00:00:05
timl welcome to my podcast thank you
00:00:09
thanks for inviting me yeah I I sent you
00:00:12
an invite um you replied to me um I
00:00:14
organized some flights packed up from
00:00:16
the airport but the way how was my
00:00:17
driving everyone criticizes my driving
00:00:20
it was good yeah yeah very safe thank
00:00:23
you so um this is um a crazy story that
00:00:28
you've got you were um one of the
00:00:31
victims with the uh Crush mosque
00:00:33
shooting on um March 15 2019 yes I'm the
00:00:39
Survivor yeah how are you thank you very
00:00:42
much about six years later still you
00:00:45
know I can say it's same old same old
00:00:48
like day
00:00:50
one yeah so you got a shot nine you you
00:00:53
got a shot more than anyone else you got
00:00:54
shot nine times yeah I have a record
00:00:57
so a record that nobody else want
00:01:00
yeah next persons only have five bullets
00:01:03
you know so you can imagine and
00:01:05
comparing so it is it is some sort of a
00:01:07
miracle that you
00:01:08
hear yes miracles in Miracles yeah M so
00:01:12
you got a shot shot number one in the
00:01:15
yeah the first bullet is entered to the
00:01:18
my
00:01:19
uh mouth from this angle and then uh
00:01:24
Turkish
00:01:26
Maiden te Bridge te is a metal based and
00:01:31
ceramic cover so that's the slow d and
00:01:34
or pretty much B uh stop it the bullets
00:01:38
forcing into my brain and then sliding
00:01:41
on the side back jaw and then going down
00:01:45
to the bottom jaw and broken my bottom
00:01:48
jaw with bullets so I have two
00:01:51
Platinum yeah it was very scary I was
00:01:54
thinking I died on first bullet M and
00:01:59
then where did the other eight go to
00:02:02
yeah I have five bullets on my legs one
00:02:05
each knees and on my left Cal two
00:02:09
bullets and and also upper thigh on my
00:02:12
left legs is have one bullets and then
00:02:16
three bullets on my arms yeah there's
00:02:19
some there's a lot of scaring on your
00:02:20
left arm right yeah you can see the all
00:02:22
the way to from my chest to middle of my
00:02:25
hands to the big scar that's maybe meter
00:02:28
probably long m yeah so um flying here
00:02:33
from Christ Church to Oakland today
00:02:34
how's how's like the Aviation Security
00:02:36
like do you do you go off in the
00:02:38
scanners yeah yeah they are very funny
00:02:41
because I'm beeping very quickly so they
00:02:44
stopping me and they put me the 3D scan
00:02:46
so and then afterwards they still not
00:02:49
sure oh he's free to go or something
00:02:52
like this especially this morning he
00:02:54
looked at me eyes and then I didn't do
00:02:57
any reaction said okay you're free to go
00:02:59
and then a past but when they do
00:03:02
sensitive you know I'm beeping and then
00:03:05
they panicking and they stopping me cuz
00:03:08
you've got fragments everywhere yes yes
00:03:10
this is a I showed you some the exray so
00:03:14
you can see I'm light lighting like a a
00:03:17
Christmas tree in the X-ray you can see
00:03:20
that yes white spots everywhere yeah now
00:03:23
we just to time stamp this conversation
00:03:25
we're recording this around the time of
00:03:27
the 6th anniversary um March 15 how does
00:03:31
it look for you each year
00:03:33
now yeah every time every year
00:03:36
especially in beginning the March I
00:03:39
start the stress because of uh I know
00:03:42
the March 15 is the day the massacr
00:03:46
happen and then I witnessed really bad
00:03:50
way to the you know hours in the and
00:03:53
then it's not easy the flashbacks is
00:03:56
coming back because I live with that
00:03:59
every day anyway but at the beginning of
00:04:02
March this two weeks is very stressful
00:04:05
for me because of very emotional and
00:04:08
then it is still very fresh and raw for
00:04:11
me to and I live it like yesterday when
00:04:15
it's March 15 happened and this year is
00:04:19
the 14th of March is the
00:04:21
Friday and I will go Friday pray in the
00:04:25
elor mosque and I will
00:04:28
remember with we lost 51
00:04:31
shuhada and then of course we'll see the
00:04:34
catch up with the
00:04:36
other uh blood wanded and uh injured
00:04:40
people and
00:04:42
survivors so it is really really uh
00:04:45
emotional for me so something like this
00:04:49
podcast today how is this for you is
00:04:52
this difficult you're still feeling you
00:04:55
know uh
00:04:57
nervous or uh uh stressed but you know
00:05:02
this is the my mission I feel because of
00:05:05
the I
00:05:06
survived after all that bullet injuries
00:05:10
I may die on the first bullet but this
00:05:13
is the miracle and I Ser white and then
00:05:18
it should be some reason from Allah to
00:05:23
why I'm survived and then I decided be
00:05:27
openly and explained and talk about it
00:05:31
and inform the people what was happened
00:05:34
on that day and how we affected and what
00:05:38
we are struggled still in current day
00:05:43
what are
00:05:44
triggered so I do this for mission for
00:05:48
awareness and inform the people and also
00:05:52
I try to
00:05:55
uh uh make example to Authority people
00:06:00
and understand and makes this uh New
00:06:02
Zealand safe again like before the March
00:06:06
15 and we should get lesson from it yeah
00:06:10
well I appreciate you being here today
00:06:12
so um yeah so after this in a few hours
00:06:15
time when you're on the plane going back
00:06:16
to Christ Church like do you feel
00:06:18
drained is it exhausting of course it's
00:06:20
not easy for me because of uh every
00:06:23
single seconds when we are talking here
00:06:27
I am living in it m so when I'm talking
00:06:30
with you I see same time when everything
00:06:35
I explain what I see is coming you know
00:06:39
like a film is going in front of my eyes
00:06:44
and then I'm explain to you and I'm
00:06:47
talking about that because I'm seeing
00:06:50
now yeah cu the reason I asked that it
00:06:52
probably seems like a silly silly
00:06:53
question to ask but we we've just been
00:06:55
um sitting out in the office area for
00:06:57
the past hour or so and um you you
00:07:00
grabbed a piece of paper and drew a
00:07:01
diagram and were explaining to us in the
00:07:04
office what what happened that day um
00:07:06
and where you were in relation to the
00:07:08
the terrorist and um where everyone else
00:07:11
was and um you just talk about it almost
00:07:13
like mechanically yeah almost like
00:07:15
robotically yeah JJ was in in tears like
00:07:19
she was streaming in tears but you were
00:07:21
sort of methodically just running
00:07:22
through how things happened do you just
00:07:23
s of are you able to tell the story and
00:07:25
go on sort of autopilot a bit yeah it is
00:07:27
autopilot at the moment because of if I
00:07:30
don't do that you know I can't talk and
00:07:35
I can't inform you and other peoples who
00:07:38
lived in New Zealand all around the
00:07:42
world and I have to be strong enough for
00:07:45
to do that and also I think this is the
00:07:48
come from my character and Turkish
00:07:50
nationalities Turkish peoples is
00:07:52
stubborn so I am one of that I'm
00:07:54
stubborn Turkish man so because of I er
00:07:59
uh tell myself this is my mission and
00:08:02
I'm focused for it and I want to uh New
00:08:06
Zealand safe
00:08:08
again and it's not forgotten till March
00:08:11
15 we should get lesson and then we have
00:08:15
to save this country for our future
00:08:19
Generations yeah your sons your
00:08:21
grandkids my sons my grandkids your
00:08:24
daughters and everybody's children's has
00:08:27
to be feel safe again in New
00:08:30
Zealand by the way I was born in New
00:08:33
Zealand but um I think I might be
00:08:35
Turkish I'm very stubborn yeah yes
00:08:38
welcome to my we should we should go
00:08:40
travel turkey together yeah I don't know
00:08:44
I think two two stubborn people
00:08:45
traveling together is a bad idea we can
00:08:48
be good company yeah so um the reason
00:08:51
the reason this all happened is because
00:08:53
you're a Muslim that's the only reason
00:08:54
this this happen I was a worshipper in
00:08:57
the mosque on that day yeah so so um
00:08:59
what does it mean exactly what does it
00:09:01
mean to be a Muslim it's only the faith
00:09:04
you know and and also you believing and
00:09:07
this is how I grew up it's not my uh
00:09:12
fault to be born in the Muslim country
00:09:17
in turkey and is Muslim
00:09:20
family I born and I am like this and is
00:09:23
I feel no different than you you know
00:09:26
you feel how you feel here you born in
00:09:30
New Zealand I feel exactly the same when
00:09:33
I was born in turkey and how I grow up
00:09:36
it is normal life you know I never feel
00:09:40
you like coffee I like coffee you like
00:09:42
dance I like crazy dance too you know I
00:09:45
like to go nightclub you like to go
00:09:47
nightclubs too so we are no different as
00:09:51
a human and I didn't feel different so
00:09:55
this is I learned from my childhood my
00:10:00
mother is praying five times reading
00:10:03
Quran but my father wasn't do that my
00:10:06
brother's not do that my older sisters
00:10:08
do that but my youngest sisters not do
00:10:11
that you know we don't do five time
00:10:14
practicing or fasting or you know
00:10:17
because of this is uh personal choice
00:10:21
and personal problem if it is the
00:10:23
problem you know between Allah God or
00:10:27
yourself this is no third parties
00:10:31
problem so I don't understand uh this uh
00:10:37
hatred come from and uh the March 15
00:10:42
2019 Terror attacks happened from one of
00:10:45
the racist extremist and did Massacre
00:10:50
because of hate Muslim
00:10:54
people if you ask how many time you've
00:10:57
been in the Muslim country
00:10:59
probably he will say
00:11:01
none or you know what who is the Muslim
00:11:05
persons harmed you you know they can't
00:11:08
he can't answer it but this is
00:11:11
radicalizing you know in the dark web
00:11:14
and then they play the video games like
00:11:16
shooting something like this and then
00:11:19
probably didn't do anything like what I
00:11:22
did because I was very active I like
00:11:24
football I like swimming I like to do
00:11:27
gym I like to do running
00:11:29
and I like to do tracking I was very
00:11:32
love to play the golf with my friends
00:11:36
you know I was interested one day to
00:11:38
learn the tennis too you know and I play
00:11:40
table
00:11:41
tennis you know
00:11:44
um uh you know activities I like to do
00:11:48
it lots
00:11:49
too and probably this person you know
00:11:53
this terrorist didn't do anything like
00:11:55
what I
00:11:56
did and then l most of my friends in New
00:12:00
Zealand is New Zealander or English
00:12:03
nationalities or Dutch or you know do
00:12:06
you understand what I mean you know no
00:12:09
one is judge me because of I'm Muslim
00:12:11
because they seeing me I am one of them
00:12:13
and my U ex-wife she's non-believer too
00:12:18
aist but I married with her and I raised
00:12:20
two
00:12:21
kids she never judge me because I'm
00:12:24
Muslim I never judge her because she's
00:12:26
atheist because we care about each
00:12:29
others because of we are
00:12:31
human and this is my ideology love the
00:12:35
Creator created because of the
00:12:38
Creator that's how I look to the people
00:12:41
so if I can do that two opposite
00:12:45
Believers can become together and then
00:12:50
walk together the same road is easy but
00:12:54
I don't understand why this kind of
00:12:56
peoples are choosing
00:12:59
harming the innocent peoples or
00:13:01
worshippers in the
00:13:03
mosque you you sort of gave us um an
00:13:06
insight there into who you were before
00:13:09
March 15 2019 in terms of all the
00:13:12
activity and all the physical stuff you
00:13:13
did um let's drill down on that a little
00:13:16
bit and you p a pature of who you were
00:13:18
so you're from Turkey yes um shall we
00:13:21
say turkey not turkey turkey because of
00:13:25
United Nations is confirmed we are not
00:13:28
turkey
00:13:29
[Laughter]
00:13:31
we are Turkish and we are from Turkey
00:13:34
right yes so um I I'm a I'm a New
00:13:36
Zealander that's um that's been to
00:13:38
Turkey yeah yes um it's a good
00:13:40
opportunity for me to inform
00:13:43
people than for that UC so being in New
00:13:46
Zealand I've been you probably can guess
00:13:48
where I've been I went to gpol I went to
00:13:50
um IST and capid doia as all that very
00:13:55
nice places to go especially New Zealand
00:13:58
or should go to
00:13:59
because we have the same history over
00:14:02
there and you know 100 years ago our
00:14:06
grandparents grandfathers is fight over
00:14:10
there and I call that last gentleman war
00:14:14
in gpol with new zealanders and Turkish
00:14:17
armies there fighting each others as a
00:14:20
gentleman they killed each others but
00:14:22
later on they become friends and 100
00:14:25
years later de's grandkids is married
00:14:30
and make love and then have two
00:14:32
childrens and raise the childrens and
00:14:34
many many new zealanders like this
00:14:36
married with Turkish people like that
00:14:38
too and they have peaceful life together
00:14:43
yeah that's the important part you know
00:14:46
we can do it together yeah for sure so
00:14:50
where are you from you're from
00:14:51
whereabouts in Turkey down the down the
00:14:53
B South South Coast it's called fettia
00:14:56
My Hometown is very popular uh holiday
00:14:59
spot for the tourism and tourist is lots
00:15:02
of uh tourist is coming there to for
00:15:05
having holiday yeah and I I believe um
00:15:08
from my research you were you were a
00:15:09
naughty boy you're you're a bad a bad
00:15:12
boy you you you lived in um like a few
00:15:14
stories up and you used to like go on
00:15:16
your balcony and pee pee on the street
00:15:19
did you see that
00:15:20
documentary yeah yeah where I where I
00:15:22
was growing up it was like apartment
00:15:25
houses and we are on the fourth floor
00:15:27
and then it's summertime is very hot you
00:15:30
know and then I sleep in the
00:15:33
balcony of course when I need to go to
00:15:35
the toilet I have to pass many other
00:15:38
brothers and sisters and fathers all the
00:15:40
way you know so I can't do that and then
00:15:42
all right okay I have to do pain down to
00:15:46
from sometimes I was very naughty when I
00:15:50
see the peoples walking you
00:15:53
know but probably four five years old
00:15:56
you know that time so you can't
00:15:59
against you um and yeah so so who were
00:16:02
you so you loved your football
00:16:04
um your your dad died very young your
00:16:06
dad died when you were Liv you lost your
00:16:08
dead when you were Liv yes uh that's to
00:16:10
give me big trauma also too because I
00:16:12
lost my father's very young he died from
00:16:15
the L ccer he was a very heavy smoker
00:16:19
and of course his very stressed life for
00:16:21
looking after the big
00:16:23
families and then um and also pay the
00:16:26
bills same time so he died uh very slow
00:16:32
actually on that days is you know
00:16:34
technology is not as like today mhm so 8
00:16:37
months stayed in hospital and when I was
00:16:40
visit him in last time before he died a
00:16:44
week before I saw him in the hospital
00:16:46
room and I always remember him as like
00:16:50
that you know I can never forget that
00:16:52
image and then week later after I
00:16:55
visited I find he died and then they
00:16:58
bring the his body and uh his big part
00:17:02
is I lost in my heart and in my soul big
00:17:08
part missing and then so I still missing
00:17:12
lots I'm 50 so pretty much 39 years ago
00:17:17
I lost and then when as March 15
00:17:20
happened I was very close to die on that
00:17:24
day and I didn't think anyone else not
00:17:28
not my mother or brothers or sisters or
00:17:31
niece and nephews I was only thinking my
00:17:34
two
00:17:36
son I always scared they shared like my
00:17:41
past you know um they lost me when they
00:17:44
are little young and then they grow up
00:17:47
with our father without father
00:17:51
so I was really crying and praying to uh
00:17:57
spare my life from from from the in the
00:18:01
MOs so so you know I I was very lucky to
00:18:07
survived and then I'm here in New
00:18:10
Zealand for my kids they are 18 and 20
00:18:14
now and yeah I have a little bit issue
00:18:17
with younger son but I want uh he knows
00:18:22
I'm here and I will be always next to
00:18:24
him when he needs me and uh I catch up
00:18:28
with my older son he's 20 we pretty much
00:18:31
seeing each other's every second or
00:18:34
third week and he's catch up with me and
00:18:36
we're having good time together yeah cuz
00:18:39
you just I mean just talking about it
00:18:41
you can see the impact that losing your
00:18:43
father at a young age had on you so you
00:18:45
were 11 when your dad died um your
00:18:48
younger son was 12 when the mosque
00:18:50
shooting happened yeah pretty yeah so he
00:18:53
he almost lost his dad at the same you
00:18:55
lost your dad um and yeah and also uh in
00:18:59
March 15 on the first day is something
00:19:02
is happened in the system and they lost
00:19:04
me and nobody can find
00:19:06
me and then about 10 hours 12 hours
00:19:10
later they find me and then the person
00:19:13
is the identify me is my older son and I
00:19:19
can imagine how hard for him to see me
00:19:23
in that position because they were
00:19:25
thinking they can't find me in hospital
00:19:29
and then they said police or nurses said
00:19:32
them please prepare him maybe still in
00:19:36
the Mosk maybe expect he
00:19:40
died and can you imagine the feeling of
00:19:43
my older Sons how he traumatized his dad
00:19:46
is stinking his dad is
00:19:50
died and no one can have any information
00:19:53
about me and then they find me in middle
00:19:56
of the night midnight in in of cares and
00:19:59
then he identified me his I'm his father
00:20:03
and he was 14 at the time yeah so for
00:20:05
that whole afternoon evening he he was
00:20:07
hoping for the best but preparing for
00:20:09
the worst yeah it was the story yeah so
00:20:13
imagine there's
00:20:16
uh feelings and traumatizing you know
00:20:20
are they the the boys have they have
00:20:22
they had therapy are they having therapy
00:20:25
yeah we had some short time they had but
00:20:27
you know ACC in limited uh uh giving uh
00:20:31
session for the that time children's but
00:20:36
of course uh I can I can see that they
00:20:39
traumatize a
00:20:41
lot are not surprising
00:20:44
either yeah okay so so so your dad dies
00:20:47
when you're 11 you you start working
00:20:49
when you're 12 are you still at school
00:20:50
yeah I was 12 yeah yeah yeah so you so
00:20:54
you go to school during the day yes and
00:20:56
then and then you you're working family
00:20:59
with my cousin I went to fishing in the
00:21:02
FTI Harbor on that uh time they have a
00:21:07
dingy and fishing nets and then I was
00:21:10
rowing to the dingy and he was losing
00:21:13
the the uh fishing nets we are going to
00:21:16
same class during the day same school
00:21:19
same class and then we going work
00:21:21
together nighttime and then wake up get
00:21:24
up early in the morning go take the fish
00:21:27
nets out and clean it come home and then
00:21:32
change and go to school his fathers come
00:21:35
and pick up to the uh shrimps and PRS we
00:21:39
catch it in the
00:21:41
harbor and then yeah we made it money
00:21:43
and then he's pay me money on the end of
00:21:47
the week so the money is just so you can
00:21:49
like help pay you know help the
00:21:51
household or provide for family I helped
00:21:53
my mother because uh she was Widow when
00:21:56
she's 39 and then look after six
00:22:00
kids how how are you not falling asleep
00:22:02
in
00:22:03
class
00:22:05
difficult difficult but I was as I said
00:22:08
to you I'm stubborn man
00:22:11
so yeah wow on that time I was very
00:22:14
stubborn too yeah yeah and and you moved
00:22:16
um to New Zealand in 2009 with your your
00:22:19
New Zealand born wife yeah um so is she
00:22:24
from Christ Church originally she is
00:22:26
born tomorrow yeah but uh they came to
00:22:30
Christ Church when she start
00:22:32
University so they liveed uh in Christ
00:22:37
Church since uh she's 20 right so or 18
00:22:41
something yeah so you met you met her in
00:22:43
turkey and you fall in you fall in love
00:22:44
over there yeah we did yeah she was
00:22:46
living in London she was working in
00:22:49
London as a teacher and then she did
00:22:53
travel to turkey
00:22:55
turkey and
00:22:59
I'm sometimes you said that but I change
00:23:02
it yeah yeah yeah okay and uh she was
00:23:06
the packing and trip like Istanbul
00:23:09
galipoli kadakia oos kind of like this
00:23:12
and then they come to early Denis F here
00:23:14
some holiday spot in FTI here and I was
00:23:17
working in the boat like a second
00:23:20
captain charge hands off to the old Bots
00:23:24
pretty much managing everything's in the
00:23:25
BS too and also entertainment I was
00:23:28
doing I think I attracted her she
00:23:32
attracted me and then both side and then
00:23:34
having chat lots of times and then she
00:23:38
asked me where she can go at night time
00:23:40
to the bar for fun and then I give it to
00:23:45
the one of my friends bar name always I
00:23:47
go oh you can go this place
00:23:51
it's and then I went to the that night
00:23:54
is watching the football game first F
00:23:57
bikash derby match I was fanatic of the
00:23:59
bik dash fan and then I watch and then
00:24:02
afterwards I go to the bar oh someone
00:24:05
just waving me oh
00:24:08
hello and then I have my drink I was
00:24:11
drinking that time my beer and then she
00:24:14
was already starting drinking with her
00:24:16
friends and then oh hello how are you
00:24:18
and then we start nice yeah holiday
00:24:22
romance yeah and then yeah I went to
00:24:25
England one year later we married and
00:24:28
then uh I went to England with her and
00:24:32
then come back to Turkey 2002 and we
00:24:36
lived until 2009 she was working in
00:24:39
Ankara as a teacher in the embassy group
00:24:42
and then uh our sons born in
00:24:47
Ankara and then when they were three and
00:24:50
five years old we came to New
00:24:54
Zealand I traveled to New Zealand since
00:24:57
2001 so every year as a tourist also too
00:25:01
before 2009 so I was very familiar New
00:25:05
Zealand life and New Zealand people and
00:25:09
then I was thinking new zealanders very
00:25:11
friendly very welcoming and happy face
00:25:16
looking smiling every time say hello and
00:25:19
very relaxed
00:25:21
lifestyle and then beautiful scenics and
00:25:25
lots of nice uh beach around you know
00:25:28
know when Kary I was fall in love with
00:25:32
Kary beach in the
00:25:34
2002 and when we were in Nelson so when
00:25:39
my wife is asking to move to New Zealand
00:25:42
in 2009 I couldn't say
00:25:45
no one of the big reason is safe
00:25:49
country to we choose to settle life for
00:25:52
our kids and our grandkids because first
00:25:56
reason was safe country second reason
00:25:59
was uh good
00:26:01
educations and also you know good
00:26:03
lifestyle and uh good opportunities for
00:26:07
uh me for my kids outdoor sports and the
00:26:12
lots of sports opportunities to because
00:26:14
new zealanders I saw that time they are
00:26:17
very supportive country and then they
00:26:19
have lots of
00:26:20
successful uh in Olympics I was keep eye
00:26:24
and watch them you know they did better
00:26:26
than you know 5 million pop is better
00:26:29
than 85 million population of Turkey to
00:26:32
what success in the Olympic so I was
00:26:35
always you know uh thinking you know
00:26:37
it's good opportunity for the sports for
00:26:40
the kids too how how um just going back
00:26:42
to um those first trips to New Zealand
00:26:45
like in the in the early 2000s um how
00:26:47
was that traveling as a Muslim at that
00:26:49
time CU that's around the time of the um
00:26:52
the 91 tourist attacks terrorist attacks
00:26:55
in the US and I feel like um every every
00:26:59
Muslim was sort of put under a
00:27:00
microscope at that point because of the
00:27:02
Bush government yes yes I did a really
00:27:04
hard time yeah when I get first uh visa
00:27:08
to go new uh England MH they refuseed me
00:27:11
twice and third time they give me and I
00:27:14
get already refused to go to Australia
00:27:17
too my brother's living there but I
00:27:20
can't visit him because of you know pre
00:27:22
judging to Muslim country or
00:27:26
turkey they did prejudging pretty much
00:27:29
they don't believe it you know I have a
00:27:31
money I have a business I have a house
00:27:33
everything I have but I'm I can't go as
00:27:36
a tourist anyway um the New Zealand is
00:27:40
pretty much is was easy because of they
00:27:43
seeing
00:27:44
us uh we married I've been in England
00:27:49
and then we live together in turkey and
00:27:51
we have some money in the account and
00:27:54
then uh I am coming to New Zealand with
00:27:57
my wife to meet with the her parents and
00:28:01
family members and it was uh all
00:28:05
paperworks completed and then we get it
00:28:08
but we of course we waiting few months
00:28:11
to the for respond you know for
00:28:14
result yeah after that you know easier
00:28:17
and easier because we did Regular easy
00:28:19
every year in around Christmas time and
00:28:23
New Year time so that was make every
00:28:26
year easier and easier and and quicker
00:28:28
and quicker yeah so immigrations like oh
00:28:31
yeah we we can trust this guy now yeah
00:28:34
yeah pretty much yeah pretty much um in
00:28:36
terms of of um like racism or any like
00:28:39
anti-muslim stuff in New Zealand um pre
00:28:42
2019 did you experience anything um yeah
00:28:46
pretty much you know when the people
00:28:48
seeing you and they looking when you are
00:28:51
brown skin or olive skin you know they
00:28:55
looking something very strange you know
00:28:58
where you from and when they find out
00:29:01
I'm Turkish you know for example when I
00:29:03
was uh working in painting company one
00:29:06
of the uh colleague he new
00:29:11
zealanders and he's he knows I'm from
00:29:14
turkey and he knows I'm Muslim on that
00:29:17
time you know
00:29:19
also uh all around the world they
00:29:22
experienced with the 9/11 also you know
00:29:25
the uh Syria war and is happening you
00:29:29
know and then he's joking like oh
00:29:33
allahar boom you know kind of like this
00:29:36
he was thinking he is funny and he's
00:29:38
joking to me but he's uh I feel very
00:29:42
offensive offensive so I wasn't like
00:29:45
even that you know I inform him he
00:29:48
doesn't I don't like it but he's keep
00:29:50
doing on the end you know look why I
00:29:53
kill myself you know I'm not stupid like
00:29:56
that persons or people
00:29:58
I'm not a terrorist if I want to kill
00:30:01
you I'm not kill myself I kill you you
00:30:04
know I'm killing myself you know please
00:30:07
stop that stupid joke you know I don't
00:30:09
like it you know and then oh okay you
00:30:12
know he understand you know why I'm
00:30:15
killing myself I kill you and then
00:30:17
problem solved isn't it because your
00:30:20
your perspective you know if there you
00:30:23
know someone's died why I'm died you
00:30:26
died you know do it make sense I oh okay
00:30:30
yes and then he stop it afterwards yeah
00:30:32
oh that's good yeah yeah but we come
00:30:34
become a good friends later on we
00:30:37
drink after works every get through that
00:30:41
um yeah he probably meant it just as
00:30:43
what we call a new like b or just having
00:30:45
having a laugh he's thinking it's funny
00:30:48
but of course he's understand after we
00:30:50
little argue but he understand it and he
00:30:52
show respect yeah geez you um oh it just
00:30:57
occurred to me that the time you timed
00:30:58
it badly so you you moved to New Zealand
00:31:00
in 2009 and then the earthquakes are oh
00:31:02
yeah that's another bad experience in
00:31:05
New Zealand were you like saying to your
00:31:07
wife let's move back to
00:31:10
TOA let's get out of here yeah but my
00:31:12
country also the earthquake places too
00:31:14
you know and then uh that's the mother
00:31:18
uh Nature's made it yes yeah so you can
00:31:22
handle it easy when it's become natural
00:31:24
disaster isn't it so you can
00:31:28
uh become very quickly back to normal
00:31:31
life yes it was very difficult very
00:31:33
scary worrying about the children's life
00:31:36
Etc you know I can't imagine how it was
00:31:39
scary but um it's not personal though
00:31:42
not personal not man-made so that's the
00:31:45
different trauma and
00:31:47
different uh yeah I'm so feel sorry for
00:31:51
the you know parents to lost their
00:31:55
children in the CCTV buildings you know
00:31:59
the students and I watch you know
00:32:01
Tina the mother new movies is coming mhm
00:32:06
uh it's about to the earthquake ER in
00:32:09
Christ Church the mother lost daughters
00:32:12
and then afterwards is this the samon
00:32:16
mother and then she's the I think is the
00:32:21
uh music teacher oh okay that's really
00:32:24
good movie I should recommend everyone
00:32:26
to watch that and showing today how was
00:32:29
the uh earthquake happen and traumatize
00:32:32
the people and afterwards how they you
00:32:35
know become okay what's it called Tina
00:32:37
Tina okay t i n a yeah okay yeah so that
00:32:42
um she your boys have been through a lot
00:32:45
so they would have been five and three
00:32:47
during the earthquakes I think it's
00:32:49
turned four and six yeah how was that
00:32:52
for them being a oh it was very scary
00:32:54
for them and then uh they were every
00:32:57
every time when it's earthquake happened
00:33:00
they scared and start tears and crying
00:33:04
and then especially young one Sam is
00:33:07
very affected from it you know and
00:33:09
scared lots and uh in they learned uh in
00:33:16
kindergartens you know uh drop hide hold
00:33:21
you know he's practicing all the time
00:33:23
and when earthquake happen he's very
00:33:25
quickly get under the table hold to the
00:33:29
table's legs and then calling Mom Dad
00:33:33
come down it's it's it's terrible to to
00:33:36
look back and think that for for a lot
00:33:37
of kids that was that became their new
00:33:39
normal you know stop drop and roll or
00:33:41
whatever so yeah so you you so you're
00:33:43
working as a painter in Christ church
00:33:45
and then um you helped with the the
00:33:46
rebuild after the earthquakes and then
00:33:48
um in 2018 you open a kebab shop in the
00:33:51
in the hoists city center yes next to
00:33:53
the bus Exchange building yeah it is
00:33:56
right in the center
00:33:58
yeah and then uh it was new building and
00:34:02
top floor is Cinema entertainment HS
00:34:06
buildings and then first ground floor is
00:34:10
the foot Court built and we were one of
00:34:13
that uh uh restaurants because they do
00:34:18
pretty much is a different nationalities
00:34:21
different cultures Foods so we were one
00:34:25
of them so that's you and your business
00:34:27
partner km kasum kasum yeah yeah yeah
00:34:30
yeah and um yeah so March Friday March
00:34:34
15
00:34:35
2019 he was working and you weren't
00:34:37
working that day yeah Friday it was uh
00:34:41
my day off and because I do day of
00:34:44
Friday and Saturday Friday for do my
00:34:48
worshiping and Friday praying Saturday
00:34:52
for football M and
00:34:55
rest and then of course is um uh he was
00:35:00
working five days I was working five
00:35:03
days but we choose different days of the
00:35:07
uh day off of works so we always be on
00:35:14
the uh job to because I the one of the
00:35:18
main main to managing the business so
00:35:22
pretty much always we need to be run to
00:35:26
Kitchen also same time yes to prepare
00:35:28
the old
00:35:30
kebabs and ready for the day and next
00:35:34
day so
00:35:36
Friday uh was my uh main day off for
00:35:42
worshipping yes so yeah let's R run
00:35:45
through that day so yeah the morning of
00:35:48
um yeah Friday March 15 2019 yeah what
00:35:51
happened you you wake up you wake up
00:35:54
when yeah
00:35:56
I I get up like
00:36:00
10:00 because Thursday night I went to
00:36:03
bed late like 2:00
00:36:05
3:00 and
00:36:07
then on that day
00:36:10
Elish I had
00:36:13
a acupuncture session because of two
00:36:18
years before that uh uh 200 19 March 15
00:36:23
I had ACL liament replacement surgery so
00:36:27
the venturous fixing my scars
00:36:30
in uh Pains of my
00:36:34
knees
00:36:36
and I went to the my acupuncture session
00:36:41
it was the last
00:36:42
session and it's beautiful very sunny
00:36:46
day and I was wake up very happy and
00:36:50
very rest rested normally you
00:36:53
know you I get up tired but on that day
00:36:57
I was was very feel
00:36:59
rest and then I went to do my
00:37:03
acupuncturist beautiful nice oh I said
00:37:06
oh very nice very warm day for day off
00:37:09
and then because I was thinking also
00:37:13
after the
00:37:14
mosque uh praying go to do my banking
00:37:18
cash uh you know the put in the cash the
00:37:22
bank and then go to the beach to walk
00:37:26
because beautiful dat for a walk and
00:37:30
then after sessions happen about
00:37:35
uh I think it's 521 I start driving to
00:37:39
the mosque from Columbus Street today
00:37:43
and then I arrived to the mosque
00:37:46
115 and I went to uh obligation W place
00:37:51
to take
00:37:52
obligation prepare myself that means
00:37:55
you're cleaning yourself before the pray
00:37:58
okay I did that and then I went to the
00:38:02
main
00:38:02
hall and then I did my uh uh I hear the
00:38:09
prayer call same time this happened and
00:38:12
then I did first part of my uh
00:38:14
worshiping praying and waiting the
00:38:19
uh Imam to coming for the his Friday
00:38:24
speech so yeah this is the um the elor
00:38:27
and rickon how how many times do you
00:38:29
think you'd been there before March 15
00:38:32
2019 like 100 times yeah yeah few
00:38:36
hundred times bro every Friday you know
00:38:38
many years I go there so how many people
00:38:41
normally go there on a Friday or when
00:38:44
it's packed is like 500 600 people can
00:38:47
be easy M
00:38:51
mhm and how how many people were there
00:38:53
at that time sort of you know 1:30ish on
00:38:56
the Friday oh
00:38:58
half full maybe few hundred P few
00:39:01
hundred peoples 300s yeah and then um
00:39:06
it's yeah 1:40 p.m. is when um
00:39:09
everything breaks you know Hell Breaks
00:39:11
Loose basically
00:39:13
um yeah yeah what are your Recollections
00:39:16
of of that when it begins what are you
00:39:18
thinking when it
00:39:20
starts yeah I I was very uh happy and
00:39:23
peaceful I said you know for the day I
00:39:26
never think thinking something can go
00:39:29
wrong and when I look at the time it was
00:39:34
1:37 the imam's coming and go up the
00:39:37
mimba to make
00:39:39
speech and I look at time and I see
00:39:42
the uh little boy is having good time
00:39:47
with his father's cuddling and kissing
00:39:50
and I looking everyone's preparing the
00:39:53
for self the listening the speech Friday
00:39:56
speech and then
00:39:59
beginning uh the Imam start the speech
00:40:02
to be and then beginning of the his
00:40:04
speech is Big Bang sound is come it was
00:40:08
you know
00:40:10
140 and you know
00:40:13
outside and I was thinking like a car
00:40:17
racing boys is driving and then
00:40:23
exhaust backfire yeah us to call
00:40:25
backfire happening and and when is
00:40:27
happened second time I said oh all right
00:40:29
a few cars passing and third one is
00:40:31
happen and then when this sound is
00:40:34
closer I was thinking oh that's very
00:40:36
loud I think maybe not the car maybe the
00:40:39
uh
00:40:41
electricity nearby the mosque is
00:40:44
exploding and
00:40:46
then another shoots happening when I was
00:40:50
turning the I see this black wearing
00:40:54
helmets and uh black with you know
00:40:59
jackets and black drw like army military
00:41:03
type of the wearing and see the persons
00:41:06
he killed front of
00:41:09
the uh entry side and then he prepared
00:41:13
his gun
00:41:15
semi-automatic and then I was thinking
00:41:18
oh what's this policeman's doing here I
00:41:20
was still thinking why he's you know
00:41:23
preparing his oh maybe someone's
00:41:26
attacking the mosque he's maybe there
00:41:28
for saving us but when he's Target
00:41:31
inside the mosque then I understand
00:41:35
it's problem here big
00:41:38
problem and then I see the smoke and
00:41:41
then I feel the first bullet in my mouth
00:41:43
and then he was serial shooting so I see
00:41:46
the many people who around me in front
00:41:49
of me is also killed same time
00:41:53
too so you sort of made eye contact I
00:41:56
saw him you know his face before he's
00:41:59
shooting he looked at inside first when
00:42:01
he's lift up I see his eyes and face
00:42:06
straight I'm sure he's seeing me too M
00:42:09
but I I see his eyes and he's looking
00:42:12
inside before he's shooting mhm and and
00:42:17
and before you not you get shot in the
00:42:18
in the mouth yeah yeah um is it is it
00:42:23
painful or are you just in shocked are
00:42:25
you just bewildered I didn't feel any
00:42:28
pain just something is very strange
00:42:31
feeling entered in your mouth but I know
00:42:34
it's
00:42:35
bullet but it's didn't hurt but I was
00:42:39
shocked of course because I'm hit
00:42:41
already and it's put me in
00:42:43
shock when I was standing up he start
00:42:47
he's carry on to this serial shooting so
00:42:51
I see the uh two more bullets entered
00:42:54
the one of my each knees
00:42:57
and then I was thinking oh that's the
00:43:00
bullet of the entering the body and oh
00:43:03
that's not
00:43:04
hurting that's my thought you know
00:43:07
because of shock and I see they all
00:43:11
still The People's Front of Me on me is
00:43:13
falling down to
00:43:15
ground after they get shot and
00:43:19
then on that moment you know I see all
00:43:24
the bodies who die is come the sprit out
00:43:30
and go in the roof of the mosque where I
00:43:34
was in the main hole is uh how do you
00:43:38
mean you know I feel I see the you know
00:43:41
like a third eye is opened and you see
00:43:44
the
00:43:45
bodies spir spirits come out and I see
00:43:50
myself around the big bubble and then
00:43:53
very speech R and then I was thinking
00:43:56
I'm
00:43:57
saved something you know it's Miracle
00:44:00
you know I'm
00:44:02
saved like with Angel you know Angels
00:44:05
around me and they are saving me from
00:44:07
the bullets and I don't have any bullets
00:44:10
in my body straight on that serial
00:44:14
shooting but I see the many people just
00:44:17
dying around me but I'm still standing
00:44:21
and looking at them and I see that their
00:44:23
sprits come out and then like lightning
00:44:26
is going out so that was so different
00:44:30
experience for me I never forget that
00:44:32
what I see and then in Islam we
00:44:35
believe the
00:44:37
angel and also you know AEL will call
00:44:41
the Angels taking the
00:44:44
life it was there but it's
00:44:47
different uh object it's not I see him
00:44:52
but different way I see is as a like a
00:44:55
light like traffic light I see
00:44:58
triangles uh red uh green and blue all
00:45:03
spirit is going up that light and then
00:45:05
travel to the Heaven by
00:45:08
lightning but you know and then of
00:45:11
course it is all this happened in few
00:45:13
seconds you know it sounds like a long
00:45:16
time but this is all happened in the few
00:45:18
seconds and then I see the next uh to me
00:45:22
the person I didn't see I see as a
00:45:25
shadow run into the terrorist because
00:45:28
he's already come next to the main
00:45:31
room's
00:45:33
door and he's jump over the terrorist
00:45:36
and then I was coming myself out of the
00:45:40
shock and then run away to to run to the
00:45:44
exit
00:45:45
door but of course the terrorist is
00:45:50
killed
00:45:51
that's uh hero I call uh because of he
00:45:56
died for for saving our
00:45:58
life and then yeah I managed to run
00:46:03
otherwise if I still maybe stood stood
00:46:06
there you know standing he's come and
00:46:09
I'm easy target for him still if I
00:46:11
standing also so you were still standing
00:46:14
so you'd been you've been shot in the
00:46:16
mouth and shot in the legs and you're
00:46:18
still standing yeah yeah I was standing
00:46:21
until you know that uh person's jump to
00:46:26
Terror terorist tried stopping him but
00:46:30
this this all happened like a you know
00:46:32
few seconds few seconds like this you
00:46:34
know it's very quickly happened and then
00:46:37
I ran my way to the emergency exit
00:46:41
part door and it is like 105 of us there
00:46:46
pushing the door to try to be exit but
00:46:49
door is jammed and no one's managed to
00:46:51
get out and big Bank sounds is coming
00:46:55
and then terrorist coming and start
00:46:58
shooting to our
00:47:00
area and every once is dropped down and
00:47:04
I was lying
00:47:06
down and someone's already injured lying
00:47:09
down there and then I was listening he's
00:47:13
dying because I was lying on front of
00:47:16
him and then one of the old men
00:47:21
is get shot I don't know because he's
00:47:24
shooting cereal and I don't know how
00:47:27
many he gets shot but he's doesn't move
00:47:30
and then I manage to pull him a little
00:47:33
bit up of above my
00:47:35
head you know with my right hands
00:47:38
because of uh I don't know how but I
00:47:41
pull up and then hided my head under him
00:47:45
so like a shield yeah yeah yeah but he
00:47:48
doesn't move you know on that time and
00:47:53
then of course everyone's top of each
00:47:54
other's you know lying like a
00:47:57
you know I don't know fish or pillows
00:48:00
you know you put it on 10 15 pillows top
00:48:03
of each others like that we the whole
00:48:06
pile of people lying down
00:48:08
there
00:48:11
and yeah I I just can't imagine the um
00:48:14
like the chaos and the pandemonium so
00:48:16
you've got the you you've got the um the
00:48:19
sound of the gun going off um yeah um
00:48:22
and is are people screaming are they
00:48:24
praying what a BS you know people
00:48:27
because of
00:48:29
scream and
00:48:31
praying and you know the Imam was doing
00:48:35
his speech and then speaker was
00:48:38
on and it wasn't turned off on that time
00:48:41
and speaker is on the
00:48:43
ground every time he's shooting is
00:48:46
louder and louder and louder you know
00:48:48
because every
00:48:49
speaker working on that time when he's
00:48:52
shooting
00:48:54
is much more loud than normal shooting
00:48:59
so I can never forget that yeah I can
00:49:02
never forget that sound in everywhere is
00:49:05
you know gun powder smokes too and
00:49:11
people's is uh slowly slowly
00:49:15
coming you know lifeless and because
00:49:18
it's getting quieter and quieter above
00:49:21
me to people's to dying and his second
00:49:24
turn is come back again
00:49:27
he's
00:49:28
loading his magazines
00:49:31
and uh the guns and he's starting again
00:49:36
his second turns
00:49:38
come uh I
00:49:40
get four more bullets in the first time
00:49:44
I have five
00:49:46
bullets and then uh second turn I get uh
00:49:50
four bullets which is
00:49:52
on uh
00:49:54
up uh tie
00:49:57
and three more arms so yeah and and he
00:50:01
was very close to shooting is the I see
00:50:05
the footage you know GoPro footage and
00:50:08
CCTV he was maybe half half a meters
00:50:12
away he was just stand top of me to
00:50:14
shooting
00:50:15
me serial shooting and then he's Target
00:50:19
everybody's you
00:50:21
know uh pet shooting to he wants to be
00:50:24
sure everyone's died you know when he's
00:50:28
shooting this is when like you're on the
00:50:31
on the ground as part as part of like a
00:50:32
mountain of of bodies yeah so he's he's
00:50:35
shooting people in the head at at close
00:50:36
range yeah yeah pretty much because he
00:50:39
wants to make sure much as people's
00:50:42
killed you know he targeted more you
00:50:46
know people you know if you are injured
00:50:49
and you are moving he's coming and
00:50:50
killed you that's horrific like yeah M
00:50:54
and and I was waiting my turn to die
00:50:56
died but my life is spared so I was
00:51:00
praying a lot as I said you know I was
00:51:04
only thinking my children's nothing else
00:51:07
on that time yeah what what yeah again
00:51:11
you said before it happened like very
00:51:13
very very quickly but in in the moments
00:51:16
where you had time to pause and think
00:51:18
about what was going on what was going
00:51:20
through your mind was it just your
00:51:21
children or were you praying to Allah
00:51:23
but you know I was praying if I'm dying
00:51:26
here please forgive to my past and
00:51:29
please accept me in your heaven but if I
00:51:33
am spared my life you know save my life
00:51:37
and spare my life for my childrens
00:51:40
because I don't want they grow up
00:51:42
without father as like I
00:51:46
did that was my pray
00:51:49
MH but I was on the edge you know I was
00:51:54
very clo you know m
00:51:57
1% chance to live I made
00:52:02
it you here for a reason I
00:52:05
[Music]
00:52:06
yes so so that that last lot of shots
00:52:09
where where you're getting shot in the
00:52:10
arms like are you sort of are you sort
00:52:12
of pretending to be dead at this point
00:52:14
of course you know when you lie down you
00:52:17
don't move when you move you die because
00:52:20
he shooting every person who
00:52:22
moved because I think he was strategy in
00:52:26
injured as much as you can and then come
00:52:30
back second shoot and then kill them One
00:52:32
By One MH and then I was pretending you
00:52:37
know lie down like a
00:52:40
dead but of course
00:52:44
he's you
00:52:45
know his hate is you know he's vted his
00:52:50
hate everywhere so so you're not making
00:52:53
any noise you're just you're just lying
00:52:55
there as silently you can yeah yeah when
00:52:58
he's shoot me uh I didn't even move can
00:53:01
you imagine four bullets entering your
00:53:03
body in one time because he did serly
00:53:07
shooting and then I didn't
00:53:10
move just in survival mode yeah
00:53:13
[Music]
00:53:17
mhm I know this is not easy to hear that
00:53:21
but you never wish today you you you are
00:53:26
struggling to hear this but I saw all
00:53:29
that and imagine my
00:53:33
circumstances well I can't imagine that
00:53:35
I know you will be probably traumatized
00:53:37
soon now but imagine
00:53:40
us we are firsthand uh
00:53:43
witnessed yeah cuz hearing hearing you
00:53:46
you describe your first person account
00:53:48
as one thing but actually being there
00:53:49
and seeing it with your own eyes is a
00:53:51
different thing together and you can
00:53:54
understand in the wars for example in
00:53:56
daaz can you imagine how many peop how
00:54:00
many peoples millions of millions
00:54:02
traumatized here can you imagine the
00:54:04
little childrens can you imagine the
00:54:07
Syria or Iraq
00:54:10
Afghanistan why all happened in Islamic
00:54:13
countries like these disasters you know
00:54:16
manmade where is this hate is come from
00:54:18
[Music]
00:54:21
MH and you know sorry it's going to be
00:54:23
politics but Trump wants the by the Gaza
00:54:27
to make a
00:54:29
holiday he wants to build the happiness
00:54:32
on the blood in
00:54:34
Gaza it's not
00:54:41
fair so um where you were you were
00:54:45
explaining this to me before we went to
00:54:47
the studio so it was mainly men cuz the
00:54:49
the women had a separate area in the
00:54:51
mosque yes yes is on the they have a
00:54:54
special room some some um
00:54:57
this is this was genius by so most of
00:54:59
most of the women got out okay yeah yeah
00:55:02
but uh some of them killed because of
00:55:06
they are out of the room to helping the
00:55:09
injured people mainly on the second turn
00:55:11
he did Kill the woman to who they come
00:55:14
from the room to help the injured people
00:55:18
yeah so yes so so when the women became
00:55:21
aware of um what was going on and they
00:55:23
heard the gunshots they had the the
00:55:25
sense to barricade themselves in the
00:55:27
area yeah this is he's tried to be
00:55:30
pushing the
00:55:31
door but uh they luckily managed to
00:55:36
do uh something put behind the door and
00:55:40
holding somebody's and
00:55:42
then he couldn't get in and he didn't
00:55:44
want to waste his time so he sced to the
00:55:47
other rooms
00:55:48
M thanks God you know the woman's is
00:55:51
very brave to the holding the door
00:55:53
behind yeah M he she saved loss of life
00:55:57
there too I don't know who did it I hear
00:56:00
the
00:56:01
story but I don't know who did it but
00:56:03
she's very she's also hero too didn't
00:56:06
let the terrorist get
00:56:09
in I think there's so many Heroes that
00:56:11
day yeah so so so you're lying down on
00:56:15
the ground um
00:56:17
we I I'm I'm guessing eventually the The
00:56:20
Gunshot stops and then when when do you
00:56:22
realize it's you're going to be okay to
00:56:24
move and to oh was uh waiting I don't
00:56:27
know it was that time is like Infinity
00:56:31
time but I waiting too long because I
00:56:36
wasn't sure he's still there or gone
00:56:38
because I was thinking first time when
00:56:42
the gunshots slowly slowly is going away
00:56:45
from you I was thinking he finished and
00:56:48
he's gone but when you hear it he's come
00:56:50
back I said no not again you know and
00:56:53
after he's gone again I wasn't sure
00:56:56
maybe he's doing his you know second
00:56:58
turn turn to come back and I was decided
00:57:01
to stay a little bit longer as much I
00:57:04
can and then when I start hearing the
00:57:07
the peoples coming and then
00:57:09
helping I said okay I'm probably time to
00:57:14
get out too ask help and then while I
00:57:17
was
00:57:18
waiting you know P coming and helping
00:57:22
the the injured PES but I was asking the
00:57:24
help same time too you when when The
00:57:27
Gunshot stop what what what noise can
00:57:30
you hear your ears must be ringing from
00:57:33
uh yeah it's very loud you know and then
00:57:37
boom very
00:57:39
quiet just people moaning or no it's
00:57:43
like you know you only hear in the sound
00:57:47
of people's dying actually first because
00:57:51
of everyone's away
00:57:54
hiding few minutes is you know very
00:57:57
quiet only you hear the the people's
00:57:59
begging help MH or praying in preparing
00:58:04
this last
00:58:06
pray to before foro you hear only
00:58:10
that you know few minutes is like a
00:58:13
moment Silence of
00:58:15
death You Know M do it make sense you
00:58:19
understand what I mean yeah yeah 100% uh
00:58:22
you know because of uh the words is not
00:58:25
enough to explain
00:58:26
the
00:58:27
moment I can't describe in words
00:58:33
yeah who are the first people on the
00:58:36
scene to come and come and yeah rescue
00:58:38
the survivors as a
00:58:40
placee
00:58:42
um the people is come who's uh who did
00:58:45
hide it and run away first get into the
00:58:47
mosque okay other Muslims yes other
00:58:49
Muslim brothers and sisters and then I
00:58:53
hear that the police coming m they're
00:58:56
calling like a checked safe checked safe
00:59:00
you know and then I was asking help
00:59:04
sometimes uh as I said to you before too
00:59:07
you know I was thinking two people's
00:59:09
help me first but when I look at on the
00:59:13
GoPro CCTV footage actually I was myself
00:59:18
stand up
00:59:20
walk and then walk all the way to the
00:59:23
corridors about around to the that body
00:59:26
is and then asking and begging the help
00:59:30
actually it is quite another miracle if
00:59:33
I stayed because of the after
00:59:37
police checked all around they stop
00:59:40
about seven or 8
00:59:42
minutes anybody's getting and get out M
00:59:46
so if I didn't get out uh and if I stay
00:59:50
if I make decision to stay in the mosque
00:59:53
probably I'm the 52nd person to
00:59:56
because of loss of
00:59:59
Bloods uh you know losing the loss of
01:00:02
Bloods on that time
01:00:06
too yes so so when you when you get up
01:00:09
from after playing dead and you're
01:00:11
you're walking back through the m to the
01:00:14
exit are are you like are you shocked by
01:00:18
what you see or are you just in selfs
01:00:19
survival self-preservation mode just
01:00:22
thinking about you don't hear noce from
01:00:24
outside
01:00:26
because of the bullet entrance is very
01:00:30
small you know when I said people I get
01:00:34
injured from my mouths they don't
01:00:37
realize how the bullet entry is small
01:00:40
here next to my lips they couldn't
01:00:43
believe it MH I get shot in my mouth but
01:00:47
they seeing in x-ray you know doctors m
01:00:51
not in first day second day they see so
01:00:56
when I uh get the bullets on my
01:00:59
legs yes you can see the hole but you
01:01:02
can't see the because of I have a long
01:01:05
sleeves jacket and then and then jeans
01:01:09
you know you can see the hole but you
01:01:12
don't see the uh
01:01:14
damage because of the materials covered
01:01:18
above your skin so people's thinking
01:01:21
you're not injured or badly injured kind
01:01:24
of like this too yeah yeah because until
01:01:26
you saw a mirror I guess you thought
01:01:28
your your face had been like severely
01:01:31
damaged yeah because um in Turkey when
01:01:35
you are 20 years old man you go to Army
01:01:40
because compulsory and you have the
01:01:43
service for your country and I did 18
01:01:47
months and I had ex um I learned how the
01:01:51
bullets damaged the body and our
01:01:56
uh I know the bullets entered very small
01:01:59
but when they are get out exit the body
01:02:03
they are exploding M so they damage when
01:02:07
they get out not entering when they get
01:02:10
out the body they damage to your body
01:02:12
and I was
01:02:14
thinking oh God I lost my half of the
01:02:17
face M that's what I was thinking yeah
01:02:22
when I feel the bullets in my mind
01:02:27
when did you when did you realize You'
01:02:28
survived was it when you walked out of
01:02:30
the mosque and saw yeah the emergency
01:02:32
services or did you still think that you
01:02:35
might slip away at that
01:02:38
point
01:02:42
um you remember I said you know the uh
01:02:47
few minutes was dead silence
01:02:51
M I was confused on that time am I
01:02:54
survived or
01:02:57
died and waiting and waiting like that
01:03:01
time is
01:03:03
infinity and then I feel you
01:03:07
know and then no I am not died I'm still
01:03:14
alive I need to move you know I
01:03:17
understand on that time when I try to
01:03:18
get out to
01:03:20
the uh people who are above
01:03:23
me and then when I was
01:03:27
sitting I confused again because when I
01:03:32
looking all myself what's
01:03:36
happened I feel yes I survived I
01:03:40
understand I am survived but when I sit
01:03:42
when I see the peoples above me you know
01:03:45
because they are next to me MH and I see
01:03:48
the all around everywhere is his dead
01:03:51
body and then I get in the shock again
01:03:56
very quickly and then oh my God what's
01:03:58
happened to me that was the question I
01:04:01
[Music]
01:04:03
remember and while you on the ground
01:04:05
were you were you holding another
01:04:06
another worshipper
01:04:07
hand no but it's is you know uh I was
01:04:11
you know s side line and then
01:04:13
positioning like this keep my hands like
01:04:16
that but I was front of the other person
01:04:19
who was behind me he sad is not healthy
01:04:24
so he was dying M you know so and so I
01:04:29
don't want to be show The Sounds here
01:04:31
you know I don't want to be copied the
01:04:33
sounds but it's terrible to sounds to
01:04:35
listen it oh like blood in the lungs or
01:04:38
something yeah horror sounds you know
01:04:43
yeah not easy you can never yeah no I'm
01:04:46
so sorry man yeah I can't forget that
01:04:48
moments you know and
01:04:51
smells you
01:04:53
know oh
01:04:57
maybe P doesn't like to hear that but
01:05:01
feeling all that body's Bloods and
01:05:03
brains all over your covered because few
01:05:08
people's you know above me is they shot
01:05:12
with this head and then all this part is
01:05:16
licking all people's
01:05:19
under them you know it's not easy I can
01:05:23
never forget that smell of Bloods dead
01:05:28
bodies that gun powder smell you
01:05:32
know it's not
01:05:37
easy um you mentioned
01:05:40
before 137 while you were waiting um
01:05:44
before the government arrived you you
01:05:45
mentioned um a dad like playing with his
01:05:48
child yeah three years old boy who
01:05:51
killed on that day too
01:05:55
can you imagine that 5 minutes ago
01:05:59
little boy is very
01:06:01
live loving his fathers and giving hug
01:06:04
and
01:06:07
kissing it's not
01:06:10
easy and I saw him on the next to me
01:06:13
when I was
01:06:15
waiting and on his father's lap you know
01:06:18
he died and his eyes open and I forget
01:06:21
my own
01:06:23
pain how can someone do
01:06:26
that yeah it's a monster isn't
01:06:29
he he's only 3 years
01:06:36
old yeah never
01:06:38
foret I mean if he was around that'd
01:06:41
still only be
01:06:44
nine oh man
01:06:55
that's why I'm going next week Friday to
01:06:58
pray for
01:07:07
it can we stop please yeah of
01:07:11
course of course
01:07:26
this my kids you know M I can't
01:07:33
imagine I saw the other teenagers
01:07:38
too it's very bad m
01:07:59
I'm so sorry
01:08:03
mate it's going to hunt me all my
01:08:13
life I think given it's only six years I
01:08:15
think you're doing remarkably well
01:08:18
everything you've experienced personally
01:08:21
and also the things you
01:08:22
saw yeah I think you should be really
01:08:25
proud of your yourself you've obviously
01:08:27
done a lot of work between then and
01:08:29
now yeah
01:08:31
yeah yeah and I know it's going to be
01:08:33
ongoing for a long time as
01:08:37
well yeah
01:08:40
yeah but I know that little boy in
01:08:43
heaven and he's happy
01:08:44
[Music]
01:08:47
now how could How could a human do that
01:08:50
to another human it's just
01:08:53
unbelievable yeah M we can carry on okay
01:08:59
you're right yeah yeah sorry for being
01:09:02
emotional but you know not at all it's
01:09:05
so difficult for me let's see uh at the
01:09:08
completion of the podcast let's see
01:09:10
who's got the bigger the bigger amount
01:09:12
of tissues on the side of the desk yeah
01:09:15
because you've been um yeah we've been
01:09:16
hanging out all day today I picked you
01:09:17
up from the airport and we were talking
01:09:18
in the office and uh you were going
01:09:21
through some of this stuff quite sort of
01:09:23
mechanically and I suppose you've told
01:09:24
the story so many times it does get less
01:09:27
and less emotional but when you talk
01:09:28
about it in details I suppose it just
01:09:30
takes you back there um so thanks for
01:09:33
that I I I appreciate it because it's
01:09:35
been um it's been eye opening uh for me
01:09:38
today I I'd like to think I'm I'm you
01:09:41
well across current affairs and things
01:09:42
and I read a lot about what went on but
01:09:44
um a lot of the details been shocking
01:09:46
for me and I now it's going to be um you
01:09:49
know shocking uh for a lot of people
01:09:51
listening to this or watching this as
01:09:52
well but it's
01:09:53
um I think it's powerful for us new
01:09:56
zealanders to know what's going on yeah
01:09:58
we should get lesson from it and then
01:10:00
100% yeah
01:10:02
yeah okay so so you make it outside the
01:10:05
mosque um but by this stage the area is
01:10:07
contained with emergency service the
01:10:10
police are there policeman is uh blocked
01:10:13
to the old b side to the entry the you
01:10:16
know Dean have and they don't let any
01:10:19
car passing because of safety issue and
01:10:22
then yeah many cars is also there too
01:10:25
but
01:10:26
who hear to the news you know everyone's
01:10:30
run to the mosque because of the the
01:10:34
rest of the families of the worshippers
01:10:36
you know they all ran to the and and
01:10:39
lots of neighborhoods is coming to to
01:10:41
helping to Big crowds and ambulances uh
01:10:46
long distance to stop the way
01:10:50
goes and and then um when I get out to
01:10:55
the mosque uh some group of people try
01:11:00
to help
01:11:01
me and then they try to tunicate to my
01:11:04
arm to stopping the
01:11:07
blood they couldn't successful when I
01:11:09
asked them you know I want to go to
01:11:11
ambulance M and then uh they checking me
01:11:17
am I right to walk I said yeah I can
01:11:19
walk and then I just want to go
01:11:21
ambulance and then I walk to the
01:11:24
ambulance but you know
01:11:26
as I said you know they put me sit next
01:11:29
to ambulance and
01:11:32
then that little boy is coming with his
01:11:34
father's on his lap you know they make
01:11:37
sit and then paramedics say his dad you
01:11:41
know and then afterwards you know
01:11:44
paramedics when I feel starting pain and
01:11:48
then I was trying to be wake up to you
01:11:51
know not conscious unconscious and and
01:11:56
then I walk in the ambulance
01:12:00
myself people still thinking you know
01:12:03
I'm not bad injured you know because I
01:12:05
can walk and I can talk and I L in the
01:12:09
ambulance bed
01:12:11
myself and then I begging you look look
01:12:14
I'm getting worse and worse I don't feel
01:12:16
very well please take me to hospital I'm
01:12:21
going to be faint you know and then
01:12:25
you know from that uh place to public
01:12:29
hospital is only normal day less than 2
01:12:32
minutes to
01:12:34
driving but that time is like Infinity
01:12:37
for me and I keep trying to be awake and
01:12:40
then I was thinking you know I'm
01:12:43
dying because I'm losing my energy you
01:12:47
know because of losing the
01:12:50
Bloods anyway managed to the first uh
01:12:54
emergency room
01:12:56
and they took me into the very quickly
01:12:58
in the emergency
01:13:00
room and they running and I don't know
01:13:04
this is big numbers of the nurse and
01:13:06
doctors around me they talking one is to
01:13:09
be opening the
01:13:11
blood uh wa for you
01:13:15
know uh drips or medicines or I don't
01:13:19
know what they injecting me to my body
01:13:22
blood vessels opening so were you one of
01:13:25
the the first people to a hospital um no
01:13:28
I don't know actually I don't know
01:13:30
because many people's also drive with
01:13:32
their private you know to somebody's car
01:13:34
okay I'm not sure maybe one of the you
01:13:37
know probably I am the one of the be you
01:13:39
know first ambulance for people too yeah
01:13:44
and then uh I can hear that the big
01:13:47
crowds out there like a news you
01:13:51
know and then and but I was inside and
01:13:55
they checking my name and surname I told
01:13:57
them but I think they didn't understand
01:14:01
very well because of the I can't talk
01:14:03
properly and foreign names too you know
01:14:06
not easy topping or
01:14:09
telling and then they cut off the all my
01:14:13
clots
01:14:15
off and
01:14:18
then they are talking with me same time
01:14:22
they going to open the drainage on my LS
01:14:25
because of internal
01:14:27
bleeding they giving to this some I
01:14:29
don't know trips or whatever you know
01:14:31
they giving me information same times
01:14:33
and they try to get information from me
01:14:36
same times where I get shot where is the
01:14:38
bullets blah blah blah and then I try to
01:14:41
be answer it and give
01:14:44
information and then of course same
01:14:46
sometimes my uh emotion is going worse
01:14:49
and worse realize what's going on and
01:14:53
clearing and remembering and flesh
01:14:55
backing M the times again it's not long
01:14:58
time ago happened but it's like a
01:15:01
repeating again repeating again in my
01:15:03
brain and then I begging you know put me
01:15:06
in sleep I'm in
01:15:09
pain and then when they are shifting my
01:15:13
arms I see same sometimes my old Bloods
01:15:17
coming from my shoulders I show you the
01:15:19
pictures it's a big hole it's like a
01:15:23
waterfall and then they said they going
01:15:25
to give me katamine or something
01:15:29
medicinein ketamine yeah and then they
01:15:32
it's going to be put me in sleep and
01:15:34
then I will see different pattern and
01:15:38
then maybe see some animals you know and
01:15:42
then they injected me I starting to
01:15:44
seeing the very funny shapes and then
01:15:48
feel happy and then feel
01:15:52
painless and then
01:15:55
I said oh is this heaven I'm really
01:15:57
enjoyed I'm happy to come here you know
01:16:01
I feel very happy you told us before
01:16:04
they were like dancing smiling monkeys
01:16:06
on the roof laughing monkey yeah and
01:16:08
then I see you know they said you can
01:16:10
see some animals so I see the animals
01:16:12
yes and monkey and they are laughing at
01:16:16
me so it was
01:16:18
very happy I remember that time to the
01:16:22
sleep you know how how long you you may
01:16:24
not have an answer for this but how long
01:16:26
so the shooting was sort of 140ish to
01:16:29
say 145 when when did you finally get um
01:16:32
some pain relief drugs so like an hour
01:16:34
later no probably not that late but
01:16:38
maybe I can say 20 minutes something
01:16:40
like this because I lost time because I
01:16:44
can't uh uh what do you call uh suspect
01:16:49
what's the time M I can't understand
01:16:52
time you know I lost my time issues you
01:16:55
know but I think it's is take 20 minutes
01:16:59
something like this I don't know but I I
01:17:02
should have actually check and never
01:17:04
interested to learn I don't know what
01:17:06
time I entered it because they recorded
01:17:08
So they should know but yeah but so yes
01:17:12
so it's just at least 20 minutes 25
01:17:14
minutes I can say that yes that really
01:17:17
fast yeah probably 2:00 something like
01:17:19
this it's for 44 45 happened probably I
01:17:23
am in 2:00 m in emergency room yeah
01:17:27
and I I can't imagine how chaotic it was
01:17:31
in the hospital like that afternoon and
01:17:33
never experienced like this in history
01:17:36
yeah yeah hopefully never again um but
01:17:39
you are you are you able to like talk to
01:17:43
the staff and say you know you need to I
01:17:45
need to get hold of my boys or are you
01:17:47
not thinking
01:17:48
about are you just thinking about selfs
01:17:50
survival self-preservation at that point
01:17:52
or yeah I think it's much pretty much
01:17:54
because of I later on I find out lots of
01:17:57
people is recording himself and they
01:18:00
recording their last word if they die M
01:18:04
I never did like this I never everyone's
01:18:06
calling this families this I didn't do
01:18:08
that I don't know
01:18:10
why probably I was thinking only myself
01:18:13
mhm to go ambulance and go emergency
01:18:16
room yes first things first well you
01:18:18
can't make a call to say I'm okay until
01:18:20
you know you're okay yeah yeah so uh you
01:18:24
know I didn't record it you know but I
01:18:26
see the people's recording in the mosque
01:18:28
you
01:18:31
know so so when you get to hospital and
01:18:34
you start getting help are you do you
01:18:35
sort of like breathe a bit of a s relief
01:18:38
cuz at that point you think you think
01:18:40
I'm going to survive yeah yeah I was
01:18:42
because of um I was very worried I will
01:18:45
be I will die on the way in ambulance
01:18:49
through through blood loss yeah yeah
01:18:51
yeah but when I arrived there you know
01:18:55
um as I said to you my kids is
01:18:58
identified me at
01:19:00
midnight and then of
01:19:04
course um when I was in intensive carees
01:19:08
his nurse wake me up I was of course
01:19:10
sleep when he's identified but late
01:19:12
night I think they should wake me up to
01:19:15
check me and nurse is wake me
01:19:19
up I didn't know she's nurse you know on
01:19:23
that time but somebody is saying
01:19:26
beautiful voice said wake up wake up you
01:19:31
are safe you are safe you know I was
01:19:35
thinking that sounds you know I couldn't
01:19:37
open my eyes but it said like I was
01:19:40
thinking that sounds is come from Angel
01:19:43
so beautiful very soft sounds wake me up
01:19:47
and I find out that's the later on you
01:19:49
know when I come myself is Nurse mhm and
01:19:53
then I looked at myself you see on the
01:19:56
pictures you know I'm covered with the
01:19:58
metal things something full of covers
01:20:01
lots of cords cables all around me you
01:20:04
know and then what's happened to me
01:20:09
questioning and looking I try to be find
01:20:11
out what's
01:20:12
happened you know um because of the
01:20:15
medication I think is U just waking up
01:20:19
and find out and realize what's going on
01:20:21
around me m and then I remember and
01:20:25
flashbacks very quickly starting
01:20:28
happening and then I start
01:20:32
cry why this has happened to me why this
01:20:35
has happened to us MH what did I do that
01:20:39
person and harm me like this and put me
01:20:43
in this condition and I start
01:20:46
crying and
01:20:48
then nurses I think is because of I'm in
01:20:51
the what do you call um panicked you
01:20:55
know and refresh you
01:20:58
know living again the same time I think
01:21:02
and she put me sleep
01:21:04
again and then I don't know wake up
01:21:09
sometimes after but every time when they
01:21:13
wake me up you know I use Morphin quite
01:21:16
a lot so they put me sleep I think one
01:21:19
of the nurse said 10 days pretty much
01:21:22
they keep make me sleep m because I'm
01:21:25
using lots of morphins because of the
01:21:28
pain M so pretty much 10 days they use
01:21:31
the sleeping you know in hospital mainly
01:21:35
they were put me in sleep yeah yeah and
01:21:37
and when did you first see your your two
01:21:39
sons
01:21:41
again
01:21:42
on yeah second day second day they came
01:21:46
to intensive care I was so happy because
01:21:50
of uh after the separations you know we
01:21:54
had a little issue
01:21:56
about custody You Know M and then I
01:22:00
didn't see the my kids almost one year
01:22:04
plus
01:22:05
M and then when I open my eyes and then
01:22:11
I saw them next to
01:22:13
me and then I did joke if I knew you
01:22:17
guys coming I get shot before I as
01:22:20
somebody shoot me before you
01:22:23
know yeah that was the
01:22:26
joke I did how did how did that go down
01:22:30
did they appreciate it that's a good
01:22:32
sense of
01:22:33
humor only you can make that joke no
01:22:36
else can you imagine in you are in that
01:22:39
pain and circumstan is full of drugs and
01:22:42
you're thinking that joke
01:22:45
yeah yeah um
01:22:48
yeah yeah how long was it um like after
01:22:52
the shooting before you you smiled
01:22:54
laughed again uh like you made that joke
01:22:57
to your kids um but I suppose that was
01:23:00
through gritted teeth cuz you're in a
01:23:01
lot of lot of pain but yeah is there is
01:23:03
there a moment you can remember where
01:23:05
you you sort of smiled and laughed again
01:23:06
for the first time when I saw them yeah
01:23:08
when I saw them straight I make it laugh
01:23:10
yeah smile they make me happy as much
01:23:14
you know yeah I never remember how they
01:23:18
make me happy to come see me yeah you
01:23:21
were in the hospital for a long time I
01:23:23
like a month yeah a month what did that
01:23:25
month look like so you just recovering
01:23:27
for the first few days then just surgery
01:23:29
after surgery yeah yeah that's
01:23:32
uh the one of the my surgeons said to me
01:23:35
in first day I had already 10 surgery
01:23:40
so and then they put me another four or
01:23:43
five surgeries in second days another
01:23:45
four five you know it's pretty much is
01:23:47
uh in first week I think it say 20
01:23:52
something like this surgery happened
01:23:54
yeah so that first week you just you're
01:23:57
sleeping um you you're having surgery
01:24:00
yeah I suppose you're being um like drip
01:24:03
fed bits of information so you're sort
01:24:05
of piecing together you what what
01:24:08
happened in the mosque and you're
01:24:09
becoming aware of the gravity of of the
01:24:11
situation when day wake me up pretty
01:24:14
much is you know
01:24:16
uh I was thinking everyone is coming and
01:24:19
killing me Etc so pretty much you know I
01:24:22
can't handle with nures or people
01:24:24
visiting or something like this they
01:24:26
mainly put me in sleep because of my
01:24:29
circum tensions and then mostly you know
01:24:32
they wake me up before the surgeries
01:24:35
they giving information and then they
01:24:37
put me sleep again and then I go and
01:24:40
sleep you know mostly and then they put
01:24:42
me in surgeries you know cuz they have
01:24:45
to do that otherwise you know I I can't
01:24:47
survive so they pretty talk about they
01:24:52
may chop my you know amputate your arm
01:24:55
amputate my yeah amputate my
01:24:57
arm on second day you're learning and
01:25:01
then you know tomorrow we're going to
01:25:03
put you in the surgery but big risk
01:25:06
about you know if we don't want to take
01:25:09
risk if something is going wrong we will
01:25:11
amputate your arm and I said from where
01:25:15
from my wrist say no from my elbow no is
01:25:20
it going to be from my shoulder said we
01:25:22
have to because we can't save you
01:25:25
otherwise and
01:25:27
then um on third days the one of my
01:25:31
friends
01:25:32
brother-in-law he's the plastic surgeon
01:25:35
so he's coming early in the morning
01:25:37
before I get surgery and he's checked
01:25:40
too said don't worry we can save your
01:25:42
arm and then he did M yeah um yeah you
01:25:47
were telling me on the the car right
01:25:48
here so you've got 52% disability yeah
01:25:52
confirmed yeah from the health
01:25:54
my left arms is have a big nerve damage
01:26:00
and muscles damage and Bones damage and
01:26:03
blood vessels you know they have to make
01:26:05
Eclipse you know uh in time so yeah from
01:26:10
from my you know from the shoulder my
01:26:14
left
01:26:15
arm uh permanent uh pain m in pain and I
01:26:20
use permanent pain
01:26:22
reliefs and then of course is in time
01:26:26
you know the arthritis happen to the
01:26:29
because of using one is either side you
01:26:32
know because they do bonecraft on my
01:26:35
hips and you know surgeries all kind of
01:26:39
like this and then your Healthy part is
01:26:42
getting worse too yeah when you're using
01:26:44
over you
01:26:46
know yeah so it was three weeks after
01:26:49
the shooting that the the terrorist had
01:26:51
his first court appearance and um you
01:26:54
you went to court you were taken there
01:26:55
in a wheelchair yes why um yeah why was
01:26:59
that important for
01:27:01
you because I want to
01:27:04
show uh that
01:27:06
monster
01:27:09
to uh how we are strong and we are
01:27:13
united and we are unity even we are
01:27:16
badly
01:27:17
injured I can be
01:27:20
face that to him you know
01:27:24
so I want to make show him you
01:27:30
know was yeah we like like were you
01:27:33
scared were you
01:27:36
nervous no I wasn't scared I wasn't but
01:27:39
I was uh Angry on that time too because
01:27:45
of what he did I was very
01:27:50
angry you because he is not brave man to
01:27:53
be faced m one to one no he's a coward
01:27:57
yeah he's coward yeah he must have
01:27:59
looked feble on the sand like wak and
01:28:01
pathetic M yeah so that's why you know I
01:28:05
went doesn't matter you know and uh
01:28:10
afterwards you know I had a really very
01:28:12
high blood pressures from the
01:28:15
transferring hospital to court case you
01:28:17
know court house and then back to work
01:28:20
back to hospital you know it wasn't easy
01:28:23
m uh traveling for me so yeah so that
01:28:27
was yeah that was the first court
01:28:28
appearance 3 weeks after the the
01:28:29
shooting and then you back to hospital
01:28:31
then um during the the the trial proper
01:28:34
you were there every damn day yeah yeah
01:28:38
yeah I did and then uh and
01:28:42
then uh in court case I readed my Victim
01:28:47
impet statement M with my sons and my
01:28:51
brother come from Turkey
01:28:54
was that
01:28:55
hard it was yes yes because it's
01:28:59
emotional time
01:29:01
too same time anger you know
01:29:05
angry but emotional mostly is emotional
01:29:08
but yeah I want to show him and he's
01:29:11
writing all in Manifesto and uh also
01:29:14
magazines is about how he hat the
01:29:17
Turkish people Ottoman Empire blah blah
01:29:19
blah and I want to show him yes I'm
01:29:24
stand front of you I am a Turkish and
01:29:26
you shot me nine times you're not bloody
01:29:29
successful to kill me and I stand up
01:29:32
front of
01:29:33
you you're are
01:29:35
covered but I am a brave to stand up
01:29:38
front of you and tell you how you are
01:29:41
covered M yeah was was he there or was
01:29:44
that video link no no he was on the
01:29:47
behind the uh glass glass yeah yeah so
01:29:51
you got to you got to eyeball him yeah
01:29:53
yes is only few few M away from him yeah
01:29:57
he was very surprised he shoot me nine
01:30:00
times how how do you
01:30:02
me when he is here you know oh you shot
01:30:06
me nine times but you didn't sucess to
01:30:08
kill me you know I see that his face
01:30:11
changed yeah was that satisfying yeah
01:30:15
his his face changed when he hear I am
01:30:18
Turkish too you
01:30:20
yeah um yeah yes that's six years your
01:30:24
life yeah I mean it's it's a rough road
01:30:28
to recovery like sitting in front of me
01:30:29
today like you look yeah if I was
01:30:31
sitting next to you on the plane today
01:30:32
for example I wouldn't would have no
01:30:34
idea of what you've been through but the
01:30:35
um yeah there's the the I suppose the
01:30:38
physical damage from the neck down which
01:30:40
is ongoing um but then there's the
01:30:42
mental damage as well from the neck up
01:30:44
which is um I pdst so I am using
01:30:48
anti-depressants every day and sleeping
01:30:51
tablets every night because I can't
01:30:53
sleep without slepping tablets because
01:30:55
of nightmares and
01:30:57
flashbacks and then of course I have a
01:31:00
Nerf damage so I need to use uh uh you
01:31:04
know pain killers for Nerf damage so
01:31:08
help me to sleep during the
01:31:10
night yeah how's it how do it change you
01:31:12
as a
01:31:14
person yeah I'm uh different then March
01:31:19
15 physically you know I was very active
01:31:23
M and emotionally I was very friendly
01:31:27
and outgoing and have fun with the
01:31:29
friends and entertainments I like to go
01:31:32
out and you know but today is you know
01:31:36
pretty much is uh I do limited myself to
01:31:41
you know pretty much
01:31:43
isolated and then
01:31:47
hiding you know most of time stay at
01:31:51
home pretty much you know because
01:31:54
of
01:31:56
um sometimes you know I don't know but I
01:31:59
think it's you know I don't feel
01:32:02
sometimes secured you
01:32:04
know understandable yeah because of you
01:32:07
know uh I'm living in the city centers
01:32:10
is every time my trauma is you know
01:32:13
triggered by ambulance sirens
01:32:16
or uh police or fire engine siren so and
01:32:20
you hear that every day maybe few times
01:32:24
a day you know so it's not
01:32:26
easy sometimes I'm thinking I should go
01:32:29
somewhere like middle of bush and no one
01:32:33
or no vehicles around you and then just
01:32:36
isolate it or sometimes thinking uh
01:32:40
should have Financial Security and then
01:32:42
get some sailing boats and stay in the
01:32:45
boat and then
01:32:47
sailing and catch fish and feel the Sea
01:32:51
Breeze M and sun
01:32:54
shine on my skin and
01:32:58
yeah that's my dream yeah would would
01:33:01
that bring you a sense of
01:33:03
Peace sorry would that bring you a sense
01:33:05
of
01:33:06
Peace yeah you know because of I'm
01:33:09
motivated myself like that you know
01:33:11
thinking and then I like to go next to
01:33:14
the beach and for relax and walking
01:33:18
listening the wave and SE gos you know
01:33:23
yeah
01:33:24
um I saw a um an interview you did um on
01:33:28
CNN um and there was a line you had you
01:33:31
said death would have been more
01:33:33
merciful yeah what what does that do do
01:33:36
you still think that
01:33:39
now yeah sometimes
01:33:41
yeah sometimes yeah actually mhm it's
01:33:46
difficult you
01:33:48
know
01:33:49
sometimes very judging what I spared my
01:33:52
life you know
01:33:55
to and sometimes
01:33:57
said you know yes this is the reason but
01:34:01
why I'm still in this circumstances why
01:34:03
I'm still in pain M you
01:34:06
know sometimes if I died on that day
01:34:09
everything's be over for me
01:34:11
finished and then one year later whoever
01:34:15
left behind you know they will get used
01:34:18
to and they will carry on the days
01:34:22
life and L pain maybe for
01:34:25
them that's not true though like look at
01:34:27
the we talked before about your dad
01:34:29
losing your dad at
01:34:30
11 you know sometimes you know I can't
01:34:33
control that but you know but of course
01:34:35
is you know when you bring in good point
01:34:39
you know when you're thinking that you
01:34:41
know yeah and I'm thankful to Allah to
01:34:44
you know spare my life for my kids yeah
01:34:47
do you um do you think you leave better
01:34:50
you know be your old self again sorry do
01:34:53
you think you leave be able to get to
01:34:54
the point where you're your old self
01:34:56
again like you were
01:34:57
pre9 I I don't think I don't think so
01:35:02
this is my new normal so I'm trying to
01:35:04
get used to my new normal now yeah CU
01:35:08
you mentioned um to me on the car ride
01:35:09
here that you've got like a short temper
01:35:11
now and you get angry and you can't
01:35:13
concentrate
01:35:14
and patient yeah things that were simple
01:35:17
before like doing admin and stuff is
01:35:19
just too difficult now but um like the
01:35:21
man that I've been hanging out with
01:35:23
today he's he's he's a top
01:35:25
BL yeah yeah you are you good at like
01:35:29
putting a mask on or being on your best
01:35:30
behavior
01:35:31
for his uh image is you know uh looking
01:35:36
good but behind that image is you know
01:35:39
oh man is the
01:35:42
difficulties
01:35:43
um I like the smiling face you know but
01:35:49
that's all need the image yeah you know
01:35:51
that's all but behind that you know
01:35:54
yeah is a big
01:35:56
[Music]
01:35:58
Stone what about survivors guilt have
01:36:00
you heard of the phrase survivors guilt
01:36:03
yeah that's the issue yeah that's the
01:36:06
big issue survival guilt you know and
01:36:08
I'm still six years later still feel
01:36:11
that you know survival guilt you
01:36:14
know at least every day M thinking one
01:36:18
or twice that guil is come M I can't
01:36:21
control it yeah
01:36:27
how how do you process the
01:36:30
anger eliminate and minimize the
01:36:33
socializing M and you know
01:36:38
or keep in touch with people M pretty
01:36:42
much you know try the controlling with
01:36:45
that or you
01:36:48
know uh less contact with people less
01:36:51
problem M that's what I said you know
01:36:54
these days at the moment yeah yeah but
01:36:56
that's sort of isolating yourself and
01:36:58
it's not not helping me great yeah not
01:37:01
helping me yeah but unfortunately you
01:37:04
know I don't know my brain is do that to
01:37:08
me mhm you
01:37:09
know and then I see I was seeing the my
01:37:15
psychologist and then we were doing EMDR
01:37:19
but it is really difficult processing
01:37:23
and
01:37:25
refreshing uh actually is helping the
01:37:28
facing the my fear but also tiring me
01:37:32
quite a lot so I didn't see my
01:37:36
psychologist last few months too since I
01:37:39
come back turkey yeah I don't know but
01:37:43
I'm tired mhm I feel like 100 years old
01:37:48
now um you know double-edged
01:37:52
feeling yeah and I lost my dog previous
01:37:56
year and then relationships break up
01:38:00
something like this you know all add on
01:38:02
add on yeah and then depressions and
01:38:05
March 15th nearby you know closing time
01:38:09
is put me in stress stress and
01:38:11
depression too so M yeah time by
01:38:16
time yeah do do you believe in that
01:38:18
there that saying that time heals all
01:38:20
wounds do do you believe that
01:38:24
do you think it gets easier so say
01:38:26
inshah yeah what what about um is is
01:38:30
forgiveness part of like being a Muslim
01:38:33
mhm
01:38:35
yeah are you ever able to like forgive
01:38:37
the
01:38:45
terrorist I never think
01:38:48
that I'm very angry what he's put what
01:38:52
he did
01:38:55
I want to forgive
01:38:57
him but I
01:38:59
[Music]
01:39:02
can't many many other brothers and
01:39:05
sisters did because they lost their
01:39:09
son or husbands or brothers or sisters
01:39:13
kind of like
01:39:16
this I can say yes but I can say no M
01:39:22
like I like this word in New Zealand
01:39:24
yeah
01:39:27
no you yeah well yeah I mean yeah yeah
01:39:33
he doesn't deserve anyone's I Tred to be
01:39:35
kaha stay strong
01:39:40
[Music]
01:39:46
yes
01:39:48
um do you need a break to stand I just
01:39:50
saw your watch it says time to stand you
01:39:52
you were telling me um when I picked you
01:39:54
up from the airport that uh you have to
01:39:56
like sit for an hour and then your knees
01:39:58
lock up yeah yeah okay
01:40:00
yeah
01:40:03
stretching M micro movements you know so
01:40:07
micro movements we talked about your
01:40:09
your flight when you went back to T Tura
01:40:13
yeah turke Tura you had to like get get
01:40:15
up out of your plane SE and walk around
01:40:17
the aisles every hour or so cuz your
01:40:18
knes lock up it's long hour to flight to
01:40:21
to so
01:40:24
I can't stand or stay too long so I need
01:40:27
to move when I do traveling in the car
01:40:30
too for example if I go Nelson from here
01:40:33
m i stop pretty much every hour M stop
01:40:36
for 5 minutes walking and stretching or
01:40:40
if I stop nearby coffee shop or
01:40:42
something like this buy coffee and break
01:40:45
and then walking kind of like this at
01:40:48
least four times five times stopping
01:40:51
between from here to Nelson for example
01:40:53
yeah
01:40:56
yeah Al so
01:40:58
um yeah what what's your relationship
01:41:01
with um jindra adun who was the Prime
01:41:03
Minister at the time she you showed me a
01:41:05
photo on your phone she she came to see
01:41:07
you was it the day after or two days
01:41:09
after a week one week yeah one week
01:41:11
after and she she had the head covering
01:41:13
on hij yeah yeah and also Sunny Bill
01:41:15
Williams also come to same day he's a
01:41:17
Muslim as well dev has been for years
01:41:19
he's a good fellow yeah and just just
01:41:23
Cinda is like
01:41:25
a sister for us or mother for us you
01:41:30
know yeah was it re reassuring that the
01:41:34
yeah the job she did at the time she did
01:41:35
great you know especially how she's
01:41:39
managed you know with uh her calmness
01:41:44
you know is amazing and then uh she did
01:41:48
it uh
01:41:51
like have a big wing
01:41:54
wings and then cover everybody under the
01:41:57
her wings so she's Angel M she's really
01:42:01
good persons
01:42:03
and when she's learned uh my name in
01:42:09
first visit two weeks later she saw me
01:42:12
in K Stevens uh uh youf Islam came to
01:42:17
the little concert that's right the
01:42:19
charity concert the benef you remember
01:42:21
that I went there too
01:42:23
and then just in the see me and oh taml
01:42:28
how are you you know call with my name
01:42:30
you know she's very busy
01:42:32
woman and lots of things lots of
01:42:35
problems around her to solve it but she
01:42:38
remember my name and she remembered
01:42:41
everybody's name over there she's very
01:42:43
intelligent and she's very respect uh
01:42:46
full woman and you know I respect her
01:42:52
too
01:42:53
because of uh she's feeling our pain and
01:42:57
she said our Prophet Muhammad's
01:43:01
words if you have
01:43:03
feeling little pain on your fingers
01:43:07
allbody is feeling that hurt so she said
01:43:11
that we are one and we are feeling and
01:43:14
this is our you
01:43:16
know uh problem not only yours this is
01:43:20
all nationwide's you know
01:43:24
uh disaster so she she did great you
01:43:27
know I really respect her I wish she's
01:43:30
carry on but of course uh lots of things
01:43:34
going around her too yeah that's
01:43:36
interesting cuz I yeah the cnic in me
01:43:39
thinks um you know like jusun and sunny
01:43:42
Bell Williams and Prince William as well
01:43:44
did he come part of me thinks oh so he
01:43:48
should be king really how you like him
01:43:51
was that in hospital he came you no he's
01:43:54
in the mosque he's came to yeah he's
01:43:56
came to the mosque and he's very patient
01:43:59
person too he's listen everybody's story
01:44:03
when he find out my story too and she's
01:44:07
very he's very interested and then he
01:44:09
listened to me maybe we did five minutes
01:44:14
conversation and he's very into
01:44:17
listening yeah so so happy to meet with
01:44:21
him I'm very hon not meet with him M
01:44:25
MH he has a big heart too yeah
01:44:29
yeah P part of me thinks oh you should
01:44:33
just let these let these people recover
01:44:35
and you know you think maybe they're
01:44:36
just there for the photo opportunity or
01:44:37
whatever so to hear this perspective
01:44:39
from a Survivor is um really cool yeah
01:44:43
yeah
01:44:44
yeah now how so you're you've been
01:44:47
unable to work so you're on um ACC yes I
01:44:51
am on acc because of my circumstances
01:44:54
yeah how's how's that do you think you
01:44:55
leave a be to get back to work
01:44:59
again you know when you're thinking when
01:45:03
you put yourself in my shoes you know
01:45:06
you will see my pain and then I told you
01:45:11
that you know I have a very quickly
01:45:14
irritated lose my temper very quickly my
01:45:18
anxieties and then my physical
01:45:21
disabilities you know I was pained
01:45:25
plasterer and I can't do you know cuz
01:45:29
I'm only one man hand one hand man
01:45:33
so and pretty much limited limited me to
01:45:37
work physically M and a doctor
01:45:40
assessment by ACC every two years they
01:45:44
can see that you know I'm not fit lots
01:45:48
of jobs M and then
01:45:54
ACC asked me you know they want to put
01:45:56
me back work programs I said okay tell
01:45:59
me what I can do then you know look at
01:46:01
the reports mhm and I can do this job
01:46:04
you I can be Courier I can
01:46:07
driving I don't know you know all you
01:46:09
know truck driving or anything you know
01:46:12
Plastering painting building handyman's
01:46:15
job nothing I can do physically so yeah
01:46:19
I said you know if you get shot nine
01:46:22
times do you think you can go back
01:46:25
work did what about um compensation did
01:46:27
you did you there was a lot of
01:46:29
fundraisers done at the time I think
01:46:30
there was some Red Cross fundraisers oh
01:46:32
that's donation you donations did you
01:46:34
did you get some yeah yeah because of
01:46:37
that was the big issue to in times but
01:46:39
Assa but that's the donation we didn't
01:46:43
get any compensation yeah are you going
01:46:45
to uh it is going to be deadline on the
01:46:49
March 14 M uh because of six years years
01:46:54
if you not open low suits against the
01:46:57
you know who have the uh failing in the
01:47:02
system and then you will lose your
01:47:06
chance to compensation against the you
01:47:10
know for example police departments
01:47:12
because of the you know gun license
01:47:17
terrorist get two weeks after he's
01:47:19
arrived to the New
01:47:21
Zealand after after I two weeks arrive
01:47:24
to the New Zealand if I go to the gun
01:47:28
license I wonder the police departments
01:47:31
G me dead license oh I know you would
01:47:33
have been deported isn't it yeah 100%
01:47:36
yeah um something you were telling me um
01:47:39
yeah just before we recorded which um I
01:47:42
found quite alarming so with ACC um they
01:47:45
require you to get like regular or
01:47:48
semi-regular sort of therapy just to
01:47:50
make sure you're still unfit to work
01:47:51
yeah so you basically have to
01:47:54
continuously prove you should still be
01:47:56
on on the benefit I'm I'm thinking for
01:47:59
[ __ ] sake leave the poor guy alone
01:48:01
yeah I have to get my Supply to Medical
01:48:04
certificate from GP every 3 months I'm
01:48:08
onfit to work and every two years they
01:48:11
do Health assessment by doctor and by
01:48:15
psychiatrics and then uh they seeing me
01:48:18
you know they uh the soltion onfit most
01:48:23
you know and then they see my
01:48:26
circumstances and they understand me but
01:48:29
ACC because of they only thinking you
01:48:31
know
01:48:32
MoneyWise and they don't care I think
01:48:35
you're you know they're only thinking
01:48:38
the budget M and then uh yeah but um
01:48:44
when you thinking to the Australia we
01:48:48
are very similar laws Australia give you
01:48:52
permanent
01:48:53
uh medical certificate and they pay your
01:48:56
conversation compensation M you know
01:48:59
without any problem or without any
01:49:02
supplying the every 3 months medical
01:49:05
certificate but it was the uh one of the
01:49:08
the comments when I was meeting with ACC
01:49:12
M uh case managers and case manager
01:49:17
supervisors she said where she's come
01:49:21
from uh she's from from England and you
01:49:24
can't see weekly compensation you can't
01:49:28
have weekly compensation in England but
01:49:31
you are very
01:49:33
lucky I was very irritated and angry how
01:49:37
I'm lucky I get shot nine times I was
01:49:40
nearly dying I'm disabilities I'm
01:49:43
challenging mental health and you call
01:49:45
me I'm lucky I have weekly
01:49:48
compensation I give you all that money
01:49:50
back
01:49:52
can you give my heal back no I shot you
01:49:56
nine times do you think you will be
01:49:58
healthy back to work
01:50:00
again oh not like this oh no you know so
01:50:04
how I can be
01:50:06
lucky yeah I don't I don't think very
01:50:09
disrespectful comment from the ACC
01:50:12
supervisor lady you know yeah that's Le
01:50:16
all empathy yeah and I I I don't think
01:50:19
there'd be one single person uh watching
01:50:22
the or listening to this that would want
01:50:23
to trade places with you or would call
01:50:25
you lucky no nobody nobody would want to
01:50:28
experience want to be you know someone's
01:50:31
coming and shot you you're are innocent
01:50:34
persons M yeah
01:50:39
yeah and can you remember um gez there's
01:50:42
so much to talk about with you um we
01:50:45
might have to get you back another time
01:50:47
um I haven't even talked about the peace
01:50:48
walk yet oh yeah this is another big
01:50:51
Journey for me yeah this is this is mive
01:50:53
so was this part of um yeah so the peace
01:50:55
walk you did that you you um sort of
01:50:58
retraced the road trip of the the
01:51:00
terrorist which was from denan to Christ
01:51:02
Church um so you did that walk over
01:51:05
which is how far 3 58 km 358 km so you
01:51:09
did that over a couple of weeks um
01:51:11
ending on March 15 yeah at um the Alor
01:51:16
mosque
01:51:17
yeah why was that why was that important
01:51:20
for
01:51:21
you um
01:51:23
in the third third year of March
01:51:28
15th uh you know the Cross Church
01:51:31
invitations happened in the Christ
01:51:33
Church mhm and in the Christ Church Hall
01:51:36
City Hall is uh some uh performance
01:51:43
maen from the six years and then they
01:51:49
explained how they feeling in two of
01:51:52
them they lost their fathers you
01:51:55
know in the mosque too and they
01:51:58
explained how they feel too and then I
01:52:01
put myself to and I lost my father when
01:52:05
I was young too and then I think also my
01:52:10
children's two boys and also I remember
01:52:16
while I watching all that three years
01:52:19
old little boy who died
01:52:23
and then the reason was safe country to
01:52:26
come here to raise my kids and everybody
01:52:29
did it like this to to come here to New
01:52:34
Zealand's made it
01:52:37
[Music]
01:52:38
home and
01:52:41
then I decided I should do
01:52:45
something make awareness and safe
01:52:50
country again New Zealand made safe
01:52:53
again and
01:52:55
clean this hatress on this land and he
01:52:59
drived from donen he plant there and he
01:53:03
drive from donen to Christ Church all
01:53:06
that way would buy his
01:53:09
car and then I said every single
01:53:14
centimeter on this land I will
01:53:17
walk and clean this hatress from this
01:53:22
land
01:53:23
and I did organize
01:53:25
this uh walk with my ex partner M and
01:53:30
then this was my idea and then she
01:53:33
helped me lots and
01:53:35
then uh we did walk and we decided to
01:53:40
also raise the money and then the
01:53:44
children is my you know my soft part M
01:53:49
and then cancer kids safety children
01:53:52
in gambut Friday I am H for because of I
01:53:57
was challenging pdsd and mental health
01:54:00
too and children's uh and youth's mental
01:54:03
health was important for me too after
01:54:06
this March 15 happened because of uh
01:54:11
many many also youths watch this online
01:54:15
when the GoPro footage happened by
01:54:18
terrorist so they are traumatized and I
01:54:21
was thinking I can help who need this
01:54:24
support and then media helped me quite a
01:54:28
lot to advertising this work also same
01:54:31
time and then give a little or and then
01:54:36
we open the uh Facebook page and then we
01:54:39
inform day by day to the everybody's
01:54:42
who's following and donating I'm
01:54:45
appreciated New Zealand is support a lot
01:54:48
on that time and then we raise about I
01:54:52
think 90 something like this ,000 yeah
01:54:56
and then divided between the three
01:54:59
Charities to help the childrens and
01:55:01
youths yeah yeah it was
01:55:05
very different way the experience for me
01:55:08
too and I see I was very worrying
01:55:13
beginning to you know the walking uh
01:55:17
someone can be protest me or harm me on
01:55:21
the way walking or you know I don't know
01:55:23
something can be bad you know I was very
01:55:26
worrying but I see that is you know in
01:55:29
the first day I see many peop behind me
01:55:33
walk and support me and then
01:55:36
walk in first day many peoples and
01:55:39
second day Third Day fourth day all the
01:55:42
way is people stopping give me hugs give
01:55:45
me handshakes and then talking lots of
01:55:48
nice supportive you know and also one of
01:55:51
the old men is
01:55:52
coming and bring us to the foods and
01:55:55
cold drinks and giving some pocket money
01:55:58
to buy some drinks and something like
01:56:00
this you know helping the Charities
01:56:01
think something and yeah lots of big
01:56:05
hugs lots of um one of the in I think is
01:56:09
a omaru or somewhere you know little
01:56:13
children's I play with you know and then
01:56:17
it's very uh friendly and I play game
01:56:20
with them and 90 years old lady on the
01:56:23
way she was one of the my fan waiting to
01:56:27
celebrate her birthdays with me and
01:56:28
share the birthday cakes with me yeah
01:56:31
yeah it's amazing peoples and I see the
01:56:34
lots of good peoples out there you know
01:56:36
and then I said and I proud of
01:56:40
myself I did good job and make good
01:56:43
awareness and we clear the hatreds from
01:56:45
this land yeah it was amazing time for
01:56:49
me yeah and you ended that walk at the
01:56:52
um at the elor mosque um very emotional
01:56:55
yeah you you you've been you've been
01:56:57
there many you still go there on a
01:56:59
regular basis to to elor not really
01:57:03
because of it triggered my trauma all
01:57:05
the time yeah I was going to ask that if
01:57:08
if it could ever be like a place of um
01:57:10
Peace again for you or
01:57:12
MH because you know um you know I go
01:57:16
turkey M uh try to go every year and
01:57:23
couple months I stay when I save my all
01:57:25
energy when I come back as drain my
01:57:28
energy very quickly especially when I go
01:57:31
to mosque you know and uh so I decided
01:57:36
maybe I should stop the going to do this
01:57:39
Mosk because of uh ret traumatizing me
01:57:43
and then but when I go in Turkey to
01:57:47
mosque I don't have any problems like
01:57:49
that but only only when I go to the D
01:57:53
elor mosque is uh triggering my trauma
01:57:56
that's so
01:58:01
understandable so on what occasions now
01:58:05
is your mind peaceful so you when you're
01:58:08
when you're on medication to help you
01:58:09
sleep um what else like is there any
01:58:12
activity you can do where you're in a
01:58:14
state of mindfulness and you know you're
01:58:15
not thinking about the horrible things
01:58:17
I'm patient with football so I love play
01:58:21
football or watch football of course I
01:58:23
can't play any more normal running
01:58:25
football because of my uh niece's
01:58:29
problem uh but I find last couple years
01:58:33
I do walking football in hille domain in
01:58:36
Christ church and then last year I went
01:58:39
to Nelson for the tournaments who came
01:58:42
from Australia and Nelson team and
01:58:44
Christ Church team so we were going
01:58:47
again to the 21st March to the Nelson
01:58:51
for a few days the tournament but every
01:58:54
week Wednesday night I play Walking
01:58:56
football in hoswell domain with
01:58:58
socializing and playing MH so that's a
01:59:03
mindset is you know with football I only
01:59:06
forget the time and thinking on that
01:59:09
time you know one hour I do break from
01:59:14
everything you're in the moment yeah
01:59:16
yeah I only only my brain stop on that
01:59:19
time MH only only the football time it's
01:59:22
not much of a rest is it no no because
01:59:25
it's every time tick tick tick tick tick
01:59:28
you
01:59:28
know have you found as time passes so
01:59:31
it's six years now is it getting bter
01:59:34
and bter or not noticeably not
01:59:36
noticeably I can say
01:59:38
that uh as I said to you you know when I
01:59:41
go to Turkey Turkey to having time with
01:59:45
my mother with my brothers and siblings
01:59:48
and because I grow up in the big
01:59:50
family and then that's uh I have lots of
01:59:54
supports there my childhood friends my
01:59:56
cousins we are really big you know
01:59:58
community in Turkey F here and then when
02:00:02
you're looking up here I'm pretty much
02:00:05
myself because my son's teenagers you
02:00:08
know the teenagers behaviors they don't
02:00:10
want to spend time with the parents you
02:00:12
know we know nothing next to them and
02:00:15
then they want their own lifestyle so
02:00:18
they don't want to see you often pretty
02:00:20
much I am lonely here mhm and then I
02:00:23
don't have a relationship I'm single
02:00:26
person and then my niece is coming here
02:00:28
for support she's living with me but
02:00:31
she's also you know going to study
02:00:35
school because I needed time off from
02:00:37
her sometimes you know I can't handle
02:00:40
the with you know at the moment these
02:00:43
days so
02:00:46
yeah oh man I hope things get better
02:00:49
sorry lots of dramas in my life no no
02:00:52
I'm not accepting your apology uh I
02:00:55
think I think you should be yeah you
02:00:56
should be proud of yourself it's a lot
02:00:58
that you've you've be it's so much
02:01:00
adversity thank you you're still and
02:01:02
you're doing well yeah thank you um
02:01:05
yeah as as the man who was trying to
02:01:07
sell me a rug in estan said to me he he
02:01:09
said sometimes I try and make business
02:01:11
sometimes I try and make friend today I
02:01:13
try and make friend and um that's that's
02:01:15
how I feel about this the podcast is
02:01:17
business but um um yeah you're a mate
02:01:20
and uh when I'm in chist church I'm
02:01:23
going to take that offer and catch up
02:01:24
with you and have some Turkish too yeah
02:01:26
I visit you here now so your turn to
02:01:27
visit me in chch 100% um is there any
02:01:31
any any final words you'd like to you'd
02:01:33
like to leave with any messages that
02:01:34
you'd like uh new zealanders to know or
02:01:37
anything you want to part
02:01:38
on I would like to say thank you again
02:01:41
to all New Zealand to supporting us all
02:01:46
that
02:01:46
time and let's come together and we are
02:01:50
one and and let's do it New Zealand safe
02:01:53
again for our future
02:01:56
generations and I love you
02:01:59
all great place to end it I my
02:02:05
friend Tam thank you so much for coming
02:02:07
on the podcast you're welcome thank you
02:02:09
very much