00:00:00
Dana we have a we have an old favorite uh who is there both of us mostly you
00:00:06
but also with me the overlapped you I five years with me and then vict Jackson
00:00:13
Victoria the one and only Victoria Jackson we had a great chat with her um
00:00:19
she is so fun and bubbly and I think very memorable from the show because we
00:00:25
all sort of had a crush on her she's very nice very sweet she seemed like such a downto earth young lady yeah I
00:00:33
mean I think in the early days people might think it's a character she's playing but she's exactly the same
00:00:38
person on TV on not on TV and she does
00:00:44
some really funny songs with a ukulele with her style and singing about
00:00:49
different topics oh yeah and they're really really funny so I'd stay tuned for those and she's just a a kick in the
00:00:56
pants just a yeah there's a lot about her I did not know and we we really just cracked up and she's so sweet about
00:01:03
everything I remember I did a few sketches with her you obviously did more but what a sweetheart and also that but
00:01:10
they should know the audience should know that right after we did this about a week later she did announce she's
00:01:15
having some health problems and uh that's why we don't address it but um I
00:01:20
think that's up to her so uh but we just had a great chat with someone we are fond of and hopefully a laugh along with
00:01:28
her yes and we we wish her all all the best um and um I just uh enjoyed talking
00:01:36
to her so much I was so glad we got her on the show so enjoy the one and only
00:01:43
Victoria [Music]
00:01:48
Jackson don't mind my Scruff don't mind my age age you don't
00:01:56
have a line in your face I don't know what you're I want to meet your dermat just I have a ring light and I have a
00:02:04
filter and oh you have filter too oh you look great I didn't I couldn't that
00:02:10
couldn't afford a filter this is raw I can't afford a ring light I just lit my room on fire this just Raw it's got a
00:02:16
nice glow I love you guys' show it makes me makes me feel 28 again when I listen
00:02:23
to you guys really okay I'll try to make my voice young well isn't that special
00:02:29
you we're so happy to have you because um you're we were there you and I
00:02:36
together for six freaking years I know
00:02:42
remember were you the whole run with Dana Victoria um I was 86 to 92 and I
00:02:48
stayed one more year but we were there yeah embarrassing and we always got
00:02:54
along great you are the nicest person in the cast to me when David came he was with
00:03:01
spade and Farley and Sandler all the time so I didn't get to see him that much but right I when he first came he
00:03:09
asked me to be in a picture with him for his mom I was in that picture I think oh
00:03:15
that magazine cover it was very sweet s you were so sweet how much you loved
00:03:21
your mom I love to watch your show it's so fun I mean listen I don't I only I
00:03:29
never see people on it though I just hear them well we're we all we have a second podcast uh call we called it
00:03:37
Superfly that comes out on Fridays on YouTube yes I watch it I saw love itss
00:03:43
on it hello hello you saw love itss I saw love itss I just try to always do
00:03:50
love itss right back to love itss no matter what he says do you remember when we used to hang out that for a period of
00:03:57
time wait aren't you supposed to say this for the show no this is the show this is all the show did we start yeah
00:04:05
yeah we're almost done an hour ago no no what we what we do as you know is we we
00:04:10
record your intro and then we just come in and we're talking now good like there's no rules did say
00:04:19
anything do anything I don't know if that'll I don't know if it'll we'll able to he it's ukulele right it's the Dana
00:04:27
and David show fly on the wall buzzz
00:04:33
SW I made that up for you wait it's the wrong key okay try it
00:04:41
again fly on the wall that's actually simar so silly it's
00:04:49
it's actually great buzz buzz SWAT I love that buzz buzz SWAT buzz buzz SWAT
00:04:56
buz you know all that kind of stuff mm well isn't that
00:05:01
special oh you know Victoria when I came on there with spade and Farley and with
00:05:07
yourself um uh that we all kind of had a crush on Victoria to be honest of course
00:05:13
really who didn't I have to say all the girls were very very attractive and uh
00:05:20
they were very talented and so coming in new even though they weren't really much older than us but you're new and so
00:05:27
they're above you because they're cast members but it was a little intimidating around all of them you know I was intimidated about
00:05:34
everyone because these were these were giant talents and when Dana I I would
00:05:42
hang out the most with Dana and Kevin and love it because Kevin's office was next to mine and they would spend hours
00:05:50
making each other laugh and trying new bits and I was just in there laughing I couldn't come up with one add on what do
00:05:58
you call it what do call when tag tag I tag I couldn't come up up
00:06:05
with one tag and they would be inventing Hans and fr and I'd be like yeah I I couldn't I had no idea how
00:06:15
to make up a character and the weirdest thing is I haven't been on the show for 30 plus years and I'm still trying to
00:06:22
figure out how to do a character and make one up and I even
00:06:27
enrolled in an improv class at my church recently oh really a month ago oh
00:06:36
good for you because he's teaching improv and he's really good at it and
00:06:41
the only thing I've come up with in 30 years is Harriet I'm Harriet I'm a blue blooded liberal from my head to my toes
00:06:48
Obama I love him why cute baby pictures herble G and free condoms you're never
00:06:56
too young or too old I'm I'm a good person I uh I uh I got a new washer
00:07:05
dryer I took empty cardboard boxes down to the end of the street I created a
00:07:10
neighborhood I'm a community organizer well that's amazing that's
00:07:17
amazing I'm watching you talk as Victoria all up here and you might want
00:07:23
to go lay I don't know I got kind of turned on I don't know is that a male or female K it's very sultry you don't know
00:07:29
oh yeah well that's all I've come up with in 30 years and I actually I
00:07:35
actually stole it from my friend Fran who was making fun of her ex-husband's new wife and I said could I buy that
00:07:42
from you because I Haven and I gave her $50 it's a funny character and a funny
00:07:49
tape good on SNL though didn't you update once you kind of took off like a
00:07:55
fake wig and then you had a brown wig and you did sort of this is the real me or what ever yes what that was the same
00:08:02
low voice but not as low as I just did but that was because you know I was getting tired of
00:08:10
being typ cast as the dits even though that's the strongest I'm good at that you know yeah and so uh I and also Jan
00:08:20
and Nora were always being mean to me and I thought and I kind of smooshed it
00:08:25
all together and I and I was like I I felt like people wanted that they wanted
00:08:32
to see the real me I was like okay shut up Dennis you know I was like I mean I
00:08:39
could be like that if you want me to be I'm trying to be a nice person but you
00:08:44
know Christ she turned on me like a rabid Wolverine hey that was
00:08:50
perfect okay yeah Miss Miss Vic coming on with the heavy duty artillery tonight
00:08:55
huh okay what we got some kind of high pitched was going to do a handstand on the desk
00:09:02
tonight is that our move oh I can't do them anymore I I did my last handstand
00:09:09
at age stuck it at age 60 stuck it you're 60 you don't look 6 no I'm
00:09:17
65 I just enrolled in Medicare and I had to listen to all these boring boring
00:09:23
conversations about supplements and and and and plan a and Plan B I'm like I
00:09:31
just would rather die than listen to you one more second oh my God so you you
00:09:37
were on the first I just want to give people a little bit of background I think one thing that's very quirky is
00:09:43
that you befriended for people of our age group Johnny Crawford of
00:09:49
rivalan he played the son of the rifl man who had this rifle everyone else was using a six gun so they pull it out of
00:09:56
the holster take him like 10 seconds he would just point the rle and kill people yeah but then then I used to do Johnny
00:10:03
Crawford in my standup act when I was in college what cuz he always said pa pa pa
00:10:11
how come I sound like dinosaur PA you ain't going to get this
00:10:16
is early stand up but explain your friendship with Johnny Crawford and how he helped you in your career back in the
00:10:23
80s I'm trying to get rid of my ring light so I look naturally dewy um
00:10:29
naturally you look really good honestly um look great yeah you know Molly Shannon did all the characters that I
00:10:36
wish I would have thought of superar and I'm 50 years old I I mean man those were
00:10:44
fantastic Wen they oh yeah she's yeah she's incredible and it would have been fun to see you two together you know
00:10:52
because you could dance you had great well you have great legs and you're like dancing and you could move and do
00:10:58
cartwheels you could do flip so I can see a there's a kindred spirit with Molly well I do I like physical uh humor
00:11:06
I don't think about it it just comes out but you guys man when I you know David
00:11:13
was late into our cast yeah but man I was so spoiled you know being laughing all day
00:11:21
for six years in a room with Dana and Kevin and love it that when I went into
00:11:27
the real world it was so depress in normal people are
00:11:34
boring such a real quote real normal people
00:11:40
are I know that's what Lauren says he always has to be around funny people man I missed it so much but I watch a lot of
00:11:47
YouTube so I feel like I'm still with you guys a well we laughed our ass off
00:11:53
we did and you were our kind of our mascot we did some silly do you remember we have the dance parties in in Kevin
00:11:59
and I's office we put we would put on don't get me wrong by The Pretenders and Dennis would come in his socks and do
00:12:05
this funny don't get me wrong one of those times just to release the tension
00:12:12
we would just go crazy in there so much tension and you and love it would always have just in a PG-13 way simulated
00:12:20
sex oh I didn't know we were having sex by the way no you weren't oh what when he would bend you over and stuff yeah
00:12:28
yes I have to tell you I I never I had I was so innocent my dad raised me like to
00:12:35
never see we didn't have a TV and I never saw an X movie or an R movie so
00:12:40
like I was working out all the time and maybe I was bending over stretching and love it started humping me right right
00:12:47
and I started giggling and like I didn't know that was a sex
00:12:52
position yeah I played the fifth I seriously did not know it one time it it it didn't it it was it was and it own
00:12:59
way kind of innocent because John is sort of yeah just it was innocent it
00:13:05
wasn't me to movements it was no it was more silly it was silly I thought of it
00:13:11
as gymnastics but yeah that's what I tell girls
00:13:17
stretching but 's actually Victoria I had something happen with you quickly
00:13:24
Dana this is if you remember this it was uh gymnastics related it was we were
00:13:31
doing a Schiller Vision I think it was you tell me if this you remember this so a Schiller Vision which Dana knows is a
00:13:38
um little video that goes on at five Tom Schiller wrote and direct these little shorts and he would kind of make little
00:13:45
mini movies and some of them were just quite brilliant actually some were black and white some were whatever they always
00:13:51
he did that famous one with blushi dancing on his grave in black and white in the old days so so sometimes they
00:13:59
uh ship us out to do a Shiller vision and uh I think Victoria and I played a
00:14:06
couple and the only part I remember is like the last scene was we had our whole
00:14:11
life and now we're fast forward to we're older and we're walking along on that upper west side but that
00:14:19
River on that other side whatever that is you know not Central Park Side but the other side we're walking along and
00:14:24
then things are going well but a like a nuclear bomb drops on my head I don't right like a I have no memory
00:14:32
don't remember this okay so Dana I have a bad neck already and this is part
00:14:38
telling you yeah they drop like a fake looking bomb that looks like a missile and they have a guy in a ladder about
00:14:44
10t up and even know it's made of plastic it's kind of heavy it falls Square on my head and then I fall over and die H in this in the scene and it
00:14:53
hit me directly jamed my spine down into my [ __ ] and it's just bad for your neck and
00:15:00
we kept doing take after take and I didn't want to be a puss and I didn't want to complain like anything when
00:15:05
you're on a sh a set but I remember I kept going this hurts so much it jams my neck down even though it's light but
00:15:12
when it fall now you have neck issues yeah and I still have neck issues and uh for some reason I blame Victoria what I
00:15:20
don't even remember the sketch but I I did what well as far as injuries it was
00:15:27
one time it just is in my head indelibly running behind Victoria we're running to do another sketch it's all dark there's
00:15:34
wires around and Victoria did a massive Pratt fall but I think you knew out of
00:15:40
fall or you rolled or something and you got up you know I I don't remember that
00:15:45
but I remember Dana backstage I was doing my first impression Roseanne and
00:15:51
they never let me do any and I went to Smigel and I said why don't I ever get to do any Impressions and he said cuz
00:15:58
your nasal and I said well is there any celebrities who are nasal and he goes
00:16:04
Rosanne and I go yeah she kind talk like that and everything and he goes yeah and
00:16:10
so he wrote me my first my first impression and I had a fat suit on and a
00:16:16
wig and I said Dana I'm so nervous what if I slip into Vicky in the middle of it
00:16:22
what if I slip into myself and Danny goes C an attitude C an attitude and I
00:16:29
was like like I still don't exactly know what that means but I it was the
00:16:36
sweetest thing it was like we were on football team together yeah and our whole lives depended on it and he was he
00:16:43
was like my cheerly he was like Dana was so kind to everybody yeah but you know I think it
00:16:50
mean yeah I got mean later no but no I think it's just fake it till you make it go out I got this just fake confidence
00:16:57
and go out strutting I'm rosan freaking bar right now yeah you know yeah just reverse the fear oh and plus the best
00:17:05
guy you're asking and he's right there helping you he's so good at it I I remember I put a poster what go ahead
00:17:11
you nailed it though I remember you going out there I remember you did great well thank you and then they let me do
00:17:16
it a couple more times they let me do it with Roseanne I was with Chris Farley and Tom Arnold and
00:17:22
Rosanne and then I got to be jah jaah darling I Ved all over the V and and
00:17:28
then I got to do other things but man it was so exciting and scary and we always
00:17:34
thought we were getting fired but I didn't know Dana was afraid because he was the star you know before and then
00:17:43
and then when I found out Dana was nervous too I was like my D knew he was
00:17:48
worried about getting fired well I was lucky because
00:17:54
accidentally I got the church lady and if I am not mistaken I did it on the first show so and were you my first
00:18:00
guest yes I was Jenny the church girl yes and so you came out and you were
00:18:05
perfect in that and you did this whole lament of church lady I go to pray and I
00:18:11
do this and this and all of it was beautifully done totally sincere now I
00:18:16
was incredibly nervous this is our first show yeah but you said this whole setup and I pray every night to Jesus whatever
00:18:23
and then I did I just well isn't that special and got a huge laugh and that
00:18:29
relaxed me but that was you you set that up I a good straight man for the church
00:18:34
lady definitely that's a hard job though to do it right you got to nail
00:18:41
[Music] it there's so many tales we could tell where do we
00:18:48
start I think it's great that smigle when you went over smigle for that's really hard I used to try to talk smigle
00:18:54
into doing stuff and he's so busy and everybody wants him to write he's very tough to get on your team and to have
00:19:00
you say what about rosan you do a little piece of it and he kind of hears it and he goes yeah okay and then you get to do
00:19:06
it and he probably helps with it and then you're in there and that's great because I remember one with Farley were
00:19:12
you guys on the couch you and he's like all nervous as Tom and yeah you guys are like I I can't remember what that one was but of course it's and in Hans and
00:19:19
frons uh they put me in that I got my cellulite sucked out and I showed everyone my tattoo on my butt as Rosanne
00:19:27
all right all right that's right yeah Kevin yeah he wrote my first sketch I
00:19:33
was ever on the subliminal guy I was the secretary oh we were so
00:19:40
nervous and hey we got to talk about Alec Baldwin because he was on fly on the
00:19:46
wall and he said my breasts look like garbage cans
00:19:51
wait do you remember yeah what yeah what did he mean by that yeah that's what I
00:19:57
want to know I think he meant big boobs and he but not garbage C I don't know
00:20:05
who describes him as garbage can the kind that you push out in the morning the green ones okay I think he's mad at
00:20:11
me because oh uh in my book I wrote that he well when we were on the set I had to
00:20:19
kiss him a lot in when he was playing Marlon Brando and I was the 50s girl in
00:20:25
a tight sweater on the back of it and we had kiss then had kiss in that other scene where Alec kissed everyone even
00:20:32
the dog remember oh that's green hilly yeah I was the frenchmaid so we were
00:20:37
doing a lot of kissing that week and Dana says that I had a crush on him but
00:20:42
I don't remember it that way well what I remember you saying because it was so
00:20:48
specific was that the second time he came in you just sort of it was a a non Secor I'm not going to do it I'm not
00:20:55
going to do it this week and I said what he goes I'm not I'm not g to fall in love with him but you didn't mean really
00:21:01
in love with him but you know he had piercing he has piercing blue eyes and so that by Friday you'd rehearsed or
00:21:08
probably rehearsed the kiss and no didn't sorry make it fell in love with
00:21:13
him again was with all the kisses though what did you not like them or something is that what happened well I sort of liked it cuz my fire eater husband at
00:21:20
the time wasn't kissing me or hugging me and I was desperately you know desperate for some
00:21:28
I don't remember the fire either cical affection and I I did enjoy all the
00:21:34
kissing but what do you want to stuff fire were you talking about Nissan for a second yeah when my headphones popped
00:21:40
out oh yeah so he was a fire reader yeah my husband the fire eer and there wasn't much call for that so he worked about
00:21:47
once a year and he made about $100 a year slowed down I saw yeah this is my
00:21:54
little joke in my ACT I go um I saw he made about $100 year I saw his income
00:22:00
tax return most of it he spent on supplies disposable big lighters fire
00:22:05
[ __ ] and hairspray secretes when we got divorced I got half of his stuff I
00:22:10
got a big lighter I keep it as a momento but and no he that doesn't seem
00:22:16
like a very good settlement of a divorce a big lighter and two suets he got a he
00:22:22
got a lot of money oh I I know but you got
00:22:29
I got scarlet and she's 38 now oh my gosh she's pregnant with her third child
00:22:36
my grandchild who's the father
00:22:41
hello it hello speaking of the fire eater Dana was at my house for my
00:22:48
birthday in Laurel Canyon one year y yes I like that little house it was cool oh
00:22:54
it was so cute and it was 150,000 in 1984 when I got it and now it's over a
00:23:01
million easily it's like it's like two rooms but anyway it's on the hill and
00:23:07
it's so charming and you have to walk 50 steps up to the front door and there's
00:23:12
deer and everything and it's so wonderful but um so I never associate
00:23:19
with famous people because they make me nervous right and I tried to be friends with an actress once I won't say the
00:23:27
name and I'm invited her over and stuff but say it but she took her shirt off in
00:23:32
front of my husband Nissan what and so I never asked her back after that I said
00:23:38
why are you taking your shirt off she said oh I have it on backwards and you
00:23:43
know and so I was like no wonder why I don't hang out with famous people you exactly and you said to your husband is
00:23:50
that a can of wizard in your pocket or what's exactly okay I'm just going through my
00:23:57
head so I can't believe Leah Thompson would do that yeah I can't believe Victoria didn't say any
00:24:04
names well I'm just making that up guessing I'm guessing because you were in uh casual sex together which was she
00:24:12
does have a great body I must say she's great but anyway she's very talented she
00:24:17
was in a movie once with a French accent I forget the name of it she is great she
00:24:23
nailed it so anyway what I was saying was I was having birthday party and I
00:24:29
was like Vicky come on invite your cast members they're not yeah they're not
00:24:34
monsters they're human beings you know and so I invited Dana and Dennis and um
00:24:41
Phil and Bren and uh mil Larson was there who owned the Magic Castle and he
00:24:49
he gave me my big break to do standup at the Variety Art Center where I got discovered for Johnny Carson so he was
00:24:55
there and um Robert Downey came cuz I had just done the pickup artist with him
00:25:01
where I had to kiss him a lot and it was so funny he came with a guy they came in
00:25:07
the front door they slowly walked through my whole house I'm like do you want a drink do you want do do you want
00:25:13
a drink do you want anything to eat and I was so proud I had a bathtub full of ice and drinks I thought that was so
00:25:19
clever cuz I never hosted anything I'm like 28 or something and and Scarlet was
00:25:25
two years old she 38 now she was twoo she's in the bathtub too uhuh no and so
00:25:33
Robert Johny slowly walks through the house like kind of like a king very
00:25:38
slowly looks around and then walks right out the door oh no and I was like I'm
00:25:43
always been wondering what maybe that there was no drugs maybe there was no
00:25:50
one I don't know he just anyway and I think Weird Al might have been there oh
00:25:56
yeah your friends is Weird Al right yeah I still have a crush on him oh look at that I remember you and
00:26:04
weird out together a lot oh here comes the song about it Weir I always
00:26:12
will after I die I love him still he should have
00:26:19
married in 1980 but but what did we know what did
00:26:26
we know I love weirdo I always will I love after I die I love
00:26:33
him still how you like that you should have part the you should I like your song for fire instead there's a purity
00:26:41
to that you know there's a Simplicity to that that kind of it sort of has a charm
00:26:46
your your stuff's all Charming that threw me back to Weekend Update yeah oh
00:26:52
I got to show you my handstand in Paris my last handstand was two years ago go
00:26:59
in front of the Eiffel Tower I got to find it but anyway okay so here's back
00:27:05
to my story Dana and Paula are at my birthday party I'm nervous I'm trying to
00:27:11
be friends with my famous co-workers who intimidate me can you imags with you
00:27:17
guys are so freaking talented like right now I'm gonna have to calm down the rest
00:27:22
of the day from like being with you well we consider you a peer yes
00:27:28
we're all in the same you were ex you on Satur live and you you were not worthy
00:27:35
I'm not worth you took the picture from my mom's magazine which is very sweet of you it's up in her house still today I
00:27:42
still oh I still can't believe that your mother left you in a desert with guns for eight hours while she drove away oh
00:27:49
you been listening I listen man yeah I'm very you know what it's all good and
00:27:55
well if no one gets shot it's fine if you someone gets shot then it's like a story you know that or if you
00:28:03
disappeared you know there's all that stuff now about satanists kidnapping kids and everything I me oh there's so
00:28:10
much going on I'll tell you this you know how Dana this is a off story but you know how they do these tricks like
00:28:16
if they want to kidnap a woman or they tell you to watch these things around La or wherever where they'll put like
00:28:22
something on your car that you have to pick up or you know what I mean something where you have to do something to stall and then they pull up in a car
00:28:30
and grab you so the other day I parked at a parking meter how did I didn't tell you this and uh I try to keep this stuff
00:28:37
from you I Shield you from The Real World so I pull up to a parking meter but they also put fentanyl on stuff this
00:28:43
isn't everybody but this happens so I pull up a parking meter and I always go
00:28:49
in my head watch for the stuff they do watch for these crazy things they put like a fake ticket just so you'll pick
00:28:54
it up then you get a little dizzy you know so it's a great scam so anyway I Jam my
00:29:01
shitty credit card into the parking meter so they can slurp all my money and it won't fit so I look under there's
00:29:08
already one in there so somebody lost their credit card so I took it out I put mine in and then I saw a parking guy and
00:29:15
I said dude do you ever have this happen they leave their credit card there and you want it he goes that's your problem
00:29:21
and I all right so it'll I go it's going to be Heather's problem in a minute so I throw up my car and I and I'll go I'll
00:29:28
try to get it back to the person and then I thought what if that was one of those tricks and I just fell for it I
00:29:33
grabbed it it could have been covered in fentanyl yeah what was the name on the card Dan Garney is that your stage name
00:29:42
I was in West Hollywood and I lost my car so you know what that was mine was
00:29:48
it a discovery back to Victoria's story what do you want to tell us well I thought it was interesting because um
00:29:56
while we were having my birthday part party a young goodlooking 17-year-old
00:30:02
comes to the front door and he goes his niece on here and I go who are you and
00:30:07
he goes um can I talk to Nissan I go who are you I'm his son and I go what and so
00:30:16
I go get Nissan and uh there's a blonde woman in the at driveway 50 steps
00:30:24
down and they talked for a while and after the birthday party they was there
00:30:29
I was there yeah Paul I go who who is who and Paula who I adore I adore Paul
00:30:34
Paula I adore you she always Paula always adored you see I curled my hair
00:30:40
to look like Paula cuz hers is naturally curly mine isn't she it's too curly for her so so
00:30:47
you find out that your husband has has a son who's 17 you didn't know and Paula
00:30:52
has a perfect body and perfect hair and a perfect face and she's the sweetest person okay so anyway so I so when
00:31:01
everyone left I go Nissan is that your son and he goes oh you know that lady
00:31:07
slept with everybody when in Baltimore she slept with all my brothers you know
00:31:12
it's not my son so after we got divorced the reason why they looked us up was
00:31:18
because they thought I was on TV and I was making money Rich yeah and they're like oh we'll prove it that they you
00:31:24
know it's his son so after we got divorced Nissan took a DNA test and it was his son oh boy and the funny thing
00:31:32
is he looks just like Scarlet because it's Nissan's jeans and a blonde wife
00:31:40
and Scarlet and Christopher look like brother and sister Christopher turned out to be a famous
00:31:46
artist he's a really good artist his name is Christopher me
00:31:53
m.com and and and and it's just kind of interesting how you know how life is
00:31:59
it's like you know Nissan was 10 years older than me and um you know I was like
00:32:05
a Baptist virgin when I met him and then like when you look back at your life you're
00:32:11
like and then I remember I found letters in a in the closet with a baby picture
00:32:16
Nissan had left the baby to go to LA to be a rock star and there was letter
00:32:22
saying you were right to leave Baltimore you know anyway I I'm learning new
00:32:29
things about my husbands every day he still married I'm married to Paul the uh
00:32:36
SWAT guy helicopter police pilot yeah we've been married 30 years yeah I think
00:32:43
I remember Paul of course yeah yeah when I when I when he came to the show for
00:32:48
his first time to to see me at SNL because we were starting to longdistance
00:32:54
date um it happened to be the night he shot and kill killed the first man of his
00:32:59
career and I go maybe he was anxious to see me or something uh that's my little
00:33:05
joke because I'm just processing that yeah yeah so picture this uh he comes to
00:33:12
the set at 8h and uh he had stayed up all night filled out paperwork gotten
00:33:18
counseling because that's what happens if you kill someone and he comes to the stage and I'm getting out of an alien
00:33:25
spaceship with eyeballs on my nipples because we're doing a sketch about a planet where Women's eyes have mutated
00:33:31
to their nibbles because men stared at Women's chests for so long and
00:33:37
Jacky was Deion Sanders in it no that was a different one okay go ahead sorry
00:33:43
sorry Kirsty Ally was our leader and uh Paul comes up you know and I I go Paul
00:33:49
this must be so surreal for you to kill someone and stay up all night see me getting out of a spaceship and he goes
00:33:56
yes it is that's how he talks and uh I thought man our worlds are completely
00:34:02
opposite then I took him upstairs and I introduced him to the cast I said hey everybody this is my boyfriend the cop
00:34:09
and Mike Myers goes hey you got any War
00:34:15
Stories Co um I have a residual cough from Co so
00:34:24
anyway he he goes got any War Stories and Paul goes I killed a man last night and there was
00:34:31
silence gosh this is in my act that because it's true and it makes every
00:34:37
there was silence and I realized the comic genius minds of this Century
00:34:42
couldn't think of a come back Dana you were probably in that room do you remember yeah and it was just it just
00:34:49
sort of hung there there was no way to come back nothing funny in any in any
00:34:55
funny way the only one I might been able to come back maybe nor McDonald you know
00:35:02
there's certain comedians are you know oh but I I just thought Paul was just very sincere so I didn't want to
00:35:08
undercut yeah that he he didn't feel bad about it because the guy was shooting at
00:35:15
his wife because she wouldn't Wife Swap anymore and and the TA as old as time so
00:35:21
she called the SWAT team they came the the husband pointed a gun at Paul and he
00:35:27
was train if someone points a gun at you you shoot them so he didn't feel bad but
00:35:33
we've had a very difficult marriage and it's really really really difficult what
00:35:42
is difficult about it yes oh my gosh well for one thing we disagree on the
00:35:47
definition of adultery okay let's that's a good
00:35:54
argument yeah and I what what is your definition versus his well I think
00:35:59
flirting is adultery and I think when he comes home from the gym with fake tattoos drawn on
00:36:06
his biceps by a an 18-year-old hot uh lifeguard that that's inappropriate and
00:36:15
he he thinks it's harmless workplace fun harmless because he was working
00:36:22
parttime at the gym but anyway we have a lot of fights about that but I wrote I
00:36:27
write out all my pain in songs and poems and paintings and I'm I just made an
00:36:34
album of 18 songs and a lot of them are about my difficult
00:36:41
marriage what is the name of the album and where can people get it and Paul won't listen to it because he knows it's
00:36:48
about it's called this isn't about Paul it's called Paul listen to this podcast I hate Paul is a song actually I did
00:36:57
write aong song called I hate you here we go here comes the
00:37:02
guitar everybody Qui sometimes I fantasize we never met we never got
00:37:09
together never got reconnected and allthough I tell my friends that this
00:37:14
will never work and and that I despise you and that you're a jerk I would never
00:37:22
say I hate you all right so there's that one but anyway another another winner I
00:37:29
like these are better this is called when I get so what's it called okay when
00:37:34
I get home no when I get to Nashville when I get to Nashville Victoria see
00:37:41
this is my handstand in front of the oh oh sweet that's a famous statue
00:37:48
in Nashville you know the naked statue mhm and um on Music Row you had clothes
00:37:54
on though well I do but they don't but like there's songs like how do you undo
00:38:01
how do you undo I do oh yeah how do you clever yes but China Phillips thought of
00:38:09
that line and I'm in China Phillips Bible study group okay that's is it online or
00:38:16
does she live in Nashville too no China Phillips lives in right now she lives in
00:38:22
the Hollywood Hills and you know Billy Baldwin's her husband yes and China is
00:38:29
on fire for Jesus and I'm a Christian and I was watching her YouTube called
00:38:36
California preaching because her parents wrote the song California Dreaming
00:38:42
remember the mom the course incredible her parents and like I'm a she's a good
00:38:48
singer too I'm a oh yeah wion Phillips China yeah yeah and they had that hit
00:38:54
hold on for one more day and hold on yeah China Phillips
00:39:01
like uh go ahead you can no no I was faking like as if because David did I thought it was no you know when when she
00:39:08
I ask her say we apologize for when we did a songs to save the chickens with
00:39:13
Michael Bolton on the show and we played we did Wilson Phillips and we had two
00:39:18
extras and then Farley played the oh you did I forgot that you were there you
00:39:24
probably play I played uh Dave perner from Soul Asylum or Kurt Cain or Tom Petty or something but I remember that
00:39:31
Tom Petty I played Dylan right was that the one that in that we're all standing in Michael Bolton sing instead of we the
00:39:36
world we were doing we of the chickens or something yeah I think I played Dylan and Victoria played Roseanne Bar I was
00:39:42
Cindy ler when we did the We Are the World thing oh Cindy loer
00:39:48
yeah they put did you they put a thing in my neck so that when I sang the big note blood would squirt
00:39:55
out and and and it and it worked but you couldn't see the blood cuz I was wearing
00:40:00
red plaid no yeah you couldn't see blood was squirting
00:40:05
out that was an unforced error by the Wardrobe people usually doesn't happen a
00:40:11
matching blood shirt versus comedy blood
00:40:19
squirt the Wardrobe Department was so great they that one time I said I want
00:40:25
to be a Christmas tree and do a handstand F and Pam she came up with
00:40:30
this brilliant costume I still have it and it was a Christmas tree and I said
00:40:35
you have to balance all the ornaments because I'm balancing upside down they they're Geniuses that wardrobe they
00:40:43
really the Wardrobe the makeup the crew all crack they couldn't make it but they
00:40:49
they can improvise something up really fast um we need Victoria to come out of
00:40:55
a giant cupcake um we have 20 minutes yes by away sir yes
00:41:01
yeah and you get spoiled and every job after that is so much worse you know I
00:41:08
it's all slow motion you know you know movies and well
00:41:14
go back to China Phillips we interrupted you I'm sorry go oh well China thought of that line um so like we have these
00:41:20
this group called California healing and we read the Bible and pray together I she made me one of the leaders I have to
00:41:27
do it tonight actually and we uh pray and study the Bible and China is really
00:41:34
good with funny she's very funny she's very charming and uh I was I loved her
00:41:42
YouTube channel so I would always write stuff and she wrote back and then yeah
00:41:47
anyway we're in this group together and um so she said how do you undo I do and
00:41:54
I said China can I steal that I thought of a song for it and she didn't get mad
00:42:00
so no 50 bucks for her no she doesn't need it I don't think on the house but
00:42:08
but well it's flattering When someone tells you something and they have a comedian say I have people go oh my God
00:42:14
you can use anything I say that would be nice it'd be fun for me so I think she's flattered well John LoveIt wrote me um
00:42:21
Victoria Secrets on the show and I still do that in my standup act oh good do you
00:42:27
remember Victoria Secrets how does that bit go well I I was always very
00:42:32
uncomfortable doing um seduction and arrogance I've analyzed
00:42:40
SNL my whole life since I've been gone from it and uh because in the Baptist
00:42:46
Church I was taught don't be seductive don't be arrogant and um Jan Hooks was
00:42:52
really good at those and I was really good at well Jan hook was good at
00:42:57
everything okay she was great but I don't think she can play innocent that's my specialty course that
00:43:05
was you yeah I'm getting yeah I am getting bitter in my old age so I don't
00:43:11
know if I'm so good at playing innocent anymore and I've been working on seductive and arrogant for 30 years so
00:43:17
maybe I can pull it off we all have give me a little seduction yeah what would be
00:43:22
that attitude look at that well it's the Victoria Secrets thing and John love wrote it for me okay go I have three
00:43:30
Secrets I like to share with you but sh don't tell anyone it'll just be our
00:43:35
little secret my first secret is a lot of men
00:43:43
ask me how do are you as dumb as you appear on the
00:43:49
show and I say I don't know I never
00:43:54
watched the show [Laughter] my second can you hear me I'm talking
00:44:01
quiet yes we're giving we can hear you we're just making sure my second secret
00:44:06
is a lot of men ask me how do you like it and I say like what and they say you
00:44:15
know your sex and I say you mean my sex
00:44:21
like being a woman or like having it and they say the second one and I say I
00:44:31
forgot which one was the second one and they say Victoria stop doing that stupid
00:44:39
character and I say I'm not doing a character and they get mad and walk
00:44:47
away my third secret anyway there's there's more no is there how many are
00:44:52
there 100 the next one is arrogance yeah what do you got oh
00:44:59
arrogance ooh arrogance um oh oh that's hard your hair looks good it's curly pop
00:45:06
attitude well I curled it for you to look like Paula D oh Paula's gonna be so
00:45:13
happy Paul listens to all these and she was she'll be so happy to know you were giving her all these coms I love her so
00:45:20
much she's she's adorable she is what's what is that album called
00:45:28
because you're GNA we want to give you a on oh it's uh nobody buys CDs anymore so
00:45:33
I just did it for me uh it's on streaming on Amazon it's called when I
00:45:38
get to Nashville and then there's uh some standup at the end and one song is
00:45:44
like a dog uh when I get to Nashville I'm gonna
00:45:49
knock him down I'm still trying to get to sing at the grand old opera and they're not having me I don't know why
00:45:57
well wait till this comes out and people start slurping that up off of Amazon yeah okay
00:46:03
arrogance I am the best S no I can't give me some lines give me some lines
00:46:09
it's funny you have you're so not arrogant which is well I just do it as a character let me tell you something you
00:46:14
know we could very easily come to your house you know and flick you with our little finger and you fire Closs room
00:46:21
and land in your own baby poop that's koi arrogance cuz bronze
00:46:27
arrogance this is Hans was almost feminite in his arrogance oh I made up a
00:46:33
poem once about an arogant girl okay It Go my name's Lucy and I'm rough and I'm
00:46:40
tough no one calls me [ __ ] names or any of that stuff no one walks to school
00:46:46
with me because I am too cool everybody wants to though and they really wish
00:46:52
they could wait because I am too good everybody wants to though and they really wish they could but they knew I
00:46:58
would show them up because I sometime next to all my looks and charm they feel
00:47:04
like a fool no one invites me to parties because they know if they did I'd win
00:47:09
all the prizes because I'm the most talented kid being smart in every subject Here's My Philosophy the whole
00:47:17
world would be a much better place if this one thing could be that everyone was exactly like me I had enough of
00:47:25
stupid people that just get in the way I'm content to be alone and that's the way I'll stay I've had enough of stupid
00:47:32
Humanity I'll leave them on a shelf the only thing I can't figure out how to do
00:47:38
is enjoy kissing myself I like it that last line was very
00:47:45
interesting yeah heavy can't kiss yourself nless you have a
00:47:52
mirror I guess you could close as you can get but so how much standup do you
00:47:58
do yeah yeah yeah well I was doing it every week you know Kevin nean got me
00:48:04
into to stand up because when I got on Johnny Carson I only had like 12 minutes I had six good
00:48:13
minutes and then I had four minutes of B material and I got on John Carson in
00:48:19
83 and then he said they he wants you back he gave me the okay thing yeah he
00:48:25
goes but I go I only have my be material and Jim mcau goes okay do that and then
00:48:32
he wants you at the panel so I did that and then the third time he goes Johnny
00:48:37
wants you back but it has to be something really big and I go I got nothing I got nothing else because I
00:48:44
never like toured and then got SNL I like got SNL and then I toured to milk
00:48:49
it so I can make money so I can send my kids to a Christian school but
00:48:55
anyway so so um so the third time I go something
00:49:02
really big so I'm like um so I thought I'll do my balance beam routine from
00:49:09
when I was a gymnast and I'll sing a song no one's
00:49:14
ever done gymnastics while singing I did a handstand poetry that was my first
00:49:19
Carson doing a poem upside down but no one had ever mixed gymnastics on a
00:49:25
balance beam with singing so I made up this song called angry woman and it was
00:49:30
based on the fact that my coach in college never told me I made small
00:49:36
College Nationals because she didn't like me and I found out years after why
00:49:41
weren't you at the small College Nationals I didn't know I made it so I wrote this song I am an angry woman yeah
00:49:49
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I got a streak in my hair yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I like to air my dirty laundry if
00:49:55
you don't like me honey don't care I drink a cuss a smoke I swear a spit it ain't my problem if you don't like it I
00:50:02
hate you yunko Pinko Jero I need a little love and then I
00:50:09
would do my balance beam routine now that is on YouTube right now oh boy
00:50:14
because Jim mcau knew that someday I would want this on video it was the
00:50:19
hardest thing I ever did 4in balance beam live TV Johnny Carson not fall
00:50:25
because it's funny if I don't fall off the Bean if I act dizy and I don't fall
00:50:31
it's way funny so I I did it didn't fall I didn't
00:50:37
fall I almost fell but I I didn't fall did these hard tricks I went to the gym for three
00:50:43
months to learn the some of the tricks back I was
00:50:48
204 so I was way older than a peaking gymnast at 15 or
00:50:53
whatever and you guys I'm talking too much much no wait wait what is this story is great so Johnny likes it how
00:51:00
does it Go Johnny loved you you were on there 20 times right yes he loved what but my what was the point of my story
00:51:08
the story is you're third one you're supposed to do something big you came with some Kevin was GNA help you Kevin
00:51:13
was stand up this is how it started so so then I got
00:51:19
SNL which was you know what it was you were there now and and so now
00:51:27
after SNL and I lost all my money and divorce and I married a cop had no money
00:51:33
so then I was trapped in the suburbs of Miami I had no friends no one spoke English and I nobody was making me laugh
00:51:40
all day but anyway I love my raising my kids but Kevin nean calls me one day I
00:51:46
just broken my wrist I think uh accidentally
00:51:53
and and um he go purpose it looked like it was on purpose cuz it
00:51:59
it was cut right on my wrist from dishwasher oh I see I took a wine glass
00:52:05
out of the dishwasher and it sliced my wrist and I was in the hospital Miami going I wasn't trying to commit suicide
00:52:12
I do hate being a housewife I do hate Miami maybe it was subconscious I don't
00:52:19
know but so anyway Kevin knan calls me he goes it was like 97
00:52:27
and he goes uh would you open for me in Vegas and I go Kevin I don't have a standup act I have like 10 minutes that
00:52:34
was from a long time ago and which involves a handstand I can't do one right now and he goes no all you need is
00:52:41
like 20 minutes would you what did you do on Carson I go I can't remember so I
00:52:46
looked up my Carson tapes and I'm like oh I told the PO and then I handstand then I play you and then and he and so
00:52:55
anyway I opened for Kevin for a bunch of times and so fun the little joke was uh
00:53:03
I videoed him and love its once in this limo and I go Kevin why did you think of me to open for you and he goes because
00:53:11
uh I wanted someone who wasn't that strong uh you know you don't want your
00:53:17
opener to you know be too strong and I
00:53:22
go you know it's because I wasn't that good I wouldn't show him up you know
00:53:28
what I mean well it's also that you're just totally opposite yeah you're different than him yeah which is good so so I
00:53:35
started doing it with him and then I got to go to Vegas and I did one or two I
00:53:40
did a Y2K with Dana and Dennis and in Minnesota yes we did you meet Dennis and
00:53:50
Kevin and everyone thought it was the end of the world so not many people came and uh then I did a bunch of shows
00:53:58
with Piscopo I opened for him and then I I so I was doing it like once or twice a
00:54:04
month for my whole motherhood years in the 90s and then when the tea party
00:54:10
started and uh I was in this club and I and I wrote this little song called
00:54:16
white men are good white men are good my daddy was a white man my brother is a
00:54:22
white man white man invented everything White invented the universities white men
00:54:28
invented the English language white men invented airplanes white men invented
00:54:34
cars white men and and and then a good resume yes so I sang that song the
00:54:40
audience was like because it was the beginning of you know um not supposed to say that
00:54:47
yeah what do you call that when you're not allowed to say things censorship
00:54:53
um what what was before woke it was way before woke it was like politically correct yeah it was 2010 and I thought
00:55:02
Comics were supposed to be brave and daring and break the rules but oh no no
00:55:09
don't say white men are good white men were getting all bad rap all the time
00:55:15
I'm like people anyway they told my agent at APA and she
00:55:22
goes I can't send you out anymore um oh my my God and and she said all the club
00:55:28
Owners are liberals and and you're becoming an outspoken conservative and
00:55:33
and you you I can't I can't send you anywhere so then I'm like okay I wanted to quit anyway I don't like traveling
00:55:41
but I just was so surprised that in America with freedom of speech we can't have freedom of speech
00:55:47
anymore and now you know what's been happening and now I'm so proud that I'm
00:55:52
proud that Dana is do making fun of Biden which is the unforgivable sin and
00:55:58
I'm glad that Rob Schneider is saying I can say whatever I want people freedom
00:56:05
of speech I'm very proud that people are fighting back and even Seinfeld is saying hey come on freedom of
00:56:13
speech yeah it is tough on Comedy in general to do uh to be you know tamped
00:56:19
down a little bit you just want to say what the thing that people want to say or the thing that people aren't saying
00:56:25
or just try to break the rules like it used to be very like you have to be outrageous you know and it's it's
00:56:30
definitely toned it down a little bit I have to say Dana you're Biden things are super funny isn't he funny thank you I I
00:56:38
made that was kind of a personal challenge just because in the beginning there wasn't much there you know my
00:56:44
father lost his job that kind of thing then as he went along I added in you know I you know and added in a lot of
00:56:52
hooks and I got it to the point where I thought it was was really funny and so I didn't really care if anyone had a
00:56:59
problem with it I just thought we got to be able to do the president United States we can't do the Pres if it's a
00:57:06
Republican or Democrat we it's our job to kind of tug on the king's corn poop
00:57:11
was a bad dude that's true man come on this is my
00:57:16
one that that kind of broke it it was uh there's no crisis at the border how do you know sir because it says so in the
00:57:23
piece of paper yes and then he came out for the Border a little while ago I just thought it was funny I'll shut a border
00:57:30
faster anyone's ever shut a border but you said before get your facts straight Jack beat the hell out of you I cut a
00:57:37
shut a border border patrol the Border Can't Believe It's Not Butter so then it was so silly that he always ends with
00:57:44
this declarative so people accept it but now everyone's doing him obviously become
00:57:51
the dam is broken open you are a trend setter
00:57:58
[Music] Victoria before we let you go I wanted to say I do remember you did a lot of
00:58:04
tunes didn't you Tunes the driving cat I was so happy because I didn't have any
00:58:09
lines and it was it was a hit sketch and I didn't have to do anything me and Dana
00:58:15
were in a lot of tunes we were in a lot of tunes and there was one time you know they got the cards were in the fake car
00:58:23
and um this happens all of us but it was your line and the guy was pointing and
00:58:29
you were just kind of enjoying the scene and I started kicking you kind of like that you go I know and
00:58:36
then went oh and then you hit your line it's just funny we all do that the lines are usually like tces you shouldn't be
00:58:41
driving over here on the wrong side of the road yeah and that was a great use of the character that you would play on the
00:58:48
show often the sincere sweet yes uh character toun says don't do that you
00:58:54
know so Jack Handy is the greatest they had me and Dana be brother and sister a
00:58:59
lot or husband wife or they had us in our underwear remember when we had to wear our underwear and don't go down to
00:59:05
the basement yeah yeah we had a lot of yeah you were you were romantic was that
00:59:12
the name of the sketch yeah don't go down to the basement and I was felt so
00:59:18
naked I don't feel naked doing gymnastics on the update desk with my
00:59:23
butt in the air because that was my whole childhood but I feel naked standing upright in my
00:59:29
underwear well the idea it's a uniform versus your underpants and even though
00:59:34
they look the same yeah one seems like normal well also Dana when you on other
00:59:41
fly on the walls you're talking about the Italian restaurant where you were oh
00:59:46
right you were humping me with my legs in the air yeah that was one of the biggest laughs that I've ever
00:59:53
participated I wasn't really doing much it was just the situation and the build and the scenario and it's true that
01:00:01
right before they said maybe don't do it or do it as much or move around as much but we just did it and it was a big
01:00:08
laugh and you were the perfect one to do it with well the funny part to me is I didn't know anything all of a sudden
01:00:15
people come up and they go Siobhan quit the sketch you have to do it I go what
01:00:21
sketch nobody told me anything I didn't have time to say you get plowed yeah I I
01:00:26
didn't have time to say I'm a Christian I don't think that would be appropriate I didn't have any time like go out there
01:00:32
I go what am I doing what am I doing they go get on the table stick your legs in the air I'm like okay and then Dana's
01:00:38
like you know and I'm like I don't even think I knew that was
01:00:44
a sex position I might be exaggerating but I don't I don't know that I knew
01:00:49
that but anyway it did seem really wrong and and it seemed x-rated but anyway
01:00:56
then it was aired and then but Dana's my friend I like and I thought that's pretty funny well because it was you and
01:01:03
me it was just innocent and silly in the in the big picture and also that that
01:01:09
I'm still yelling about some order something you know I've got your legs over my shoulders hey what do want come
01:01:16
on cappuccino over here down there it was pretty VOD villian and a little body
01:01:23
but um funny with the sound off like that visual within that Italian sketch
01:01:29
based on these extraordinarily horny Italian waiters one of the biggest
01:01:35
laughs I've ever been a part of okay to answer your question about how much I do
01:01:41
stand up and then I'll quit talking and you guys can go back to your life um I did Vegas about two weeks ago so I'm I'm
01:01:49
not blacklisted I think the country's getting their Common Sense back into
01:01:55
their brains I'm not blacklisted and uh it was a small place yeah and the only problem was I was
01:02:02
coughing my residual covid cough that was kind of unnerving for the audience
01:02:07
but that you gave all Co yeah they're like yeah I think things are loosening
01:02:13
up a little bit I think there was so much exhaustion over you can say this say that that at this point it's kind of
01:02:19
like no one no one has to come to your show just don't or or watch anything
01:02:25
they want to watch watch you know you don't like a Netflix special don't watch it I mean it's just Freedom maybe this
01:02:31
is controversial what if the screen just went completely black and our podcast was
01:02:38
cancelled ioria we love you and miss you and if you come to Southern California
01:02:45
please reach out okay thanks for your podcast it's super good and entertaining
01:02:51
and we we appreciate David and Dana's laughs that you've given us all these
01:02:57
years jeez thank you you're still so sweet you're also very funny I mean just the way you're telling these stories
01:03:03
it's hysterical so you still have all the stuff you there is there's a funny thing that you a funny bone there no one
01:03:09
else does it's it's just a very honest quirky unexpected language you're using
01:03:15
unexpected moments of honesty I'm going to make you self-conscious about your gift so then it'll you won't be able to
01:03:21
do it anymore okay I'm kidding you can't it's like gum on your shoes you're just funny you're just funny just funny so um
01:03:29
all the best we all miss you and we want to see more of you you have a closing song Same Song
01:03:37
[Music] closer I forgot how it something about
01:03:42
buzz buzz SWAT SWAT yeah buzz buzz SWAT all right we did it bye sweetie this has
01:03:49
been a presentation of Odyssey please follow subscribe leave a like or review
01:03:55
all the stuff smash that button whatever it is wherever you get your podcast fly on the wall is executive produced by
01:04:01
Dana Carvey and David Spade Jenna Weiss Burman of Odyssey and Heather Santoro the show's lead producer is Greg Holzman
