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there's certain things that I'm not ready to talk about why I just feel like
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[Music]
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Gary vaynerchuk garyvee Gary vaynerchuk one of the world's leading marketing experts an entrepreneur investor a New
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York Times best-selling author and is one of the voices on the internet I've exhausted
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the conversation of grinding learning how to be an entrepreneur in the streets of New Jersey there was a kid who wrote
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a medium piece about me being the face of hustle I was on a plane I landed and it was just all this chaos and there was
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a lot of things that weren't true there were some things that really like triggered me I didn't inherit my dad's
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liquor store I built my dad's store for him I knew at 17 that I was a [ __ ]
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guy what's your dark side the only place I feel like I'm dark is when I'm competing we did Rock Paper Scissors
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tournament with our leadership team I quickly thought after I lost in the first five seconds should I fire it
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I was incapable of dealing with losing what is it that makes me want to be like
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this and to be very Frank you don't have to give me the details I'll tell you it's
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five years ago when we had a conversation I asked you what your biggest fear was I've got these photos here
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in Russia how does that make you feel it's very clear to me
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it's been there for a long time in my head
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quick one at the start of these episodes I told you that 74 of people who watch this channel frequently haven't yet hit
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the Subscribe button and I told you that the bigger the channel gets the better the guests get and hopefully I've
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delivered upon that for you so there's two things I wanted to tell you the first is if you've ever enjoyed this channel could you do me a favor and my
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team here a favor which is hit that subscribe button because it helps this channel more than you know and as I say
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the bigger the channel the better the guess but also we're approaching 1 million subscribers and when we hit 1
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million subscribers we've been working for many months to do something very big in which you're all
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invited to I'll reveal that when we hit a million subscribers enjoy this episode
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with age my perspective and my recollection of my childhood and my
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understanding of what was most significant defining and important has
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evolved you've just celebrated your 47th birthday yes more energy than ever shall I say but um
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what if you as you re recollect on your your childhood from from that vantage point now what are the new insights that
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you've attained about yourself probably the most recent one is like this incredible need to be a superhero
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you know I I really took the being the oldest brother to Heart
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you know it's funny my sister and I have a joke that a lot of people don't know that she exists because obviously me and
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AJ were in business together and I talk a lot about the Jets and that has AJ but
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my relationship with my sister who's three and a half years younger than me may be one of the most profound relationships I have
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she undoubtedly was the first person besides my mother that kind of cheered
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for me you know she looked up to me my mother is incredibly close to her
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brother and so she spent a lot of time building that relationship we're Incredibly Close I
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feel much more kinship to her when I think about my childhood than AJ because I was 11 years older we didn't have the
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same childhood we also moved when he was three so all my childhood memories have her in it
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and I think as I've gotten in the last two three years I'm like oh I have this like need to
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be admired need you know everything that works for me is when I feel like I'm
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doing it for someone besides myself I'm doing it to make my parents proud I'm doing it to show my sister the right way
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I'm doing it for my employees even the way I got into better health and fitness
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was I hired a babysitter but really what I hired was someone to
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do it for Mike and Jordan is who I want to make proud today my scale being 175
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versus 176 8 which it was two days earlier and Mike texting me great job on the Travel day I did it for him
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and so as I'm getting older and so much of the Gary Venus I'm realizing is
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I'm happy when I'm doing things that make other people happy or
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even at a higher level creating a framework or a blueprint
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that they can interpret into themselves the thing I you know as I got older with my sister a lot of things I talked about
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was this is my DNA yours DNA is different but like I just I want you to
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be happy it's going to be different for you know those kind of things and so you know you know when I do things like
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this I always go with the first thing that came to my mind I think what's obvious to me is
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I've exhausted the conversation of grinding and having to do it for myself and learning how to be an entrepreneur
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in the streets of New Jersey and and recently last couple years I've talked more about Candor when I wrote 12
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and a half I'm like this is My Kryptonite I'm great at Candor in this format put me on stage put me on a
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podcast give me 30 people listening to me I'm Candor King managing Dustin one-on-one I just love them too much
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like like even you know even this interview like I went from a company off site and like I got emotional this
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morning speaking to the 35 global leaders and that was the first time I got a I got emotional the way I usually
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talk about my parents if I'm at a Gala or something of that nature and it hit me and I my observation was oh these
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people are becoming my family I talk about Brandon warnicky my best friend and I tear up I talk about my parents
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and my my siblings and I tear up this was the first time I kind of teared up for real for real deep deep deep deep
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in a setting when I was talking about those 35 leaders and it was a nice feeling I'm like oh this is becoming
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family and so you know I think I think that Candor has been a weakness on a
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one-to-one basis when it's emotional that I've started talking about the newest thing of this moment when you ask
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me is what is it that makes me want to be like this and to be very Frank
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it's quite enjoyable um and it makes me happy and even when I
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don't deliver I'm happy at the attempt of and so I think I'll probably spend the
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next half decade trying to finish this thought and probably produce content around it because I the thing I always
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think about is if I'm this happy if I lack the anxiety that I see in 99.9 of people I have a
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sense of responsibility to over communicate in case a sentence on a podcast triggers something for someone
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and starts their journey to be happier I don't know something more noble a human
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can do than be on a quest to leave collateral you know droppings along the
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way that may help and will help others so many directions I want to take that
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in I'm going to go with um the first comment you made and then I'll move on to the second you said I have a desire to be admired yes now when I reflect on
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that I completely agree I think I lied to myself for a couple of years and thought that I was
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more noble than I was but what I came to learn often from doing this podcast was that some kind of insecurity or some
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kind of Shame was really the driving force at the heart of me and as I sit here with athletes for Israel adesanya the UFC champion whoever it is
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you uncover these stories which at a very young age the thing that might have invalidated them when they were younger
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is now the thing they're striving to seek validation from as an adult well it's funny I agree with that and now I'm
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going to tell you why I walk around Earth with gratitude and guilt
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I everything you just said is one of my biggest thesis in life that is 100 true
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mine is slightly different I got really fortunate it's like really
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hard to talk about even without like getting weird about it I'm
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my circumstances are you know I think yes in some ways for example
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the system School took such a [ __ ] on me in the 80s and 90s I've and you know this we've run
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in similar circles I'm very good at fighting the systems of Industries like it's also why I see things like Netflix
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you're gonna win Tesla you're gonna win because I know they're fighting the thing and so I recognize it I've been a good
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investor I've been a good operator and I'm definitely a communicator college right
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I was at a talk yesterday I'm not speaking that much but I like my dad taught me you know keep your words so I
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had a talk from pre-covered that got canceled and then canceled and then I got like and so I I still did it and so
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I did it uh yesterday and a couple of moms came up to me and both of them the
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way they talked to me about the content I'm putting around College was through love and admiration 12 years ago those
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same exact moms were really angry at me you know and so when you see things you
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know you you kind of challenge it and so yes I think I absolutely the thing that was an insecurity I get bad grades but
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what was different for me is I didn't believe them
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this is this is where self-esteem is an obsession of mine not delusion
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right not delusion because that's what a lot of modern parenting does you can do anything Sally no you can't
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Sally you were not athletic enough to be in the WNBA it wasn't that it was this weird balance
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that my mom created between deep confidence but accountability and truth I remember trying to make an excuse for
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striking out in a baseball game and trying to use the sun in my eyes as an excuse and my mom not letting me do it
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very subtly talk about childhood forming you like this is why I implore everyone to
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communicate their truth to their children to the world through podcaster content like it's amazing to me sentences change people's lives
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right she didn't let me do it and I became very accountable because of those levels of parenting and realities and
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that accountability led to so much happiness but for me when the school system was saying you're [ __ ] I didn't
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believe them and so I watch a lot of people being driven by hurt
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and I can sense that I'm driven by love I just sense it like for me it's just
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like deep self-awareness that understands how fortunate I've been like so many things went my way the mom of
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the century being able to leave the Soviet Union in this little window in
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the 70s 1917-19 in the 72 years that the Soviet Union dictated people's life and
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to remind everybody this this is something most Americans and westerners don't understand the Soviet Union was
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like North Korea it wasn't like Iran Iranians right now are able to leave
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Iran and go to you know wherever their passport is taken they can't go everywhere but turkey takes their passport Dubai takes their passport the
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Soviet Union that my family grew up in was North Korea you were not allowed to leave
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but this little event in 1970 of eight Russians trying to hijack a plane to go
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to Sweden to escape created a global story that led to pressure on Russia
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where Spain and Israel and America teamed up and had this little moment where Russia had spent too much money on
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their weapons of war and were starting to run out of resources and conform to their anti-Semitism and decided to take
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money from the U.S and Israel in exchange for a couple of hundred thousand people and I'm one of those people and I born with insane levels of
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Entrepreneurship and Gift of Gab and offense get to go from the worst place on Earth at the time and for someone
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like me in 1978 to the best place on Earth [ __ ] and then getting all love but not
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delusion and so by 10 being in the grit of like studio apartment with tons of
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family members and queens like all [ __ ] but being 10 years old and having little
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but being happy as [ __ ] and being loved insane and now a 10 year old me realizes
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that money has no impact on happiness I was built to win I was built to win and so I agree with
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you I see it in so many of my friends I always say the two ways to build something insane is deep deep insecurity
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turned into fuel or deep deep levels of confidence turned into fuel
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on that point of confidence you said your mother gave you your confidence yes earlier on you said you she gave you
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your sense of sort of self-responsibility yes but I've also heard you say that she's responsible for your confidence and then another thing
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the market so yes my mother and so a lot of people are listening right now and they had positive reinforcement there's two
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things to watch out for for everybody who's listening parents or youngsters or just try to get everyone listening and I
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by the way this is a good time to say this I consume a lot of content meaning I consume no content I
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consume how people are consuming content I just want to give you some roses and really The Listener on the other
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side I've really enjoyed and this is very lightweight this is a hot take it's not like I've done major
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homework on this but I feel like you have a very thoughtful audience I really like what's going on with you and your
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audience it's and it's really both of you right it's not just you it's who self-selects to listen to your guests
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and you're doing a great job casting it and all that but there's something nice going on here so keep going and everyone
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who's listening Kudos on you for understanding there's value here in a world of unlimited content here's the
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two back to like kind of the respect I have I told I told you Dustin I said hey pay attention today I'm going to be a
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little bit sharper it's out of my admiration here are the two things I want to go extra level to watch out for in
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confidence building too many people go too far and they go into that eighth place trophy delusional place and then
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kids don't believe you I'm gonna be very transparent I've already sensed that with one of my children where they're
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calling my bluff on it I'm like [ __ ] it's true like you're I played AJ much harder in
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every sport than I'm playing Xander that's the facts and so I'm already adjusting my damn self Xander's your
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child yes so so one it's don't let it be delusional the whole you can be anything
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you can do anything you want you can be anything you want you just might not be
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the best at it or great at it you can be a musician it doesn't mean
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that you're going to be a financially successful enough musician to pay for your household or if you want to be you
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can you're just gonna have to live humbly and live your passion which I think is going to be the conversation in
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100 years I believe the evolution of you and I and a lot of people listening is a
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lot more people making sixty one thousand dollars a year doing exactly what has them on fire and living and
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living is a big part and living within the means of that 61 000 but that's a different conversation for a different
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day so number one watch out for delusion number two you can't be the only source
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of positive reinforcement had I never gone outside and my mother did everything she did I don't think I am
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who I am the other part that made me was ringing doorbells and having 81 people
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say no kid I don't want you to wash my car and having six of them say yes kid I do want you to wash my car for five
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dollars I think what also made me was standing on a lemonade stand for months in my life you know two days
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here three days here five days here months of my life from six to thirteen and watching 99.9 of the cars drive by
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my stand and not react to my great Steins and not stop and buy my lemonade
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I think what made me was a hundred out of 105 people said no to shoveling snow what made me was I had a baseball card
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table and I watched a hundred people walk by and not want to buy anything from me even though I had good stickers
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and good cards and one the market made me all those no's became enjoyable
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it's the yes that acts as the evidence though so it's the it's the person coming along in the one in 100 buying
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the lemonade that makes uh young Gary or young me go do you know what I can sell lemonade 100 and I was I've thought a
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lot of over the years because the more I speak on stage or the more I my brand has grown I get the same question over
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and over again which seems to be at the very base level of everything I do which is how does one build confidence you've talked about your mum's sort of
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subjective evidence that you are great and then you've talked about the evidence from the 1 in 100 buying lemonade I came to this hypothesis that
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um our self-belief like all our beliefs is just um based on false or correct subjective
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evidence we have about ourselves so if that is true if beliefs or beliefs are just evidence
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um what's your view on how someone can build that self-confidence they're
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listening to this now how do they go get that evidence and do you agree with that thesis yeah I like a lot of that thesis
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I also think one of the things to point out that might help a lot of people is my mom
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also created positive reinforcement for me on the right things when I think back to what she positively reinforced
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it was not when I get the occasional B in history as a dnf student which would be logical this is the first time I've
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ever saying this publicly it's first time I had a clear thought on it it would be logical for a mother who really she she knew how
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smart I was she was borderline pissed she's like can't you get seized to appease me you're so capable I'm like
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these at F's why she didn't positively reinforce the bees I got in history which was the one class I paid attention
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to uh is actually a very interesting insight she didn't reaffirm a subjective machine
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that wasn't built for me what she reaffirmed and built confidence in me was how nice I was to everyone
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when I think of my 47 year old self I'm the byproduct of two energies I'm a successful entrepreneur which is what
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the world taught me and for the people that know they know like especially the people that really
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know they know how nice I am like you know this you've been on you know a lot more about me and subtle
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little like what I love about you is you're smart so I know I can say this you know yeah I know yeah yeah right and
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we've had lots of dealings over this year right yeah in every subtle way yeah in every subtle way we've theoretically
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competed there's been moments where I could or couldn't come like what I love about this is you know and I've always
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said that when I go into the grave so many people are going to know me that as long as the people that actually know me
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feel what I want them to feel I ca you know there are people who today don't think I'm a great dude and it's off of
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One Clip that somebody wanted to use me to do a split screen to build themselves
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up because they're in the business of tearing people down to build their building and that doesn't bother me actually it's
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one of like I actually have incredible compassion for that person has it ever hurt no so I'm going to tell you
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something so when I became a dragon on BBC's Dragons Den I I was exposed to a
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new level of public criticism and misunderstandings of often intentional misunderstanding so anything you say or
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do yes art you know articles and different sort of sides of the political Spectrum who maybe hate entrepreneurship
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at times sure doing pieces on me and then the backlash and then other like real sort of takedown efforts yes and
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there was days where even my walls of like resilience and toughness something kept me up at night has that ever
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happened for you where yeah we're all human being I'm not a robot yeah it's that it's so not sustained
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tell me about a time when that happened you don't have to give me the details I'll tell you yeah there was a kid who
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wrote a medium piece about me being the face of hustle porn which to this day lingers
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and it was a medium article I was on a plane I landed and it was just all this chaos and there was a lot of things that
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weren't true like me I didn't inherit my dad's liquor store I built my dad's store for him there were some things
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that really like trigger me that one always hurts because I think I did one of the most noble acts a human with
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Talent can do I knew at 17 that I was a [ __ ] guy and I decided consciously
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that I loved my parents so much that I was going to dedicate a decade of my youth Prime [ __ ] years
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Pro 20 to 30 is [ __ ] you got time you got energy you got I gave 10 of my
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greatest years they're not my wisdom years but they're my [ __ ] [ __ ]
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years and I gave them gave them to my parents never made over a hundred twenty
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thousand a year built a business from 3 to 65 million left with nothing started vaynermedia in Mike Lazaro's conference
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room at buddy media at 34 years old because I had no [ __ ] money I'm proud of that so when you can
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imagine when somebody writes a hit piece and says you can't listen to this guy he inherited
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his dad's liquor store that hurts when you say hurts what are the symptoms of that hurt for you oh you're gonna love
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this because this is why it's not sustainable I'm I'm neutral
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at all times Gary you're the goat thank you Gary you're [ __ ] I understand
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why does it hurt I know that there is millions of 15 to 25 year olds 30 to 60
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year olds 61 to 90 year olds right now who've decided not to consume my message
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because one person who's hurting decided to build themselves up by targeting me
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because of the platform I'm on and that disappoints me more than anything as someone who is deeply deeply deeply
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driven by leaving the impact at the highest levels that he is capable of out
00:22:15
of the guilt and gratitude of winning the DNA and environment game the
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elimination of opportunity to help make the world more about love in lieu of someone reinforcing their
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beliefs of living the world of dark and hate is crushing for me philosophically
00:22:35
but the reason it's not sustained Steve is my number one fan on Earth
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outside of my family whoever that is Sally Pants McGee and my number one person that hates me the most thinks
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that the whole thing is the worst can't wait till I die I equally feel the same about it zero
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on that day you landed from that plane you see the no Twitter or whatever's blowing up and all these people are
00:23:01
saying those things if I was sat next to you yes what would I have of what would
00:23:06
I have observed uh hey this is too big to not address in a world where 99.9
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things I won't address I want to at least create clarity
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because it's gone too viral in a world that I admire the readers of medium are
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my contemporaries my friends people I admire and so I just didn't want six or seven
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things that weren't true to be the foundation of a hypothesis especially when you go read crush it which is my
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coming out moment it doesn't talk about making money and buying a yacht when it
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talks about working hard at night it was under the context of the 2008 recession people losing their jobs and me saying
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hey I don't know if you know this but the internet's getting mature and if you go on YouTube and Twitter you might be
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able to fix this shortcoming you have and yes I understand that some of you are also equally it's not just about
00:24:01
getting a new job or getting a job it's also oh my God because this was this was insane to me because I was just coming
00:24:08
out to the world now I was like in My Little Wine Library bubble I'm like people don't like their jobs like that
00:24:14
was like I loved it so much even if I was doing it for my I loved it so much that I was taken aback by that I was
00:24:21
like well if you don't like being an accountant and you love Star Trek start making Star Trek video I mean it's
00:24:28
insane what Tick Tock and Instagram and YouTube have created you go read crush
00:24:33
it which I wrote in 2008 it's insane how much of that became true even to me you
00:24:38
know why I'm asking I think I'm asking this question and I please assisting on this topic is because I've always seen the way that you've publicly responded
00:24:45
in those moments and it's always been with an unbelievable level of gratitude and empathy and so I as someone who's
00:24:52
been on the receiving end of it it's hard it's hard so it's just it's just you know I'm sorry finished I was gonna
00:24:58
say so I've always wondered from afar yeah someone who's been on the receiving end of it what goes on as the the first
00:25:04
you know like the first reaction we have to these things where you're like yeah I mean the first hundred honestly the
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first hundredth of a second reaction is actually a very weird blend of
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you'll see and I can't wait to be gracious when you come to apologize
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and I've I've had moments like that where the thing the story whatever will
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just stay on my mind and it will rattle over and it might rattle over for like six seven hours eight hours it might
00:25:33
rattle over at night time that night might even rattle over the next morning mate does that happen to you too
00:25:40
it's very rare for it to be able to get to the second day that next morning very rare I just go deep into the [ __ ]
00:25:47
Gary Cave of okay this person I admire just took a [ __ ] on me
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this this influencer decided to [ __ ] on me and I'm not talking about the comedians
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who I love the comedian stuff is like awesome because I'm like oh like I and I just did Dylan's podcast and I said it
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I'm like that's that I'm like humbled by like actual good comedians forget about the people that impersonate me and have
00:26:11
built not their careers because they impersonate others but like a couple of these characters have really benefited
00:26:17
from impersonating me and that means so much to me that I brought Vicon was my crowning event and the first people that
00:26:24
hit stage were impersonators of me there's no bigger cosine I can give to like that feels amazing that somebody's
00:26:29
winning the thought that somebody's winning in their comedic career because they popped by impersonating me that's
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like the most humbling feeling of all time not that not when people take shots at
00:26:42
me and like hyperbolize what I'm saying for a laugh I'm I'm flattered by it I'm talking about people that really like
00:26:47
[ __ ] this dude he's bad and and it's so bad how they do it it's so very out of
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context and things that nature I just
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it just doesn't register I what you know I if I'm hurt by midnight as I close my
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eyes and then the first thing I do when I close those eyes and the first thing I do when I open those eyes I say to myself okay
00:27:13
the world all eight billion people have decided to go on social media and say actually I'm a piece of [ __ ]
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is that better or worse than my parents dying in a car crash right now on the
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way to the airport I'd much rather have all 8 billion people go on social media right now and
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say I suck then that to happen thus I can't be upset about this in a real way that's
00:27:40
bigger problems there's bigger problems you referenced something earlier you said wisdom years I found that really
00:27:45
really compelling because you reference you know I think you said 20 to 30. I'm now 30. just turned 30. so I guess I'm
00:27:51
in my wisdom years one of the things I think this one's the in-between the time in the 30s like right like just [ __ ]
00:27:56
go ham um and for everybody listening this is the years to taste a lot of [ __ ] make a lot of mistakes have fun try different
00:28:03
things like everything eat it all go to the go to the you know
00:28:09
the salad bar and try every single thing that's in there 30 to 40 is the
00:28:16
refinement of 20 to 30. especially if you really go at it you're like okay I remember like 30 30s when
00:28:23
[ __ ] started popping for me February 21st 2006 is my first episode of Wine Library TV
00:28:29
so I'm 30. I just turned 30. and that is clear I mean the fact that within
00:28:36
December within three months of my 30th birthday the very clear public data very
00:28:41
clear indication of the shift in my career happened three months so that was interesting and I think those are when I
00:28:48
think of 30 to 40 I refined a lot of things that felt natural 20 to 30. I refined my craft I started to get to
00:28:55
know myself better when I think about 40 to 47 I'm like that's an evolution of 30
00:29:00
to 40. I'm still refining I'm still doing but I'm starting to get into a
00:29:06
thought of like okay I like have real grasp on things I can do some real damage like I'm scared in
00:29:13
the most positive way of what I'm gonna accomplish selfish selfish and
00:29:19
selflessly from 50 to 60. scared I think it's going to be banana [ __ ] I think everything that is me right now is minor
00:29:27
leagues compared to what I'm gonna do 50 to 60 because I now have the context of 40 to 50 which is a more polished
00:29:33
version of the refinement of 30 40 and so for me 50 to 60 feels like insanity
00:29:39
and then when I look at my 60 to 70 year old business friends I'm like [ __ ] I get an entire another decade after that
00:29:45
decade of doing it at a hundred and then I start debating what happens at 70 right then I'm like 70 to 80 is still a
00:29:53
very clear decade for a certain very small group to continue to go ham and go
00:29:58
[ __ ] insane I'm curious where I'll be I notice 70 I'll be exactly the same way
00:30:03
I am right now it's inconceivable I'm not um those 23 years are pretty clear to me
00:30:09
they're going to look like the last 23 years 70 to 80 becomes an interesting debate will I take any foot off the pedal will
00:30:15
I go to a different place I often fantasize of like going into like a cave in Peru and whoever wants to find me can
00:30:22
come and we get 30 minutes and I just do that for the next 30 years of my life I don't know obviously there's that very
00:30:28
silly but very emotional goal of buying the Jets for me that's more fun to chase than like I almost think I the first
00:30:35
time I might feel actual unhappiness or weirdness or some sort of version of like uh might be if if I buy the Jets
00:30:42
like I think about that a lot I'm like if this happens was this such a romantic Journey this is not 30 and 40 and 20
00:30:49
year old Gary thinking it's cool to say this this was 12 year old Gary telling Robbie turnick and Eric Godfrey I'm
00:30:55
gonna buy this [ __ ] team this has been like a thing like actually like forever quick one Intel are now one of
00:31:01
the sponsors on this podcast and in the coming weeks I'm going to be telling you about the V Pro platform Intel V Pro is
00:31:07
built for business essentially what this means to me is that it's built for a hybrid working mode perfect for my
00:31:14
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00:31:21
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00:31:27
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00:31:33
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00:31:39
if you'd like to find out more and I really think you should head to intel.co.ukvpro and let me know how you
00:31:45
get on for many years people have been asking for a coffee flavored Hill and
00:31:52
quite recently he'll release the iced coffee caramel flavor of their um ready to drink Hills and I've just
00:31:58
become hooked on it over the last couple of weeks I've been on a really interesting Journey with huel which I've described and talked about a little bit
00:32:04
on this podcast I started with the berry ready to drinks then I moved over to the protein salted caramel because it's 100
00:32:10
calories and it gives you all of your essential vitamins and minerals but also gives you the 20 odd grams of protein you need and now I'm balanced between
00:32:17
them both I drink mostly the banana flavor ready to drink I've got really into the iced coffee caramel flavor of
00:32:23
Jules ready to drink and now I'm drinking that as well as the protein make sure you try the new ready to drink
00:32:29
flavors that the caramel flavor is amazing the new banana flavor as well is amazing and obviously as I said the iced
00:32:36
coffee caramel flavor has been a real Smash Hit so check it out let me know what you think on social media I see all
00:32:42
of your tags and Instagram posts and tweets about your the podcast on that point of those wisdom years yes
00:32:48
one of the things that came out of my refinement as you call it and my kind of maybe I meant just at the start of my
00:32:53
wisdom years yes as I look back on my perspective on exactly what you've talked about I'm like hustling and like
00:32:58
my own um Insane luck of being a very optimistic person in the worst
00:33:04
situations and I wonder I say Steve is mindset a privilege and if it is
00:33:09
because you described yourself as being as happy you've always had this this drive this motivation is there a risk in us if mindset if our
00:33:16
mindset is a privilege in trying to advise others when they don't have the
00:33:21
same privilege couple things one everything's a privilege yeah do you see what I mean there like of
00:33:28
course I got really scared I think it's two years yeah this is incredibly powerful first of all as a whole
00:33:33
separate and intriguing conversation everything is a privilege and everything is a vulnerability and this is like a
00:33:39
incredibly important subject to talk about I think mental content is the ultimate privilege yeah I
00:33:46
think the second one is beauty I'm fascinated that we haven't gotten yet to
00:33:51
attractive privilege when I look at men and women navigate this world there's nothing more clear to
00:33:57
me in the privilege that like like they're like white male I'm like attractive privilege makes that [ __ ]
00:34:02
look [ __ ] minor leagues if you look at the data so let's look at that then well I'm gonna put I want to go back because I don't want to lose and I will
00:34:07
use it because I know how we roll uh uh I have no interest in thinking
00:34:14
that I'm telling anyone what to do or giving I do not think that I'm giving advice I really don't and I don't touch
00:34:22
on this enough and I have touched on it at times and this is a great format to touch about I have no belief that I'm
00:34:28
right I have no belief that I'm giving advice I have no belief that anyone listening to this should do what I'm
00:34:35
saying I am putting info into the system and I'm hoping that people can extract
00:34:43
something of value for them based on their own self-awareness of themselves
00:34:50
most people don't have self-awareness I'm aware which is why I talk about it so much yeah but there's a reason I talk
00:34:56
about self-awareness so much why I was a pillar of my last book why it's a big character in V friends self-aware hair
00:35:02
self-aware hair Tortoise and the hair yeah I think people don't one day when I'm
00:35:08
you know I think 47 year old Gary for cynics and people that were watching
00:35:14
is better than they thought it would be than 27 year old Gary right like the hot takes on I'll never forget when I hit
00:35:20
the scene on Twitter The Whispers at conferences I could hear them in the back in the green room and I
00:35:26
definitely read it on Twitter because I was like popping they're like out of everyone who's popping on Twitter in
00:35:31
2007 the consensus was the only person that won't be here in a decade is Gary
00:35:37
because it was too hot too fast too much people literally I'm empathetic when you have this kind of energy I'm empathetic
00:35:43
to how this story plays out for different people I get why the person burns out I get why the person really
00:35:50
does the ultimate bad thing and disappears off the I get what that but that's because I'm not on the extreme
00:35:56
insecurity side I'm on this other side so I always knew so but one of the
00:36:01
things so I get a lot of like joy out of like knowing that so many people didn't
00:36:07
think I'd be there and I'm at the top of it same way I feel about the friends
00:36:13
nobody has a clue including my inner circle of how much thoughtfulness I did in character development this is my
00:36:19
Disney this is my Sesame Street Big Bird Mickey Mouse right Optimus Prime Pikachu
00:36:25
like self-awareness is profound the story of The Tortoise and the hair
00:36:31
is profound to every listener of this there's not a single listener right this
00:36:37
second that's listening here right now if they're eight or if they're 88 that isn't extremely vulnerable to the lack
00:36:44
of patience because they're too ambitious it's the reason they're listening so self-aware hair for me is a
00:36:51
phenomenal story I get to tell for the next 50 years and I can't wait to make self-aware hair more famous than garyvee
00:36:57
is today because that will be the way I scale putting positivity into the world be friends and so I'm excited about that
00:37:04
but back to your point my friend as long as you come from a place of humility
00:37:09
and understand that ego kills people I yes we have some luxury of mindset and
00:37:17
communication but for me I don't think people should listen to me I should I think people should listen to everything
00:37:25
and try to find positivity and usability out of everything and they should
00:37:30
dismiss what is clearly negative and selfish and they should triple down on everything
00:37:36
that is selfless and positive and that is the answer to your question that started here what should people do they
00:37:42
should be very very focused on trying to do the following lean in dramatically
00:37:49
more to things that are positive your grandfather podcasts
00:37:54
upworthy.com lean into positivity then they should be on the awareness Eyes
00:38:01
Wide Open on is this delusional and lacks practicality like you know if I
00:38:07
just dream it it will happen no lean in cut out literally when this
00:38:13
podcast is over step back audit your entire life from the people you spend time with your
00:38:19
family your friends look at every person you follow are they triggering your insecurities for their own self-interest
00:38:26
are they trying to put love into it so that you go on and do your thing watch look for it but whatever you do
00:38:34
back to like working out like you know protein and you know when I when you know when Mike vacant is like all right
00:38:39
you did a lift like protein I'm like really okay and like don't encode I'm like wait a minute I'm starting to finally get some muscles oh because I
00:38:45
was doing protein as [ __ ] after lifts and not after not lifts I was doing it right here's something right for
00:38:51
everyone cut out one hour of negativity add one hour of positivity if you're listening right now and you're
00:38:57
like Ugh social's such a drag it's because you're in a drag mindset and the
00:39:02
Algos and the people you follow are following you you know what my social looks like [ __ ] sunshine
00:39:09
I'm being dead [ __ ] serious you know my Algos look like [ __ ] sunshine in
00:39:14
the world of the momentum of Darkness right now sunshine you know why I choose
00:39:20
to fight for positivity but I refuse to not be grounded in practicality which is why
00:39:26
I've always thrown curveballs love everybody it's all awesome [ __ ] eighth place trophies what Gary what what
00:39:31
eighth place trophies lead to entitlement and fear of losing and it [ __ ] up kids
00:39:36
so like it's kind of that juxtaposition practical positivity is something everyone needs to add more and so back
00:39:42
to your point we are going to put out stuff forever because it's how we're wired the people we're listening right
00:39:48
now for a lot of them they need to understand where they match with us and we don't you and I match on a lot of
00:39:54
things there's a lot of things we don't match on the person on the other side needs to figure that out you I would argue watching you from afar we know
00:40:00
each other but not that deep we never we haven't had those six hours that we need that we will have in the next 50 years where it starts to get even closer but
00:40:07
even from afar it's clear to me that you're understanding more and more what
00:40:12
is right from the messages you've heard and what's not right for you and you refine it and you refine it
00:40:19
there's a lot to your point there's a I I say it all the time please don't be me the only thing I want people to be like
00:40:25
me is be as happy as me that's an insular game that's a self-awareness game that's a process game that's the
00:40:32
only thing I want people to be like with me like I'm weird I've got a lot of weird nuances I do a lot of things that
00:40:39
are not scalable I don't maximize for I'm always worried when people are like oh I want to learn how you built your businesses I'm like good it's real
00:40:45
different like you know I don't maximize for profit I maximize for retention of relationships if you aren't as confident
00:40:52
as I am when those people leave and compete with you you become Grudge oriented and envy oriented instead of
00:40:58
happy oriented like I've got some weird elements that people can't run my playbook but I couldn't write run other
00:41:04
people's Playbook so pay attention find what works for you try [ __ ] try it multiple times Steve said something you
00:41:11
like try it once didn't work Steve's not an idiot you don't suck try it again on this the very Crux of all of this is
00:41:17
that key point which is about self awareness and as I realized that in my late 20s that self-awareness was really
00:41:23
the key to um to most things in life and I remember writing a quote my Instagram which is still my favorite quote of all time
00:41:28
where I said um there's no self-develop um there's no self-development without self-awareness
00:41:34
you can read as many books as you like 100 but if you can't read yourself you'll never learn a thing it's why I've never read a book yeah exactly so like
00:41:41
like to me the only thing I've read is my feelings so how does how does one person listening to this now that's been
00:41:46
listening to our content and you know they really want to be a an entrepreneur they want to have a big Media Company
00:41:52
whatever it might be but they don't know they don't have them like but objectively they don't have
00:41:58
Minerals Well how do they go about discovering they don't have the minerals by going in the pool and drowning okay
00:42:03
you know it's not for you and I to judge because we've been wrong too much yeah I've been wrong so much it scares the
00:42:09
[ __ ] out of me and I'm gifted with intuition that when I'm dead I hope they can test for it because I think I'm all
00:42:14
time and I've been wrong a ton that makes me believe everyone's wrong so if you're listening here's a couple
00:42:21
things that are good call out that may bring value instead of what I just said asking what you're in it for is
00:42:27
humongous yeah but this generation I don't think they know because people think I know
00:42:33
this first of all you're part of this generation yeah that's how I know but you know but I
00:42:39
know too but guess what my generation this I'm so done with this my generation didn't know either guess what when I was
00:42:44
22 all my friends wanted to hook up too all my friends wanted a BMW too and by the way as somebody who observed people
00:42:50
his whole life the people that were older me the people that were buying expensive wine for me when I was 20 and they were 35. they everybody wants stuff
00:42:58
to communicate to others that they're winning we've been putting on makeup since we had [ __ ] clubs hitting each
00:43:04
other like it's what humans do we do things to communicate yes why to hide we're hiding
00:43:14
we we used to do it with status right now we've decided to [ __ ] on each other our current move to hide is by tearing
00:43:21
each other down that status too I want to be more I want to be the most leftist I want to be the most on the right I
00:43:26
want you know of course the problem is unlike buying a BMW and going into debt when you're doing this one you're
00:43:32
hurting other people's feelings um it's one thing when you're hurting your credit score it's another thing when
00:43:37
you're trying to make someone feel bad about themselves that's why the acts of us collectively at 8 billion people right now is completely and utterly
00:43:45
unacceptable which is why I'm desperately communicating at the highest levels about the stuff that I want to
00:43:52
put into the world as a counter to people's us against them girls versus boys blacks versus Jews Republicans it's
00:44:00
[ __ ] exhausting like once people understand there's one team humans let's let's you can be mad
00:44:08
at elephants you could be mad at Falcons but like being mad at each other is the most counterproductive thing and we need
00:44:14
to go into tribes my country my sports team I understand this because I hate all the other football teams it's the only place I get those feelings the way
00:44:21
people feel about Republicans and Democrats or genders and races or countries the only place I can touch on
00:44:26
it emotionally is American football my level of actual disdain towards Patriot fans is real I feel the rage
00:44:34
the fact that I do that for something silly that's a form of escapism that's a couple hours a week to like reset and
00:44:40
like enjoy and Escape like people watch movies or ski or exercise that's silly that's football that's silly we're doing
00:44:46
this in real life to each other and it's it's got to stop and I think it's it starts with people understanding
00:44:53
if you are [ __ ] on others right now it's a complete reflection to your own
00:44:58
unhappiness and insecurity I had a kid come up to me and this is why I was asking the question is after I did a tool can he said to me as I knelt down
00:45:04
on stage he said I want to he must have been 18. I want to be a public speaker too and I'm like why
00:45:10
why is always the right answer and the answer you'll get from this generate this my generation is well I wanna I
00:45:16
wanna change the world Gary yeah of course and then you go what do you want to change about it they go I in fact what I came to learn is they want to be
00:45:22
the type of person that's known for changing the world aspiration that's right they saw the audience right and they want that feeling the money the
00:45:28
fame the accolades the blue check the followers the fun I understand it's the
00:45:34
problem with all the things I just mentioned is they're a vulnerability to your own happiness if it's not balanced
00:45:39
there's not by the way sometimes people get mad at me in the other direction like [ __ ] Gary with my [ __ ] face
00:45:45
off I can buy a [ __ ] watch or a car I'm like of course you can the why if you like love the [ __ ] like I don't
00:45:52
understand sports cars and the feeling of going that fast that's not me but I understand buying rare sports cards and
00:45:59
that's enjoyable if you enjoy that that's phenomenal when I talk about materialistic things I talk about makeup
00:46:06
for insecurity if you are burning the midnight oil you know how people burn out they're working till two in the
00:46:12
morning to buy the expensive car to use it to close their insecurity to get the
00:46:18
affirmation from the opposite sex or their friends that's that that system's broke it won't work I I I mean I don't
00:46:25
know what to tell you like everyone's like okay Gary but I'd rather have the [ __ ] money like this whole like I'd rather cry in my Ferrari than drive a
00:46:32
Toyota or take the bus you say that do you really want to be in a mental
00:46:37
place where you're on the borderline of suicide and you have heavy drug usage even though you make three million dollars a year 17 million dollars a year
00:46:44
because you know this now Steve you've worked very hard and you have the talents and the luck of the draw and you
00:46:50
put in the execution to now run in circles where you know what I'm about to say is ungodly true which is the
00:46:56
following an extraordinary amount of people that have unlimited resources are
00:47:01
desperately lonely insecure unhappy and borderline depression suicidal that's
00:47:07
just truth and so like the thought of me talking in any other direction when I know that to
00:47:13
be true seems like the least authentic thing I can do but even when you say that you must know that for a huge
00:47:19
amount of people including myself we have to have that hypothesis that those things will give us some kind of
00:47:25
fulfillment or meaning we have to have that fail us before we learn the lesson Gary's words versus the insecurity that
00:47:32
was developed from my mother and my father on the playground hypothetically one of them you know when I was seven
00:47:37
years old the kid said I'd never be nothing then my teeth I'm not talking about myself the teacher comes in and says you're an [ __ ] I think I think
00:47:43
that's right on one side of the skill yeah Gary's work I don't think it's either of those I think it's the macro
00:47:49
conversation of happiness I believe if the kids getting picked on
00:47:55
you'll never be nothing and she or he decides I will be content
00:48:00
at 25. I will have peace of mind I will smile 89.3 percent of my life
00:48:07
instead of I'm gonna have a mansion and a super yacht I think [ __ ] gets crazy you're
00:48:14
describing me there so you I I at a very young age only only black kid in an all-white area we're also the poorest
00:48:21
family so we understand the value so we had all the advantages of adversity exactly yes in the con on the context I
00:48:27
was in I was the Blackberry in a world full of iPhones so I had that feeling of like not enoughness I get it that means
00:48:34
that um as I go off into the world I'm convinced my subjective evidence is if you get the material success I just have
00:48:42
if you get there then you'll be happy nothing on one Earth what if you're 17
00:48:47
Heroes on Tick Tock and YouTube we're talking about something else hold on yeah yeah no no this is super
00:48:53
duper important what if your 17 Heroes
00:48:59
how has everything changed in the world can I say yeah that might not be enough because those first 10 years as you
00:49:06
learn your childhood psychology the problem is in those first 10 years you will have Heroes outside of your family
00:49:13
what if you're seven year old you on YouTube kids finds a hero or on ESPN app or something
00:49:20
what if what if Messi your hero at seven in every other interview
00:49:27
spoke about peace of mind living with it like what if the conversation changed because the conversation has changed on
00:49:33
Race on gender on religion on status tulips used to be the most important
00:49:39
thing in your life The King The King do you understand in America in 1968 in
00:49:47
1971 in 1971 in America if you were an astronaut
00:49:53
or Pilot you were cooler than an athlete I want everyone to [ __ ] pay it like
00:50:00
this is a big [ __ ] deal this is what my [ __ ] mission is in 1971 in [ __ ]
00:50:06
America if you were a astronaut or Pilot you were more famous than everybody but the
00:50:12
top 10 athletes in America that Joe Namath was more famous love them but you know you understand yeah do you
00:50:19
understand that Joe Namath is actually a great comp the Jets quarterback that stunned the
00:50:25
world in Super Bowl three became a sex symbol and that started to change he was a
00:50:31
celebrity which was different you and I are affected by entrepreneurship now being a celebrity
00:50:37
status something that couldn't have even crossed my mind when I was 18 years old
00:50:43
maybe even 30 your age right now 30. it was starting to because you have to
00:50:48
understand do you know who was the biggest entrepreneur when I was your age Bill Gates the nerdiest [ __ ] looking
00:50:55
person on Earth think about how but this this is why
00:51:00
it's fun you're properly speaking in the framework of our society now my argument
00:51:06
is that communication changes Frameworks and what if we collectively got on this
00:51:12
boat I I want to so here's what I'm thinking so if if we manage to get seven-year-olds absorbing content which
00:51:19
I imagine is probably a lot of your plan with v friends that is empowering that is creating new evidence in their mind
00:51:24
purple not red or blue yeah right back to Republican purple right like like competitive clown is a [ __ ]
00:51:30
accountable ant kids is the thing like if you lost you [ __ ] lost I don't want to over coddle it yeah yeah but in
00:51:37
Gary vaynerchuk seven year old world yes if his mother was crying on the kitchen counter every day because of my you've I
00:51:44
mean we started this by talking about this using Gary vaynerchuk and Steve yeah and not acknowledging that there is
00:51:49
extraordinary amounts of people that are bringing joy into the world that had alcoholic parents yeah depressed mom and
00:51:55
dads bipolar moms and dads lose it my mother lost her mom at five and her
00:52:01
father ready you know why I have confidence in this let's talk about Tamara vaynerchuk not Gary vaynerchuk tomorrow vaynerchuk was born in the
00:52:07
Soviet Union in 1955 about as bad of a [ __ ] draw as one can get she goes on
00:52:14
to get another tough card it's called her mother dies at five she goes on to have an even more insane
00:52:20
card which is her father goes to jail for basically in this environment right
00:52:25
now this will make sense to people finally for being Jewish in the Soviet Union and he went to jail for 10 years
00:52:30
she finds herself at 10 with her mom dad and her dad in jail for a decade and a
00:52:36
stepmom raising her who's a young kid doesn't know what the [ __ ] just happened to her either right
00:52:42
all the family's gone because everyone's like just [ __ ] up all the Dynamics the mom's side the dad's side you're
00:52:49
following the story she goes on to become the person that built me because she is
00:52:54
me and I am her more importantly these core positive person for any person in
00:52:59
her life from acquaintance that met her once to clearly her three children
00:53:05
she exists I'm not saying that any early experience defines which way you're going to go and I'm trying to say that
00:53:10
any early experience is going to be good yeah yeah could any experience from you between age of zero and ten I could be a
00:53:18
major factor right and I've sat here with these childhood uh psychologists and therapists like Gabriel May who studies childhood trauma in that first
00:53:25
10 years of your life if your parents are constantly I believe in that Crying
00:53:30
by the way just so everybody who's listening because it might seem the opposite because I'm kind of going fast yeah yeah I believe in that comma
00:53:37
there's something I believe in if one person that lived that cliche life
00:53:42
has gone on to be an incredibly happy and productive person in now means it's
00:53:48
capable and true I've noticed this in my guests on this podcast so I'd sit here with a guest whose father was
00:53:54
um incredibly violent and did domestic domestic violence on his mother yeah this person is the kindest person I've
00:54:00
ever met I've sat here with someone whose father did domestic violence because of there's a layer between what happens in their interpretation we
00:54:06
overreact in both directions it's it's your interpretation and that's what the childhood psychologist said she said you
00:54:11
couldn't there's what there's someone's like having a sunglasses on your eyes Steve there's nothing else you know that
00:54:16
right yeah 100 there is nothing else on Earth yeah so the point the point here is um regarding that person who grows up in
00:54:22
a household where they interpret yes that money is the most important thing do they then have to have that belief
00:54:29
fail before they can learn that the Lamborghini isn't good because for me I just can't imagine a world where that
00:54:36
was so deep inside me that insecurity and shame I can't imagine a world where Steve Bartlett doing a quote on
00:54:41
Instagram or doing a podcast would have been stronger evidence I'm watching my parents scream at each other every day
00:54:46
my argument is you don't know you just know the alternative and I would argue
00:54:53
that many people like yourself and I know weird things because we get unlimited
00:54:59
DMS and emails and you know this about me because it's where I'm a little weird I took a six hour flight yesterday and
00:55:05
read a gadrillion DMs I think what I do that's a hair different than a lot of my
00:55:11
contemporaries is I'm in the dirt heavy like I really still see extraordinary
00:55:17
levels of value of being in the trenches reading those DMS replying to those DMs like long after I mean I'm watching
00:55:24
people get 10 000 followers and think there's somebody and get an assistant to reply like I'm still in it
00:55:30
and in that I see it I I've there's a
00:55:35
reason that people that were deeply alcoholic have been able to be sober the rest of their lives after going through
00:55:40
a process there's a reason that therapy is profound there is a reason that meditation is profound there's a reason
00:55:46
that exercise is profound to me everything you just said Is Right
00:55:52
but it is the cliche you get a hand and then you gotta play it and as someone who's not good at poker and has won many
00:55:58
hands with three seven off suit because I'm just a [ __ ] like that I believe in that in life too there's every version
00:56:05
do I believe that to your point I believe more than anything that those first 10 years there's so much going on
00:56:12
it's insane including the environment you're in right yours was one mine was one but do I believe that if you then
00:56:19
decide like many do well I got [ __ ] I got [ __ ] well then if you've decided
00:56:26
back to perspective being everything if you've decided I got [ __ ] well then the game's over anyway
00:56:32
the [ __ ] are we doing here if if you've decided I can't because I was unlucky my mom this my dad
00:56:39
this my country this my gender that my income level this well that's over doesn't matter what I think you think
00:56:45
anyone else thinks it's over I just refuse to talk to another human being and believe that to be true because
00:56:52
there's been billions of examples of the alternative billion Steve yeah there's been billions of Alternatives of the
00:56:59
exact opposite I agree with you it's just that point sometimes I Ponder which is um you'll meet someone and you think
00:57:04
this guy regardless of what I say to them or this this woman is going to have to have their current world view fail
00:57:11
them by the way I believe that about every person yeah I don't believe a single person that I've inspired or got
00:57:17
through to now wins they have to taste everything for themselves yeah you said
00:57:22
you're weird and I sat with Tim Grover Tim Grover who used to train LeBron and
00:57:27
um MJ and Kobe um he said to me that we all have
00:57:33
our Brilliance our greatness and then often connected to that and responsible for that is our Dark Side that's the
00:57:40
word he used the thing that you know becomes the the Star Wars the difficult
00:57:47
Star Wars what's your dark side probably my unhealthy
00:57:53
there's a version of me on a competitive scale that can get dark
00:57:59
I'm incredibly competitive the only place I feel like I'm dark is when I'm competing
00:58:05
like it's crazy moments ago a couple hours ago we did Rock Paper Scissors
00:58:10
tournament with our leadership team as an exercise I lost Peter Chun head of platforms the
00:58:17
guy that talks to snap and everything I quickly thought after I lost in the first five seconds
00:58:23
should I fire him of course of course Steve there's a
00:58:30
little ha ha but if I'm being naked an authentic and transparent to this
00:58:35
audience thank God at 47 the wisdom years uh I
00:58:41
used to punch if Dustin Bingham Joe minakawa Glenn Curtis Eric Rainey
00:58:48
can you guys all stand up and go to social media and tell everybody the following truth of what happened anytime
00:58:54
I lost in Madden 94 in a dorm room I would punch a hole in the wall knowing I
00:59:02
would have to pay a fine with my own money but I was incapable of dealing
00:59:08
with losing why because I wanted to win yeah but why uh because it felt better than losing why
00:59:16
because not because of like the great place you're going with this path like it's really funny it's no different to
00:59:21
the one of the great lessons I I've gotten so weird that there's a part of me now
00:59:27
that wants me not to buy the Jets more than by the Jets I've seen this Evolution because I want to show the
00:59:32
world how pumped I'm gonna be for Sarah McGee who bought it and this is a brain [ __ ] but I'm
00:59:38
starting I lived my whole life saying if I can show kids that you can go from not being able to afford a [ __ ] Jersey to
00:59:46
buying the whole team I can help now I'm starting to believe when I show
00:59:51
the grace and happiness for someone else's accomplishment at the expense of my
00:59:57
lifelong dream and teach people that it was that the great enjoyment to try it
01:00:03
that I could have a bigger impact than showing that you can do it that's winning in a different way in a very
01:00:09
different way and that's what happened with me with winning and losing I was I wasn't per se trying to
01:00:15
listen again I'm not a robot everyone's loaded with insecurity I'm insecurity
01:00:21
with girls much more than business like nobody was scary to me to talk to a business but Pam Moses in high school
01:00:27
like even though there was a clear indication that she had interest that was still like woo whereas I could have
01:00:34
had a meeting with Bill Gates next day and be like I'll beat you right so we all have our places right of insecurity
01:00:39
things of that nature but like you know when you're five like there was just such a like I love competition and I'd
01:00:46
prefer to win right and I prefer to win I did not have a relationship with it from three to four to twelve now I one
01:00:55
thing I loved and I'm watching a lot of kids now because I have kids growing up here's where I get interested in
01:01:01
tenacity and self-esteem I would lose and I liked it
01:01:08
so there's some you want a dark side I like losing I might have cried and been pissed and
01:01:15
wanted to do something about it but I wanted to play again there was almost this weird enjoyment of
01:01:22
losing more than winning as a matter of fact I cheered for four teams growing up as religious as I am about the Jets
01:01:28
the New York Yankees the New York Rangers the New York Knicks and the New York Jets to this day I am so wildly weirded out
01:01:37
by the fact that I love the New York Rangers and the Yankees as much as I like the Jets but the Rangers won the
01:01:42
Stanley Cup in 1994 and the Yankees won the World Series in 1996 and the next
01:01:47
day I stopped following them for real no [ __ ] I didn't it wasn't
01:01:52
a plan I was 18 years old when the Rangers won the cup I didn't think of it as like the thing I wanted to do I
01:02:00
literally woke up that next September October when the hockey season started and I didn't want to watch why uh now at
01:02:07
47 I believe it's my addiction is the process and the game not the thing and
01:02:13
where did that you're clearly a unique standout person that loves to win where did that like it was there an early
01:02:19
moment where that was reinforced that winning is great Gary no as a matter of fact it was like not even like talked
01:02:26
you know this is why the 80s were epic and more importantly I'm joking this is why my mom was that big it wasn't like
01:02:31
she was like you have like there was no talk of that it was just pure DNA I'm massively competitive
01:02:37
I like it I like the game My brother has it my dad has it like we're competitive I think it manifests in different people
01:02:43
but it wasn't reinforced it just was like innate
01:02:48
and I really like where I have it now at 47 which is like I've learned how to deal with the fact that I'm not the best
01:02:55
at everything that's what life taught me through the years um but I really like trying like I like
01:03:00
you know what's one of my favorite scenarios this is gonna really by the way if this resonates with you please email me at Gary vfriends.com or Gary
01:03:07
vaynermedia.com because I think this is going to resonate with a lot of people I thought about this yesterday on a
01:03:14
random thing I must have saw something on social my favorite thing one of my favorite weird tiny things that I know
01:03:20
is going to resonate with two percent of this audience but please hit me up because I want to get to know you when I'm on a pickup basketball team of
01:03:27
random people like Friends Play pick up basketball five on five College High School your buddies get together when
01:03:33
our team gets smoked like 11-3 in the first game the second that 11th Point
01:03:39
goes in I get so hyped when you get smoked 11 nothing 11-1 as
01:03:45
you you know I don't you play basketball at all no we play pick up something I know football yeah
01:03:53
in basketball and this may resonate in other sports Cricket if you're listening in India football around the world
01:03:58
when we get smoked where it's very obvious to everybody that four of the five best players are on one team and
01:04:05
that's why the score was eleven to one everyone's natural inkling is to like let's reshoot for new teams
01:04:12
mine is this deep excitement to get the other four people together looking at
01:04:18
everybody's face and say guys we're [ __ ] like immediately I'm like we're not [ __ ] shooting for new teams
01:04:23
let's run it back and then huddle and I look at everybody's [ __ ] eyes I'm like my friends we're gonna win this
01:04:29
[ __ ] game because we're gonna outwill them even though they are dramatically more talented we're gonna out think them
01:04:34
and most importantly we're gonna outwill them and when that happens Because by the way 70 it doesn't happen the talent
01:04:41
is just too great and unfortunately we also found somebody on the other side who's talented and has will but the
01:04:47
feeling when you know that you are dramatically inferior and you get a group together and you out accomplish
01:04:53
them predominantly on will with a mix of strategy there's something there that
01:04:58
just gets the hairs on the back of my neck up is winning associated with your own sense of self-esteem definitely not
01:05:05
one of the things that makes me so happy is here's a great indication I didn't know that until probably the last five
01:05:11
years this is the truest statement I will say on this podcast my professional success
01:05:18
has no currency with my heart and soul this is where my life got really [ __ ]
01:05:24
crazy you know you know this you're going through an introspective moment clearing your late 20s like it's clear so this is like fun for me to tell you
01:05:29
I'm like really in the zone I feel like we're sitting and just like you know having a drink
01:05:35
when I realized somewhere about five or six years ago oh [ __ ]
01:05:40
none of my professional accolades net worth
01:05:45
exits followers Awards even things like being on the board of Charity water and
01:05:51
pencils like even when I was getting admiration for like when I realized none none
01:05:58
of my professional successes make me think it's a reflection of me or is an
01:06:04
indicator for me or is a barometer of self-worth it [ __ ] took I was already
01:06:10
flying it took me to the [ __ ] Stratosphere my entire
01:06:15
self-worth is wrapped up in the middle of this podcast when I looked at you and said you know
01:06:21
my entire self-worth is 100 predicated on people
01:06:28
knowing the truth of how I've interacted with them
01:06:33
why does that matter I have a deep love for human beings I love them for example back to being a
01:06:40
little transparent I'm a little weird with animals I have a little bit of a level of resentment towards animals this is
01:06:45
something my inner circle knows you know we joke I don't hate dogs
01:06:51
I do hate that humans default into loving dogs with all their heart and don't do that to each other
01:06:58
struggle with that I got so damn lucky Steve I came out the womb my mom talks about
01:07:04
this a lot you know who I was in the playground at three years old when we first moved to America like immediately running to all
01:07:10
the 80 year olds and schmoozing with them you're [ __ ] four you didn't read Malcolm [ __ ] Gladwell
01:07:15
you didn't listen to garyvee you're [ __ ] four I'm [ __ ] four years old and I'm going out with my Jessica Shaya
01:07:20
my grandfather Shia and I'm [ __ ] gabbing it up with the 82 year olds and
01:07:26
like desperately trying to make them laugh and smile because a lot of them came from Russia and were sourpussed in
01:07:31
the last stage of their life America was [ __ ] up when we all got here it was a real recession in the Carter years Queens was [ __ ] Queens back then not
01:07:39
like in his net like it was [ __ ] and like I had a deep need to make these 85 year olds smile for a second because
01:07:46
they weren't smiling the rest of the day it's who the [ __ ] I am whenever I've observed you especially in
01:07:53
the pre-pandemic times where you were flying all over the world and talking in every corner of the world you were on some other [ __ ] yeah and I was to
01:07:59
somebody too I remember I lived in New York but I was traveling 50 weeks a year yeah but you were on some like other other [ __ ] I was looking at you thinking
01:08:05
[ __ ] that's the only guy that's at work in me yeah and I'm thinking this dude has a family yes I was a single dude
01:08:12
living in a studio apartment and you know I get that but you were so the question which I'm sure you've had level
01:08:18
at you and ever again is what's the cost there there's cost there's cost to everything but
01:08:25
one thing I did extremely well was and I still do this well
01:08:32
um is I over communicate things that I think bring value to people and I don't communicate things that I don't think
01:08:37
bring value to people or things that are important to me that can be owned behind
01:08:43
the door instead of in front of the door so I think people would be really stunned by how much family time and
01:08:48
personal time I have do you ever regrets course what kind of requests do you have
01:08:55
you know you know there's certain things that I'm not ready to talk about but I think
01:09:00
people are I'm too public of a figure that people know there's things that have happened in my life more recently and things of that nature so of course I
01:09:06
regrets I've I also have regrets that I think will really help people which is that I am ready to talk about which is
01:09:12
no [ __ ] but I should have went to a couple more High School parties no [ __ ] I
01:09:18
shouldn't have come home every weekend when I was in college and worked in the liquor store I should have did a keg stand or two here no [ __ ] like I
01:09:25
should have taken more vacations in my 20s with my buddies you know like like I
01:09:31
should have had a little more fun the truth is I'll tell you why that was all hard for me to say
01:09:37
their micro micro micro micro micro micro micro regrets these are like
01:09:44
yeah they've been like these I have nothing in my body including some of the stuff I'm not ready to talk about that's
01:09:49
like [ __ ] you know like I'm in pain over this they're just like little micro regrets
01:09:55
and I answer this because I want people to see a clear picture on the other side like if this was me and you actually
01:10:01
having a drink the answer might have been no the only reason I think I just said yes is because I think it's important for
01:10:07
people to know like nobody's like I'm just scared that I'm so happy that it seems almost like [ __ ] but it's just
01:10:14
kind of true because I always go to the same place the I'll give you an example I think real regret is only grounded in
01:10:22
a very small circle of the people you love I I really do and I've put the [ __ ]
01:10:29
work in on the family side it's funny actually that was a really interesting segue the fact that I can say to you no
01:10:36
because I've put in so much deposits on the family side that actually I'll give you a good one
01:10:41
I've got a brewing regret my best friend in the world is Brandon warricky I met him the first day of
01:10:49
freshman year of high school within the first six months I'm like this guy's gonna work with me we did baseball card shows together I knew I
01:10:55
was going to build my dad's business by then I wanted him I [ __ ] courted him to be in that business from sophomore
01:11:03
year on and he became my partner in crime along with Bobby shiffrin my second cousin and
01:11:08
my dad and we built Wine Library lately I've been feeling that we have not had enough friend time one-on-one
01:11:16
as we start going and starting to see 50 and it's something I really want to work on I am I asked this for very as if the
01:11:23
cameras weren't here and the microphones weren't here I I'm earlier I'm 30 years old yeah and I want to know the advice
01:11:31
from you someone that I consider to be a mentor and a friend your investor in one of my companies as well um
01:11:37
on that as it relates to that family and that personal piece what I might get wrong
01:11:42
because I know you don't think I don't think there's wrong I think somebody watching me might say you're doing this wrong I might watch you
01:11:48
doing this wrong uh I gave some advice to a friend of mine Ryan Harwood in a pool in Miami a couple of years ago that
01:11:55
I feel great about I checked in once in the last three years curious if he was doing it I'm positive I'm right but I'm
01:12:03
not right because what's so interesting about being we're all unique but I have a sense of
01:12:08
like how I roll the amount of things that people have observed including my mom who's the singular person that knows
01:12:16
me best we share 83 DNA that's obviously a subjective number but like I'm trying
01:12:22
to paint a picture of how similar we are even she is remarkably and she is the I
01:12:29
am so intuitive because of her but earlier to this podcast when I'm like I get wrong all the time nobody has the
01:12:34
ability to be more right about me than my mom and she's wrong about things she has been wrong she's been proven wrong
01:12:40
and so what that did for me in the you know I put my mom at the highest pedestal uh is oh
01:12:48
me judging Dustin or Steve like like I'm gonna be wrong all the time I know nothing about them so what you need to
01:12:54
know is yourself what you need to know is yourself for me regrets are completely grounded and did
01:13:02
I spend enough time with the people I love did you I believe that above me I absolutely
01:13:08
have that my parents today could go and I used to be skipping both my parents my
01:13:13
dad lost his dad at 15. I already told you about my mom I lived in fear you know actually we didn't get on that that
01:13:20
one that one is something I wish I popped up 20 minutes ago in this podcast the fear of my parents dying because
01:13:26
both of them had a parent die at a young age was a profound currency in my life
01:13:32
in my first 15 years profound and so I think because I'm on the other side of it there's such heavy levels of
01:13:39
gratitude that I got to keep them that I'm like pumped about it and I can tell
01:13:44
you today as a 47 year old man my parents are young I expect another good 20 years minimum hopefully 30 they're
01:13:49
like in their late 60s right I'm looking for 30. but if God forbid I won that
01:13:55
game in a way that a lot of people haven't I like was with my mom all the time as a kid I was with my dad 15 to 35
01:14:01
all the time I've checked that box I mentioned Brandon I think about other
01:14:06
people I love like Bobby Schiffer and others that I don't spend enough time with and then of course my kids are so young that I still want to like milk
01:14:12
that in a significant way but I'm sitting a hell of a lot more pretty I think than a lot of people because a lot
01:14:18
of people have also gotten into weird places with the people they love they fought over money they fought over an
01:14:23
argument they've cut people out of their lives that they actually love but it was their own hurt so I'm incredibly at
01:14:30
peace I'd like to do more and I think all of us do five years ago when we had a
01:14:35
conversation I asked you what your biggest fear was and you responded with with that exact answer which was fear of
01:14:40
losing your parents yes um this profound impact that your mother has had on you has become and my father
01:14:46
by the way yeah we didn't get there yeah my dad telling me that word is bond yeah might be the single piece inside of me
01:14:54
that allowed me not to be the bad version that some people think I am the first time I've seen you get emotional recently as it relates to on stage was
01:15:01
that moment where you talked about your mother and I I was I was going through I've got these photos here of you as this young man I was going
01:15:08
through all of these pictures and I was reading how you've described her especially in recent years this was the my favorite picture here of you you and
01:15:14
your in Russia yeah I've never seen you um get emotional on stage before other
01:15:20
than when you talked about profound influence she's had on you so if this were God forbid the last day you had on
01:15:25
Earth to send a message to your mother what exactly would you say
01:15:31
she just really wanted to be the best mother because she didn't have one I would just
01:15:37
she did it
01:15:49
what did she do she made me happy
01:16:01
you know I want to make everybody happy and it's
01:16:06
because I'm aware of that she did a better job making me happy than anything I've ever seen about
01:16:13
anybody in anywhere about anything and I just feel like if I don't do that given that I was
01:16:20
given the Gift of Gab if I don't scale that if I don't help every you know
01:16:27
the biggest thing I could do for her is scale what she did for me
01:16:41
Gary thank you um thank you I have to you know I sent you a voice note on your birthday just telling you communicating to you the
01:16:47
influence you've had in my life but I've I'm gonna say at your face you create a blueprint um which is an evolving blueprint and I
01:16:53
followed the evolution of that blueprint as it's become even more centered on empathy and kindness and how we treat
01:16:59
others clearly that comes from this wonderful woman here um so I thank her for creating a son
01:17:05
that's inspired me so much and guided me there's so much that you've done which I've literally copied and I think it's
01:17:10
important to say that to you because sometimes people say it to me I've copied your blueprint and that blueprint has changed my life
01:17:17
um the thing I wish for you and everybody is I'm incredibly aware of that and the fact that that makes me
01:17:22
happy hmm is the thing I think about every day because it makes so many of our contemporaries unhappy
01:17:30
amen I I really wanted to say that's your face well I had the chance you have a closing tradition on this podcast where the last guest asks a question for
01:17:36
the next guest um I like that yeah um
01:17:41
interesting I've heard I've heard you talk somewhere about this before what do you want
01:17:48
your Tombstone to read about you he gave more than he took
01:17:54
it's very clear to me it's been there for a long time in my head listen I have a lot of dreams and hopes
01:18:00
for myself we need to teach people that's okay that doesn't make you bad that makes you awesome
01:18:06
but if you can balance that with also giving just a little bit more in whatever that means and for me it's
01:18:11
communication perspective I'll donate plenty of money but that's easy a lot of people do that that are lucky enough to
01:18:17
be good enough at that um I gave more than I took I believe in that
01:18:22
you've certainly given me much more than you've ever taken so thank you for that guy I appreciate you and it's the honest to spend some time with you thank you my
01:18:28
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[Music]
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oh my God
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[Music]
