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[Music]
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Freddy Bennett welcome to my podcast
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thank you pleasure to be here I am very
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excited about this one yeah mate I'm I'm
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so pleased that you made the time to
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come here today um I I was thinking
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about how we structure this and I think
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it might be like a podcast of two halves
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so first half we'll get to know a bit
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about you fry Bennett and your backstory
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and your story and then um second half
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um just some maybe like sort of tips
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traps tips tracks pointers hacks that
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anyone can use for mindset and
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resilience and yeah the good stuff like
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that all the good stuff no worries yeah
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because you according to your website
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you help people get unstuck unfucked and
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Unleashed yeah which I love and um and
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and you've done the hard work and you've
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found the stuff out the hard way so um
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just a quick introduction Who is Freddy
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Bennett so Freddy Bennett is a guy to
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quite the opposite of my website used to
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be stuck [ __ ] Unleashed is it I would
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talk about the the the new me and the
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old me and and the old me lived a very
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different life uh you probably guess by
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now I'm from the UK original Al moved
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out here to New Zealand 3 years ago and
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um the old me had a very different life
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I was working in the corporate world in
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London uh at the age of 35 I was uh I
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was a director at a at a big Finance
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firm I had all the things I was supposed
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to have I had the the Rolex on the wrist
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the Porsche on the driveway I had the
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granite in the kitchen I had the ski
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holidays the young family but on the
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inside life was falling apart I was
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stressed I wasn't sleeping I was
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massively unfit I was overweight heavy
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drinking every night all the other uh
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paraphernalia that we say that goes with
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that that heavy drinking lifesty the
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coke yeah basically yeah what a WR a
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passage in the UK isn't it yeah it is
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you can't like put on your corn flakes
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so much in the UK and I was I was very
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much living this lifestyle um partly
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through my own design partly because I
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wasn't very happy with my life I wasn't
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really happy with who I was and now I
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look back I know I was trying to destroy
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that version of me but but that was me
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and that was my life and and that's why
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I felt stuck I felt stuck because I
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thought this is what I'm supposed to be
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doing this is as good as it gets as as
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someone living in the UK probably as uh
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as a man as well thinking look I was I
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was fitter when I was younger but now
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now I'm a grownup I've got to do the job
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thing and do the work thing and the beer
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belly and the poor sleeping and I was
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just living this life of quiet
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desperation and it was only when I
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thought what could I really be capable
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of achieving what what do I actually
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want to create with my life that I
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embarked on this journey as such but as
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I say five years ago I wasn't the person
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you sees that of that old version of me
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that um that was living this life that
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he didn't really want to live what are
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your weigh now cuz you're in good shape
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and what did you what did you weigh when
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you at your um your Peak weight well
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that's very C to say so I was I'm a bit
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heavier than I should be now so I'm
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about 79 kilos now at my Peak I was I
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was about 95 right so it different from
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what I've um from what I've read about
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you and the research I've done
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um would you say you were an alcoholic I
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or just a dude with a drinking
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problem gray area it's a funny one I've
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asked myself this question so many I
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definitely had a drink problem without a
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doubt I think that's why so many what
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they call Middle Lane drinkers middle
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class drinkers however you want to label
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yourself I would tell myself a look you
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know I don't have to drink a bottle of
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vka to go to work every morning even
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though I did sometimes have a drink
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before I went to work every morning I I
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told myself you I've got a job I've got
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a family I'm not waky up on a park bench
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I'm just a guy who who likes that All or
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Nothing lifestyle that's what we all say
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I'm all or nothing I don't have an off
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switch I'm the life and soul of the
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party G no break yeah exactly but the
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warning signs were there you know I
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would I would be more and more late for
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work I'd be getting into more trouble at
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work then you think well there was that
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time when I got chased out of a country
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uh because I was blind drunk in the
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Middle East where alcohol was illegal
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there was a time I got thrown off a
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plane there was the time when uh when I
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was in New York City and I had drug
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dealers holding a gun to my head and one
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of them actually pulled the trigger and
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and there was these these moments when
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you kind of you wake up and I think
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maybe we've all had these moments maybe
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not to such an extreme level you wake up
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and you think right I'm going to change
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enough is enough this is it going to
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change and then I would say to myself
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okay I'm this is it new me it's all
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going to change right after the next
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project right after the next birthday
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right after the next Christmas after the
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next pay rise after the next child there
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would always be something that would
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cause me to to to kick my my hopes and
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dreams down the road and and kick the
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real me in the guts so was I an
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alcoholic probably uh does I have a
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drink problem definitely um but it's
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funny I was very much one of life's
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victims and I always say maybe we'll
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come on to this I believe our lives are
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a story and you can be you can be the
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hero in your story or the villain in
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your story but both the hero and the
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villain start out as the victim and that
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was me I was a victim so I was saying
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it's my boss's fault it's my client's
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fault it's the economy's fault it's my
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wife's fault it's my kids's fault it's
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the traffic's fault it's definitely not
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me definitely not the drinking I was
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willing to point the finger everywhere
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but at myself it was only when I started
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to to literally look in the mirror and
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say this is not the way life's supposed
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to go this is not who I'm supposed to be
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that I actually started to make some
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changes yeah I love that there's um
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there's a book I've been reading over
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summer um written by some X Navy Seals
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called Extreme ownership and it's
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basically yeah yeah yeah yeah and it's
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basically all all about that it's just
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um yeah extreme ownership it's just
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owning absolutely [ __ ] everything
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owning all your [ __ ] um and uh I think a
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lot of people um kind of get a get a
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kick out of being a victim in a way um
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you know there's there's a lot on having
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a victim mentality cuz you get people
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saying oh poor you and and that can be
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an adrenaline rush for people but it's
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not going to get you very far in life is
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it I know I I used to love being let's I
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loved being a victim being a victim is
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great fun because you get to complain
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and let's face it complaining you got a
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choice do I complain about my problems
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well that's fun do I fix my problems or
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that that means doing things like going
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running that means having to have honest
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conversations that means having a harsh
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look in the mirror that doesn't sound
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very fun complaining is a lot more fun I
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always used to say uh every problem that
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you've had for longer than a few months
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is because you have become attached to
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that problem it's because you have
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decided to keep that problem so if
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you've got a money problem it's because
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really you decided to keep that problem
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got a fitness problem it's because you
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decided to keep that problem problem
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relationship problem client problem with
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a family member any problem that we have
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for longer than a few months is because
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we decided to keep that problem and for
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me that was a truth that I did not want
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to face up to I didn't want to accept
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that really I was the root cause of my
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problems as you said I loved being a
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victim uh victims we always say as well
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that um we believe that we're special
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and that we're unique so we say I've
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tried everything I've tried every diet
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I'm just you know being overweight runs
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in my family it's my metabolism my
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metabolism I've got a sweet tooth sweet
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dudes uh we always say I've tried I've
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tried uh I've tried every gym I've tried
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every exercise routine I've tried every
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way to quit drinking I've tried
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everything but I'm special really we we
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believe that we're different but we're
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not what there's what is the truth is
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that nothing changes until we decide to
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change it has to start with ourselves
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yeah hey hey you you brought it up
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before so I want to um pick away at this
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for a little bit the New York incident
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yes what the [ __ ] yeah that was a scary
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one I was I was in New York
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uh it was it was a stago bachelor party
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so um not not exactly like a like a
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wholesome Spar Retreat that's for sure
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so so you're trying to get some coke uh
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yeah basically and you you didn't you
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didn't know any dealers so you just went
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in in a street or something so this was
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the way it it went down so it's a very
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great summary of of of my lifestyle time
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I was in the UK we went to New York for
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a weekend for it was like a imagine Like
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a lowbudget Wolf of Wall Street that was
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kind like the lifestyle that I lived
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thinking that we were these high rollers
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but with a with a champagne roller with
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a with a beer budget and uh we were it
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was the last day of of the bachel party
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so I'd been partying for three days
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straight um I was all over the place we
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were been we've been in a nightclub tour
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3:00 in the morning um we were I kind of
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forgot where I was I thought I was in I
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was in England where all the drug
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dealers are friendly in England and it's
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like hello sir would you like some drugs
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oh thank you very much that would be
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lovely what do you have um forgetting I
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was in New York City where you have a a
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different standard of drug dealer as
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such so we were walking down the street
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and um yeah I think I haven't thought
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about this incident for a long time but
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um you know some guys come up ganed any
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drugs I was like well yes I would
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actually thankly enough at 3 in the
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morning uh this guy whose eyes were as
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wide as sources so yes I would and um
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long story short um I think during
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during the uh the the the procurement
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process should we say I kind have
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probably had a bit of a dose of reality
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that I need to be on a plane home in 5
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hours time maybe maybe this isn't the
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best idea so I started to kind of back
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out of the transaction uh I had a I had
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a friend there as well what was it was
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it like um like an an an instinct thing
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that just something right with people it
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was weird like it was almost This Moment
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of clarity where I was like this this
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isn't going to go very well uh may I
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think it's probably a Moment of clarity
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as in maybe You' been parting too hard
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for the weekend and it's time to
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literally and metaphorically go home I
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think there was there were starting two
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moments of clarity into my life thinking
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I mean let's say I wasn't a 22y old I
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was 35 I had the family waiting for me
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at home um yeah I wasn't some some
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college kid I had responsibilities grown
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as me yeah and as it all things in life
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what what goes up does come down I was
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probably on a on a very massive Comedown
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so I was like you know what thanks but
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no thanks I'm going to go on my way uh
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that the said drug dealer he kind of
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said well no basically and then to cut a
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long story short I I I thought that I
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was in the UK kind of having a bit of
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banter a bit of backwards and forwards
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kind of like just taking the piss
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basically uh and then when the guy
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punched me in the face it became very
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serious and I used to have this this you
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very big blingy uh Rolex at the time and
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he was like they tried to grab the the
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watch off my wrist and I was like no no
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don't don't take my watch it's my
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identity my identity that's who on the
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Rolex I'm the Rolex wearing Guy this is
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me and uh and then so he he hit me again
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and uh and then they they marched me to
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an ATM to a cash point and then he said
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um you're going to take out all your
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money right now and if you try and run
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we're going to [ __ ] kill you and I
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was like right this is serious and then
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um so I kind of I tried again talk my
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way out of it not the best idea I
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probably wasn't at my my most coherent
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at that stage and then that's when the
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gun came out and they they they pushed
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me against the wall against the ATM
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forced me down onto my knees shoved the
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gun I felt the barrel pressing into my
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temple and then they uh and then they
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pulled the trigger and it was that kind
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of thing where I didn't realize it had
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happened until it happened I don't know
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if if there was a bullet in the gun I
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don't know if it jammed I don't know
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what happened all I know is I heard the
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click and then you kind of I was in this
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weird kind of fight Orly Instinct and it
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wasn't until afterward I thought [ __ ]
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they've just pulled a trigger on the gun
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and um and then here's the part that
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that's half half funny and half stupid
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so they pick me up again and then they
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said right your money's coming out now
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and uh I got the card out put it to the
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machine and then in the the the bravest
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and the most stupid thing I've done in
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my life I actually did the whole what's
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that over there and they looked and I
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ran and you talk about a running podcast
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I have never run so fast after them
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saying if you run we will kill you I ran
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and um my hotel was only probably a
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couple of blocks away I have never I ran
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across roads I didn't even look for
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traffic I just sprinted I literally ran
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running for your life for my life yeah
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and I um I threw myself through the
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through the hotel doors and I remember
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there there's no uh there's no alpha
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male here there's no machismo I ran
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through the hotel door going like help
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me help me help me ah they're trying to
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get me and then they um and then they
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called the police the that the NYPD
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turned up and again when you've been
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partying all sorts of ways for three
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days having a conversation with two
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police officers uh wasn't wasn't the
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best thing to have and then um but bless
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the NYPD turned up and in a very New
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York way I'll try I'm sorry for the
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accent then they were like sir have you
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been shot and I was like no they were
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like okay sir have you been stabbed I
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was like No And they were like so what
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and well they were really mean and they
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pulled a gun and they were like well
00:13:56
this is they were like Welcome to New
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York off go go to bed and then obviously
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didn't go to bed and then got up the
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next you a few hours later uh not really
00:14:06
sleeping got on a plane home and the
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funny part at the end of the story is um
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is I got home obviously you know feeling
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very hung over very tired very sorry for
00:14:16
myself having that whole kind of maybe I
00:14:19
should really have a look in the mirror
00:14:20
and and change my life unpacking my
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suitcase unpacking my shirts and
00:14:25
everything and I pulled out a bag of
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cocaine and I was like now I know why he
00:14:29
was so angry at me because I stole his
00:14:32
drugs after all and I was like oh
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actually I really understand what he was
00:14:36
that's why he was so annoyed with me I
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didn't realize he'd given me theug I was
00:14:39
iel I felt
00:14:40
guilty I was like oh I was like oh I bet
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he's going to get into trouble with his
00:14:44
boss cuz I took his drugs I didn't pay
00:14:46
him and um and yeah that was that was
00:14:49
just one one of the stories and but the
00:14:52
funny thing is and I said I laugh about
00:14:54
it but it was it was deadly serious um
00:14:57
that's when I kind of I remember sat
00:14:59
there amongst all my clothes on the
00:15:00
floor thinking well Freddy you know you
00:15:03
you're a family man you're you've you've
00:15:05
you know you're 30 now you've got this
00:15:08
career maybe maybe here's a warning sign
00:15:11
that you you should maybe change your
00:15:13
life but I didn't and that that wasn't
00:15:16
even the The Rock Bottom that was a
00:15:19
warning sign and I said to myself as we
00:15:21
all do after a heavy weekend no more you
00:15:24
know I'm not going to do this but within
00:15:26
a week's time I was back in the bars I I
00:15:29
made myself all the promises that we
00:15:31
tend to make ourselves around uh you
00:15:33
know I'll I won't drink Spirits I'll
00:15:35
just have a couple I'll drink at
00:15:37
weekends I'll start running and uh I
00:15:41
would start running for a while funnily
00:15:42
enough because then I I would have
00:15:44
earned a beer at the end of it uh so I
00:15:47
literally started running to justify my
00:15:49
drinking um all these signs were there
00:15:51
until say I finally hit that Rock Bottom
00:15:54
it's it's hard isn't it it's um for
00:15:56
anyone that um has had that moment where
00:15:59
you sort of reassess your relationship
00:16:00
with alcohol um there there's always a
00:16:03
lot of false starts but you only need to
00:16:04
get it right once that is one of my
00:16:07
favorite phrases definitely yeah but
00:16:09
it's it's hard isn't it because every
00:16:10
time you you say you're going to do
00:16:11
something and then don't your
00:16:13
self-esteem drops a little bit you feel
00:16:14
like you've let yourself down you feel
00:16:16
like a loser or a failure definitely but
00:16:18
I think trying and failing is better
00:16:20
than not trying at all well this is what
00:16:22
I say and you I'm I'm a proud failure
00:16:24
I've I have tried and failed a thousand
00:16:27
times I failed to to change my drinking
00:16:30
habits I failed to start my running
00:16:32
habits I failed in relationships I
00:16:34
failed in diets I failed thousands and
00:16:36
thousands of times but as you say what I
00:16:39
firmly believe is you only need to get
00:16:41
it right once then then you win then
00:16:44
Life Changes forever yeah so you get
00:16:47
back from New York
00:16:49
um by the way I'm alarmed you didn't
00:16:51
stop
00:16:53
then um but do you tell your wife
00:16:55
straight away do you walk in the door
00:16:56
and like like burst into tears do you
00:16:58
feel guilt or sh what what are you
00:16:59
feeling at that point I felt guilt I
00:17:01
felt shame um was I totally honest no um
00:17:05
the reason being I didn't really want to
00:17:08
ask for help because I we always talk
00:17:10
about a journey I'd been on a mental
00:17:12
health journey in the past and the funny
00:17:14
thing is and I always talk about the the
00:17:16
real version of the story and the
00:17:18
Hollywood version of the story we all
00:17:20
know the Hollywood version PE someone
00:17:22
and I say in many cases men but but
00:17:24
obviously for for both sexes but but I
00:17:27
know for men they always say you know
00:17:28
suicide is the biggest killer for men
00:17:30
under 45 we are Our Own Worst Enemy
00:17:33
literally and metaphorically so I
00:17:35
struggled with my mental health and I
00:17:38
did all the things I was supposed to do
00:17:40
I put my hand up I asked for help I quit
00:17:43
drinking I got the therapy I read the I
00:17:45
read the books by Robins I had the
00:17:47
podcasts by Goggins I tried to feel the
00:17:49
fear and do it anyway I even practiced
00:17:51
the subtle art and not giving a [ __ ] but
00:17:54
it didn't work and that's the hard thing
00:17:57
in my head I was thinking I've I've done
00:17:58
all the right things I've done the man
00:18:00
thing I've done the difficult thing I've
00:18:01
asked for help but I still didn't feel
00:18:04
fixed as such you know again maybe it's
00:18:07
a male thing but I think in my brain
00:18:08
like a like a like a car um the car's
00:18:11
not working you take it into the into
00:18:13
the auto shop into the garage they have
00:18:15
a Little Tink around and then it's
00:18:16
working again I thought hang on it
00:18:18
should be the same in my brain I've Li
00:18:20
I've cried the tears lay on the couch
00:18:22
got the therapy why aren't I fixed now
00:18:25
and that's why I came home from New York
00:18:26
and I kind of I it wasn't to my wife it
00:18:29
was to my friends my family uh to
00:18:31
everyone I was like yeah you know heavy
00:18:33
weekend good fun and then you I put the
00:18:36
mask on and I believe that we all wear
00:18:39
wear the mask we we believe that that we
00:18:42
should be this person who people expect
00:18:44
us to be and this is one of the the big
00:18:45
discoveries for me it was I thought to
00:18:48
be a quote unquote success to be
00:18:51
confident to be resilient I couldn't
00:18:54
have any weaknesses I had to have this
00:18:56
mask on all the time that yeah I have
00:18:59
everything under control I'm fit I'm
00:19:01
healthy I'm successful I'm sociable I'm
00:19:04
the life and soul of the party all these
00:19:06
things but it really meant that I was
00:19:08
like a photocopy of a photocopy of
00:19:09
someone who I didn't really want to be
00:19:12
and because I had this pressure to to to
00:19:15
conform to to maintain this this mask
00:19:17
this facade I felt I couldn't tell
00:19:20
anyone what was really going on because
00:19:22
really um I didn't have that that
00:19:25
confidence and you talked about you
00:19:27
keeping promises we make to ourselves
00:19:28
it's funny the the word um confidence
00:19:31
comes from I think French that derived
00:19:33
from Latin and it's it's con fider con
00:19:37
means intense federe means trust so the
00:19:40
um the the meaning of the word means
00:19:42
intense trust so we do not have
00:19:45
confidence because we do not trust
00:19:46
ourselves we do not trust ourselves
00:19:49
because we keep breaking the promises
00:19:51
that we make to ourselves so every time
00:19:53
we say I'm going to quit drinking and we
00:19:55
don't we break a promise every time we
00:19:57
say I'm going to go for a run to
00:19:58
tomorrow morning the alarm goes off at
00:20:00
5:00 a.m. and think oh no way we break a
00:20:02
promise we make to ourselves and then we
00:20:04
say well why aren't I confident that's
00:20:06
why when we start keeping the promises
00:20:08
we make that's when our confidence grows
00:20:10
but at that stage I was breaking
00:20:12
promises to everyone especially myself
00:20:15
and that's why I had no
00:20:17
confidence you you were still quite high
00:20:19
functioning though I like you were um
00:20:21
you were getting shut done I was getting
00:20:24
[ __ ] done even well I thought I was
00:20:25
doing [ __ ] better I thought the more I
00:20:28
screwed up my life the better I was
00:20:30
before me and partly this was uh again a
00:20:33
lie that I told myself because I said to
00:20:36
to work a to work a high power job it's
00:20:38
very stressful I need alcohol need to
00:20:40
let off some steam yeah I need I need
00:20:42
alcohol to let off some steam to to to
00:20:45
work to entertain clients to to perform
00:20:48
at my best people won't want me around
00:20:50
in the bar I loved it alcohol is is is
00:20:53
derived of this demon demonic poison I
00:20:56
would be lying if I I didn't love it I
00:20:59
walk into a bar have everyone go yay
00:21:02
Freddy's here I really got a high off
00:21:05
that um it made me feel good it made me
00:21:07
feel wanted we all I believe we all want
00:21:09
to live a life of meaning we all want to
00:21:11
feel like we belong we all want to feel
00:21:13
like we can have the power to make
00:21:15
things happen and alcohol gave me that
00:21:18
so yeah I that's what I told myself I I
00:21:20
thought maybe I should quit my drinking
00:21:22
habits I thought but you've got a
00:21:24
Porsche on the driveway things life
00:21:25
can't be that bad I was like maybe I
00:21:27
should do some exercise but you you were
00:21:30
promoted last year you've got you've got
00:21:32
a marriage of some description you have
00:21:34
children who don't always hate you uh
00:21:37
and it's always funny we we we always
00:21:39
have a way of convincing ourselves and I
00:21:41
believe that's because our brains um
00:21:43
ironically and and quite paradoxically
00:21:46
want to keep us safe I I believe as as
00:21:49
humans uh from from Evolution we're
00:21:51
designed to to sit around and seek
00:21:53
pleasure and and sitting around drinking
00:21:56
so my brain again was saying to me you
00:21:58
have a choice you can choose discomfort
00:22:01
which is doing something difficult hard
00:22:03
like quitting drinking or you can choose
00:22:05
Comfort tell yourself a story tell
00:22:07
yourself you get to quit next year tell
00:22:09
yourself um you're just unwinding that
00:22:12
people love this version of you that you
00:22:13
can't you can't let people down by
00:22:17
quitting drinking you know what would
00:22:18
they say at the wedding that you're
00:22:19
going to next month what they say at
00:22:21
your birthday and that be fair that's
00:22:22
what people did say to me they said oh
00:22:25
where is how [ __ ] it was I had a
00:22:27
nickname for myself
00:22:29
Funtime Freddy and they'd be like oh
00:22:31
where where's Funtime Freddy where's
00:22:32
Funtime gone it's okay here he is Tada
00:22:37
um but it's very much like that life of
00:22:38
a clown where um in the spotlight I
00:22:41
enjoyed being this this drunken
00:22:43
Entertainer but when I was off the stage
00:22:46
that's when the darkness and the sadness
00:22:47
came
00:22:49
in do you miss it at all what do you
00:22:51
what do you miss about it I I miss a lot
00:22:54
about it I something about the kimar
00:22:56
like I don't like doing shots of tequila
00:22:59
or Fireball or Jager myep but I do love
00:23:03
the camaraderie of you know clinking the
00:23:06
glasses and then pulling faces
00:23:07
afterwards and yeah I missed the
00:23:09
camaraderie I miss I missed the buildup
00:23:12
kind of like and we had this a lot over
00:23:14
Christmas you know the the the the trip
00:23:17
to the Bottle Shop the the what's it
00:23:19
going to be what what wine am I going to
00:23:21
get are we going to get J or vodka May
00:23:23
let's get both and uh you know all that
00:23:26
almost that that um uh routine the
00:23:29
anticipation yeah the anticipation of it
00:23:31
uh that's what I miss I I probably miss
00:23:33
everything that happens before 900 p.m.
00:23:36
uh you know that that's when times are
00:23:37
fun when it's you know when you're
00:23:39
having the laughs when you're making the
00:23:40
memories everything after 900 p.m. I
00:23:43
don't miss but um yeah all that yeah
00:23:46
that that buzz that you get when when
00:23:48
all your worries have have slowly
00:23:50
drifted away um that that is what I I
00:23:53
still miss but um but then I think about
00:23:56
everything that comes after 9:00 p.m.
00:23:58
and the days after um and that's what I
00:24:01
I really found when I failed to quit so
00:24:04
many times because I thought it was a
00:24:05
case of will power I thought it was a
00:24:07
case of going cold turkey you know White
00:24:09
Knuckle it and um try and beat the demon
00:24:13
as they say beat the demon it doesn't
00:24:14
work like that for anything that you're
00:24:16
trying to quit isn't about leaving
00:24:19
something it's about going towards
00:24:20
something so I wasn't quitting alcohol I
00:24:23
was choosing better sleep uh better
00:24:26
running better relationships loving
00:24:30
myself more confidence I had to be going
00:24:33
towards something that's why I think I
00:24:34
failed so many times I had no I had no
00:24:37
meaning to move towards I had no goal I
00:24:40
had no I had no reason as such and and
00:24:42
it's strange to say
00:24:44
um my wife my kids my family my job it
00:24:48
wasn't strong enough reason and that's
00:24:50
why I see so many people that try and
00:24:52
change their life they're trying to do
00:24:54
it for someone else they're trying to do
00:24:55
it to impress someone many the changes
00:24:58
we make in our lives it is down to guilt
00:25:00
or obligation we're doing it because we
00:25:02
feel guilty or because we feel obliged
00:25:05
to please someone else it isn't until
00:25:07
you say no I'm going to do this for me
00:25:10
for my goals for my life even though a
00:25:14
lot of people are going to call me
00:25:15
selfish that's when you start to
00:25:18
actually get on the right path and start
00:25:20
to make things happen yeah I I um
00:25:23
watched a podcast with um do you know
00:25:24
steo from Jackass yes I do yeah I used
00:25:27
to love Jack
00:25:28
and he um he he battled with um drug and
00:25:31
alcohol issues for years and he had a
00:25:33
really good point he said um alcoholism
00:25:36
and addiction is the only disease that
00:25:39
um when when you're cured from it your
00:25:41
life gets gets better because any other
00:25:43
disease like cancer you want to get back
00:25:45
to your old self again yeah that's the
00:25:47
Benchmark but this is the one thing
00:25:48
where your life is going to be better
00:25:50
it's it's a funny one and and I do think
00:25:53
steo is an interesting concept here's a
00:25:55
a theory that I've been toying with and
00:25:57
playing with for a long time time is
00:25:58
that you you cannot deny your true
00:26:02
nature and I know so many people who
00:26:04
have gone on a sobriety Journey also
00:26:07
with things like with with food and
00:26:09
exercise as well I believe you cannot
00:26:11
deny your true nature so I know who I am
00:26:14
I am uh quite quite a dopamine addict I
00:26:17
am quite all or nothing I do like doing
00:26:21
bold Brave stupid things in the past
00:26:25
when I call this like the New Year's Day
00:26:27
syndrome in the past I would wake up and
00:26:29
I'd say right I'm going to be I'm going
00:26:31
to have the life of a monk I'm going to
00:26:33
be going to bed at 8:00 every night I'm
00:26:36
going to never let a swear word Escape
00:26:37
my I was trying to be someone who I
00:26:39
wasn't and I think so many people
00:26:41
actually try and when they change their
00:26:43
habits whether it's starting a habit or
00:26:45
stop stopping a habit they try and
00:26:47
change who they are I think that's like
00:26:50
um trying to build a house on top of an
00:26:52
oak tree sitting yourself up for B
00:26:54
exactly I think you you cannot deny your
00:26:56
true nature and it's about trying to
00:26:57
direct direct that true nature into more
00:27:00
of of a positive path but I think if you
00:27:02
are a certain type of person if you have
00:27:05
a certain type of personality if you try
00:27:07
and totally kill that old version of you
00:27:09
it's going to come out in certain ways
00:27:12
it's like the artist who says uh I'm not
00:27:14
going to be an artist I'm going to go
00:27:16
and and get a proper corporate job
00:27:18
eventually they will self-sabotage it
00:27:20
because deep down all they want to do is
00:27:22
be an artist um that's so I believe if
00:27:24
if we put oursel in life situations if
00:27:26
we try and hide who we truly are then
00:27:29
we'll find a way to self-sabotage it let
00:27:32
the real version of us through and
00:27:33
that's why so many people fall off the
00:27:35
wagon because they are trying to change
00:27:37
a habit but they're also trying to kill
00:27:39
that version ofs who they really want to
00:27:41
be so what was the last draw was it was
00:27:45
it a Vil or was it it's a really funny
00:27:47
one in a way it's quite poetic because
00:27:49
you kind of you had the drug dealer and
00:27:51
and the gun thing yeah yeah yeah and I
00:27:52
was like for most people by the way most
00:27:55
sensible people that would be it yeah
00:27:56
that would be it yeah you call it
00:27:58
warning sign definitely but um it was
00:28:00
funny that the real robw bottom was a
00:28:02
lot less a lot less Hollywood a lot less
00:28:04
glamorous I it was the 8th up to the
00:28:07
anniversary of it it was the 8th of
00:28:08
March uh it would have been
00:28:11
2019 uh I believe and um I came to it
00:28:15
was a Thursday i r Brickley I came to I
00:28:18
was guess say woke up but game
00:28:19
Consciousness is is the right way of
00:28:21
saying it uh in a in a strange gray
00:28:25
hotel room in the middle of a gray hotel
00:28:28
next to a Gray Highway on a gray rainy
00:28:32
UK day I woke up didn't know where I was
00:28:36
I kind of staggered my way to the
00:28:38
bathroom kicking away discarded
00:28:41
miniature bottles of of Jack Daniels and
00:28:43
empty beer cans just kicking away the
00:28:46
Detroit us on my way to the bathroom
00:28:48
turned on that harsh bathroom light I
00:28:51
looked in the mirror and I honestly
00:28:53
thought there was a stranger in the
00:28:54
bathroom I was like who is this guy
00:28:56
looking at me and I realized it was me
00:28:59
and I saw uh I saw the the massive beer
00:29:03
belly I saw the yellow chipped nicotine
00:29:06
stained teeth the bloodshot eyes the
00:29:09
wrinkles and I just had this Epiphany I
00:29:12
was like who is this person and then all
00:29:15
of a sudden um it all came flooding to
00:29:18
me these questions around who had I
00:29:20
always wanted to be when I was a child I
00:29:22
had all these hopes all these dreams I
00:29:25
wanted to become this person and looked
00:29:28
at myself and I thought I am so far away
00:29:31
from that person and that was the moment
00:29:33
when I decided to change I always say if
00:29:35
you want something you've never had
00:29:37
before you must do the things you've
00:29:39
never done before and I wanted the
00:29:42
health the happiness the confidence the
00:29:46
self-belief the meaning in my life and I
00:29:48
thought if I want all these things I've
00:29:50
never had before then I need to do what
00:29:52
I've never done before and I was
00:29:53
thinking what's the one thing I haven't
00:29:55
done before and then a voice said to me
00:29:57
stop drinking that's why I thought right
00:30:00
that's what it has to be and I hadn't
00:30:02
mentioned even um you my dad had died 6
00:30:05
months earlier and he died very suddenly
00:30:08
and I'd watch I watched him die it was
00:30:10
one of those moments when um I was
00:30:12
obviously hung over at work I was kind
00:30:14
of doing that The Hungover office thing
00:30:16
and you you you see that work like the
00:30:19
heads the heads in the chin and you kind
00:30:21
of like try to type with one hand like
00:30:22
that just thinking 5:00 5:00 almost
00:30:25
there another another few hours and the
00:30:28
rang and and they said look your dad's
00:30:30
in hospital so I had to leave work with
00:30:32
nothing but my suit and my laptop bag
00:30:34
what what was it uh what with my Dad
00:30:37
yeah so he had some kind of uh bow
00:30:40
condition which I think he'd been
00:30:41
keeping secret from us whether it was
00:30:42
bow cancer we don't know he wasn't
00:30:44
getting any treatment so he knew he was
00:30:46
unwell so he knew he was unwell but he
00:30:48
hadn't told anyone and uh he I think he
00:30:51
had a like a serious problem with with
00:30:53
his intestines and the doctors basically
00:30:55
said look he's he's too unhealthy he was
00:30:57
a heavy Drinker heavy smoker lived a
00:31:00
very fast life on his fourth wife by the
00:31:02
time he died and um and they said look
00:31:04
he's he's too unhealthy to operate so
00:31:06
they I jumped in the car drove 300 miles
00:31:09
the doctor said well nothing we can do
00:31:11
time to time to say goodbye and um he
00:31:14
didn't know that morning that that day
00:31:16
was to be his last uh and none of us did
00:31:19
and I certainly didn't know that was
00:31:21
going to be his last day and that was
00:31:22
almost it planted the seeds for
00:31:24
everything I do now for what I call the
00:31:27
the new me
00:31:28
cuz I think he didn't know he was going
00:31:29
to die that morning there would have
00:31:31
been a moment that afternoon when the
00:31:33
doctors would have told him and he would
00:31:35
have thought oh [ __ ] and then I all I
00:31:39
still to this day wonder what regrets
00:31:41
went through his mind what were the
00:31:43
things when he that he always wants to
00:31:46
do what were the things when he was
00:31:47
saying oh I'm going to do that one day
00:31:49
but I haven't got the time I haven't got
00:31:51
the money haven't got the confidence all
00:31:53
these things and that's why it planted
00:31:55
the seeds for everything do now isn't
00:31:58
about crazy challenges isn't about
00:32:00
Extreme Adventures it's about time and
00:32:04
it's about living that life that epic
00:32:06
life where we have a life without regret
00:32:09
and then fast forwarding it back six
00:32:11
months following to me in that looking
00:32:13
in that bathroom I just thought I am
00:32:16
living this life of regret if I died now
00:32:19
and let's face I was trying my best to
00:32:21
to make that happen if I died now I
00:32:23
would regret so many things and that's
00:32:25
why I knew I had to kill that old
00:32:26
version of me and start to to rise like
00:32:30
a like Like a Phoenix from the ashtray
00:32:33
uh to become the uh the new version of
00:32:35
myself can you remember the last
00:32:37
conversation with your dad was he
00:32:38
coherent in hospital or was he uh no he
00:32:40
was unconscious in hospital so the last
00:32:42
conversation I had with him uh would
00:32:44
have been a couple of weeks earlier we
00:32:46
we had a strange relationship he um yeah
00:32:48
it wasn't the kind of like father son
00:32:51
watching the rugby at the weekend kind
00:32:52
of thing and we we'd speak we gone on
00:32:54
well but we we wouldn't see each other
00:32:56
for six months we would speak every
00:32:58
couple of months on the phone and then
00:33:00
i' I'd visit him and we' we'd get
00:33:02
through about four or five bottles of
00:33:04
wine then we'd be able to have a proper
00:33:06
conversation and then I'd see him again
00:33:07
a few months later um but I knew I I
00:33:11
knew he I knew he loved me and I knew
00:33:14
that he wanted the best for me he just
00:33:15
couldn't really show it himself um but
00:33:18
that's what I thought I truly believe
00:33:19
now I believe everything that happens in
00:33:22
our life um it's either a lesson or a
00:33:24
blessing or it's both and I truly
00:33:26
believe now that when he died I had that
00:33:30
choice I was either going to take myself
00:33:31
down a road that was going to follow him
00:33:33
very quickly or I had to to make his
00:33:36
death mean for something I had to to be
00:33:39
able to create something good out of it
00:33:41
and I thought about my own kids and I
00:33:43
thought what Dad do I want them to have
00:33:45
the dad who's the the life and soul of
00:33:47
the party who's going to be getting more
00:33:49
hung over who's going to be getting
00:33:51
heavier who's going to be just making
00:33:53
these excuses that he can't play with
00:33:54
them all these things that we know or
00:33:57
could I turn into this this kind of this
00:33:59
almost superhuman dad that my kids
00:34:01
actually thought was cool still haven't
00:34:03
achieved that I wouldn't think they they
00:34:05
cool yet the older they get the how old
00:34:07
are they by uh they are 11 and nine now
00:34:09
yeah no they're they're approaching that
00:34:11
phase where you're you're going to be
00:34:12
the the biggest sck in the play yeah
00:34:14
basically but um but I was like it's all
00:34:16
about being who who I want to be and I
00:34:19
always one of my my mantras is it is
00:34:21
never too late to become the person who
00:34:23
you were always meant to be yeah and
00:34:26
that's what I thought I was I was saying
00:34:28
after it was 35 36 part of me was
00:34:31
thinking is it too late just accept it
00:34:34
just just let yourself go every guy does
00:34:37
like guys in our 30s go into 40s like
00:34:40
it's fine like be at the weekend do the
00:34:42
job have the kids like that's the way
00:34:45
it's supposed to go that's what Society
00:34:47
wanted me to do that's what my friends
00:34:48
wanted me to do because that made them
00:34:50
feel better so to take a different path
00:34:53
was so painful and so difficult and so
00:34:56
scary but I thought I still have to give
00:34:58
it one shot just to see what I'm truly
00:35:01
capable of awesome so that was like 5
00:35:03
years ago it's been coming up five years
00:35:05
five years yeah hey just while we were
00:35:07
on you Dad fun fact about him so he he
00:35:09
worked um for or with Steve Jobs in the
00:35:12
' 80s yeah definitely so my dad was a
00:35:14
was a creative genius uh his his side of
00:35:16
the family was always slightly dodgy so
00:35:19
so his dad my uh you know my my paternal
00:35:22
grandfather my family came from Burham
00:35:24
he was in horses so he uh he sold horses
00:35:27
is to uh to a group of gentlemen who are
00:35:29
today known as the peaky blinders so
00:35:31
that's the kind of circles that that my
00:35:33
family moved in yeah my dad in the'80s
00:35:35
uh again very good with computers very
00:35:39
creative he uh he invented as he says um
00:35:43
the first ability to record sound on
00:35:45
computers so um he had this massive like
00:35:48
BBC computer on the kitchen table and he
00:35:51
would try and speak into a microphone
00:35:53
and then the computer would play play
00:35:55
the the recording back to him and that
00:35:56
was like a re moment back in the' 80s uh
00:35:59
so yeah that led him from a number of
00:36:02
connections to to go out to to the US
00:36:05
next thing I knew we were moving to
00:36:06
America because Dad was working with
00:36:07
Steve and um amazing yeah and it was
00:36:10
just like Steve and I I think I met him
00:36:12
once and um I I was eight eight years
00:36:15
old at the time so um I didn't know it
00:36:17
was like Steve as in Steve Jobs I just
00:36:20
thought oh there's a a guy called Steve
00:36:22
we Skies every day yeah exactly and uh
00:36:25
with my dad being my dad again he was
00:36:27
creative genius very kind of that way of
00:36:30
thinking terrible at business um
00:36:33
terrible at relationships so we found
00:36:36
ourselves back in the UK 18 months later
00:36:38
no money no house and obviously no jobs
00:36:41
and um I always wondered did that lay
00:36:44
the foundations for me in terms of
00:36:47
growing up you know everyone says like
00:36:49
I'm going to be a I'm going to be an
00:36:50
astronaut I'm going to be a sports star
00:36:53
I'm going to be an athlete I'm going to
00:36:54
be a massive business owner all I wanted
00:36:56
was stability M that's why I had a
00:36:59
chaotic household with my dad's drinking
00:37:01
my parents' relationships all this you
00:37:04
going backwards and forwards to America
00:37:06
uh you know one one month we'd have
00:37:08
money next month we'd have um the people
00:37:11
the debt collectors knock you on the
00:37:12
door and I'd be hiding I'd be answering
00:37:14
the door while my parents hit hi in the
00:37:16
sofa and all I wanted was stability and
00:37:19
again I so I said to myself I just want
00:37:21
a job where I get well paid where I get
00:37:24
a paycheck every month and I can just
00:37:26
live what I saw was a normal life um and
00:37:29
it's funny again going back to who we
00:37:31
are and our true nature I told myself I
00:37:33
wanted that when I had it because I
00:37:35
didn't really truly want it because that
00:37:37
wasn't truly who I was I was doing
00:37:39
everything in my power to subconsciously
00:37:42
sabotage it and destroy it yeah I've got
00:37:45
a similar Journey he similar similar
00:37:47
sort of story I know it's like the more
00:37:49
assets and things I accumulated the more
00:37:52
I realized they were the things that I
00:37:53
thought were going to make me happy and
00:37:54
they just weren't it's so funny and I uh
00:37:57
I was listening to to a recent podcast
00:37:59
they were saying that we all make the
00:38:00
mistake of we accumulate the money and
00:38:02
the things because we think that will
00:38:04
lead to the lifestyle but the real trick
00:38:07
is to live that lifestyle that we truly
00:38:09
want and then work out how to monetize
00:38:11
it or then work out how to at least uh
00:38:14
create enough money in our life to to
00:38:16
live that fulfilled life yeah um but
00:38:18
yeah I look back now I'm not going to
00:38:19
lie again there were moments there are
00:38:20
Still Moments especially when I make the
00:38:23
mistake of look your LinkedIn which is
00:38:24
the worst thing you can do I see all all
00:38:27
my kind of all my old colleagues in the
00:38:29
corporate world so and so's managing
00:38:32
director at Goldman Sachs and so and so
00:38:34
it's like partner at HSBC and all these
00:38:37
things I kind think ah do I I kind of do
00:38:41
I miss that and like they must be the
00:38:43
money and the lifestyle but then I know
00:38:45
I wouldn't really be happy and I think
00:38:47
you you must only be willing to swap
00:38:49
lives with someone if you're willing to
00:38:52
100% swap the life so just saying oh I'd
00:38:54
quite like their pay packet isn't enough
00:38:57
would you like the lifestyle the hours
00:38:59
where they're living who they're living
00:39:01
with and and that's when I kind of undo
00:39:03
a lot of my jealousy because I said I'd
00:39:05
like some of it but would I really life
00:39:07
Swap and finally it's been a journey but
00:39:10
being happy with where I am and what
00:39:12
I've got I I can't give that up for
00:39:14
anything yeah well so why uh why the
00:39:17
decision to move to New
00:39:18
Zealand uh in a way it was a long story
00:39:21
way it was a quick decision it um we've
00:39:23
always wanted a family adventure and
00:39:25
again this is is very much what I talk
00:39:27
about and what I stand for isn't all
00:39:29
about ultramarathons and crazy runs it
00:39:31
is living that life without regret and I
00:39:35
know that that you someone may want to
00:39:36
to try an adventure in a different
00:39:38
country or a new job or a new business
00:39:40
or whatever change they want to make in
00:39:41
their life and we were it was the UK it
00:39:45
was during covid without getting too
00:39:48
political there's like brexit and
00:39:50
everything else and and we again we were
00:39:52
living in Liverpool in the UK I'd had
00:39:54
the the Porsche that I'd been had so
00:39:57
attached to them being stolen and all
00:39:59
these things and all these it's funny
00:40:01
how these signs come into your life
00:40:03
saying like maybe it's time to change
00:40:05
something uh my my wife is a doctor so
00:40:09
um she she's a children's doctor I'm not
00:40:11
a medic but whatever specialism she has
00:40:14
they needed here in New Zealand and then
00:40:17
the the job offer came up for a year and
00:40:19
that means we were allowed into the
00:40:20
country during co uh we did the miq
00:40:23
thing which was two weeks in a hotel
00:40:25
with with the kids would have been a
00:40:27
couple of years younger so like nine and
00:40:29
six then oh my God but here the thing we
00:40:31
we had never been to New Zealand before
00:40:33
and uh so living in the bay plenty which
00:40:35
is is a beautiful part of New Zealand I
00:40:38
had to look it up on a map and um it's
00:40:40
crazy looking back now so the middle of
00:40:42
Co never been to New Zealand no friends
00:40:46
no contacts no network no nothing just
00:40:50
jumping on a plane we landed uh and they
00:40:53
they said you're going to a place called
00:40:54
Rotorua for your miq and I was like well
00:40:57
where is that is that North isand South
00:40:59
isand no idea and it was literally
00:41:02
taking that step into the unknown and
00:41:04
that's why I say when we you know
00:41:05
talking about stepping out of your
00:41:06
comfort zone doesn't have to mean a
00:41:09
crazy ultramarathon or a marathon or it
00:41:12
could be going to live in a different
00:41:14
country or or a different hobby or a
00:41:16
different crit or whatever it is and I
00:41:18
knew that if I stayed in my comfort zone
00:41:21
in the UK I was always going to regret
00:41:23
it and it's funny that the people that
00:41:25
we told when we said you know we're
00:41:27
going to New Zealand and they everyone
00:41:29
says oh I'd love to do that I'd love to
00:41:32
but I can't because of the job because
00:41:35
I've got the elderly parent because the
00:41:37
kids are in school there's always a
00:41:39
reason there's always a reason why we
00:41:41
can't change and I said yes there's
00:41:44
always a reason not to go but that
00:41:46
doesn't mean that we can't there's never
00:41:47
going to be a perfect time we have to
00:41:49
make it the perfect time to change and
00:41:51
that's why I strongly thought at that
00:41:53
moment I could have said okay we'll wait
00:41:56
until Co blows over wait till the kids
00:41:58
are a bit older wait till my business is
00:42:00
a bit more settle there would always be
00:42:01
a reason to stay but I thought no we
00:42:03
have to go now we have to make it happen
00:42:06
and uh and we did I haven't been back to
00:42:08
to the UK yet um I don't I never say uh
00:42:11
I never say forever but um for now yeah
00:42:14
there's nowh else I'd rather be it has
00:42:16
been difficult it has been a challenge
00:42:18
um it does feel a long way away from
00:42:20
home sometimes but the thought of of
00:42:22
staying in the life where I wasn't happy
00:42:24
I'm always wondering what if um that
00:42:28
that that feels like the biggest pain on
00:42:29
Earth to me but you you can't give New
00:42:32
Zealand um too much credit for your
00:42:33
happiness because it's um that's an
00:42:35
internal thing right so if you're
00:42:36
unhappy and you don't change the
00:42:37
fundamentals and you move to a different
00:42:39
country you're still going to be
00:42:40
miserable you you've had to do the work
00:42:43
and you got to you got to own that uh
00:42:45
yeah I I think I I do have to own it
00:42:46
really and and it's difficult especially
00:42:48
being British we kind of like self uh
00:42:50
self-deprecating and um but I someone
00:42:53
said to me once going I with a running
00:42:56
metaphor um they're like Freddy are you
00:42:58
running to something or are you running
00:43:00
from something both I Reon yeah probably
00:43:03
both and um it's it's funny it's always
00:43:06
a a paradox because because you could
00:43:07
say well if happiness is an inside job
00:43:10
then I should be able to create my own
00:43:11
happiness wherever I live as you say but
00:43:14
then also I think well if I'm in a
00:43:17
situation that's making me unhappy
00:43:19
either geographically in a relationship
00:43:21
in a job then then surely it's my
00:43:23
responsibility again to take ownership
00:43:25
and and leave that situation
00:43:27
and that's something I've always
00:43:28
wrestled with with the people of my my
00:43:31
wife said to that why can't you just be
00:43:33
happy and friends who didn't want me to
00:43:35
leave the UK why can't you be happy
00:43:38
where you are I always find that's quite
00:43:40
a get out clause we say to ourselves
00:43:41
yeah could be worse suppose I should be
00:43:44
thankful suppose I should be grateful
00:43:46
and this is where I had to give myself
00:43:48
some harsh truths and and this is where
00:43:50
many people say to us oh you're so
00:43:53
selfish you're so
00:43:54
narcissistic you oh it's all about you
00:43:57
isn't it like you know what [ __ ] yeah it
00:43:58
is about me because ultimately I know I
00:44:02
will be like my dad was and there will
00:44:04
be a day that's my last I think so many
00:44:06
people they give themselves the get out
00:44:08
clause they say oh I'd love to do that
00:44:10
but the kids oh I'd love to do that but
00:44:13
um but I'd be letting someone down again
00:44:16
so many times we we fill our days doing
00:44:20
things that we don't want to do because
00:44:21
of guilted obligation we fill our
00:44:23
calendars with other people's goals and
00:44:25
dreams and then we get regretful and
00:44:28
resentful because we haven't followed
00:44:30
our own path and that's why that's a lot
00:44:32
of reasons why I drank I know why people
00:44:35
uh may turn to to alcohol to drugs to
00:44:38
sugar to Netflix to porn to whatever
00:44:40
their Vice of choice is it is because of
00:44:42
a deep-seated unhappiness they are not
00:44:44
living the life that they want to live
00:44:47
and I think that's why for me it wasn't
00:44:49
about once I was on the path to live the
00:44:51
life I wanted then I knew if I want to
00:44:53
be on this path then I can't drink
00:44:55
anymore that makes it a lot easier than
00:44:58
saying alcohol's bad I can't drink I
00:45:00
shouldn't drink I'm a bad person I think
00:45:03
that's that's again an interesting
00:45:05
Paradox about change because everywhere
00:45:08
on social media everyone always says
00:45:11
change change we need to change our life
00:45:13
change our mindset change your habits
00:45:15
all the gurus like to talk about change
00:45:18
but I do believe that if we are going
00:45:20
through our days saying I need to change
00:45:23
I need to change we're almost implying
00:45:25
to ourselves that we're broken we're not
00:45:27
good as we are that we need to be fixed
00:45:29
imagine going through every day saying
00:45:31
I'm not good enough I need to be fixed I
00:45:33
need to be fixed so I think sometimes
00:45:35
maybe we don't need to change maybe we
00:45:37
need to actually embrace who we are in
00:45:39
the path that we're on and once we do
00:45:40
that then we can adjust the aspects of
00:45:44
our habits our mindset our knowledge to
00:45:46
to achieve what we want to achieve yeah
00:45:48
yeah I I I like um doing the best I can
00:45:51
and just trying to get a little bit
00:45:52
better each day definitely so I suppose
00:45:53
that's that's changing in a way but it's
00:45:55
just um yeah
00:45:57
being being being a bit kind to yourself
00:45:59
as well something I've struggled with
00:46:01
better yeah and I think we we all do
00:46:03
that and I the kindness is is a crazy
00:46:06
part and it sounds a bit soft and fluffy
00:46:09
self love kindness but um but I think a
00:46:12
lot of it is through acceptance and a
00:46:15
lot of what I I did in my past life is
00:46:17
because I was extremely harsh on myself
00:46:21
again I I was running from something I I
00:46:23
was even after exercise but that wasn't
00:46:25
good enough that wasn't fast enough you
00:46:27
should you should be out there you
00:46:28
should be up at 5:00 a.m. any any
00:46:31
sentence that starts with you should or
00:46:33
I should be doing this that's when I
00:46:35
know I'm not being kind to myself and I
00:46:39
always knew that when I was when I was
00:46:42
reaching for a vice and like I say
00:46:44
anything around chocolate alcohol porn
00:46:48
screens Netflix sugar anything it's
00:46:51
usually because we're either stressed
00:46:53
bored or lonely MH we would rather reach
00:46:56
for viice of choice than accepting we're
00:46:59
stressed bored or lonely and it's only
00:47:01
when we start to say well maybe it's
00:47:03
okay if I'm stressed bored or lonely if
00:47:05
I accept who I am we always think we
00:47:07
need to accumulate new things to be
00:47:11
worth more we always think I need to be
00:47:12
worth more I need to have the the
00:47:15
material things I need to have the the
00:47:17
personal bests I need to have the cars
00:47:20
the shiny objects because I am worth
00:47:22
more because of deep down I believe that
00:47:24
I am worth less I am worthless once you
00:47:27
start to fix the aspect of maybe I'm not
00:47:30
as worthless as I thought I was that's
00:47:32
when the viices go away that's when we
00:47:34
start to actually live the life we want
00:47:36
rather than chasing the things that we
00:47:38
don't really want to impress people who
00:47:40
we don't really like God I'm very guilty
00:47:42
of
00:47:43
that but it's frustrating because um I I
00:47:47
I'm well aware that happiness needs to
00:47:48
be here and now because if it's
00:47:49
something you're chasing you never going
00:47:51
to you're never going to find it um but
00:47:53
it's yeah you can see it in slogans on
00:47:55
Instagram or whatever but uh um
00:47:57
implementing it into your own life is
00:47:58
another challenge isn't it oh I know I
00:48:00
call them slogan dispensers on Instagram
00:48:03
and and you're totally right um you know
00:48:05
happiness is they call it losery
00:48:07
confidence is the same that the more you
00:48:09
chase it the uh the faster it moves away
00:48:11
from you like a catch really uh it's so
00:48:14
yeah the more you chase it the further
00:48:15
it moves away so I was chasing happiness
00:48:17
I was chasing confidence and it was
00:48:19
moving further and further away um but I
00:48:22
always slay yeah with the with the
00:48:23
slogan dispensers and this almost goes
00:48:26
back to when I to fix myself um because
00:48:28
I would read the books I'd listen to the
00:48:30
podcasts and my my company they would
00:48:33
get the the dreaded motivational
00:48:35
speakers in and I'd be there on the
00:48:36
front row with the notebook think oh
00:48:38
this this is it I was always searching
00:48:40
for that missing piece of the puzzle I
00:48:43
always thought this is the course this
00:48:45
will be the speech this will be the
00:48:46
podcast that gives me that missing piece
00:48:48
then I'm going to change my life um but
00:48:51
what I really found is that I couldn't
00:48:52
relate to these people and and that's
00:48:54
why I I go on my J to prove to people
00:48:58
what a stressed depressed unfit
00:49:00
overweight mid manager a corporate can
00:49:02
do because I'd be sitting on the front
00:49:04
row it is difficult to listen to the
00:49:08
billionaire Tony Robbins telling you not
00:49:10
to worry about money and relate to it it
00:49:13
is difficult to have uh the Navy SEAL
00:49:16
Joo or David gogins saying to me conquer
00:49:19
your mind and I was like yeah but I've
00:49:21
got the kids and the mortgage and the
00:49:23
work deadline okay Mr SAS Mr Navy seal
00:49:27
but I'm not that I'm just this
00:49:29
overweight guy who's uh who's not
00:49:30
enjoying his job right now it is
00:49:32
difficult to have some privileged
00:49:35
Adventurer telling me how climbing
00:49:37
Everest will solve all of my problems
00:49:39
but I can't climb the stairs without
00:49:40
getting out of breath so I couldn't
00:49:42
relate to any of these gurus any of
00:49:45
these slogan dispensers who were telling
00:49:47
me to change my life and and that's why
00:49:49
I thought if I'm going to do this if I'm
00:49:51
going to step into who I really am if
00:49:53
I'm going to find this life of meaning
00:49:55
then I need to totally through out the
00:49:57
rule book through out the the self-help
00:49:59
guides and and try and create my own way
00:50:01
of doing it do do you see the irony that
00:50:03
you are sort of that person now you're
00:50:06
you're you're a motivational speaker and
00:50:08
you're doing crazy [ __ ] we'll get into
00:50:09
this in a second the ice Ultra so
00:50:11
there's going to be people sitting in
00:50:12
the audience now that are like you 10
00:50:16
years ago like oh this guy it's crazy I
00:50:18
do I do see the iry definitely and what
00:50:20
I I say to myself and and what I say to
00:50:22
people and they say oh you know is this
00:50:24
okay for you you've you've run the
00:50:25
Sahara Desert I'm like yeah but I'm not
00:50:28
an athlete like I I come from this
00:50:30
background where you know I was the
00:50:32
slowest kid in my class I I was not
00:50:35
athletic I still have asthma I used to
00:50:38
go for a run with a cigarette for to
00:50:42
increase my lung capacity uh that's the
00:50:44
kind of athlete that I was um I I don't
00:50:47
have this athletic background my my
00:50:49
background as I say was a 2-hour train
00:50:51
ride to sit at a desk for 10 hours to do
00:50:55
a job I hated and then have a 2our train
00:50:58
ride home and then I would then go for a
00:51:00
drink so I had the courage to walk
00:51:02
through the front door deal with the
00:51:04
kids for an hour and then drink myself
00:51:06
to sleep on the sofa that was my
00:51:08
background not an athlete not a Navy
00:51:10
SEAL not some privileged adventurer who
00:51:13
grew up cling Mount Everest I'm an
00:51:16
everyday guy who just chose to do
00:51:17
extraordinary things and that's why I
00:51:19
believe that anyone for me it's the
00:51:21
Arctic or the or the Sahara Desert or
00:51:23
anything else but it is the same process
00:51:26
whether someone wants to go to the gym
00:51:29
for the first time run a 5K start a
00:51:32
business end a relationship move to a
00:51:35
different country start a new hobby all
00:51:37
of it involves developing the right
00:51:40
knowledge the right mindset the right
00:51:41
habits to step out of your comfort zone
00:51:44
and step into who you really are and
00:51:46
those lessons can be applied to anyone
00:51:48
yeah yeah it's about um chasing good
00:51:50
dopam man isn't it exactly and again and
00:51:52
how whatever that is that makes you
00:51:53
happy exactly and again it's about
00:51:55
embracing Who You Are so I accepted that
00:51:58
this is this is who I am the the problem
00:52:01
turns up is if you accept that you are a
00:52:03
an All or Nothing type A sociable life
00:52:06
and all the party it's when you start
00:52:09
saying that is a bad person to be I
00:52:12
can't be that person I need to be
00:52:14
someone else now it's when you start
00:52:15
saying now this is who I am maybe I'm
00:52:18
going to start loving who I am and just
00:52:20
focus my energy to more constructive
00:52:23
aspects than destructive aspects yeah
00:52:25
that's the key part
00:52:27
so we're recording this um in early
00:52:29
February 2024 um you're like a week two
00:52:32
weeks away from doing the ice Ultra
00:52:33
what's the ice what's the ice Ultra uh
00:52:35
the ice Ultra is uh it's pretty much the
00:52:37
world's toughest coldest foot race so
00:52:40
I'm flying from New Zealand 12,000 miles
00:52:43
to North Sweden traveling up into the
00:52:45
Arctic Circle and then it's a 250 to 300
00:52:50
km ultramarathon over 5 days towards the
00:52:54
North Pole uh so it's temperatures of
00:52:56
minus 50 no idea what that is in
00:52:59
Fahrenheit but very very [ __ ] cold
00:53:02
and uh carrying all my own food and
00:53:04
Survival equipment on my back running
00:53:07
the equivalent of of anywhere between 50
00:53:10
and 65 kilometers a day and uh and try
00:53:13
to survive in these conditions not just
00:53:15
survive but actually Prevail move
00:53:18
forward and uh complete this race and
00:53:21
obviously training for it here in the
00:53:22
New Zealand summer has not been ideal
00:53:24
but um but it's all about proof and as I
00:53:27
say to me what's important is proving
00:53:29
that we can do the things that we
00:53:30
thought we couldn't do and as I say
00:53:32
there's so many slogan dispensers out
00:53:34
there you we've all heard the phrases
00:53:36
step out of your comfort zone the power
00:53:38
of mindset be more confident and I
00:53:40
thought at the start of my journey why
00:53:44
not prove to people why not just
00:53:46
actually prove what we are capable of
00:53:49
achieving and that's why I'm on this
00:53:51
very very cold very frosty Mission I say
00:53:54
minus 50° running across from frozen
00:53:56
lakes over wind swep
00:53:59
mountaintops trying to avoid polar bears
00:54:01
and wolves and and just seeing what what
00:54:05
I can what this broken down ex-alcoholic
00:54:08
corporate worker can can achieve to
00:54:10
prove to people that they can achieve
00:54:12
their goals as well I've got so many
00:54:14
questions about this race so where do
00:54:16
you sleep uh so you sleep in uh in very
00:54:19
basic tents I think they're um they are
00:54:22
the traditional uh nomadic people that I
00:54:25
think were were called esos in a
00:54:27
different time whatever the addal name
00:54:29
is for them now uh they they have tents
00:54:31
made out of of like wolf skin I think so
00:54:34
they pitch a couple of those up
00:54:35
basically we are and all the competitors
00:54:37
stay in there there's about 30 people in
00:54:39
the race uh all the competitors stay in
00:54:41
them together it's a kind of thing you
00:54:43
try and light a fire we have to keep the
00:54:45
fire going all night to keep warm so it
00:54:47
isn't that race where you you run around
00:54:49
for a bit go to the hotel for a hot
00:54:51
shower and a hot chocolate and a nice
00:54:53
bed it is living surviving sleeping out
00:54:57
in the coldest place on Earth so you're
00:54:59
sleeping in the gear that you're running
00:55:01
pretty much uh yeah so I think the way
00:55:02
it's going to work is I'm going to be
00:55:04
running in gear you make a fire taking
00:55:06
the gear off to try and get it dry
00:55:08
because it's going to be soaking wet
00:55:10
with the the ice and the snow and the
00:55:11
sweat get some get some thermals on so
00:55:14
I'm going to carry one spare pair of
00:55:16
clothes like the dry kit get that on
00:55:18
sleep in that then get up the next
00:55:20
morning hopefully the running kit is dry
00:55:23
and uh then then get that on again and
00:55:26
free freeze dried meals uh y freeze
00:55:28
dried meals all the way so I know
00:55:29
there's some some great kiwi uh freeze
00:55:31
dry meal providers and R nutrition baby
00:55:35
well I hear they're the best so uh so
00:55:37
yeah to to keep me fueled on the journey
00:55:39
so yeah I'm taking a party pack of those
00:55:41
getting the hot water in there uh it's
00:55:44
crazy actually we're told we have to
00:55:45
take a minimum of 2,000 calories a day
00:55:48
which doesn't sound very much to me so
00:55:49
I'm going to be taking a lot more than
00:55:51
that we should be burning about 10,000
00:55:53
calories a day and uh I'm not good when
00:55:55
I'm hungry so I'll be taking a few extra
00:55:58
meals um and then just trying to keep
00:56:00
going but it's it's a thinking race
00:56:03
that's the uh the challenge and thinking
00:56:05
for me is not easy at the best of times
00:56:07
but in this race you think about the
00:56:09
food think about your nutrition but your
00:56:11
water freezes your gels freeze your
00:56:14
chocolate freezes everything freezes
00:56:17
within 90 seconds so I say with with
00:56:19
other races that we do you think yeah
00:56:21
I'll have a gel I'll have a a chocolate
00:56:23
bar whatever it is if you take peanut
00:56:26
butter it freezes so it's always about
00:56:28
thinking what what has the lowest
00:56:31
thoring point how do I I had some
00:56:33
interesting ideas of where I could store
00:56:35
food to uh to keep it warm uh that
00:56:37
probably isn't very hygienic to be
00:56:39
honest Christ so um so yeah it's about
00:56:43
it's about trying to again at least no
00:56:44
one will try and steal your snakes yeah
00:56:46
exactly it it might not taste very nice
00:56:48
better no one would try and St this
00:56:50
tastes like
00:56:52
ass and uh yes so saying where where
00:56:55
could it be around around that so it's
00:56:57
all about thinking about nutrition race
00:56:59
strategy all in this environment where
00:57:02
if you stop for 90 seconds you start to
00:57:05
freeze hypothermia comes in frostbite
00:57:08
comes in and and that's why I say I
00:57:10
think the biggest challenge on this race
00:57:11
physically it's going to be tough but
00:57:13
mentally to to keep going and also to
00:57:16
actually think about what I'm going to
00:57:18
have when I'm going to have it all the
00:57:19
strategy around that it's going to be a
00:57:21
Minefield and what do you wear on your
00:57:23
feet uh so it's going to be snowshoes
00:57:25
which I've been trying to get used to so
00:57:27
I've got trail running shoes three pairs
00:57:29
of socks and then the snow shoes to
00:57:31
strap on when uh when needed and again
00:57:34
trying to run in
00:57:35
snowshoes sometimes when you're running
00:57:37
across the frozen lakes it's just on Ice
00:57:39
which you hope is is quite thick there's
00:57:42
I've been I've been running on thin ice
00:57:43
for many years in my life so hopefully
00:57:45
not on this occasion now and then
00:57:48
sometime the snow could be a meter deep
00:57:50
that's when the snowshoes come out I
00:57:52
knew people that have run the race and
00:57:54
um a snowshoes broke uh the strap on the
00:57:58
Snowshoe broke they had to take their
00:58:00
gloves off try and fix it they got
00:58:02
frostbit and they're out of the race and
00:58:04
that's what I think scares me the most
00:58:06
it's that something out of our bit like
00:58:08
life something out of our control can
00:58:10
happen that can totally derail us and I
00:58:14
can talk about ownership and all these
00:58:16
things that sound very know very deep
00:58:18
thinking and Macho and all all this
00:58:20
stuff yeah take ownership and extreme
00:58:22
ownership but you always think in life
00:58:24
when something tiny happen happens
00:58:26
that's out of your control that totally
00:58:28
derails everything how do you react and
00:58:32
and that's why I it's one of my rules
00:58:34
for life around how how you react in
00:58:36
times of chaos and and that's what I'm
00:58:39
truly interested in because we could all
00:58:40
perform when times are good when when
00:58:44
life is good when the sun is shining
00:58:46
when you're going for a nice run along
00:58:48
the beach and you've you've had your
00:58:50
eight hours sleep and you've got your
00:58:52
your mindset podcast on and you're
00:58:54
nicely fueled and you've had your water
00:58:57
and everything's fun and cool I know you
00:58:59
can perform on those days but what about
00:59:02
the days when you've had no sleep
00:59:05
because you're worried about money and
00:59:06
the kids are sick and your boss has
00:59:08
shout at you you've had an argument and
00:59:11
you mental health feels like it's
00:59:13
falling apart and the strap on your shoe
00:59:15
breaks and the traffic lights are red
00:59:17
and all this [ __ ] happens in your life
00:59:19
can you still perform on those days now
00:59:23
that's what I'm interested in how can
00:59:25
you perform when it feels like
00:59:27
everything in your life is turning to
00:59:28
chaos I think that's when we can truly
00:59:31
understand who we are and we can really
00:59:34
understand what our potential is I
00:59:35
always believe that you can your
00:59:37
performance will rise to the level of
00:59:40
your problems we only Truly find out who
00:59:43
we are we only Truly find out how we are
00:59:46
capable of Performing when we overcome
00:59:48
bigger and bigger challenges and and
00:59:50
that's I may have a few of those to uh
00:59:52
to put myself through in in the future
00:59:54
so uh so it's going to be interesting to
00:59:56
see what happens yeah well it's it's
00:59:58
going to be fun it's going to be a lot
00:59:59
of fun it's you must find this as well
01:00:01
I'm I'm a little bit older than you but
01:00:03
as you get older you realize you know
01:00:04
the the days turn into weeks the weeks
01:00:06
turn into months months turn into years
01:00:07
and unless you schedule memorable things
01:00:10
like this the years just roll into one
01:00:13
don't they it's true and uh I've been
01:00:15
looking at this uh this concept have you
01:00:17
heard about the uh the misogi concept no
01:00:20
what is that uh this is so misogi is a a
01:00:23
Japanese word which means I've
01:00:24
definitely pronounced it wrong um but
01:00:26
but uh the derived from a Japanese
01:00:29
process it's called water cleansing so
01:00:31
apparently the tradition in Japan is
01:00:33
once a year they go and stand under a
01:00:35
cold waterfall and it's like this this
01:00:37
Soul cleansing so it's kind of like
01:00:39
pressing control alt delete on um on
01:00:41
your mind and uh now how it's evolved is
01:00:44
to everyone to have a a misogi which is
01:00:47
a year defining moment so it's doing
01:00:49
something that defines your year so you
01:00:52
can look back so for me like this is my
01:00:54
misogi I can look back and say 20 24 my
01:00:57
misogi was running across the Arctic
01:00:59
again for someone else maybe it's the
01:01:01
year they started a podcast maybe it's
01:01:03
the year they started a business maybe
01:01:05
it's the year they did a 10K but it's
01:01:08
thinking to yourself what is the one
01:01:10
thing that's going to Define my year and
01:01:12
it has to be something that that that
01:01:14
scares you that you're not sure that you
01:01:16
can complete because otherwise as you
01:01:18
say we kind of drift through life like
01:01:20
was someone said to me today oh you know
01:01:22
where did January go and as we get older
01:01:24
time does go quicker
01:01:26
so it is about I encourage everyone and
01:01:28
part of this is is part of my mission to
01:01:30
help people lead an epic life I say
01:01:33
unless we can take control of Our Lives
01:01:36
again our calendars get full of other
01:01:38
people's goals and dreams we we put
01:01:40
other our bosses our colleagues our kids
01:01:42
our family I'm not saying we we have to
01:01:44
be totally selfish but unless we take
01:01:46
ownership and say this is going to be
01:01:48
the year that I do X and we put it in
01:01:51
our calendar then it's not going to
01:01:54
happen so so I encourage every one and
01:01:56
my again my my coaching clients to to
01:01:58
say let's let's create that that misogi
01:02:00
for you you have your one big year
01:02:03
Challenge and there a number of micro
01:02:04
Adventures I always talk about having a
01:02:06
Micro adventure every two months which
01:02:08
may be a concert it may be a it may be a
01:02:11
weekend hike it doesn't have to be exp
01:02:13
expensive but again
01:02:17
dizinga a year if you create enough days
01:02:20
that are powerful then you have the
01:02:21
powerful weeks and you have powerful
01:02:23
months that's when you look back and say
01:02:25
holy [ __ ]
01:02:26
2024 what a year because otherwise we
01:02:29
just look back and you think
01:02:31
2022 what happened there think oh
01:02:33
something covid obviously and then and
01:02:35
then you look back 2015 what happened
01:02:37
there and unless it was a a birth a
01:02:40
marriage death or a divorce we tend to
01:02:43
not remember the years and that's why I
01:02:46
kind of get angry and I get angry
01:02:49
because I think how how dare we live
01:02:51
these lives where we perform less than
01:02:54
what we're capable of doing every every
01:02:55
one is capable of doing amazing things
01:02:57
and it doesn't have to be a physical
01:02:59
challenge again it could be the business
01:03:01
could be the book of poetry it could be
01:03:02
Pottery could be whatever but I get so
01:03:05
pissed off when people hold themselves
01:03:07
back from their potential haven't got
01:03:09
the time that's a big one haven't got
01:03:10
the confidence haven't got the money if
01:03:12
only if only well think let's let's make
01:03:14
it happen because no one deserves to
01:03:17
live that life that I lived that life of
01:03:19
Qui desperation I think everyone
01:03:21
deserves more than that yeah how's your
01:03:22
mental health now uh Prett pretty good
01:03:25
happen
01:03:26
up and down I think is the honest answer
01:03:28
I I I would I still freak out on a
01:03:31
regular basis I'd like to say I can
01:03:33
control it better um even yesterday I
01:03:37
think now now this race is coming so
01:03:38
close I kind of joke about it I like oh
01:03:41
[ __ ] I guess I got to do it you made
01:03:43
that joke when we were first and then um
01:03:46
I was like yeah but but I do have to do
01:03:48
it and this is where self-doubt for me
01:03:51
is Big impostor syndrome is really big
01:03:54
and I've um I've learned this concept
01:03:57
around uh around what we What's called
01:03:58
the partx and uh we all have this partex
01:04:01
within ourselves is basically it's Our
01:04:03
Own Worst Enemy it it's Our Own Worst
01:04:05
Enemy who is designed to to to screw up
01:04:08
our life it's Newton's third law every
01:04:12
every Force has an equal and and
01:04:15
opposing force acting upon it so however
01:04:18
much we want to push ourselves forward
01:04:21
we have an equal and opposing Force
01:04:23
within ourselves trying to pull us back
01:04:25
back and that's what I call my partex
01:04:27
that is the part of us that says you
01:04:29
can't do that you're too old you're not
01:04:32
good enough that's the part of us the
01:04:34
way you look in the mirror uh that says
01:04:36
oh getting a bit old aren't you you're
01:04:38
too old to start that business you're
01:04:39
too old to find love you're too old to
01:04:41
start the new career you're too old to
01:04:43
walk into a gym and I have that
01:04:46
massively again I say looking looking
01:04:48
around at my uh my happy friends with
01:04:50
their normal lives and the the great
01:04:52
careers I'm like oh Freddy what have you
01:04:54
done um so yeah I still struggle with my
01:04:57
mental health a lot and I always find I
01:05:00
try and find a quick win you whether
01:05:02
it's a green light whether it's your
01:05:04
toast falling butter side up whether
01:05:06
it's something you know a kind word from
01:05:08
a child whether it's great gratitude but
01:05:11
it's always thinking that there's a
01:05:12
quick win a quick win because
01:05:15
failure especially mental health
01:05:17
failures are not final unless unless
01:05:21
your failure is your last failure
01:05:24
there's not really a failure I I I
01:05:26
strongly believe that our best
01:05:27
opportunities are always ahead of us so
01:05:30
this is where I say even if I'm having a
01:05:31
bad day A bad week A bad start to the
01:05:35
year the best opportunities are always
01:05:38
ahead of me and that's what we always
01:05:39
have to remember I believe the best days
01:05:41
are always in the future I love that I
01:05:44
know I said at the um the outset that
01:05:45
we're going to do like a podcast of two
01:05:47
halves the fruity story and then some um
01:05:49
takeaways for others but I feel like
01:05:51
it's been sort of peered through the
01:05:53
whole chat it's been really inspiring
01:05:55
mate well thank you um and it's funny
01:05:57
like I never I never went out to to to
01:06:01
be an inspirational person and I went
01:06:03
out to try and create the best version
01:06:05
of myself I think so much of what we try
01:06:08
and achieve in life does come down to
01:06:10
ourselves you people in in the business
01:06:13
world for example they say why why don't
01:06:15
why don't people trust me more it's
01:06:17
because you don't trust yourself why
01:06:18
don't why doesn't my team have more
01:06:20
confidence in me it's because you do not
01:06:22
have confidence in yourself why don't
01:06:25
people listen to me it's cuz you don't
01:06:27
listen to yourself why don't people love
01:06:29
me well then that's maybe because you do
01:06:32
not love yourself and and I truly
01:06:34
believe that the the journey that we all
01:06:37
have to go on it has to start with
01:06:39
ourselves and we always say how's how's
01:06:42
2024 going to turn out I can see the
01:06:45
future I can I can perfectly predict the
01:06:47
future 2024 will be exactly the same as
01:06:51
2023 unless you're willing to change
01:06:54
something yeah and and that's what I
01:06:56
found and and again with me and I know I
01:06:58
talk about change and do we actually
01:07:00
want to change or or is that a good
01:07:01
thing or a bad thing but it's that that
01:07:04
willingness to try something new to to
01:07:07
surprise ourselves to embrace ourselves
01:07:09
rather than I say being a photocopy of a
01:07:11
photocopy of someone else if we are
01:07:14
willing to embrace who we truly want to
01:07:17
be who we truly are then um that's when
01:07:20
we start to be on our own true path and
01:07:22
that's why I say it's never too late to
01:07:23
become the person who you are always
01:07:25
meant to be are you proud of yourself
01:07:27
you love yourself
01:07:29
now I asked this question because it's I
01:07:32
think there's a lot of parallels with
01:07:33
English in New Zealand um you know sort
01:07:35
of call it stoicism call it what you
01:07:37
want but um it's a it's a it's a tricky
01:07:39
question for us to answer without
01:07:41
seeming I don't know braggy I guess I
01:07:43
know and it's that British stiff upper
01:07:45
lip um am I proud of myself I kind of
01:07:49
cringingly Say Yes um I'm I'm never
01:07:53
satisfied and there's there's the uh the
01:07:55
song from the greatest showman again
01:07:57
show my mat show that's why I'm not an
01:07:58
sas Navy SEAL guy I'm like this is me
01:08:02
and the greatest show but it's it's that
01:08:03
song of of Never Enough um that I long
01:08:06
is um I can't remember the full word
01:08:08
yeah all the stars that you steal from
01:08:09
the night sky um all the all the all the
01:08:12
gifts that move by will never be enough
01:08:14
and and for me that's the case and my no
01:08:18
one understands this not my wife not my
01:08:20
friends not my family um I said why did
01:08:23
he just Why did he just stop um
01:08:26
you've you've got the medals you've got
01:08:27
the world records you've done the races
01:08:30
the Arctic is that GL the last thing and
01:08:32
then are you going to stop and I kind of
01:08:34
think I'm not [ __ ] no absolutely not and
01:08:36
I'm like and and and it's weird I don't
01:08:38
say this in this kind like Alpha no
01:08:41
don't quit way um I almost say it with a
01:08:43
tinge of sadness because I would part of
01:08:46
me would love to stop I would love if
01:08:48
I'm totally honest you get the you get
01:08:50
the real truth out of me on this podcast
01:08:52
I never usually say this it's like a
01:08:53
therapy session I think if I'm truly
01:08:56
honest I I would love to be that person
01:08:59
who who could just be happy who could
01:09:02
and that's why maybe I missed the old me
01:09:04
the old me who could just be happy just
01:09:07
watching the sport on the couch with a
01:09:09
few beers just getting quietly slushed
01:09:11
on a Sunday night I kind of missed that
01:09:14
guy sometimes but I know again in my
01:09:16
true nature there always has to be
01:09:18
something more maybe and I if I say
01:09:20
maybe but I know I think if I stopped
01:09:23
then that dark shadow of depression
01:09:26
would come back in then the alcohol be
01:09:28
more appealing and that's why I know for
01:09:31
me I can't stop um but say for someone
01:09:33
else whether what whether their thing is
01:09:37
writing poetry or baking or being a
01:09:39
great parent or knitting or jogging
01:09:42
whatever it is I think if you find
01:09:44
something that lights up your soul that
01:09:47
doesn't hurt anyone else that makes you
01:09:50
think this is what I love to do this is
01:09:52
who I am then why should you ever stop
01:09:54
why should you ever quit surely you
01:09:56
shouldn't want to quit who you truly
01:09:58
are I love that you mentioned a world
01:10:01
record before what's the world record so
01:10:03
yeah the world record was was a funny
01:10:04
one I'd like to just sprinkle that in
01:10:07
there um the world record came about
01:10:09
after um after I ran across the Sahara
01:10:11
Desert I did the the marathon disable
01:10:13
the the world's toughest foot race and
01:10:15
yeah in the Sahara it's incredible run
01:10:16
yeah that was a it was a crazy run and
01:10:18
um again when I signed up for that that
01:10:20
was the start of the journey so I
01:10:21
couldn't run a kilometer what I signed
01:10:23
up for that race did that did the crazy
01:10:25
run came back and this is a funny tieing
01:10:29
because I thought that was going to be
01:10:30
it for me I I'd done the race I it was a
01:10:33
journey as they say I'd had the
01:10:35
transformation it was kind of like the
01:10:37
the hero's journey had come to an end
01:10:39
I'd done the media I'd written the book
01:10:42
uh I'd grown the social media account
01:10:44
and I kind of thought oh hang on I've
01:10:46
got a story now that I could dine out on
01:10:48
for the rest of my life and I could tell
01:10:50
the tales from the Sahara Desert and
01:10:53
then the Depression started to creep
01:10:54
back in the the pizza menu looked more
01:10:57
appealing the beer looked more appealing
01:10:59
and I could feel the old me coming back
01:11:01
in again that dark shadow of depression
01:11:04
and then one day I was talking to my
01:11:05
kids and I was doing the whole like kind
01:11:07
of son you proud of me are you proud of
01:11:09
your dad run across the Sahara Desert
01:11:12
don't you know yeah and they were like
01:11:14
oh god dad I'm so bored of that I'm so
01:11:17
bored of you talking about the desert I
01:11:18
was like what what don't you think I'm a
01:11:21
great and they were like no Dad I'm so
01:11:22
bored and then they got the the Guinness
01:11:24
book of record for Christmas and they
01:11:26
said Daddy we want you to break a world
01:11:29
record I was okay and I thought well i'
01:11:32
obviously done a bit of running by that
01:11:34
stage I thought let's look at the
01:11:35
running world records and they're all
01:11:37
really bloody fast like world's fastest
01:11:39
Postman world's fastest cheerleader
01:11:42
world's fastest post box like they're
01:11:44
all like sub three hour marathons
01:11:46
running marathons dressed at these crazy
01:11:48
characters it's it's crazy even the
01:11:50
world's fastest marathon with a like a
01:11:51
stroller with a baby it's like a sub
01:11:53
threeyear old Marathon crazy and I I I
01:11:55
was good at running but I wasn't that
01:11:57
good at running and then so I thought
01:11:59
well yeah can't can't do that can't do
01:12:01
that and then there was this thing
01:12:02
around the world's fastest fisherman and
01:12:06
then at this stage what does that even
01:12:07
mean it means the fastest marathon
01:12:10
dressed as a fisherman and at the time
01:12:12
we uh we lived in Liverpool which is by
01:12:14
it's a big Maritime City it's by the
01:12:16
docks you know by the ocean my kids were
01:12:19
at that age where they loved fishing and
01:12:20
they Lov sharks they loveed the sea and
01:12:23
they were like and we saw this 4 hours
01:12:26
45 minutes was the record and I was I
01:12:30
could do that I could you know by then
01:12:32
my marathon time was about I think 4
01:12:34
hours 15 was my PB so I was like I could
01:12:38
do this yeah 4:45 4 yeah I could make so
01:12:42
I wrote off uh know you have to write
01:12:44
off you have to to apply break work yeah
01:12:47
and then I kind of forgot about it and
01:12:49
you the kids were like Daddy break a
01:12:51
world record daddy break a world record
01:12:52
I was like shut up okay just to keep you
01:12:54
quiet I'll do the world record and then
01:12:56
I wrote off forgot about it and then a
01:12:59
few weeks later the email came back and
01:13:01
they were like challenge accepted you
01:13:04
you know your your world record attempt
01:13:06
is on I like what was this again and I
01:13:09
always thought that it was you know fly
01:13:11
fishing like you know carry a fishing
01:13:13
rod have the waste coat and the Hat with
01:13:15
the feathers in and I was like this this
01:13:17
is quite Pleasant and then they send you
01:13:19
the three pages of rules that you have
01:13:21
to follow and they meant like Deadliest
01:13:24
Catch fisherman so heavy waterproof
01:13:27
jacket heavy s Wester hat heavy
01:13:30
waterproof trousers carrying a 3 kilo
01:13:33
fishing box that had to weigh 3
01:13:36
kilos and wearing gum boots wearing we
01:13:41
call them Welly boots in the UK the the
01:13:43
rubber gum boot Wellington Boots having
01:13:46
to run a marathon in those that's what I
01:13:50
thought [ __ ] this is this is actually
01:13:52
going to be tough and there's um good
01:13:55
metaphor for life here cuz I then fast
01:13:57
forward I was standing at the start line
01:13:59
of the Liverpool Marathon 20,000 lra
01:14:03
clad Runners there then there was me
01:14:06
standing there looking like a cross
01:14:08
between a serial killer and the world's
01:14:11
shittest male stripper there in this big
01:14:14
yellow waterproof outfit with my
01:14:16
waterproof B with my fishing uh fishing
01:14:19
box and my gun boots about to run this
01:14:22
marathon it's a funny thing having
01:14:23
20,000 people pointing at you laughing
01:14:27
at you shouting at you that you're going
01:14:29
to fail and I still had to take that
01:14:31
first step and then another step and
01:14:34
then another step I think it's a
01:14:35
metaphor for life that sometimes we have
01:14:38
to be prepared to look stupid to go
01:14:40
after what we want and we have to be
01:14:42
prepared to have people laugh at us
01:14:44
laugh at our goals shout at us tell us
01:14:47
we're going to fail and yet we have to
01:14:49
move forward anyway and I took a step
01:14:52
and another step and it was horrific my
01:14:54
um yeah my my toenails fell off about
01:14:56
halfway around I was like what's this
01:14:57
rattling in my boot I was like okay and
01:15:00
then like the sweat was all ping and
01:15:03
there's nowhere for the the sweat to
01:15:04
evaporate it was all pulling so then if
01:15:06
you ever walked in like those Welly
01:15:08
boots those gum boots that are full of
01:15:10
water it's like squish squish squish
01:15:11
squish trying to run and the Clock Was
01:15:14
ticking and I came around the corner the
01:15:16
final straight and I thought this is
01:15:17
going to be close and um and I thought
01:15:20
oh no that I went into that tunnel
01:15:22
vision and you get the Roaring in your
01:15:24
ears and the vision goes to black and
01:15:26
white I thought oh [ __ ] I'm going to
01:15:28
pass out here I'm going to pass out
01:15:31
spectacularly inside of the Finish Line
01:15:34
I thought I'm going to miss the world
01:15:35
record by a couple of minutes and um and
01:15:38
that's why I thought this is this I'd
01:15:39
rather spectacularly fail than then just
01:15:42
miss it by a couple of minutes I thought
01:15:43
that's what's going to happen but again
01:15:45
I'm going to have to carry on anyway
01:15:47
even though I think I'm going to fail
01:15:49
and then just as I was about to pass out
01:15:51
I kind of stopped and I halted and I
01:15:54
felt this little thing in my hand I
01:15:56
looked out and it was my son's hand in
01:15:58
mine and he jumped over the barrier and
01:16:00
he' grabbed onto my hand and he said
01:16:02
Daddy come on you can't stop now and
01:16:05
then my other son jumped over and they
01:16:06
dragged me over the Finish Line pretty
01:16:08
much and so the pictures in the paper
01:16:11
you all see like me kind of about to
01:16:13
pass out and my son's running ahead of
01:16:15
me and um and just crossed the finish
01:16:18
line and collapsed and and yeah broke
01:16:20
the record it was 4:37 I got it in so um
01:16:23
so broke it by a few minutes but
01:16:25
it was crazy yes so I can now say I am
01:16:27
and I've kept that record now for about
01:16:29
four years so eight billion people on
01:16:31
the planet I am the world's fastest
01:16:33
fisherman and um and I'm still I still
01:16:35
Carri the scars on my heels from it it
01:16:37
totally took the backs off my heels uh
01:16:40
it was a horrible ending kind of there
01:16:43
was there was like a family having a
01:16:44
nice British picnic at the Finish Line
01:16:46
bit like here in ockland you had the
01:16:47
Finish Line at the park family having a
01:16:49
nice picnic and I kind of collapsed next
01:16:52
to them lying on my back feet in the air
01:16:54
my kids are trying to pull the Welly
01:16:56
boot off me trying to pull the gum boot
01:16:58
off me and they're like heave heave and
01:17:00
they're like it's not coming Daddy it's
01:17:01
not moving and I yell heave and they
01:17:04
pull it and this gum boot flies away and
01:17:07
then this mixture of Blood Sweat skin
01:17:11
toenail just goes flies into his
01:17:14
family's picnic and um and yeah and I
01:17:17
was like but I'm a world record hold
01:17:19
they weren't impressed yeah we uh we we
01:17:20
kind of ruined their day but um that's
01:17:23
what happened but um but yeah it's it is
01:17:26
about crazy challenges and and I and I
01:17:28
laugh about it and and it's a bit of fun
01:17:30
I love to go into schools talk about how
01:17:32
the um how the kid who was the slowest
01:17:34
kid in this class became the world's
01:17:36
fastest fisherman but I truly believe
01:17:38
that we have to be prepared to get
01:17:40
laughed at people people say my goals
01:17:42
are crazy I would say someone else's
01:17:44
goals are crazy who cares as long as it
01:17:46
matters to you as long as it lights up
01:17:49
your soul as long as you don't get to
01:17:51
that day that my dad got to where you
01:17:53
look back and think about a life regret
01:17:55
and that's what I car care about who
01:17:57
cares if they laugh it's Elon Musk that
01:17:59
says first they laugh but then they
01:18:02
applaud and and that is that life of
01:18:05
saying be prepared to look stupid be
01:18:07
prepared to to be laughed at but nothing
01:18:09
is worse than living a life of regret
01:18:11
people laughing at us a short term but
01:18:13
that success that achievement those
01:18:15
stories live with us forever yeah that's
01:18:18
cool what a y I um I agree with that so
01:18:20
much I I had this crippling fear of
01:18:22
failure I think for for maybe the first
01:18:24
40 years of my life now I'm really
01:18:26
leaning into it because it's like yeah
01:18:28
what's the worst that's going to happen
01:18:29
someone's going to laugh at you yeah
01:18:30
well they're a [ __ ] idiot exactly
01:18:33
yeah someone whose opinion doesn't
01:18:35
really even matter to you why would you
01:18:37
why would you take that on board or stop
01:18:39
it from living your best life it's crazy
01:18:41
I see this so much and I still suffer
01:18:43
from it a little bit like um you know
01:18:45
with with some of the Social Media stuff
01:18:47
that I do in the back of my head I still
01:18:49
think my my old boss there in the UK
01:18:51
will be there saying oh what what's
01:18:52
what's Freddy up to you know when you
01:18:54
going to grow up and get a proper job
01:18:56
and these sorts of things um I I think
01:18:59
it's such a crime that we don't do what
01:19:00
we want to do we don't live the life we
01:19:02
want to live especially on social media
01:19:05
so many people are scared to step out of
01:19:07
that shadow they've created for
01:19:09
themselves because they fear judgment
01:19:11
they fear people laughing at us and I
01:19:13
think well let them laugh and I I kind
01:19:16
of believe I don't think this is 100%
01:19:18
true but the phrase goes that anyone who
01:19:21
is doing better than you anyone who is
01:19:23
higher up the ladder of su success than
01:19:25
you will never laugh at you people that
01:19:27
are below you that will laugh at you and
01:19:30
I I do know some people who kind of yeah
01:19:32
like to belittle others but I think they
01:19:34
the opinions of other people do not
01:19:36
matter at the end of the day uh it is
01:19:39
our life that matters I did an exercise
01:19:42
a few years ago called an introduction
01:19:44
from God and that probably mean with
01:19:47
with a small G so we don't open that
01:19:49
religious kind of worms but call it
01:19:51
writing eulogy if you prefer how would
01:19:53
you like people to talk about you how
01:19:55
would you like to be introduced through
01:19:57
the Gates of Heaven and that's when I
01:19:59
started to think I actually wrote it out
01:20:01
you know write out your own eulogy it's
01:20:03
a really powerful exercise and then
01:20:06
technically every decision that you make
01:20:08
after that you should be saying is this
01:20:10
decision moving me closer to that life
01:20:13
that I want to live to that person who I
01:20:15
want to be or is it moving me further
01:20:17
away I am I try and take a hell yes or
01:20:20
hell no approach to life and that that
01:20:22
saying is if I have a decision to make
01:20:26
if I'm not saying hell yes to this then
01:20:28
it has to be a no and that is such an
01:20:31
easy thing to say and such a hard thing
01:20:33
to do if I'm not saying hell yes to this
01:20:36
decision then I'm saying no because we
01:20:38
all say oh I don't really want to do it
01:20:40
but I said I promised I wouldn't but I'd
01:20:42
be letting someone else down but people
01:20:44
would laugh at me but people might not
01:20:46
like me anymore so I'm going to have to
01:20:48
go and do it anyway but you've only got
01:20:50
so many days you've only got so many
01:20:53
decisions to make in your life so why
01:20:54
not start making them for you rather
01:20:56
than for someone else yeah time is such
01:20:58
a precious resource isn't it so infinite
01:21:01
definely is um is are you familiar with
01:21:03
the phrase to Poppy syndrome is that a
01:21:04
big thing in there I am it's it's not a
01:21:06
thing it's a thing but it's not a phrase
01:21:08
in the UK but I've heard it a lot being
01:21:10
here definitely that's a massive thing
01:21:12
it's like what you were talking about
01:21:13
before you said anyone that's doing
01:21:15
better than you or is more successful
01:21:16
than you is never going to laugh at you
01:21:18
or mock you it's always it's a tall
01:21:19
poppy thing um in the states I think
01:21:21
they call it like crabs in a bucket as
01:21:22
well it's like a crab tries to climb out
01:21:24
of the bucket and the other the other
01:21:26
the other crabs will try and drag him
01:21:28
back down again definitely um but it's
01:21:29
dumb and you can't you can't let it hold
01:21:31
you back from living your life no I I
01:21:33
totally agree and I think if I'm totally
01:21:35
honest with myself did I start to use
01:21:37
tooy syndrome as an excuse because I I
01:21:40
again maybe I talk about the victim and
01:21:42
the owner mindset like we said at the
01:21:44
start I believe that it isn't like a
01:21:47
binary thing where you say I used to be
01:21:49
a victim and now I'm an owner we can
01:21:52
approach any day from a stance of a
01:21:55
victim or an owner I could be a victim
01:21:57
this morning when I'm blaming the
01:21:58
traffic and say oh the traffic means I'm
01:22:01
late really if I'm an owner I said no I
01:22:03
should have actually left home half an
01:22:04
hour earlier and I wouldn't have this
01:22:06
problem it's not a traffic's fault it's
01:22:07
my fault but when when we look at things
01:22:11
uh Through The Eyes of a victim I could
01:22:13
blame tall poppy syndrome I could blame
01:22:15
my old colleagues I could blame my
01:22:17
family members who say people in our
01:22:20
family aren't aren't athletic people in
01:22:23
our family aren't good marriages people
01:22:25
in our family aren't good at business I
01:22:27
can make all those uh all those
01:22:30
accusations of blame or I could actually
01:22:32
take ownership and say yes you know what
01:22:34
[ __ ] yeah I am a tall Poppy and I'm
01:22:36
going to own this and if other people
01:22:38
want to hold me down then they can do
01:22:40
that we uh I was listening to to the
01:22:42
concept of ego it's a Ryan holiday ego
01:22:45
is the enemy but is it really I think
01:22:48
our ego is actually designed to keep us
01:22:50
safe our ego is designed to push us and
01:22:52
yes as a as a Brit living in New Zealand
01:22:55
with like that tall poppy double whammy
01:22:58
that's an incredibly difficult thing to
01:23:00
say but I believe that when we are at
01:23:01
our lowest moments when the
01:23:04
relationship's ended when we've been
01:23:05
fired from the job when we've failed in
01:23:08
the race when the business has gone
01:23:09
under I think we actually need an ego
01:23:13
because it is our ego that has to get us
01:23:15
out of bed the next day and say no
01:23:18
you're going to pick yourself up and
01:23:19
you're going to try again you're going
01:23:21
to go again failure is not fatal failure
01:23:23
does not have to final it is just
01:23:26
another step on the journey but to
01:23:28
embrace that step to dust ourselves off
01:23:30
to go again that's when we have to deep
01:23:33
uh dig deep into our ego and say you
01:23:35
know what I am going to be a tool puppy
01:23:37
I am going to own this live kicked my
01:23:39
ass yesterday but I can win today and we
01:23:43
say unless our failure is our final
01:23:45
failure then it's never truly a failure
01:23:47
yeah yeah there's um there's a a saying
01:23:49
that's um popular in New Zealand
01:23:51
especially at um schools um we kids get
01:23:55
called try
01:23:56
hards so no one wants to ever like try
01:23:59
too hard because you don't want to stand
01:24:00
out and I look back now from the
01:24:02
perspective of a 51y old man it's the
01:24:04
most ludicrous and insane thing ever I
01:24:07
know and it's is crazy I thinking back
01:24:09
to to my school and um it's funny I I
01:24:12
live my life in re my my rebellious
01:24:14
phase was an adult I was a very well
01:24:16
behaved teenager again my life was such
01:24:18
chaos at home um I saw sanctuary in
01:24:22
school and um I I didn't have a proof
01:24:24
from my parents so I tried to get
01:24:26
approval from my teachers so um I we had
01:24:29
these like these like what they call
01:24:30
Merit marks at my school so you get 50
01:24:32
Merit marks in a year and you get a
01:24:34
certificate and I was like I need this I
01:24:36
need this yeah this this achievement to
01:24:39
to maybe feel something inside myself so
01:24:41
I could feel like I'm worth something
01:24:43
and I would volunteer to pick up litter
01:24:46
uh to pick up rubbish and lunch time in
01:24:49
my school that's why I didn't have a
01:24:50
girlfriend till I was 19 cuz I the other
01:24:52
kids were playing sport I was just like
01:24:54
chubby kid going around picky up litter
01:24:56
so I could get this Merit Mark and uh
01:24:59
when when all the cool kids like the
01:25:01
tough bullying kids came up to me as
01:25:02
kids tend to do they were like oh you
01:25:04
try hard what are you trying to do and
01:25:07
I'd be like oh yeah you know I I got put
01:25:10
into detention for fighting so teachers
01:25:12
yeah they're making me do this but
01:25:14
really I was trying to be like a good
01:25:15
boy I was like if I pick up enough it's
01:25:17
a metaphor for life if I pick up enough
01:25:19
[ __ ] then maybe someone will love me um
01:25:22
but yeah there is that that try hard
01:25:23
thing I didn't want to be seen as as
01:25:25
trying hard um it's difficult isn't it
01:25:28
you think when I believe when we truly
01:25:30
steep into who we are things should be
01:25:32
difficult but also when you're in your
01:25:33
Zone when you're in your flow I don't
01:25:36
believe that we should be feeling like
01:25:38
we should be trying hard it should be
01:25:39
feeling like it's natural because that's
01:25:41
what we're that's what we are doing what
01:25:43
we were born to do yeah I like that hey
01:25:46
um there's been so many takeaways um I'm
01:25:48
inspired I'm sure a lot of other people
01:25:50
are as well best of luck with the um the
01:25:52
ice Ultra thank you um and or what's
01:25:54
your Instagram handle there gonna be
01:25:56
updates on your there'll be in updates
01:25:58
on Instagram it's the Freddy Bennett
01:26:00
that's where you can find me it's a
01:26:02
Instagram Facebook uh the website is
01:26:04
Freddy M Bennett but generally yeah you
01:26:07
can find me wherever just search for the
01:26:09
Freddy Bennett and uh I always say it
01:26:11
isn't me doing this race we're all doing
01:26:14
this race I'm just the guy doing the
01:26:15
cold bit that involves the running but
01:26:18
anyone who's on a mission anyone who has
01:26:20
a dream anyone who wants to step into
01:26:22
that person who they know they can be
01:26:25
we're all doing this together and I do
01:26:26
this as I say to prove to anyone that
01:26:30
they can create the life they want to
01:26:32
create with the right habits the right
01:26:33
mindset the right knowledge anyone can
01:26:35
live that life that they know they
01:26:37
deserve awesome Freddy benett thanks for
01:26:39
coming on the podcast thank you thanks
01:26:40
for having
01:26:42
[Music]
01:26:53
me oh
