overweight heavy

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drinking every night all the other uh

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paraphernalia that we say that goes with

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that that heavy drinking lifesty the

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coke yeah basically yeah what a WR a

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passage in the UK isn't it yeah it is

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you can't like put on your corn flakes

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so much in the UK and I was I was very

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much living this lifestyle um partly

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through my own design partly because I

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wasn't very happy with my life I wasn't

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really happy with who I was and now I

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look back I know I was trying to destroy

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that version of me but but that was me

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and that was my life and and that's why

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I felt stuck I felt stuck because I

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thought this is what I'm supposed to be

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doing this is as good as it gets as as

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someone living in the UK probably as uh

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as a man as well thinking look I was I

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was fitter when I was younger but now

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now I'm a grownup I've got to do the job

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thing and do the work thing and the beer

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belly and the poor sleeping and I was

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just living this life of quiet

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desperation and it was only when I

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thought what could I really be capable

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of achieving what what do I actually

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want to create with my life that I

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embarked on this journey as such but as

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I say five years ago I wasn't the person

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you sees that of that old version of me

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that um that was living this life that

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he didn't really want to live what are

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your weigh now cuz you're in good shape

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and what did you what did you weigh when

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you at your um your Peak weight well

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that's very C to say so I was I'm a bit

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heavier than I should be now so I'm

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about 79 kilos now at my Peak I was I

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was about 95 right so it different from

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what I've um from what I've read about

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you and the research I've done

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um would you say you were an alcoholic I

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or just a dude with a drinking

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problem gray area it's a funny one I've

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asked myself this question so many I

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definitely had a drink problem without a

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doubt I think that's why so many what

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they call Middle Lane drinkers middle

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class drinkers however you want to label

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yourself I would tell myself a look you

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know I don't have to drink a bottle of

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vka to go to work every morning even

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though I did sometimes have a drink

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before I went to work every morning I I

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told myself you I've got a job I've got

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a family I'm not waky up on a park bench

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I'm just a guy who who likes that All or

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Nothing lifestyle that's what we all say

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I'm all or nothing I don't have an off

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switch I'm the life and soul of the

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party G no break yeah exactly but the

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warning signs were there you know I

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would I would be more and more late for

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work I'd be getting into more trouble at

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work then you think well there was that

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time when I got chased out of a country

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uh because I was blind drunk in the

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Middle East where alcohol was illegal

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there was a time I got thrown off a

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plane there was the time when uh when I

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was in New York City and I had drug

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dealers holding a gun to my head and one

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of them actually pulled the trigger and

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and there was these these moments when

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you kind of you wake up and I think

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maybe we've all had these moments maybe

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not to such an extreme level you wake up

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and you think right I'm going to change

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enough is enough this is it going to

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change and then I would say to myself

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okay I'm this is it new me it's all

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going to change right after the next

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project right after the next birthday

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right after the next Christmas after the

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next pay rise after the next child there

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would always be something that would

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cause me to to to kick my my hopes and

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dreams down the road and and kick the

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real me in the guts so was I an

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alcoholic probably uh does I have a

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drink problem definitely um but it's

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funny I was very much one of life's

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victims and I always say maybe we'll

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come on to this I believe our lives are

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a story and you can be you can be the

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hero in your story or the villain in

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your story but both the hero and the

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villain start out as the victim and that

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was me I was a victim so I was saying

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it's my boss's fault it's my client's

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fault it's the economy's fault it's my

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wife's fault it's my kids's fault it's

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the traffic's fault it's definitely not

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me definitely not the drinking I was

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willing to point the finger everywhere

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but at myself it was only when I started

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to to literally look in the mirror and

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say this is not the way life's supposed

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to go this is not who I'm supposed to be

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that I actually started to make some

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changes yeah I love that there's um

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there's a book I've been reading over

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summer um written by some X Navy Seals

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called Extreme ownership and it's

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basically yeah yeah yeah yeah and it's

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basically all all about that it's just

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um yeah extreme ownership it's just

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owning absolutely [ __ ] everything

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owning all your [ __ ] um and uh I think a

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lot of people um kind of get a get a

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kick out of being a victim in a way um

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you know there's there's a lot on having

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a victim mentality cuz you get people

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saying oh poor you and and that can be

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an adrenaline rush for people but it's

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not going to get you very far in life is

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it I know I I used to love being let's I

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loved being a victim being a victim is

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great fun because you get to complain

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and let's face it complaining you got a

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choice do I complain about my problems

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well that's fun do I fix my problems or

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that that means doing things like going

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running that means having to have honest

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conversations that means having a harsh

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look in the mirror that doesn't sound

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very fun complaining is a lot more fun I

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always used to say uh every problem that

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you've had for longer than a few months

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is because you have become attached to

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that problem it's because you have

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decided to keep that problem so if

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you've got a money problem it's because

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really you decided to keep that problem

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got a fitness problem it's because you

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decided to keep that problem problem

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relationship problem client problem with

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a family member any problem that we have

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for longer than a few months is because

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we decided to keep that problem and for

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me that was a truth that I did not want

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to face up to I didn't want to accept

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that really I was the root cause of my

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problems as you said I loved being a

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victim uh victims we always say as well

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that um we believe that we're special

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and that we're unique so we say I've

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tried everything I've tried every diet

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I'm just you know being overweight runs

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in my family it's my metabolism my

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metabolism I've got a sweet tooth sweet

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dudes uh we always say I've tried I've

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tried uh I've tried every gym I've tried

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every exercise routine I've tried every

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way to quit drinking I've tried

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everything but I'm special really we we

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believe that we're different but we're

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not what there's what is the truth is

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that nothing changes until we decide to

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change it has to start with ourselves

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yeah hey hey you you brought it up

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before so I want to um pick away at this

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for a little bit the New York incident

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yes what the [ __ ] yeah that was a scary

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one I was I was in New York

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uh it was it was a stago bachelor party

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so um not not exactly like a like a

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wholesome Spar Retreat that's for sure

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so so you're trying to get some coke uh

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yeah basically and you you didn't you

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didn't know any dealers so you just went

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in in a street or something so this was

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the way it it went down so it's a very

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great summary of of of my lifestyle time

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I was in the UK we went to New York for

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a weekend for it was like a imagine Like

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a lowbudget Wolf of Wall Street that was

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kind like the lifestyle that I lived

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thinking that we were these high rollers

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but with a with a champagne roller with

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a with a beer budget and uh we were it

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was the last day of of the bachel party

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so I'd been partying for three days

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straight um I was all over the place we

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were been we've been in a nightclub tour

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3:00 in the morning um we were I kind of

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forgot where I was I thought I was in I

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was in England where all the drug

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dealers are friendly in England and it's

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like hello sir would you like some drugs

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oh thank you very much that would be

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lovely what do you have um forgetting I

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was in New York City where you have a a

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different standard of drug dealer as

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such so we were walking down the street

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and um yeah I think I haven't thought

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about this incident for a long time but

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um you know some guys come up ganed any

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drugs I was like well yes I would

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actually thankly enough at 3 in the

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morning uh this guy whose eyes were as

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wide as sources so yes I would and um

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long story short um I think during

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during the uh the the the procurement

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process should we say I kind have

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probably had a bit of a dose of reality

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that I need to be on a plane home in 5

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hours time maybe maybe this isn't the

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best idea so I started to kind of back

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out of the transaction uh I had a I had

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a friend there as well what was it was

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it like um like an an an instinct thing

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that just something right with people it

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was weird like it was almost This Moment

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of clarity where I was like this this

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isn't going to go very well uh may I

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think it's probably a Moment of clarity

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as in maybe You' been parting too hard

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for the weekend and it's time to

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literally and metaphorically go home I

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think there was there were starting two

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moments of clarity into my life thinking

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I mean let's say I wasn't a 22y old I

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was 35 I had the family waiting for me

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at home um yeah I wasn't some some

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college kid I had responsibilities grown

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as me yeah and as it all things in life

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what what goes up does come down I was

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probably on a on a very massive Comedown

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so I was like you know what thanks but

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no thanks I'm going to go on my way uh

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that the said drug dealer he kind of

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said well no basically and then to cut a

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long story short I I I thought that I

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was in the UK kind of having a bit of

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banter a bit of backwards and forwards

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kind of like just taking the piss

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basically uh and then when the guy

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punched me in the face it became very

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serious and I used to have this this you

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very big blingy uh Rolex at the time and

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he was like they tried to grab the the

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watch off my wrist and I was like no no

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don't don't take my watch it's my

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identity my identity that's who on the

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Rolex I'm the Rolex wearing Guy this is

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me and uh and then so he he hit me again

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and uh and then they they marched me to

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an ATM to a cash point and then he said

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um you're going to take out all your

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money right now and if you try and run

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we're going to [ __ ] kill you and I

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was like right this is serious and then

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um so I kind of I tried again talk my

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way out of it not the best idea I

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probably wasn't at my my most coherent

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at that stage and then that's when the

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gun came out and they they they pushed

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me against the wall against the ATM

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forced me down onto my knees shoved the

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gun I felt the barrel pressing into my

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temple and then they uh and then they

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pulled the trigger and it was that kind

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of thing where I didn't realize it had

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happened until it happened I don't know

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if if there was a bullet in the gun I

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don't know if it jammed I don't know

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what happened all I know is I heard the

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click and then you kind of I was in this

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weird kind of fight Orly Instinct and it

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wasn't until afterward I thought [ __ ]

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they've just pulled a trigger on the gun

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and um and then here's the part that

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that's half half funny and half stupid

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so they pick me up again and then they

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said right your money's coming out now

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and uh I got the card out put it to the

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machine and then in the the the bravest

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and the most stupid thing I've done in

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my life I actually did the whole what's

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that over there and they looked and I

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ran and you talk about a running podcast

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I have never run so fast after them

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saying if you run we will kill you I ran

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and um my hotel was only probably a

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couple of blocks away I have never I ran

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across roads I didn't even look for

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traffic I just sprinted I literally ran

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running for your life for my life yeah

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and I um I threw myself through the

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through the hotel doors and I remember

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there there's no uh there's no alpha

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male here there's no machismo I ran

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through the hotel door going like help

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me help me help me ah they're trying to

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get me and then they um and then they

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called the police the that the NYPD

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turned up and again when you've been

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partying all sorts of ways for three

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days having a conversation with two

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police officers uh wasn't wasn't the

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best thing to have and then um but bless

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the NYPD turned up and in a very New

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York way I'll try I'm sorry for the

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accent then they were like sir have you

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been shot and I was like no they were

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like okay sir have you been stabbed I

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was like No And they were like so what

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and well they were really mean and they

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pulled a gun and they were like well

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this is they were like Welcome to New

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York off go go to bed and then obviously

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didn't go to bed and then got up the

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next you a few hours later uh not really

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sleeping got on a plane home and the

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funny part at the end of the story is um

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is I got home obviously you know feeling

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very hung over very tired very sorry for

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myself having that whole kind of maybe I

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should really have a look in the mirror

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and and change my life unpacking my

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suitcase unpacking my shirts and

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everything and I pulled out a bag of

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cocaine and I was like now I know why he

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was so angry at me because I stole his

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drugs after all and I was like oh

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actually I really understand what he was

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that's why he was so annoyed with me I

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didn't realize he'd given me theug I was

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iel I felt

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guilty I was like oh I was like oh I bet

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he's going to get into trouble with his

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boss cuz I took his drugs I didn't pay

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him and um and yeah that was that was

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just one one of the stories and but the

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funny thing is and I said I laugh about

00:14:54

it but it was it was deadly serious um

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that's when I kind of I remember sat

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there amongst all my clothes on the

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floor thinking well Freddy you know you

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you're a family man you're you've you've

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you know you're 30 now you've got this

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career maybe maybe here's a warning sign

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that you you should maybe change your

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life but I didn't and that that wasn't

00:15:16

even the The Rock Bottom that was a

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warning sign and I said to myself as we

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all do after a heavy weekend no more you

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know I'm not going to do this but within

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a week's time I was back in the bars I I

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made myself all the promises that we

00:15:31

tend to make ourselves around uh you

00:15:33

know I'll I won't drink Spirits I'll

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just have a couple I'll drink at

00:15:37

weekends I'll start running and uh I

00:15:41

would start running for a while funnily

00:15:42

enough because then I I would have

00:15:44

earned a beer at the end of it uh so I

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literally started running to justify my

00:15:49

drinking um all these signs were there

00:15:51

until say I finally hit that Rock Bottom

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it's it's hard isn't it it's um for

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anyone that um has had that moment where

00:15:59

you sort of reassess your relationship

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with alcohol um there there's always a

00:16:03

lot of false starts but you only need to

00:16:04

get it right once that is one of my

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favorite phrases definitely yeah but

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it's it's hard isn't it because every

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time you you say you're going to do

00:16:11

something and then don't your

00:16:13

self-esteem drops a little bit you feel

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like you've let yourself down you feel

00:16:16

like a loser or a failure definitely but

00:16:18

I think trying and failing is better

00:16:20

than not trying at all well this is what

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I say and you I'm I'm a proud failure

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I've I have tried and failed a thousand

00:16:27

times I failed to to change my drinking

00:16:30

habits I failed to start my running

00:16:32

habits I failed in relationships I

00:16:34

failed in diets I failed thousands and

00:16:36

thousands of times but as you say what I

00:16:39

firmly believe is you only need to get

00:16:41

it right once then then you win then

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Life Changes forever yeah so you get

00:16:47

back from New York

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um by the way I'm alarmed you didn't

00:16:51

stop

00:16:53

then um but do you tell your wife

00:16:55

straight away do you walk in the door

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and like like burst into tears do you

00:16:58

feel guilt or sh what what are you

00:16:59

feeling at that point I felt guilt I

00:17:01

felt shame um was I totally honest no um

00:17:05

the reason being I didn't really want to

00:17:08

ask for help because I we always talk

00:17:10

about a journey I'd been on a mental

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health journey in the past and the funny

00:17:14

thing is and I always talk about the the

00:17:16

real version of the story and the

00:17:18

Hollywood version of the story we all

00:17:20

know the Hollywood version PE someone

00:17:22

and I say in many cases men but but

00:17:24

obviously for for both sexes but but I

00:17:27

know for men they always say you know

00:17:28

suicide is the biggest killer for men

00:17:30

under 45 we are Our Own Worst Enemy

00:17:33

literally and metaphorically so I

00:17:35

struggled with my mental health and I

00:17:38

did all the things I was supposed to do

00:17:40

I put my hand up I asked for help I quit

00:17:43

drinking I got the therapy I read the I

00:17:45

read the books by Robins I had the

00:17:47

podcasts by Goggins I tried to feel the

00:17:49

fear and do it anyway I even practiced

00:17:51

the subtle art and not giving a [ __ ] but

00:17:54

it didn't work and that's the hard thing

00:17:57

in my head I was thinking I've I've done

00:17:58

all the right things I've done the man

00:18:00

thing I've done the difficult thing I've

00:18:01

asked for help but I still didn't feel

00:18:04

fixed as such you know again maybe it's

00:18:07

a male thing but I think in my brain

00:18:08

like a like a like a car um the car's

00:18:11

not working you take it into the into

00:18:13

the auto shop into the garage they have

00:18:15

a Little Tink around and then it's

00:18:16

working again I thought hang on it

00:18:18

should be the same in my brain I've Li

00:18:20

I've cried the tears lay on the couch

00:18:22

got the therapy why aren't I fixed now

00:18:25

and that's why I came home from New York

00:18:26

and I kind of I it wasn't to my wife it

00:18:29

was to my friends my family uh to

00:18:31

everyone I was like yeah you know heavy

00:18:33

weekend good fun and then you I put the

00:18:36

mask on and I believe that we all wear

00:18:39

wear the mask we we believe that that we

00:18:42

should be this person who people expect

00:18:44

us to be and this is one of the the big

00:18:45

discoveries for me it was I thought to

00:18:48

be a quote unquote success to be

00:18:51

confident to be resilient I couldn't

00:18:54

have any weaknesses I had to have this

00:18:56

mask on all the time that yeah I have

00:18:59

everything under control I'm fit I'm

00:19:01

healthy I'm successful I'm sociable I'm

00:19:04

the life and soul of the party all these

00:19:06

things but it really meant that I was

00:19:08

like a photocopy of a photocopy of

00:19:09

someone who I didn't really want to be

00:19:12

and because I had this pressure to to to

00:19:15

conform to to maintain this this mask

00:19:17

this facade I felt I couldn't tell

00:19:20

anyone what was really going on because

00:19:22

really um I didn't have that that

00:19:25

confidence and you talked about you

00:19:27

keeping promises we make to ourselves

00:19:28

it's funny the the word um confidence

00:19:31

comes from I think French that derived

00:19:33

from Latin and it's it's con fider con

00:19:37

means intense federe means trust so the

00:19:40

um the the meaning of the word means

00:19:42

intense trust so we do not have

00:19:45

confidence because we do not trust

00:19:46

ourselves we do not trust ourselves

00:19:49

because we keep breaking the promises

00:19:51

that we make to ourselves so every time

00:19:53

we say I'm going to quit drinking and we

00:19:55

don't we break a promise every time we

00:19:57

say I'm going to go for a run to

00:19:58

tomorrow morning the alarm goes off at

00:20:00

5:00 a.m. and think oh no way we break a

00:20:02

promise we make to ourselves and then we

00:20:04

say well why aren't I confident that's

00:20:06

why when we start keeping the promises

00:20:08

we make that's when our confidence grows

00:20:10

but at that stage I was breaking

00:20:12

promises to everyone especially myself

00:20:15

and that's why I had no

00:20:17

confidence you you were still quite high

00:20:19

functioning though I like you were um

00:20:21

you were getting shut done I was getting

00:20:24

[ __ ] done even well I thought I was

00:20:25

doing [ __ ] better I thought the more I

00:20:28

screwed up my life the better I was

00:20:30

before me and partly this was uh again a

00:20:33

lie that I told myself because I said to

00:20:36

to work a to work a high power job it's

00:20:38

very stressful I need alcohol need to

00:20:40

let off some steam yeah I need I need

00:20:42

alcohol to let off some steam to to to

00:20:45

work to entertain clients to to perform

00:20:48

at my best people won't want me around

00:20:50

in the bar I loved it alcohol is is is

00:20:53

derived of this demon demonic poison I

00:20:56

would be lying if I I didn't love it I

00:20:59

walk into a bar have everyone go yay

00:21:02

Freddy's here I really got a high off

00:21:05

that um it made me feel good it made me

00:21:07

feel wanted we all I believe we all want

00:21:09

to live a life of meaning we all want to

00:21:11

feel like we belong we all want to feel

00:21:13

like we can have the power to make

00:21:15

things happen and alcohol gave me that

00:21:18

so yeah I that's what I told myself I I

00:21:20

thought maybe I should quit my drinking

00:21:22

habits I thought but you've got a

00:21:24

Porsche on the driveway things life

00:21:25

can't be that bad I was like maybe I

00:21:27

should do some exercise but you you were

00:21:30

promoted last year you've got you've got

00:21:32

a marriage of some description you have

00:21:34

children who don't always hate you uh

00:21:37

and it's always funny we we we always

00:21:39

have a way of convincing ourselves and I

00:21:41

believe that's because our brains um

00:21:43

ironically and and quite paradoxically

00:21:46

want to keep us safe I I believe as as

00:21:49

humans uh from from Evolution we're

00:21:51

designed to to sit around and seek

00:21:53

pleasure and and sitting around drinking

00:21:56

so my brain again was saying to me you

00:21:58

have a choice you can choose discomfort

00:22:01

which is doing something difficult hard

00:22:03

like quitting drinking or you can choose

00:22:05

Comfort tell yourself a story tell

00:22:07

yourself you get to quit next year tell

00:22:09

yourself um you're just unwinding that

00:22:12

people love this version of you that you

00:22:13

can't you can't let people down by

00:22:17

quitting drinking you know what would

00:22:18

they say at the wedding that you're

00:22:19

going to next month what they say at

00:22:21

your birthday and that be fair that's

00:22:22

what people did say to me they said oh

00:22:25

where is how [ __ ] it was I had a

00:22:27

nickname for myself

00:22:29

Funtime Freddy and they'd be like oh

00:22:31

where where's Funtime Freddy where's

00:22:32

Funtime gone it's okay here he is Tada

00:22:37

um but it's very much like that life of

00:22:38

a clown where um in the spotlight I

00:22:41

enjoyed being this this drunken

00:22:43

Entertainer but when I was off the stage

00:22:46

that's when the darkness and the sadness

00:22:47

came

00:22:49

in do you miss it at all what do you

00:22:51

what do you miss about it I I miss a lot

00:22:54

about it I something about the kimar

00:22:56

like I don't like doing shots of tequila

00:22:59

or Fireball or Jager myep but I do love

00:23:03

the camaraderie of you know clinking the

00:23:06

glasses and then pulling faces

00:23:07

afterwards and yeah I missed the

00:23:09

camaraderie I miss I missed the buildup

00:23:12

kind of like and we had this a lot over

00:23:14

Christmas you know the the the the trip

00:23:17

to the Bottle Shop the the what's it

00:23:19

going to be what what wine am I going to

00:23:21

get are we going to get J or vodka May

00:23:23

let's get both and uh you know all that

00:23:26

almost that that um uh routine the

00:23:29

anticipation yeah the anticipation of it

00:23:31

uh that's what I miss I I probably miss

00:23:33

everything that happens before 900 p.m.

00:23:36

uh you know that that's when times are

00:23:37

fun when it's you know when you're

00:23:39

having the laughs when you're making the

00:23:40

memories everything after 900 p.m. I

00:23:43

don't miss but um yeah all that yeah

00:23:46

that that buzz that you get when when

00:23:48

all your worries have have slowly

00:23:50

drifted away um that that is what I I

00:23:53

still miss but um but then I think about

00:23:56

everything that comes after 9:00 p.m.

00:23:58

and the days after um and that's what I

00:24:01

I really found when I failed to quit so

00:24:04

many times because I thought it was a

00:24:05

case of will power I thought it was a

00:24:07

case of going cold turkey you know White

00:24:09

Knuckle it and um try and beat the demon

00:24:13

as they say beat the demon it doesn't

00:24:14

work like that for anything that you're

00:24:16

trying to quit isn't about leaving

00:24:19

something it's about going towards

00:24:20

something so I wasn't quitting alcohol I

00:24:23

was choosing better sleep uh better

00:24:26

running better relationships loving

00:24:30

myself more confidence I had to be going

00:24:33

towards something that's why I think I

00:24:34

failed so many times I had no I had no

00:24:37

meaning to move towards I had no goal I

00:24:40

had no I had no reason as such and and

00:24:42

it's strange to say

00:24:44

um my wife my kids my family my job it

00:24:48

wasn't strong enough reason and that's

00:24:50

why I see so many people that try and

00:24:52

change their life they're trying to do

00:24:54

it for someone else they're trying to do

00:24:55

it to impress someone many the changes

00:24:58

we make in our lives it is down to guilt

00:25:00

or obligation we're doing it because we

00:25:02

feel guilty or because we feel obliged

00:25:05

to please someone else it isn't until

00:25:07

you say no I'm going to do this for me

00:25:10

for my goals for my life even though a

00:25:14

lot of people are going to call me

00:25:15

selfish that's when you start to

00:25:18

actually get on the right path and start

00:25:20

to make things happen yeah I I um

00:25:23

watched a podcast with um do you know

00:25:24

steo from Jackass yes I do yeah I used

00:25:27

to love Jack

00:25:28

and he um he he battled with um drug and

00:25:31

alcohol issues for years and he had a

00:25:33

really good point he said um alcoholism

00:25:36

and addiction is the only disease that

00:25:39

um when when you're cured from it your

00:25:41

life gets gets better because any other

00:25:43

disease like cancer you want to get back

00:25:45

to your old self again yeah that's the

00:25:47

Benchmark but this is the one thing

00:25:48

where your life is going to be better

00:25:50

it's it's a funny one and and I do think

00:25:53

steo is an interesting concept here's a

00:25:55

a theory that I've been toying with and

00:25:57

playing with for a long time time is

00:25:58

that you you cannot deny your true

00:26:02

nature and I know so many people who

00:26:04

have gone on a sobriety Journey also

00:26:07

with things like with with food and

00:26:09

exercise as well I believe you cannot

00:26:11

deny your true nature so I know who I am

00:26:14

I am uh quite quite a dopamine addict I

00:26:17

am quite all or nothing I do like doing

00:26:21

bold Brave stupid things in the past

00:26:25

when I call this like the New Year's Day

00:26:27

syndrome in the past I would wake up and

00:26:29

I'd say right I'm going to be I'm going

00:26:31

to have the life of a monk I'm going to

00:26:33

be going to bed at 8:00 every night I'm

00:26:36

going to never let a swear word Escape

00:26:37

my I was trying to be someone who I

00:26:39

wasn't and I think so many people

00:26:41

actually try and when they change their

00:26:43

habits whether it's starting a habit or

00:26:45

stop stopping a habit they try and

00:26:47

change who they are I think that's like

00:26:50

um trying to build a house on top of an

00:26:52

oak tree sitting yourself up for B

00:26:54

exactly I think you you cannot deny your

00:26:56

true nature and it's about trying to

00:26:57

direct direct that true nature into more

00:27:00

of of a positive path but I think if you

00:27:02

are a certain type of person if you have

00:27:05

a certain type of personality if you try

00:27:07

and totally kill that old version of you

00:27:09

it's going to come out in certain ways

00:27:12

it's like the artist who says uh I'm not

00:27:14

going to be an artist I'm going to go

00:27:16

and and get a proper corporate job

00:27:18

eventually they will self-sabotage it

00:27:20

because deep down all they want to do is

00:27:22

be an artist um that's so I believe if

00:27:24

if we put oursel in life situations if

00:27:26

we try and hide who we truly are then

00:27:29

we'll find a way to self-sabotage it let

00:27:32

the real version of us through and

00:27:33

that's why so many people fall off the

00:27:35

wagon because they are trying to change

00:27:37

a habit but they're also trying to kill

00:27:39

that version ofs who they really want to

00:27:41

be so what was the last draw was it was

00:27:45

it a Vil or was it it's a really funny

00:27:47

one in a way it's quite poetic because

00:27:49

you kind of you had the drug dealer and

00:27:51

and the gun thing yeah yeah yeah and I

00:27:52

was like for most people by the way most

00:27:55

sensible people that would be it yeah

00:27:56

that would be it yeah you call it

00:27:58

warning sign definitely but um it was

00:28:00

funny that the real robw bottom was a

00:28:02

lot less a lot less Hollywood a lot less

00:28:04

glamorous I it was the 8th up to the

00:28:07

anniversary of it it was the 8th of

00:28:08

March uh it would have been

00:28:11

2019 uh I believe and um I came to it

00:28:15

was a Thursday i r Brickley I came to I

00:28:18

was guess say woke up but game

00:28:19

Consciousness is is the right way of

00:28:21

saying it uh in a in a strange gray

00:28:25

hotel room in the middle of a gray hotel

00:28:28

next to a Gray Highway on a gray rainy

00:28:32

UK day I woke up didn't know where I was

00:28:36

I kind of staggered my way to the

00:28:38

bathroom kicking away discarded

00:28:41

miniature bottles of of Jack Daniels and

00:28:43

empty beer cans just kicking away the

00:28:46

Detroit us on my way to the bathroom

00:28:48

turned on that harsh bathroom light I

00:28:51

looked in the mirror and I honestly

00:28:53

thought there was a stranger in the

00:28:54

bathroom I was like who is this guy

00:28:56

looking at me and I realized it was me

00:28:59

and I saw uh I saw the the massive beer

00:29:03

belly I saw the yellow chipped nicotine

00:29:06

stained teeth the bloodshot eyes the

00:29:09

wrinkles and I just had this Epiphany I

00:29:12

was like who is this person and then all

00:29:15

of a sudden um it all came flooding to

00:29:18

me these questions around who had I

00:29:20

always wanted to be when I was a child I

00:29:22

had all these hopes all these dreams I

00:29:25

wanted to become this person and looked

00:29:28

at myself and I thought I am so far away

00:29:31

from that person and that was the moment

00:29:33

when I decided to change I always say if

00:29:35

you want something you've never had

00:29:37

before you must do the things you've

00:29:39

never done before and I wanted the

00:29:42

health the happiness the confidence the

00:29:46

self-belief the meaning in my life and I

00:29:48

thought if I want all these things I've

00:29:50

never had before then I need to do what

00:29:52

I've never done before and I was

00:29:53

thinking what's the one thing I haven't

00:29:55

done before and then a voice said to me

00:29:57

stop drinking that's why I thought right

00:30:00

that's what it has to be and I hadn't

00:30:02

mentioned even um you my dad had died 6

00:30:05

months earlier and he died very suddenly

00:30:08

and I'd watch I watched him die it was

00:30:10

one of those moments when um I was

00:30:12

obviously hung over at work I was kind

00:30:14

of doing that The Hungover office thing

00:30:16

and you you you see that work like the

00:30:19

heads the heads in the chin and you kind

00:30:21

of like try to type with one hand like

00:30:22

that just thinking 5:00 5:00 almost

00:30:25

there another another few hours and the

00:30:28

rang and and they said look your dad's

00:30:30

in hospital so I had to leave work with

00:30:32

nothing but my suit and my laptop bag

00:30:34

what what was it uh what with my Dad

00:30:37

yeah so he had some kind of uh bow

00:30:40

condition which I think he'd been

00:30:41

keeping secret from us whether it was

00:30:42

bow cancer we don't know he wasn't

00:30:44

getting any treatment so he knew he was

00:30:46

unwell so he knew he was unwell but he

00:30:48

hadn't told anyone and uh he I think he

00:30:51

had a like a serious problem with with

00:30:53

his intestines and the doctors basically

00:30:55

said look he's he's too unhealthy he was

00:30:57

a heavy Drinker heavy smoker lived a

00:31:00

very fast life on his fourth wife by the

00:31:02

time he died and um and they said look

00:31:04

he's he's too unhealthy to operate so

00:31:06

they I jumped in the car drove 300 miles

00:31:09

the doctor said well nothing we can do

00:31:11

time to time to say goodbye and um he

00:31:14

didn't know that morning that that day

00:31:16

was to be his last uh and none of us did

00:31:19

and I certainly didn't know that was

00:31:21

going to be his last day and that was

00:31:22

almost it planted the seeds for

00:31:24

everything I do now for what I call the

00:31:27

the new me

00:31:28

cuz I think he didn't know he was going

00:31:29

to die that morning there would have

00:31:31

been a moment that afternoon when the

00:31:33

doctors would have told him and he would

00:31:35

have thought oh [ __ ] and then I all I

00:31:39

still to this day wonder what regrets

00:31:41

went through his mind what were the

00:31:43

things when he that he always wants to

00:31:46

do what were the things when he was

00:31:47

saying oh I'm going to do that one day

00:31:49

but I haven't got the time I haven't got

00:31:51

the money haven't got the confidence all

00:31:53

these things and that's why it planted

00:31:55

the seeds for everything do now isn't

00:31:58

about crazy challenges isn't about

00:32:00

Extreme Adventures it's about time and

00:32:04

it's about living that life that epic

00:32:06

life where we have a life without regret

00:32:09

and then fast forwarding it back six

00:32:11

months following to me in that looking

00:32:13

in that bathroom I just thought I am

00:32:16

living this life of regret if I died now

00:32:19

and let's face I was trying my best to

00:32:21

to make that happen if I died now I

00:32:23

would regret so many things and that's

00:32:25

why I knew I had to kill that old

00:32:26

version of me and start to to rise like

00:32:30

a like Like a Phoenix from the ashtray

00:32:33

uh to become the uh the new version of

00:32:35

myself can you remember the last

00:32:37

conversation with your dad was he

00:32:38

coherent in hospital or was he uh no he

00:32:40

was unconscious in hospital so the last

00:32:42

conversation I had with him uh would

00:32:44

have been a couple of weeks earlier we

00:32:46

we had a strange relationship he um yeah

00:32:48

it wasn't the kind of like father son

00:32:51

watching the rugby at the weekend kind

00:32:52

of thing and we we'd speak we gone on

00:32:54

well but we we wouldn't see each other

00:32:56

for six months we would speak every

00:32:58

couple of months on the phone and then

00:33:00

i' I'd visit him and we' we'd get

00:33:02

through about four or five bottles of

00:33:04

wine then we'd be able to have a proper

00:33:06

conversation and then I'd see him again

00:33:07

a few months later um but I knew I I

00:33:11

knew he I knew he loved me and I knew

00:33:14

that he wanted the best for me he just

00:33:15

couldn't really show it himself um but

00:33:18

that's what I thought I truly believe

00:33:19

now I believe everything that happens in

00:33:22

our life um it's either a lesson or a

00:33:24

blessing or it's both and I truly

00:33:26

believe now that when he died I had that

00:33:30

choice I was either going to take myself

00:33:31

down a road that was going to follow him

00:33:33

very quickly or I had to to make his

00:33:36

death mean for something I had to to be

00:33:39

able to create something good out of it

00:33:41

and I thought about my own kids and I

00:33:43

thought what Dad do I want them to have

00:33:45

the dad who's the the life and soul of

00:33:47

the party who's going to be getting more

00:33:49

hung over who's going to be getting

00:33:51

heavier who's going to be just making

00:33:53

these excuses that he can't play with

00:33:54

them all these things that we know or

00:33:57

could I turn into this this kind of this

00:33:59

almost superhuman dad that my kids

00:34:01

actually thought was cool still haven't

00:34:03

achieved that I wouldn't think they they

00:34:05

cool yet the older they get the how old

00:34:07

are they by uh they are 11 and nine now

00:34:09

yeah no they're they're approaching that

00:34:11

phase where you're you're going to be

00:34:12

the the biggest sck in the play yeah

00:34:14

basically but um but I was like it's all

00:34:16

about being who who I want to be and I

00:34:19

always one of my my mantras is it is

00:34:21

never too late to become the person who

00:34:23

you were always meant to be yeah and

00:34:26

that's what I thought I was I was saying

00:34:28

after it was 35 36 part of me was

00:34:31

thinking is it too late just accept it

00:34:34

just just let yourself go every guy does

00:34:37

like guys in our 30s go into 40s like

00:34:40

it's fine like be at the weekend do the

00:34:42

job have the kids like that's the way

00:34:45

it's supposed to go that's what Society

00:34:47

wanted me to do that's what my friends

00:34:48

wanted me to do because that made them

00:34:50

feel better so to take a different path

00:34:53

was so painful and so difficult and so

00:34:56

scary but I thought I still have to give

00:34:58

it one shot just to see what I'm truly

00:35:01

capable of awesome so that was like 5

00:35:03

years ago it's been coming up five years

00:35:05

five years yeah hey just while we were

00:35:07

on you Dad fun fact about him so he he

00:35:09

worked um for or with Steve Jobs in the

00:35:12

' 80s yeah definitely so my dad was a

00:35:14

was a creative genius uh his his side of

00:35:16

the family was always slightly dodgy so

00:35:19

so his dad my uh you know my my paternal

00:35:22

grandfather my family came from Burham

00:35:24

he was in horses so he uh he sold horses

00:35:27

is to uh to a group of gentlemen who are

00:35:29

today known as the peaky blinders so

00:35:31

that's the kind of circles that that my

00:35:33

family moved in yeah my dad in the'80s

00:35:35

uh again very good with computers very

00:35:39

creative he uh he invented as he says um

00:35:43

the first ability to record sound on

00:35:45

computers so um he had this massive like

00:35:48

BBC computer on the kitchen table and he

00:35:51

would try and speak into a microphone

00:35:53

and then the computer would play play

00:35:55

the the recording back to him and that

00:35:56

was like a re moment back in the' 80s uh

00:35:59

so yeah that led him from a number of

00:36:02

connections to to go out to to the US

00:36:05

next thing I knew we were moving to

00:36:06

America because Dad was working with

00:36:07

Steve and um amazing yeah and it was

00:36:10

just like Steve and I I think I met him

00:36:12

once and um I I was eight eight years

00:36:15

old at the time so um I didn't know it

00:36:17

was like Steve as in Steve Jobs I just

00:36:20

thought oh there's a a guy called Steve

00:36:22

we Skies every day yeah exactly and uh

00:36:25

with my dad being my dad again he was

00:36:27

creative genius very kind of that way of

00:36:30

thinking terrible at business um

00:36:33

terrible at relationships so we found

00:36:36

ourselves back in the UK 18 months later

00:36:38

no money no house and obviously no jobs

00:36:41

and um I always wondered did that lay

00:36:44

the foundations for me in terms of

00:36:47

growing up you know everyone says like

00:36:49

I'm going to be a I'm going to be an

00:36:50

astronaut I'm going to be a sports star

00:36:53

I'm going to be an athlete I'm going to

00:36:54

be a massive business owner all I wanted

00:36:56

was stability M that's why I had a

00:36:59

chaotic household with my dad's drinking

00:37:01

my parents' relationships all this you

00:37:04

going backwards and forwards to America

00:37:06

uh you know one one month we'd have

00:37:08

money next month we'd have um the people

00:37:11

the debt collectors knock you on the

00:37:12

door and I'd be hiding I'd be answering

00:37:14

the door while my parents hit hi in the

00:37:16

sofa and all I wanted was stability and

00:37:19

again I so I said to myself I just want

00:37:21

a job where I get well paid where I get

00:37:24

a paycheck every month and I can just

00:37:26

live what I saw was a normal life um and

00:37:29

it's funny again going back to who we

00:37:31

are and our true nature I told myself I

00:37:33

wanted that when I had it because I

00:37:35

didn't really truly want it because that

00:37:37

wasn't truly who I was I was doing

00:37:39

everything in my power to subconsciously

00:37:42

sabotage it and destroy it yeah I've got

00:37:45

a similar Journey he similar similar

00:37:47

sort of story I know it's like the more

00:37:49

assets and things I accumulated the more

00:37:52

I realized they were the things that I

00:37:53

thought were going to make me happy and

00:37:54

they just weren't it's so funny and I uh

00:37:57

I was listening to to a recent podcast

00:37:59

they were saying that we all make the

00:38:00

mistake of we accumulate the money and

00:38:02

the things because we think that will

00:38:04

lead to the lifestyle but the real trick

00:38:07

is to live that lifestyle that we truly

00:38:09

want and then work out how to monetize

00:38:11

it or then work out how to at least uh

00:38:14

create enough money in our life to to

00:38:16

live that fulfilled life yeah um but

00:38:18

yeah I look back now I'm not going to

00:38:19

lie again there were moments there are

00:38:20

Still Moments especially when I make the

00:38:23

mistake of look your LinkedIn which is

00:38:24

the worst thing you can do I see all all

00:38:27

my kind of all my old colleagues in the

00:38:29

corporate world so and so's managing

00:38:32

director at Goldman Sachs and so and so

00:38:34

it's like partner at HSBC and all these

00:38:37

things I kind think ah do I I kind of do

00:38:41

I miss that and like they must be the

00:38:43

money and the lifestyle but then I know

00:38:45

I wouldn't really be happy and I think

00:38:47

you you must only be willing to swap

00:38:49

lives with someone if you're willing to

00:38:52

100% swap the life so just saying oh I'd

00:38:54

quite like their pay packet isn't enough

00:38:57

would you like the lifestyle the hours

00:38:59

where they're living who they're living

00:39:01

with and and that's when I kind of undo

00:39:03

a lot of my jealousy because I said I'd

00:39:05

like some of it but would I really life

00:39:07

Swap and finally it's been a journey but

00:39:10

being happy with where I am and what

00:39:12

I've got I I can't give that up for

00:39:14

anything yeah well so why uh why the

00:39:17

decision to move to New

00:39:18

Zealand uh in a way it was a long story

00:39:21

way it was a quick decision it um we've

00:39:23

always wanted a family adventure and

00:39:25

again this is is very much what I talk

00:39:27

about and what I stand for isn't all

00:39:29

about ultramarathons and crazy runs it

00:39:31

is living that life without regret and I

00:39:35

know that that you someone may want to

00:39:36

to try an adventure in a different

00:39:38

country or a new job or a new business

00:39:40

or whatever change they want to make in

00:39:41

their life and we were it was the UK it

00:39:45

was during covid without getting too

00:39:48

political there's like brexit and

00:39:50

everything else and and we again we were

00:39:52

living in Liverpool in the UK I'd had

00:39:54

the the Porsche that I'd been had so

00:39:57

attached to them being stolen and all

00:39:59

these things and all these it's funny

00:40:01

how these signs come into your life

00:40:03

saying like maybe it's time to change

00:40:05

something uh my my wife is a doctor so

00:40:09

um she she's a children's doctor I'm not

00:40:11

a medic but whatever specialism she has

00:40:14

they needed here in New Zealand and then

00:40:17

the the job offer came up for a year and

00:40:19

that means we were allowed into the

00:40:20

country during co uh we did the miq

00:40:23

thing which was two weeks in a hotel

00:40:25

with with the kids would have been a

00:40:27

couple of years younger so like nine and

00:40:29

six then oh my God but here the thing we

00:40:31

we had never been to New Zealand before

00:40:33

and uh so living in the bay plenty which

00:40:35

is is a beautiful part of New Zealand I

00:40:38

had to look it up on a map and um it's

00:40:40

crazy looking back now so the middle of

00:40:42

Co never been to New Zealand no friends

00:40:46

no contacts no network no nothing just

00:40:50

jumping on a plane we landed uh and they

00:40:53

they said you're going to a place called

00:40:54

Rotorua for your miq and I was like well

00:40:57

where is that is that North isand South

00:40:59

isand no idea and it was literally

00:41:02

taking that step into the unknown and

00:41:04

that's why I say when we you know

00:41:05

talking about stepping out of your

00:41:06

comfort zone doesn't have to mean a

00:41:09

crazy ultramarathon or a marathon or it

00:41:12

could be going to live in a different

00:41:14

country or or a different hobby or a

00:41:16

different crit or whatever it is and I

00:41:18

knew that if I stayed in my comfort zone

00:41:21

in the UK I was always going to regret

00:41:23

it and it's funny that the people that

00:41:25

we told when we said you know we're

00:41:27

going to New Zealand and they everyone

00:41:29

says oh I'd love to do that I'd love to

00:41:32

but I can't because of the job because

00:41:35

I've got the elderly parent because the

00:41:37

kids are in school there's always a

00:41:39

reason there's always a reason why we

00:41:41

can't change and I said yes there's

00:41:44

always a reason not to go but that

00:41:46

doesn't mean that we can't there's never

00:41:47

going to be a perfect time we have to

00:41:49

make it the perfect time to change and

00:41:51

that's why I strongly thought at that

00:41:53

moment I could have said okay we'll wait

00:41:56

until Co blows over wait till the kids

00:41:58

are a bit older wait till my business is

00:42:00

a bit more settle there would always be

00:42:01

a reason to stay but I thought no we

00:42:03

have to go now we have to make it happen

00:42:06

and uh and we did I haven't been back to

00:42:08

to the UK yet um I don't I never say uh

00:42:11

I never say forever but um for now yeah

00:42:14

there's nowh else I'd rather be it has

00:42:16

been difficult it has been a challenge

00:42:18

um it does feel a long way away from

00:42:20

home sometimes but the thought of of

00:42:22

staying in the life where I wasn't happy

00:42:24

I'm always wondering what if um that

00:42:28

that that feels like the biggest pain on

00:42:29

Earth to me but you you can't give New

00:42:32

Zealand um too much credit for your

00:42:33

happiness because it's um that's an

00:42:35

internal thing right so if you're

00:42:36

unhappy and you don't change the

00:42:37

fundamentals and you move to a different

00:42:39

country you're still going to be

00:42:40

miserable you you've had to do the work

00:42:43

and you got to you got to own that uh

00:42:45

yeah I I think I I do have to own it

00:42:46

really and and it's difficult especially

00:42:48

being British we kind of like self uh

00:42:50

self-deprecating and um but I someone

00:42:53

said to me once going I with a running

00:42:56

metaphor um they're like Freddy are you

00:42:58

running to something or are you running

00:43:00

from something both I Reon yeah probably

00:43:03

both and um it's it's funny it's always

00:43:06

a a paradox because because you could

00:43:07

say well if happiness is an inside job

00:43:10

then I should be able to create my own

00:43:11

happiness wherever I live as you say but

00:43:14

then also I think well if I'm in a

00:43:17

situation that's making me unhappy

00:43:19

either geographically in a relationship

00:43:21

in a job then then surely it's my

00:43:23

responsibility again to take ownership

00:43:25

and and leave that situation

00:43:27

and that's something I've always

00:43:28

wrestled with with the people of my my

00:43:31

wife said to that why can't you just be

00:43:33

happy and friends who didn't want me to

00:43:35

leave the UK why can't you be happy

00:43:38

where you are I always find that's quite

00:43:40

a get out clause we say to ourselves

00:43:41

yeah could be worse suppose I should be

00:43:44

thankful suppose I should be grateful

00:43:46

and this is where I had to give myself

00:43:48

some harsh truths and and this is where

00:43:50

many people say to us oh you're so

00:43:53

selfish you're so

00:43:54

narcissistic you oh it's all about you

00:43:57

isn't it like you know what [ __ ] yeah it

00:43:58

is about me because ultimately I know I

00:44:02

will be like my dad was and there will

00:44:04

be a day that's my last I think so many

00:44:06

people they give themselves the get out

00:44:08

clause they say oh I'd love to do that

00:44:10

but the kids oh I'd love to do that but

00:44:13

um but I'd be letting someone down again

00:44:16

so many times we we fill our days doing

00:44:20

things that we don't want to do because

00:44:21

of guilted obligation we fill our

00:44:23

calendars with other people's goals and

00:44:25

dreams and then we get regretful and

00:44:28

resentful because we haven't followed

00:44:30

our own path and that's why that's a lot

00:44:32

of reasons why I drank I know why people

00:44:35

uh may turn to to alcohol to drugs to

00:44:38

sugar to Netflix to porn to whatever

00:44:40

their Vice of choice is it is because of

00:44:42

a deep-seated unhappiness they are not

00:44:44

living the life that they want to live

00:44:47

and I think that's why for me it wasn't

00:44:49

about once I was on the path to live the

00:44:51

life I wanted then I knew if I want to

00:44:53

be on this path then I can't drink

00:44:55

anymore that makes it a lot easier than

00:44:58

saying alcohol's bad I can't drink I

00:45:00

shouldn't drink I'm a bad person I think

00:45:03

that's that's again an interesting

00:45:05

Paradox about change because everywhere

00:45:08

on social media everyone always says

00:45:11

change change we need to change our life

00:45:13

change our mindset change your habits

00:45:15

all the gurus like to talk about change

00:45:18

but I do believe that if we are going

00:45:20

through our days saying I need to change

00:45:23

I need to change we're almost implying

00:45:25

to ourselves that we're broken we're not

00:45:27

good as we are that we need to be fixed

00:45:29

imagine going through every day saying

00:45:31

I'm not good enough I need to be fixed I

00:45:33

need to be fixed so I think sometimes

00:45:35

maybe we don't need to change maybe we

00:45:37

need to actually embrace who we are in

00:45:39

the path that we're on and once we do

00:45:40

that then we can adjust the aspects of

00:45:44

our habits our mindset our knowledge to

00:45:46

to achieve what we want to achieve yeah

00:45:48

yeah I I I like um doing the best I can

00:45:51

and just trying to get a little bit

00:45:52

better each day definitely so I suppose

00:45:53

that's that's changing in a way but it's

00:45:55

just um yeah

00:45:57

being being being a bit kind to yourself

00:45:59

as well something I've struggled with

00:46:01

better yeah and I think we we all do

00:46:03

that and I the kindness is is a crazy

00:46:06

part and it sounds a bit soft and fluffy

00:46:09

self love kindness but um but I think a

00:46:12

lot of it is through acceptance and a

00:46:15

lot of what I I did in my past life is

00:46:17

because I was extremely harsh on myself

00:46:21

again I I was running from something I I

00:46:23

was even after exercise but that wasn't

00:46:25

good enough that wasn't fast enough you

00:46:27

should you should be out there you

00:46:28

should be up at 5:00 a.m. any any

00:46:31

sentence that starts with you should or

00:46:33

I should be doing this that's when I

00:46:35

know I'm not being kind to myself and I

00:46:39

always knew that when I was when I was

00:46:42

reaching for a vice and like I say

00:46:44

anything around chocolate alcohol porn

00:46:48

screens Netflix sugar anything it's

00:46:51

usually because we're either stressed

00:46:53

bored or lonely MH we would rather reach

00:46:56

for viice of choice than accepting we're

00:46:59

stressed bored or lonely and it's only

00:47:01

when we start to say well maybe it's

00:47:03

okay if I'm stressed bored or lonely if

00:47:05

I accept who I am we always think we

00:47:07

need to accumulate new things to be

00:47:11

worth more we always think I need to be

00:47:12

worth more I need to have the the

00:47:15

material things I need to have the the

00:47:17

personal bests I need to have the cars

00:47:20

the shiny objects because I am worth

00:47:22

more because of deep down I believe that

00:47:24

I am worth less I am worthless once you

00:47:27

start to fix the aspect of maybe I'm not

00:47:30

as worthless as I thought I was that's

00:47:32

when the viices go away that's when we

00:47:34

start to actually live the life we want

00:47:36

rather than chasing the things that we

00:47:38

don't really want to impress people who

00:47:40

we don't really like God I'm very guilty

00:47:42

of

00:47:43

that but it's frustrating because um I I

00:47:47

I'm well aware that happiness needs to

00:47:48

be here and now because if it's

00:47:49

something you're chasing you never going

00:47:51

to you're never going to find it um but

00:47:53

it's yeah you can see it in slogans on

00:47:55

Instagram or whatever but uh um

00:47:57

implementing it into your own life is

00:47:58

another challenge isn't it oh I know I

00:48:00

call them slogan dispensers on Instagram

00:48:03

and and you're totally right um you know

00:48:05

happiness is they call it losery

00:48:07

confidence is the same that the more you

00:48:09

chase it the uh the faster it moves away

00:48:11

from you like a catch really uh it's so

00:48:14

yeah the more you chase it the further

00:48:15

it moves away so I was chasing happiness

00:48:17

I was chasing confidence and it was

00:48:19

moving further and further away um but I

00:48:22

always slay yeah with the with the

00:48:23

slogan dispensers and this almost goes

00:48:26

back to when I to fix myself um because

00:48:28

I would read the books I'd listen to the

00:48:30

podcasts and my my company they would

00:48:33

get the the dreaded motivational

00:48:35

speakers in and I'd be there on the

00:48:36

front row with the notebook think oh

00:48:38

this this is it I was always searching

00:48:40

for that missing piece of the puzzle I

00:48:43

always thought this is the course this

00:48:45

will be the speech this will be the

00:48:46

podcast that gives me that missing piece

00:48:48

then I'm going to change my life um but

00:48:51

what I really found is that I couldn't

00:48:52

relate to these people and and that's

00:48:54

why I I go on my J to prove to people

00:48:58

what a stressed depressed unfit

00:49:00

overweight mid manager a corporate can

00:49:02

do because I'd be sitting on the front

00:49:04

row it is difficult to listen to the

00:49:08

billionaire Tony Robbins telling you not

00:49:10

to worry about money and relate to it it

00:49:13

is difficult to have uh the Navy SEAL

00:49:16

Joo or David gogins saying to me conquer

00:49:19

your mind and I was like yeah but I've

00:49:21

got the kids and the mortgage and the

00:49:23

work deadline okay Mr SAS Mr Navy seal

00:49:27

but I'm not that I'm just this

00:49:29

overweight guy who's uh who's not

00:49:30

enjoying his job right now it is

00:49:32

difficult to have some privileged

00:49:35

Adventurer telling me how climbing

00:49:37

Everest will solve all of my problems

00:49:39

but I can't climb the stairs without

00:49:40

getting out of breath so I couldn't

00:49:42

relate to any of these gurus any of

00:49:45

these slogan dispensers who were telling

00:49:47

me to change my life and and that's why

00:49:49

I thought if I'm going to do this if I'm

00:49:51

going to step into who I really am if

00:49:53

I'm going to find this life of meaning

00:49:55

then I need to totally through out the

00:49:57

rule book through out the the self-help

00:49:59

guides and and try and create my own way

00:50:01

of doing it do do you see the irony that

00:50:03

you are sort of that person now you're

00:50:06

you're you're a motivational speaker and

00:50:08

you're doing crazy [ __ ] we'll get into

00:50:09

this in a second the ice Ultra so

00:50:11

there's going to be people sitting in

00:50:12

the audience now that are like you 10

00:50:16

years ago like oh this guy it's crazy I

00:50:18

do I do see the iry definitely and what

00:50:20

I I say to myself and and what I say to

00:50:22

people and they say oh you know is this

00:50:24

okay for you you've you've run the

00:50:25

Sahara Desert I'm like yeah but I'm not

00:50:28

an athlete like I I come from this

00:50:30

background where you know I was the

00:50:32

slowest kid in my class I I was not

00:50:35

athletic I still have asthma I used to

00:50:38

go for a run with a cigarette for to

00:50:42

increase my lung capacity uh that's the

00:50:44

kind of athlete that I was um I I don't

00:50:47

have this athletic background my my

00:50:49

background as I say was a 2-hour train

00:50:51

ride to sit at a desk for 10 hours to do

00:50:55

a job I hated and then have a 2our train

00:50:58

ride home and then I would then go for a

00:51:00

drink so I had the courage to walk

00:51:02

through the front door deal with the

00:51:04

kids for an hour and then drink myself

00:51:06

to sleep on the sofa that was my

00:51:08

background not an athlete not a Navy

00:51:10

SEAL not some privileged adventurer who

00:51:13

grew up cling Mount Everest I'm an

00:51:16

everyday guy who just chose to do

00:51:17

extraordinary things and that's why I

00:51:19

believe that anyone for me it's the

00:51:21

Arctic or the or the Sahara Desert or

00:51:23

anything else but it is the same process

00:51:26

whether someone wants to go to the gym

00:51:29

for the first time run a 5K start a

00:51:32

business end a relationship move to a

00:51:35

different country start a new hobby all

00:51:37

of it involves developing the right

00:51:40

knowledge the right mindset the right

00:51:41

habits to step out of your comfort zone

00:51:44

and step into who you really are and

00:51:46

those lessons can be applied to anyone

00:51:48

yeah yeah it's about um chasing good

00:51:50

dopam man isn't it exactly and again and

00:51:52

how whatever that is that makes you

00:51:53

happy exactly and again it's about

00:51:55

embracing Who You Are so I accepted that

00:51:58

this is this is who I am the the problem

00:52:01

turns up is if you accept that you are a

00:52:03

an All or Nothing type A sociable life

00:52:06

and all the party it's when you start

00:52:09

saying that is a bad person to be I

00:52:12

can't be that person I need to be

00:52:14

someone else now it's when you start

00:52:15

saying now this is who I am maybe I'm

00:52:18

going to start loving who I am and just

00:52:20

focus my energy to more constructive

00:52:23

aspects than destructive aspects yeah

00:52:25

that's the key part

00:52:27

so we're recording this um in early

00:52:29

February 2024 um you're like a week two

00:52:32

weeks away from doing the ice Ultra

00:52:33

what's the ice what's the ice Ultra uh

00:52:35

the ice Ultra is uh it's pretty much the

00:52:37

world's toughest coldest foot race so

00:52:40

I'm flying from New Zealand 12,000 miles

00:52:43

to North Sweden traveling up into the

00:52:45

Arctic Circle and then it's a 250 to 300

00:52:50

km ultramarathon over 5 days towards the

00:52:54

North Pole uh so it's temperatures of

00:52:56

minus 50 no idea what that is in

00:52:59

Fahrenheit but very very [ __ ] cold

00:53:02

and uh carrying all my own food and

00:53:04

Survival equipment on my back running

00:53:07

the equivalent of of anywhere between 50

00:53:10

and 65 kilometers a day and uh and try

00:53:13

to survive in these conditions not just

00:53:15

survive but actually Prevail move

00:53:18

forward and uh complete this race and

00:53:21

obviously training for it here in the

00:53:22

New Zealand summer has not been ideal

00:53:24

but um but it's all about proof and as I

00:53:27

say to me what's important is proving

00:53:29

that we can do the things that we

00:53:30

thought we couldn't do and as I say

00:53:32

there's so many slogan dispensers out

00:53:34

there you we've all heard the phrases

00:53:36

step out of your comfort zone the power

00:53:38

of mindset be more confident and I

00:53:40

thought at the start of my journey why

00:53:44

not prove to people why not just

00:53:46

actually prove what we are capable of

00:53:49

achieving and that's why I'm on this

00:53:51

very very cold very frosty Mission I say

00:53:54

minus 50° running across from frozen

00:53:56

lakes over wind swep

00:53:59

mountaintops trying to avoid polar bears

00:54:01

and wolves and and just seeing what what

00:54:05

I can what this broken down ex-alcoholic

00:54:08

corporate worker can can achieve to

00:54:10

prove to people that they can achieve

00:54:12

their goals as well I've got so many

00:54:14

questions about this race so where do

00:54:16

you sleep uh so you sleep in uh in very

00:54:19

basic tents I think they're um they are

00:54:22

the traditional uh nomadic people that I

00:54:25

think were were called esos in a

00:54:27

different time whatever the addal name

00:54:29

is for them now uh they they have tents

00:54:31

made out of of like wolf skin I think so

00:54:34

they pitch a couple of those up

00:54:35

basically we are and all the competitors

00:54:37

stay in there there's about 30 people in

00:54:39

the race uh all the competitors stay in

00:54:41

them together it's a kind of thing you

00:54:43

try and light a fire we have to keep the

00:54:45

fire going all night to keep warm so it

00:54:47

isn't that race where you you run around

00:54:49

for a bit go to the hotel for a hot

00:54:51

shower and a hot chocolate and a nice

00:54:53

bed it is living surviving sleeping out

00:54:57

in the coldest place on Earth so you're

00:54:59

sleeping in the gear that you're running

00:55:01

pretty much uh yeah so I think the way

00:55:02

it's going to work is I'm going to be

00:55:04

running in gear you make a fire taking

00:55:06

the gear off to try and get it dry

00:55:08

because it's going to be soaking wet

00:55:10

with the the ice and the snow and the

00:55:11

sweat get some get some thermals on so

00:55:14

I'm going to carry one spare pair of

00:55:16

clothes like the dry kit get that on

00:55:18

sleep in that then get up the next

00:55:20

morning hopefully the running kit is dry

00:55:23

and uh then then get that on again and

00:55:26

free freeze dried meals uh y freeze

00:55:28

dried meals all the way so I know

00:55:29

there's some some great kiwi uh freeze

00:55:31

dry meal providers and R nutrition baby

00:55:35

well I hear they're the best so uh so

00:55:37

yeah to to keep me fueled on the journey

00:55:39

so yeah I'm taking a party pack of those

00:55:41

getting the hot water in there uh it's

00:55:44

crazy actually we're told we have to

00:55:45

take a minimum of 2,000 calories a day

00:55:48

which doesn't sound very much to me so

00:55:49

I'm going to be taking a lot more than

00:55:51

that we should be burning about 10,000

00:55:53

calories a day and uh I'm not good when

00:55:55

I'm hungry so I'll be taking a few extra

00:55:58

meals um and then just trying to keep

00:56:00

going but it's it's a thinking race

00:56:03

that's the uh the challenge and thinking

00:56:05

for me is not easy at the best of times

00:56:07

but in this race you think about the

00:56:09

food think about your nutrition but your

00:56:11

water freezes your gels freeze your

00:56:14

chocolate freezes everything freezes

00:56:17

within 90 seconds so I say with with

00:56:19

other races that we do you think yeah

00:56:21

I'll have a gel I'll have a a chocolate

00:56:23

bar whatever it is if you take peanut

00:56:26

butter it freezes so it's always about

00:56:28

thinking what what has the lowest

00:56:31

thoring point how do I I had some

00:56:33

interesting ideas of where I could store

00:56:35

food to uh to keep it warm uh that

00:56:37

probably isn't very hygienic to be

00:56:39

honest Christ so um so yeah it's about

00:56:43

it's about trying to again at least no

00:56:44

one will try and steal your snakes yeah

00:56:46

exactly it it might not taste very nice

00:56:48

better no one would try and St this

00:56:50

tastes like

00:56:52

ass and uh yes so saying where where

00:56:55

could it be around around that so it's

00:56:57

all about thinking about nutrition race

00:56:59

strategy all in this environment where

00:57:02

if you stop for 90 seconds you start to

00:57:05

freeze hypothermia comes in frostbite

00:57:08

comes in and and that's why I say I

00:57:10

think the biggest challenge on this race

00:57:11

physically it's going to be tough but

00:57:13

mentally to to keep going and also to

00:57:16

actually think about what I'm going to

00:57:18

have when I'm going to have it all the

00:57:19

strategy around that it's going to be a

00:57:21

Minefield and what do you wear on your

00:57:23

feet uh so it's going to be snowshoes

00:57:25

which I've been trying to get used to so

00:57:27

I've got trail running shoes three pairs

00:57:29

of socks and then the snow shoes to

00:57:31

strap on when uh when needed and again

00:57:34

trying to run in

00:57:35

snowshoes sometimes when you're running

00:57:37

across the frozen lakes it's just on Ice

00:57:39

which you hope is is quite thick there's

00:57:42

I've been I've been running on thin ice

00:57:43

for many years in my life so hopefully

00:57:45

not on this occasion now and then

00:57:48

sometime the snow could be a meter deep

00:57:50

that's when the snowshoes come out I

00:57:52

knew people that have run the race and

00:57:54

um a snowshoes broke uh the strap on the

00:57:58

Snowshoe broke they had to take their

00:58:00

gloves off try and fix it they got

00:58:02

frostbit and they're out of the race and

00:58:04

that's what I think scares me the most

00:58:06

it's that something out of our bit like

00:58:08

life something out of our control can

00:58:10

happen that can totally derail us and I

00:58:14

can talk about ownership and all these

00:58:16

things that sound very know very deep

00:58:18

thinking and Macho and all all this

00:58:20

stuff yeah take ownership and extreme

00:58:22

ownership but you always think in life

00:58:24

when something tiny happen happens

00:58:26

that's out of your control that totally

00:58:28

derails everything how do you react and

00:58:32

and that's why I it's one of my rules

00:58:34

for life around how how you react in

00:58:36

times of chaos and and that's what I'm

00:58:39

truly interested in because we could all

00:58:40

perform when times are good when when

00:58:44

life is good when the sun is shining

00:58:46

when you're going for a nice run along

00:58:48

the beach and you've you've had your

00:58:50

eight hours sleep and you've got your

00:58:52

your mindset podcast on and you're

00:58:54

nicely fueled and you've had your water

00:58:57

and everything's fun and cool I know you

00:58:59

can perform on those days but what about

00:59:02

the days when you've had no sleep

00:59:05

because you're worried about money and

00:59:06

the kids are sick and your boss has

00:59:08

shout at you you've had an argument and

00:59:11

you mental health feels like it's

00:59:13

falling apart and the strap on your shoe

00:59:15

breaks and the traffic lights are red

00:59:17

and all this [ __ ] happens in your life

00:59:19

can you still perform on those days now

00:59:23

that's what I'm interested in how can

00:59:25

you perform when it feels like

00:59:27

everything in your life is turning to

00:59:28

chaos I think that's when we can truly

00:59:31

understand who we are and we can really

00:59:34

understand what our potential is I

00:59:35

always believe that you can your

00:59:37

performance will rise to the level of

00:59:40

your problems we only Truly find out who

00:59:43

we are we only Truly find out how we are

00:59:46

capable of Performing when we overcome

00:59:48

bigger and bigger challenges and and

00:59:50

that's I may have a few of those to uh

00:59:52

to put myself through in in the future

00:59:54

so uh so it's going to be interesting to

00:59:56

see what happens yeah well it's it's

00:59:58

going to be fun it's going to be a lot

00:59:59

of fun it's you must find this as well

01:00:01

I'm I'm a little bit older than you but

01:00:03

as you get older you realize you know

01:00:04

the the days turn into weeks the weeks

01:00:06

turn into months months turn into years

01:00:07

and unless you schedule memorable things

01:00:10

like this the years just roll into one

01:00:13

don't they it's true and uh I've been

01:00:15

looking at this uh this concept have you

01:00:17

heard about the uh the misogi concept no

01:00:20

what is that uh this is so misogi is a a

01:00:23

Japanese word which means I've

01:00:24

definitely pronounced it wrong um but

01:00:26

but uh the derived from a Japanese

01:00:29

process it's called water cleansing so

01:00:31

apparently the tradition in Japan is

01:00:33

once a year they go and stand under a

01:00:35

cold waterfall and it's like this this

01:00:37

Soul cleansing so it's kind of like

01:00:39

pressing control alt delete on um on

01:00:41

your mind and uh now how it's evolved is

01:00:44

to everyone to have a a misogi which is

01:00:47

a year defining moment so it's doing

01:00:49

something that defines your year so you

01:00:52

can look back so for me like this is my

01:00:54

misogi I can look back and say 20 24 my

01:00:57

misogi was running across the Arctic

01:00:59

again for someone else maybe it's the

01:01:01

year they started a podcast maybe it's

01:01:03

the year they started a business maybe

01:01:05

it's the year they did a 10K but it's

01:01:08

thinking to yourself what is the one

01:01:10

thing that's going to Define my year and

01:01:12

it has to be something that that that

01:01:14

scares you that you're not sure that you

01:01:16

can complete because otherwise as you

01:01:18

say we kind of drift through life like

01:01:20

was someone said to me today oh you know

01:01:22

where did January go and as we get older

01:01:24

time does go quicker

01:01:26

so it is about I encourage everyone and

01:01:28

part of this is is part of my mission to

01:01:30

help people lead an epic life I say

01:01:33

unless we can take control of Our Lives

01:01:36

again our calendars get full of other

01:01:38

people's goals and dreams we we put

01:01:40

other our bosses our colleagues our kids

01:01:42

our family I'm not saying we we have to

01:01:44

be totally selfish but unless we take

01:01:46

ownership and say this is going to be

01:01:48

the year that I do X and we put it in

01:01:51

our calendar then it's not going to

01:01:54

happen so so I encourage every one and

01:01:56

my again my my coaching clients to to

01:01:58

say let's let's create that that misogi

01:02:00

for you you have your one big year

01:02:03

Challenge and there a number of micro

01:02:04

Adventures I always talk about having a

01:02:06

Micro adventure every two months which

01:02:08

may be a concert it may be a it may be a

01:02:11

weekend hike it doesn't have to be exp

01:02:13

expensive but again

01:02:17

dizinga a year if you create enough days

01:02:20

that are powerful then you have the

01:02:21

powerful weeks and you have powerful

01:02:23

months that's when you look back and say

01:02:25

holy [ __ ]

01:02:26

2024 what a year because otherwise we

01:02:29

just look back and you think

01:02:31

2022 what happened there think oh

01:02:33

something covid obviously and then and

01:02:35

then you look back 2015 what happened

01:02:37

there and unless it was a a birth a

01:02:40

marriage death or a divorce we tend to

01:02:43

not remember the years and that's why I

01:02:46

kind of get angry and I get angry

01:02:49

because I think how how dare we live

01:02:51

these lives where we perform less than

01:02:54

what we're capable of doing every every

01:02:55

one is capable of doing amazing things

01:02:57

and it doesn't have to be a physical

01:02:59

challenge again it could be the business

01:03:01

could be the book of poetry it could be

01:03:02

Pottery could be whatever but I get so

01:03:05

pissed off when people hold themselves

01:03:07

back from their potential haven't got

01:03:09

the time that's a big one haven't got

01:03:10

the confidence haven't got the money if

01:03:12

only if only well think let's let's make

01:03:14

it happen because no one deserves to

01:03:17

live that life that I lived that life of

01:03:19

Qui desperation I think everyone

01:03:21

deserves more than that yeah how's your

01:03:22

mental health now uh Prett pretty good

01:03:25

happen

01:03:26

up and down I think is the honest answer

01:03:28

I I I would I still freak out on a

01:03:31

regular basis I'd like to say I can

01:03:33

control it better um even yesterday I

01:03:37

think now now this race is coming so

01:03:38

close I kind of joke about it I like oh

01:03:41

[ __ ] I guess I got to do it you made

01:03:43

that joke when we were first and then um

01:03:46

I was like yeah but but I do have to do

01:03:48

it and this is where self-doubt for me

01:03:51

is Big impostor syndrome is really big

01:03:54

and I've um I've learned this concept

01:03:57

around uh around what we What's called

01:03:58

the partx and uh we all have this partex

01:04:01

within ourselves is basically it's Our

01:04:03

Own Worst Enemy it it's Our Own Worst

01:04:05

Enemy who is designed to to to screw up

01:04:08

our life it's Newton's third law every

01:04:12

every Force has an equal and and

01:04:15

opposing force acting upon it so however

01:04:18

much we want to push ourselves forward

01:04:21

we have an equal and opposing Force

01:04:23

within ourselves trying to pull us back

01:04:25

back and that's what I call my partex

01:04:27

that is the part of us that says you

01:04:29

can't do that you're too old you're not

01:04:32

good enough that's the part of us the

01:04:34

way you look in the mirror uh that says

01:04:36

oh getting a bit old aren't you you're

01:04:38

too old to start that business you're

01:04:39

too old to find love you're too old to

01:04:41

start the new career you're too old to

01:04:43

walk into a gym and I have that

01:04:46

massively again I say looking looking

01:04:48

around at my uh my happy friends with

01:04:50

their normal lives and the the great

01:04:52

careers I'm like oh Freddy what have you

01:04:54

done um so yeah I still struggle with my

01:04:57

mental health a lot and I always find I

01:05:00

try and find a quick win you whether

01:05:02

it's a green light whether it's your

01:05:04

toast falling butter side up whether

01:05:06

it's something you know a kind word from

01:05:08

a child whether it's great gratitude but

01:05:11

it's always thinking that there's a

01:05:12

quick win a quick win because

01:05:15

failure especially mental health

01:05:17

failures are not final unless unless

01:05:21

your failure is your last failure

01:05:24

there's not really a failure I I I

01:05:26

strongly believe that our best

01:05:27

opportunities are always ahead of us so

01:05:30

this is where I say even if I'm having a

01:05:31

bad day A bad week A bad start to the

01:05:35

year the best opportunities are always

01:05:38

ahead of me and that's what we always

01:05:39

have to remember I believe the best days

01:05:41

are always in the future I love that I

01:05:44

know I said at the um the outset that

01:05:45

we're going to do like a podcast of two

01:05:47

halves the fruity story and then some um

01:05:49

takeaways for others but I feel like

01:05:51

it's been sort of peered through the

01:05:53

whole chat it's been really inspiring

01:05:55

mate well thank you um and it's funny

01:05:57

like I never I never went out to to to

01:06:01

be an inspirational person and I went

01:06:03

out to try and create the best version

01:06:05

of myself I think so much of what we try

01:06:08

and achieve in life does come down to

01:06:10

ourselves you people in in the business

01:06:13

world for example they say why why don't

01:06:15

why don't people trust me more it's

01:06:17

because you don't trust yourself why

01:06:18

don't why doesn't my team have more

01:06:20

confidence in me it's because you do not

01:06:22

have confidence in yourself why don't

01:06:25

people listen to me it's cuz you don't

01:06:27

listen to yourself why don't people love

01:06:29

me well then that's maybe because you do

01:06:32

not love yourself and and I truly

01:06:34

believe that the the journey that we all

01:06:37

have to go on it has to start with

01:06:39

ourselves and we always say how's how's

01:06:42

2024 going to turn out I can see the

01:06:45

future I can I can perfectly predict the

01:06:47

future 2024 will be exactly the same as

01:06:51

2023 unless you're willing to change

01:06:54

something yeah and and that's what I

01:06:56

found and and again with me and I know I

01:06:58

talk about change and do we actually

01:07:00

want to change or or is that a good

01:07:01

thing or a bad thing but it's that that

01:07:04

willingness to try something new to to

01:07:07

surprise ourselves to embrace ourselves

01:07:09

rather than I say being a photocopy of a

01:07:11

photocopy of someone else if we are

01:07:14

willing to embrace who we truly want to

01:07:17

be who we truly are then um that's when

01:07:20

we start to be on our own true path and

01:07:22

that's why I say it's never too late to

01:07:23

become the person who you are always

01:07:25

meant to be are you proud of yourself

01:07:27

you love yourself

01:07:29

now I asked this question because it's I

01:07:32

think there's a lot of parallels with

01:07:33

English in New Zealand um you know sort

01:07:35

of call it stoicism call it what you

01:07:37

want but um it's a it's a it's a tricky

01:07:39

question for us to answer without

01:07:41

seeming I don't know braggy I guess I

01:07:43

know and it's that British stiff upper

01:07:45

lip um am I proud of myself I kind of

01:07:49

cringingly Say Yes um I'm I'm never

01:07:53

satisfied and there's there's the uh the

01:07:55

song from the greatest showman again

01:07:57

show my mat show that's why I'm not an

01:07:58

sas Navy SEAL guy I'm like this is me

01:08:02

and the greatest show but it's it's that

01:08:03

song of of Never Enough um that I long

01:08:06

is um I can't remember the full word

01:08:08

yeah all the stars that you steal from

01:08:09

the night sky um all the all the all the

01:08:12

gifts that move by will never be enough

01:08:14

and and for me that's the case and my no

01:08:18

one understands this not my wife not my

01:08:20

friends not my family um I said why did

01:08:23

he just Why did he just stop um

01:08:26

you've you've got the medals you've got

01:08:27

the world records you've done the races

01:08:30

the Arctic is that GL the last thing and

01:08:32

then are you going to stop and I kind of

01:08:34

think I'm not [ __ ] no absolutely not and

01:08:36

I'm like and and and it's weird I don't

01:08:38

say this in this kind like Alpha no

01:08:41

don't quit way um I almost say it with a

01:08:43

tinge of sadness because I would part of

01:08:46

me would love to stop I would love if

01:08:48

I'm totally honest you get the you get

01:08:50

the real truth out of me on this podcast

01:08:52

I never usually say this it's like a

01:08:53

therapy session I think if I'm truly

01:08:56

honest I I would love to be that person

01:08:59

who who could just be happy who could

01:09:02

and that's why maybe I missed the old me

01:09:04

the old me who could just be happy just

01:09:07

watching the sport on the couch with a

01:09:09

few beers just getting quietly slushed

01:09:11

on a Sunday night I kind of missed that

01:09:14

guy sometimes but I know again in my

01:09:16

true nature there always has to be

01:09:18

something more maybe and I if I say

01:09:20

maybe but I know I think if I stopped

01:09:23

then that dark shadow of depression

01:09:26

would come back in then the alcohol be

01:09:28

more appealing and that's why I know for

01:09:31

me I can't stop um but say for someone

01:09:33

else whether what whether their thing is

01:09:37

writing poetry or baking or being a

01:09:39

great parent or knitting or jogging

01:09:42

whatever it is I think if you find

01:09:44

something that lights up your soul that

01:09:47

doesn't hurt anyone else that makes you

01:09:50

think this is what I love to do this is

01:09:52

who I am then why should you ever stop

01:09:54

why should you ever quit surely you

01:09:56

shouldn't want to quit who you truly

01:09:58

are I love that you mentioned a world

01:10:01

record before what's the world record so

01:10:03

yeah the world record was was a funny

01:10:04

one I'd like to just sprinkle that in

01:10:07

there um the world record came about

01:10:09

after um after I ran across the Sahara

01:10:11

Desert I did the the marathon disable

01:10:13

the the world's toughest foot race and

01:10:15

yeah in the Sahara it's incredible run

01:10:16

yeah that was a it was a crazy run and

01:10:18

um again when I signed up for that that

01:10:20

was the start of the journey so I

01:10:21

couldn't run a kilometer what I signed

01:10:23

up for that race did that did the crazy

01:10:25

run came back and this is a funny tieing

01:10:29

because I thought that was going to be

01:10:30

it for me I I'd done the race I it was a

01:10:33

journey as they say I'd had the

01:10:35

transformation it was kind of like the

01:10:37

the hero's journey had come to an end

01:10:39

I'd done the media I'd written the book

01:10:42

uh I'd grown the social media account

01:10:44

and I kind of thought oh hang on I've

01:10:46

got a story now that I could dine out on

01:10:48

for the rest of my life and I could tell

01:10:50

the tales from the Sahara Desert and

01:10:53

then the Depression started to creep

01:10:54

back in the the pizza menu looked more

01:10:57

appealing the beer looked more appealing

01:10:59

and I could feel the old me coming back

01:11:01

in again that dark shadow of depression

01:11:04

and then one day I was talking to my

01:11:05

kids and I was doing the whole like kind

01:11:07

of son you proud of me are you proud of

01:11:09

your dad run across the Sahara Desert

01:11:12

don't you know yeah and they were like

01:11:14

oh god dad I'm so bored of that I'm so

01:11:17

bored of you talking about the desert I

01:11:18

was like what what don't you think I'm a

01:11:21

great and they were like no Dad I'm so

01:11:22

bored and then they got the the Guinness

01:11:24

book of record for Christmas and they

01:11:26

said Daddy we want you to break a world

01:11:29

record I was okay and I thought well i'

01:11:32

obviously done a bit of running by that

01:11:34

stage I thought let's look at the

01:11:35

running world records and they're all

01:11:37

really bloody fast like world's fastest

01:11:39

Postman world's fastest cheerleader

01:11:42

world's fastest post box like they're

01:11:44

all like sub three hour marathons

01:11:46

running marathons dressed at these crazy

01:11:48

characters it's it's crazy even the

01:11:50

world's fastest marathon with a like a

01:11:51

stroller with a baby it's like a sub

01:11:53

threeyear old Marathon crazy and I I I

01:11:55

was good at running but I wasn't that

01:11:57

good at running and then so I thought

01:11:59

well yeah can't can't do that can't do

01:12:01

that and then there was this thing

01:12:02

around the world's fastest fisherman and

01:12:06

then at this stage what does that even

01:12:07

mean it means the fastest marathon

01:12:10

dressed as a fisherman and at the time

01:12:12

we uh we lived in Liverpool which is by

01:12:14

it's a big Maritime City it's by the

01:12:16

docks you know by the ocean my kids were

01:12:19

at that age where they loved fishing and

01:12:20

they Lov sharks they loveed the sea and

01:12:23

they were like and we saw this 4 hours

01:12:26

45 minutes was the record and I was I

01:12:30

could do that I could you know by then

01:12:32

my marathon time was about I think 4

01:12:34

hours 15 was my PB so I was like I could

01:12:38

do this yeah 4:45 4 yeah I could make so

01:12:42

I wrote off uh know you have to write

01:12:44

off you have to to apply break work yeah

01:12:47

and then I kind of forgot about it and

01:12:49

you the kids were like Daddy break a

01:12:51

world record daddy break a world record

01:12:52

I was like shut up okay just to keep you

01:12:54

quiet I'll do the world record and then

01:12:56

I wrote off forgot about it and then a

01:12:59

few weeks later the email came back and

01:13:01

they were like challenge accepted you

01:13:04

you know your your world record attempt

01:13:06

is on I like what was this again and I

01:13:09

always thought that it was you know fly

01:13:11

fishing like you know carry a fishing

01:13:13

rod have the waste coat and the Hat with

01:13:15

the feathers in and I was like this this

01:13:17

is quite Pleasant and then they send you

01:13:19

the three pages of rules that you have

01:13:21

to follow and they meant like Deadliest

01:13:24

Catch fisherman so heavy waterproof

01:13:27

jacket heavy s Wester hat heavy

01:13:30

waterproof trousers carrying a 3 kilo

01:13:33

fishing box that had to weigh 3

01:13:36

kilos and wearing gum boots wearing we

01:13:41

call them Welly boots in the UK the the

01:13:43

rubber gum boot Wellington Boots having

01:13:46

to run a marathon in those that's what I

01:13:50

thought [ __ ] this is this is actually

01:13:52

going to be tough and there's um good

01:13:55

metaphor for life here cuz I then fast

01:13:57

forward I was standing at the start line

01:13:59

of the Liverpool Marathon 20,000 lra

01:14:03

clad Runners there then there was me

01:14:06

standing there looking like a cross

01:14:08

between a serial killer and the world's

01:14:11

shittest male stripper there in this big

01:14:14

yellow waterproof outfit with my

01:14:16

waterproof B with my fishing uh fishing

01:14:19

box and my gun boots about to run this

01:14:22

marathon it's a funny thing having

01:14:23

20,000 people pointing at you laughing

01:14:27

at you shouting at you that you're going

01:14:29

to fail and I still had to take that

01:14:31

first step and then another step and

01:14:34

then another step I think it's a

01:14:35

metaphor for life that sometimes we have

01:14:38

to be prepared to look stupid to go

01:14:40

after what we want and we have to be

01:14:42

prepared to have people laugh at us

01:14:44

laugh at our goals shout at us tell us

01:14:47

we're going to fail and yet we have to

01:14:49

move forward anyway and I took a step

01:14:52

and another step and it was horrific my

01:14:54

um yeah my my toenails fell off about

01:14:56

halfway around I was like what's this

01:14:57

rattling in my boot I was like okay and

01:15:00

then like the sweat was all ping and

01:15:03

there's nowhere for the the sweat to

01:15:04

evaporate it was all pulling so then if

01:15:06

you ever walked in like those Welly

01:15:08

boots those gum boots that are full of

01:15:10

water it's like squish squish squish

01:15:11

squish trying to run and the Clock Was

01:15:14

ticking and I came around the corner the

01:15:16

final straight and I thought this is

01:15:17

going to be close and um and I thought

01:15:20

oh no that I went into that tunnel

01:15:22

vision and you get the Roaring in your

01:15:24

ears and the vision goes to black and

01:15:26

white I thought oh [ __ ] I'm going to

01:15:28

pass out here I'm going to pass out

01:15:31

spectacularly inside of the Finish Line

01:15:34

I thought I'm going to miss the world

01:15:35

record by a couple of minutes and um and

01:15:38

that's why I thought this is this I'd

01:15:39

rather spectacularly fail than then just

01:15:42

miss it by a couple of minutes I thought

01:15:43

that's what's going to happen but again

01:15:45

I'm going to have to carry on anyway

01:15:47

even though I think I'm going to fail

01:15:49

and then just as I was about to pass out

01:15:51

I kind of stopped and I halted and I

01:15:54

felt this little thing in my hand I

01:15:56

looked out and it was my son's hand in

01:15:58

mine and he jumped over the barrier and

01:16:00

he' grabbed onto my hand and he said

01:16:02

Daddy come on you can't stop now and

01:16:05

then my other son jumped over and they

01:16:06

dragged me over the Finish Line pretty

01:16:08

much and so the pictures in the paper

01:16:11

you all see like me kind of about to

01:16:13

pass out and my son's running ahead of

01:16:15

me and um and just crossed the finish

01:16:18

line and collapsed and and yeah broke

01:16:20

the record it was 4:37 I got it in so um

01:16:23

so broke it by a few minutes but

01:16:25

it was crazy yes so I can now say I am

01:16:27

and I've kept that record now for about

01:16:29

four years so eight billion people on

01:16:31

the planet I am the world's fastest

01:16:33

fisherman and um and I'm still I still

01:16:35

Carri the scars on my heels from it it

01:16:37

totally took the backs off my heels uh

01:16:40

it was a horrible ending kind of there

01:16:43

was there was like a family having a

01:16:44

nice British picnic at the Finish Line

01:16:46

bit like here in ockland you had the

01:16:47

Finish Line at the park family having a

01:16:49

nice picnic and I kind of collapsed next

01:16:52

to them lying on my back feet in the air

01:16:54

my kids are trying to pull the Welly

01:16:56

boot off me trying to pull the gum boot

01:16:58

off me and they're like heave heave and

01:17:00

they're like it's not coming Daddy it's

01:17:01

not moving and I yell heave and they

01:17:04

pull it and this gum boot flies away and

01:17:07

then this mixture of Blood Sweat skin

01:17:11

toenail just goes flies into his

01:17:14

family's picnic and um and yeah and I

01:17:17

was like but I'm a world record hold

01:17:19

they weren't impressed yeah we uh we we

01:17:20

kind of ruined their day but um that's

01:17:23

what happened but um but yeah it's it is

01:17:26

about crazy challenges and and I and I

01:17:28

laugh about it and and it's a bit of fun

01:17:30

I love to go into schools talk about how

01:17:32

the um how the kid who was the slowest

01:17:34

kid in this class became the world's

01:17:36

fastest fisherman but I truly believe

01:17:38

that we have to be prepared to get

01:17:40

laughed at people people say my goals

01:17:42

are crazy I would say someone else's

01:17:44

goals are crazy who cares as long as it

01:17:46

matters to you as long as it lights up

01:17:49

your soul as long as you don't get to

01:17:51

that day that my dad got to where you

01:17:53

look back and think about a life regret

01:17:55

and that's what I car care about who

01:17:57

cares if they laugh it's Elon Musk that

01:17:59

says first they laugh but then they

01:18:02

applaud and and that is that life of

01:18:05

saying be prepared to look stupid be

01:18:07

prepared to to be laughed at but nothing

01:18:09

is worse than living a life of regret

01:18:11

people laughing at us a short term but

01:18:13

that success that achievement those

01:18:15

stories live with us forever yeah that's

01:18:18

cool what a y I um I agree with that so

01:18:20

much I I had this crippling fear of

01:18:22

failure I think for for maybe the first

01:18:24

40 years of my life now I'm really

01:18:26

leaning into it because it's like yeah

01:18:28

what's the worst that's going to happen

01:18:29

someone's going to laugh at you yeah

01:18:30

well they're a [ __ ] idiot exactly

01:18:33

yeah someone whose opinion doesn't

01:18:35

really even matter to you why would you

01:18:37

why would you take that on board or stop

01:18:39

it from living your best life it's crazy

01:18:41

I see this so much and I still suffer

01:18:43

from it a little bit like um you know

01:18:45

with with some of the Social Media stuff

01:18:47

that I do in the back of my head I still

01:18:49

think my my old boss there in the UK

01:18:51

will be there saying oh what what's

01:18:52

what's Freddy up to you know when you

01:18:54

going to grow up and get a proper job

01:18:56

and these sorts of things um I I think

01:18:59

it's such a crime that we don't do what

01:19:00

we want to do we don't live the life we

01:19:02

want to live especially on social media

01:19:05

so many people are scared to step out of

01:19:07

that shadow they've created for

01:19:09

themselves because they fear judgment

01:19:11

they fear people laughing at us and I

01:19:13

think well let them laugh and I I kind

01:19:16

of believe I don't think this is 100%

01:19:18

true but the phrase goes that anyone who

01:19:21

is doing better than you anyone who is

01:19:23

higher up the ladder of su success than

01:19:25

you will never laugh at you people that

01:19:27

are below you that will laugh at you and

01:19:30

I I do know some people who kind of yeah

01:19:32

like to belittle others but I think they

01:19:34

the opinions of other people do not

01:19:36

matter at the end of the day uh it is

01:19:39

our life that matters I did an exercise

01:19:42

a few years ago called an introduction

01:19:44

from God and that probably mean with

01:19:47

with a small G so we don't open that

01:19:49

religious kind of worms but call it

01:19:51

writing eulogy if you prefer how would

01:19:53

you like people to talk about you how

01:19:55

would you like to be introduced through

01:19:57

the Gates of Heaven and that's when I

01:19:59

started to think I actually wrote it out

01:20:01

you know write out your own eulogy it's

01:20:03

a really powerful exercise and then

01:20:06

technically every decision that you make

01:20:08

after that you should be saying is this

01:20:10

decision moving me closer to that life

01:20:13

that I want to live to that person who I

01:20:15

want to be or is it moving me further

01:20:17

away I am I try and take a hell yes or

01:20:20

hell no approach to life and that that

01:20:22

saying is if I have a decision to make

01:20:26

if I'm not saying hell yes to this then

01:20:28

it has to be a no and that is such an

01:20:31

easy thing to say and such a hard thing

01:20:33

to do if I'm not saying hell yes to this

01:20:36

decision then I'm saying no because we

01:20:38

all say oh I don't really want to do it

01:20:40

but I said I promised I wouldn't but I'd

01:20:42

be letting someone else down but people

01:20:44

would laugh at me but people might not

01:20:46

like me anymore so I'm going to have to

01:20:48

go and do it anyway but you've only got

01:20:50

so many days you've only got so many

01:20:53

decisions to make in your life so why

01:20:54

not start making them for you rather

01:20:56

than for someone else yeah time is such

01:20:58

a precious resource isn't it so infinite

01:21:01

definely is um is are you familiar with

01:21:03

the phrase to Poppy syndrome is that a

01:21:04

big thing in there I am it's it's not a

01:21:06

thing it's a thing but it's not a phrase

01:21:08

in the UK but I've heard it a lot being

01:21:10

here definitely that's a massive thing

01:21:12

it's like what you were talking about

01:21:13

before you said anyone that's doing

01:21:15

better than you or is more successful

01:21:16

than you is never going to laugh at you

01:21:18

or mock you it's always it's a tall

01:21:19

poppy thing um in the states I think

01:21:21

they call it like crabs in a bucket as

01:21:22

well it's like a crab tries to climb out

01:21:24

of the bucket and the other the other

01:21:26

the other crabs will try and drag him

01:21:28

back down again definitely um but it's

01:21:29

dumb and you can't you can't let it hold

01:21:31

you back from living your life no I I

01:21:33

totally agree and I think if I'm totally

01:21:35

honest with myself did I start to use

01:21:37

tooy syndrome as an excuse because I I

01:21:40

again maybe I talk about the victim and

01:21:42

the owner mindset like we said at the

01:21:44

start I believe that it isn't like a

01:21:47

binary thing where you say I used to be

01:21:49

a victim and now I'm an owner we can

01:21:52

approach any day from a stance of a

01:21:55

victim or an owner I could be a victim

01:21:57

this morning when I'm blaming the

01:21:58

traffic and say oh the traffic means I'm

01:22:01

late really if I'm an owner I said no I

01:22:03

should have actually left home half an

01:22:04

hour earlier and I wouldn't have this

01:22:06

problem it's not a traffic's fault it's

01:22:07

my fault but when when we look at things

01:22:11

uh Through The Eyes of a victim I could

01:22:13

blame tall poppy syndrome I could blame

01:22:15

my old colleagues I could blame my

01:22:17

family members who say people in our

01:22:20

family aren't aren't athletic people in

01:22:23

our family aren't good marriages people

01:22:25

in our family aren't good at business I

01:22:27

can make all those uh all those

01:22:30

accusations of blame or I could actually

01:22:32

take ownership and say yes you know what

01:22:34

[ __ ] yeah I am a tall Poppy and I'm

01:22:36

going to own this and if other people

01:22:38

want to hold me down then they can do

01:22:40

that we uh I was listening to to the

01:22:42

concept of ego it's a Ryan holiday ego

01:22:45

is the enemy but is it really I think

01:22:48

our ego is actually designed to keep us

01:22:50

safe our ego is designed to push us and

01:22:52

yes as a as a Brit living in New Zealand

01:22:55

with like that tall poppy double whammy

01:22:58

that's an incredibly difficult thing to

01:23:00

say but I believe that when we are at

01:23:01

our lowest moments when the

01:23:04

relationship's ended when we've been

01:23:05

fired from the job when we've failed in

01:23:08

the race when the business has gone

01:23:09

under I think we actually need an ego

01:23:13

because it is our ego that has to get us

01:23:15

out of bed the next day and say no

01:23:18

you're going to pick yourself up and

01:23:19

you're going to try again you're going

01:23:21

to go again failure is not fatal failure

01:23:23

does not have to final it is just

01:23:26

another step on the journey but to

01:23:28

embrace that step to dust ourselves off

01:23:30

to go again that's when we have to deep

01:23:33

uh dig deep into our ego and say you

01:23:35

know what I am going to be a tool puppy

01:23:37

I am going to own this live kicked my

01:23:39

ass yesterday but I can win today and we

01:23:43

say unless our failure is our final

01:23:45

failure then it's never truly a failure

01:23:47

yeah yeah there's um there's a a saying

01:23:49

that's um popular in New Zealand

01:23:51

especially at um schools um we kids get

01:23:55

called try

01:23:56

hards so no one wants to ever like try

01:23:59

too hard because you don't want to stand

01:24:00

out and I look back now from the

01:24:02

perspective of a 51y old man it's the

01:24:04

most ludicrous and insane thing ever I

01:24:07

know and it's is crazy I thinking back

01:24:09

to to my school and um it's funny I I

01:24:12

live my life in re my my rebellious

01:24:14

phase was an adult I was a very well

01:24:16

behaved teenager again my life was such

01:24:18

chaos at home um I saw sanctuary in

01:24:22

school and um I I didn't have a proof

01:24:24

from my parents so I tried to get

01:24:26

approval from my teachers so um I we had

01:24:29

these like these like what they call

01:24:30

Merit marks at my school so you get 50

01:24:32

Merit marks in a year and you get a

01:24:34

certificate and I was like I need this I

01:24:36

need this yeah this this achievement to

01:24:39

to maybe feel something inside myself so

01:24:41

I could feel like I'm worth something

01:24:43

and I would volunteer to pick up litter

01:24:46

uh to pick up rubbish and lunch time in

01:24:49

my school that's why I didn't have a

01:24:50

girlfriend till I was 19 cuz I the other

01:24:52

kids were playing sport I was just like

01:24:54

chubby kid going around picky up litter

01:24:56

so I could get this Merit Mark and uh

01:24:59

when when all the cool kids like the

01:25:01

tough bullying kids came up to me as

01:25:02

kids tend to do they were like oh you

01:25:04

try hard what are you trying to do and

01:25:07

I'd be like oh yeah you know I I got put

01:25:10

into detention for fighting so teachers

01:25:12

yeah they're making me do this but

01:25:14

really I was trying to be like a good

01:25:15

boy I was like if I pick up enough it's

01:25:17

a metaphor for life if I pick up enough

01:25:19

[ __ ] then maybe someone will love me um

01:25:22

but yeah there is that that try hard

01:25:23

thing I didn't want to be seen as as

01:25:25

trying hard um it's difficult isn't it

01:25:28

you think when I believe when we truly

01:25:30

steep into who we are things should be

01:25:32

difficult but also when you're in your

01:25:33

Zone when you're in your flow I don't

01:25:36

believe that we should be feeling like

01:25:38

we should be trying hard it should be

01:25:39

feeling like it's natural because that's

01:25:41

what we're that's what we are doing what

01:25:43

we were born to do yeah I like that hey

01:25:46

um there's been so many takeaways um I'm

01:25:48

inspired I'm sure a lot of other people

01:25:50

are as well best of luck with the um the

01:25:52

ice Ultra thank you um and or what's

01:25:54

your Instagram handle there gonna be

01:25:56

updates on your there'll be in updates

01:25:58

on Instagram it's the Freddy Bennett

01:26:00

that's where you can find me it's a

01:26:02

Instagram Facebook uh the website is

01:26:04

Freddy M Bennett but generally yeah you

01:26:07

can find me wherever just search for the

01:26:09

Freddy Bennett and uh I always say it

01:26:11

isn't me doing this race we're all doing

01:26:14

this race I'm just the guy doing the

01:26:15

cold bit that involves the running but

01:26:18

anyone who's on a mission anyone who has

01:26:20

a dream anyone who wants to step into

01:26:22

that person who they know they can be

01:26:25

we're all doing this together and I do

01:26:26

this as I say to prove to anyone that

01:26:30

they can create the life they want to

01:26:32

create with the right habits the right

01:26:33

mindset the right knowledge anyone can

01:26:35

live that life that they know they

01:26:37

deserve awesome Freddy benett thanks for

01:26:39

coming on the podcast thank you thanks

01:26:40

for having

01:26:42

[Music]

01:26:53

me oh

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