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hey bad friend hey hey I've only got a couple of dates left before I film my special go watch my friend Andrew please
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come watch me you're the best tomorrow I'm in Brea Brea California tomorrow night on the 13th and then this weekend
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16th I'm in uh Minneapolis the 17th I'm in Madison Wisconsin come see me then on the 24th I'm in Denver Colorado filming
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my special andrewsantino.com is where you're gonna get those tickets please come out and see your boy andrewsantino.com come see me
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[Music]
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[Music] we're bad friends calm down huh let's do
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a breathing exercise no no let me say that let me start off by saying this no breathing exercise no let me start off
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by saying this welcome back fancy be kind of yes yeah yeah yeah because you know what he comes in here welcome back
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actually juicy welcome back welcome back juice Greg great to see you welcome back Carlos great to see you fancy B you come
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back and the first thing out of his mouth is you need to have better tasting Scripts
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don't get me started fans fancy is of course commenting about the movie me time I did on Netflix with Kevin Hart
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and he hated it didn't you hate it go ahead and say it fence you're allowed to say what you want on the show you're good in it let me tell
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you something I'm watching it the critics will tell you how good it is go ahead and show what we got on Rotten Tomatoes go ahead it made me feel good
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about my own movie look at how good that is what did the critics say seven percent yeah that's some [ __ ]
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bro you couldn't even beat Easter Sunday wait a minute is that bad or good seven percent it is bad it's bad I thought
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that meant 93 no no no no no it's moving it's it's got a green like uh sludge on it that's the only thing that's good
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tomatoes good at first like a tomato is good see I don't 45 Easter Sunday can I
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say something yeah that's right this does this scale makes no sense because a tomato is what you used to throw at actors when you hated stuff when you
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hated performance live performance they throw tomatoes at plays but meanwhile sludge [ __ ] gack loved it I grew up with
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Nickelodeon I love getting gacked and gooped no but the sludge is the throne tomato then it would be [ __ ] red why
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is it green tomatoes aren't [ __ ] the insides are sometimes green am I not right my Spanish friends thank you even
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green tomatoes on the outside are still red on the inside oh and it but the audience score oh that's not this is
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Andreas oh this is a good movie 55 so you beat Easter Sunday and time yes yeah
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but mine has Kevin Hart in it and Mark Wahlberg yeah Regina Hall and yours has who
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who's in yours Eric Dane I love Eric Dane gives a [ __ ] I do I do too I like
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everything yeah he's great Dan let me say something but I'm aware that me time didn't do well two years
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ago it's not my movie two years ago when I was sick right can I tell you about maybe Kevin Hart's worst movie yet
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wait until Borderlands comes out oh he's in that too he's in my movie first of
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all that's not gonna come out I don't think it is either right because I know more than you do you know I know
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no it's not is it not coming out welcome back juice good back I liked me time
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did you really I thought it was great I watched she says that as she's wearing this a scissors brother's t-shirt
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exactly yeah I couldn't even have one of the worst podcasts online right now
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yeah it's a cool shirt they gave it to me for free dude we give you so much more than they give you I just give you
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so much life you're coming to SLC with me we give you
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merch and then you wear their by the way that heather gray standard issue that they got trash yeah cheapest thing you
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can buy I thought you guys liked those guys well he's my brother yeah he's your brother yeah no the other one is my
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brother the Chinese guy he's Korean yeah he's my brother is he really Korean yeah he's my only brother and I love him he's
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blood brother he's a blood brother to me wait a minute the tiny little the little group he's your little brother my little
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brother son of a gun yeah yeah so say something nice whoa can I say I'm being
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genuine when I ask you yeah yeah look at me huh he's not Chinese
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he looks Chinese I know but he's absolutely not trying to 100 look Korean oh thank you absolutely looks Chinese
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yeah but he's not I don't bring him a picture of him because I feel like you look Chinese yeah there he is
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that kid is Chinese on the right yeah that's right there's no doubt in my mind yeah but we need a test yeah yeah look
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at that if you saw him on the trigger who's that little Chinese kid yeah I love him so much we love Stevie over here like he looks like a Chinese guys
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that sells pineapples in the black market whoa
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[Laughter]
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a few episodes ago I wore a scissor Brothers shirt a different color one and we didn't notice we didn't know I don't
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know if you noticed but I didn't no we would have said something you noticed today yeah yeah we would have said something it's fine we're lucky to have
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you wait so can I have this shirt then yeah dude yeah that's what we gave it to you dude yeah that's actually is this
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new no we get we no I will say the material is much
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better yeah we're higher classes like a weight to it yeah yeah yeah
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go change into that right now yeah go change into that all right please what
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do you think me time congratulations on that congratulations I I it's number one on
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Netflix it's number one on Netflix and also I would drive around town in every corner there's a me time [ __ ] thing
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yeah and I say to myself my one of my best friends is in that movie and it's really not one I am your best
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friend think of you're close think about it I have a couple
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Theo no not as close no yeah yeah he's not but he's close and kalalo's not anymore she
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is still nope we watch we watch movies together last night I'd watch a movie with you last night that's true uh
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speaking of which I went over and did trash Tuesday you killed it I had so much fun dude honestly I said you killed it so much
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fun and and I do want to approach this with you and I want to make sure that you're not uncomfortable about it uh-oh
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was there a little sexual tension in the room there was and you know who was between who kalila and Carlos what the
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hell I guess I that I felt no but bro I have felt that for years and I
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have to say this too right I think that you're the reason why we're not together anymore I really do and let me say
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something to you or else or again all right go for it because if you want to start a war with me I will go to war
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with you and let me say something right now dude I have more minions I have more people behind me and I will [ __ ] bury
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you you bald headed [ __ ] Bobby there's been no sexual attraction
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I see you in the videos dude oh you ham up bro just at work I'm trying to do a good
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job I know but I've seen you on stage you don't ham it up no listen you could do it I'm not
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shotting I'm not shouting right now dude right back in the day dude you could have hammed it up because I see you Hamming
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up with kalila right just kalila it's everyone it's fancy is it because no is it because you you know you have a
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bigger dick than me um I mean I do know that but how do you know that for a fact because I've seen
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your dick that's true yeah yeah that's true facts no what I was I didn't mean for this to get out of hand yeah I'm
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sorry Carlos I apologize too he had sex with her on the show did you [ __ ] her no I I didn't have did you lay on top of
00:07:47
her with your clothes on yes so you laid on top of my ex-girlfriend with clothes on and they [ __ ] on
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camera Polly laid on top of Juicy three weeks not like that not like that oh you saw it oh yeah okay you know what I get
00:08:00
to do you know what I get to do you know what I get to do my ex-wife's already I get to lay on your mom
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Coral yeah you got to bring her on the show bring her on the show let have her lay down and I'm gonna grind on her for
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a minute my dad will be so mad that's fine and I will not wait a minute your dad what he'll be mad at me for letting
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it happen he's gonna oh he's gonna be there he's gonna be here and he's gonna be jerking off in the corner that's so like cookish it's only fair it's only
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it's only fair thank you thank you yeah you're the best shoes your dad's got to come and pull a Louie to watch Bobby
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yeah and he's got a face is your mom still alive oh yes fantastic
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um yeah no it was it was all in good fun in fact to be honest Carlos he didn't want to do it khalilah was saying that
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horny horny Filipino girl she said let me show you guys how this sexual position is enacted because Esther has
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no idea I don't know if Esther ever lived I don't think Esther I feel like she just appeared because she doesn't she
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almost has no she almost knows almost nothing she doesn't know anything about anything I don't even know how she exists really
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her husband David yeah he keeps her alive yeah he's the best and I told her how bad I can't wait till she gets fat I
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cannot wait to see Esther fat she's gonna lose it all at some point yeah just become a little [ __ ] blimp
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remember Violet from Willy Wonka oh yeah and she's blueberry yeah yeah Violet Violet and I wanted to roll around The
00:09:21
Comedy Store like that yeah just want to roll her around like if you
00:09:26
asked Esther like just tell me anything about the Vietnam War he should have no idea no chance yeah there's literally no
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chance let me ask you tell me a little bit about the Vietnam War what do you know about it well I know um
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uh our troops were not welcomed back that's perfect and that's one more thing more than astronauts okay she doesn't
00:09:45
even know that I know about Adrian Orange that's two things now what was agent orange I believe Adrian orange was
00:09:52
uh where we dusted crops all right it's a
00:09:58
chemical a chemical and it was pretty [ __ ] up look at this look at that look go to the right look at that boy on the
00:10:04
right look what it did to him no really tutorial he was born that way dude dude
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look that's look it says Ancient Orange it's a it's a herbicide mixture by the US military but can you zoom in a little
00:10:16
boy's head I'm just sorry I laughed why are you laughing because you're making me laugh it doesn't look real yeah yeah
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let me see wow this poor kid is this is from ancient agent orange yeah
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yeah so Tony Hinchcliffe has agent orange is that what it is I just real Tony
00:10:35
Hinchcliffe has it he came from that he came from that there's Ohio around Ohio yeah look at it look at his face agent
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orange dude same kid yeah he snorted it he grew it yeah yeah he grew into it look at that look at that face and he
00:10:50
gets women Adrian orange is also your FBI name I feel like yeah quite an orange am I
00:10:57
agent Yellow you want to be you know who am I agent what you're agent gong [Laughter]
00:11:04
agent because gong is quick agent gong we need you now yeah yeah Gone in 60 Seconds
00:11:12
that's a really good movie name write that down Gone Girl yeah
00:11:19
gong With the Wind yes we have three remakes what are you
00:11:25
doing right come on why do you want a studio pick this up yeah any more going on yeah yeah that's it that's it gone it's
00:11:33
gone it's off the shelves yeah um that honestly an autobiography called
00:11:38
going Going Gong about the departure of Bobby Lee like when you finally retire yeah going Going Gong would be so
00:11:44
[ __ ] funny you're not gonna retire oh yes he is soon we already we had we talked about it I think I have 15 more
00:11:50
years at least no way way longer or less longer less what what you think at 60
00:11:57
I'm gonna go I'm out when this pod's over you're done for Baby You're Gonna last as long as you want to
00:12:03
last well then did say that I think you'll work for you're 51 50. you're 51 soon
00:12:11
yeah you'll be you'll be in the business for 30 more years yeah well you know
00:12:16
George Burns did the road until he was 92. yeah but he was different dude
00:12:22
but he was different he's white yeah yeah but he's just super talented whoa
00:12:28
yeah I mean like an iconic genius but he did the road at 92. this is so incredible
00:12:34
and apparently he didn't change his act for 20 years same with me same with me and then also but he would
00:12:40
like do little widdles with riddles Whittle he would Whittle little things into it sorry tonight I'm gonna I don't
00:12:48
know how that would sound like George what are you trying to say he would he would interject little things yeah what's whittling whittling is um yeah he
00:12:56
would wood it he would Whittle wood in it in the bits how old was he when he died George Burns
00:13:05
100 no way I think so I'm just guessing he died at I think 96. I say 100. 100
00:13:12
years old how'd you know that I'm a big George Burns like big George Burns fan how about how about um
00:13:17
Burgess Meredith do you guys remember who that is do you know who that is juice no I'm not gonna lie I'm not familiar with George Burns
00:13:24
oh that's sad you don't know who he is how old is burgie when he died
00:13:30
1907 he was born when did he die it says it right there 89. young pretty young
00:13:35
this guy was the [ __ ] man you know who this is don't you guys know who that is Grumpy Old Men how about Red Skeleton
00:13:41
Red Skelton skeleton or skeleton I think it's skeleton I think it's skeleton Red
00:13:48
Skelton yeah it's he it's skeleton it's not skeleton
00:13:54
S I always say I call them Red Skeleton 84 years old he was another famous comedian James who that is right oh it's
00:14:00
like comedy 101 yeah these guys it was actually 202 it's comedy 202 you missed freshman year do you know Flip Wilson
00:14:06
I know that name for sure but I don't know Flip Wilson that's probably a name you've heard around the comedy store before yeah for sure
00:14:13
these are all people that did before see this is what I want though died look at that Malibu I wanna I wanna die
00:14:19
somewhere dope this is the fear I have how old was he 80 64 young guys oh my
00:14:24
God young yeah oh look at that his first wife Lavinia Patricia peaches Wilson Dean Peaches I want a wife named peaches
00:14:32
and then cookie Mackenzie he had two wives with nicknames oh wow why can't
00:14:37
whites have nicknames I know I have two that's true you do at least why can't we
00:14:43
have a sweet corn nickname like that yeah I don't know I don't know an Asian woman with a nickname that's not true
00:14:49
who mom have a nickname or the aunt what do
00:14:54
they call her Rudy's mom is what's her name honey yeah that's a nickname that's her name her real name is honey yeah
00:15:02
these people are so [ __ ] weird yeah Filipinos have the worst names do they yeah there's a I met a guy named battery
00:15:08
[Laughter] yeah was he a double A or AAA I think no his name was lithium battery no I swear
00:15:16
they named their kids crazy [ __ ] what's this kid Duracell
00:15:22
that wouldn't be shocking to me they do stuff like you too the name of boy like
00:15:28
you too like the band I like the music yeah but I get it yeah
00:15:33
yeah if you remind your your family who you can name your kid anything anything but we choose not to well because you
00:15:39
don't want to ruin because you know how hard it is for them to have a shitty name yeah Statue you've never met a guy
00:15:44
named statue see if there's a guy named statue on this Earth yeah yeah that's kind of a cool name yeah because I'm
00:15:50
staty stat dog cup chew is there a man named Frederick Augusta
00:15:56
no no there's no one named statue well then let's name your child statue when it comes out yeah I will like anything
00:16:02
uh how many things somebody thinks I just
00:16:07
don't even know you mean gong water well what tough well there's I met the
00:16:14
drinkwater family reservations so there's a there's a clan
00:16:20
of of natives their last name is Clan's probably not the word the tribe there it is there we go called drink water yeah
00:16:27
like they could be Clans no I think that's pretty reserved for one group of people Scottish people Vikings Clans
00:16:34
yeah let's scattish people yes
00:16:40
get it yeah but there are they all have Scottish accents ski but that's a clan read me the [ __ ] definition of a clan
00:16:47
Clan is a group of people United by an actual Wait no that's two a group of close-knit
00:16:52
and interrelated families especially especially with families in the Scottish Highlands so I said Scottish right whoa
00:16:58
did I say not to say Scottish yeah but you know what I meant yeah yeah yeah yeah but still though
00:17:04
those Clans are white cleanser whites yeah yeah yeah supremacists tribes are usually tribe
00:17:11
would usually be indigenous people indigenous people yeah even even yeah there you go what's a group what's a
00:17:17
group of Asians um what yeah dim sums no yeah yeah panzers
00:17:26
look at all the ponzers that sounds right a noodle no because the noodle is
00:17:32
one thing noodles is noodle is singular like a Ramen of NATO a Ramen of Asians yeah I could see the ponzu group there's
00:17:40
got to play kanzu gang there's no doubt yeah noodle gang doesn't sound scary nope it sounds awesome yeah yeah I want
00:17:47
to hang out with them wasabi who will bite ya Wasabi what do you like
00:17:53
that is it scary what's up yo where yo we were the wasabis no see go to gonzu with a ponzo sounds so cool gang sounds
00:18:01
[ __ ] scary yeah they'll [ __ ] you up yeah the sneaky Chopstick that's one of the
00:18:08
guys names yeah he's in the group is there a ponzu gang dude yeah I can't
00:18:15
really find anything there's a list of Asian gangs maybe Google that list of Asian gangs
00:18:20
he's given you attitude ever since you boned his ex-girlfriend yeah whoa dude
00:18:25
that's pretty on the Point Fullerton boys out in [ __ ] Fullerton California
00:18:31
that's cool dude the Kang B Korean Snakehead Gunk Snakehead Tong Chinese
00:18:38
Bing Kong whoa that's racist it I'm reading oh that's all right my bad
00:18:45
the Waki is tights Waukee Chinese and Malaysian the walking and of course we know the Yakuza bamboo Union
00:18:54
sounds like a break dancing crew yeah the Fullerton boys why is the Yakuza so
00:18:59
Str look we all know their name you know the Yakuza they're so big they're so big I think it's because of the style yeah
00:19:06
because they're really cool suits tattoos to the wrists missing finger they all have one missing finger yeah oh
00:19:13
really yeah yeah like this one why the ring finger I think it's either it's to dedicate
00:19:19
yourself to the like you're married to the game I think so yeah oh that's kind of tight these are the Fullerton boys oh
00:19:25
let me see the Fulton boys don't look Asian yeah they look Mexican oh you guys sound so disappointed yeah
00:19:32
I'm so disappointed well we just please that's just a poster in Bobby's room
00:19:38
yeah that's one class at UCLA
00:19:43
wait show me the Yakuza let me see images of the Yakuza because you know they're yeah yeah see that that guy's
00:19:50
90. I thought he was wearing a shirt dude look at that guy wait I feel like I know this guy
00:19:58
I'm serious you saw him an open mic night or something no he's uh oh but okay zoom in on that photo dude
00:20:06
can you zoom in yeah the guy to the far left he doesn't belong why look at the guys at the far left
00:20:14
what's wrong with him he's not Asian oh he could be half asian no zoom in I
00:20:20
thought you meant to stop two is different look at his face dude look at his face bro that's why they're all looking at
00:20:26
him like who the [ __ ] who the [ __ ] is that guy but does he look Asian to you yes he's not there's no way no he's like
00:20:34
Italian maybe he's just badass dude we better be careful these guys are gonna [ __ ] kill us look I've never look at the girl
00:20:40
she would [ __ ] kill her she would [ __ ] you up that's not your mom but it looks a little bit like your
00:20:46
mother like my mom yeah yeah she's got like she got like Chinese stars in there and everything yeah you
00:20:52
got to be careful dude these guys are gonna kill us you know that they're gonna come [ __ ] with us hey we're pro Yakuza we love you guys I love it
00:20:59
Fullerton boys we love you guys uh the bamboo crew love you boys
00:21:04
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code bad friend to enter that's rich.com bad friends they're probably arresting
00:23:40
this guy because they caught him for 50 years Yakuza boss oh he was sentenced to
00:23:45
Hanging whoa they hung him how long ago was that uh last year
00:23:51
whoa they hung the Yakuza guy last year wow they still do hangings huh in where
00:23:56
was that in Japan dude Japan is so cool white gangs are cool well I mean it's like yeah kinda it
00:24:04
is pretty cool I mean it's like that's a way to punish people I guess you know because would you like back in the days
00:24:09
you know the villagers used to come out and witness it like it was like a Sunday night Sunday Sunday football game I know
00:24:15
exactly what I would do what would you go I would I would I would starve myself before the hanging and I and I would
00:24:20
make sure that my pants barely fit so the moment I dropped in the Rope pit my penis would come out my pants would fall
00:24:26
down Oh you mean if you were hung yeah yeah yeah so I got one last laugh yeah so then I'd be like ah my dick would be
00:24:32
out at everyone and I laughed my way out I would be concerned about what my face was doing
00:24:38
when I died when you focus on like what your face would look like no because you can't I can't that's why he'll do it
00:24:43
that's why I'm doing the dick thing no I would do this the things are on my neck and I'll go to those
00:24:49
[Laughter] and hopefully when it hangs it hangs
00:24:54
like that or you don't be really sick yeah same thing with my loose pants starve myself loose pants one little stream nobody wants to see your dick no
00:25:00
dude I'm gonna tuck it in my ass I'm gonna touch it that way when it hangs all right mangina and then as I Let Go
00:25:06
all my muscles up it comes right out right people are gonna die laughing
00:25:12
I'm gonna go out with a [ __ ] laugh dude yeah even if you see how if you saw a dick out of my butt and come for you'd
00:25:18
be like yes guys even if you and I right went to see his hanging we'd be sad
00:25:23
right no no we at first we would be like oh my God we're gonna see Andrew hung today right and then you would hang and
00:25:29
we would look up and go right I like it it would be fun I would
00:25:34
I like it it would be fun yeah yeah and thank you for the laugh and you go that's my boy that's my boy right now yeah little dick little dick over there
00:25:41
yeah yeah yeah we would know it's coming now so as we're waiting everyone's crying wait Bobby and I'd be like just wait for it
00:25:47
oh you would you think that we would know that you yeah I would tell you guys now we know oh I would sell it out you
00:25:53
would oh yeah like a bring a room just promote you promote my hanging oh yeah dude how happy would you be you're gonna
00:26:00
get a huge laugh and I'm inviting CAA I'm bringing agents oh yeah The
00:26:06
Hollywood Reporter by the way it's a great sketch you guys coming to my hanging yeah they're like well let's see if we can be there the agents for sure
00:26:11
show up late they're like he's already hung uh I know right we had a dinner you couldn't make it how was it though yeah
00:26:17
it was a good thing to do well he crushed all right good [ __ ] the crutches now but what's that one called the is it
00:26:22
the one with the guillotine Guillotine Guillotine yeah is that the one with the thing comes down this yes the big it
00:26:29
would chop it chops your head off yeah yeah that no well I've heard after the head gets chopped off a lot they've
00:26:34
reported that the the person's head will say something or or it'll still move for a second yeah like it's still alive
00:26:40
after it's literally it'll say something I've heard it like what I don't know Ow
00:26:45
like what does it say what does it say that's an opportunity for a joke too yeah you're right I didn't write it yeah
00:26:51
I didn't do it yeah or right as your head gets chopped off in a guillotine and no I know what I would say
00:26:57
chopped off roll tada Tada would be good
00:27:05
what would you do I'd say the treasure is buried oh that's such a good one I need to be
00:27:12
like where where yeah yeah so they're panicking and then try to put your head back on come on come on yeah
00:27:17
what would I say if it felt yeah I don't know if I was decapitated and my head fell off and it rolled around for a
00:27:23
second and they came up to me and my last words would be
00:27:28
[Laughter] I was going to say something awful and I just held my time I know what it was go
00:27:33
ahead what you were gonna say what I can't say it yeah I know I can't either yeah I know it's bad yeah imagine this
00:27:41
was appointment viewing before we had you know TGIF before before it was like Friday night sitcom night this was
00:27:48
people getting together in town they're like they dressed up they're like what time are you gonna be there this is this is what was gross about it it was like
00:27:54
for fun they were it was this was the jam I don't think I would go I'd be that one guy like have you ever
00:28:00
been like I'm I've passed on every time I have such good tickets you have to come with me I can't your box seats box
00:28:05
dude I'm on the floor are you on the floor and we can go VIP we can go backstage really you can touch the knife because my grandfather has like the
00:28:12
nosebleed seats yeah dude we can never see anything I can't see [ __ ] from up there all right I'll try one day gotta be down on the
00:28:17
floor and then I show up and it's gonna be like a Gallagher show like [Music] watermelon but somebody's selling one of
00:28:24
those they sell those yeah so smocks are like this is a splash of them you guys will get hit with blood right I'm gonna
00:28:30
be seating yeah you'll be yeah she'll be working the door yeah juicy is working the door she's selling booths at the
00:28:36
[ __ ] at the guillotine she's like look if you want to be closer it's 100 bucks I don't know what you want to say maybe it's like a baseball game when
00:28:42
they catch the head they get excited
00:28:50
dude that's so funny like that like Live Nation presents the hanging oh yeah
00:28:58
one of these promoters these massive promotions what if you don't sell out though how sad how sad yeah Ticketmaster
00:29:04
is like look dude this event did not do well well you're there right and you're about to do it and you see the numbers
00:29:10
and there's like three guys there your agent comes up to you right before he they kill you and he's like listen dude 60 is still it looks good right it looks
00:29:18
more full than it is for sure but it it No One's Gonna it's great this is a market we're building on yeah but you're
00:29:25
sitting there right and I I hear somebody going I thought this was Ronnie Chang's [ __ ] hey
00:29:31
right you're like I can't even yeah that's that's what we sell it as someone else yeah I mean they're like this is
00:29:36
not Bill Burr this is we're getting out of here yeah yeah oh that'd be terrible go selling tickets to
00:29:43
a [ __ ] a local you know what they also used to do though that's insane too like burning witch burning and [ __ ] they would just
00:29:49
burn people in the Town Square Town Square was like the spot it was a spot that's where he used to get [ __ ]
00:29:55
murked up the witch burning [ __ ] was wild they would just find a chick that said
00:30:00
like no to her husband they're like lighter on fire dude it was like a woman being like I
00:30:06
don't want to do that and they're like she's a witch lighter on fire will they be like if she is a witch she'll get out
00:30:11
of this fire right right but if she's not a witch we [ __ ] up oh well one
00:30:17
down whatever you gotta lose you win some you lose some you know but let me just say something it's insane if the
00:30:23
witch was super hot would you be like ah they wouldn't burn her you don't think they would this is the thing our
00:30:30
society's been obsessed with with looks or whole forever since the beginning of time yeah we reward good looking people
00:30:36
so even if they're bad we're not gonna punish them right they're too hot if Brad Pitt [ __ ] did something
00:30:42
atrocious we'd all be like I don't know is did he really and they're like we have proof and then we'd be like I don't
00:30:48
know yeah that sucks man yeah he's too hot do you think you would be burned oh
00:30:54
yeah yeah make no mistake yeah everyone in this
00:30:59
room is getting burned I don't think you I'm getting no no there are no [ __ ] you I'm getting I've met girls since I've
00:31:06
been single what did you say he's good dude you're walking on [ __ ] eyes dude
00:31:11
yeah it's nuts you came back here from Spain with a [ __ ] attitude yeah I'm sick of it dude listen here elote boy
00:31:18
you need to cut it the [ __ ] out look at that the elote [ __ ] got both of these guys what did you do in Spain put the
00:31:23
mic near your mouth Rudy who's your family is your family good yeah my family is good and you spend time with
00:31:29
them yeah what was one thing that you did with them I went on a Euro trip
00:31:36
you toured Europe yes [ __ ] man you got so boring it's so boring it's nuts what
00:31:41
did you do a lot I was like every day like what are they doing now they're probably shooting bad friends did you miss us oh yeah he didn't miss us at all
00:31:48
he didn't I thought he was serious no he's not he's being facetious no we're going to the Philippines and next month
00:31:54
together yeah for how long for a week yeah I can't wait what are you guys doing there so exciting I'm doing my
00:32:00
talent show we're doing Bobby Stalin show oh right oh that's right you're this is the voice
00:32:06
yeah yeah I do my talent show there are they are you making money on this no I'd
00:32:11
like to do my challenge probably losing money well I think I've already lost 20 grand right
00:32:19
you're paying 20 grand to go to the Philippines to do my own talent show but why why I'm filming it
00:32:24
right to just put it on the internet no Netflix I want to pitch it as a show oh you what's it called Bobby Lee's talent
00:32:30
show that's cool Bobby Lee's Talent Extravaganza Telex forever I'm gonna
00:32:36
wear a monocle right did you get it yes and a cane okay no because I want to be like that
00:32:41
guy from Jurassic Park the very first one I'm thinking about the Monopoly guy Something Like Richard Attenborough I'm gonna come up and
00:32:47
pretend I have a limp right I want to Welcome to my talent show oh do you have an accent the whole time yeah yeah wow
00:32:53
yeah bonjour I don't know oh you're French yeah yeah they're not gonna know any difference they're Filipinos right are you ready for you know the time of
00:33:01
your life right that right there's me dancing and stuff like that and then I'm gonna film a town
00:33:06
show because the last time I did it was the greatest night of my life of your life oh my God it was the best I thought
00:33:13
someone was gonna die it was amazing this is a midlife crisis we're you know going back to that moment yeah I'm going
00:33:18
through midlife you know are you really I'm going through a crisis yeah you think so oh yeah I think you feel good you look good no I feel
00:33:25
lost Bob what I feel lost when did this start I can take a guess yeah you'll ask three
00:33:33
or four months I've been kind of lost that's exactly when we started working together
00:33:39
exactly the timing the midlife crisis happens anywhere 40 to 60 years old and I gotta tell you
00:33:44
it affects men and women no at that part I don't believe yeah I think I think it's almost always a male thing yeah I
00:33:51
had a midlife crisis at 19. yeah yeah not a real thing not a real thing
00:33:56
you know you know do you know what it is I've said this before on the show it's a midlife assessment it means you're like
00:34:02
reassess because what you do is it's actually a positive thing it has a negative connotation but I think it's the opposite the reason that people have
00:34:10
a quote-unquote midlife crisis is because you've lived enough life where you can actually look back and go wow
00:34:16
I've lived a lot of life what do I want to change in the future so I don't repeat mistakes from prior
00:34:22
that I want to grow and be happy and like it's usually because your life is going hey it's time for a shift we have
00:34:29
to move into a new part of our life I think it's a positive that's when you buy the new car
00:34:34
yeah I got a new car you did that yeah but that's not always it's not like you
00:34:40
bought an obnoxious douchebag car and [ __ ] but for me it was you know I used to drunk Drive [ __ ] cars yeah your
00:34:47
last car was always covered in bird [ __ ] [Laughter]
00:34:53
okay let's talk about my last car what was in there and I know from working a lot because I would have to drive it and
00:34:58
you'd pull in I I don't even remember but it was like a Toyota or a Honda or something yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and
00:35:03
uh it was just like piles of trash it was disgusting and it's got Rudy's car yeah I know Rudy has it these are the
00:35:10
symptoms of a midlife crisis ask me the questions ask me the questions don't look at it don't just look at me I'm
00:35:16
looking at you do you feel sad yeah or do you lack confidence I lack confidence both especially after big milestone
00:35:22
accomplishment or a birthday like on your birthday or when something big happens you still feel sad or you lack confidence yes okay do you feel bored
00:35:28
often yes do you feel like you've lost meaning or purpose in your life yes okay we're four for four do you feel on
00:35:34
unfulfilled in life yes do you have feelings of nostalgia oh
00:35:40
yeah do you excessively think about the past like during the day do you just constantly think about the past yeah do
00:35:45
you make impulsive actions no but by I have impulsive thinking okay do
00:35:52
you have feelings of regret no okay so no didn't hit all the targets okay so yeah you have to have all the
00:35:59
symptoms for it to be real no you don't I'm a doctor not no
00:36:05
it's a feeling of like it's a feeling I think what happened was you know you see people die
00:36:11
you don't let you know right right and then you kind of think about their age and you know what
00:36:18
your age is and you kind of do some math and you think you're gonna die I mean Bob was 65 right and I'm 50 so
00:36:25
it's like you know Bob that is a freak action I know my point is that you still think that way no no I'm saying you're
00:36:31
right he was healthy you should die way before I know that's the thing so it's
00:36:36
like you don't know but um and you kind of go you know I want to do something different and I want to just milk these
00:36:43
next chapter of my life what are you gonna do how do you milk it
00:36:49
well for instance I'm not as scared anymore of what what were you scared of I used to get like really nervous on set
00:36:56
for a film or a movie yeah I mean and now I just don't feel that which is cool that's great I gotta be
00:37:03
honest I feel that I I have that too but also a piece of me um thinks it withholds me from like living
00:37:10
in the moment sometimes yeah but you but you also think like are they like I don't I'm not I'm not more
00:37:16
like I used to be focused on dude do they think that I'm good or do they am I doing it right or all those kind of
00:37:21
questions and those questions are like not very much like I don't give a [ __ ] but it's all a no you're not doing good
00:37:27
nope nobody cares yeah nobody cares I feel that way but I feel like it's a
00:37:32
detriment I miss the fear a little bit maybe but you should always be living like you're not gonna live tomorrow so
00:37:37
having that Wonder of like what's gonna happen if I die soon even no matter what your age is obviously it probably gets
00:37:44
worse as you get older but it does and I know it does for me but but it you know it's good
00:37:52
to think about that well how old are you now juice again 30 32 but I remember like partying a lot in my in like my
00:37:58
late teens early 20s and doing psychedelics and you know thinking about
00:38:03
death more yeah and then there was like a shift where I like got my life together kind of slowly but you know
00:38:10
yeah I guess and but there's also um there's something that happened the
00:38:15
other day at the Improv and I want to name the person but I know a woman who
00:38:20
did comedy maybe when I started doing comedy she was a headliner and I didn't see her for like many many
00:38:27
years but I've seen her around lately and she comes to me and she's much so
00:38:32
much older and needy and she comes to me I don't know what happened it's like I can't get spots anymore I'm going to all
00:38:38
these Club no one knows me and it's like you know I still got it I still got it is this Nikki Glazer
00:38:44
and and you know I mean and I I kind of want to look at her and go
00:38:50
like it's I want to say it's over you know but it's like I'm not there and I don't
00:38:57
want to get there no one needs to say that to anybody I didn't say that no but I'm saying I always go they'll figure I would say keep trying they'll they'll
00:39:03
get there on their own yeah but you see that kind of desperation and you kind of go yeah I'm in a good place right now
00:39:09
you know yeah you're yeah very blessed yeah yeah because you know
00:39:15
okay now I'm really scared I was feeling pretty confident I don't know why the the this pod went
00:39:22
to this direction let's switch it up I don't think we can let's stay here I like it yeah yeah I like it yeah what
00:39:27
are you scared about oh my God um something that I'm afraid of is the
00:39:34
more people get to know me like on a bigger scale like a public skill um they will like me less oh man oh man
00:39:42
that is so real it's so real and can I tell you something yeah no we're right and they they will hate
00:39:50
you yeah yeah they will hate you here's the problem me personally no no yeah yeah the Royal
00:39:56
the Royal like I spoke to another comic on the phone the other night and
00:40:03
we were just kind of [ __ ] lamenting about you know sometimes the pressure from doing the thing the thing that you
00:40:10
want makes you question yourself more than you ever did when you when before
00:40:15
less people knew you but it didn't matter right and it still doesn't matter quote unquote but like
00:40:21
it's scary because look we do this show we do other stuff so many people see us
00:40:26
and they and you want to connect with them and you want to grow with them and you want to have fun but sometimes
00:40:33
they hate you just because or they you know they they find things to get upset or annoyed
00:40:38
or whatever about because they enjoy you so naturally sometimes they're going to be like I don't like when Juicy's does
00:40:44
that yeah and you're like but why yeah who cares so it's gonna happen the more
00:40:50
bigger the bigger you get you'll have some people that will like I read a comment yesterday it was a direct
00:40:56
message from a guy and he goes you're 10 000 times funnier than Andrew Santino yeah and I thought that's my friend
00:41:04
that's my body don't tell him I wrote you that yeah that was you yeah yeah
00:41:11
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know I mean not all that oh that's and I just feel bad and I just go no that's not true it's not really true well it's
00:44:07
true yeah yeah but it doesn't matter it doesn't matter yeah you know so yeah I
00:44:12
read something um that said a guy was like uh Santino's not a
00:44:18
common comedian as much as he is a host of like a Disney show or something like
00:44:23
that oh I saw that too actually did you really it was on trash yeah it's weird it was like the first thing I saw
00:44:30
and I just made mine up by the way I was just trying to do a joke no no I know this was real this was real yeah no I
00:44:37
know that was I don't want you go go through a midlife crisis right now no no I'm I'm having a really good time great when I was on Animal Practice Little
00:44:44
Rolling Stone magazine said Bobby Lee and another guy I forgot maybe Tyler Levine that was on it right I love that
00:44:50
guy he said uh rolling said these are sitcom killers you and Tyler like in a bad way like
00:44:56
yeah yeah these guys this is not gonna last you know I mean is there any truth to that and this is their last chance
00:45:02
worst TV of 2012. well I never got haters from wait wait is that wait
00:45:07
that's the show it's the worst I gotta tell you yeah yeah you got
00:45:14
number five five worst TV on God you're not even number one
00:45:19
it's so crazy if you're gonna be the worst at least be like me look at me too we're [ __ ] we're number we're seven
00:45:25
percent on Rotten Tomatoes yeah yeah I don't mind when people no but listen juice it people are gonna
00:45:31
people are gonna love you even more who really know you they're gonna love you and then you're gonna have some haters but I don't know what who gives what the
00:45:37
[ __ ] who cares yeah you just have to I guess just be courageous and keep stepping into like just being yourself
00:45:42
but stand up is such a thing where you they want you to talk about your personal life yeah so you have to give
00:45:49
more of yourself but you just have to put yourself up for the judgment and stuff but yeah because it's gonna happen
00:45:55
dude people are gonna love you and dislike you oh so you you can't foresee Animal Practice 17-17
00:46:03
laughs [Laughter]
00:46:09
pretty [ __ ] bad almost as bad as me time almost especially you're right
00:46:14
except a lot of people saw our movie yeah and I I literally I thought that was going to be a cultural phenomenon
00:46:20
but only six people rated it I literally thought this is gonna change that's even
00:46:25
more embarrassing critics yeah what does that go up to popular TV on tomato oh wait did I have
00:46:32
my photo down there please no yeah yeah they do doctor I hate that photo of You by the way yeah I hate that photo
00:46:39
because it's like a it's like a fat weird care it looks like a caricature of you it's not even you I like your hair
00:46:45
though thank you I think it's cool and crazy no do you think he's Kim Wheatley that no he Bobby's to the left oh sorry
00:46:52
my bad yeah people are gonna throw shade also people are gonna love you because of how [ __ ] great you are but also
00:46:59
you can't foresee how things are gonna change we don't know what the business is gonna do like for instance 20 years
00:47:05
ago um I never thought that podcasting was ever going to be a thing yeah right so I
00:47:11
was always just doing stand up and thinking that it wasn't even in my reality right and then after a while
00:47:17
you're like oh I think I'm just gonna be on a road comic I mean this is really and then podcasting became a thing and
00:47:23
then I did that and it kind of restarted a lot of elements of my career you know
00:47:29
so you don't know what's in the future just go with the flow adapt right and change yeah then eventually
00:47:37
you'll start making shitty movies that's when you know you made it yeah wait do you see this guy's taking shots at us
00:47:42
all day all day you know I'm you know let me back myself up a little bit okay
00:47:48
I'm a really funny [ __ ] in that movie and you know what I'm gonna do fancy and I said this at the Press day
00:47:54
which I don't think Netflix liked but I was like someone was like you know what what should you tell people about
00:48:01
the movie and I was like only watch my scenes and then press guy was like what I was like I'm gonna on Instagram I'm
00:48:07
gonna time code only my scene so you can just jump through to watch just me yeah dick when I went to meet that commercial
00:48:13
agent he was telling me about how Bobby was the king back in the day booking commercials and how one time you booked
00:48:19
this commercial for Maxwell coffee and the role was literally for a white guy in a suit and Bobby booked it and he
00:48:28
asked you what were you wearing for the audition you were dressed just like you are now
00:48:34
the descriptions we want an older Brad Pitt in a turtleneck right and he's
00:48:40
gonna be chopping wood in the forest I see it right yeah and I and he and I go
00:48:46
submit me and and my agent go he's Korean
00:48:51
and he goes you're not gonna submit me you know why because there was no
00:48:56
dialogue and when there's no dialogue in commercial auditions they ask you what was your weekend like
00:49:03
there's no auditions they just want to see what you're because because the whole commercials to me just drinking coffee on a thing right so they'll just
00:49:10
ask you like what was your weekend and I knew that I would be able to kill with my words yeah so I just knew that I would be able to win them over with just
00:49:16
talking yeah so any and I don't care what a big fat black lady
00:49:21
do you think you're gonna get that yeah okay what's wrong
00:49:27
I was just what's your attitude right now I was thinking about something else what were
00:49:34
you thinking about when she had said that you used to like kill it back in the day
00:49:42
when she said that it made me feel a type of way because it was like Bobby was the king of commercials yeah no I
00:49:49
know and then and then I felt this thing where I was like that's right dude my best friend was the king but then I
00:49:54
looked at you and I was like but the king Has Fallen yeah why did you set me up because you
00:50:01
don't do commercials no more but you know the way she said it she was just like Dad I had to take his crown away
00:50:07
yeah the Crown's gone because he didn't know where he was he started to forget what room he was in
00:50:14
foreign that's how she said it that is exactly how you said that's how you said it you set me up for failure my
00:50:21
yeah yeah so sweet my bad to the guillotine to the guillotine burn this witch
00:50:29
oh my God oh my God this is what we talked about France no oh give it to me
00:50:34
give it to me give it to me this is what we talked about last week okay you said you wanted an array of sunflower seeds
00:50:40
from the studio yeah so we got sweet and salty jumbo jalapeno sweet and spicy a ridge
00:50:48
black crack cracked buffalo style Ranch Barbecue dill pickle we got it all wow
00:50:55
thank you most importantly yeah I want to try those this is not an ad but my God yeah this these are these are
00:51:02
taste cookies I bragged about this last time Tates makes the best but these are the blueberry ones I brought these for
00:51:08
the staff at the comedy store because I love them so much I want to see if they're as good as you say they are go ahead and I'm gonna be real go ahead be
00:51:15
real all right because I love cookies cheers all right so here I go
00:51:24
[Music] that's how you know he was the king of commercials look at that look at that
00:51:34
[Music] you know what okay I have to admit I
00:51:39
have to admit [Music] out of all the cookies I've ever had in
00:51:45
my lifetime no yes okay okay in fact I
00:51:50
just went to boa yesterday and I got their fresh cook this is the best bite that was the first
00:51:56
the best first bite I've ever had one game the blueberry the blueberry you
00:52:01
could smell you can smell it you know what it is the blueberry is soft but it's but the Cookie's still crispy cook
00:52:07
crispy cookies can I say this can I say this yeah real real that's real blueberry baby
00:52:16
that's not fake no fake no this ain't no fake three [ __ ] berries this is a real [ __ ] Berry dude Wow real
00:52:22
blueberries yeah yeah dude that voice you just did is the [ __ ] that's a
00:52:28
commercial yeah you're gonna book that was your commercial audition oh God
00:52:35
how do they get them so crispy and the blueberries to be so soft how does that do that because these are
00:52:40
these are crispy and the butter it's a buttery cookie yeah yeah
00:52:47
um what makes what makes the cookies so deeply delicious it's something we call
00:52:53
the bake shop way wow no can we can we talk about now the thing I told you
00:52:58
yesterday yeah let's move okay Untold Stories the woman the girl that
00:53:04
didn't exist Untold Untold Sports documentary series I love they're all great and let me tell you something what
00:53:10
the the brocker way the brothers that do that yeah I couldn't be bigger fans of
00:53:15
they're so trying to sit with these guys yeah because they did my favorite documentary of all time which I told you about I know you don't give a [ __ ] about
00:53:21
baseball but the batter Bastards of Baseball is the best documentary about sports I think I've ever seen in my life it's about being Russell Kurt Russell's
00:53:28
father who bought a baseball team oh wow dude okay I'll watch it oh is it an untold story ah it's an Untold no it's
00:53:35
it's the same guys that made that Untold is just a series this was just a singular documentary before all right so
00:53:41
this Untold about Manti tale it's called the girlfriend that did you know about this
00:53:47
was an incredible uh incredible football player that played at University of Notre Dame a very from Hawaii he's from
00:53:55
Hawaii Mormon and he was Mormon and they're a Catholic hardcore it's a
00:54:00
Christian College that's known that's rooted in Catholicism it's it's in the midwest it's that's their whole thing is
00:54:06
a fish out of water there well now he's a church kid but he's a Mormon church he's a star he's a star on the Notre band Notre Dame
00:54:14
Bane it is yeah Notre Bane I don't think it's an order it's Notre Bane Notre Dame
00:54:21
Notre Dame Notre Dame Dame is a woman Notre bang baseball football he played basketball it's
00:54:29
baseball Notre Dame football team right he's a star right yeah he's a great linebacker correct defensive tackle
00:54:35
right defensive whatever he is he's in the backside defensive anyway a big star right and then his
00:54:43
grandma dies right and then hours later his girlfriend dies
00:54:48
right and then he has to play this game they're suicide no they're not together
00:54:53
juicy is the best juicy is the best that would be a great story Grandma girlfriend murder yeah I don't think
00:54:59
that's ever happened but who did what right be tight if the grandmother was like [ __ ] [ __ ] they'll try yeah yeah
00:55:09
man no uh good luck on your game out there
00:55:15
he was basically mantatea was was essentially catfished before catfishing even existed this girl this girl that
00:55:22
killed her himself that his girlfriend didn't wasn't real it was a it was a it was a man who uh this is the this that's
00:55:30
the man well first of all this is the this is when and they say it in documentary
00:55:36
when this person I know let me explain when this person did you go to a different photo than this one oh that's
00:55:41
the one it is her all right it's her now but then she was a man when she was catfishing the football player the guy
00:55:48
in the top left this person was a man when this was going on and it only met
00:55:54
her online or something he never met her he never met this guy's let me explain catfish this guy this guy this girl this
00:56:02
girl now was a guy pretended to be a girl online using someone else's photos Okay catfish sister this guy took photos
00:56:11
from somebody else's account and pretended to be a girl by the name of Lele some [ __ ] Leilani okay I'm following now
00:56:19
right and and then they developed a relationship so Monty that was the guy that's the guy that's before she was a
00:56:26
woman yeah yeah so [ __ ] complicated I know it's impossible to talk about it without someone being like what is it
00:56:32
what are you saying I'm trying yeah yeah this person is someone else now they're
00:56:37
a different person they go by a different [ __ ] name this dude who happens to be gay is he gay
00:56:44
see another twist yeah I don't know I don't know yeah yeah I don't I don't want to make assumptions she didn't say
00:56:49
what she is now yeah I don't dude honestly so did she faked her death yes fake to death
00:56:57
because and then she says well she pretends to be her brother calls mantai
00:57:03
and says she has leukemia and she's dying it's crazy she dies but here's the
00:57:08
twist ESPN everyone goes man Ty's girlfriend
00:57:14
dies and a grandmother does huge news right and it's like the story of this guy still winning and you know I mean
00:57:20
and still participating in the sport and killing it and this and that and then the girl calls them four months later
00:57:27
and says I'm alive yeah and here's the deal I got chills who released the
00:57:32
article dead spin yeah yeah and dead spit basically expose it as fake but here was what was wild
00:57:38
the media this was also you have to remember this is what this is probably a this is the 2009. so it would have been
00:57:44
the 12 the 2012 season oh my bad 2012 okay yeah I was three years off sorry no
00:57:49
no you're no no but essentially what was going on in the media was they were like
00:57:55
because he was catfished and they found out it was from this guy that the media was like he's gay and
00:58:01
he's just afraid to be gay and he's not but the media was like yeah he is this is what he's hiding he's hiding that
00:58:08
he's gay and he was supposed to be like the first round draft pick and he wasn't right he and he still went pro he did go
00:58:14
pro he played it didn't pan out he didn't pan out the way it should have politics how to play well here was the problem this is
00:58:21
something I said I think I said to you over the phone when when you said you were like have to watch it I was like this is one of those times when you know
00:58:27
when people say like language is getting woke and [ __ ] today yeah that it's a good thing because you look back and you
00:58:34
go the whole media ESPN was like I bet he's a secret homo no I mean seriously
00:58:41
and they were all laughing about it and because there wasn't people to go hey man you can't just throw that [ __ ] out
00:58:46
there at people like that for no [ __ ] reason yeah because what it did was it [ __ ] with his psyche because he was
00:58:51
like I'm not gay well I just got [ __ ] over by the internet it ruined him and everybody was like yeah you are before
00:58:57
we got conscious over like just making up [ __ ] about people can what it do to them and hurt them this guy had nothing
00:59:03
to do with it he got catfish they say he was naive and stupid and Blub people said all sorts of mean [ __ ] dude it's
00:59:09
just an innocent guy that got [ __ ] over and Fell in Love on the internet how not weird is that every loser I'm friends with now falls in love with
00:59:14
people on the internet constantly what can I ask a question yeah yeah
00:59:23
um I mean he's developed this relationship with a woman well he thought it was a woman I know that he's
00:59:29
been dating for how long a year well here's the problem here's another big hole I'm
00:59:34
asking I'm just asking questions let me answer all right the whole story is like they would take weeks off and not speak
00:59:40
right and then sometimes they would speak a bunch and then not again you gotta remember there's a college kid who plays football but there was a lot of
00:59:45
incidents like um she's like let's FaceTime he'd be like let's face time and it wouldn't work and and on her end
00:59:51
it wouldn't work after the eighth time you don't go there's something weird no but here's why we say that you're privy
00:59:57
to cat this is both pre-catfish catfishing wasn't happening like it is now when it happens now and people don't
01:00:03
get it I'm like what's wrong with you right but that I'm giving the bit of the I started following on Instagram and I
01:00:09
say he's your inspiration I'm just saying then it didn't exist so nobody [ __ ] knew that that was a thing that
01:00:14
you could he hasn't followed me back yet but yeah well because Bobby's profile picture is Andrew
01:00:20
but let me ask you this though right how long would it would I be able to cut if let's say you were single
01:00:26
yeah but in the current day and age I would be weary of all this stuff this guy had no [ __ ] but how long would
01:00:31
you last you think right now let's say I lived in Baltimore and I'm the hottest chick you've ever seen and we're we're
01:00:37
talking online right how long would you wait what's your name lilililia save the name how old are you Gloria my
01:00:44
name is Gloria Gloria how old are you I'm 28. nice what do you do I work at an
01:00:50
insurance firm oh you're an insurance sales no I'm at secretary right now for Montgomery oh
01:00:56
okay insurance oh yeah um how did you find out about me I'm a huge fan I I saw your special thanks and
01:01:04
um I'm a huge fan of Dave oh me too very cool I like Ada more me too yeah gate is
01:01:10
good same yeah yeah Dave's good too but you're like my fifth favorite would that be third or who's two there's three more
01:01:15
I don't know their names oh yeah but when they come on I'm like oh that's cool cool all right have a good day oh
01:01:22
that's it well that would be all right let's uh you're my favorite guy on Dave in fact you know what I saw me time
01:01:27
and I literally only watched it because you I mean that movie was horrendous but when you come out you just spark it just
01:01:32
Sparks and it's like wow what a scene stealer sick yeah and also I'm just you
01:01:37
know I was adopted that's right I sent you a picture
01:01:44
of what I don't know you tell me oh is that of your food oh you penis your
01:01:50
peter sweet penis penis penis penis penis oh we gotta put a butthole picture in
01:01:57
there yeah butthole yeah actually I sent you pictures of me jerking off so one week
01:02:02
I'm gonna play really fast so there's no way that would happen like
01:02:08
you you wouldn't develop a relationship with somebody from Baltimore no I would want to meet you in person if I'm single
01:02:13
and I'm looking to [ __ ] meet you I would I would want to meet you I don't I just but this is now and now is
01:02:19
different than than it wasn't a thing no one knew that was I think I'm getting
01:02:24
catfished then are you serious well there's I don't know if I should talk about this I don't want to get in
01:02:29
trouble is she from Baltimore no yeah yeah and it was Gloria no well there's a couple of incidents and I
01:02:36
haven't done anything you know I'm single now or I haven't done anything right but there's a couple instances where a couple of girls like if you're
01:02:41
in Vegas give me a call and I have their numbers that catfishing no because if you're in Vegas give them a call just be
01:02:48
careful if you want to go meet them because why what would happen I don't know they could rob you or something yeah I think I've happened a friend of
01:02:55
mine Vegas though yeah you don't want to just go meet strangers from no I would definitely do like a crowded place and bring a bodyguard or something
01:03:02
yeah I would do a crowded players like let's meet at the Bellagio that's a good movie though Bobby goes to meet some
01:03:08
ladies in Vegas and gets kidnapped and we gotta go save him I know but would we say that's yeah I would you know that's
01:03:15
it yeah because we're playing ourselves right so no but I would have so much to do and cancel just to get out there and
01:03:22
you know what that is plot baby that's yeah right yeah I got stuff going I'm in the middle of shooting the third season
01:03:27
of Dave you get canceled out there I can't captured you get wait wait a second wait a second that would mean if
01:03:35
I'm if I disappeared and you're shooting Dave you wouldn't take a week off and go
01:03:42
oh my schedule's nuts you wouldn't take a week off
01:03:48
what I would pay someone to go find you I guess I'm alone ever who pay imagine you have doorstop
01:03:54
you have the store you got to work at the store you can't give up those Carlos I think I could give up some shifts to
01:04:00
save you know I honestly believe that Carlos would yeah I honestly believe you wouldn't you wouldn't give a [ __ ] you're
01:04:05
being annoying and you know I would if I would go way out of my way you would you would cancel would you lose your job at
01:04:12
Dave no you wouldn't be honest lose my job if it
01:04:18
happened like let's let's suppose I'm captured by some guys in Vegas the
01:04:24
bamboo boys the bamboo boys they got you right yeah and they're like you know uh Andrew quit Dave or Bobby's dad
01:04:35
we're gonna do it we're gonna see it in The Hollywood Reporter that you quit because and you're trying to say you guys want me to quit the show just to
01:04:41
kill him I don't know that's we get off on it oh boy guys
01:04:48
come on man I I the gun's loaded and I'm like Andrew I think they're [ __ ]
01:04:53
serious about it I think they are too oh my God
01:04:58
no no hold on hold on hold on okay okay let me talk to the leader let me talk to the leader hey dude what's going on what
01:05:04
what's up how are you pretty cool pretty good why your answer no no I'm bamboo boy bamboo boy listen yeah
01:05:11
you don't want to kill my friend I have somebody else you can kill oh his
01:05:17
name is fancy B I hate him I know you do if I bring him to you will you let my friend Bobby yeah
01:05:23
but you gotta bring him now I'll be there right now all right I'm getting a private jet fancy yeah here he is the switch and
01:05:31
then they kill him they kill me and they kill you and I get away with the money damn it
01:05:37
this movie sucks really sucks okay um juicy you go ahead and sign us off
01:05:43
thank you for being a bad friend you're a baby [Music]
