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Runners only with dom Harvey and Mia
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motor
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g'day hello it's so nice to have you
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here I'm sorry I'm a little bit croaky
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today I'm a little bit sick but I we
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were supposed to catch up yesterday I
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postponed it I didn't want to postpone
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it again because I've been I've been
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fizzing about this it's so nice to have
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you here oh thank you finally finally
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now we we were supposed to do this
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podcast about two months ago right and
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um you you you canceled it because you
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were you were too nervous to do it
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without your coach prison and your coach
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was over in England this is before the
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Sunday documentary before the fight
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before everything why why were you so
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shy why were you so nervous because I
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wasn't
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I don't know anything I'm like oh
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right and then but now you're sweet ass
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yeah no if it is no I'm not afraid to
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speak about speak about anything really
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yeah uncomfortable ass that's what was
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the what was the ripping the the I mean
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because you've been so honest and all
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the interviews you've done I I guess it
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started with the Sunday documentary on
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tvnz1
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um was that sort of like the turning
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point for you
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um I feel like when when I do speak I
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like the fish is talking talking about
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my story like I need just like I felt
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more comfortable with my coach being
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there supporting me because he
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understands it so if any if there was a
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boundary where I felt unsettled he would
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be I would feel okay to speak about that
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right so like a like a safety blanket or
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support person or something like a
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support person yeah yeah so that's um
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Isaac page we're going to get into into
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him later on in your relationship with
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him because that seems something special
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yeah
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you even got the name of his like gym
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tattooed on your head
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what is it what does it say peach boxing
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Peach boxing it's the logo that's a
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commitment do you have free membership
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for that no he should have a deal like
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if you get the Nick head or you get free
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membership
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okay so how are you you good yeah I'm
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really good yeah yeah surviving so we're
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recording this
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um how long it was the fight two weeks
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ago yeah two weeks ago you saw your
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weekend a bit so you're now the world
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champion yeah so what is what does that
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mean exactly from your perspective
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what's different in your life now
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oh the only thing that's different in my
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life is that people are recognizing me
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but I'm still just me I'm not gonna
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change yeah has there been like a
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noticeable shift in that I'm guessing
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the Sunday piece had a lot to do with
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that because it was an incredible story
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yeah and you were you were very honest
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and a lot of people watch that like did
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you did you notice like immediately
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after that like more people it's like oh
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hey Mia a little bit not as much I feel
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like as soon as between two beers came
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out that's that's when it started like
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the podcast there these people were like
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talking about it and then it was my
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fight on the night of fight for life I
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just went crazy I was like what the heck
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there's too much people here because
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like I'm a person who like if they
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followed me I'll follow them back and
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I'm like oh well I get excited when
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people follow me so I'm like yeah I
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follow you that cool but you you I mean
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you like you you look you're so
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recognizable and you seem so nice and
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approachable as well so I I guess it's
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like the perfect storm like yeah people
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people aren't afraid to approach you do
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you know what I mean even though you're
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a ferocious [ __ ] yeah yeah yeah yeah I
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I'm only a nightmare in the rain I'm not
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a nightmare outside the ring I'm real
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friendly yeah yeah I'm always kind yeah
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all right
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um yeah how are you coping with the fame
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are you loving it
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I don't really mind yeah I just carry on
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being me I think I just gotta stop
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getting to invested in like trying to be
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like oh hello people and like you know
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when people reach up I get like so
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invested like oh you know when the
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people like that have suffered through
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things I kind of try to take it on board
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myself
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which is challenging because like I
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understand those people and it's so hard
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to deny them
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do you know like what they've been
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through their walk-up life so like I can
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get so caught up and it's it can drain
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my energy yeah absolutely but I and I
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suppose this is a problem like a yeah
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the problem is a weird word because it's
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like a it's a situation you've created
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for yourself
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um by being so open and so vulnerable
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with your own story
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um but yeah it's an energy zapper if you
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take too much of that on isn't it yeah
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that's not your job either
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something yeah and then I neglect my own
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well-being yeah and yeah yeah I mean
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you've only got so much in it there's
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only so much media to go around yeah
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yeah yeah I wish I could give it up
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and and
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um how did you cope um one thing I
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thought about so the Sunday documentary
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went to here yeah and then your world
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title fight was 11 days after that how
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did you cope with the the pressure and
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the expectation
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it was hard yeah it was hard it was a
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little bit frustrating because I was
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like
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I kind of lost like I really learned a
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lot in this like where I lost myself as
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a fighter that I was like Chic okay like
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the last week of my Camp I was like [ __ ]
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okay I'm actually fighting like damn it
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I've lost so focused because I got so
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caught up in what I had tried to preach
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and help others and then also let my
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story because that was a learning curve
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for me like that Journey was big to me
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and it was very healing at the same time
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but it also took a lot out of me without
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it exhausted yeah without a doubt yeah
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no but I'm thinking um like that story
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went to where and there's no way that
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you you could have or should have lost a
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fight after that do you know what I mean
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it seemed like this girl is gonna be the
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next champion of the world I really felt
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right oh did you yeah yeah so when you
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went into the ring for that wheel title
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fight no doubt in your mind that you
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were gonna you're gonna kick your ass
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no doubt like I didn't even think about
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I was just I already felt like a winner
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because what I had achieved and that the
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achievement was speaking and using my
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voice
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because I reached out to and inspired a
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lot of people which is more that's more
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worthy than winning a world title yeah
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absolutely it does what why did it take
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you so long to speak out do you think is
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it just the moment yeah shame because
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you're like you don't want a lot of a
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lot of people you don't want that like
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closer to you don't want also you don't
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want them to know as well because I know
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it'll hurt them to hear what I've been
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through and I never spoke out about it
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so I've never actually even my closest
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Family I've never actually really taught
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they only found out through that story
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so they didn't even know what I went
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through
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oh I'm so sorry that you've been living
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with this for such a long time
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um the the shame you're talking about
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and the the stuff that you're talking
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about for anyone that doesn't know
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that's um domestic violence and we'll
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get into that later on and as much of as
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little detail as what you want I'm not
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sure how you feel talking about it over
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and over again no that's fine yeah okay
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cool well let's let's focus on the early
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years so you're from kaitaia yes so
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you're born in kaitaia uh born in um
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kaitaia but I'm from
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it's like so you go you go into the
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township then you hang a left at the
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clock and then you go down heading out
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to apara which is like the beach
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it's before right right I'm also from
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apuna as well but my Mariah and
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everything's in Pokemon oh yeah because
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my my ex-girlfriend lives like her
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family they've got a I've got a spot in
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hohwater beach and so I've spent a lot
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of time yeah spent a lot of time running
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running through the forests of um 90
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Mile Beach avoiding those terrifying
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horses yeah yeah they're still there the
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wild horse yeah the stallions and
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everything yeah my girlfriend said if
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you see one one of the horses get run
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into the trees and hide yeah I don't I
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just run it
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yeah because I'm used to them
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so what was life like growing up what
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was little Mia like oh it was amazing
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best time of my life yeah why because I
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learned how to dive you know uh my
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favorite thing to do is eating Seafood
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as well so you could go into the water
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and die for your own cannons your own
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crayfish all that you learn you learn
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all that so you let you learn
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sustainability that's the best thing
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about it living up north you know and
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you live you live off the land you go
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pig hunting you horse ride beer back
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horse right you don't ride with a saddle
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yeah so you you do sound a lot like um
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my ex so you get the cannas and you're
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slurping them raw yeah
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it's delicious that's magic yeah so so
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what was life like like growing up um
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are you quite um connected to your roots
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and your whanau oh yeah definitely yeah
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I'm really connected to my roots but you
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didn't you didn't speak Maori growing up
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I did when I was a kid you did yeah but
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I lost
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so we had to speak English which was
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hard for me at first but got it in the
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end so how old was it you moved to
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Auckland from the far north when you
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were like 10 yeah when I was 10. how
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come
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because my mom and dad wanted to come
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down here and work and my sister was
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about to be born
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so yeah
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yeah how was that how is that for you so
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I think when you when you're like
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preschool age
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you know moving anywhere with your
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parents is fine but when you when you're
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at school especially when you're like
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nine or ten and you've got your roots
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set up and your friends and yeah that's
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tough and then you're like you're living
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at their Tower rough rugged and
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beautiful that's how I say it what do
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you mean just like barefoot outside yeah
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yeah yeah my holy pants I liked it I
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wrote a t-shirt getting all dirty
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milking the cows that was rough rugged
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it sounds like they're like couldn't you
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have stayed up there with the water
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whanau was that not an option no my mom
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won't have that yeah yeah yeah yeah okay
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so you moved to you moved to Auckland
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where do you where do you move to him
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what's that like can you remember much
00:10:00
about that you were still very young oh
00:10:02
Oklahoma
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my grandparents and their house but they
00:10:07
bought it years ago and we moved down to
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West Auckland I've always been in West
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Auckland haven't been anywhere else in
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west but yeah just stayed there hanged
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out with my family went to school didn't
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really like it I'd get frustrated I was
00:10:22
I was actually an Angry Kid especially
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when I was an intermediate like I was
00:10:25
very angry I was like I would lose my
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cool at school sometimes because I was
00:10:31
just I struggled like with because like
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up north it's like you can be yourself
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everyone's just like you know enjoys pig
00:10:39
hunting and all that stuff but then you
00:10:41
come down to Auckland and people were
00:10:42
like why aren't you wearing shoes
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where's your shoes stuff like that like
00:10:46
other than any other school uniform like
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what the heck I hated that
00:10:51
why are we at toys school uniform just a
00:10:53
massive culture show okay yeah well and
00:10:55
why why weren't you good at school did
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you just have like um did you struggle
00:11:00
to learn or no I didn't struggle to
00:11:02
learn I just struggled with like the
00:11:04
different nationalities like especially
00:11:06
with the teachers you know because like
00:11:08
up north
00:11:09
was it like was it like a rural School
00:11:11
up North so it was like a tiny tiny
00:11:12
school yeah tiny school and like we just
00:11:15
what I was used to
00:11:17
completely changed coming down here and
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it was like
00:11:22
it was just like it felt very fancy and
00:11:24
fresh and I was like this is out of my
00:11:26
class it's just it didn't fit me oh did
00:11:29
you sort of feel like an imposter like
00:11:30
you didn't belong yeah I don't feel like
00:11:32
I belonged oh yeah
00:11:34
oh that's rough did you have like a good
00:11:36
group of friends like a like a click
00:11:38
that you found at that school I got
00:11:39
along with boys more I struggled with
00:11:41
girls yes I didn't like girls talking
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about girly things it was annoying
00:11:45
because it was something I wasn't used
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to you know girls would be like I like
00:11:49
boys and I'm like that's the last thing
00:11:51
I want to listen to I want to be like oh
00:11:54
do you want to play bullish you know or
00:11:56
like and I was like always into rugby
00:11:58
and League Growing Up So and girls want
00:12:01
to play nipple and I'm like no way I'm
00:12:03
not playing that yeah so so did you what
00:12:06
yeah what sports did you play like when
00:12:07
you moved to Auckland that sort of sort
00:12:09
of intermediate age where was it like
00:12:10
team sports contact Sports yeah it was
00:12:12
team sports yeah I played like soccer
00:12:14
definitely touch and tag and rugby and
00:12:18
league but like as I got older my mum
00:12:20
wouldn't let me play league
00:12:24
were you able to play were there enough
00:12:27
um like female players for you to be in
00:12:28
like a girls team or was it were you
00:12:30
playing with the boys right yeah yeah
00:12:32
live playing with girls they just
00:12:34
because they were like cry babies
00:12:39
strain every time yeah but like it was
00:12:42
like then a soccer you know you go like
00:12:44
I played on the boys team and even the
00:12:46
boys would cry and I'll get kicked like
00:12:48
yellow card because I like kicked him
00:12:51
and they did a full somersault flip and
00:12:54
I was like isn't this what soccer's
00:12:55
meant to be
00:12:57
and the boy would cry so dramatic
00:13:00
and then because I said to the get up
00:13:03
and stop crying
00:13:05
oh my god
00:13:06
um in this in a sense like looking
00:13:08
looking back now like do you think these
00:13:10
sort of experiences this contact sport
00:13:12
and playing with them the guys who are
00:13:14
maybe physically bigger than bigger than
00:13:16
you at that age do you think they sort
00:13:18
of like prepared you for the boxing yeah
00:13:20
yeah
00:13:22
because my cousins were way bigger
00:13:24
and they they like they're no mercy
00:13:27
YouTube like why get up stop crying why
00:13:30
are you being a suck for like we want a
00:13:31
lot of crying my cousins or tough ass so
00:13:33
I'm like okay then I'm gonna take you on
00:13:35
too I'm gonna try and beat you I could
00:13:38
never beat my cousins well it's well it
00:13:41
sounds like um you had a good time when
00:13:42
you moved to Auckland you're obviously
00:13:44
like homesick for your your whanau and
00:13:46
stuff up North but you're still at a
00:13:48
good time and a good family but it's
00:13:49
just a place yeah so who moved down your
00:13:51
mum and your dad and my brothers yeah
00:13:54
how many brothers you got two brothers
00:13:55
yeah yeah your mum and Dad's still
00:13:57
together no no they're not together they
00:14:01
were 10 years ago yeah are you 17.
00:14:03
so I did they did they do that thing
00:14:06
like my parents did where they stayed
00:14:07
together for the kids and then when the
00:14:08
kids left home they went their
00:14:10
separately yeah they just went like my
00:14:12
mum just did a whole 180 and my dad was
00:14:14
like
00:14:15
he did like a scare I still don't know
00:14:17
till this day where he left it's so
00:14:20
confusing so how old are you at the time
00:14:21
like 17.
00:14:23
nice
00:14:25
sexting right was that a shock for you
00:14:27
at that time
00:14:28
yeah I was like hey what's going on here
00:14:31
yeah and I was like oh great
00:14:34
blowing my eyes like okay here we go and
00:14:37
and so where did the boxing start
00:14:39
the boxing started when I was like 14.
00:14:42
right how come
00:14:44
I did it for Fitness like my because I
00:14:46
was like playing for like New Zealand
00:14:48
rips and stuff for like touching I mean
00:14:50
for tag and soccer and stuff so my mom
00:14:53
was like you need to get your Fitness up
00:14:55
and I was like okay then and my mom was
00:14:57
doing boxing for like Fitness to lose
00:14:59
weight with her friends so she was like
00:15:01
I'll take you to the gym and then
00:15:03
because my cousin Shane was this Chopper
00:15:05
Shane Chopper Chapman who's K1 fighter
00:15:08
he was going to that gym
00:15:10
so he was like come to this gym and
00:15:14
because he does his kickboxing there and
00:15:15
boxing there so he was like come to I
00:15:17
was like I'm not doing kickboxing no way
00:15:19
because I was like I'm not kicking my
00:15:21
legs it's just stupid and then someone
00:15:24
was like no you can do the boxing so I
00:15:26
did the boxing gave it a go and then
00:15:27
like six months later the coach was like
00:15:30
oh would you like to box and I was like
00:15:32
okay why not I'll give it a go because
00:15:33
I'm always like tempted to give anything
00:15:35
a go and then I spot and made these
00:15:39
teenage boys cry they're like 16 and
00:15:41
they all started crying and I said what
00:15:42
the heck is my first barring ever why
00:15:44
would you cry I'll say I thought boxing
00:15:46
is not meant to be for sucky Bubbas
00:15:48
can you imagine how humiliating that is
00:15:50
for real right for those guys yeah if
00:15:55
you're crying why would you cry no I'm
00:15:58
thinking at that of myself at that age
00:16:00
like first of all I've never had the
00:16:01
carriage skin a boxing ring so I'm not
00:16:03
I'm not criticizing these young guys but
00:16:05
to be that age
00:16:07
um still you know like developing and
00:16:09
going through puberty and figuring out
00:16:10
who you are to get in the ring with a
00:16:12
girl and have your ass kicked by here
00:16:13
like the whole thing like it's terrible
00:16:16
yeah
00:16:17
I was a novice like I hadn't even done
00:16:19
anything
00:16:20
that's not making it any better that's
00:16:23
making it way worse for these boys but I
00:16:25
suppose now now that you're the world
00:16:26
champion they can and that you're not
00:16:28
the same age as you I guess like dudes
00:16:30
in their 30s they can probably look back
00:16:31
at it and laugh but at that age in that
00:16:33
stage in your life it probably
00:16:34
traumatized them and followed them
00:16:36
around for the last few years of school
00:16:37
hey for real because I like I was
00:16:39
would you ever cry or if I spied you and
00:16:42
then I said to my brother come on then
00:16:43
and then like we start having a punch
00:16:45
and then bang I made a snow plea he
00:16:47
didn't cry and he was younger than me he
00:16:50
was two years younger
00:16:53
so so it sounds like straight away you
00:16:56
were good at it
00:16:57
yeah I think you're like a natural
00:17:00
I wasn't strong I was just like super
00:17:02
fast like
00:17:03
it's like a little better you know like
00:17:05
what do you mean you went strong though
00:17:07
like you're making nose bleeds you're
00:17:09
making the boys cry no that's not
00:17:11
like this punch with my brother
00:17:15
what do you mean like outside of the
00:17:16
ring is that just yeah we're at home
00:17:18
come on let's go
00:17:23
okay so it
00:17:26
um Isaac Peach who's like your coach
00:17:28
your Mentor your best friend to this day
00:17:29
was it around this time
00:17:31
I met him like when I was probably 15.
00:17:34
yeah so about this this sort of time
00:17:36
yeah about the time you're making all
00:17:38
the boys cry yeah yeah so not long after
00:17:40
that yeah boxing too how do you meet him
00:17:43
did he just happen to be in the same gym
00:17:44
or did he get told about you no he came
00:17:46
into the gym and he started training for
00:17:50
um that gym and he was like then I
00:17:53
started to get to know Isaac because I
00:17:54
had to train alongside him I was the
00:17:56
little teenager and he was the adult and
00:17:59
I was like yeah just growing up and we
00:18:01
were just mates friends there and he
00:18:03
knew me and we were both Westies then
00:18:06
too because what's the age get between
00:18:09
you guys so you're 33 now yeah now I
00:18:11
would say what's he 40. he's 50.
00:18:14
[Laughter]
00:18:17
he's 40. 40. I said seven year age Gap
00:18:20
so you're in your you're in your 18
00:18:21
season in sort of early 20s yeah yeah
00:18:23
and it was was he sort of like a mentor
00:18:25
to you then no he wasn't no no what was
00:18:28
the relationship like then
00:18:30
crazy
00:18:31
in what way what is like
00:18:37
come to training and he'll be smoking a
00:18:40
cigarette and then and then he'll put it
00:18:42
out and he'll just start doing these
00:18:44
Sprints and next minute smash all of us
00:18:46
at it and I was like what the heck and
00:18:48
then he'll come sometimes he'll come
00:18:50
back like come show up to training
00:18:51
smelling like alcohol and he's drunk
00:18:54
he's being drunk has a cigarette does
00:18:58
and still smashes it like and I used to
00:19:00
think when I used to watch him train and
00:19:02
stuff I was like and I was like man if
00:19:04
he gave up cigarettes and drinking he
00:19:07
would be a mean ass fighter because like
00:19:10
you know that I I truly believe that was
00:19:12
making just held your lung capacity back
00:19:14
but yeah
00:19:16
he was fat like no one could like no one
00:19:18
could be there was like two of them
00:19:20
there was Isaac and this guy a co-cola
00:19:22
and they used to just constantly like do
00:19:24
these mean ass shuttles they were like
00:19:26
suicide shuttles but those they'll be
00:19:29
like they had the highest score ever and
00:19:32
I'd be like how is he doing it
00:19:36
he would be like hungover sometime is he
00:19:39
is he okay with these stories I don't
00:19:41
know but I just well I'm not I'm not
00:19:43
lying and I'm telling the truth yeah
00:19:45
yeah I know I know sometimes
00:19:46
self-editing is not a anyway this is
00:19:49
your mate he's your mate okay so I'll
00:19:51
get in trouble though yeah like don't
00:19:53
treat me then so is is he the one that's
00:19:56
that said to you
00:19:58
um yeah when you're a teenager like Mia
00:19:59
you should you should get in the ring
00:20:00
that you should do this this boxing
00:20:06
like always be supportive and cheering
00:20:09
but at the same time after his she'd be
00:20:12
like he'll just finish a fight and he's
00:20:14
back on his his cigarette straight away
00:20:17
and see I remember that because I was
00:20:20
anti I've always been anti-cigarette
00:20:22
right because I watched my grandfather
00:20:23
die of cigarettes so yeah I've hated
00:20:25
cigarettes so I've never had a cigarette
00:20:27
in my life I've only had secondhand
00:20:29
smoke
00:20:30
yeah yeah I'm the same I grew up and my
00:20:32
mum was a heavy smoker growing up she
00:20:34
stopped about 10 years ago but yeah I
00:20:35
look back now and all my clothes stunk
00:20:38
of smoke all the time
00:20:39
yeah yeah yeah so can you remember your
00:20:42
very first fight yeah yeah did you win
00:20:44
yeah I won yeah stop in the third round
00:20:48
out of how many rounds three rounds
00:20:49
three rounds yes three two minute rounds
00:20:52
three minute rounds 32 minutes yeah
00:20:54
because I was how old are we then
00:20:56
thirteen thirteen yeah
00:20:58
wow and was that feeling amazing is that
00:21:01
is it that feeling of winning is you
00:21:03
know it was to me I was like You Gotta
00:21:06
Laugh okay this is my first fight it's
00:21:08
typical me I'm still the same damn it
00:21:10
you made me think shakes
00:21:13
um so like I had my fight I literally I
00:21:16
needed to blow my nose
00:21:19
in the middle of the fight I turn around
00:21:21
and see to the rest stop and he's like
00:21:23
you're not allowed to stop and I was
00:21:25
like stop oh he's like this is
00:21:27
ridiculous because I was like I was like
00:21:29
oh he stopped the fight I was like I
00:21:31
need to blow my notes and he's like
00:21:32
you're not allowed to do that I was like
00:21:33
I need it and then he was like okay I
00:21:36
fully like he grabs the tissue thinking
00:21:38
that I just need a light float I
00:21:40
literally blow all the blood over him
00:21:44
yeah
00:21:46
and he's like he never uh it's still
00:21:49
stuck with him till the state because
00:21:51
he's all a white and it's all blue it's
00:21:53
all red oh my god oh
00:21:56
you're not doing good for my congestion
00:22:01
um yeah because of course you're wearing
00:22:02
gloves so there's nothing there yeah you
00:22:04
can't like hold a nostril or anything
00:22:06
like that
00:22:09
because the black I can feel it
00:22:10
going in the back so yeah and it
00:22:12
literally goes all over his white clean
00:22:14
white T-shirt and pants and he was so
00:22:17
angry at me that still to this day he's
00:22:19
like I'll never forget you when you blew
00:22:21
your nose at me
00:22:23
unbelievable and and is that that fight
00:22:27
and sort of winning is that what sort of
00:22:28
planted the seat or it was just other
00:22:31
people sort of pushing you say Mia
00:22:32
you're really good at this if you if you
00:22:34
try really hard you can be really good
00:22:35
where does the love of boxing come from
00:22:39
I was like yeah
00:22:41
that like I really didn't know it like
00:22:43
why was it fun just because you're good
00:22:45
because I was like oh because just like
00:22:47
doing the like the energy level and
00:22:49
being like Oh yeah yeah this is
00:22:50
something different and you're on your
00:22:52
own like you don't have any because like
00:22:53
I'm so used to team sport and like
00:22:56
people depend like you know if you stuff
00:22:57
up the whole team stuffs up but that's
00:22:59
just you alone in that ring so yeah
00:23:02
that's how I just saw it yeah you say
00:23:04
that with a glint in your eye and a
00:23:06
smile on your mouth to me that's the
00:23:07
terrifying thing about it that's that
00:23:10
seems like that seems awful to me like
00:23:12
the you get in the ring you've got your
00:23:14
corner people there your support crew
00:23:16
around you which must be very very nice
00:23:17
but then everyone leaves and the fight
00:23:20
starts and it's got to be the most
00:23:21
terrifying thing
00:23:24
it's actually the most peaceful thing
00:23:26
peaceful
00:23:28
um
00:23:29
because like you literally you just see
00:23:31
you in the opponents like okay let's go
00:23:33
which one's gonna win
00:23:34
you or me which one yeah but you know
00:23:37
that your opponent's goal is the same as
00:23:38
you you're she's trying to kill you
00:23:40
you're trying to kill her yeah I know
00:23:43
but I don't see it as a Kill
00:23:45
I never did what do you mean I just
00:23:48
thought like it was something fun like
00:23:50
yeah I like this this is enjoyable it's
00:23:52
fun something to do and I just got
00:23:55
myself to do and if I went it's just me
00:23:57
that one yay not a team
00:23:59
but yeah so I don't really love it at
00:24:01
the end I just enjoyed it yeah it was
00:24:04
something fun yeah so it was why did you
00:24:06
stop and when did you stop I was always
00:24:08
in and out I never really because I'd
00:24:10
like
00:24:11
because like I'll go through moments
00:24:13
where I'll be like I want to be a kid I
00:24:15
mean like I don't want to be training
00:24:16
all the time
00:24:17
you know
00:24:18
and like I would miss out on like the
00:24:20
biggest thing that I struggled with was
00:24:22
I would miss out on a lot of hand me
00:24:23
things because we do a lot of family
00:24:25
gatherings like we celebrate Easter you
00:24:28
know all the public holidays we go away
00:24:30
up north as a family and we're such a
00:24:33
tight family that we always do
00:24:35
everything together so I would always
00:24:37
miss out on that and it'll be very
00:24:39
frustrating because like as soon as my
00:24:41
family gotten off I'd be like
00:24:42
see all the pictures and be like huh
00:24:45
where's mine and I'm stuck down here
00:24:48
training and boxing so I was like oh
00:24:50
this is dumb I suppose it's like
00:24:51
anything out of these sacrifices
00:24:52
involved with anything if you want to be
00:24:54
good at something in life you've got to
00:24:55
make sacrifices so is that when you
00:24:57
decided to take a break from it yeah I
00:24:59
was always in and out yeah like school
00:25:01
because I was like oh it's just
00:25:04
distracting me so I have to stay at
00:25:06
school so like
00:25:07
I never took it serious so I was just
00:25:09
like I thought I took it serious but
00:25:11
then no I never did yeah and when did
00:25:13
you leave school how long were you at
00:25:14
school for
00:25:15
I said school too I was
00:25:18
right and that's when you got married
00:25:21
yeah yeah
00:25:22
on that um the Sunday documentary which
00:25:25
I referenced at the beginning of this um
00:25:27
it might still be available to watch on
00:25:29
um tvnz on demand um but it's a fabulous
00:25:32
piece and they they show a photo of you
00:25:34
in your in your wedding dress yeah and
00:25:37
you're 17. yeah and and you're you're
00:25:39
beautiful but you're just so young like
00:25:42
just a girl like it it could have been
00:25:45
your ball your ball gown but it's your
00:25:47
it's your wedding dress yeah and I
00:25:49
didn't even know what it was
00:25:51
yeah
00:25:53
no how do you mean I don't know what a
00:25:56
ball was right right people would always
00:25:57
talk about it I'm like what the heck
00:25:59
said because I never paid any attention
00:26:01
yeah right right oh because you're into
00:26:02
the guy stuff yeah yeah like if if the
00:26:05
like if I heard like oh the boys have
00:26:07
got rugby I was like yeah let's go
00:26:09
yeah so so
00:26:11
um tell us about your husband like where
00:26:13
did you meet him was he the same age
00:26:14
slightly older
00:26:15
I use the same age same age 17 as well
00:26:17
who gets married at 17. me
00:26:21
yeah why so you you guys you guys when
00:26:25
did you meet like a year earlier
00:26:27
yeah so like
00:26:29
um was he at the same school first no we
00:26:31
weren't because I went to August School
00:26:33
I've been talking girls
00:26:34
yeah hated it
00:26:37
yeah because it was all girls like I
00:26:40
can't believe it I thought my mom did
00:26:41
that on purpose no one no one at lunch
00:26:43
time for you to play ball race with no
00:26:46
like the first year I was always such a
00:26:49
loner yeah but I liked being on learner
00:26:51
because it just I'd rather listen to
00:26:53
myself than listen to girls drama
00:26:56
so yeah the first year I hated High
00:26:58
School I was like why am I at the school
00:27:00
and I'd always ask my mom to change me
00:27:02
like I'll say can you change me like why
00:27:04
did you put me in all girls school yeah
00:27:06
send me the Kings yeah and then mum says
00:27:08
eight no you gotta go and because my
00:27:10
cousin was there so that was a good
00:27:11
thing that my cousin went there so yeah
00:27:13
but she was older
00:27:15
Toyota
00:27:17
yeah I met him
00:27:19
so I met her he was already boxing so I
00:27:23
already knew of him but he went to
00:27:25
course like literally a straight away
00:27:28
from my school and then I S he was
00:27:31
friends with my friends
00:27:33
the ones like they were in my class and
00:27:35
then so I met him through there and then
00:27:38
we just started being friends yeah and
00:27:40
did like did you did you like him
00:27:41
straight was there an attraction
00:27:42
straight away no it wasn't we were just
00:27:45
friends at first yeah and because I was
00:27:48
like okay cool I like I hang out with
00:27:50
boys so like I started hanging out with
00:27:52
him and his friends and just clicked and
00:27:55
then all of a sudden I was like oh
00:27:57
I was like what the heck is this he's
00:27:59
like I like you I was like what oh don't
00:28:02
look at me like that oh because you'd
00:28:05
never had a boyfriend before you were
00:28:06
mates with lots of boys but you'd never
00:28:08
had like a boyfriend boys would look at
00:28:10
me like that but you know I just thought
00:28:12
oh yeah and I was like nah what the heck
00:28:14
don't like me
00:28:16
yeah so at first it went like that and
00:28:19
then my friends kind of like pushed me
00:28:21
and they're like nah you should go and I
00:28:23
was like nah I don't want a boyfriend I
00:28:26
was like I kind of like myself yeah yeah
00:28:28
so then you sort of just find yourself
00:28:29
in this relationship yeah just kept
00:28:31
bugging me
00:28:33
were you there
00:28:36
even my school after school and I'd be
00:28:38
like
00:28:41
oh yeah
00:28:43
they were like oh he's going to a train
00:28:45
bloody hell right he was right into you
00:28:49
so you so what did you think at the time
00:28:51
you were just sort of like confused or
00:28:52
did you just you feel like you couldn't
00:28:55
say no
00:28:57
no what did you do did you just kept
00:28:59
like just buggering like bugging me and
00:29:03
just like always hanging out with me and
00:29:04
I was like oh gosh and then he just kept
00:29:06
saying can be my girlfriend can you
00:29:08
please be like a friend I don't even
00:29:09
know what that is
00:29:11
but was was he quite nice and Charming
00:29:13
back then
00:29:14
it was nice yeah yeah but then like
00:29:17
started clicking because he was into
00:29:18
[Music]
00:29:22
that oh she's really into this and I was
00:29:24
like yep and then so we started gelling
00:29:27
into that well like like boxing yeah
00:29:29
boxing I like yeah I like the boxing and
00:29:32
like
00:29:33
see like my favorite Fighters Rocky
00:29:35
Marciano so like he started figuring
00:29:37
that out and then I'll be like so he
00:29:40
paid like interest in what I liked
00:29:42
at the same time I was going through my
00:29:45
mum and Dad's breakup yeah too so that
00:29:47
was kind of like a lot me and my dad our
00:29:51
relationship was like so close and tight
00:29:52
so it was like as soon as my dad walked
00:29:56
out I lost that male figure yeah and so
00:29:58
then because him and my mum was fat it
00:30:01
pushed me towards so then I started
00:30:03
depending on him even though he was
00:30:05
bugging me I was like oh man I've lost
00:30:07
mail in my life because my other male
00:30:09
that I was really close to was my Papa
00:30:11
he passed away
00:30:13
at the same time like around this same
00:30:16
time so then I fell into that that trap
00:30:20
and I was kind of like okay this this is
00:30:22
where I need to be because I've got no
00:30:24
other meal in my life
00:30:26
God you're really smart and insightful
00:30:27
have you had any therapy or anything or
00:30:29
you just no see
00:30:31
so you just you just figured out that
00:30:33
you were drawn towards this guy the same
00:30:35
age because of you know the issues with
00:30:37
your parents like that's so insightful
00:30:39
you just figure that out on your own
00:30:41
yeah yeah you can see that but you
00:30:43
couldn't see it probably said at the
00:30:44
time but you see it now with hindsight
00:30:45
yeah and wisdom so and and so when does
00:30:49
The Proposal happen how long did you get
00:30:50
there before Oh
00:30:58
my mum was very strong and deep in faith
00:31:01
so we were very like we were brought up
00:31:03
and my mom was like very like
00:31:07
Christian
00:31:08
so we had to obey and stick to the
00:31:11
Crystal Lake I always honored my parents
00:31:13
because it was part of like I had a
00:31:15
faith too and I believed in that Faith
00:31:17
so I honored that and my mum was like
00:31:19
okay so because I fell at this around
00:31:22
like after we started building a
00:31:24
relationship like a year later I fell
00:31:26
pregnant with my son which I Didn't Know
00:31:28
I Was Pregnant and because I was still
00:31:30
getting my regular period so I was like
00:31:32
oh and then I was like I found out I'm
00:31:35
pregnant 28 I'm like 20 weeks I think oh
00:31:38
[ __ ] yeah like almost in the third
00:31:40
trimester yeah and I'll still train I
00:31:42
was still doing boxing like hold on
00:31:43
sorry and I went to Rainbow's End
00:31:55
yeah yeah I was actually still spurring
00:32:00
oh my God that's amazing because my
00:32:02
weight hadn't like gained all I had was
00:32:04
like a little like a bit like it felt
00:32:07
like a beer belly yeah but you weren't
00:32:08
sort of showing at all and you didn't
00:32:10
feel sick no morning sickness I don't
00:32:12
know and I was still getting my regular
00:32:13
periods so that's why I was like ah I
00:32:15
just put it on a little bit of weight
00:32:21
to my mum like Mom I'm like I'm like I
00:32:24
don't feel well I'm shaking and then she
00:32:26
was like okay we better take you to the
00:32:28
doctors take me to the doctor's day like
00:32:30
you're pregnant and I'm like oh am I and
00:32:32
they're like it seemed quite far away
00:32:34
and I was like can't be I'm still
00:32:35
getting my period and so we have a scan
00:32:37
they're like you're 20 weeks and I'm
00:32:39
like what I just like for I was just
00:32:42
sparring last week and I was at the
00:32:44
Rainbow's End on the roller coaster to
00:32:48
be honest I feel like the hot dogs at
00:32:49
Rainbow's End are probably more
00:32:50
dangerous for an unborn child than the
00:32:52
roller coaster there hey Corkscrew
00:32:54
that's fine yeah
00:32:55
um so so you just as because if you look
00:32:58
like your religious Faith you think well
00:32:59
I'm pregnant I've got to do the right
00:33:01
thing and get married before baby well
00:33:03
my mum she was like
00:33:05
yeah my mum was like you cut well
00:33:08
because we stuck to our faith and like
00:33:10
that was part of our home and rules and
00:33:12
so mum was like you can't live under
00:33:14
this roof unless you get married that's
00:33:17
the rules and then I was like
00:33:19
okay she's like if you trust your faith
00:33:21
you'll do it and I was like okay so to
00:33:24
me I was like oh I never wanted to get
00:33:26
married this is wrong but then I knew it
00:33:28
was right because I've got it honor like
00:33:30
I believe in the ten commandments so
00:33:31
you've got to honor your parents yeah
00:33:33
but you could you not say to your mum
00:33:36
well look mum your marriage didn't last
00:33:38
yeah they tried
00:33:42
what did she say do as I say not as I do
00:33:45
yeah yeah because like she stole the
00:33:48
parent and yeah you still got to honor
00:33:50
it so that's what I just stuck to and
00:33:52
like it wasn't just my mum it was like
00:33:54
our pasta as well at the time he was
00:33:56
pushing because he was like No And so he
00:33:58
was pushing my mum because
00:34:00
we couldn't have that so I was like
00:34:01
which way do I go would I rather be
00:34:03
homeless or take the marriage and so
00:34:06
like I tried to run away and as I did I
00:34:09
ran to my aunties which was my mum's
00:34:12
sister and like hid there and then my
00:34:15
mum had like this big family like
00:34:18
meeting and my family were against it
00:34:21
because they did not want it to happen
00:34:23
because they were like she's too young
00:34:24
yeah so you were 18 at this point or
00:34:27
still 17. still 17. yeah
00:34:30
oh man this is this is this is really
00:34:32
this is heartbreaking to hear so like
00:34:35
you knew in your heart of hearts that it
00:34:36
wasn't the right thing to be doing yeah
00:34:38
like I felt like no I don't want this
00:34:40
like I just I've only known if we yeah
00:34:43
and but I respected and honored it so
00:34:46
that's just how I was and I respected my
00:34:49
mum because I loved my mum and she she
00:34:53
was trying to respect your pastor's
00:34:54
rules too and she just didn't want me
00:34:56
under that roof so I was like which way
00:34:58
do I pick do I pick
00:35:00
my mum or do I go live out on his side
00:35:03
of the family or living on the street
00:35:05
and be homeless wasn't you with a like
00:35:07
unborn child
00:35:08
because I was I hadn't had my son yet
00:35:10
and I was still pregnant and then like
00:35:14
I literally just before we had the
00:35:17
marriage
00:35:18
I gave birth to my son
00:35:20
which was like I don't know so why why
00:35:24
was it I know because
00:35:26
all right right so like literally eight
00:35:28
weeks later
00:35:34
like very Prim and you know two months
00:35:37
early yeah yeah
00:35:46
and flew it around my son and they tell
00:35:49
me he's got a 50 50 chance of living
00:35:51
so I'm just like
00:35:53
I feel like I'm mentally stuffed already
00:35:56
because I'm like what the heck my son's
00:35:57
only got 50 before I even gave birth
00:36:00
the hospital told me that's a lot I mean
00:36:02
and you're you're a kid yourself yeah
00:36:11
so I'm trying to give birth to a son
00:36:13
that I think is not going to live
00:36:15
and then so I'm like oh my gosh he's got
00:36:17
50 50 chance of living I give birth to
00:36:19
my first son he gets ripped away from me
00:36:21
straight away to go on an incubator yeah
00:36:24
because I didn't even get to hold you
00:36:26
know most people were like give their
00:36:27
baby straight away I didn't even get it
00:36:28
got straight ripped out of me and I was
00:36:30
like oh what the heck and I didn't get
00:36:32
to see him straight away like they had
00:36:34
to check him and make sure that he could
00:36:36
breathe everything so that was all the
00:36:40
biggest the most scariest thing in my
00:36:41
life because I was like oh my gosh and
00:36:43
then when they took me to him they were
00:36:45
like we don't know if your son's gonna
00:36:47
survive you know he's way too early he's
00:36:50
born with a hole in his heart and
00:36:52
multiple things and then also I fought
00:36:55
the like they wanted to give steroids
00:36:57
but I said no because I was just like I
00:37:00
don't know what you know because I'm
00:37:01
just a young teenager and I have no idea
00:37:04
what the heck like I'm thinking steroids
00:37:06
you know like steroids that they're good
00:37:07
for like bodybuilders so like no no so I
00:37:12
said No at all at all costs are
00:37:14
everything and I was like no my son will
00:37:17
he can fight this and so yeah that was
00:37:20
hard and then
00:37:22
so my emotions mentally I felt broken
00:37:25
so the only thing I was just like okay
00:37:28
the only thing I left okay let's just
00:37:30
get married who cares I just did it
00:37:32
because they were extended when there
00:37:33
was the least of your concerns it was
00:37:34
like whatever it's because like you know
00:37:36
here like impulse thinking you're just
00:37:38
like who cares just do it because you're
00:37:40
just like all you're caring about is
00:37:42
your son because they're telling you you
00:37:44
don't know if he's gonna survive or not
00:37:46
so like you're focusing on your son and
00:37:49
you're just like okay whatever you
00:37:50
thought of me I don't care yeah let's
00:37:52
just do it yeah everything else is
00:37:53
irrelevant and and was the
00:37:55
um did you enjoy the wedding like I mean
00:37:58
it's yeah I suppose you can look look
00:37:59
back now knowing where this story goes
00:38:02
and and think nothing but hatred about
00:38:04
it but at the time was an exciting time
00:38:06
or not really were you just that focused
00:38:07
yes like it was something positive for
00:38:10
me like I was like yeah
00:38:12
yeah something fun you know because I've
00:38:15
just had that you know obviously had
00:38:17
like my parents ripped away from me and
00:38:19
then my son ripped up like being told
00:38:21
that he's only got 50 50 chance so we
00:38:24
were living on like he had a heart
00:38:26
monitor and you know I couldn't even
00:38:28
take my own son home so it was just very
00:38:30
frustrating and then having the wedding
00:38:32
was like something positive it didn't
00:38:34
make me happy because it was happy to
00:38:36
see all my family together but I knew my
00:38:39
family didn't like it because they
00:38:40
didn't approve of it they didn't because
00:38:42
you were young or they or they had a bad
00:38:43
Vibe about him they because I was my age
00:38:46
yeah right they were against it they
00:38:48
were just like no
00:38:49
but they still supported me and cared
00:38:51
for me and they still showed up and they
00:38:53
I knew my family didn't accept it
00:38:55
because I I felt it but they also were
00:38:58
there and it was good to see them all
00:39:00
there because I love my family yeah
00:39:02
family means everything to me oh I can
00:39:04
tell I can tell when you speak about
00:39:05
them and when you speak about those
00:39:07
years growing up north yeah yeah and
00:39:09
like the Kenner yeah just the way your
00:39:11
eyes pop out of your head when you talk
00:39:12
about slurping those raw Killers yeah
00:39:14
it's yum delicious so um is the wind
00:39:17
when like when did the cracks start to
00:39:19
show on the marriage how long
00:39:21
I would
00:39:23
have been with my
00:39:27
muscles look like looking after them all
00:39:28
the time yeah so it's a lot of stress
00:39:30
and pressure yeah and so like Aurora I'd
00:39:32
always been a lot
00:39:38
or to the hospital for the day so I can
00:39:40
arrest because we weren't allowed to
00:39:42
stay there
00:39:43
and he'd like oh
00:39:46
um I've got this and I was like what are
00:39:48
you doing like here's me having no idea
00:39:50
what he's doing I'm just like okay you
00:39:53
must be going to hang out with friends
00:39:54
not realizing that oh he's hanging out
00:39:56
with drug people you know oh was he on
00:39:59
the gear then
00:40:00
oh I know he was definitely a weed yeah
00:40:03
right right
00:40:07
so yeah
00:40:08
crazy hey yeah so your son makes it
00:40:12
through that that Troublesome period how
00:40:14
long is he like an in an incubator for
00:40:18
[Music]
00:40:22
he's he's your eldest now hey like 15
00:40:24
16. 16. today how is he he's all good
00:40:27
he's good at it yeah yep I've always
00:40:29
I've taught like I've always kept my son
00:40:31
active like I made him do legs straight
00:40:33
away he was really good at it but then
00:40:36
like
00:40:38
he did it for two years and then this
00:40:40
third year we kind of pushed about like
00:40:41
I was pushing it a bit too hard and like
00:40:44
he'd keep collapsing and then we
00:40:46
realized it was taking stress on his
00:40:47
heart because I I just treated him like
00:40:49
he's normal and like he they'll tell me
00:40:52
oh he needs these ventilators to help
00:40:54
him Chuck those away because I'm just
00:40:56
like no you need to learn to breathe on
00:40:57
your own
00:41:00
but it worked in the end yeah yeah yeah
00:41:02
yeah I know I shouldn't be listening to
00:41:04
doctors but I'm just like no I don't
00:41:06
want my son depending on something
00:41:08
because to me it's like you know when
00:41:10
people get addicted to drugs and so
00:41:12
that's how I saw it like this dag it's
00:41:14
addicted to drugs so I'm like if you're
00:41:15
going to get addicted and depend on that
00:41:16
for the rest of your life no way so
00:41:19
don't just learn your own technique
00:41:21
and he eventually got it but I knew I
00:41:24
had to take him out of League it was too
00:41:26
much too much stress on him yeah yeah
00:41:28
because he started doing like marathons
00:41:30
and all that and he just he'd get like
00:41:32
my son would make it to the finish line
00:41:34
and he'll collapse and then we have to
00:41:36
rush him to hospital oh yeah that's
00:41:38
never a great sign yeah yeah so I was
00:41:40
like oh my gosh shakes I was like why
00:41:43
did you push her in his
00:41:46
heart yeah I remember sudden you only
00:41:47
got a heart a small heart
00:41:50
so yeah and then we kind of stopped in I
00:41:52
was like you need to do something else
00:41:53
so lucky for my aunties they put him
00:41:55
into walls so yeah yeah amazing amazing
00:41:59
so um
00:42:01
yeah I don't know how much you want to
00:42:03
get into this or not but
00:42:04
um I mean on the Sunday piece you talked
00:42:06
about um there's an awful story there
00:42:08
where you talk about domestic violence
00:42:09
that's happening to you and your beard
00:42:10
I'm guessing that was further on because
00:42:12
these things yeah these things tend to
00:42:14
escape like can you remember the first
00:42:15
time the first how did it start
00:42:22
mentally it was Breaking Me Slowly which
00:42:25
I didn't know right I looked back and
00:42:27
I'm like oh my gosh it was meant to like
00:42:30
because you didn't have that experience
00:42:32
growing up hey you you no and you'll
00:42:35
find our environment there was no like
00:42:36
um yeah like your mum and dad were never
00:42:39
like that with each other yeah
00:42:41
my dad didn't even smack me like never
00:42:44
my mum used to smack me with a wooden
00:42:46
spoon and it was like a little tap and I
00:42:49
used to laugh and I realized that all
00:42:51
and she's like you want another one and
00:42:53
I'll play you go ahead
00:42:56
you should get angry and should like get
00:42:58
out of my face yeah so so
00:43:01
[Music]
00:43:01
um
00:43:02
so yeah what that mental abuse look like
00:43:04
and when did that start how far into the
00:43:05
marriage
00:43:07
would have been after I had my second
00:43:08
child yeah which was my daughter that's
00:43:11
when it's like really started well after
00:43:14
a couple of years a few years yeah so
00:43:16
how's my daughter my daughter was a year
00:43:19
apart from my son so not long after I
00:43:21
had my daughter I like he's was like
00:43:24
always telling me like you're not like
00:43:26
started controlling me like you're not
00:43:27
allowed to do this you're not allowed to
00:43:29
do that and then I'd like okay why not
00:43:32
and then I I'll push the boundary and
00:43:34
then he would like give me a twit and
00:43:36
I'll be like give you give your what
00:43:37
give me a twit like you know like a a
00:43:40
whack across the face right and I'm like
00:43:42
oh like a slap yeah yeah and I was like
00:43:43
what was heck you're not allowed to do
00:43:45
that I was like my dad's never done that
00:43:47
to my mum
00:43:48
and he was like well you need to learn
00:43:50
and I was like okay
00:43:52
so I was like
00:43:54
okay and it's like don't you ever tell
00:43:55
anyone either and I was like I'm telling
00:43:57
on you and then he was like you go tell
00:44:00
and that's it you're going to get
00:44:01
another one and I was like well I'll
00:44:03
keep telling
00:44:04
and yeah that so you were strong in fire
00:44:07
State this is this is this is the um the
00:44:10
heartbreaking thing for me about your
00:44:11
story Mia like you did um
00:44:16
you did all the right things like you
00:44:18
you did everything that that every
00:44:21
rational person would do in that
00:44:22
situation you know yeah at every step of
00:44:24
the way and it still happened it's
00:44:26
heartbreaking yeah yeah and then it so
00:44:28
it just escalates from there yeah it
00:44:30
just slowly starts escalating and then
00:44:31
like I start seeing like bongs and like
00:44:35
you know weeds and stuff and I was like
00:44:38
why are you smoking weed like because
00:44:40
they're so anti and he was like you
00:44:42
can't tell me what to do and then he'll
00:44:44
be like telling me like you need to go
00:44:46
get a job so get a job and listen like
00:44:49
respectfully because like okay this is
00:44:51
me in my knowledge and my theory in my
00:44:54
brain just for me I would be like okay I
00:44:56
have to you know he's my husband now
00:44:58
I've got to respect him I've got to
00:44:59
honor him you know stick to the rules of
00:45:02
that what the Bible says so I never
00:45:04
looked at the worldly rules I always
00:45:06
looked at the Bible rules that's just
00:45:07
how I viewed my life and so I was like
00:45:10
okay you know and I didn't believe in
00:45:13
divorce
00:45:14
because that's so reliable yeah yeah so
00:45:17
I believe like divorce was a sin so I
00:45:20
was like no all right I don't want to go
00:45:21
to hell you know so I just try to look
00:45:24
after and like I don't know what my
00:45:26
husband said and he'd like you have to
00:45:28
go to work I never controlled any money
00:45:30
or anything he controlled it at all
00:45:32
because I didn't know he would pay
00:45:34
anybody okay you get this and I'm like
00:45:36
okay cool
00:45:37
and I wasn't allowed to spend my own
00:45:39
money so he controlled everything even
00:45:42
like told me to get my license and you
00:45:45
know he controlled my license my
00:45:47
passport all that stuff and I just I was
00:45:50
like kind of like is this normal but I
00:45:53
saw it normal in his family you know I
00:45:55
started seeing how so like it was is he
00:45:58
from that sort of is that how he is that
00:46:00
the sort of behavior he saw growing up
00:46:01
yeah that's the behavior he's used to so
00:46:04
like I would see it in like it's in his
00:46:06
mum and his dad and then like his family
00:46:09
so it was like okay this is normal for
00:46:12
this okay I don't see this in my family
00:46:14
and then so I was like okay maybe my
00:46:17
family's different and then so that was
00:46:20
normal and then I go to their town and
00:46:21
it's exactly the same and I was like
00:46:24
every female's getting treated like that
00:46:27
yeah and I mean there's like this
00:46:30
there's absolutely no excuse for that
00:46:32
behavior and there's that um you know
00:46:34
phrase that's been used over and over
00:46:35
and over again over the years about
00:46:37
breaking the cycle so I suppose you can
00:46:39
get out of that environment and it's
00:46:41
just like learned behavior so you carry
00:46:43
it on yeah or you can you can make an
00:46:45
effort to do better and say I'm not
00:46:46
gonna I'm not gonna do that yeah so
00:46:48
ultimately it's a decision that stops
00:46:50
with the individual
00:46:51
yeah yeah oh mate I'm so sorry that's
00:46:54
that's bloody terrible so you you were
00:46:56
basically like a hostage yeah like a
00:46:59
hostage in your in your own in your own
00:47:01
in your own life yeah and so like he
00:47:03
slowly started breaking
00:47:06
like like hitting me and then punching
00:47:08
me and then it just got worse and then
00:47:11
because I started figuring out like
00:47:13
because I didn't even know what like P
00:47:15
was like like I had no idea and I would
00:47:18
like see like it looked like a lolly bag
00:47:19
like full of sugar and like I don't know
00:47:22
what it was and I was like
00:47:25
and like so I'd be like oh my gosh okay
00:47:28
is this normal is this I was saying oh
00:47:30
okay so just check it in the bin and
00:47:32
then like his Relic Behavior would like
00:47:34
he would be up and down it was and I'd
00:47:37
be like what's going on what have I done
00:47:40
and he just started like
00:47:42
completely abusing me like there'll be
00:47:45
days where I wouldn't even be able to
00:47:47
leave the house because I couldn't even
00:47:49
get to the door because I was like he'd
00:47:53
just smashed me so bad like with like it
00:47:56
could be even with a chair crowbar
00:47:58
Hammer whatever oh will it be like
00:48:00
sleeping in my bed and he'd come home at
00:48:02
like her because he's been arrested and
00:48:05
like I didn't know and he'll just rip
00:48:08
the blanket off me and just start
00:48:10
smashing me and I'm like well what the
00:48:12
heck and then I would like try to feed
00:48:14
myself at the same time
00:48:16
and I just I couldn't run anywhere
00:48:18
because he would threaten me he would
00:48:21
say like if you go to anyone
00:48:24
I will hurt your family and I was like
00:48:26
what the heck all the kids are in danger
00:48:28
and so I was like living under his
00:48:32
finger you know like literally living
00:48:34
under his roof and stuck because I felt
00:48:37
like I couldn't go out because I was so
00:48:40
scared because if I did get out which I
00:48:42
did try to escape when I did try to
00:48:44
escape he would only find me again
00:48:47
and so I was like is this normal like is
00:48:51
this how I'm gonna have to live my life
00:48:52
like I'm never gonna I've tried to run
00:48:54
away and it never worked because he'd
00:48:56
always find me and he'd always catch me
00:48:57
and you'd be like no and then I'm I
00:49:00
would like not know how to live and then
00:49:02
like I was ashamed to tell my family
00:49:04
because I was like no if I tell my
00:49:07
family my family is going to be in
00:49:09
danger
00:49:10
and then so just me being like sheeps
00:49:14
okay I gotta stay in silence
00:49:15
and I know my family had a little bit of
00:49:17
idea but they were waiting for me they
00:49:19
didn't want to step in because there
00:49:20
would be times where I'd be like no he's
00:49:22
all wrong because I would just be like
00:49:24
I'm denying it because you're
00:49:26
embarrassed or are you I'm not ashamed
00:49:28
or not even just ashamed I was too
00:49:31
scared because I didn't want to hurt my
00:49:32
family members right because he had
00:49:34
already
00:49:35
in uncles you know like my uncle tried
00:49:38
to say something and then his his mates
00:49:41
all showed up at with like Firearms at
00:49:43
my uncle's house so I was like because I
00:49:46
spoke to my uncle and then my uncle was
00:49:48
like oh my gosh he was like
00:49:51
he ended up getting in trouble my uncle
00:49:53
ended up getting in trouble the police
00:49:54
arrested my uncle because you know as my
00:49:56
uncle's word against them because
00:49:58
there's how many
00:49:59
and the cops can only do so much and
00:50:01
then you go to court the court are going
00:50:04
you just have to show evidence to the
00:50:06
court so you can never you can never win
00:50:09
once it's you can tell the police and
00:50:10
the police can only take it so far
00:50:13
and they was like okay oh this is
00:50:16
heartbreaking yeah
00:50:17
um so what's your relationship like with
00:50:19
the place now
00:50:21
do you sort of yeah
00:50:23
I don't trust him because they let you
00:50:26
down they let me down big time they try
00:50:30
to help but like you take it to the the
00:50:32
courts and then if the police don't have
00:50:36
the evidence and see that I'm telling
00:50:39
you now they like their gangs know the
00:50:43
system they know how that yeah not their
00:50:47
first rodeo yeah and they know as long
00:50:50
as you've got people to vouch for you
00:50:52
it's your word with one person against
00:50:54
how many
00:50:56
you know and I look like the liar so I'm
00:50:59
the one that's getting a bloody warrant
00:51:01
out for my arrest because I'm the liar
00:51:05
so I like sitting in front of you today
00:51:07
I can't imagine you ever being any
00:51:09
different to the bubbly vivacious person
00:51:12
I'm seeing now we will you like this
00:51:14
thing or were you sort of you know where
00:51:15
you sort of like head down
00:51:17
where's your demeanor different yeah or
00:51:21
my demeanor is we're all different like
00:51:23
I was very depressed I was very angry I
00:51:26
didn't trust anyone I couldn't stand
00:51:28
looking I did not trust males like I
00:51:32
literally hated mail so like I used to
00:51:34
think that every male was evil and nasty
00:51:36
because I even like my dad walked out
00:51:38
when my dad left and I I would be like
00:51:40
my dad didn't even want to help me you
00:51:42
know because he he was he was living his
00:51:45
own life too but I never like when I did
00:51:47
go to my dad he was so busy with his own
00:51:49
work life in his own family that I was
00:51:52
like okay I can't go to my dad so like I
00:51:54
didn't trust me I was I hated them
00:51:56
because they they always failed me and
00:51:58
like I looked at the justice system and
00:52:01
they failed me as well and I was always
00:52:04
like living life on the run because I'll
00:52:07
try to run away from him and then I just
00:52:10
think males all males want to do is they
00:52:12
only want you know they only want to
00:52:14
hurt you and destroy you like not just
00:52:16
not physically but also mentally you
00:52:18
know they never really that's how I
00:52:21
looked at males like they never really
00:52:23
looked at us for who we are they just
00:52:25
looked at us for like you know your
00:52:27
property you're just
00:52:29
you're just and so like
00:52:31
you may also say the meanest things even
00:52:33
females would say that means things but
00:52:35
I had such a bad wall against males out
00:52:38
I just I understandable understandable
00:52:40
so so
00:52:42
um what what keep you alive over these
00:52:44
years was it just the kids
00:52:46
like it wasn't just my kids it was my
00:52:49
also my faith like but there was time
00:52:52
like there were so many times I wanted
00:52:53
to give up on life because I was like I
00:52:55
can imagine because you would have
00:52:56
thought this this is it this isn't this
00:52:58
is this is my lot in life until I die
00:53:01
this is until I die or get killed
00:53:03
whatever even when he go into prison
00:53:09
are traumatized
00:53:11
it's free he he'd get out once he's he
00:53:13
was free and he'd get out straight away
00:53:16
back and he'd find me again oh so this
00:53:19
was like I said while you were still
00:53:21
together he would had be arrested and
00:53:22
douche like short legs or something yeah
00:53:24
yeah and then I would be like yes okay
00:53:26
they're keeping him and they know
00:53:28
they're not keeping him because he found
00:53:30
a way out you know or they always knew a
00:53:33
way out there's always a way out the the
00:53:35
Justice the system doesn't fully keep
00:53:37
them in there for what they've done and
00:53:40
I'm like I just I truly believe that our
00:53:42
bloody crime laws are so weak they're
00:53:45
too kind yeah they are they really are
00:53:47
yeah
00:53:48
um so what was the last draw
00:53:50
the last draw was when he I was trapped
00:53:54
oh not when I was trapped when I was in
00:53:57
at home and my daughter
00:54:00
took a knife for me
00:54:03
so literally he was about to stab me and
00:54:07
literally she jumped in front of him
00:54:10
and she grabbed me
00:54:12
for to save my life because she knew he
00:54:15
was going to stand me how old was she
00:54:17
she would have been about eight years
00:54:19
old
00:54:20
yeah
00:54:22
how she how old is she now
00:54:24
14th 13th she's 14 14. yeah how is she
00:54:28
how are the kids do they have PTSD or
00:54:30
anything no no no
00:54:32
they're really good actually one thing I
00:54:34
never did was I never put um hatred on
00:54:37
my kids towards their dad so I always
00:54:40
made sure my children's health mental
00:54:43
health was really important like I
00:54:44
really treasured and look after my kids
00:54:46
having mental health so I always told
00:54:48
them whatever your dad did to me is not
00:54:51
because it's not your guy's fault he
00:54:53
loves yous no matter what but whatever
00:54:56
happened between me and your dad is
00:54:58
between me and your dad it's not your
00:55:00
guy's fault so I'd always make sure that
00:55:02
my kids knew that their dad loved them
00:55:04
even though what he's doing was wrong
00:55:06
but I made sure that that there was that
00:55:10
was my children's judgment to make not
00:55:12
me telling them I never told never speak
00:55:14
bad about their dad to them because and
00:55:17
I always told my family never speak ill
00:55:19
about my kid's dad because
00:55:22
I wanted my children to make their own
00:55:24
choice and I never stopped my kids from
00:55:27
seeing their dad like I'd always say to
00:55:28
them you can speak to your dad you can
00:55:30
see your dad I never stopped that
00:55:32
because I made them make their own
00:55:34
choices because I truly believe that's
00:55:36
not my choice to
00:55:38
choose for my kids how they feel about
00:55:40
their dad just because I had that's what
00:55:43
I had to keep separate which was the
00:55:45
hardest thing that's the hardest thing
00:55:47
as a parent is trying to separate your
00:55:50
children like making sure that their
00:55:52
feelings is theirs not me telling how my
00:55:55
children should feel
00:55:59
you're you're so strong
00:56:01
like to to be able to compartmentalize
00:56:04
like that and not project onto the kids
00:56:07
yeah
00:56:08
um that's phenomenal that's incredible
00:56:11
but see how I saw that's the reason why
00:56:13
I did it because a lot of kids parents
00:56:16
put so much pressure on children as well
00:56:18
kids are killing themselves
00:56:20
you know that's why they're mental
00:56:21
health and they can't handle it because
00:56:23
the parents like say like
00:56:25
I've seen some parents and they're like
00:56:27
you're not allowed to talk to your dad
00:56:28
because he was so nasty to me and then
00:56:31
it's not the child's fault though
00:56:33
it's not the child's fault why the dead
00:56:36
was nasty to you
00:56:38
so you know because parents don't
00:56:39
realize that they they shift the blame
00:56:41
and put all the pressure on the children
00:56:43
so and they make the children suffer I
00:56:45
never wanted that for my children I
00:56:47
always wanted my children to make sure
00:56:49
key thing I knew that I wanted my kids
00:56:52
to make sure that both parents loved
00:56:54
them no matter what we did
00:56:56
I wanted to always make sure it stayed
00:56:58
between me and the father not me the
00:57:00
father and the kids
00:57:02
which is unfair yeah so
00:57:05
um the kid's father he's still
00:57:06
incarcerated now yeah if he if he hadn't
00:57:09
been incarcerated like what do you think
00:57:10
your life would look like now
00:57:12
would you still be in this cycle do you
00:57:14
think
00:57:15
or do you think you would have found it
00:57:17
tormented by him yeah yeah
00:57:21
because it it it it's it doesn't you
00:57:23
can't flick a switch just like that it
00:57:26
takes time well like are you worried
00:57:28
about when it comes out no no how come
00:57:33
I'm at peace with him yeah I'm Healed
00:57:35
that you know what he's done he's got to
00:57:39
own up to that and that's for him but
00:57:41
all I want for him is to have a
00:57:45
relationship with his children and he
00:57:46
needs to make it right for his kids
00:57:48
because at the end of the day they're
00:57:50
the ones suffering not me
00:57:53
do they get they go and visit them do
00:57:54
they have any sort of relationship no
00:57:55
they're not allowed to visit them right
00:57:57
how come I don't want my children
00:57:58
looking into the prison system I've been
00:58:01
there and it's not a pretty sight yeah
00:58:03
and I feel like that's not they
00:58:05
shouldn't see him like that
00:58:07
because it can change their perspective
00:58:09
of how they love their dad because it's
00:58:11
it's you're you're in with nasty people
00:58:15
yeah I truly believe that's not how my
00:58:17
kids should see their dad I allow him to
00:58:20
speak to them and he can speak to them
00:58:22
on the phone but they're not allowed to
00:58:24
go in yeah that's the rule I won't have
00:58:26
and and when you think about that guy
00:58:28
now
00:58:28
um like given what he's done to you
00:58:30
tormented you for like the best part of
00:58:31
what 10 years
00:58:33
10 years
00:58:34
when you think back now like what do you
00:58:36
think of them do you like is it anger is
00:58:39
there a bit of petty
00:58:40
like how do you feel about them when you
00:58:43
look back now if you asked me last year
00:58:44
I hated them yeah but if you ask me
00:58:46
today I feel sorry for them
00:58:49
because he's he's the one that missed
00:58:50
out his children's growth you know he
00:58:53
missed out on the years it's sad because
00:58:55
like say if he was to die tomorrow
00:58:57
that's how his kids are going to know
00:58:59
him
00:59:01
you know he leaves that kind of sadly
00:59:03
that's what I feel sorry for because as
00:59:05
my kids are the ones that are going to
00:59:06
hurt the most yeah and you're those
00:59:09
those kids I mean it's a credit to you
00:59:11
as a parent I think that they're strong
00:59:13
and resilient but I wonder if they're
00:59:15
gonna you know if this is gonna bubble
00:59:17
up to the surface over the years like
00:59:18
I've seen some stuff right like the
00:59:20
knife story you told before then there
00:59:22
was a story you told on Sunday about um
00:59:24
him attacking you with a like a bat or a
00:59:26
weapon when you're in a beard and the
00:59:27
kids were in bed with you yes they've
00:59:30
seen it all but the thing is
00:59:35
and I'm really
00:59:39
really with my kids and tell them like
00:59:41
they can speak about their father and
00:59:43
tell me how they feel and I I don't get
00:59:45
angry at one but and I say to my kids
00:59:48
like
00:59:49
you know your dad really loves you
00:59:51
and don't ever blame you guys self for
00:59:54
what he'd done to me
00:59:56
because I said that was I try really
00:59:59
separate it really hard and my kids my
01:00:01
son said to me last year when he did
01:00:03
find because he didn't know the full
01:00:04
extent but once he found out the full
01:00:07
extent he was like I agree no he wasn't
01:00:10
actually he goes mom I knew you went
01:00:12
through things but I didn't realize you
01:00:13
went through so much
01:00:15
and I S he goes why didn't you ever tell
01:00:17
us and I said because I wanted you to
01:00:19
make your own choice about how you feel
01:00:21
about your dad not the picture that I
01:00:23
had for him and then my son was like
01:00:27
Mama I'm so grateful that you did that
01:00:29
because
01:00:30
I appreciate you more
01:00:32
for doing that well you're the you're
01:00:34
the better person yeah 100 yeah and like
01:00:37
my son said you never turned our father
01:00:39
against us
01:00:40
and I was like No And I never turned
01:00:42
them against their father because that's
01:00:44
not that's not right I shouldn't be the
01:00:46
one to tell my children that that's
01:00:48
their choice you know when people say
01:00:50
you have a choice well allow them to
01:00:53
have their choice yeah and that's what
01:00:54
because like it's like if my mom wants
01:00:56
to tell me because I learned through
01:00:58
myself so I look back my mom didn't give
01:01:01
me the choice
01:01:03
she told she gave me two options so
01:01:06
you're forcing someone that they don't
01:01:07
want to do something and and how they
01:01:10
feel
01:01:11
I never wanted that for my children to
01:01:13
have a like me because like what my mum
01:01:16
did to me and said oh my aunties or my
01:01:19
family members anyone that said no
01:01:21
you're not allowed to do that you have
01:01:22
to do this
01:01:23
and I never had a choice
01:01:25
so I've always made sure that I never
01:01:27
wanted that for my children because it
01:01:29
stuffed me up mentally as well because
01:01:31
look what it did and it made me go like
01:01:34
oh okay I have like impulsive thinking
01:01:36
but if my children I'm real strong on
01:01:39
telling my children Express how you feel
01:01:41
it's okay if people don't like it then
01:01:44
that's their problem but you have a
01:01:46
choice don't ever let someone force you
01:01:49
to do something that you don't want
01:01:51
and so I had to stick to that you know
01:01:54
what I'm preaching I have to stick that
01:01:55
with also with the way they are with
01:01:58
their father and also because I need to
01:02:01
protect their mental health because I'm
01:02:02
their mother yeah are you like is there
01:02:05
any sort of resentment or chip on your
01:02:07
shoulder towards your you know your mum
01:02:08
for the religious beliefs or for your
01:02:10
religion in general
01:02:12
no no I
01:02:14
because if I didn't you know one thing I
01:02:17
can say is if I never went through that
01:02:19
I wouldn't be where I am today
01:02:21
you know I wouldn't be appreciating my
01:02:23
children I wouldn't be appreciating life
01:02:26
you know it's a hell of a hell of a
01:02:28
thing to go to though yeah but then also
01:02:31
I'm blessed because I wouldn't be here
01:02:37
also made me into I truly believe a
01:02:40
great mum and that's that's all I want I
01:02:42
want to be the best mum for my children
01:02:44
because if I never went through that
01:02:46
then I'd never know what my daughter's
01:02:48
what I have to do to protect my
01:02:50
daughters so if my daughter ever gets in
01:02:52
this situation I will drop everything
01:02:55
pick my daughter up and leave the
01:02:57
country if it meant and talk and give
01:02:59
her time to heal
01:03:00
I will do everything in my power to make
01:03:03
sure that my daughter never goes through
01:03:05
that yeah and because you've been so
01:03:06
open about your own Journey where it did
01:03:09
take you a while to get to that point
01:03:10
but but you know you're so open about it
01:03:11
now I suppose it says to your kids that
01:03:13
if you go through anything like this you
01:03:15
come to me and talk to me about it and
01:03:16
we'll make [ __ ] happen why why did it
01:03:19
take you so long why did you feel guilt
01:03:20
and shame about it you must have known
01:03:22
it wasn't it was not your fault and
01:03:23
nothing to do with you
01:03:25
I felt ashamed because of my
01:03:27
yeah yeah
01:03:33
and then also I was living in fear I was
01:03:37
scared of him and I was scared of the
01:03:40
people that were with him I was scared
01:03:42
for my own family and I was scared for
01:03:44
my own children because I thought my
01:03:46
children would be in danger from other
01:03:47
people as well yeah so the threats he
01:03:49
made you had every reason to believe
01:03:50
they were genuine yeah yeah because a
01:03:53
lot of the threats did happen
01:03:55
so when he did say to me it would happen
01:03:57
and I was like okay he's not mucking
01:04:00
around this is serious
01:04:02
yeah yeah
01:04:03
so he he accepts your life
01:04:06
um how long does it take to rebuild
01:04:07
after that
01:04:11
look where do you start because you had
01:04:13
no you married him when you were 17. you
01:04:15
had no not you said he took your you
01:04:17
know your driver's license took care of
01:04:19
all the banking so where do you start so
01:04:21
you're an adult with two kids how do you
01:04:23
start three or three at that point three
01:04:25
at that point three to him or the third
01:04:27
one was ten no three times three damn
01:04:29
right yep I had three
01:04:31
and I was lucky I had aunties that
01:04:34
looked after the two old and my mum
01:04:36
looked after the two oldest ones and
01:04:39
then my third one he was always with me
01:04:40
yeah yeah did the the abuse stop for a
01:04:43
time when you were pregnant with the
01:04:44
number three
01:04:45
no no no it didn't stop
01:04:48
I'm so sorry yeah
01:04:52
I don't wash it upon anyone
01:04:55
oh this is terrible yeah
01:04:59
wow
01:05:06
did you just like take the three kids in
01:05:09
the car and go up North
01:05:10
like go to the whanau like we how do you
01:05:12
begin
01:05:14
um I literally just do you know that's
01:05:16
the most blankest time for me
01:05:18
because I literally felt like a ghost
01:05:22
because I didn't know how to operate
01:05:24
I didn't know what to do with my life
01:05:26
because I was so stuck in ways that I
01:05:30
was used to so and you're like 26 27 at
01:05:33
this point yeah yeah and I have no idea
01:05:35
how to be so I kind of lost my way
01:05:38
because I was very depressed at the same
01:05:40
but I didn't know I was depressed but I
01:05:42
was very
01:05:44
hidden I didn't want anyone I struggled
01:05:47
to be around people so the person that
01:05:49
like really supported me was my nan she
01:05:52
was my best friend and then also my best
01:05:55
friend she helped me as well and
01:05:58
I just started like taking day by day
01:06:01
but I was struggling at the same time
01:06:03
like actually when he left that was
01:06:06
probably the most hardest time for me
01:06:09
because
01:06:10
you had to learn all these new like
01:06:12
skills to survive in life I thought I
01:06:14
felt like a preschooler yeah you know
01:06:16
like I don't know what to do I didn't
01:06:18
even know what I wanted for my life I
01:06:21
was so like what am I gonna do like I
01:06:23
had three kids and then I felt so
01:06:26
pathetic you know that's the best way I
01:06:28
can put it I felt so pathetic and
01:06:30
useless that I was so scared to even try
01:06:33
to take a step out like I would go to
01:06:36
like a bank and then all the more and
01:06:39
I'd like have anxiety because and I'd
01:06:41
like be in panic mode and be like oh my
01:06:43
gosh what the heck why is everyone like
01:06:45
I'm like well what do I do and I didn't
01:06:47
know I was so scared that I needed my
01:06:50
siblings to help me like I'll get my
01:06:52
sister and she'll be like what the heck
01:06:54
what
01:06:55
yourself and I was like I can't and then
01:06:59
even my nan I was like my nan understood
01:07:01
it so it should like help me and I'd
01:07:04
like I'd say to my name like I don't
01:07:05
know what I'm going to do with myself
01:07:07
what am I meant to do
01:07:09
and she was like just take one day at a
01:07:12
time and I was like it's great advice
01:07:13
yeah and I was like
01:07:15
what do you mean one day at a time
01:07:17
because I would be in so much pain I'd
01:07:19
cry not cry so much pain and what sort
01:07:23
of pain
01:07:24
like I'd be because everything's hitting
01:07:27
me you know and it's coming like why did
01:07:30
I go through that why was I why did I
01:07:33
allow that for myself and I'd say to
01:07:36
like I'd pour my eyes out to my nan and
01:07:37
be like why do it she's like it's not
01:07:39
your fault Papa and I'm like no it is it
01:07:42
is because I'm the one that accepted
01:07:43
this for my life I accepted this so I
01:07:45
blamed myself a lot of it and my nan
01:07:49
would just be like no it's not and she
01:07:52
said it's okay start new start new and
01:07:55
it was every day starting you and I'd
01:07:57
like okay start new so I started just
01:08:00
doing doing baby steps and taking one
01:08:03
day at a time oh it was never perfect
01:08:06
like I would break some days just
01:08:08
randomly I'll break like I'll Clips the
01:08:10
floor and start crying or rebuilding
01:08:12
your life never goes in a straight line
01:08:13
does it and it's um it's like every day
01:08:16
is a brand new day and so you can put in
01:08:18
on the pillow at night and it may have
01:08:19
been a [ __ ] day maybe a [ __ ] day when
01:08:21
you wake up the next day but there's a
01:08:23
chance there's a chance it's going to be
01:08:24
a better day yeah and so instead I'd be
01:08:26
like
01:08:32
me up and I'll be like come on wake up
01:08:34
wake up like what the heck's going on
01:08:36
because I got used to it so it came
01:08:39
normalized to me and then not having
01:08:41
that was so like
01:08:43
it was so weird it felt it did not feel
01:08:46
normal to me but it was normal what I
01:08:49
was going through was wrong yeah but the
01:08:50
the cycle of domestic violence had
01:08:52
become your new normal I guess because
01:08:53
you've been there for so many years oh
01:08:55
that's terrible
01:08:57
so I didn't understand and then so
01:08:59
slowly every day I was doing something
01:09:00
and I was trying to come out of my
01:09:03
comfort zone then like so much to learn
01:09:06
it must just seem like the steepest
01:09:07
mountain to climb yeah and then like my
01:09:09
friend she like would come over all the
01:09:11
time and just grab me out and be like no
01:09:14
come on you're getting up you're gonna
01:09:15
be like no I'm not leaving the house and
01:09:17
she'll just make me I had no choice yeah
01:09:20
should Chuck me in the car and drag me
01:09:21
pick up your lips and I'll be like no
01:09:24
is your name still alive she sounds
01:09:27
incredible no she passed away
01:09:29
wow what an inspirational woman yeah she
01:09:32
was yeah
01:09:33
so
01:09:34
um
01:09:35
so are you with a partner now no no
01:09:37
super you got three kids to
01:09:40
um the domestic review their user and
01:09:43
two two My like a previous partner yeah
01:09:47
was that a good relationship it was okay
01:09:49
yeah yeah I think he was just still
01:09:51
learning too because it was his first
01:09:52
relationship and like
01:09:55
I think I struggled the most with that
01:09:58
because
01:10:00
I would always like attack him because
01:10:03
that was what I was used to so if he
01:10:05
raised his voice
01:10:07
I would never imagine like no I'll just
01:10:10
physically even I'd be like going to
01:10:12
sleep and he'll be right then Bang I'll
01:10:15
throw my fists because that's that's
01:10:17
just how I lived my life so I was
01:10:20
traumat so going going from a newer
01:10:24
relationship he kind of like went
01:10:26
through the walls of me as well because
01:10:27
I became the abuser towards yeah but
01:10:31
just I suppose you've been in survival
01:10:32
mode for so many years it was like a wow
01:10:35
but he understood baby that's um oh you
01:10:39
was he a good man yeah he was good but
01:10:42
like I think he just got really it was
01:10:44
hard because like I kept like I suppose
01:10:46
any pattern you had at that time was
01:10:48
going to be like unpicking you know your
01:10:51
issues from the previous decade yeah and
01:10:54
then so we kind of like just part of
01:10:55
ways yeah and it's cool but now we're
01:10:57
just friends yeah you know and he we
01:10:59
co-parent and he helps with the kids so
01:11:02
like he's always sees the kids and he's
01:11:04
real helpful and he supports me which is
01:11:06
really good so whatever I need give me a
01:11:08
whole hour sometimes like what's that
01:11:10
what's a horror like annoying
01:11:14
but he is helpful he he's he sounds like
01:11:18
a thoroughly decent man I've seen you
01:11:20
can't I wouldn't want to be punched by
01:11:21
you
01:11:22
yeah it sounds like a decent guy um good
01:11:25
for you what's what's your relationship
01:11:26
like with guys now like you have um you
01:11:30
know as is it trust issues or anger
01:11:32
issues or no there's no anchor issues
01:11:35
there's no trust issues I just I just
01:11:38
like being on my own yeah yeah
01:11:41
I think this this conversation is
01:11:44
inspirational because like what you've
01:11:46
been through and you've come out the
01:11:47
other end and you've done all the work
01:11:48
yourself if you can get through this
01:11:50
anyone can get through pretty much
01:11:52
anything a hundred percent
01:11:54
100 I believe anywhere in King
01:11:58
just gotta keep not give up keep pushing
01:12:00
you know and find ways
01:12:02
and you can do it on your own you can
01:12:05
get through it you know it's a battle
01:12:07
but don't give up
01:12:09
you know stand up to them
01:12:12
it was like well yeah I never stood up
01:12:14
to them towards the end to you know
01:12:16
towards the end then I started being
01:12:18
this really strong wahine and being like
01:12:21
nah I'm not backing down
01:12:23
you know so I wouldn't give up
01:12:26
even though I'd put myself in the fire
01:12:27
line but I was like I'll get back
01:12:30
straight up and I like literally say oh
01:12:32
back down to nobody
01:12:34
and once I started doing that then I
01:12:36
finally built the courage and he started
01:12:39
backing off and that's the
01:12:41
uncompromising Miyamoto that we see in
01:12:43
the ring these days yeah yeah completely
01:12:46
yeah
01:12:47
um so it's a when did when did boxing
01:12:48
come and Isaac Peach come back into your
01:12:50
life
01:12:54
right yeah
01:12:58
yeah maybe a couple of months old this
01:13:00
is baby number five you're a mum of five
01:13:01
yeah Mama five yeah Superwoman by the
01:13:03
way like the amount that you you get
01:13:05
done you're up at four in the morning
01:13:06
off to a gym as like a personal trainer
01:13:09
yeah and back home to get the kids out
01:13:11
of out of bed and ready for school yeah
01:13:13
yeah and the kid drop off yeah it's a
01:13:15
hell of a day me more training to be a
01:13:17
world champion well it's remarkable I
01:13:20
like to do the kids drop off because I
01:13:22
don't really get much time with my
01:13:23
children because like they're going to
01:13:24
school and then like after school I'm at
01:13:26
training so like me doing the drop-offs
01:13:29
and the pickups is really important
01:13:31
because that's even though it's only a
01:13:33
short time it's still moments with my
01:13:35
kids
01:13:36
so I really value that time with them so
01:13:40
um so you're the mum of five you have
01:13:42
five kids and then you what you decide
01:13:45
oh I'm not busy enough I don't have
01:13:46
enough in my life I need to go and sing
01:13:48
Isaac again no so what am I going to do
01:13:51
with all the spare time no action I
01:13:53
didn't want
01:13:54
I had to come back to boxing
01:13:56
for training like you know I just like
01:13:59
had a baby so
01:14:00
so okay I'm gonna do something and my
01:14:02
partner at the time was like maybe you
01:14:04
should go back to boxing because I was
01:14:06
like I don't want to do some fantasy
01:14:07
it's like maybe you should go back to
01:14:08
boxing and I was like why they say oh
01:14:10
cause you're good at it and I was like
01:14:12
oh no and he has never seen me fight
01:14:14
anyway so he wouldn't even know and then
01:14:17
I was like you don't even know he's like
01:14:18
well you
01:14:19
I've heard you I haven't you've said you
01:14:21
I know like I didn't say I was good he's
01:14:23
like no you are you should go give it a
01:14:25
go and I was like okay so I was like
01:14:28
I'll just do it for fitness
01:14:30
and he was like yeah go on so I
01:14:33
literally was like
01:14:35
anyone want to do any training with me
01:14:37
and then Isaac messages me like come to
01:14:39
my gym I'm only down the road you little
01:14:40
[ __ ] and I was like I was like
01:14:44
okay like yeah I'll come and then he's
01:14:47
like better not lie because I've always
01:14:49
said yeah I'll come and then you don't
01:14:51
show I don't show no
01:14:54
but this time I was like okay I'm gonna
01:14:56
do it because I've already said yes and
01:14:58
then like I show up at his house and I
01:14:59
was like why did I say yes I was gonna
01:15:01
come no I don't want to let him down
01:15:04
again
01:15:05
so I was like nah okay I've got to push
01:15:07
through this battle like if I can get
01:15:09
I've been through the worst let's go
01:15:11
come on like
01:15:13
pick up you're gonna like to me in my
01:15:15
head I was like pick up your nuts Maria
01:15:16
and be tough come on walk it because I
01:15:18
was like I was so scared like no what
01:15:20
are they gonna think of me so I walk in
01:15:22
the door and I was like okay I'm here
01:15:23
like I get through the door and he's
01:15:25
like yeah come in because he's shocked
01:15:28
to see me so I I so you you so you met
01:15:32
him when you're a team
01:15:33
um pre-marriage when you were boxing and
01:15:35
then through those years where you were
01:15:36
in a violent relationship like are you
01:15:39
still in touch with him or not at all no
01:15:41
let's see
01:15:43
hi
01:15:44
yeah so he had no idea of what was going
01:15:46
on in your life no no idea because I
01:15:49
would only see
01:15:52
sit here at the shops or anything you
01:15:54
know but well I'll see him at like a
01:15:56
boxing tournament
01:15:58
yeah I'd never yeah and what's what's he
01:16:01
what's what role is he does he play in
01:16:02
your life like how would you describe
01:16:04
your relationship with him
01:16:06
yeah yeah and his wife's like my sister
01:16:09
you know that's so cool yeah it's so
01:16:12
cool and he's been your biggest
01:16:13
cheerleader right he was he was telling
01:16:15
everyone you'd be a world champion long
01:16:17
before you believed it yeah all the way
01:16:19
long like he said it when I first walked
01:16:21
in the door and I laughed I was like
01:16:23
this guy's a joke
01:16:25
bloody hell what have you been drinking
01:16:28
he wasn't drinking but you know yeah
01:16:30
yeah talking your rubbish
01:16:33
because I I hated professional boxing I
01:16:35
was like is it why what do you mean
01:16:37
because I looked at her like nah I can't
01:16:40
punch and like those are four people
01:16:42
that knock people out
01:16:43
so I was like I hated pro boxing I was
01:16:47
so anti I was like nah that's that's for
01:16:50
big tough strong people I'm not that I'm
01:16:54
like a I always viewed myself like I was
01:16:56
a pitter patter because honestly if you
01:16:57
watch my amateur boxing it was like
01:17:00
punch run punch run punch run like odd
01:17:02
punch run away I was a council boxer
01:17:04
then I'll counter and I was really like
01:17:06
tap tap tap tap is that just because
01:17:09
like you're trying to score points or
01:17:10
whatever because yeah right I would like
01:17:12
I could never hit her I'll just tip
01:17:14
right away tip run away but I suppose
01:17:16
like it's you're doing what you need to
01:17:18
in order to get in the fight right and
01:17:20
then like when he said
01:17:21
he literally because I was like cool
01:17:23
yeah I'm gonna come do some training
01:17:25
he's like yeah I'm gonna turn you into a
01:17:27
professional and I was like Oh I thought
01:17:29
you were talking about amateur like I
01:17:30
wouldn't mind just like having a few
01:17:32
amateur fights he's like nah you're
01:17:33
going straight into the pros and I was
01:17:35
like nah he's joking I was like I hate
01:17:38
Pros like why would you do that to me
01:17:40
even though he was like no you're gonna
01:17:42
be a mean profiler you're going to be a
01:17:44
world champion I'm going to turn you
01:17:45
into a world champion and I was like
01:17:46
he's joking like I laughed I literally
01:17:49
laughed didn't take him serious next day
01:17:51
I showed up training started and I was
01:17:54
like oh my gosh this is what training is
01:17:56
like because I had to train with all the
01:17:58
beasts
01:17:59
but you know all the professionals and
01:18:01
then all the amateurs and I was like I
01:18:03
like just had a baby I had to try and
01:18:05
keep up with them
01:18:06
and I was like oh my gosh he's serious
01:18:08
and like
01:18:10
I started doing sparring and then he and
01:18:12
then he was like oh you gotta fight this
01:18:14
time and I was like he's really serious
01:18:16
oh no I was like no way but then I was
01:18:20
like okay I'll give it a crack but if I
01:18:22
don't like this I'm out I'm out I'm
01:18:24
walking that's how I saw it yeah but I
01:18:27
would like to have someone that believes
01:18:28
in you that much it must have meant so
01:18:29
much and I suppose eventually you're
01:18:31
like well if he believes in Me Maybe I
01:18:33
should believe in myself yeah because
01:18:34
like then everyone on the in the gym
01:18:37
side of believe in me and they'll be
01:18:38
like ah you're good and I was like
01:18:40
everyone says that so I can't even punch
01:18:43
though because I didn't know how to
01:18:45
punch like I literally didn't know how
01:18:48
to punch which I was shocked came to my
01:18:49
first fight and I was like
01:18:52
whoa like yeah this is way better then
01:18:55
what the heck and um Liam lonigan um who
01:18:59
you know very well he sent me a video
01:19:01
last week of you um training with um is
01:19:04
it Zen Peach yeah is that is that um
01:19:07
Isaac's son yeah
01:19:09
llt he's
01:19:10
eight eight yeah so the video that Liam
01:19:13
lonigan sent me um Zen's holding the
01:19:15
pads and you're you're punching them and
01:19:17
you're punching them [ __ ] hard
01:19:19
yeah I know how to punch now so
01:19:24
like who is in page in what what's his
01:19:27
role in all of us
01:19:28
um so Zoom Peach has been
01:19:30
alongside me from day one he's like
01:19:33
supporting me and he's always like you
01:19:36
know he had this he had this like lists
01:19:38
of like all his favorite Fighters and I
01:19:39
was always in the top in the gym I was
01:19:41
always in this top three
01:19:43
so yeah he's always supported me from
01:19:46
the outside but he got more like for
01:19:49
this fight he got a lot more invested in
01:19:51
it and he was like I want to train Mia
01:19:53
he wanted to be more involved and so he
01:19:57
just become a natural and like I just
01:19:59
started like he just randomly took me
01:20:01
for one training and I was like
01:20:03
okay keep teaching me please because
01:20:05
like what what does an eight-year-old
01:20:07
know oh no I know I I get that he's been
01:20:10
raised in that environment and he's like
01:20:12
you know little boys want to be like
01:20:14
their dad so they copy but eight he
01:20:16
knows nothing oh he knows a lot
01:20:19
a lot
01:20:22
it's so funny because like he knows a
01:20:24
lot that everyone wanted to steal him
01:20:26
from me
01:20:29
what do you mean he knows a lot like
01:20:31
he's he's like critiquing your Technique
01:20:34
or is it more like a head coach than a
01:20:36
technique coach or what
01:20:38
um just he sees he's got a really like
01:20:41
it's the best way to put him is like his
01:20:44
dad and his mum put together
01:20:46
in one brain and he's like
01:20:49
it's amazing I I freak out like how well
01:20:52
he knows it and he's like no you do it
01:20:55
like this he literally can mimic
01:20:57
everyone in our gym like our Styles it'd
01:21:00
be like he'll be like who's this fighter
01:21:02
and I'll be like oh that's drone who's
01:21:04
this photo oh that's Andre he literally
01:21:07
knows how to mimic all of us wow that's
01:21:10
amazing yeah and does he
01:21:12
um does he give you like a pep talk
01:21:14
before the fight or anything like that
01:21:15
really eight-year-old like what what's
01:21:17
an eight-year-olds people talk
01:21:20
what does he he doesn't cross he's never
01:21:22
ever you know he doesn't even need to
01:21:25
talk to me he has just his look and his
01:21:27
language his body language tells me at
01:21:29
all because he literally says he's
01:21:32
always said he's the only one that's
01:21:34
never been like if if Mia wins he's
01:21:37
always like no not if she will win no
01:21:40
one's ever going to hurt Mia she's too
01:21:42
strong he trusts he knows my ability
01:21:44
because he's trained alongside me and he
01:21:47
just thinks that I'm a freak
01:21:48
so he's a freak himself in training yeah
01:21:51
yeah oh that's amazing God what a
01:21:53
special kid yeah what a special
01:21:55
relationship yeah he's my best friend I
01:21:58
I and he calls Miko what's Co stand for
01:22:01
like you know how you say bro oh yeah
01:22:03
yeah but in the east coast they say
01:22:08
all right
01:22:09
um what does the future hold so you've
01:22:11
got this this world title now in the
01:22:13
bantamweight division yeah
01:22:15
um what's next
01:22:17
keep on fighting yeah yeah
01:22:20
that's what I love doing I feel like
01:22:22
that's a metaphor for you not just in
01:22:23
the ring in the boxing sense but also
01:22:24
outside of the ring as well yeah just
01:22:27
keep fighting keep moving forward keep
01:22:29
pushing but definitely I won all the
01:22:31
belts
01:22:32
what other bouts do you need to get
01:22:34
um the ibf WBO WBA WBC
01:22:40
what have I missed
01:22:42
Ring magazine oh yeah they are they're
01:22:44
all of them there oh yeah well I reckon
01:22:46
you can do that by the end of the year
01:22:49
a fight
01:22:52
bro can you can you get good money like
01:22:54
I'm thinking of say like Joseph Parker
01:22:57
um Anthony Joshua like Tyson Fury like
01:23:00
is it going to get to the point where
01:23:01
you're making enough that you don't have
01:23:02
to go to the gym at 4am to train other
01:23:04
people
01:23:05
doesn't matter what
01:23:09
I love what I do and the money doesn't
01:23:11
put nah I don't care about money it's
01:23:14
not it's not about the money for me it's
01:23:16
what I love this is what I'm passionate
01:23:18
and you know to me I look at I view like
01:23:21
everyone says money as like a bone like
01:23:23
is good for you you need money you need
01:23:25
but I've never needed money so I don't
01:23:28
like I've never like you do need a
01:23:31
certain amount of money but okay bye to
01:23:34
get by as long as that you've got a roof
01:23:35
over my head and I'm able to feed my
01:23:37
kids that's and I do what I love I'm
01:23:41
happy you know I'm happy as money
01:23:45
doesn't make me happy because my kids is
01:23:47
what makes me happy and doing boxing
01:23:49
being in that ring you can't put a price
01:23:52
on that like literally if you're like if
01:23:55
you're that passionate about boxing you
01:23:57
hop on that ring oh man you can't buy
01:24:00
that that feeling and that just feeling
01:24:03
so like it's just you and your opponent
01:24:10
your eyes light up when you talk about
01:24:12
this now as a non-boxer I'm trying to
01:24:13
understand it is that um like an
01:24:16
adrenaline rush that you get when you
01:24:17
get hat or just an adrenaline rush that
01:24:19
you get when you hit them and you can
01:24:20
tell that you've hurt them
01:24:22
twice it goes both ways like one I love
01:24:26
I love it when I step in the ring I
01:24:29
switch to
01:24:30
the Nightmare and then I'm like okay
01:24:33
um this is different this is me like
01:24:36
this is I feel it like I feel at home
01:24:38
when I'm in that ring and then I just
01:24:40
look straight down at my opponent and
01:24:43
I'm like which one's gonna give who want
01:24:45
each other first and I'm like who's the
01:24:47
bigger puncher or who's gonna hurt like
01:24:49
are you gonna hurt me or am I going to
01:24:51
hurt myself really that's the challenge
01:24:53
I I have like I literally like when
01:24:56
someone hits me good I'm like I wake up
01:25:00
like honestly if you if you've caught me
01:25:02
with like a good punch I'll wake up and
01:25:04
I'll be like
01:25:06
I turned to like this my I just switched
01:25:09
to like now I want to hurt you even more
01:25:11
it makes you angry yeah it's like not
01:25:14
even angry yeah
01:25:17
I've lost me and I'm like damn it she
01:25:19
got me I'm gonna get her even gooder
01:25:21
like no way that's the challenge I love
01:25:24
so like I really love it when I'm in the
01:25:26
ring and someone clocks me really good
01:25:28
and you'll just see me go like
01:25:31
like I'm chopping the tree down you know
01:25:33
like just hacking into the tree I'm like
01:25:35
that's how it feels like when you punch
01:25:37
you're like hacking into that tree
01:25:39
so you know if you're a wood Chopper and
01:25:41
you're chopping that wood and you're
01:25:43
trying to cut that tree down as fast as
01:25:45
you can yeah when someone hits me good
01:25:47
like that I'm like
01:25:48
I'm like let's go it up Leslie and
01:25:52
you're not too nice I remember people
01:25:54
saying over the years that Joseph Parker
01:25:56
he's a big puncher but he's too nice and
01:25:57
he doesn't have that killer instinct
01:26:03
but as soon as about as soon as it's
01:26:04
finished then I'm real polite yeah I
01:26:06
just switch straight off yeah well
01:26:08
that's remarkable well you're incredible
01:26:10
how many more years have you got in here
01:26:12
plenty yeah just the number
01:26:14
I'm 33 but I feel like I'm 22. yeah yeah
01:26:18
I'm so pleased I'm so pleased that you
01:26:20
say that because it does feel like from
01:26:21
our conversation that like um
01:26:23
your 20s were pretty much lost yeah
01:26:28
just living yeah
01:26:29
oh that's so cool I don't I don't like I
01:26:32
don't let um
01:26:33
title me yeah it's one thing I really I
01:26:36
don't like I don't like being titled
01:26:38
because you know when you title and you
01:26:40
put you're limiting yourself yes when
01:26:43
you say your your um 33 I was like oh
01:26:46
okay what is this what does C3 mean and
01:26:49
they're like oh because I'm at the stage
01:26:50
no no if you're gonna that that means
01:26:53
you're Tiding yourself and you're
01:26:54
limiting yourself so I don't like saying
01:26:56
that I'm like nah Asia's No Limit I I
01:27:00
agree 100 I I turned 50 in um February
01:27:03
this year and it's I feel like other
01:27:05
people sometimes put limits on you but
01:27:07
um you shouldn't put them on yourself no
01:27:09
you shouldn't put it on yourself yeah
01:27:10
100
01:27:11
um geez we've talked about some real
01:27:14
heavy stuff today and I really really
01:27:15
appreciate it and I I know it was hard
01:27:18
for you to talk about and it's getting
01:27:19
easier and easier yeah
01:27:21
um what advice would you be for anyone
01:27:23
that's listening to this that um is
01:27:25
going through what you went through or
01:27:26
knows someone that is
01:27:32
shame like use your voice because we
01:27:35
silence ourselves like we really silence
01:27:38
ourselves because we live under that
01:27:40
abuser by us not being staying silent
01:27:43
then we're allowing the abuser to
01:27:46
control our life
01:27:48
and we just like for years like look how
01:27:50
long it's taken me for me to realize
01:27:52
that I lived under that abuser for so
01:27:55
long and it's only just now I've used my
01:27:58
voice I'm finally relief like it's like
01:28:00
this you know you have a big rock on
01:28:02
your chest and all of a sudden after
01:28:04
like 16 years that rock comes off you
01:28:07
you feel so light and I truly believe
01:28:09
you just got to speak and just keep
01:28:12
speaking like don't hold it in and don't
01:28:15
be ashamed like so many people like not
01:28:18
just even women like even men are so
01:28:21
ashamed don't be ashamed of what you're
01:28:23
being through and don't be ashamed of
01:28:25
what you've done you know own up to it
01:28:28
and push on and doesn't mean just
01:28:31
because that's what you were
01:28:33
doesn't mean you can you you can't
01:28:35
change what you were and you can be
01:28:37
something different yeah draw a line in
01:28:38
the sand yeah oh that's cool you're an
01:28:41
inspiration
01:28:42
you really are like could you ever have
01:28:43
imagined 10 years ago that your life 10
01:28:47
years forward is like where it is now no
01:28:49
and you know it's funny because like one
01:28:51
thing I've really learned is what I'm
01:28:53
really passionate about like children
01:28:54
you know like I want to change what I've
01:28:58
been really passionate about I want to
01:28:59
change the narrative the narrative in
01:29:02
how parents are teaching their children
01:29:04
which is
01:29:06
you know for our children the reason why
01:29:09
our children shut down and why they
01:29:11
don't speak which I've learned in my own
01:29:14
kids is children just want to be trusted
01:29:17
right and
01:29:19
what I'm scared of and I don't want this
01:29:21
for my daughter and this is what I've
01:29:22
learned I don't want I've told my
01:29:25
daughter to trust me and so like there's
01:29:28
an episode my daughter she tried a vape
01:29:30
right and my mum went off her head and
01:29:32
grout her and I grabbed my mum and said
01:29:35
to my mum no don't ground my daughter I
01:29:37
said you're just a nan know your place
01:29:40
and then I said to my daughter
01:29:42
it's okay you're not in trouble and I
01:29:45
said you can trust me speak to me what
01:29:48
what made you want to do the Vape and
01:29:50
she said oh she was kind of shocked like
01:29:52
she was expecting me to lose it and I
01:29:55
was like no I'm not angry I said I'm
01:29:58
okay with it what's the matter what why
01:30:00
did you want to do um what made you want
01:30:01
to do she goes of course all the kids
01:30:03
are doing it it's cool yeah yeah and I
01:30:06
laughed I laughed but deep down I am in
01:30:09
my mind I was angry but I laughed
01:30:12
because I was like I needed her to know
01:30:15
that I'm okay because you know we're
01:30:18
wrong what a lot of people don't parents
01:30:21
don't understand is that I feel that
01:30:22
teenagers have the most pressure because
01:30:24
they go to school and they have how many
01:30:27
teachers do they have to deal with like
01:30:29
five teachers yeah then they have
01:30:31
homework and they've got to deal with
01:30:33
all those homework then they come home
01:30:35
and then they're dealing with the
01:30:37
parents because the parents are like
01:30:38
that you have expectation for the child
01:30:40
and then if they're not reaching their
01:30:42
expectation then you're growling them
01:30:43
and then you grow them you shut the
01:30:45
child down and that's why our children
01:30:47
don't speak to us and that's what I
01:30:49
don't want my daughter to know that and
01:30:51
my son is that if I tell them don't do
01:30:54
you guys don't do that by growling them
01:30:55
they're never going to speak to me so
01:30:57
they're never going to be able to tell
01:30:59
them tell me about their relationship
01:31:00
they need their mum to know that I trust
01:31:03
them so they feel comfortable so like
01:31:06
there's things that they talk to me that
01:31:07
I don't like but I'm like that's okay I
01:31:11
don't growl them because if I grow them
01:31:13
I'm shutting them and I don't want to
01:31:15
shut their trust that's so true I I was
01:31:17
raised in a very strict household so I
01:31:19
just keep everything from my parents
01:31:21
yeah I became very sneaky yeah you
01:31:23
become very sneaky because you don't
01:31:29
yeah yeah
01:31:32
shut off and I become silent you know
01:31:36
and I want to change that parents need
01:31:37
to look at how they approach their
01:31:39
children and just understand have an
01:31:40
understanding understanding of what
01:31:43
they're going through and that's why our
01:31:44
children commit suicide as well and
01:31:46
their mental health is so unhealthy is
01:31:47
because we don't realize that we're
01:31:49
actually shutting our children down by
01:31:51
telling them to shut up you know we tell
01:31:53
them to shut up and don't answer back
01:31:56
and like you know don't answer don't
01:31:58
tell us it because they're like
01:32:00
they want to speak but us as parents
01:32:03
we're telling them to shush be quiet
01:32:05
shut up you're annoying and you're
01:32:08
shutting the child down and how are they
01:32:10
meant to know they don't have any
01:32:11
understanding how are they meant to
01:32:12
understand their emotions and feelings
01:32:14
you know I allow my son to express how
01:32:16
he feels and I listen and sit down even
01:32:19
though it bothers me but I'm like no
01:32:21
I've got to think of his mental health
01:32:23
you know really think
01:32:25
that's that's my biggest issue like I've
01:32:28
seen so many children suffer you know
01:32:30
and it's very sad it's not their fault
01:32:32
it's because us parents we don't realize
01:32:34
what we're doing to our children
01:32:36
we really don't
01:32:39
Mia motor you are amazing
01:32:42
um I'm so excited to see what the future
01:32:44
brings inside the ring and outside the
01:32:45
ring I feel like um yeah I'm so pleased
01:32:48
that you've got the profile and the fame
01:32:51
if you want to call it that that you
01:32:52
have now because I think there's so many
01:32:53
lessons that people can can get from
01:32:55
what you've been through which is unfort
01:32:57
a lot of it's unfortunate but you've
01:32:59
come out the other side and you're a
01:33:00
better person
01:33:01
[Music]
01:33:02
yeah Miyamoto thank you so much for
01:33:05
coming on the podcast today thank you
01:33:06
for having me I appreciate that
01:33:09
[Music]