00:00:01
I'm here to talk about Colin Quinn one
00:00:04
of my old good buddies Dana Carvey
00:00:07
you might not know him he's always in
00:00:09
the shot with me he's on the show with
00:00:11
me but um
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he's not feeling well today and I said
00:00:15
you know what just lay low it's not his
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heart because he did have hard things
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he's not feeling great I said you know
00:00:21
what just I'll just handle this because
00:00:23
I'm such a stage hog it's embarrassing
00:00:25
it's just so honestly just stay home
00:00:27
but Colin who I saw at The Brooklyn
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Diner last time I was in New York you
00:00:31
know that's the famous book of that he
00:00:33
goes with precious Seinfeld but then I
00:00:35
got to go with him and he said it was
00:00:36
underwhelming whatever that means uh
00:00:40
by the way I was watching the VMAs
00:00:44
last weekend
00:00:45
the VMAs are on the MTV it's a lot of
00:00:48
code Video Music Awards MTV stands for
00:00:52
used to be Music Television
00:00:54
you can use it
00:00:57
um no but there the funny thing was
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aside from me not knowing literally one
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person I don't know was JLo not there
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why was she not at something
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we have a JLo not sighting
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what a [ __ ] burnt no I like JLo
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um but the funny thing was on the carpet
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Addison Ray's mom Addison Ray who I did
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when I hosted Jimmy Kimmel she was on
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with me and Adam Ray's mom is this
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really pretty nice woman we sat next to
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it the fights anyway she's there with
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young gravy who again I don't know
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that's my fault
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because I have [ __ ] to do
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um but he's a singer rap or whatever but
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he's a big good looking guy but then we
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realized they called each other to go on
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a date because he likes cougars and then
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I thought this reminds me of you know
00:01:45
machine gun scarecrow Machine Gun Kelly
00:01:48
and Megan Fox
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good looking mouth
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wrapper with blonde hair
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likes to do press they're doing press
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anyway
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just a thought sorry Colin
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um but that and uh but back to Colin
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great friend of mine legit
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always see him when I'm in New York and
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uh you'll hear from one little piece of
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tidbit trivia
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came up with the title grown-ups wow
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boom take that Meghan Markle and your
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dumb podcast
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oh there I said it fighting words Online
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Fight jack up ratings okay uh that's it
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Dana's not here he would say the same
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thing we both love Colin he was there
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when I was there he did update for a
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while I think right after Norm uh he'll
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tell you about that and then listen to
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mostly what I say when I try to talk
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over here he is Colin Quinn
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[Music]
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you will punch Colin I like more of your
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tweets it's so embarrassing
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compliment hits wall disintegrates yes
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Colin I would like to goof around all
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day but let's we have to get down to
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business we have a specific orders uh
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yeah no I just want to stop by saying
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even though we're not on camera do you
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think David was bothering Heather going
00:03:21
should I wear a collared shirt with a
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sweater she goes no not with that being
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a kid's World okay she said everything
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works on you I go good she's reading a
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cue card I gave her if you took a bat to
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David's hair it would be solid no it's
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it's wispy it's still from the uh well I
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won't say when this aired but I was in I
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was in a certain worldwide Award Show
00:03:43
recently oh really so you were looking
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for trouble Colin one last question
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[Laughter]
00:03:55
I'll start it I'll start it off since
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you guys so the first time I uh went to
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SNL I wrote these sketches and I brought
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them in Sandler got me in to meet with
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Jim Downey
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and he showed me the sketch I wrote
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these sketches and one of them was a
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sketch what it was basically I'm still
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very proud of it even though it got
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rejected by every host and I was one of
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those catches I kept showing up with you
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know people were like stop it was this
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it was basically Roman Emperor so it was
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like uh uh sanctimonious it was like
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well I don't know and then uh obsequious
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yo you're right every time my Lord and
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then Tim Meadows played thesaurus who
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goes that means this so anyway I I
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brought that in and down he goes yeah
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this you know the people are gonna this
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is too you know and just handed it back
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to me
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here's the thing about Downey is as
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intelligent as as brilliant as he was if
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you showed up with something that he
00:04:58
thought was smart and precious of a word
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yeah yeah precious was the worst thing
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you'd be called you just throw it back
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at you
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and by the way I also gave it to Chris
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Walken who snapped at me Chris Morgan
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said he goes I go hey that sketch he
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goes I saw it and I was like wow oh boy
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what accent is sorry what is that New
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York what what that's Chris walk and
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he's from Queens Queen he always said I
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know that okay the first time I met
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Chris walking was at some hotel and I go
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hey my family used to go to walk-ins
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Bakery which was his family bakery
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legendary Bakery and queens my family
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traveled only from Brooklyn that's how
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good the bakery was German because
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German German bakery and he goes yeah
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that was a long time ago and just turns
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his head away from me God damn
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I've had it with him
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meanwhile when I'm with him I can't shut
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him up
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David this was great that was great
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everything you do is great I'm like oh
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come on Chris John Lovitz is uh the the
00:06:00
truth Terror Show Business he went up to
00:06:02
him and goes Chris come on be honest are
00:06:04
you kind of making up your accent are
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you
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[Music]
00:06:12
he just starts laughing very good job I
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told you Colin he asked me once he goes
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you have a work with an actor uh dog
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and I go yeah um and he goes you have a
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worker then act a cat
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they tell you the story and I've told it
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before and I go an actor cat he goes
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they don't do anything they just they're
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like a regular cat they you they don't
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move and then if you like push them they
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jump but any cat will do that and I go
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yeah
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I guess and then he waits then he goes
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you have a work with an active Mouse
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and uh I go no and he goes I he did on
00:06:49
mousetrap this movie so it checks out
00:06:52
and he goes dead good you tell him to go
00:06:55
up and and take a beat and go to the
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left and they do this mat
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see that's when you really do agree with
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John Lovitz like he must be acting a
00:07:05
little bit were you there were you there
00:07:07
why would you say that I know why would
00:07:09
you tell me that story and it's not just
00:07:11
my bitterness about about the bakery
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it's a little bit it seems like actors
00:07:16
are pretty subtle in the 70s and then
00:07:18
later on they sort of get bored and then
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they just extenuate their self like
00:07:23
Pacino yeah no they're screaming and
00:07:26
just you know I only do Val Duval
00:07:29
managed to keep it oh keep it under keep
00:07:31
it real you know I have to give Colin a
00:07:34
compliment he's uh always highly
00:07:36
respected this is for the people that
00:07:37
are listening highly respected popular
00:07:40
one of the smartest uh also writes these
00:07:44
one-hour shows that I wouldn't even
00:07:45
understand just watching them and then
00:07:47
he also does all the research makes
00:07:49
jokes out of anything I can't if you
00:07:51
gave me a subject my ACT is about like a
00:07:53
thousand different things but if you had
00:07:55
said oh right an hour about one thing
00:07:57
I'd be like give me 500 years and he
00:08:01
does it and he does it again and he
00:08:02
takes something that probably doesn't
00:08:04
sound funny on the surface like the
00:08:07
Constitution or something and he goes I
00:08:09
think there's an hour there and it makes
00:08:12
it really good
00:08:13
well that's so Google does half of it
00:08:15
but thank you you're you've done seven
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stage shows but we're gonna get to the
00:08:19
part we'll get to that now but I like
00:08:21
tough crowd that was uh wind was tough
00:08:23
crowd before after it was it was before
00:08:26
it was in the early 80s because a lot of
00:08:28
shows get compared to tough times no I'm
00:08:30
lying it was in the 2000s I thought you
00:08:32
were 90s I thought it was interesting if
00:08:33
this is true Colin you start stand up
00:08:36
they said in 84 you're on remote control
00:08:40
three years later nobody gets a TV show
00:08:44
in three years how great did your
00:08:47
stand-up get to get that I mean in three
00:08:49
years well it's funny you say that
00:08:51
because my stand-up Was Not only was it
00:08:54
behind but it was always like a
00:08:55
comedians comedian even in New York so I
00:08:57
would do these gigs it was really the
00:08:59
one time I had like that heat where you
00:09:01
look like I'd go to a college in the
00:09:03
Midwest and it'd be 2 000 people and the
00:09:06
first time I did I go who are they here
00:09:07
for is there a show here they owe you
00:09:09
and I go oh no oh wow and like half my
00:09:12
Act was half my Act was about like
00:09:14
specific streets in Brooklyn and you
00:09:16
know it was kind of a rough go but but
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they didn't care as long as I stayed and
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signed autographs and did pictures
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afterwards nobody cared yeah so I'd hang
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out like two hours after I do like 45
00:09:26
minutes to my laughter yeah
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he does after halfway through his act I
00:09:31
saw him in these uh 17 year old kids are
00:09:33
cheering and then he goes and now I'm
00:09:35
going to read from my Roman Empire
00:09:37
sketch yeah so now I'd like to read The
00:09:40
Works of James Joyce please listen but
00:09:43
they were just excited so you're saying
00:09:44
they see you on that show everyone's
00:09:46
freaking out I'm in Arizona watching it
00:09:48
going this guy's super cool he's funny
00:09:51
to get a show that's cool like that on
00:09:53
MTV they weren't always hits or it would
00:09:55
always work and it's a music show I mean
00:09:58
it's a music station but you've got Kara
00:10:01
Kari the beautiful guy gorgeous Kenny
00:10:04
and by the way before I did any of that
00:10:06
my biggest celebrity gig and I was paid
00:10:09
very well and was treated very nicely
00:10:11
was opening for Dana in Wilmington
00:10:13
Delaware well yeah yes
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he was totally nice paid better than
00:10:24
anybody that ever paid and was just a
00:10:26
cool guy nice guy before and after jeez
00:10:29
that's nice David was one of my Dandy
00:10:31
openers he was yeah oh yeah Arizona
00:10:35
uh no uh New England New England tour
00:10:39
the summer sheds where it was like 100
00:10:42
degrees and humidity it was it was those
00:10:45
are tough you ever play those outdoor
00:10:46
sheds in August
00:10:48
Dana did we share a car
00:10:51
I think I drove us around I think you
00:10:53
had a rental car yeah yeah
00:10:55
and that was fun that was fun for me
00:10:57
because Colin it makes fun of me but it
00:10:59
was true he goes dude 20 minutes I'd
00:11:00
walk up there with shorts and flip-flops
00:11:02
and drink a Heineken and go what else is
00:11:05
going on
00:11:06
over the stool and he's kind of
00:11:08
whispering what's up I'm dancing hey in
00:11:11
that special gotta do it got a few David
00:11:14
Goes this is going worse than the
00:11:15
Challenger hell yeah I go Dana
00:11:19
um my closer is about the Challenger
00:11:21
exploding last week so just you're gonna
00:11:22
go up right after that and he's like oh
00:11:25
I don't know maybe and I go NASA need
00:11:27
another Seven astronauts and he goes you
00:11:29
know what I wouldn't even put that in
00:11:31
there I would probably some girl screams
00:11:32
David Goes who's that baby Jessica
00:11:36
I remember Willington though with you
00:11:38
because you were a great comic I
00:11:40
remember about it 15 minutes and I just
00:11:43
said to the sound guys there any way we
00:11:46
can kind of
00:11:47
uh can you have you given him the light
00:11:49
that was my first move
00:11:51
hasn't gone on yet could we get him all
00:11:53
I mean I just like because the waves of
00:11:56
laughter were vibrating and I was like
00:11:58
can we just is there any way we can get
00:12:00
him off politely oh how long did you I
00:12:03
really love that yeah like 20 20. [ __ ]
00:12:06
it's fun I love it when they honest so
00:12:09
after remote control is it three years
00:12:11
between that and SNL and what do you do
00:12:13
during those three years it's well it
00:12:16
was fun it was more like five years and
00:12:18
I'm just doing stand up and really I
00:12:21
mean it was going pretty badly you know
00:12:23
there's something about being back in
00:12:24
coach after you in first class maybe
00:12:27
it's very humbling and very good it's
00:12:30
very good for you but um but then what
00:12:33
happened was I was I wasn't I was
00:12:35
drifting around doing stand up and I had
00:12:36
a couple of uh things going on but
00:12:38
nothing really and then Fred Wolfe yeah
00:12:42
hey no one's coming out to see people I
00:12:45
wanted to see you I really think you
00:12:46
should be on the show it's ridiculous
00:12:47
and you know Fred when Fred says puts
00:12:50
his mind to something it's happening
00:12:51
yeah and so we had this big audition in
00:12:54
LA and I'll never forget it was during
00:12:57
the South the the the long desert nice
00:13:01
when stand up was finished so they had
00:13:03
to bring in audiences for free so this
00:13:06
is a improv they'd bring in all these
00:13:09
kids from like from a summer camp 15
00:13:11
year old kids
00:13:13
200 kids from a summer camp in the
00:13:15
middle of their Camp so it's like a
00:13:18
summit I think I remember these crowds
00:13:20
yeah wow and I bombed so badly
00:13:25
so badly and I was so fat that uh Aaron
00:13:30
Aaron told me afterwards she goes I told
00:13:32
Lauren he goes I thought this guy was
00:13:34
did look like this she was I think his
00:13:36
face is in there somewhere
00:13:39
I don't remember being that that's so
00:13:41
funny
00:13:42
[Music]
00:13:44
he's in this song that's such a great
00:13:46
thing to say David Lauren really likes
00:13:48
you she used to go David Lauren really
00:13:49
likes you I'm like why am I not in the
00:13:51
show I don't know I think he really
00:13:52
likes you
00:13:53
Aaron was very like a positive fun Force
00:13:56
running around that place and then she
00:13:59
was great and then and then uh Lord
00:14:02
hired me as a writer because Fritz goes
00:14:04
no you hear the writing do you hear the
00:14:05
jokes a little one and then when I got
00:14:06
there long ago yes you kept a couple of
00:14:09
people's careers alive for a few more
00:14:11
weeks with that performance basically
00:14:13
saying how badly I bombed and um and
00:14:15
then hired me as a writer and the only
00:14:17
one I knew that really was David and
00:14:18
Norm you know did you uh was Marcy there
00:14:21
or Shoemaker or any writers there Marcy
00:14:23
and Shoemaker were all that but I didn't
00:14:24
know that yeah yeah so you come on as a
00:14:27
writer and I was probably it was at 95
00:14:29
maybe yeah 95 was you and huge Fink it
00:14:33
was your last year all right my last
00:14:34
year I think yeah and that's when you
00:14:37
started Hollywood minute yeah I think
00:14:38
I'd done Hollywood man a few times and
00:14:40
then I was I had my own five minutes
00:14:42
right that's what I mean Lauren said if
00:14:44
you stay a year I think Farley and Santa
00:14:46
left there was too much of a shake-up to
00:14:48
have everybody go at once yeah so you
00:14:50
and Norm stayed yeah huh
00:14:58
wanted to do is play football in the
00:15:01
Halls oh yeah we also had that Magic
00:15:03
Johnson basketball hoop we had fake
00:15:06
Sports in the hall that was the only
00:15:07
thing we did all day and Norm would
00:15:09
storm down the hall
00:15:10
and those you've dressed like crisscross
00:15:12
like this young rapper they're like
00:15:14
these giant he was dressing and called
00:15:16
can I jeans I'd just be like like
00:15:19
storming down the hall just starting
00:15:20
trouble I know where he wasn't going the
00:15:22
bathroom
00:15:23
because he had that in their office
00:15:28
[Music]
00:15:31
we found so many ways to not write Colin
00:15:33
because we would shoot hoops in that
00:15:34
little tiny uh Nerf hoop and then we'd
00:15:36
throw the football and it was anything
00:15:39
to go we got to start writing and I
00:15:41
would always want to write while I was
00:15:43
fresh in the middle of the day but it
00:15:44
was so frowned upon
00:15:49
I was the same way I would write on
00:15:51
Sunday and Monday it was I always
00:15:53
thought that was so fake that
00:15:55
everybody's like we have to stay up all
00:15:57
night Tuesday it's like no we don't you
00:15:59
could ride on Monday and Sunday and you
00:16:01
could come in at 12 in the afternoon on
00:16:04
Tuesday I know you really look down like
00:16:05
a nerd if you were writing like what are
00:16:07
you doing Spade I go what was this thing
00:16:09
from the old days when people did Coke
00:16:11
which I understand that was organic but
00:16:13
by the time we were there it's like why
00:16:15
why are we staying up all night yeah
00:16:17
it's fake the the all-nighters with no
00:16:19
Coke was just a bad idea because I I get
00:16:22
why they used to do it but now I'm like
00:16:24
we don't have Coke and we do have the
00:16:25
day off so let's we could fix this I
00:16:28
feel like you just reiterated what I
00:16:30
said yeah literally exactly right and
00:16:32
you know while I was waiting for Dana
00:16:34
um I just was trying to by the way Colin
00:16:37
has another real big credit Wi-Fi issue
00:16:40
Colin you know what his big credit is
00:16:42
what movie did Colin think of the name
00:16:46
of
00:16:48
do you know this answer Colin
00:16:50
I know it of course I don't know it I'll
00:16:53
give you a hint it was called it was
00:16:55
called lake house for a long time oh I
00:16:58
would be uh black sheep or Tommy Boy no
00:17:01
no okay it was Corona
00:17:04
Godfather you thought it was grown-ups
00:17:07
we couldn't think of anything why would
00:17:10
you change the subject in the middle of
00:17:11
SNL I know we're going back to it I just
00:17:13
had to make sure I said that because you
00:17:15
told me that I have to say that at some
00:17:16
point okay so um you're on SNL and
00:17:19
you're a writer and uh you're a really
00:17:21
good writer so it's different
00:17:22
um being uh I think you were very
00:17:25
comfortable in that position right oh I
00:17:27
was too comfortable yeah I was uh I
00:17:30
remember the first time my first sketch
00:17:33
was a Chevy Chase was the first host and
00:17:36
my first sketch was first
00:17:38
and it was called the blame game and it
00:17:41
was a racial game show with a white guy
00:17:44
and a black guy Tim and Chevy and it was
00:17:47
called the blame game where everybody
00:17:48
just blames each other for what's going
00:17:50
on right you know and then
00:17:53
we get to our we get to rehearsal and
00:17:55
one goes where's the buzzing sounds for
00:17:57
the because there's no buzzing sounds
00:17:58
for the buzzers buzzers so I go I didn't
00:18:02
think like that was the important part
00:18:03
of the sketch he looked at me oh boy oh
00:18:06
this guy's an idiot so they got buzzers
00:18:09
but then the buzzer during the game
00:18:12
Chevy just starts pressing the buzzer
00:18:15
how to [ __ ] it up well I don't know if
00:18:18
he meant it it's hard to tell it's
00:18:21
almost like a kid with a butt yeah
00:18:24
oh and it kept screwing up and it turned
00:18:26
into that yeah yeah I don't think he was
00:18:28
trying to stop
00:18:29
sure
00:18:30
you turned into the buzzer sketch and it
00:18:32
lost all the smartness yeah
00:18:36
that's awesome uh who knows I know God
00:18:40
who knows but but it was good to get it
00:18:42
you know like early on I didn't realize
00:18:44
how important it is to get sketches on
00:18:46
you know what I mean I was so cocky like
00:18:48
when my sketches wouldn't get on I was
00:18:49
like what's that problem you know like
00:18:51
everybody at SNL you go in there
00:18:53
everybody's like my stuff should be you
00:18:55
know I always got a little bit of an
00:18:56
attitude I feel I feel that everybody
00:18:58
who makes it out of their life has a
00:19:00
little bit of an answer I'm so damaged
00:19:02
uh it's a combo of things I I blame I
00:19:06
blame my dad leaving me second and then
00:19:08
I put yes or no
00:19:15
so but I did get a lot of fun off it I'm
00:19:18
not saying negative but uh I I actually
00:19:20
wasn't prepared to write like you had to
00:19:22
write there I was a rookie and it takes
00:19:24
so long you were ahead of me in that
00:19:26
department but it was fun you were you
00:19:29
were always pretty cool to me about
00:19:31
sketches yeah I don't know if you
00:19:32
remember this you would after read
00:19:35
through come up and give me a compliment
00:19:37
if you liked it and those are not always
00:19:39
easy to come by in a in a
00:19:41
semi-competitive situation and so I
00:19:43
always appreciate it because you're such
00:19:45
a smart writer and then I thought maybe
00:19:48
you were just doing that to do it to
00:19:51
make me feel better you know to make me
00:19:53
feel like it was good you're just saying
00:19:54
it and then one time you came up to me
00:19:56
after read through and you go hey that
00:19:57
thing and I'm ready for my compliment
00:19:59
and you go yeah you can't do that and I
00:20:02
go oh I think he said we're gonna do it
00:20:04
and you go yeah but you can't
00:20:06
you can't why it was hacky yeah it was
00:20:09
hacky you go it's it comedically you
00:20:11
just can't you can't do it and I go oh
00:20:13
and then I was like oh you are thinking
00:20:16
it through every week and you are giving
00:20:18
me actual compliments and now is a time
00:20:20
where your honesty is uh appreciated
00:20:23
unwanted yeah unwanted appreciated and
00:20:26
but I I got scared because I go oh no by
00:20:30
the way disappointing you is horrible
00:20:31
you were just telling me Oh yeah because
00:20:34
all of us kind of look up to Colin and
00:20:36
go oh I hope Colin thinks it's funny and
00:20:37
then when you didn't you weren't mean
00:20:39
about it you were just like basically
00:20:41
save yourself and save your reputation
00:20:43
and you don't need this and I'm like uh
00:20:46
I didn't understand I go but it'll get
00:20:48
on you're like I'm not kidding to you
00:20:50
yeah I mean that's the whole thing about
00:20:52
my my arrogance when people ignore my
00:20:55
advice I go what like right like I never
00:20:59
think to myself like hey you know what
00:21:01
they have to do what they have to do I'm
00:21:02
always like I just told you what to do
00:21:04
all right
00:21:06
it's awesome it's a kind of delusional
00:21:08
grandiosity that I'm capable of where do
00:21:10
you you where do you fall in like
00:21:11
because I'd heard this from other people
00:21:13
about you being especially generous in a
00:21:15
sincere way if someone's but you know
00:21:17
Smiggle told me about his cartoon
00:21:19
and you you would come up to him and
00:21:21
really tell critique it and tell him how
00:21:23
much you loved it and if you know so
00:21:26
what where do you put yourself on the
00:21:28
competitive spectrum of comedians like
00:21:31
sharp elbows and that kind of thing or
00:21:34
do you feel like you have a different
00:21:35
Irish attitude or something because you
00:21:37
seem so centered in a way to me yes as a
00:21:41
person well I mean I want to do well I
00:21:43
mean I want to be successful but I mean
00:21:45
but uh yeah I don't feel I never felt I
00:21:47
feel like comedians are really the only
00:21:49
ones that really understand each other
00:21:51
so it's like I always love comedians
00:21:54
because I feel like somehow there's
00:21:56
something in the comedian's frequency
00:21:58
that we like even when they're not even
00:22:02
if you take the hackiest comedian in the
00:22:04
world if you're sitting somewhere with
00:22:05
them it's like a different conversation
00:22:08
than with anybody else not not that
00:22:10
we're better or worse it's just they're
00:22:13
on my wavelengths and I just yeah you're
00:22:15
right they're all we have you know I
00:22:17
couldn't agree more if you're in New
00:22:19
York at a party or something and there's
00:22:21
no comedian there and you're talking to
00:22:24
businessmen and CEOs and then a comedian
00:22:26
comes in instantly both kind of even
00:22:30
actors or right anybody there's
00:22:33
something in them that's different than
00:22:35
comedians comedians have this this like
00:22:38
uh Dead part of us that is really funny
00:22:42
and makes us who we are where we're just
00:22:44
like oh like you don't you don't have to
00:22:47
have that enthusiastic or you know that
00:22:50
Earnest thing that a lot of people even
00:22:53
actors have where they're like it's just
00:22:55
another layer we like oh God that's
00:22:58
brutal but it's like how we feel I I
00:23:00
can't even articulate it but it's like
00:23:02
ever you know it when you see it you
00:23:04
know it's the elephant in the room they
00:23:05
usually identify it and then you have a
00:23:07
co-conspirator whether it's about
00:23:09
someone's dress or the guy is soiled as
00:23:12
tuxedo whatever it is and they just go
00:23:14
right at it yeah I went to a uh when you
00:23:16
go to any party in Los Angeles where
00:23:18
there's celebrity types you you always
00:23:20
sort of find a comedian and then another
00:23:22
one finds you and then you're on a
00:23:24
corner and then sometimes other people
00:23:26
like to come over thinking that'll be
00:23:28
the fun
00:23:29
group yeah and then they also like what
00:23:32
do you guys think about blank you know
00:23:33
what's going on right now and then you
00:23:35
get to you get to blab around but yeah
00:23:37
it is always fun because you feel some
00:23:39
sort of comfort or yeah the classic yeah
00:23:42
somebody who comes up and goes I don't
00:23:44
know if you know a civilian quote
00:23:45
unquote I don't know if you could use
00:23:47
this but I always thought this was funny
00:23:49
you know one of those guys and you're
00:23:51
like oh no
00:23:53
oh no yeah I don't know if you could use
00:23:55
this it's like I know we can't we know
00:23:59
um
00:23:59
we'll tell you right now
00:24:02
they should show about my job you should
00:24:04
hear about my job because there might be
00:24:06
something there
00:24:08
yeah
00:24:09
so what okay so you did Joe Blow
00:24:12
remember Joe Blow on updates yeah so
00:24:15
you're a construction worker of the name
00:24:18
that was my happiest things was that Joe
00:24:20
Blow and then uh and the lion those are
00:24:22
my favorites yeah I saw that yeah when I
00:24:25
did those two things those and I I at
00:24:29
that moment I think it was the first
00:24:30
Millennial Diablo where I was like I
00:24:33
just lived my dream now I can die
00:24:35
because being on SNL live so it's NE it
00:24:41
could never be taken at that time
00:24:42
especially Yes To This Day live that
00:24:46
still means so much and then to do those
00:24:48
things that I really important to me I
00:24:50
was like that was it I could have died
00:24:52
right then and you got to write it and
00:24:54
you and that there's something about
00:24:55
writing it and you go you do a TV show
00:24:58
you do a movie and a year later it comes
00:25:00
out and you go oh they cut out that part
00:25:01
yeah oh it didn't get picked up it never
00:25:03
got aired well the news change yeah yeah
00:25:07
it's right there it's how you wrote it
00:25:09
it how you want it out there you
00:25:12
actually present it and then you walk
00:25:13
off and your phone can ring and go I
00:25:15
just saw it and I'm in Milwaukee and you
00:25:17
go oh it's out okay so what I thought of
00:25:19
is out and stupid Norm right before I go
00:25:22
on here yeah
00:25:25
to the court I'm in a lion costume the
00:25:28
first time ever and I'm nervous because
00:25:30
it's an allen just you know I wrote this
00:25:32
thing totally getting it on you look
00:25:34
down
00:25:35
you know nobody really women you know
00:25:37
some people maybe remember me from MTV
00:25:39
but it's been a few years you know and
00:25:41
then I'm sitting there in a flying
00:25:43
costume and then no one goes to the
00:25:46
crowd is that Colin Quinn he's dressed
00:25:48
in a lion suit yeah
00:25:51
but he's you know he's not a lion right
00:25:54
he's not a lion he just sort of in an
00:25:57
alliance sure you know what I mean uh
00:25:59
don't be frightened he's not actually a
00:26:02
lion
00:26:03
knowing like no one like Norm no I mean
00:26:07
how do you I I you followed Norm and
00:26:11
Norm was one of your favorite comedians
00:26:14
and yeah how is that was that for you it
00:26:17
was very ugly and when I look back now I
00:26:20
feel like I
00:26:22
sabotaged what I was doing too because I
00:26:25
was so afraid of being like you know hey
00:26:27
like no I'm screwed up I'm gonna be the
00:26:30
good guy and so I kind of went out of my
00:26:33
way to be villainous I feel like it just
00:26:35
sabotaged my time at that spot because
00:26:39
SNL for me is such a demarcation between
00:26:43
the great times I had there which was
00:26:45
before that and then the dream gig was
00:26:49
just to be an update why I was miserable
00:26:51
lawn was miserable it was just not it
00:26:55
was a it was a bad thing it was a bad
00:26:58
time what to speak to that was it
00:27:00
because the hangover of Norm being fired
00:27:03
is that what came it's because you know
00:27:05
I'm getting fired and then suddenly I
00:27:06
found myself a position where oh so I'm
00:27:09
gonna be like the goody two shoes I had
00:27:11
never done that in my life
00:27:13
I felt like I went out of my way to
00:27:15
sabotage every episode that I could
00:27:18
until I formed until that became my
00:27:22
thing on and it was not a good thing but
00:27:24
it was it was how it went so I kind of I
00:27:26
feel like I destructed
00:27:28
starting I'd get off on that foot you
00:27:31
know with the norm thing and then I just
00:27:33
I just could I would never I would never
00:27:35
try to be like uh engaging I would
00:27:38
barely smile and I mean I was kind of
00:27:40
like that in stand-up to begin with I
00:27:41
guess but I took it to another level and
00:27:44
I really feel like that's what I did but
00:27:46
I didn't realize that till like seven
00:27:47
years ago you know and how have you
00:27:50
grown into your face by then yes I
00:27:53
sometimes I add sometimes I hadn't my
00:27:55
weight's been up and down a lot your
00:27:56
face during that update time Aaron was
00:27:59
always over in 8h right near you just
00:28:01
where their arms crossed kind of staring
00:28:03
and pointing to your face but I heard
00:28:05
that was a rumor sorry if you think the
00:28:08
podcast that made sense but it has to be
00:28:11
a bit of an uphill battle no matter who
00:28:13
you're following you know it was like
00:28:14
Dennis there's Neil and there's you uh
00:28:17
so you gotta go okay I'm the new guy
00:28:19
there might be mad because Norm gets a
00:28:22
little more legendary status because he
00:28:23
got fired or whatever so like he's like
00:28:25
right and then it's like oh what do you
00:28:28
got and you weren't like super sketch
00:28:30
guy at that point so it wasn't like
00:28:32
bringing Fallon up or something no but
00:28:35
it was it was more than like I said it
00:28:36
was also me just saw like sabotaging it
00:28:40
because I was like I'll show you on that
00:28:41
you know what I mean I was not it was
00:28:44
just a it was a weird vibe it just it
00:28:46
was a weird fit and when I look back I
00:28:48
know why now but at the time I didn't I
00:28:50
was just like I don't know what's going
00:28:51
on on what specifically would you say to
00:28:54
your younger self then about that moment
00:28:56
you know I would say if you're going to
00:28:59
do it yeah
00:29:02
try to charm Channel but don't just be
00:29:04
like going on like yeah you know what I
00:29:07
mean yeah but I mean I would say that to
00:29:09
myself in comedy in general I feel like
00:29:11
you know I always had this weird thing
00:29:14
about comedy was like you shouldn't be
00:29:16
trying to cheat and you know smile and
00:29:19
win them over and you know what I mean
00:29:20
like do you your material so I always
00:29:22
had like a uh
00:29:24
an attitude that didn't incorporate that
00:29:27
which was then I wasn't even enjoying it
00:29:29
so it's like what are you doing if
00:29:31
you're not gonna bring your personality
00:29:34
too you might as well just hand out
00:29:35
books here are my jokes everybody read
00:29:37
them and I'll sit on stage and after an
00:29:39
hour time is up and we'll just leave but
00:29:42
it's true it's like it is show business
00:29:43
and you have it they go like Sandler
00:29:45
can't he knew what he's doing right away
00:29:48
yes well no not right away I knew about
00:29:51
the first time he started yeah it took
00:29:53
him about a year and a half and the
00:29:55
first year and a half he was up there
00:29:56
like a young boy you know and then he
00:29:58
came back he went on the road for a year
00:30:00
and a half and he came back and you're
00:30:02
like oh he was he had all his Charisma
00:30:04
was there suddenly but yeah confident I
00:30:07
mean Charisma yeah same thing but also
00:30:09
because I mean you don't want to overdo
00:30:11
it because how many people do you know
00:30:13
that were just I worked with a lot of
00:30:16
80s really hacky people that were just
00:30:19
all fake and it is we always enter this
00:30:23
when they go up there and they'd start
00:30:25
laughing and the crowd would start
00:30:26
laughing and they'd be just it was all
00:30:28
this Sound and Fury signifying nothing
00:30:30
so I was like you're like wait a minute
00:30:32
that's not stand up this is and so then
00:30:35
you over correct the other way and just
00:30:38
go I'm not gonna move I'm not gonna I'll
00:30:41
just and so there's you know what I mean
00:30:46
[Music]
00:30:47
can I just interject for a second that I
00:30:50
think you found the title of maybe your
00:30:51
next book
00:30:52
what sounded weird signifying nothing
00:30:55
that is an incredible phrase if you just
00:30:57
just think of that well it shakes me it
00:30:59
shakes me oh it's Shakespeare oh oh Bill
00:31:01
Shakespeare okay I love it oh I'm not
00:31:05
literally red so what was what was
00:31:08
funnier than Phil Hartman going uh then
00:31:11
oh no then Chris Farley going looks like
00:31:13
we got ourselves a bill Shakespeare
00:31:16
when Dave David goes I really was
00:31:19
thinking to become a writer hey look at
00:31:22
this guy
00:31:24
and he goes well actually we try to
00:31:26
encourage his writing yeah
00:31:30
Chris Wally's face his Folly's face was
00:31:34
so depressed with that and then he Flex
00:31:38
his glasses up and down hey I can't see
00:31:41
too good yeah he was always a little
00:31:44
Shakespeare I don't know how to write
00:31:49
totally denies him he goes actually we
00:31:52
try to encourage him
00:31:54
and his face was so depressed and mad I
00:31:58
like when he turns on he goes you know
00:32:00
Dad I wish you'd shut your big yeah
00:32:05
I like at the beginning of that sketch
00:32:07
they'd think of different reasons to
00:32:08
make him gacked out so they go we hired
00:32:11
a motivational speaker he's been down in
00:32:13
the basement eating coffee beans for
00:32:15
three hours like why
00:32:17
just to explain why he's gonna bust out
00:32:20
of the door I know but that was the
00:32:23
problem speaking of the show here's what
00:32:25
the problem in my opinion there's two
00:32:27
big problems with SNL one is structural
00:32:30
things which obviously it's the most
00:32:32
genius structure of all time right it's
00:32:35
still the most genius structure a live
00:32:37
show where every Sarah Silverman once
00:32:39
described that go what do you think of
00:32:40
the show last night she goes it's like
00:32:42
it always is it's a casino even if the
00:32:45
first that sketch you watched didn't
00:32:46
work you're like you know what the next
00:32:48
one's coming up and I was like yeah and
00:32:51
but the two things that I thought were
00:32:53
big mistakes was one when they would
00:32:56
they would have the the right rewrite
00:33:00
session where suddenly everyone's
00:33:02
throwing in these funny lines that ruin
00:33:05
the like the whatever the magic that
00:33:09
sketch had that that writer wrote so
00:33:11
you'd have all these lines and then it
00:33:14
just killed the sketch
00:33:20
those jokes are better than what was
00:33:22
originally in the sketch but they ruined
00:33:24
the Alchemy or whatever oh yeah and then
00:33:27
the other thing was
00:33:29
which I'm sure you guys much more than
00:33:31
me must have dealt with the frustration
00:33:32
especially Dana which is
00:33:35
dress rehearsal some of the best things
00:33:38
who care the dress crowd's not laughing
00:33:41
that doesn't mean it's not the greatest
00:33:42
sketch and it's a different animal
00:33:46
so cutting things based on an audience
00:33:48
response between dress and air I felt
00:33:50
like that was crazy because how many
00:33:53
great sketches you see I know you can't
00:33:55
cut that it's gonna work but just
00:33:57
because that dress audience didn't work
00:33:59
that Dana you must have like five
00:34:01
characters that you had that you were
00:34:05
like no no no just let it go to air you
00:34:07
know uh yeah and then eventually you
00:34:09
know I I had so much status there and
00:34:12
had a lot of great collaborators that I
00:34:14
would try to not peek at dress I wanted
00:34:17
the air show my brain and we all had
00:34:19
that in it update too beat the system
00:34:21
you want your live show to be the the
00:34:24
voice in your head going this is the
00:34:26
best I've done it this week and that
00:34:28
took me a while to learn I you know I
00:34:30
peaked at read through a few times just
00:34:32
trying to get it on the show that's
00:34:34
crazy and never got back there
00:34:37
um but yeah I get that yeah I can see
00:34:39
that you know when De Niro one of the
00:34:42
big things was on was Joe Pesci was on
00:34:44
with the Brewers She's So yeah so they
00:34:47
asked me to fill in what I was going to
00:34:49
do yeah as De Niro said De Niro shows up
00:34:52
and a dress rehearsal
00:34:54
it was the most magic thing because we
00:34:57
didn't really I hadn't seen them yet we
00:34:59
heard they were coming and it was this
00:35:01
and that air was good but dress
00:35:03
rehearsal was just terrible thing you're
00:35:06
always even De Niro had a different
00:35:07
energy to him you know well then you're
00:35:09
discovering it still a little bit
00:35:10
because you're so beaten down after the
00:35:13
read through with Thursday Friday and
00:35:14
then Saturday walkthroughs by the time
00:35:16
you get to an audience you really think
00:35:18
the thing sucks so that's the first time
00:35:21
you're getting laughs since read through
00:35:22
since Wednesday and so it's hard to get
00:35:25
back to that on the air show that
00:35:26
discovery of like well I'm killing this
00:35:28
is great you know well Shoemake used to
00:35:31
always talk about you and he said Dana
00:35:33
even if he didn't have the guy's voice
00:35:36
down completely he always had something
00:35:39
about him that he discovered that was so
00:35:43
funny that made it that took it to
00:35:46
another level you know what I mean he
00:35:47
said you will always do that now did you
00:35:49
do that
00:35:51
like I don't know how impression is
00:35:52
really did you do that consciously or
00:35:55
did you just did you watch tapes or did
00:35:58
you or yeah like how many times how long
00:36:00
do you have to watch somebody how many
00:36:02
times do you have to watch Ross Perot
00:36:03
before you go ah that
00:36:06
um he was pretty immediate but if if you
00:36:09
if anyone cared to look at the first one
00:36:11
I wasn't as committed I wasn't extending
00:36:13
the rhythms and then as you watch
00:36:15
someone these sub rhythms keep coming
00:36:17
out you know can it finish one time can
00:36:20
I finish one time I don't know if that
00:36:21
was in the first one like a press
00:36:22
conference right you're not listening
00:36:25
that frustrated kind of thing I just
00:36:27
yesterday and I'm not really I'm not
00:36:29
like James Austin Johnson but I I
00:36:32
thought I heard a new Trump Rhythm that
00:36:34
I that I hadn't heard before which is
00:36:36
like it's not a great Trump but the
00:36:38
Rhythm you'll hear at the end where he
00:36:39
Fades away he's like and gas is going up
00:36:43
five dollars a gallon seven dollars ten
00:36:46
dollars a gallon how high can you count
00:36:48
how high can you that's that's the one I
00:36:52
hadn't heard it yeah
00:36:54
15 times as colors again how high can
00:36:57
you count it's just yeah and he looks
00:36:59
away sometimes yeah so he turns aside
00:37:02
yes
00:37:05
excuse me excuse me and but no one's
00:37:08
interrupting him my angle was that he
00:37:09
would just take a word and repeat it for
00:37:12
three minutes and make it work we're
00:37:13
gonna win like everybody we're gonna be
00:37:15
winning we're going to win excuse me
00:37:17
we're going to win so much you're going
00:37:18
to be tired of winning you're going to
00:37:19
win we're going to win we're winning too
00:37:22
much winning people are saying please
00:37:24
enough with the winning so that Trump
00:37:25
was an amazing
00:37:28
people saying things to him yeah people
00:37:30
are saying people are saying many people
00:37:32
are saying yeah many people don't like I
00:37:35
like when he says many people don't like
00:37:36
this person a lot of people have come to
00:37:38
me
00:37:41
just to make someone look like an
00:37:43
[ __ ] but yeah that's he's a loser a
00:37:45
lot of people are whispering to me many
00:37:47
people listen many people excuse me many
00:37:49
people are saying like he's not very
00:37:52
well liked you know you were nice now
00:37:53
you're not so nice okay so he's uh uh
00:37:57
you know a one-off uh someone asked Rudy
00:38:00
Giuliani before he went a little cookie
00:38:02
what who do you what do you how do you
00:38:04
how do you define Donald Trump and he
00:38:07
said he's unclassifiable
00:38:10
like like a rare insects
00:38:13
there's never been another one like him
00:38:16
so what do you um I don't know where to
00:38:19
go there's so many things I ask I have a
00:38:21
question
00:38:22
go ahead no I was gonna say when you do
00:38:26
update were you working with was it a
00:38:28
Downy or was it her Sergeant or who was
00:38:30
kind of running it with you no no it was
00:38:32
we had different people but it was
00:38:34
Carlock Robin Carl Robert Carlock yeah
00:38:36
oh wow yeah
00:38:39
yeah and was Tina on yet no Tina was all
00:38:42
no she wasn't on the show but she was
00:38:43
the head writer oh [ __ ] and when um we
00:38:47
had my ears on and that I mean I think
00:38:49
he did he did did he say he offered you
00:38:52
what was it what part Scotty Scott
00:38:54
yeah
00:38:56
but that's right that's was that rumor
00:38:58
no he literally Sarah's open again Colby
00:39:02
she goes Mike Myers is looking for you
00:39:04
like all right yeah he calls me up and
00:39:07
he and he goes hey I'm doing this movie
00:39:08
it's whatever it was uh it's about he
00:39:11
describes Austin Powers he's this guy
00:39:13
from the 60s and I go that's great man
00:39:15
I'm I ain't nothing I literally
00:39:18
he goes so I'll fly out you do this part
00:39:20
you know I saw you on Gary shanling
00:39:22
playing riptorn's son so just do
00:39:24
whatever you did then is great
00:39:26
just do that in the morning wow nice and
00:39:29
I go yeah I'm working on my own movie
00:39:31
though and he goes oh you're shooting
00:39:32
something I go no I'm just rewriting and
00:39:35
he goes all right well this will take a
00:39:36
few days it's not a big deal I go nah
00:39:38
I'm busy
00:39:40
and he literally goes what like he goes
00:39:44
what's going on like he didn't
00:39:45
understand what's happening he goes I go
00:39:46
you know plus the show is happening goes
00:39:48
yeah but it's a week off I'll talk to
00:39:50
Lauren don't worry about that I go nah
00:39:52
I'm just thank you and he goes [ __ ]
00:39:54
funny so stupid and then he goes um look
00:39:58
I go it sounds great good luck with your
00:40:00
movie I go it sounds like the kind of
00:40:02
movie I said you can even get like a
00:40:04
bird back rack type music he goes no we
00:40:06
have Burt Bacharach doing the actual
00:40:09
background music this is a big
00:40:11
production and for whatever combination
00:40:14
of stupidity on my part
00:40:16
I still you know I just kept turning it
00:40:19
down I mean I was all he did was say
00:40:22
look I love you and carry Shandling this
00:40:24
is the part do your thing and that's it
00:40:26
and I turned it down and he goes well he
00:40:29
goes I can't beg you to do it he goes
00:40:30
you know I'm often and whatever idiotic
00:40:34
thing and I've turned out a lot of
00:40:36
things into business but I never
00:40:37
regretted them you know but that one I
00:40:39
regret because it was great it's I have
00:40:42
heard you've turned down stuff and I go
00:40:44
it's great but you know in your own mind
00:40:45
if it's not for you whatever reason yeah
00:40:49
you move on well what is your reason so
00:40:51
in most cases I was right most I defend
00:40:54
it all that one case I was wrong I was
00:40:57
stupid because he made it for me he said
00:41:00
just do what you did yeah it's this walk
00:41:02
of walk in the park
00:41:03
sometimes you already did it
00:41:06
I think for all of us you know if you're
00:41:09
lucky enough to get on TV or be in show
00:41:11
business and you have things coming at
00:41:12
you
00:41:13
and later on you I would always say to
00:41:15
myself I did not know what time it was I
00:41:18
didn't I was in something that I had no
00:41:22
context for so you know and how could
00:41:25
you know that awesome powers would be a
00:41:27
Trilogy and a global smash when you turn
00:41:30
I couldn't know that but it sounded fun
00:41:32
yeah yeah and he's funny
00:41:35
it was like him yeah it's great I don't
00:41:38
know what my problem was yeah but Dana I
00:41:40
agree and I'm chiming in even though
00:41:42
people say I talk too much but uh my
00:41:45
wife is all over that she's yes you're
00:41:47
great when what you're saying about that
00:41:50
Dana
00:41:51
I like to use words like frequency and
00:41:54
Alchemy when I talk uh because I just
00:41:56
stole them from Colin I'm going to use
00:41:58
them all the time but uh full of Sound
00:42:01
and Fury signifying nothing and I I
00:42:03
can't I wouldn't be able to get away
00:42:04
with that one but they would buy Alchemy
00:42:06
from me maybe but uh when I Dana you're
00:42:10
saying you're getting sort of a Vortex
00:42:11
and I wasn't in like a super Fame Vortex
00:42:13
like when you were on SNL but when I did
00:42:16
SNL and in the summer we did uh Tommy
00:42:21
Boy and then we come back to SNL and
00:42:22
they go what do you guys want to do this
00:42:24
summer what movie
00:42:25
there's this one black sheep that Fred
00:42:27
you know has and we're like oh yeah okay
00:42:29
and then we do that hey and then you're
00:42:31
good hey you're not so good okay all
00:42:33
right no you're really good you're not
00:42:34
so good okay Dana I'm gonna talk about
00:42:36
you in a second I just want to tell
00:42:36
something to David but I have a big
00:42:37
compliment for you at the end that was
00:42:39
really good no I swear to God that was
00:42:40
really good but you're not so good okay
00:42:42
we're doing Fred Wolf uh so then uh uh
00:42:46
and then the next summer I think there
00:42:48
was uh do you want to do a gap Girls
00:42:50
movie or something but the point was
00:42:53
I didn't realize how hard it is to get a
00:42:55
movie and how it just that's a that's a
00:42:58
that's a thing you're caught up in where
00:43:00
things are getting kind of thrown at you
00:43:01
and then I was like nah maybe and then
00:43:04
like a summer later I'm like I think I
00:43:06
wanted this movie and then like oh that
00:43:07
ship kind of sailed and I'm like well
00:43:08
what about this they're like nah and
00:43:10
then I thought holy [ __ ] is it hard to
00:43:12
get a movie and they're like yeah dumb
00:43:14
[ __ ] if it makes you and then feel
00:43:16
better I turned down Wayne's World one I
00:43:19
thought right before we did it a couple
00:43:21
weeks before I go I don't know I I don't
00:43:23
think so uh that'll be all right
00:43:25
I love it yeah just like you know maybe
00:43:28
I yeah you know yeah of course and well
00:43:32
it's also everything you do is a gamble
00:43:34
that could hurt you you you almost
00:43:36
rarely think about the upside you go if
00:43:38
this [ __ ] up I look I'm in a bigger
00:43:40
hole Yeah but that's what you think but
00:43:42
we won't it doesn't mean any the more
00:43:44
you do it the people that do everything
00:43:45
is Teflon you know what I mean yeah
00:43:47
right yeah the last time anybody got
00:43:51
screwed was Billy Squier doing his video
00:43:53
for uh you know
00:43:55
and Shane was told me that when he goes
00:43:57
you remember him telling me yeah this
00:43:59
Billy's quiet video from 19. I was like
00:44:00
what he goes on it destroyed him
00:44:02
because he did oh he was laying on his
00:44:04
silk sheets
00:44:05
it messed up his credibility
00:44:08
yeah at least why it was amazing yeah
00:44:11
he's [ __ ] I did some video and it was
00:44:12
like a on some silk seats doing like a
00:44:15
pretty boy video and he didn't lose me
00:44:17
for good I took a little I'm sorry I'm
00:44:20
back familiarize myself I'm representing
00:44:22
this other part of the audience Billy's
00:44:23
choir what was his song Lonely is the
00:44:26
night oh okay
00:44:30
Stroke Me
00:44:32
stroke me yeah I was trying to clean it
00:44:35
up I was trying to PG in for the
00:44:36
audience oh okay and that's because I
00:44:38
think Sandler used that in uh Billy
00:44:40
Madison I think he did I have a thing
00:44:42
that every time Adam's name is mentioned
00:44:45
I just do it to myself thought about oh
00:44:46
every time Sandler's mentioned on the
00:44:48
podcast I just do that I've already done
00:44:50
it twice yeah Show Business the only guy
00:44:53
who seemed to have Show Business Wire
00:44:55
first the people who are like I always
00:44:57
see Jerry Seinfeld and Jay Leno happen
00:45:01
to be the most successful metrically in
00:45:04
many ways they both were so pragmatic
00:45:07
about it and Leno was always oh you
00:45:09
never stopped his whole thing was don't
00:45:11
stop right guys stop don't ever stop and
00:45:14
it was very very logical advice you know
00:45:16
Colin what you were saying about people
00:45:18
that do a lot of stuff I sometimes do a
00:45:20
lot of stuff but also it's because out
00:45:23
of some of its fear and some of it's uh
00:45:26
if I'm getting a script for a movie we
00:45:29
did this one father of the year
00:45:31
I don't even have to say individual
00:45:32
movies but they're never handing me the
00:45:34
number one movie out there that's the
00:45:36
funniest one written because there's a
00:45:38
hierarchy of who's getting that so sure
00:45:40
if I get a script and they're willing to
00:45:42
do it I mean they're co-writing it or
00:45:44
I'm trying to help punch up or they're
00:45:46
saying this one's a little bit of a mess
00:45:48
there's a reason it's not made right now
00:45:49
but there's something there right and if
00:45:52
you want to put into the work put the
00:45:53
work in and try to help it or do
00:45:55
whatever or you think you can bring
00:45:56
something to it and those are more
00:45:57
opportunities where you go I can't sit
00:46:00
back and say I'm going to get the best
00:46:01
of the best of everything or you won't
00:46:03
do anything so I I think what you're
00:46:06
saying has made me think yeah you keep
00:46:07
you try stuff to go I if I get to take a
00:46:11
swing that might help me because I can
00:46:13
get in there and do my best so anything
00:46:15
to talk show anything just get in front
00:46:17
of people where someone goes oh because
00:46:18
it's constantly on an audition so if you
00:46:21
hit one that wasn't supposed to be a hit
00:46:23
people go okay maybe we'll give them
00:46:25
another one you know that kind of thing
00:46:26
it's got to stay out there but what you
00:46:28
also said even talk show movie whatever
00:46:30
when they let you write on it I feel
00:46:32
like all of us comedians are like oh let
00:46:35
me get it let me get a swing at this uh
00:46:38
script too yeah like that's how I feel
00:46:40
every everything I've ever read I'm
00:46:42
always like that's good I could have
00:46:44
made it better I'm a reading and Colin
00:46:46
Dana had uh the Colin had a few scripts
00:46:49
and I'd say oh can I read that one and
00:46:51
uh the compliment is really I don't know
00:46:54
why they're not making them other than
00:46:56
it was almost too smart it was very
00:46:59
funny and very smart and I think smart
00:47:02
in our world you know sometimes you
00:47:05
don't want to be the smartest one in the
00:47:07
room what room are you in it's that
00:47:09
thing of like you know it's going over
00:47:10
people's heads and you it's like a
00:47:12
really big audience out there just do
00:47:14
what you want I mean the Beatles were
00:47:16
smart and dumb do you know what I'm
00:47:18
saying they had a good beat and then you
00:47:20
have Strawberry Fields
00:47:22
it's that whole thing of like um so
00:47:25
Colin
00:47:29
[Laughter]
00:47:33
so smart
00:47:37
[Music]
00:47:39
if you see Dana if you see any of his uh
00:47:42
one-man shows yes I watched all the time
00:47:46
I've seen all of them I believe oh
00:47:48
thanks they're just they're they're
00:47:50
really fun to watch what I was just
00:47:52
going to ask I don't know if you were
00:47:53
David it's like the research part of it
00:47:55
because you're how how steeped are you
00:47:58
in the history of when you the research
00:48:01
part before you make the comedy part how
00:48:03
well it's so easy like I said yeah yeah
00:48:06
because of Google it's not like the old
00:48:08
days but the only one there's a lot of
00:48:10
research the woman was alive research
00:48:12
was the Constitutional one because yeah
00:48:13
I had to read these books to understand
00:48:15
what everybody's thinking about it at
00:48:18
that time so I read these horribly
00:48:20
boring books because in the old days
00:48:21
they wrote books you had nothing to
00:48:23
watch on TV so you had to read the book
00:48:25
so they could write it as intricately as
00:48:27
they wanted yeah I'm reading these books
00:48:29
going oh my God this language is you
00:48:31
know from another
00:48:32
it's just a it's another animal and uh
00:48:35
but that's it but mostly now with Google
00:48:37
any facts I want I just Google them but
00:48:40
you know it is then you're on a you
00:48:42
suddenly you're on like a uh you're just
00:48:44
lost in a rabbit hole and I'm like why
00:48:46
was I here originally again because
00:48:48
hours and hours yeah well on the
00:48:51
premiere night of grown-ups I think
00:48:53
number one uh we were we came we're all
00:48:56
in New York and doing press and we all
00:48:58
came to see your show right was that
00:49:00
which which show was that that was that
00:49:03
was long story short long story short
00:49:04
how long that's how long ago that was
00:49:06
that was 12 years ago you guys were
00:49:08
there gross uh anyway we walk out of
00:49:11
there in a day is going why are we all
00:49:12
in comedy it's all like so thought out
00:49:15
and put together and I'm like yeah even
00:49:17
the Constitution one I'm like do you
00:49:18
think he had to read the Constitution
00:49:20
because I would never and then it's only
00:49:23
four pages I couldn't do it yeah it's
00:49:25
really really four pages of constitution
00:49:27
yeah
00:49:29
what's the one-man show for you versus
00:49:31
stand up for you personally as a
00:49:33
performer I mean the same thing I I I I
00:49:36
feel like it's the same exact thing to
00:49:38
me it is because I had clubs
00:49:42
when I work it out I work it out at the
00:49:45
club so I mean it's the same thing you
00:49:46
know if it's not getting lamps there I'm
00:49:48
not gonna put it in the show you know
00:49:49
because back in the day if a comedian
00:49:50
was was too dry or whatever people might
00:49:54
say oh it's a one-man show you know
00:49:55
because it's not they're showing for the
00:49:57
oath of the comic that will get six
00:49:58
laughs a minute or something by the way
00:50:00
I know
00:50:02
yours are extremely funny that's
00:50:04
different by the way what's better than
00:50:06
Fred armis since one man Chicago
00:50:09
yes yeah Fred Armstrong It's a patch
00:50:14
yes comedian and he did his comedian guy
00:50:17
on update do you remember that the guy
00:50:19
the ACT yeah and then the accent guy who
00:50:21
goes around the room with the accents
00:50:22
where are you from well that's amazing
00:50:24
yeah remember we did the stand-up guys I
00:50:27
got Army jacket he's like look oh yeah
00:50:29
yeah New York Times okay my father okay
00:50:34
he just wouldn't interrupt himself so
00:50:37
beautifully I asked him how would you do
00:50:39
that because that's like a mental
00:50:40
technique you know and he goes yeah just
00:50:43
do it he's yeah Colin lastly were you a
00:50:46
roast guy did you do roasts yeah well
00:50:49
the Howard Stern Rose to you know the
00:50:51
Audi rose the Gary roast oh my God those
00:50:54
are my favorite things [ __ ] yeah they're
00:50:56
not they're not doing this you've done a
00:50:58
joke that you thought you had to kind of
00:51:00
check it with people to see if it had
00:51:02
crossed the line in a roast from funny
00:51:05
to cool or you just what's wonderful no
00:51:08
but I feel like they're all you know I
00:51:10
mean yeah they're all going to be
00:51:11
they're pretty they'll have to be they
00:51:13
all have to be Godless to a certain
00:51:14
extent but nothing now
00:51:18
comedians like the young comedians do
00:51:20
these ropes put on YouTube yeah so much
00:51:22
more brutal oh yeah anybody we thought
00:51:26
we were like I thought I was like whoa
00:51:28
that's hardcore these they don't give a
00:51:31
damn it's really funny to watch so
00:51:33
whatever we did was like light compared
00:51:34
to what it goes on now it roasts you
00:51:36
know I think what happened is like Amy
00:51:38
Schumer sort of got known from Rose and
00:51:40
maybe Whitney and there's people that
00:51:42
blew up so they go here's my one chance
00:51:44
if you're the worst is if you're getting
00:51:46
roasted and they go oh we're gonna have
00:51:48
a couple of your friends in quotes and
00:51:50
then eight new comics and you go so
00:51:53
there's no fun between you two it's just
00:51:55
an assassination yeah no and they they
00:51:57
get famous from it well what I hate is
00:52:00
once again my little critiques of
00:52:02
everything is that there's writers at
00:52:05
Rose I hate that
00:52:07
I hate it like when we did roast you
00:52:10
wrote your own jokes that was the whole
00:52:11
Pride like these are all for me and yeah
00:52:14
once I want somebody to go to their
00:52:15
friend hey I'm making fun you know I'm
00:52:17
sure people took jokes from other people
00:52:18
but it was you and now it's writers and
00:52:21
the jokes are good but like you said
00:52:22
they're brutal nobody cares it's not you
00:52:25
up there saying it you wrote it and tell
00:52:28
us the other person is desperate for
00:52:29
jokes she got these celebrities making
00:52:31
some obscure you know jokes about
00:52:34
somebody's you know first wife dying or
00:52:36
whatever yeah they don't know what they
00:52:37
say you know I mean right right they're
00:52:39
up there going hey which one's being
00:52:41
roasted Chevy okay hey you [ __ ]
00:52:43
[ __ ] and you're like
00:52:44
my friends can say that to me but I
00:52:47
don't know who you are yeah and that's
00:52:49
why people get mad if no one's getting
00:52:51
beat up at a roast I don't know how this
00:52:52
thing happened with Will Smith I mean
00:52:54
Rose are brutal all right well I guess
00:52:56
we should let Colin go come on by the
00:52:58
way
00:52:59
um you I I moved so if you want to stay
00:53:01
here next time uh it got a spot for you
00:53:05
you moved yeah got a mansion no
00:53:08
beautiful what you knew what's your new
00:53:10
address I almost made you say it in the
00:53:13
air
00:53:15
it was so close
00:53:18
pattern Ram in 10 minutes
00:53:20
well I I will I will keep liking all
00:53:24
your stuff on Twitter even though I get
00:53:25
mad at myself I keep liking too many in
00:53:27
a row and I go this is no I appreciate
00:53:29
it
00:53:30
appreciate it and I can't wait to see
00:53:32
you when you come stay here and uh see
00:53:34
you in heaven thanks Colin Quinn nobody
00:53:37
like him okay guys thank you so much but
00:53:40
I I heard you knew opening and I don't
00:53:42
like it
00:53:43
you go live from the podcast
00:53:46
it's Dana and David why do we never
00:53:49
think of that I was saying that oh
00:53:51
really
00:53:52
all right we'll stop that there it is
00:53:54
open oh by the way let me tell you one
00:53:56
more SNL thing sure uh Dennis mcnicholas
00:53:59
was right oh he's still he's working on
00:54:01
the show but we were sitting there one
00:54:02
day and I'm listening to Nick Drake
00:54:04
because you know in the late 90s it was
00:54:06
like ooh Nick Drake so yes I'm one of
00:54:08
those [ __ ] but but this song comes
00:54:11
on called Saturday Sun by Nick Drake and
00:54:14
Dennis mcnicholas goes to me
00:54:17
that's the Saturday Night Live at the
00:54:19
end of the show that's the song
00:54:22
and then we went down we went down and
00:54:25
asked um
00:54:26
you know she was in charge of Hal
00:54:28
wellner no not how but she yeah she was
00:54:32
in charge of the piano
00:54:33
I'm sorry
00:54:35
Cheryl and we go Cheryl
00:54:38
could that but be possible that they
00:54:41
took a Nick Drake song and she goes
00:54:42
Howard when Howard Shore was in charge
00:54:45
of the music shows yeah Howard
00:54:46
definitely would have done that so that
00:54:48
Dennis mcnicholas discovered not that
00:54:51
anyone asked but the mystery of that
00:54:52
last song at least everyone has that
00:54:54
answer now Colin um
00:54:58
I'm not gonna leave I took his shots we
00:55:02
don't have a corny ending we have a good
00:55:04
solid ending you don't have a corny and
00:55:05
except what I just said no except here's
00:55:08
how we end the show now bye-bye
00:55:11
this is what he does yeah
00:55:27
that's my story and I'm sticking to it
00:55:29
all right oh that's a great one that was
00:55:31
a good one yeah yeah that's a great one
00:55:33
thanks all right buddy thanks thanks
00:55:36
guys Colin love you hope to see you I
00:55:38
love you good to see you bye-bye
00:55:39
[Music]
00:55:41
hey what's up flies what's up please
00:55:43
what's up people that listen we want to
00:55:44
hear from you and your dumb questions
00:55:46
questions ask us anything anything you
00:55:49
want you can email us at fly on the wall
00:55:52
at cadence13.com
00:55:55
all right here's a question uh this is a
00:55:58
question from Jason Smith
00:56:00
your podcast is better than cats
00:56:04
the plague
00:56:06
the movie I hope
00:56:08
the animal
00:56:10
I doubt it cats are great
00:56:13
I will listen to it again and again
00:56:15
anyway I like when they start with a
00:56:17
compliment that's smart that gets me in
00:56:19
imagine if you well there's a comedic
00:56:20
Heaven you're standing before it's
00:56:22
hilarious gates in order to be admitted
00:56:25
you must submit one piece from your body
00:56:28
of work and be judged
00:56:31
what would you submit
00:56:33
oh Dana's not here
00:56:36
I don't know if I can answer for Dana
00:56:39
I'll answer for me
00:56:41
I like the people that go I can't speak
00:56:43
for him but then I do
00:56:46
I don't mind speaking for people
00:56:49
what would I pick
00:56:51
a lot of people would say
00:56:53
Dave pick Tommy Boy
00:56:54
but Tommy Boy is mostly far like it's
00:56:57
not really me
00:57:00
I mean it's mostly it's a hit because of
00:57:02
uh I liked just shoot me
00:57:07
and Rules of Engagement the sitcoms I
00:57:09
did but those are other people too
00:57:10
that's based on other people doing great
00:57:12
you know and they make me funnier so
00:57:14
that's kind of a cheat
00:57:18
Emperor's New Groove is
00:57:21
um
00:57:22
I mean I like it I'm in it a lot voice
00:57:27
I'm handing in Voice work to get it oh
00:57:30
my God desperate
00:57:33
but you know coosco and easement that's
00:57:36
they're so funny though [ __ ]
00:57:38
and so the total of that makes that
00:57:40
movie funny and the animation is so
00:57:42
great
00:57:43
animation helps every joke [ __ ] um
00:57:46
maybe my stand-up specials I love them
00:57:49
and it's just me
00:57:51
I mean I love Joe Dirt Joe dirt's mostly
00:57:54
at least I'm driving it and co-wrote it
00:57:56
so
00:57:57
it's a good representation
00:57:59
but if if they don't get it in heaven
00:58:01
and they really don't get it because
00:58:02
some people don't like it
00:58:04
this is tough
00:58:07
glad Dana doesn't get to chirp and I get
00:58:09
to just take all this time and just
00:58:11
stare off into space
00:58:14
ah it's so glorious but I would have to
00:58:17
go with
00:58:19
but what if it's R-rated because it's
00:58:20
Heaven I can't hand it anything already
00:58:22
then I'm screwed it's been very R-rated
00:58:25
lately someone even commented it was a
00:58:27
little blue during your Mike Myers
00:58:28
interview I go I don't give a care
00:58:31
okay
00:58:33
um
00:58:35
special one of my specials I think Dana
00:58:38
has a lot to give in so
00:58:40
I would say that or some one of my
00:58:42
appearances on Ellen
00:58:45
out of my 30. now some of those talk
00:58:48
shows were fun
00:58:49
funny there's just different things
00:58:52
some of the stuff I wrote I thought was
00:58:54
funny I don't know I'm just not kidding
00:58:56
it thank you for the question
00:58:58
[Music]
00:59:00
this has been a podcast presentation of
00:59:01
cadence 13. please listen then rate
00:59:04
review and follow all episodes available
00:59:07
now for free wherever you get your
00:59:09
podcast no joke folks
00:59:12
fly on the wall has been a presentation
00:59:14
of cadence 13. executive produced by
00:59:17
Dana Carvey and David Spade Chris
00:59:18
Corcoran of cadence 13 and Charlie finan
00:59:21
of brillstein entertainment the show's
00:59:23
lead producers Greg Holtzman with
00:59:24
production and Engineering support from
00:59:26
Serena Regan and Chris Basil of cadence
00:59:28
13.
