00:00:00
All right, our main man. Um, I met this guy at hunk class.
00:00:06
Yeah, the one and only John Ham, who's uh was so brilliant in Madmen. That was
00:00:12
his coming out party and then he's gone on to do all these things. Mad Men, always in
00:00:18
used a lot in comedies and uh for good reason. The guy knows what he's doing. Very personable, very uh study, a lot of
00:00:27
fun to chat with. I see him out sometimes and uh good just a good old
00:00:32
school hang. Yeah, since we recorded this I when I was doing SNL last fall, I just hung out
00:00:39
with him a lot. He'd come to a lot of the parties. Super friendly guy and um and loves
00:00:46
comedy. You know, he he can do drama. He can do anything. But yeah, to be uh he
00:00:52
since this one, he's in a show called Neighbors, I think, on Apple TV. He's fantastic in that. Fantastic. So, this
00:00:58
was us me getting to kind of know him and uh he loves comedy. He sent me some some really obscure bizarre comedy
00:01:06
clips. I mean, he he's a a fish. He's just doing like the boyfriend of Kristen Wigan, Bridesmaids. Just more
00:01:13
scoring. Just you cut there. It's probably not supposed to be that funny on paper. Those two were hilarious. Adds whole
00:01:20
movie as a whole so great. So, uh, let's let's hear some John Ham.
00:01:29
This is it, man. This is not going to be We're always This should be your nickname, Sper. Eagle Beagle.
00:01:36
You can always test how old people are. If they see this regal beagle either get it or they don't, and no one gets it.
00:01:42
You do. I do. I do indeed. John, it's good to see you, bud. John Ham is uh John Oh, we already
00:01:49
introduced him, right? Okay. Do we start? Yeah. Right. We we've been going for about 20.
00:01:56
So when you get up in the morning, you have your list, you're going to do this, call this person uh podcast at 11 with
00:02:02
Spade and Carvey. What does it make you happy or is that Red Letter Day? You caught me right before I'm going to uh I'm leaving the
00:02:09
country, too. I'm I leave on a a vacation. Uh I am going to Switzerland. Weirdly, are you for real? What are you going to
00:02:15
do? Uh ski ski? Yeah. I've never never been skiing
00:02:20
in the in the Alps. I've never really learned that the best place. Well, wait a minute. Were you someone who could ski as a kid, as a young man?
00:02:27
Here's what my first ski lesson was. It was in St. Louis, Missouri on a frozen golf course. And my my friends uh who
00:02:34
all knew how to ski, said, "Just keep your skis pointed and keep your uh keep your weight on your downhill ski." And
00:02:40
then pushed me. And so I wow immediately couldn't figure out they
00:02:45
were both pointing downhill for me. So I didn't know which was which and I immediately fell down. The parents at school they'd all come in
00:02:53
on crutches like around December. You know they'd go to Lake Tahoe to ski and then they'd all be kind of in a boot
00:03:00
for a while. Yeah. We had a we had a big uh diaspora of of rich kids that went to uh like you
00:03:05
know Aspen and and Breenidge and like Colorado. That was the move. But I was not wealthy. Let me tell you about my
00:03:12
first skiing, Dana. Give me 20 minutes here. Um, I went to uh I I I ski I snowplow. I
00:03:19
ski like I'm looking for a contact lens, you know. Okay. So, I uh I'm not good. My friends go, "The best way to learn is go to the top
00:03:25
of the hill." But it's really to ditch me, you know. So, I have all the green runs. I go, "Let's go down Pop-Tart."
00:03:31
And they all go, "No, we're going to go down Devil's Devil's Ball Sack." I go, "No, no, that one sounds hard." I go,
00:03:37
"Listen, I I worked it out. We're going to go down Santa Claus into Jelly Bean and then into Candy Corn and then uh
00:03:45
Pillow Town. And they go, "No, Hitler's abortion. Here we go." They're like, "No."
00:03:50
Yeah. Hitler's abortion. Here we go. And I go, "No, no, no. That one, it's not on the map. That sounds hard." Um,
00:03:56
it's not even a thing. It's And so the point is, Dana, some of those sound hard.
00:04:02
I'm enjoying this very much. That that chunk ever find its way into your last
00:04:07
special. Okay, got it. Bit alert. I remember it, but I was too kind to bring it up.
00:04:12
I dodged a I dodged a I dodged a train. Not a bit. Cross country skiing with my
00:04:18
brother and his wife and it in the woods. Lost noise and then suddenly a
00:04:23
train and we dove into the embankment. Not funny, but a train.
00:04:29
You didn't see the tracks? We did. The tracks were covered. It was really quiet. Maybe we're kind of
00:04:34
yelling or whatever. And it probably was it was coming around a bend and then
00:04:40
wow. I mean it wasn't like one second we would have been dead but it was like you know 5 seconds.
00:04:45
Just proves the old saying never go crosscountry skiing. Yeah. And always dive away from a train
00:04:52
that's coming at you. That's what I say. Now what's what's your favorite podcast
00:04:57
you've been on so far in the last since the pandemic, John? Because we want to talk.
00:05:02
This is this is this is up there. I was very much looking forward to this. Now I you know I know both of you sort of
00:05:08
separately um and here and there but it was it was a very exciting thing to be asked to be a part of. So I mean it's the
00:05:14
juryy's still out but I mean I mean I guess it's show business but yeah we're thrilled to have you on the
00:05:20
show. Thrilled. We did a deep dive. We do our homework. John's from St. Louis Dana where my
00:05:26
daughter lives. Isn't that real? St. Louis Missouri. What is she doing in St. Louis?
00:05:32
Well, actually, I'm sorry. Yeah, sure. Well, we'll get to that later.
00:05:39
We all do. Woody Allen. I don't mean to be didactic or physicious. Oh, you're a wonderful guy.
00:05:45
Oh, he's a beautiful intelligent woman. It's just that the location is sensitive. You know, I I'm fear of rock
00:05:52
cropping, old age, you know. I She lives where it gets a little more
00:05:58
good-looking towards Springfield where Brad Pitt's role. Okay, that's a good plan. Fair enough. I like
00:06:03
it. Oh, here's Brad Pitt from uh Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. Go ahead. Yeah, let's face it, buddy. This is Leo.
00:06:08
Let's face it, buddy. I'm a goddamn Hispan. What that guy say to you? You want me to go to Italy and do Italian
00:06:15
movies? Don't cry in front of the Mexicans. Look, I'm your gopher, man. And I kind of like watching your house
00:06:22
up in the hills all when you go off and do your things. But where I come from, going to Italy and doing an Italian
00:06:27
movie ain't the worst of it. the thing. Did you see the movie, John? I did. Yeah. I was like, "Does John seen it?"
00:06:35
I was I was I was wordlessly enjoying them. Do you watch your movies and television
00:06:41
shows? Yes. Uh I wouldn't say I watch I I wouldn't say I seek them out, but if they happen to be on and I'm in the
00:06:47
mood, yeah, for sure. Because John Loveitz on Monday would be down the hall with a VCR watching
00:06:52
Saturday Night Live. John knows this and laughing his [ __ ] at his sketches. I
00:06:58
always felt I would look at them but trepidaciously like feel like I'd be too
00:07:04
critical or too self-conscious you know that you know it's it's funny I guess having done you know we did 90 some odd
00:07:10
episodes of Mad Men so I'll I'll put if one happens to be on and I'll click on it I'll I'll go like oh when when was
00:07:16
this like what was going on in my life and what was happening and do I remember this sometimes you go I remember that day it
00:07:22
was cold and we came to the set late there was a problem with the lights or sometimes sometimes that's I have no I mean The show debuted
00:07:33
over 15 years ago. I think the debut was 2006, so whatever that is, 16 years ago,
00:07:38
and it went off the air in 2015, so that's seven years ago.
00:07:44
So, it's a very um it's very weird. It's like, well, if I was in a show that good, I
00:07:49
think I might look at it, you know, like like Bert Lancaster, I did a movie with him once. He goes, "How are you going to
00:07:55
be in television? You've got no chin. So I don't look great in a profile like I'm going to be. So but if you have a movie
00:08:03
star head like Yeah, he does. Movie star heads are different. You know, there's, you know, I don't know.
00:08:09
James Brolan from back in the day. Brolan's got a big dome and it's just a good cranium and then a
00:08:15
chair. I tell you, it's a it's a it puts you in your place, too, being in the SNL U makeup department because you see all of
00:08:22
the heads of all of the people over the years, right? Yes. Sitting there lined up like little
00:08:27
soldiers. And uh I will say I was in the probably in the top 1 percentile of head
00:08:32
size in that uh in that room. I think only uh only Affleck and Brolan
00:08:38
had me really uh on head size at Affleck has a noggin on you know who
00:08:43
told me George Seagull. I did a show with him and he said I have a movie star
00:08:48
head meaning him. He said you don't. Meaning me. And um he said, "You might
00:08:54
have trouble in the movies." And I said, "Well, thanks for that." Is that in same thing? What are these [ __ ] doing? Yeah, [ __ ] him. He's so excited about
00:09:00
his big fat head, but we're comedians. He did. I go, I'm just going check to check here. I don't know what's next.
00:09:10
But I have a two-part question for uh John is John. Is it okay? I have a I have a three-part. Can I first just
00:09:16
insert insert because we'll get it out of the way. My Don Draper impression. Yeah. Oh, yes. Don Draper is asked to give
00:09:23
someone a ride to the airport. I don't even know you.
00:09:31
Is that's it? Wait, that's it? No, that's not bad, though. Well, I I can't It's a soft one. I don't
00:09:37
even Is that your hook, John? Is that That line is your hook? I see it in memes. He's on memes a lot.
00:09:44
Oh, uh on Instagram. Yeah. I don't I've seen some of the memes. I don't I don't know if that's
00:09:49
one of them. I know there's one of me like laughing and drinking that it gets used quite a bit, but uh
00:09:55
that might be a gif. Might be a gift. Let's not It's a blur. I don't want to confuse the issue.
00:10:01
Yeah. No, no one no one in the history of film or television has made a smoking
00:10:06
a cigarette cooler. You know, maybe McQueen or Bogart, but yeah, there's it's it's pretty it's
00:10:12
pretty rare company. That's for sure. There's a you really got that. It makes you cooler for sure. I mean,
00:10:18
well, it makes you sicker. Yeah. I mean, there's a big tableling that. Is it worth it?
00:10:24
Look, the science isn't in. Table the lung damage. Let's just go with how hip it is to the way you did
00:10:30
that. The science is on its way in, but I, you know, some early reports say it's bad for you, but I say it looks cool. So,
00:10:38
it's sort of a coin toss. I say, yeah, do your own research. Yes. All right. I have another quick 30se
00:10:45
second compliment. Let's get Joe Rogan in on it. compliment our our guests here, but this is just an
00:10:50
observation for me is that when I watch Daniel Craig
00:10:56
doing James Bond, then I met him at the Oscars. Name drop. Go. And he's still Daniel Craig, but he does
00:11:02
this thing that becomes James Bond. And I felt that you did the exact same thing
00:11:08
on Madmen. You have John Ham and then either your jaw or your shoulders just
00:11:14
like just an interesting connection for me. I really felt that. So there is a there is a part of it, you
00:11:19
know, that's uh that's very, you know, depending obviously, you know, when I when I'm wearing the suit and the thing
00:11:24
and the hair slick back and all that stuff, it's obviously very different. The way you carry yourself and everything. There's very much a, you know, I am I am
00:11:30
playing a character on that. It's not just me wandering through my day. Daniel Craig is a character actor and I think you are too.
00:11:36
Yeah. I mean, I I remember the first time I hosted the show, we had a we had several Mad Men sketches at at Re
00:11:43
27. I'm sure they load them up. Yeah, cuz you're going to get one at least, so you might as well throw everything.
00:11:48
Well, one made it on the air. Yeah, for sure. Uh, but uh it was funny because like,
00:11:54
you know, I had spent the time up to then doing other sketches and reading, you know, various funny parts and thises
00:12:01
and that. And as soon as it got to the Don Draper, I sort of dropped into the Don Draper voice and everybody kind of went,
00:12:07
"Oh, it's a character." Every girl slid off her chair. That's what that sound That's what that
00:12:12
sounds like. And the cadence, the rhythm. I mean, you're married with the writing, but it was a very, very cool. David, did you
00:12:18
have something before I interrupted your 20 minute question? Thank you, Dana. I have I'll get back to you.
00:12:23
Too many. One was I was in at the Mirage this weekend. Oh, I appear there sometimes. Whoops.
00:12:28
But I was with first I saw on TV. I watched Mr. Mrs. Jones.
00:12:34
Keeping up with the Joneses. Yes. Yep. Is that what they the final title was? Yep. Yeah. They they went with that. And then
00:12:40
uh and he's a stud in that and I go you work with Zach and uh Gaul. Is that how you say your name?
00:12:45
G. Yep. Galado. Jesus Christ, she's beautiful. And then
00:12:51
um it's it's arresting. I mean I'd be sick. So you did a good job in that cuz it was so
00:12:57
funny. I was about to see you and I was about to come dink around and look at your stuff when I got home and I go, "Oo, I get to watch this and uh what a
00:13:04
fun sort of different movie to be in." And then I was with Ray Romano. do shows together and we golf sometimes and then
00:13:11
talk about a quick impression. I think Dana, he does a Ray Romano.
00:13:17
Everybody kind of does a Ray Romano, right? But I never heard one really and I [ __ ] work with him.
00:13:22
Well, we always there was a joke that we had going on. I forget who started it. Um, but there was a it was always like
00:13:30
that you could do uh Brad Garrett and Ray Romano very like
00:13:36
having conversation, you know, Ray's back here. Oh, come on. And then and then Brad Garrett is uh
00:13:43
Raymond. So it's just back and forth. Come on, Raymond. Come on, man.
00:13:50
Yeah, it's really Lenny and Squiggy. There's different versions. That's it. See, I love micro impressions
00:13:56
where it's it's just the essence. You don't need to say anything more. I love Ray. He's the He's I mean,
00:14:01
everybody loves him. It's been established at this point. They named a show after that concept. Uh but uh yeah, he's he's he's awesome.
00:14:08
Super sweet. Here's here's my Barney Five. And so that's only one word.
00:14:13
That's all you need. Barney fight. Hello, Andy. And
00:14:19
here's my Christopher Watkins sees a magic trick. Quick. Wow.
00:14:28
That's it. We're done. Boom. Hey, Dana, did I tell you and John, you can listen. When I um when Acro said we
00:14:34
should do Mayberry, me and him, I should That was back after Conads. He goes, "You know, maybe we should do uh
00:14:41
Mayberry RFD. I play Andy Griffith. You play uh You got to save the money. You know, you got to save the money." He was always
00:14:47
very business. We went off about Aliens, but yeah, I love Danny Akroyd. And uh that we should have done it. Well, let's think for a
00:14:54
second of a John. That is too late, I guess. Can we put you
00:14:59
Oh, me and John. Yeah. In a series live streaming. We call Ted at Netflix. You're already on FX, Hulu.
00:15:07
I hear everywhere. But by the way, on Sequ.
00:15:12
Oh, thanks. What about John Ham? What happened to Yeah, everybody but John Ham. Uh
00:15:18
I mean that is so That was the name of the commercial. Was that the name of the commercial? Yeah, that was the name of the campaign.
00:15:23
I love it because they say it on the top in quotes when you get your like call sheet. Everybody but John Ham. The
00:15:29
hammer the [ __ ] That's just like a great a great commercial wrote that and just the way
00:15:35
you played it just start. It was funny too like my friend a guy who I've known who's a buddy of mine you
00:15:40
guys may or may not have met my my my tall very tall friend named Tall John who is a comedy writer. He used to write
00:15:46
for Sarah Silver Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think you've met him at Largo or something. And uh it's hard to it's hard to miss.
00:15:52
He's 6'10. But uh he uh he used to write promos for the WB back in the back in the day. He
00:15:59
and Drew Goddard and this guy Wayne Mlammy who was directing it and he used to direct the promos. So
00:16:04
it was like we used to all go out and get beers and stuff and hang out in the late 90s in LA when we had no money and
00:16:10
we would go to Largo or we would go see comedy or what have you. And uh and now uh it was very strange to like see that
00:16:17
dude on a on a set of a commercial that that uh that I was sort of nominally the
00:16:22
star of which was was pretty cool. Well, the tall guy, he would be at um Sarah Soven's roof party. He would
00:16:28
actually stand on the sidewalk and we'd be on the roof. Um but uh you know you would go to
00:16:33
Largo. Would you go to Largo a lot? Because I know you like comedy and you'd go see stuff. Yeah, that was my that was my entree into sort of cheap
00:16:39
entertainment because uh LA even back then was expensive. I did not have much
00:16:45
money and so for you know whatever two $5 drinks or whatever it was and and I I didn't have
00:16:51
to wait in line because I usually knew somebody and I got to know Flanny and and the g the gang
00:16:56
nicest club owner. Yes, he's great. But it was a pretty it was a pretty hot moment in time the late 90s and you know
00:17:02
it was everyone from you know Zach was just starting up. He had had that weird show on VH1.
00:17:08
Oh yeah, that's right. Yeah. Yeah. Oddfit and then and then guys like, you know, Bob Odenkirk and Sarah and Tenacious D,
00:17:14
Paul F and Doug Benson, just all all those guys now that are sort of the the the eminence degrees of of uh of of LA
00:17:21
comedy is is uh that's when they were all going. It was five bucks. It was like it's great. It's still I don't think
00:17:27
it's that expensive. Largo is still a great place to go run stuff or go just jump on somebody's show or
00:17:33
I think the the last time I saw you was at was at Sarah. I think so. There's a photo of you, me and Sarah.
00:17:39
Did we take a picture? Yeah. All right. Oh, okay. Post it.
00:17:45
Largo a lot. Uh I tagged the [ __ ] out of you in that picture, I think. Um
00:17:50
anyway, can we for a second talk about like just right before Medman and SNL
00:17:56
because that's really interesting because people are our listeners may not know this. So you literally were still
00:18:02
you came to LA, you were still not working making a living as an actor till 29 or 30. So you had years of
00:18:10
waitering. I mean I was just Yeah. How long that that go on? Because uh well when I got to LA I moved out to
00:18:15
LA in 95. So, and I and I didn't stop waiting tables until I was 29. So, I had
00:18:21
about 4 years of of kind of roaming the desert, so to speak. And weirdly enough, I got I got a text from
00:18:28
a number that I didn't recognize uh about a month ago, saying, "Hey, is this is this John Ham that used to work at
00:18:35
this restaurant that I used to work at down in Venice?" And I said, "Okay, I haven't." Yes, this
00:18:41
is, but that's a very weird way to refer to me, but okay. Yes. Yeah. And there were it used to be owned by
00:18:46
Dudley Moore and Tony Bill. It was called 72 Market Street. It's not there anymore. Um, but it was like a really cool
00:18:55
Venice restaurant. You know, Sean Penn and Angelica Houston and Robert Graham and all the cool Westside folks would
00:19:02
would hang out there. And I was a waiter there. And so, uh, that was the first time I ever saw
00:19:08
paparazzi. Richard Gear came in with, uh, someone who wasn't Cindy Crawford. He just broken up with Cindy Crawford.
00:19:13
and it was like big deal. Yeah. Um so anyway, they're have they were having a reunion of this thing. So
00:19:18
they're trying to get everybody that used to work there and um yeah, fun fact, the the guy I worked with at that
00:19:24
restaurant left the job to go to Giuliard and I didn't see him again until the pilot of Mad Men where he
00:19:30
played the young tobacco executive like the the younger protege
00:19:36
version. So did did you wait on famous people like that you admired and stuff?
00:19:41
Did you wait on famous? I, you know, the only time I really waited on anybody famous was Don Henley
00:19:47
once. Oh, okay. Couldn't have been nicer. I love Don Henley. Uh, there was a run there when
00:19:54
Mitch Glazer, who you probably know, Dana, or maybe you do and Kelly, uh,
00:20:00
they're neighbors now, and I used to go and run catering at their house,
00:20:05
which was very old. Wow. I heard you worked on porn sets as a fluffer. Did I read that right? What
00:20:10
does it what does that do? What does that mean? Uh that was my first question. I certainly I there were no uh genitals
00:20:16
touched. I was uh I was in the art department, believe it or not. There's an art department
00:20:21
before. Yeah. I mean it was softcore but it was like you know skin
00:20:27
late night whatnot. We shot in these dismal dingy places down in LA downtown.
00:20:32
I love it. These stages was it like like really like skinnax? like they'd have they'd be kind of
00:20:38
naked, but they weren't like some dude in a in a a sock and a lady with with patches on her whatevers and uh
00:20:44
and it was go time and then you know then they'd have like these ridiculous scenes of like what do you mean you're
00:20:50
you're lost? Give me a ride. I've got
00:20:56
I was just walking by and and I happen to have a boner but right here I got an extra one. You
00:21:02
want to borrow one? Oh [ __ ] What? Yeah. No, I got the job from a girl I went to college with who was like, she
00:21:08
was like, I can't do this anymore. It's like soul crushing. And I was like, I'll do it. Oh, soul crushing. How about
00:21:14
entertaining? Kevin Nean and I did a bit on SNL where we sat in chairs like we
00:21:19
were porn stars and we were bar you we didn't have like we were naked. You can't see. And we had people attending
00:21:25
to our crotch. It was like, "Yeah, yeah, powder it up nice. Yeah, trim it down. Yeah, make it nice for the people. Yeah,
00:21:31
put a little put a little fence around it." I mean, we went nuts. I I remember that one. Put a little fence around.
00:21:37
Yeah. John knows SNL. John is uh I watched uh the monologue this morning where you
00:21:44
were an ad guy. Of course, you knew you're going to have to do an ad one. I thought it was funny. And Bill hater you kept saying, "No, ma'am." And then he
00:21:50
goes, "I'm a I'm a I'm not a ma'am." And then you go over here and do something. Then you come back to him and then Andy
00:21:57
Samberg trips you up. But I thought that was funny that you're you can actually think of him on your own. No, that was
00:22:03
that was funny. I've done it. I've I've hosted three times as well, John. So, we should talk to Lauren. If you
00:22:09
want to have a three-timer club, we could do it. It's fine. You know,
00:22:15
everyone's got a L. Go ahead, Sean. Which one of the 18 Madmen sketches were you sort of gravitating
00:22:21
towards? John, you can pick one, maybe two. Three is too much. Three. I I just feel like maybe one
00:22:26
after Update, one maybe. Maybe a commercial parody. Well, uh Yeah. Yeah, the three-time not as
00:22:33
much play. The three-timers, you know, three timers don't get don't get anything. What one thing I'm curious about as we go into your SNL experience
00:22:40
is like so Mman comes out, it's only on like a year or a year and a half. I
00:22:46
mean, so you get that, you're starting to feel you're riding this rocket, your whole life's changing, and then you get
00:22:51
the call. You weren't even on MadMen that long. That's my curiosity. Before Lauren, who loved it, immediately told
00:22:58
me about it. you're on now you go you're gonna host SNL. It just seemed like a
00:23:04
rocket ship. Yeah. I I in fact I I remember when I when my agent said they want you to host
00:23:10
SNL. It was at it was in New York City. It was at a at a like a m you know back when they had magazine things. It was a
00:23:17
magazine cover that I was on a party for it. And uh my girlfriend at the time and I
00:23:24
were about to leave the country to go to this trip we had planned. I had been working all year. We were like,
00:23:30
"Let we have to book this trip and it'll be great." And it was the week that they wanted me to host SNL. So, I had to say
00:23:36
no. Um, and I thought, oh, you said no to SNL to go on vacation.
00:23:42
Well, that'll be that'll be the end of that. I guess I'm going to get asked, but at least I was
00:23:47
asked, you know, blah blah blah. And immediately came back. It came back, well, how about the how about the following week? And uh, okay, that that
00:23:54
sounds great. Like, sure. and not having any any idea of what it entailed at all
00:24:00
other than knowing the show and knowing, you know, kind of some of the people at that point.
00:24:06
I knew I had met Amy and and um I had met
00:24:11
and that Yeah, that crowd, right? Um so there there were a couple people that I knew that that were that had been
00:24:18
there for some time, but um yeah, it was it was a it was a real it was a real eye
00:24:23
openener to the first time to say the least. And that was also happened to be the episode that Amy Puller was wildly
00:24:29
pregnant and then had her baby Saturday afternoon. So, we had to completely re
00:24:34
Oh, wow. retool the lineup. And is it true that she found out during rehearsal that her doctor had died and
00:24:41
then you calmed her down? I'm sure you've told that story. What did you say? And then she laughed her ass off. Go ahead, tell that story.
00:24:47
I uh I was sitting next to her. We were shooting a thing with Jimmy Senorelli. Yeah. uh the late it was late but the
00:24:54
the late great so to speak u guy who did all the pretapes and um we're sitting there we're in some weird
00:25:00
office space in Midtown um and Amy is you know 9 months pregnant
00:25:06
and I'm sitting there and it's like a it's a m it's a Don Draper here's how to like here's how to pick up ladies like
00:25:13
rule one be Don Draper like okay and so it was really funny like
00:25:18
stop Fred Armison is playing the guy who's like Hey, uh, maybe you want to go on a date. And they're like, get lost,
00:25:24
weirdo. And then I'm like, hey, how about it? And Polar's line is, let let's get me out of this skirt. Um,
00:25:31
I wanted to have that career. Can I go back in time? I want that. So, it was really funny, but we're sitting there in the makeup chairs, you
00:25:37
know, they have the kind of temporary thing with the with the with the lights and the mirrors set up, and I
00:25:42
don't know really anybody uh especially the the makeup artists or the the hair people or anybody. I'm just Okay. and um
00:25:50
kind of going along and then um Polar gets a call and
00:25:55
uh hello um yeah I can't what what
00:26:02
you you got to be kidding me and then immediately starts to like get emotional and so and stands up and walks kind of
00:26:08
behind a you know a thing and I'm hearing now I'm hearing like sobbing
00:26:15
like like And and I'm like looking at the hair,
00:26:21
the makeup person is like frozen. I'm like, do you what uh what do we do?
00:26:26
And what do we do? Like do we do we go home? Like show off. What's happening? Do we recast?
00:26:32
So it's like this all takes place in about 35 seconds. And she comes back from around the
00:26:38
little fake wall and has clearly been like crying. And everyone's like, "Amy, oh my
00:26:44
god, was what's happening?" She's like, "You won't believe this. I just found out my my my OBGYn who's been with me
00:26:52
through this this is her first child's been with me for this whole trip, he just died.
00:26:59
God damn. Like no way, like no way did this happen. And I was like, "Oh my god, Amy,
00:27:04
that's terrible. Um, but this is like a really big thing for me, so can you pull
00:27:10
your [ __ ] together like now?" And she immediately was like like
00:27:15
laughed, like cracked up. So I was like, "Thank God that could have gone one, two weeks. That landed nicely." My question for you about Jim Signarelli
00:27:22
is if this you're shooting something on a Saturday or is this during the week. It was during the week.
00:27:27
Okay, good. That story started to not check out. Yeah. Okay. Cuz you they got to they I
00:27:32
think people at home don't realize when you do SNL and if you're a host, you for sure probably don't get like the first
00:27:39
night is kind of easy. You meet Lauren. You go to a Monday meeting and everyone kisses your ass and you're like, "This
00:27:44
is uh John Ham." And then everyone politely applauds and they go, "Next week, Sharon Stone." Everyone goes, "Yay." And then you immediately feel
00:27:51
like an [ __ ] The inside joke every week. Inside joke we do every week. And then but then you kind of go to dinner or I
00:27:59
don't know what you do or you just leave and then you go, "This isn't too hard." And then Tuesday you come in and it's
00:28:04
writing day. Tuesday is where it's Yeah. Wednesday is the crazy day. Yeah. Tuesdays the Tuesday or so dinner night and the host
00:28:11
comes back after. Yeah. And then and then writes and hangs out and I think that's when even when I went back to
00:28:17
host twice, not three. Um that uh which they're really not
00:28:22
giving parties for the two-timers for sure. So I go and they go uh and even
00:28:27
knowing the drill, I'm at or so nervous going I don't I think I got to get back there. Like I want to get back there and
00:28:33
just go over everything cuz I'm [ __ ] starting to freak out. uh that I'm not because even Tuesday no one does
00:28:40
anything and then no one's getting written. You're like, "Guys, we have all this time we're wasting, but every week
00:28:45
pizza just hanging out, wasting time, wasting time." The entire system is based on
00:28:52
procrastination coming from ADD. You can't really focus until there's a hard
00:28:58
line. We got to go now. Yeah. You know, that's So, when you walk in there, do you were you more Okay, you
00:29:04
did it three times. What was your nerve rate coming into that office on Monday
00:29:09
sitting there with all these sketch players? What where were you? Were you at a 10? Were you or were you sort of
00:29:15
naive like maybe this will be fun or what were you maybe it'll be fun fun adventure? It's true. You go maybe
00:29:22
this will be fun and easy and then you you quickly turns you god damn. Well, David's right though. Like there's
00:29:27
nothing on Monday that is really if you haven't done it before that that suggests this is going to be terrifying.
00:29:35
Everybody's like calm and relaxed and they're pitching ideas that'll never make it. The first time
00:29:41
the first time I I came in to and we had the meeting on Monday, the writers all came in dressed in ' 60s gear.
00:29:48
Oh, really? That's cool. Everyone from Paul Appel to John Molini to Colin, every everybody was like
00:29:55
salute to Madmen. Yeah. Heard him do that. Lutz was dressed up like Joan. Like it
00:30:02
was it was terrible. Amazing. Like they all just raided the costume department and came in like
00:30:07
that. So they're in awe of you at this point which is nice. Well, they would love to be able to
00:30:13
comedians want to be able to do what what you do. You do comedy and that. Yeah, we kind of respect.
00:30:19
So, but it was it was weird. It was, you know, there's nothing to suggest like, oh, this is going to be terrifying until
00:30:25
Wednesday when you have a packet of, you know, 25 sketches that you have to read
00:30:30
at that table and try to get laughs and you've seen them for exactly, you know, maybe an hour or two to kind of go
00:30:37
through, but you can't I'm sure you don't even get to all of them. There's no way. I mean, not at all. There's no way. Hey, I mean it's like it's it's you know it's it's a
00:30:43
phone book size thing and writers come in just to tell their Can you do a thing can you do a thing where you uh where you do a voice and it
00:30:49
sounds kind of like the okay do that right which which one is this I'm sorry what right and then you're kind of Russian in
00:30:56
this one but not Ukrainian just play that a little bit and then you're like you don't have to sound exactly like an
00:31:01
elephant but just do whatever you can to feel like right your head's spinning going and then Lauren
00:31:07
it's every five six seconds for about an hour until you go in that packed room with a ceiling and everyone waits for
00:31:13
Lauren and then he comes in and regally starts the read through and it's like 4 hours of cold reading essentially
00:31:20
cold reading solid bo like off the charts everyone in there is sweating and grossed out and
00:31:25
there's no ventil someone goes crack Lauren will go crack the window and then
00:31:30
someone reaches back I got I got it Lauren that would be me usually I got it fa fade in David is a waiter uh in an
00:31:38
Italian restaurant goes to the table down the water. I wrote this stupid one
00:31:44
for Farley when we had no ideas. I wrote goooo in the honey pot and where he was a um so stupid but it was like an 8ft
00:31:50
honey pot and then he he gets in there and he's stuck in honey in a diaper and he keep keeps crawling out and he's
00:31:55
covered in honey and they go were you in the honey pot? He goes no. I go I saw you in this area but he's far.
00:32:01
Yeah. And he goes, "David, you think we can do it?" I go, "It's just stupid enough. It might work." So I hand it in
00:32:07
knowing I'm light that week. And then Lauren gets through and he goes, "Guo in the honeypot."
00:32:14
And then he turns the whole sketch over and goes, "Wayne's World Cold Opening." I go, "Oh, he skipped it. I never heard
00:32:21
him skipping it." Unheard of. He didn't skip when I did Funny Little Poopy Head and I had He
00:32:28
should have. I did Funny Little Poopy Head with Jan Hook. She was Mrs. Funny Little Poopy Head. And I had massive stage direction
00:32:34
where Lauren had to say Funny Little Poopy Head over and over again. And with his boy, funny little poopy head is sad.
00:32:41
Funny little poopy head stitch down. It's like that thing that funny little poopy head. And he he but he bailed on
00:32:47
your sketch cuz that sounded funny to me with he never mentioned it. I know Farley would have crushed it. I think
00:32:54
I think Sandler later wrote one. It's like not even writing. That one isn't even really writing either, but I think
00:33:00
he put one where it's a film piece like for Senorelli where he's in a pool and
00:33:05
he just puts all this suntan oil on and then he just tries to get on the raft for about four minutes and he can't get
00:33:11
on the raft and he's going, "Oh god, which, you know, we've gone to that well before, but it seemed to work."
00:33:17
Never never not funny with Farley. Yeah. And then he and then I think that one even got like uh at least read
00:33:24
L and then it's this the sketch is like one paragraph and then Farley struggles and screams for 45 minutes
00:33:32
falls down. Far Dennis used to go hey Farley you got Farley fall Farley falls down. Anything
00:33:38
else in the tank? Anything else for us Dennis? Dennis any other moves? Take get rid of He just lay waste all
00:33:45
the junior varsity. You know, Sandler, they're not buying the cookie guy. Okay,
00:33:51
Spain, wait till Carvy leaves. Cuz David would sit behind me and Lauren would go, "Uh, David's ready at any time when
00:33:58
you're not."
00:34:03
But back to our guest, something that I love that I I love this. Yes. I love Bill her
00:34:10
and love his Vincent Price. And then you came in and did James Mason and you must have loved that because you did it great
00:34:16
and you every line killed with James Mason. That first of all that that sketch is so
00:34:23
talk about so weird and specific like and it crushed like a sketch should not
00:34:28
kill that hard when it's that especially a sketch about like a we relatively obscure 50s60s
00:34:35
totally very obscure to the young audience. Tell me at day. Clearly nobody nobody knows who Vincent
00:34:42
Price is. It's just a funny character. He's got a fake bird and it's all black and white and he's like I don't even know if he's
00:34:48
really trying to do a really accurate but it's just a funny hello. I'm Vincent Price. Yeah. It's just kind of just offputting.
00:34:55
And then Fred Armson is Liberace is Yeah. Just and Fred could all do all
00:35:00
that all all day. Very musical. And then it's like a TV show and it's it's it's going badly and he's getting frustrated.
00:35:07
So the whole the whole trope of like you know bringing in special guest I mean now we have our special guest.
00:35:13
Yes. Isn't this a great show again like no one know one has any sense
00:35:20
of who that is except that she's a weird got a lot of views. I think people just it's those get passed around you I uh I
00:35:26
had to um you know we we did that for Dress and it was Dean Martin at Dress and um
00:35:33
really so and it kind of fell flat. I guess my Dean Martin wasn't very good.
00:35:39
But uh also Lauren was like well here's the problem. It's a drunk playing a
00:35:44
drunk and it's a hat on a hat. Hat on a hat. Hat on a hat. That's very long. That's a big one. What else can
00:35:51
you do right then? really at like 10:30 on Saturday night. The show The show's on
00:35:57
in 45 minutes. Yeah. Come up with another obscure impression that will make sense. And weird. And can you and get a 10 out of
00:36:04
10 on it and nearly nail it. Uh and so hater comes in my dressing room and he's like, "Uh, hey man." Yeah.
00:36:10
Uh I don't know. Uh I said I said, "This is going to sound weird." I said, "I can kind of do a James Mason." He goes, "No
00:36:16
way. No way. Do it." And I was like, "Well, Joe, I don't know." and and uh
00:36:23
that's it. And we and he goes, "Perfect. That's it. That's done." And I think he and Melanie had written the sketch the other. I can't remember who wrote it with him,
00:36:28
but um but then we did that like and again it was that was at like yeah 10:45. So you know we're all up in
00:36:35
Lauren's office like so uh uh John's going to do uh is it James Mason? Okay, John's going to that's going to change
00:36:41
from Dean Martin to Jame. So get out on the cards. None of the lines change.
00:36:47
He's always he was an alcoholic, right? He was drunk and lascivious. It was just funny, you know, sexually inappropriate.
00:36:54
Yeah, it was just hysterical. But that is that's impressive. The reason you could do that is because
00:36:59
we me and Paul Rudd growing up would we loved the movie um
00:37:04
Heaven Can Wait and James Mason plays the the angel who
00:37:09
kind of shepherds Warren Batty's you know Journey whatever it was. Yeah. But his line is you're dead Joe.
00:37:19
And so that's what we would always say to each other randomly. How you doing? Charles Groden and Diane Canon.
00:37:24
Diane Canon behind the curtain. [ __ ] great movie. Jack Warden. Jack Warden. Oh, yeah. Hey, Max.
00:37:32
Um, so that has one of the best lines in all of cinema, I think, in a little
00:37:38
movie called Shampoo. Oh, wait a minute. I saw it a month ago with my wife cuz we see it every year.
00:37:43
And the line is the line is now that's what I call [ __ ]
00:37:51
So he he catches Warren Batty and he doesn't realize it's Warren Batty [ __ ] his own girlfriend.
00:37:59
He sees him through a doorway and he goes that's what I Jeez you got. So you're a Warren Batty
00:38:05
70s Warren Batty you know shampoo heaven can wait the parallax view. What a there's nothing better
00:38:12
view. Wow. I've gotten uh I've gotten to hang out with him on quite a few occasions. Um
00:38:18
he's a great guy. He's such a I mean the stories are You cannot have a dinner that's less than 3 hours with him.
00:38:24
I hung out with him once. Yeah. It's very he he's very bright. See if I can find the Yep. There it is.
00:38:29
Oh. Oh. Oh wow. So what what year was that? Were
00:38:35
you That was probably 2016. He just showed a picture everybody. Did he reach out to you or how do you guys
00:38:42
have dinner or did mutual? He was a fan of the show. Um yeah, he would have loved that show
00:38:47
because you getting cold calls kind of. Yeah, sometimes. And then he uh
00:38:53
he and Annette had some friends that like one of them was a a guy named Bill Pope who was the director of photography
00:38:59
for Baby Driver. So I think that was probably around Baby Driver. Let's not forget
00:39:04
Baby Driver. I think that yeah, that that makes sense because he was probably 30 or something when 1960 hit and that
00:39:13
the end of that era of you know slapping them on the bottom and all that pre feminism.
00:39:19
I mean you know uh his first movie was like Barefoot in the Park maybe or was that Robert Redford? I can't remember.
00:39:24
That was Redford. It was 58. But didn't he do the play? Am I He might have. Yeah, he might have.
00:39:29
Yeah. Wearing shoes in the park. Huge Redford fan. And I got I tried to
00:39:34
convince my sons who are with me up here in a [ __ ] to watch uh Three Days of the Condor
00:39:40
with me that we watched But Cassie and the Sundance Kid and they loved it. Yeah.
00:39:47
The sting. The sting. I was about to say [ __ ] Uh All the President's Men. Uh Allen.
00:39:54
Don't get me started. The Horse Whisperer. Whatever. He's he's amazing. But uh
00:39:59
the electric horsemen, I think you mean uh theor Fonda. Well, he had the electric horsemen and then the horse
00:40:05
whisperer later in 98. Yeah. Uh John, do you have any parts that they
00:40:10
came to you and you had to pass up on that that you didn't do that you would like to?
00:40:15
Um I couldn't I other than me and grown-ups? Other than my part and grown-ups?
00:40:21
I'm glad you said no. I I have I've had pretty good luck honestly of of of the things that I've
00:40:26
I've turned down or not been able to do have not come back to kind of haunt me or or anything like that. I was I was
00:40:32
sort of loosely attached to Gone Girl at one point. There was a there was meant to be a
00:40:37
a situation. Uh and then it was cuz Madman was shooting. It was like, "Okay, I can't do it." Like
00:40:42
that's that that's the way that goes. But I really like that book and like the the guys from St. Louis and they did a
00:40:48
good job with it. Yeah, Ben did a great job. Ben's phenomenal. I love that. Those uh you know, but I haven't had
00:40:53
very many of those. Those are like uh few and far between, which is which is nice. It's like you don't I don't have a
00:40:59
lot of you've done uh but yeah like you said grown-ups that was a that was
00:41:04
when you said no to grown-ups. Um no but you now when you get involved with something like curb your enthusiasm is
00:41:11
that something cuz you know Larry or he just likes you and says hey do you want to come on beep bop boop pop? I had done
00:41:18
a a weird little movie with Larry that was for HBO, I think, called Clear
00:41:23
History where he invents uh a car. It it's it's a very convoluted
00:41:29
setup like most of his setups. Uh and he uh invents this car and it
00:41:36
goes sideways and he's forgets about a lot of the and I play the guy that owns the car company like you know Elon Musk
00:41:42
or whatever and uh we had a really good time. and we shot it in Boston with Greg Matah and
00:41:48
had a great time doing it and made each other laugh so much. We had so many great people in that film too. We had
00:41:55
Michael Keaton, we had Hater, um Jimmy Tingle, I mean like all these Boston comics. Wow.
00:42:00
What a great name. Yeah. Standup. Yeah. Yeah. We had all these like Boston comics that were that were boopping
00:42:05
around coming in and out and um it was it was really fun and funny and and and we got to know each other a little bit.
00:42:11
played a little golf in Boston and and uh ever since then he's kind of kept me in mind for for stuff and and I've been
00:42:18
able to to do the show a couple times. It was always really fun. Yeah. Yeah. That's cool. He's kind of a genius I guess. I I don't
00:42:25
know where he he has some some frequency all his own. You know, I've been watching a lot of old Seinfelds, too,
00:42:30
like which which which hold up so remarkably well, like other than kind of the fashion,
00:42:36
uh, which stands out a bit, but uh, the the the jokes and the and the stories and you can you can so clearly
00:42:43
hear Larry's voice in George Castanza. Not only that, but just in the in the in the stories like
00:42:49
the the setups and the and the particular kind of annoyances of, you
00:42:54
know, the the one was on last night was the parking garage where they just get stuck in the parking garage for the entirety of the episode.
00:43:00
Yeah. It's those little observations, little standup observations, but extenduated and and just shot well or
00:43:06
there's a liveless to him. I mean, Larry, when I was watching your episode last night, the two Larry Dave, it feels like he's not breaking, but he's he's
00:43:14
he's enjoying it so much. He's kind of smiling a lot in a lot of his lines. Even when had that too on Seinfeld. You could see
00:43:21
absolutely had it and it and and Adam in his early films had a little bit. It it brings a lot of charm to the like like
00:43:28
I'm doing this like we know it's funny. It's funny. You know, John, did you have this
00:43:34
experience? So, I did a curb where where um they I I guess this is how they do
00:43:40
it. They have a loose script. Yeah. which was this was the fun for me cuz I don't improv a lot. I mean, in
00:43:46
these movies, we do a couple things, but a whole scene where they go, "Okay, you're leaving the LA, you're leaving a
00:43:52
Lakers game, you run into Larry and they go, you are going to defend yourself
00:43:58
with whatever he's going to say to you." And then they go over to him and they talk to him and I go, "What's he going to do?" They go, "You'll find out." So,
00:44:05
that's all we got. And then they come, we meet with a crowd and then he's we both have a friend with us and then he
00:44:11
starts going after me about something and I start defending myself and then we cut and then we go back and they go now
00:44:18
um brag about what you're doing and then they go and then he's going to do something else and it was so fun cuz you
00:44:24
got to be on your [ __ ] toes and he's great and everyone's everyone in the scene is always good cuz they're going
00:44:29
to hire everyone good. Is it like that kind of that's that's pretty much it. I mean the last, you know, the last one I did was
00:44:35
with Albert Brooks and Laura Kitinger and, you know, JB and, you know, so many everybody at that point kind of get
00:44:42
knows what they're doing. Yeah. On that on that set and you just kind of it's not unlike SNL. You just want to
00:44:48
try to stay out of the way and and understand that the process is going to be the process and it's going to work
00:44:53
and you can contribute where you can. Uh, and that that was my, you know, I
00:44:59
was able to do that and pitch ideas and say like, "What if I'm, you know, this or what if I'm that?" And and so what what kind of ideas would you
00:45:05
pitch and were they were they I had that my idea for this last one was that that my character I'm about the
00:45:11
least Jewish person in the universe. Like I'm I'm I'm a Roman Catholic from St. Louis, Missouri. But I I said like I
00:45:18
you know what if I' what if I'm just like understand like I I'm trying to like pepper my my conversation with like
00:45:26
Jewish phrases and words and you know but I get them wrong or I I'm almost
00:45:31
right with them or and they thought that was a pretty funny and they don't it rubs them wrong a little bit and kind of like what do you that's not
00:45:38
what you want to say like Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But but delivered with like the ultimate confidence like most you know
00:45:44
that thing in LA of people that 100% wrong but but saying it out loud and proud. That's my life. That's my whole life.
00:45:50
I know. It's amazing. People with no information have you know. Yeah. Fake till you make it.
00:46:00
What's the one thing out of the madman? What are the couple things that people stop you and they know you from? What's the easiest stuff?
00:46:06
Oh, the [ __ ] Town Guy. It's great movie. I get that in town.
00:46:11
I get that in Boston and I get that in airports. Uh the the TSA love the town.
00:46:16
Yeah, the TSA loves it. Yeah, I see the town and that's when
00:46:22
when it comes on unless one of my movies is on. If it comes on, I watch the whole thing unless Bench Warmers is on. And so
00:46:30
I The Town is such a badass movie and um I love it's all boss and it's all [ __ ] weird. Uh not weird.
00:46:36
It was a really fun one to make, too. Like we were all kind of everybody was, you know, Rener was just coming off of
00:46:42
Hurt Locker and Rebecca Hall had I think she was in Iron Man or something like everybody was kind of coming off their
00:46:48
own thing and it was Ben's second uh directorial effort when and his first one was so good. Gone Baby Gone.
00:46:54
So it was really kind of fun and exciting and and Warner Brothers like left us alone really like to make this
00:47:01
thing and uh it was it was great how it all it was like kind of this weird perfect storm.
00:47:06
the the other guys in the in the crew with Ben and and Jeremy were these kind of local guys that were just kind of
00:47:14
scary enough to be believably, you know, kind of low-level criminals. And yeah, sure.
00:47:20
Uh, it was fun, you know. It was just fun. We got really, really lucky. We got to shoot in Boston in the fall and it
00:47:25
didn't snow or rain or any of that stuff. We got to bang around uh Fenway Park, you know.
00:47:31
Yeah. It seemed like you had run of the town. How has Ben Ben um as a director?
00:47:37
Like um how how did he I mean he's great and like I I I I fell for him obviously. It's like that's the
00:47:42
hardest job on on the set especially when you're also the lead of the film. Um
00:47:48
yeah and he's also in Boston like everywhere he goes he is remark and he's a he's a big dude like
00:47:54
he's probably 6'4 65 like he's a tall guy. He's not like he's not hiding in plain sight, right?
00:47:59
Um so everywhere go hey he's Jesus, you know. Hey guy, what's going on guy?
00:48:06
Hey [ __ ] Ben Catholic. Get over here. Give me your [ __ ] hug.
00:48:11
Too good for us. And that's his mother, ladies and gentlemen. I got to tell you. Thank you. Yeah.
00:48:16
Godamn it. But yeah, so it was obviously it was he had a lot on his plate, but he he he pulled it off and he did the smart
00:48:23
thing, which I think the lesson to be learned from that is is like he hired
00:48:29
amazing department heads like our our director of photography was this guy Robert Ellswit who shot There Will Be Blood among other
00:48:36
things and you know won his fair share of hardware and he had really really talented camera
00:48:41
operators and and art department people and stunt guys and second unit and it was but you guys seem to like block off
00:48:47
chunks of the city and get to drive all over and do everything. It was [ __ ]
00:48:52
It's fun on a movie. You're like you you run the whole town. It's great. Yeah. Especially And especially that guy in that town. That's for sure.
00:48:58
Yeah. Sure. You know, do a movie with me in Scottdale. Let's see what's going on. Yeah. In August.
00:49:03
We'll see what's up. Yeah. We shoot in the afternoons. You'll enjoy it. We We shoot at dusk for 1 hour.
00:49:09
It's called Sunburn/ Windburn. I I always watch movies to see how many nights they shoot to see how much
00:49:15
complaining I would be doing. I'm like, look at all these [ __ ] nights, man. I Why do anyone say
00:49:20
anything? What if it's vampires? I could never. But they they're in the daytime. Yeah, they're
00:49:27
the daytime guy. They don't drink blood. Ruins the whole movie. I don't care. I'm like, it's easier to shoot.
00:49:33
Do you have a do you have a wish list of like if you got a script across your desk? Like would I mean would you like to do something way way comedic or uh or
00:49:41
you know like I've been told by a prosthetic makeup artist that everyone wants rubber on their face ever since
00:49:49
ever since Churchill with uh who won the Oscars. Sorry. One
00:49:54
of my favorites, Gary Oldman. Gary Oldman. Yeah. So now everyone wants some prosthetics cuz that's how you get
00:50:00
at least a nomination. Like for you to hide John Ham, you know what I mean? Would be kind of
00:50:06
interesting. I hate sitting in the makeup chair. Like I cannot stand. And uh
00:50:11
there goes your Oscar. Yeah, there goes my Oscar. But uh let's be honest, it wasn't happening anyway.
00:50:18
Uh did you wear a bald cap on SNL? We're jumping around. So Oh yeah, for sure. Oh, yeah. They're popping wigs on and off.
00:50:24
Wigs on you on top of it. So the one of your own hair is always like a little wrong
00:50:29
and you're Yeah, exactly. You're like, "This is me and my own hair in the monologue." And you still got a bald cap on. Everyone's like [ __ ] Yeah.
00:50:35
Uh but at least I'm now sweating from my dome of my head all the way down my head.
00:50:42
Yeah. U no any you know the fun thing for me would have been to be a part of the Star
00:50:50
Wars stuff but that's I think that ship has sailed cuz I was such a huge Star Wars fan
00:50:55
back when I was little. Um and I you know I I remember being like in third grade or something and and and Star Wars
00:51:02
coming out and and it you know it starts with the big crawl right and it says episode 4
00:51:07
and you're like episode 4 like what did I miss? What did I miss? It's like there must there were three episodes that just
00:51:13
didn't exist. So weird they started like that. And and yeah, A New Hope episode 4. And so then then like the rumor mill started
00:51:21
among the third graders of like, well, you know, there's there's nine of these. There's meant to be nine of them. They
00:51:26
read it in like Fangoria magazine or something, you know, and like you that you thought, wow, nine nine
00:51:32
more Star Wars. That's going to be amazing. Uh and they're not meant to be completed until 2019, which back then
00:51:39
was, you know, 40 years later. You're like, "What? I got to wait 40 years for these?" Like, "No way."
00:51:44
They go, "And two are going to be good." So, you don't know which two. Did you literally at your age, you you
00:51:50
might have had Star Wars little uh figures? Oh, I had figurines. I had a poster. I
00:51:56
had sheets. I had the whole deal. Uh it was it was a big part of my life. So, I
00:52:01
had the little Darth Vader shaped case that you kept your little guys in. Hot.
00:52:06
Um Yeah. So anyway, but yeah, I didn't I never got the call for that one, but I don't know. It's I did, you know, I we
00:52:13
shot um the uh Fletch, which we we're rebooting. I knew you were Fletch.
00:52:19
Wa. I love it. But uh that was pretty exciting. We were going to ask you about Fletch to
00:52:24
do that. Uh that was in Boston again. Uh the the third book in the series takes
00:52:29
place in Boston. And uh hey guy, how did you I mean obviously you've been asked this question but like how did you
00:52:36
evolve it for to match you know John Ham did you well part of it was you know obviously I
00:52:42
looked at it kind of like and and Greg Matah who I worked with on this um we
00:52:47
both kind of were like it's kind of like a cover song right it's a cover version of a song if you we already have Hey
00:52:52
Jude so why would you do it just like Hey Jude like maybe maybe mix it up a little
00:52:58
bit and so we were very cognizant of not doing Chvy
00:53:04
um and not doing, you know, teeth and and and wigs and and and this is and that and and we wanted to we wanted to
00:53:11
still make it funny, but we we wanted to keep it more in line with the tone of the novel, which is almost more of like
00:53:16
a who done it and and he's still a wise ass and he still gets himself into trouble and and has to talk his way out
00:53:23
and it's still funny and there's still jokes. Really fun to play. It it was it was it was super funny and and it was John
00:53:29
Slattery's in it with me and I got your your bandmate former bandmate. You guys have a lot of chemistry.
00:53:35
We got the band back together in some way. So, uh we had a great time. There's uh it
00:53:40
was a blast. It was a that was another character in my youth where we all made a huge movie and was great. Enjoyed
00:53:48
that. Did you do characters in it where you're undercover like with a mustache or something? Did you do any of that or we we didn't we kind of shied away from
00:53:54
that. We thought that that was a real good way to get uh in trouble in trouble with whoever comedy probably
00:54:00
sued by sued by Chvy. It's fun to be the guy talking your way out of something. In other words, lying
00:54:06
basically the act as an actor, right? It's really fun. Like I was on here. I didn't That's not my car. That kind of
00:54:11
stuff, right? Oh, no. I I just came by to say hello. And if you uh we got I got we had another part that
00:54:18
was really fun for me cuz I don't really get a chance to do this a lot was like developing the script and then having like zooms like this but with comedy
00:54:26
writers and having everybody pitching ideas and thoughts and we had like we
00:54:31
had like murderers row we had Paul we had Bill her we had so many great Robert Carlock we had so
00:54:36
many great um minds that were kind of throwing out ideas one of the best ones was and I won't
00:54:43
ruin it but it's It's basically the end of the movie that Bill hat her came up with. I was like, he's like, "I never seen this, but what if you do this?" And
00:54:50
he he explained it to me. I was like, "That's a great idea." And we immediately stole it and put it in the movie.
00:54:55
What was it? Tell you, he didn't tell us. Let's guess. Okay. I'm be Bill Hater. All right. What What if like uh All right.
00:55:02
At the end of the movie, right, you go uh Hey, you wake up. Medium hater right there. You wake up, right? I'm doing I don't
00:55:09
know where I'm You say it's a medium hater. It's a medium hater. I there's
00:55:17
one thing that's unique about Bill, he's so brilliant and a lot of times comedians aren't an audience, but man
00:55:23
does he laugh. He laughs. He's a good laugher. Laughers are so important in comedy. People Well, now that's a mustsee. We can look
00:55:30
for that. John was I have one question. I know we got to let John go soon, but he's got to go to the airport. A lot of the female
00:55:35
fans asked if you would wear sweatpants to the airport. I don't even understand that question. Uh,
00:55:41
I tend to dress up for the airport. Thank you very much. My grandmother taught me to wear nice clothing to their
00:55:46
It's a big wiener question. I think that's what they're getting at. Um, I like it. You were We're about to say
00:55:52
wham bam thank you ham to this guy. I was waiting for that one. I stole it from your monologue.
00:55:58
Uh, yeah. Wham bam thank you ham. That was exactly the same one. Yeah, that was they said they called you the hammer or
00:56:03
hammer time or something. Spader, what is that uh skateboard deck behind you? John, finally someone
00:56:09
[ __ ] asked me the tough questions. Dana doesn't care. This is What about what that
00:56:14
This is No, that's how I paint. That's That's like what I do. Go ahead. This is a uh there's an artist, Richard
00:56:21
Prince, and this is a skateboard deck cuz I used to skate. I still milk it out. I'm not any good, but my brother
00:56:26
gave me that cuz he's big into art. And uh but I didn't know what to put in the background. John's like, "Oh, I have
00:56:32
louvers. I want everyone to know I'm rich. I have I have a skateboard deck that was signed by Tony Hawk somewhere in here.
00:56:38
I think I might have got Tony Hawk best one. Dana the best skater. So God, you're going to Switzerland.
00:56:44
We've never had someone on the podcast who was leaving to You skip the fact that Tony Hawk was my
00:56:49
stunt double in Police Academy 4. Was it Dana? Skate double. Mhm. And he was about 610.
00:56:56
Yeah. Yeah. He's he's a he's a little And he rides Goofy. No, I ride goofy. He rides regular. I ride goofy.
00:57:02
Yeah, John. We could tear it up. [ __ ] Melrose going to Belmont. William Morris drops you and then you
00:57:08
you become John Ham. Do you ever run into those guys and you get up in their face a little bit or
00:57:14
Oh, hi William Morris. Remember me? Yeah. Don't you think there there should always be one person working for WME
00:57:21
whose name is William Morris? Yeah. Hi. So that you could go and be like, "You're the guy.
00:57:27
You're the guy. You're the origin of this." So it's literally like some schmuck in the mail room like, "What? I just I
00:57:32
what? I didn't even want to work here. They just made me. I I I went over there when they I
00:57:38
started with Endeavor when they started. That's how old I am. And then they merged. This is Yeah. I'm boring the audience again. Uh okay.
00:57:46
You know what people love to talk about? Yeah. Agents. Agencies. Well, they love to talk about people who
00:57:52
doubted you, then you made it, and then you [ __ ] all over them. They like that revenge of the Hey, William Morris. you
00:57:59
were you you were in a a Super Bowl commercial, but uh Seth Rogan did one
00:58:04
with your precious Paul Rudd. Were you jealous that you weren't the other guy and it wasn't you and Paul Rudd?
00:58:09
I you know, I think that uh yes, the the short answer is yes.
00:58:14
Yes, that's the right answer. And uh knowing probably within the
00:58:20
ballpark of what he got paid for that, I'm really jealous. But uh yeah, you know, I think that that you know, the
00:58:25
the the fun thing about commercials now is that no one gives a [ __ ]
00:58:31
It doesn't matter. And in 15 20 years ago, like George Clooney did an ad and Brad Pitt did an
00:58:36
ad and everyone they thought the world was ending and they're like, "Yeah, well, we're we're allowed to do that now." Like cool.
00:58:41
You could also do them over in Europe and they didn't know about it. But now, yeah, like Mel Gibson selling Japanese
00:58:46
whiskey or something. Now you could do them. You could do commercials. There's no live live
00:58:52
streaming and movies. Everything is just when I started on only fans, everyone's all right. Well, let's let John go. He's
00:58:58
got a flight. Isn't it only fan? No, mine does pretty well. I do pretty
00:59:05
well. A month. Yeah. Gross though. Look at Dana. I'm rich. I have stairs.
00:59:11
Oh, people can't see his house. [ __ ] And a And a dark room under the stairs. I know. Where are you? And
00:59:16
what if my wife came out of there with handcuffs on? Yeah, that's just uh this is Is that where Harry Potter is?
00:59:21
Is that the lovely bones? This house was built in 1912 and yes, it has ghosts and they visit all the time.
00:59:28
Yeah, I bet. Are you in the San Francisco area or Yeah. Yeah. Northern California,
00:59:33
Russian hills, redwood trees and stuff where heights. Yeah, just my wife grew up here in this
00:59:40
town. So, just have a house. I got to go to the uh to the the Lucas
00:59:45
ranch over in the pre. That was pretty neat. That was pretty neat. That was as close as I got to
00:59:50
being on on Star Wars. It was all I kind of know George Lucas and Keep
00:59:56
Keep your phone close cuz you should definitely be in a Star Wars movie if you want to.
01:00:01
They're going to keep making them. Oh, no. They had to take a break cuz they got greedy and did one every 3 months and everyone needed we need two or three
01:00:08
years. Oh, yeah. Did you go to the kennel where they keep the baby Chewbaccas?
01:00:13
All right, I'm out of jokes. I got to go. First comes a joke, then comes no laughter. Godamn it is failure.
01:00:22
First try joke. Joke not work. I try, dude. Then comes unemployment.
01:00:29
[ __ ] puppets. It's no try. Only have I don't want to get blue. Anyway, I'm going to sing. We
01:00:36
always close off with a song. Thank you. No, we didn't. It's mad.
01:00:42
I would have gone with it. It's raining mad men. Well, we got to thank John for being super cool and
01:00:48
whenever I see you out, you're always nice. It's fun to talk to you. It's always a good laugh. It's a great pleasure and thank you for
01:00:53
having me.
01:00:58
Hey guys, if you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app. Give us a
01:01:04
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01:01:16
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01:01:24
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01:01:30
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01:01:39
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01:01:46
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