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This podcast is powered by Hule. H U L. New customers can use code bad friends for 15% off plus a free gift. You two
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are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. Oh, you two are something. We're bad friends. 2 million subscribers.
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2 million. Yeah. 2 million, baby. Thank you so much. You know me. Oh my god. Did
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you shoot yourself? Yes. That's so funny. You deserve that. [ __ ] idiot, you know. Um Yeah. Today we don't have
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Carlos because you were so mad at him. We we I I Well, you know, I just came up with a new nickname with Andrew and I. Um I'm Little China and he's big trouble. Big trouble. Little China. No,
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you're in big trouble with me. No, no, no. You're big trouble and I'm the little China. I asked you for one favor.
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I asked you for one favor. What was yours? I said I'm at a show I'm at a business dinner. I can't make it there.
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I'm at a dinner. Yeah. And I was on a date. Time out. You were on a date. I called the date. I What's better or business? We'll say it together. One, two, three. Business.
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It's business. Three. Four to three. You can't play this game. Look at him. He looks like an accountant. He's an
00:01:18
accountant. Part three. The new one after this next next one. And this guy, he's an incel. No, he's an outsell. He's
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been doing really well lately. Yeah. He told me in the car right over here. He's doing great. Anyway, um No, I'm mad at you. I call Bobby. I'm mad at you more.
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Nice try, dude. No, good. Good one. Nice try. Look at your face, dude. Nice try. It's a sad face. You get all red and you
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know in your in your in your eyes, dude. You know you're wrong. I just He's wrong. Did you put all that flare on your hat? Did you
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place those pins on your hat? No, it came that way. Loser. That's right. You look like a truck stop. You can call me.
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You loser. You look like a buggy. You look like you got that at a buggy. Did you go down to Austin and get all that gear, you loser? No, I got it shipped
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here from You know what's really annoying? I wanted to make fun of your shirt and we're in the same color of like diarrhea shirts today. Yeah. Yeah.
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Yeah. This shirt I thought was a different color when I ordered it. And it's like poo. It's It's baby poo. It's
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like It's like runny baby poo. Well, I mean, no. Are you on a safari? What is going
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on? Look. Look. What did I I met with a Korean friend. I'm not going to say who.
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I met with someone who loves you, who loves us. You couldn't come meet him with me. He was a big fan. He was upset
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that we couldn't you weren't there. That's fine. And that's fine. Then I called Bobby, you guys, for your reference. I said, "Bob, all I need is a
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couple of fun Korean phrases to say to him for the show." He goes, "Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay." I go, "Just text me.
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Just text me three things." And then he goes, "Okay, okay. I will. I will when I stop. When when we're driving, when we
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stop." Okay, fine. Hours. Hours. Hours. Nothing. nothing. And he says, "I'm on a date."
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He's on a date with a girl that I made laugh, by the way. I gave him a layup. He's on a date with a girl. He puts me on speaker phone. And I said, "No, you
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didn't. Wait, wait. I'll tell you what you said. You [ __ ] You [ __ ] dude. I know what you said. What did I say?" You
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said, "So I He calls me. I pick up I'm on speaker phone in my car, right? And I as soon as I pick up, I go to Andrew. I go, "Watch what you say. You know, I'm on a date, right?" And he goes, "How did
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the surgery go on your nut sack?" That that did you get that thing burnt off? Burned burnt off. And she wasn't
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laughing like cracking up. No, she was dying laughing. She was laughing. She was like
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looking at me like this. Like as if it was true. Dude, what did you say? Yeah, I got them burnt off. It's fine. Yeah, I
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was playing along with it. And then when we hung up, I had to tell her, "Oh, that was a joke." Really? She knows. She
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knows it was a joke. She's trying to sabotage me there, guy. Do you think she's dating a rocket scientist? She knows who she's dating. It's a comic.
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Yeah, I told her I was a rocket scientist. A scientist? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Do you look the part?
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Anyway, um so so I was upset. No, so I'm doing um a show in the belly room. Okay.
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Tickets were bad. It sold out. It sold out. I looked online. It sold out. No. You're a liar.
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Do you want me to call the store right now? I know it sold out. You know why it sold out? Why did it sell out? Cuz I put
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your name on the flyer. No. No, you didn't. First of all, first of all, my Let's stop. My name wasn't on the flyer
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because I looked at the website A and B. It already sold out. You're a liar, dude. You're lying. I'm not a liar.
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Don't lie to our fans. I'm not lying to anybody. We got 2 million subscribers and you're lying. Can I Congratulations
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to us? To us. Thank you for 2 million subscribers. Jesus, dude. Let me see. How many more of those do you have? Don't do another one. It scared the [ __ ] out of me. I had nom flashbacks.
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Carly, down. Yeah. Stop that. Help. Helpful. All right. So, I'm struggling to sell out the belly room. This is so not true. It
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was sold out. Mone and I looked online. It was sold out after I put his name on a flyer. That's not true. Yes, it is.
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Here's how I know you're lying. We were Andreas. He doesn't know. Bob is right. Thank you. Are you out of your mind right now? Thank you. Are you literally out of your mind right now? He's having trouble selling the belly room. Yeah.
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Yeah. Yeah. I'm having trouble. He really needed his So, I was like, you know who do I need a favor? You're going
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to piss me off. So, can I have my point of view? It's But it's in court. I get my time on the stand. But you have to
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swear on the Bible. This is a lie. I I'll swear on Swear on the kitty. The kitty. Okay.
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Right. So, I swear I swear to God. Okay. So, so I get I get this Belly Room show.
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It's a new joke night and I'm like, we put it on the market and it's slow, you know, because of the economy and
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whatnot. And it's also, you know, my name doesn't have the kind of value it. It's this is so annoying. It's like I don't care. I get my time in court.
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Object. I get my I get my You're honor objection. I get my time in court. Do I not? He does. You're in contention. So
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then I'm like I I'm I might have to use some of my friends. So I call Whitney Cummings. And guess what? Twice Whitney
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showed up for me. Tim Dylan showed up for me last week. Okay. And I was sure that my best friend, right? When you think about friend, right? You think about a man,
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right? Your best friend, a man that's a ride or die, right? That no matter what's going on, he's going to be there
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for me. Totally. And that's what the definition of friendship, it's a love, it's a brotherhood, right? If we were in
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the army, another Vietnam reference. Okay. Right. I would need his back in a warlike situation. You would hide behind me. You know what? And you're right. When I wasn't selling tickets, I hid behind you
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because I needed you. No. No. No. Yeah. So on then once I put Andrew's name on the flyer, right?
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Oh, that's the tickets going up. Do you guys smell this? Do you smell that? Do you seriously smell that? No. It It
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seriously smells like gas. You gaslighting piece of [ __ ] That's a good joke. You're such a piece of [ __ ] I'm
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not done with my You're honor. You're done. I'm not done. You're done. Right. So then as soon as I put his name on the
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flyer, right? Right. And so now I'm at the show. Right. And I'm I'm calling Andrew.
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Osha Casher. Nick Thun showed up for me. Um you know, I don't even know Nick that well. Showed up for me. And then all of
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a sudden I go just get here from 8:30 to 9. I did text you that. And what did I say? Nothing. I'm at a business dinner.
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I can't make I'll show it. I'll show it to you. Right here. I'll show it. No, I'm going to let me show it first. I'll show it. All right. So, Andrew Santino.
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Bobby Lee. All right. All right. So, Andrew, what time is it? I have a dinner 8:39. And then what did I say? I I I'm
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not able to head over after dinner. I was I I'm I was out of That's so funny. trying to secure some stuff for us. Stop
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because you know what? It's so funny what you're doing, right? Read it. No, I am going to read it. It does say that.
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But can I say this? You go. What time is it? I'm at dinner. That's at 6:50. 7:00
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was the dinner was a 7:30 dinner. Okay, stop. Okay, then I say at 6:50 immediately. Just get here from 8:30 to 9:00. Then you text me at
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10:30 after the show's over. Sorry I couldn't come. After the show's over. So the whole time I'm like going out to the
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lot. It's like, is I don't see Andrew's car. Hey guys, is Andrew here? No. No show. Right. I'm running around like a
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[ __ ] animal, dude. Right. And I'm going, he's not here. And then at 10:30 when the show's over, then you text me
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and that's the truth right here. You can read it right here. Truth. So your honor, I arrest my case. Mhm. Now I have a surprise for you. And then the next day you call me and go, "Hey, can you do
00:08:34
something racist for my Korean buddy I'm doing an interview for?" Racist. I just wanted some Korean langu. I wanted some
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words in Korean. No, your honor, I don't want to do something racist against another Korean person. No, I wanted
00:08:45
words to help me understand. Is somebody in there or something? That's shaked. Is somebody in there that shaked? Is someone in the Yeah, somebody's peeing in there or something's in there. You
00:08:56
know who it is? You know who it is? Huh? It's [ __ ] Carlo. Right? Carlos isn't here, right? And
00:09:03
he's in here. And I'm going to say this right now, dude. If Carlos pops out of there, I will literally get up and leave
00:09:09
the podcast. All right. I don't want anyone to get get out of there until we're done with this podcast. Right? So,
00:09:16
an hour later, that better not open until the end. Who's in there? I don't care who's in there. What if it's a What
00:09:22
if it's someone that you love? But it's not. What if it's someone you love? It's Carlos cuz he's not there. You think I'm dumb? And let me say something up about
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last week about the [ __ ] Trump letter. Okay. All right. When I And and I was on therapy today and he not I
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swear to I swear to God on my mother's life, if something pops out of there until we say thank you for being a fat
00:09:40
fat friend, I will [ __ ] leave. I I don't give a [ __ ] Right. Okay. Okay. So, whoever's in there, I hope you took
00:09:46
a piss and I took a [ __ ] cuz you're going to stay there for the next hour. All right. And so, that's the fact. Okay. Whoever's listening, I know if you're a girl, beautiful girl, whatever,
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a stripper, whatever. What if it is a beautiful girl? I'll forgive it. But if it's Carlos Herrera, right, I will
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[ __ ] leave. Come on out, beautiful girl. Why are you mad? Yeah. Go get him. Go get him, Mr. Cake.
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[Laughter] You stayed in there for the whole hour, bro. I just You don't even listen to me. That was the rule.
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Go, go. That's good. Go get him. Go, go, go. Go out there with him. I'll see you later. 3 hours later. And I did it to be funny.
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Yeah. Yeah, we're friends. Just go for today. This is No, that's crazy, bro. Why? Why? It's It's crazy.
00:11:00
Andrew, can you back me up for once? Look, first of all, I back you up on a constant basis. Okay. I've never not had
00:11:06
your back. Yeah. Yeah. Hash this out with him. Tell him why you're really upset. I'll tell you why I'm really
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upset. Clearly, he's really upset. I'm going to tell you. I'm Cuz I went to therapy today and I It's not about the cake, is it? No, it's deeper than that.
00:11:18
What? Tell me what it is. I'll tell you what it is. When I was in eighth grade, okay, I bought parachute pants, MC
00:11:25
Hammer pants because I I was break dancing. Mhm. All right. And there was a group, Major Autotomo or something. I
00:11:31
don't know what they were called. You know what I mean? But they were like the break dancing group of middle that was the crew crew. And they were like and
00:11:37
they heard that I wanted to be a part of it, right? So they go show up to this warehouse cuz there was an industrial
00:11:43
zone in Powe, right? You know what I mean? So, my mom dropped me off there and I went there and they weren't there
00:11:51
and I walked home crying. Okay. And then couple of months later, the same crew goes, "Yo, we're so sorry about that. Go to Tommy Huddlesson's Tom I forgot his
00:12:03
last name, but um party tonight." It was a Friday and I showed up. There was no party and it wasn't even his address. It's not funny at all, dude. Oh no. It's
00:12:16
[ __ ] horrible, right? And then I cried again. Yeah. I I mean, Carlos, stop it. Honestly, stop. Sit down. Stop.
00:12:24
Stop laughing. Honestly, dude, what are you doing, dude? Let's talk. All right. Honestly, dude,
00:12:30
can I say one thing as a friend? And so, what I'm saying is I understand the pain, but you const you guys constantly
00:12:36
do it. Who's you guys? I'm not Why am I You're a part of the water gig. Was I a part of the cake at all? I wasn't a part
00:12:42
of the cake. Part of the water gig. He was a part of the [ __ ] Trump letter. Was I a part of the water gig? That was fancy. And at the end of the day, I look
00:12:47
like a fool. Is that good? I'm a fool. Stop. I'm a fool. But can we be honest? Oh, I'm the blind leading myself in the blind. I think this is all a you issue. And I'm glad you went to therapy cuz I
00:12:59
think you have very real issues about people not respecting you when you think me and Mone don't respect you when in
00:13:06
fact we do. And we're just trying to be funny and make you laugh. It doesn't make me laugh. going to make two million people laugh. Okay, dude. Dude, I swear I swear to [ __ ]
00:13:18
God, dude. I swear to [ __ ] God, dude. What are you doing? You want to go to blows?
00:13:24
You want to go to a blows with me? Okay, that's it. Bad friends boxing. That's it. No, he'll beat me because he's younger and more athletic. Thank you.
00:13:31
You know what I mean? Well, don't give him that. Okay, so now about the thing about them tricking you. I don't like
00:13:36
that. That makes me [ __ ] you. I don't like that. You're the mastermind. Oh my god. You're the wizard behind the curtains. What are you talking about, dude? No, it's not true.
00:13:48
He [ __ ] you guys, Andreas. [ __ ] you, dude. Listen, you're the wizard behind the [ __ ] thing, right? I'm a co-host. You don't get pranked ever. Prank me. I
00:13:58
don't want to because that's not my style. That's right. Exactly. That's your style. What? How? I had nothing to
00:14:03
do with this. And by the way, him out of the cake wasn't a prank. I didn't have anything. By the way, who told me? Well,
00:14:09
okay. Let's come clean. When did I learn about the cake? Okay. Yeah, I had nothing to do with it.
00:14:17
I know. But how am I getting roped into this? Cuz you texted him to pop out of the [ __ ]
00:14:24
Because I knew he was in it. That's how I know. You think I'm blind? Time out. You Wait. You think that I'm bl you when he was when he was in there, you texted
00:14:34
him out? When I directly said, "Don't put You don't do it right. So, who's He can't breathe in there. Who's the wizard, dude? You're the wizard, dude. You're full of lies. You want him to sit
00:14:47
in the cake for the whole show? That's not a good show. [ __ ] you, dude. That's not a good show. I know it is. No, it's
00:14:53
so funny to think that he's going to be stuck there for a whole hour. He doesn't care. Miserable. He was He was sitting
00:14:59
there just fine. I said, "Come out. You need to come out." Yeah. Yeah. So, don't tell me that you had nothing to do with it. I had I literally He built it and I
00:15:06
learned about it. How do you know he was in there? Because I'm not a [ __ ] idiot. There was three people in the
00:15:11
booth every There were times that he's not here when he's Have there not been times that you haven't been when I know
00:15:17
he's back in Texas and you do too. Right. So in my mind I was like I don't know his schedule so he's not here. I
00:15:22
saw the thing wiggle and I go he's in there. Right. And in my mind is he's the last guy I want to see right now. How would you not know what his schedule is?
00:15:28
We talk every day. So any what I was thinking is is that you know what? I'm going to make him punish him by it. It wasn't going to trust me. It was this is
00:15:34
more punishment. you and then you texted him like the wizard that you are, dude. Come out, right? And you're like, "Come
00:15:40
out." Which means to tell me there's something about it. And anyone listening, the fans, all right, you know
00:15:46
that I speak the truth. This goes back to the [ __ ] him not showing up to my show. It's all linked together. You
00:15:53
know, now I have to say something right now that I'm going to come clean. Yeah. Okay. I lied about those stories.
00:16:04
About the break dancing. I know. Yeah. And Tommy Huddle. I don't know. I don't know. Yeah. I knew those were lies.
00:16:09
Yeah. Yeah. You know what I mean? Cuz you know what I mean? I You can't dance. Oh, I'm a dancer, dude. You cannot
00:16:14
dance. Watch me. Get up and do it. Oh, I'll dance out of here. [ __ ] do it. Yeah, because if I dance out of here, right, you're going to call me and come. Uh, well, we need to finish the two two million. Don't ask me to dance out of
00:16:27
here cuz I will. You know what, dude? Don't Don't threaten me. Don't [ __ ] threaten me. You know what I mean? Oh,
00:16:37
2 million subs. 2 million subs. No. In in there. No. No. Yeah. What? We're not at singing. We're not. We had the result. 2 million subs. 2 million subs. 2 million subs. We appreciate
00:16:52
every single one of you. Watch it on constantly. Two million subs. Watch it constantly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Turn it off now. All right. Turn it off now. We did it. All right. So,
00:17:06
um, by the way, that's jazz. That was jazz. I love jazz. So, where we at now? Now. Okay. So, um, you know, um, sorry I
00:17:14
couldn't make it to the show. I was trying to secure something for us. Okay, that's good. And I'm sorry that I didn't, um, call you back with those
00:17:20
names because I, um, you were on a date. I was on a date. But it bothered me because it made me realize it made me realize
00:17:27
I made me realize that girl was more important than me even though I've known you for almost 20 years. Yeah. And um having dinner with your friend Charlie
00:17:33
Day. It wasn't that's first of all you're making stuff up. I wasn't and Scott Jason Baitman and all your friends at this is you this is trying to grab
00:17:39
onto something. This was I was trying to secure something for us. Is it plausible?
00:17:45
Okay. And I would like a little backup. Is it plausible? You can't say I'd like backup.
00:17:51
Yeah, you got it. You know, is it plausible? No. Check it out. If is it plausible that he would be having dinner
00:17:57
with either Charlie Day or Jason Baitman? Totally. No. Thank you, Andreas. Dude, we're going to do that
00:18:02
show together. It's plausible unless he said he wasn't. That's right. And I said, "I'm at a business dinner." That's not a business. You're an extension of
00:18:08
his dick. You always have been. And that's why I betray you. The Harry Potter. Yeah.
00:18:13
Yeah. You're so glued to him and you're such crawled so deep into his ass you can't even see. Holding on to my [ __ ] I know. That's Yeah. All right. You're a fool. A business dinner where I'm trying
00:18:24
to secure a deal for us which I wrote in the text. I'm trying to close something for us. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yet another thing I'm doing for this show. Oh, here
00:18:31
we go. Let's Here we Oh, you want to Here we go. Let's Here we go. Let's Here we go. The game show, the animated show.
00:18:36
Let's [ __ ] Here we go, pal. Yeah. What about my resilience? What does that even What
00:18:43
You know what's so funny? Yes. Resilience doesn't count anymore. Have you noticed that in our society? You
00:18:49
know what I mean? dynamic dynamic personalities, you know, laziness. Being authentic, being lazy, being authentic,
00:18:55
being lazy, charismatic, charismatic, right? You come from a time of do less, get more. It's over now, pal. Do nothing
00:19:01
and get more. You do nothing. That's actually right. You're right. That's where I come from. You know what I mean? And I've risen because that's the truth.
00:19:08
You're welcome. Yeah. And thank You know what? You're welcome. No, you're welcome. Yeah. You're welcome, too. No, you're [ __ ] welcome. You're very
00:19:14
lucky to have me. You're very lucky to have me. And I And I've said that out loud so many times. You can clip it.
00:19:19
I've said it on all these other podcasts that I'm so lucky that Andrew asked me to do this podcast. I adore him. I've
00:19:25
said the same thing. I haven't seen one thing that you've said that about me. He knows that's not true. Anyway, bring up the interview with Dan. Bring McCone
00:19:31
into it. Yeah. You seen it? All right. No, I said I've seen it when you're so up his [ __ ] ass. Bring that. Bring
00:19:36
that. I can show you so many the Let's not do Let's not do that. That's right. All right. Let's move cuz I'll prove you wrong. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, um the fans
00:19:43
know that the 2 million subscribers. Thank you so much. And the fans know. Thank you so much, guys. And this is just a little road in the bump of the
00:19:49
road. But let me see. It's a little road in the bump. So, let's resolve it. Okay. So, um I had nothing to do with it.
00:19:55
Okay. You want to get mad at someone. You haven't even yelled at [ __ ] him once. I I'm getting all this [ __ ] Oh, I'm never going to talk to him again. That's not true. Yeah. Yeah.
00:20:02
It'll take a while. It's insane, though. Then block his number and delete it right now. Okay.
00:20:08
It's going to [ __ ] up the show a little bit. It will [ __ ] up the show. You want me to? No. Okay. Well, then it won't Well, then don't say you're not going to
00:20:14
talk to him again cuz Yes, you are. Yeah. in like sporadic like what? Well, like when I called you today. Oh, what
00:20:19
time are we starting tonight? And then what' you say? 7. And that just hung right up, huh? Yeah, I knew it was a
00:20:25
power move. Yeah. Oh, that's interesting. A power move. A power move. So, you're doing power move. What is the
00:20:31
last time I did a power move? You just almost walked out on the show. Gold belly. Yo, look. I have gold belly
00:20:38
on my phone. Do you know why? During co It was the only way I lived. That's how I survived. Yeah. Right. I got pies from
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00:22:03
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00:23:39
activate your ding-dong? I activate with the best thing out there which is Bluetooth. I have it. You know, Carlos,
00:23:45
I use it, right? And I and I tell you about my experiences. Oh yeah. I always take one. I know. Me too. And it works.
00:23:51
One for you, one for me. Yeah. One for me, two for me, one for you. Yeah, but I take it and I'm Y'all listen to me right
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00:24:40
Uh uh showing off in front of the girl that you're dating and not just texting me three Korean words that I asked for. Power move.
00:24:47
I'll give you another one. I I have so many too. lying to our fans about putting me on the [ __ ] flyer when it was already sold out. Power move. I'll
00:24:54
give you more. I got so Dude, I have so many lines that can address that. In the middle of the in the middle of the
00:24:59
recording of the animated movie that we're doing, you literally said, "I'm done. No more."
00:25:05
That's true. Yeah. Yeah. Power move. Yeah, that was I got a couple. All right. So, I You throwing throwing your
00:25:10
keys at the at the valet at the uh in the store. Throw throwing your car keys at the kid. When what's his name? Ramsay. You threw your keys at him. I watched you do it. He's my opener. You
00:25:22
don't You can't throw your keys at me. You do whatever. I spit on his back. You can do whatever you want. You spit on
00:25:27
his back when you're loving him. You weren't loving him. So, let me say something about the show. I did lie a little bit. Yeah, the show was sold out.
00:25:34
Of course, it was. And I I added your name late. You don't need anybody's help. You're a shooting star. That's
00:25:40
being still I was still excited that you were going to be there. I'm sorry I had to finish dinner. And I'm sorry that I
00:25:46
was, you know, in the midst of a romantic date and I forgot about your [ __ ] call. But that's what scares me. You're gonna fall in love and forget
00:25:52
about me. Oh, here we go. That's what I talked to my therapist. You fell in love years ago, guy. What? I lost you years
00:25:58
ago. That is beyond untrue. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's ridiculous. You want to get to You want to get into it? Let's get into it, dude. Let's get into it. Yeah.
00:26:04
Yeah. She She took you away from me. She did. And I'm so glad it's out. That's so stupid. And when I look at her, there's a deep resentment. I do love her. But you know the truth is I
00:26:17
think you really do like this girl that you're seeing and you're a little scared and nervous and you're vulnerable and you seem a little on edge. I'm already
00:26:23
friend-zoned. So you take it out on us. You you [ __ ] But that's what you're No. What you [ __ ] did, dude. The water, right? The
00:26:34
donut, right? The [ __ ] Trump letter. I've had enough. Angry grandma, right? Angry grandma. I mean, you could even
00:26:42
rattle up more. So many different things. Borderlands. Borderlands reviews. Borderlands reviews.
00:26:48
Yeah. Yeah. Thank you so much. Borderland reviews. All right. How many do can I take from you? Right. You don't
00:26:53
ever prank him. Wait, but time out. Do you hear what you're you hear what you're saying? What? It's all Carlos. I
00:26:59
know. So why are you taking it out on us? I don't get it. Well, cuz you cuz when you came in here, you're like, I
00:27:04
have a gripe with you about the [ __ ] golf thing. That hurt my feelings. That hurt my feelings that you doing some and that's why that's not true. The reason
00:27:10
why I didn't give you the thing. You didn't give me anything because you just you didn't care cuz you're with that girl and you didn't give a [ __ ] You didn't care about my show. Just end it
00:27:16
there. No. Why can't we just be even? You always had to get that leg up. That's how Wham broke up. George Michael
00:27:22
said to the other guy, I don't know the other guy's name is like, "Yeah, man." You know what I mean? George Michael said, "I'm George Michael. I got to go."
00:27:28
Yeah. That's what you're going to And that's what you just tried to pull. You tried George Michael. George. No, you just tried George Michael. You're Paul
00:27:34
Simon. I'm Art Funko. Buddy, let me tell you something. Okay, let me tell you who I really am. Oh, here we go. This Watch
00:27:40
this. You know who I am? I'm Shifty. Who are you? I'm Shifty Shell Shock. Yeah, you are. Crazy town. Yeah. Yeah. You're
00:27:46
my butterfly sugar baby. Mhm. And if you don't [ __ ] stop messing around, you're going to lose me. Yeah, I'm not
00:27:52
messing around. I was You know, this is how relationship. You're my butterfly. Don't call me that. Don't call me that.
00:27:57
Come my lady. Come, come, my lady. Yeah. Don't call me that, man. But anyway, he
00:28:02
died. Oh yeah. Yeah. Oh [ __ ] I didn't mean to. I had no idea he died. And he's a friend of mine. I thought it was rude.
00:28:08
What you just did he really die? That's not fake. Yeah. Shift to ship. Shift. I didn't know he died. You You've never
00:28:13
heard of this guy? Yeah. No, he would have. Na legend. This guy's an NA legend. Yeah. Yeah. How
00:28:20
did he die? Probably narcotics. Relapse. Well, that's not cool. That's That's not funny. Like somebody we know in here. I
00:28:26
really didn't know who. Carlos. Carlos. Yeah. What's been going on, Lo? See his his you know how he's very sensitive and
00:28:33
he just like out of there. He just was like so defensive, right? It's drug behavior. It's that's drug behavior. Yeah. Oh, this is such a manipulation right now. See, even what he just said
00:28:44
there, dude. Yeah, that's part of it. That is Well, he knows the sign. So, go on. Tell me more. What else is it?
00:28:51
That's it. That's it. Carlos, are you on drugs? Marijuana only and Xanax and you get psychosis with some of that. Wait, Xanax and Lexapro? Yeah. And weed. And weed. Yeah. So, no.
00:29:04
Do you not Why? Why zany? Uh, just a chill. Lexapro is depressive, right? That's a that's a Xanax like calms your
00:29:10
heart rate down. Like it relaxes you. Well, common sign common warning signs of relapse include glamorizing past drug
00:29:15
and alcohol use. Bobby does that. False sense of control. Wait, wait, wait. What? What? Don't you glamorize like the
00:29:21
past? I don't. Okay. I'm shameful of it. Not engaging in sober fun. Yeah, I I'm always I'm Mr. Aa convention guy. I'm on the dance floor. Sudden changes in behavior. No, I'm
00:29:33
straightforward. I think what happened today was a little sudden. It wasn't. It's It's It tracks well with who I am,
00:29:39
though. It does track very fast. That's not sudden. That's not sudden. Hanging around old people in places associated with past use. Yeah. Him. Carlos. No.
00:29:46
Well, that's bad for both of us. Bad for both of us. Yeah. Yeah. What can we do to get you off weed? He's not going to ever get off. Get me on other drug. No.
00:29:54
No. Carlos. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. You don't need weed. But I I think I do. You do? Every day. Every
00:30:00
day. Yeah. All day something. You're back every all day now. Just in like when I wake up and then like at 3:00 and
00:30:07
then at 6:00 and then at 9:00 and then at midnight. So when you wake up Yeah. after you eat high again. High at lunch,
00:30:14
high at dinner. High for here. Are you high now? No, because on shoot days I stop around 3:00. Yeah. But just those
00:30:20
five times. Thank you. Oh my god. Oh my god. Cuz I don't want to smell in front of Andrew or you? Yeah. Yeah. I don't
00:30:27
care about if you smell like weed. I don't I'd rather you try to not get high for a while. I mean, I just think that some of these
00:30:33
warning signs are of Bobby and that could be like a new a new thing for therapy next week.
00:30:39
See what he was doing. It's smart. It's working like a charm. You see what he's doing though? Talks about the past
00:30:45
constantly. Has a false sense of control over his life. Hangs out at the comedy store even though it's been 40 years.
00:30:53
Changes behavior constantly. Isolates all the time. Never goes to meetings. Does sober fun. I went to a meeting
00:30:59
Monday. What did you talk about? Yeah, but that's not a lot. Just one a week and doubting the recovery plan. How many times are you going a week? I'm like one
00:31:06
a year. Okay, dude. Yeah, one a year. See what he's doing? See what he's doing. I see exactly what he's doing. Yeah. Yeah. He's combative. Well, he's he's what he's doing is trying to pit
00:31:17
he's trying to pit you against him. Uh if I'm the owner at Home Depot. Oh, here we go. Okay. I don't know. That doesn't
00:31:23
seem likely. Give me Give me somewhere else. Okay. I'm at I'm the owner of Ichiban Japanese restaurant. I see it
00:31:28
now. All right. Right. And we have a new waiter. Who is it? Carlos. Oh, I'm the owner. I own a chain of them. You do? Right. And he starts pulling pranks on me. Oh, he's pranking the owner. Yeah.
00:31:40
Yeah. Pranking the owner. Like what? He's He's, you know, he's The owner is going to have enough. He's putting his balls on the walk. Yes. Yeah. All kind.
00:31:48
Yeah. He's goofing. Yeah. In the stir-fried noodles, he puts his butt hairs. Oh, no. Which is something that
00:31:53
he would do. You know what I mean? It's good for morale. The owner's wife would think no one wants come on their tofu,
00:31:59
right? That's you. Tofu is pretty bland. That is true. It does help. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you keep that. I like to
00:32:05
come on the tofu, but I would No more hair in the [ __ ] storefly. All right. They complain all
00:32:13
the time, right? But it's like you would you prank him? The owner of a chain. We've been having this conversation for years, Bob. Look at that. But what am I doing? Would you prank Jeff Bezos? What?
00:32:24
What? What's my chain? You're an ichiban sushi. What? What's mine? An Irish pub. Oh, he's not Yeah, he's not pranking me
00:32:31
at the Irish pub. He's not even He can't I wouldn't get a job there. Exactly, dude. I get it. Yeah. Yeah. You hire who
00:32:36
you love and they and they betray you. Yeah. I just don't think that in a situation of any boss, you know, I mean,
00:32:42
employee situation that the employee would talk to the boss or do things like that. But he thinks But he thinks in
00:32:49
this environment, I guess I I guess out if we weren't doing this, we'd be friends, but this is like a more of a business. I get it. Yeah. Right. There's
00:32:56
an example though. Give me an example. One day you walked off the set and told and said, "I couldn't be here, but I'm
00:33:02
right here." That's true. Today? That is true. That happened today, right? That happened literally today. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. I get it. Yeah. Yeah. It's It doesn't feel like I'm the
00:33:15
Let me change gears. Okay, go ahead. Cuz this is going to make you mad. This made me mad. We're going to be We're going to It has to do with me. No. Well, then go
00:33:22
ahead. It's going to hurt your feelings. It could hurt mine. It's actually going to piss you off cuz it pissed me off. But has anything to do with bad friends or our comedy? No. Okay, let's go. So,
00:33:30
I'm sitting down there. I had to fly to Vegas yesterday. I'm just having lunch. This guy's rapping and chatting with me. Nice guy. Very nice. Somehow some way he
00:33:39
gets into the ch we're chatting. What do you do? and I'm kind of throwing everything away cuz I just want to eat lunch. And then he goes, "Uh, is this
00:33:46
thing that you're shooting is this like a comedy thing?" I said, "Not really. It's kind of an interview show, you know." He goes, "Oh, yeah. You like
00:33:53
comedy so far? It's good. Let me Can I judge your story from now from here?" Sure. Right. Bueno story. Bueno. Yeah. It's positive. You like comedy? Cuz he now knows who you are. No. No. No. He
00:34:05
doesn't. I know. But that's what it sounds like right now. No, I'm saying he doesn't know me because he goes, "Do you like comedy stuff?" And I was like, "Uh,
00:34:12
uh, yeah, okay. You're now, now you get it. I know now." And so I'm kind of being passive. Yeah. No, no, yeah. Like, I like. And then the bartender chimes
00:34:18
in. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Have you seen Have you seen Kill Tony? He says to the guy, "Oh, dude, have you you know about
00:34:25
that? You ever seen that show?" Yep. Have. I have. Are you trying to ruin my 200th [ __ ] Get ready. Thision This one's going to hurt way harder. It's not even done. The guy goes, "I love
00:34:37
comedy." You ever run into uh because I said I live in Los Angeles. You ever run into Joe Rogan out there? I said, 'You
00:34:43
know, yeah, I Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he lives in Austin, I think, now. I say, I'm trying
00:34:48
to We're closing the door. I've trying I've done it four times. I just want to eat my chicken wrap. Yeah. Yeah. Then finally, he goes, "Uh, yeah, we go to a
00:34:55
lot of shows." And the girl goes, "I do, too. I just saw Adam Ray." [Laughter] [ __ ] that [ __ ] man. He doesn't have two million subscribers. Yo, the
00:35:11
bartender and the guy are both like, I love Adam Ray and Adam, our buddy. He's killing it. I'll tell you another story. I wasn't going to bring this up, but this happened last night. This is real, dude. What? I do a show. We love you,
00:35:23
Adam. We're I'm around. I love you. Right now, we don't. No, I love No, no, no. You know you don't. I love him so
00:35:29
much. It's a war. It's a war. It's a war with us, Adam. All right. So, I'm going to tell you another thing. Last night,
00:35:34
you know, I'm the guy on the list. Sometimes you're the guy. You're You're always the guy, right? Do well, right?
00:35:41
And then I get a text. Hey, man. You there at the store? I go, "Yeah, Ron White." No. What was that? You know what I mean? [ __ ] yeah. I'm on my way.
00:35:52
Theo. Oh, Theo, right? Your buddy. He shows up. Yeah. Not even on the lineup. A group of girls in the hallway. They had already seen me perform. Loved it.
00:36:03
They didn't say anything. Yeah, they loved it. Right? They see Theo and they go, "Can we get a photo with you?" I'm
00:36:09
standing right next to Theo. So, they all grew up up, right? And then one of the girls saw that I was sad. This say,
00:36:16
say the line. You know what I mean? Can we get a throw a photo with you, Theo? Oh, Theo, can we get a photo with you?
00:36:23
Sir, would you take our picture with Theo? That's what it was about to happen. No. But one of the girls goes,
00:36:28
"You can be in it, too." No. No. No. No. Don't. Don't. No, I've had enough. Nobody likes us anymore. We're old news, babe. I know,
00:36:41
dude. We're old news. Yeah, it's over. We should do falling down part two. Can we make you happy? I don't at this point. I don't think today going to the White House. Carlos,
00:36:55
hold on. Stop. Bob, no. Bob, I swear to [ __ ] I bet we can make you happy. I bet you not. And if what you're about to do doesn't make me happy, I'm gonna be even more mad.
00:37:08
Let's play the video from from our boy. Here we go. Sweet already. I'm not happy. The
00:37:13
sweetest prince on earth. Yeah. Hey guys, I've been in Tokyo for less than 24 hours and it's been awesome. I don't
00:37:20
feel sick at all or anything yet. And I saw some four-leaf clovers on a building that made me think of Andrew. And then I
00:37:27
saw a guy on a poster that made me think of Bobby. So, thanks very much for sending me here.
00:37:33
[Laughter] That's you. Wow. That's you in the corner. Wow. It's day two and I don't
00:37:43
feel sick at all. He's having a blast. Oh, that's great. He went there alone. Trying to think of
00:37:50
some kind of gift to get for Bobby and Andrew just as a way of saying thank you. So, I've just been on the lookout for that. I saw like um a place that was
00:37:57
selling bars of gold yesterday and you can get a really little one for like $35. So, I was thinking maybe something
00:38:03
like that, but I don't know if that's if they would rather have that or just the money.
00:38:09
Oh, [Music] the coolest museum. Wow. Wow. He loves trains. Yeah, I see that. Loves. Wow. Airbnb is across the street from a tattoo parlor.
00:38:28
And it gave me the idea that maybe a good way of saying thank you and expressing my gratitude would be to get
00:38:33
an an a tattoo that says thank you or says bad friends or something. But I just don't have any tattoos and don't want any. So I don't know if I'll do that. Carlos asked me to buy some women's underwear from a vending
00:38:45
machine. So I'm going to try to find a vending machine like that before I leave.
00:38:50
Are those used? They are. So they're used women's underwear and they sell them in vending machines. They don't wash them. No. The His adventure getting
00:38:57
them is right here. Okay. Oh, you smell them. What do What do you do when you get them? Smell. Put in your mouth. Oh
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god. Rocket money. Oh my god. I love Rocket M. Do you know why? I love saving money. You do? You know how many subscriptions I used to have? It's embarrassing. It's embarrassing. Three video games. Uh a meditative one. Then
00:39:17
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00:39:24
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selling today. Shopify.com/badfriend. Carlos asked me to buy some women's underwear from a vending machine. So, I'm going to try to find a vending machine like that before I leave.
00:41:45
I found the vending machine Carlos is looking for, but it's really hard to do it.
00:41:52
Used. It does say used. This is used, dude. Look at what he did for you, Carlos. So awesome.
00:42:00
How much are they? Like four Japanese quarters. Four Japanese quarters. Oh, and they come in like a toy ball. Yeah. Wow. That's over.
00:42:12
Is this just a grocery store? I got it and I put it. He wants it far away from him. Yeah.
00:42:20
[Laughter] So great. It's got air holes on it so you can How long was he out there for? He's still out there. No, he we didn't
00:42:27
buy him a return. How is he going to get back? That's not on us to figure out. We We We put up the Airbnb. No, we gave him a one-way ticket. No Airbnb. He paid for that. We gave him a one-way ticket
00:42:39
to Japan. How's he going to get back? I don't know, bud. I'm sure he'll some We should get him back. Do we want to get
00:42:45
him back, you guys? Or I don't think so, but leave him there for a while. Okay, we'll leave him there. We'll just leave him. He'll be fine. Yeah, he'll be fine
00:42:51
out there. Yeah, he texts me every morning. He seems happy. I think he's loving every second of it. I got these chocolate chip cookies, by the way, if
00:42:57
you want some. By the way, can I can this be a segment of the show where we literally just send him around the world for the next like couple of years? Yeah.
00:43:04
I just want to literally Let's fly him from Yemen. Yemen. Yeah. Look tickets to Yemen. Yemen or Omen? But let's fly him
00:43:10
from Japan to another location. Let's see how long he just stays out of the country. Yeah, can we do this? Carlos, text him and ask him if he wants to go
00:43:16
somewhere else. Okay, that'd be great. Just fly this kid around the world. Soul Korea would love. But no, we want him to
00:43:23
go the other way. Oh, I want him to keep going west. Can he go to Moscow? No, you
00:43:29
shouldn't go there. Why? Why? Moscow's nice. It's a country at war. So are we. Yeah, we're always in war. We're always at war, man. Yeah. All right, we'll send him to another place. Ukraine then. Yeah, send me Ukraine. Yeah. Kev, see if
00:43:42
there's tickets to Gaza. See if we can see if we can send them. Wow. Can I take a second to say something tragic? I have some tragic things. Heartbreak. There was a school
00:43:54
shooter on FSU's campus today. I know. And obviously this episode passed. How many people? Two. Did you guys see the
00:44:00
video on the internet? No. Mone showed me it got banned. A girl was filming a girl. Guy girl. Mone. Is that a girl?
00:44:07
Was a girl? I don't We don't know. Or the girl's dad. We don't know who was filming, but you saw a girl. There was a girl on her phone. The video went viral
00:44:13
for a second. She's just filming a body on the ground and she's drinking a Starbucks walking by. Like, it's not
00:44:18
big. Not a big deal. Honestly, like this is the kind of stuff where you're like, "What? I don't know what the I don't know what's happening now. I don't know
00:44:25
what's happening now. Everybody's into pure panic." Juan Carlos Gomez Lopez. Is that a new basketball player? Yeah. Who is that? Juan Carlos Gomez Lopez. Is
00:44:36
that Lewis Gomez's brother? All right. So, this is what happened. This kid, American citizen, born in Atlanta,
00:44:43
Georgia, went to Florida, got pulled over, and then he was in ICE custody. But if he's an American citizen, why I don't know. And then mom then the mom showed up with his [ __ ] birth certificate. Do you know? And the judge
00:44:55
said ICE is has them. Well, there's also he's got too many names. Go back up. It's like Yeah. We call It's like if you
00:45:01
meet a white guy named Kevin, Steve, you know what I mean? Bob Allen Smith. Yeah. Yeah. Juan Carlos Lopez Gomez. That's
00:45:08
the problem. You're giving them too much ambience. That's what it is. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If it was just Juan Carlos, fine. I mean, or Vladim Vladimir.
00:45:14
Vladimir Vlad. Vladimir Gomez. Fine. That's fine. That's totally fine. Yeah. That's why I only use one last name.
00:45:20
Yeah. Rosende. Cuz it's probably like Rosende Capal. Oh, do you have a lot of those? Yeah. Yeah. Why?
00:45:28
Well, you have a middle name and we have two last names. It's for There's You know what theirs is for? Land and lineage and all this [ __ ] Keep the
00:45:34
women. They're not special, dude. The record for the longest personal name belongs to Herbert Blaine Wolfen
00:45:40
Schlagen Gaus and Hoff and Burgund Senior. Wow. German American type setter. Yeah, this one won't go to ice.
00:45:50
So Juan Carlos Gomez is g is he's being deported. He got released. Oh, he's back. Yeah, but he was still in custody
00:45:55
for hours and hours. That's crazy. That's crazy. But he came back. And then um for Kilar Abrego Garcia. Again, too
00:46:03
many names. I know. But you know the um senator went down to El Salvador to visit him and they he sat down with him. Really? Oh, that's him. Yeah. Yeah. It's
00:46:14
crazy. Give him something to drink. Just water. Just bring him a coffee. Bring him a soda. Yeah, but he's in a maximum.
00:46:22
You know what I mean? Goo goolog. That's That looks pretty minimum to me. That looks like a I think he took a cracker
00:46:28
barrel. Took him to Denny's. He's out. You know what I mean? But I don't think he's out. I think he has to go back in. By the way, I had while I was gone, I
00:46:35
had Waffle House. Haven't had Waffle House. Love it. I haven't had it in so good. 20 years. Yeah. Phenomenal.
00:46:43
It's the best. It's We don't have one in LA. We don't have any Waffle Houses in Los Angeles. California. What? In the
00:46:49
South. Well, it's funny cuz we're always on the road, so I see them all the time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I see them all the time. And I always point I go, I want to go there. Or Hardies. Hardies is good,
00:46:57
too. Oh my god. Hardies is what? What's the same chain? Carl's Carl Jr. Okay. This This dude I ate I ate late at
00:47:03
night. Waffle House. What' you get? I mean, we got the What is it called? The uh It's this combo. It's It was eggs,
00:47:09
two kinds of meat, potatoes. Uh I We got multiple waffles to share cuz I was hungry. I was I don't know what kind of
00:47:15
bread this is, but it's called Texas bread. Oh, yeah. It's like Why is it so thick and delicious? Well, because it's like what do you call it? Uh it's like
00:47:22
garlic bread. Butter bread. Garlic bread. Texas toast. I love it, dude. Texas toast. That's what it's called. Texas toast. And then um so I'll get a
00:47:29
breakfast sandwich with that. Oh, yeah. I mean, but you know, they're a little rude at Waffle House. Yeah. Can I
00:47:35
explain why? Why do you want to work a 24-hour restaurant for $6 an hour? Yeah, that's right. and deal with drunk [ __ ] at 3:00 in the morning. You're right. Right. I give I tip my hat to these people. Oh, yeah. By the way,
00:47:47
here's the thing about Waffle House. I'll give them a shout out. They love fights. Oh my god, look at that. They posted this. This is Waffle House
00:47:52
posting it from their account. Wow. This is incredible. You know why they're doing this? This girl, she didn't finish her waffle. And that's the staff taking
00:48:00
You got to finish your meal at Waffle House. Oh my god, that girl had too much Waffle House.
00:48:06
That's Waffle Mansion right there. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Entire Waffle Subdivision happening. Yeah. Look at that. Oh my god. So, this is an entire Twitter page
00:48:12
dedicated to fights at Waffle House. A lot of times it's the staff fighting. And also, just push pause for a second.
00:48:18
It only happens to be black people. I didn't even notice that. I didn't even notice that. You didn't? I did not. I I don't know. Here's the wild
00:48:29
[ __ ] You always see a manager jump in. Yeah. Like this this lady, this old white lady jumping in. Yeah. Hey Sheila,
00:48:35
take a hike. Yeah. You're gonna get killed. You're going to get killed. Yeah. Look at her. Guys, cut it out. Not by the burner. If you're in the walls,
00:48:41
what you and I, we would already be in our car. Yeah. Like if somebody like I've
00:48:47
had TMZ put a camera to my face. I hate it. What do you think of this? I don't say anything. I get so nervous. Have you
00:48:52
got they had you at the airport before? Oh. Yeah. And I always pull them aside. Go, dude. You know, all right. You know
00:48:57
what's so funny? They're the last couple of guys that have come up to me have so polite and nice. Like I've ne we're not
00:49:03
famous enough for it to be a thing. But the guy came up to me at the airport. He was like, "Oh, Mr. Santino." I was like, "Hey man, I just got off is I don't want
00:49:09
to do this. Is that I'm so And he was like, "Oh, cool." Yeah, that's what they do. It was very nice. Yeah, they're very nice. No, but they don't do that to
00:49:14
everyone, dude. The way that real famous people get harassed. Like look at all the [ __ ] that's going on with Justin Bieber. They can't leave this [ __ ]
00:49:21
kid alone, man. And they're like, "Oh, he's being mean to the paparazzi." He's like, "Yeah, no [ __ ] man. No [ __ ]
00:49:26
Leave the kid alone. [Music] This was an hour ago. This was posted an hour ago. Yeah. Yo, y'all know the
00:49:38
You're not supposed to be down here in the Yeah, they're Yeah, it's insane, dude. Leave the kid alone. Leave him
00:49:45
alone. Obviously, he's Dude, Obviously, it's it's like he's twisted up right now. He's dressed like a Smurf. Let him
00:49:50
be. Let him be. He's little Papa Smurf. Yeah. I can't I would Would you be able to live like that? No. Yeah. Me either.
00:49:57
No. The good news is I'm not that talented, so I'll never have to worry about it. Me either. Me neither. Me either. Yeah. The Kanye stuff, too. It's like you can almost say part of his
00:50:04
crack came from the paparazzi like this like filming him in the morning in the morning. But that's just crazy. Yeah, it's crazy. I I think I think part of the reason these people go nuts is because of this
00:50:15
like constant It's constant. It's not healthy. Neither is the fame though. Beyond the paparazzi. The fame itself isn't healthy. That fame, being that famous isn't healthy. What? Who's that?
00:50:27
No. To right there to the left. Young Bobby Lee. Look. No. Go back. Oh, that's that thing right there. The shorts. The
00:50:34
first one. Yeah, that that's you. Oh my god. Wow. Wow. Wow. Look at how young you are. I know. Oh my god. My comedy was so bad back
00:50:48
then. Well, at least some things never change. I only need one more cookie cookie.
00:51:06
I don't know if I Wait, I don't know. I wouldn't say anything. Yeah. I don't know what was worse. But Con saying that
00:51:13
or the weasel laughing. I can't describe to you. I can't figure it out. Like what am I more angry about? Mhm. You know what I mean? Carlos, you
00:51:26
want to pop up and defend yourself, buddy? I was laughing cuz I knew how mad Bobby
00:51:31
would get at that. Yeah. Yeah. You know what? When I do my special, you guys aren't coming.
00:51:39
Oh, like when I'm 45 years old. I'm doing in January. Of what year? January was two months ago. All right. I Whenever I do it, you're not going to go.
00:51:50
Are you serious? Yeah. But I I do want to go. You're not going. There's no way. I want positive people there. I was just
00:51:56
kidding, Bobby. You wantd You're not going. And you know, a lot of people on the streets are just like, "We can't
00:52:02
wait. We'll be there. We're going to support it. All my commu the community, Tim Dylan, everybody, everyone's like
00:52:08
into it." And the people that work they're into your special. Yeah. They they can't wait. You You're a crusher.
00:52:14
And it's finally, you know what I mean? Yeah. You know, we And a lot of fans can't wait. And um the people that are
00:52:22
close to me that are part of my team supposedly are against me. What does that mean? What would you do in a situation like this? Well, I didn't invite any of those guys to my special. I know. That's
00:52:34
right. Right. Right. Well, I I I wouldn't want them there. Did Carlos go to yours? No. Yeah, he wasn't invited.
00:52:40
Yeah. Yeah. So, um that was deliberate on You won't be getting an invite. You know that's going to break his
00:52:45
heart. That's like that means the most to him. Who? For Carlos. Yeah. It's like sad. We've known each other since like [ __ ] Obama was president. Okay.
00:52:54
Like you've met my parents and like you get mad because like you thought you Yeah. And your dad's very disappointed. I'll tell you that right now.
00:53:02
Surgeon. What's No, no, no. Let's go back to it. What's insane is that you're mad at me cuz you thought you were
00:53:09
important enough to be the leader of the free world's house. I can't slam you. Oh
00:53:15
no. It's Yes. Now you're turning it around on slam over his dad, right? When he slams me, what? I keep it quiet. I
00:53:21
kept it quiet. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He gets immediately defensive like, "Oh, but you you know what I mean?" And no slams,
00:53:26
huh? Yeah. Yeah. No slams allowed. I can't I can't do that. No, I did that. I'm learning. I'm learning right now. Is
00:53:33
this a no slam allowed? Yeah. It's a one-way street. How about this? Is Fancy invited to your special?
00:53:39
I think so. Yeah. You do? Yeah. He's been kissing your ass all day. I know. I think so. Playing it right.
00:53:46
I think when I leave in May, taking my parents on vacation, not to be sound, it's probably our last family
00:53:58
vacation together. Well, my parents are getting older. They're not going to travel a lot. So, like, it's weird. It's
00:54:03
[ __ ] weird. Yeah. To be this age and to be like, I don't know. I don't think my parents will ever get on a plane
00:54:08
again with me and go somewhere far. Wow. Also, where you going to go? I'm taking them to to Italy. Oh, great. But I think
00:54:15
like when I go away cuz I'm gone for them for like a week and a half. Why don't you Yeah. take a Bobby
00:54:22
vacation and and get away and disappear from all this [ __ ] and don't do anything
00:54:28
business. Yeah. Just disappear for a while. Yeah. And see where you fall into. See who you meet. See what you get
00:54:35
into. Go like what Dax is doing in Japan. Why can't Why Why don't you do that? Why don't you disappear for a
00:54:40
week? Yeah. Seriously, shut off your phone. Yeah. And disappear. Why? Why are you not Why are you shaking your head? Addicts shouldn't do that. Wait, why? I'm not asking him to use. I'm saying go
00:54:51
be be one with yourself. Okay. You You don't trust him? I mean, alone in a hotel room without us
00:54:57
knowing where he's alone in a hotel room all the time. Yeah. All the time. He just did it. He was just in Columbus.
00:55:03
Yeah. Okay. I trust you enough to know that you're comfort you're comfortable in your sobriety. Yeah. Don't you think
00:55:09
so? Yeah. I got to go to a foreign land, though. I think where um you can come to Spain. No, Barbados or something. Barbados? Yeah. What? I want
00:55:22
to be 100% honest with you. Yeah. Not good. I don't I don't know where that is. I don't even I heard it in flyer or
00:55:28
something. I actually don't know where that is. I'm not even kidding. Yeah. Barbados. There we go. Is it Is it in the French Polynesian? No, I mean, is it
00:55:33
in the Oh my god, look how Virgin Islands. Virgin Islands. Let's go. Let's That's how small it is. Yeah, French.
00:55:41
What is that? That's the Virgin Islands. Am I wrong? Look at the pictures. Go to Barbados, Bobby. I want to go to Barbados. Can we get him to Barbados,
00:55:47
guys? No, I have I can do it. Look at it. Wow. Wow. Don't you think Bobby on a beach? Barbados. Bobby in Barbados.
00:55:55
Bobby in Barbados. Barbados. Bad. Barbie in Barbados. Barbie. See those um that coral reef over there? Yeah. That's where you're going to see my dead body.
00:56:07
Stop. Three days bloating. They haven't found me in 3 days. I wash up under that coral reef. You're not going swimming.
00:56:13
Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, you're beaching it. Yeah. You're sitting on that beach. Half my torso's in a shark's mouth. Look at I
00:56:18
see you in that cabana right there. Yeah. Dead. Smoking a cigarette. Heroin overdose. Stop it. Yeah. Yeah.
00:56:25
Yeah. Stop it. That's where I'll die. Go somewhere foreign after May. I just want to say this now. It was really good to
00:56:32
know you and everyone here. Thank No. Thanks for all the laughs. You have to wait until January. He's trying to get out of the special. Oh, is that is that another slam? Trying
00:56:44
to get out of the special. You mean Oh, what year going to do it? 2032. That's what you get. Hey, so we genuinely want to say thank you so much to our fans. It means the
00:56:56
world to us that you guys have been around. 5 years you've been doing this and we're up to 2 million subscribers.
00:57:01
That's incredible. We're going to keep making you uh laugh with beautiful content. Uh please come see us cuz we
00:57:07
don't know when we're going to tour again. If you're in London or Dublin, you got to come. You got to come see us cuz we might not be able to tour for a long time. Bobb's got a special coming
00:57:13
out. Then he's going to take some time down cuz he's been working very hard. Um, so please come see us in London and
00:57:18
Dublin. And we really appreciate the fans. You guys mean the world to us. Thank you so much. From the bottom of my heart, I I
00:57:25
honestly before Bad Friends, I feel like I was just not doing anything important or making a wave in my creativity. and
00:57:34
the family that we've gotten from Bad Friends has been such a surprise and it's really keeping me alive, I think,
00:57:41
you know. So, I just really um appreciate the love and the support. I'm going to get um a new staff eventually.
00:57:48
Yeah. You know what I mean? So, there might be some changes, but Andrew and I will always be here. We'll always be here for you. If you do and if you at
00:57:54
home want some changes, if you can submit to take over for one of the staff members, please email Carlos and the
00:57:59
[email protected]. That will go to Carlos, but we'll have to have someone else flag it because he will just delete all these emails. Yeah. Yeah. In fact, go to
00:58:06
Andreas maybe. Uh yeah, Andreas, you will give him the login. Go to Carlos in the booth atgmail.com and Andreas will
00:58:12
read those. And by the way, uh send in a video of you um a uh what is that auditioning for that job? You can replace one of these guys. I have no problem with that. I have no problem with the I actively delete resumes that
00:58:25
come in. Well, we're going to make sure that we're going to change it now. We're going to change it so that Carlos If you ever wanted a job on here, I've deleted
00:58:30
it. Another thing we can't trust. That's what I'm saying. It's like we cannot trust this guy. You were [ __ ] He's
00:58:36
smoking weed, deleting emails. All right. Thank you for being a bad friend. Yeah. Woo. Yeah.
00:58:58
[Music]