00:00:00
People really care about what's making
00:00:02
them disliked and they really want to
00:00:03
know how to be liked.
00:00:04
Okay, so first this is an exercise that
00:00:06
I do in my class at Harvard called 10
00:00:08
questions to fall in like.
00:00:10
So if I ask someone those questions,
00:00:11
they're going to like me.
00:00:12
It's a great starting point, but let's
00:00:14
talk about this because they're going to
00:00:15
be little clues about how to be better
00:00:17
liked. And it's the most teachable,
00:00:20
practical, scientifically rigorous
00:00:22
framework in the world for
00:00:23
communication. Do you want to hear about
00:00:25
it, Stephen?
00:00:25
Of course I want to hear about it. I
00:00:26
want to be the most persuasive,
00:00:28
influential, likable talker in the
00:00:30
world. So, I shall follow your lead.
00:00:32
Oh my gosh.
00:00:33
It's a lot of power.
00:00:34
I love it. I love it so much. Because we
00:00:36
all get to adulthood and we feel like
00:00:38
conversation should be easy. But as a
00:00:40
scientist, when you look under the hood,
00:00:42
you realize this is why we have so many
00:00:43
awkward moments, why we say things that
00:00:45
we shouldn't, why we are boring, why we
00:00:48
get angry and hostile. And there's very
00:00:49
clear strategies to help us with all of
00:00:51
that. Like one of my biggest findings
00:00:53
was how we reframe social anxiety as
00:00:55
excitement which makes you focus on
00:00:57
opportunities rather than threats. And
00:00:59
that paper ended up being featured in
00:01:00
Inside Out the movie. And then there's
00:01:02
small talk.
00:01:03
I hate small talk.
00:01:04
I'm going to help you reframe that
00:01:05
because it's really important. But the
00:01:06
mistake that people make is that they
00:01:08
say that way too long and they need to
00:01:10
move up this topic pyramid.
00:01:11
What about in a digital age? Do we need
00:01:13
to start communicating differently?
00:01:14
Yeah, there's clear things that we
00:01:16
should do to make our textbased
00:01:18
communication better and we'll go
00:01:19
through all of them. And you said you've
00:01:21
done an interesting study recently about
00:01:23
male friendship.
00:01:24
Yes. And it's quite troubling.
00:01:26
So, how can I make more friends as a
00:01:28
man?
