00:00:00
is that true you you were sing a
00:00:01
therapist when you were 11 man from 11
00:00:04
till 17 yeah how often like weekly fortn
00:00:08
nightly yeah weekly every Friday from
00:00:10
school and for Anger Management anger
00:00:12
management um I I had trouble kind of
00:00:15
sitting still um my mom did think I had
00:00:19
add and I think I was diagnosed by the
00:00:22
school person they said I you know
00:00:24
exhibiting ADHD I'm still not sure if I
00:00:27
do but the in was kind of a place to go
00:00:31
where I felt safe to talk uh about
00:00:34
things that were happening at home or
00:00:35
like just creatively have a talk
00:00:38
sometimes would sit and do nothing you
00:00:39
know like just draw I'd be drawing um
00:00:42
but it was just a space for me and I had
00:00:44
that space for years yeah that's a lot
00:00:46
of work yeah and and at a very young age
00:00:49
too yeah why why were you so [ __ ] up
00:00:52
that's a great question bro I don't even
00:00:54
I still feel like I still am very much
00:00:56
that way um no no well well can I just
00:01:00
say you you may still feel that way but
00:01:01
the um um like the kings that I've got
00:01:04
to know and this is only since
00:01:06
2016 um is just like hardworking
00:01:09
disciplined reliable uh always on time
00:01:13
always courteous always polite always
00:01:15
nice I don't know I don't know I don't I
00:01:17
don't know what what you what you see
00:01:18
when you look in the mirror but from an
00:01:20
outsider's perspective he's he's a good
00:01:22
man maybe it was all that work oh yeah
00:01:25
it's it's it's a lot of work it's a lot
00:01:27
of work but it's like what I was like in
00:01:30
my mid-40s before I went to a therapist
00:01:32
for the first time and really yeah yeah
00:01:34
yeah I probably should have done it a
00:01:35
long time earlier I don't know if 11s or
00:01:37
already either but I mean yeah maybe in
00:01:39
between why why why so late for you I I
00:01:42
think I was just scared yeah I and I uh
00:01:45
when you have you you're like where do I
00:01:46
start like like where do I start but you
00:01:49
as soon as you get to that room you
00:01:50
realize oh they're the trained
00:01:51
professional they'll they'll they'll
00:01:52
lead for sure um so that's that's a yeah
00:01:55
that's a lot of work why why were you so
00:01:57
angry man I would I I don't know if
00:02:00
anger was a fair assessment of what I
00:02:03
was I
00:02:06
think the frustration from not being
00:02:08
able to communicate effectively like
00:02:11
so I could only it's like the equivalent
00:02:14
of a baby trying to yell like I'm hungry
00:02:16
right and like all they can do is cry so
00:02:18
for me all I could do was Punch walls
00:02:20
and like be exert anger it's not that I
00:02:23
was necessarily angry it was just
00:02:25
frustration of being able to say
00:02:27
like like I didn't that you try again
00:02:31
shut up Sir oh still angry yeah
00:02:35
yeah exactly smash [ __ ] um yeah yeah
00:02:40
so it was yeah the frustration of being
00:02:42
able to say things
00:02:44
like like I miss my dad you know not not
00:02:47
being able to say those words as a kid
00:02:49
cuz you don't even know that that's
00:02:51
what's going on um so yeah again when my
00:02:55
dad wasn't around you know I'm like
00:02:56
yearning for a male uh energy that I
00:02:59
don't have and I don't know how to say
00:03:01
that so I'm punching walls and throwing
00:03:03
rocks at windows and all this kind stuff
00:03:06
yeah well that makes sense yeah that
00:03:08
that makes a lot of sense so so you're
00:03:10
just angry and you just don't know how
00:03:11
to articulate it for sure for sure and
00:03:13
yeah like I mean man as a kid buto I
00:03:15
look at Kids now and I think they're so
00:03:17
advanced in some ways and then I think
00:03:18
they're also silly in a lot of ways you
00:03:21
tick cuz they can read anything they can
00:03:24
Google things now they they seem smart
00:03:27
uh even my daughter like she'll she'll
00:03:29
tell me things that I didn't know about
00:03:32
emotions like she'll say oh dad you know
00:03:35
this feeling comes from this and did you
00:03:36
know that if you talk about this I'm
00:03:38
like how are you this young and
00:03:40
understand this um so it's it's a new
00:03:43
world where back then I think it was a
00:03:44
lot more about shut up like just shut up
00:03:47
and get on with it you go for a run yeah
00:03:49
cuz how how old are you now I'm 33 33
00:03:53
yeah yeah see I'm I'm 50 I'm a I'm like
00:03:56
I'm almost like another generation like
00:03:58
a like older than you and yeah yeah yeah
00:04:01
yeah so you must think the same about us
00:04:02
you got Fu no no no I'm guessing this
00:04:05
being like just just huge like seismic
00:04:07
leaps like in the last in the last
00:04:09
generation in terms of technology and
00:04:11
information and everything for sure so
00:04:14
yes so go back to the real early years
00:04:16
so um yes compl your relationship with
00:04:19
your dad's good now but it was comp so
00:04:20
your mom and dad broke up when you were
00:04:22
a young age yeah young dad dad's moldy
00:04:24
mom's son M but was adopted out to a
00:04:26
pangy family did some research good man
00:04:28
yes yeah yeah yeah so and they broke
00:04:30
were they ever together with you or did
00:04:32
did he B I got a couple years uh I think
00:04:36
with that I want to
00:04:38
say five age of five or six so I
00:04:42
remember him like there's memories for
00:04:44
sure and I see photos so he was around
00:04:47
um but like do
00:04:51
I like as a kid you don't know you're
00:04:56
making you're piecing it together as you
00:04:58
go you know so all of a sudden dad not
00:04:59
there and you just think oh he's
00:05:01
probably just gone to the shop like you
00:05:02
know you just you don't know you're like
00:05:04
oh he'll be around soon and then you see
00:05:06
him in a weekend and you're like oh he's
00:05:07
back and you you piece it together right
00:05:10
um with very horrible tools you're
00:05:12
piecing together like a [ __ ] clay
00:05:14
thing that you have no idea how to do so
00:05:16
um bad analogy but yeah the the absence
00:05:21
was I wasn't sure if I knew he was
00:05:23
around or not I just felt he was absent
00:05:26
yeah and and your mom there was a a
00:05:30
nasty breakup right so she she [ __ ]
00:05:32
about yeah I don't think they liked each
00:05:33
other to much and my mom for for fair
00:05:36
reason you know I I think about these
00:05:40
there's so many kids that I know that
00:05:41
have gone through the similar thing of
00:05:43
having a broken home and
00:05:46
sometimes the mom will react in a in a
00:05:50
way because she's been hurt you know um
00:05:53
whether it be cheating with physical
00:05:55
whatever it is and the reaction without
00:05:58
her knowing
00:06:00
could affect the kids you know but but I
00:06:03
have to forgive her knowing that she
00:06:05
didn't have the tools to communicate
00:06:07
that either so um yeah she's just
00:06:09
probably just like projecting her anger
00:06:11
angry yeah and fair enough I'd be pissed
00:06:13
off too you should have sent her to
00:06:14
anger
00:06:15
me yeah maybe she was sending me because
00:06:17
she was secretly like what did you
00:06:20
learn what but um did she she you look
00:06:25
back now from the perspective of um a
00:06:27
guy that's been you're doing the solo
00:06:29
dead thing did she do a good job is I
00:06:31
think she did a great job man yeah she
00:06:32
raised us well like she raised us well
00:06:35
man I'm I'm a curious guy I respectful
00:06:37
the woman for the most part um she's
00:06:40
taught me how to be lovely she's the
00:06:43
lovely side of me yeah when you for for
00:06:45
the most part what do you mean yeah like
00:06:48
saying please and thank you or something
00:06:50
you know she was she ingrained that and
00:06:51
meant to be courteous I pulled chairs
00:06:53
out four people glasses of water and
00:06:55
just that's innate in me from her my my
00:06:59
dad's taught me how to be a businessman
00:07:01
and how to be a man more
00:07:04
recently um but yeah my M my mom lives
00:07:07
within me in my daily how do how do you
00:07:08
mean what expect about being a
00:07:12
man Walking Tall yeah being able to walk
00:07:16
tall and I don't know if you remember
00:07:18
when we first started uh when I 2016
00:07:20
when I first started doing radio runs
00:07:22
bro my shoulders are Hunchback I see
00:07:24
photos and stuff of it I was really
00:07:26
nervous scared to be in a room and take
00:07:28
up space
00:07:30
um so he trying to make himself small
00:07:32
yeah yeah yeah just naturally doing that
00:07:34
and um I I I never I never I never
00:07:37
noticed that I I just thought you were a
00:07:38
humble guy oh that's like like a guy
00:07:41
that was you know how we talked before
00:07:43
about the iceberg thing and yeah it sort
00:07:45
of felt like you were just suddenly in
00:07:46
the spotlight like a like a deer on the
00:07:48
spotlight that's what
00:07:49
happened yeah and I guess for someone
00:07:52
who I would consider myself an introvert
00:07:54
which is awkward because I'm a performer
00:07:56
right but yeah it did feel
00:08:00
I did feel like a um a daring headlights
00:08:03
is a good way to put it and so my my dad
00:08:04
kind of being in my life taught me how
00:08:07
to pull my shoulders back take take the
00:08:09
space and and own it yeah yeah [ __ ] so
00:08:13
you're still doing work hey yeah you're
00:08:15
still a still a work in progress yeah
00:08:16
yeah yeah yeah oh bro forever man yeah
00:08:19
yeah yeah like I
00:08:20
mean until we're gone you know yeah well
00:08:24
no that's cool I I um I fully agree it's
00:08:26
like it's like a growth mindset but I
00:08:27
think a lot a lot of people just s of
00:08:29
give up and they go well this is how I
00:08:30
am you take it or leave it um you think
00:08:33
so I think a lot of people are like that
00:08:35
but I think it's a it's it's a great way
00:08:36
to be to you know always have um work on
00:08:39
and always be tweaking and trying to
00:08:41
improve yourself yeah I actually never
00:08:43
thought of it like that like I I I
00:08:45
figure everyone's trying to do the right
00:08:47
thing and get better but maybe right
00:08:50
every every everyone wants to wants to
00:08:51
be the best version of themselves but
00:08:53
does take it does take work does take a
00:08:54
lot of work yeah so you can't you can
00:08:56
wish it but that's not going to make it
00:08:58
happen yeah that's not going to do [ __ ]
00:08:59
yeah like I I I'm I I feel like I'm
00:09:01
better at communicating on this podcast
00:09:03
than what I am with some of my personal
00:09:04
relationships and I know that's
00:09:06
something that I'm trying to work on you
00:09:08
know just get a camera in between you
00:09:10
guys going to do chat just get a
00:09:12
microphone in between I don't know and
00:09:14
uh yeah yeah and and I'm um I'm I'm
00:09:16
obsessed with like pleasing people and I
00:09:19
I'll sometimes say yes to things then
00:09:20
afterwards I'll be like [ __ ] why did I
00:09:21
say yes to that wow okay I want to know
00:09:24
is that why you were here
00:09:27
today no bro that's actually quite
00:09:29
that's that that was never a thing
00:09:31
weirdly I know what you mean because I
00:09:33
think I don't know if it's a human thing
00:09:35
like we like to just go yeah bro yeah
00:09:38
I'll see you you know but I think for me
00:09:40
when I started doing business that
00:09:43
attitude isn't always great like if you
00:09:45
start saying yes to you burn yourself
00:09:46
out I can't be there for my daughter
00:09:48
because I'm doing 300 other things yeah
00:09:50
and so I actually learned by being a dad
00:09:52
and a business
00:09:53
owner that the power of no is actually a
00:09:55
lot stronger than um the power of yes
00:09:58
yeah I say abolutely say know a lot more
00:10:00
these days it's got It's a powerful word
00:10:02
he yeah no and and to mean it like no I
00:10:05
still love you you know like hey bro no
00:10:08
but I love you and yeah yeah I think
00:10:11
people respect that Honesty okay so so
00:10:13
yeah so your mom and dad split when you
00:10:15
like say fiveish or say so who's in the
00:10:16
house it's you and your older brother me
00:10:18
my older brother my little sister and my
00:10:19
mom yeah so you're um your older brother
00:10:23
he was kind of like your male your male
00:10:24
figure in your life he became it yeah he
00:10:26
kind of was thrust into it I guess just
00:10:28
by by way default um strong dude man
00:10:32
very very strong character yeah and was
00:10:35
he he he was a bit of a loky bad dude
00:10:38
yeah oh not
00:10:40
Loki he's just a he's just a gangster
00:10:42
man I think for my for
00:10:46
people like me MIP Polynesian it's not
00:10:49
uncommon to have a man thrust into that
00:10:52
role early and then to have
00:10:55
to wield the responsibilities of a young
00:10:59
father brother yeah or cousin yeah well
00:11:03
I feel like I'm doing this a lot feel
00:11:04
like we're having having a
00:11:06
route like IR time laugh sorry bro if
00:11:09
that comes on your thing sorry bro yeah
00:11:11
no that's good that's definitely not
00:11:12
being edited out so say so you were from
00:11:16
what what read you were sort of Hing
00:11:17
down that path as well like um you you
00:11:19
had Street Smart so you never got in
00:11:21
trouble but what what we doing just like
00:11:22
dealing weight yeah bro oh it's so funny
00:11:26
like it's funny cuz I know my daughter
00:11:27
might watch this
00:11:30
like yeah
00:11:32
like bro survival survival is a best way
00:11:36
to put it like it wasn't that I was
00:11:37
doing one thing or anything it's just
00:11:39
survival like you do what you can at
00:11:41
that age um I had a big chip on my
00:11:44
shoulder
00:11:45
around blaming the police and white
00:11:47
people for problems that I think that
00:11:49
just comes in with The Narrative of
00:11:50
being in the Hood um so I had these kind
00:11:54
of chips on my shoulder and to fall into
00:11:57
line you play ball you know what I mean
00:12:00
you you go with your cousins to these
00:12:03
places and you go to these House parties
00:12:05
and you do these things that they do
00:12:06
because there's no other no one telling
00:12:10
you don't do that you know so you're
00:12:11
just rolling with the punches um yeah
00:12:15
yeah so yep I was I was doing stupid
00:12:19
[ __ ] for sure when I was young you ever
00:12:21
get caught or get in trouble or I think
00:12:23
the worst thing I got caught was like
00:12:24
spray painting um and it was literally
00:12:26
caught
00:12:27
red-handed painted and there's red paint
00:12:30
in my hands the cops come and they're
00:12:31
like who's been spray painting I was
00:12:32
like not me check my hands [ __ ] red
00:12:35
paint actually yeah there's a line about
00:12:37
that in that um that album we're talking
00:12:38
about Dad's
00:12:39
son exactly so so then what happens they
00:12:42
they you get diversion you get in
00:12:44
trouble they just take you home take you
00:12:46
home they tell you to clean your [ __ ]
00:12:47
you clean your thing it was lucky it was
00:12:49
wet so it came off and then I got home
00:12:51
and I'd get a get a hiding you from your
00:12:54
mom
00:12:57
yeah
00:12:59
[Music]
