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hey it's your boy Mike The Situation
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Santino welcome to statute of
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limitations it's the ultimate lineup
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it's Cooks this is not my fault that I
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stole this car it's conmen this is my
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chance I can be rich for life it's w to
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be kingpins we all made together
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$500,000 and queen pins it was basically
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a lounge of
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criminals these are stories of the
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nonviolent lucky punks and Robin hoods
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that Dodge the law I could have gone to
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prison not jail prison because here's
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the situation baby it's only a matter of
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time before the statute of limitations
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is up and technically you might walk
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away scotf free but don't take a from me
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guys I'm obviously no lawyer this is
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statute of
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limitations what's up I'm Mike The
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Situation Santino welcome to the show
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where we find ordinary folks who
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committed extraordinary crimes way back
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when coming up on this episode of
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statute of limitations we have some
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intense folks we meet the head of the
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game Mafia and a girl who got major
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payback on a real life high school mean
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girl I love that right now we've got the
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story of a small town kid who moved to
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the Big Apple and got caught up in a big
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scam stealing luxury goods he could have
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gone down for Grand leny instead he kept
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his secret long enough to elude the law
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he's like the dawn of the sample sale
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Ken norra meet Jeffrey hello my name is
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Jeffrey and in the early 2000s I
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committed grand larsy for several years
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I started a pretty much a game Mafia in
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New York City where we stole product
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from the sample
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sale I moved to New York City without
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ever having been to New York City in
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2003 I just jumped right in I thought
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hey I'm going to start doing comedy and
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I'm going to work at a coffee house this
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is my life in my 20s one thing I wasn't
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prepared for when I moved to New York is
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just how expensive was uh my roommate
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and I converted a one-bedroom apartment
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into a two-bedroom apartment I was
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literally living in a living room to
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save money you know you couldn't like go
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out to eat we made ramen all the time it
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was one of those classic artist
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struggling artists stories about a year
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in my best friend and my roommate and I
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started working at a sample sale for
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high-end designer home
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decor
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Sample Sales always sell product for a
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discounted rate so this designer would
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send products that cost thousands of
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dollars retail and when you marked it
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down sometimes it still cost thousands
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of dollars that's how expensive this
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stuff was there was Ring boxes and
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necklace holders there was uh vases and
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different types of figurines picture
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frames just like really gudy stuff very
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fancy it was very popular
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with a very high brow sort of um Eastern
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European Rich Housewives really enjoyed
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these products when you're a comedian
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and a barista in New York City every
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side gig is a bonus I was thrilled to be
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invited to something that seemed fun it
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seemed nice and temporary it wasn't a
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big commitment no one was really looking
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over my shoulder there's a manager up at
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the front my roommate and our boss lady
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was up there she struck me as someone
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who did not really keep track of what
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she was spending I remember one time she
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just surprised us all with some caviar
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cuz she had like gotten a little a a
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wild idea like oh let me get a caviar
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snack for everybody we were like we've
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never had caviar but thank you she'd
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stood at the front and she'd check
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everybody out but she never really was
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looking in the back or worried about the
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product probably because I came off as
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very
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trustworthy so after a few days of the
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first sample sale I was cleaning up in
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the back and I kind of realized hey I'm
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in charge back here no one's around uh
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what if I just took a few boxes of these
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things and I slipped them in my backpack
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I was nervous at first uh but as I
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slowly walked out the building I
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realized no one saw me and they were
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mine like who was going to count
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anything so once we got home my roommate
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kind of side eyed me and was like don't
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let me see what's in your bag and I was
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like what nothing of course I was
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nervous that when my roommate caught me
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that I would get in trouble and he was
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like mhm and he went into his room
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ultimately he ended up doing that too
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and I never saw him do it he was better
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at it than I was once I realized that we
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were kind of incahoots on this the first
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time uh the whole world opened up and I
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came back the very next day and then I
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was ready to go Full
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Throttle as we realized how easy it was
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to take the product um we just kind of
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siphoned it during the sale and then we
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would sell it online after the sale for
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lower prices than were even at the
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sample sale the customers came and they
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did the same thing they would buy
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product for their homes but then they'd
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buy a product to sell uh overseas and
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stuff but if I could undercut them on
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their posting then my item would get bid
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on First and that would blow up into a
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higher number all of it was free cash
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for me so I didn't care if it went for
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$500 $800
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$1,500 all of it was pure profit for me
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so after the first season sample sale uh
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where I kind of got my nerves shaken out
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right I got used to it and I thought
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well gosh will they rehire me for the
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second one and they did very easily my
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roommate and I got rehired for the
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second one no problem so I guess they
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didn't notice anything was missing as
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the popularity of this product grew so
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did the sample sale so we had to hire
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more and more people in order to work
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the sale um and we strategically picked
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out friends of ours to be a part of it
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and thus the gay Mafia was born not
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everyone was gay in it but the gay
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people ran
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it we really kind of graduated in the
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way we ran our operation so on the next
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sale we had strategically placed our
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friends as like okay you're the door
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person here you're the cash register
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person there you're going to be the guy
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who's watching the sales floor behind
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the table over here and they were all
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people who were also having their
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backpacks under the table and just kind
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of putting in a couple here and there
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I'll say this for our friends they
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definitely didn't take as much as they
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probably could have uh but I certainly
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did so in addition to the game Mafia my
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friend also had us hire temporary
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workers uh people we hired from online
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just strangers that were working
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sometimes we had to kind of dance around
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them they were very nice people who
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wanted to replenish the product and
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bring it from the back to the sales
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floor I kind of had to make sure please
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don't move those open
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boxes please just go do your work over
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here that'd be great thank you so much I
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had to make sure that they weren't
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accidentally seeing us steal anything uh
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so I always had to have my eyes on the
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workers as
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well I sometimes thought certainly
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somewhere someone is counting how many
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boxes are on a truck how many boxes get
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sold and how many boxes come back the
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cash I was accumulating wasn't just
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covering rent um it was covering bills
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it was covering my comedy classes I
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really kind of felt like oh I know this
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is wrong but it's so easy that it
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actually feels good that I'm doing it
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also it was stealing from rich people
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let's be honest it was gy junk that
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people really don't have any business
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spending $11,200 on a thing I was like
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these people are spending my monthly
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rent on these fancy items they like
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there's something wrong so there was a
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part of me that also was kind of like
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Stick it to the Man only I didn't know
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who the man was it was just like a a
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faceless designer I guess but like I
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didn't care the rich lady boss did bring
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in another lady to be a manager with her
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we did not know this lady she also
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didn't seem to warm or approachable so
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we were so used to this other Bonkers
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lady being our manager that the new
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manager kind of scared us a little bit I
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thought maybe I was going to have to
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cook some books or like come up with
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some numbers and some sort of paperwork
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about what's coming off a truck and
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where is it going none of my usual fun
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charms worked on her uh she definitely
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had like a wall around
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her Jeffrey went from a small time crook
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to straight up Kingpin in what he calls
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the gay Mafia forget prison I'd be more
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worried about getting whacked by those
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dudes but Jeffrey is about to sink in
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even deeper all these dirty details are
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coming out on statute of limitations
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next we're back with more statute of
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limitations my man Jeffrey is smack dab
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in the middle of a scheme to steal
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high-end Goods just how much did he
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steal oh man wait to you guys get a load
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of this man check this out the rich lady
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boss did bring in another lady to be a
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manager with her we did not know this
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lady she also didn't seem too warm or
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approachable I was a little nervous that
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none of my usual fun charms worked on
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her I like I didn't care no one's
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stopping me and my realization was no
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one's going
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to so most of the clientele at the
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sample sale was very rich Eastern
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European Housewives they would come into
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the sale and they were working their own
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angle right Sometimes some of these
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ladies would put little trinkets inside
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other bigger Trinkets and then put that
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in a box and try to get like two for one
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or three for one part of the gay mafia's
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job was to make sure that the customers
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weren't stealing uh we were also
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stealing the irony of busting thieves is
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not lost on me you know it takes one to
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no one right and sometimes some of the
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ladies they kind of looked us up and
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down like wow you really have a really
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good opportunity working here kind of
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energy when the customers came to the
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front my roommate was checking everybody
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out and he would take everything out of
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a box for quality control but it was
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really just to make sure that they
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weren't sticking more than one item into
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a box which we busted at least two or
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three every
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season deep into the sample sale Mafia
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extravaganza
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we had one sale in particular that an
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entire box truck backed into the loading
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dock of the building that we were in we
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actually had coordinated some of our
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friends to be on the street and they
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just took entire boxes off the truck and
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walked themselves down the street if I
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was to guess the Outreach of the entire
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game Mafia in this scheme and how much
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we all made together I mean
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exponentially that could be like
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$500,000 I really have no real way to
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guess because there's probably things
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that people stole that I don't even know
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about but then something happened that I
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didn't
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expect after many seasons of working
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this sample sale we had gotten it
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streamlined so good like we had it down
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pat but then the Big Wall Street Market
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crash happened you know when the economy
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goes in the tanker the first thing that
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people cut out is luxu I is home decor
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and our sample sale
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went crash so they kind of pulled the
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plug on the sample sale for a while cuz
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they just weren't selling any product we
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all just kind of graduated not only in
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life but we graduated with money in
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different directions we had kind of
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become more adults so we kind of kissed
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our our grand larsy days goodbye I know
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there's that that saying the crime
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doesn't pay right and uh in this case it
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paid me very well
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oh it it truly opened up a freedom in me
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in a time where as an artist I was
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struggling in a very expensive city I
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really think the universe was like hey
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you know what kid you need a break right
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now and so here's an opportunity for you
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to game the system work your hustle
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throw your charm around and smoke screen
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them all and and and enjoy the money
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certainly now as an adult as a
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45-year-old man who has like a real
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career I would not get so heavily
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involved in something like the gay Mafia
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and I certainly wouldn't lead a gay
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Mafia but at the time at 25 years old
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this was the best job I had in my entire
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life at the time and that's my story at
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a boy Jeffrey way to not blow it he
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could have got multiple years with the
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New York Department of Corrections but
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he stayed on the straight and narrow
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long enough to keep his butt out of
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prison a very very good situation now we
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go to a story about a former Catholic
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school girl with a checkered past thanks
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to a crime that could have put her in a
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California big house for 3 years luckily
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the big guy and the statute of
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limitations are on her side because
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she's here to tell her tale and trust me
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this one's a real gem guys meet
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[Music]
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Ruby
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hi my name is Ruby and over 20 years ago
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I committed vandalism and destruction of
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property the statue of limitations is up
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and I'm ready to tell my
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story back in
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1992 I went to very strict Catholic
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private school and we were very
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repressed you know like we were so
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restricted from so so many things so a
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lot of these girls would lash out at
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each other cuz you got all these women
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you know stuck in this high school and
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we have a lot of energy right and so
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there was a lot of chaos going on I mean
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we went at each other's throats all the
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time my group of friends we were kind of
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like the you know Outcast we were kind
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of nerdy we had this like book club and
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we were kind of a little like goth so we
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would get picked on a lot we always had
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trouble with these like cheerleader
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types and we were the Juniors they were
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the seniors they had more authority over
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us they would go around you know with
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this like Pride that they were the best
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they would leave stuff in our lockers
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you know trash prank us all the time you
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know throw glue in our drinks it was
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frustrating I mean you know we had to
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deal with this daily I had this problem
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with this girl named Amy I mean she
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would pick on every girl and she would
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push us she would shove us into the
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locker and she always had like two girls
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with her all the time so that we
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wouldn't you know fight back I was tired
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of it you know I was tired of the
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bullying I was tired it was a buildup
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that was just like h i i i just couldn't
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deal with it anymore you know she was
00:16:22
just a bully and no one could stand this
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girl
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so me and my friends we decided to get
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even with Amy and we glued her desk and
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we threw trash in her desk we loved
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seeing her angry and
00:16:40
mad but the bullying almost got worse
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and it would not
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stop one day I pull in in my nice Cherry
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classic car I come into the parking lot
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and then Here Comes Amy behind me with
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her brand new car as she starts yelling
00:16:59
you stupid get out of my parking space
00:17:02
you know what are you an idiot and I'm
00:17:05
just like what the hell's going on here
00:17:07
there was a lot of parking spaces and
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she could have picked another parking
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spot and she just decided to pick on me
00:17:14
she humiliated me and I'm like what are
00:17:18
you talking about this is your parking
00:17:20
spot there was other girls that were
00:17:22
watching what happened and I was just
00:17:24
like oh my God nobody came to my defense
00:17:28
I was there by myself I was scared
00:17:30
because she's got two other girls
00:17:31
they're going to beat me up what do I
00:17:36
do Jesus Mary and Joseph it's like my
00:17:40
mother always said you got to watch out
00:17:42
for those Catholic school girls trouble
00:17:45
for them is like a habit she's got her
00:17:48
tools now she's going to put the car in
00:17:51
Carnage on statute of limitations
00:17:57
next welcome back to statute of
00:17:59
limitations where our girl who is
00:18:01
bullied is seeing red instead of turning
00:18:05
the other cheek she's about to exact a
00:18:07
buttload of payback by vandalizing the
00:18:11
girl's car check this
00:18:14
out and she starts yelling you stupid
00:18:18
get out of my parking space there was
00:18:20
other girls that were watching what
00:18:22
happened and I was just like oh my God
00:18:25
nobody came to my defense
00:18:29
and so I'm just like okay fine you know
00:18:32
I I'll get out of the parking space and
00:18:34
I'll leave so I went back home and I
00:18:38
cried the whole day I didn't even go to
00:18:40
school because I was so upset so
00:18:43
humiliated and you know it's just a
00:18:46
builtup of anger it it was just a bad
00:18:49
feeling a very bad
00:18:51
feeling so then I was sitting there in
00:18:53
my room and I got to thinking you know
00:18:57
what she she really upset
00:19:00
me I'm starting to plot to get revenge
00:19:03
on
00:19:05
this so I came up with a plan to get
00:19:07
even with Amy I'm ready to go over to
00:19:11
the school and just vandalize and rip
00:19:13
her car apart so I got all this stuff
00:19:16
together paint Sharpies a hammer and a
00:19:20
knife so I started to think you know I
00:19:23
don't think it's a really good idea to
00:19:25
do this at school and so I came up with
00:19:28
another plan to do it at her house at
00:19:31
night
00:19:33
time so I'm walking down the sidewalk
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Amy doesn't live that far away from me
00:19:38
and I got my bag of Destruction and I'm
00:19:41
walking I see her car and then someone
00:19:44
pulls up right to the right side of me
00:19:47
and I'm like oh there's someone watching
00:19:50
me so at this point I'm thinking you
00:19:53
know what I got to wait till tomorrow to
00:19:55
do
00:19:57
this
00:19:59
so I'm in my room thinking like oh my
00:20:02
gosh this these people saw me um should
00:20:04
I do it should I not but it's like you
00:20:07
know I'm a junior she's a senior if I
00:20:09
don't do it now this will haunt me for
00:20:12
the rest of my life if I don't get
00:20:14
even so it's the next night and I'm
00:20:16
walking down the sidewalk and I'm
00:20:18
looking to my left to my right there's
00:20:20
nobody there so I'm like this is my
00:20:25
move I'm you know have this and
00:20:28
adrenaline rush and I'm angry and I'm
00:20:30
just thinking like you know Amy has
00:20:33
humiliated me she bullies me and I'm
00:20:35
just like you know what it's time to get
00:20:37
even it's time to rip her car
00:20:40
apart I threw ketchup and mustard all
00:20:43
over the
00:20:44
car I threw paint everywhere and I got
00:20:48
my bat and hit the side of her mirror I
00:20:50
got my hammer and I broke the glass and
00:20:53
shattered her
00:20:55
window and just for good measure I got
00:20:57
my my knife and slash your
00:21:00
tires I felt like you know an adrenaline
00:21:04
rush and you know scared at the same
00:21:07
time that I was going to get caught that
00:21:08
someone was watching me that there was
00:21:10
cameras and I'm just like ah yes I total
00:21:14
her car you know I got even with Amy and
00:21:17
then the lights come on the dogs are
00:21:19
barking I'm like oh so I grabbed my back
00:21:22
threw it over my shoulder and I get the
00:21:24
hell out of
00:21:25
there so the next day I went to school
00:21:29
and everyone's talking about how Amy's
00:21:31
car got total and trashed and I'm just
00:21:34
like yes I got even I felt good about
00:21:38
this and Amy never found out you know
00:21:42
she never found out that it was me and
00:21:45
it was just it was an amazing feeling
00:21:47
and I'm just like yes
00:21:53
that so now I'm older and you know I had
00:21:57
a lot of things thinking to do and you
00:21:59
know I could have gotten caught I could
00:22:01
have gotten arrested and you know I
00:22:04
think about the consequences and now I'm
00:22:06
just like you know what I'll never do
00:22:09
that again when it was all said and done
00:22:12
she never got nailed and now thanks to
00:22:14
the statute of limitations she can rest
00:22:17
easy because apparently sins and
00:22:20
vandalism truly are forgiven as long as
00:22:23
you wait long
00:22:26
enough that's so wrap guys for this
00:22:29
episode I'm Mike The Situation Santino
00:22:32
be sure to check out more crazy ass
00:22:34
stories of folks that fought the law and
00:22:38
actually won baby see you next
00:22:42
time this program is for entertainment
00:22:45
purposes only and it is not legal advice
00:22:48
the statute of limitations are
00:22:50
complicated and depend on many factors
00:22:53
if you need advice you should seek legal
00:22:55
counsel from a competent attorney in
00:22:58
your
00:23:00
[Music]
00:23:26
jurisdiction
00:23:32
[Music]
00:23:46
yeah
