00:00:00
You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian dude. You two
00:00:07
are disgusting. You two are something. We're bad friends. Hey, bad friends. Welcome back to our
00:00:13
300th episode. Woo! We're so excited to be here. We're in so excited.
00:00:19
Phoenix, Arizona. Yeah. Ph. We're o e n iix. Phoenix,
00:00:26
Arizona. This will probably be the last episode that we do. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just getting warmed up, guy.
00:00:32
Yeah, dude. You are. You're warm. And our guest today, go ahead and introduce our guest because Well, he's one of my favorites, man. Yeah.
00:00:37
Um Yeah, man. Shane Gillis, dude. Shane. Top talk top dog. Top top top dog. Top dog.
00:00:44
Yeah. Um buddies, you know, and we're, you know, let's start it off the right way.
00:00:50
What do you want to say anything to Shane after, you know, about 50 episodes ago or something? You just dissed Shane
00:00:56
pretty hard. No, I didn't. Yeah, you did. That's insane. You I saw it was really hurtful. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So, what did I say? Do
00:01:01
you remember? Said I would looked like I was a corpse underwater.
00:01:07
The bog water. Yeah. Yeah. Which, you know, you're not you weren't you weren't wrong. Yeah. Yeah. I know.
00:01:13
And I hurt you. And and you know, my bad, dude. That's okay. And it's like, you know, I to me I look
00:01:20
like I'm right next to you at the b. Don't do that. Look, I did that with my mind, dude. That's pretty good. You know what I mean? You want Asian
00:01:26
magic? That's Asian magic, dude. Telepathy. She's knocking stuff over. Move over. Oh,
00:01:32
hey. Hey, Bob Dylan's here, guys. Get in here, Bob Dylan. Yeah. Okay, here we go. Hang tight.
00:01:38
All right. Oh, thanks, man. Hey, how you doing? Got a show tonight. Is that a cautious wife?
00:01:44
Hey, take it easy on that. Sorry. Been consuming a lot of that
00:01:50
content. Are you liking all that stuff? Oh my god, I'm jerking off. I got no back here. You got no back, bud?
00:01:56
Yeah. Damn. You want backing? I got it. All right. What's up, buddy?
00:02:01
Oh, I'm hung over. We uh we did it up last night. Yeah. Yeah. What happened down in Tucson? We did a show in Tucson. Yeah.
00:02:07
Yeah. What happened? I heard you got I hear you calling out the driver. Huh? Oh, he was dropping bombs.
00:02:13
[ __ ] his pants. Farting up a storm. So like New Jersey in there. Yeah, it was rough. Then we're getting
00:02:18
out of the car and he goes, "See you later, Robert, with your nasty rotten ass."
00:02:23
Jesus Christ. He was a bad driver, too. He was a terrible joke. I just want to go back a little bit back to your apology to Shane because I do
00:02:30
want to make it public on the show. Okay. Why are you trying to hurt my feelings, man? Okay. Can I I'll be honest with you.
00:02:36
Okay. Uh you want to get real? I don't know. I don't Hey, Honcho. You want to get real, amigo?
00:02:42
No. Yeah, I'll get real. Dis when he goes Spanish, he means that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Los
00:02:48
Pontalone is my amigo. Yeah. Okay. That's where I just ate. Yeah. Yeah.
00:02:55
I admire you. Shut the [ __ ] up.
00:03:00
That's worse. No, that's way. Keep talking [ __ ] I'd rather you I'd rather be mean.
00:03:06
Give me a shot, amigo. All right. All right. All right. All right. So, let's be real for a second. Okay.
00:03:12
And don't interrupt. Don't interrupt me, dude, because that's rude. If you keep talking like that, I'm going to call Ice.
00:03:17
All right. I'm not that type. They take Asians. Yeah. Oh, they do? Oh, yeah.
00:03:22
They take Asians out. take a please don't call then. Okay. All right. So, um
00:03:28
I love you so you've been so nice to me and I think we're we're friends and I um you know you look at me in the eyes
00:03:36
fool. All right. All right. You can't find them. Yeah. All right.
00:03:42
That was a good one. 1980 [ __ ] I love it. That's my whole act.
00:03:47
Yeah. Yeah. I love you too, bud. All right. Get back to him. All right. All right. And um when I said
00:03:55
it, I felt bad. Uh when you texted me, it was a threat.
00:04:00
Yeah, we're done or whatever. You're you're mean. I felt bad about it, dude. I thought about it and I'm like, I
00:04:06
shouldn't attack you in that way and I I really admire you and I hope you forgive me. I totally forgive you.
00:04:12
Okay. All right. I forgive you. We go with that now. I didn't need you to do that. I thought that was wild that you did that. I just kind of want to set you up to do that.
00:04:17
That was really cool to do that. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love How about though when I do say something? What
00:04:23
about when I say something about Shane and I go like when I said, "Oh yeah, and Shane's playing Lincoln Financial the football the football stadium." And then
00:04:30
what do you say? That's great. No. No. I know you [ __ ] said something nasty. He go I don't want to hear about Shane's
00:04:36
not the king. He's not the king. That's what he says. I cannot say that. That's [ __ ]
00:04:42
outrageous. We have a whole room of people that absolutely outrageous. Is that true? Is that true that he says
00:04:47
that stuff? It is true. It is true. Thank you. Oh, what the [ __ ] man? So, who is the king?
00:04:53
I don't honestly did I have a slap. You know what I mean? This I said that you did. All right.
00:04:58
All right. My bad. Because here's what here. Can I tell you
00:05:05
why? Yeah. All right. Because he he's like you cuz I didn't want you. You feel bad. I feel
00:05:11
like when you say it. What? I feel bad. Yeah. Cuz you're doing yuck yucks in these smaller places.
00:05:18
You're doing these like, you know, wise guys, you know what I mean? This is a great club. You know what I mean? You weren't you just at that club last
00:05:24
week? I played in two weeks. Yeah. So, what are you talking about? Yeah. But, you know what I mean? Don't step on me. I say it as a celebration of our of the people and I
00:05:30
celebrate as well. No, you don't like it because you're 54. You're old and you think that's weird
00:05:35
that he's young and great and you're old and it's over. He's one of the best comments on planet. I've never [ __ ] did. You say that cuz he's here but not when
00:05:41
he's not here. Where are you? Woo! Slam. What the [ __ ] are you doing, guy? By the way, we're good. Kevin Hart did
00:05:47
the the field did the Eagles and he only did 53K. I think you're going to go for the 70.
00:05:53
I'm Yeah, I'm gonna do the middle. The middle. You need a stage. I'm going to do the round. Oh, yeah.
00:05:58
So, you can fit more people. I just I think doing a stage in a giant place really sucks.
00:06:04
Yeah. Yeah. Like there the whole time I'm up there, I just see someone in the balcony in the back. You're like, "Oh, that must be the
00:06:11
worst show." Yeah, sure. possible. You got to go around. I mean, a football stadium is not going to be the best [ __ ] comedy anyway, but
00:06:16
but it's a milestone. It's going to be great. What's that for you? Huh? What's that for you? What do you mean what's that?
00:06:22
What is that for you? Like that. What would that be for you? I'm confused.
00:06:27
Like Philly doing the football stadium in Philly. Oh jeez. I guess the Superdome.
00:06:32
Yeah, that's our big spot, you know, New Orleans. But would that be what you'd want to do or no? No. You know, we got the Sanger Theater,
00:06:40
which is like our Carnegie Hall, so that would be cool. Yeah. Well, I was a little rude today at the airport. That's all. Couple instances.
00:06:47
You know, we're going back to that now. You know what happened? You know how we segue back into like the thing, you know? Well, you know, I haven't slept in a
00:06:53
couple days. Oh, yeah. I was in Vegas. Oh, [ __ ] You relapse? No.
00:06:58
I went to Hustler Tuesday night. Oh, [ __ ] Yeah. How much you spend?
00:07:04
2700. That's not bad. Yeah. Yeah. What' you get for 2,700? Nothing. Handy?
00:07:09
No handy. Nothing. Come on. Yeah. Well, the thing is is that I was wearing these pants that you don't like. I don't like them.
00:07:14
Yeah. Yeah. And she was doing, you know, how she had a bony ass and she was I was very erect
00:07:20
and she was doing one of those things. It's good. Excuse me. It's good. You
00:07:28
no pill. Whoa. Yeah. El natural. Well done. taking a blue Jew to go to a stripe,
00:07:36
but she was, you know, with her bony ass, right? I was getting rub rug burns on my pee pee.
00:07:41
Oh, yeah. Yeah. And so, and then at the end, she squeezed it. I don't know why she did that at the end. She was looking for it.
00:07:49
Good. It's It's bigger than you think. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it is. Yeah. Yeah, it is. Right. Yeah. Bigger than people think, for
00:07:55
sure. Yeah. Yeah. It doesn't mean anything, but Yeah. Bigger than You know what? I'm almost at a point
00:08:00
right now, dude, that if she leaves, I'll pull it out. Who? Oh [ __ ] Get out of here, Beck. Yeah. Yeah. Jules. She's like my
00:08:08
daughter. So, anyway. Oh. Anyway, can we talk about to I don't for [ __ ] it. I'm not talking about it now.
00:08:13
Talk about it. Too much time now. Talk about it. Wasn't even that great. You talking about the DC bomber?
00:08:19
It's so good. What are you talking about? I have no idea. Don't bring up some more drama, emotional [ __ ] No, I I was just rude today. That's all.
00:08:26
What did you do? Well, so um I was in line and it wasn't moving. You know how that happens.
00:08:32
Not moving at all. Yeah. And I don't have TSA pre-check. Yeah. Which is what I'm insane.
00:08:38
I'm with you. I don't either. I don't have it clear. I did clear. Clear is useless now.
00:08:44
It wasn't moving. It wasn't moving. Then I hear some Indian dude. Oh, this [ __ ]
00:08:49
This [ __ ] Right. Go ahead. What did he sound like? He He had a regular American accent. Oh, okay. Good. Then why was he an
00:08:55
Indian guy? I can smell them. Don't point at me. I'm not with you on that.
00:09:01
Come on. That's appalling. Anyway, it's a joke. I can smell. But anyway, um so um I can hear him like 20
00:09:08
people back. Yeah. Going up to people going, "Hey, I'm late for my flight. Can I go ahead of you?"
00:09:14
You know, and people are like, "Yeah, go ahead." Right. I couldn't wait for mine. Really? You hit him with no
00:09:20
Oh, yeah. Damn. Because I was late. Yeah. Yeah. I was late. They were boarding while I was still in line, right? So, he
00:09:27
comes up to me and he goes, "Hey." I go, "No." Dang. No. You You didn't even let him get it out. I didn't let him get it out. I couldn't
00:09:33
wait. I waited 20 minutes to get it out. Did you just stand behind you? You know what? It was like in the gun. You know what I mean? So, it came out weird.
00:09:41
No. Like that. Wow. What did he do? He goes, "Okay, sir." And then I kind of turned around. I felt
00:09:47
guilty. So, I kind of like, you know, my plane's boarding, too. So, we're all kind of late. You know, because it's, you know, I had to explain it. Yeah.
00:09:53
Yeah. So then here's the second rude thing I did, dude. Mhm. Right. I'm on the aisle seat.
00:10:00
You know what I mean? First class. I just wink at me. I don't know. Don't do that. Yeah. You're on the aisle seat.
00:10:05
It was turbulence. Uh-huh. Right. Flight attendant did one of these. Whoa.
00:10:11
Oh [ __ ] Fell down to the ground. Right. And I didn't even move.
00:10:16
Dude, I did a look. I went, "Damn, you've changed." Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's because when I'm
00:10:22
tired, I don't know what the [ __ ] I'm doing. You look tired. But you always do.
00:10:28
Another 80s Asian thing, huh? I love it. I'm trying to bring it back. It's vintage. This might be Yeah. I think all four of
00:10:33
us are very tired. I'm wiped. This is a tired exhausted. I'm exhausted. Yeah. Yeah.
00:10:39
But it's a good thing. This is going to make for a good show tonight. Four tired live openers. Everyone's just going
00:10:46
exhausted. Are you going to whip it out tonight? I'm whip out. I can't follow that. Yeah. Yeah. I don't whip it out. I have
00:10:51
Dude, first can I say something right now? After we got fined, he stopped doing that. First of all, I've never whipped No. Yeah, I'll get fined a million dollars.
00:10:58
What? I've never whipped my penis out on stage ever. That's not true. That's your My butthole.
00:11:03
Butthole. But hole is hole. Butthole. You know what I mean? But not my Not Toki the Dum Dum.
00:11:09
That thing stays. That thing stays. No, we got fined in Vegas. That's my penis name. No, Vegas. Where were we?
00:11:14
Yeah. Toki the dum dum. Yeah, we got it find in Atlanta. Yeah, he showed his butt in high school. I used to call it that. Anyway. Anyway.
00:11:20
How do you show a butthole? Do you go all fours? Like he does it. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He does it too. But
00:11:27
I do it away. [ __ ] hack. Stole that from me, dude.
00:11:32
That's Bobby's bit. Yeah. Yeah. That's my closer, dude. Anyway, um is that a phone you got going there?
00:11:38
It was an audience member's phone. They were like, "Can I have a picture with you?" And I took a took his phone. Took a picture of my butthole. Give it back
00:11:43
to him. Have you seen this butthole? No. It's so nice. Is it red like your hair? It's pink. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's pink. It's very
00:11:49
pink. Pink. Red. I love it. Cuz a lot of buttholes are brown. That's right. Guilty.
00:11:55
Is yours brown? Oh my god. Like like that Indian guy you turned up.
00:12:01
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, how have you seen it? Oh yeah. How? Check it out. Check it out in the mirror
00:12:06
before you shower. You got to see what's going on. Yeah. You got to take a look. Take a look. You ever stood over a mirror? That'll
00:12:11
wake you up. Holy [ __ ] Really? It's like the seventh circle of hell. It's like the valley of death down
00:12:19
there. You lay it You lay it down on the ground. Lay it down. You squat right over it. Woo. You learn who you are.
00:12:25
Yeah. Yeah. That's crazy. When do you do that? Ah, usually around Christmas. Yeah. A lot of hair. What's What's going
00:12:31
on down there? A lot of ball bag, a lot of bee hole, a lot of toilet paper. Yeah. Do you shave your [ __ ] I shave.
00:12:37
No. You shave, Shane? What do you mean? Like I'll just show you my pubes.
00:12:42
No. I mean, just look. Okay. Like they're trim. They're trimmed. Jeez, what? He got a C-section scar. He
00:12:49
got the belly of a lady with three kids. I told him he had like a fa. He's got like a little baby fa.
00:12:54
It's kind of cute. Lord. All right. It's a cute little food. Trying to lose weight, but all right. You're trimming. You're trimming. You're
00:12:59
not shaving. You're trimming. I trim. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's the first thing that Shane said to you was that you look skinny. That
00:13:04
was really nice. That was really nice. Thank you. You're trim Jun.
00:13:10
That's good, dude. Sleep all in hell. Yeah. We're tired. We're gay. Yeah. Yeah. When you check,
00:13:16
what's the time? What's the how how long until when you walk into the hotel room until you till you jerk off?
00:13:21
Immediately. Pretty immediate. I get the the towel down. Go right at it. Put the towel down.
00:13:26
I want to look at it. Yeah. I say contrast. See the spray. You get spray. Yes. Yeah. I got Okay.
00:13:33
What do you really think the time is? I think mine was like maybe 15 minutes. Yeah. Sure. 1520.
00:13:39
The bag. You put it in the corner and then you change the temperature a little bit. Yeah. Plug the phone in. put my adopt kit in
00:13:45
the bathroom. Yep, I do that. So, there is a step by step and then finally you look at the bed and you go,
00:13:51
"Okay, now let me ask you this one. You guys ever just shoot it on the carpet?" No, but somebody else told me they did
00:13:56
this and it bothered the [ __ ] out of me. Crazy. You do that? Me neither. No, it's freeing. You feel like an
00:14:02
American. No, but as you get older, you know what comes out? Just a visine drop.
00:14:07
Oh, yeah. If you can hear it, this is what it sounds like.
00:14:13
And that's it. And there's probably two sperms in there. Half one of them is probably dead. You know what I mean? But it's like, you
00:14:19
know, when you get old, you know what I mean? That's what happened. Your sperm comes out with its hands behind his back like an old Asian man.
00:14:24
Yeah. Yeah. Slowly solders out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's what
00:14:29
it does, dude. Slurping noodles. Because you probably have marshmallow shots, right? Yeah, for sure.
00:14:35
What do you mean? No, I'm curious as to what you mean. Yeah. Yeah. But do you have a thick load? Like is it the con? What?
00:14:42
All right. All right. All right. All right. What? Too much. Yeah. Too deep. Yeah. My bad. Keep it up. Keep it up top.
00:14:47
Yeah. Yeah. Keep it up top. Keep it up top. I mean, he's the one that brought up the [ __ ] Yeah, but he did it very elegantly. I
00:14:53
had a little class. Oh, mine was too like vivid. Oh, my bad. Okay.
00:14:58
No, now we got to we got to squash a beef. You and I. Yeah. Let's go. Let You're going mad viral with these uh
00:15:06
impressions. I'm trying to steal your act, dude. I'm stealing his I'm stealing your act, dude.
00:15:11
Yeah, good impression. It's very good. Are you offended by it? No, but Nick Mullen and you should have
00:15:17
a a me off. Well, Mullen is good at it. Oh my god, he's killer. Let me see if I can do I'll just copy
00:15:24
what you say. Let's see. All right. I want to hear I actually want to hear Mull pull it up. It's pretty I don't know if it's document. It's really good.
00:15:30
Okay. Yeah, you do. Norman. Well, I I do you do it for I'll do the third. I have to keep hearing him and then I
00:15:36
can do it. Yay. Hey, hey, hey. I'm gay. Hey, I'm gay. This is pretty close.
00:15:41
This is pretty close. That's the one though. Yeah. Yeah. Hey. Yeah. When you go when you when you go I'm gay. And look away.
00:15:48
He's got He as I actually asked him to do it at the bar just now. I was like, "Do Norman." Oh, wow. That's very good.
00:15:54
Yeah. You got it. It does. I I I imagine it would bother you. No, I don't care. You know what's so funny is that when I
00:16:00
first started doing it, it's only because I can't do I can't do like celebrity. I can't do like when someone's like they do an impression of
00:16:05
this famous person. I can do people I'm friends with if I can. If I hear it and I go, I think I can reach that in my
00:16:11
voice, right? And yours is me just going here. I just tuck it back. Pretty good.
00:16:17
Yeah. Bobby's impressions are unmatched. Unmatched.
00:16:22
Yeah. Yeah. Who do you do? Oh my god, dude. Do the Do the gangster. What? Do your gangster.
00:16:28
What's up, fool? Yeah. Oh, really good. Good. Damn. What's up, homie? And then do your British guy.
00:16:34
Hello. So good. Honestly, that was My name is Benjamin.
00:16:39
Pretty good. Yeah. Eight years on a sketch show. National TV. In your face, dude.
00:16:44
Damn. Yeah. Yeah. Not like it, but you know. What's so funny?
00:16:49
It was on TV. No, Matt TV ruled. Oh, yeah. Spears. It was pretty good.
00:16:56
Yeah. Why don't See, that's what you do. No, it was that's what you do. Well, if SNL If SNL is Coca-Cola, Matt
00:17:02
TV was Pepsi. It was good. It was It was fine. If someone's like, "You want to watch SNL?" And they're like, "Is Matt TV okay?"
00:17:07
It's actually Crystal Pepsi because it's gone.
00:17:12
Matt TV was very good. Did you feel like you were you did you feel like you were in second position?
00:17:18
Yeah. Really? Yeah. That's called ratings. No, but I mean like didn't you feel Didn't you feel like there were weeks
00:17:23
where you you were like, "Oh, this is we're we're a much better show." Well, I I mean I knew we weren't because it's like when Mad TV ended, we ended
00:17:30
when Amy Polar retired from SNL, right? M and immediately she's on TV shows and and then I remember um waiting in line
00:17:38
on these auditions and I remember running into like Ike and Jordan all these guys and like just back in line.
00:17:45
Look at all the people from that show that are killing though. Baron Holtz huge Keegan and Jordan Peele.
00:17:50
Yeah. I mean he was on that. Yeah, dude. I didn't know that. They exploded. Yeah.
00:17:57
Isn't that crazy? And the Kenny Rogers guy. What's his name? Will Sassil
00:18:02
there's so many funny people that came from that show and they just blew up. Michael McDonald. No, no, but they like blew up.
00:18:08
Huge celebrities. Yeah, they became We were 18th on the variety thing.
00:18:14
Yeah, but I'm saying like those other people Yeah. Yeah. That's You know what? That's a big deal. Domino. Domino's Pizza. DM Domino's
00:18:21
Pizza. It's my favorite. Remember Do you remember when we were in high school in high school and you'd be sitting around, you'd be like, "Is
00:18:27
someone going to get a Domino's?" You're like, "Who's going to get the Domino's?" Yeah, I'll get the Dominoes. I used to steal money from my dad to get Dominoes.
00:18:32
You did? Yeah. Because, you know, I mean, we couldn't He wouldn't get it, so I would get it. Where did your dad hide money?
00:18:38
What? Where did he hide his money? His shoes. Money shoes. Yeah. Yeah. And I would grab that shoe
00:18:43
money, right? And I would buy Domino's. Call Domino's up. And it's perfect. It's perfect. Whether you're by yourself, which I do,
00:18:49
or you're with a group of friends, which Bobby loves. Yeah. It's always good to order. It's community food.
00:18:54
It's community food, but it could be you food. It's all right. Yeah. Yeah, I've eaten a whole pie. I mean, I've eaten I think I could eat two.
00:19:01
You could eat it anywhere. Like you're in a corporate environment, you know, with the CEO. Let's get some bananas. But then you're a Burning Man with some
00:19:07
hippies. That's right. Right. You share it there. Right. Or you're just in the park, dude. It's great. And they've stepped up
00:19:12
their game. The the quality and the the um level of pizza has evolved.
00:19:19
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promo code space 80. Have you been with someone where you like think of something's going to land and they're like I don't really like
00:21:44
that kind of oh the story of my life. What are you kidding? [ __ ] that I go oh my god dude.
00:21:51
It's like my Budapest story with the Jam Lee Curtis. Oh yeah. Do you guys know the story? No. What happened?
00:21:57
Oh my god. That's long. I don't want to just give the bridge version. So, I'm doing this movie with Jamie Lee Curtis.
00:22:02
We're in Budapest and she goes, "Meet me tomorrow. I'm going to give you I'm going to show you something, some education."
00:22:08
So, we show up and there's a bunch of actors there. I don't know anybody. And this is like second day there. I don't know anybody. And I also you
00:22:14
you're self-conscious because you're like, they can see through me. I'm not talented. You know what I mean? You know
00:22:20
what I mean? Right. These are all But these are real actors. You know what I mean? I don't know how I got this. You know what I mean?
00:22:26
I agree. So, we were by this we lived by this river and um Jamie and there was
00:22:32
these bronze shoes along the river, right? And there was like this theatrical like
00:22:37
um Broadway star Cheyenne Jackson. He's like this gay guy and he's like super talented. He can sing, dance, all that
00:22:44
stuff, right? Yeah, he's gay. You said that. And and Okay. Yeah. Yeah. And then um Jamie goes
00:22:50
um but during the um 1940s Nazis occupation of Hungary they lined up all
00:22:56
these Jews and they shot them on the river and they pushed them into the river right and that's why we have these
00:23:01
bronze right you know I mean shoes on the river banks right and then Cheyenne Jackson goes he starts crying
00:23:08
and he goes oh my god a little kid was shot here cuz look at
00:23:13
these baby shoes and I don't know what came over me I go it could have been a Mitch
00:23:20
and they all walked away from me, right? And I sat there staring at these shoes
00:23:26
going, I think I'm [ __ ] done. I think they're going to fire me. That's the end of the business. Yeah. Yeah. And that's why Borderlands did bad.
00:23:31
You think so? That's why that movie tanked. It ruined the entire vibe of the film. But, you know, as a comic, were there
00:23:38
comics there? If you guys were there, you would have been They're fine, but Yeah. Yeah. But it's like, you know, actors are just so
00:23:43
sensitive. They're the worst. They You hate hanging out with them. They suck. They're not fun.
00:23:48
How long did you Did you try to get on anything? I've I've auditioned for 9,000 things. I've never gotten one.
00:23:54
Wow. Not one. Really? Gone in the room, done the self tape. I've gotten teachers and coaches.
00:24:01
Disgusting. It's the eye contact. And maybe it's the eye contact. I said the shade of the bar.
00:24:06
Hey, don't do that. I was like, you nor Norman can't hold it. It's like a dog. You got to look away. I stared at you long enough.
00:24:13
Can't do it. So, like, take off your glasses. Look at me for a second. Come on. Yeah. Do it. Let's do a little acting scene here.
00:24:18
Let's see it. Yeah. Yeah. Come on and try. Yeah. All right. Look at Andrew. He can't do it.
00:24:24
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You can't do it. It's too intense. So, you you've never you've never been in on anything? Not a thing. Oh,
00:24:31
I was You've done yourself on Late Night and stuff like that. I've done Yeah, I've done standup. But as an actor, you've never been in
00:24:36
anything. Zilch. I was in Horus and Pete. Oh, that was great. Which Louis saw me do a set. He was
00:24:42
like, "You're weird. You want to do with this show?" And I was like, "Okay." And it was awesome. But if you watch it, I am clearly the worst thing
00:24:49
in it. The uh auditions are impossible. Impossible. The worst. I I tried I did like three ever
00:24:55
and they were just I I auditioned for Joker 2 and filmed it. Okconor just filmed me on
00:25:02
his phone in my kitchen in Queens and I was like fake smoking a cigarette. I was like
00:25:08
what are these doing? Like my line was just a racist line. Ah, you're better
00:25:15
off not get that movie sucked anyway. And then uh I didn't know you had to memorize the lines. I was going to
00:25:20
auditions and just read it. I just read the [ __ ] script. It's a lot of work. People do though. That's the thing. There's certain like
00:25:26
actors that can just get away with they'll bring the sides and if they're if their like attitude is is matches
00:25:32
their talent, they don't give a [ __ ] if they read off the lines. That always I memorized everything I ever went out
00:25:38
for. Like everything all the thousands of things I never got. I would sit up all night and memorize it. Then I would
00:25:43
see like cool guy walk in with the sides and they'd come out smiling be like, "Thanks a lot, Tim." And they love that
00:25:48
guy. Well, I thought I could do that. I could not. I was nervous. Armpits are
00:25:54
sweating. I'm like, "Yeah, mom's spaghetti." Like John Cho would be like, you know what I mean? We'd be on set about the
00:26:00
film and he's like reading it. I What are you doing? He's like, "I'm memorizing it now." Whoa. He goes, "When did you memorize yours?"
00:26:06
3 weeks ago. Yeah. Every day. 24 hours a day. Just laying in bed
00:26:11
saying it. Like I was on the flight back to Chicago and who'd I sit next to? Who?
00:26:16
You remember I called you and he goes, "Hey man, say hi to your Bobby buddy Bobby Lee for me." And I said, "Oh yeah,
00:26:22
for sure." And he goes, "Tell him I'm sorry." And I He was super genuine and I was like, "Sorry." I mean, I'm going to
00:26:28
All right, I'll tell him you said what's up. Then I called you immediately. And I said, "Why is he saying sorry? We don't have
00:26:34
to say his name." So it was my first acting job, right? And I didn't know what a jib was. I didn't know anything about the
00:26:39
terminology, of course. Right. And there was this thing where the camera goes into my face and I kind of would move my head back because I got
00:26:46
scared and then I have to say a line and I just couldn't do it. You know what I mean? Yeah. It was just like too much
00:26:52
for me. You know what I mean? And the line was complicated or whatever. But you know, they cut the line, whatever.
00:26:58
It's not necessary. And at the end of the day, I walked up to him and I go, "Um, hey Mr. Will, thank you for the
00:27:04
job." You know what I mean? And he had a cigar and he ashed it in my face. No way. Get out of here.
00:27:10
Yeah. Yeah. And I went and I walked away. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. And it turned away crying. Dude, I
00:27:15
used to have directors go, "Get on your mark." No way. Yeah. In the '9s. Yeah.
00:27:20
Hey, get on your Yeah. The good old days, man. We
00:27:26
We could have relived. Yeah. But it's like, you know, I mean, back in the day, they were [ __ ] mean.
00:27:32
Wa. And these traumatic experiences, but the ter, you're right about the terminology that I have no idea. I don't
00:27:38
act. And then I I did a movie and the guy he's yelling to find the lens. He's like, "Look at the [ __ ] lens. Find
00:27:44
the lens." Yeah. Yeah. I'm staring directly into the Oh, yeah. For the first three days, anytime I was
00:27:49
talking, I'm looking directly down the barrel of the lens. And then there's so many scenes that are ruined. And then on
00:27:55
the fourth day, he says again, "Find the lens." And I'm like, "You you don't mean like look into the camera." And he was like, "No." All
00:28:02
right. Like started a scene. And I was just like, "We're not going to be able to use anything." Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because we don't we I
00:28:09
didn't take a class, right? One day they're just like, "Do you want to be in this?" I was like, "That's crazy. You never do it." And you show up
00:28:15
and you're like, "I can't do it." Yeah. That's scary. I was in Train Wreck and Apppattows. So he's like one of
00:28:22
these riff guys like, "Change it, make it your own, do it again." So you have to like think of stuff on the fly. And
00:28:27
he walked over to me and he's like, "You're supposed to be funny. Like I'm asking you to be funny." And I was like, "Oh." Uhhuh. And I was trying to be
00:28:34
funny. Yeah. Yeah. And uh then I got cut. Hey, I was trying to be
00:28:39
Hey, I was trying to be. No, you know, it it is it's pain it's it's also painful when it's someone that
00:28:44
like uh I got one little tiny line in a Christopher guest show, you know, that's
00:28:50
Yeah. And he's phenomenal. I love everything he's done. But the audition was incredible and I did great and I
00:28:55
thought this is awesome because we just improded in the audition, me and him. And then on the day I'm supposed to die.
00:29:00
I'm a Confederate soldier that gets shot. And I we did the scene and he was like, "Is
00:29:07
that how you would die?" And I was like, "Fuck, I have no idea. I don't know how to die."
00:29:13
And I kept thinking about like how to die. And then I got more and more nervous. Brer did that with me and he's standing next to me. And then Matt was
00:29:18
like, "What are you going to do now?" I was like, "I don't [ __ ] know." So then every time it came up, I got so
00:29:24
nervous. I got so freaked out that but the end the what ended up happening is he was
00:29:29
like you're supposed to be a man who thinks he's a Confederate soldier. Would
00:29:36
you over dramatize it a little bit? I was like, maybe
00:29:41
tell me what to do. Stop, dude. He leaves you little breadcr
00:29:47
then then at one take I thought it'd be funny to just be like obnoxious. So I get shot and I go
00:29:56
and that's the one they used. Great. Yeah, that was all I got cuz I at that point I was like, well, I did everything
00:30:02
I thought I should have done. Obviously, he doesn't care anymore. Maybe he's going to cut away from me
00:30:07
anyway. So, I did it. And that's on the show. I slowly fall going.
00:30:13
And And I was like, why would he? But that's why he did it to be like, do something else, be funny.
00:30:18
But it's it's but it's hard to because it's either they're being they're being like really harsh or they're like, I'm trying
00:30:25
to trick your brain into doing something else. M not well the worst is uh trying to [ __ ] improv
00:30:32
and they're just like cut like McKver when we're doing tires a lot
00:30:37
of it we're [ __ ] around and just trying to find something funny and like you're like I think I got to you just hear someone just cut middle of a joke
00:30:44
you're like damn but you don't get nervous on tires it's your show so you must feel comfortable
00:30:49
and you're you on the show bas that's where you want to get to be
00:30:55
yourself that's the dream is anybody Not them on the show. I'm trying to think. No,
00:31:01
but like Ka Kayla's Kyla's Kyler. Yeah, but she But that's still a play out of like a
00:31:06
a little a little really. Yeah, she's never acted or done comedy or anything. We were just
00:31:12
I thought she she I thought she acted. No, we just like you're be yourself as
00:31:17
you can. So nobody there's nobody. No one. Stop a little. He's like a mean guy. Yeah.
00:31:23
He acts like he likes mom Donnie. He's been doing that game for
00:31:28
Well, he wants that free grocery store. We got a guy in our crew that uh you
00:31:34
have to do us one little favor at some point is let um Carlos is a big is a massive fan and take off your hat so he
00:31:40
can see. You think that guy couldn't work in a mechanic shop? Holy hell, that scared the [ __ ] out of me. We think you need to put him just
00:31:46
walking through the background of tires at the shop because he's a mechan. I mean, that's a born mechanic right
00:31:51
there, brother. Um, I'm I'm balding and I keep saying I'm going to be man enough to not
00:31:58
fix it. Damn. Damn, dude. That's [ __ ] wild. I I
00:32:06
respect it. Yeah. You know how you know how women have that thing about like the hat guy the hat game guys that are like what are
00:32:12
they without the hat? Put the hat back on. Yeah. Look at how [ __ ] handsome this man is with a hat. It's unbelievable. Yeah. I
00:32:19
mean, that is the greatest chameleon I've ever seen in my life. Yeah. You look like movie director without the hat. Your your bus station.
00:32:27
Yeah. Child porn director. Yeah. And I I know, Shane, that you offered me a roll in tires.
00:32:33
Yeah. And I didn't do it because I just at the time I didn't want to do an Asian accent, but I'm doing Asian accents
00:32:40
again. So, if you want, you know what I mean? Hey, let me do his Asian accent. I do it
00:32:45
on this thing all the time. Yeah. I mean, if there was ever a part in there, you know what I mean? I do for free. No, don't give him anything.
00:32:50
I think your character was going to have a American accent. Boo. It was going to be You were going to be the interpreter for uh an Asian tire
00:32:57
company. That's not what my agent said. My agent said that you're doing you have a thick Asian accent. We It's fluid.
00:33:04
We'll finish the script day of This guy's got such a good team. They're always keeping him a breast on
00:33:09
everything. They're the worst. They're the worst. He's a business manager that's 105. I'm not I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. in
00:33:14
high school. Dude, he is he I'll call that guy sometimes
00:33:19
and I'm like, "Hey, we need to put money in the account so we can for our tour." And he's like, "We'll get around to it."
00:33:26
I'm like, "No, we need it like now." He also does Stevie Wonder's manager and stuff like, you know what I mean? He does other people.
00:33:32
He does not do Stevie Wonder. His manager, not Stevie Wonder.
00:33:40
Just the manager. Yeah. All right. Get let's get Shane will give you a new part. Let's Can you let's see you do a scene then to to pitch yourself
00:33:46
to Shane. No. What are you talking about? What are you doing? Everybody play themselves and you crash more than any other.
00:33:52
That's good. I had no idea you were foreign. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That makes sense. Well, he's an American citizen now. We
00:33:58
got him naturalized this past year. Thank God. So, back off, Ice. Yeah. Give him Go ahead. Let's hear it.
00:34:04
All right. Here you go. Just give it to Bob. Are we Are you being real? Yeah, this
00:34:09
your audition for Yeah, that's your audition for Tires. Whoa. All right. Are you being [ __ ] real, dude?
00:34:15
Yeah. What part am I playing? Uh, it's called Jing Jong Bing.
00:34:22
You'll be playing Jung Bing. Yeah, I'll be OC. I'll be the lady.
00:34:28
Yeah, I'm going to be Okconor. All right, here we go. Let's do it. Go ahead. All right.
00:34:34
Hey, you're finally back. Where'd you go? Your car's ready. We were watching the Penn State game at the diner. Very
00:34:41
good playing. Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut. It's not gay. Who's that voice? Yeah. Sucking up.
00:34:46
I was playing character. Just be you. Yeah, be you. All right. Little more sucking up to Shane.
00:34:52
I know. I was I had made it to You know what you did at the beginning of the podcast? Yeah. Just do that here.
00:35:00
All right. You ready? Hold. Can I just I need to resolve this. What are you doing, guy?
00:35:05
Just giving you I'm trying to get you the show. I know. I know, but you're making it really uncomfortable. I just want to get you on the show. You it Listen, dude. All right. I was
00:35:12
just kidding. It's so funny to be like having a side with someone but in front of the people.
00:35:17
Okay. Come on. All right. Get on the show. Just don't interrupt me, though. You got it. I won't. Okay. All right.
00:35:23
Yeah. Sorry about that. Hey, you're finally back. Where'd you go? Your car is ready. We were watching the Penn State game at
00:35:29
the diner. Same place. That's the exact same voice that you did before. or you didn't even change it a
00:35:34
little bit. All right. Uh well, I'll just do it like this and the way I'm talking now. No, no, no. A little bit. Come on. Maybe you make me nervous.
00:35:41
What? Dude, first of all, come absolutely nervous right now, dude. I don't want to do this right now.
00:35:47
I actually I'm drowning. I don't like trying to read. Yeah, dude. I'm [ __ ] drowning right now, dude. I feel like I'm sweating.
00:35:52
You're going to kill it. No, it's I'm not kidding. I'm drowning, dude. Come on. So good. All right.
00:35:58
Acting. Come on. It's getting better. Take it. It is getting a little bit better. Do it. Do it now.
00:36:03
You should do it in my my Norman. No, I can't do it. Anyway, go ahead. Hey. Hey, you're finally back. Where'd
00:36:10
you go? Your car's ready. We're watching the Penn Stain game at the diner. Very good playing. Do you like
00:36:15
what? They uh they play on Saturdays. Oh, must have been a rerun. All right. Uh anyway, your car's ready.
00:36:21
Here's the total. Cash a card. $840. I only got one tire.
00:36:28
Now we're getting somewhere. That's good. I I recommend you get uh three more since uh one won't solve your
00:36:34
hydroplaning problem. Why is it so expensive, dude? Is that your daughter?
00:36:39
Yeah, I'm his American daughter. Don't worry, we're not ice.
00:36:45
You guys love that ice joke. That's the guy.
00:36:50
Okay. Okay. Oh yeah, we're that cheap. Who's Cal?
00:36:55
You. You just Oh, I thought it was Will. Yeah, you're doing both. Okay, good.
00:37:01
That's the guy. You're sick, dude. Can you ask your American daughter to step away? Sir, let's have a private
00:37:07
conversation. You're scaring me, guys. What's going on?
00:37:12
Did you didn't do the uh Korean? Bobby speaks in Korean, clicks his tongue at Jules.
00:37:18
Okay. Uh you I don't know the I don't know how to say this in Korean.
00:37:25
You're scaring me, guys. Is that Korean?
00:37:32
Yeah, I don't think you got the show. Can you speak Korean? I don't think you got it. Who wrote this, by the way? You did,
00:37:37
Carlos. Really good stuff. Carlos is a screenwriter. Oh, no.
00:37:43
It was good. Former writers. Really? Former Avatar Writers. Was he hard to
00:37:48
work with? Yes. Thank you. Who's that? My mom's here.
00:37:55
Oh my mom. My My mom. My mom's here, dude. Oh, she looks younger than you.
00:38:01
Mom. Oh my god. Mom. Sore throat though. You do? What's going on, mom?
00:38:08
Who's the lucky guy? He know what, Carlos?
00:38:14
We got to get you HMS, dude. We got to get you some H, dude. Holy hell. Damn.
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00:41:40
Should we bang a gong or anything? Should we bow? Hold up. Nice to meet you.
00:41:45
Nice to meet you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hello, Mark. My friend Mark. Hi, Mark.
00:41:50
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Nice to meet you. Mrs. Lee. Yeah. Yeah. M. Lee.
00:41:57
Lee. Why? Cuz dad died. Dad died. That's right. Yeah. You were there. We
00:42:03
were there. Remember? That was a bad day. Definitely.
00:42:09
You ever thought about uh remarrying, getting back on the horse? Yeah. Yeah. No.
00:42:15
Did you ever have any fantasies after dad died with other men or No. Okay.
00:42:21
Oh, no. Why? Why? Why can we upfront like Yeah. Same. When we were growing up, when I was growing up, right, I would tell her
00:42:27
everything. They're too old. Oh, right. I don't like old men. Okay.
00:42:32
You like a BTS. Younger. Young going to go out with the miss.
00:42:38
Well, how about 37? That's too old.
00:42:44
Gabrio. 20. Okay. Okay. Mom. What do you But what how about like height? You want? Do they have to be
00:42:50
tall? Do they have to be tall and big? Tall. Tall. Got to be tall. Like how tall? Like how tall? 62.
00:42:57
62. 63. Right. Right. Remember
00:43:04
those nasty things you said about me? It's all come crashing down now. I'm 20 and I'm Yeah.
00:43:10
Good. Good. 20 and 60. Yeah. Yeah. Are you staying at the hotel?
00:43:15
Are you staying here? I better. Oh, yeah. She can.
00:43:20
You want to go to the president's suite? Sh. What are you doing? He can fix that throat.
00:43:26
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's my mom. You know what I mean? Little throat coat. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:43:31
You speak Korean? Oh, yeah. Oh, you do? Have you seen his SNL audition?
00:43:41
Say something. Pull it up. How How you say I love you in Korean.
00:43:47
I think he says neuter. How do I say it? How you say I love you in Korean?
00:43:53
I don't know how racist I can. I don't want to I don't want to actually
00:43:59
No, my mom can take it. Okay. Well, the way you say uh I love you in Korean is Oh, man. I love you a long time.
00:44:05
There it is. Long time no see. Long time no see.
00:44:11
I'm sorry. Yeah.
00:44:17
That sounds like the same That sounds like the same rhythm when you walk into a sushi joint. You know, when I when I
00:44:25
It's the same thing. I love you. That means I love you, city fish.
00:44:31
Okay. Are you okay with the white man, the round eye or do you prefer? No problem with me.
00:44:36
No problem. What's that? Doesn't matter colors. Oh, really? Even black? Oh, yeah.
00:44:42
Whoa. You better watch out, Bobby. Spanish, you know. Spanish. Yeah. Well, Did you ever date a
00:44:47
black guy? Yeah. Did you ever date a black guy or a Spanish man? Did you ever date a Spanish man?
00:44:53
No. No. No. You have? No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. It sounds
00:45:00
like a little family secrets about to come out. Just dreaming. Not just dreaming.
00:45:06
I think you've only been with You've only been with dad, right? Yeah. What? Shane, come on. Feels a little
00:45:17
um Did you get work done on your face? Huh? Did you get any Botox or anything?
00:45:23
Are you kidding? You didn't give me money for that. You got to pay for it, buddy. You look great.
00:45:29
You're only 82. What do you expect? 82. Dude, you look amazing. Yeah. I'm going to live up to 100.
00:45:37
I hope I hope so, Mom. I hope so. No, me. No, I want you to. Yeah. Yeah, you won't. No. No, she
00:45:42
weighs no 90. You think I'll die at 90? 100. You want to go 100? Yeah. Yeah.
00:45:48
But how old will he he'll be 90 when he dies? No, he going to be 100, too. Wow. Oh, 30 more years.
00:45:55
In our gen, you know, DNA. So, Oh, we have long livers. Yeah. My father live up to 96 years.
00:46:02
But but not on dad's side of the family. They die early. Yeah. They die.
00:46:07
You are my line. You're on your line. Mom's line. Yeah. You're such a nice mom.
00:46:13
She's cool. Beautiful. Yeah. And you're very beautiful. She put me through three rehabs. Three rehabs. Whoa.
00:46:19
Remember the rehabs? Yeah. Oh my god.
00:46:26
Remember? Oh, damn. Those are good. The good old days. Rehab, too. Yeah. But you know, I'm sober now again.
00:46:33
Yeah. For what? For what? Drinking. Yeah, [ __ ]
00:46:40
I don't smoke. No, I'm s I'm sober. You are? Yeah. I don't know how long,
00:46:45
but almost four years again. What? Four years. Almost again. How is always four years?
00:46:51
I relapse every time. Every four years. It does feel like four years. Yeah. Every four years I relapse. Yeah,
00:46:56
it's almost time. The witching hour. Yeah, it's coming. Yeah. Do you think I will?
00:47:02
I hope not. I'd like to be around there for that. You need to see that. I would hate it. Please, God don't.
00:47:07
Yeah. Tell them what I'm like. It's really not fun. Were you Were you sober when you drove me home from that comedy club that time?
00:47:14
I don't think I was. I don't think I was because we drove for like three hours left of the comedy club
00:47:21
and I didn't want to say anything, but I was watching him just miss every exit on the GPS.
00:47:26
That's the Asian. I know. I couldn't I couldn't tell. And then Oh, yeah. No, you were definitely not sober cuz you were like, "We better
00:47:31
hurry hurry up and get home cuz these pills are about to kick in." Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:47:37
Yeah. Did you know your mom was coming? No, we should have told you. No. You know what? No, you should have told.
00:47:42
Yeah, it was a good surprise. Got it. Thank you. Yeah.
00:47:51
I seen that so many times. What? He does it all the time. He loves it.
00:47:56
Yeah. The Korean
00:48:01
starts, dude. Once it starts, they're plotting our demise. Yeah. You smell it, Mom? Mhm.
00:48:07
Uhhuh. I have a nose like a dog. I can smell, you know.
00:48:12
That was That was for your dad. That was one for the dad. That was Rapa. Yeah. What's his name? Rick Shaw. All right.
00:48:22
319. That makes sense cuz you'd have to have the lead. But
00:48:32
that's great. We're having a good time. Mom, what have you been doing though? What have you been doing with yourself?
00:48:38
I assume a lot of things. Like tell me. I do I
00:48:44
had all day. I have two of this. Yeah. Yeah. You have two iPads? I Yeah.
00:48:49
Because one you bought for me, one Steven B for me. Okay. See, that's it. Take him all day, you
00:48:55
know. Yeah. Yeah. iPad Queen. She loves the iPad. You know, like I play, you know, games.
00:49:00
Solitaire. Solitaire and wars game, you know. Yeah. Yeah. War game. War game. Yeah. Yeah.
00:49:07
Korean War. Yeah. No. English. Mom, I don't talk.
00:49:12
Mom, tell tell us about the Korean War. You were a kid, right? Oh, during the Korean War.
00:49:18
Seven. Seven. Whoa. What was the worst thing you saw at the Korean? Which is this is funny. You know, dead people on the street.
00:49:23
What? Dead people on the street. On the street. You know, we live by the
00:49:29
mountain, right? There's a lot of people, you know, on the mountain. Yeah. Dead mountain people, huh?
00:49:34
Yeah. Yeah. It's like LA. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And did you what did you poke their bodies and what did you do?
00:49:39
You stole their shoes. What did you do? I mean, when you walk Yeah. Dead. I should I have to I don't
00:49:45
have to poke them. Oh. Was it scary? Because I was so young, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:49:51
To me most like games, you know. So, I don't have a bad memory about war,
00:49:56
you know. Okay. So, how'd you get out? I never fight with them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So invaded to south west and south.
00:50:06
Yeah. We know how it went. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You don't do you like North Koreans?
00:50:12
I I don't have reason to hate them. Yeah. Good answer, Mom. Except you know politics and but they
00:50:19
are the same people. They are the same people. Yeah. That's they speak the same. They look the same. You love all Asians.
00:50:26
You love all Asians. No, not the Japanese. Not the Japanese.
00:50:31
I love you know what do the Japanese do to us? They they are conquered I mean they
00:50:40
occupied occupied mean 40 years. They're mean. 37 years.
00:50:45
Yeah. 37 years. Yeah. Oh, very mean. You know what dad told me once? We we couldn't eat because they took all
00:50:50
our rice to You don't take the rice. You don't take the rice. Yeah. That's why we you know take everything. You leave the rice. Leave
00:50:56
the rice. was so short that time the Korean is the tallest one in Asia but
00:51:02
then at during that time we couldn't eat this like a shrink then after Korean war
00:51:08
they grow up so now they are kind of average like
00:51:14
I'm seven you think I'm average I think I'm small average
00:51:19
you think I'm average for being Korean I don't think so in my family in your family in the Lee family where
00:51:24
I'm average yeah in the family Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I am. No, Eddie, my cousin.
00:51:29
Oh, my my Euro family. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, okay.
00:51:35
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what dad said once? You know what dad said once about the
00:51:40
Japanese? Long time ago. Long time ago.
00:51:45
They used to tie us a Korean by ankle with a rope, right? Hang us upside down.
00:51:53
I'm like, "Okay, Dad." And they took out the N. Pick nail. Pick nail. Right. And then he said,
00:51:59
"Is that why you guys own those salons?" Is that how it started?
00:52:04
All right. Good question. That's actually a fair It's a fair question. Yeah, that's
00:52:09
actually maybe true. It's a fair and he said, um, they used to dunk us in
00:52:15
boiling water. Yeah. So they we you'd plop in a layer of
00:52:21
skin, you know what I mean? And then eventually you would die. But I was 8 years old when dad told me that.
00:52:26
They do like you know expert from they put you know experience you know
00:52:33
for Korean like a Jewish. Oh the tattoo. Oh the tattoo. The chemical things.
00:52:38
Oh the chemical things. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Asian Japan. I think not the people don't they don't
00:52:45
know. Yeah. It's the military. The military. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's why we had to drop a bomb on them
00:52:51
twice. Yeah. Because I I
00:52:57
he just we dropped the bomb on them twice. Oh, twice.
00:53:03
Hiroshima and Nagasaki. The once. No, twice. You think one would be enough, but Yeah. Yeah. So,
00:53:08
they didn't learn. They didn't learn. What? Four again? Yeah. I think we did drop one. They did the first. They did it to put
00:53:16
They started it. They started They started it. Those bastards. They deserved it.
00:53:22
They kind of Oh, I could. Oh, they going to hate me. You know who? I cannot go Japan anymore. If you say
00:53:28
one thing like that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You cannot go to Japan. Shane, any questions about my or
00:53:36
no? Well, you're nervous. Do you know who? Do you know? Don't tell me any question. You like Dennis Rodman?
00:53:42
Is that your name? No. Yes. Yes. That's Dennis Rodman.
00:53:48
Yeah. He play for the polls. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sure. Who Who's that guy that knocked up your mom?
00:53:54
Dennis. He's selling out arenas all over the country doing stand up.
00:53:59
It's wild. Mom, he's um the biggest comedian on earth, planet Earth. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah.
00:54:04
I'm sorry. I don't watch any. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's He's really What's his name?
00:54:10
Shane Gillis. Shane Gillis. Sane. Yes. Exactly. Shane. Shane.
00:54:16
Shane. Shane Gillis. Yeah. Shane. Oh my god. It's harder than my name. Yeah. What's your name?
00:54:23
That's what I guessed. Hold on. What is it?
00:54:29
Chongja. Better remember that. Yeah. Yeah. You better remember that. I can't I feel bad.
00:54:35
Well, here's what we we'll do. We'll we thank the boys so we can get they can rest and get ready for the show and then we'll finish with the family.
00:54:41
Okay, great. All right. Thank you so much. Thank you guys. I love you guys. Thank you guys. Nice to meet you.
00:54:47
All right.
00:54:52
Welcome to Bad Friends 300th episode.
00:55:01
Today we have Jules, Rudy, Jewels, Juliana,
00:55:06
and then we got my mom and Miss Lee. Miss Miss Lee is here. my mom.
00:55:17
And Wow. Let's Let's go around the room. What we're grateful for. Oh, yeah. That's what we do at 300.
00:55:22
All right. Well, you want to start? Yeah. What are you grateful for? Yeah. I'm grateful for um you.
00:55:30
I really I really am. Honestly, I do. I am grateful for you. Thank you. I think that we um we have a good thing
00:55:37
going here. We got a good thing going and um I'm really blessed. You are. You're very We're very
00:55:42
I'm also grateful for my mom still being alive. Hell yeah. And looking so good at 82.
00:55:48
25 more years. Yeah. She's a great mother and um
00:55:53
she she can still count which is amazing. She can still count which is amazing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:55:59
It's kind of you guys' thing. Do you know the ABCs? Exactly. And that's what's good about that, too.
00:56:05
Yeah. Because she knew what I said. She did. She doesn't want She doesn't She want to share it. She want to brag.
00:56:10
And so I'm grateful for my mom. You know what I mean? She has her Dora the Explorer haircut, which is pretty cool.
00:56:16
I like it. So pretty. Yeah. So pretty. Yeah. Did you dye it? What's going on with your hair, Mom? Today we're going to be Korean.
00:56:23
I like your hair. It looks really nice. Yeah. Very nice. Die and have a little bit bridge.
00:56:29
Yeah. Jules is growing up, you know. Yeah. Your hair's gotten so long, too.
00:56:34
Long. Are you going to keep it going? How long? Down to like down to the floor. But yeah,
00:56:40
why you think that looks good? Ringo. Maybe you look Is that a thing in Filipino
00:56:46
culture to have really long hair? Yeah. Like girls always have really long hair. Yeah. You have like a Share thing going on.
00:56:52
Remember Share Share? Share. Yeah. Remember Sher? She She's not dead.
00:56:58
You remember Sher? No, she's still alive. Do you believe
00:57:04
what? Bono. Bono. She died. Bono's alive. No, no,
00:57:09
no. Sunonny Bono. Oh, Sunny Bono. Remember a tree killed him? Yeah,
00:57:14
a tree killed Sunonny Bono. A tree. He was skiing. He was skiing and it, you know,
00:57:20
he hit a tree. He hit a tree and he died. Which if you've ever gone skiing is
00:57:26
pretty hard to do to like hit a tree and die. Yeah, cuz it's easier to avoid him if you've skied before.
00:57:32
Yeah. Yeah. Right. Wasn't he like a good skier? Probably not. Not burn.
00:57:37
Burn. Real burn. Mom, I've been seeing a girl for 8 months.
00:57:43
Never mind. No. No. She's not Korean. No. Very sweet. She's white. Pretty.
00:57:49
She's white, though. I know. But yeah.
00:57:55
Oh. Well, you over 50. I I cannot control
00:58:00
you. No. You What kind of girl do you want him to be with? I'm not going to say it. Say it. You're
00:58:06
never going to have one. No. A Korean girl. You know what I want. You want a Korean girl. They don't like me, Mom.
00:58:11
Yeah, they do. You don't try. I try all the time. You don't try with Korean girls. Korean girls don't like me.
00:58:16
He likes white girls. He doesn't go for Korean girls. I No, I like a lot of Korean girls, dude. They don't like me.
00:58:22
Bikushid. They think I'm big. What does that mean? Hideous. Ugly. Yeah. Pigush.
00:58:27
I got it. You're not Pigush. I'm Pikushid. You guys look like me. You I look like dad. And dad was picushtoid.
00:58:35
No. Yeah. Yeah. You're the pretty one. And mom look dad Steve looks like you and everyone goes I look like dad and dad
00:58:42
was ugly. He wasn't ugly. You have your mom's
00:58:47
he was I have your humor. Yeah. Your He has your brains and your heart
00:58:52
and your heart and he's got his father's body. He knows about me. Yeah. See, I can feel it. Steve is a lot more like dad. Steve is
00:59:00
our brother. My brother. G is very smart, man. I know. I mean, street smart, you know.
00:59:05
Yeah. Street smart. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like you. I'm street smart. No,
00:59:10
I'm not. I'm not. You have brain in my family. Okay.
00:59:15
What? You got brain? I got brain. Good brain. Good brain. Yeah. You respect your mom? That's a good
00:59:22
brain. Well, yeah. That you have to do. Yeah. I respect my mom. You better. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Do you sing, Mom? I don't I never heard
00:59:28
you sing growing up. going out like sing. Do you sing? Oh yeah. Nobody likes me singing.
00:59:36
No, I want to hear I want to hear some singing. So I sing all by myself because I want to, you know, don't forget the, you
00:59:43
know, lyrics and Korean and English, you know. Will you sing? Will you sing right now?
00:59:48
Raise me up. No, I'm not going to sing. Please raise me up. You raise me up. You raise me up.
00:59:55
Yeah. Come on. Come on. I I don't I don't remember.
01:00:08
You don't like it? Oh, yeah. You raise me up. And so I can
01:00:17
She got the wrong one. You raised me up. Yeah, you raised me up. Okay. Okay.
01:00:22
Let's go. Ready? I am down.
01:00:29
We tried. I tried. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Take two. When I am down and oh my soul so we
01:00:40
troules. What is the first one?
01:00:46
Is this by Josh Gro and the one you have over there? Here we go. Ready? You raise me up so I can stand on mountain.
01:00:56
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas.
01:01:02
I am on your shoulders.
01:01:07
You raise me up to more than I can be.
01:01:13
Yeah. Thank you, Bad Friends, for 300 episodes. We love you. I hope we do 300 more, maybe more than that. We really
01:01:20
appreciate the fans. We love you guys so much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
01:01:25
Thank you for being Thank you for God.
