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hey bad friends I'm gonna be in Boston Boston New Year's Eve and New Year's Eve
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Eve the 30th and the 31st I'm doing a couple of shows so come out and see me on New Year's Eve or New Year's Eve Eve
00:00:11
depending on what you're up to Boston come see me Andrew santino.com for those tickets andrewsantino.com for those tickets
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[Music]
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we're bad friends here's the problem I have with trans people
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oh why there's a problem I have is they think there's something they're not what
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are they it's really good you're you can't be a man and a woman you've got a
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pick that's so good and if you're born a man then you're a man bro even if you
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cut off your window call Lauren call Lauren Michaels you're [ __ ] in now
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oh [ __ ] I heard what you did on bad friends yeah pretty gerd you want to come by the
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show there's a lot of protests going on because Dave Chappelle is coming back you know that tomorrow night he's
00:01:08
hosting he's hosting SNL and some of the writers Pro are boycotting who is Jordan Peterson
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I can't be there I won't stand for it I won't stand for Dave Chappelle is it
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Chappelle and his black uh uh uh uh uh yeah Chappelle is hosting SNL and a few
00:01:28
of the writers are not the who I don't know who the [ __ ] it is the [ __ ] news said it look it up I don't know if it's
00:01:35
you know all those fancy white Riders do who is it I know a lot of the non-ones
00:01:41
is doesn't she right there Jenny Seinfeld Jerry's daughter yeah it's Jenny Seinfeld oh by the way what
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R.I.P to watermelon man oh man Gallagher
00:01:56
Gallagher died dude look at that some SNL writers reportedly boycotting Dave Chappelle's return as host they just
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can't take his rhetoric um they're comedy writers dude get [ __ ] Gallagher died I know let's go
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to that Gallagher let's go to Watermelon Man he died he somebody told me he bequeathed his
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career to his brother yeah which is so cute because didn't they not like each other they didn't like each other
00:02:22
because they were competing over the exact same act well all the headlines say comedian Gallagher best known for
00:02:29
smashing watermelons imagine imagine that was your [ __ ] Legacy like Jack hurwitz comedian died best
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known for his thick eyebrows you don't think they're gonna do that to you what are they gonna say Bobby Lee comedian
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dies best known for his uh-oh I think they're gonna put that gif up
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when you die that's true or Santino comedian died best for known for us Jordan Peterson impression that's not
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funny it's not a funny computer it didn't work Bobby Lee comedian dies best
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known for his Bobby was a Melissa by a [ __ ] boy that's your bit yeah yeah the guy dies
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you know what's so funny had I had heard that when they were kids they growing up they both were carrying groceries in and
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his brother dropped a watermelon first there's no way it is and he was the one
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that was everybody laughed in the family yeah and then Gallagher decided to start smashing watermelons because he thought
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the bit was funny stole it from his brother wrong Gallagher but yes Liam and Noel does that Oasis
00:03:28
by the way Liam and Noel Gallagher how come they never smashed a watermelon in tribute to Gallagher and I would dude
00:03:34
have you met him Noel Gallagher or Gallagher the watermelon guy no I never
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had a chance I I would be way more sad if he was a nice guy why you want him to
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be a dick no I every time I've I've tried to like approach him uh he just he
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was super standoffish you know what I mean well because why
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because why why you know
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well he's he's got to be Rings now you think so that's true he sees a little
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you know what walking up right he doesn't want a noodle in his presence like if he would have thrown rice at the
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crowd then maybe I would have yeah just chucking rice and the first four rows
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would be [ __ ] Asians we went to the Gallagher show it was great my wife went blind she got hit in the eye with so much rice no I don't know why he was
00:04:25
weird to you maybe it was because he was no he was just known to be standoffish what if he was intimidated by you be no
00:04:31
no what I was a kid then doesn't matter you were a comedian yeah comedians are
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weird about other comedians you think so I think his generation though they think they're just I don't know holier than
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thou maybe maybe by the way you know who says hi to you that I sat with whose might be the nicest [ __ ] dude on
00:04:48
planet Earth fluffy oh he's the best he by the way he's the best nicest guy in
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the world it's like where is it what what is the thing that's negative about the guy nothing it's annoying absolutely
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nothing got no flaws he's like the sweetest nice you can poke him in the belly doesn't know nothing happened you're not canceled I did he hit me in
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the face oh yeah he went and he hit me as hard as he could yeah no he was incredible dude he's such a good dude
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such a funny what a good nice guy but he he asked me he said tell Bobby I said hi I said of course and he goes uh tell
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Bobby uh why wouldn't he ever put me on tigerbelly that's [ __ ] crazy there's no way he [ __ ] said that you
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want me to call him right now no yeah because I'll prove to you that he did I was just threatened he said
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why would Bobby put me on Tiger Blood that's what he said there's just certain people I guess in 10 minutes I don't want a rejection from him
00:05:36
like Sebastian I asked a thousand times he says no a thousand times that I don't
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want to do the podcast yeah dude what is with you
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six feet in a row today you want me to come down to your house wow get in your
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garage what are you gonna give me Bobby bubbly what
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I think I want to get things hydrated in the middle of the day in the Hills I'm
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good okay so that's my Sebastian wow who else can I do yeah
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um anyway what did Felipe Felipe oh that's why okay oh there it is that what
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did Gabriel say Gabrielle well now he's definitely not gonna go on your [ __ ] show
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where did you sit next to him in here yeah today no this past week oh wow and
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he was so sweet and was like tell Bobby I love him I love it you know and he was complimenting the show and then he was like you know ask Bobby why he's never
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had me on tigerbelly and I was like oh my God it's so funny it felt so good to me to know that
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like it's another uncomfortable position for you to be in I love that that makes me happy why because now it's just it's
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good I know I got that thing on you a little bit I worked with a guy last night that loves you he lives in your neighborhood
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well well he's a great actor let me guess go ahead comedic actor yeah
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every nominated Emmy nominated yeah Stone Street no
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no I love this game so far that's a good game well my neighborhood is big dude Van Nuys is huge
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he sees you walking around oh yeah you mentioned golf I'll give you some other
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hints balding second hand we want more I got it I need
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it you need more yeah he was a part of a sketch group
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part of a sketch group [Laughter] I got it who is it it's Walsh yeah yeah
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Maddie I [ __ ] love I love that guy he's so funny man so talented he's great yeah Chicago loves Chicago Bears had a
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great podcast yeah Matt Walsh uh probably Emmy nominated you could he wasn't one I thought he won he hasn't
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won what yeah he's so [ __ ] good on Veep you guys know who that is don't you Matt Walsh is one of the funniest one of
00:08:03
the funniest quickest dudes I think I've he's the best ever uh ever seen life I mean truly is and like you know when we
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throw around the term genius in our business I think we do think he's a comedic genius I really mean it no he is a genius and he um
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and we will it was interesting what we talked to we talked about like you know he did Esther's movie Yes man I should
00:08:22
have done this movie everybody's in it are you kidding me I've been shooting everyone's [ __ ] in it I've been shooting Dave
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yeah I've been shooting what do you want me to do hello FX yeah can I take off to do
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Esther's movie huh what do you mean
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laughs 600 bucks Max so you'll take away my okay okay okay
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all right all right goodbye what would I what am I supposed to do well they got someone better Matt Walsh
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it's actually true he wasn't your problem if it was that's actually true no but we did talk about like
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I don't because I kept going like everyone that's Matt wall and going he's a legend and he's one of the best Elites
00:09:07
right and he didn't feel that comfortable with me doing that well yeah that's uncomfortable for you yeah but
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you said it out loud to humans oh yeah well don't do that oh no I would like go into other rooms and go Matt Walsh the Emmys here yeah and then but we talked
00:09:20
about like he has the same thing that I have is like you know we we're uncomfortable with praise
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then why were you praising him I didn't know that until after I did it
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you figured it out I figured it after I did it like for five hours right you know are you uncomfortable with praise
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yeah oh my God it's disgusting but what is it about comedians that are very uncomfortable about it because I think
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our whole career uh I think so often at the beginning was so much punching in the face of negativity and then when you
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get a little bit of love you almost don't believe it when you're young I think when someone's like that was amazing and you're in your mind you're
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like nah probably wasn't is it because but is it because I mean comedians specifically the reasons why we do it in
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the first place is it goes against praise almost there's like there's a masochistic is
00:10:08
that the right word there is masochism involved yeah but I think the tendency is like we all want you know people who go to their attention Seekers I think
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most of us just really think we have funny stuff to say so we want to say funny [ __ ] but when we get rewarded for
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it um uh verbally from people you're I don't know you're skeptical of their of
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their affirmation you think it might be false or you think it might be like
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that's actually really smart I don't know what the philosophy is behind that yeah because you know we know actors
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like Tom Cruise actors want to become done with praise I know they'll walk into a crowd inside autograph they love
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it yeah you're the one of the best actors I've ever seen you think oh yeah oh yes thank
00:10:49
you they love it yeah but like Comics don't do that it's weird we're ashamed of our I think we're ashamed and you
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know what it is I think the older generations of comics always instilled in US you should be a little ashamed of
00:11:00
your uh praise and success because when you get two
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um big-headed and on and you lose self-awareness I think you lose comedy uh a part of Comedy is being super
00:11:11
self-aware and super humbled by Society that's that probably creates the best
00:11:17
comedy of all time it is interesting because you know the comics that you know there's Comics that are older that
00:11:23
still do the clubs yeah and then you have some that became super famous in the 80s and nice and then they
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disappeared right right and they come in and do like guest spots or whatever right yeah and there's no connection
00:11:34
with the audience oh it's almost if they're like aloof of what's really going on because they're not right so I think the key I've always looked at with
00:11:41
that like there's some sort of disconnection there yeah so I think for the rest of my life I'm just gonna always just do clubs and be with people
00:11:47
well no but just be you can do theaters too but just be you forever yeah why would you I mean you don't have to change you're You're Perfect Just the
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Way You Are I love you just the way you are do you
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know who that is yeah who I love you just the way you are just the way you are that's not the way that's
00:12:07
not how the song goes yeah it is yeah it absolutely is look at Pete's [ __ ] face look at how happy I just made him let me sing it I love you you just the
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way you are does that work let me do it on okay get
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a solo
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I love you where you are pretty good we're good yeah pretty pretty close yeah but that
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total thing I've never heard that before all right guys
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give me another line uh bring up another song don't look at me don't look at the screen look at me just you can look at me I don't know how much
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I love you I know that one go ahead I love you just do it you are
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right right I don't know I don't know who you are but whatever that is yeah wait it should be something that's right
00:12:59
yeah yeah whatever that guy does say I don't know much but I know I love you I don't know [Music]
00:13:06
I don't know much what is it I know but I know I love you
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okay I don't know much but no no no I love you somehow you're
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still Asian it's like you can't get away from it no I think he's the closer though I don't know I don't know
00:13:26
I think what's happening here and I've been analyzing our previous [ __ ] podcast is because you're staring at my
00:13:32
eyes I think that's the problem now think of a black guy oh yeah
00:13:38
yeah I'm thinking of Aaron Neville that's who sings oh really yes I didn't know it okay yeah Aaron Neville's name yeah I'm
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thinking about Aaron Neville yeah I am think of gold teeth yeah does he have cool teeth no oh but he does know yeah
00:13:51
he does that all right so go let me hear it welcome welcome to the show right wow yeah
00:13:58
how you doing Atlanta how much were these tickets y'all know this one
00:14:07
I don't know much but I know I love you and that may be
00:14:15
and that may be all I need to know all I need to know
00:14:22
right when you close your eyes if you want to hear it you wanna hear what it really sounds like I know I've heard the
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song before I don't know but I know how I love you
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that may be all I need to know that's good such a good song by the way what a
00:14:40
great song that was almost taking he almost took country it was like Soul music with country because he did a lot of those intonations where he's like no
00:14:47
merch it had very like Dewberry white Dewberry white Dewberry white I want to learn how to sing like him you want to
00:14:53
do a Barry White yeah yeah you gotta I know I want to go deep what song should we sing by Barry White uh
00:14:59
Never Gonna Give You Up is so good but I can't I don't know how to I don't know how to do it yeah yeah dude this guy
00:15:04
imagine the amount of [ __ ] that he got you know women would throw not just bras they throw underwear at him they would
00:15:10
take their pants off take their panties off and throw wet underwear at Barry White on stage no I swear to God you can
00:15:17
look it up he would collect his crew would collect panties every show they would take their [ __ ] sometimes they'd wear shirts or dresses so they
00:15:23
could take their panties off easier to throw on stage wow king would you smell all of them no what would you if you
00:15:29
were wrong he made a blanket out of him oh oh here's a panty blanket like one of those AIDS blankets they do they sell
00:15:35
them all together in Washington DC a penny age blanket yeah the guy was one of those guys it
00:15:42
was on one of those uh things I saw where like women would faint still over him over bear seeing
00:15:49
Barry White because they were so sexually turned on by the guy give me a sense of his voice because he didn't look that good did he bro he was a sex
00:15:56
machine what did he look like bring him a [ __ ] picture of Barry White yeah you don't think this guy's a mega babe
00:16:02
let me see look at this [ __ ] guy he looks like a door man at a club he works at the store yeah I
00:16:10
see parked cars last night yeah he's a machine especially yeah yeah
00:16:15
all right oh yeah yeah give me give me a song you tell me that guy's not a [ __ ] machine
00:16:21
no dude I swore to [ __ ] God you're wrong maybe back then in today's standards you know how sometimes you
00:16:28
could do him you go to a museum and you see those heavy naked white ladies and back in the
00:16:33
day you know I mean that was what was called attractive yeah maybe that's what the [ __ ] was in 70s but right now unfuckable you're wrong yeah you're
00:16:41
wrong because because women either like women either like two kinds of guys they like three kinds of guys yeah they're
00:16:47
like super in shape guys they like Dad bods which you have thank you or they want a big puffy teddy bear Ah that's
00:16:54
what that's a category 100 people teddy bear so they want a jacked sexy In-Shape guys dad bods yeah or puffy teddy bears
00:17:01
if you fall in between like fancy B fancy B is not in good shape and he's not isn't a dad bod yeah yeah chicks
00:17:06
don't like disregarded he's a waste of time in fact I've been Googling his wife I'm figuring out what the thing is she's
00:17:12
the prettiest girl I think the reason why and I'm gonna get to the bottom she was sitting in the room the other week yeah
00:17:21
and she likes him I can't believe it don't be mad I was just a joke I didn't smell the chair yes he did yes you did I
00:17:27
did yeah you did too so yeah followed your lead I followed your lead yeah anyway um give me the song Let's Hear
00:17:36
oh I want to be that guy you can be
00:17:43
dude oh [ __ ]
00:17:48
oh yeah yeah you're right oh maybe
00:17:56
oh [ __ ] I almost caught I almost can't see
00:18:01
oh keep on brother right on right along
00:18:07
keep on doing it this is [ __ ] music buddy yeah turn it off I think we could just make up a berry this is [ __ ] music
00:18:13
101 baby I wanna suck your big old tits what what
00:18:23
titties what is it titties
00:18:34
[Laughter]
00:18:47
the 30 seconds Tomorrow song that you want about the date start over Barry
00:18:52
White is the [ __ ] music it's a compromise with the song okay come on baby open up the front door no you're
00:18:59
inside I know but I cut out the [ __ ] Street walking yeah but even though no all right all right you're in the
00:19:04
bedroom no no no no no come on baby in the living room wow yeah why walking
00:19:12
towards to the bathroom Okay so I can wash my face why did you wash your face I don't know I washed my face every time
00:19:18
I make love right before you [ __ ] you have to wash your face yeah all right how about this go straight to the living room all right come on baby
00:19:25
put on the music watching Netflix why you are delaying
00:19:31
you're giving up so much come on baby
00:19:40
yeah my fist all right sorry try it again start again here we go come on
00:19:46
baby let me kill you ready
00:20:00
come on baby be on
00:20:11
beaches
00:20:25
spread your legs
00:20:35
by the way she's gone she's gone she's gone yeah you're right
00:20:42
you're right I [ __ ] it up ready now you do a sign I'll tell you how it really goes
00:20:56
that's a 10 second song I mean you wouldn't even notice when
00:21:01
you're driving the road oh Barry what oh it's over how long do you last in bed these are songs for [ __ ] they're
00:21:07
specifically made for fun dude let me say something I've been lasting like 30 minutes dude 30 minutes there's no way
00:21:13
you have that kind of cardio 100 you're running I'm running out of breath yeah I'm running out of breath by the end of it I'm panting you blacking out but I
00:21:19
can do it are you having do you have headaches afterwards yeah yeah migraines yeah
00:21:26
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are you having fun oh yeah 30 minutes man single Bob is he's having 30 minute
00:23:53
[ __ ] machine sessions yeah man wow I take breaks yeah yeah yeah YouTube breaks no you don't I don't need it you
00:24:01
don't you don't go I'm gonna pull out for a second no let's have a sandwich no a sandwich yeah a sandwich no I always
00:24:07
go let me pull out and then let's just eat a full meal yeah wait wait hold on I
00:24:14
got these breakfast tacos I want to finish before I come no is Barry White still alive
00:24:21
did he die what year did Barry White pass away 2003. wow yeah I had a hard
00:24:28
time well after 9 11 I did think he said everything kind of he was done with this world is that what he really no oh but
00:24:34
you know just that was two years after so hey okay don't bring it up let me see the video that I sent you I do want to
00:24:39
show Bobby something this is incredible because I because as much as we love serial killers on the show yeah
00:24:45
this is something that we learn can you full screen that or just pop it out listen to this and tell me how
00:24:52
fascinating this is I heard this and I thought of you a media I was going to send it to you and I sent it to the boys I said we have to show this on the show because we love serial killers here
00:24:59
one of my colleagues asked me to analyze a bunch of brains of Psychopathic Killers some of the brains that I've
00:25:04
studied are people you know about when I get the brains I don't know what I'm looking at you know it's a blind experiment they give me normal people
00:25:10
and everything so I've looked at about 70 of these and came up and saw a number of pieces of data so we look at these
00:25:16
sorts of things theoretically on the basis of genetics and brain damage and the interaction
00:25:22
with environment and exactly how that machine works so we're interested in exactly where in the brain and what's
00:25:28
the most important part of the brain so how you end up with a psychopath and a killer depends on exactly when the
00:25:34
damage occurs every one of them they looked at who was a murderer and was a serial killer had damage to their
00:25:39
orbital cortex which is right above the eyes the orbits and also the interior part of the temporal so there's this
00:25:45
pattern that every one of them had but they all were a little different too they had other sorts of brain damage the
00:25:50
key thing is that the major violence genes is called the maoa and there's a
00:25:56
variant of this Gene that is in the normal population some of you have this and it's sex length it's on the X
00:26:02
chromosome and so in this way you can only get it from your mother what does that say to you
00:26:08
what are you saying right now these [ __ ] be making us killers these [ __ ] be making this out of it
00:26:15
that way someone's like oh it's only men that are psycho Killers guess who we got it from women [ __ ] women yeah [ __ ] women
00:26:23
you can't get it from anybody else why is it only men that are killers because the m-o-a-o-a-o-a-o-a-o yeah came from my
00:26:30
mama yeah yeah so what do we do I don't know we kill
00:26:35
them we kill the mothers women no not all of them no just your mom or your mom
00:26:40
so we I saw two minutes of that and that's what you're it led to that no I was interested in this no we spent two
00:26:48
minutes and we led to that I thought you had to rant or something do a rant on it no it no I just one of your funny impressions and do a [ __ ] rant or
00:26:54
something you know what I mean okay yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah okay do it let me go you know what you have
00:26:59
pre-planned Impressions no I want to throw Impressions that I would have pre-planned yeah I mean I just want to see I want to see what your [ __ ] your uh
00:27:05
your catalog is sure right um let's do um Putin
00:27:11
laughs or what is he talking about about [ __ ] the moms and the and the psycho Killers problem with mother is they are
00:27:18
all uh all of their brain Powers put in their titties and women all are good for his kitchen
00:27:27
and uh suck very good Putin there we go thanks very
00:27:32
good I don't know I mean what else does he say I don't know what he says sounds good well isn't he sick now is he he's dying I think they're hiding that he's
00:27:38
dying I think he died I think he already died I think if he died they would pull back no I like the Queen the queen died like
00:27:45
two years before they actually told us when she died oh really yeah dude that was [ __ ] come on we talked about that
00:27:50
on the show major conspiracy yeah yeah yeah they found a body double her that looked identical to her yeah and then all she had to do was like it wasn't her
00:27:57
it wasn't her uh no all I got from that the reason I want to show you that is because how interesting
00:28:02
that all of these Psychopathic Killers have the exact same vulnerable damage on their frontal lobe wow so when they say
00:28:10
when they're like oh how can someone get this deep it's actually I listen to more of this guy some of these psychos that
00:28:17
have completely different patterns of lifestyle and killings all that stuff they have the same damage is it because
00:28:23
of a fall something that happened coming out of the birth canal a million a million different things some of them
00:28:28
were abuse and Trauma from their actual childhood when they were alive some of them before they even entered the world wow some of them some of them are uh
00:28:36
latent stage braid damage he said from a myriad of things traumatic car accidents
00:28:41
wow beating so what you're saying to me right if I get in a car accident right now you could be a serial killer and I could become a kill after that
00:28:47
hypothetically really you could get into cars if you had such frontal lobe damage your temporal complex and all of that
00:28:53
got so damaged in a way where it set off that maoa Gene right yeah I don't know
00:28:58
because you we all carry some of it in our brain in our body some much higher than dollars but let's say it triggers
00:29:04
something and then you snap wow and who's the first person you kill we'll say it on
00:29:09
the count of three one two three fancy B one what were you gonna say I I don't want to kill anybody
00:29:16
let's do it again if you want to go real yeah if you're gonna who are you gonna kill for let's go real one wait wait let
00:29:22
me think I think is it I'm guessing for you or for me I'm guessing for myself I don't know who you want to kill okay
00:29:28
okay so let me hear for you well I don't need to count you down just tell me then who do you want to kill no let's count it down one two three kenjung oh [ __ ]
00:29:37
that came out that came out clear as I love them I mean whoa that's what I meant to say whoa no that's what I meant
00:29:43
Ronnie Chang I wanted to say I want to see Ryan check it came out weird then
00:29:48
you said Roy wood did you say Roy Wood Jr oh yeah yeah Jesus yeah well come on baby that's not really well
00:29:55
oh but but both very talented great very very talented very talented dudes
00:30:00
so you said the other week by the way that you had an important date that's why we had to move times for something
00:30:05
how did that go what did how'd your little date go what for today you mean yeah I haven't done it yet it's later
00:30:12
that's why I had to go oh it's a night date yeah oh because I didn't rap till like two in the morning last night yeah
00:30:18
they call them frater days yeah but it's [ __ ] terrible so tell me the date tonight where are you going to the wrap
00:30:25
party of the movie I did that's a that's not a date don't take a girl to that yeah I am why you're gonna introduce a
00:30:31
girl that you're newly dating to people that you've been working with and friends with for years yeah that's a terrible [ __ ] idea why am I wrong
00:30:37
am I wrong I hate getting impressed the girl that way that's exactly why thank you so much for once dude you're [ __ ]
00:30:45
we're on [ __ ] the same plane dude you impress him because here's the deal she's a fan of
00:30:52
Esther she never met her right you're bringing a fan to a premiere bad moves they're all fans bad move you
00:31:00
think I'm walking down the street and some girl that doesn't know who the [ __ ] I am is gonna go let's go [ __ ] let me tell you something if I was a girl I would just be attracted to you but just
00:31:06
by your personality and I'd go look at this cute little Asian guy I don't know who he is who is he right
00:31:12
and then some of the girl in the group goes that's the uh oh hot dog guy and she goes I don't know who that is and she falls in love with you organically
00:31:17
did your wife know who you were before you met her I was nobody oh that's right and I still am nobody me too she still
00:31:22
doesn't know who I am she thinks my name is Mike Mark or something I have no idea yeah no but but I know what you're saying but
00:31:29
you're doing this to impress her but has she been I'm not doing an impressive I'm going there you just said you [ __ ] were no you're the one that's
00:31:35
challenging me to say why you [ __ ] bringing her this yeah I'm asking you and then I'm saying it just happens we
00:31:41
were said I said I was gonna hang out with I said I was going to hang out with her the night this night it just happens to the fall of the [ __ ] night that
00:31:46
I'm doing this [ __ ] thing man someone would not go to the [ __ ] thing I hope it blows up in your face a little bit it's not gonna blow up my [ __ ] face
00:31:52
you're making you're gonna make me blow up yep I'm sorry I'm so sorry I'm just saying that like
00:31:58
please she's a fan she's not a fan dude why do you what do you what's wrong with you you just said they're all fans
00:32:06
yes it is true that it is true that as a single guy you know people go oh you're
00:32:12
a comedian right or whatever yeah you're famous they're all fans
00:32:18
I'd have to go to some other country Maybe
00:32:23
like Ireland or something uh do people listen to our podcast in Ireland yeah yeah yeah yeah hi Bobby Lee
00:32:30
yeah I mean what would you if you were single what would you where would you meet girls at the coffee shop let me tell you
00:32:36
something yeah if at some point in my life I do become single again yeah I'm never I'm never dating a woman ever
00:32:41
again oh it's guys for me what do you mean hanging out playing chess
00:32:48
yeah anal chess oh anal yeah if I got single again I'm not going I'm
00:32:54
not doing that thing but how you're not gonna hook up professionals are you uh professional I would just do I would do
00:33:00
paid sex workers for the rest of my life yeah I just don't know how it works what do you mean yeah I mean you click on it
00:33:06
you're arrested and that they come put me you know I don't know what the deal a little cop pops up on your phone you're arrested please stay put I don't know
00:33:13
how it works I I think you got to get like a Heidi flight so you got to get like a right what someone in the we
00:33:18
gotta find someone in Hollywood who's got the connection right and we'll get you some no I don't want it why not I don't want to do that but they're not
00:33:24
fans I'd rather be alone right that's my point I'd rather be alone you're right I'll either roll those dice or just be
00:33:29
alone yeah but but you know what there's no shame in dating a fan
00:33:36
you're gonna make me so [ __ ] angry right now I'm being genuine I'm not kidding what you're doing right there's
00:33:41
no she's [ __ ] so angry there's no shame in it stop [ __ ] saying that man okay I don't know if she's a fan hmm
00:33:49
they should they just know that I'm a comedian what because she's not around okay if listen she must be a fan if I
00:33:56
was gay right and I met Michael Bolton right I know who Michael Bolton is but
00:34:02
I'm not a fan of his music right that's so if I'm getting Michael because he's
00:34:08
not getting Michael Bolton or Yanni right like I see a guy with long hair
00:34:15
right on the [ __ ] thing I hate that flute thing that he does I think vaguely know who that that's Yanni you think
00:34:21
yeah but I think Yanni's cute yeah yep and and it's somewhere in the company like we're at a [ __ ] you know Earth
00:34:26
bar or something you know Yanni probably eats or whatever right right and you were eating gruel whatever the hippie is
00:34:33
eating would it Bean girl you're the mean girl they make you hear me and matcha matcha green girl yeah right and
00:34:41
we're with our hands they love to do it with their hands yeah like Ethiopia right but right before we do that we got
00:34:46
our hands handed oh yeah you know they love the hand of their hands Yanni and all those white do you have a hemp
00:34:52
necklace yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it's got a stone in it yeah yeah what colors are Stone uh purple lime green
00:34:58
you sure it's not yellow it is it's yellow yeah yeah and then yeah there he is Johnny Mega babe yeah and then we go
00:35:04
and we talk about like new age things like um Cosmos
00:35:09
Cosmos yeah talk to me about Cosmos I thought you're gonna say Cosby for a second and then and then he's gonna go I'm
00:35:16
gonna go he's gonna go I'm a musician Yani and I'm gonna go yeah I know who you are but I'm not a fan right I don't
00:35:24
like your music and what do you think that would do with a relationship you think that would be harder on him than if he wasn't you weren't a fan but then maybe I would lie and go some of your
00:35:30
stuff's all right right but my point is do you understand what I'm saying I think those are the situations I'm in of
00:35:36
course they vaguely know what I do right but there's not it's not like they listen to Tiger barely or bad friends or
00:35:41
they like to Mad TV well let me tell you something what they would be lucky to date someone like you what is wrong with
00:35:47
you today you're going this way and then this way yeah yeah no but I think you were such a wonderful person that any
00:35:52
girl would be lucky to have you in their life oh my god listen my friend sexually emotionally and like platonically
00:35:58
anybody on Earth would be lucky to have you as a friend or a lover I don't want to talk about the planet what I want to say to you on planet Earth I love it
00:36:05
thank you because you're a special person I love it and you mean a lot okay to me especially you mean the most to me
00:36:13
thank you and any girl that you bring around she bet she's got to go through me what any girl that you bring around that
00:36:20
you get serious with me yeah when I'm serious I already have I already have my plan you do oh yeah what is it
00:36:27
well what well I I feel like I'm gonna know the feeling you're gonna know when it happens right I'm gonna go it's gonna
00:36:33
click one day that's the one yeah I like Veronica I want to exclusively date Veronica right and we're gonna take it
00:36:39
to the next level what is that just a committed relationship you look at Veronica in the eyes and go you know
00:36:45
this you don't [ __ ] nobody else you don't [ __ ] anybody else yeah I won't [ __ ] no problem and we're together right
00:36:50
and at that point there's a list of people I'm gonna probably call and tell
00:36:56
that I'm in a thing but doesn't she have to meet these people too to get through first I'm gonna get get your their
00:37:01
approval correct yeah that's right number one is your mom yeah number one yeah
00:37:08
then probably you next then number three what color probably okay number four
00:37:16
um Steve number five um my agents and my managers okay number
00:37:22
six um George okay are these guys on the
00:37:27
list okay no no no neither of them yeah I mean I haven't seen Pete he never calls me or Texas man YP why have you
00:37:33
been gone so much um I have a family
00:37:41
and they go to war I'm so busy I got kids oh dude [ __ ] they need me [ __ ] you
00:37:48
[ __ ] you Pete all right can we uh real quick fancy can I say it or no wait let me guess we can cut it out can I guess
00:37:55
yeah congratulations congrats fancy he's gay yeah yeah you're
00:38:02
gay yeah well he came out he came out he divorced his wife and he's finally oh man great because they're free right you
00:38:07
feel free I'm free let me ask you let me ask you I'll tell you it's not is she pregnant yeah yeah congratulations that's huge we're gonna have a little
00:38:13
fancy around this place that's a how do you feel 90 excited I feel good ten
00:38:18
percent terrify feared how did your family take it good my family is very excited oh they are Warrior girl you
00:38:25
don't know yet it's a girl it is oh my God oh my God what is she gonna be like
00:38:30
do you think you know come on baby
00:38:37
the number one goal fancy is when you have a girl is to what keep her in the house in the house in
00:38:46
the house what the [ __ ] what the [ __ ] is that yeah safe safe's good what else
00:38:52
let's see what kind of parent you're gonna be away from comedians
00:38:58
by the way you're gonna raise her here you know when we're doing the show she's going to be sitting in one of the bubble chairs yeah can you imagine I already
00:39:05
know what kind of girl she's gonna be give it to us tell us do you know no I wanna
00:39:10
I mean I think she's gonna be like a prop person at some theater Community Theater get the [ __ ] Cape yeah the king
00:39:18
scenes up okay where I think I don't know where we put it last week yeah yeah yeah what do you think she's gonna be
00:39:23
yeah what you just said is so good a stage hands the stage is so funny I think she'll work I think I think in
00:39:30
high school she'll get a job at Starbucks for sure and and in college she'll return to
00:39:37
Starbucks and she comes back to LA yeah for sure and then she'll try to be an actor without a doubt for sure and she
00:39:44
will not make it never and continue to work at Starbucks late into her 50s 60s
00:39:49
yeah and fancy B will be old and be like why does your neighbor try to
00:39:54
do anything else and she'll somehow also have an accent are you gonna be strict
00:40:00
yes of course look at that [ __ ] sweater he's got on that says everything you need to know
00:40:06
yeah the sweater with the collar popping through says I'm a strict guy you know what I mean you guys are making me sweat
00:40:11
yeah oh really yeah no I think it's reality that's settling it's such a huge responsibility it is [ __ ] you damn I'm
00:40:18
I'm All fentanyl there's nothing you can do about it yeah yeah you're always at
00:40:24
that [ __ ] podcast yeah with that Ginger and that Chinese kid you're never
00:40:29
home with me ever dad [ __ ] you [ __ ] Spain and [ __ ] Spain yeah
00:40:35
I don't like going to Spain yeah your family sucks sucks what are you gonna say when you say that are we gonna keep
00:40:42
doing the podcast into you know 10 years more yeah yeah we're doing this forever
00:40:47
yeah we're never gonna stop yeah we're never stopping this all right she's gonna work for us yes yeah yeah that's a
00:40:55
fact she's gonna work in fact I'm not gonna give up just because I want her to work for us yeah I'm gonna keep doing this just so we get to her to become an
00:41:01
employee what do we we're gonna do this podcast Bobby will be in one old folks home I'll be in another and we'll have
00:41:06
to zoom they'll have to FaceTime us and they'll be giving us our pudding our gruel in the middle of the podcast we're
00:41:13
gonna do this till we're dead so I'll be when she's 21 we'll be I'll
00:41:19
be my 70s yeah come on wash on my feet no how come the mic not turn on every
00:41:25
time I come in here right no no nothing working YouTube too slow you know know I
00:41:32
say Google you know go ahead okay that's it well she's gonna
00:41:38
work for us you better believe it I want to be her grandfather I want to be like a father figure I want to teach her things I want to be Uncle Andy yeah well
00:41:44
did you take her what's fishing shooting guns yeah yeah fishing oh yeah oh you shoot we've got any fish
00:41:51
with guns don't you I don't know in a barrel how do you get a mouse no but we can go to the lake what lake
00:41:56
where could we go what look what I honestly like like we can go to one big bear has a leg we'll go to Big Bear Lake
00:42:03
is there a Big Bear Lake yeah we'll take it out there there's a lake out there right or Arrowhead we'll go to Arrowhead or Big Bear Lake right I'll bring out
00:42:08
the rods we can get the salmon is there salmon there it's so far can we just take her to Echo Park Lake how about how Hollywood Reservoir with all the needles
00:42:15
Hollywood Reservoir that's fine yeah yeah are there fish in there Hollywood Reservoir yeah it's for it's for potable
00:42:20
water it's for drinking oh I see my bad it's it's in in the event that we run out of water which we will I didn't know
00:42:26
have you ever been up there to Hollywood lake lake Hollywood no it's really beautiful it's just so weird that it's like this beautiful Lake surrounded by
00:42:33
houses and it's tucked in the hills and nobody knows I mean unless you're a local nobody goes up I have no idea that there's a beautiful dog park up there
00:42:39
it's great really on the other side it's like below below the Hollywood sign oh well I used to that that dog park right
00:42:46
there that's open yeah I used to bring gobby there all the time below the Hollywood I never saw yeah right below the Hollywood I never saw a lake there
00:42:51
you go around the corner there's a lake down there there's a
00:42:56
I almost bought a house up there did you really yeah it was literally right across the street from that open dog
00:43:02
park and you would have been near hot Lake Hollywood I know overlooking that thing Greta Garbo a lot of famous people
00:43:07
used to live up there yeah beautiful area uh what's his name uh who's got the cane Charlie Chaplin used to live up
00:43:13
there yeah he also um when I lived on Sanborn um that that apartment building uh I
00:43:19
lived in was an insane asylum that he he owned no yeah really John Sanborn and
00:43:25
somebody jumped off like some kid jumped off like the third floor
00:43:31
three stories pretty higher weak bones yeah that's not that far I've fallen from
00:43:37
Second Story when I was drunk in college spooky place I lived there for years did you ever walk past it give you the creeps
00:43:42
the MS-13 gang members were more scary yeah yeah you know they were a little
00:43:47
bit more scary yeah because they were there they'll go surreal and there was this guy named Jimmy did you ever talk about Jimmy every day right he would
00:43:54
knock on my door amen I need twenty dollars every day like clockwork did you give it to him like I would do it for a
00:44:01
year I did it for a year and then one day I said 20 bucks a day for a year and then
00:44:06
one day I said you know who has more money than me the lady that lives across the hallway smart and he goes what's
00:44:13
your name I go her name is Natasha Leggero did she really live across the hallway no way yeah and so he would
00:44:19
knock on her door and then she moved [Laughter] yeah yeah and then she moved give me
00:44:27
twenty dollars oh yeah I want to tell you I watched a documentary about a thing
00:44:34
called One Taste what is it it was a sex cult in San Francisco
00:44:39
and boy oh boy was this thing [ __ ] phenomenal this documentary what was it on Netflix yeah it's on right now it's
00:44:45
called Uh orgasm Inc well let me look before we talk about let me look at it for the next we can
00:44:51
talk about Sunday look at that oh [ __ ] sex cult though no you can tell me about
00:44:56
how you feel about it next week but I just want to your pick your brain about I said would you ever as a single guy would you ever go to like a sex um um
00:45:03
you know they have these things called Hedonism do you know what that is like a campedism yeah would you ever go to one of those where it's like a vacation I
00:45:09
would [ __ ] party I would you would yeah yeah why don't we why don't we do it let's set you up sign me up but is there
00:45:15
a catalog of what they look like or not you don't know Rochambeau yeah it's like it's a lottery
00:45:20
scramble you're getting what you get right and then you do you have to make love I think it's hard to show up and like
00:45:27
eat things I feel like that's what you're gonna do anyway but I do think you're supposed to [ __ ] you know what I would do I would
00:45:33
take those you know the the Japanese candies where you'd dunk the stick into the chocolate
00:45:38
what is that what's it called pockies dump dunk dunking it dunk you dunk it in
00:45:43
I'll just sit there and eat those dunkaroos yeah what was that a beginner section look up Hedonism and see how much it is we can get Bobby over to
00:45:49
Hedonism can we get you to do that do you think would you go on a little trip yeah if let's zoom in on that question
00:45:55
zoom in on his dick yeah zoom on the deck I gotta tell you something yeah yeah pinch and spread Pete Giants I
00:46:02
gotta tell you that's that's no bigger than yours buddy mine that's not bigger than yours it's not no so I'm saying
00:46:08
shouldn't you feel comfortable now but he's going to want to [ __ ] collaborate so he's gonna go hey what
00:46:14
you follow me on this and then let's do videos together and the next thing I do I'm doing sketches with this kind of [ __ ] tree only fans yeah I don't want
00:46:21
to do that you know me I can't say no I know in that environment so I'm going oh yeah oh I'm writing sketches
00:46:29
right and then can my girlfriend do it right and then they're [ __ ] I'm not [ __ ] anybody and I'm like the head
00:46:35
writer of their [ __ ] Hedonism schedule yeah I don't want to do that do you remember having a bob he
00:46:40
got stuck in a real Jamaica he's doing like sketches now yeah full time he's a showrunner in [ __ ] oh look at this this is years ago but
00:46:49
just popped back up on my feet somehow this woman blinded herself with drain cleaner because she always wanted to be
00:46:54
disabled she wanted to be blind since birth she [ __ ] doused her own eyes and now she's blind [Laughter]
00:47:01
time ago this was from years ago but it just popped up in my feed somehow on YouTube and I was like what this woman
00:47:06
threw drain cleaner in her eyeballs to Blind herself can you just what's that music let's see
00:47:14
hold on Hill she's gonna show you the video of this woman I went blind on
00:47:19
purpose but I don't feel it was a choice
00:47:25
yeah yeah for most people going blind would be a
00:47:30
nightmare oh my God for Jewel trooping it was the Fulfillment of a lifelong dream she suffers from a rare condition
00:47:36
called body Integrity identity disorder what I don't think I'm crazy I think I
00:47:41
have a disorder yeah but take medicine take medicine imagine Stevie Wonder
00:47:48
finding about this woman did it to herself
00:47:54
that's what I'm saying yeah it's nuts nuts that's insane yeah and she says she says it's a mental disorder right she
00:48:01
says it's like a thing get help get help yeah don't Lose Yourself or
00:48:06
just eye patches two pirate eye patches and walk around with that lady yeah you could have just
00:48:13
closed your eyes all day at night
00:48:18
all right the lengths that this woman goes to yeah She Blinded herself and says it was it was like she needed you
00:48:25
know someone says like this this her in her mind she thinks it's the same as like a trans person being like I need
00:48:32
I've always felt like I was a guy I got a transition to be a guy right she said she's always felt blind and she needed
00:48:38
to physically be blind right lady
00:48:44
yeah if you okay let's say this if you were gonna disable yourself in some way what would yours be what could you live
00:48:49
with this woman lived with blindness if I said the gun to your head you got
00:48:56
to get rid of something no okay but that's not what happened to her you gotta all right in this scenario you got her I'll shoot you it doesn't have to be
00:49:02
something what is it my voice you can never speak again yeah that's how you make money that's true
00:49:09
I know I'm under pressure okay take the gun away yeah bow and
00:49:15
arrow what a bow and arrow I get my uh a hearing you don't you want to be deaf
00:49:21
comedian I'm a standard comedian that's right take the bow Away by the way imagine you definitely and you put on headphones they just keep sliding off
00:49:27
yeah yeah um my knife my legs yeah get rid of my legs okay so that's the one you would
00:49:34
take one leg no you got to take both it's a pair okay it's my legs so it's a pair of eyes pair of ears you know yeah
00:49:39
yeah what would you hey I don't know what this is yeah my testicles really
00:49:45
it's a pair it is a pair I got away with it yeah yeah see I still got to keep my shaft oh that's true do you still feel
00:49:52
good things with the shotgun you don't need your ball you can come without your ball you know you you can feel or an orgasm without actually ejaculating come
00:49:59
oh you can yeah oh my God they need a pill to feel better after your orgasm
00:50:05
interesting like when I come I'll just just a little observation right when I come there's a void in my heart and my
00:50:12
soul yeah you know in an emptiness and I can feel the wind we all feel this way I think I can feel the wind blowing
00:50:18
through it I have a joke about it I'm telling a stage right now I need it I need a pill to make me feel better in that moment well drugs and then when the
00:50:24
calm reloads love comes back well here's the deal we're all sad after we come I've talked
00:50:31
about this on stage yeah but I found a trick what is it I put the come right
00:50:36
back in I get a little funnel and I just put it I go I take it right off her back and I put it right back in ah you do is
00:50:44
it a compartment or you stick it back through that little hole I put it back in the hole where I don't know what I mean I don't have like a side door in my
00:50:50
nutsack oh that's I'm sorry my bad I don't know how to get my body works
00:50:55
I mean could you gem it in your butthole and like does it you can't refill it that way I guess we should try yeah
00:51:01
that'd be cool we were like Pez dispensers and we could just lift up to come back in her neck and it comes back
00:51:07
to the [ __ ] balls yeah I feel better again yeah or do what
00:51:12
I've been doing what have you been doing [ __ ] listen to this dude [ __ ] a dude I'm a [ __ ] Pro I know
00:51:21
it's called brah edging
00:51:27
edging I know it master edger did I know yeah I like to ride I
00:51:34
like to ride that I don't even come yeah you get close and you stop yeah yeah and I leave I
00:51:41
[ __ ] leave dude really yeah a couple times I've done that I look at the garage we're edging today it's like what
00:51:47
should we get really close then you give up and I'm about to come I pull up I leave
00:51:52
yeah then what like drive home it's hard no emptiness hard yeah no it
00:52:00
goes down it doesn't hurt no but then don't pee for a while how long it come you know
00:52:06
you know sometimes you ever done that well you make love and then you pee and 19 sprays come out yeah and you have to
00:52:12
clean the [ __ ] put your finger on the hose I hate when that happens sometimes I'll
00:52:17
have morning wood in the morning yeah which I know you don't get anymore no I get them now you do full-blown dude
00:52:22
every morning wow every morning I guess you're back baby I'm back my shoes back yeah yeah the kid is back yeah he's one
00:52:30
of those cars that Jay Leno has like you know I mean in good condition but old it's a Model T you know yeah
00:52:35
do you guys still get morning wood yeah yeah yeah when you get morning wood sometimes you had to pee from the night
00:52:41
before and then you have to wait till the boner goes down so you can pee yeah it's I have to just like stand in the bathroom oh I hate or no that's not what
00:52:48
I do and you push it down and piss I pinch it oh dude yeah I pinch it what do
00:52:54
you guys do dude what do you do if you wake up hard you gotta piss I got I just go I got I got [ __ ] to do
00:53:00
I clean it up I just gotta go I gotta go I gotta take care so you clean the ceiling of your bathroom
00:53:09
yeah it's early yeah yeah but the morning wood in the morning though isn't out of horniness no I know yeah it's
00:53:16
weird right you know there's two reasons it happens I don't know I'm not a doctor you teach me well one of them is actually to protect you from pissing
00:53:23
yourself at night do you know that no so if enough blood is blocking is filling
00:53:28
the muscle of your penis it's to it's to Aid your uh prostate and bladder from not expelling yeah if it's bubbling up
00:53:36
yeah the other reason is from [ __ ] testosterone surging through
00:53:41
your body first thing in the morning we are the horniest in the morning men have the highest testosterone count first thing in the morning no I did not know
00:53:46
that well that's why we're morning [ __ ] and women are night [ __ ] it's insane what's crazy about there's a book all about it what's crazy is they're
00:53:53
primed to have sex in the nocturnal we are primed to have it first thing in the morning because historically we would
00:53:59
want to get up [ __ ] and then go kill and gather for the rest of the day oh we
00:54:04
wanted to go [ __ ] go get the food go do this thing so we had we wanted to rope a nut off first thing in the morning let me ask you something could I
00:54:11
not do that back in the day you would not have been a hunter and gatherer yeah could I not do that you'd have been a homemaker I mean is there
00:54:17
other options or that was the only option as a guy as a guy you had to go out and kill and gather or you were
00:54:23
killed by the by the community a shaman I think you could be that's it I'll be the small guy I'd herb smoke you know
00:54:29
what I mean have a hot but even him you know they'd kill him pretty quick too maybe could I be making moccasins
00:54:36
let me see your hands
00:54:41
yeah I can make moccasins yeah imagine imagine um some [ __ ] white Cowboy careening
00:54:48
over a hill with his horses and seeing a tribe of Indians Cherokees if you will and of all these um beautiful Cherokee
00:54:55
men and women sitting in the middle of them is a little tiny Korean man how did you get there oh it'd be like
00:55:02
Last of the Mohicans probably yeah but it'd be funny it'd be first of the Koreans yeah oh
00:55:09
yeah yeah it wouldn't be like first of the Koreans first of the Koreans yeah it's a group of Cherokee men and women yeah and you I want Daniel Day Lewis
00:55:16
still to play him 100 he's a great how could he not he's a great actor who's the white who's the lead white that finds you oh [ __ ]
00:55:23
um it's got to be um Christian Bale CB very really good right all right right
00:55:29
and who's and who who does he befriend who's the native that he befriends what do you mean see he befriends one of
00:55:35
the natives to try to get to you to the first Korean right but you are protected by the community and they don't want to
00:55:40
let you go you're basically gold to them right you're a barter they barter you so who would play the friend who would play
00:55:46
the native friend a native friend do you have any native friends from the show do you have any native friends from the show I just asked taika to do it
00:55:53
okay take away Titi is native but not native to America does it matter it kind of does okay in this regard yeah I think
00:55:59
we'd have to stick with the real Charlie Hill is that is he on the show I want to put Charlie Hill in there who is that
00:56:05
man he died oh we can't see Gio man we can yeah there's CGI and everybody now I
00:56:12
know I know but yeah the first of the Korean that's a good movie idea the very first of the Koreans yeah and they get and they want
00:56:18
oh their whole job is to try to get you away let me ask you about Last of the Mohicans sure I never what even as a kid
00:56:26
when I watched that movie and this is just a question and it's not comedic in any kind of way it's just a
00:56:32
real question we'll find a way you think that if uh native person yeah found a white baby
00:56:39
they would be like hey let's bring him into the tribe or do you think they
00:56:45
would throw it in the river interesting I mean honestly no no I mean
00:56:51
the white people have been slaughtering them they find a white baby you think they're gonna be you're one of us or
00:56:56
would they smoke him well I'd use it as collateral oh as a chipping right they would use it they would basically
00:57:02
they've got a free hostage right I would use that as collateral it's like what the Russians are doing Brittany Griner
00:57:08
all right it's like they're not letting that girl out interesting she had a little bit of weed they're not letting her ride they're using her to [ __ ] with
00:57:14
the United States yeah so you would use the little white baby yeah you know and some whites came along the hill you'd
00:57:19
get what you need you're like we'll kill this [ __ ] a white baby is a lot of money worth the most I mean it's the wor
00:57:25
like you know if they got a Korean baby what is that a couple of I mean a couple
00:57:30
of pairs sheep hide yeah one sheet one sheep hide and a [ __ ] you know I mean what would you get dear bone one deer
00:57:36
bone yeah like a leg like a leg bone right but a white baby is Wow first of
00:57:41
all you get a live deer for six horses white baby six horses six horsepower baby yeah yeah yeah right six horsepower
00:57:48
how much would a block baby good talk why is it Korean yeah yeah I
00:57:53
know I'm this is not for comedy uh six black horses you'd get stallions okay
00:57:58
good you get six down good save very good how about a Mexican baby
00:58:06
you got a dozen donkeys okay okay [Music]
00:58:13
I let right uh Middle Eastern maybe you tell me you
00:58:20
already know 12 camels
00:58:28
let's go harder right um a Chinese baby you know six companies I guess yeah
00:58:37
six corporations Six movie theaters I'll say six pounds
00:58:44
what about what about Russian baby oh [ __ ] two tanks
00:58:51
two tanks yeah yeah a Russian bit no one tank tanks are expensive they're so
00:58:56
expensive they're so expensive what about a Spanish a spin a baby from Spain oh God Spanish baby
00:59:04
[Laughter] I think you get two siestas yeah yeah
00:59:10
that's an interesting thing I gotta tell you yeah if you're right in retrospect if we're
00:59:16
going back to you being genuine they would kill that white baby on the spot that when I was watching that movie they
00:59:23
would use it I'm like why would they do that no they'd use it as like a pinata I know try to see what's happening
00:59:34
yeah I mean I mean that baby would not be alive you poke a couple holes in it whistles like that old football
00:59:40
I know I mean that's a true movie oh that's a yeah yeah that's what would happen native yeah the native football
00:59:48
game and they use the white baby as the ball yeah that I believe and why is the last of every in these movies a white
00:59:55
person lasted Samurai white dude yeah Last of the Mohicans white person I think it I think it's uh projection I
01:00:01
think you guys want us out of here I think you want us last because we're we've been first for so long no you're
01:00:08
the last of the people yeah because you they've gotten rid of us but you guys are writing these movies I
01:00:14
know because I think we want to get out of here oh is that what it is well you guys are taking over we gotta get the [ __ ] out of here all right okay I get it
01:00:20
you're like a freedom writer Freedom writer or white I'm one of the guys like in the 60s you I think you would be like
01:00:26
on the bus with the you know civil rights yeah yeah but you know what I'd be killed immediately I know because the redhead they're like oh you're gonna
01:00:32
kill that [ __ ] guy they're not gonna let me live yeah because they don't they look at me I don't look like Massachusetts yeah yeah yeah yeah I look
01:00:39
like Scott White scum they think I'm scum the what the rich whites the wealthy whites when I go around them
01:00:44
they look at me weird really I don't look like any of those guys yeah like the Kennedys bring up the [ __ ]
01:00:50
Kennedys you want to talk about when whites see wealthy people they know it what they they have a [ __ ] look you
01:00:57
could be a candidate [ __ ] no I could if you wore a suit and you took that [ __ ] you look at what they look like in
01:01:02
the face look at the Kennedys look at his face they have like a [ __ ] they have a jawline thing that's very similar
01:01:09
no the Kennedys are look at that thing no yeah look at Bobby and look at him look what they look like they have like
01:01:15
a teethy toothy oh yeah I get it when white people have teeth I don't like it in East Coast it's
01:01:22
in the east coast it's a wealthy look at him and his brother with his stupid [ __ ] hair right now I literally can only focus on all the other teeth
01:01:30
right there but it's it's something about that East Coast wealthy elitist
01:01:35
they look the same yeah bring up a picture of the Rockefeller family let's see what the Rockefellers look like yeah
01:01:41
you're right or the Gettys do you know about the Gettys I love the Gettys they're built billionaires Billy a billion billionaire let me see what the
01:01:47
Rockefeller family looked like I bet you they're teasy toothy as well get that pig look at that big [ __ ] picture oh look at that is he not a
01:01:55
teeth you tell me that's not a teethy toothy white yellow teeth it's a yellow tattoo well it's an Asian tea yeah is
01:02:02
that the rockefeller's right there the history of the Rockefeller family zoom in on those guys see they learned over the years they're not no one's teethy
01:02:08
tooth and in that one they learn they're all closing their mouth conscious right they had a meeting they're like no more treaty truthies bars can't be seen
01:02:15
teethy toothies they just seem powerful huh because even
01:02:20
if you didn't tell me who they were I I would get scared of looking at that photo Rich whites are just different there's something else about the wealthy
01:02:26
wealthy whites in America have this [ __ ] look yeah they have a thing
01:02:31
it's scary all right well here's the deal I love it if I book Hedonism for you
01:02:37
I'm not gonna go please stop let it go I'm gonna book it I'm not gonna be there why
01:02:43
can we film it if we film it for the show will you go what about this now pay for it I'll pay
01:02:48
for all of it I'll give you something else all right bad friends has our own hedonism
01:02:57
right so what we do is what we'll do is we'll do it in the desert so we'll get
01:03:02
like the biggest house Airbnb Bakersfield you want to do in Bakersfield yeah it'd
01:03:07
be funny yeah we'll go to back Bakersfield you know what we'll rent out one floor of a hotel in Bakersfield and
01:03:15
we'll open up all the doors right so people go in and out rooms right and we call it bad friends you know what I mean
01:03:22
Bakersfield Bakersfield bad friends Bakersfield sexy time sexy time yeah it's a long title but we're working sexy
01:03:28
time with bad uh yeah right we'll figure it out and then and we
01:03:44
silver my hair right sandals penis out it'll be out robe open baby I can't open
01:03:51
with pretty penis oh yeah I'll welcome people with my dick out you're right that's the best one I mean we want him
01:03:57
to stay right right so they come out of the elevator I'm there oh Bobby maybe we
01:04:04
could record come on baby what walk down the street
01:04:12
no open the door
01:04:18
yeah yeah can you see my little guy yeah yeah yeah I do
01:04:24
I have to do a giggle back yeah right yeah name please
01:04:30
name please Christian room 4B oh get naked
01:04:36
all right baby can I tell you something how hotels work four would be tough
01:04:42
why 4B what are you on Friends
01:04:47
how many hotels have you stayed in oh yeah you're right you're right it's like 308 or oh yeah yeah you're right right or 19. yeah my bad 4B what do you want a
01:04:55
sitcom just Kramer and 4C it's a booty I'm here
01:05:00
for the [ __ ] no it's a boutique hotel you said a whole floor oh that's right okay what are we gonna rent really like
01:05:06
a Marriott like a courtyard your room four three twelve is that better on the 43rd floor
01:05:13
on the 12th room yeah by the way there's a couple of fans at home right now they're just figuring out that those
01:05:18
numbers coincide with the floor oh right yeah some people are like what what yeah so the 43rd floor I'm in the 12th room
01:05:24
in the 12th room okay thank you right yeah I go in the door open I go in there and who's in there jerking off I'm but
01:05:31
here's the thing who is in there jerking off I am because I had one she goes to the [ __ ] room I take a back [ __ ]
01:05:37
wave right change all right and just start jerking out she's like she thinks it's magic right it's like how did you
01:05:44
right yeah come on baby right that'd be cool thank you for being a bad
01:05:52
friend [Music]
