00:00:00
you two are bad friends who are these two idiots a white dude and an Asian
00:00:05
dude you two are disgusting you two or something we're
00:00:10
bad friends Vice President Biden quite frankly we're a little concerned with your mental faculties because you've
00:00:16
said some really weird stuff to the media recently I got do that to White media and black media because my wife
00:00:21
has to go on at six o'clock what does it have to do with race oh uh oh I'm in trouble yeah you are are you going to
00:00:28
keep saying weird [ __ ] I will okay do you need help like is something wrong do you think you got more
00:00:34
questions but I tell it if you have a problem figuring out whether you're from me or Trump and you ain't black I know
00:00:40
I'm not black what are you what are you talking about dude is he losing his mind it's funny I posted this [ __ ] on my
00:00:47
instagam but here's the problem didn't like it I'm getting so much [ __ ] for it right now for no like I knew political
00:00:52
it's not about I didn't do it for politics people are all like oh you're a trump fan like well you can't make fun
00:00:58
of Biden now like what is this what's this world make fun of him after he gets
00:01:04
elected really make fun of him after he gets what a [ __ ] thing to say You're supposed to make fun of everybody you're
00:01:10
a comedian well but our intentions and how many [ __ ] how many [ __ ] videos online are of of making fun of uh Trump
00:01:17
it's like every comic has a trump joke me myself included this is a but do you understand people's mentality and their
00:01:23
point of view and how they feel about it right now A feel about what about Trump and and the administration and whatnot
00:01:29
do you understand how people feel about it I don't understand but me neither so what are you talking about but do people do have feelings about it I don't give a
00:01:36
[ __ ] then let them have their reaction you have your feelings let them react it's called cause and effect baby the
00:01:42
point is you can make every action there's an equal reaction baby that's what they say in the [ __ ]
00:01:48
books bab you should be able to make fun of both parties I understand that that's
00:01:53
when you're funny but you're still allowed to like comment on [ __ ] and have an opinion no no no but but when they
00:02:00
say like I'm a trump fan because of this that's what that's the problem with what's going on yeah cuz they go okay so
00:02:05
when people on SNL used to make fun of uh uh Bill Clinton and they mocked him
00:02:10
okay so were they not Democrats then no the problem is in today's [ __ ] people
00:02:16
still got negative criticism for it you're missing the point back the point is is that you have ugly thick Italian
00:02:22
redheaded eyebrows that's the point yeah and the thing is is that if you post
00:02:28
that on Instagram people are going to comment but that that's their point of view it is ugly and it's thick but my
00:02:35
point is is that everyone has their own opinion my friend it's like this you know people say that I look old now
00:02:41
you're the dumbest friend I have I what did you just say you sound like this guy what guy you sound like
00:02:48
this guy you sound like this yeah if you're black if you're not saying weird [ __ ] I will I will okay do you need help
00:02:55
like is something wrong do you think you got more questions but I tell it if you have a problem figuring out whether you're from me or Trump and you ain't
00:03:02
black if you have a problem figuring out if you're with me or Trump then you ain't black no he's saying right if you
00:03:11
vote for Trump then you're not black that's what he's saying no he doesn't he
00:03:16
knows whoever's on you're not obviously not the one he's talking to right yeah this is a dub video I did exactly so I
00:03:22
don't know who he's talking about that I was showing Rudy so maybe the other guy that he's talking to um isn't black the
00:03:28
guy that I this is charlot 's video he was black charlamagne's black this is he might not be
00:03:35
though you're right inside on the inside you're right right no you're wrong on the okay charlamagne's black on the
00:03:43
inside in the inside in the outside upside down backwards inside out right well you wed that point upside down
00:03:50
doing it right doing it wrong down you don't know that song boy you turn me inside out doing it right
00:03:59
doing it doing it every way Rudy is one week awayy is going to get kicked out of the
00:04:05
house she's one week away from graduating School rud is going to get she's when she graduates she's out of the [ __ ] house let's give it up for
00:04:10
Rudy's gonna graduate woo woo w w w wo Rudy yeah she going to graduate she has another year the graduate this year
00:04:16
she's going to move on from this year she she has not graduated you're going to graduate for I'll get one I'll give it
00:04:23
one clap all right so I'm I have a complains I have a mess of a complaints
00:04:28
all right let's hear them baby my massive complaints is this okay is that um you know Rudy isn't my blood relative
00:04:38
uh yeah not not not blood blood or legally or in any any I from the grace
00:04:44
of my own heart because I'm you know very Mother Teresa in that way I'm I'm a
00:04:50
bleeding heart empathy you're you're very Mother Teresa you're like an you're like an old Haggard [ __ ] who never
00:04:56
[ __ ] you're just like Mother Teresa
00:05:02
that's what you talk your ugly [ __ ] eyebrows when you
00:05:08
talk look at the lack of definition in your [ __ ] arms I'm fat you have this the most like that's like you're a
00:05:14
little ham hack you're like if you like if you Mr Potato haded a piece of ham with little with little fake arms all
00:05:19
right so anyway um I have a bleeding heart I'm a good dude yeah um D Bobby
00:05:25
can you move to the left that's what I'm talking that's part of it that's a part of it I told her I said to make sure
00:05:31
that's a part of that's a part of it that's a part of her tone all right you're the
00:05:36
best I let her into my house um she doesn't pay for rent right she doesn't
00:05:43
pay for food right she doesn't play pay for really anything really well but her her
00:05:51
physical being is worth something correct her presence is definitely worth something she's lovable enjoyable sweet
00:05:58
smart kind basically one the PE like you had Cleopatra which is me okay so your
00:06:03
Mother Teresa and Cleopatra combo combo a combo deal right so you you're Cleo Teresa yeah right and she's building the
00:06:12
pyramids oh yeah you know that imagine Cleopatra and there's 200,000 dudes or a
00:06:19
million dudes yeah building like you know so that's who she is why so many dudes I don't cuz they're very complex
00:06:25
things to build pyramids I built three of them in my life and they take a long those one Boulder is is the heavy very
00:06:33
heavy okay yeah is as heavy as Eric Griffin shout out but boom I'm going to
00:06:39
get a text from that he texted me already he goes y'all need to stop talking about on your podcast kiding me we're the we're giving you more press
00:06:45
anything you've ever done know yeah this is better than Workaholics for him yeah montz man y
00:06:52
man stino yeah yeah I got so many people texting me about the [ __ ] you say on your show so come back to me um um yeah
00:07:00
my turn yeah yeah um Bobby's turn so here's a list of things number one um
00:07:05
we're having dinner the other night and she looks at me and she goes Uncle Tito you have to take out the
00:07:13
trash was it your turn to take out the trash ex there is no turn there's no
00:07:18
turns everyone has a turn it's his chore it's your chore it's no it's a chore
00:07:24
that was designated to me by Kal by Kila right so it's your chore thinks that
00:07:30
Kila is the boss of me and she is she is not I'm My Own independent human being
00:07:36
who pays my own personal taxes and whatnot okay you know what it's like K Kila is like the McDonald's corporation
00:07:42
yeah and you own a franchise right so yeah it's yours you get to do what you want answer to the franchise you you
00:07:50
cook the fries the way that they want them okay okay fine but it's not even it's not that like the franchise it's
00:07:56
like the [ __ ] fry guy telling me let's say I own the [ __ ] McDonald's that's the fry guy tell fry guy the fry
00:08:02
guy telling the owner of the McDonald's restaurant right go take out the trash because corporate told you me to tell
00:08:10
you that and guess what you got to do it CU corporate did say it fine but let me say this all right there aren't a lot of shifts open for her oh so she's going to
00:08:17
get let go there's not going to be a lot of shifts she see there's there's a cause and effect like we talked about earlier I
00:08:23
understand so uh
00:08:29
so all right so um so her shifts are getting tinier so that's the number one so she looks at direct me right in the
00:08:34
eyes and goes not in a soft you know not a sweet sweet way Tito puppy would you
00:08:42
please take out the trash you have to take out the trash like right on my [ __ ] eyeball can you say it again how you said it to
00:08:48
to to just so she can have a [ __ ] stance on how this went down can you say how you said it yeah go ahead let's hear it okay Tito Bobby can you take up the
00:08:55
trash tonight that's so nice she's [ __ ] 12 years old she's she's I know
00:09:03
whatever telling an adult she is the guy that owns the house can you she said can
00:09:08
you take out the trash you could have said you know I can't right now can you and what would you have said it's okay
00:09:15
it's okay it's okay T you bend your [ __ ] huh you little [ __ ] squirrel she
00:09:21
bends it like B Like Beckham huh that's not my only one there's another one what is it number number two is
00:09:28
um so we're driving down the street okay right and we see a car
00:09:34
parked in front of the middle of the street yeah I turn around mad because
00:09:39
you can't just [ __ ] park your car in the middle of the [ __ ] Street no one can get through so I had to I had to do U-turn it's on your your house right and
00:09:46
and then I look at her face all the blood from her face had has had gone out
00:09:52
she's scared yeah and what the [ __ ] why you know sometimes people Park their car
00:09:57
in the middle of the street right ain't no bad big deal baby no big deal baby she goes Uncle Tito you know who that
00:10:04
was I go no who was it um David Do's
00:10:10
friend friend so David do I know who he is all right not him his friend who was
00:10:17
his friend what's his name um Jason Nash and Jeff Smith Jason Nash is the older
00:10:23
guy yeah I like him he's yeah people but she acted as if it was Barack and Michelle Obama to her generation it
00:10:31
is to those to that generation they're more important than Obama what do you know about Barack Obama do you know
00:10:37
anything about him um he was a president he has um two kids yeah what else um what
00:10:47
do you do did you know anything he stood for politically um I don't know he was um
00:10:52
pro-choice yeah here we go now tell me about David do and Jason Nash look at her face light up look at the smile look
00:10:58
at all the you ever seen tell me anything about them that you love um he's um a famous YouTuber and then he
00:11:05
pranks a lot of people why do you like him though what does he do for you um he's funny he's funny and he's cute and
00:11:12
and they seem nice and cool yeah honest than Barack Obama to them how about
00:11:18
honest time okay honest time let me ask let me ask you a
00:11:25
question and you be completely and utterly honest with me is David what's
00:11:30
his name do do funnier than Andrew and I oh well I can tell you the answer to
00:11:37
that no lie that's a lie complete lie that's
00:11:44
a lie cuz she's never looked at us that way that's a lie it's a complete lie I know that's a lie she's a liar she's a
00:11:49
[ __ ] liar why did you lie I yeah yeah why you li ask her one more time let's see if she really we'll give you one
00:11:54
more chance to you your own personal opinion it's not a factual thing it's just your opinion about it do you think
00:12:01
that David dos do do Brink is it an n k do do dock you think David I'm sure he's
00:12:08
a very talented complex and very diverse Entertainer he he's got he's got
00:12:14
millions and millions I he's 12 million followers I only I got nothing he's huge he's massive I got [ __ ] yeah right but
00:12:20
do you in your heart heart of hearts think that he's funnier than us take a second don't answer right away
00:12:28
no because she only will only answer the the the the answer that we want to hear she looked away when she said she does
00:12:34
you're a [ __ ] liar all right that's number one lie they say when you look away when you lie so look look look Tito
00:12:39
Bobby in the face and say who's funnier Bobby and me or them you're funnier Tito
00:12:45
Bobby and Tito Andrew oh wow I'm in the I'm in the family so wait you really you
00:12:51
really think we're funny but you but there but no but she she she I just I'm tell
00:12:57
it's it's a lie and she she went googly and I can hear a
00:13:04
little and listen no yes yes yes I heard a
00:13:09
little no no down there I go what the [ __ ] no yeah and I'm like that's wrong
00:13:17
she's like my sister you can't say that I know I I'm I'm not saying anything bad I'm just the truth I know I'm telling
00:13:24
you what I heard okay so that's what I heard I don't know what that was let's let let that go so this is the second
00:13:30
strike maybe she had a runny nose this is the second strike what has she been doing else that's really bothering you
00:13:35
you make it seem like she's really there so many things hot water there are so many things all right well can I tell
00:13:41
you she's got me hooked on something let me finish the two more I have two more and then we'll go to the hook I just I'm
00:13:46
so excited to tell her this and share this I know well you will share it to her but let me get the two other things that she I'm going to tell you right now
00:13:52
okay we're driving right we're driving down the street to pick up um some food
00:14:00
uh uh terries our favorite one of our favorites and I go hey you know it's
00:14:06
been 3 months I I I just want a ice coffee you haven't had iced coffee in
00:14:12
three months no I haven't really I haven't been to no I'm not allowed to go to Starbucks or anything like that damn
00:14:19
am I not am I not be honest am I allowed to go there no I had you had an espresso double shot on the show last week yeah
00:14:25
but it was a canned one I know it was still delicious wasn't it it was delicious but that's not my point I wanted a fresh I bought it for you I put
00:14:32
it in I know you did just for Bob but go tell so I go hey do you mind you
00:14:40
know she's not going to know if I swing by and get some iced coffee just you know just between us mhm she goes no I
00:14:47
tell Uncle Auntie um kalila I'll tell her why why we talked about this last
00:14:52
time why why are you going to snitch on him do you need to do you feel like you need to snitch no because it's a big
00:14:58
thing and Kila asked me if he's going to make any stupid things then tell me
00:15:04
right she's an honest kid I know she's honest like but but that's a point dock for you yeah here's the fourth one and
00:15:12
here's the one that makes me very worried mhm ah and I've been Googling it and
00:15:18
I've been calling my psychiatrist friends and I've been um oh yeah some
00:15:23
what happened reading some papers on it what happened so on her phone her screen you
00:15:29
know her wallpaper or whatever is of a boy that she has a crush on who's the
00:15:37
boy no just listen she has a crush right and she doesn't she doesn't care piss me
00:15:42
right off who's the boy oh you oh you you want to get angry yeah you want to get
00:15:49
infuriated yeah who's the boy you're going to find out my friend okay keep going the guy that she has a crush on
00:15:57
isn't real it's a cartoon character
00:16:02
what who is the boy do you have the screenshot bring it
00:16:08
up who is that wait let me bring it up on the pter so I we can see I can't see your phone who is it who is that um Kuru
00:16:16
in hiu hi wait what how do you spell that k u r r o r o o and then just put
00:16:25
hiq yeah like that's so fun k k r o o and then just
00:16:33
spell how [ __ ] yeah wait what is it h a i i k y u u hi cool hi cool this this
00:16:45
okayo this guy that's him you have a crush on this guy right here gu yeah he doesn't even he doesn't have a
00:16:52
nose he has a Michael Jackson NOS I know his nose is gone completely gone why do you like this guy yeah this this is a
00:16:59
no lips no lips right he has a lip no he don't where those those are it's a line
00:17:07
other pictures on other pictures okay pictures these are all of them no lips lips no lips look this this is this is
00:17:13
bad plastic surgery yeah yeah yeah he's got not he look at hit hit that photo
00:17:20
right look look he who what man puts blush on he's blushing I'm a so sad I'm
00:17:27
a so sad I'm it's so this is a this is Ja a Japanese cartoon you obviously have a crush on
00:17:33
Japanese boys yeah yeah look at him these These are Japanese boys you love he's got veneers on those aren't real
00:17:38
human teeth wow though oh look at the arms you're right I can see it now wow
00:17:44
wow wow yeah oh oh listen listen he's got a long to
00:17:50
listen list listen go lower it down lower it down and just listen carefully
00:18:01
okay so look you have a big crush on this guy yeah yeah can I tell you something I'm actually quite relieved
00:18:06
that it's not a real boy really yeah because you know that's [ __ ] weird it is but but you know what as her you know
00:18:12
as her intrum stepfather I just I'm I'd rather this than a guy that she can actually have access to because now that
00:18:18
she's on the gram and people know her and stuff are you going into your DMs yeah you
00:18:24
are are there guys kiding on you yeah but I don't see talk to them oh you
00:18:29
don't talk to them what do they say like um you're really cute and I find you
00:18:34
don't respond no no I'm telling you see that opened up Pandora's Box there's going to be some creepo are did people
00:18:41
send you nudes pictures no there better not be and if there are by way if anybody sends Rudy a nude listen up
00:18:47
we're posting it we're posting it on the show do it but yeah yeah if you send a dickpic to her it's go it's getting on the show but do it do it but do it yeah
00:18:55
but it's going to get on the show get on the show just so you know and we're going to have an artist paint over it so you wait but H how how did you how did
00:19:03
this infatuation happen with this guy what cartoon is he in it's called hi hiq hiq it's it is although it is you know
00:19:11
because of I I have to tell you I've is it in English or in in Japanese um there's um English subtitles there so
00:19:18
there's Japanese and they subtitle it in but you can't but he doesn't have he only speaks in Japanese do you
00:19:23
understand any of what he's saying do you pick up on stuff as time goes on yeah you do see that's how you learn
00:19:28
Japanese watch hiq I'll just tell you what the premise of hiq it guess what you'll never you'll never believe it
00:19:35
well from this it oh my good God look at these look at those abs what's the premise I mean this I
00:19:42
don't know the premise but it's it's centered around check yeah I know I hate when people do that by the way that's
00:19:47
yeah that's a Japanese Japanese thing hi like when whenever like soccer players
00:19:52
get get a goal yeah and they go to the camera and they do this farf yeah I just want to grab the outside of their hands
00:19:59
and just crush and just have their bones shatter into nothing yeah yeah it drives
00:20:04
me crazy don't ever do I can't even do one I think that's what it is this is it right yeah yeah there love [ __ ] love
00:20:11
that's my heart lsid yeah um so it's the the the premise of it is um
00:20:17
volleyball what do you mean they that's what the show's about play volleyball yeah she watches a cartoon she jerks off
00:20:25
she rubs her little Jam Jam to a volum to her [ __ ] volleyball [ __ ] video
00:20:31
wait a minute they so the whole show is about teenagers who who are on a high school volleyball team yeah and competing to oh they compete also that's
00:20:37
what makes it exciting competitive yeah yeah welcome ship station y ship station is a service that
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00:21:59
makeship happen sh station can I tell you I don't approve I'm I don't approve
00:22:04
but I do approve yeah of normal people we've been watching normal people
00:22:12
I got I love it so much Maran I love it you don't love it you don't love normal
00:22:19
people it's a great show do you not like it it's a wonderful show in Ireland and
00:22:27
it's a love story isn't it you're I might I might switch camps it's
00:22:33
a great I literally might go start one with theovon now no it's a great show because you're acting gayike you don't
00:22:40
like normal people no I don't like I can only do an English one I don't like what
00:22:46
is it you don't like about normal people I just don't like it's a great show no it's about love and intimacy and it's
00:22:52
about it's about people in reactions and how they how they spend their whole lives together
00:23:00
oh my God it's a great show it it really is can I tell you something the acting is phenomenal the writing is very good
00:23:07
it is a love show yeah and it's something I typically would hate the only thing I don't like is watching them
00:23:12
hook up because Kitty hookup stuff dude I don't like seeing adult hookup stuff I don't get it I don't like they show her
00:23:19
tits but she has no tits she has no tits hey no tits hey no tits hey yeah yeah
00:23:27
but but they show her don't do that they show her they show her Bing Bings yeah and uh and they show his penis one time
00:23:32
didn't they yeah they showed his little Irish penis his little potato well that's why Kila likes to show because of
00:23:38
the fact that it's real it seems very real I'm not I'm not kidding the actors all jokes aside they're they're very
00:23:44
talented I I don't I'm not it's it it feels like a real relationship it's not like me in [ __ ] the the wrong Missy
00:23:50
but it's um the level of acting but it's up there well you know I just submit you
00:23:55
know they're doing nominations for Academy Awards and I I submitted you for the wrong Missy I'm serious I wrote it
00:24:01
in I'm dead serious we should have all of our fans well they can't they can't they can't vote but you should you you
00:24:06
should write into the academy and say why is I'm tired of people shaming me by the way I'm tired of I I I regret even
00:24:11
bringing it up I saw a few different comments that said um shout out to Bobby
00:24:17
he was underutilized and he still was funny in the movie that's that's great okay that's very nice can I talk about a
00:24:24
little Dreadful thing that's coming up for me can we say one one thing real fast go ahead can we can we it's Brody's
00:24:29
birthday today rest in peace can we just do that what I just wanted to say rest in peace happy birthday did that break
00:24:36
your heart broy stev was a great passed away it's his birthday today I just wanted to say happy birthday and we love
00:24:42
him and we miss him and that's all I just don't do well with him in specifically because it just makes me so [ __ ] sad I know dude but I just
00:24:48
wanted to wish like a happy birth comedy podcast you should have worn that [ __ ] shirt man I shouldn't have want a shirt of a [ __ ] yeah because now my
00:24:53
mood is like going into a different direction that's all stop it yeah miss him I love him we're thinking about him
00:24:59
in positive I miss him I love him yes Bobby Lee oh I miss him and I love8 till
00:25:06
I die Bobby North Korean wrong side of the let talk about him for a second though um he was the [ __ ] best not
00:25:12
only that though is if you didn't know him he was one of those guys that it's almost as if he wasn't in Show Business
00:25:21
that's his mentality it like when you met ran into him he was just a regular nice guy wasn't sensitive not an [ __ ]
00:25:30
he was always just um I've never had any kind of problem with him no and um it is
00:25:37
um a a loss to the comedy community yeah I know this is mean to say but I did say it when he died to Adam shortly
00:25:44
thereafter I said so many other Comics could have died and I wouldn't have cared I was like I cared when he died I
00:25:51
know that's mean but like there was other Comics that if you told me they died I'd go I don't think so I think that you I think you would be
00:25:57
heartbroken no there's some guys no I don't think so there's some guys there's I can't believe that well there's some guys there really is there's a few
00:26:04
people think let me let me see if they died I would go would you fake though yeah you have to all right so I'm going
00:26:09
to tell you I'm I'm a comic all right and I'm just going to name up a a comic that you don't like just a random name
00:26:16
you but this isn't real though this is not real no okay um what's up uh [ __ ] man what's
00:26:23
going on you don't know dude no what what's the problem oh my God what Bob
00:26:29
tragic David benowitz died no I just yeah but just
00:26:35
the way he died what happened he just woke up and he he had an omelet yeah and
00:26:40
then the [ __ ] was so sizzly it was so hot yeah just the pan he was cooking it
00:26:45
he was cooking omelet on a pan it was hot yeah and then he put his elbow down on the little thing and omelet spat his
00:26:51
face but then the pan hit his phas and he had a cardiac he had a cardiac yeah and he died he died in a cardiac from a
00:26:57
hot yeah wow oh God no oh God that's what you would do
00:27:05
I'd go oh God I got to talk business about um the
00:27:11
show this week yeah yeah yeah anyway you got to watch normal people it's so good
00:27:17
isn't it normal people you know forever I thought his name was Connor and then you learn his name is Connell all right
00:27:22
I'm going to watch it and I call my I call my I'm watching Attack on Titan now but after I'm done with Attack on Titan
00:27:28
it's it's well written dude all right very well cry at the last I don't cry cuz I'm
00:27:34
a I'm a empty empty guy I don't have anything inside of me anymore but I get why people do cry because when the last
00:27:40
time you cried in a movie in a movie never I've never cried you've never seen a movie and went oh no I got a couple of
00:27:48
I mean there's movies I've laughed so hard that it made me cry oh you where you laugh so hard that actually tears
00:27:56
Shindler Shindler l yeah the ending is so funny
00:28:01
hilarious wait so what yeah movies met made my brother and I all right when we
00:28:06
saw Borat oh my god dude no but it was we didn't really I thought the show was
00:28:11
stronger in terms of Comedy but the scene where in the beginning where they were doing that that race with the
00:28:18
Jewish the the mannequin yes right and then the the that race where they're
00:28:23
running from these gigantic Jewish things yes and then one legs lays an egg and then the egg opens in a baby Jew
00:28:31
right and the kids come out of nowhere start hitting it with sticks you know what I mean my brother and I were in the
00:28:36
theater on the floor yeah holding our sides I had never laughed that hard in a
00:28:42
[ __ ] in aov I had I had such shock comedy shock like like you know when
00:28:48
you're laughing but you can't believe that it's happening you're like how are they getting how is this happening when he sings Throw the Jew down the well oh
00:28:55
my God and he got people to go so my country can be free I I dude I was in I
00:29:01
was laughing so hard and looking around like how did they do this how did he he I I remember feeling like that's the I I
00:29:08
was like that's the Pinnacle of Comedy what's great about that song is too in the beginning it's a little like it's about Transportation or something it
00:29:14
doesn't really go into in my country there is problem problem yeah yeah yeah or something like that and eventually it gets to but it goes into
00:29:20
claws but at first it says and the problem is transportation transport and then they're all like oh it's hard to
00:29:26
get a bus yeah and vers he's like and the problem is the Jew and everyone's like and the problem is the Jew they're
00:29:32
looking around what a great there's a few movies that I've laughed so hard that I've cried in but I've never C why have you cried from movies oh my God I
00:29:38
was I was in a movie with you know who Aaron Kar is the comic yeah yeah yeah so Kar and I many many years ago there was
00:29:45
a movie called Tei what you said it like that thing that she asked me to spell yeah
00:29:51
t was there silence is there silent letters no what no it's just I don't
00:29:57
know teuchi teuchi teuchi it's about the Korean War so it's in Korean mhm but
00:30:04
it's about it's so I'll just tell you the open the movie opens up with this old man why you laughing I just see you an
00:30:12
old Korean guy I just see you every time this old man is just sitting like in an like in his desk or something smoking no
00:30:18
he's just sitting there like just solemn in yeah and he gets a phone call he
00:30:23
go and he goes they go and he goes
00:30:29
and they go right he goes he says the same thing
00:30:37
all right so that they cut Cuts right and he's now at some sort of site like a
00:30:44
like like an ex excavation site yeah right and they dug up a
00:30:51
skeleton of somebody holding a pen and I
00:30:57
guess the pen was the old man's pen and that was his brother and he died holding
00:31:02
his brother's pen yeah but then it cut then it cuts back to the Korean War right jump cut jumps back back in the
00:31:09
past right and it tells the movie is about the story of what happened of the pen and basically what it is is you know
00:31:14
a a kid you know um gets drafted in the Korean War and his older brother was was
00:31:21
too old to get drafted but he went in the Korean War he oh he volunteered anyway unteer
00:31:28
to protect his brother oh wow through the war and then this older brother
00:31:34
disappears right because and then now 60 years later wow they find it you know that's the story his other brother got
00:31:39
killed because we won no you we were on the same team [ __ ]
00:31:45
[ __ ] the Korean War yeah the South Koreans were in the same team as the Americans you [ __ ] twister I thought
00:31:51
this was a North Korean movie no it was they don't make movies in North Korea twist twist
00:31:58
that's funny to you by the way
00:32:03
yeah it's a good time to bring up the mistake that I made what's the mistake today is Memorial day oh happy Memorial
00:32:11
Day happy Memorial what is it happy Memorial Day 1 two three happy Memorial Day oh yeah all the soldiers all the
00:32:17
soldiers that have died yeah yeah and I threw up something on our gramola asking
00:32:22
for pictures of veterans kind of blindly just like being like Oh yeah throw we'll put up pictures on the show
00:32:28
tons of people gave us photos and I was looking at them all and it was awesome I was like this is so great and then
00:32:34
someone commented this is for soldiers that have passed dur fighting like during wartime not for just veterans and
00:32:41
he was like as a veteran myself we find it disrespectful I was like I just I
00:32:47
just wanted to I just wanted to pay tribute and then and people got an argument below it and I was like okay I
00:32:53
don't I was just gonna okay sorry
00:32:58
so then we're done we're not showing the photos so thanks for the people that died but nobody gets photos now cuz
00:33:06
someone ruined the party because I screwed up I didn't know I had no idea I didn't I do know that it's memorializing
00:33:12
the soldiers that have died but I just thought even if we throw veterans up there isn't that nice apparently not that's for Veterans Day only they have
00:33:18
their day so I [ __ ] up I feel bad I [ __ ]
00:33:24
up why do you why did I wanted to say it out loud cuz I feel bad no but hey my grandfather fought in the Korean War but
00:33:30
I do want to show a picture of him did he really fight in the Korean War yeah I do I do want to show a picture of my grandfather because he did fight in the
00:33:36
Korean War and he's a handsome dude rest in peace James gity he's not around anymore he doesn't he he's passed away
00:33:42
but he did fight in the Korean War and so Bobby should respect and love this there's my grandfather
00:33:49
oh [ __ ] now that right there is normal people that's an that's an that's an Irish lad if I've ever seen one smoking
00:33:57
a cigarette there he's got this he got got this uh he's got this gbond there yeah and that's a UFO right there not UF
00:34:05
that's a UFO swear to God before he died he goes That's a UF that's a [ __ ] UFO bro UFO I know holy [ __ ] that is one
00:34:12
it's a UFO or it's a [ __ ] coffee stain no no that that's a coffee stain
00:34:18
yeah and that is literally a UFO or it could be a bird I talked to my
00:34:24
grandfather there were no birds back then yeah yeah yeah you know I'll be honest with you can I
00:34:30
can I don't say anything [ __ ] mean about my pway grandfather this is my literal hero I'm not going to say anything mean and I don't know you don't
00:34:37
know [ __ ] so shut the [ __ ] up so shut the [ __ ] up if you say something [ __ ] up I'm gonna [ __ ] you up I'm dead serious go
00:34:43
ahead if you say something [ __ ] up I'm gonna beat the [ __ ] out of you and I really mean it all right because he fought he fought for our country and
00:34:50
he's a [ __ ] and he's passed away I was going to give him can I give him a compliment yes yeah he looks like Henry
00:34:56
Cal oh Superman yeah I love that stop there
00:35:02
stop there if ham stop there if had C Bob right
00:35:08
Bob was do you want do you want me to get
00:35:15
violent right now for real say sorry and take it back right now say sorry and take it back right now five 4 3 2 1
00:35:27
don't don't don't don't don't get what a hero a a beautiful hands
00:35:34
beauti a beautiful handsome D and he fought for our country and he's the best yeah does he have to take his belt buckle all the way to his nipples I mean
00:35:40
what they that's what they did back then I get it sharp looking cat yeah where's a picture of your [ __ ] grandfather H
00:35:47
I have one on my Instagram show us go to the beginning you have to scroll all the way down to the beginning of my you want
00:35:53
to see a man yeah go Bobby what here that's look here's Bobby Lee's Grandpa
00:35:59
here he is there he
00:36:04
[Music] is look at all look at all these guys
00:36:10
look at all these guys these are all your grandpas there's Bobby Lee's Grandpa there he is yeah yeah there's Bobby
00:36:17
Lee's grandpa with his best bud Bobby Lee's grandpa with his best homeboy you know it's so funny but those
00:36:23
are proper eyebrows by the way look at those Trimm haven't cut anything because we've been in quarantined have you gone
00:36:30
anywhere and done anything no you just don't grow eyebrows you look like a teenage girl who tried to threat them herself that's what you look like
00:36:37
[ __ ] you know it's you look like you self-threat it's funny you know we it's funny we're
00:36:44
[ __ ] it's [ __ ] we're like
00:36:49
[ __ ] it's you get really sensitive and I think that um we're a comedy podcast and I think that what did I get
00:36:55
sensitive about you just get really you you have like uh your responses to things are very uh yeah we're different
00:37:01
[ __ ] people we're different people yeah you're lethargic and dumb and I'm I'm hot-headed and
00:37:07
quick also I'm mad because you you did it why you laugh see that's the thing she loves it rude loves it yeah she
00:37:14
loves me getting torn apart yeah because you [ __ ] are so mean to her you're so mean to her you am I not nice to you you
00:37:20
[ __ ] wretched little [ __ ] [ __ ] you wretched ungrateful little [ __ ]
00:37:26
am I not [ __ ] nice to you you're nice there we go you [ __ ] what percent of the time what percent what percent of the
00:37:31
time is he nice honest rude get closer to the mic
00:37:38
because um 75 75 oh so what so 25% of the time
00:37:44
what do I do you're mean meany mean what do I you call her a ungrateful [ __ ] no what do I do he um punches me and kicks
00:37:51
me you do why are you kicking her she has to learn s self self she has to
00:37:56
learn self self if you could get your own apartment here in Los Angeles would you like that or no do you like living with them I like living with what if we
00:38:03
start a g funme and we can get you enough money to get your own apartment would you like that no you sure I'm sure
00:38:09
okay she has her own room her own bathroom Fu what if we start a go fundme for you just so you can start waving
00:38:15
around money at Tito Bobby so you have money when he's like you don't pay for food and you're like I got it [ __ ] and put down some money I'm not using that
00:38:21
over her head I'm just telling I'm just no don't do that face I'm reminding her
00:38:26
don't make I'm reminding her the situation yeah she knows I don't think she does sometimes do you know rude she
00:38:33
does all right well just you know next time how about this on the way over back
00:38:38
home when we get into the car I'm going to get an ice coffee oh [ __ ] no yeah and
00:38:44
I want to see where your where you stand where your loyalty lies where your loyalty lies if I don't say anything
00:38:50
then I Kalo will get mad at me but how will she know you might have to take one for the team oh
00:38:55
boy yeah you you might have to take one to I want to test you woman this is really a good this would be an episode
00:39:01
of normal people trying to find out Mariana is going to do the right thing and the wrong thing aren't you Maran for
00:39:07
Connell you can do for Connell or for James so you're he's going to get a nice coffee and you're going to have to deal
00:39:14
with the repercussions okay if antie Kila gets mad that's on you Buffy you
00:39:21
guys we love it uh a couple of months ago um Andrew gave me a buffy comforter
00:39:27
did and it's what we use on my master bedroom mean Kila and I sleep on The Buffy it is the most comfortable blanket
00:39:34
I've ever does Rudy get a buffy she doesn't get deserve one we should get her one cuz she oh she doesn't deserve one yet you got to be of a yeah that's
00:39:40
right you got to deserve it you got put just a Big Bamboo sheet over her on the spiky mattress she sleeps on spikes yeah
00:39:46
not with Buffy it's very comfortable it's wonderful everything is made from Ultra smooth eucalyptus fiber it's softer than cotton I promise you you
00:39:51
will not sweat you won't get too hot you won't get too cold it's changed my life talking about comforter pillows sheets
00:39:57
the whole the the whole nine yard as they say it's more Earth friendly too by the way it's Source from manable forest consumes 10 times less water to grow and
00:40:04
it's an ultra smooth waste-free production process eucalyptus fiber isn't just softer than cotton but more
00:40:09
Earth friendly like you just said my my redheaded freak it's cruelty-free it's hypoallergenic so you're not going to
00:40:14
get the sniffles or the no nose tickles no down feathers or animal products cuz Bobo's a big anal that's right their
00:40:20
products have 20,000 fstar reviews right Bob it's soft it's like Angel Skin Man Angel skin that should be
00:40:28
like Angel SK they're offering a free trial free shipping and free returns every day we joke around a lot but we mean it this is it's best comfor
00:40:35
phenomenal you can try it for free all right before you commit to buying if you don't love it give it back to them at no
00:40:40
cost bubble and I will take it $20 off your Buffy betting go to uh buffy.co and
00:40:45
enter the code bad friends once again $20 off Buffy betting visit buffy.co and enter the code bad friends yes so
00:40:52
everyone listening this is a Monday I have to really say this okay because I'm really I'm self-conscious about it yeah
00:40:58
okay so um this is this is a Monday and this Wednesday coming out is the game
00:41:04
show yeah I'm excited the the clips by the way look great of of you eating the bug was very
00:41:10
funny there are some really good stuff there are things though that they sent me to post that aren't funny what do you mean oh oh oh clips from the show yeah
00:41:17
that I'm like don't post them I know I'm not but what I wanted to tell people and just be
00:41:23
um sens because people are like why are you doing television or like you know television exists you
00:41:32
those kind of like little Jabs and you know um when I did this I did it because
00:41:37
the the people money he did it because of money
00:41:42
money and that also it's a paycheck what do you mean also you have to imagine
00:41:48
five days after my dad died I'm now on the set doing this thing also let's pack it up and I'm also I had relapse you had
00:41:54
fun doing it my knee blew out I was in a lot of pain as well
00:42:01
but I'm just paing it because I don't want people to go he's not funny you know you're going to be funny on it Bob you know you are I don't think so have
00:42:08
you seen any of it um yeah get closer to the mic Jules yeah I've seen one you
00:42:13
have live she was there live okay look me in the face don't pay any attention to him was it funny yeah she closed her
00:42:20
eyes before she said I know she did yeah no yeah and then she said no that was the real answer that she really meant
00:42:26
damn rude you're mean I'm starting to see the real you yeah see thank you it is funny isn't it it is it is I told you
00:42:31
I bet you my life anyway people you know Rob gski both of Williams sisters no just uh
00:42:37
Venus do you do how do you know which one's which cuz one's name is Venus I don't
00:42:43
know what they're identical twins what if they sent in what if one day Serena
00:42:48
showed up would you have known I don't like the scar Brothers yeah they can switch you'd never know no honestly when you see the scar Brothers do you know
00:42:55
which one is which Randy and Jason I do know who's because I've known them long enough I don't know Venus and Serena Williams they could easily trick me yeah
00:43:02
um yeah I I don't know the difference but I just assume I made an assumption that's like a Disney thing I hope they
00:43:07
like one day Serena was like I'll go in for you yeah who was the better tennis player Venus right I think Serena was
00:43:14
more of a but I don't want to say that I'm stupid I don't know tennis but um they're from Los Angeles but like like
00:43:21
in I'm going to get in trouble for saying this but yes I'm going to get in real big trouble but I think Serena was
00:43:27
offered first and she didn't want to do it so she gave it to Venus so I think Venus is doing but check this out you
00:43:33
know I wasn't the first offer you weren't the first guy they the first Korean guy they picked but it broke my heart when I heard that why does it
00:43:40
matter if you got the job don't you don't what be you don't
00:43:45
want to be first choice I you you don't want to be First
00:43:50
Choice you want to be fifth choice I don't care be honest with me I I I I don't
00:43:56
care all right so I want to say this I don't care why would you care who cares it's your job you ended up with the
00:44:03
job all right so I'm going to ask you this I I did a bad TV show a terrible TV show multiple of them but I did one in
00:44:09
Las Vegas called Sin City Saints yeah I auditioned to be an ancillary character
00:44:16
and then they were like well what if you try the main rle the lead roll and then I tried it and I got it I wasn't their
00:44:22
they didn't want me I wasn't their choice and it ended up working out I don't I don't care
00:44:27
that story has nothing to do with my story same kind of thing it wasn't for me they didn't want me at all they didn't even audition me for it it just
00:44:33
so happened to work out that they were like well maybe you should try it and I tried it and it worked happens all the time that people get roles that I would
00:44:40
love to get and they get them before me or and I'm fifth in line this has happened to me a thousand times where
00:44:45
they go yeah they're waiting you know I I just you know sometimes I I would sometimes I wish sometimes I wish I wish
00:44:53
you were on my side but I can't be sometimes sometimes I wish that you were my friend am sometimes I wish that you
00:45:01
were my Foundation sometimes I wish that you were my love no wait sometimes wish that
00:45:09
you suck my dick I won't sometimes I wish that you tighten your ass I will I
00:45:14
wish you would go on your belly sometimes you know what that song was that was our rendition of uh Baby
00:45:21
it's cold outside I know you know I really can't you're right you're right you know what you just twisted my mind
00:45:26
around [Music] what did I twist your mind around you're
00:45:31
right I shouldn't be sensitive about it yeah is the show not funny I don't think it for me I think the show's great I
00:45:38
don't think that I'm great on it why why do you say that because I was there and I there was so many moments where they
00:45:44
were like don't say that you can't say that or I would say a joke it would completely eat it and I was a little
00:45:51
confused also I was like not eating and sleeping and I was high all the time it was a bad time the show is great the
00:45:57
people are great in there and I think that and then maybe they'll cut around it and maybe it'll it'll look good I
00:46:02
don't know I think it'll look great okay but how about this I promise you it'll be great okay you take my word for
00:46:10
it I was just staring at you um manifest all that stuff and talk about it and I
00:46:16
thought in my head I'm gon to watch it it's going to be good I'm G to smile it and I'm going to call you to tell you
00:46:21
that it's good and you're not and you're not going to pick up I won't leave a voicemail because I don't want to if
00:46:27
we're true friends though mhm I if we're true friends number one will you watch it I will cuz I saw every episode of
00:46:34
Davey you did not is he is he lying did he watch my show Dave I don't know yeah she doesn't
00:46:43
know she doesn't know Dave is great did you really watch it FX I think you're full of [ __ ] I did see it I think you're
00:46:49
you saw every single episode your his friend in it you saw every episode do you mean it no
00:46:58
I don't know so you're lying to me I lie but will you watch this show and tell me the truth wait you just you just said
00:47:03
that you didn't watch my show I know I want cuz I'm trying to get you to watch mine you didn't watch any episodes of my
00:47:10
show Who you calling nobody did you watch any of my show not one I saw the ads you're good
00:47:18
in the ads they put you in some of the ads they put me in some of the ads yeah
00:47:23
yeah yeah and you're real good in the ads there's one with your sitting down talking to Davey and going what do I say
00:47:29
in the ad you're like you didn't even watch the ads I understand why this situation is happen something like
00:47:34
that Who you calling Davey no okay I call
00:47:40
kilo I'm telling her you're going to get a nice coffee oh if you did that I would never
00:47:47
it would cause a war she would get so [ __ ] mad I would never do that to you yeah she would be mad look I will watch
00:47:54
the show it will be good I promise all right that's it that's all Let's Lose let move on from it let's talk about how much TV has changed let me show you a
00:47:59
clip somebody sent me and I thought this was [ __ ] knockout one of the funniest things I've ever seen look at how great this is this is
00:48:06
this is this guy IG joosu intern Twitter put this up look at how [ __ ] great
00:48:12
this is I don't know what year this is from but this is
00:48:22
mtv2 we got to Cate our differences
00:48:29
we got toate our [Music]
00:48:44
differ I my a that does not offend me it shouldn't I love it yeah it's not it's
00:48:50
funny if television was like that I would watch it again but I got to tell you okay you're you're saying that as an
00:48:55
Asian person it's not offensive to you but I'm sure other agents are offended and I'm sure this is radically offensive
00:49:01
for black people you don't think this boogaboo oh you don't think ching chong ching ching chong ching is [ __ ] not
00:49:07
[ __ ] no because that's what you guys sound like I bet you money if Ian Edwards Edwards was here he he he go and
00:49:13
he go here I'll tell you exactly after you played it he'd go that's ridiculous
00:49:18
I know it's ridiculous man yall crazy yeah but you know I think that if Gabriel glacius or George Lopez saw the
00:49:25
Mexican thing that they would we would all laugh in the same room I bet you most black people wouldn't think that's funny it probably isn't no that's
00:49:30
[ __ ] racist I just didn't realize that that was a bone sticking out of
00:49:35
their [ __ ] nose and this was by the way this is my first acting gig I've never
00:49:41
this they sent us that I thought fcking amazing that was really on MTV I don't
00:49:46
know this could have been a sketch that somebody made but kudos to whoever made it and this this uh this guy's Instagram and Twitter is up there obviously yeah
00:49:52
shout out to him if he made it that's very [ __ ] that's a good manipulation but it does look like a commercial that would have been on MTV 2 back then you
00:49:59
know yeah like this looks [Music]
00:50:06
like we got toate our [Music]
00:50:22
[Music] differ the nacho taco chimmy changa
00:50:27
makes me know it's a sketch yeah here's you know what I mean like I knew I know it's fake it's got to be fake because whoever wrote that had a problem with
00:50:33
black people I think uh I think he when he wrote it it like the black one was maybe somebody else wrote it the black
00:50:39
one wasn't as harsh and somebody in the room went nah dude put the bone in the nose it's so bad and make it make it
00:50:46
real but the ching chong ching chong is still so sweet yeah like listen how sweet these guys sound when they say
00:50:52
this yeah [Music]
00:50:57
Ching CH Ching ch ch ch ch Ching ch ch it's so catchy that's why I think that that that
00:51:04
uh that's a catchy that ching chong ching chong ching that's you know do you
00:51:09
think a show could survive out there if we went complet we did a show like this completely the opposite end of the
00:51:16
spectrum if we did like uh like racially insensitive material so insensitive like
00:51:21
that right yeah people know that's that they're coming to watch right sure you you have a sketch show of five people
00:51:29
right one of every race yeah we get the funniest black guy me you right yeah and
00:51:34
a couple of others right and we just did a [ __ ] offensive [ __ ] an offensive
00:51:39
sketch show it's actually very smart because we went more offensive than this
00:51:45
no no I'm saying but it's smart if we got somebody from every race to be kind of the lead sketch writer of that sketch and we just participated in their sketch
00:51:50
yes yeah that could be cool like if a black guy wrote the black sketch you yeah yeah an as yeah just participants
00:51:57
in the sketch it's got to be ethnic appropriate writers totally yeah I think that let's try it that would break
00:52:02
ground are you why you smiling because it's a great idea yeah I think we should try but you have to write the most
00:52:07
offensive version Oh I'm going to I already can do it well you did yeah you did for years on Matt TV you did the
00:52:14
most racist [ __ ] you could do first of all I didn't the one so many of your Asian characters were just so [ __ ]
00:52:21
racist they were all that yeah but I went but I I wanted to do like Johnny
00:52:26
gone yeah I wanted to do the craziest because there was a lot of Asian actors at the
00:52:32
time goes I refuse to do an Asian accent well yeah because it was a [ __ ] I understand that but I was like you know
00:52:37
because this is the kind of [ __ ] yeah right that they're writing for us but I I went you know what hold up a second
00:52:44
let let me put my [ __ ] two cents in the [ __ ] bucket right let's do this go the other way right so that's
00:52:50
essentially what I want to do yeah you know you did a good job I I you know I
00:52:55
just you really me mad today shut up yeah shut up watch Bobby's show
00:53:01
premiering on NBC what is it called by the way it's called game on game on yeah
00:53:07
game on on NBC featuring Bob Lee one of the Williams
00:53:12
sisters game on I bet you it's gonna be really good hey what do you know any um this reminds me of that of of the this
00:53:19
the sketch idea do you know do you remember any old when we were kids like racist Street jokes what's the most racist Street joke
00:53:27
you know like the cheap shitty well I know I know Gay Street jokes I don't know a lot of racist ones um like that
00:53:32
you know the old joke you know the old like uh a blank a blank and a blank walk into a bar yeah I have a couple of those
00:53:37
well give me the walk into a bar but I don't have the racial ones I have gay ones you don't have any racial ones no I
00:53:43
never found those that funny look at this one mhm um a black guy walks into a
00:53:48
bar and the bartender says get the [ __ ]
00:53:54
out you get it say it again I didn't get it I know I didn't
00:53:59
get it say it again I think I missed it so let me just black a black guy walks in let me just say it yeah is this what
00:54:06
you said a black guy mhm walks into a bar yeah and the bar turn
00:54:14
says get out get the [ __ ] out get the [ __ ] out yeah and then the black guy
00:54:19
what happened he leaves and then what happens the bartend where's the funny it's been the
00:54:25
bartender continues to serve the whites in the bar
00:54:32
oh it's get it it's a bar in Boston yeah it's good it's a bar in Boston it's every bar sorry it's every bar in Boston
00:54:39
um I like do you like um I like really clean ones can't take credit for that joke by the way yeah no these are Street jokes I like really clean ones um
00:54:46
grasshopper walks in the bar you know that one mhm you like you like that one all right grasshopper walks in a bar
00:54:52
bartender says hey we have a drink named after you and the grasshopper says you have a drink named
00:55:00
Steve that's so stupid that's stupid [ __ ] like that yeah that's funny you
00:55:05
know there's a lot of dumb ones like that like um um so this kid right is um
00:55:12
in the middle of the street on a gigantic wooden box right ever heard this one no right and he's on the wooden
00:55:19
box and he's jumping up down right 16 16 16
00:55:26
16 16 this man walks across the street and goes hey kid what are you doing kid goes oh my God this is so fun you got to
00:55:32
try it sir it doesn't seem fun trust me do it right so okay I'll try he gets up
00:55:40
there 16 right and he pulls the box underneath the old man and the old man
00:55:46
falls into a manhole and the kid goes
00:55:53
17 that's a great joke thank you that's really good not yours it's a street joke
00:56:00
you know I got so many give me another Street joke I'm trying to think of one that's actually good I told you one I
00:56:06
think I told one on this podcast already yeah but I'll tell it again because it's my favorite old joke my friend Elliot
00:56:12
heger he told it to me British guy and he says two two
00:56:17
blos I love doing it in his AC cuz it's bad two blos two two BLS two gay guys
00:56:24
flying back on a midnight flight to London from New York in the middle of
00:56:30
the flight a boyfriend turns to the other boyfriend and says oi [ __ ] me and the first one says I'm not g that's
00:56:36
crazy [ __ ] you airplanes [ __ ] people all he goes come on H [ __ ] me I'm not gonna
00:56:42
and he goes everyone's sleeping he goes watch he stands up and he goes o can I borrow a
00:56:49
pencil and nobody moves he turns to his boyfriend he goes see everyone's sleeping and he goes say it Lou then
00:56:57
stands up and he goes o can I borrow a pencil nobody moves nobody blinks an eye
00:57:04
turn his boyfriend he goes good now then he goes all right hop on so they [ __ ] right the playing lands in London next
00:57:11
day everyone's deboarding the plane except for one man one row behind where
00:57:16
the two boyfriends were sitting yeah and he's sitting there wide eyed in shock and he's got throw up all over his chest
00:57:23
he's got vomit all over his chest wide iron shock and a flight attendant says sir what happened are you okay and he
00:57:30
goes I don't know and he goes why why wouldn't you say something why wouldn't you yell out to someone alert someone
00:57:37
that you that you'd gotten sick and he goes yell out and say something in the middle of the flight a bloke stood up
00:57:44
and asked for a pencil and then another bloke [ __ ] him in the [Laughter]
00:57:49
ass that's one of my favorite Jes that's a long one it's a good joke I have the longest joke with no payoff yeah give it
00:57:56
to me all right but it's so long yeah and the payoff is so bad I don't care oh
00:58:02
you want to hear it yeah okay this this joke is about a magician
00:58:07
named Antonio the Magnificent Antonio the Magnificent he was a gigantic Vegas
00:58:13
star sold out shows the best magician on in the universe David Copperfield had
00:58:19
nothing on this guy right every show no he did four shows a night sellout every show but now he's getting old right he
00:58:26
wants to retire yeah so he decides to have his final show in Vegas right and he wanted to create he wanted to create
00:58:34
the most magnificent magic trick that no one's ever seen oh wow right so he you
00:58:40
know he spends a week thinking about it brings in a crew they create it right and so he goes i' I've got it down so he
00:58:48
has his final show and at the end of his show right he goes for my final trick no
00:58:53
one's ever done this before in human history and this is the greatest magic trick ever but I need a volunteer
00:59:00
right can I have the strongest man in the audience help me come up on stage and volunteer for this trick right and
00:59:06
no one raises their hand and he goes come on somebody the strongest man please and in the fifth row this 6' n
00:59:16
300 lb yolked southern guy Billy Bob he slowly raises his hand I can
00:59:22
try right I'll do it right so so Billy puff Billy puff walks
00:59:32
on stage you he's shy he's hasn't been in front of a crowd before right what do you want me to do you know and Antonio
00:59:39
goes do you see that metal bat there Billy pup Billy pup goes Billy pup
00:59:47
goes yeah see the middle bat pick that midle back bat up and hit me in the face and it's you
00:59:56
can right Billy Bob Whispers to him because hey man I told you know I'm really strong I'm going to really hurt
01:00:02
you you know like you could die and anony goes don't worry about it Billy Bob I'm a magician I'm the greatest
01:00:08
magician just do it Billy Bob all right so he picks up the bat he go [ __ ] back
01:00:15
he swings it at Antonio's face it hits him in the forehead Antonio's face opens
01:00:22
up a little bit it BLS squirt
01:00:28
his eyes roll back he goes into he goes into a standing convulsion right he
01:00:33
falls on his back and he starts convulsing right and he just slips right into a coma all right so cutu
01:00:45
right you're going to eat the pay off you're going to eat the pay
01:00:50
off is it I'm G to get to it I told you it's the longest J so cut two right
01:00:57
Antonio's in in the in the hospital he's he's he's life support yeah right he's in a coma right Billy Bob feels so bad
01:01:06
he quits his job he's from Georgia right he quits his job he you little backstory
01:01:11
yeah right he quits his job and he decides you know what I'm gonna s I'm
01:01:16
gonna visit Antonio every single day until he gets
01:01:24
out of this coma right right so every day he comes sits next to Antonio's side
01:01:29
right a year goes
01:01:35
by okay are you okay I don't know why this is so dumb so a year goes by right
01:01:42
and um the doctor comes in and goes I'm sorry Billy Bob but we're going to have
01:01:47
to take um Antonio off a life support there's no sign right mhm and goes are
01:01:53
you sure doctor and then Billy Bob looks at Antonio's fingers have you heard this
01:01:59
show before no right and he looks at Antonio's Pinky and it's
01:02:05
moving right and Billy B goes look doctor his pinky is moving right and
01:02:12
Doctor goes oh that is a sign so maybe we won't take him off for life support okay a month goes by doctor comes back
01:02:19
in goes um I'm sorry Billy po but one pinky isn't you know I mean a sign
01:02:26
we're gonna have to take him a lot but he goes Billy look his other Pinky and now Lo
01:02:35
B behold right both pinkies are moving both pinkies are moving right doctor goes fine next month goes fine right mhm
01:02:44
another finger the ring finger the ring finger right so as months goes by the
01:02:49
same thing happens every month the doctor comes in and a new finger is moving right eventually right all the
01:02:56
fingers are moving got it right right and so the doctor comes in and goes I'm
01:03:03
sorry Billy Bob even though all his fingers are moving right it doesn't mean right that you know he's Reviving or
01:03:11
right we still have we're going to take him off a life support right we got let him go it's been 10 [ __ ] months let
01:03:16
of this crazy [ __ ] right and um bil goes okay and he looks down at Antonio and
01:03:22
all of a sudden Antonio's eyes kind of flutter like this and it opens right
01:03:30
right and Billy bub goes doctor doctor his eyes are open and the doctor goes
01:03:36
are you sure and Antonio looks at the doctor then looks at Antonio and goes
01:03:43
T oh my God no Tada
01:03:49
Tada Rudy that was a great joke Bo I don't
01:03:55
why that joke I love that joke Tada Tada is the punch line can I give you one one more uh Street joke is it long it's just
01:04:01
bad no it's really bad and short they're all these are all bad yeah uh a guy goes into the doctor right and he has a
01:04:09
massively long penis huge it's [ __ ] huge and he walks in the doctor and the doctor says what seems to be the problem
01:04:15
and he says got got it got got got got got gotta get got got gotta
01:04:22
get some some some some help I I I I I can't I can't can't can't finish finish
01:04:29
the sent sentence and the doctor says well maybe you maybe you just have a a
01:04:34
really tremendous stutter we'll do some we'll do some research on you and they do research on them and they find out
01:04:40
all of the blood that should be rushing into his brain is's rushing to his big big penis the doctor says to the big penis man he says I'm gonna have to
01:04:47
remove a big chunk of your penis you know you've got too much dick and we're going to take away a lot of it we're
01:04:52
take a lot of it but you're still going to be left with a fine penis it's just it needs the to get back to your brain all stick to your
01:04:57
penis and the man says well well well well got it got it got it what what what you got do and so they so the doctor
01:05:05
says okay so they cut off the man's penis and they cut it down to less than half right yeah and they put the rest of
01:05:11
the penis aside yeah okay and uh and the guy leaves right and a month goes by and
01:05:19
he comes back into the doctor he says doc I can't live like this you need to give me my penis back you need to
01:05:25
reattach the other part of my penis because now I have this small penis and I don't like it and my stutter is gone but I just I just I can't get laid and
01:05:31
girls think my penis looks weird and I wish it was back to the way it was and it was even better then even though I didn't you know had sex that much and I
01:05:37
couldn't really finish the sentence but it didn't really matter because now girls don't want to sleep with me at all so you you got to attach my penis back
01:05:42
and the doctor says go go go go go go go f
01:05:49
[ __ ] he surgically put his penis back on that's real the doctor took his penis D
01:05:55
wow really good um I want to say I want to say to Rudy and all the other graduates
01:06:00
of the 2020 class cuz she's graduating her grade congratulations congratulations to
01:06:06
everybody that's graduating really happy for you guys you did it college is not going to be worth it you're going to
01:06:11
spend a lot of money and Bernie's not going to pay for it so guess what yeah Welcome to the Real World [ __ ] I have to say I have to admit that did you see
01:06:17
Keenan Ivory Wayne's speech on his speech on what com com no it is
01:06:25
so [ __ ] funny at the end I laugh so I don't know where Kila found it but um it
01:06:32
was so [ __ ] funny Keenan Ivory Wayne's message maybe that's it yeah
01:06:39
that's it let's here's graduation message it the ending is the good payoff well let's hear a little bit it's only two minutes hi everybody this is Kenan
01:06:46
Nai way I just want to say congratulations to the class of 2020 I know this sucks you worked your
01:06:53
ass off and now you don't even get to walk but that's what makes you the greatest generation of this New
01:07:00
Millennium in the face of a global pandemic you stayed focused continue to work hard and achieved your goals that's
01:07:08
the kind of leaders we're going to need in the future I wish you guys all the best keep striving keep smiling it's
01:07:15
really nice
01:07:20
[Laughter]
01:07:26
your pants on you say they just no no no no no no
01:07:33
no that's so funny it's very funny no no no no no yeah yeah that's a great bit
01:07:39
it's a great bit and which kid was that that's a son how many does he have
01:07:44
52 there's so many wayes there's so many Waynes they're all nice too Damon Waynes Jr had hit me up about something on
01:07:51
Twitter mhm and I said will you make me a William uh an
01:07:56
a Wes now and he said you're in so I'm an honorary oh [ __ ] I'm in I want to be
01:08:02
a wayes can't do it can't do it I love that guy uh Damon Wayne Jr yeah they're
01:08:08
all great they're all very I haven't met one that's not nice I've never met a Wayne [ __ ] that guy no they're all so nice it's crazy so nice and they're so
01:08:15
successful too it's annoying yeah they're amazing people very funny people I I remember watching Damon Wayne's um
01:08:21
his first HBO special thinking that it was the funniest thing I had ever seen I mean if you look back now I mean I've
01:08:27
been in comedy for a very long time very very long time well not that long how long you
01:08:33
been in comedy 40 over 20 years how long over 20 years how long how long 24 years
01:08:38
wow yeah how long do you think I've been in comedy for 12 years 14 14 years Fourth of July will be
01:08:46
my 14th birthday of Comedy I moved here on the fourth of July isn't that amazing yeah congratulations for not
01:08:53
quitting what the [ __ ] does that mean that you wanted me to quit did you think I was going to quit I didn't think you
01:09:00
hit the back you didn't you didn't back bone you don't think I have the backbone
01:09:06
yeah because you know there's a lot of you don't think I have the backbone there's a lot of sacrifice that you need
01:09:11
to have and I didn't think you could sacrifice but you did you what was the sacrifice you don't think I could have
01:09:16
sacrificed just the years of not getting paid the years of slowly climbing up the
01:09:21
system you know that's a difficult thing to I thought that you were weak in that way way but you weren't so that's my bad
01:09:28
you thought I was weak in that way I just didn't think you had the resolve to do it why what would have given you that
01:09:33
int that impression just you're just the hey guys you know what I mean I was like Dad that guy's not that's me I'm hey hey
01:09:41
guys that's me well whatever what's up FAS this is me hey guys it's something
01:09:47
like that okay this is you all right anyway anyway we okay so this week we
01:09:54
our special guest is back Andreas lit us up two weeks ago his jokes were really
01:10:00
good making fun of you and me they're pretty good they're pretty good yeah let's call the kid and see what he's
01:10:05
got he may have something good he may have nothing you never know with him he's a fancy
01:10:15
bee fancy B fancy B our special guest is Andreas fancy B
01:10:21
rosende we're excited he's going to be uh giving us his stand up comedy stylings and if he's good enough he's
01:10:27
going to open for me and Bobo when we go back on the road you ready you ready okay ready let's let's
01:10:33
hear it sweetheart okay wait a second I'm ready yeah wait a second he
01:10:41
has to wear his dice jacket what's up what is that a rack of DVDs back there or is that books DVDs those oh [ __ ] oh
01:10:51
up [ __ ] you guys keep coming by for more huh I guess you really need
01:10:57
some talent in this show who produces this [ __ ] by the way CU everyone seen
01:11:02
George you know I'm missing him how bad do you have to suck at your
01:11:08
job that you get replaced by high school girl and the show gets
01:11:16
better a master Dee right and what laughing too hard wow but they it was so
01:11:24
loud in there but the neighbors called animal control because they thought you guys have a hyena in the room George
01:11:31
reminds me to that kid in Home Alone if he grew up to H down
01:11:36
Sy he wants to be a comedian oh yeah he really wants to do stand up your comedic
01:11:42
inspiration is done in Krueger because you suck but you don't know how much you
01:11:47
suck learn from me my Comm inspiration Freddy Krueger because I kill every time
01:11:54
if in your dreams anyway so let's let's talk to someone else here oh yeah let's
01:12:02
go to our favorite mute of bad friends Rose hey Rose what a journey you
01:12:09
had you left Mayo headed for this [ __ ] I know look Rose or Jules or Rudy you had
01:12:17
more nicknames that word you have said in this show he laugh at himself it it
01:12:24
looks like you in for the quiet place every time and still you got more lines
01:12:30
in than Bobby and the wrong music oh he takes out the mic he's
01:12:35
slaping it he loves it wow what are you you're saying something Jules you have
01:12:41
to speak into the mic you what that mic girl like Andre is speaking on the set
01:12:47
Disaster Artist you're angry know because smell
01:12:54
like George's bread which smells like balls because he sucks so much of
01:13:01
it Jules I wanted to understand your struggles so I saw 90 days PN and yeah
01:13:09
Rose's dad lives on a pig farm so how do you manage to find the
01:13:15
only place in America that is worth than living with a pig living with Bobby
01:13:21
Lee see what is the American dream cleaning Millionaire's houses
01:13:26
that sounds more like the Mexican dream to me yeah I sympathize I also can hear
01:13:33
looking for the American dream but mine doesn't include a knife in mean you have
01:13:39
some psycho dreams girl living with Bobby is like living with a puppy except
01:13:45
you can probably train a puppy playing video games but in real
01:13:50
life you came here as a teenager and now you have to raise one wow anyway that's all I got for you
01:13:59
guys yeah hey let's Heckle you now we get to Heckle you CH in yeah yeah look
01:14:06
at the what's up Pablo Espresso
01:14:11
Bar I like that jean jacket who's is that tell me that's your girlfriend's this yeah no this is
01:14:21
George's good that's even better that's even better all right see you Andre J
01:14:27
you f bye buddy real fun Bud you're the bye what a chance what a guy love him
01:14:33
ripped you apart Jules Jules are you mad about that no no you like that when are you going to you you going to do stand
01:14:40
up too right we got to get some jokes for her I know people if we wrote you jokes would you tell it I don't know no
01:14:46
get closer to the mic Jules I don't know if we how about this you got you should
01:14:51
you'd love it no here here's the thing because she did something for her School the other day where look at look at look
01:14:57
at her what did you do for your school she had to do a video thing for her school look at her look how look at how
01:15:03
look at her face now right what was it and and I'm like can I see it she like no she won't let me watch anything well
01:15:10
because you're probably going to be judgmental about it she's afraid huh no I'm not going to be judgmental look at how mad she is I brought it up what was
01:15:15
the thing you had to do for school um it's like a oneman show wait like a like a monologue yeah yeah do you have it
01:15:22
yeah but I'm not proud of it so can we see it no come on yeah no I'm not proud of it it's really it's really bad please
01:15:30
no how about this why don't why don't you just show us we won't airun yeah we won we'll cut it out where
01:15:37
is it I love see what I'm saying all right how about this anybody everyone has a price how much money does Tito
01:15:43
Bobby need to pay you to show it no it's $1,000 it's really bad
01:15:49
$1,000,000 $1,000 15 $1,500 ,500 2,000
01:15:55
there's no money amount of money you're not going to you won't do it for 2,000 no five grand holy
01:16:02
[ __ ] but she was in a play though when the school when before the pandemic she
01:16:07
was in a play what was it called um something rotten yeah you don't know the name of
01:16:13
the thing you were in it's something wrot oh it's called something rotten something and then she had to take a tap
01:16:20
right tap dancing lessons she's hating this right now right so can you some show some tap dancing moves no I'm you
01:16:27
took lessons yeah but I was at The Beginner's level show me the beginning
01:16:32
moves like you know the beginning moves yeah I'm not good at it though it doesn't matter it's not the point Rudy
01:16:39
see here's what I'm trying to get her to do she come out of her shell not come out of her shell she's so afraid of
01:16:45
embarrassing herself or how she's going to look and stuff but what I'm telling her is but she's in that age range yeah
01:16:52
but I'm I'm I'm what I'm saying is is that when you go out people people are
01:16:57
successful not because of their college education generally people are successful because of communication
01:17:03
skills we know dudes that have no [ __ ] education at all but they can
01:17:09
make a living just by their the the way they can communicate yeah sure and so
01:17:15
I'm telling her that that's the key to success is to learn how to communicate
01:17:20
and to take risks and to be bold yeah and you're not you're just in your shell
01:17:27
you're in your shell and we want to get you so on this show I think that this is a great opportunity for us to set up
01:17:35
situations for you to say things and to perform yeah you know and if you don't like them we can always cut it out you
01:17:43
know but we won't yeah we won't yeah we're going to leave it we will leave it for sure right so we're going to give
01:17:51
you an assignment for next week yeah next week so what's the assignment uh I want you to make a sing something I want
01:17:57
I want you to make a tap dancing video for if you don't want to sing you don't have to but a tap dancing video for us an instructional video for me and Tito
01:18:05
to learn how to tap dance because we want to we talked about it a bunch yeah okay so I'm going to tape it on my
01:18:10
iPhone okay yeah I'm going to tape you right and we're going to do uh Juliana's
01:18:16
tap dancing beginner course from and and some of the excerpts from something what was it called something's rotten
01:18:23
something rotten okay can you do the steps from something's rotten um I I
01:18:28
wasn't part of the dance I was um part of like the acting why did you take tap
01:18:33
then um for the call backs oh oh you
01:18:40
didn't get the part that where you had to tap dance yeah so you have lines in this in this play hey that's okay we
01:18:49
don't get a lot of stuff and we get call backs and we don't get a lot of stuff sometimes sometimes we're in second
01:18:55
position but did you did you have lines in the in the in the show um I think so
01:19:01
okay will you do some of the lines in the show no it was only one line can you do the one
01:19:06
line I forgot one line and you forgot it can't can't remember line do your one
01:19:11
line from [ __ ] forget wrong Missy um do your line hey um Mr Mrs something you
01:19:20
have a reservation I don't yeah so I guess it is easy to forget one line huh huh no I guess that's it we forgot one
01:19:27
line that's fine that happens we got to do something like you karaoke something
01:19:32
next week yeah she will okay we'll do live karaoke That's the homework assignment is you have to think about
01:19:38
what you want to present to the show next week because the fans want to see it the fans love you yeah the fans absolutely adore you they actually a lot
01:19:44
of fans love the Andreas bit a lot of them don't like Andreas doing standup I love it I don't care yeah there there's
01:19:49
never really been anything negative about jwes on the on the they they love her and they should
01:19:55
and they show because she's the best but if they're sending dirty DMS we're going to dig into those DMS and if you're showing your pip also this she had to
01:20:02
create a different um Instagram account because she her private one got hacked no how many people do you are following
01:20:08
you on your private one um like 900 so you have 900 on your private one and you
01:20:15
have 10,000 on not 10 8 8,000 on the Rudy one 10,000 on that one almost yeah
01:20:22
hopefully we're going to get you to 100 grand 100,000 but the thing is is um I just
01:20:28
said it again you said it all podcast the thing is it's thing it's the thing you do that's part of it how about you
01:20:35
say every every time I say it I owe somebody money I don't want to say it anymore can
01:20:41
that be a thing yeah I want to do a charity thing okay I'm going to bring in a bucket yeah and every time you say
01:20:46
something you have to put in a dollar and I'm going to tell you because I'm I'm trying to get out of start bringing singles I'll bring singles and what
01:20:52
charity are we going to donate to uh uh probably The Comedy Store fund no no
01:20:59
something like real like children's hospital or something Children's Hospital what's a charity is there a is there a charity that you know that you
01:21:04
like Jules um no she's already in her head now look at her well because she's pissed off that you talked about the tap
01:21:10
dancing and now everybody knows we're going to find that video whether you like it or not it's going to go up on the show she's so angry yep it's going
01:21:15
to get hundreds of thousands of eyeballs watching you tap dance oh there's no video oh there will be Tito Bob's gonna make a video and
01:21:22
guess what you don't want to tap you don't want to make the video out on the street there's a nice Bridge there's a
01:21:28
nice Bridge down the street you can sleep under it's a nice overpass are you prepared for that you're going to get involved one way or another Missy mhm
01:21:35
all right I'm tired of your [ __ ] [ __ ] you're going to get involved yep all right yep yeah God all right
01:21:43
thank you for being a bad [Music]
01:21:53
friend for
