00:00:00
[Music]
00:00:27
Brooke Neil welcome to my podcast thanks
00:00:29
so much having you Dom great to be here
00:00:31
do you still identify as Neil or is it
00:00:32
is it Haiti ha hay uh well yeah my
00:00:35
legally I'm I'm hay I mean I guess
00:00:38
because I did have that history in the
00:00:39
black sticks everyone sort of has that
00:00:42
name of Neil um out there so I mean look
00:00:45
you can call me either okay we'll stick
00:00:47
with Brookdale then um thank you so much
00:00:49
for being here today I I don't want to
00:00:52
start by embarrassing you but um you you
00:00:56
messaged me about coming on the podcast
00:00:58
which um I I commend
00:01:00
the message went not sure if it's the
00:01:02
Kiwi way to recommend myself to come on
00:01:03
your podcast but I thought I'd reach out
00:01:05
anyway what the hell and I love that
00:01:07
good for you yeah look what like I think
00:01:10
sometimes we do get that little tall
00:01:11
poppy syndrome um and for me I think
00:01:14
it's a really important time like I was
00:01:16
saying this year about lots of people in
00:01:18
the athlete World considering their
00:01:19
transition after the Olympics and I
00:01:22
thought you know I wanted to talk about
00:01:23
that transition and and what I've been
00:01:25
through post sport because yeah there's
00:01:27
only a couple of people on podcast that
00:01:29
I've actually heard really talk about
00:01:30
that stage so unashamedly here I am oh
00:01:34
no I I appreciate that I do it is a to
00:01:37
stems and um to Poppy syndrome I think
00:01:39
um but also it's real self-limiting like
00:01:41
not you can put yourself forward without
00:01:43
being a dick about it you know what I
00:01:46
mean exactly but I must admit so since
00:01:48
I've been doing the podcast there's been
00:01:49
maybe half a dozen people that have put
00:01:51
themselves forward which um and when it
00:01:53
first happened my S default setting
00:01:55
personally was s like oh God rate
00:01:57
yourself you know but then I realized
00:01:59
the problem now was with me so anyone
00:02:02
that does it I think it's um I think
00:02:03
it's commendable but we we do to be
00:02:06
honest like I I struggle with that
00:02:08
self-belief so like I'm almost the
00:02:10
opposite of rap myself so you know it's
00:02:12
interesting that um that like I yeah I
00:02:15
guess I just have to prove to myself
00:02:17
like you what have you got to lose just
00:02:18
put yourself out there 100% you never
00:02:20
know what's going to happen 100% And I'm
00:02:22
I'm glad you're here so um yeah
00:02:24
brookneil one of the goats of New
00:02:26
Zealand hockey like a a 10year career in
00:02:28
the black Stacks how many how many games
00:02:30
did you play uh I think it was 176 at
00:02:33
the end of it all yeah um now um
00:02:35
transitioned into a mindset and
00:02:37
well-being coach yeah I mean how do you
00:02:40
put yourself in a box right I mean I
00:02:41
don't know really what I do anymore but
00:02:43
yeah it's a lot of different things and
00:02:45
I think the biggest um part of that is
00:02:48
just like trying to help people really I
00:02:49
think it's similar to you I think it's
00:02:51
bloody great um the one thing i' want to
00:02:54
know though about what what you did and
00:02:56
what you're doing now can you have Peak
00:02:58
Performance and well-being or does one
00:03:00
have to be sacrificed oh that's we're
00:03:03
going straight to the hard stuff are
00:03:06
we I thought that' be NE like like low
00:03:08
hanging fruit for you having experiened
00:03:10
both it is I mean this is what I talk
00:03:12
about and think about so often because
00:03:15
you know this word well-being like it's
00:03:16
thrown around a lot now I think and we
00:03:20
tend to separate the conversations out
00:03:22
like on one hand my experience in the BL
00:03:25
sticks it's like you got to put in the
00:03:27
hours train hard you know like get get
00:03:30
to the top and and then on the other
00:03:32
hand if things aren't going right then
00:03:35
you look at your well-being and it's
00:03:36
very much two separate conversations and
00:03:39
like my the opposite experience actually
00:03:41
happened to me where when I started to
00:03:43
look after myself and actually
00:03:44
prioritize my mental health and
00:03:45
well-being that's when my performance
00:03:48
was consistent it was sustainable I was
00:03:51
happy again and I was able to I guess
00:03:53
maintain like you know eight years in
00:03:55
the in the black sticks versus burn out
00:03:58
quit early have all these mental health
00:04:01
issues um and so I really think there
00:04:04
need to be one conversation and actually
00:04:06
like prioritized as important as doing
00:04:09
you know your physical fitness which I
00:04:11
think it's easy to measure right
00:04:13
physical fitness like you've got your
00:04:14
GPS you've got your trackers yeah
00:04:17
100% yeah that's a good one so so what
00:04:21
say say you were coach of the black
00:04:22
sticks now what would you do
00:04:24
differently like how how could you do
00:04:26
things better yeah CU obviously you
00:04:28
don't want to sacrifice that it's it's
00:04:29
hard isn't it it's a very it's like it's
00:04:31
a balancing act cuz you don't want to
00:04:32
sacrifice that performance no you don't
00:04:34
and it I think we've got to be careful
00:04:37
because it depends the answer I think is
00:04:39
it's so unique to the individual like
00:04:42
and being in a team sport is super tough
00:04:43
because the coach has to has to make
00:04:46
sure that everyone's happy and you've
00:04:47
got 25 athletes you know all at
00:04:50
different ages stages um Fitness levels
00:04:54
you you name it so I think my if I was
00:04:57
if I was the coach which I would
00:04:59
definitely not want to be because it's
00:05:01
such a hard job um I I think it would
00:05:03
very much just be that individual
00:05:06
contact point and trying to figure out
00:05:08
like what do they need to get them to
00:05:10
the top because I think some people
00:05:11
naturally have that high work ethic
00:05:14
where they don't need to be you know
00:05:16
pushed and push and pushed because
00:05:17
they'll do it themselves what they
00:05:19
actually need is to figure out how are
00:05:22
they going to actually turn their
00:05:23
nervous system to the you know
00:05:25
parasympathetic and actually learn to
00:05:26
breathe properly or learn to sleep
00:05:28
properly you know I think everyone is so
00:05:30
different which is why it's so hard yeah
00:05:33
I love that hey so the day that we're
00:05:35
recording this podcast um it's been
00:05:38
announced that um another one of the
00:05:39
goats of New Zealand hockey uh your
00:05:41
friend former teammate Olivia Mary she's
00:05:43
retiring yeah yeah so she's she's played
00:05:45
way more games than you like 200 and
00:05:47
something right yeah and she's actually
00:05:49
um been top goal scorer and I think
00:05:51
second yeah so she's second highest kept
00:05:54
of all time as well so absolutely
00:05:56
incredible career but your your career
00:05:57
has overlapped massively like you've
00:05:59
been through the Olympics together you
00:06:01
won commo games gold medals together
00:06:03
there's these these events that you guys
00:06:04
went through together that um 99.9% of
00:06:08
us would never experience and so I
00:06:09
suppose it sort of links you in this
00:06:11
crazy way forever but what would she
00:06:15
first like how how close are you with
00:06:17
her are you yeah why why did she um
00:06:19
retire now like a couple 100 days out
00:06:21
from the Olympics oh it's a good
00:06:22
question I actually haven't managed to
00:06:24
talk to her um like on the phone or
00:06:26
anything um I just sent a sent a
00:06:28
congratulations me message um I I had I
00:06:32
think my whole career was with her um
00:06:34
and she she was incredible that the
00:06:37
amount of time that she she played
00:06:39
versus you know she was out from injury
00:06:41
I think it was most games I remember her
00:06:43
being there we used to be side by side
00:06:45
for the national anthem and we're both
00:06:46
like the tallest in the team so it's
00:06:48
often hard to miss us um but yeah great
00:06:51
memories with her and um and yeah her
00:06:53
her and her now fiance um yeah they came
00:06:56
to our wedding so very close uh but yeah
00:06:59
as a as in any environment like you just
00:07:01
lose um that day-to-day interaction with
00:07:04
them so I actually haven't you know
00:07:05
talked to her for a while which I
00:07:06
definitely miss about being in a team
00:07:08
sport you just take for granted that you
00:07:09
see your friends every day but um to
00:07:12
answer your question I I I don't know
00:07:13
why she she retired and when I retired I
00:07:16
I think that was the question a lot of
00:07:17
people were asking me you know the the
00:07:19
reasons why there are similarities it's
00:07:21
like closer to the Olympics for her but
00:07:23
you you were like a year out from the
00:07:25
games yeah I mean that was the whole Co
00:07:28
scenario where um
00:07:30
I guess for me it was there were only
00:07:32
two of us that retired that that close
00:07:34
out from the Olympics um which was Jim
00:07:37
mcor and and myself and yeah it was such
00:07:41
a tricky time because it was easy it
00:07:43
would have been easy for me to just H
00:07:45
hang on in there which I think a lot of
00:07:48
people who were going to the Olympics
00:07:49
and striving for it they would have done
00:07:51
um yeah for for non Olympians it's hard
00:07:53
to understand the mentality behind it
00:07:56
like why couldn't you just hang in there
00:07:57
for another year or you plan your around
00:07:59
four Cycles you know and even like 2E
00:08:02
Cycles because there's the Commonwealth
00:08:03
Games as well um so it is a tricky mind
00:08:07
game that you're playing and I guess the
00:08:09
thing that kept coming back to me
00:08:11
actually one thing that I really um
00:08:13
found so important to do was not to go
00:08:16
out and ask everyone what they thought I
00:08:18
should do you know cuz it would have
00:08:19
been easy to go to my teammates and my
00:08:21
coach or my my partner and my family be
00:08:23
like canas for opinions yeah I mean are
00:08:25
you guilty of it you're just like hey
00:08:27
what do you think yeah yeah I think
00:08:29
everyone's guilty of it with with big
00:08:30
life decisions and the it actually
00:08:32
complicates things even further because
00:08:34
the more decisions you get and the more
00:08:36
more opinions it just um it confuses the
00:08:39
situation in and I think we forget that
00:08:41
we are the only ones in that in that
00:08:44
exact scenario who knows exactly what
00:08:46
we're thinking and feeling and so we're
00:08:48
the only ones who can actually make that
00:08:50
decision but we'd rather someone else
00:08:51
did it for us cuz it's way easier um so
00:08:54
yeah like that decision for me I sat on
00:08:56
it during lockdown like I read a book
00:08:58
called um Untamed by lenon Doyle have
00:09:00
you heard of her no no no I checked out
00:09:02
she's yeah she's got an incredible
00:09:03
podcast and I read a book and it
00:09:05
basically just she just said like
00:09:07
whenever I don't know what to do I just
00:09:08
lock myself in my wardrobe pitch black
00:09:10
and I just ask myself the question over
00:09:12
and over again what do I want and I was
00:09:15
like oh that really hit home because I
00:09:17
was so worried about the team you know
00:09:19
the Olympics what would everyone think
00:09:21
what do they want um and then I was like
00:09:24
actually you know like for me I want
00:09:26
exactly and it sounds so selfish doesn't
00:09:28
it like we're always wanting to do
00:09:29
what's best for for the team um but for
00:09:32
me that was yeah it was such a tough
00:09:33
decision and what would um what would
00:09:36
Olivia be going through now and what
00:09:38
what can she expect to go through over
00:09:39
the next couple of months because it's
00:09:40
quite funny you said something before
00:09:42
like how you know you guys since you're
00:09:44
not in the same same team you just don't
00:09:46
see each other as often and I can
00:09:48
resonate with that like I um did the
00:09:50
brickfish on the edge for 20 years and
00:09:51
then when you finish you realize like
00:09:53
I'm still close with some of the people
00:09:54
there but you just you don't see them
00:09:56
every Friday and Saturday night cuz
00:09:57
you're not with each other all week
00:10:00
and also I felt like it's not my place
00:10:01
anymore to like you message and tell
00:10:03
them give them ideas or say what they
00:10:05
should be doing you you kind of just
00:10:07
want to remove yourself as much as
00:10:09
possible I think you're did right like I
00:10:12
think Community the loss of my hockey
00:10:15
Community was something that I wasn't
00:10:16
prepared for um you think that it's not
00:10:19
going to be any different because you
00:10:21
just don't you don't understand the fact
00:10:23
that like you know for one they're off
00:10:26
you know still doing what I was doing
00:10:29
traveling so much you know training all
00:10:32
the time so that you're you're you're
00:10:34
literally just going your separate ways
00:10:36
um and then I guess the other thing
00:10:39
that's really tough like you have not
00:10:43
just your your teammates but you've got
00:10:45
you know all these other people in your
00:10:46
life the people you see at the High
00:10:48
Performance gym you know like you've got
00:10:50
and you surround yourself with this high
00:10:51
performance Community for like a decade
00:10:53
of your life and you've got all the
00:10:56
support you know you've got um like
00:10:58
physio on call the doctor um
00:11:01
nutritionist and you and you told you
00:11:03
know all of this information and you
00:11:05
given all the support and then all of a
00:11:06
sudden it's like not there anymore um
00:11:09
that was something that I was really not
00:11:11
prepared for um wish wish the loneliness
00:11:14
of it or uh you definitely feel lonely I
00:11:18
mean my my husband's been great
00:11:19
throughout the whole thing we met when
00:11:21
we were 18 and he's he plays hockey as
00:11:23
well so he very much knows knows and
00:11:26
understands my journey um and so it
00:11:28
wasn't loneliness the sense that I
00:11:29
didn't have anyone to talk to it was
00:11:31
just the loneliness that no one actually
00:11:33
was going through exactly what I was um
00:11:36
apart from Jim like we kept in touch and
00:11:37
that was great she she'd taken a break
00:11:40
before and obviously come back with a
00:11:41
kid um so we were slightly in different
00:11:43
boats now I understand what that would
00:11:46
what you know having a kid is like but
00:11:48
it's definitely lonely but also
00:11:51
um yeah I think I think it's just that
00:11:54
life transition like those little pauses
00:11:56
in your life where one thing stopped and
00:11:59
maybe something else is getting its feet
00:12:02
but you just sort of struggle with that
00:12:04
whole like lack of structure um I don't
00:12:07
know what it was like for you like after
00:12:09
finishing the radio but you have a
00:12:12
schedule you know like you have your for
00:12:14
us it's like you sign a contract for the
00:12:16
whole year so you know when to get to
00:12:19
the airport for the plane you know like
00:12:20
you know what to pack they tell you like
00:12:22
this is how many kgs luggage you need um
00:12:26
it's like getting ready for a school
00:12:27
Camp honestly it's like living in a
00:12:28
school camp for for my entire 20s so I
00:12:31
didn't have to use that part of my brain
00:12:33
that's like planning my life because
00:12:35
it's basically like here's where you
00:12:36
rest here's the time that you turn up to
00:12:39
train this is the session that you're
00:12:40
doing and all of a sudden you'd think
00:12:42
that it would be really freeing to you
00:12:44
know to be like Cong you know
00:12:46
congratulations you got all this free
00:12:47
time and I just looked at my calendar
00:12:49
and just freaked out it's like far out
00:12:52
what am I meant to do the days are so
00:12:54
long and and that's such a privileged
00:12:57
thing to say like I and even saying now
00:12:59
but it's the reality for so many who
00:13:02
have have that I guess rigidity and you
00:13:05
don't almost you don't get a choice and
00:13:07
you think that that's something that
00:13:08
you'd enjoy after retirement but
00:13:11
actually like I I crave that structure
00:13:14
and routine um and so you flip that on
00:13:16
your head also like for me being a mom
00:13:18
now um my son Riley is almost a year and
00:13:22
a half old and it's like the opposite of
00:13:24
routine and structure like having a kid
00:13:26
is basically just having something that
00:13:28
you just cannot control no matter what
00:13:30
you try and do so it's very much like
00:13:33
contrast experiences yeah that's
00:13:35
interesting oh thanks for sharing those
00:13:37
they really interesting insights yeah it
00:13:39
is quite weird I suppose it's like
00:13:40
you're in a cage for one and the do
00:13:42
swung open and it's like I don't know
00:13:43
where to go or what to do yeah like one
00:13:47
of the biggest things that I struggled
00:13:48
with um it wasn't just the structure but
00:13:51
it was like the my relationship to
00:13:53
exercise and movement um it wasn't
00:13:55
something that I prepared for like
00:13:59
I I always knew that I needed to move my
00:14:02
body like to to be well and mentally but
00:14:05
you don't have to think about what what
00:14:07
activity you're going to do when you're
00:14:08
in the black sticks because you have a
00:14:10
session every single day and so I think
00:14:12
I took that for granted and when I
00:14:14
stopped um I I I just had a wall I was
00:14:18
like I don't even know what I enjoy
00:14:19
anymore and I'm so glad that you you
00:14:21
love running um I'm still trying to find
00:14:23
my thing um but one of the biggest
00:14:26
things for me was yoga it just doesn't
00:14:28
take the same boxes as hockey because
00:14:30
it's you know you don't get the same
00:14:32
adrenaline and endorphins and I don't
00:14:34
think you can ever um replicate the
00:14:36
feeling of like the rush of being at the
00:14:39
Olympics or the Commonwealth Games yeah
00:14:42
although You' you've had some bad
00:14:43
injuries like you've had some teeth
00:14:44
knocked down and stuff like that that's
00:14:45
not going to happen in yoga which is a A
00:14:47
plus it is a plus yes yeah uh yeah what
00:14:51
what was the teeth thing how many uh so
00:14:54
you might be able to see this one's a
00:14:56
bit discolored but um it was these two
00:14:58
teeth it was actually when I I was
00:14:59
really young I was 13 um yeah pretty
00:15:01
ruthless make sure everyone wears your
00:15:03
mouth guard were you not wearing a mouth
00:15:06
guard I was it just wasn't dentist
00:15:07
molded um so that made a difference cuz
00:15:10
it drops drops out of your mouth and uh
00:15:12
yeah yeah I couldn't I couldn't see the
00:15:15
ball from from that far away it came
00:15:17
straight at me yeah you kept on going
00:15:19
for like another 15
00:15:21
years some call me crazy all right so
00:15:25
since you mentioned this incident happen
00:15:27
happening when you were 13 let's go all
00:15:28
the way back so um you're from F day yes
00:15:32
um it feels like from what I what I
00:15:35
understand about you you kind of um
00:15:38
adored your older brother who was a
00:15:40
couple of years older than you what he
00:15:41
did you wanted to do which I suppose is
00:15:43
common with a lot of siblings I think so
00:15:46
I um like very much just wanted to beat
00:15:49
him at everything like you know younger
00:15:52
sister 2 years older um when I finally
00:15:54
overtook him on the growth chart that
00:15:56
was when he stopped measuring his height
00:15:58
like I felt like won at life um so it's
00:16:00
just quite funny how I guess everyone's
00:16:02
out there with their siblings it's that
00:16:04
that healthy competitiveness and I guess
00:16:06
I always looked at him and he was very
00:16:09
much um like doing the extra yards like
00:16:13
we'd go camping up north at faki over
00:16:15
summer um and for me you know normally I
00:16:18
like I'd be relaxing at the beach but
00:16:20
there he is with you know with his
00:16:21
hockey stick out there practicing all
00:16:23
his little things and going on Hill
00:16:25
Sprints and so I just sort of joined
00:16:27
them really um but he was always like
00:16:30
Fit Fast winning all the cross country
00:16:34
like from an early age and I I really
00:16:36
didn't have that natural ability like I
00:16:39
I sort of um felt like my strength came
00:16:41
with just like hard work and trying to
00:16:44
grinding Yeah well yeah I guess so um my
00:16:47
nickname was actually baby giraffe
00:16:49
growing up yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah so
00:16:51
you were you were six foot by the time
00:16:53
you were like 13 14 yeah I mean that's
00:16:55
going to be a weird day for your for
00:16:57
your older brother the day that you
00:16:58
passed on the the height thing yeah but
00:17:01
like I mean I was tall but I didn't I
00:17:03
didn't really want to be like I just
00:17:04
wanted to fit in you know and and hockey
00:17:07
like being tall I didn't SE it see it as
00:17:09
a strength at the time but when I got
00:17:11
into the black sticks I realized that
00:17:13
like my my reach my length of my arms
00:17:16
and my legs I could um make some sneaky
00:17:18
tackles on people who thought they could
00:17:19
get around me so I guess it did have its
00:17:21
pros but at the time yeah I was just
00:17:23
like tripping up over my own feet please
00:17:27
I still did all my black career someone
00:17:30
honestly someone put together a
00:17:31
highlight reel at one stage of the
00:17:32
amount of times I've tripped over like
00:17:34
with no one else inide uh sniper who who
00:17:37
put that reel together that's very mean
00:17:39
Spirit one of the teammates I think
00:17:41
maybe in a game I'd done it three times
00:17:43
and it was just one of those time so you
00:17:46
you so you started playing hockey when
00:17:47
you or you picked up a hockey stick when
00:17:48
you were three yeah yeah yeah very young
00:17:51
so was it so how did your brother get
00:17:52
into hockey it's a it's a very Niche
00:17:54
sport was it a hockey family were your
00:17:56
parents into very much so yeah my my dad
00:17:58
and my mom both played um actually like
00:18:01
three generations um at at my high
00:18:04
school that I went to we've got three
00:18:05
generations of of people playing hockey
00:18:07
through there my dad was um in the
00:18:09
northern team and he coached both my
00:18:12
brother and I um right up until under 18
00:18:14
I think so yeah very much just went over
00:18:17
went over and the hockey turf was about
00:18:20
a 500 me walk from our house which
00:18:22
helped we were just over there all
00:18:24
weekend we played hideand-seek under the
00:18:25
stairs and up at Northern hockey uh and
00:18:28
just watched de play really and then
00:18:30
sort of grew from there I guess like
00:18:32
that's what I'm really conscious of and
00:18:34
I've talked to my husband about like we
00:18:35
really want that for our our son as well
00:18:38
to just be immersed in that environment
00:18:40
I guess of just running around having
00:18:43
fun yeah it's funny I had Dam Susan Devo
00:18:45
on the podcast a few weeks ago it was a
00:18:46
similar sort of thing with her like her
00:18:47
parents were squash players so she'd be
00:18:49
she'd be at the squash club and they'd
00:18:51
be drinking upstairs or having the the
00:18:53
meat raffle or whatever so she was just
00:18:55
downstairs like working balls You by
00:18:57
herself for hours and you know there
00:18:59
there is something to be said for that I
00:19:01
think so like my brother and I like we
00:19:02
had what we turned our old baby room
00:19:04
into like we put foam pads and staple
00:19:07
guned them onto the walls and we' just
00:19:08
have like yeah sorry Mom and Dad like
00:19:10
not great for the resale yeah yeah um
00:19:13
but yeah like had an astro turf on our
00:19:15
concrete you know little driveway but
00:19:17
very much just whenever we we could I
00:19:19
think it was it just kept us busy really
00:19:22
and and your parents um they were really
00:19:24
big on self-development like quotes
00:19:25
around the house and oh gosh yeah and
00:19:29
you do that now you I read I heard a
00:19:31
podcast that you did that you're massive
00:19:32
on Post-it notes you got Post-it notes
00:19:33
everywhere oh I mean since my sons come
00:19:35
along the Post-it notes of you know not
00:19:37
so much but I I umum I really think
00:19:41
subliminally like my in our bathroom at
00:19:44
home like my um my high school friends
00:19:46
will attest to this like whenever they'd
00:19:48
come over to our house they'd spend
00:19:49
extra long in the toilet because we had
00:19:51
this motivational quotes wall and um mom
00:19:53
was very big on you know like Tony
00:19:55
Robbins um she'd have like the CDs
00:19:57
playing in the car um and I think that
00:19:59
all sort of sunk in maybe at some stage
00:20:01
just that whole idea of just I guess
00:20:03
believing in yourself I don't know like
00:20:05
at a young age you've got all those
00:20:07
insecurities going on and yeah so some
00:20:10
of those quotes you read them and you
00:20:12
don't really understand them at the time
00:20:14
but I think they're all in there
00:20:15
somewhere do you remember some of them
00:20:17
what was on the wall um I think one of
00:20:20
the ones that came to me actually at a
00:20:23
really crucial time in my life was when
00:20:25
I was considering retirement and there
00:20:28
was this one quote um that I I will I'll
00:20:31
probably hash it and get it wrong but
00:20:33
some of something along the lines of um
00:20:35
this is your life do what you love and
00:20:37
do it often um if you don't like
00:20:39
something CH change it if you don't like
00:20:41
your job quit you know if um and it was
00:20:44
just went through this whole list of
00:20:46
this is your life really and and um yeah
00:20:48
and you only get one well it's not it's
00:20:50
not a dress rehearsal and it's like wow
00:20:53
I get to decide that you know it's it's
00:20:54
my decision so I think that was one that
00:20:56
stuck to me and yeah I mean AAL quotes
00:20:59
are all very well and good but it's just
00:21:00
like I guess what you do what you do
00:21:03
with your life really yeah absolutely
00:21:05
and you you got to implement them you
00:21:07
know you can share them on your
00:21:08
Instagram story but you actually have to
00:21:09
do something and take a step to do
00:21:11
something but what um what a cool
00:21:13
upbringing maybe not if you had your
00:21:15
mates in the car with your and mom was
00:21:16
listening to Tony Robbins but yeah and
00:21:18
I'm very very privileged with our
00:21:20
upbringing and you know we didn't have
00:21:22
heaps of money like we still had to
00:21:23
fundraise um for all our tournaments and
00:21:26
I guess one thing that um that we always
00:21:29
did was just like I don't know get out
00:21:33
there sausage sizzles I can't say that
00:21:34
word properly sausage sizzles um you
00:21:37
know careb fundraisers all of the things
00:21:40
to get us to those tournaments because
00:21:42
it's hard sending your kid like hockey
00:21:43
is a pretty expensive sport uh in New
00:21:46
Zealand you've got all the gear as well
00:21:48
and so um trying to yeah trying to get
00:21:51
our ourselves to all those tournaments
00:21:52
over the years has been pretty tough I
00:21:54
think yeah and your poor parents not
00:21:57
like not one um kid exceled at hockey
00:21:59
bit too yeah got coor things it was it
00:22:02
was stressful yeah yeah I mean I think
00:22:05
now being a Pur and I understand
00:22:06
actually the worry of um like us getting
00:22:10
hurt all the time I just can't
00:22:12
understand how they did it and just let
00:22:13
us keep going back out there cuz it is
00:22:16
um you know going through all of those
00:22:18
Hard Times gosh I don't know how they
00:22:20
stood by and you know they were so
00:22:22
supportive so we very lucky yeah and and
00:22:24
at the same time you were really good at
00:22:25
dance as well so it was like yeah and I
00:22:29
think I've got this correct so you
00:22:30
almost reach that crossroad that I think
00:22:32
a lot of people reach with that're good
00:22:33
at you know two sports so say you good
00:22:35
at rugby and Cricket you end up having
00:22:37
to decide one because the The Season's
00:22:39
overlap was it kind of like that with
00:22:40
you with dance and hockey you've done
00:22:42
your research yeah yeah um very much so
00:22:44
like all through uh High School I I just
00:22:47
loved to dance and I think I always kept
00:22:50
coming back to the team environment of
00:22:52
hockey that's what I loved about it um
00:22:54
and so probably that's why I I picked
00:22:56
that one over the other but I was very
00:22:58
um determined to do not just one sport
00:23:02
for as long as I could and so that sort
00:23:05
of meant a lot of splitting myself into
00:23:07
all different you know things but yeah
00:23:10
dance was definitely something I've just
00:23:12
recently you know with my son just
00:23:13
having a bit of fun with getting dance
00:23:15
back into my life and yeah I realized
00:23:18
that I missed it cuz I I was knowing in
00:23:20
the black sticks of making up like the
00:23:22
Team dances and things and so we've got
00:23:23
some quite funny videos actually me and
00:23:26
Jim um mcco were knowing of trying to
00:23:29
get the party going you know with the
00:23:31
music and the dance and it definitely
00:23:32
wasn't feveran and the team um but yeah
00:23:36
I love bringing that into the into the
00:23:38
hockey scene you know the unexpected
00:23:40
sort of number on the side before in the
00:23:42
changing rooms doing the Kickball change
00:23:44
that's was good for Te team team
00:23:45
building team bonding but um we were you
00:23:47
in the team when Tik Tok was a thing or
00:23:50
oh damn it oh you would have thrived oh
00:23:53
I think so uh look yeah we we were doing
00:23:56
all those sort of like challenges and
00:23:57
things you know like the Australian
00:23:59
women's team I think challenged us to do
00:24:01
some sort of dance and so a dance off we
00:24:04
bit of an online dance off um the
00:24:06
video's out there somewhere that' be so
00:24:08
cool if if you got to fulltime in a game
00:24:10
and it was like one all two all and then
00:24:11
it was like a 10minute dance off or
00:24:12
something yeah decid yeah yeah oh that's
00:24:16
what sort of dance uh I did all sorts
00:24:18
but contemporary um hip-hop year just
00:24:20
sort of well actually cheerleading um
00:24:23
that was a big part of my life and uh
00:24:26
yeah I think people underestimate
00:24:27
cheerleading it was bloody hard like
00:24:29
flipping yourself and throwing people up
00:24:31
in the air but it's a huge thing
00:24:33
overseas eh there's there's a bit of a
00:24:35
cheerleading community in New Zealand as
00:24:36
well and the athleticism and the
00:24:38
gymnastics involved it's
00:24:40
incredible I did gymnastics at a really
00:24:42
young age I think that was um yeah quite
00:24:44
crucial to I still tripped up over my
00:24:45
own feet but I think dance helped so um
00:24:49
yes so you made the black sticks uh in
00:24:52
2014 yes so you you studied in what did
00:24:55
you study in wetto I did a betch of
00:24:57
communications I was really lucky to get
00:24:58
a serban Hillary scholarship down there
00:25:00
so that mean free uni so um yeah really
00:25:04
lucky how do you how do you get one of
00:25:05
them um I I think I mean it's
00:25:07
performance um or in the Arts or Sports
00:25:10
and I think I just applied and yeah got
00:25:12
it how good so so you get through your
00:25:14
degree and then just as you're reaching
00:25:15
the end of that that's when you you make
00:25:17
the black caps um blacks oh that's right
00:25:20
that's right um what are your what are
00:25:23
your memories of first making the team
00:25:25
were you on the radar yeah interesting
00:25:27
um my journey I was very shocked because
00:25:30
I wasn't the I wasn't the standout
00:25:32
player in anything that I did um like my
00:25:35
first leaving at school I was on the
00:25:36
bench very very much and then I sort of
00:25:39
made like the New Zealand age group
00:25:41
teams with the likes of love Mary um and
00:25:44
yeah lots of the girls who I ended up
00:25:45
playing with for a long time so I did
00:25:47
make those New Zealand age group teams
00:25:49
and then I guess when I went to UNI I
00:25:50
probably enjoyed myself a little bit too
00:25:53
much and uh had a really fun time down
00:25:56
there and and so when I got the call up
00:25:59
I was in my final year of of uni and I
00:26:01
was driving up three or four times a
00:26:04
week to Oakland and then you know
00:26:05
arriving home at midnight it was pretty
00:26:08
unsustainable uh I didn't have much I I
00:26:10
think I approached someone to to fund my
00:26:12
petrol you know but not a lot of uh that
00:26:15
was sort of trying to get into the into
00:26:17
the mix really so yeah I was invited to
00:26:20
train with the team and that's where
00:26:21
they sort of look at you and and and
00:26:24
there's like a development program and
00:26:25
then yeah sort of got the call which I
00:26:27
was very shocked at cuz I guess it's
00:26:29
something that you dream of since you're
00:26:30
a little kid and especially watching my
00:26:32
brother go through it all and then it
00:26:33
was finally happening and I was to be
00:26:35
honest like quite [ __ ] scared you were
00:26:38
you did did you feel like um yeah are
00:26:40
you familiar with imposter syndrome oh
00:26:42
absolutely yeah I think the the first
00:26:45
year of the black sticks for me it was
00:26:48
so contradicting because it was expected
00:26:51
for me I had these expectations that was
00:26:52
going to be the best year of my life and
00:26:55
due to I guess a lot of different things
00:26:57
that happened that year it was probably
00:26:59
one of the hardest years in my life and
00:27:00
like to be honest by the end of 2014 so
00:27:04
when I um yeah when I debuted and and it
00:27:07
was a full full
00:27:09
year I was ready to quit really to be
00:27:11
honest um I can we can go into that that
00:27:14
detail if you want yeah he please why
00:27:17
well it seems um yeah for someone it
00:27:20
seems like a heads scratching thing from
00:27:21
someone that's got no sort of idea it's
00:27:23
like you've you've [ __ ] made it you
00:27:24
done exactly you're in yeah yeah you
00:27:27
think that right so you think think all
00:27:28
of my happiness is going to be come true
00:27:31
like this is my dream and so on the
00:27:33
outside I like I was very good at that
00:27:35
whole fake it to you make fake it to you
00:27:37
make it but also like don't want to be
00:27:38
seen as as struggling because that's
00:27:40
weakness I don't know if you you do that
00:27:42
too I think completely common nature you
00:27:45
know um and so for me it was like you
00:27:47
know this this is um this experience is
00:27:51
a dream come true and I have to act so
00:27:54
grateful and I am so grateful um but a
00:27:56
couple of things happened so the first
00:27:58
was I just had this inner critic in my
00:28:00
head and like you said imposter syndrome
00:28:03
like saying the most cruelest things
00:28:06
like my voice was just saying like you
00:28:08
don't deserve to be here you know you're
00:28:10
not good enough for this you're going to
00:28:11
make up you're going to make up again
00:28:13
and like my debut was incredible like
00:28:15
you know got presented my shirt I'm
00:28:16
singing The Anthem tears streaming down
00:28:19
my face I just remember it so vividly
00:28:21
and then I just start making mistake
00:28:24
after mistake and it's just like that
00:28:26
voice just got louder and louder and I
00:28:28
just didn't know how to handle it and so
00:28:31
like the first it it was quite crippling
00:28:33
in the sense that I didn't want to share
00:28:36
that with anyone cuz everyone else
00:28:37
looked like they were having you know
00:28:39
they got that they had their [ __ ]
00:28:41
together you know because no one's
00:28:43
sharing the reality of like for me
00:28:46
debuting for New Zealand I was like I
00:28:47
don't know anything about this sport it
00:28:50
just felt like I it was the same with
00:28:51
motherhood by the way when you throw it
00:28:53
into it you can read all the books yeah
00:28:56
you're there and you're just like how
00:28:58
did I get here I don't deserve to be
00:28:59
here and so that that was the start of
00:29:02
me trying to like process what was going
00:29:05
on inside my head um I somehow got
00:29:07
picked for like the next tour you kind
00:29:10
of done as badly as what you as what you
00:29:13
thought yeah I mean to be honest you
00:29:15
must have done enough at least I think
00:29:16
so but also like I think I relied
00:29:19
heavily on my strengths which was like I
00:29:22
was I was quite um I guess uh I was a
00:29:25
talker in the team and like
00:29:27
communication is such a big thing that
00:29:29
that is quite valuable and like looking
00:29:31
at the game and analyzing it like yes I
00:29:34
um made plenty of mistakes but I think
00:29:36
that was something that really dragged
00:29:38
me through I don't know to be honest we
00:29:40
should ask the coach maybe they keep you
00:29:42
in there for your your team morale and
00:29:43
the dancers I think so look dancing does
00:29:46
not help oh hurt dancing doesn't hurt um
00:29:49
but yeah so something else happened to
00:29:50
me which early on which um so I tore all
00:29:53
three ligaments in my ankle uh stood on
00:29:56
the goalkeeper foam kicker you know like
00:29:58
her pad on her foot this was over in
00:30:00
America and so yeah I was in a moon
00:30:02
burden on crutches and and was sent home
00:30:05
sort of early um and everyone else got
00:30:07
to stop through Hawaii and I you know
00:30:09
for a little mini vacay and I was um
00:30:12
standing on the beach in Hawaii thinking
00:30:14
like no I've got to get home and uh yeah
00:30:17
just really right I was I think it was
00:30:20
the the sort of you know the the timing
00:30:23
for me was pretty I guess important that
00:30:26
I was home um um yeah I just dealt with
00:30:29
the loss of a really close friend um at
00:30:31
the age of 21 um so yeah her name was
00:30:34
Caitlyn and she passed away from cancer
00:30:37
and that was a real real pivotal time
00:30:41
for me going through that I guess at
00:30:43
that 21 you know that was really young
00:30:47
and and then I had to rejoin the black
00:30:49
sticks and prove that I was deserving to
00:30:52
be in the New Zealand's best hockey team
00:30:54
going through personal grief and then
00:30:55
you pile on all of that uncertainty you
00:30:58
know and that voice in your head and all
00:31:00
of a sudden it's just this recipe of um
00:31:03
yeah really unhealthy I think but I
00:31:05
didn't want to be seen as weak and so I
00:31:07
just sort of poured myself into hockey I
00:31:09
think we're guilty of that right like
00:31:10
just ignore the what's going on and just
00:31:14
like pursue that thing that you want to
00:31:16
do yeah yeah it's terrible yeah like a
00:31:18
lot of what you're saying can resonate
00:31:19
with me but again like I'm I'm not a
00:31:21
high performer and I think high
00:31:22
performance it's even it's even worse
00:31:24
right down to lying to lying to doctors
00:31:26
and stuff you know no I don't have a
00:31:28
concussion I'm good or like to be honest
00:31:31
like I um I was lying to the physio like
00:31:34
and I sorry j um but yeah like sometimes
00:31:38
you wouldn't be the first you won't be
00:31:39
the last no like and and like we um I I
00:31:42
was number one patient in the physio for
00:31:45
for my whole career really because I had
00:31:47
this ongoing knee pain um patal ATT
00:31:50
tendonopathy so I had that chronic pain
00:31:52
for like the first four four or five
00:31:54
years of my career where it got so
00:31:56
crippling that um it B basically became
00:31:58
like part of my identity cuz it was just
00:32:00
um Relentless and had I had not pushed
00:32:04
through in those early stages I I really
00:32:06
don't think I would have done as much
00:32:07
damage but being you in the team you
00:32:10
know like you just don't want to be seen
00:32:11
as weak it's like push through cuz I was
00:32:13
like coming you almost last in the
00:32:15
fitness tests and everything so I
00:32:17
thought you know I can't afford to take
00:32:20
you know to take a back seat here yeah I
00:32:22
suppose like you you work so hard and
00:32:24
it's your goal from the age of I don't
00:32:26
know three five whatever and you finally
00:32:28
get on that treadmill the last thing you
00:32:30
want to do is like voluntarily step off
00:32:33
yeah yeah I don't know what it is about
00:32:34
us
00:32:35
kiwis it's sort of I mean I've gotten
00:32:38
better at um you know like how do you
00:32:41
tell you know how do you say look
00:32:43
actually I don't want that opportunity
00:32:45
I've got to actually just stop and rest
00:32:47
but I actually think it's really
00:32:48
important to do that sometimes when you
00:32:49
know that it's going to cause you even
00:32:51
more issues yeah absolutely cuz physical
00:32:53
health like if you if you have got
00:32:55
debilitating knee pain that's keeping
00:32:57
you awake at night
00:32:58
um you you yeah you can't have one
00:33:01
without the other really you can't have
00:33:02
like poor physical health and good good
00:33:05
mental health cuz they sort of um Link
00:33:07
in together yeah totally yeah I think
00:33:09
that's what started my journey into this
00:33:11
world world of like wellness if You'
00:33:13
like to call it that um because I got to
00:33:15
the point of like I was almost having
00:33:18
these anxiety sort of episodes in the
00:33:22
car park before I would step out and
00:33:24
have go to training and all these little
00:33:26
things started to develop like I got
00:33:28
this real anxiety around being late to
00:33:30
training um just little things um that
00:33:33
really caught me off guard and so it was
00:33:35
just the fact that I wasn't dealing with
00:33:37
all of those things um actually one
00:33:40
thing that I was weighing up whether or
00:33:42
not I'd share maybe I will um I I don't
00:33:45
talk about it much because I don't know
00:33:47
why um but something that happened to me
00:33:50
before uh before the black six career
00:33:53
was um my my husband and I were actually
00:33:55
in the Christ Church earthquakes in the
00:33:58
middle of them and um and I think maybe
00:34:01
the reason I don't talk about it is
00:34:02
because we were very lucky and there's
00:34:05
so many people who had it worse off I
00:34:07
like survivors guilting away yeah I
00:34:09
don't know maybe um but I yeah we were
00:34:12
on casual Street in the in the middle of
00:34:14
it all and and saw a lot and Sur like
00:34:16
survived basically and and I didn't
00:34:20
really process the effect and or impact
00:34:22
that had on me and so yeah again you
00:34:25
know pushed that away because I came
00:34:26
back to Hamilton where no one had been
00:34:28
in the earthquake and we just got on as
00:34:30
life as normal and then all of a sudden
00:34:31
I'm thrust into this you know black
00:34:33
sticks career so I think all along like
00:34:36
and when we talk about sort of that
00:34:38
retirement transition I can touch on
00:34:40
like what came up and what bubbled up
00:34:42
from the surface but yeah all along I I
00:34:44
also had that sort of underlying I guess
00:34:47
mod of anxiety from this traumatic event
00:34:50
that I probably was not conscious of um
00:34:53
but yeah so all of this is
00:34:55
building and yeah just got to the point
00:34:57
where I basically like sat down one day
00:35:00
uh after training and on the couch and
00:35:02
just thought to myself like I actually
00:35:04
can't keep going the way that I am you
00:35:06
know either I'm going to quit or what am
00:35:09
I going to change um so very close to
00:35:12
just just calling it there and just
00:35:16
little things I don't know if um if
00:35:18
you've had this experience but like just
00:35:20
the tiniest little nudge from someone
00:35:22
can give you that little bit of Hope or
00:35:25
you know follow a breed crime and all of
00:35:26
a sudden that your way out yeah
00:35:29
especially if you're desperately looking
00:35:30
for an answer and yeah yeah and it's
00:35:33
like the teacher will appear you know
00:35:34
when you're ready students so for me it
00:35:37
was um actually a podcast that that my
00:35:39
brother sent me and it was talking about
00:35:42
um was Tim Ferris is podcast about
00:35:43
meditation and the headspace app so that
00:35:46
was my first sort of glimmer of hope
00:35:48
that maybe that voice in my head like
00:35:49
maybe I can control it or work with it
00:35:52
but from there on it was like right
00:35:54
where can I get the edge like what is
00:35:57
that 1% that I can do and so I just went
00:36:00
on a bit of a a geeky you know sort of
00:36:03
rabbit hole of um yoga meditation all
00:36:06
the things you know back when meditation
00:36:09
wasn't really talked about that much um
00:36:11
I read a book called um the mindful
00:36:13
athlete by George mford the the NBA
00:36:15
psychologist and that really changed the
00:36:18
game for me um and changed my
00:36:20
performance too like I was all of a
00:36:22
sudden actually instead of being like on
00:36:24
the bench I was starting line up you
00:36:26
know being able to be relied on in those
00:36:28
moments so did it I mean you in the team
00:36:31
for a really long time like the best
00:36:32
part of a decade did it get to the point
00:36:33
where you where you enjoyed it were you
00:36:36
enjoyed parts of it or was it just of
00:36:38
aspects of it that you enjoyed yeah I
00:36:39
mean like like anything that when it's
00:36:41
your full-time job I think you you
00:36:42
sometimes lose that spark of that full
00:36:45
enjoyment base you know yeah um and and
00:36:49
it does like the actual nature of what
00:36:52
you see on TV versus what reality is of
00:36:54
the amount of hard trainings that you do
00:36:58
I think that um you know you you never
00:37:00
really enjoy all aspects of it but when
00:37:04
you when you think of that sort of 1%
00:37:06
when you're like running out of the
00:37:07
Olympic Games you know there's
00:37:08
definitely some moments there where it's
00:37:09
like man that was so cool and like you
00:37:11
can't really have the same experience
00:37:14
again where I got to travel the world
00:37:16
with some of my closest mates you know
00:37:17
and and see some pretty cool places so
00:37:20
yeah definitely um enjoyed it and also
00:37:22
at the same time was just you know
00:37:24
really hard I I don't think that's
00:37:26
talked about enough and that's why I'm
00:37:27
really like quite passionate about
00:37:29
opening up about the the hard aspects
00:37:31
because I don't want to sound ungrateful
00:37:34
like it was an incredible experience and
00:37:36
and it's taught me so much but at the
00:37:38
same time you know people think that
00:37:41
like have I guess false expectations of
00:37:44
what it's going to be like at their top
00:37:45
level just going to be like smiling and
00:37:47
medals you know yeah no I I think it's
00:37:49
good to shine a torch on just how how
00:37:51
hard things are cuz I think that's
00:37:52
another kywi thing as well to go on you
00:37:54
know about being appreciative and you
00:37:57
being
00:37:59
aity it like high performance sport it's
00:38:02
not for the Fain is it well I got um
00:38:05
this
00:38:06
feedback um from quite a few people I
00:38:08
had a post called de Olympian that went
00:38:11
viral
00:38:12
um it was uh after the Tokyo yeah after
00:38:16
the Tokyo Olympics I wrote a letter to
00:38:19
myself as you know as what I wish I knew
00:38:22
directly after the Olympic Games and it
00:38:26
was just an open letter and you know the
00:38:27
liks of sort of like Michael Phelps and
00:38:29
all these incredible Olympians sort of
00:38:31
picked it up and ju it just literally I
00:38:34
think it was like um 50,000 likes or
00:38:36
something just went crazy and I think
00:38:39
the reason why people resonated with it
00:38:41
was because what what you said no
00:38:43
Olympian wants to sound ungrateful and
00:38:45
and winging and I did get you know those
00:38:47
people the Archer critics you know
00:38:49
saying like oh poor you you've been to
00:38:51
the Olympics you know um yeah Bo [ __ ]
00:38:53
H yeah yeah yeah and so when I wrote it
00:38:56
with with with those Olympians in mind I
00:38:58
think that's why people resonated with
00:38:59
it so much um but like that like I'm
00:39:02
thinking about Paris coming up this year
00:39:04
for for all of those Olympians who um
00:39:06
maybe it's not the Olympics maybe it's
00:39:08
you know just another event but man it's
00:39:11
such a tricky time to navigate
00:39:13
afterwards cuz literally no one
00:39:16
understands what you're going through
00:39:17
apart from everyone who was there you
00:39:19
know um and it's yeah it's a bit of a
00:39:23
mind
00:39:24
game yeah
00:39:25
completely wow Michael Phelps liked your
00:39:29
post what what yeah what were some of
00:39:31
the lines in it can you remember I mean
00:39:32
Michael Michael Phelps is is is he the
00:39:35
most successful Olympian of all time
00:39:37
he's got like 20 gold medals or
00:39:38
something like what I was excited about
00:39:41
was um I mean his opening up about
00:39:43
depression and mental health I was like
00:39:45
this is perfect should I should I get
00:39:46
the post yeah yeah go on um it's a bit
00:39:49
of a long long one and you can oopsies
00:39:51
and you can probably cut it if you
00:39:54
absolutely not I'm not a high performer
00:39:56
no editing around here no editing no
00:39:58
could probably do with an edit some
00:39:59
weeks but no yeah yeah here we go um
00:40:03
yeah so
00:40:05
um sorry no you're
00:40:09
right you could probably obviously
00:40:11
really had a nerve with a with a lot of
00:40:12
people obviously like hit the tone bang
00:40:15
on the head it did yeah so um here we go
00:40:18
a letter I wish I got after the Olympics
00:40:21
um dear Olympian I just wanted to pop in
00:40:23
and check on you so you might be a
00:40:25
little confused right now you've just
00:40:27
competed at the world's biggest sporting
00:40:28
event and yet this is the lowest one of
00:40:30
the lowest times you've ever felt you've
00:40:32
been in this bubble your own little
00:40:33
world with 10,000 athletes are at the
00:40:35
top of their game you've poured Blood
00:40:37
Sweat and Tears to get there but you
00:40:39
weren't really prepared for the day
00:40:40
after for the week after for the months
00:40:43
after this huge spectacle you weren't
00:40:45
prepared for life to continue as nothing
00:40:47
as if nothing happened when you walk
00:40:48
down the street and from the outside you
00:40:50
still look the same but your insides are
00:40:52
still processing all that you've been
00:40:53
through and no one can see that they
00:40:55
don't understand you might think not
00:40:57
even your close friends and family this
00:40:59
is the hard part Because unless they've
00:41:00
experienced the Olympics before how can
00:41:02
they possibly understand yet somehow you
00:41:04
get frustrated at them and you're unsure
00:41:07
what they even did that was wrong um
00:41:09
it's okay it's part of the process
00:41:11
continue to connect with them and walk
00:41:13
with them through your feelings you find
00:41:15
yourself with 56 unread messages not
00:41:18
wanting to open them and reply politely
00:41:20
you can sit up copy and pasting the same
00:41:22
response and then you give up you're
00:41:24
surrounded with so much love and support
00:41:26
but somehow you still feel alone
00:41:28
scrolling through your phone mindlessly
00:41:30
to fill the Gap that You' have that
00:41:31
hurts you cringe at the messages that
00:41:33
ask how was it unlucky you fought so
00:41:36
hard how does it feel to be an Olympian
00:41:38
because you don't know how to answer and
00:41:40
you've got mixed feelings on one hand
00:41:42
you think yeah that was freaking epic
00:41:44
what an experience but on the other hand
00:41:46
your heart has been ripped to shreds
00:41:47
from the roller coaster you've been on
00:41:49
and you're not you're on the verge of
00:41:50
tears over the smallest things like
00:41:52
you're a tree that hasn't put its roots
00:41:54
down and the smallest gust of wind could
00:41:55
knock you over mhm you feel a little
00:41:58
selfish don't you because your
00:41:59
relationships have been pretty one-sided
00:42:01
lately it's always been about you just
00:42:03
remember in relationships there's always
00:42:05
give and take you will have your chance
00:42:06
to give them back back to them in time
00:42:09
perhaps you can focus on planning an
00:42:10
exciting adventure together with a loved
00:42:12
one and create some conversations that
00:42:13
don't involve what you've been through
00:42:16
talk to those who have been there before
00:42:17
you connect with your teammates after
00:42:19
all they're no doubt experiencing the
00:42:21
same thing
00:42:22
too do you want me to keep going yeah
00:42:24
yeah yeah keep going um jez I'm loving
00:42:26
this you were just having like a you're
00:42:29
just pouring out your thoughts say like
00:42:30
a brain D yeah this is I it says a lot
00:42:32
about where you
00:42:34
were yeah and what I needed to hear you
00:42:37
know um so it's just a little bit longer
00:42:38
so um your body is limping aching
00:42:41
bruised and begging for attention
00:42:42
pleading with you to rest so you've been
00:42:44
sleeping all day but you're still
00:42:46
exhausted have you heard that
00:42:49
before so so don't that's normal don't
00:42:52
worry I know that you uh sorry I know I
00:42:55
want you to know that guilt you've been
00:42:58
carrying you can let go of it the guilt
00:43:00
that you feel for not wanting to make
00:43:01
breakfast let alone exercise is a normal
00:43:03
emotion to feel but we can let that go
00:43:05
you've just spent 100% of your energy
00:43:08
focus and time and heart to be at the
00:43:09
top of your game and you deserve to rest
00:43:11
without feeling guilt what's the point
00:43:13
of exercise anyway you might ask we've
00:43:15
had this huge goal to get out of bed for
00:43:17
and now you have to some time to
00:43:19
yourself and you're thinking what's the
00:43:20
point remember how good it is to feel to
00:43:23
walk in the sand to stretch your muscles
00:43:25
start small and take off your stop
00:43:28
watch um so you don't need to be hitting
00:43:31
targets what I know for sure is that
00:43:33
everything you're feeling will pass
00:43:35
you'll start to feel better I promise
00:43:36
take it one step at a time one day at a
00:43:38
time and remember you're exactly where
00:43:40
you're meant to
00:43:41
be so yeah you so you in hindsight so
00:43:44
you wrote that a lot of years ago um
00:43:46
your 2016 well I actually wrote it um in
00:43:50
2020 so thinking about all of my
00:43:52
teammates who are coming home and even
00:43:54
to worse situations where they're all
00:43:56
having to isolate you know for Co so
00:43:58
they couldn't be with their close
00:44:00
friends and family and and I actually
00:44:02
sent it to a few of my teammates just
00:44:04
thinking like hope this helps you
00:44:05
because that's what I experienced um so
00:44:07
yeah I only wrote it in 2020 but I very
00:44:10
much remember that 2016 feeling so you
00:44:13
sounds like you were you were like
00:44:15
properly depressed after the Olympics do
00:44:17
you think no I to be honest I don't
00:44:19
think that I was um the whole thing
00:44:21
about um you're not wanting to get out
00:44:23
of bed and sleeping a lot and still
00:44:24
being tired yeah I mean who knows but I
00:44:27
think and hindsight's great isn't it
00:44:29
like you look back but I um I'm very I
00:44:31
was I think the one thing that really
00:44:33
helped me was my support from like my
00:44:35
husband and my my parents and my family
00:44:38
cuz the one thing that I did differently
00:44:40
over the years was actually just
00:44:42
realized I don't have to suffer alone
00:44:44
and I can reach reach out for help and
00:44:46
and get that support I guess cuz you
00:44:48
know we don't we often just think we'll
00:44:51
just get on with it and Soldier on but
00:44:54
on yeah yeah wow so um
00:44:57
you do you think you're Oly you guys
00:44:59
finished fourth at the Olympics which is
00:45:01
like the worst place thanks for the
00:45:03
reminder does that make it even worse
00:45:06
like being so close to the yeah the the
00:45:09
medals and yeah I I don't
00:45:12
know I think all we ever talked about
00:45:14
leading up to those Olympics or all that
00:45:17
sort of was always running in the
00:45:18
backgrounders winner medal you know and
00:45:21
London four years prior we also came
00:45:23
forth so it was in the back of our minds
00:45:25
like we don't want to do that again you
00:45:26
know and even talking to some of the
00:45:28
girls who had been to London uh they
00:45:30
shared their experiences and it was very
00:45:32
much um going into that bronze medal
00:45:34
match thinking not about the worst case
00:45:37
scenario it was always like we're going
00:45:38
to get this bronze so yeah when it when
00:45:41
we came
00:45:42
forth I think
00:45:44
my I had this um this feeling of like
00:45:49
well who am I now because I just put all
00:45:51
my hopes and expectations on that medal
00:45:54
and yeah I actually have you have you
00:45:56
seen the documentary um NAD Diana niad
00:45:59
the swimmer oh the swimmer yeah yeah
00:46:01
yeah it's incredible so so incredible
00:46:03
and like again this little breakr that
00:46:05
really helped shift my perspective um
00:46:07
and you know how everyone says like
00:46:09
enjoy the journey like you know it's not
00:46:11
about the destination um so so corny and
00:46:14
so cheesy but I was very much trying to
00:46:16
figure out like what's the point if you
00:46:17
know if we go to the Olympics and either
00:46:20
we win a medal or we don't we still come
00:46:21
home and then what you know and so I was
00:46:24
home thinking like what what am I doing
00:46:26
now and and I watched a tid talk from
00:46:28
her from Dian and I had and um yeah she
00:46:31
basically in in one way or another said
00:46:33
like regardless of whether or not you
00:46:35
get to that other Shore I have to look
00:46:37
back on my journey and and ask myself
00:46:39
will I be proud you know even if I don't
00:46:41
get there and that really hit home to me
00:46:43
because I thought man I could be doing
00:46:45
so much more than just playing hockey um
00:46:48
to have an impact and and so that's sort
00:46:51
of I guess where things shifted and I I
00:46:54
quit my marketing job and I started my
00:46:55
own business and I guess wanted to be
00:46:58
who I wish I had when I was younger
00:47:00
which which is I guess a bit of a mentor
00:47:03
to those young athletes coming through
00:47:04
yeah yeah I love that so much have you
00:47:07
got the Olympic rings tattooed anyway no
00:47:10
really what I thought it was compulsory
00:47:12
oh no I um do you know I feel like I
00:47:16
might have been a bit of a chicken
00:47:17
because I thought you know if I ever go
00:47:18
to the Olympics I will and then you sort
00:47:20
of get there in your
00:47:21
L it's like like any any guy that ever
00:47:23
does an Iron Man you have to get the uh
00:47:25
the Iron Man logo you C pretty no have
00:47:28
you have you got no I don't but if I did
00:47:30
an Iron Man I would absolutely get the
00:47:32
[ __ ] tattoo um well you've got that
00:47:35
on record now so yeah absolutely oh
00:47:37
let's just dig around the Olympics for a
00:47:39
little is it not too painful to talk
00:47:41
about no no no it's all good yeah um any
00:47:43
got like Olympic stories or Olympic
00:47:45
experience I think the um podcast guest
00:47:47
I've had so far that's had the best
00:47:48
story is probably Susie Bates oh yes who
00:47:50
you know the cricketer yeah yeah so she
00:47:52
went there as a teenager with um the New
00:47:55
Zealand basketball team yeah and um they
00:47:57
got invited out on the bus with the USA
00:48:01
um redeemed team I think it was I've
00:48:03
heard this yeah so it was like um yeah
00:48:05
Kobe and Lebron and uh then they went to
00:48:08
a booth and they were sitting with David
00:48:10
Beckham yeah that's a what do you got oh
00:48:12
the closest one I've got is um yeah
00:48:14
walking out of the food Hall and seeing
00:48:16
CU they had tennis courts in the village
00:48:17
just like practice ones um and jovic was
00:48:20
just having a hit with his training
00:48:21
partner so we were all sort of just bit
00:48:22
Star truck there um and then I guess one
00:48:25
one of my favorite moments
00:48:27
was actually after we lost the the
00:48:29
bronze medal and actually I think um so
00:48:31
it was Ruby to who um I talked to about
00:48:34
this afterwards but been like I don't
00:48:36
think you realize how much that meant to
00:48:38
us um so shout out to the sevens girls
00:48:41
because um they small things e but it's
00:48:44
just being empathetic in that moment of
00:48:46
you know that's just such a kick in the
00:48:49
guts you know we've come forth we're all
00:48:51
sitting around the village moping and um
00:48:53
get a message from the sevens girls
00:48:54
saying hey girls come downstairs we've
00:48:56
got something for you
00:48:57
and at that stage so the free McDonald's
00:48:59
line in the village you know was very
00:49:01
long and like sometimes you wait for an
00:49:03
hour and because our our tournament runs
00:49:05
for the full two weeks we actually
00:49:06
couldn't obviously have McDonald's so
00:49:09
that was sort of very much waiting for
00:49:11
us afterwards and the the Seven Girls
00:49:13
lined up for us waited an hour in the
00:49:15
McDonald's line and then brought us like
00:49:17
30 cheeseburgers and you know like 30 um
00:49:20
chips and everything and just had them
00:49:22
on the table for us and we just came
00:49:24
down and like I remember almost bursting
00:49:25
into tears it was like like you guys are
00:49:27
so nice yeah that's so yeah that was
00:49:29
that was awesome um and then I guess
00:49:31
probably my My ultimate favorite was the
00:49:34
opening ceremony we actually didn't get
00:49:36
to go cuz we had an early game the next
00:49:38
day um but we all got dressed up and got
00:49:40
got our special pamu and I look across
00:49:43
and you know there's the hacker and it's
00:49:44
underneath the Rio stars and all the
00:49:47
things you know lining up and you're
00:49:48
just pinching yourself and I look across
00:49:50
and um and I catch a glimpse of my big
00:49:53
brother yeah which was oh he was playing
00:49:56
in the me team at the same Olympics
00:49:58
that's crazy for your parents oh you're
00:50:00
wild um cuz only two children you know
00:50:02
in the family and um and it was just
00:50:04
like that's the guy who I you know like
00:50:07
grew up trying to beat and now we're
00:50:09
both here and it was a really cool cool
00:50:12
moment um my parents that was the first
00:50:14
time they'd actually like properly left
00:50:16
New Zealand together was to come and
00:50:18
watch both the kids at the Olympics what
00:50:19
what do you mean properly left New Zeal
00:50:21
well like we didn't have the money to
00:50:22
just like go over overseas Adventures
00:50:24
they were helping us get to all the
00:50:26
places we wanted to go um so they're
00:50:28
very selfless in that respect and and so
00:50:32
yeah they found themselves over Rio and
00:50:34
watching their kids which is pretty cool
00:50:36
it's amazing yeah it's amazing is is
00:50:39
there any sort of stats or records about
00:50:41
siblings that have made the same games I
00:50:43
haven't looked but like can't be it's
00:50:45
not that common right yeah I mean no I
00:50:48
think the similar Sports have quite
00:50:50
common um and we've had like a couple of
00:50:52
siblings in the black sticks uh like the
00:50:54
Harrison sisters and the and the women
00:50:56
te things so yeah but it was pretty
00:50:59
special yeah to be over there now you
00:51:02
you've mentioned um your teammate and
00:51:03
friend um Jimmer a few times Jimma Flynn
00:51:06
she was yeah um do you remember so so
00:51:09
were you with her when her and Richie
00:51:10
mcco started dating and what are your
00:51:12
Recollections of that
00:51:14
time it seems where it's been like feels
00:51:17
like there's been a few moments in
00:51:18
hockey where there's been like a spike
00:51:20
and sort of popularity like I'm thinking
00:51:22
of like Mandy Smith back in the day who
00:51:24
was seeing Mark Alice then there was
00:51:26
honor
00:51:27
was seeing Dan Carter and then um and
00:51:29
then Jim when she started dating Richie
00:51:31
which is feels like a little bit of an
00:51:33
ey roll in a way that hockey gets this
00:51:35
extra exposure when you got these
00:51:36
players that start like dating
00:51:38
high-profile guys oh I don't I don't
00:51:40
really remember much it was such a long
00:51:42
time ago um it was just a promo that we
00:51:44
did with the the All Blacks and um and
00:51:47
yeah from there like I remember Richie
00:51:49
came and visited uh the village over in
00:51:51
Rio cuz obviously he wasn't playing in
00:51:53
it but he came in and and talked to he
00:51:55
actually talked to us for the games and
00:51:58
um or like a pip talk pretty much yeah
00:52:01
like and when it's Richie MCO you you
00:52:03
listen you know so it was like everyone
00:52:05
it's not like what does he know yeah it
00:52:06
was like tuning in like everyone was
00:52:07
leaning forward um and one thing
00:52:10
actually that he said that really stuck
00:52:11
with with me was that fear of what if we
00:52:14
lose you know and he said yeah you got
00:52:15
to turn it around and ask yourself like
00:52:16
what if we win how exciting is that um
00:52:19
that really like mentally was a really
00:52:20
cool thing that I hung on to but um no
00:52:23
such two such beautiful people and I was
00:52:25
just talking about I just saw that they
00:52:26
off doing an Adventure Race either today
00:52:29
or tomorrow and just how how cool is it
00:52:31
that they've both found something after
00:52:34
sport like that you know to do together
00:52:35
oh yeah they're an insane couple and
00:52:38
just the the um amount of discipline
00:52:40
they have oh they're just absolute goals
00:52:43
um I I love that too that that thing
00:52:45
about what if we what if we win I think
00:52:47
that was a line maybe I heard him heard
00:52:49
him in an interview or maybe wasn't as
00:52:50
chasing great movie but um I've heard
00:52:52
him say that before and it's a I'd never
00:52:55
actually thought about that until he
00:52:56
said it that way neither I yeah I read I
00:52:58
read a quote on Instagram the other day
00:52:59
and it said um it was talking about
00:53:01
something about in a monologue and uh
00:53:03
you know how you tend to think about the
00:53:04
worst case scenario and it um the quote
00:53:07
said something like if you're going to
00:53:08
if you're going to listen to that voice
00:53:09
you also have to play out the best case
00:53:11
scenario yeah and the most likely
00:53:13
scenario as well I thought it's a really
00:53:15
good way of looking at things because
00:53:16
you do you just catastrophize it don't
00:53:18
you human nature human nature for our
00:53:20
default setting to be negative because
00:53:22
you're trying to you know survive really
00:53:24
like that Primal Instinct so yeah it's
00:53:26
def itely um something that we have to
00:53:29
really train our brain to look at all
00:53:30
the positive things it's hard though hey
00:53:33
um you mentioned um your your best
00:53:35
friend Caitlyn before um you want to
00:53:38
talk about her a bit how did how did you
00:53:40
guys meet yeah um university friend or
00:53:43
younger no yeah High School yeah yeah um
00:53:46
yeah we we actually just had her 10year
00:53:48
anniversary which just mind-blowing um
00:53:51
yeah I still get choked up about it um
00:53:55
probably don't want to talk too to much
00:53:56
about it it's still definitely like I
00:53:59
think about her all the time and I think
00:54:01
when you go through a loss at that young
00:54:04
age I think you grow up quite quickly
00:54:07
and realize what's important um but yeah
00:54:10
like having a son now I just everything
00:54:14
hits home a bit more about you know how
00:54:16
devastating that is to to everyone that
00:54:19
that knew her but she was such a
00:54:20
beautiful soul and very much um you know
00:54:23
fought to the end so I'm so lucky that
00:54:27
that I got to know her as long as I did
00:54:29
but very much um yeah huge impact on my
00:54:31
life she was so ahead of the game in
00:54:33
terms of um looking after herself and
00:54:36
like I look back on some of the things
00:54:37
that she was saying it's like man you
00:54:40
you know you you had so much more to
00:54:42
give and say in this world and that's
00:54:43
what I I try and do is I guess take a
00:54:46
bit of her Legacy and and try and um
00:54:49
keep her her memory alive as well yeah
00:54:51
that's why I think I like I do I do like
00:54:53
to talk about her it's like you know she
00:54:55
she wasn't massive chapter of My Life um
00:54:59
that she's still sort of on the back of
00:55:01
my shoulder talking to me yeah it's
00:55:03
funny cuz it's like um if I put myself
00:55:06
in in that position I think the worst
00:55:08
fear I'd have about dying is probably
00:55:09
being forgotten you know well you got
00:55:13
too many videos out there podcast I
00:55:15
think no yeah I don't even mean like
00:55:17
from a broader perspective you know it's
00:55:19
like um no one's no one's remembered
00:55:21
forever like the Earth is so big and
00:55:23
we're all so small even someone like ID
00:55:25
Sharon 200 years from now no one's going
00:55:27
to give a [ __ ] no one's going to
00:55:28
remember it's true yeah um but yeah you
00:55:31
realize that that life goes on and
00:55:33
people carry on and the world keeps
00:55:34
moving and the Sun keeps rising and all
00:55:36
that stuff but you just don't want to be
00:55:38
forgotten did you like um yeah how often
00:55:41
do you think about it now is it still
00:55:43
daily oh it's a lot like I mean coming
00:55:45
up to you know anniversaries and things
00:55:47
that yeah we tricky and we can't try and
00:55:50
keep in touch with her family and we
00:55:51
just um unveiled a a memorial bench seat
00:55:54
one up in one of her favorite places um
00:55:56
in F day and whenever I go back there
00:55:58
and catch up with with people yeah she's
00:56:00
never far from from my thoughts but yeah
00:56:03
she um she just she was just such a such
00:56:07
a delight to be around everyone who knew
00:56:09
her you know it's just only positive
00:56:11
things and yeah we definitely miss her a
00:56:13
lot yeah yeah when big things happened
00:56:16
to you do you do you wonder like what
00:56:17
she would think or what she would say
00:56:19
yeah definitely yeah yeah very much so
00:56:21
what do you reckon should be proud of
00:56:22
you oh you're going to make me tear up
00:56:26
yeah yeah hope so yeah yeah that's cool
00:56:31
well thanks for sharing that yeah that's
00:56:34
really cool how how did you cope with
00:56:35
that like you you were doing in the team
00:56:36
environment at the time so I guess you
00:56:38
had access to sports psychologists and
00:56:39
stuff is that enough to deal with like
00:56:42
personal grief and personal tragedy I
00:56:44
mean again it depends on how much you
00:56:45
want to share right like how much I
00:56:47
wanted to share with those people who
00:56:49
were trying to support me so I think I
00:56:51
probably could have helped myself a lot
00:56:52
more but again like the stages of grief
00:56:55
being denied you know you sort of just
00:56:58
want to push it down so or did you sort
00:57:00
of like lie to people as well as sports
00:57:02
psychologist like no I'm doing good um
00:57:04
um not necessarily lie I probably just
00:57:06
was like denying uh thank you denying I
00:57:10
guess in myself um yeah you know you
00:57:13
learn about the stages of grief which I
00:57:15
don't really agree with anyway I don't
00:57:16
think there's a linear way to process
00:57:18
grief they don't necessarily come in
00:57:20
order everyone's different as well yeah
00:57:23
yeah yeah it's good you're right yeah
00:57:25
all good yeah
00:57:27
I that's I think it's hugely
00:57:28
complimentary by the way I had um a
00:57:30
podcast yesterday with um Eugene Berman
00:57:32
who's the the UFC coach oh yeah um
00:57:35
incredible guy and he he lost a friend
00:57:37
like uh 14 years ago um in a boxing
00:57:40
fight this guy had a pre-existing
00:57:41
condition ended up taking a taking a
00:57:43
head and basically died in Eugene's arms
00:57:45
in the ring and he said it he still
00:57:47
thinks about him every day like it just
00:57:49
never it just never goes away it's quite
00:57:52
funny cuz people say like Time Heals the
00:57:53
wounds but I don't know if it does I
00:57:55
think you just sort of
00:57:56
you know you just adapt yeah the grief
00:57:59
never sort of goes yeah yeah I
00:58:01
completely
00:58:02
agree all right hey um subject change
00:58:05
we'll talk about what what you're doing
00:58:06
now eh so um yeah mindset and well-being
00:58:08
coach um yeah how do you explain that
00:58:11
what does it mean for someone that
00:58:12
doesn't understand it's funny that you
00:58:14
go to what I'm doing now and then the
00:58:16
because for me it's like basically I'm a
00:58:18
full-time Mom that's in my mind I'm like
00:58:20
pretty much just you know in the thick
00:58:22
of that life um but yeah like I think um
00:58:24
I don't know how to put label on what I
00:58:27
I do because it's so many different
00:58:28
things but I guess when I um I was doing
00:58:32
it while I was in the team and so when I
00:58:34
retired I sort of stepped full-time into
00:58:36
my my my initiative which I I called at
00:58:39
the time all about balance um and then
00:58:41
thinking about that word balance it's
00:58:42
like that striving for something that I
00:58:45
don't think really exists does it like
00:58:46
how do you find the perfect balance in
00:58:48
your life um and so yeah I got
00:58:51
challenged on that word quite a bit over
00:58:53
the years and I think for me um
00:58:56
like I I just all of the tools that I
00:59:00
sort of tucked away over the years and
00:59:02
was able to use to perform at that high
00:59:04
level I just sort of thought like yes
00:59:07
you can go and see a psychologist or you
00:59:09
you can go and um you know you can go
00:59:12
and get the help but actually like
00:59:14
trying to find someone who's been
00:59:15
through what I have was really hard and
00:59:18
so I thought you know if I can start
00:59:20
talking about these things and a young
00:59:21
athlete's listening and then they decide
00:59:24
that they're going to you know make sure
00:59:26
that their mental health is a priority
00:59:27
then that's pretty cool so yeah I just
00:59:29
started workshops and um I guess little
00:59:33
Mentor programs and things and it sort
00:59:35
of just grew from there yeah my latest
00:59:38
um before I had my son we did like um
00:59:41
like a pretty pretty large online intake
00:59:43
and connected like some pretty cool
00:59:46
athletes from around New Zealand which
00:59:47
has been awesome to watch them go on and
00:59:49
you know make New Zealand teams and set
00:59:50
records and things so um that's been
00:59:53
something that I'm really proud of too
00:59:55
because yeah it's a it was a pretty
00:59:57
emotionally draining uh I guess sector
01:00:01
to be in that mental health space you
01:00:03
know you've got all these young athletes
01:00:05
who I guess on the surface it looks like
01:00:08
you know they're okay and then I all of
01:00:09
a sudden offer them this safe space and
01:00:12
they feel comfortable enough to to sort
01:00:14
of off give like give them that outlet
01:00:17
which was scary at times for me to
01:00:19
navigate like you know I'm not a trained
01:00:21
psychologist so having to sort of steer
01:00:23
and navigate them to the right people
01:00:25
was pretty important um and that's why
01:00:27
sort of when I had my son I I actually
01:00:29
stopped that work cuz I actually just
01:00:30
couldn't take on that that emotional I
01:00:33
guess responsibility yeah yeah yeah so
01:00:36
you you sort of taking a bit of a back
01:00:37
seat at the moment you're just too busy
01:00:39
too tired um I still do like offer
01:00:42
online stuff but um for me yeah I'm just
01:00:45
focusing on um you know doing some some
01:00:47
corporate speaking through celebrity
01:00:48
speakers which has been really awesome
01:00:50
and I guess getting the same message out
01:00:52
there cuz everyone needs to hear it
01:00:54
right it's like if you look after your
01:00:56
your performance is only going to
01:00:57
improve like we need to prioritize our
01:00:59
mental health as much as our physical
01:01:01
health if not more um that's the message
01:01:04
that I'm so passionate about and like
01:01:06
I'm still having to relearn that every
01:01:07
day like as a mom it's so easy for me
01:01:10
just to forget about myself you know um
01:01:12
and so it's very much like I'm having to
01:01:16
listen to what I'm saying as well and
01:01:18
yeah take your own advice sign up for
01:01:21
your own yeah there was a thing on your
01:01:22
website I saw called the um the burnout
01:01:24
to balance 5-day challenge yeah and it
01:01:26
says are you are you tired of constantly
01:01:28
feeling overwhelmed always behind guilty
01:01:30
unorganized sore and tired um if that
01:01:33
sounds like you you're not alone here's
01:01:35
your starting point what what can you do
01:01:36
in 5 days oh look that that intrigued me
01:01:39
that hooked me in did it because that's
01:01:42
you're describing
01:01:43
me yeah well that's yeah welcome to
01:01:46
every mom I reckon M of the toddler like
01:01:49
I need to do my own
01:01:51
program uh no it's just for me it's like
01:01:53
getting people to to take their first
01:01:56
step and like 5 days is not a lot to
01:01:58
make some changes but it does build that
01:02:00
momentum like you know I think a lot of
01:02:03
people get that par paralysis because
01:02:05
they don't know where to start and so
01:02:06
they never do and if you actually just
01:02:08
like decide one day like I'm just going
01:02:10
to do this tiny little thing um it's
01:02:12
very much like that um Atomic haboc
01:02:15
James Clear just start small and that's
01:02:18
what I really encourage people to do
01:02:19
it's like those life-changing things you
01:02:21
don't have to I know you love running
01:02:22
marathons but you don't have to you know
01:02:24
you can just like put on your shoes and
01:02:26
go for a 5 minute walk um and that's
01:02:28
your starting point but like for me it's
01:02:30
it's about that consistency um and again
01:02:33
like I'm guilty of having those seasons
01:02:36
of life where actually you know
01:02:38
everything does go out the window but
01:02:40
like I think that those small tiny
01:02:42
things 5 days at the end of the 5 days
01:02:44
you know did that make you feel a little
01:02:46
bit better and if it did like why don't
01:02:47
you just keep going yeah god you're an
01:02:50
overachiever aren't you is it um yeah is
01:02:53
it exhausting being yeah is it
01:02:55
exhausting being you oh gosh like how
01:02:58
what are you now 30 31 31 yeah so you're
01:03:01
still a kid I'm 51 now so I call
01:03:04
basically anyone a kid but I mean you're
01:03:07
still very young on the the overall
01:03:09
scheme of um like a full life and you've
01:03:10
done so much oh well I don't know you
01:03:13
know to be honest like I don't know if
01:03:14
that's a compliment in the terms of in
01:03:16
terms of sometimes I think it's it's not
01:03:19
that Healy healthy to have those
01:03:21
extremely high standards like I think
01:03:23
sometimes it's it's harder for me just
01:03:26
to accept the phase that I'm in now
01:03:28
because like for me how do you
01:03:30
overachieve it being a m you know like
01:03:32
your your kid is going to be your kid
01:03:34
and you have no control over that and
01:03:36
and so like trying to aim for Perfection
01:03:37
is just forget about it you know like
01:03:41
you're still not going to sleep you're
01:03:42
still going to be cleaning up you know
01:03:44
food every single day that they're
01:03:45
thrown on the floor and um yeah I was
01:03:48
trying to find a clean top to we this
01:03:50
morning and I'm like yeah I just looking
01:03:51
at your top to see if there's like vomit
01:03:52
at the top yeah that's just a water
01:03:54
Watermark but you know like it's the
01:03:56
reality of like the face that I'm in at
01:03:58
the moment and um and so yeah for me
01:04:01
like yeah I don't know it's just such a
01:04:04
such a hard thing to wrap my head around
01:04:06
like where I've been and then also like
01:04:09
where I'm going because yeah like I I um
01:04:13
I've been trying to really struggling to
01:04:15
find a community again and like being a
01:04:17
mom has been awesome because you connect
01:04:18
with other moms um but for me it's very
01:04:21
much like you my online community with
01:04:23
my programs has been great but trying to
01:04:25
recreate that in Hamilton has been
01:04:26
something I've missing I've been missing
01:04:28
and uh I met with a really absolute
01:04:30
Legend called Tim bitman he's an ex
01:04:32
Crusader oh yeah yeah yeah o Studios yes
01:04:35
o Studio yeah so that's my next I
01:04:37
wouldn't say overachiever but like
01:04:39
that's my next sort of like goal um I
01:04:41
don't know as an athlete my mindset is
01:04:43
always like I need something to be
01:04:45
striving towards you know and that for
01:04:47
me um so we're yeah we're opening a a
01:04:49
studio in in Hamilton basically a
01:04:51
Wellness Center um with all things
01:04:54
recovery and Wellness oh my God amazing
01:04:57
I've I've never I've never been to
01:04:58
another Studios but I'm I'm very aware
01:05:00
of the brand and I love the spaces I've
01:05:03
seen videos and images online you have
01:05:06
like a cold plunge and sauna and yeah
01:05:09
float flotation therapy and then you've
01:05:10
also got your Pilates yoga meditation
01:05:13
and Recovery space so it's basically
01:05:15
everything that I I love in one place
01:05:18
and really being able to create that
01:05:19
Community the sense of community so um
01:05:22
and it's pretty rare I think I haven't
01:05:23
been able to find many uh many is that
01:05:26
have been able to do it well as well as
01:05:28
they have so it's really cool to have
01:05:29
that opportunity to bring it to Hamilton
01:05:31
um hopefully that'll be up and running
01:05:33
end of the year um so yeah are you are
01:05:36
you are you okay um because I suppose
01:05:38
one thing you sort of teach is like
01:05:39
mindfulness and yeah the role that plays
01:05:41
and you know having a healthy mindset
01:05:43
but like are you good at you're being in
01:05:45
the moment or are you just constantly
01:05:47
looking at the next yeah thing I think
01:05:50
um obviously I'm not like a Buddhist
01:05:53
monk where you know say like you know
01:05:56
yeah I'm always present uh but I think
01:05:59
the more that I make meditation a daily
01:06:01
practice the more often I'm able to
01:06:03
catch myself so there's definitely times
01:06:05
where I lapse and that sort of like you
01:06:07
know actually prioritizing the practice
01:06:09
of meditation so that during the day I
01:06:12
do find myself not able to you know be
01:06:14
present but it's um something that like
01:06:17
before the Rio Olympics I did it every
01:06:20
single day for a whole year cuz I just
01:06:21
thought like if I really want to be the
01:06:25
best at the Olympics and you know be
01:06:27
able to step up under pressure why don't
01:06:29
I train my mind as much as I'm training
01:06:32
my body so I did that and the the the
01:06:35
effects of that that I felt from that
01:06:37
were just incredible so that sort of
01:06:39
launched me just making it a a daily
01:06:41
habit and if it's not like a sitting
01:06:42
down practice then at least I'm just
01:06:44
doing some sort of breath work in the
01:06:46
car or you know just slowing my breath
01:06:47
down but yeah not perfect definitely not
01:06:50
but I do try and catch myself oh no no
01:06:53
one else I think yeah being perfect as
01:06:55
as a what sort of um your meditation is
01:06:57
it is it just like a guided app or did
01:06:59
you do a course um so I've done all
01:07:01
sorts of things um through my yoga
01:07:03
teacher training as well we sort of
01:07:05
delved into it as as well but uh for me
01:07:07
I started off with the the apps and just
01:07:10
the short 10 minutes and then you sort
01:07:12
of get to the point where you're like oh
01:07:14
you know I'm sort of plateauing here or
01:07:17
you know I feel like I'm this is just a
01:07:18
bit forced so I just tried another
01:07:20
another style another type um so I do
01:07:23
like all different things depending on
01:07:25
what what season of life I'm in and what
01:07:27
I feel like I need um if I need more
01:07:29
relaxation then I'll do like a body scan
01:07:31
or if I need more Focus then I'll be you
01:07:33
know be more focusing on my breath but
01:07:35
I've done it for so many years now that
01:07:37
I don't rely on the guided meditations
01:07:40
and I I just love like sort of just
01:07:41
setting a timer and sitting there and
01:07:44
knowing that I've got this time just to
01:07:45
actually do nothing yeah yeah yeah yeah
01:07:48
how do you how do you does your husband
01:07:49
go out with your kid or well do yeah I'm
01:07:53
asking beh of all the MS of todlers yeah
01:07:56
so like look so at the moment like he's
01:07:59
going through a bit of a sleep
01:08:00
regression and normally like K would be
01:08:03
having breakfast with my son Riley and
01:08:05
I'd just sneak away and just do
01:08:06
literally 10 minutes in the bedroom um
01:08:09
so that's sort of how we've been working
01:08:10
it lately but yeah if he's if he's awake
01:08:12
early and you know Cam's got to rush off
01:08:14
to work sometimes you know it's just
01:08:16
life isn't it it's just I and that's
01:08:19
probably the biggest difference between
01:08:21
like being an athlete and being a mom is
01:08:24
you just you can p everything into being
01:08:26
an athlete because you got all the time
01:08:27
in the world like that's literally your
01:08:28
job and then all of a sudden you know
01:08:31
you're you're a mom and yeah sometimes
01:08:34
it's like I don't have 10
01:08:36
minutes yeah yeah 10 minutes is a luxury
01:08:38
but you mentioned before about doing
01:08:40
like breath work in the car now I think
01:08:41
it's an entry level for anyone that
01:08:42
wants to try meditation that's a good
01:08:44
thing to do yeah if if you're in your
01:08:45
car driving to work or the gym or
01:08:47
whatever and you just I don't know you
01:08:49
could even just breathe in for 3 seconds
01:08:51
hold for 3 seconds and then out for 3
01:08:53
seconds and do that for a couple of
01:08:54
minutes you feel amazing just calms you
01:08:56
down yeah yeah or even just like um
01:08:59
making your exhale the double the length
01:09:01
of your inhale just really um calms your
01:09:03
your your your sympathetic nervous
01:09:06
system um but yeah for me it's like
01:09:09
every time that your mind wanders I
01:09:10
think people think that they're doing it
01:09:11
wrong so they're like oh I can't you
01:09:13
know I've got such a busy mind it's
01:09:14
always wandering and that puts them off
01:09:17
doing it more because they think that
01:09:18
they can't meditate um and actually like
01:09:21
what I learned was every time you catch
01:09:24
yourself you most celebrating because
01:09:26
that means that you've basically done a
01:09:28
rep you know like it's like you're at
01:09:30
the gym and you've done a rep and you
01:09:31
build that muscle so that you catch
01:09:33
yourself more and more and you've got
01:09:35
these longer periods of being in that
01:09:37
focused you know energy instead of
01:09:39
always distracted yeah it's a good way
01:09:41
to look at it because people think oh
01:09:43
yeah I'm useless of that yeah yeah 100%
01:09:46
because I I studied um TM Transcendental
01:09:49
Meditation I did that religiously for a
01:09:51
couple of years like 20 minutes in the
01:09:52
morning 20 minutes in the afternoon i'
01:09:55
off but um it was Bloody great it
01:09:57
probably still stays with you though
01:09:58
like those um I remember my Mantra and
01:10:01
things like that and that's one thing
01:10:02
that that that my instructor said he
01:10:03
said your mind wanders when you catch
01:10:05
yourself doing it just be aware of it
01:10:07
acknowledge it and then you sort of
01:10:09
reset and get back to it yeah but it's
01:10:11
not something to be you know embarrassed
01:10:12
about or feel like you failed no no I
01:10:15
think if R should just starts more yeah
01:10:16
yeah that's great do you journal or
01:10:18
anything I used to and uh to be honest
01:10:21
like my priorities of what I spend my
01:10:23
time doing now I just really have to be
01:10:25
quite selective and like yeah this phase
01:10:28
I just don't have time to you know write
01:10:30
what I do do if I if I have the the Tim
01:10:33
as like just whip out my notes you know
01:10:36
pad and just write oh sorry on my phone
01:10:38
and just write a couple of things down
01:10:40
but like journaling was a massive um way
01:10:43
that I used to be able to just get
01:10:44
everything out of my head onto a page
01:10:46
and then I look at it and I'm like oh
01:10:47
wasn't as bad as I was thinking you know
01:10:49
brain dump yeah cuz I was always real I
01:10:52
don't know journaling just sounded um
01:10:54
like a little woo woo to me um and I
01:10:56
feel like the word gratitude it gets a
01:10:58
bad W but it's um it's bloody great like
01:11:01
practicing gratitude's been like one of
01:11:03
them if if if you look at all the
01:11:05
different things that I've tried um you
01:11:07
to make myself better and happier
01:11:10
practicing gratitude is one of the key
01:11:11
things yeah like there we all have like
01:11:14
so much to be thankful for every day and
01:11:16
you sort of loose I don't know I feel
01:11:18
like if especially if you striving for
01:11:19
something else you'll lose sight of
01:11:21
where you are and how much you've got to
01:11:22
be thankful for here and there yeah
01:11:24
absolutely I think that journaling piece
01:11:26
like you you often just when you're
01:11:30
writing stuff down you've got this um
01:11:32
programming of knowing that someone's
01:11:34
going to check over it you know like the
01:11:35
teacher or the the uni lecturer and so
01:11:38
you want to make it perfect and often
01:11:39
that's what puts people off and like I
01:11:41
always say just write and no one's going
01:11:43
to see it you know like draw pictures
01:11:44
scribble it out like whatever but you
01:11:46
know I understand perfectionist jeans
01:11:48
can kick in but yeah just get yeah get
01:11:51
it out when you when you can yeah oh
01:11:53
that's pretty great so people want to
01:11:55
get a hold of you um how would they do
01:11:57
so what's the best way to go about it um
01:11:59
yeah you could just I guess head to my
01:12:01
Instagram or um website Brook neil.
01:12:03
co.nz um and just yeah I guess follow
01:12:06
along the the O studio Hamilton Journey
01:12:08
that's going to be yeah I guess coming
01:12:10
coming out pretty soon and being
01:12:12
announced so that's going to be
01:12:14
somewhere where if if you're wanting I
01:12:16
guess to prioritize your well-being and
01:12:18
you're in Hamilton you come and visit
01:12:20
that is such an exciting Venture and um
01:12:23
like everything else you do I'm sure
01:12:25
you're going to be amazing at it you're
01:12:26
going to thrive as business owners are
01:12:28
you into are you into cold plunges ice
01:12:30
BS cold showers well like we obviously
01:12:32
had it as a big part of our um like when
01:12:34
we were playing in the black sticks we
01:12:36
after every match we'd have to do it and
01:12:38
we'd groan and moan about it um but like
01:12:40
the understanding of the benefits of it
01:12:43
now I think are a lot better like at the
01:12:44
time we didn't actually realize like how
01:12:46
good it was for us um so yeah I mean I I
01:12:49
try and just do the cold shower um when
01:12:52
I can and yeah that really helps me but
01:12:54
I think like all of the all of those
01:12:56
offerings you know like doing the the
01:12:58
contrast therapy with the Heat and the
01:13:00
cold like it's so great to see the
01:13:02
education and the um research done
01:13:04
behind it because yeah now people are
01:13:06
actually understanding like there's all
01:13:08
of these benefits that can happen from
01:13:09
it yeah cuz I suppose when you were
01:13:11
doing it you were just told it was like
01:13:12
to prevent inflammation of the muscles
01:13:14
or whatever after a game but um like
01:13:16
from a mental perspective like um I I
01:13:19
don't have a nice bath here I just have
01:13:20
I have like a cold shower for a minute a
01:13:22
morning and I've got some menas on the a
01:13:25
morning mess that I I read out it's kind
01:13:27
of cheesy but I feel like I'm in a safe
01:13:29
space here with you absolutely um but a
01:13:31
cold plune whenever I go to a mat's
01:13:33
place that's got one and you go for 3
01:13:34
minutes in the ice like the mental
01:13:37
health benefits and Clarity it's just
01:13:40
phenomenal I feel amazing for hours
01:13:42
afterwards yeah it's it's I think the
01:13:44
dopamine increases over 140% or
01:13:48
something it's crazy um like your hor
01:13:51
everything changes so yeah it's um I
01:13:53
think I think people are slow jumping on
01:13:56
that there's so many movements out there
01:13:57
you know jumping in the ice jumping in
01:13:59
the sauner and then that flotation
01:14:01
therapy too you know it's it's awesome I
01:14:03
used to use it all the time when I was
01:14:05
um coming back from you know Argentina
01:14:07
or wherever and trying to get over jet
01:14:08
lag and yeah just that stress relief too
01:14:11
so it's pretty exciting it's also really
01:14:13
scary opening you know being a business
01:14:15
owner and taking on all that
01:14:17
responsibility of you know employees and
01:14:20
all that but oh yeah have you you owned
01:14:22
a business before well no I've just had
01:14:24
my own which is just worried about me
01:14:26
you know yeah but I feel like it's my
01:14:30
experience as an athlete has probably
01:14:31
set me up in the in the sense of like
01:14:33
you know I know I know how a good team
01:14:36
operates and and the the importance of
01:14:38
building a good culture and stuff so
01:14:40
yeah it's going to it's going to be fun
01:14:42
is there going to be some um memorabilia
01:14:44
at reception like like at the commor
01:14:47
games gold medal oh yeah I feel like um
01:14:50
yeah this is probably a good way to wrap
01:14:52
it up I feel like we talked a lot about
01:14:53
the um like the the the dark side or the
01:14:56
not necessarily the dark side but the
01:14:57
side of high performance sport that you
01:14:58
don't get to see and also the Olympic
01:15:00
stuff like um yeah post Olympic
01:15:02
depression if that's what you want to
01:15:03
call it but I feel like we didn't maybe
01:15:05
spend enough time like dwelling on like
01:15:07
the you know the the good memories yeah
01:15:09
like you you've got a commonwealth game
01:15:11
is gold me yeah I do yeah and like I
01:15:13
still go and do school visits and the
01:15:14
kids love it day you know just like
01:15:16
seeing that gold um so that's always a
01:15:18
bit of a rush and like looking back God
01:15:20
it's just um it was just like one of
01:15:23
those moments so you know picture so who
01:15:25
would you want to beat most out of any
01:15:27
country like oh Australia exactly all
01:15:30
day all day so like you know it's always
01:15:32
and we're always Nick and neck like we
01:15:34
never always consistently won and so
01:15:36
yeah when we got to the final of the com
01:15:38
games it was basically just like in in
01:15:40
front of a soldout Australian crowd
01:15:42
because it's obviously in the Gold Coast
01:15:44
and it was just like no better you know
01:15:47
it was just everything was set up
01:15:48
perfectly for the one um and like from
01:15:52
I'm pretty sure that we achieved history
01:15:54
like was no um black sticks team that
01:15:56
had won Gold before then so we're very
01:15:58
much going in I feel like we're a bit of
01:16:01
The Underdogs you know the Aussies had
01:16:02
the the home crowd and by the end of it
01:16:04
I'm pretty sure the final score was
01:16:06
three or 41 so we we did like give them
01:16:09
a bit bit of a hide oh my God that's
01:16:11
amazing so like no no a win's a win you
01:16:14
can win ugly but an emphatic win is very
01:16:17
nice and I just remember like the the
01:16:18
pace of the game normally it's quite
01:16:20
frantic at the end but because we'd won
01:16:22
by such a a big number we were sort of
01:16:24
just like wow this is actually going to
01:16:26
happen and we took a few more minutes to
01:16:28
actually let it sink in um so the
01:16:30
celebrations were epic and you know like
01:16:33
standing on the podium and half of the
01:16:35
Aussie crowd had already gone home by
01:16:36
then but like all of all of our yeah all
01:16:40
of our supporters you know were there
01:16:42
and um my nana like flew over and
01:16:44
surprised me and had half my family
01:16:46
there you know so it was awesome to see
01:16:48
um everyone in the crowd and that's
01:16:50
definitely a high like I got to go back
01:16:51
to fun day in my hometown and there were
01:16:53
three of us from from f um Stacy melson
01:16:56
and Al gunson and I and you know the the
01:16:58
hockey Community sort of set up like
01:17:00
this this tick a tape parade for us and
01:17:03
um you see all those little kids with
01:17:06
posters and I remember like getting mine
01:17:08
signed by the likes of you know Mandy
01:17:10
Smith and izy um uh Lizzie auson and you
01:17:15
you're signing those posters yourself
01:17:16
and you think like this could possibly
01:17:18
change this kid's life you know so never
01:17:20
took that for granted and I think that's
01:17:22
why I'm so passionate about like giving
01:17:24
these kids like that those tools to
01:17:26
equip them so that they can do it and
01:17:28
and have a really great time and
01:17:29
actually you know be um be happy while
01:17:32
they're doing it too so yeah would you
01:17:34
say that's the the Pinnacle or the
01:17:35
highlight of your your time as a black
01:17:37
stick I'd say that would be up there
01:17:40
yeah yeah hard to top he wow yeah yeah
01:17:43
that feeling of like gosh you youve
01:17:45
finally done it you know I think for me
01:17:47
I had this moment afterwards where I
01:17:49
realized even if I didn't get the gold
01:17:51
medal I'd still be okay which was quite
01:17:54
profound I was like
01:17:55
you know once upon a time I thought that
01:17:57
this would complete me you know but then
01:18:00
I knew like I've got all this other
01:18:01
stuff going on which is so great um so I
01:18:04
I was pretty proud of like the work that
01:18:05
I'd done to get to the point where I
01:18:07
actually wasn't defined by that thing um
01:18:09
so people are like oh you know yeah are
01:18:11
you going to put it in your memorabilia
01:18:12
you've got it up on your wall and I'm
01:18:14
like oh to be honest it's probably at
01:18:16
the bottom of my wardrobe like my son
01:18:17
actually was playing with it other day
01:18:19
just throwing it around um I do I don't
01:18:22
take it for granted like it's it's it's
01:18:23
an amazing thing to have but at the same
01:18:25
time you know it's just I guess one part
01:18:28
of my my yeah yeah that's that's kind of
01:18:30
cool not that there's any like right or
01:18:31
wrong you know way or you know thing
01:18:35
I've had so many people on the podcast
01:18:36
they've got medals in their sock drawer
01:18:38
or whatever um and there's no right or
01:18:41
wrong way but it's like you you're are
01:18:43
still so young on the big scheme of life
01:18:45
and you got so much more to do so you'd
01:18:47
hate for that to be that to be the yeah
01:18:50
the Line in the Sand like this is as
01:18:52
good as what Brook's life's going to be
01:18:53
everything is downhill from here
01:18:55
hopefully not hopefully ex hope I guess
01:18:58
it's just the impact piece like I'm
01:18:59
trying to get my messages out there and
01:19:02
like I yeah appreciate you um yeah
01:19:04
having this channel because gosh some of
01:19:06
the conversations that you've had I
01:19:08
think like podcasts are just such an
01:19:10
easily accessible way to get messages
01:19:13
across you know and it's becoming more
01:19:15
and more popular and as you were saying
01:19:16
like it's such a competitive space to be
01:19:18
in so oh there's just so much so much
01:19:20
content out there but yeah I found it
01:19:22
really interesting like I'm I with every
01:19:24
episode I do learned so much myself and
01:19:25
I've had some um like I I'd never heard
01:19:28
of the term Reds before for for for wom
01:19:31
I've had Margo Flanigan on from two raw
01:19:33
sisters who was a runner and um Zoe
01:19:36
mcbright um who who was going to go to
01:19:39
the Olympics as a rower and like Ted out
01:19:40
a couple of months before I Fe her as
01:19:42
well too so she's um she's doing
01:19:44
incredible stuff and ly O'Donnell also
01:19:46
oh L with Fe yeah it's incredible but
01:19:49
it's um yeah yeah yeah it's it's funny
01:19:53
he it's like what we were talking about
01:19:54
before about being ungrateful and stuff
01:19:55
but it's like um yeah it's it's [ __ ]
01:19:58
hard it is like I don't think people
01:20:01
like I think now more than ever we want
01:20:03
to know that we're not alone and like
01:20:05
one I was listening to a podcast and
01:20:07
like one of one of the people who I
01:20:10
think I can resonate with the most at
01:20:11
the moment is um an Australian swimmer
01:20:14
called liby tricket and she talks about
01:20:16
her journey from being an Olympic gold
01:20:17
medal swimmer um for you know for
01:20:19
Australia to being a mom of four and
01:20:23
like I don't know like someone will be
01:20:25
out there you know starting their their
01:20:29
Olympic Athlete career and like maybe
01:20:32
something that I've said today might
01:20:33
help them in some way and I just think
01:20:35
it's so important to keep talking about
01:20:36
these things um so you know I'm never
01:20:39
shy about sharing my stuff but yeah I
01:20:42
think it's um it's always tough to just
01:20:44
bring up you know the hard stuff but
01:20:47
equally like people want to know that
01:20:48
they're not alone you know yeah oh it's
01:20:50
reassuring and I've got no doubt that
01:20:52
there be a lot of young athletes um and
01:20:54
experience athletes they get a lot out
01:20:56
of this well even if you know there's an
01:20:57
Olympian like considering retirement so
01:21:00
you know that's a hard thing to go
01:21:02
through just the acknowledgement of it
01:21:04
yeah yeah yeah and and a weird
01:21:06
transition I guess like from going yeah
01:21:08
yeah it's it's it's strange and it's um
01:21:11
so lonely and so isolating because
01:21:12
there's so few people that get to
01:21:14
experience what you've done yeah totally
01:21:16
could agree all right Brook Neil will
01:21:18
you been a GU because your your car's in
01:21:20
New World next door and your son's on
01:21:21
the back seite
01:21:25
it must be nice for you to get a day
01:21:26
away is it like an adult day I don't
01:21:28
know what to do with my hands I'm
01:21:29
normally carrying Rask I'm like normally
01:21:32
carrying a nappy bag and snacks so um
01:21:35
I'm like what what is this so it's kind
01:21:37
of like you you've gone from being like
01:21:39
a passenger on all these traps getting
01:21:41
the itiner being to we have to beat you
01:21:43
you're now that person you're like the
01:21:44
team manager I am the team manager look
01:21:48
I'm great it's it's a great phase of
01:21:50
life and at the same time it's like can
01:21:52
someone just make all the meals for me
01:21:55
tell me where to be yeah yeah oh you
01:21:57
miss that oh well Brooke uh ha thank you
01:22:01
Brook hay um formerly Brook Neil thank
01:22:03
you so much for coming on the podcast
01:22:04
it's been uh um a real joy to meet you
01:22:07
and sit down with you today and I'm so
01:22:08
pleased that you reached out about
01:22:09
coming on thanks so much joh appreciate
01:22:11
it
01:22:24
a
01:22:26
[Music]
