00:00:06
bobby kept shouting on me when we were driving here yeah she's so loud and so annoying
00:00:12
they're so annoying i hate this job jewels i know look these mics actually get close to you
00:00:19
i think we should just like we can take over do you think the show would be
00:00:24
successful if we would do it maybe right maybe look we even have
00:00:31
some of the homeless plus clothes from tito bobby
00:00:40
yeah right yeah
00:00:46
hey welcome to bad friends hi right and i can just like yell at you
00:00:52
because that's super easy like you're late you're late today why are you late
00:00:57
right you just have to do nothing this is the easiest job in the world yeah they don't even know how much we do
00:01:04
can i still have my knife yeah i think you should have your knife okay
00:01:09
that's it there you are if they um interrupt us then then we use
00:01:16
that yeah that'll be nice be so nice i think this will be so much nicer
00:01:23
you talking now you're starting yeah why don't you start the podcast let them start the podcast all right
00:01:31
is it on everything on yeah okay go ahead welcome to bad friends hi we decided to take over
00:01:40
bobby and andrew yeah because this is such an easy job we just get to talk
00:01:46
and shout at each other right right and be mean be
00:01:55
we could be good good friends instead of bad friends yeah right we're way nicer
00:02:02
so what do you do today juliana did you sleep until like four no i slept until um
00:02:09
five and i woke up because the constructors were coming to our house because
00:02:14
um yesterday tito bobby fled the house well we were on the beach
00:02:22
shut up shut up
00:02:31
yeah right so what else happened and then the floor is broken and then we have to
00:02:38
move to another house in a week how did he do that i don't know he couldn't hear it
00:02:46
so but i don't believe him was he playing video games he was doing yoga
00:02:55
he was exercising yeah oh wow you guys are doing a good job with him
00:03:02
what about you
00:03:08
bobby can you get closer to the mic i am close closer
00:03:15
this is it it's right into middle no closer i'm close now this isn't the way he does he can't get
00:03:22
any closer than this that's what you do you two are bad
00:03:27
friends who are these two idiots
00:03:34
[Music] we're bad friends somebody's gotta go
00:03:40
to a country club so he can get in at three o'clock because he is elitist
00:03:48
that's right it's like um hey everybody welcome to debt bad
00:03:54
friends i'm i'm bobby lee i'm andrew santino and so you know i get a call yesterday
00:03:59
from my one of my best buddies because hey he goes hey you know how that's how he
00:04:05
[ __ ] answers the phone i said hi bob i was actually very nice the other day i go hey bob how are you yeah yeah and i
00:04:11
congratulated you didn't i because because what did you do what'd you do the other day so uh
00:04:16
nothing what did you do what do you mean i do a lot of things no what did i congratulate you on bob oh
00:04:22
i'm being perfect what did i congratulate you on
00:04:27
oh oh you sold a television show okay congratulations thank you that's huge yeah and so i had to move so
00:04:33
let me say something yeah go ahead all right so i'm this week i'm pitching
00:04:39
to to networks because i wrote a stupid show okay with my friend peter and peter
00:04:45
wrote it go ahead god damn you don't even have final draft on your computer i bet my life on it oh okay
00:04:51
anyway do you do i don't have a computer okay okay so peter wrote it no you
00:04:58
i do old school oh yes old school hemingway what's old school
00:05:04
with a feather pen yeah yeah okay all right so you wrote the show with peter and you sold a show and i was so happy
00:05:10
for you so then thursday we shoot this on thursdays usually yeah usually and i call them and i say
00:05:15
listen we're still pitching to other places can we move this to friday and he goes
00:05:24
you know his face gets on fire i'm ghostwriter right yeah and then um so then
00:05:32
last night he calls him he goes meet me at one o'clock we do it we do this at three by the way bob do you think you can do this at 1 pm that's
00:05:38
what i said bob do you think you can do it tomorrow 1 pm that's like asking a normal person
00:05:43
just a normal person hey can you get here at four in the morning normal people don't [ __ ] sleep till 3
00:05:49
p.m i'm just saying i'm i'm not normal i have i'm a i have a different that scale isn't scheduled but that's but that
00:05:55
scale is incorrect that's not correct it's like somebody is saying hey can you can can you show up at 7 am yeah
00:06:00
pretty it's super reasonable 7 am super reasonable okay people do it every day to go to work every single day in fact the mass
00:06:06
population probably does that every day yeah but go ahead tell your [ __ ] story right so um
00:06:13
i go i go why don't worry about it i move for you that's right i move for
00:06:19
you i move for you and i go all right you
00:06:24
must have something important to do that's right so i get up and it was really difficult
00:06:29
and you got up today it was hard to get up today it's so hard to get up you know i get up yeah i gotta [ __ ] you know andrew has
00:06:37
his aunt probably has cancer and he has to go to the hospital or you
00:06:43
know he's meeting you know the russo brothers i am meeting the russo brothers this is
00:06:49
going to be in the next avengers movie something you know something like that and that let me finish
00:06:54
you're so annoying i don't have any work coming in right now really you're on davey it doesn't come
00:07:00
back for a calendar year a year so i don't get to work for a year so you get to dance around you've done
00:07:06
two commercials okay you've had two auditions and you sold a television show
00:07:12
so then i go i come here and i go what was it at three that you had a girl well i'm trying to get into this country club
00:07:17
golf club country club golf club it's a men's club it's a golf club and i
00:07:23
go that's why you move i have to go meet with the board today that's important
00:07:28
all right so at 3 p.m what are you getting so angry you're
00:07:34
such a [ __ ] you get you're a gaslighting dick no you're a dick you were smoking and you talked [ __ ] outside before the cameras were on i'm
00:07:40
so calm right look at the average time that most americans wake up yeah guess what time it doesn't have on there
00:07:45
p.m no post meridian on there four five six seven eight
00:07:52
you get a you complain about waking up at one o'clock in the afternoon the reason why you're doing me a little
00:07:57
baby face i'm sorry juliana's sick then why is she here she sleeps right
00:08:04
she sleeps she needs 12 hours of sleep why are you here if you're sick she shouldn't be here if she shouldn't i i'm on a daily basis i'm on her
00:08:11
schedule so she can get her [ __ ] rest okay is that true jules no you don't sleep 12
00:08:17
hours i do but there we go she has a condition
00:08:23
she's growing she's a 18 year old girl she's young she's still growing she needs her sleep and a rest her mind is
00:08:28
still developing you are 50. you don't you've got
00:08:34
shouldn't you be 38 48 yeah 48 years old i know but you're kissing 50 right there is that 50 yeah
00:08:42
and it's fine i'm not criticizing you for your sleep schedule but when i ask you to do me a small favor
00:08:48
can't you just do me a small favor if people didn't know who we were and we took our we took head shots and we we had a
00:08:54
[ __ ] committee like a focus group yeah and said who's older i don't know i don't know who would [ __ ] win that
00:09:00
[ __ ] competition that's because you were always ugly you always looked ugly and i got uglier as i got older that's
00:09:05
fine but you were you always looked that way that's i mean that's cruel it's just as cool as the thing you just
00:09:10
said to me bob you just said i look older than you said i was 50. you are oh no you're almost 50 now and
00:09:17
you know what we're gonna do for your 50th birthday let's go back to the country club let's go back to the golf club and let's go back to your house
00:09:22
why are you moving out of your house okay if we out first of all i was not going
00:09:27
to even mention this jules did so there are consequences to your behavior young lady right
00:09:33
and we talked on the we talked that we would not mention this and you threw me [ __ ] under the bus
00:09:40
so um you broke the floor and now you have to move can jules tell it can i hear her tell it
00:09:47
instead of you because yours is going to be what she just told it yeah and she just
00:09:52
said something that made me so angry what did she say she goes and it's bobby's fault
00:09:57
something like that was it bobo's fault i mean no one was there
00:10:04
accept him if it's only you at home whose fault is it then okay so what you're saying to me is this
00:10:11
that i took the kitchen okay so we have a we have two sinks in the kitchen i know okay we have an
00:10:18
island yes on the island next to the sink right is the lever for the [ __ ] sink
00:10:26
is one of those long metal things that stick out and it's very loose yeah you tap it a little bit water sprays
00:10:32
sure what's next to the sink the cat balls
00:10:38
we have three cats i know okay bojo or goonie one of those two cats hit the
00:10:44
[ __ ] lever right while i'm in the other room doing yoga
00:10:50
these girls are going to the beach you know because that's the life they
00:10:56
live yeah easy peasy easy peasy easy easy-peasy right you bastard
00:11:02
you [ __ ] did you even invite did you invite him to the beach no she yeah no she didn't i think isla did but then no you don't you
00:11:08
didn't invite me but i think yeah but you didn't invite me why didn't you say tito bobby do you want to come
00:11:13
to the beach do you not care if he comes to the beach no i care but i think i already did and he said no but i think
00:11:19
it would mean a lot to him if you invited him okay next time yeah it would mean so
00:11:25
much to me all right oh and oh by the way i wasn't gonna even mention this but just you just you just you deserve
00:11:32
it um when we were the [ __ ] car right over here we drove by a guy
00:11:37
right and she goes there he is i go and i wave to this guy we're driving hmm
00:11:44
did i go who would i just wave to it's him who you would think that it was brad
00:11:51
pitt right a fame some famous yeah i think it was george clooney just walking down the street right she
00:11:56
goes jason nash you know what that is oh yeah he does uh um
00:12:02
yeah he he did sketch stuff i'm sure he's a very nice guy i'm very talented i know who he is yeah but she acted as if it was jesus just
00:12:10
came back i wasn't that excited you were yeah you were you yeah you did yeah you were yeah you were
00:12:16
no yeah you were okay you like him huh yeah she likes them and then she does a slam another
00:12:21
slam that you did i go what do you like that guy no he old i go she goes she old as you
00:12:31
and i was like you know yeah but she likes him because she's entertained she finds him entertaining
00:12:37
you don't have a crush on him no no no no it's not like that i mean she just said she's funny i have
00:12:43
no idea she thinks he's funny so anyway i'm doing yoga and um all of a sudden
00:12:51
you know i'm in the pose i'm doing the stretches yeah right all of a sudden i see collide like
00:12:58
running they come home from the beach the house is flooded i go into the kitchen there's like this
00:13:04
much water right wait time hardwood in florida time out real fast they were gone you were home the house
00:13:12
flooded you didn't know no wow so you had turned on the sink on
00:13:18
accident you got down to do yoga [ __ ] turn on the stick i never use that [ __ ] sink but neither do they
00:13:24
yeah they do they use that single leg they didn't use it that day before the beast the cat hit it man the cat turned it on yes so wait
00:13:31
it did it it's the spigot that goes into the sink how would it flood is it plugged to the city no so the so the
00:13:37
the the uh is it the spigot sure where the water comes out yeah i don't know if we can say that but what's it called i think it's a spicket
00:13:43
okay let's just say call it spigot it was off to the side right on the counter
00:13:49
like it was turned cause it turned you can talk yeah so what they're accusing me of is i went
00:13:56
gee i have yoga in five minutes i might as well just do this yeah
00:14:03
i like water yeah yeah yeah yeah i did not do that you know i know it's the cat you know how i know it's the cat
00:14:08
the woman who bought this house across the street from me uh really sweet girl anesthesiologist just moved in
00:14:14
the first week she was in the house she has two cats she's gone because she works long hours
00:14:20
at the hospital for 13 hours one night she comes home the entire house is flooded
00:14:25
cause a cat turned on the sink exactly and ruined the whole thing she a week she moved in she had to redo
00:14:31
the whole floors and all in the whole entire house yeah because all the water kept going down to the other levels too yeah and
00:14:36
that's what we're worried about so wait is your water seeping down to the other levels of that the wood is getting bumpy oh dude it's
00:14:42
warped oh that's really bad do you think that she should pay for it yeah
00:14:48
i think you should work it out there's another slam that she did so i tell them i swear to god it's the cats she doesn't
00:14:54
believe me this one what do you think happened let me tell let me ask what rudy what do you think happened no i think um the cats but then
00:15:03
he could have heard the water oh she's saying you were negligent in your behavior she's saying you don't
00:15:08
care so what she's saying is is that i'm doing the yoga pose what position do you think you're in right here
00:15:14
yeah what is that i'm upside down right now oh on your head this is the floor what's that called what's i don't know
00:15:19
yoga position what's it called headstand headstand i'm doing a headstack that's what that's called how come some
00:15:25
of them were so elaborate and that one's called headstand they're downward dog there's yeah yeah yeah yeah what's the baby one
00:15:32
uh birthing childbirth child pose yeah yeah what's the other one there's a
00:15:38
there's another really cool bra the cobra that's this one right no not no this is that's an eagle
00:15:43
that's an eagle that doesn't look like an eagle at all this looks more like a cobra yeah because snakes intertwined like spinal bifida yeah they call it the
00:15:50
spinal bifida um this is the humpback here's what happens so i tell them we're bummed and so i guess 40 minutes
00:15:57
later i go oh i'll have some coffee right what so i so i you know it's one
00:16:05
of those coffees where it's a machine where you press the button it goes right it's a little cups yeah it's a keurig something
00:16:11
like that yeah and i press it and then all of a sudden there's coffee all over the place and i
00:16:18
have forgot to take the cup and put it in the thing oh it just said you just thought coffee the cup will be there
00:16:25
i just i don't know what make coffee coffee machine i don't know what it is so there's not coffee everywhere bob and then she
00:16:31
looks at me she goes you did the faucet
00:16:37
yeah i love you jules you wait i'm on your team it's not your fault
00:16:43
it's not your fault that being said um someone has to pay for it and that someone is you
00:16:48
how much is it going to cost be real did they estimate it it could cost anywhere between 20 grand i don't know where did you where do you guys have to go in the
00:16:54
meantime you have to move into a rental i'm triggering trying to figure out if we can stay there while it's while all that work they have
00:16:59
to rip up all the floors right yeah i don't know there's no way this woman across the street had to go to a hotel
00:17:05
she couldn't they were like you can't be in the house we're ripping up all the floors that's a disaster was she bummed you
00:17:12
know what's so funny is like she was upset but she goes this isn't the first time my cats have [ __ ] something up in the house
00:17:17
yeah there was the first time in my mind i'm like is that worth having cats i mean you know my opinion i know i love
00:17:22
you you know what my dog has never done never turn on my sink yeah you know what your dog has never done what
00:17:28
hopped onto a kitchen cabinet yeah because that's insane why do i have an animal inside the house that acts like it's a zoo
00:17:34
that's true right i like animals that poop outside stay on the floor we should have a rule cat's dancing on
00:17:39
the floor next time you're on anything levitated good luck good luck to you good luck you're gonna go to peru cause
00:17:45
in peru they have a um uh a cat eating festival do they yeah where they
00:17:50
hunt the cats though so they put a cat in the wild no i don't know they're like house cats you put a cat in an
00:17:56
arena and they throw like bow and arrows out of it yeah yeah it's real yeah
00:18:03
i think it's in peru you know i don't know how the game works well cats have different meanings all over the world right if you go to egypt cats are the
00:18:09
most like uh they're they're high praise right they're like these beautiful uh ancient creatures that they that they give a lot
00:18:15
of love to but then you go to certain places like uh um in the uh in the netherlands uh they
00:18:22
have shot putting contests with cats do you know that oh no they throw them as far as they can wow because cats are going to land on
00:18:27
their feet yeah so you'll just they'll just huck them as far as they can those netherland people are wild dude so they spin them around yeah yeah what
00:18:34
do they call that when they put two cats in a bag and hang them over like a um a phone pinata no what they do is back
00:18:42
in the day you put two cats in a bag they throw it on like a um a phone a phone wire right
00:18:47
and then they just kill each other in the bag whoa what is that called two cats in a bag yeah do you know what that is jewel so
00:18:53
there's a term it's a famous term but i forgot what it was um but you know what i love cats because
00:19:00
you know dogs to me yeah this is how this is how to cat proof your home there's nothing in here
00:19:05
dogs do you what go ahead keep talking dogs to me um are a little too needy
00:19:11
in what way i've always had cats i prefer cats yeah dogs are always like you know where
00:19:18
dogs are always like where are you going yeah they want to know they're concerned i don't like it what
00:19:24
if a dog cats are like who are you i like that you're they live in your house and
00:19:29
that's so disrespectful it's like that in women right you don't want a woman that's too needy
00:19:35
but you want you want a woman that shows you affection and love which cats do on their time
00:19:40
that and that's what i like it's like kalila when i met kalila but kalila doesn't kalila shows you love and affection all
00:19:46
the time no but kalila was so difficult to get what do you mean
00:19:52
oh to like get as a girlfriend yeah i mean it was i i was like i might have people to get
00:19:57
this one yeah first of all she's like none of us what none of us thought so [ __ ] you
00:20:04
when i first saw kalila i was like and i met her not when i saw her how about this take away just her that she's pretty yeah
00:20:10
when i saw that she was so cool and nice and sweet yeah i i was a little annoyed yeah yeah
00:20:17
but that was your girlfriend it bothered me people get yeah people getting people got annoyed yeah because a good looking girl is a good-looking girl
00:20:23
there's a [ __ ] billion of them in los angeles yeah she's very cool and it was a little bothersome for me yeah
00:20:28
it was annoying yeah better help hey bob you and i both need therapy and
00:20:33
we get it don't we i use i use this um um service in my personal life it changed my life i love better
00:20:40
help yeah because it's nice to talk to people and i know it's difficult right now it's hard everyone's having hard times but better help get you communicating in
00:20:47
almost no time i think during the pandemic um doing internal growth is very v um this is your time to grow within and
00:20:53
to um to help yourself um you know spiritually grow emotionally grow i agree and deal with trauma or whatever
00:21:00
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00:21:10
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00:22:00
have so many cute designs um it fits so snug on my um it almost feels like i'm not even wearing
00:22:06
underwear um i use it when i perform too because i like to do little dances on stage it literally is my favorite um
00:22:13
underwear company stretchable breathable fabric uh i like to bring a bunch of me undies with me on the road and i change them out depending
00:22:19
on my mood sometimes i want little pizza on there sometimes i want little little pump trees i have some with raccoons i have
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00:22:42
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meundies.com bad friends that's meundies.com no you and your wife bother me okay
00:23:07
that's fine but but let me say this she shows you love and affection
00:23:12
and just like a dog does right she's concerned with where you go but in the beginning no so in the beginning
00:23:18
right it was like her first thing was i'm never going to go to l.a
00:23:24
she lived in long beach right and i go what do you mean like you're gonna have to come to me
00:23:31
so every day you know how far long beach is that's where i used to live down how long was how i mean from
00:23:37
l.a 45 minutes every day in traffic yeah about an hour then yeah yeah yeah every day i would drive
00:23:44
there and back there and back for months how long did it take before
00:23:51
she kissed you well um it took about a month
00:23:58
a month no kisses no she would do things like um spit in my face and stuff i swear to god
00:24:06
which is just as like a bit like a sexual like a sexual oh that was hot that was like oh yeah yeah took a while to kiss
00:24:11
and then eventually um because what i needed to seal the deal was her to come to la
00:24:18
to come to the comedy store to see you perform not only see me perform but see because
00:24:23
i thought i think she thought i was a lower level comic she didn't know who you were at all she did i mean outside and again
00:24:33
yeah but she didn't know right so once i brought her to the comedy store she understood you have to bring a girl
00:24:39
to the comedy store well they have to anytime you're dating someone yeah whether it's brand new or it's late in
00:24:44
the relationship you always need to let them see that you're doing well yeah to give them some semblance of like a hope hey you know
00:24:50
i'm like yeah not i'm not i'm homeless i'm not [ __ ] the bed i'm actually like this i'm actually
00:24:56
that's only and that's only because oftentimes people just go yeah i know my buddy's a stand-up comedian
00:25:02
oh what is he yeah he does it like i think in june he does it like once every june every maybe like once a year or twice a
00:25:09
year yeah and then we become that same guy in their mind oh you do stand up oh what do you do when you do
00:25:14
it every [ __ ] waking minute of my life every night of my [ __ ] life
00:25:20
oh i've never seen you or you're or you're in a cafe in the midwest right you're on a gig yeah right and you're at a cafe and some
00:25:27
guy will walk up to you and sit next to you or whatever doesn't know who you are what are you doing here what are you doing here and i go oh i'm a
00:25:32
comic and he goes hey you live in los angeles i go yeah you know frankie rice and i go
00:25:40
frankie i know how would i know him he does comedy as well oh i say yes oh you do every time all
00:25:46
right let's say that no matter who it is let's do this okay i'm eating i'm i'm in we're in ohio we're in ohio i'm just eating soup at a
00:25:52
little restaurant by myself hey my redheaded friend hey how are you hey my name is bill what's your name
00:25:59
i'm andrew oh hello andrew welcome what great weather today huh it is uh it
00:26:05
is uh yeah oh yes i haven't seen you i come to this coffee shop a lot i haven't seen you around what uh i mean yeah i don't i don't live
00:26:12
here where do you live can i get the check um i live in uh southern california oh yeah oh i've never been to california
00:26:20
i've never ever left the state well you should go oh well you should go because it's a it's a great place what do you do what do you do for a
00:26:25
living there i'm going to pay for i'm going to pay for his stuff as well thank you thank you what do you do andy
00:26:32
i'm in uh i'm um i'm actually in town doing stand up will you do stand up wow yeah i'm at the
00:26:38
club here i'm just holding the club right at the street you must know debra nickelback oh yes yes
00:26:45
i do you know deborah nickelback do you keep in touch with her well she died she did die yeah she died
00:26:52
oh god yeah but she did stand up comedy as well right i remember her she was great she was very good in fact
00:26:58
she was so good that that's somebody that i looked up to for a long time i took no i
00:27:04
that's someone i love yeah i love her and for an african-american woman to do stand-up thank you very much
00:27:09
stand up in that yes she wasn't african-american she was white she was white but she was always tan
00:27:22
when someone does that there's no advantage of you have to just go for you gotta i just go yes may i think i've heard of
00:27:28
them yeah because if you say no then they're gonna go huh you know bryce
00:27:33
mickelson no huh you know adam chetlahan
00:27:39
no yeah huh and they just keep digging to think and then they'll just shoot for the moon then they'll they do a big name that
00:27:44
they know you don't know what i do you do you do me now okay yeah well just a table for one
00:27:50
and are you ba are you bobby lee no you're supposed
00:27:55
to not know who i am oh [ __ ] it's the same scenario yeah sorry what
00:28:00
the [ __ ] are i haven't acted in a long time go ahead hold on yeah i'll just take a booth here and that's
00:28:06
fine hey man i don't know uh
00:28:12
i haven't seen i've never seen you here oh hi hey are you uh are you are you new in town
00:28:18
you should be real um no i always open like yeah
00:28:23
no no hey how are you good man good good good yeah oh it's crazy uh out there today
00:28:29
isn't that nuts that car accident happened on i-98 yeah i didn't yeah you didn't read about it this morning did you watch the
00:28:35
morning news no man i'm not with cannon ken and karen i'm not from around here oh you're not from you're not alok
00:28:40
i'm not lucky oh where are you from oh i'm from uh i live in los angeles whoa yeah the biggest city captain
00:28:48
what goes on over there huh you must be a hollywood guy cocaine knights my friend really yeah no
00:28:55
i'm kidding are you a hollywood guy no no i'm just i'm still working i just do stand up
00:29:00
shut up yeah you're a stand-up comment yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah really where are you are you in town performing
00:29:07
yeah where the club right up here in the street yeah the chuckle [ __ ] factory son of a gun yeah
00:29:12
son of a gun yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah what are those what do those tickets cost maybe me and my me and my wife will go
00:29:18
uh this sold out it sold out they sold out yeah wow well they must have given away a
00:29:24
bunch of tickets or something that's wild i didn't even know they didn't even tell me that they were selling i don't do comps what does that mean yeah i don't you
00:29:31
know i have because i'm a special act that um i don't have oh you're a handicapped guy no and i was gonna say that when i saw you when i
00:29:37
walked up no but but honestly yeah no i i didn't
00:29:43
know so you do comedy that's what you know i know some guys that moved out there to do comments yeah and they're doing really well
00:29:48
they're doing very well i want to know hold on for a second yeah let me get my notebook and pen
00:29:53
okay so i can write it down well just some guys that i grew up with go ahead tell me the names please i'm very eager
00:29:58
to hear it well sarah silverman patton oswalt
00:30:03
now that happened if he starts naming names yeah i actually have had a guy tell i had an
00:30:09
uber driver named someone that we did know uh i was in uh jersey
00:30:15
i was i was somewhere on the east coast oh no i was doing uh yeah i was just stress factory in jersey and he he goes uh where are you going i
00:30:22
said i'm going to do this comedy club and he goes oh cool i i know a comic out there in uh
00:30:28
in uh in new york i said oh yeah you know new york guys i'm an la guy he goes oh cool yeah do you know uh
00:30:34
uh uh do you know so-and-so no no i don't know who that is yeah sorry no no but i know
00:30:40
a lot of then he's like you know mark normand i was like yeah do you know mark he's like yeah i know him well i don't as a as a friend i
00:30:46
was like oh it like and then it shook me i was like oh right right okay uh and then it kind of became like
00:30:53
well what do you want to talk about then like right because i you make this barrier of like you i know
00:30:58
i know he's not gonna know and we're not gonna this is gonna be weird but then we started chatting about comedy and i was
00:31:03
like oh okay cool yeah i mean i i can only get there with people that are either
00:31:08
podcast friends sure i can't do it with people that are like fans of mine from other you know mediums
00:31:15
i guess uh like like tv or whatever it doesn't feel like there's they know me
00:31:21
yeah right but with podcasting they know me or i can talk to people that are in um
00:31:28
a 12-step group like i've been on the road where um some i'll be in the bathroom somewhere
00:31:34
at a restaurant or something and then i'll hear two guys talk about the book and then i'll go oh i'm a
00:31:42
friend of bill w all right right and then they'll go um and then it always changes
00:31:47
you know the relationship almost as if we're instant kind of a part of the club it's k you're akin to one another
00:31:53
because yeah so then you know you they're just uh you know we speak the same language i guess so i like that
00:31:59
you know that's so funny that there's this unspoken bond that that addicts have in the same way that comic no matter where you are you just meet a
00:32:05
comic you're like oh okay yeah if they're working comic you right away are like oh dude we have this thing i talked to brad
00:32:10
garrett on my show and you know ice had said that brad's anniversary was coming up and
00:32:15
and richard lewis's anniversary just happened for 26 years of sobriety and i was asking how like his generation
00:32:21
bonds over that over the years because obviously all the people that got sober and his generation stayed alive
00:32:26
a lot of guys that didn't in that generation are [ __ ] dead yeah which is crazy because on our generation
00:32:32
we didn't lose a lot of guys yeah because i think it's not as um they lost a lot
00:32:38
of guys because back in the day it was like something that people enable each other to do
00:32:44
now it's like when you're a full-blown drug addict you can't even get into the clubs really well they don't want to do it anymore
00:32:49
yeah it's it's difficult for to survive because it's just like it's just a completely different game whereas
00:32:55
before like i i saw a documentary where richard pryor was on a movie set
00:33:00
right not only high he was smoking crack on set you know what i mean and they were the pa is like
00:33:07
uh richard we need you on set yeah he's like great hold on baby yeah yeah yeah like he's
00:33:14
sir he's smoking crack in the in the trailer it was sort of enabled or you know well it was almost because they
00:33:20
were such you know they were such big stars that were drug addicts people like pryor or farley yeah that it
00:33:27
was like [ __ ] we need them because they're so valuable yeah that what are they going to do they're going to tell them no and then
00:33:32
then they're going to tell them to go [ __ ] themselves yeah and then they're like that's the problem is there's no balance
00:33:37
to that because you're not going to be able to tell an addict to stop when they're in the middle of it especially if they're it's like it's like it's like when
00:33:44
someone tries to say to trump that he can't do something and he's like i already did it and i'm the best yeah tell the guy that one
00:33:51
presidency that he did he can't do anything and you're like really because i i did that so that's the same idea if you're an
00:33:57
addict you're like i'm [ __ ] killing it who's to say that i'm not doing it right so it's hard to communicate that to them
00:34:03
but also that kind of behavior though isn't like tolerated anymore like for instance well no times have changed
00:34:09
like in that movie island of dr moreau with marlon brando and val kilmer yeah one day they just completely shut
00:34:16
down production because val kilmer refused to go on set
00:34:22
if marlon brando didn't get there first and marlon brando refused to go on set if val kilmer didn't get there first
00:34:29
right so they just shut down the [ __ ] day in this day in age
00:34:34
yeah the network would come the studio would come down and go all right josh brolin and brad pitt are coming and
00:34:40
get the [ __ ] out right you know i mean they just wouldn't tolerate it no it'd be it would be a you get wipe clean if somebody wrote an
00:34:46
article that i thought was very funny i don't know if it was like an onion thing or something but they said uh facts you don't know about
00:34:51
celebrities and it's gotta be a bit but it said ben affleck refused to shoot
00:34:56
for six days on geely because they made him wear a yankees hat
00:35:02
yeah yeah but like that would be the level of uh you can't do that [ __ ] anymore i don't know i just think that like uh well you
00:35:08
know what like here's what's changing in the business genuinely when you told me about selling the show
00:35:14
and i was genuinely happy for you and i said what's it about and you said it's about korea a korean
00:35:20
spa in south los angeles correct in korean koreatown and koreatown yeah oh i
00:35:25
thought it was in south south korea it's fine and i thought that's great and i said who you did who'd you do it with and we don't have
00:35:31
to say his name if you don't want to peter okay peter and i said who's peter i don't know
00:35:37
peter and you said he is a what'd you say he said he's korean
00:35:44
fat korean a fat korean gay guy gay guy and i said perfect why because
00:35:51
that's who you need to write that show because if you said to me i'm going in there with uh
00:35:59
you know dan greenfield i'd be like well get someone korean to write a [ __ ]
00:36:05
career and i don't like you know really talking about stuff that really isn't real yet because if selling
00:36:11
a show isn't real well then we can we don't have to know but it's fine i like to talk about it because i think it's important yeah i think it's
00:36:17
[ __ ] important yeah right but there is something about going in because i've
00:36:23
pitched shows with you know older white or you know and famous famous famous
00:36:28
show runners and it just doesn't work there's something about going in with a
00:36:34
kid who's you know young gay asian and in this climate it's almost as if
00:36:41
once he does his thing in the pitch what's his thing he just does this and we get so
00:36:47
he does this thing what he's like just hit blow one of the executives right he's
00:36:54
like so here's the show he just kind of turns it up yeah he gaze
00:36:59
it up is that what you're trying to say no i'm not saying that you just did i didn't i'm just saying
00:37:05
that he does a thing sure and once he does that right it's like oh we're going to does
00:37:11
are you gay on the show no is there a gay character on the show he's gay on the show yeah okay great right and i called you on the
00:37:18
phone and i said is there a white angry redheaded guy who maybe works in the shop next door what's great
00:37:23
about the show is is that um because it's um is there a landlord a white angry redheaded guy
00:37:29
no oh the guy that the guy that um we have a part in the in the show right
00:37:36
that you could play and he you're because what i love about pitching a show like a korean spa
00:37:44
is that you because we have patrons that come in or regulars it's like cheers yeah where everybody
00:37:49
knows you everyone knows everybody knows you're you're balls and in korean spas if you haven't been to a korean spa it's like you know
00:37:54
you'll see you know everyone goes there hispanics black people yeah yeah it's
00:38:00
very multicultural cultural but it's eight seventy percent korean dudes
00:38:05
older korean dudes right yeah it's mostly it's mostly korean guys in their 80s which is why i love it i love it so um
00:38:12
but there is a character in my show that he is a limo like a limo driver
00:38:18
i'm a limo driver yeah okay and so you're always in the steam room at night love it but you're always with other
00:38:24
celebrities love it because you're you're a limo driver for celebrities before they take them home i said do you want to go to a spa
00:38:29
yeah yeah i love it and you're always complaining about things and sitting next to you is always like
00:38:34
you know a big guy but they don't say anything a famous game so hopefully one day if the show goes right yeah we could
00:38:41
have like somebody you're just going on these rants i love it and you're next to like you know
00:38:46
whoever it might be tom cruise tom cruise tom cruise yeah love to be in a spa with tom cruise yeah
00:38:52
you know what else you could do because every time i used to go to the old when i lived uh when i lived in near mid-city i would go
00:38:58
to the old the korean spot that's connected to the driving range on wilshire ah you know it's a driving range and then the korean spas yeah so that could
00:39:05
i could be i could work with the driving range hey guys you remember the days when
00:39:10
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it's better cheaper faster choice we thank them for sponsoring the pod remember supportive sponsors you support
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us you make this possible thank you it's the promo code bad friends of bluetooth.com my korean spa is called hyundai spa i'm gonna tell you because i
00:40:11
don't want people to flood there like the car company yeah i think yeah it's spelled the same hyundai zone do they own them no
00:40:17
because they own a lot of stuff well my spa is in an alleyway there's no sign really oh so it's not a
00:40:22
nice spot no okay and it's been there forever and um it's 24 hours
00:40:28
of course why would you walk in there's an old korean lady there you pay 20 bucks 15
00:40:36
and you walk in and it says hyundai spa we do your taxes shut up
00:40:42
i'm not [ __ ] kidding you we do your taxes they do taxes barbershop all right ping pong arena
00:40:50
love that right they do um all kinds of stuff and wait wait a minute wait what is
00:40:57
taxes is it is way out there i know but it says it barbershop ping pong is like athletic get it cleaned up
00:41:04
but taxes i think like han the guy because there's this guy named han he's a korean man he's only 70 year old man and this guy
00:41:10
han right he only goes at two in the morning it's his own spa so he also used to have
00:41:16
a head shot of me when i because i've been going there for years since mad tv days yeah he
00:41:22
he used to have a mad tv you know what i mean head shot of me and when you would walk into the lobby it would just be it be a headshot me
00:41:27
framed right it was just one of those you know did you sign it yeah i signed it right and then at my when my career started
00:41:34
just depleting because after my team there was like an eight year gap where i didn't do anything i know i remember he just took it off
00:41:42
he completely took it off and so now there's like a dust you know i mean just an outline of words
00:41:48
he didn't [ __ ] feel it right so whenever i walk in there and they just did this dust ring what about no he wouldn't put back up no
00:41:54
you're killing it that way that's so mean it's so mean put the [ __ ] picture back up
00:42:00
but this dude right um at two in the morning and asked my brother or ask paulie yeah probably sure because i brought
00:42:05
polish which was the biggest regret why bro so paulie's always there
00:42:11
right and i try to see if his car is in the parking lot because if it is i won't go in because you don't want to talk no
00:42:18
i'll tell you what he does as i walk in and if he's there he'll be completely naked
00:42:24
with two korean men he was touching them right and he goes chinese people
00:42:32
are the most beautiful people in the world and he sings that out loud but he's
00:42:38
right i know but then and then we'll be in the steam room and he'll go chinese people does
00:42:44
not know it's a korean spa he doesn't care do you think he knows where korea is compared to china he does he does but you know
00:42:50
paulie has always been he was raised with asians because i don't know if you know this
00:42:56
but the comedy story the entire staff hi well yeah i mean what's his name has a thai food restaurant down in santa
00:43:01
monica right yeah so it used to be thai so he was kind of raised by them so he has this weird like affinity for
00:43:08
that yeah for asians but thai is much different than korean he doesn't he doesn't see the difference well that's good he's that's good
00:43:14
i don't see color yeah i see asians so when paulie's there i just it just i just a sense of dread but i get that way
00:43:22
do you don't you get that way about a lot of things when you see when i've avoided going into places that i when i see someone i know just because
00:43:27
i'm like i just can't i can't do it i was gonna go i was gonna go get uh one of my favorite mexican restaurants right here near the house
00:43:33
and as i'm getting out of my car i see someone waiting for a pickup order that we know and i just didn't want to
00:43:40
talk yeah and i just got in my car and i left because i was like i don't feel like chatting i do the i i i love
00:43:47
seeing somebody i don't want to talk to first cause once they see you it's like war zone
00:43:53
once they see you you're dead you're dead right you gotta see them first it's that moment of right no right and then you're in the google
00:44:00
when i see them right i go i just i can do a route or i do what michael mcdonald always talk
00:44:06
to always have your phone yeah get on your phone on your hand when you're in public always have your phone so that when he sees someone be
00:44:13
lying towards you you're talking to and it's got to be something crazy what do you mean dad's
00:44:18
dead yes i'm coming home now yeah that like one of those yeah you have to have some kind of emergency back to honda at two
00:44:23
in the morning when he does yeah i have people that back him if you walk in the steam room han
00:44:28
this 70 year old korean dude who owns the whole bling right is he is he in good shape yeah he's
00:44:34
ripped he loves old korean dudes are ripped all the time he puts his hands behind his back like
00:44:39
this and he never sits he's standing in the middle of the spot in the steam room
00:44:44
so he's standing like this right yeah and he makes these noises oh yeah who does who is it
00:44:51
you know what i mean what is it what i don't know ab workout his dick is this big oh he's a heavy hitter yeah
00:44:57
he's got a big old louisville's like i know this guy i know this guy and he's just standing there
00:45:03
you know what i mean who who get who did it is it moving like an elephant tusk it's
00:45:08
just yeah it's just i guess when he goes yeah it's always mid-hard yeah you know it's
00:45:15
nice because he's up here he's a thinker he's a thinker he's a thinker right and you once you walk you can't just go
00:45:22
excuse me and close it like if someone's taking a [ __ ] or something no you just have to go you have to go i gotta go in right do you have to like uh pay homage to the
00:45:28
peanut you have to like tug on it and go no he always he always and i hate it because he always says hi to me
00:45:34
he goes oh there he is comedy comedy there he is
00:45:41
oh right and i go hi how are you it's good to see you and he goes back
00:45:46
up and he does his thing you know it's [ __ ] so weird he's gonna live forever by the way he probably will yeah that's
00:45:52
one of those guys i think but be honest with me are you ever concerned with the sanitary
00:45:58
uh the sanitization of that place i think you know because you know i have gained like gangrene i have um
00:46:04
massive foot fungi i think gangrene is what's gangrene gangrene is where it's going to fall off yeah no you have fungus infection you have an
00:46:10
infection and i got it from the spa of course yeah yeah of course and i think that because of this covet thing
00:46:15
it's a cesspool for do you walk around without uh flip-flops not only that i'm i walk around
00:46:21
free baby but wait a minute i'm okay with the nudity but you don't wear flip-flops on your feet
00:46:26
what does free mean baby bro i'm walking if i go there i'm walking with uh uh aqua socks you know those
00:46:32
white guy aqua socks yeah i just don't like that about public gyms is my biggest beef but it's you know i brought ian edwards
00:46:38
there once and that's hilarious yeah and i said
00:46:44
um you got to be completely naked he said nana no i don't do that i don't do that i
00:46:49
don't do that son so then we're like i'm getting naked i go in to um inside the steam room and ian
00:46:56
edwards walks in and he's wearing an and number one a bathing suit no yellow basketball shorts
00:47:04
like lakers lakers lakers and i go where'd you find it he goes i found him in the lobby what he just
00:47:10
took someone else's shorts yeah because he didn't know what to do all right because he doesn't want to be naked
00:47:15
why do you think it is just not his thing it's just not his thing yeah it's you know it's not his thing
00:47:21
there's some guys that aren't comfortable it's not their thing who else have i brought there i brought jay davis there
00:47:27
steve byrne people like that i like steve byrne a lot yeah he's a good egg he's a good dude he's
00:47:32
one of those guys that i think has always made me laugh and uh i wish
00:47:37
nothing but the best for someone like that honestly are you being honest yeah because i really like he's never been
00:47:42
he's always been positive and always been funny yeah he's a nice guy it's like a weird loophole in our business where
00:47:48
you're like why he's funny and he's very sweet yeah he really is a so why i wonder why he's not well
00:47:53
i mean um more do you know how i met him this is this is even sweeter when you guys were on tour right now no
00:48:00
no so i'm in l.a i'm broke like i'm dirt broke right and i lived in
00:48:06
a uh once a one-bedroom apartment in silver lake with 11 guys
00:48:12
what yeah i literally do a [ __ ] migrant worker they used to call it the dump the dumpster yeah sounds like yeah yeah and it was
00:48:18
like uh we had a i'm not kidding you a 50 year old guy named dave
00:48:24
homeless guy lived there we had a 17 year old runaway from beverly hills
00:48:32
a girl a rich kid though a meth head though yeah yeah but she could she'll go back and she was able to stay there
00:48:38
i can't say her name but she was able to stay there because she cleaned the house because she was on
00:48:43
meth all the time yeah she would take a toothbrush at five in the morning and she was just cleaning the [ __ ]
00:48:49
living room yeah or the you know whatever the living space a responsible method is kind of cool though my brother
00:48:55
steve lived in my closet like just in the fl on the floor yeah where did you keep any of your stuff did
00:49:01
you have clothes no clothes uh just a pile we would share community grab it
00:49:06
but so we were living there and but for some reason i did the tonight show jay little
00:49:13
really yeah wow so i took a bus there to burbank to the tonight show yeah
00:49:18
wow and so i was just and this is when right when phones came out cell phone like the nokia like for snake
00:49:26
yeah with snake yeah yeah yeah and i get a call and it's this steve byrne i don't know
00:49:34
him and he goes hey man i'm steve byrne i'm a comic
00:49:39
i go what and he goes i live in new york i'm just grinding it out okay yeah he
00:49:45
goes oh by the way i uh the reason i got your nut your number from barry katz and he goes i saw your tonight show man
00:49:52
really inspiring oh wow and i was just like wow because
00:49:57
no no one ever has said good job on you know well comics don't it's hard for comics
00:50:03
no one says good job right right unless you're best friends so for him to do that was so [ __ ] kind it was very important to me
00:50:09
at the time and then when he moved up here it moved to l.a we just became very good friends there's only a few times small moments
00:50:14
like that when comics do stuff you know they mean it because they don't have to say it unless they're your friends yeah look
00:50:21
the the one of the most meaningful moments of my career was you know i bill burr tweeted at me
00:50:29
uh after i put out my special on showtime in 2017 and i didn't love it i was kind of
00:50:35
bummed about it i think i rushed into it whatever but he said something so nice in the
00:50:41
tweet and i texted him to thank him and i was sitting on my patio and i got i got emotional because it meant a lot to me
00:50:47
he didn't need to say anything yeah publicly he could have been like hey man good stuff but it was just him doing that out loud
00:50:54
for other people to hear it just meant a lot to me yeah he's a guy with a real strong ethics well he wouldn't say it if he
00:51:00
didn't mean it yeah bill doesn't uh yeah yeah no no he's just not one of those kind of guys like i
00:51:06
um know whenever and because i i like people that are flawed
00:51:13
and aren't ethical right right people people that have issues yeah like you and like you exactly
00:51:19
that's what we're two two pieces in a pot baby two peas in a pot do you think we're peas whatever but with bill you're like a
00:51:26
water chestnut and i'm like a baby carrot yeah you always just like but with bill what
00:51:31
sorry my mind wanders
00:51:38
with phil with bill he there's because he has such strong ethics and stuff i can't he'll see through my [ __ ]
00:51:46
he's through everybody's business right so then i have to be at my full supreme bobby mode
00:51:52
yeah and i don't like it well you're you you i've seen you when you've got your p's and q's together when you're trying
00:51:57
to be like um you know a good boy yeah and like focused it's not who you are
00:52:03
it's phony baloney yeah and i think he sees through it so one time you know sebastian had some sort of like pizza
00:52:08
party he's got to know does he have his own pizza oven one of those yeah yeah no he has italians there like real chefs
00:52:15
he bought a couple of italians i heard yeah he paid for them online for them his houses it's it's it she's been there
00:52:22
she's been there i know i see his online he posts every every every other week it's a new area of his uh it's crazy so i um you
00:52:29
know i'll never own a home like that will no way i mean you would be able to afford one i
00:52:34
never could i in my mind i'm so scared of that kind of stuff because it scares me i you know i don't
00:52:40
want to be like ed mcmahon you know ed mcmahon is shut up you know who ed mcmahon was yeah
00:52:45
he was johnny carson's psychic right do you know don't talk to me like that like i don't know who well sometimes i'm a part of
00:52:51
comedy i know but sometimes i sometimes shut up sometimes i think you might yeah sometimes i think you might not know
00:52:56
ed mcmahon at the end of his career truth be told couldn't afford his house they put a lien on his house
00:53:02
oh really yeah but that that's my point is like i think sometimes when you buy stuff that's so much
00:53:07
that's my fear obviously sebastian's fine but you'd think ed mcmahon would be fine so why did they have to lean his heart
00:53:13
what if he sees his house he just wasn't paying his mortgage and then when he was dying it was like we're gonna have to take it
00:53:18
back the bank's gonna take back your house yeah well if he's dying why would he give a [ __ ] because then
00:53:23
then all your finances for your children and your children's children are [ __ ] oh that's true then you [ __ ] them over then they have to pay for all your debt
00:53:30
that's my biggest fear is leaving debt for other people back to sebastian though sorry my bad sorry big house sorry yeah
00:53:36
it's so hard to keep track with you sometimes yeah i'm like a tree i know because we go this way and i go this way then in my head i have to go i
00:53:42
have to still keep this as a thing because i was starting the story but the road less traveled i'm going to meet you there at the end we're going to get there i just want to
00:53:48
go to the i want to i want to get leaves this is a really good mental exercise for me though that's what this is thank you yeah yeah
00:53:54
it really is being with you here yeah is such a big mental exercise for me but that's a good thing
00:53:59
because you know not only am i talking but there are sense there's a sense of rage that happens inside me
00:54:04
same i i i could see it yeah do like when we got into a fight outside before the show started it was crazy
00:54:11
you screamed at me i did you know why why because you belittled belittled what i wanted in my life it's belittling it you were believing
00:54:18
it's a belittling thing you'd be a little bit you you did that to yourself you belittled me after i went and got you coffee cigarettes and red bull and i
00:54:24
said after i went and got you coffee cigarettes and red bull i had to have you ever bought anything for me
00:54:30
like that have you ever gone to the store and bought me something that i if i could text you and say bob would you bring would you bring me ask you
00:54:36
would you bring me diet coke and coffee i asked you to [ __ ] bring me this because i'm not allowed to
00:54:42
go to 7-eleven or or go anywhere whose problem is that because if i went to 7-eleven with her
00:54:48
right to get cigarettes yeah right yeah she would have told on me stop being a snitch stop snitching
00:54:54
because then i have to do his dirty work so i'm asking for a [ __ ] favor please go and then include please and
00:55:00
attack a show to fox yesterday is not the same as going to the border room of some country club to get in
00:55:07
golf club it's a golf club all right they're not the same thing but
00:55:12
it doesn't matter it's my priority in your priority i respected yours you respect mine all right so the next and then i said
00:55:17
cancel i will move for something ridiculous like oh you know me i'm shaving my legs
00:55:23
today's leg shaving is in order and you know what i would say yeah if it's important to you i'm down
00:55:29
all right good but you have to film it no yeah the film your [ __ ] board committee
00:55:34
club i will it's a club it's not a golf club it's a country club no it's not a country that's what they call it no it's a men's
00:55:40
club it's not a it's not a country club right it's like saying is that a car no it's a sedan it's still a [ __ ] car no not
00:55:45
true these are two separate things country clubs are are for like families this is just a golf club it's for golf it's for men it's a men's club
00:55:52
it's a men's club there we go that's even worse why do women go to the korean spa that you go to bob yes there's a woman
00:55:58
so yeah there's a women's viv place too so they they can't go with you and all the rooms are there no okay so shut up yeah
00:56:05
it's the same thing oh interesting can you please say thank you thank you for getting you coffee and cigarettes and and red bull oh my god
00:56:12
it'll be my i will never because you didn't say thank you i will never say it why you didn't say
00:56:18
why because you just said get me this stuff and you didn't even say thank you i'll tell you why
00:56:24
why because
00:56:29
the day i met you let me just finish without you interrupting okay i'll put the mic away okay
00:56:36
there are just certain things when you meet certain people you know i believe in an afterlife i
00:56:42
believe that people that we have other lives right and when i met you is almost my soul
00:56:48
knew your soul and said you know what i've known this guy before in past lives
00:56:54
and we're in intricately entwined our destinies right and there's almost a um a love
00:57:03
that you can't describe or you can't really even look up in in a dictionary it really is
00:57:09
um something that is under uh you there's no words to you know to describe it and um and when i met you
00:57:16
and i've done this with a lot of comics where i i meet them and i go you know what we've known each other before so there's just
00:57:22
unsaid things you know and and so when i ask you because i'm in trouble
00:57:30
right and you do that for me i don't really find the need to thank you for it because i would do the same
00:57:37
and um we're beyond that kind of language i would thank you
00:57:46
i would absolutely thank you
00:57:52
it's a dick i'm not i refuse that's fine yeah i refuse um so tell me can you finish your
00:57:58
sebastian about his big house that you love no no no no so i saw bill there with his
00:58:03
with his wife yeah and his baby the best and i have a plate full of pizza and i walked by i know they locked eyes
00:58:10
with me so i just kind of i gotta go right so i sit there
00:58:16
and i go what's your baby's name uh oh you know what i mean and he says it and he goes huh how's the
00:58:22
company going and he said hey man what are you doing yeah what are you doing yeah that's what he was said yeah what are you doing i don't know man
00:58:29
i just get nervous he doesn't i don't know he goes i know you're doing a great job on the podcast thanks for being part of our company
00:58:35
that's nice yeah yeah that's very nice yeah i get really nervous around him uh him rogan i get nervous papa's yeah
00:58:42
the big poppy yeah yeah he called me the other day he's uh they're prepared to leave he's ready to move yeah i know they move at the end of
00:58:48
the month joe is joe's gone where to austin yeah they're gone it's he's ready to
00:58:54
rock he called me last night we talked for a while and it was it was just wild it's wild that he's gone he's leaving he's like uh
00:59:01
he's ready to go a new chapter in his life you know there's uh cool three other comics that called me
00:59:07
and they're selling their houses uh uh let me guess paula powell stone i'm
00:59:14
not allowed margaret show to say but there's a bunch of guys leaving
00:59:19
people are gone people are leaving because uh they don't like the stringent you know rules they don't like l.a
00:59:26
anymore i think that they don't like the liberal vibes and um oh so there are they uh they're uh they
00:59:33
want their you know they want more freedoms i'll just say that sure yeah i um one of them is like he he
00:59:42
was saying i want to move because of my kids you know the school system and this and that but i know what his ideology is but i have heard that
00:59:49
that people are because lausd is tough yeah it's tough it's i mean you know
00:59:55
like i went to public school as a kid you go to public school or do you go to private school public and you know i don't think they were the
01:00:02
best in chicago but they were fine yeah they were fine so i don't know if it's like that up here anymore because
01:00:08
you went to public and st i went to a public really good school district um poway high i went to we've
01:00:13
talked about it before yeah you're in the hall of fame i'm not um but you know
01:00:19
it's probably the darkest time of my life high school public school yeah i have no good i have
01:00:25
a couple good memories but generally it was a lot of like dick sucking and drugs
01:00:32
i'll just say that thank you for being [Laughter] yeah high school wasn't totally black
01:00:38
for you there was moments where it was kind of nice right well i went to three rehabs in high
01:00:43
school cool yeah i um didn't have a girlfriend um didn't make
01:00:50
love to anybody um i tried to be friends with
01:00:56
the popular people but you didn't get kicked out of school that's nice i did but but that but then you got to
01:01:01
graduate because every time i would go get kicked out i would always go through a rehab and then
01:01:07
you know through the rehab i would be able to get back into school saying that i'm sober but then i would relapse
01:01:13
it was like one of those things and um but you know when i was 17 is when i got
01:01:19
sober and it was my junior year in high school and um i think from junior year when i got
01:01:25
sober until i graduated was pretty bright i guess because you know my senior year i was completely
01:01:31
sober i was going to a meetings i was like very active you feel so much better when you're clean huh
01:01:36
i just i'm not good um in a drug run because i go hard in a binge i go hard
01:01:44
dude right i go hard and i'm blind to it all and i don't give a [ __ ] what do you think my drug would be if i was gonna if i was
01:01:50
gonna get into drugs and slip away you're like a whiskey guy i think well that it does happen yeah that happens to me sometimes you just have a
01:01:56
an alcohol temperament mm-hmm you know so i don't see you as a meth guy no yeah i don't see you as a pothead
01:02:05
do you smoke pot i did for years and i don't think i do anymore i've talked about that did your wife smoke
01:02:10
pot no no no i mean i don't it's just not you i smoke pot for a long i smoked pot for since i was 15
01:02:17
and for high school i smoked all the time almost every day college i smoked constantly yeah then when i got out i just i would
01:02:23
smoke and you know i go through phases yeah and the past five years of my life i smoke intermittently once in a great
01:02:31
while yeah and one day i had a bag of weed the size of this room at my house
01:02:37
because of um we have a friend who's in the comedy world that owns a company
01:02:43
and i literally just called up my buddy and i was like hey come over and pick up this weed i just don't even think i need it i don't want it anymore yeah and then
01:02:49
since then once in a while if i'm at a party and someone has a joint i'll hit the joint maybe yeah but no i don't i think booze
01:02:57
is my biggest crutch yeah i i you know i don't i feel bad that i relapse for
01:03:02
after 17 years of sobriety but here's what i do like i always even when i when you know when
01:03:08
pot became legal you know in california and dispensaries opened up i always in the back of my head went
01:03:15
what is that like to go to a responsibility because you know when i was a kid you know i mean i would have to
01:03:20
like search for days yes you're so annoying when you were a kid yeah and you're in the suburbs you would
01:03:26
it would take days to get weed yeah and it was also well i mean you would get this like
01:03:31
mud dirt you get you get brick weed you get shitty mexican seeds brickweed yeah but so i
01:03:38
was wondering what that was like so you know going into the dispensary and going to the expensive
01:03:44
you mean wild oh my god like the premium [ __ ] premium [ __ ] i think i think being a pothead now
01:03:49
is much cooler than it was when i was young and then just imagine never having anything
01:03:56
for 17 years and taking that first hit jesus
01:04:04
i mean it was crazy you had to disappear for a little while i remember like i got high in hawaii because i was shooting magnum pi
01:04:09
and i took me from my hotel room to the restaurant there was this 24
01:04:15
pancake house by my right it took me like an hour to get there and it it's two minutes away
01:04:23
just like getting up and yeah because i hadn't been high in almost 20 years and right and you're
01:04:29
just you know it just took me forever it's heavy it's heavy and i was laughing the whole
01:04:35
time yeah hey let me let's explain to go to your country club stop at uh golf club let me explain what's going
01:04:41
on real fast um so we have a poster here that you can see behind us uh look thank you to the fans that
01:04:48
wanted the shirts on the back of rudy's chair or the shirts there um we had over
01:04:54
2 500 emails entries to get the shirts right so we had a computer algorithm print out
01:04:59
uh a random assortment of names that made it up to this level right that was the only way to do it so there's about 200 and something name i don't even know
01:05:05
who's up how many names are up there and it's a target um and who's on the target jules
01:05:12
george george is and now george in this in this picture is what jules what is he there
01:05:18
he's holding a gun but what would you assume he would be then he's a a target a target yes he's a target he's
01:05:25
because he's a bad guy right so i figured the best way to do it bob to get the shirts out to a fans
01:05:31
would be to have jules shoot at the target what do you think i love it i think that's good i'm gonna not be in the room no no we no
01:05:38
we have to be in the room but leaving the back we'll be behind her yeah cause i'm not gonna be here all right so do you want to shoot this now well let's do it while we're here
01:05:44
while you and i sit here yeah you want her to shoo shoot between us yeah wait on his head anywhere in the
01:05:50
anywhere in the board just talk just aim at him are you brave enough you want to do it i mean yeah are you gonna are you gonna you're not gonna kill us
01:05:56
are you no [ __ ] what if she hits one of us jules do you really think you can hit this without hurting us yeah
01:06:03
okay she you have to shoot it twice okay twice because uh we have to have to have
01:06:08
two names all right yeah and then
01:06:13
i know okay uh close that or could you come inside if you want i don't know it doesn't matter i just need to protect my face because i think she's going to
01:06:19
shoot me in the face okay jules come here get this gun and you're going to stand all right so the safety's off so be careful
01:06:25
okay the safety is all you all you have to do is point forward and shoot it back
01:06:30
up a little bit let's get you backed up till there if you shoot me you're going to kick your other let me close my computer because i don't want to um wait
01:06:37
okay so hold on hold on bob uh okay so it's going to bounce you know that it's going to go behind it's going
01:06:42
to bounce and it might hit one of us anyway so are we good to go on that end all right i just want to protect my face
01:06:48
because i don't want i don't want to get hit in the face all right you ready jules yeah yeah all right shoot shoot once take a break
01:06:54
and then shoot again but i want you to say because george i want you to go die george and then die george twice is
01:07:00
that cool die george die george twice all right so uh are you ready andres when you're ready jules go ahead die
01:07:06
george again die george
01:07:12
did i get it there's nothing there what do you mean where did where'd it go here let me see the gun
01:07:18
there's nothing in there just air came out let me see let me see no here you're fine you're fine
01:07:24
the the clip was you you hit this you can't this hits the clip out don't don't put your hand on that the
01:07:29
clip will fall out there if you go like that so don't put your hand don't put your thumb there okay
01:07:34
oh my god all right holy [ __ ] all right back up all right here we go you ready okay go
01:07:40
ahead die george died okay where did we hit
01:07:50
where did we hit nothing how to the club let me see let me see
01:07:58
yeah it there there's there's bullets in there but i saw something
01:08:08
how is there no holes in this let me try to i'm going to shoot it i'm going to shoot it just to see where it goes
01:08:14
over there ready close your eyes close your eyes yeah the bullet just came out you heard
01:08:19
it bounced it never came out with her all right come on try it again it never came out with her all right do it try it again it never came out with
01:08:26
her all right come on here we go all right try it again go ahead die george and do it die george
01:08:31
oh yeah yeah aim die george
01:08:36
did you hit it no it didn't go do it again do it again go
01:08:43
closer get closer get closer there you go go ahead there we go george hi george
01:08:53
that one hit my head it's not hitting hitting what do you mean no it can't bounce no way let me see let
01:09:00
me try it hold on let me try yeah what close your eyes
01:09:07
yeah that one went through taylor abilene you see it taylor abilene all right oh so there is
01:09:15
two higgins all right so we have our two trey higgins and taylor
01:09:21
abilene are they get the shirt yeah yeah all right so now i want you to just um here's what i want you to do now just
01:09:28
keep shooting it just rapid fire at it pop up because we have the two names now now just keep shooting at dye george baba
01:09:34
over and over just kill him go ahead keep going
01:09:44
all right good yay very good rudy come here come back
01:09:51
behind here go behind bob you can you want to shoot him i think we need some more bullets yeah
01:09:58
hold on i need i need to get some more bullets uh uh here well here i'll get here come here go behind him and stand behind here
01:10:05
and hold the gun so we can sign off
01:10:11
hold the gun hold the gun like this like you're i'll put the safety back on
01:10:17
you know like this like you're like you're hardcore there you go yeah all right here we go and i want you
01:10:22
to say it me and bob will just uh watch you say it proudly ready as loud as you can
01:10:28
thank you for being a bad friend yeah okay perfect
