00:00:00
you two are bad friends who are these two idiots white dude i'm an asian dude you two
00:00:07
are disgusting oh you two or something we're bad friends can i play you a song to start
00:00:13
the show why i want to play you a song you can do whatever you want it's your show baby oh boy it's you you make all the
00:00:20
decisions i'm going to do this i'm going to do i'm going to come up with these little games that we do call-ins and these
00:00:26
little sketchy sketch things and i'm going to choose the bad friends colors and the background
00:00:32
and okay i'm going to change i'm going to do the art direction can you imagine and and then bob you just show up okay so
00:00:40
why do you even ask me i mean it's see what i mean there we go yeah is it nothing about my flat face or
00:00:53
nope okay did you sing it no this is a kid named amphu it's a remix from last week's episode is it that is that is that is it
00:01:04
weird isn't that not only that is that this is that is [Music] is [Music] that's really good i don't have enough problems oh get [ __ ] that's such a fun song that some guy did
00:01:54
rude do you like it yeah yeah you do because i'm going to say this you [ __ ] live in my house
00:02:00
rent free baby and you pay her and i pay you and i feed you all right so how about one time you're [ __ ] how about one time you're [ __ ] side with me oh papa's angry
00:02:13
shout out to um my friend raymie and branson and frankie they live in georgia and we play warzone together
00:02:20
shout out to you guys we took number one one time during the week what's up babies
00:02:26
it's shout out to my georgia [ __ ] uh warzone buddies on on online what's up babies yeah what's up
00:02:34
babies yeah you know the thing is which the thing is is that this is that this is that is that um i've been uh trying to get you to play warzone but now you won't play because
00:02:48
of the fact that um fatty eric griffin put posted online i don't want to be on youtube yeah we're not gonna because i'm not that good when we play we're not gonna go online so will you
00:02:59
promise me this do you play tonight yeah did no promise me this that you play tonight or no i can't play tonight why because i have a thing what thing it's date night tonight
00:03:11
really at midnight i'm asking we're supposed to be [ __ ] then oh so you [ __ ] every friday night no no well
00:03:18
we [ __ ] a lot of nights but i'm saying we do it because the pandemic has kept us in the house and we don't like have any normal lives
00:03:23
we've been doing date night once or twice a week so we arrange a nice night to get
00:03:28
dressed up to make a nice dinner to like like not just do the like the tv sit around
00:03:33
[ __ ] off things well what about then saturday night war zone baby okay saturday night i'll play it's at
00:03:38
midnight whenever whatever time you want to play or if you're not on dude i'm done with this podcast great okay oh don't roll your
00:03:45
eyes because i'm being real stupid because i've been asking you all week and i i get hurt i tell all everyone you get hurt but you sit
00:03:52
there with eric griffin chumming around with grip are we gonna go in here bobby here we go we're gonna go get the money bobby hey bobby he's
00:03:58
leading you around that game and you're letting him do it it's making me sick it's making me sick
00:04:04
i know i understand that i don't like what he does i don't like it i don't like it either but bobby we
00:04:09
gotta go over here to get this day cash drop yeah i don't like it though put it in
00:04:15
the box and make it a balloon go how do balloon go up i know i don't like it i don't like it either and then you put it on youtube
00:04:21
asking you to play i will so that we can weed him out he's going to get so mad when you know what's going to happen i don't
00:04:27
i don't know what you think that i feel good about a fatty fat [ __ ] like him leading me in a war we're gonna
00:04:34
get here's what's gonna happen hey baby he goes hey baby let's go into that [ __ ] uh mcdonald's right there and wait wait for the i know what he's trying to
00:04:41
[ __ ] do half of the game was spent in fast food for something i know he always wants to go to those [ __ ] like abandoned [ __ ] fast food places
00:04:47
i don't know why because it's like rem it's like an old ptsd thing yeah i don't know so hey tell me before you left to go
00:04:55
outside you think the pandy is um a conspiracy well you know here's the here's the
00:05:00
thing uh bobby me yeah you're bob yeah i don't know much i re i you know i read i read articles on on the web yeah i watched the news the you know
00:05:10
maybe it's the fake news i have no idea well it's all fake pretty yeah and and and i'm getting i get pulled
00:05:16
one direction right because for me my foundation is i'll admit is i you know papa's a
00:05:23
a liberal i'm a liberal you're a liberal yeah and um so then i kind of generally listen to oh
00:05:29
yeah i'm on this team but there are sides of me now that is being pulled in the other direction well what led you to this what article did you did you wrote well it's just
00:05:40
i just i sometimes i listen to like joe rogan and all those kind of brian callan and those
00:05:45
guys well don't listen to callan that's a that's a foolish mistake that guy's a [ __ ] and then i just as then joe rogan
00:05:51
you know he said that maybe that he's going to move to montana or something so he can do
00:05:56
stand-up and stuff he wants to move because he has enough money to go wherever he wants yeah if you were that rich wouldn't you
00:06:03
just leave i would have left a long time what would be the purpose yeah like paulie flew to
00:06:09
hawaii i would fly to hawaii too yeah he's in hawaii right now speaking of hawaii and your shirt look at you got a
00:06:15
hawaiian shirt on i watched your movie last night and i called you didn't i uh oh god
00:06:22
i watched so dave listen david spade is a new movie called the wrong missy on netflix we're g spade's our homie we love spade he's our
00:06:28
buddy swartzen is in it who by the way so funny and i texted nick i go very funny in the movie he goes it's the fattest i've ever been and i go i don't i don't it is the fantasies probably
00:06:39
yeah definitely but it's not that he was fat he's not fat in it it's just i think um bloated it looks like that he like jimmy
00:06:46
he was regular-sized and he died went into the ocean they found him and then you know over the week the the
00:06:53
the ocean water made him bloaty that's mean he's our friend that's mean he's our friend oh then it
00:06:59
looks like instead of that it looks like that he uh it was a regular guy right he got real
00:07:04
hungover right and then just ate a buffet in vegas for 24 hours straight and then flew to hawaii to shoot and then no and then went onto a ball got shot in the head went to the water and then he got bloated
00:07:18
i called you after i watched the movie and that you bro put me in a [ __ ] bad mood i heard you in a bad mood
00:07:24
i said this let the [ __ ] let's let the fans decide then i said this phrase my wife and i said
00:07:31
an under utilization of your talent it's a bummer that i didn't see more of you that's a
00:07:37
compliment bob that's saying i wish i i wanted to see more of you i i was since the year 2000 i've been
00:07:44
auditioning for adam sandler movies i auditioned for a bunch of them uh the pixels did you go
00:07:51
for that yeah a bunch of zohan a bunch of stuff okay and i could never get into his
00:07:57
world you know i memorize the lines i go in there i could never get into a movie and that's a dream like i just want to be in
00:08:04
an adam sandler movie yeah okay now you are so then last summer spade calls me goes hey man
00:08:13
will you do one line in my movie in hawaii and if anybody had asked me that yeah i'd be
00:08:19
like ah [ __ ] yo you would if i asked you you'd do it for me there's rare occasions i would do it for you yeah but most people most people i just be if
00:08:31
especially if my agent called me goes this one line he'd even talk me out of it probably and go
00:08:37
i i don't think it's worth your time but spade wanted you to do it he called you directly yeah spade called me and i and i go
00:08:45
one line i go i don't and he goes it's a big favor to me and adam and that was like to egret no adam
00:08:52
sandler oh the other adam who produced it so i go ah [ __ ] maybe this is my way into that world and and you know i went i went there and i was kind of just like
00:09:03
i have one line so it was no pressure i didn't i slept fine that night you know so usually when i'm i've been in a
00:09:08
movie before did you stay in that hotel that you guys shot in no it was a different hotel that they
00:09:14
shot but my point is is then when i showed up um i'm on set and you know you see all my friends are there watowski love him he's so funny so funny um
00:09:27
lapkus yeah spade yeah and i'm um and i i do i do wife sandler's wife i do one take right and then i hear cut i shouldn't be talking about this i'm
00:09:40
gonna i i'm done this isn't bad it's not bad i know i shouldn't be talking about this but
00:09:45
um i hear cut and then i see on my peripheral vision mr sandler come across you know what i
00:09:52
mean to come to me you gotta do it a different way yeah yeah and it's just not right
00:09:59
whatever i'm doing is not right the vibe wasn't right what he wanted yeah i think i was making because you know and back in the mad tv
00:10:06
my tv days if they gave me a line i would do everything i can to get a laugh from that one line well that was that was the job right right that was so even if it was like you know welcome to mcdonald's right i
00:10:19
would go you know do something you know maybe i'd do a stutter or you know me do what you would do i would do
00:10:24
something to get especially in front of a live audience do whatever i can to get a laugh you'd go welcome
00:10:30
to yeah you'd do it huge but i didn't do that it's a movie so i go you know i'll just play as real but try to get a ben it's just every take was like it's too broad it's too
00:10:42
i don't understand what you're you know it just wasn't working so what you see in the movie is
00:10:48
as you know what i did and um it hurt my feelings feelings have you seen the whole film you haven't watched it no no so you don't even know what it is
00:10:59
oh i've seen the clips that i they sent you the clip people fans go you got a line and you find that condescending i find it to be um listen
00:11:12
i'm not like some of these other comics that you know are trying i'm not like i don't want to [ __ ] name anybody okay don't name anybody but i've done a lot of tv shows and yeah
00:11:27
movies it's it's not as if it's my first rodeo baby and i um so you know by doing one line i'm doing a favor i'm trying to like
00:11:42
go you know what try to be in service yeah service the film service the film yeah that's the movie and um i did that but in retrospect
00:11:52
maybe i shouldn't have done it well here's the thing and you've been in those situations before bob come on bud i have the
00:11:58
you wanna you wanna you wanna have the fans get a real good laugh go ahead and watch uh james franco's the disaster artist which is based on
00:12:04
the movie the room which is one of the worst movies of all time uh your boy is in four scenes
00:12:10
i'm in the first [ __ ] scene like the first thing you see it's my big [ __ ] orange head guess
00:12:16
what i say what nothing this is i go like this and they cut me out i have literally zero dialogue yeah you see me about to say something four times nathan
00:12:27
fielder and i had a whole bit in an alleyway gone i was so mad about it i know like so hurt by it i know you were that i genuinely wanted to say something
00:12:39
to franco and be like my guy i respect what what people do when they cut a movie and things end up on the
00:12:45
editing floor that's how it goes but then don't show me what do you mean well don't show me and i don't say anything all right don't show me cut around you
00:12:58
yeah don't show me i don't cut around you that's good show me but if it's a wide shot and your little orange head because it's
00:13:04
not it's hard it's not hard to miss hey you're ugly orange head vfx can do wild cool stuff you could
00:13:10
have just done something right get rid of me get rid of me cut around me it's you know you know how television a film works you do not because you do a thousand takes there's a way to
00:13:21
cut around how cool is it though right that i was a part of it no but how cool listen to this logic though
00:13:27
let's suppose i directed a movie right and i just i directed a movie and i had tom hardy
00:13:33
in it but i cut out all his lines yeah but he's still in it yeah and people are watching and go oh
00:13:39
tom hartley he that's how cool bobby lee's movie is that even tom hardy is an extra
00:13:45
yeah but that would that's tom i'm me that's tom hardy he's a [ __ ] superstar i'm trying you're a superstar too no i'm
00:13:52
trying to comedy who has been originally trying billboard only billboard is huge yeah louie fitzsimmons not he doesn't have
00:13:59
hair anymore neither of them do okay louie yeah brad's or there's a bunny louie burr uh fitz fitzsimmons uh
00:14:07
um carrot kathy griffin kathy griffin uh lucille ball r.i.p yeah um there's a lot a lot of redheads you're right and you're like the last
00:14:20
one i'm seventh no you're probably you're the you're up there no my point my point is
00:14:25
i have no disrespect to james and to seth and those guys i i think seth and evan i love those guys i wanted to be in
00:14:30
part of their camp too just like you want to be a sandler yeah the the thing that broke my heart was i i went to the [ __ ] premiere
00:14:37
dude did they didn't tell you before you went to the premiere they don't tell you oh my god if i was in the audience and i saw that
00:14:43
i would probably kill myself right there in the theater so i almost did i mean i i can't imagine you in the
00:14:48
theater watching the whole thing and what was going through your head oh that's joy so here's what happened here oh i look at it
00:14:54
i went to the it was at the man's chinese theater it was out to premiere uh your uncle uh your uncle chung man owns it and uh
00:15:01
wong man sorry the wong man and i went to the premiere we sat in the very far back corners me and the me and my uh my lady and um and the movie starts and i see it i'm
00:15:14
kind of get into and then i think oh okay okay well they didn't use me at this front scene even though i had a really funny line
00:15:19
to james it's okay and i see the next one i was like [Laughter] yeah i was at the lunch table i thought i had some really funny lines to june diane raphael you know who she is right yeah
00:15:30
and then i thought uh and then me her and paul shearer and um davey franco were in this other
00:15:38
room together and then i thought well this scene literally calls for us to make fun of the other scene it's us
00:15:44
it's us yeah and um and then nothing there and so then i get to the fourth time i come on camera and i was next to you i would have been laughing
00:15:54
the whole time and i get so hurt by it that i mean this as we're leaving yeah i had a full
00:16:02
fledged panic attack my blood pressure went up i couldn't i couldn't see i was getting like i couldn't breathe so i grabbed my wife's
00:16:08
hand and i was like let's go let's go immediately like let's get in the [ __ ] car and what did you get the [ __ ] out of here she was she was so bummed for me
00:16:15
she was just super hurt she was like it's okay she goes do you want to show your face at the party because you people that don't know after you do a premiere you have to go
00:16:21
to this after party did you go no i went right to my house and i sat in my [ __ ] bed and i'm not kidding i didn't sleep for like two days because i
00:16:27
was just like this must mean i suck this must mean they don't like me this must mean i'm [ __ ] dog [ __ ]
00:16:33
all the dude like tortured me over and over and then a piece of me was like and then i felt bad that i didn't go to the
00:16:39
party oh am i a [ __ ] why wouldn't i go to that party now they're gonna be like that guy's a [ __ ] [ __ ] he didn't even go to the party
00:16:44
all of that stuff was going through my head and you know come to come to know that those guys don't give a [ __ ] they have to do what they have to
00:16:51
do it's like they didn't do that on purpose it's a thing it's nobody cares that's my point is like
00:16:56
it's over it's in the past it's not there was no reason for it it was just it was what it was but i've always wanted to be a part of a
00:17:03
camp i think that's the problem of course we want to be a part of schwarzenegger's in the sandler campus
00:17:09
but he's been in there first i know but i'm saying though you know ken jones in the camp which camp what was he in he's more he's
00:17:16
he's in the apatow that kind of camp no he's not ken john no he's not he not really he
00:17:22
ken just gets a lot of work he just gets work he he's hangover got him a lot of work he's not in like a camp camp like schwartz and
00:17:29
those guys i get it all the guys that do sandler films uh schneider they're all in the same space they're all in the same that makes sense
00:17:36
and and evan and uh seth and evan do a lot of the same kind of people franco and his brother and
00:17:42
yeah yeah dude those are great places to [ __ ] be we had to create our own camp that's the point well let's create our own camp i'm lazy
00:17:49
i don't know how to do it who would be in your camp oh [ __ ] i would uh my camp yeah what am
00:17:55
i in it oh yeah 100 right on if i had a camp let's say i was a full-fledged writer director let's say
00:18:02
you had a huge studio deal with your universal gave you a huge like ten picture deal and they're like bobby you got a stu you gotta you have a
00:18:08
bungalow on the lot you can you can hire writers and actors and directors who are you picking wow that's difficult
00:18:17
but um i would probably do you i would to try to help my friends that i think are really good that don't work as much as they i think they should who do you think is really good that doesn't work rosenbaum
00:18:28
yeah mike i think michael rosenbaum is very funny i've got to text him back i have to text him back about doing a show yeah i feel bad i just remembered that
00:18:35
yeah i would probably sasso easily one of the funniest people i would use this also
00:18:41
the standard but a lot of chicks too i'd probably use um you know i like melissa viensen you're a
00:18:46
lot one of my one of my closest friends yeah there would be a bunch but um i love her probably who jay cataprida maybe would
00:18:53
you hire griff of course i'd have to as well as what security you know i mean how you going the lot and he was he's the one that checks the id you got to pass you got about yeah you
00:19:04
can't get on the lot man stand to drive on yeah you've got to put another list man or let me call let me call
00:19:10
you know how they call yeah this episode is sponsored by bluechu guys remember the days when you
00:19:17
were always ready to go yeah when you were revving that engine ready now i'm ready to pump on a time now you can increase your the
00:19:24
performance and your libido get that confidence in bed back up right bob bluechew.com that's
00:19:29
blue like the color blue bluetooth brings you the first chewable same fda approved active ingredients as viagra and cialis
00:19:36
you can take them anytime day or night full stomach or like bob an empty stomach when you're fasting
00:19:41
yeah yeah they work twice as fast as a pill so you can be ready whenever an opportunity arises that's right
00:19:47
bluetooth is prescribed online by licensed physicians so you don't have to go to the doctor's office and wait in line at a pharmacy it ships right to your door and a
00:19:54
discreet package it's not going to say blue chew on it it's going to say something else yeah i'm going to use blue chin this week and i'm going to try it out okay
00:20:00
i've tried out really fun they're made in the usa and since bluetooth prepares and ships direct
00:20:05
they're cheaper than a pharmacy no awkwardness and you don't have to leave the house it's pretty incredible honestly it works
00:20:11
very well no one needs to know it's your business do what you need to do to get that thing pumped up and ready to rock go to bluetooth.com get your first
00:20:18
shipment for free when you use our promo code bad friends just pay five bucks for shipping again that's blue b-l-u-e chew dot com promo code is
00:20:25
that friends it's the better cheaper faster choice yeah go to bluetooth.com and type in bad friends that's right me undies hey
00:20:32
guys uh me undies is my favorite pair of underwears i use i use it on the road i use it when i
00:20:37
perform i use it during the day when i lounge around it's so comfortable yeah they're great actually they fit nice and snug and they don't ride up on
00:20:44
you like like other underwear it's like the most soft sustainable underwear on earth and you can get funky
00:20:49
prints you can get unicorn on there or you can go old school just black and you know leave it leave it leave it boring but not bob bob always has funky me
00:20:56
underneath yeah like leopards you got to up your undie game they're made of soft sustainable fabric and they go from small
00:21:02
me all the way up to bob for xl 4xl is what bobby wears yes i do they have a great offer for our listeners they make the best underwear seriously we both do really love it
00:21:12
we had our buddy brandon dermer used our coats i love him yeah has a great offer for my listeners or
00:21:18
our listeners is usually mine for any first-time purchasers you get 15 off and free shipping it's a no-brainer
00:21:24
they're they're 100 satisfaction guarantee you will love them they're not going to get stuck in your tush get 50 off your first order free
00:21:30
shipping 100 satisfaction guarantee go to meundies.com bad friends that's me undies dot com
00:21:35
slash bad friends that's right that i i think i already told you about just i've had so many problems at those gates oh it's it's endless for people that don't know when you go up to a gate warner
00:21:47
brothers universe or one of these lots yeah they have to check your id and you have to have a drive on pass to get your car on there and if they don't
00:21:52
they embarrass you and they make you pull over to the side well everyone dude just like scans in yeah and they have to call and go yeah he's out here
00:22:00
it's it's i i just pitched with howie mendel and joe coy before the quarantine yeah and i was at um he was in netflix
00:22:07
or someplace like that and i'm at the gate and i'm telling them i'm on the list like you're not on the list
00:22:13
man get out of here you just get out of here shut up i'm not kidding you i could get out of here i
00:22:18
swear to god i'm with howie mandel he's he just texted me right you go no you don't know my i wouldn't
00:22:24
get out of here what do you think you were like and then i hear how we go hey bobby lee i go like this and you
00:22:31
could see the security guy's face go just drop and go all right did this guy have like a vendetta against you no it's just i don't look like i should be in showbiz yes you
00:22:42
do no i don't yeah you do no you do i know i was at a hotel rooms me jordan peele and arden marine were
00:22:48
publicizing um mad tv and i was at a hotel yeah and i just sitting outside and the security guard comes up to me goes get off the premises shut up that's
00:23:01
the first thing comes out of those i go what did i do what why my only guess because it was in a really nice hotel
00:23:08
right and i always look you know i mean like i'm a black market pineapple smuggler
00:23:15
you know i mean yeah just like shady yeah like i have a human trafficking business on the side yeah you're up to something you're
00:23:21
driving it you're driving a a u-haul for some reason and without even asking me are you a guest or anything like that
00:23:27
his opening line was get off the premises or i'll call the police i like this guy no but i'm just saying
00:23:33
that i just have that vibe i think i don't fee i don't look oh there's nothing i was i did this nickelodeon
00:23:39
show once and i show up to paramount and um the late i go to the lady and she goes all right
00:23:45
in this room and i go what room i'm bobby lee she i know in this room so i go in the room and it's like 10 000 extras and i wanted to say to her you know i
00:23:56
was a principal on it yeah yeah but instead of saying that i go okay and you just did it
00:24:02
i just sat there for an hour why would you do that so that that kid lady would get in trouble you wanted to get this woman
00:24:07
fired because of your device yeah so then my agent calls me i'm sitting there and she goes where are you i got that
00:24:15
i'm here i've been i was here early i was i'm in the [ __ ] extra stable because what
00:24:22
yeah that lady the blonde lady with the thing sent me here and then she comes out to me and she
00:24:27
goes are you bobby lee okay yeah you're the one that's yeah i told you i was but you're not supposed to be i go you sent me in here and she got in so much
00:24:38
trouble she probably got fired i don't give a [ __ ] don't do that that girl is probably making like nobody know who's coming know who's coming who's coming
00:24:44
no who's coming i've done so many of those little weird things i can't do that though why it's too mean
00:24:49
it's too mean i just i who cares sometimes when someone goes that i've been treated like that oh
00:24:54
i show up for a show fight for yourself when i did the second episode for this is us when i tried to when i went back
00:25:00
there yeah get there to do their rematch it's like a comedy club not letting you win your headline i don't care enough i care it's disrespectful i didn't do
00:25:15
right ten years of open mics you did i know i did yeah but i didn't do it you could still
00:25:20
use a couple more to be honest um maybe i will move to stop don't move maybe i will so what do you believe what do you believe the conspiracy by the way you believe that uh this is this is bologna pony pudding
00:25:33
pie i don't believe that oh [ __ ] let me play you something um let me play something your your lovely girl sent me this as you know okay this is something that
00:25:46
we this is something that we have on the show here you this was from before this is you this is tutti this is 2d bobo that's how i wake up this is 2d bobo
00:25:59
this is waking up at about 2 45 this is we played this a couple weeks ago [Music]
00:26:06
there he goes come back this way come back this way i really like that yeah yeah that fart that fart she she's so turned
00:26:27
off on my farts that you what i do at nights i have a system now it's so gross i know i have a system
00:26:32
because i have a very tight butthole well a guy named spencer tritt did you a favor so what i do at night can i just
00:26:38
finish what i'm my point so what i do is i take both fingers when i have to fart oh boy and i spread my cheeks as wide as i can to create the biggest opening
00:26:49
and it goes like a like a loose queef it goes oh like that and then i trapped the fart
00:26:55
in the blanket and i but did you know this and this is science yeah no matter how long you trap it stays it's dead okay i know it doesn't go away so i don't know you know
00:27:06
i show it to biology class or something but you know that's science you learn everything new every day you know so mean i know it's
00:27:14
so gross what are you gonna do i'm old my body i think i the mechanisms but you work you just roll over get out of bed fart and get back in that's what i do i get out get out far when you get off the bed if it's going
00:27:26
to be a bad one if it's going to be a bad one do you ever think when you fart into the mattress does it stay in there how long like
00:27:31
i think about that how many pool particles stay inside of there oh probably a lot so many yeah yeah listen to what this
00:27:36
boy did for you for that that that fart sound this is how good this is another [ __ ] techno kid sent us something that i'm i'm amazed by
00:27:44
[Applause] listen how good is this so good it's really actually good it's this kid's name is fractal beef rudy you like it
00:28:04
[Music] shout out to spencer tritt [Music] it's so good i mean that's really a really talented fan dude that's the point so many talented fans thank you so much thank you for that kind of stuff man you have so many
00:28:31
talented tell me about tell me seriously tell me about your conspiracy shout out to raymie and uh you once said you watched ranky from
00:28:37
georgia you watch rogan you and you bought into the thing that you believe that it's um i told rudy before that they did a study
00:28:43
in the philippines that he talked about on there in the philippines they found that people that have higher levels of
00:28:49
vitamin d had seven times uh the chances of having a less severe covid infection you know
00:28:56
they're saying sun helps a lot yeah vitamin d guess who has the highest yeah vitamin e from the sun what has it
00:29:01
had the orange yes the oranges redheads have have have super high levels of vitamin d
00:29:07
why do we produce high levels of vitamin d yes because of the sun because we're not going to take yourself to be outside
00:29:12
yeah so our body naturally soup like a superhero i make tons of vitamin d wow i didn't know that i tried to google
00:29:19
it to try to find out if any redheads have died from covid yeah and they don't categorize you by hair but they should
00:29:24
they should you know but they do make a point that if here's a i i want to be mindful
00:29:31
and i i i i really feel even well how many we've had 80 85 000 deaths in this country a lot of people so sad a lot of people have died and it's devastating and i feel so bad for their families uh
00:29:44
but we but they're you know when i talked to adam igit yesterday i talked to him yesterday too what time did when did he say that the
00:29:50
comedy store might open september me too you said that but here's the caveat september caveat means here's the
00:29:57
exception of the rule do you really exception to the rule [Laughter] the caveat he said was that it's going to be half capacities in most of those rooms and they won't be able to open all of them anyway so what that really means is
00:30:11
what i said the other day before you get into your your honest truth depiction i said to rudy before
00:30:17
the show i said i believe in my heart i'm not trying to sound like a crazy person
00:30:23
i believe that it's real it is all real but i do think they're not telling us something and it's gonna
00:30:28
when it does come out it's gonna [ __ ] blow it's gonna be the scariest world-changing event wait wait you think
00:30:33
that i think they know something and the reason that they extended our stay for indoors for three more months is because they can't tell us something
00:30:41
that you think that i think you think it's a lie or you think that you know that chronovirus can mutate into
00:30:47
something even crazy i think there's a bigger detail that we don't know about i think international [ __ ] i think there's international
00:30:53
conversation between massive world leaders and essentially in my stupid dumb make it up while i'm running in the middle of the night i think this was a threat it was a this is
00:31:05
what's going to happen you think this was a biological weapon that was 100 a biological weapon that the ching
00:31:12
chong's created to destroy america i don't even think it was them actually if i'm being honest irish
00:31:18
no the irish are the greatest people on earth that's right okay i wouldn't do that my bad no but do you know that the lab in wuhan the sister lab is in south
00:31:23
carolina here in the united states they actually did not they actually disproved a wet market theory that's not it didn't come from a wet market
00:31:28
yeah i know i believe that it did come from a lab not only did it come from a lab nobody knows where that lab which lab it
00:31:35
came from it didn't it's not the lab in america how do you know how the [ __ ] would you because it happened in wuhan first
00:31:40
it doesn't matter dude that's that could be the way that they start that viral viral spread if they contain it they
00:31:46
could have these are sister labs we don't know what we're talking about we don't i think they don't they're not
00:31:52
telling us one big thing and at the end of the year they're gonna go [ __ ] here's what's going on with it there's
00:31:58
we got a huge pick something up make something up they said here's what's going on yeah kim jong-un
00:32:04
called up some of his homies they [ __ ] plotted some [ __ ] they broke into a lab in the middle of the night and these these chinese lab
00:32:10
guys are like what do you do here and then the korean the [ __ ] north koreans are the [ __ ]
00:32:16
choked them the [ __ ] out what and they took the vial and they why are we spread it over we're i'm
00:32:21
laughing with the accent first go ahead what the korean why we well because the chinese what do you do here and the korean guy is like that's
00:32:32
japanese and they're but they're there too because it's not the first thing that they would say if they walked into a lab what would we do here what do you do
00:32:38
here that's not the first thing and then the korean guys go for north korea and they grab the vile so racist and
00:32:45
yeah they break it and it starts to spread oh [ __ ] yeah they were sent there by people from around the world it was a world war ii
00:32:51
that's what happened that's it seems like as a war is about to break out world war iii [ __ ] that's what's gonna
00:32:56
happen that's what's gonna happen i sound like sam tripoli yeah you do you're the one that doesn't believe in it i believe in it i just
00:33:02
know they had there's something they're not telling us yeah they're not telling us something but if okay what there's
00:33:07
what i've read is is that the fastest we've ever come up with a vaccine is four years
00:33:13
yeah they said it would take two years to get it there two years to get this vaccine at the earliest yes okay there so we have to
00:33:20
now go do we quarantine until then or should we try to adjust and and go out and and and live our lives with this pandemic you want to just go out and live
00:33:34
you can be honest that's not it's okay to say yes you do you want to go out and and live
00:33:42
rude do you want to go out and live she doesn't no because when we walked this is [ __ ] look at that she instinctively you know
00:33:48
what she just did her today we're we left the house yeah and my friend jeff a dear friend of mine jeff who i forgot
00:33:55
his last name do i know him okay never mind your dear your dearest friend jeff jeff flank my best friend i don't know his last name let's make up a name yeah jeff bulbus
00:34:07
jeff balbus jeff bulbus we hired my friend jeff because um we got a bunch of furniture
00:34:13
i'm sure you did i don't know i don't know how to build i know you're not gonna build that yeah you need a handyman yeah so we're paying
00:34:19
this guy to build it so he was in the garage and as we walked out of the house jeff goes what's up man
00:34:24
i go jeff and then [ __ ] rudy don't even get close to him don't get close to him he's my friend no no no no no he got i
00:34:35
think he got that don't don't get the clothes do you think he had the rona no but still you have to be six feet
00:34:41
away oh were you really she's one of those clinical like did you hug him no well i was supposed to he was
00:34:47
doing this thing he went to hug him you went to go hug that was my when you i'm sorry instinct instinct and
00:34:53
you said uh don't don't yeah yeah it's like if i saw a samurai i would bow you know maybe
00:34:59
that's my instinct because of my old traditional you know training you know ronan as a
00:35:04
ronin as a ronan yeah yeah so you so what happened did he he went and he hugged him or no no did you snitch no she will snitch
00:35:12
she's a [ __ ] snitch this little one did you snitch no look at me did you snitch no she had no child town
00:35:19
time because we're so she didn't snitch to kalila you know but she is a snitch and it drives me crazy she's not on my side
00:35:26
she told me no ally she told me she collects notes in her phone about all the stuff that you do that she's going to hold against you she's got black a blackmail note folder
00:35:33
yeah but hereby we haven't paid her yet i know we need to pay her no we'll wait we shall wait write it down
00:35:40
we'll wait that's true that we need we need to we don't need no we're brown mailing you
00:35:46
yeah but i don't you know you know um you know because callan and rogan and some of these guys well those guys
00:35:52
calen and shaub and theo those guys all get together they all get together well they don't care but to be
00:35:58
but to be fair and then it's like whitney is that whitney will have stevo and a bunch of people coming to her spade's at her house today
00:36:03
i know i saw and it's like you know and we don't do well you went to her house i went to her house yeah yeah yeah yeah i went your house i was one of the first ones to go to her house yeah but um but that was that was more because uh
00:36:17
she's she's like a lonely lady that she's very sad she needed someone to come over and tim dillon and i went over there to could sold her
00:36:23
she said will someone braid my hair and you have to go braid her she it's so funny because whitney
00:36:28
cummings is like um yeah i'm gonna just buy a house in the middle of nowhere you've been out
00:36:34
there it's so far away so far away in the middle of nowhere and then when you go to her house it's like
00:36:40
look there's no houses around yeah i know and i'm like you're a [ __ ] witch now
00:36:46
you might as well have that pot and you stir it you know i mean you're like the crazy boy she sits outside
00:36:54
in her backyard and she talks to the coyotes yeah come closer coyotes and she's got 52 dogs too many [ __ ] dogs right one of her dogs bit somebody did she
00:37:05
tell you that no no no yeah she'll tell you yeah i don't know which one of the [ __ ] one of the dogs bit somebody but you
00:37:11
know what they're p people are one here's what i think people just want to feel normal right like we had two people
00:37:18
come over for the in the backyard and hang out and we just stayed in the backyard nowhere near each other and i missed it
00:37:24
so much there's so many i missed it so much just like and then when they left it was like this weird like okay bye and they had to like you know it's just
00:37:34
people want to feel normal again that's all it sucks yeah you know i in the beginning when
00:37:40
the quarantine happened i'll go this is nice this is cool yeah and i'm gonna say something that's
00:37:46
i don't know if i say it what it was nice about it is the competitiveness went away with other comics oh right you mean like the
00:37:58
right like petty those resentments and that jealousy and all that stuff had stopped because we were all now in limbo right we're all kind of on the same page almost on the page like no one can do
00:38:09
stand-up right now no one can sell out stadiums right you know and in the beginning i'm like this is
00:38:15
good we're all like at the starting line or whatever or we're all in the penalty box right we're all in this yeah we're not
00:38:20
in play right that's good but now i miss the competitiveness of life so much yeah i miss you know getting things and not getting things i i miss i miss
00:38:33
having something to complain about like when you go when you're like i got to go to this [ __ ] audition i got to drive all the way over here
00:38:38
i liked it like i i complained about it but i loved it it was so much fun to just like
00:38:43
because it's something to have in your life it's something to like fill occupy your time with emotion now it's
00:38:48
like a still it's such a [ __ ] still numb thing that you're trying to find some [ __ ] to do it's driving me [ __ ] insane i ran six and a half miles last night i was only supposed to do four and i was
00:38:59
like whatever i'll just keep going there was nothing to go home there's nothing to do with the house war zone
00:39:06
yeah but this was at 7 p.m i know okay you don't you're not playing before 11. yeah i'm just telling you that like you
00:39:12
said that you were good at first person shooting i am i am good at first-person shooter games i'm not gonna be let around by eric griffin that's all
00:39:19
okay i'm not gonna be let around by him oh by the way before i forget we got our video a
00:39:24
response back from our girlfriend rose no yes oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i can't wait i can't wait
00:39:31
ladies and gentlemen boys and girls raycons are my favorite earbuds of all time they are i like the button on the side where i can press and change the the song you can do the song the volume
00:39:42
the volume and all that stuff it really they're really futuristic looking they feel comfortable in your ears they're my
00:39:47
favorite of all time they're nice and small and snug a lot of these other com competitors of bluetooth earbuds are are
00:39:52
super expensive and they're big and chunky these are nice and tiny they hide in your ear bobby has two in underneath his
00:39:58
headphones right now right that you can't see the they're half the price of most of the premium earbuds that are on the market right now
00:40:05
and don't drop you know five six seven hundred dollars on them their earbuds are comfortable the most affordable ones
00:40:10
i i couldn't even believe how cheap they were i'm being honest with you no seriously it is it's extremely uh they're extremely
00:40:15
affordable as the best word to say they're stylish and discreet there's no like wires and all that stuff their newest model the everyday e25 earbuds
00:40:22
they are the best ones they gave me and bob summon i tried them out when i was running and i do like when this company was comf
00:40:28
co-founded by ray j ray j and celebrities are obsessed with it like snoop dogg melissa etheridge brandy jr smith yeah you know them yeah you know
00:40:40
you're good friends with them yeah now is the time to uh to get your hands on these honestly if you want good earbuds they're the best raycon
00:40:46
fifteen percent off your order at buy raycon.com bad friends guys buy raycon.com 15
00:40:52
off raycon wireless earbuds i can't say it enough they're phenomenal go to byracon.com that friends
00:40:58
yeah okay so this will this will be good ready hi bobby hi andrew this is me rose uh how are you guys you know what i always believe that
00:41:13
love is more than a gender it's more than anything actually love islam i just want to say that i'm very very very proud of you guys please
00:41:27
please please always stay strong most especially that your adoption will come true i love you guys and always stay safe okay love you
00:41:43
how sweet is that yeah very nice we have to do another one how many more can we do with her we should have to keep asking her to do every week we should do one you want to do another one yeah let's do
00:41:55
one i want i propose an idea just a very simple things that doesn't make any sense can we just tell her just say lulu lala
00:42:05
lulu like some weird like thing like lulu magic this is the thing she might not say it bus magic bus
00:42:11
magic bus happy for two tooth magic busters yeah yeah happy that's it happy for two toot magic yeah
00:42:18
we'll do that happy for two two magic plus that's it and that's all that's all we want okay
00:42:23
so we'll do one now for next we'll do one next week and we'll get her but that was very sweet of her that was really nice that she did that
00:42:29
she's got the fan blowing in the background hi bobby hi oh she's so sweet she is so nice what a sweet girl you like her yeah do you do does she remind you of home kinda
00:42:41
yeah she does yeah she misses home you do should we send you back can we send you back right now we tried to buy you a flight that one time we couldn't buy you a flight what about a boat how long would it take
00:42:53
to vote like what do you miss about home what i mean what what's in the mic jewels all right no get your
00:42:59
mouth to the mic what do you miss about home um my friends your friends and then my dogs your dogs
00:43:07
oh that's so so that but did you notice she didn't say her brothers well she's two
00:43:12
little brothers she hates how old are they um six and seven yeah those are that's the worst they're little [ __ ] they're little idiots they they smell like poop i know right they
00:43:23
have [ __ ] all over they suck um last week we got a lot of hoorah for uh for the fire stand-up comedy of andres rosende this dude is was a beast right i want to
00:43:37
show you we found something um from his earlier days of trying to get movies produced
00:43:43
you're gonna [ __ ] really love this by the way look at he was he did a kickstarter by
00:43:48
the way it got funded ten thousand dollars he asked for and he got it and this is
00:43:54
it [Music] he directed it yeah this is a kickstarter would you push pause for a second just i want to let you know the way the reason why i know andreas in the first
00:44:11
place is i knew him as a director you did yeah because what this is how i met george i met george and andreas at
00:44:17
the same time so years ago i was at maker studios i remember and i met george yeah and then when the first
00:44:25
sketches he told me i know this really good director from spain and he's going to direct the
00:44:31
sketch so he directed me in a sketch did he that's how i met andreas he's he's great so let's see
00:44:37
well this is the patreon to get the movie funded i'm sorry this is the kickstarter get the movie funded
00:44:58
all right [Music] hello kickstarters and welcome it will hopefully be the set of my new movie mr bear my name
00:45:21
is andre locende and i'm an mfa from country at columbia university and mr berry is my business
00:45:27
film needs now to face the biggest decision of his life either go ahead and get rid of the bloody corpse or become one himself
00:46:07
as you can see this is gonna be a kick-ass movie so if you wanna know how the story ends
00:46:14
please we need your support because even now they beg for money for the next 20 minutes um it got it worked
00:46:22
we have to see this movie what we have to do is during this how about this during this coronavirus yeah this
00:46:28
pandemic let's have andreas write us a short and shoot it let's shoot it i'm 100 down i'm being real so am i the jewels has to have lines in it yeah do you want to do that if andreas
00:46:42
wrote a movie a short with me and andrew would you do it maybe it's a quick heist thing where you're trying i'm a korean
00:46:48
jeweler or something and you're trying to yeah and i try to rob you yeah something like that i take you hostage yeah
00:46:55
or maybe like there's just one scene in a movie you're a jeweler and you're going to check on your store because it's been shut down during the
00:47:01
pandy yeah and you see that i'm breaking in there and i take you hostage and like dog day afternoon do you ever see dog day
00:47:07
afternoon yeah you never saw it yeah i loved it yeah really yeah who's in it dog day afternoon um al pacino was in it
00:47:15
and you know who else was in it is john cassette is that his name john cavettis is that what is his name what's his name that's it yeah and dog
00:47:28
day afternoon is they they train they try to train dogs they tried dogs to race is that what it is have you ever seen it for real how did you you [ __ ] of course
00:47:40
i [ __ ] seen it they try to rob the bank and then what happens and it's a true story and all that it's a fumble
00:47:46
they fumbled this bank robbery all day right and it's a true story i even saw the documentary based on the guy so
00:47:52
let's do our dog day afternoon yeah but so you and i we have to find a bank to do it no we'll find a bill we'll
00:47:57
find a studio we'll do it inside of a closer so you and i are in cahoots we're both bank robbers we don't that we don't find that out to the end
00:48:03
oh right i'm a teller then you you you no no not a bank jewelry oh jewelry i'm a jeweler yeah and you work
00:48:10
with me in the jewelry and i hold both of you hostage right and the police come and there's this hostage negotiation and we fool them to
00:48:18
thinking that if they just give me what i need i'll let you guys go but in turn you're working with me and we have an
00:48:25
escape plan and rudy is the one that gets us out of there she's in the helicopter she nobody knows
00:48:30
she can fly a [ __ ] she's like i'm from philippines i don't know yeah next end of the scene and she's like come on drop it down
00:48:36
let's go hey red i don't know why you come in do you i'm going to have that accent i don't know why you come into my
00:48:42
jewelry store to try to rob me and my friend what's my what am i playing who's what's
00:48:47
my ass i don't know you make it up okay uh uh okay hey wait you hold me up first
00:48:52
uh you oh what the [ __ ] what are you a franken franken orange don't do that i was
00:49:07
attacked be real all right all right yeah yeah hey you stupid asian piece of [ __ ] whoa put your hands up oh you too lady put
00:49:21
your hands up no my god oh you're so scared don't call the cops if you hit that panic button i'll shoot both of you in the face give me all the jewelry okay where's the
00:49:31
diamonds in the vault take us to the vault no no put your hands up uh we'll go both of them and then yeah
00:49:40
i just did yeah there we go i'm [ __ ] you in the ass right now yeah i have a pointy dick and the cops come yeah all right okay we'll have just have
00:49:53
andreas write it okay i'm being real though because i got some i have to figure out something creative to do in this
00:49:59
this this podcast ain't doing it for me no i love it no i'm grateful for it and i i would die
00:50:06
without it but you just want more you want more i want to be able to do more because i just during the weeks they just blend together i don't know
00:50:13
what day it is sometimes i know it's really [ __ ] sad man well honestly it's hard to be even funny in this [ __ ] situation that's all
00:50:20
we're destined to do some kind of movie or something together we need to do something we need to do something yeah this was somebody found footage of us from a long
00:50:25
time ago look at how great this is this is us uh this is this guy doug bento sent this to us this is us on a game show from many years from the i was not in the game yeah that was
00:50:38
i remember that can we refer to someone as yellow we consider them to be what [Music] chinese not chinese over to jerry and murray no yes jerry um cowardly is correct
00:50:52
vulnerable when we find someone to be yellow what are they uh chinese not chinese over to the chinese kid oh cowardly how great that's like one of
00:51:08
the greatest clips i've ever seen also it's like what do you think that kid got cancelled
00:51:13
no you can't get the cameras and can't catch in the 80s yeah yeah can we refer to someone as yellow we consider them to be what
00:51:24
yeah and when the guy says no yeah probably ninety percent of america's like what is it then it is chinese yeah it is
00:51:31
chinese by the way you could tell this is britain by the way oh yeah british [Music] look at how bummed he is i i know he's
00:51:47
like it is chinese watch when he gets when he says chinese he goes no watch his face not chinese over the jerry
00:51:53
oh like oh yes it is that's what my dad calls them all the time yellow bastards yellow bastards get off our lawn yellow bastards yeah
00:52:04
hurry no yes jerry um terribly howardly is correct and then during the commercial break that asian guys go to the orange you're right [Laughter]
00:52:16
like just to make them feel better i probably you'll probably rise yeah we agree we agree but you know how
00:52:21
weird that this that of course and look at his little face is looking over like oh i hate [ __ ] little i i know he's crying no
00:52:27
he was hating on the gym on the red hat can i just say something when in school you don't think that when i saw that kid in school in my class i went
00:52:36
[ __ ] chongchongs because i hate asians like that why because those are the ones that [ __ ]
00:52:43
up the curve do you hate asians like that root yeah you do yeah i'm the one that people cheat off of
00:52:50
and we all fail right right but everybody wants to cheat okay yeah so there's two different types so
00:52:56
you're the other i'm the other type the dumb one but you don't like them because they're they're they're they're making they're they're
00:53:03
progressive they're doing the they're too smart they're just like there's you know a lot of asians are very sciencey you know
00:53:09
and mathematics they're good at mathematics right yeah but you have to understand that in every country you have coal miners as well
00:53:15
sure and i come from that lineage what about you i don't know are you a math girl she
00:53:22
gets straight a's why do you hate this she gets straight a's why do you hate this kind of asian um
00:53:27
there's a lot in my school and they're like very like they think of a lot of asians stupid so
00:53:33
they think if you're not like them you're stupid yeah yeah i remember going to um
00:53:39
i was in rehab in my junior year in high school yeah and when i got out of school i remember
00:53:44
the teacher our teacher history teacher goes to the class so bobby just got out of rehab she makes
00:53:51
an announcement why would she say that because i miss bunches and um discuss how you know the journey
00:53:58
that you just had yeah i just was on drugs and i i know i'm sober she made it in front of us a chinese guy raised his
00:54:04
hand because why do you have to do drugs in the first place and i remember turning the guy go you [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] so you don't i think the same thing
00:54:16
i'm that guy that says yellow youth yeah yeah yeah you're more racist than i am i did i i
00:54:21
honestly do you want something to wipe up that coffee no that's fine [ __ ] honestly dude it's just like i
00:54:28
don't even really identify with it what do you identify as not like i'm i more identify with um
00:54:36
a strain like a strange guy do you forget that you're asian until someone says something i don't even think of it do you ever think jewels do would you ever think of your that you're asian
00:54:47
no yeah we what white people don't get is is that when you wake up you don't go ah i'm asian you don't think that the only one of course you don't think that i'm saying
00:55:00
you're not it's not conscious until someone says something about it yeah you realize you know like my friend
00:55:06
pk sent a put a post off on his instagram and there's a bunch of white chicks in a
00:55:12
mall and they're like what kind of race would you never date it's all these white chicks going asian
00:55:18
definitely gross right right yeah and those are the moments where i realize oh am i different yeah very yeah what very i said very
00:55:29
i know you said that but what do you mean by that because like black people are cool and they have all
00:55:35
that they have they're cool and they have culture and music and and mexicans are fun and they have good
00:55:41
food well that's yeah and like great cars great style yeah and and you and you guys are um just buying up land and you're gonna
00:55:54
come here to pay the land and we're so much more than that i know dude i'm clearly [ __ ] kidding
00:56:00
around no you know you're you're stop it stop it you know how much i love asians some of
00:56:05
them some of them some of them yeah which one which one which one do you think i don't
00:56:10
like the most you know you know hey vietnamese no japanese no korean no chinese no wuhen no oh
00:56:23
cambodians yup no really no i don't hate anybody i don't have time to do that [ __ ] yeah what a waste of my time i hate people not racist there's a lot
00:56:34
of people i hate there's a reason to hate the person it's not because of their race i i feel
00:56:39
the same way in a weird i forget that i have red hair until someone makes a joke about it right it's really [ __ ] it's like this
00:56:47
it's not the same as when someone makes an asian joke to you but it's annoying to me in a way where i go well i'm not allowed to be mean back
00:56:55
yeah because then i'm a bad guy yeah you know it's it's so interesting that that it's like
00:57:01
without that we would i think we would get along better i think as you know it's like but we need to be
00:57:06
different i think i know we need to be different but why bring it up why do people bring it up and then they draw lines and then you
00:57:13
know they they say that this group of people that look like this are less than this group of people
00:57:18
because i think that when you're when you don't when your life is not that fulfilled and you're kind of
00:57:24
dumb or average that's a point of conversation it's a point of life that you can go you know like my buddy's mom was like you know at that grocery store
00:57:35
yeah there's lesbians yeah and it was like it's a and of course to to us in our world you go
00:57:42
yeah so what and to them in their little insular world they're like no i mean you know we don't see a lot of
00:57:48
lesbians over here it's like they're always at that store it's a point of conversation but you know what's funny it's just something to
00:57:53
talk about it's that you know everyone says that you're a product of your environment whatever so it's like
00:57:59
basically you know if you were born in a christian household yeah you're probably going to end up being a christian right most likely but
00:58:05
like the opposite but my parents were always anti-whatever i was into right like i remember as a kid my dad just put pounded his hand on the table if you're ever gay i kill you
00:58:19
right and i remember going wow that's really yeah what's wrong with that right i
00:58:25
never thought that any race or any gender or any position sexually was a [ __ ] bad thing
00:58:33
because it doesn't matter but i know but i was never conditioned to think that i just i feel like i was born i kind of
00:58:39
analyzed the world around me and things that made sense and didn't make sense and came to the conclusion
00:58:44
that why does it matter about one's gender or what their sexual preferences yeah who cares
00:58:51
or race it doesn't matter but my parents definitely had you know an ideology and their own set
00:58:57
of you know but but this but this is to play devil's advocate though we our ideology is everyone's cool and
00:59:04
it's okay and do whatever you want 50 years from now maybe they'll look back at us and be like god they were so
00:59:11
[ __ ] stupid the way that they looked at that i don't know what theirs is going to be yeah but it will probably end up being
00:59:18
like even calling you a redhead would be like saying the n word it is it is no it's not it is to me no it's the exact same it's an ugly look ginger that's that's ginger ginger is
00:59:30
the n word uh with different discrimination yeah it is it's the different letters you know it's a weird look
00:59:35
people just does it look weird though yeah good people just want to feel like they have something to say
00:59:41
people elevator music people weather oh god it's hot out they want to just talk about stuff my neighbors to me i'm washing the cars yesterday i'm washing me and my wife's car in the driveway i
00:59:54
like it it's like nice i put in my headphones my neighbor does this thing am i taking my hair yeah she goes you
01:00:01
could do ours next yeah what am i supposed to say now i have to play along with her thing that i don't like i have to go you got you go it's 300 bucks a car i
01:00:13
have to do that yeah because if i really go if i go what what the [ __ ] are you talking about no
01:00:19
i'm not gonna that's a stupid thing to say don't say that and then put on my headphone then i'm the mean guy
01:00:25
so i i know brings up something that i don't want to talk about like if somebody comes up to me a stranger and goes wow um i really like that shirt you're
01:00:37
wearing yeah i'll just go no shut up i really will you if somebody goes where did you get that shirt bobby that hawaiian shirt it's cool where did you get that no [ __ ] you i really i really will why
01:00:50
or i won't even answer ask me again whoa those pants are cool where did you get those who makes those
01:00:56
bop makes those no oh the company know but no i don't want to talk to you i don't want to talk to you something
01:01:04
like that yeah spiral yeah i have a face of ask me directions people always come up to me yeah uh
01:01:10
hey uh excuse me sir yeah uh what's up how do i get to second street and gardner oh
01:01:15
so easy do you have a smartphone an iphone yes okay um open it up and then type no no no no
01:01:20
i want you to tell me right no i'm telling you what to do with your phone type in how do i get to sunset gardner
01:01:26
and then when you're done put the phone right all the way up your [ __ ] yeah you know what you know what happened to me this morning uh that i
01:01:32
feel really good about what i pull up to the um starbuck starbucks i go to starbucks drive through i get to
01:01:39
the window and uh she hands me the food and i go to hand her my card and she goes it's okay
01:01:45
the car in front of you already paid for you wow you know one of these like oprah things you know pay it forward
01:01:51
yeah and i was like oh why did they do that and she goes um i don't know and then my head goes
01:01:58
they're tight they're fans they're bad friends or you're keep well my first unfortunate thought is did they
01:02:04
see me and they know me yeah but they're in front of me through the rear view they couldn't have yeah yeah no way they did but then i thought
01:02:11
this could be because of the pandy people are trying to be nice to people and pay for other people's [ __ ] so then i said to her well should i
01:02:18
should pay for the people behind me right yeah yeah but i had a very lit she goes i mean if you want to and i go
01:02:24
yeah of course i will let me do that let me pay for the next car yeah but in a larry david moment when she goes away to go get the total
01:02:30
i felt like this is so a larry david i literally go what if they got a lot of stuff i don't
01:02:36
want to pay for a lot of stuff like i could hear larry david being like did they just get coffee yeah yeah
01:02:41
because if they got more than coffee i don't want to pay for i'll pay for just their coffee yeah and that would be a larry david moment right they would go they'd get up to the
01:02:47
window they'd hand them and they go that guy took care of your coffee um the food he didn't pay for and somehow they remember him they run
01:02:53
into him later it's such a larry demo so i called uh jeff schafer who did this season of curb and i told him that i go
01:02:59
if you use that i want [ __ ] credit cause it's i can see larry doing that thing but i paid for the meal i paid for the people behind how much
01:03:05
was it i don't know i didn't even ask yeah but she's you know whatever i paid for it and i hope in my head
01:03:11
people kept doing it all afternoon oh what a sweet guy no because that's really [ __ ] cool that's a
01:03:16
nice thing to do to make it because here's why if it wasn't the pandy i'm not doing that but the pandy is
01:03:23
making us go hey man times are [ __ ] yeah yeah yeah this is something fun to shift it up
01:03:28
yeah you know like it's just fun like there's something about it when you go to a restaurant and they go
01:03:33
um hey we're big fans of yours it's on us oh god you have to take it so much you have to tip so much money
01:03:38
that's why i you know i go you have to tip so much money when they do that i know what i say is this i go no i'm
01:03:45
paying for it the reason why is because especially if it's a restaurant that i'm going to come
01:03:50
back to oh right i don't want them to think that oh here he comes again for a free meal
01:03:55
there he comes he's been here for twice a week you know what i mean to get the free meal so i tell them that i go don't pay for
01:04:01
me because i want to come back yeah i'll still give you a big tip don't worry about it right right but i don't want to feel pressure of not coming back i want to
01:04:07
come back right they're like sir this is your eighth time this week at this pfc you have to go somewhere else i just i
01:04:13
was on i was took my i took my wife's parents off for dinner at a really nice steakhouse and they brought us wine and after the
01:04:20
guy he comes up to me kind of like over my shoulder they can't really hear so i thought and he goes hey man
01:04:26
i just i'm a massive fan and this is like such a big deal if i don't want to bug
01:04:32
you now but after dinner could i get a photo and i go yeah totally no doubt on the way out just you know wait till we're done like done
01:04:37
eating and then of course no big deal and then he comes up and the manager comes up and he's like great to meet you
01:04:43
in front of my wife and her parents and it's like we took care of the bill and i was like [ __ ] [ __ ] i know
01:04:49
because now i'm like you have to get you you have to tip in my opinion you have to tip double double the bill right right double the bill so whatever the bill was two times that has to go to the server's
01:05:00
pocket right yeah which is fine it's just it's a forced hand yeah i would have tipped him well anyway
01:05:05
but now you're tipping 200 of what the bill was right and then we take the photo and
01:05:11
it's one of these moments where we're not getting the photo doing oh could we something's wrong with the thing and it's
01:05:16
lasting a long time yeah and now people are looking at me and for everything in the world i wish i
01:05:22
could have just given all the money for the thing and ran out as fast as i could just give him the money and be like i
01:05:29
can't take a photo i'm sorry i gotta go yeah something's wrong at the thing yeah it was just uncomfortable it was just weird i don't like i don't like those
01:05:36
moments here's what i don't like too at a restaurant where the waiter will go so the chef's a really big fan right
01:05:41
[ __ ] you so he made something special for you right so you already ordered your meal yeah you don't and then
01:05:47
the waiter comes with a boar [ __ ] thing now yeah the chef's just sitting there like that yeah you have to finish it you have to finish it that i don't like
01:05:58
i don't like it either here's what i do like what when people just uh do a subtle thing knowing that i know
01:06:05
that they know i think that's the coolest thing when they go like i've had i've had a guy go like this in a restaurant he just goes like this
01:06:11
like oh i love it's like fight club yes it's like five o'clock yeah you know i know okay
01:06:17
we don't say anything when we went to hawaii with my mom before the pandy yeah we did the road to
01:06:24
hana and then we wanted to go to mama's fish house but if you ever been to mama's fish house yes it's a two-month reservation yeah you
01:06:29
can only get in if you know someone that can get you in right so we drove i tell you this story no okay so i we drive up and i go
01:06:36
to the hostess and i go um hey um four she yeah reservations i go no and she goes sorry it's a two-month reservation like that and she looks me right in the
01:06:48
eyes and i kind of blush but i go all right guys let's get back in the car but then the valets they go well you
01:06:56
can't get in i go no hold on i had a valet run down to the hostess and i could see that from before him
01:07:02
yelling at her right it was the best right yeah and then she calling the owner of
01:07:08
whatever yeah and then she goes she had to go all right you get prime t table right
01:07:15
right this way oh how awesome so we go to the table and this is the best yeah and i love that's why i love
01:07:22
podcasting yeah waiters and waitresses would walk by me and whisper nosotros papaya or hail the slap king that's so
01:07:34
you know and it feels i love and i love those fans i mean i love mad tv fans and
01:07:40
if they like me in a movie or whatever yeah but our podcast friends people that we hang would hang out with that's great
01:07:46
it's great yeah no i love it it really is i do love what i i i love it when all you have to do is be cool and don't
01:07:52
make it fun don't make it weird don't say a weird thing and that's why that's why when i
01:07:58
raymie and those guys i play at um my buds right warzone with is when i'm talking to them because i know during the messages they go we're i'm a bad friend's tiger belly
01:08:09
fan that's cool and then when you become when you're playing with them it's almost as if there's a trust factor
01:08:16
because they know all my [ __ ] insecurities because they're a part of us yeah they're a part of it it's really nice i [ __ ] love it oh speaking of
01:08:21
which what bob and i it's not a fact but we might we might be trying to do copying a good friend of mine um no we are going to do it okay we're going to do these drive-in movie we're going to try to do a drive-in movie theater
01:08:33
that we might do we might do it in bakersfield yeah we're working it out so um andrew and i bad friends and uh rudy will be there too has to she
01:08:40
has to be there on stage with us but we're gonna do a drive-in drive-in movie theater and then and are you gonna go well why can't i just i'll
01:08:46
just rather just listen to it but we're gonna we're gonna go to car to car yeah we're gonna be around we're gonna and
01:08:51
we'll stick a sticker or something on your windshield we're going to do a wave you know i mean just don't get
01:08:56
out of your cars or roll up the window it'll be very important i promise you we're going to make it we're going to make it a whole thing yeah wait let me tell you this one story
01:09:02
tell me stories i love stories no no this this just reminded me though of that kind of thing i can i can't do that i can't walk up to
01:09:07
a restaurant and hey da da da da although nobu malibu i it worked and it felt really good but
01:09:15
it never really happens to me yeah but i was in chicago with rogan doing a show and um
01:09:21
we go to this place called bets and buff one of my favorite steakhouses in chicago right this is very roganesque rogan loves mma
01:09:29
doesn't like sport doesn't know sports thinks like sports are ridiculous i'm like you like a sport how do you not like other sports right
01:09:35
um a very famous chicago blackhawk hockey player walks up to us as we're walking in and is like
01:09:42
joe rogan and joe's like hey what's up man he's like holy [ __ ] i'm a huge fan and he's trying to court carefully hey man you're a huge fan
01:09:48
and he goes oh cool man and he walks and he's like what are you doing in town he's like doing a show and he's like annoyed
01:09:54
almost with him yeah and he walks away and i say to joey go do you know i was like what the [ __ ] and he's like i don't know man and we walk up to the thing joe joe is on the phone and he's out by
01:10:09
the car i go inside and i go hey we're looking to get a table there's uh four of us and she's like uh we're
01:10:16
totally booked like it's what are you like she's looking at me like i'm a [ __ ] yeah and i go i know it's late a late night thing and but um
01:10:23
is there any way i'm uh joe rogan like joe is here if we're in town during the ufc
01:10:28
yeah and she goes no i'm sorry i don't there's nothing nothing like that i i don't want you she
01:10:33
thinks i'm full of [ __ ] so joe comes walking in and the girl at the front is like
01:10:39
uh joe goes over there he's like what's the deal we can we is there any way we can sneak somewhere in here at all yeah he's being so polite so nice and she's
01:10:46
like i don't have any dude before she can finish her sentence you see a guy i mean it's like out of a movie he's like talking to guests in
01:10:52
like a nice suit and then he turns and he sees joe and he's like and he just beelines and he goes joe rogan what's what can we
01:10:59
do how can we help you where do you need to be tonight really yeah and he's like uh we just want a
01:11:04
table he's like right this way and the girl was like i don't know who that i don't know who that is yeah yeah yeah yeah and they sit up she she should get fired she got fired
01:11:11
she got fired she got fired no no no but she used to get fired but we sat down at
01:11:17
the most prime booth in the thing oh it's the best and because it's him because i'm with him yeah it's an
01:11:22
endless pouring of meat it's just like they like are shoving oh yeah five hours of just me just
01:11:29
eating meat drinking blacking out mm-hmm it was like the most it's the opposite of what happened to me
01:11:34
when irvine when i told you when i went to the restaurants i did i told you that no yes i did when on the
01:11:41
spot guys i never told you what did you do in irvine when i uh i didn't tell you no so i got this i can't you what i don't it's
01:11:53
embarrassing after hearing that story actually because i did the polar opposite you know what i mean why tell me all right we might have to
01:12:01
cut it out though did you tell it on belly or something i don't remember i don't know if i said you hear the story before this just happened so this
01:12:07
happened in um february or february yeah so you know i you know i sold out the irvine improv yeah which is difficult to do very right very it's 500
01:12:18
i feel the first time i ever sold out before going there you know it felt good yeah so i went there early i go you know what
01:12:25
i'm gonna show up right and i'm gonna have a nice dinner before my show yeah so i show up at the club and um i go to the manager and they go why are
01:12:35
you here so early i go you know i want to be mindful to get here early so you're not worrying that the headliner's not here right so i
01:12:41
came early and then i'm going to eat some dinner next door at paul martinez or something like that sure so
01:12:48
i walk in there and i go hey um i'm can i one hey she goes no she goes no we we're three hour wait i was just and
01:13:00
i go yeah but um i'm by myself yeah also i'm headlining literally next door and i have to i have
01:13:06
to perform no we don't give a [ __ ] no i go can i see the manager yeah all right jimmy jimmy comes yeah i'm headlight no nope
01:13:19
i go but i'm headlining yeah we don't we don't do that we don't do that they didn't let you eat no so then when
01:13:25
i go i go i hold on i go next door to the irvine improv and i go yeah they said no
01:13:31
right and they go yeah okay and i go i know but i go yeah but go over there with me no no no and they go but you know what we do have there's a mexican restaurant right next
01:13:44
to next door to that yep we have connect i'll call we'll call we have connect it's really good you'll love it so okay correct i'm mexican so they call
01:13:51
i go over there hey excuse me um no i could be here but they called we know we know they called irvine improv you're getting shut down and i go but i go but i know but they called so
01:14:04
you talk to them yeah they just we just got off the phone with them you idiot we just said no no to you and i go
01:14:12
you better headline we don't give a [ __ ] no so i went back and i went to the manager of the irv
01:14:18
this is what there's a part that's gonna be embarrassing yeah i'm going home shut up
01:14:23
i swear to god i said that like an idiot like a [ __ ] baby you're like i think no one give me food you know like a [ __ ] think we have food here i don't want to eat your diarrhea [ __ ] ridden
01:14:34
infested [ __ ] food here how do you know it's diarrhea written i don't know i just don't like club food did i get food poisoning from the older one improv
01:14:41
i did yeah i know that's what i'm saying i didn't you hear stories yeah so uh i went to my car you pretended
01:14:48
like you were gonna [ __ ] leave you're such an [ __ ] and they're like bob where are you no no they're like what are we you know
01:14:54
i mean and i i think i called like um some guy from a you know what i mean to help you get through it yeah i go because i just got on you know you know
01:15:05
you know you were just pissed off i was just newly sober you know that was when you just got sober i was like a month and a half in
01:15:12
you know what i mean so i was just like really tender yeah and i was just like he's just like what are you doing yeah
01:15:18
you gotta work dude see it's not a big deal grow up and i go all right i know but i'm just saying when see it with joe rogan i know right
01:15:24
it's a polar opposite it was just it was just and i'm being honest with you you know when i i when and when i behave
01:15:30
in that way yeah but they somebody should have sat me by the way but well you're a single it should have been
01:15:36
should have been easy can i just defend my position real quick sure is that the irvine improv how many i mean you're
01:15:44
talking about 2500 people yeah it's a lot during the weekend that you're bringing in right
01:15:49
that's a lot of business so you're bringing in business to those restaurants am i not right the majority of that business is probably those people don't you think
01:15:55
yeah right just give me a game that's that was my thinking right you're right i should have done it differently and i was acting my ego got in the way yeah and i paul i don't want to apologize that's being said
01:16:07
[ __ ] that give me a [ __ ] table give it away [ __ ] those restaurants give me a table okay it is true yeah it is true [ __ ] those restaurants
01:16:12
give me a table you can help me the [ __ ] out no i i can't pull any strings joe was the only reason that every time i've
01:16:18
ever tried yeah they they don't even acknowledge it okay one more story yeah one more story so
01:16:23
this was surprising to me jordan peele and i he goes let's go have lunch somewhere so
01:16:29
we went to this restaurant on los feliz boulevard right it was dinner it was dinner like 6 p.m little dumps
01:16:35
no it wasn't little dumbs it was like for it was called the lodge or some or something like that okay or the living room some [ __ ]
01:16:41
[ __ ] thing like that and we walk in the lobby and we go hey can we sit two necessarily reservations only and jordan just goes um all right walks out and i go academy
01:16:54
award nothing he wanna academy award nothing that's so funny if he just brought his uh oscar
01:16:59
and he's are you saying that you can't get in no good but don't you think that's fair
01:17:04
that's fair i think it's fair no you want it you want you want it so you can i think it's fair did you get into the power hall of fame
01:17:10
by the way i didn't i've never checked i love it you would you crashed the website still didn't work is that
01:17:17
[Music] thank you for being a bad friend you