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hey it's your boy Mike The Situation
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Santino welcome to statute of
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limitations it's the ultimate lineup
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it's Cooks this is not my fault that I
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stole this car it's coming this is my
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chance I can be rich for life it's w to
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be kingpins we all made together
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$500,000 and queen pins it was basically
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a lounge of
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criminals these are stories of the
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nonviolent lucky punks and Robin hoods
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that Dodge the law I could have gone to
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prison not jail prison because here's
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the situation baby it's only a matter of
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time before the statute of limitations
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is up and technically you might walk
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away scotf free but don't take it from
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me guys I'm obviously no lawyer this is
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statute of
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limitations what's up everybody I'm Mike
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The Situation Santino welcome to the
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show where average folks talk about
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their over-the-top crimes they committed
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way back with on this episode of statute
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of limitations you'll see a goody two
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shoes wannabe congresswoman who
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committed a crime out of Gone in 60
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Seconds and a dude whose crime can be
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best described as Toy Story he stole
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from the rich and gave to the poor meets
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our Robin Hood Nam Dave check it
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out hello my name is Dave and I
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committed a plethora of crimes see there
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was Computer Fraud Grand larsoning and
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just for a good measure a little bit of
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trespassing for for 20 years I've been
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waiting and waiting to talk about all
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these crimes that I committed and now
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I'm going to tell you all about
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it so I was in college I was super broke
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and so every year I would get a seasonal
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job working at one of the big box toy
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stores which had like electronics and
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TVs and Cabbage Patch Kids you name it
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so this store like at the time minimum
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wage was like nothing it was like maybe
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four bucks and they would put you down
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to work all the hours like my work
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schedule just said
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December and like even with overtime it
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was like six bucks so they like great
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thanks I can super siize my fries now so
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you get super bitter super fast you're
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not making any money they're super super
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cruel to these kids by jacking up these
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prices like
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astronomically so this company is like
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making money hand over fist like these
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families are like emptying their
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pocketbooks for like the next hot thing
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they're just going broke just trying to
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make make their kids happy for the
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holidays you know Dad's out in the
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parking lot doing like $3 scratchers
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like Hing like you know Christmas is
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coming up what am I going to do it was
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driving me
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nuts and then I came up with the best
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idea I got a chance to fix this I
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figured out a way for everybody to get
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everything they wanted for the holidays
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especially me so this place during the
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holidays total chaos like trucks coming
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in boxes flying everywhere it was
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complete Madness nobody had any idea
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where anything
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was so remember this is like a terrible
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neighborhood and there were like
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abandoned buildings everywhere like
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empty warehouses and whatnot and at the
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time I just started tinkering around
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with computers and I realized if I went
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into the system and just changed a
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couple numbers I could take entire
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shipments and redirect them to anywhere
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I wanted I could redirect those trucks
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and have them deliver all all those
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boxes to one of those empty
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warehouses so before I sent an entire
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shipment somewhere I decided to take one
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video game console and have it sent just
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to test it
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out it worked perfectly nobody had any
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idea after that I was like what else can
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I get away with so it started with one
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video game console and then it went to
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like two boxes five boxes a van a big
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old truck they're like what else can I
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do can I do an entire like ship coming
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in from
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China I figured sooner or later somebody
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was going to figure this out so every
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single shipment was like down to a
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science for like in out a single hour
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never use the same place twice fake name
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like Alro like the guys who brought it
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in like the truckers whatever they're
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like why are these guys hurrying so much
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but whatever they're truckers they're
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busy too
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I mean some of the truckers were
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actually helping us unload the boxes
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themselves until one guy like looking at
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it's kind of funny so I slipped him a
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game console he never said a
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word so it was crazy it was like kind of
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fun in the beginning a little sneaky
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like one little Xbox and all of a sudden
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I'm like renting the apartment next to
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mine filling it full of boxes my own
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placees filled with boxes got like
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stolen goods everywhere they're like
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flying in I mean I was careful but I was
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totally Fearless like nobody's ever
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going to catch me at a certain point I
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was looking around like I think I've got
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over $100,000 worth of the stuff I could
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have gone to prison not jail prison this
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is getting too big too fast completely
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out of control and sooner or later
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somebody's going to
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talk I was pretty sure some of the other
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people I work with were catching on by
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the way all this time I'm supposed to be
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doing my regular job like as I'm
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stealing like half the store I'm also in
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the store working for these people doing
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my regular job and then one
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day I show up to the office and there
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are two guys in Shir and TI who I don't
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know totally freaked out like this is
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it oh snap DA's got the suits in Pursuit
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right now and if you've ever shoplifted
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not saying that I have ever personally
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maybe I have maybe I haven't but I can
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tell you that store security they don't
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play okay this dude is in way over his
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head stealing toys he's got a situation
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let's see how this plays out next on
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statute of
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limitations we're back with statute of
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limitations our man Dave is working a
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holiday gig decided to stuff his
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stocking with a warehouse full of game
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consoles but with security hot on his
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heels it might just be a wrap listen
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security is always watching okay guys
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check check this
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out at a certain point I was looking
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around like I think I've got over
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$100,000 worth of the stuff I was pretty
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sure some of the other people I work
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with were catching on and then one day I
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show up to the office and there are two
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guys in Shir and TI who I don't know
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totally freaked out like this is it the
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store holds an entire staff meeting they
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bring us all in and they're not
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exactly like pointing the finger at
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anyone but they were
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saying all this stuff is going missing
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we got to figure this out and that's
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when things completely went off the
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rails I was starting to totally freak
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out I was like had crazy anxiety
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couldn't sleep totally terrified was
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like looking over my shoulder it just
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got completely out of control just when
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I thought it couldn't get any worse the
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assistant manager pulls me aside out of
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the blue and says the manager thinks
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somebody stealing a bunch of stuff by
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changing all the stuff in the computer
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system and I Reed out I was like I don't
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know anything that's crazy I I'll keep
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my eye
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out meanwhile the second he left I went
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into the computers and just nuked
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everything I just like delete delete
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delete delete delete like trying to
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erase all traits of anything i'
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done here's the good news they all
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thought I was an idiot
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so they never suspected me what's going
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on I I dropped my contact on the floor
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here's a great thing about not always
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coming off that smart people think
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you're not smart enough to get away with
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that kind of
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stuff I don't regret a thing but this
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was the stupidest thing I could have
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possibly done and if you ever think that
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you should do anything like this don't
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because it will actually mess with your
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mind for the rest of your life and
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that's how I got away with all those CRI
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nobody got hurt I mean the company went
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out of business but like it's a company
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but all the people they got hooked up
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and if you want to get up I still have a
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bunch of boxes in my house and why am I
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talking like
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this yo Dave's number should be 1 1800
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lucky Cho because he could have gotten
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12 long years in prison I wonder if he
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has the old school techmobile what an
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amazing game that was check out this
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crime committed by a one-time Sorority
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Girl in Arizona from an innocent stylish
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Sorority Girl to a not so innocent
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criminal whose style could have been an
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orange jumpsuit meet
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Christine my name is Christine and in
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2010 I was a college student in Phoenix
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Arizona and I took Grand Theft Auto to
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the next
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level I was a polyi major and I was
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really into Student Government I was an
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activist or I thought I was my dream was
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to be a congresswoman I had a picture of
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Elizabeth Warren on my wall in my dorm
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room I was very very much into it I was
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in a sority I won't say which one and I
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went to my sority sisters and I said
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we've got to do something other than
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party once in a while can we please go
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to this women's March and I kind of told
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some of them it was a good networking
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opportunity too so I was able to get all
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of the s 4 sisters together this was
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around midterms so we were really
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exhausted and tired but I really wanted
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us to go to this March we stayed up
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really late the night before the March
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and know we ran to the store we got all
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the supplies poster board we got markers
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we got paint and we were making a ton of
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signs and I was exhausted we were all
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exhausted and my best friend Brit who
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was also my sority sister was like well
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you know I have some Aderall and I can
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maybe share it with you I've never done
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ad all before never took any kind of
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pickme up before so I thought well
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what's the harm you know I'm really
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tired and she said yeah it's just like a
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couple cups of coffee you'll be fine so
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I said okay give me one so she gives me
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one and and that kept me going through
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the whole night we made all kinds of
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signs equal pay equal rights equal pay
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for women we went all out for the
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March and the next morning it was pretty
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early and we've gathered all of the
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signs and everything to go to the March
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and we all get into a couple different
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Vans and we go to the March and she
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offers me another adderal and I took it
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and we were all just completely hyped up
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so we get to the March everyone's
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chanting we have all of our signs we are
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just kind of getting a little bit Rowdy
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and as we're going down the March we see
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actually some of the fraternity guys
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they found out we were going to be there
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went there to heckle us so they're
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yelling at us we're yelling back some of
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my shorty sisters are like flipping them
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off they're getting just totally angry
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so we're totally hyped up and and it was
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really great but then up ahead we see
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like all of this commotion we see like
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Signs like people are getting like we
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could just hear a lot of people shouting
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all of a sudden I see these flashing
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lights red blue red blue red blue and I
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am freaking out of course because it's
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the police and then I just hear a lot of
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shouting and I really realized like
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people are getting shoved and pushed and
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I'm starting to freak out and then I
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noticed my sority sisters are freaking
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out and they start like pushing and
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shoving and all of a sudden I'm just in
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the middle of like this complete
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commotion so there's a million people
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and I see the police coming and they're
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arresting people and I'm freaking out
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okay because if I get arrested you know
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there goes all my dreams of being a
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congresswoman and I am so scared so I
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grab grit and I'm like we got to get out
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of here you know and we just take off
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running I'm pushing people out of the
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way um I'm I'm running through the crowd
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and we find this alley and we duck down
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the alley and as we're running down the
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alley and I'm I'm breathing heavy I'm
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basically hyperventilating at this point
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and then a cop car pulls up at the end
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of the alley and we duck behind a
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dumpster because and I'm just I'm
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crouched behind the dumpster and I'm
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like oh my God oh my God you know I
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don't I don't want to go to
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[Music]
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jail the two of these police officers
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jump out of the police car to I guess
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Chase someone and they leave the doors
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open so I don't know if it was the
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excitement or the Aderall or what but I
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stupidly think I'm going to run to the
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police car I'm just going to jump in I
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start running Brit's yelling what are
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you doing and I'm like get in the car
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get in the car
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and um so we we jump in the car and we
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we shut the doors and I I couldn't
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believe it but they actually left the
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keys in there
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which look this is not my fault that I
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stole this car they left the keys in
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right so anyway I turn on the car and I
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and I and I just take off because I just
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want to get out of there so I floored
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the gas and I was gone and then I'm
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driving down the street and BRD goes you
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stole a cop car you stole a cop car and
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I'm like duh I know I know and then I
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don't know what to do she's like we got
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to we got to we got to get out of the
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car and I'm like we can't get out of the
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car now someone's going to see us and so
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I pull up and I flip on everything that
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I could find the sirens start going off
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and I'm just driving and driving and
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she's like where are you going and I'm
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like I don't know Brit's like well maybe
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we should pull over you know on the side
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of the road here maybe we should pull
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over um in front of this 7-Eleven and
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I'm like are you crazy there's you know
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cameras everywhere and I'm we're we're
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just driving and driving Ding and you
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know I noticed you know all the lights
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and everything sort of seemed like it
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was in slow motion like um I wasn't even
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really there like it was a movie or
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something you know like we were Thelma
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and Louise all of a sudden Brit yells at
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me and she's like who slow down you know
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and I almost ran a stop sign as if it
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mattered that I ran a stop sign at that
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point and it finally dawned on us we
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have to get rid of this car because
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otherwise we're going to jail for the
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rest of our lives
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yo Christine sori letters should be
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GTA Grand Theft Auto she stole a cop car
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and now she's in a rush to make a
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getaway the story ships into high gear
00:15:43
when we return on statute of limitations
00:15:48
next welcome back to statute of
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limitations Christine a soror girl and
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he wnab be lawmaker has turned into a
00:15:55
full-on law breaker she stole a cop car
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and I know the cops like eating Donuts
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but I don't think they like people doing
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donuts especially in their police car
00:16:07
right now she's going to get out of this
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Jam I don't know guys we're going to
00:16:11
have to check this
00:16:13
out we're just driving and driving and
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you know I noticed you know all the
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lights and everything sort of seemed
00:16:20
like it was in slow motion like um I
00:16:23
wasn't even really there like it was a
00:16:24
movie or something you know like we were
00:16:26
thma and Louise all of a sudden Brit
00:16:28
yells at me and she's like wao slow down
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you know and I almost ran a stop sign as
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if it mattered that I ran a stop sign at
00:16:35
that point and it finally dawned on us
00:16:39
we have to get rid of this car because
00:16:41
otherwise we're going to jail for the
00:16:44
rest of our lives Now Phoenix is kind of
00:16:47
a weird city right so it's all of these
00:16:50
big developments and you're driving and
00:16:52
then all of a sudden you're just in the
00:16:53
desert so we're driving up this like
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really little rocky like Road it wasn't
00:16:59
even really a road at that point it was
00:17:01
mostly you know dirt and sand and gravel
00:17:05
and I see this rock formation up ahead
00:17:07
so I decide I'm going to pull around
00:17:09
that and we're going to park there we
00:17:11
pull up and we park and we open the
00:17:15
doors and I stick my head out of the
00:17:17
door and I'm looking around and all I
00:17:19
see is like cacti and we both you know
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crawl down out of the car and we like
00:17:28
craw all in our bellies like maybe 10 ft
00:17:30
before we actually stand up and we are
00:17:32
covered in sand and dirt and then we
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start walking and walking and it is the
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desert and it is Arizona and we are
00:17:43
dripping with sweat we had like one
00:17:46
little water bottle between the two of
00:17:48
us we walked for hours I swear I saw an
00:17:51
oasis with a palm tree I'm getting
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completely sunburned and Brit's face was
00:17:57
a mess I noed a vulture was circling us
00:18:01
so I was like um we're going to die out
00:18:03
here I want to cry but there's no more
00:18:06
tears left cuz I was totally dehydrated
00:18:09
we finally make it back to campus and I
00:18:12
am red as a beat and I decide I have to
00:18:17
like hide out so I'm lying in bed that
00:18:20
night after I stoble the cop car and I
00:18:24
my skin is on fire I threw a ton of aloe
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all over my myself and I'm just laying
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there and then I realized I wasn't
00:18:31
wearing gloves so they could find my
00:18:33
fingerprints so I text Brit and I was
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like come here now so she came over and
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I said we have to go back and she's like
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are you crazy you never go back to the
00:18:41
scene of the crime and I was like well
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we have to we're driving through every
00:18:46
pile of sand looks the same and I
00:18:49
finally see a rock formation that I
00:18:52
think looks pretty familiar so I say
00:18:56
Brit that's it that's it it's got to be
00:18:58
be it so we drive up this little Hill
00:19:02
and we go around the rock formation and
00:19:05
there's the car and I was like thank you
00:19:08
nobody has found the car yet I can't
00:19:10
even believe it was still there it was
00:19:12
crazy we wiped off every inch of that
00:19:14
cop car and I I mean I probably went
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over it like three or four times because
00:19:18
I was so paranoid I was like we you know
00:19:21
we're going to get caught so we did that
00:19:25
and I was trying to think did did I
00:19:26
leave you know did I leave my d a
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anywhere was there was did I leave a
00:19:30
hair follicle you know I watched a lot
00:19:32
of True Crime so so we get back to the
00:19:36
door room and I made her swear you can
00:19:38
never tell anyone about this so sorry
00:19:41
Brit I told someone about this but yeah
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and then I waited in my dorm room with
00:19:48
my fingers crossed hoping that you know
00:19:50
they did not find any fingerprints or I
00:19:53
don't know DNA or something like that
00:19:56
and um yeah they didn't and no one said
00:20:00
anything to me I couldn't believe it I
00:20:02
was just so thankful and uh Brit never
00:20:07
said anything to anyone I never said
00:20:09
anything to anyone and we kind of all
00:20:11
just pretended it didn't happen but I
00:20:13
never went back to another women's March
00:20:16
and I just kind of laid low at school
00:20:20
for the rest of my time there so I never
00:20:22
went into politics I'm not that much of
00:20:25
a criminal I'm in marketing and
00:20:27
advertising
00:20:29
and that's my
00:20:30
story so in the end Christine and the
00:20:33
Machine were both okay thanks to Arizona
00:20:36
statute of limitations if she ever runs
00:20:38
for office she's got big daddy s's vote
00:20:42
that does it for this episode of the
00:20:44
show I like the situation satino hope
00:20:48
you all learned a valuable lesson today
00:20:50
which is if you commit the crime just
00:20:53
don't get caught genius right we've got
00:20:57
plenty more incredible stories coming
00:20:58
your way you got the time well we got
00:21:02
the crime guys see you in the next
00:21:04
installment of statute of limitations
00:21:07
peace we
00:21:10
out this program is for entertainment
00:21:12
purposes only and it is not legal advice
00:21:16
the statute of limitations are
00:21:17
complicated and depend on many factors
00:21:20
if you need advice you should seek legal
00:21:22
counsel from a competent attorney in
00:21:25
your
00:21:27
jurisdiction
00:21:32
[Music]
00:21:38
[Music]
00:21:50
[Music]
00:21:57
yeah
00:21:59
[Music]
00:22:13
yeah
