00:00:00
okay our next guest is Will Arnette and unfortunately I'm not on this podcast so
00:00:05
it probably be one of the better ones I do miss interrupting guests and David as
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much as I possibly can so I do miss that but I don't really have an excuse other
00:00:16
than I forgot that's a good old Steve Martin remember I forgot on robry was
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illegal here's the reality though in 20 seconds I the week before someone I won't name names say
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said you'll do it on Wednesday so I thought it was on Wednesday and I had it
00:00:36
in my head Wednesday so normally with these things I like just forget Tuesday I went to get a presto log at the
00:00:43
store and I left my phone in the car and I was just watching
00:00:49
Lost uh the TV show and I didn't hear the phone and I was like hey it's Tuesday I'm relaxing
00:00:55
because tomorrow Wednesday is Will ornette well guess what ladies and gentlemen will was on the on the
00:01:02
Riverside Zoom whatever it is with David waiting for me and I just want to apologize to will Arnette and the
00:01:09
hardest thing to do is to apologize to my partner David David Phineas Spade my
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first public apology to my partner in podcast crime David from your point of view what happened well what happened
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first of all I like the slice of Dana's life I wake up I go in the backyard and put uh M80 firecrackers in a bu Frog's
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mouth and then I bought a presto log and then I
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lit my phone on fire in the fireplace instead of the log and that took forever I thought a little
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flavor I like it so anyway we started it and Dana to his uh shagrin sh I don't
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know he he's always on time and always early and always prepared and so I got nervous because I was the only one on
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the zoom and then will popped on and after a while I said Dana must think it's at 5:30 so let's just start and
00:02:05
then he'll jump on and then of course he's getting annoyed with just me because he wants to talk to Dana and
00:02:11
then he goes so uh what's the deal with Dana is he jumping on and I go oh yeah I don't know he should be on soon then I'm
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like Anyway me me me me me and then we laughed and kicked and scratched and tickled and then it had been the whole
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time an hour so I said I don't know what happened and then he said all right well if you want to
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just do this one or we can do it again so I said it was pretty funny we'll just do it let's let's here's two thoughts
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one thought is I think I'm about 108 podcasts I was there on time and then
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one loss so that's pretty good for an NFL team over six seasons
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secondly it's I really would have loved to have talked to will Arnette but you and he are pretty good friends you did
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snake oil the game show with him so I knew for this particular one I might
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have actually gotten in the way so I'm sure it's a very entertaining so right now I am the audience so I'm going to
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listen to what this podcast is like this will be good because then you can take notes and say where where were we on
00:03:15
where were we off what could we change now objectively well my casual nickname in terms of the podcast is loudmouth and
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so I try not to be that so I'm sure it's great I would listen to it if I were
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driving somewhere right now mine is gestus
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interruptus well that's just you know that's a genetic brain chemistry thing you have like if someone's on a roll
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you've got to pounce on it I got to kill it I got to kill it I got to stop it tracks so we here's will Arnette and we
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did we did laugh a lot I mean we were a little bummed because there's no Dana but we were just sort of
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bullshitting and uh that's the best stuff that's what it all is anyway you
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know what in the end of the day it really is MHM we should just call our show [ __ ] [ __ ] bull [ __ ]
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plus we CH we charge more yeah okay well thanks everybody and here's will and I
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think you'll laugh and dog ear the parts that you think are funny and let us know thank [Music]
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you oh my God it's actually happening my computer I had to reboot my nothing
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makes me sound older than I had to reboot my computer dude you know what you do you go www do hang on W WiFi help.
00:04:35
ww okay start okay hang on I'm gonna write this down W are you guys still are you still
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doing smart lless did that get
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canel it's so good I like to start off on like a fake burn that doesn't make
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sense no I'm just hearing some grumblings on the streets I don't know I don't know if any of that was true did
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you guys I no I'm just checking I was like there's no way money back I was
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where's the truck that dropped the money off is that still there or do they leave yeah apparently now they said we had to
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reload it from our side shut the [ __ ] up don't now I'm getting mad um does it
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make the beep sound when it pulls it and puts the money in your driveway meep meep
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you know what you want to know something funny and I should save this for the Pod it's already on this is it is this it
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yeah this is about this is the high energy po this is the is I live in
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the I live right next to one of the world's richest men like he lives like
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sort of kind of two properties down but also kind of like there's this back road
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anyway and he's got [ __ ] trucks and cars going in out of there all
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[ __ ] day and when I say trucks and cars I don't mean I don't mean like five or six I mean 100 200 a
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day and he's using this other and well I think he's getting married is is is one
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of the things that I heard a scuttlebut I heard from a from a worker dude on the street to a car and and all his car
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friends are coming he's getting married it's so [ __ ] weird no they're all work trucks
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and the beeping and it's like you know most neighborhoods it's like like LA County you can work seven six days a
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week they can they can work Saturdays Beverly Hills it's Monday to Friday no weekends and it's like 8:00 am to 5:00
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p.m. or 6 P p.m. whatever this this dude's got trucks
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247 [ __ ] Sundays Martin Luther King Day these
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[ __ ] are beep beep
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dude I've seen like F-150s with beeps on them I'm like you're not adding that to
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a regular [ __ ] truck on top of all I was in a parking lot this guy's like beep beep I look it's like some crummy
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truck I go no chance dude you don't get that and I this sounds rich but I live
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in a mansion that's all no I um I live that was the whole story 55 Windows
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six pantries um so well I have I have some
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some dirt road or some little road by me I didn't know when I moved in that they were going to be working on this guy's
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house for the rest of my life and I don't know where they're even driving so they're just driving up a road and then
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there's a cement truck and there's a truck with a bunch of logs from from that movie where Things fall on people
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and they all die what's that movie called sure you know the one I'm talking about Final Destination so every day I drive
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up my street it's Final Destination I'm following a log truck and then I'm following like a bunch bunch of Boulders on one I go why is it always noisy and
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it's always trucks that need to make an 80 point turn and they go up there and I don't even know what they're building and it's never ending I hate
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their guts it's so it's so [ __ ] crazy and this guy here's the other part
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here's what's maddening so yesterday they're bu and it's the weekend and [ __ ] holiday weekend they're beep trucks and
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there's like a back road behind my house into this guy's house middle of Beverly Hill by the way so like these are talk
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about 1% problems and then I see photos of this
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[ __ ] guy he's at the [ __ ] fashion shows in Milan with his soon the be wife
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all over the place [ __ ] flexing his muscles while I'm dealing with his [ __ ] work trucks Flex he's flying over in his
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Global or whatever he's got a private 747 or some [ __ ] he's one of the richest men in the world beep be he doesn't give
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a [ __ ] what I'm going through you know what that's a great trick great trick is when he's got a girlfriend her wife and
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he's like let's go to Milan so I can stare at the chicks it's like a fake way to like we're at a fashion show check
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out that Beaver he's like I mean in a fashion sense I love I Love's check out
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that beaver in a fashion sense I think beavers are actually coming back babe I think beavers are
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let's get out of here beavers did no I'm serious nothing it's a nothing is a better sign of
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prosperity than being knee deep in beef save a tree to Beaver honey I put
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it on all my trucks it's funny no but you got the beeps I got a case of the beeps Dana moved out to uh I
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don't know where it's about two or three hours away was it ohigh Heather he moved somewhere like that way and uh he's got
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like a nice little chunk out there so he just likes the tranquility and he used to live on you know sort of right in the
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heart of town and just got to him after a while they were they were digging up the street with construction forever and
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he goes I just got to tap out for a while it's just too much cones and beeps
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and trucks and yeah man everyone feels so bad for us everyone's like are you guys okay okay I have questions for you
00:10:15
about your career though but it's it's very relatable every time I every time I complain about something like it's very
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relatable about like my house or something totally [ __ ] unrelatable my buddy Josh is always like please tweet
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that he's like you know please hang yourself just tweet it everyone will hate you the
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[ __ ] the guy at the the the billionaire who's driving his trucks up my back gate your back
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gate [ __ ] who has a back gate it's not it sounds fancier than it is if you saw it you'd be like nice try but uh it
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is legit my garage is my driveway is so skinny that I that two of my friends
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have can opened their car on the side they pulled in and they pulled in when
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they got in they go what the [ __ ] dude I just RI I just heard something I look and there's a full rip down both their
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sides of their car no I'm like what did you do yeah and it's 100% know it's
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coming because it's so skinny and it sucks and they bring like their whatever it don't even have to have a big one
00:11:18
it's just I have a crummy driveway in a dog [ __ ] house but other than that
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things are going pretty good I think the I think the house is great I'm I'm guessing the house is
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great it looks like a office it's like glass it's like classic like look that I
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kind of hate now but it's got glass and cement and everyone's like oh is this an office building I'm like no it's my cozy
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house they're like this isn't a house is it a Restoration Hardware or something is it a airw
00:11:53
anyway if it was an air one talk about it'd be filled with beef hey do you um
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hey you pulled back don't you dare pull back well always no cuz I'm reading off
00:12:06
something that somebody else wrote I would never suggest that what uh how long have you been in your house I was
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in one before this for 20 and uh now people listening are like so you're at
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least 20 yes I look so young I come off very young so uh and then I lived here
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for two so I'm at least 22 and I I live I used to live in trale
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which is nice and Rich and now I live in Sunset Plaza which is you know it's fine
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it's a shoulder [Music]
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shrugger I will say that one thing people don't know is maybe this isn't
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for you but I've never met my neighbors really in my other house for 20 years and I don't know I'm here no one likes
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me no one talks me no one and I'm on a hill so even walk to my house it's like Barry's boot camp to go 40 yards it's no
00:13:03
one will do it it's so no one's like hey come over for barbecue hey there's no
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camaraderie there it's very weird no it's very very weird I I agree with you and I moved into this house coming up on
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um almost three years ago and um the only people I've met are like the
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housekeeper who for the people who live across the street who are now moving out she's my friend and I and I see her and
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then she always waves to me she's nice she's worked for them for like 40 years and she's super nice the people I never see I'm like where are the like my neck
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my actual on one side next door neighbors I've never seen them I see gardeners and stuff and
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then on the other side's super weird some older dude and his like way younger wife and then here's another one I was
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out for dinner I had all the kids uh and my partner Alexandre and we
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were out having some um having some dinner and I get a notice
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that there's somebody's ringing the doorbell like one of those apps on my phone I'm like who the hell is this I
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can look at it look at this rich guy with his apps I I know look at me with my apps by the way not even a yearly
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subscription month to month and um so cancel no I don't need to cancel it I'll
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[ __ ] pay it I don't give a [ __ ] it's a buck 99 a month but he calls me baller dude I'm killing
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it with the ABS so I look and I see this dude like staring down my staring down
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the camera of like my doorbell with his um woman behind
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him 10 times I'm not exaggerating 10 times hit the
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thing and I can speak through the app and I finally go yeah he it's kind of like one of those ring things it's not
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actually ring it's another one but anyway I'm like hey what's hello you know hey you're you've got a fire going
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in your place you've got an illegal fireplace I go no I don't you've got fun and I know and you can't
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do that that's not right blah blah blah I go I don't know what you're talking about I'm your neighbor blah blah blah blah blah blah so like what keeps
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ringing so finally I go stop ringing the doorbell I don't have a fireplace you've
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got the wrong house blah so then I'm at dinner I'm like [ __ ] [ __ ] is there a fire at the house so I drive I'm like
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and I leave we've just ordered dinner way all four kids and my girl and I get in the car cuz I'm like now I'm nervous
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that there's a fire so I drive it's like 22 minutes away I drive home I get here
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of course there's no fire I don't have a fireplace like what the [ __ ] she [ __ ] so then I drive back so I'm like I'm
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gonna find this [ __ ] guy I drive around the neighborhood he sort of said and then and then uh I call him and I go
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hey you came by my house and blah BL because he' left his number on a card and on the card he' said you're not allowed to have a fireplace that you put
00:15:52
in jez he has to reiterate it we know who you are guy yeah so I [ __ ] call
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him and he goes go Hey listen I go I didn't have a friend he goes I know it's the wrong house it's the other people
00:16:03
and I go you ruined my night you [ __ ] rang my doorbell 10 times I I I'm like
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the biggest crime I didn't eat my dinner um and I'm like you [ __ ] my sushi
00:16:15
that was cold got cold but then he goes look well he's like an older he goes well well look we're in the same
00:16:20
business we got a lot of mutual friends I go really and he goes you know I'm old
00:16:25
he goes I'm old friends with Jay Leno I go what he literally said that to him dude
00:16:32
I get I get the mutual friend thing too all the time we got a lot of mutual friends I went to one of Sandler
00:16:38
premieres I go do you know him no but I got a I was a plus one I go oh well
00:16:43
we're on the same boat I guess I'm not really asking real questions I'm not like that this isn't
00:16:49
like a real show but I I saw I mean I saw obviously Blades of Glory was stupid
00:16:55
schwartzen in that movie Nick schwartzon that little p does he officially go by
00:17:04
stupid yeah he's a [ __ ] he was he wasn't that SS he's like that dog on Tik
00:17:11
Tok that looks around and goes when you go to the airport and you don't know what gate you're at and it
00:17:17
goes the dog just stares into the lens and looks around I get that video every other one and it makes me laugh and I go
00:17:24
Schon is this you but yeah he's so super dumb and he
00:17:31
doesn't know really anything but he was in that movie and uh Blades of Glory was a fun one man that was a fun movie um I
00:17:38
was just talking about the other day I went to a King's game with
00:17:43
Will F and and our kids and wife and stuff and all right and he was he was
00:17:49
saying I was talking about I ended up doing a bunch of the skating I'm not the best skater in the world but I played
00:17:55
hockey growing up so I I skated and that I did the the most skating of everybody in that
00:18:01
cast really of my own yeah uh I didn't do any like tricks or anything l i get crazy but skating is hard skating can
00:18:09
you skate backwards yeah oh yeah and I skated with like you know my my ex Amy
00:18:15
was she and I played brother or sister in that and yeah we I ended up doing a lot of skating
00:18:22
with her double uh it was one of the first movies
00:18:27
they did face replacement where they did like CG oh yeah they could do I didn't know that in that
00:18:33
movie that's way back too 2006 we made that we shot
00:18:40
it what year did you start quiet Burns and I know SNL
00:18:48
67 so you were pre SNL before they called it SNL you were you were in the
00:18:53
pre years I was I was on SNL when I heard Jack Ruby shot that one guy
00:19:00
when they do that do you remember where you were you yeah I was doing a sketch
00:19:05
you were doing a sketch you were you were doing Tuesday night writing uh when you heard Jack Ruby yeah Jack Ruby and
00:19:12
they go Jack Ruby shot somebody and I go Lennon and they go [ __ ] let me check let me call I call you right back was Downey
00:19:19
wrote didn't Downey wrote a cold open about Jack R right that week he did
00:19:25
that's oh yeah he had a cold open we had to keep changing it cuz everything was changing so fast we had Matt Damon come in and play
00:19:32
him cuz all this cast wasn't good enough I like when the cast goes hey
00:19:38
we're gonna play This dairo is Gonna Play Your Part Matt Damon's playing your part and you 22 cast members can sit in
00:19:45
the balcony if you want to watch the show that's always a
00:19:50
bummer yeah nothing really major happened when I was on SNL like that nothing good oh you were in Toronto by
00:19:55
the way 416 in the 416 is definitely in the house is it still 416 are they still miling that I
00:20:02
mean the cool kids yeah yeah but there are like there are a bunch of new like sort of Valley codes now um oh gross you
00:20:10
know what I mean you know but is 416 the good one like 310 out 416 the old it's
00:20:15
the O if we say I always say the OG do you know I don't know if you know what that is and I uh 416 is definitely the
00:20:25
OG and then the new one is 647 block that's like the that's like going 818
00:20:30
yeah that's block I got 818 block on my phone I don't I don't talk to people in
00:20:37
the valley I go you whip around the hill you say something to me I don't even know what I'm talking
00:20:45
about oh your dad ran Molson breweries I'm not reading this off Wikipedia your
00:20:51
dad ran Mo I don't know if you know this he was and molsen we chugg that [ __ ] in
00:20:56
Arizona we had Molson kagar it was it had a big wide did it have a different
00:21:03
bottle I know there was Mickey's big mouth you ever heard of that no what is that that's a beer that was a weird beer
00:21:09
that had a big their Hook was where you drank out of it it was bigger it was like a bigger Circle and uh that was her
00:21:15
only hook but M get more wasted dude yeah you get so [ __ ] wasted then you
00:21:20
do it with a straw yeah but Molson and then uh we went to kagar I put you
00:21:26
through college we drank so much Molson did you really in Arizona were you a big were you a big Beer Drinker you know I
00:21:34
was I was such a [ __ ] puss I mean you'll never believe this but I was such a little dandelion I wasn't this athlete
00:21:42
you know hard ass stunt man you see before you I was just always like falling down from
00:21:48
weakness but I did take you know what I could do in school which was shocking
00:21:53
yeah aside from not get any action was uh
00:21:58
I would um we took weightlifting as an elective and I would I could bench you
00:22:04
know you bench you deadlift you do all these things you get graded on but I could jump rope oh I [ __ ] you know
00:22:11
I'm so F I can't now I could whip it out I would do You' do one minute forward
00:22:17
one minute backward one minute of crisscross one minute of doubles o and I
00:22:23
don't know what the last one was but it would burn you out so bad and I was so good at it
00:22:29
and it didn't get me any action I thought it would it wasn't really the panty dropper I thought it would be but
00:22:34
it was um something I need something on the old pick and res it's too bad you don't do it now no now it would be a
00:22:41
cool thing to do because I would do it on Instagram all day and film it you know and show everyone like [ __ ] you got to rise and grind but I barely rise
00:22:48
and I do not grind nothing's is nothing's worth anything if you can't
00:22:54
record it and post it otherwise what's of course why would I do why would
00:22:59
anyone do anything there's no value yeah it's I can't believe I used to do anything cuz I couldn't post it yeah
00:23:06
same here I don't man the people that do stuff and just film every goddamn day and I'm like all the funniest thing is
00:23:12
these girls obviously they're cute but they're either Instagram whatever and they literally like lean toward the
00:23:17
camera fake cover their boobs like don't look or whatever and then they turn it on go back to standing and there's a
00:23:24
song on they just kind of look around with dead eyes and this kind of move not
00:23:29
that great and then they and then they kind of fake laugh and then they go back and turn it off and I'm like 22 million
00:23:35
view what what the [ __ ] is going I think the problem is by the time I figure out it's dumb I can't reach to stop it it's
00:23:41
already clicked in right she's like counted you counted they got me to yeah
00:23:46
yeah yeah so do you think it's ruined this is this is this week this
00:23:54
week on a very special fly on the wall do you think the internet has ruined us no do
00:24:02
you think social media has [ __ ] destroyed us as as a society just turned us into bigger morons than we already
00:24:08
were I do yes no one thought it was possible but yes I think it's it's exposed us as it's exposed our inner
00:24:16
[ __ ] well there used to be a little mystery I I do feel a little bit for the
00:24:22
uh the women out there that you know when you were cute my high school had like the two for sure babe
00:24:28
and then their only pressure was they heard some girl at Arcadia was pretty but they don't even know outside of
00:24:34
their town so they're doing okay but when you're in competition on Instagram with the rest of the world world you're
00:24:40
like oh my God everyone's and every girl is pretty or don't even don't come I mean Instagram is ridiculous and then
00:24:47
between filters and all you don't know if you're competing in a real competition or if they're that's their version of steroids they're like wait
00:24:53
you had a filter you're disqualified but you don't know so every sing single person is pretty it's too stressful I'm
00:25:00
sure for women just like how can I even look like every whatever and uh that's
00:25:06
part of it the dumb things everyone films are part of it and America's Got
00:25:11
literally no Talent that's really the big underlying theme here when they show what they do and stuff I'm like nothing
00:25:19
got nothing no there's nothing there's no there's no wit to any of it right I
00:25:25
mean this is like this is my biggest complaint is that there's zero it's
00:25:32
there's no wit and there's no real premium paid for wit anymore you know I mean that's the that's a good way to put
00:25:39
it and I watch I watch my kids my teenage boys they're pretty good but for a while they were watching stuff they're
00:25:44
getting a little more Discerning but they'd watch stuff and I'd go like my 13-year-old Abel is and both my kids are
00:25:51
my older boys are funny dudes but AEL is like seriously funny kid and I'm like
00:25:57
you're way funnier than the [ __ ] you're giving your watching the wrong stuff right he's just watching a bunch of crap
00:26:02
and I'm like what are you doing dude yeah you know what's funny I I block when they do those pranks and they're
00:26:09
unfunny like they go in a they go in a store and like throw a ball at a guy's head and they look around like hey we did it I'm like first of all I really
00:26:16
want you to get the [ __ ] kicked out of you second of all these aren't funny they're to make you look great and
00:26:21
everyone look stupid yeah and it's and and and then they put all the like crying emojis to let you know oh this
00:26:27
this is funny there's five crying emojis you didn't laugh but I'm showing you that this is a comedy piece and then I
00:26:34
block anyone that's not funny I block them I give one shot and then I get mad I go no please don't come up again I
00:26:40
can't it's I love that you said that about the crying emot crying laughing emoji it's the equivalent to the
00:26:46
Applause sign right it's like oh oh now I it really is it's like this denotes
00:26:52
funny [ __ ] man I watched an award show the other night I'm not going to say which one and there was
00:26:58
yesterday exactly so this was recorded this is timeless and I was watching uh pieces of entertainment I
00:27:05
won't say if it's a movie or a TV show that were nominated as comedies Oppenheimer Oppenheimer is the funniest
00:27:11
movie of the year no I agree with you are you about to say that comedies you don't you're
00:27:16
like that's not a comedy is it that's not a comedy no and I saw show it was and it won all this stuff and I'm like f
00:27:24
well made great like really like good not not a comedy I I would dare to say
00:27:31
that they don't think I saw one I saw one like that and I go and it said for supporting actor in a comedy and they
00:27:37
showed the show and I or whatever it was and I go yeah that's a comedy yeah I'm not sure it is it would be like if they
00:27:45
said succession was a comedy and you'd be like yes it it feels like it's a way to get in a category to helpfully win or
00:27:51
something weirds going on like that because I I I don't know what's going on it it freaked me out but then I'm like
00:27:57
I'm like the worst person to what we were at our mutual friend's house watching and then I'm like
00:28:02
every the restaurant yeah the restaurant and I had the [ __ ] I had I had the uh
00:28:08
I had the uh you know the the laser laser beams I had the laser pointer going and I was just it was brutal and I
00:28:15
was I did not that that's a tough room but it's [ __ ] hilarious but that's every room in America we were done of
00:28:22
course yeah everyone does that what it's so
00:28:31
[Music] awesome I have to say I have nothing to say did you see Chelsea Handler on a on
00:28:38
an award show which could have been yesterday or 6 months ago and she she I
00:28:44
she looked great she had a joke but she kind of had a burn on her ex-boyfriend I
00:28:49
wonder if they if he texted her and said what the [ __ ] I don't know I saw that I
00:28:56
I saw bits and pieces of it I think yeah she's always she's funny she makes me laugh I think she's super smart and
00:29:03
funny and then and I saw that too and I was wondering if like oh uh I wonder if I mean that's a joke
00:29:10
that the next person that hosted might have capitalized off Joe Koy and said
00:29:16
I'm going to say a joke but at his expense you know saying like oh I'm going to thank my writers that wrote
00:29:21
that joke because I do like my writers and then it kind of gets like an Applause or something but I think I
00:29:27
would have felt a little bad if I was JK because those shows are so we Dan and I
00:29:33
talked about they're so tough and I've HST some stuff and it doesn't always work and even if you ever gone out for
00:29:38
like an award show and do your clanker joke and you like work on it I'm like why am I working on this it's going to
00:29:44
get absolutely nothing no matter what unless you're will FOH you come out singing or something with Kristen wig
00:29:50
and it's like okay people are going to laugh that's funny it's it's there's so little upside I I was I texted with well
00:29:57
after the Globes cuz he and Kristen came out and did that bit with the music and I was like that was the highlight of the
00:30:04
Night by far nothing else was close but then you see like first of again there's
00:30:09
no upside there's no why do it I've I've been asked to host a bunch of
00:30:16
those things and I've always said no and I'm like nope including I won't name
00:30:21
them but but ones a bunch of the ones that were just very recent I was like no way right the stunt man Awards yeah the
00:30:28
stuntman um production Design Awards and PD and Catering catering cat
00:30:35
ring Awards um no I but because there's no upside I'm not saying I'm a big I'm
00:30:41
not showing off that they asked me I mean they've asked a million people like I'm one of 800,000 people that they ask
00:30:46
uh I just mean that my thought process is it's very tempting it's hard to win it's very tempting but it's hard to get
00:30:51
a win out of it so why and and so few people are really great like Kimmel's great at it I love I think he's so good
00:30:59
at it and he's pretty smooth and he's very he's very non plus and he kind of
00:31:05
giggles and non but they're used to him and I think that was Joe koi they didn't know him like back and forth like they
00:31:10
know Kimmel and so they're sort of like you got to earn it with us guy and uhh
00:31:17
and you know and by the way he didn't totally bomb there's a couple things didn't work like everything but I think
00:31:22
the Taylor Swift thing along with some others just sort of put him in a hole he couldn't get
00:31:28
yeah it's tough to come out swinging like that if they don't know you I thought the same thing which is they're like you you have you don't have it's
00:31:34
not like you don't have any Goodwill you just have no will they have no idea who you are so that's tough I felt for him I
00:31:41
really did I I um a lot of people were like [ __ ] on him I just thought man that [ __ ] poor guy that that sucks
00:31:48
like no matter what that just must feel lonely as [ __ ] um I don't know yeah I I
00:31:54
was just saying to uh well I don't know anybody but I was talking to them myself the other day and I was saying I saw on
00:32:02
Instagram you'll laugh at this and you better so I'm queuing you with emojis
00:32:07
that it's funny but uh I I saw a picture of me in a premiere of like Terminator
00:32:14
and I'm and I realized I was such a [ __ ] Premier [ __ ] that when I was on like
00:32:21
just shoot me or after SNL I know me and Farley went to at least we were at casino SC it was so exciting like hey
00:32:29
they treat you like a king hey you want to come to our Premiere hey it's a huge movie you get to see it a week ahead and you get Front Row free everything
00:32:36
there's a press line you're going to see all these people and I I wet the beak a
00:32:42
little too much on that one and I was looking back and they keep showing me now I'm in this algo it's like anded he
00:32:47
was at another Premiere they don't say that they just say oh here's the premiere of speed there's K Reeves there's David Spade I'm like [ __ ] was I
00:32:54
at that too and then it's like here's True Lies David Spade Chris Farley I go
00:33:00
you're kidding me and I look like the biggest dope at everyone I'm like but you know what it was different back then though stylist but it was different back
00:33:07
then too there wasn't as much here's the other thing about the word show I have two things I want to say about that one
00:33:12
is I this goes back to my earlier point about social media now you turn on the thing you're like why do I get they're
00:33:18
like so and so is on the carp I'm like so what I just saw them on [ __ ] Instagram yesterday it's not special it used to be you never saw these people
00:33:25
now you just see them all the time you're like who gives a [ __ ] the other thing is I think you should put together a coffee table book of you
00:33:31
at premieres and it like Premier [ __ ] yeah show me yeah dude it would be
00:33:39
amazing it's [ __ ] is funny that every outfit and have everyone just checking out go you're joking with these pants
00:33:45
and [ __ ] but it was funny because everything got approved by me and I
00:33:51
thought it looked pretty pretty styling um sure and now I'm a sad about it yeah
00:33:57
but it was and I was like oh that was fun oh that one was fun it was fun but I was a little drunk with like hey I get
00:34:04
to go or you know it was fun and this that and I'm at the MTV Awards I'm like God take a your foot off the gas
00:34:13
guy and I didn't even have a hair makeup I didn't have anything it was just like
00:34:18
hey this this coat doesn't fit me I'll wear that and these jeans are out of style I'll wear those and I'll wear
00:34:26
these goddamn shoes and then um my hair will look stupid and here's glasses that
00:34:31
I'll regret later and I'll put those sunglasses on and then maybe give a few PE signs and God duck lips I was early
00:34:38
on the duck lips I tell you duck lips nervousness what about pray hands but
00:34:44
they're I haven't done that you know what's funny you're right about like Harrison Ford the real movie stars you
00:34:50
didn't see out on Instagram you know growing up you go Paul Newman and it was
00:34:55
old school with like you know there's some big star like Frank Sinatra and he comes out of a club and there's a
00:35:01
Paparazzi going Flash Flash oh wait I'm sorry that's not your wife I'm sorry we'll burn the film yeah but you know
00:35:06
they weren't like out to get you no and uh and now yeah and then you don't see these guys unless you see them on stage
00:35:12
in person it's very valuable to see them you go to their show or you see their
00:35:18
movie and that's it you don't run into them in real life and now keano Reeves is doing like noon chucks on Tik Tok
00:35:25
you're like no you stay you stay in the movies actually that's a bad example
00:35:31
he's one of the few that's super cool and just yeah he's cool he can he can
00:35:36
carry it but but I know what you mean do you think what was the deal this boy hey
00:35:42
tell us you're old without telling his you're old Martin squirt say's done all these videos right he's like on Tik Tok or uh Instagram with his daughter yeah
00:35:51
it's like okay and people have been it's become like a thing and like it's like him I don't know what he's doing but something I'm thinking like you didn't
00:35:57
see like cesil B demill on Tik Tok you know what I mean like this guy I didn't
00:36:02
see John Wayne doing the hot pepper [Music] challenge here's Jane FAA trying to
00:36:09
swallow cinnamon throwing up on
00:36:14
camera it's so true it's so weird here's Clark Gable doing the Ice Bucket
00:36:22
Challenge Clark G will put his nuts in a [ __ ] mouse trap got a million views
00:36:28
you're like I'll see his movie no you see him in his movies and then like
00:36:33
every once in a while they'd have a photograph of just you know him getting out of a chauffer driven Rolls-Royce and
00:36:39
you're like ah right so cool yeah Maryland the old days like and now they
00:36:46
want you to jump around and you know the mon right now would have Mar Monroe
00:36:52
would have 50 would have 500 million followers on on only fans you know what
00:36:58
I mean like that's the difference oh yeah she would flip the only fans quickly oh for' be like should I should
00:37:06
I be a trillionaire overnight or not it's a tough call every time I look on Instagram
00:37:12
they're like oh look at this nice young lady and there's like a Chili Pepper by her picture I go uhoh link tree
00:37:23
uhoh Boop millionaire millionaire it's [ __ ] true
00:37:32
[Music] man I was going to ask you if you have if you skateboard it says you skateboard
00:37:37
does it say you skate no skate you don't skate I mean said skate and I'm such a
00:37:44
skateboarder that we call it skating that's where we got messed up do you
00:37:49
skateboard did you skateboard in Arizona [ __ ] yeah yeah I would skate desert
00:37:54
pipes I would skate pools and [ __ ] I was cool for a while I didn't even know I had some components of being cool and it
00:38:00
didn't really pay off my favorite thing was when I was on Smart list and I and and Sean said he goes to the seafood
00:38:07
restaurant I always think about that when I go to cor remember when that funny when he goes I was at a seafood restaurant and
00:38:13
we kept going I'm like you don't mean Coy it is Sushi and he's like yeah Seafood I go who on God's green earth
00:38:20
calls it Seafood did you ever I hope you ragged him about that oh my God are you kidding we [ __ ] n [ __ ] stck thing
00:38:28
in the world it's so [ __ ] fun it was it when we did we did I did
00:38:35
smartless his show and at the beginning I'm waiting to come on and uh and uh and
00:38:41
oh yeah Heather blew it I think Heather said hang on David you're up but they still didn't know what David it was but
00:38:48
the idea of smartless for those of you who don't know uh two of you guys aren't
00:38:53
ready whose guest was I do I remember I think you were were mine right weren't
00:38:58
you okay so I think so anyway so I come on and then two people aren't prepared
00:39:05
but they just wing it and then um but Sean before I got on was talking say it
00:39:11
again oh so he gets on and he starts before I get on and I was listening
00:39:16
waiting to come on and he's like we were at the seafood restaurant and he kept talking I'm like I see David there I see this guy there all the time and I go
00:39:22
I've only seen him at the sushi restaurant and then I go and then when I got on we start busting his balls he
00:39:28
goes yeah that's what I meant we all were like by the way it's pretty fun it's
00:39:34
amazing and your episode is one of those episodes that people I'm not just saying
00:39:41
this because I'm doing this people love your episode your episode was [ __ ]
00:39:46
hilarious you told so many good stories that story about you waiting tables and
00:39:51
then your manager giving you [ __ ] and you're like hang on a second man I'm [ __ ] killing it over here why are you
00:39:57
when I'm a bus boy in Arizona oh you're a bus boy you're a bus boy even everyone hated me and I got fired from every
00:40:03
goddamn job and then when I went over and the manager tells me not to talk to the people and I said I want to be a
00:40:09
waiter he goes you don't got this stuff and I'm like what stuff I do the hard part I lift everything I do it the
00:40:15
waiter just goes hey everybody and then walks away and goes take care of that table bring them their food so he kept
00:40:21
ragging on me because I kept doing little bits to the tables yeah and then well the punt the the last part was it
00:40:27
was he told me a 100 times and he was standing nearby and I went by a table and they go hey shark was on the menu
00:40:35
remember that it was a special day with shark yeah for some reason in Arizona
00:40:40
and I go someone I'm over there squeak squeak cleaning their [ __ ] plates and they go hey h how's the shark I go oh I
00:40:48
got a motto I don't eat them they don't eat me Spade I'm like godamn it I go what he goes what are you doing
00:40:57
over there I go [ __ ] killing and he goes dude I just well I just told you
00:41:03
don't talk to I go I'm getting Applause breaks at the big tables and he's like dude you got you're
00:41:10
you're done today and I'm like are you joking these people will [ __ ] riot if I'm not
00:41:17
here I'm the closer dude I'm like headlining it was so embarrassing and he
00:41:23
fired me and I'm like okay you tell him and he's like no one notices no one cares but I thought I was like the hit
00:41:30
of the whole place he [ __ ] fired you never ever was a waiter yeah never was a waiter never got it I bust so many times
00:41:36
and got fired and then I finally and then I was a dishwasher I go I think I'm going
00:41:43
backwards and um it was sad that I'm going to sum you up ready because you've
00:41:48
been very nice okay and I know we we joke a lot we did snake oil we did snake
00:41:55
oil snake oil we worked on uh that was a lot of fun that was on Fox and they they
00:42:03
those products were actually so funny you know the funny the only funny thing I'll say about that show is it's it's a
00:42:08
show where you guess the products and to guess which one's real and which one's fake yeah and even after I shot it first
00:42:14
of all I was wrong every time when I shot it even when I watched it I still don't remember and I still don't know
00:42:20
that's how dumb I am I'm like that was the fun of it you there they're like there's no way it's that and then it's I
00:42:26
wouldn't I wouldn't remember if if if I had to go back cuz I came on and did that episode and if I had to come on and
00:42:32
and they gave me the same products again I wouldn't remember exactly but
00:42:38
but I will say this the guy who was I was partnered with he didn't take my advice I would have
00:42:44
won I would have won my you remember but I would yeah I would W sometimes it goes the other way but yeah yeah cuz he
00:42:49
didn't take my advice at the last I said I think it's this he's like okay up to you buddy hey and he it is up to them so
00:42:56
but you know I remember when Bethany Frank was on they had one of the craziest ones was just a square piece of
00:43:02
wood and they go this is a fake camera to take fake selfies so you can really
00:43:08
live your life out and I'm like this is so ridiculous and of course it was real
00:43:14
and then I go the idea is you take you just hold up it's the same as a picture like why wouldn't you just do it with
00:43:19
your camera why is that this is ruining your night also oh [ __ ] I'm not going to fix this overnight all right well you're
00:43:27
a sweetheart and I do miss you and I'll see you over at our friend's restaurant soon hopefully I'm going to tell Dana
00:43:35
you came by this has been a presentation of Odyssey please follow subscribe leave
00:43:42
a like a review all the stuff smash that button whatever it is wherever you get your podcast fly in the wall is
00:43:48
executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade Jenna Weiss Burman of Odyssey Charlie finan of brillstein
00:43:53
entertainment and Heather Santoro the show's lead producer is Greg
00:44:02
Holz
