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Runners only with dom Harvey and Rachel
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Meyer the New Zealand para climber
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record holder and just an all-round
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badass is it okay I've heard you do it
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right how are you hi I've um I heard you
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on interviews before and you don't like
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being called inspirational
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um so can I call you a badass instead
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amazing just lift that
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so um first of all before we get into
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your uh um incredible story and what
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you've been through and what you've done
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running any relationship with running or
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not since you were 16. oh a really short
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relationship with running yeah
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it's always going to put a dampener on
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things I could you know
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um yeah I tried it I didn't love it and
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um the leg fell off and I thought maybe
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that's what's not my thing
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but you're um you're a late life amputee
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so you you lost your leg your left leg
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um how many years ago I was three three
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and a half years so you were the age of
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oh three and a half years ago hang on
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it's not hard math come on I know you're
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from wanganui
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he's at 36.
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so what do you mean because I've had
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them I recorded a chat with um Liam
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Malone the um the paralympic runner last
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weekend and he he said it like as a kid
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uh there were times where he'd go home
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from the school cross country or School
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athletics stay in tears because you know
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his leg would fall off or had finished
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did last I would have thought the
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technology between then and now would
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have progressed to the point where that
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shit's not going on look I think the
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technology is and uh the technology is
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improving quickly but our bodies are
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still breakable and we're still fragile
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even though we think we're quite
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resilient sometimes
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um and unfortunately with my particular
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amputation I've got quite a long
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residual limb which is great that works
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for climbing I've got a nice lever
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um so Extra Strength there but it means
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that it's quite bony and just doesn't
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really it's not very durable for high
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impact at the moment walking's
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challenging so if I could even get to
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the point that I could walk all day that
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would be a huge win for me it's been
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four months since I've been walking
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properly yeah that's um that's another
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thing um Liam and lines that have
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alluded to as well he said uh like when
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he when he was in that age where he was
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going out with his friends
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um he'd need to drink more and therefore
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get drunker because the pain just of
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standing up was that much it's bad that
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you're so would you agree with that yeah
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um I I definitely went through a phase
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pre-amputation where the pain was also
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really bad and wine was a great form of
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resilience
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um
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it can be but it doesn't make you very
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functional
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um and so I switched that out for rock
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climbing which gives me a really good
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hit of adrenaline and endorphins and it
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doesn't make the pain completely go away
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but it certainly feels quiet when I'm on
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the wall I feel like it's just me
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against the wall and there's something
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really mindful in that and really
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therapeutic and then obviously that buzz
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that then when you go away and you're
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back in 10 out of 10 nerve pain for 14
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hours of a day and 12 hours all night
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and you're getting two three hours sleep
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a night and then getting up in the
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morning and doing the single mum thing
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here having that hit of endorphins and
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adrenaline during the week's really
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important because it just helps you cope
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with what you do have or don't have yeah
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yeah because Pain's pretty bad is that a
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thing um you do you not notice that when
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you're climbing because climbing's one
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of those things where you've got to be
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completely in the moment
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there's a lot of that yeah for sure and
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I'm still really scared of heights so
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falling maybe makes pain quieter
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surely it's not happening to you too
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often not too often but you know when I
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did fall when I was 16 I broke two
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ankles and then I am now an amputee
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that's really I'm sorry so gravity's
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been a bit of a [ __ ] in the past and
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we're not really best friends right well
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this makes it all the more remarkable
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and dear I say inspirational
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inspirational that you would get back
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get back on the horse so to speak so
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um so you were 16. do you wanna do you
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want to take us back to that sure okay
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so you're 16 you're an invercargill
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um you go to James haggis college and
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you're you're climbing yes so this is
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your sport of choice that's where I
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started climbing I was um in my second
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last year of high school and I always
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found School
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I don't know I guess socially I always
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felt quite awkward and didn't feel like
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I had a place where I belonged I know
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many people would relate to that of
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those teenage years they're very
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vulnerable years
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um and just felt like I didn't fit and
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then climbing was always this place
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where there's always such an Eclectic
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group of people there was no kind of
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cool kids nerds dorks jocks whatever you
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just come as you are you leave your bags
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and your baggage at the door and then
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when you're in the gym and you're
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climbing you're looking after each other
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you literally have your lives in each
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other's hands and there's that really
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high level of trust right from the
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get-go so there's a real sense of family
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right from the beginning and I was
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really drawn to that and that that was
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my introduction to climbing and then we
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went off to a competition oh not too far
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into our sort of climbing hobby Club
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starting and that was the place where I
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had a accident and a cooldown period at
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the end of the competition day I did a
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controlled drop and a bouldering fall a
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bouldering room and I what's a
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bouldering one
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um so for lessons we haven't been
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claiming you have two types of climbing
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one is Sport climbing with ropes one is
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bouldering where there are no ropes but
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you do have really soft ore on
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professional Landing surfaces the boys
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in my team as an example were doing a
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somersault off the top of the wall they
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were Landing absolutely fine I did a
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controlled fall very safely with a
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spotter to help catch me and my ankle
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hit a very small margin that had been
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duct taped back together
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um and that went against me so that
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angle blue kind of on the side mostly
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um I think there's a bit of skin
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covering things but you could see the
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dislocated shattered joint and then I
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also broke the other ankle at the same
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time which makes you very uncool to go
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back to high school in a wheelchair with
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two feet plaster first of all [ __ ] that
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Sporto wasn't the spotted spot it really
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wasn't like he did his job he kind of
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yeah
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they're not there to catch you like that
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sort of thing a spotter is there to kind
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of you know make sure your head doesn't
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hit the ground first they're there to
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sort of okay well he succeeded in doing
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that my head is mostly fine with it we
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think so how is the world we're talking
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about you say you said some of the boys
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in the class were doing somersaults off
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it how much five meters no God no my
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feet were not even the height of your
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ceiling
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it's like a couple of meters yeah it
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shouldn't have happened it was just a
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freak accident we have no idea why it
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went so wrong so quickly and are you and
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um are you in excruciating pain or does
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like adrenaline kicking straight away
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um to start with us kind of like Ugh
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that felt uncomfortable maybe it was a
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sprain and I went to sit up and my
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spotter did an excellent job of um
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crushing me back to the floor and
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yelling do not look don't look and at
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that point I worked out probably
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something had gone maybe worse than it
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felt and then the boys jumped down off
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the top and as they had the crash pads
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it sort of just reverberated through and
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from that point I clearly remember
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screaming for a good 45 minutes until
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the ambulance came just it was just it
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was hell
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um and I don't know if you've claimed
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before but rock climbing shoes are very
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tight and the lasers are very tight and
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I remember the paramedic painstakingly
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untying the laces and you could hear all
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the bones grating and grinding in and me
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screaming and a friend saying why don't
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you cut the laces in the Amber Guy
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saying are they your laces to cut and I
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just am completely capable we're worried
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about responding to anything if the
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rental shoes will cover it just exactly
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right
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it's freaking cat devices
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yeah yeah the way the way you tell it
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it's almost so it was almost like a
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quarter of a century ago
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um well I mean it's over half my life
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yeah yeah but it feels like it's yeah
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there's a lot of stuff in between
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um yeah so they put that ankle back
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together with part of my hip in the end
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they grafted bone out of my hip in there
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and then lots of metal and what do they
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say to you at that time so you're in the
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hospital you think oh it's a broken
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ankle same as like a broken arm or
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broken leg three months back to normal
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no they did not say that
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they made it clear quite early on that
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it was quite serious yes yep so I
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remember a point where the surgeon came
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in and they would often talk to my mum
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who was by my bed a lot
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um and not to me but I remember them
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talking to my mum saying she'll be in a
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wheelchair when she's older if she wants
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to have children so all her pregnancies
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she's gonna need a wheelchair this is
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going to turn into severe degenerative
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arthritis which I did and she's just
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gonna have a lifelong time a problem so
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I knew right from the start but I didn't
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connect to that or suppose when you're
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16 you're 16 you just think
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it's going to come right get me back on
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the wall okay
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um was were they saying all these things
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just in terms of um just any sort of
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weight you put on it is gonna like hurt
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and make it worse yeah so I was told
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um don't put on weight you need to
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always see a really healthy BMI don't
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carry anything extra that's unnecessary
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because that's going to add further
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damage
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um and so I guess I was always quite
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conscious of being healthy and staying
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fit
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um and then yeah over the years I did
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developed degenerative arthritis and it
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just over the period of what we're
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talking 18 years between that accident
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and amputation I had another nine
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surgeries to try and fix it and one of
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them was this horrendous expert frame
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that attached through the ankle but on
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the outside and through the foot and I
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had I think about 12 middle rods that
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went through my shin and my foot and my
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toes and the ink on everywhere and then
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I was given a pair of spanners and I had
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to slowly stretch this ankle joint apart
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myself in the theory behind that was to
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try and create space for new cartilage
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to grow which I believe only sharks can
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do
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I did not do it very successfully so
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clearly I'm not sure
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um but yeah that was rough I was
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discharged from hospital on a Saturday
00:10:46
with that on I think ibuprofen encoding
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and that was definitely not enough so it
00:10:53
was a bit of a quick trip back to the
00:10:54
doctor for a script for something
00:10:56
heavier and then I was in that traction
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frame for four months
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um parenting three children one of them
00:11:02
with ADHD and autism
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wow
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so you're in from the age of 16 through
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the rest of your teens through your 20s
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through most of your 30s just um
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constant pain
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if I would have walked
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um
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and as the time went on needing more and
00:11:23
more Mobility aids to mobilize so it
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went from sometimes I needed a crutch
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for like if it was standing for a long
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period if you're standing in line if I'm
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at the supermarket I might take one
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crutch and then eventually it was using
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an eye walk which is kind of like a
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prosthetic leg but you kneel you still
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have your legs so you kneel on like a
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shin pad thing it's quite hard to
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explain to listeners but straps around
00:11:46
your thigh and enables you to walk on
00:11:48
something other than your leg people
00:11:50
often use it for like a I don't know an
00:11:52
angle break that's a six-week thing
00:11:54
um I used that for several years and
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then I was using two crutches or a
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wheelchair by the end of it as well
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right it was just done I couldn't go on
00:12:02
like that
00:12:03
so was it always
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um
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was was it always an option that you
00:12:08
were told you had or something that
00:12:10
could make your life better to remove
00:12:12
the the Troublesome ankle
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the last resort that surgeons are very
00:12:17
reluctant to oh yeah you know even
00:12:20
though it would I mean it has I don't
00:12:23
want to put words in your mouth but is
00:12:25
it fair to say it's improve your quality
00:12:26
of life it's definitely improved my
00:12:28
quality of life but it's also come with
00:12:30
its own package of okay chronic nerve
00:12:33
pain in in its own sense of the word
00:12:35
disability I guess and that has a huge
00:12:38
impact on your mental health too so
00:12:40
either way I was going to be going down
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a path that was going to be really
00:12:44
really really hard there was no way out
00:12:46
of that and I knew that eventually I
00:12:49
would probably end up with an amputation
00:12:51
as an older woman anyway and I felt that
00:12:54
that was a decision I wanted the power
00:12:56
over to do while I was young I was
00:12:58
already competing as a para athlete for
00:13:00
New Zealand I'd done one world
00:13:02
championships in Austria in 2018
00:13:06
and I came home from that feeling a real
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sense of I guess contentment with the
00:13:12
decision to amputate and that's where I
00:13:14
went back to my surgeon I had already
00:13:16
asked him and he'd said no but I went
00:13:18
back after that event I was like look
00:13:20
I've you know worst case scenario I
00:13:22
actually have found a way to balance my
00:13:25
health and my well-being and activity
00:13:27
regardless of whether I do or don't get
00:13:29
up on a prosthetic I have this career in
00:13:31
competing and that's giving me some
00:13:33
sanity
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um
00:13:35
why did the surgeon say no do they do
00:13:37
they honestly believe the the pain you
00:13:40
were in with the um Troublesome foot
00:13:42
would be better than the alternative
00:13:44
uh I think because the alternative's so
00:13:46
high risk so you can manage some of the
00:13:49
risks if you go down the route of having
00:13:51
several fusions within the ankle and the
00:13:53
foot then that could prolong the risk of
00:13:56
sorry deter that what's the word uh
00:13:59
words
00:14:00
um
00:14:01
like slow down
00:14:03
the need to amputate right so give you a
00:14:06
bit more time if that makes sense before
00:14:08
taking on something where you're
00:14:09
sivering nerves and putting you know
00:14:12
your whole inflammatory system and your
00:14:14
body under a high amount of pressure
00:14:17
which can cause lots of ongoing health
00:14:19
issues so so you were for like 20 odd
00:14:23
years you were walking around with like
00:14:24
a with like a limp or with a crutch yeah
00:14:26
I just didn't walk far right and I felt
00:14:29
quite I think
00:14:30
I think improved so much with my
00:14:33
um lifestyle now I always felt like I
00:14:36
was on the outside so if there was a
00:14:38
social group and we were
00:14:40
going somewhere and maybe everybody
00:14:41
wanted to wander around a garden
00:14:43
even just that little activity of going
00:14:46
around a Botanical Garden might be like
00:14:47
oh I'll I'll just set this one out or
00:14:50
I'll do the first bit and then I'll sort
00:14:52
it out
00:14:53
um and I felt like I was just getting to
00:14:55
this point where I couldn't connect to
00:14:58
my world anymore and the world was
00:14:59
getting smaller and smaller and that was
00:15:01
my way of managing pain was just to just
00:15:03
reduce and then reduce more and then
00:15:05
reduce more and
00:15:07
um yeah then becomes it's really
00:15:09
isolating yeah it's pretty isolating and
00:15:11
I I got to this point where I felt I was
00:15:14
not showing or modeling to my children
00:15:17
good strategies for managing you know
00:15:20
disability and pain and and my kids were
00:15:22
really wonderful mirrors I guess they
00:15:24
would say things to me
00:15:26
um that were quite profound and I guess
00:15:28
shook me a lot at the time but helped me
00:15:30
to see what I was modeling to them my
00:15:32
youngest when I was when he was five he
00:15:36
said to me mum you don't really like
00:15:39
food do you you just eat pills and drink
00:15:42
coffee
00:15:44
and I just oh my God that must have felt
00:15:47
like a dagger to your [ __ ] heart I
00:15:49
reckon I just
00:15:53
they just say what they see that's it
00:15:56
and that's what he could see that was my
00:15:58
way of coping with pain was I just take
00:16:00
painkillers and I don't feed myself
00:16:02
properly and I'm not going out and doing
00:16:04
anything and chasing any of my dreams
00:16:06
I've just made my whole world smaller to
00:16:09
survive and that's not surviving it's
00:16:11
definitely not thriving and that was the
00:16:13
point I decided I would go that's
00:16:15
climbing 18 years later yeah well I
00:16:17
suppose it's being alive but it's not
00:16:18
really living is it that's yeah that's
00:16:20
the way to say it yeah
00:16:22
okay so um
00:16:24
so it was an 18-year break so you're 16
00:16:26
when it happens uh then 18 years and
00:16:29
then you start climbing again
00:16:31
um which seems like a a lot of people be
00:16:33
like what the [ __ ] are you doing getting
00:16:34
back up there was that hard to get back
00:16:35
up there after given that's how
00:16:38
this this lifelong of like pain and
00:16:41
nuisance began
00:16:42
yep and also no climbing wall in
00:16:45
wanganui so oh yeah is there one there
00:16:48
now no there's a little bit of a where
00:16:50
do you go palmy or nope nothing there
00:16:52
either um is he not a climbing woman
00:16:54
palmy no
00:16:56
so I can drive to uh New Plymouth for a
00:16:59
very short squash court sized climbing
00:17:02
wall or I can come to Auckland and visit
00:17:04
you and go to extreme Edge
00:17:07
um because I feel like they're all over
00:17:09
the place in Auckland aren't they yeah
00:17:10
there's a couple and there's some really
00:17:11
great bouldering facilities as well
00:17:13
right
00:17:14
um yeah but no at the time no climbing
00:17:18
partner either and a really huge fear of
00:17:21
falling so I rocked up to the taranaki
00:17:24
climbing gym and asked the manager on
00:17:27
duty
00:17:28
um could you point me in the direction
00:17:29
of to wahine who will not drop me
00:17:32
um and I was on crutches and I probably
00:17:35
looked like an absolute idiot you're
00:17:37
like what are you up to no but this
00:17:38
woman they sort of looked me up and down
00:17:40
and then without batting an eyelid they
00:17:42
were like welcome and come in and that's
00:17:44
what climbing is it's always like that
00:17:46
you can have I mean you might not even
00:17:48
speak the same language as some people
00:17:49
have climbed in Austria with two I don't
00:17:52
know 60 70 year old Germans who I could
00:17:54
not communicate with at all but you can
00:17:58
kind of say take rope give like the
00:18:01
important kindness that's the only other
00:18:03
word I can think of I'm safe with a good
00:18:05
phrase to learn
00:18:07
um lower or climbing clipping
00:18:11
um
00:18:11
that that's Universal for us but we just
00:18:14
still feel like we belong so these women
00:18:17
um took me in and they became my
00:18:19
climbing family to start with and they
00:18:21
were the ones that encouraged me maybe I
00:18:23
could have a crack at New Zealand
00:18:24
Nationals when they have their first
00:18:26
pair of competition in 2017.
00:18:29
so you even though um even though you
00:18:32
you had all your body parts at that
00:18:34
point you still qualified for the powers
00:18:35
yeah
00:18:38
yeah there's a reduced power right so I
00:18:40
would use my knee and I would use it as
00:18:42
a counterweight but I couldn't step on
00:18:44
it at all
00:18:45
so from um from 16 through your 20s
00:18:49
um getting around with this
00:18:51
this um
00:18:53
you know not a not a you're not missing
00:18:55
any body parts or anything but getting
00:18:56
around with this disability like um was
00:18:58
everyone quite accepting uh it was it
00:19:00
was there teasing or taunting or
00:19:01
anything like that how did you feel
00:19:05
yeah I think you know I think my whole
00:19:07
life I've dealt with negative labels
00:19:10
that people either say kind of
00:19:12
off-handedly without intending to be
00:19:14
unkind and maybe that's a cultural thing
00:19:16
that we need to be more aware of is that
00:19:18
sometimes our humor can be really
00:19:19
hurtful to people because you just don't
00:19:21
know who is barely hanging on right now
00:19:23
and in what button you're pressing
00:19:26
um but yeah right from the age of 16 I
00:19:28
remember at 16 and adult saying to me if
00:19:31
you were a horse I would shoot you
00:19:32
myself
00:19:33
and has his uh theory was that I didn't
00:19:39
have enough Faith or positivity to heal
00:19:41
myself in it all right I should just
00:19:44
keep hold down so unbelievable who was
00:19:47
it like a stranger
00:19:48
someone you know
00:19:50
I think maybe we won't go there but
00:19:53
um
00:19:54
we don't have to go there but I'm going
00:19:56
to take it as that is meaning it's
00:19:58
someone that you know and that's someone
00:19:59
in an information of power who should
00:20:01
not say things like that well no one
00:20:03
should say that anyway but at least of
00:20:05
all someone on a yeah someone that you
00:20:06
know or someone that's in a position of
00:20:07
so from a young age that are the sort of
00:20:10
negative things that that I heard now
00:20:12
and then and you're just not or I didn't
00:20:15
feel at that age capable of I guess
00:20:16
filtering for myself and choosing my own
00:20:19
labels and in my own worth and my own
00:20:21
value and that's something I've had to
00:20:23
grow into maybe not until my 30s um as
00:20:26
an adult I heard the words
00:20:29
um you're just a [ __ ] [ __ ] I'm not
00:20:31
attracted to you anymore
00:20:33
and who from a partner
00:20:35
I heard the words and I and I had to get
00:20:39
to that point where I decided nobody
00:20:43
gets to rent space in my head unless I
00:20:45
let them you can say the words you can
00:20:46
do the mean things but actually it's my
00:20:48
responsibility and it's 100 on me
00:20:51
whether I let that stick or not but um
00:20:55
I love um I love that that saying about
00:20:58
you know letting people live rent free
00:20:59
in your head but it is easier said than
00:21:02
done you know I I was brought up with
00:21:04
the slogan you know Sticks and Stones
00:21:07
um and I talked about this on the
00:21:08
podcast with with Matthew Ridge who's um
00:21:10
you know he's quite a quite a Brash
00:21:12
polarizing guys and we talked about how
00:21:14
name-calling [ __ ] hurts
00:21:17
it's easy to say shake it off or you're
00:21:19
not living rent free in my head but it's
00:21:22
easier said than done and the fact that
00:21:23
like you remember those specifics like
00:21:25
decades later it's scars yeah I'd say
00:21:29
yes scars is a good word that's
00:21:31
appropriate
00:21:33
um
00:21:34
but I also look at who I am now and what
00:21:37
I'm doing and
00:21:39
and the ways I'm learning to stand in my
00:21:41
truth and own my journey and I feel like
00:21:45
um
00:21:46
sometimes yeah sometimes those scars are
00:21:49
also the making of you maybe yeah I
00:21:52
wouldn't wear shirt on anyone but I mean
00:21:55
I like these opportunities where I have
00:21:56
a platform to share and to I I hope
00:21:59
encourage people to turn up the volume
00:22:01
on Joy because to me that's how you call
00:22:04
you know you said it's easier said than
00:22:06
done to say don't let something rent
00:22:08
space in your head so what are the
00:22:09
mental health and wellbeing tools that
00:22:11
allow us to not let someone rent space
00:22:14
and that's the stuff that I had to learn
00:22:16
from Rock Bottom and for me it became a
00:22:18
matter of running back to the climbing
00:22:21
wall where I would hear these really
00:22:22
positive things like you can do it you
00:22:24
can get it and that became such a really
00:22:26
loud verbal Audible Voice in my life and
00:22:30
then I would go home and write these
00:22:32
positive words on my mirror and I would
00:22:35
replay them to myself and I found that I
00:22:38
couldn't
00:22:39
um
00:22:39
I couldn't empty out those negative
00:22:41
words until I replaced them with
00:22:43
something positive it wasn't simply a
00:22:45
matter of saying don't think about that
00:22:46
don't let that have space it was a
00:22:49
matter of saying well I'm going to fill
00:22:51
that space with something louder and
00:22:54
something that carries more power and
00:22:56
and then also just to keep running back
00:22:58
to the stuff that makes you happy
00:23:00
you know that's why I climb
00:23:02
um it makes me happy and the more I do
00:23:04
that the more capable I feel in other
00:23:07
parts of my life of taking control and
00:23:09
being in charge of my thoughts yeah yeah
00:23:13
um
00:23:15
yeah
00:23:17
um what it do to your self-esteem over
00:23:19
those years didn't have any didn't you
00:23:22
no see the the woman on the almost
00:23:25
middle-aged woman that I'm seeing
00:23:27
sitting in front of me now the mother of
00:23:28
three the rock climbing Champion
00:23:32
um I find that difficult to believe
00:23:35
and isn't that amazing because there'll
00:23:37
be people listening Who currently you
00:23:39
know maybe don't feel they have
00:23:40
self-esteem or are questioning their
00:23:43
Worth or maybe you know maybe somebody's
00:23:45
listening who's having to put up with
00:23:48
that negativity in their life or is in a
00:23:50
situation where they're being bullied at
00:23:51
work or at home and and when you're in
00:23:55
that you cannot see that there would
00:23:57
possibly be anything brighter or bigger
00:24:00
and I couldn't in in your right that
00:24:02
we're talking about two completely
00:24:04
different people and I love that because
00:24:06
one I've had to fight to become who I am
00:24:09
but two I now get to say to people even
00:24:11
if you're in like that absolute
00:24:14
shittiest messed up space like what you
00:24:17
can see right now is not all that there
00:24:20
is and and there is so much more and you
00:24:22
you haven't even imagined it yet and I
00:24:25
never set out to become a New Zealand
00:24:28
record Setter or a paraclimer on the
00:24:30
international World stage I just I just
00:24:32
went back to rock climbing to find
00:24:34
myself again and to get over a really
00:24:38
um traumatic past with abuse and to give
00:24:41
myself a space where I could just be
00:24:44
Rachel not you know all these other
00:24:46
labels or
00:24:48
um you know as a mum to create some
00:24:50
space where I've got my time and I'm
00:24:52
putting that Mum hat down because
00:24:54
sometimes we're not very good at that
00:24:57
um all these all these positive reasons
00:24:58
for going back to climbing but at the
00:25:00
time none of it was about becoming an
00:25:02
elite athlete I just needed a piece of
00:25:04
me again and I know that there will be
00:25:06
people out there who feel like they have
00:25:08
just had strips torn off them until
00:25:10
they're a shell of who maybe they once
00:25:12
were and and I can tell them 100 there
00:25:16
is more that you just just hang on back
00:25:18
there anymore
00:25:19
yeah I you mentioned before about being
00:25:23
um being in a bad relationship did you
00:25:25
want to you want to touch upon that or
00:25:27
not really
00:25:28
I think the really powerful things to
00:25:31
touch on are that
00:25:34
um
00:25:35
maybe the ideals with
00:25:38
built up for ourselves about a happily
00:25:40
ever after or a you know a two-parent
00:25:43
family
00:25:45
um they are really lovely ideals in in
00:25:48
sometimes we put a lot of emphasis on
00:25:49
them and we feel like we can't break out
00:25:51
of something negative because then we're
00:25:53
losing that dream or that ideal but
00:25:56
um I guess that's a journey I've been
00:25:58
through where I've learned
00:25:59
sometimes the ideal is that we're better
00:26:02
apart than together and and I would much
00:26:05
rather be a single mum than teach my
00:26:07
children that love is something at 100
00:26:10
is not and
00:26:12
um and I'd I want to be a voice for that
00:26:15
so yeah when you ask me I want to touch
00:26:17
on it yes that's also a really hard
00:26:19
subject to open up and actually I
00:26:21
understand I I understand I'm completely
00:26:23
the same I try and be like as open and
00:26:24
transparent as what I can with all
00:26:25
aspects of my life but absolutely but as
00:26:27
I've grown up over the years and can
00:26:30
look back and regret some of the things
00:26:31
I overshared on the radio it's like
00:26:33
sometimes if there's other people's
00:26:35
Journey involved it's not always your
00:26:39
story alone to tell yeah that's a
00:26:43
but you know the important things to
00:26:44
focus on are that as women we
00:26:47
path and we can make positive changes
00:26:51
for not just for ourselves or for our
00:26:53
children but for wider family and people
00:26:55
in our Circle
00:26:57
and sometimes that comes down to a
00:26:59
really really really hard and
00:27:00
heartbreaking decisions but that's okay
00:27:03
too yeah and it might not feel like it's
00:27:06
okay at the time but it is okay and it
00:27:09
can be okay and there are services in
00:27:11
people who can help and for me the first
00:27:13
part was just actually my ankle you know
00:27:16
to be honest I think was my ankle that
00:27:17
gave me the
00:27:19
um the strength in the first place I
00:27:21
ended up having to see a therapist for
00:27:22
there and I was really into it I was
00:27:24
like I don't need help but it became a
00:27:26
safe place where maybe I could let the
00:27:29
walls down and then and I learned to
00:27:31
share in that safe place and then I
00:27:34
um was this you talk about going to see
00:27:36
a therapist because is this something
00:27:38
you had to do I had to do it if I wanted
00:27:40
that expert frame on my leg that was the
00:27:45
um big crazy middle expert frame on my
00:27:47
leg okay my surgeon said the last
00:27:49
patient that I did this one had a mental
00:27:51
breakdown and that's the only patient I
00:27:54
have done it on you're number two it has
00:27:56
only been down five times in New Zealand
00:27:58
and I have 100 fail rate with it
00:28:02
um just because he'd only done the one
00:28:04
um and so I needed that support in place
00:28:06
before I went through that because it
00:28:08
was going to be really traumatic so how
00:28:10
many sessions do they do they make you
00:28:11
go to is it like three hours two hours I
00:28:14
don't even remember right
00:28:16
um so the reason I ask is um me and my
00:28:19
ex JJ we went through the whole facility
00:28:21
fertility cycle for a number of years
00:28:22
and when we gave up on um having our own
00:28:26
kids and uh decided to go to the donor
00:28:28
path
00:28:29
um uh prerequisite of that is having
00:28:31
like a couple of hours of counseling and
00:28:32
they ask you that I hadn't had any
00:28:34
counseling and I was I was like you're
00:28:35
completely anti-counseling at that point
00:28:37
um but they ask you questions like oh
00:28:39
how would you feel like if um if if your
00:28:42
mate later on in life comes along and
00:28:43
wants to be more of a father figure in
00:28:45
the kid's life and it's like I felt like
00:28:47
I [ __ ] my way through the couple of
00:28:48
hours with the counselor yeah I knew
00:28:50
what I knew what the right answers were
00:28:51
and what the wrong answers were so truth
00:28:53
didn't even matter this is so accurate
00:28:56
though and I like so by the time I ended
00:28:58
up seeing this therapist um or
00:29:00
psychologist
00:29:01
I had been through maybe five or six
00:29:04
counselors and I had [ __ ] my way
00:29:06
through all of them and I would get to
00:29:08
the end and they would say well you know
00:29:11
you seem really well put together and
00:29:13
you've got some good coping strategies
00:29:15
for the things that you've shared none
00:29:17
of which were actually the things I
00:29:18
needed help with because I didn't go
00:29:20
there
00:29:21
um I don't and then I would say we don't
00:29:23
really know that we can help you anymore
00:29:25
and so I'd walk out of there feeling
00:29:26
quite proud of myself
00:29:28
another one
00:29:30
and met with how I went into this next
00:29:33
one
00:29:35
do you think they know uh they know they
00:29:38
know you're not being completely on or
00:29:39
say but that's the thing with therapy is
00:29:41
unless you're willing to take your mask
00:29:44
off and be real then they can't help you
00:29:47
and that is the thing with abuse as well
00:29:49
as unless you have got to the point
00:29:51
where
00:29:52
you're willing to accept the help and
00:29:54
you're willing to do you know the hard
00:29:56
things and make the hard choices and to
00:29:58
be really vulnerable which does feel
00:30:01
really icky to start with and and you
00:30:03
know and you're probably going to lose
00:30:05
some friends and it's going to be really
00:30:07
really hard unless you've got to the
00:30:09
point that you're ready to do that then
00:30:10
counseling isn't going to work yeah
00:30:13
um but I feel like um for I think for
00:30:16
for New Zealand men in particular
00:30:18
um being vulnerable and having these
00:30:21
real walls down conversations are tough
00:30:23
so therapy is a great way to start you
00:30:26
know I think it's for me in particular
00:30:27
though I thought I think it is harder
00:30:29
for kiwi men it's like um you know if I
00:30:32
noticed some like women out at a bar or
00:30:34
whatever like um they can be almost
00:30:35
complete strangers in the same sort of
00:30:37
group and someone will start crying and
00:30:38
then the others will gravitate around
00:30:39
the bond to each other
00:30:41
um I've got guy mates that have known
00:30:42
for a couple of years and we've never
00:30:44
had anything more than a superficial com
00:30:45
you know conversation I feel like women
00:30:48
I don't know that's a that's a general
00:30:49
maybe it depends on the setting I
00:30:51
definitely know circumstances where if a
00:30:54
man were to be tearful and emotional
00:30:56
they would be considered really strong
00:30:58
and I think that's the narrative is
00:31:01
changing isn't it yeah but whereas for
00:31:03
women if we are tearful or emotional
00:31:06
about some things in particular when
00:31:08
we're asking for help we're maybe
00:31:10
considered
00:31:11
um too sensitive or too emotional or
00:31:15
hormonal or hormonal or oh it's just PMS
00:31:18
you know like you're kind of screwed
00:31:21
either way yeah yeah oh she said three
00:31:23
Pinot Gris she always does this which is
00:31:25
the one I think that the dialogue goes
00:31:27
both ways and but you know the key point
00:31:30
there is that
00:31:32
being vulnerable is really important
00:31:33
yeah absolutely it feels like a huge
00:31:35
weight off there is that old saying like
00:31:37
a problem [ __ ] is a problem halved but
00:31:39
it's it's totally true I mean unless
00:31:40
it's shared on radio and then you
00:31:42
probably just doubles your problem yeah
00:31:44
that's true
00:31:45
um it's yeah it's funny that you talk
00:31:46
about having an abusive relationship
00:31:48
because this is not something I've
00:31:49
actually thought about until right now
00:31:50
but I feel like um over the years on and
00:31:53
off I too have been in a abusive
00:31:55
relationship but it's with myself we do
00:31:58
that don't we
00:31:59
yeah yeah have you
00:32:02
it feels that feels like your situation
00:32:04
like your self-esteem was slowly like
00:32:06
chipped Away by another person
00:32:08
um but you may it's like I'd um I yeah
00:32:12
I'd I'd never I'd like to think I'd
00:32:14
never stand an abusive relationship like
00:32:16
that where someone else is like
00:32:17
belittling me or being mean to me um but
00:32:20
I'll I'll say things to myself that I
00:32:23
wouldn't accept from anyone else we do
00:32:25
yeah I think everybody does yeah as well
00:32:27
yeah absolutely but that's where um
00:32:30
I think I was saying earlier I got to
00:32:32
that point where I have to work out that
00:32:34
letting that stuff have space in my head
00:32:36
and repeating it to myself is that's on
00:32:39
me that's my responsibility
00:32:41
um and for me I have to see it written
00:32:44
down so I will write the opposite maybe
00:32:46
of how I'm feeling on my mirror
00:32:49
um often it's
00:32:50
um so like is it like fake it till you
00:32:52
make it a little bit Yeah so like what
00:32:54
do you write on your mirror like
00:32:55
positive affirmations or
00:32:57
um yeah at the moment I think I have
00:33:01
which is I'm brave I'm resilient and
00:33:05
I I have things like
00:33:09
um be you do you for you little
00:33:12
affirmations that remind me to stay true
00:33:14
to who I am and not to shrink around
00:33:17
other people I guess and to to embrace
00:33:20
those opportunities to use my voice and
00:33:23
into yeah I guess be myself but it's
00:33:26
really hard to do and we do beat up on
00:33:28
ourselves and we say all sorts of [ __ ]
00:33:30
that like if our kids friends said that
00:33:33
to our kids
00:33:34
I mean I would be I would be knocking on
00:33:38
someone's door saying hey we're gonna
00:33:39
have a little chat yeah before you see
00:33:41
because we don't want you hanging out
00:33:42
with a Jaden anymore it feels like a
00:33:43
Jaden sort of thing I don't know
00:33:46
yeah I think we're much kinder to other
00:33:48
people and it's easier to see that those
00:33:51
behaviors and and that is the trap with
00:33:53
abuses that's why it's hard to get out
00:33:55
of because you pick up the mindsets and
00:33:59
the attitudes that one else has put on
00:34:01
you and you start wearing that like your
00:34:03
comfortable outfit and your favorite
00:34:04
clothing and you just get up and you go
00:34:06
through your day thinking well I am just
00:34:08
a [ __ ] [ __ ] that's all I can
00:34:10
achieve and so I'm not going to fight
00:34:12
for anything else
00:34:14
um and at some point you have to decide
00:34:16
that's not the outfit I'm wearing today
00:34:18
I'm gonna wear strong and confident and
00:34:21
capable and I might not feel any of
00:34:23
those things but if I put that clothing
00:34:25
on as armor and go through my day
00:34:29
reminding myself of it then you slowly
00:34:32
grow into there and you slowly become
00:34:34
more of what
00:34:36
you know written written in the path
00:34:38
after a while do you just um start to
00:34:42
believe the narrative that someone else
00:34:43
is feeding you is that what it is yeah
00:34:46
that does happen
00:34:47
um yeah
00:34:48
yeah and I think you're in survival mode
00:34:50
so yeah you're
00:34:53
yeah you're not always making your own
00:34:56
choices for yourself yeah oh man that's
00:34:59
so rough
00:35:00
geez
00:35:01
so the so the leg so when
00:35:04
you must have been wrestling with that
00:35:06
decision for years so the surgencies are
00:35:08
we don't advise you to do this
00:35:10
um how long were you thinking I want to
00:35:12
do this but I know it's not the right
00:35:14
thing to do but before you reach the
00:35:15
decision that's like right let's go take
00:35:18
this thing off like how many years I'm
00:35:20
getting it two years no no
00:35:23
I think I just got to a point where I
00:35:26
was like oh geez I'm done like I don't
00:35:28
want any more surgery so it's just
00:35:30
love it off I know and I um and I asked
00:35:34
like as soon as I got to that point I
00:35:36
asked straight away but I also knew I
00:35:38
would be probably told no the first time
00:35:40
and
00:35:42
um and sure enough I was told no and so
00:35:45
I waited 12 months and then I and during
00:35:47
that time I made lots of really
00:35:49
inappropriate dark humor jokes about
00:35:51
cutting legs off which probably made
00:35:53
people feel really uncomfortable but it
00:35:55
was kind of my way of adjusting to the
00:35:58
the probably New Meme that was coming
00:36:00
and then I asked a second time and by
00:36:03
the time I got to the surgery day I was
00:36:05
just honestly I was so excited for it
00:36:06
and um attitude were there to film so I
00:36:09
have a really beautiful film of my
00:36:10
amputation morning which sounds like a
00:36:13
weird thing but it's really nice to have
00:36:15
that and for me it was a
00:36:17
um
00:36:18
I guess a process of letting go of
00:36:20
something that wasn't serving me well
00:36:22
anymore and maybe that's a bit of a
00:36:25
actually there's pretty metaphor with
00:36:26
metaphor with my life and uh yeah and a
00:36:29
bad relationship that you're in so yeah
00:36:31
it's something that you love something
00:36:32
that's a part of you but something that
00:36:34
you just know is toxic to you yeah it's
00:36:37
pretty hard to let go but then once
00:36:38
you've made the decision it's quite
00:36:40
freeing I remember there were two points
00:36:41
I cried on the morning of my amputation
00:36:44
um one was when they came and put a or
00:36:47
went to put a fluorescent pink return
00:36:50
body part sticker on my wristband
00:36:52
because I'd asked to have my leg back
00:36:54
and it's currently in my wardrobe
00:36:56
um the extra one the OD yes the actual
00:37:00
Vehicles it's very Jeffrey dahmerish
00:37:02
what do you mean it's in your wardrobe
00:37:04
it shouldn't have been the freezer or no
00:37:06
oh
00:37:09
that makes way more sense it's ashes
00:37:13
okay
00:37:15
there's this decaying leg with like
00:37:20
we're getting sidetracked but it's a
00:37:22
great Sidetrack I had this dilemma where
00:37:24
I felt like you know talking about
00:37:26
letting go I was ready to let go but
00:37:28
it's not rubbish so I didn't want to
00:37:30
just Turf it out with somebody's
00:37:33
appendix and some old guy's prostate
00:37:36
cancer like I don't need it to just go
00:37:37
up in the incinerator like that so I
00:37:39
kind of wanted to hold on to it and then
00:37:41
I felt well you can't like I can't put
00:37:44
that under a tree in the backyard
00:37:45
because one day I'm gonna sell the house
00:37:48
and move on maybe and then the next
00:37:51
family and their mum's gonna be at the
00:37:53
kitchen peeling potatoes one day and her
00:37:55
four-year-old's gonna come in waving a
00:37:56
leg skeleton and then there'll be a
00:37:58
homicide inquiry into me but I'll just
00:38:01
be off in Europe somewhere climbing like
00:38:03
it's gonna go bad really quickly so I
00:38:05
rang a crematorium in Wellington uh it's
00:38:08
a fairly awkward conversation I forgot
00:38:11
to explain that I was having an
00:38:12
amputation and I just rang in basically
00:38:15
cold called them and said hey uh I'm
00:38:17
calling from wanganui eight I was
00:38:19
wondering if you could cremate a leg
00:38:22
on the other end was like
00:38:24
um
00:38:25
uh just the league I was like yeah yeah
00:38:27
just the leg
00:38:28
uh a human leg I was like yes yes just a
00:38:32
human leg and then something like a
00:38:34
radio station well that or someone's
00:38:37
disposing of a body part it like you
00:38:39
know 15 different crematoriums
00:38:44
so I had to quickly I think the criminal
00:38:46
the crematorium that gets the phone call
00:38:48
about the head to be amputated
00:38:52
see uh yeah so that's in my wardrobe
00:38:54
where were we okay so I was crying I
00:38:57
just want to sit on this for a second so
00:38:59
like in terms of charging you is it like
00:39:02
10 of a body or that was the question I
00:39:05
had to ask how much is it gonna cost me
00:39:08
uh
00:39:09
and then the next question was um okay
00:39:13
so that's awesome that you can do it and
00:39:15
it's not that expensive in fact I think
00:39:17
the answer was
00:39:18
we could probably do it on the back of
00:39:20
an actual crematorium when we already
00:39:22
have the fire going so we won't have to
00:39:24
fire it up just your one leg so that'll
00:39:27
make it cheaper and I don't think they
00:39:28
charged me in the end at all which was
00:39:30
really kind of them
00:39:31
um so you thought it was going to cost
00:39:32
you an arm and a leg but then I was able
00:39:34
to negotiate yeah just the league not
00:39:37
even the league okay
00:39:40
um
00:39:42
refocus so okay so you're excited going
00:39:45
into surgery what's involved what's
00:39:47
involved with the surgical procedure is
00:39:48
it a is it a quick operation I didn't
00:39:51
really ask yeah no not my circus not my
00:40:03
yeah maybe an hour and a half I don't
00:40:06
think it's complicated but so they just
00:40:08
saw it off and
00:40:10
and then the crematorium comes and picks
00:40:13
it up I don't know like I'm guessing
00:40:15
there's something that's involved and
00:40:16
and like creating a stunt uh yes so
00:40:19
there should be a um muscle rep that
00:40:21
comes up over the end of the turbine fib
00:40:23
and that's what I'm having looked at
00:40:25
maybe having fixed in the next little
00:40:27
bit um I have an appointment up here in
00:40:29
a week with a surgeon because my muscle
00:40:31
rep herniated so I don't have anything
00:40:33
between the bone and the skin it's just
00:40:37
literally four mL of skin and I'm
00:40:39
walking on that
00:40:41
um but yes that
00:40:44
they cut it off I had a cry when they
00:40:46
said put the return body part sticker on
00:40:48
and then I think I cried when they came
00:40:51
in with the blood bank forms and they
00:40:53
said you can't go in with your last name
00:40:56
of Maya which was really meaningful to
00:40:59
me
00:41:00
um you're gonna have to go in with your
00:41:01
previously married name because if
00:41:04
something happens on the surgical table
00:41:06
and you need blood we can only give it
00:41:08
to you under that name and I had a big
00:41:10
cry and they went away and said oh that
00:41:12
was just a glitch in our system we've
00:41:14
fixed it sorry about that unbelievable
00:41:15
so that's a yeah so yes that was a name
00:41:18
that you no longer comfortable using
00:41:19
yeah and so when we talk about letting
00:41:21
go and moving on and how the amputation
00:41:23
was a bit of a metaphor for letting go
00:41:25
and moving on it was really quite
00:41:27
symbolic for me and I was really I don't
00:41:30
know I guess it was a really emotional
00:41:31
day on so many levels because I could
00:41:33
just see how much I had grown and how
00:41:35
I'd become through this journey with
00:41:37
this ankle and this disability and who I
00:41:39
was still becoming and all the places
00:41:42
that I was going to go and yeah amazing
00:41:45
and and so when you get the operation
00:41:46
done so what year are we talking 2018
00:41:48
2019 2019. how old are your three
00:41:51
children at the time uh it's gonna be
00:41:53
the weirdest thing for a young cat your
00:41:55
mum having having both feet and then
00:41:57
only having one I was super excited for
00:41:59
it were they I must you must have been
00:42:01
projecting on to them maybe but you know
00:42:04
I think I always did this for the little
00:42:06
things it was never about my sport as an
00:42:09
athlete it was always those small
00:42:10
moments with my kids and I remember
00:42:12
quillin who would have been I guess six
00:42:14
seven at the time
00:42:16
um he wait he's 12 now he would have
00:42:19
been eight or nine at the time okay is
00:42:21
he the youngest he is the youngest he
00:42:22
had said to me when I came back from my
00:42:24
first world Champs I think mum can't you
00:42:26
like why can't you can't you just take
00:42:28
that leg off and get one of those ones
00:42:30
that actually work and then you could
00:42:33
stop saying no to me when I ask you to
00:42:35
play
00:42:37
um so that was one of the big motivators
00:42:40
for me was a is that Thea was so
00:42:43
disconnected from my kids because I was
00:42:45
in so much pain all the time is that the
00:42:47
child that also said all you thought he
00:42:49
does like munch on pills and oh my God
00:42:51
full of the truth bombs he is such a
00:42:53
sweetheart but he's also been making me
00:42:55
a flat weight on the coffee machine
00:42:56
since he was five yeah and he is oh he's
00:43:00
such a darling
00:43:01
um all three of my kids are amazing but
00:43:04
I've definitely got a sweet spot for the
00:43:06
boys and um
00:43:07
yeah they're just I'm incredibly
00:43:10
incredibly lucky mum to have such
00:43:12
amazing kids and we've had to learn to
00:43:14
be a team and we've had to learn that
00:43:16
it's okay to not be okay and we've had
00:43:18
to learn to be able to see what does
00:43:21
support look like for you right now and
00:43:22
for me that's doing it for the boys when
00:43:24
they are overwhelmed because Charlotte's
00:43:26
disability is so demanding in our family
00:43:28
yeah what Charlotte got um so she has
00:43:30
tracked 12 which is a rare chromosome
00:43:33
difference she's one of only 30 people
00:43:35
on the entire planet to have it oh what
00:43:38
does that mean exactly uh come through
00:43:40
the superpower of ADHD and autism and
00:43:43
intellectual disability
00:43:45
um quite severe or
00:43:47
she'll she'll be a dependent for her for
00:43:49
her life
00:43:50
um she's communicative she can talk she
00:43:53
can bird flip you so you can drop the
00:43:55
water if all the cute things all the
00:43:57
essentials to get through life she can
00:43:59
do that to her principal
00:44:01
um and does and does she what's her
00:44:05
latest one she's got one real weird
00:44:07
superpower where she doesn't really feel
00:44:09
pain the same as other people
00:44:11
so uh the other morning I woke up two
00:44:14
words that no mother would like to hear
00:44:15
at 7am on a Saturday morning
00:44:18
um she was also laughing hysterically at
00:44:20
the time so I honestly didn't take it
00:44:21
too seriously but probably should have
00:44:23
and the words were oh my goodness it's a
00:44:27
disaster I need the emergency kit I'm
00:44:30
making Footprints with my blood and she
00:44:33
literally she dropped a small small like
00:44:36
food coloring jar and then stepped on it
00:44:39
a couple of times and she just thought
00:44:40
it was hilarious that she was stomping
00:44:42
bloody Footprints all through the carpet
00:44:44
and I haven't been walking for four
00:44:45
months so I just hit the floor literally
00:44:48
all like hands and knees crawling up the
00:44:51
hallway at speed to try and get to her
00:44:53
and my 15 year old overtakes me part way
00:44:56
along the way because he's got two legs
00:44:57
and he's faster
00:44:59
um and yeah there were sure enough
00:45:01
bloody footprints on the carpet food
00:45:04
coloring though not blood no actual
00:45:06
blood actual blood actual blood
00:45:08
she doesn't feel pain right right how
00:45:10
bad was the cat they weren't bad but as
00:45:13
it turns out feet can bleed a [ __ ] ton
00:45:15
how did they happen how did the cuts
00:45:17
happen she dropped a little food
00:45:18
coloring just stood on it oh okay I got
00:45:21
you I thought it was weird food coloring
00:45:23
no oh [ __ ] no not red food coloring so
00:45:27
she she's just got a massive pain
00:45:28
tolerance yeah
00:45:31
quirky that is a superpower it's a
00:45:34
superpower but we do feel pain for a
00:45:36
reason yeah this is it so it can be a
00:45:39
bit dialogical
00:45:40
um but we quite like using the word
00:45:42
super powered or magical for her or a
00:45:45
bit of a fairy rather than disabled and
00:45:47
that's kind of just how we roll and and
00:45:50
yeah like I say we've learned to say
00:45:51
what does support look like for you
00:45:53
right now I think that's a question that
00:45:56
we should ask our friends more often and
00:45:58
our family more often and our kids and
00:46:00
our partners and we don't we're just for
00:46:02
some reason we don't actually ask that
00:46:04
specific question
00:46:06
um but it's a really powerful one geez
00:46:09
well you're in a position to give them
00:46:10
some good lessons and you on things like
00:46:11
you know resilience and I don't know
00:46:14
persistence
00:46:16
yeah all the all the important stuff
00:46:19
yeah but hopefully I I mean I hope I'm
00:46:21
also teaching them to be real and that
00:46:24
you know this week Max and I my 15 year
00:46:26
old we've now and again we've screamed
00:46:28
in a pillow together just like we just
00:46:31
need a moment and so we'll put a pillow
00:46:32
over our face and we've shared the
00:46:34
moment and just screamed into a pillow
00:46:35
and I I hope that that's the stuff I'm
00:46:38
teaching them is that when you hit the
00:46:39
rock bottom these are some of the
00:46:41
strategies that will help you get
00:46:42
through not to expect that life is not
00:46:44
going to be a raffle isn't going to deal
00:46:46
[ __ ] at you because it really is and
00:46:48
sometimes it's 50 Shades of messed up
00:46:50
but if you've got all these tools and
00:46:53
you're told about and if you know how to
00:46:55
ask for help then
00:46:56
it's going to be okay even when it feels
00:46:58
like it's not well I think and I think
00:47:00
that's good you've got to be realistic
00:47:01
about it like I've had um someone on the
00:47:03
podcast and she was like my only wish
00:47:04
for my kids is for them to be happy and
00:47:06
I'm like it's it's just not a feasible
00:47:09
state to be happy all the time you need
00:47:11
to accept that there's going to be [ __ ]
00:47:13
that goes on in your life life's gonna
00:47:15
really hurt sometimes yeah and you need
00:47:17
to be armed for that don't you yep I
00:47:19
suppose that's the work you're doing
00:47:20
with your kids now we we so you I mean
00:47:23
you were either armed for all the [ __ ]
00:47:26
that's come your way or you've learned
00:47:27
and developed the skills along the way
00:47:29
what do you think it is
00:47:31
along the way I don't think I was at all
00:47:33
prepared for any of this when I grow up
00:47:36
whatever left home
00:47:38
um probably had the streets of a
00:47:41
four-year-old and
00:47:43
um
00:47:43
yeah if somebody had told me back then
00:47:46
what I would what a normal day would
00:47:48
look for me now I
00:47:50
I mean I don't know I don't know if I'd
00:47:52
still be here I'd definitely the same
00:47:54
way because it just seemed too hard I've
00:47:56
had some really rough times and I've had
00:47:58
some periods where I felt like I can't
00:48:01
keep going and I've had moments in my
00:48:03
life where I thought maybe I should not
00:48:05
keep going and I should tap out and it
00:48:08
just feels hard a lot and you don't
00:48:11
think that you're going to make it all
00:48:12
the time but over the years I guess I've
00:48:15
learned to trust myself that even in
00:48:18
those moments I've
00:48:21
I do have some skills and I have people
00:48:23
and I have the strategies and I can
00:48:25
trust that even if at the time it
00:48:27
doesn't feel good or survivable
00:48:29
I just know that it is like it has to be
00:48:31
and it is and so I will just keep going
00:48:34
and that sort of became the theme for
00:48:37
the World Cup trip that I've just been
00:48:38
on in May June July
00:48:41
um we're creating a film with my travel
00:48:43
friend her name's Katie and we wanted to
00:48:45
create this film about continuing even
00:48:48
when life just hands you [ __ ] how do you
00:48:51
continue and how do you chase the joy in
00:48:53
there and how do you create Sunshine
00:48:55
When there literally is none for that
00:48:58
whatever reason or period in your life
00:49:00
because those periods happen you you hit
00:49:02
a roadblock and it's just dark and you
00:49:04
had to make the sunshine so how do you
00:49:06
do that and how do you keep going and
00:49:08
right in the middle of it in Austria a
00:49:12
friend of mine back home lost her
00:49:14
husband to suicide
00:49:16
and
00:49:18
I just felt like there literally was no
00:49:21
point to being on the other side of the
00:49:23
planet competing and doing this athlete
00:49:26
thing and traveling the world
00:49:28
when my friends are dying at home
00:49:32
um and that's like something that so
00:49:34
many people are facing the grief of that
00:49:36
or
00:49:37
the fear that that might be them one day
00:49:39
or the you know battling those constant
00:49:42
thoughts
00:49:43
that maybe that's a path they want to
00:49:45
take like for many different reasons
00:49:47
that's a subject that's relevant to us
00:49:49
and I just I just wanted to get on a
00:49:52
plane and I wanted to come home and um
00:49:55
and we didn't and we decided we would
00:49:56
stay and we would continue and we would
00:49:59
do it all because we could in because we
00:50:02
had the strength to keep going in
00:50:03
because that's the whole point is that
00:50:06
it's not actually always about a gold
00:50:07
medal or a silver medal or a New Zealand
00:50:10
record it's about
00:50:11
continuing when everything's really hard
00:50:14
and out of that
00:50:17
you know we had an amazing trip even
00:50:19
though it was really rough it was also
00:50:21
an amazing trip there was covered there
00:50:23
was hospitals there was stump infections
00:50:26
there was grief there was loss
00:50:29
um but we grew we became different
00:50:32
people over that course of the time and
00:50:34
we continued and I hope that that's a
00:50:36
dialogue that
00:50:37
you know through our film I hope that we
00:50:39
can share that the essence of it is all
00:50:41
to continue and that when you're in that
00:50:44
big big big Darkness just to remember
00:50:47
that that's not all there is yeah as I
00:50:49
touched on before yeah keep moving
00:50:51
forward eh yeah one foot in front of the
00:50:53
other and uh yeah there's another thing
00:50:55
this too shall pass and it's just so
00:50:57
cliche but it's so true
00:51:01
[Music]
00:51:05
absolutely true like no and you've got
00:51:08
to remember like um you're good or bad
00:51:11
like if you're going through the most
00:51:12
amazing time and your life is perfect
00:51:17
like nothing stays the same forever good
00:51:20
or bad but you just need to remember
00:51:22
that yeah when it's good which seems
00:51:25
Debbie Downer but it can do I think
00:51:29
you know maybe the phrase is not so much
00:51:31
this too shall pass but like grief in
00:51:34
itself doesn't necessarily pass loss
00:51:37
doesn't pass the person is still gone
00:51:38
but we learn to live with it and so we
00:51:44
um don't necessarily make friends with
00:51:46
grief or loss or trauma but
00:51:49
um
00:51:51
the heaviness of it might pass and then
00:51:54
we learn to continue yeah with what we
00:51:56
have if that makes sense yeah I think
00:51:58
setting ourselves up for the expectation
00:52:00
that well grief was going to pass it's
00:52:02
not it's gonna it's always going to be a
00:52:04
part of you but there is another another
00:52:06
one of those cheesy cliches that Tom
00:52:07
heals Tom heals the wounds and it kind
00:52:09
of does it's like when you lose someone
00:52:12
close to you through whatever reason
00:52:13
illness suicide whatever the grief is
00:52:16
unimaginable at the beginning you think
00:52:17
about them every moment of every day and
00:52:19
then it gets it gets less and less I got
00:52:21
a mate that died of cancer a few years
00:52:22
ago and
00:52:24
um
00:52:25
every now and then like maybe once a
00:52:27
month I'll think of him and then I'll
00:52:28
feel I'll feel like a sense of guilt
00:52:30
that I don't think about them all that
00:52:31
often anymore but your life just goes on
00:52:34
and it gets further and further in the
00:52:36
background that's a horrible thing to
00:52:37
say isn't it a little bit yeah it is
00:52:42
I mean I guess it just has to be said at
00:52:44
the right times if somebody's listening
00:52:46
now now not on that place I wouldn't
00:52:49
think that it's a you know yeah that's
00:52:51
it we're petting you on the shoulder
00:52:53
thing at the point it's going to pass
00:52:54
that's not what either of us saying it's
00:52:56
just that yeah yeah but just hang in
00:52:58
there okay so so this film you've been
00:53:01
mentioning when when can we get to see
00:53:03
that uh what's going on with that
00:53:04
because the trip was quite diabolical
00:53:07
we've decided we'll continue filming
00:53:09
okay next year that's um Katie's
00:53:12
directing and filming there and we both
00:53:13
had our iPhones out the whole time and
00:53:15
it was just this
00:53:16
I don't know catastrophe of us falling
00:53:20
over and getting hit by hail storms and
00:53:23
um hospitals in every country literally
00:53:27
um so hopefully next year goes a little
00:53:28
bit better but again the point of it is
00:53:30
hopefully to create something that you
00:53:33
know opens these dialogues about grief
00:53:34
and mental health and well-being and
00:53:36
continuing so whatever the outcome of
00:53:38
that film
00:53:40
um yeah I think it will be good stuff
00:53:43
yeah and you you so you may have an
00:53:46
operation coming up to remove a bit more
00:53:48
a bit more of your of your bone or take
00:53:51
your leg a little bit higher yeah I have
00:53:52
no idea what um what revision will be
00:53:56
suggested or if the surgeon may say we
00:53:59
really don't recommend any revision at
00:54:01
all and this is what you've got so
00:54:03
you're going to have to learn to manage
00:54:05
um that's that's a possibility but I do
00:54:07
have an appointment next week to talk
00:54:09
about that and then yeah I guess if
00:54:11
there's surgery we'll just power that
00:54:13
out as fast as they can and get back on
00:54:16
the World Cup circuit in May next year
00:54:17
power that out as fast as you what does
00:54:19
that mean exactly power that out as fast
00:54:21
as you can well you just said you've got
00:54:23
to accept that you have a little bit a
00:54:24
little bit of time off the climbing but
00:54:27
um I mean not a lot like what was it so
00:54:29
when you had the foot taken off how like
00:54:31
what's the recovery like for something
00:54:32
like that I was climbing six weeks later
00:54:35
before I could walk I competed at New
00:54:37
Zealand Nationals 11 weeks later wait
00:54:39
wait wait wait wait so you were climbing
00:54:40
before you could walk yeah I just use
00:54:43
one link
00:54:44
and then wait but did you do any
00:54:46
training or when I was training in
00:54:48
hospital I took my grub streak with me
00:54:50
and I was still going
00:54:53
I didn't stop
00:54:55
you don't need legs to do pull-ups
00:54:58
um wait where were you doing the
00:54:59
pull-ups at home we've got like a
00:55:02
training set up and oh God you're a
00:55:05
surgeon's nightmare we've got like
00:55:06
little I've got a fingerboard where you
00:55:08
can hang on your fingertips and then
00:55:09
I'll get my climbing harness out and add
00:55:11
an extra 30 kgs of weight to it and just
00:55:14
do a little micro did hang so I made it
00:55:16
back to the world championships in
00:55:18
France literally five months to the day
00:55:21
after my invitation and came forth in
00:55:24
the world
00:55:25
what was your expectation right before
00:55:28
the surgery occurred did you think it
00:55:30
would take longer than that or was that
00:55:31
your good I know I was going yeah okay
00:55:33
there was no chance I was not going yeah
00:55:36
what are the surgeons say did they say
00:55:38
it's unlikely yeah yeah yeah did my GP
00:55:41
also say that might not be a great idea
00:55:43
maybe but he also is very good and he
00:55:47
said but I also know this will help your
00:55:49
mental health and your recovery and so I
00:55:50
will allow it yeah yeah they just yeah I
00:55:53
suppose they have to like say oh we
00:55:54
don't necessarily approve it but yeah
00:55:56
the same as the doctor in Austria this
00:55:58
year um I had a stump infection and I
00:56:02
ended up in another ER Maybe
00:56:05
um but this time instead of saying oh my
00:56:07
God you need to go straight to hospital
00:56:08
and stay there for a while at like the
00:56:11
doctor in Germany he was a um crank
00:56:14
Works Lover he had like eight bikes or
00:56:16
something and rock climbed himself and
00:56:19
he just looked at me and said well
00:56:21
I know that even if I say to you you
00:56:24
should not be climbing in the next World
00:56:25
Cup you're not going to listen to me so
00:56:29
instead I'm just going to tell you you
00:56:32
are not allowed to train you are not
00:56:34
allowed to walk you are not allowed to
00:56:35
wear your leg until the day of the world
00:56:37
cup and then you may do your two climbs
00:56:39
for qualifiers and if you get there
00:56:41
you're one client for finals and that is
00:56:43
it that is all you'll do and you are not
00:56:45
allowed to break skin again if you break
00:56:47
skin you've done that you're out so I
00:56:50
did my first qualifier climb and I was
00:56:53
pretty sure I'd broken the skin I was
00:56:55
like well
00:56:56
I just don't look I don't know
00:57:01
what my next did my next qualifier and I
00:57:05
made it in finals and I also did not
00:57:08
look for the next two days I was like I
00:57:11
just if I don't change the dressing then
00:57:12
I don't know what's going on
00:57:15
I mean they've got your best interest at
00:57:16
heart they do I think maybe they
00:57:19
underestimate your determination
00:57:21
determination stupidness
00:57:27
yeah so um back to what we started with
00:57:30
at the beginning why why are you so
00:57:32
funny about the word inspirational
00:57:34
why why does it you can I I can see even
00:57:37
wince when I say it why are you funny
00:57:39
about that
00:57:41
um it's a really hard question to answer
00:57:42
without sounding like an ass so I guess
00:57:44
I can share some experiences that maybe
00:57:47
explain it okay
00:57:49
um but I mean at the same time I'm not
00:57:51
I'm not allergic to it per se maybe I
00:57:53
just have a slight intolerance
00:57:55
I think that honestly whenever someone
00:57:58
says the word it's like you've just
00:57:59
swallowed a like a cold mouth full of
00:58:01
sick
00:58:02
it's a compliment right like if someone
00:58:05
says that and they mean it it comes from
00:58:06
a complimentary place and I think if
00:58:08
someone came to me and said I was
00:58:10
inspired by you to not give up and I was
00:58:13
going to give up and I'm still here
00:58:15
today because something you said made me
00:58:17
think there was a reason to keep going
00:58:19
that's like I I live for that if that's
00:58:22
what I spend the rest of my life doing
00:58:24
speaking and sharing and and giving
00:58:26
people hope when they feel like they
00:58:27
don't have any then
00:58:28
I'm here for that but when you're in the
00:58:32
gym in the supermarket and the petrol
00:58:33
station and just walking down the street
00:58:36
or whatever and you hear 10 times a day
00:58:39
someone say to you
00:58:41
um oh you're so inspirational that you
00:58:43
even get out of bed in the morning
00:58:45
that's not actually helpful oh okay so
00:58:48
if you're not doing anything
00:58:49
inspirational well even just that that
00:58:52
person I mean even if I was doing
00:58:54
something inspirational but if that
00:58:57
person has not been inspired to become
00:59:00
better or or to do something that was
00:59:04
hard or to overcome a challenge or I
00:59:08
don't know inspired to just be still and
00:59:10
be in the moment and be present if
00:59:12
they're not inspired to be or do
00:59:14
anything then it is just a word that
00:59:16
they're saying that they probably walk
00:59:18
away thinking they've encouraged a
00:59:20
disabled person and it's just
00:59:22
patronizing it's quite patronizing and I
00:59:24
think you have to remember as well that
00:59:25
I
00:59:26
or we as a you know as a community
00:59:29
disabled people we would get that many
00:59:31
many times a day and sometimes quite
00:59:33
obnoxiously where people come into your
00:59:36
space you're having a conversation with
00:59:37
a friend and they'll sort of hijacked
00:59:39
your conversation to come and tell you
00:59:41
oh I read your article or I listened to
00:59:43
that podcast with dom Harvey where Dom's
00:59:45
in lots of inappropriate things
00:59:48
um
00:59:52
sometimes I'm going to ask but it's
00:59:54
accidental that's fine that's why I
00:59:56
wanted to know about the inspirational
00:59:57
thing I love the way you've explained it
00:59:59
I'm missing with you I think like the
01:00:01
point being it sort of hijacks really
01:00:04
meaningful connections that we need
01:00:06
because it is [ __ ] and it is hard and we
01:00:09
are on struggle Street and I have I
01:00:11
still have days where I have to battle
01:00:13
the thought that maybe quitting would be
01:00:15
easy and I'm not going to do that and
01:00:17
I'm staying and I'm here for my kids and
01:00:19
for myself and
01:00:21
um
01:00:21
and for everything all the ups and downs
01:00:23
but it's a battle and to be having those
01:00:28
meaningful connections during our day
01:00:29
hijacked by somebody who wants to know
01:00:31
what happened to your leg or are you so
01:00:33
inspiring it's it's not encouraging and
01:00:35
it's not helpful so I guess I like to
01:00:37
advocate for that in a way that sort of
01:00:39
speaks the truth and love so to speak
01:00:41
gotcha occasionally I'm rude about it
01:00:44
but are you well just at the end of a
01:00:46
long day uh yeah or just a if just if
01:00:49
you're having a moment having a sassy
01:00:51
moment I guess both there was a guy in a
01:00:53
petrol station who called it out once
01:00:55
and he's he just it's the question like
01:00:57
what happened to your leg question that
01:00:58
I'm like you haven't stopped to think
01:01:00
that this you know for me it's not
01:01:02
trauma but someone it could be the most
01:01:04
traumatic part of their life and you've
01:01:06
just asked a stranger to tell them that
01:01:08
story just because you were curious they
01:01:10
think that's incredibly rude and someone
01:01:12
called it out across a petrol station
01:01:13
Excuse Me Miss did you lose your leg
01:01:16
from kicking cats
01:01:18
I yelled back no I lost my leg kicking
01:01:22
idiots who ask stupid questions and then
01:01:25
I walked out of that shop like I owned
01:01:28
it
01:01:29
might drop oh that's amazing that is a
01:01:31
bike drop although that's not a bad line
01:01:32
like if you're gonna ask a dumb question
01:01:34
you're gonna get a dumb answer sometimes
01:01:37
I tell stories I do like to tell kids
01:01:39
that I I think I borrowed myself another
01:01:41
EBT friend I didn't eat my vegetables
01:01:43
and my leg fell off
01:01:45
and usually the mothers over the
01:01:47
shoulders are just like thank you
01:01:48
because they know they're going to get
01:01:51
veggies into them for maybe a week till
01:01:52
they work it out wow yeah I suppose
01:01:55
people don't realize how um I don't know
01:01:57
they probably think it's like a
01:01:58
conversation starter but they probably
01:01:59
don't realize how insensitive it's a
01:02:01
really dumb conversation it is yeah I
01:02:03
mean kids I don't I don't mind but um
01:02:06
you know if you're at the gym and you're
01:02:07
working out and some guy just leans over
01:02:09
and wants to ask what happened to your
01:02:11
leg I'm like why don't you start with hi
01:02:13
my name's Dom it's nice to meet you get
01:02:17
to know me all of me and then when
01:02:19
they've got your name [ __ ] Google it
01:02:20
and find out Google it you can there's
01:02:22
so much on Google all these article's
01:02:24
online
01:02:25
um so many articles something you see it
01:02:28
just going back a couple of minutes you
01:02:29
said um yeah someone asked that question
01:02:30
and you're not particularly bothered
01:02:32
about it but a lot of people would be
01:02:34
um are you yeah are you I mean we've
01:02:37
talked about it in this podcast but I'm
01:02:40
guessing it's not a nice thing to talk
01:02:41
for you to talk about going back to 16
01:02:42
and well I just don't want to talk about
01:02:45
it 10 times a day to stream yes that's
01:02:47
stupid it's a waste of my time and
01:02:48
energy and also it's living in the past
01:02:50
yeah
01:02:52
um and I guess that's something with the
01:02:53
amputation that I didn't expect because
01:02:55
I'd had this injury for so many years
01:02:57
we're talking over a decade I genuinely
01:03:01
um was exhausted answering the question
01:03:03
when is your leg going to get better I
01:03:06
just I couldn't answer that for the
01:03:07
whole rest of my life that was I want to
01:03:09
be frustrating for you as well
01:03:11
no I don't know I would love it to get
01:03:14
better but it's not and so I
01:03:16
legitimately thought that when I
01:03:18
amputated my leg that would be an end
01:03:20
point to that in it
01:03:22
I started another starting point
01:03:25
um so I suppose it's like I mean you're
01:03:27
a mum of three so you have you have you
01:03:29
get married people asking you can have a
01:03:30
kid you have one kid people asking one
01:03:32
second one are you gonna have any more
01:03:34
you have a miscarriage and someone asks
01:03:36
you in the supermarket when are you
01:03:37
gonna have the next one and you square
01:03:39
them in the eye and say it just died and
01:03:41
it's really awkward and then you walk
01:03:42
out of the shop that's another mic drop
01:03:44
by but although quite a Macabre one
01:03:47
um yeah what yeah
01:03:49
um so as I mentioned earlier like um me
01:03:52
and JoJo had some fertility struggles
01:03:53
and it's a bit different to you but um
01:03:57
um I resonate with you in a lot of way
01:03:59
like but yeah people would make make
01:04:00
jokes and it wouldn't necessarily bother
01:04:02
me but having to be been some fertility
01:04:04
clinics and support groups and things I
01:04:06
know that it would really [ __ ] up some
01:04:07
other people but people when they find
01:04:09
out you can't have kids the thing
01:04:10
they'll say is like oh you're welcome to
01:04:12
take one of mine or take a couple of
01:04:14
mine and it doesn't bother me but having
01:04:16
been in these in these groups before
01:04:18
it's like that would really [ __ ] up a
01:04:20
lot of people and you don't realize how
01:04:21
upsetting that is I think that as a
01:04:23
society in general we're not very good
01:04:25
at slowing down and thinking before we
01:04:26
speak and
01:04:28
um but I think people people say it
01:04:29
because they think it's like funny or I
01:04:32
don't know but you know if we slow down
01:04:33
and thought about it we'd say it's not
01:04:35
yeah I mean it's not helpful we yeah
01:04:36
what's your situation it's like okay
01:04:38
hang on let me think maybe something bad
01:04:40
happened to her leg
01:04:42
maybe I you know what changes case
01:04:45
scenario gonna be like a frostpoint I I
01:04:48
don't like anyone that's lost a leg
01:04:49
there's a there's a [ __ ] traumatic
01:04:51
story behind something there yeah and
01:04:53
and similar with Charlotte I get people
01:04:55
coming up to me saying oh you're so so
01:04:56
you know so amazing that you do what you
01:04:58
do I just I couldn't do I couldn't do
01:05:00
that I couldn't have a child with a
01:05:02
disability and I'm just like really you
01:05:05
wouldn't look after your own kid like
01:05:07
yes you would you would you do you do
01:05:10
the things we're not in any of these
01:05:12
situations by choice we're just getting
01:05:13
up every day and doing our thing and so
01:05:15
that's where the
01:05:17
the repetitive you're so inspirational
01:05:20
thing starts to you know
01:05:22
way down oh yeah well thank you very
01:05:24
much for explaining that for me and
01:05:26
probably for a lot of people listening
01:05:27
as well yeah I think mindful inspiration
01:05:29
is maybe a good
01:05:31
good um
01:05:32
good way to frame it mindful inspiration
01:05:34
how do you mean being mindfully inspired
01:05:36
so
01:05:38
to listen to a nice podcast and to write
01:05:41
something down and to go away and put
01:05:43
that into practice
01:05:45
I think you know we could all be doing
01:05:47
that yeah absolutely hey it's been great
01:05:49
to finally meet you we've been um
01:05:50
bouncing DMS backwards and forwards on
01:05:52
Instagram yes
01:05:54
um great to finally sit down with you um
01:05:56
you are a badass like can I call you
01:05:58
about it absolutely well you've been
01:05:59
through you've been through it a [ __ ]
01:06:01
time something
01:06:03
um or just one final question
01:06:07
actually actually maybe maybe two two
01:06:09
final questions
01:06:12
if you could if you could go back to say
01:06:15
15 or 16 years old
01:06:17
and change
01:06:18
the other four and what happened but
01:06:21
then in turn that would change like
01:06:23
everything else that's happened in your
01:06:24
life since then and we don't know how it
01:06:26
would look now if that accident not
01:06:28
happened like would you reverse it
01:06:30
never in a million years
01:06:33
no I'd still jump
01:06:35
and for me it was conscious like I chose
01:06:37
to let go I'd still let go
01:06:40
because I love how I've become and yes
01:06:43
I've had to factor become that person
01:06:45
but I just
01:06:47
I couldn't not be who I am now and
01:06:51
and I think we're not very good at
01:06:53
saying I'm proud of myself and I'm proud
01:06:55
of what I've worked through and I'm
01:06:57
proud that I don't carry the same trauma
01:06:59
you know I can talk about things now
01:07:01
without feeling like a victim or feeling
01:07:02
like I have these labels over me I
01:07:06
choose who I am and I think that my
01:07:09
accent has through all of that kind of
01:07:13
woven it all together in a really
01:07:16
profound way so I
01:07:18
I I'm thankful for it
01:07:21
you know I wouldn't undo it
01:07:24
yeah what an answer I mean it's yeah so
01:07:27
I said every little piece of that Mosaic
01:07:29
leads to like where you are today that's
01:07:30
it yeah yeah it's like the one thread in
01:07:33
a tapestry that just has carried it kind
01:07:35
of pulled everything together in a weird
01:07:38
wonderful colorful way yeah and and
01:07:41
final one so that was such a good act oh
01:07:44
do we even leave this last question
01:07:45
we'll ask and you can cut if you don't
01:07:46
want to answer right yeah I should have
01:07:48
asked the other ones yeah I know this
01:07:50
one's I've had like quite a few people
01:07:52
on the on on the uh podcast this year
01:07:55
that if I'm either lost lost body parts
01:07:58
or have ended up like quadriplegic or
01:08:01
tetraplegic
01:08:03
um
01:08:04
do you when you dream now do you still
01:08:07
have both legs or
01:08:09
do you dream and you've got one leg
01:08:10
missing
01:08:13
it's apparently I can give you the
01:08:15
theory behind this if you you may not
01:08:18
even know maybe it's not something
01:08:19
you've thought about but apparently
01:08:21
um it takes time often a number of years
01:08:24
before people that have lost a body part
01:08:26
or you know something has drastically
01:08:28
changed accept it and apparently when
01:08:30
you finally do accept it that's when you
01:08:32
start dreaming as you are now I think
01:08:35
I've dreamed as an amputee right from
01:08:37
the start but for me I was losing the
01:08:40
leg
01:08:40
like I was losing it for 18 years and
01:08:42
becoming quite disconnected to it for a
01:08:44
really long period of time so it wasn't
01:08:46
the same as say someone who lost it
01:08:48
really quickly in an accident
01:08:50
um what is weirder for me is that when I
01:08:54
and I was watching TV the other day and
01:08:56
someone got up out of bed and walked to
01:08:58
the fridge I was like you're gonna fall
01:09:00
because they hadn't put their leg on and
01:09:03
then I remembered that they have two
01:09:05
real ones and don't need to so it's more
01:09:07
that I react the other way
01:09:10
um I very really expect
01:09:14
yeah I oh wow weird right it's like it's
01:09:18
kind of trippy okay one more question so
01:09:21
if you need to have a way in the middle
01:09:22
of the night like do you just hop to the
01:09:24
bathroom I crawl
01:09:26
I crawl I haven't yeah it's hopping's
01:09:30
quite high impact and then the dark if
01:09:32
you're a dysfunctional adult
01:09:35
you know you might hop on your leg or
01:09:37
something and break an ankle and if
01:09:39
you've only got one you don't want to do
01:09:41
this
01:09:42
and if I turn the like I cannot turn a
01:09:45
light on because I would wake my
01:09:46
autistic daughter up so I have to
01:09:47
whatever I do I have to be able to do it
01:09:49
in the dark safely okay yeah hopping
01:09:51
sounds like it could be quite nice and
01:09:52
I'm gonna do it quietly so kind of
01:09:54
stealth mode right right so I do crawl
01:09:56
and I crawl a lot at home and I've
01:09:59
worked out this cool little shuffle for
01:10:01
carrying coffee over the Lino if you put
01:10:02
a sock on and then you're online or it's
01:10:05
slippery enough you can do like a little
01:10:07
side shuffle with your foot and get your
01:10:08
coffee from the bench to the carpet and
01:10:11
then once I'm on the carpet I'll crawl
01:10:12
to carry coffee but people don't think
01:10:13
about it when you lose a leg you kind of
01:10:16
lost your arms too I can't carry like I
01:10:18
haven't been walking for four months
01:10:20
um I've put this check socket on maybe
01:10:23
three good days and that's it over the
01:10:25
last period of time
01:10:27
um I can't carry my groceries inside I
01:10:30
can't carry food that I've made to the
01:10:33
coffee table to like even put the
01:10:35
washing away so I'm I'm crawling a lot
01:10:37
just to get stuff done and there's
01:10:40
things like that that you just don't
01:10:41
even well at least I didn't even think
01:10:43
about yeah and that's a physical and I
01:10:46
guess that's why surgeons don't love to
01:10:48
remove body parts yeah as when things
01:10:50
don't go well which they haven't for me
01:10:53
um
01:10:54
there's there's a huge toll on your body
01:10:56
and your exhaustion and then your mental
01:10:58
health and then if you're in chronic
01:10:59
pain all the time which I am
01:11:02
um then you're facing that tired and
01:11:04
sleep deprived and just generally quite
01:11:07
run down
01:11:09
um but you know
01:11:10
comes with the territory and I still
01:11:12
still wouldn't take it back are there
01:11:14
are the kids reasonably good are they at
01:11:16
ages now weather reasonably good at
01:11:17
mucking in around the house oh that's so
01:11:19
amazing mate so my 15 year old literally
01:11:22
forbade me to get off the couch
01:11:24
yesterday he said to me
01:11:27
um
01:11:28
mum you've overdone it
01:11:32
um a couch mum is better than a Sheltie
01:11:34
mum
01:11:36
and I think he was just a bit shocked
01:11:38
that I was so shouty the last couple of
01:11:40
days not like me at all he's like I I've
01:11:42
realized that I did this to you for a
01:11:44
whole year and that wasn't swelled so
01:11:48
sorry about that but um the lesson of
01:11:50
the story here is that you've overdone
01:11:52
it mum and you just need to rest so I'm
01:11:55
gonna step up and you can just rest and
01:11:57
I'll manage you know dinner and I'll
01:11:59
manage getting shout out to bed and I've
01:12:02
had a lot of help in the last month with
01:12:03
meals because things have been really
01:12:05
hard
01:12:06
um and yeah really really hard kind of a
01:12:09
nice big rock bottom
01:12:11
um but like I said we expect you know
01:12:13
there's going to be times when it
01:12:15
happens the kids are amazing yeah it's a
01:12:19
really good EQ yeah very good EQ yeah
01:12:22
amazing and that's got to be a partly a
01:12:25
reflection on you and the job you've
01:12:27
done oh thank you yeah I think we just
01:12:29
muddle through and we're learning a lot
01:12:31
about each other as we go yeah hey thank
01:12:33
you so much for your time today no
01:12:35
problem it's been pleasure Rachel Meyer
01:12:37
New Zealand paraglama record holder and
01:12:39
just all-around badass
01:12:41
don't you dare call her inspirational
01:12:45
unless you're going to make some serious
01:12:47
changes yourself and do better is that
01:12:49
right cheers yeah I love you rage thanks
01:12:51
Dave you do thanks Tom
