00:00:00
Let's say you have a fight with your girlfriend. You want to do the right thing. So you go to chat GBT and you be like, "This is exactly what happened.
00:00:05
Tell me what to do." And you go, "Babe, I just want you to know I want to take full accountability and I care about this relationship." And she says, "Did
00:00:11
you get this answer from chat GBT?" And you go, "I did." How's that going to go now? You did everything right, but what
00:00:17
makes people beautiful is not that we get everything right. It's that we get many things wrong. And I think in the
00:00:22
modern world we live in, we forget that. Simon Synynic is back. He's the visionary thinker inspiring millions to
00:00:29
cultivate human connection, find their purpose, and overcome any modern-day challenges. So with AI, do you think it
00:00:35
really is cause for concern and deeper thought? So I'm not in the AI business, but I am in the humanity business. And
00:00:40
here's the problem that we never talk about here. People keep telling us life is not about the destination. Life is about the journey. But when we think
00:00:47
about AI, we only think about the destination. And it's remarkable ability to write the book, paint the painting, solve the problem. But we forget the
00:00:53
importance of doing the work yourself. And I think in our modern day and age, we have underrepresented the value of
00:00:58
struggle. I am smarter, better at problem solving, more resourceful, not because a book exists with my ideas in
00:01:04
it, but because I wrote it. That excruciating journey is what made me grow. But it's the same for love,
00:01:10
friendships, conflict. And I think that we forget that we give up certain skills or abilities because of technology. But
00:01:16
it's like saying AI will provide boats for everyone except for the time there's a storm and you don't know how to swim.
00:01:23
And unless we take personal accountability to teach and learn human skills, they will disappear. Sure, you
00:01:28
can have an AI friend and trained like the best psychologist to affirm you, the best listening skills that exist, but my
00:01:34
ability to know what to do when my friend is struggling, my ability to function in the world or my ability to cope with stress. These very very human
00:01:40
skills are suffering. So what are the other skills that we need to equip ourselves with based on the way that the
00:01:46
world is heading? Two things. One is this has always blown my mind a
00:01:51
little bit. 53% of you that listen to the show regularly haven't yet subscribed to the show. So, could I ask
00:01:57
you for a favor before we start? If you like the show and you like what we do here and you want to support us, the free simple way that you can do just
00:02:03
that is by hitting the subscribe button. And my commitment to you is if you do that, then I'll do everything in my
00:02:08
power, me and my team, to make sure that this show is better for you every single week. We'll listen to your feedback.
00:02:13
We'll find the guests that you want me to speak to and we'll continue to do what we do. Thank you so much.
00:02:21
Simon, good to see you again.
00:02:27
It's just familiar. Familiar. It's so interesting because when I sit down to talk to you, you're
00:02:33
one of the very few people that I don't come with a preconception as to what we're going to talk about. But but I I
00:02:38
come with a feeling and the feeling that I bring forth is the feeling of change
00:02:44
and transition. I have lived for 32 years, but I don't think I can ever think of a time where the future has
00:02:52
felt unclear, uncertain, scary, exciting,
00:03:00
and I guess unknown. And I don't just mean with with technology, but technology is one protagonist in the
00:03:07
story, and there's many other social stories playing out from politics to relationships to all of these things. So
00:03:13
my first question to you Simon is what are those things? What are the biggest forces of changes that you see happening
00:03:19
at the moment in all of our lives that you think we should probably talk about today? That is a big question and I
00:03:27
think one of the mistakes we make and this is in general is we like things to
00:03:33
be very neatly organized. We like them to be black and white. Yes or no, right or wrong. And as you know the world is
00:03:41
messier than that. It is more nuanced than that. And nothing operates in a vacuum. Everything is connected to
00:03:46
everything. Especially in a in a world that's filled with this rising
00:03:52
technology called the internet and this burgeoning technology called the social media and desires and feeling like
00:03:58
belonging become more and more important. We're struggling to find them. Loneliness epidemic, stress epidemic, suicide epidemics. These are
00:04:05
all feelings of disconnection, lack of control, and loneliness. And so that only exaggerates our feeling of
00:04:10
loneliness and despair. and wanting more and etc etc etc and then you add in AI and now those feelings of insecurity are
00:04:17
just exaggerated like crazy right so now I find AI there's an irony to AI right
00:04:24
so if you go back to the 70s and 80s right you had the rise of robotics and so robots are now coming into our
00:04:31
factories and we're able to cut employees by dramatic amounts and we put
00:04:39
people out on the street who They're they worked in a factory, their their father worked in a factory, their
00:04:44
father's father worked in a factory. Like this is this is what they know. And they say, "But these robots are changing. They're taking our jobs." And
00:04:52
the ruling classes and the and the Wall Street classes and the CEO classes, they go, "Yeah, I know technology. You're
00:04:59
going to have to find a new skill. Reskll. Reskill. That's what you have to do to reskill." Okay. Flash forward to AI. Here's where the irony comes in
00:05:05
because the world is always nature pours vacuum and life seeks balance at all times, right? Not always immediately,
00:05:11
but it seeks balance at all times. It's always seeking equilibrium. Okay, so flash forward to AI. Now you hear the
00:05:18
knowledge workers. It's the knowledge workers who are going, "My job. It's the coders. It's the finance people. My job,
00:05:28
the plumber is not worried about AI at all. the baggage handler at the airport.
00:05:34
Here's zero about AI. And so maybe the right response is it's the future, man.
00:05:40
It's technology. Reskill, res-kill, you know, maybe maybe become a plumber, you know. By the way, money's really good.
00:05:46
You get to work for yourself if you want, you know. Um, so I just find the pendulum kind of funny. With AI, do you
00:05:54
think it's overblown or do you think it really is cause for concern and deeper
00:05:59
thought? The honest answer is I don't know.
00:06:04
Everybody falls on one side of you're over you're over you're you know the sky is not falling ch chicken little or the
00:06:12
sky is falling and we're all going to die. Right. The truth the truth like most things is probably somewhere in the
00:06:18
middle. But the the real answer is I don't know and neither does anybody else. Yeah. And it seems that we should
00:06:25
have some sort of controls because we didn't put any controls on the internet. They did put controls on the internet in
00:06:30
China. Like children don't have the same access to uh social media like kids do
00:06:36
here. Europe has controls on the internet and America doesn't. And we're
00:06:42
the ones that seem to be suffering more because of the lack of controls on the internet. So I think some some And by
00:06:51
the way, when people, you know, talk about deregulation and no controls, I mean, they make us wear seat belts in our cars. Yeah. you know, there's
00:06:57
nothing that we have speed limits, you know, and and it's for the greater good. And yeah, sure, your seatelt's
00:07:03
uncomfortable, but you'll get used to it, like, and it's fine, you know. So, I I think the call for no reform is is
00:07:11
wrong. Um, there are correct limits to keep things safe. I am fascinated by AI,
00:07:18
both the benefits and the weaknesses of it. But it is revealing to me
00:07:25
something more important than what other people are talking about which is we are uh we're a result
00:07:34
obsessed society right we care about output we care about
00:07:39
performance we care about numbers we care about final product more than anything right and when people talk
00:07:45
about AI they talk about its remarkable ability to write the symphony paint the painting
00:07:51
write the book, write the article, uh, solve the problem. Like it it is. And by
00:07:57
the way, the technology is incredible. I asked only a few months ago to please take this and put it in the style of me
00:08:04
and it was it was fine. I did it with a friend of mine who's also an author and we both did it for ourselves. We did it
00:08:10
on each other. It was really fun and it was fine. I don't think it was good. It was it was it gave me a good start and I
00:08:16
could edit it. I did it recently. We both did it. It was damn near flawless. It was It was scary good.
00:08:25
Right now, AI doesn't know the thing I'm thinking about. It doesn't know that the next book I'm going to write about is
00:08:30
friendship. It doesn't know the point of view I'm going to have on friendship. If you ask it what would Simon Synynic say about friendship, it's going to be why this and why that, you know? So, it's
00:08:37
derivative, right? We know that. It's not original. We know that. But at the end of the day, the work is good. The
00:08:42
symphony is good. The art is good. The article is good. The book is decent. Like, it's getting better and better and better. But here's the problem that we
00:08:48
keep not talking about. People keep telling us that life is not about the destination. Life is about the journey.
00:08:55
That's what we keep being told. Right? But when we think about AI, we
00:09:00
only think about the destination. We only think about the output. We never think about the input. Right? I can tell
00:09:05
you that and you and I can both say the same thing which is I am
00:09:10
smarter, better at problem solving, more resourceful, better at
00:09:16
pattern pattern recognition, not because an a book exists with my ideas in it,
00:09:21
but because I wrote it. The excruciating pain of organizing ideas, putting them
00:09:27
in a linear fashion, trying to put them in a way that other people can understand what I'm trying to get out of my brain. That excruciating journey is
00:09:35
what made me grow. And sure, you can have an AI friend and that AI friend has been
00:09:41
trained like the best best psychologist to affirm you the best listening skills
00:09:46
that exist. Tell me about your day. That sounds difficult. Boy, it's hard being you. Oh my god, it's so great being you.
00:09:52
Have you, you know, like it's it's a it's an affirmation machine built by a for-profit company that wants you to
00:09:59
stay on. Can't neglect that. but for the fact that nobody's learning
00:10:04
how to be a friend. It'll feel good. You'll feel like you have a friend, but you're not
00:10:09
learning to be a friend. Right. And it's the what made you a great entrepreneur
00:10:15
is not that the company exists. Is that you built it with your hands and you've got the scars to show for it. Yeah. It
00:10:22
was when things went wrong and you were forced to fix them. And think that now when problems show up, you're quick,
00:10:28
you're smarter. You're a much smarter businessman now than you were five years ago, six years ago. Yeah. Because you
00:10:36
did it. And I think what we're forgetting is that there's something to be said for, and by the way, I'm a fan
00:10:41
of AI. I want AI to make things, but I would hate to lose out on becoming a
00:10:47
better version of me. And I think that um to really learn to grow. And by the
00:10:54
way, I used to have a steel trap for phone numbers. I knew everybody's phone number and then all of a sudden my
00:11:00
phone, my PDA, I don't need to memorize a phone number anymore. I don't know most of the
00:11:06
people that I love. I don't know their phone numbers. I type their name in, right? I just have to know their name.
00:11:11
And so my brain literally went on strike. It said, "Fine, fine. You no
00:11:16
longer have the capacity to remember phone numbers and I can't remember phone numbers to save my life." Right? So we give up certain skills or abilities
00:11:23
because of technology regularly, right? That's fine. I don't have a problem with any of those things because whether I
00:11:29
can remember a phone number or not will not affect my relationships, my ability to function in the world, or my ability to cope with stress. But my ability to
00:11:38
know what to do when my friend is struggling. My ability to know what to
00:11:43
do when I have a fight with my spouse, my or my partner. My ability to
00:11:50
know what to do when my boss yells at me, but I don't want to escalate it
00:11:55
or my employee is acting out and I don't want to escalate it or fire them. Well,
00:12:01
how do I resolve this? I've missed out on those skills. and simply asking AI
00:12:06
how should I resolve this thing it'll give you an answer and it may work and you've learned nothing right and so it's
00:12:12
the difference between it's it's it's like saying AI will provide boats for everyone except for the time there's a
00:12:20
storm and you don't know how to swim and I'm okay use the boat also
00:12:27
learn to swim so I think there's something to be said for writing your own symphony painting your own painting
00:12:33
building your own business, you know, writing your own book, not for them, not
00:12:38
for the output, not for the output, for your personal growth. Before I got here
00:12:44
today, I was writing a post for LinkedIn and I was trying to make the case that
00:12:49
everybody using Chat GPT to write their emails, their social media posts, their
00:12:54
investment pitches that I received is now making the internet feel really inauthentic because people that I
00:13:02
want I knew for many many years are now sending me these perfect cookie cutter emails with words that I've never heard
00:13:08
them use before. Yeah, of course. And so when I read it, my brain mentally discounts it as not being their opinion,
00:13:14
not actually being them. Yeah. And and when you feel like you're speaking to someone's AI, the meaning is gone. So I
00:13:20
I was writing this post about how actually now there's this premium on human written language. Like if you make
00:13:25
a couple of mistakes and you use the old words, you don't use words like forged and robust. I'd like to forge a
00:13:33
partnership with you, Stephen. Furthermore, can we I'm like you you've never said that to me, mate.
00:13:39
So, the the end dashes. Oh my gosh. It's funny, right? It's crazy. Yeah. But you
00:13:45
but you're talking about what you're talking about. Have you ever heard of the Japanese concept of um uh uh
00:13:52
wabishabi? No. So, wabishabi is a Japanese design concept which is beauty
00:13:57
in that which is temporary or imperfect. Okay. So, have you ever seen Japanese
00:14:02
ceramics? Yeah. They're wonky or the the the glaze is not even. Yeah. And they're
00:14:07
beautiful. You know why? Because they're handmade. Tree bark. Trees. You know when you have a wooden bowl, wood is
00:14:15
beautiful. Why? It's imperfect, right? Think and unique. Things made on a machine are the same
00:14:24
and less beautiful. And things made by hand are beautiful because they're
00:14:30
imperfect. What makes people beautiful is not that we get everything right.
00:14:36
It's that we get many things wrong. And what makes us fall in love is not the
00:14:41
person who's perfect. It's the person who accepts our imperfections. And we know we're in love when we learn to
00:14:46
accept theirs. Not learn to want to. Right. And you're 100% right. I now know
00:14:52
in the art world, artists are being asked to sign affidavit that say, "I
00:14:58
painted this. I made this." Not AI. Not
00:15:03
because it's better or worse. It's because I want to know it was touched by human hands. And so I think you're
00:15:10
right. What will happen is everything will be so perfect that it'll be as if
00:15:15
we're all driving or using things that everything came off a conveyor belt. And
00:15:22
what we will start to desire is things that are made by hand. Because by the way, we think Rolls-Royce, Ferrari. You
00:15:29
takes 39 months to get a Ferrari. You know why? It was made by hand. Yeah. Right. And one of the things that makes
00:15:36
it expensive is the technology and the carbon fiber and all that, but the other thing is it's slow and it was made by
00:15:41
people. Human error. The value of human error. The value of human error. Scooter Brawn said to me the other day, he said,
00:15:48
um, we could watch a computer play chess with another computer. He goes, but the
00:15:54
the chess games that have the highest demand are one human versus another. Because when a computer plays a
00:15:59
computer, the moves are predictable and they're the same and they're perfect. But it's the human error of two human chess players who are worse, objectively
00:16:06
worse at chess that makes it so fascinating. It's that's any sporting event, any sporting event. It's not the
00:16:12
perfection of the game. It's the error that loses the game that adds the drama. And and and it's like trying not to make
00:16:19
a mistake is as powerful as trying to get everything right. And it's the humanity of the sport, the humanity of the competition. It is the imperfection.
00:16:26
And I think that we forget as people what makes us beautiful. Like when you go on a first date or a first interview,
00:16:33
all you do is present perfection. Put on my my best clothes, you know,
00:16:39
dressed up. I I don't dress like this every day. I dressed up on my date, right? My interview. I don't wear this.
00:16:46
This is what I wore for my interview cuz I want to put out a good impression. And I practiced I and I and I make myself
00:16:52
confident and I've got a great job and I got a great personality and I love my mother and my goodness, everything's great. And then you get in the
00:16:58
relationship, you get the job, and you become a slob, right? This is what AI is. It's it's it's to your point, it's
00:17:06
it's it's fake. On the interview example, the minute you started describing that, I
00:17:11
immediately flashed back to an interview I had last week in our company where a young kid walks in wearing a suit and I
00:17:16
thought, now I have no idea who you are because I know that's not you. I know that you don't wear a suit. You're 22
00:17:23
years old. You do not wear a suit. So I have no indication. I have no clues as
00:17:28
to who you are and therefore it's harder for me to figure out if you fit here. And I think of because what he tried to
00:17:34
do there was show up perfect how he what he thought perfect was and in some ways
00:17:39
to hide who he actually was. Whereas this is why I like now on the internet sloppy text. I like grammatical
00:17:44
mistakes. But you at the same time you don't want him to show up and put his feet on kick his shoes up and put his feet on the table either. In the same
00:17:50
way that there's an element of respect you want and you want somebody in that first interview to put on some effort.
00:17:56
Too much effort, yeah, is pretty inauthentic, but too little effort,
00:18:02
what's that? This is my diagram. You've got perfect Yeah. on one end, which is
00:18:07
low, and then you've got poor, which is also low. The sweet spot Yeah. is right here in the middle. Yeah. Well, I think
00:18:13
there's some truth to that. And so there's a level of, you know, like it's the same thing as like we all want
00:18:18
vulnerability in our relationships, but not on the first date. Yeah. like I don't need to know that quite yet. You
00:18:25
know, what are the other skills that you think we need to equipped ourselves with based on the way that the world is
00:18:31
heading? Because we're, you know, like the calculator came along and we no longer needed to be able to do
00:18:36
complicated maths. Completely forgotten my time tables. I can't spell anymore. So, I I said to my friends, the most I
00:18:41
can do is 9* 9. That's like the top end of my range. But with spelling, it's the same. I get like half the word correct
00:18:48
now with it. But again, you know, so what are those skills? I think it's all human skills. I think there needs So I
00:18:54
think where the world is going to go and at least this is where I'm taking a bet is that as the end product becomes
00:19:01
easier to produce, it's the humanity that's going to suffer. And unless we
00:19:06
take personal accountability both as individuals and organizations to teach and learn human skills, they will
00:19:12
disappear for all the reasons we're talking about. So how do I listen? How
00:19:17
do I hold space? How do I resolve conflict peacefully? How do I give and
00:19:22
how do I receive feedback? Those are all two different skills. How do I have an effective confrontation? You pissed me
00:19:28
off. Do I know how to approach you as a friend, as a colleague without creating
00:19:34
a massive fight or losing a friendship over it? Um, how to take accountability, how to express empathy. these skills,
00:19:41
these very very human skills are the things that we're already starting to see just with the internet and social
00:19:46
media um are suffering. And so I think AI will only exaggerate the loss of
00:19:51
those skills and those skills are more important than learning how to spell. One of the concerning things was I heard
00:19:57
Sam Alman who's the founder of OpenAI and ChatPT launch this thing called Worldcoin a couple of years ago when
00:20:03
chatt really started taking off and it has been closely tied to the concept of universal basic income. Mhm. The idea
00:20:11
the overarching idea is that in a world where AI and automation eliminate many jobs UBI may be necessary worldcoin is
00:20:20
one way to help implement it. That was stated by the founder of chachi Samman. Yeah, I just again I'll go back to my
00:20:26
ironic statement before. Isn't it ironic that they want to do a universal income, standard universal income now that the
00:20:33
knowledge workers are losing their jobs, but when the factory workers were losing their jobs, those same people were
00:20:39
massively against uh uh these kinds of things. So, I mean, yes, what happens to
00:20:46
purpose? It's ironic. And meaning if we're being because for anybody that doesn't know what universal basic income is, the idea is the government, the
00:20:52
state, whatever would pay you a certain amount of money every single minimum salary. So $2,000, $3,000, whatever it
00:20:58
might be. Um because they don't think many of us are going to have there's not going to be enough jobs to go around.
00:21:04
And I wonder what happens to purpose and meaning and pursuit and challenge and all these things in a world where we're
00:21:10
just being handed money. So we're not being given wealth. There's a difference. we're being given survival
00:21:17
money, right? And so, you know, you know, we have to be very careful that says, you know, everybody who's on welfare is lazy. You know, that's not
00:21:24
true, you know. So, we have to be very careful that just because we give somebody something doesn't mean that
00:21:29
they cease to have ambition or purpose or drive. It's like somebody who who makes a a commission salary, commission,
00:21:36
you know, works on commission and they make just enough to pay their rent and buy food and that's it. Like, that's a
00:21:42
loss that's a lack of ambition. you know, the cases, at least the people I've heard talk about it, they make a
00:21:48
compelling case for it, especially in a world where there is plenty of wealth. Um, but you know, I don't know enough
00:21:55
about it to make an argument for or against it, if I'm honest. Um, but I do find it ironic that the Sam Olman's of
00:22:02
the world are calling for it given the fact that there's going to be so many job losses when it's jobs of their kind. And like I also think that's funny like
00:22:09
what's going to happen when Sam Altonman's product gets good enough that
00:22:14
he can lay off most of his staff. Just
00:22:19
curious what happens. He has made a point of having I
00:22:26
think it's 100 people or less in his company. He doesn't have like a big team. And I think part of that is
00:22:32
because when I heard his TED talk a couple of days ago, he's saying, "Yeah, I think AGI is sooner than we think actually." And I think we're gonna have
00:22:38
a fast takeoff, which means it's going to arrive very quickly and accelerate very quickly. So I think he's actually preparing not to. Yeah. But when happen
00:22:45
what happens to the 90 people he lays off when he doesn't need 100, he only needs 10. This is the question. I'm just
00:22:51
curious. I don't know. And this is why anybody who has an opinion about it, the answer is we don't know. But I think people react very differently when it's
00:22:58
their job on the line, when it's their income on the line, when it's their pride, when it's their ego. You know, I
00:23:06
keep hearing from companies. I mean, you we were talking about this before we turned on the cameras. You know, you
00:23:12
know, you talk to if you want a new website, I guarantee you I I don't care which company you talk to, they will all
00:23:18
talk about how they're AI this, AI that. And you ask the question, are you using AI? Yes, we're using AI. We're doing it
00:23:24
differently. we're the future, blah blah blah. And then you ask them for a proposal. It's going to look like all the other proposals from
00:23:31
2015, you know, and this is how many hours it's going to take our people to program this and code this. And I was
00:23:37
like, what happened to all the AI? Why is this slow and expensive when everything's supposed to be fast and
00:23:43
inexpensive? Because they're taking the margin. Of course, they're taking the margin. and and they've got a lot of
00:23:48
people doing things the oldfashioned way because the business model, you know, pe people work very hard to predict the
00:23:54
status quo exists because there are people who benefit from the status quo, you know, that's why there is a status
00:24:00
quo and it's uh and you know, like I said, everybody's into change the future, you know, until it's until it's
00:24:07
them that's threatened or their income. the the billionaires that I that I know,
00:24:12
the one consistent thing they've whispered to me about AI is that people are going to have a lot of free time.
00:24:18
That's one of the things that's been really consistent. You're so right when you say that when I asked you about the future of AI, you said, "I don't know."
00:24:24
The reason why I know that's probably the correct answer generally is because when I sat with the most advanced people in AI, whether it's Mustafa who's head
00:24:30
of Microsoft AI, now CEO of Microsoft AI or people from Google or the CEO of
00:24:36
Google or Reed Hoffman who's the founder of LinkedIn, they all had different opinions, which made me to think
00:24:43
actually the right answer is nobody knows. The right answer is nobody. That is correct. And and and you always be be be aware of the messenger, right? Like
00:24:49
you won't have anybody who owns an AI company talking doomsday scenarios. it's not in their economic interest even if
00:24:56
they secretly harbor that. It's like people who used to run cigarette companies didn't smoke and let they didn't let their family smoke. It's like
00:25:02
I remember visiting Facebook in the earlier days and they I went into the
00:25:07
cafeteria and they had like like picnic benches and I was like and they were
00:25:13
telling me with pride how they have these communal eatings areas to help people maintain relationship and I was
00:25:19
like this is hilarious. You literally have a product that breaks relationships and yet you understand enough to make
00:25:25
people eat together at lunchtime so that they'll maintain relationship. I mean the point being if your economic
00:25:31
interest, you know, show me how someone's paid and I'll show you how they behave. You know, one of the scarest conversations I was privy to was
00:25:38
one a friend of mine who's a billionaire in London, he knows the CEO of one of the biggest air companies in the world
00:25:44
who I can't name. And he said, "By the way, what he tells me in private is not what he's saying publicly." Yeah. I he
00:25:50
he said to me that what this particular CEO thinks is going to happen with AI is pretty horrific. And the CEO of this big
00:25:57
AI company is totally cool with it. It's it's and it's horrific what he thinks is about to happen. And then when I watched
00:26:02
this guy do his like online talks and give his opinion. He's so nuanced and everything will be fine and he's an AI
00:26:08
optimist. Then I heard this scenario at this kitchen table in East London from his friend about what he really thinks
00:26:13
and it was chilling. Yeah. Like actually the lack of empathy. Yeah, that makes
00:26:18
sense to me. But like the obsession with power was shocking to me. Yeah. The
00:26:24
obsession with power and money and all the rest of it. Yeah. But this is because the internet has done something
00:26:29
really strange and and challenged one of my theories head on, right? So I talk
00:26:35
about in an infinite game, you know, Jim Jim Carse his theory, you know, in an infinite game there's no winners or
00:26:42
losers, right? And so like nobody wins, you know, fast food, nobody wins cars.
00:26:49
Like General Motors, Ford, Vauhall, they can all exist at the same time, right?
00:26:55
And they'll have degrees of success or not success, but they can all exist simultaneously. No, nobody's going to win. The exception is in the internet,
00:27:02
in in the like like Amazon, it won. Yeah. Like you know,
00:27:08
Google for search. Yep. They won, right? And if you start going down like the big
00:27:14
big tech companies, there is only one. I mean, sure, there's competition, but not really, right? Who, you know, Walmart is
00:27:22
making a run of it to threaten Amazon, but Amazon's still so damn big. You know, all of these companies that
00:27:27
there's only one. And that's not good. That you can't have
00:27:33
winners in a in a category. And so, this is why I think the the race for AI is so aggressive, for AI dominance is so
00:27:40
aggressive. And which is why people are not being careful and which is why they're not putting controls is because
00:27:45
the way that tech seems to work is there probably will be one dominant standard and then that's it. And the question is
00:27:52
which one? Because I don't think it just seems to be the way it is, which is a very scary prospect to me that the the
00:27:59
fact that we can have winners is is a bad thing. Especially if we if we pride ourselves on being capitalists, then
00:28:05
there cannot be there cannot be a winner and there cannot be one that is so dominant that that nobody else can even
00:28:10
compete except for scraps. What are your emotions when you think about AI and what's happening? because I I feel like
00:28:18
the moment we're living in is a profound one and that we don't actually realize it because when these tools come out,
00:28:23
OpenAI released yesterday 3.0. It's the best model ever. The day after my life
00:28:28
was the same. So, we don't really notice it cuz we go back to work, our clients ask for the same thing. We have the same team members sat around us. The it
00:28:35
almost seems like the sand timer is rotated and we're on a clock and it's a
00:28:40
slow disruption of our everyday lives. Sam Alman the other day on his TED talk 3 4 days ago said in the short term
00:28:47
everything will appear the same but in the long term he goes life is going to be completely different. Yeah, I think that's right. I mean and look at any any
00:28:53
technology like the like AI it was kind of the same until it wasn't and these
00:28:59
are evolutions not revolutions. Like there's a revolutionary bit. Mhm. You know, like I remember when when the
00:29:04
internet showed up and like brick and internet shopping showed up and all the technologists were like it's the end of
00:29:10
stores, it's the end of bricks and mortar. Like they're done. Like we'll never go to a shop again. Well, that didn't happen. Now shops struggle to
00:29:16
compete against internet, but that's a price thing, right? That's that's a business model thing. But we like going shopping because again, they've all of
00:29:23
these companies always forget, especially technologists. They all forget that the end user is a human
00:29:28
being. And most of us don't fully understand everything. Even even our iPhones, most people use a a small
00:29:36
percentage of all the capabilities of our iPhones. Most of us don't even know how to change the damn settings to make it do something we want, right? Even and
00:29:43
you neither do your kids. It's not an adult thing, right? It's not an old person thing. Like, and there's a few
00:29:49
people who get more out of it and good for them. Some people use it just as a phone. Fine. And it's a bell curve. So,
00:29:56
I think there will be a few people and a few companies that will get more value out of these things than the rest of us.
00:30:02
But I think he's right. I think there'll be a revolutionary bit and then it'll
00:30:07
settle. I I I'm find this whole thing fascinating when you ask me how do I feel, you know, depending on what
00:30:13
subject I'm talking about. Absolute fear and absolute amazement. I I I have I
00:30:19
have both and everything in between. When I think about how it affects democracy and the ability to make deep fakes and and how it can manipulate
00:30:28
people and their opinions to vote one way or another, I have real fear. Yeah.
00:30:33
Right. When it comes to like productivity and the reshaping of business, you know, technologists and
00:30:38
people who who were part of the internet revolution, they love to say, you know, 20 years ago, 80% of the jobs we have
00:30:44
now didn't exist. They love to say that, right? But when you ask them now they they like they they they seem to think
00:30:51
that I think it's the same which is all those people are going to lose those jobs in white color you know white collar jobs and knowledge workers I
00:30:58
they're not they're not going to not work there's going to be new jobs the IRS digitized a whole bunch of years ago
00:31:04
right they got rid of all the accountants and they put in all the computers right do you know how much money the IRS saved when it when it
00:31:12
completely changed the the way it looked the answer is zero yes they got rid of all the accountants and they need to
00:31:17
hire all the IT people. So the the the the workforce looked different but it
00:31:23
didn't get smaller. And so I think it's the same thing what it's going we also we already know the massive incredible
00:31:31
amounts of energy that it takes for AI to work. Data centers that use up massive amounts
00:31:38
of electricity like we've never seen in our lives. Like nuclear has to be a thing. There isn't enough coal or oil or
00:31:45
solar or wind to power these things. It just doesn't exist. So nuclear has to be
00:31:50
a thing. So go be a nuclear engineer. Go you want to get an advanced degree. I don't need you to be a coder. You know,
00:31:56
coding was a thing for a go be a nuke because by the way, you got to be just as smart to be a nuke as you have to be
00:32:02
a a a So you're going to start to see that. You know, you're going to see energy work. Um I just think the jobs
00:32:09
will change. I don't think they're going to like I I completely one thing I do disagree with, you know, it's not like
00:32:15
you're going to be a bunch of people walking around bored. I just think the jobs will change. If there was a a
00:32:20
10-year-old kid stood here now and the 10-year-old said to us said, "Guys, what do you think I should focus on?" I would
00:32:28
say two things. Um uh one is going back to human skills, learn how to be a good
00:32:34
friend to your friends. Okay. How do I learn that? You're going to really need that. How does a 10-year-old learn that? Or how do you and I learn that? Both. A
00:32:41
10-year-old learns it that when they go and have a play date at a friend's house, a smart parent takes away all the phones. I would hate that the
00:32:48
10-year-old has a phone in the first place, but if they do, take away all the phones and make the kids go play. That
00:32:54
when they have a fight, the parents make them say sorry. You know, go over to
00:32:59
your friend's house and knock on the door and you're going to say sorry for the thing that you did. Um, we're going
00:33:04
to teach kids how to resolve conflict. We're going to teach kids how to pay compliments. We're going to teach kids how to take accountability and these are
00:33:10
all the skills of you know what did you do wrong versus what did your what what you know like it's not like you
00:33:19
know it's not always the school or the teacher maybe your kid did is disruptive you know and so accountability is a real
00:33:26
thing and so I think if we teach those things to 10-year-olds and to adults um I think it makes for a better society
00:33:31
and the other thing is go learn a real skill and I don't mean like that you know prompting isn't a real skill That's
00:33:37
not what I mean. It's what I said before, which is it's the excruciating like what makes great relationships
00:33:43
great is not that you get along all the time. The best marriages, the best relationships, they're not absent of
00:33:49
conflict. It's they know how to resolve conflict peacefully. By the way, I believe in world peace. I don't believe
00:33:55
in a world without conflict. I believe a world in which we can resolve our conflict peacefully without the need to go to war to resolve conflict. This is
00:34:01
why I like democracies because democracies can solve conflict without bullets. So I the human skills one but I
00:34:07
say a real skill mean like go do something difficult build something design something imagine something write
00:34:15
something and and and and by the way I'm totally fine even if you plug it into chat GBT and say tell me what's wrong
00:34:20
with this your grammar's all screwed up you know and like I said
00:34:26
I I am smarter because I did it I'm the
00:34:32
reason I'm more confident than when I was younger And I think that's one of the things you
00:34:37
people talk about you get wise with age, you know, and like and you know, you have more confident as you get older and
00:34:43
and yes, that's all true and there's multiple reasons for it, but I think one of the reasons is is the things that are
00:34:48
happening to me now. I've gone through those things before. They were scary and kept me up
00:34:55
at night the first time and now I know how to do it. I'm not afraid
00:35:00
of it anymore. And so I think what happens as you gain experience is you lose
00:35:07
fear. And if chat GBT or whatever AI product we use does everything for us, I
00:35:12
think you just end up scared. One of the things that I'm contending with at the moment with this new technology that's
00:35:19
arrived, being an entrepreneur, seeing this huge opportunity, thinking about the dotcom boom and all the great
00:35:26
opportunity that that created, people talking about the age of abundance and all these things is I'm
00:35:32
contending with the question on a personal level, which is when is enough enough? And maybe this question is more
00:35:38
pertinent now than ever in a world where creating stuff, building stuff, starting a company, launching a book, the cost of
00:35:45
creating these things, whether they're good or not so good, has gone to basically zero. Yeah. So we can all
00:35:51
theoretically from our computers now become movie directors and authors and software developers. And so with this
00:35:59
possibility, opportunity and the the thing we need to
00:36:04
deploy is intention like what do I do? What is the thing that's going to lead me to happiness? Do I pursue all of
00:36:10
these things and start building and creating and running off down that path to climb some ladder? Or do I take a
00:36:15
second? When is enough enough? And as an entrepreneur who is in this moment, has a lot of resources, could roll the dice,
00:36:21
could start all these new companies, could do all of these things. When is enough
00:36:26
enough? Now, right?
00:36:33
like we there's something to be said for gratitude and if you want to make it
00:36:39
money we know the data on this right I think once you reach I can't remember the number it's $70,000 a year of
00:36:46
income like like when you're talking about money you can't buy happiness like it absolutely buys happiness up to a
00:36:52
certain level which is survival and then a little bit more you know but once you reach a certain level like the there is
00:36:58
no discernable increase in happiness iness that comes with money. Now, what money buys is options. You know, what
00:37:06
money buys is time. You know, um those things are true. And you you said it
00:37:12
like some of the people that you and I know who have made generational
00:37:18
wealth. They're not discernably happy. The ones that are happier were happy before they made the money. And the ones
00:37:25
who thought the money would buy them happiness or worse, the money took away their purpose. Because when they made
00:37:30
the money, they were driven by something that they accidentally made the money. They built businesses that were th those
00:37:36
were their passions and their cause and then the money came and they weren't building the thing anymore. And you know
00:37:44
this this is this is the difference is like why this this is really interesting. It also gets the question is why is it that small companies are
00:37:50
more innovative than big companies, right? Like you think about it when you say what's the secret for for innovation? where you want to have
00:37:56
resources, you want to have great people, and you want to have great market opportunities, and then you can have great ideas. Okay? So, big companies have tons of money. They hire
00:38:03
have all the best people. They have mature uh marketplaces that people generally know who they are, and they're
00:38:08
the least innovative organizations on the planet, right? Then you have little companies that have no money. They're
00:38:14
bootstrapping it. They don't have enough people. Nobody knows who they are. And there's [ __ ] market conditions. And yet, they're more innovative. And then big
00:38:19
companies innovate by buying the little companies. You know, that's basically what happens. My exit. Your exit. big
00:38:25
company can't innovate, they just bought you, right? Why is that? Why is that the rule? And so it
00:38:32
goes directly to this. I think I think the reason is is because when you're small, your ambitions are bigger than
00:38:38
the resources you have to achieve those ambitions. Every small business has outsized ambitions, like beyond
00:38:46
objectively stupid. Like you look at what they have and what they've got and you they tell you where they're going to
00:38:51
be and you're just like no. And yet some of them do. And I think the problem with
00:38:57
big companies is their ambitions are well within their their capabilities, their resources. In other words, their
00:39:02
vision isn't big enough. And I think your vision has to be bigger than the amount of money, resources, and
00:39:08
intelligence that you have to achieve that. And what that produces is creativity.
00:39:14
And so it goes right back to this, which is if if if we can do so much with
00:39:20
AI, then we need bigger visions. And so when you ask me how do you find
00:39:26
happiness, I think that we need to set our sights on things that are bigger than finite
00:39:32
success. Um, and I think we do need a gratitude practice. Regardless of how little or how much you have, to be
00:39:38
grateful for what you do have is a profound impact. I went through this with the LA fires, right? The I was very
00:39:46
lucky that my house survived and I didn't have to get evacuated, but the evacuation zones were getting closer and closer. And two things happened that
00:39:54
were profound that live that I will that live with me now. One which is resolvable and one which is unresolvable. We were all obsessed with
00:40:01
this app called Watch Duty, which is how we track the fires. It basically took all the publicly available information
00:40:06
and put it in one place in a really amazing way, right? started by this amazing amazing amazing entrepreneur named John Mills. And we were all
00:40:14
obsessed with Watchd Duty. We all were watch on this app the whole time. And one of the things we were watching was the wind cuz if the wind shifted, it
00:40:21
could profoundly impact your life. And I remember having this experience like we were all watching the wind and the wind
00:40:28
went away from me and I thought, "Oh, thank God." And in that moment, I knew
00:40:34
that somebody was looking at the app going, "Oh god, no." And it's not like service where I'll eat
00:40:40
a little less so that somebody can eat more. I'll give up some of my income so that somebody has it's not one of those I don't want my house to burn down so
00:40:45
somebody else's house doesn't burn down. And I has I had to live with this paradox of how unfair the world is that
00:40:51
simultaneously my relief and good news was somebody was somebody else's stress and bad news and there was nothing I
00:40:56
could do to change that. So that paradox I is horrible and I it was it was right
00:41:02
in front of me. So that's one, but it's the second part, which is the evacuation zones were coming a little closer, and
00:41:09
they were one zone away from where where I live, and we didn't know if we were
00:41:14
going to be woken in the middle of the night with a with an alarm to evacuate. We didn't know. And so we had I had to
00:41:20
go through the process of packing up my car and making my go bag. And I put as
00:41:26
much stuff in my car as I could. And I had to, you know, we all play that game like if there's a fire and you have to run out and grab two things, what would
00:41:31
you grab? I had to do that. Right? A lot of people in LA had to do that. Right? You actually had to make the decisions,
00:41:37
what am I going to take and what I'm going to leave behind. And I found myself bringing things that I never thought were important to me. And I
00:41:43
found myself leaving things behind that I thought I would take. But the one thing that was amazing
00:41:50
was stuff that I couldn't fit, but I still had love for. Like my favorite painting in the world. It's just I
00:41:56
couldn't fit it in my car. I stood there in front of it and I said thank you and
00:42:01
I said goodbye and it was like saying goodbye to a loved one. You know, I hear this, you know, somebody loses a parent, they
00:42:06
go, "Look, it was awful. And, you know, he suffered as on his deathbed, but I'm glad I was with him to say
00:42:12
goodbye." And it was the most amazing thing to have gratitude for something that I don't want to lose, but accepted
00:42:19
that I I might. And it's made me a lot more disconnected
00:42:27
from my material things, especially the things I said goodbye to because I've already said goodbye to them. I had I I
00:42:33
just sold some of my art for for charity and people said, "How did you love your art?" I'm like, "I know. Like my art's
00:42:39
like my babies." Like, "How did you choose?" And I said, "I've already said goodbye to everything here. I did it months ago." You know, and I think this
00:42:46
idea of gratitude, gratitude for what we have, but also
00:42:52
um like you're going to lose your parents. All of us will lose our parents. Hopefully. Hopefully.
00:42:58
Hopefully, uh they don't never have to say goodbye to us. But we if things go well, we're going to have to say goodbye
00:43:03
to our parents. And we can't be angry about it. We want to say thank you for the times we had.
00:43:11
And I think to have that level of appreciation for everything in our lives, how temporary all of this is, I
00:43:18
think that's it makes you happier. I know it sounds I don't it's it makes you
00:43:24
happier to just look at someone and be grateful. You know, failed relationships. You could be angry at the
00:43:30
other person or you can be grateful for the lessons they taught you and or for the good times you had. And I think to
00:43:36
change our minds to gratitude and you can, you know, it sounds it's a little bit, you know, hippie dippy to have a
00:43:42
gratitude practice and that's fine. You know, if that's your thing, lie in bed every night or keep a journal and just
00:43:48
say the things you're grateful for. But I don't know if it works without an
00:43:54
evacuation zone approaching. I don't know. But to go around your home and just say thank you
00:44:00
to the things that you like is a weird thing. How many of us How many of us
00:44:06
when was the last time you called a friend out of the blue and just said thanks for being my friend? Like hey
00:44:14
just wanted to call and just tell you I love you. Just tell you thank you and you know that's all. No just a quick
00:44:22
just two minutes. Just just want to say thank you for being my friend. I think if I said that to one of my best friends that think I was losing my mind or
00:44:28
something or that something was wrong, they'd be so concerned because it's such an unusual thing for me to have. Okay, so you can do it this way. So, I had a
00:44:34
guest on the podcast and he came up with this thing that is so outside of my personality, but I'm going to try it.
00:44:40
Yeah, that would make sense. Then you can do that. You know, I'm I'm new to this. You know, I I know for years
00:44:47
people have been like, you should have a gratitude practice and keep a gratitude journal. And I tried it. I was like,
00:44:52
"Okay." Uh, I'm grateful for my sister, grateful for what I've um for my family, grateful for my friends, grateful for
00:44:59
the life that I live, right? Good night. All right, next day. I'm grateful for my
00:45:04
sister, grateful for my family, grateful for my friends, you know, and I found it so repetitive that I was like, is this
00:45:11
worth it? Like, sure, like every now and then something was different and new. And I've come to come to the conclusion
00:45:17
like if it's the same three things every single day, it's good. I was thinking about
00:45:24
this a lot the other day when someone asked me, "Think about all the people in your
00:45:29
life and imagine if they were sick and imagine if you had a billion dollars in your bank and a billion dollars could cure their
00:45:36
sickness." Like, who would you cure it for? four, would you would you spend a billion dollars to cure your your
00:45:42
girlfriend's sickness, your your mother's sickness, your father's sickness, your whatever, even if it was the the the risk to them was was low?
00:45:49
And you would. I'd give every p penny I had to cure an illness that my girlfriend had, even if the risk was low. And as I was thinking through that,
00:45:56
I was like, but then if you look at my calendar and how I'm allocating my time against these individuals and against my
00:46:01
priorities, there's a real imbalance here. And over the last couple of weeks in particular, I've been on a bit of a journey of realizing just how
00:46:07
important four or five people in my life are. I I uh how much I neglect them. Yeah. I mean like of course I mean we
00:46:16
only when it's and it's you're right like which is if you say give a billion dollars and you can cure this disease
00:46:21
that affects you know two million people, 10 million people, you'd be like I'll give some money, right? But if it
00:46:28
was one family member, you would exhaust every resource. You would quit your job. you would do everything you can to for a
00:46:34
1% chance for for a 1% chance you know and people do they quit their jobs when
00:46:39
and and be and like so many charities have been started because my father died my mother died my sister died my brother
00:46:45
died and now I've devoted my life to duh right like like literally that's the reason and it's because it's personal of
00:46:51
course that makes sense it's why why are some entrepreneurs good and some entrepreneurs bad well how personal is
00:46:56
the thing that you're working on to you because then I only like to like the entrepreneurs that I
00:47:02
I want to know that they are solving a problem that they struggled with or that somebody they love struggled with or
00:47:07
something if they they read an article in a magazine they thought this is a great market opportunity. There is no passion there that is driven by money
00:47:14
and power only. I want to know somebody that is it's so deeply personal to them that they will stop at nothing. They
00:47:21
will run through a brick wall and find every creative solution. And it goes right back to the small company versus
00:47:27
big company. It's it's passion and a vision that is bigger than the resources that I have which you know I had a
00:47:34
conversation with somebody recently actually where they wanted to uh we we uh it was
00:47:41
a business problem and they wanted to change the goals and I said we can't
00:47:46
just change the goals because they're difficult you know so we might miss the goal it's true yes we have a very
00:47:52
aggressive goal and the likelihood of us hitting it is incredibly low but why would we lower it? And they said to me,
00:48:00
you know, I don't like to fail. They said, I don't like to fail and I know you don't either. And I said, ah, that's where you're wrong. That's where you're
00:48:07
wrong. I have spent most of my life a failure. And I'm very comfortable being a failure. And I think of myself not as
00:48:14
a success. I think of myself as a failure. And that's because my ambitions are bigger than my skills or my ability
00:48:20
to achieve those ambitions. And so almost everything I've done, with a couple of exceptions, have fallen short of what I had hoped for. I'm very
00:48:27
comfortable with that because failing at 80% is really much better than succeeding at
00:48:33
30%. And I think this idea of fear of failure and embracing failure, I don't
00:48:38
want to fail, but I just I I have I
00:48:43
think it's important to have dreams that are beyond your skills or your resources
00:48:48
because that's where creativity comes from. That's where resourcefulness comes
00:48:54
from. You know, would you go How am I gonna figure this one out? And you told me the stories of your own team, you
00:49:00
know, it's the resourceful ones. And now we go back to AI. AI is not going to
00:49:05
figure that out, right? There's there's data on this. I I've actually never thought about this. This is good. There
00:49:11
was a book called Oh, it was the wisdom of crowds. I think it was that one. I think it was the wisdom of crowds by
00:49:17
James Herki where people with experience knew what to do versus people who were
00:49:22
just trained. So I'll give you the example. This is I and again I might have the book wrong but this was I remember the case. So there was a a
00:49:28
bunch of firemen fighting a fire in like the in wildfires, right? And the wind
00:49:34
picked up and the fire was coming really fast towards these firemen. True story.
00:49:39
And they all started running for their lives as this fire was approaching them unbelievably quickly. But the problem
00:49:44
was if they looked ahead there was a small hill which means you're going to slow down because you
00:49:50
can't run fast up a hill and this fire is coming fast, right? The senior guy on
00:49:56
the on the team started screaming, "Get down. Get down. Get down." And they all
00:50:01
ignored him. They were all running for their lives. And he just stopped running and got down and put his hands over his
00:50:07
head and just lay in a ball. And the fire was going so fast that it blew right over him. and it caught up with
00:50:14
the other guys and burned them all to death. Now, they didn't teach them that in fire school. It it was accumulated
00:50:21
knowledge of wisdom of that came from experience that he knew the right thing to do in the moment. He was able to read
00:50:27
the tea leaves in a way and his his gut, whatever that means, his gut said the
00:50:33
right thing to do is to drop down. You'll be okay. And this is why I'm going to sound like a a broken record.
00:50:40
the importance of doing the work yourself, of writing the book, painting the painting, choreographing the dance,
00:50:46
you know, composing the symphony, building the business, having the difficult conversation, stumbling and
00:50:52
bumbling, right? The reason for it, like let's say you have a fight with your your your girlfriend. You don't want to
00:50:58
be in a fight. You don't like being in a fight. You want to do the right thing. So, you go to chat GBT and you be like, "My girlfriend and I had a fight. This
00:51:04
is what the fight was about. Okay, I think I did some stuff wrong. I think she's did some stuff wrong. this is
00:51:10
exactly what happened. Tell me what to do." And you go, "Babe, I just want you to know I want to take full
00:51:15
accountability. I'm really I'm really sad that this happened and I want you to know that I care about this relationship." And she says to you, "Did
00:51:23
you get this answer from Chad GBT?" And you go, "I did." How's that going to go
00:51:29
right now? You did everything right. You did everything right. You did everything right. but for
00:51:36
the fact and it goes right back to what you said which is it removed the humanity. It removed the personality.
00:51:42
It's artificial. It's fake. It's everything you said about the job interview. It's everything you said about all those other things about all
00:51:47
the resumes, all of the pitch decks. It's not you telling me sorry, it's Chat GBT telling me sorry. And even
00:51:54
though you went with good intention to get it right, I would rather you get it wrong and bumble and fumble it with me
00:51:59
and be like, "Babe, I don't know how to do this. I'm an asshole." You know, and then she fights with you because you get
00:52:04
it wrong and you rumble through it together. And what happens when you come, you've had this happen. I know
00:52:10
because I have, and I know anybody, everybody has. When you come out of the fight, you're closer. Mhm. Not cuz you
00:52:17
got it right because you got it wrong. And if you learn the skill and you get better and better and
00:52:23
better and better and you do learn the skill of saying the right thing and you do learn the skill, she knew it wasn't because you asked AI in the moment
00:52:29
because you just wanted to resolve the problem and remove the tension. It's because you learn the skill for the time
00:52:34
that you don't know when it's going to happen because you're equipped for this relationship. Mhm. And it's that
00:52:40
investment in the relationship rather than trying to transactionally solve the problem before me. And that's the difference. It's infinite versus finite.
00:52:46
transaction versus it's destination versus journey. I'm in the journey of this relationship versus I have a
00:52:52
destination. I got to solve this problem now. Otherwise, this is going to destroy my relationship. And all of this is
00:52:58
coming full circle. And it comes right back to everything we started. this. I think it's hilarious that you and that
00:53:03
you're having a conversation with me about AI because I'm not an AI expert and I'm not an AI business, but I I am in the humanity
00:53:11
business. And I think everything we're talking about from every angle, we're battle testing this idea. And what we
00:53:17
can't get away from is human beings really want human beings and human beings really want
00:53:26
human experiences and human beings really want things made by human beings. And we are not only okay with we want
00:53:34
imperfection because imperfection is the sign of human. I was just thinking about
00:53:40
how how when I'm in an argument with my partner, if she was perfect, if she was
00:53:47
completely composed, if she was looking at me without emotion, without expression, and if she was spewing chat
00:53:55
GPT like responses back at me, it would it would be a little bit infuriating, but also it would be
00:54:02
completely dehumanizing as you say. And it's funny how actually even in conflict, I want emotion. I want
00:54:07
imperfection. Yeah, I want res human resonance. So, it's interesting because I've been like thinking about what my
00:54:13
struggle is a good thing. Yeah. And I think in our modern day and age, we have under appreciated and underrepresented
00:54:20
the value of struggle. And if you ask anybody in their life, you know, tell me
00:54:26
about a time in your career where like you felt like, boy, this is
00:54:32
the most amazing thing I've ever done. I'm so glad I'm a part of this. It's not the big win. It's not the big success. It's not we finished everything on time
00:54:38
and under budget. It's oh my god, this one thing went horribly wrong. Oh my god, it went so badly and yet the way we
00:54:46
came together like the most important thing in my career was when I lost my passion and went into deep depression.
00:54:52
Never want to go through that again. Really glad it happened. And all of our relationships, professional, personal,
00:54:57
romantic, whatever they are, right? All of our relationships get better when we go through struggle together. And we
00:55:04
know we know the way the human animal works. We know that oxytocin is released when you have shared struggle. That's why when you put people in boot camp and
00:55:10
they go through [ __ ] together or there's a a natural a n a natural disaster. Like all all of a sudden I don't care who you
00:55:17
voted for. I saw your house blow down in the tornado. I got you. Don't worry, we're neighbors, right? Like we can put
00:55:22
aside all the rational nonsense, the the intellectual nonsense.
00:55:27
And at the end of the day, human beings are are are good at helping human beings. struggle also in many contexts
00:55:35
is the value. So when I think about a Simon Synynic book, the reason why I value it is because I know that Simon
00:55:42
Synynic spent years writing that thing and pulling it together. The reason why certain handmade things that we talked
00:55:47
about earlier are valuable is because of the pain and the toil that went into them. And when you think about the art world and other creations through
00:55:53
history, the value comes from the fact that human beings came together for a prolonged period of time and did
00:55:59
something. And actually the investment is the value. Like the the amount that went in the top creates we're not buying
00:56:05
the product. We're buying the story. Yeah. Like the Mona Lisa is You're not buying the Mona Lisa. You're not buying
00:56:11
a piece of art. You're buying the story that goes with the art. The story that it took to create the art, what the artist was going through, what they were
00:56:17
thinking. You're not buying my book. You're buying the story of the making of my book. And the Mona Laisa was stolen
00:56:22
from what I understand. I mean, we don't even know if the the one in the Lou is the real one. Because I heard much of the the reason why the Mona Lisa is so
00:56:29
valuable is because at one point it was stolen and then they like managed to rec find it again and actually it's just a
00:56:34
painting but the story of the is worth 100 million 200 million whatever whatever I mean and so this is what we
00:56:41
the reason artists are famous is because you buy the story of that artist not not their talent there's a lot of famous
00:56:47
singers and actors and painters dancers who are a lot less talented than the
00:56:52
unknown ones but you buy into the story And this is why some
00:56:59
celebrities, as much as they talk about the paparazzi and the tabloids, they want to be in the paparazzo. They want
00:57:05
the paparazzi to follow them because it keeps their story relevant. It keeps them, you know, they're worth more because they're in the zeitgeist. Apple
00:57:12
know this better than anybody cuz you go to an Apple store and they've laid out their products as if it was an art
00:57:19
gallery. The three feet either side of the iPhone create the impression in my
00:57:25
mind that that this is a piece of art and there's only one of them. And the fact that they've wasted all this space,
00:57:30
which I know real estate costs money and that must have been expensive, pours into the device itself. If I gone into
00:57:36
an Apple store and there was a thousand iPhones, like the old electronic stops, all stacked on top of each other, I would assume the iPhone was worth less.
00:57:42
But the story, just by the frame in which I see it means that, oh my god, this thing is it's theater. It looks
00:57:47
like one of one. Yeah, it's theater. and and some would call it manipulative, but we want things to feel
00:57:55
valuable, not just be valuable. Right? I could tell you I've got a I I I found a
00:58:01
guy who makes Kashmir jerseys and he uses the exact same cashmere as, you know, Laura Piano, whatever, some fancy
00:58:07
fancy ass brand, you know. But the problem is it says like Dave's Kashmir
00:58:12
shop, you know. I could tell you everything about where he sources the Kashmir, how he makes it. That's the
00:58:18
same everything. And you'd be like, "Yeah, Dave's Kashmir shop." Because
00:58:24
you're not buying the Kashmir. You're buying the brand. You're buying the story. You're buying the association.
00:58:29
That's what's that's why brands have value because it's irrational. Yeah. And
00:58:36
humans are irrational. And that's why companies invest in building brands for the story. And
00:58:44
so yeah, I I think I'm, you know, as much as chat AI scares me, I still
00:58:51
believe the thing that the technologist the technologists don't appreciate and won't appreciate and there there will be
00:58:57
a rebellion and handmade will become more valuable and handmade will become more
00:59:03
expensive and people will want to say that. You know, it's like you had that
00:59:10
person write your speech for you. you wait who did the painting? They they did it themselves, you know, and I think
00:59:18
that's good. You know, it's a pendulum, right? We're going to get enamored with the technology until we're until it's
00:59:24
boring. This also just expands generally. I know this sounds quite big and we're talking about these big things, but just everything that you
00:59:30
create. It's very very tempting at the moment to just create something with AI and throw it up on your website, on your
00:59:36
social media pages, or present it to the world, a presentation deck at work. But actually, I'm I'm already noticing I'm
00:59:43
attributing huge value and interest in things that I can identify as
00:59:48
humanmade. I had a flashback a second ago as we were talking about this idea of scarcity to one of my favorite brands in
00:59:55
the world. It's a clothing brand and I was obsessed with this clothing brand. I'd spend a huge amount I don't spend
01:00:00
money on clothes. I would spend a huge amount of money every time they came out with a new item. One day the founder of
01:00:06
the brand and everybody knows this brand. He posted a photo from his factory. It was like a video. And what I
01:00:14
saw in the video was the shirt I was currently wearing as I watched the video in a massive bucket with 4,000 others of
01:00:22
the exact same shirt. And in that moment fell out of love. I fell out of love. Exactly. Because in my head, I'd painted
01:00:29
this like artisan picture of of them sewing it. These two guys sewing it in their bedroom. And then like it's
01:00:35
probably what it was on the ad, too. I think it kind of like used to be. So I still had that big. Yeah. One thing that
01:00:43
I've always understood, this is true for businesses, this is true for absolutely everything. Scale breaks things. You
01:00:48
know, scale breaks things in the in the military. They they special forces, special operating forces, Navy Seals,
01:00:54
SAS, you know, all those folks, right? And there's a there's a saying in the
01:01:00
special forces that's basically um special you can't scale special right so
01:01:07
you can take whatever training skills whatever you have for the special forces and you give it to everybody it's not going to work special can only be small
01:01:15
you know and and so scale breaks things scale always so I mean like Microsoft
01:01:22
versus Apple right so Apple wanted the highest quality operating system in the world Right? So what did they do? They
01:01:28
they refused to clone, right? They wouldn't they wouldn't they wouldn't clone their their operating system and
01:01:35
they uh as a result of of refusing to to
01:01:40
do that they they never for years Apple had like in the height of the the PC
01:01:45
wars maybe 4% of the world's operating systems. Microsoft said we're happy to
01:01:50
clone our operating system. So it was a little bit different on Dell. It was a little bit different on an IBM. wherever you use it was slightly different and
01:01:56
they had 90 something% of the world's operating systems. It's because you have to trade quality for scale every time.
01:02:02
There's a reason why buying fancy goods for a lot of money like because as you
01:02:08
said the way you make things has to change and you have to start making them in factories and you have to scale scale
01:02:14
scale breaks companies. Think about how beautiful companies are. The number of companies that talk about, oh, our company's like a family. Get to about
01:02:19
150 people, 200 people, get to Dunar's number. Not so much of a family anymore.
01:02:25
I think B2B marketeers keep making this mistake. They're chasing volume instead
01:02:30
of quality. And when you try to be seen by more people instead of the right people, all you're doing is making
01:02:35
noise. But that noise rarely shifts the needle. And it's often quite expensive. And I know as there was a time in my
01:02:41
career where I kept making this mistake that many of you will be making it too. Eventually, I started posting ads on our
01:02:47
show sponsors platform, LinkedIn. And that's when things started to change. I put that change down to a few critical
01:02:53
things. One of them being that LinkedIn was then and still is today the platform where decision makers go to, not only to
01:02:59
think and learn, but also to buy. And when you market your business there, you're putting it right in front of people who actually have the power to
01:03:06
say yes. And you can target them by job title, industry, and company size. It's simply a sharper way to spend your
01:03:12
marketing budget. And if you haven't tried it, how about this? Give LinkedIn ads a try and I'm going to give you a
01:03:18
$100 ad credit to get you started. If you visit linkedin.com/diary, you can claim that
01:03:24
right now. That's linkedin.com/diary. Is it harder now to
01:03:30
find love? Because there's lots of stats that say we're having less sex, we're lonier than ever before. Um,
01:03:37
interestingly, this is maybe an adjacent point, but I was looking at Bumble share price. I
01:03:43
love the founder of Bumble. The CEO is a really really good friend of mine. I think she's amazing. Whitney. Whitney.
01:03:49
Yes, I think she is amazing. She has and I know her and she's a wonderful human being. But when I was looking at the
01:03:56
Bumble share price, it painted a really interesting picture because then you you overlay that with some of these other
01:04:02
dating apps and you see I mean this is the Well, she's had to come back. She's just come back in yet to turn the
01:04:08
company around. And actually, interestingly, I saw her do an interview, which is one of these ones here. And in the interview, she says
01:04:13
she's going to revamp Bumble to make it not about finding love with others, but falling in love with yourself. Yeah. And
01:04:20
there's also going to be this dating marketplace, but her first objective is going to be get people to love themselves. Yeah. Through coaching and
01:04:27
all these kinds of things on the app and then find a partner. Sure. Yes. I mean, I I agree with that. I mean, it's like
01:04:35
it's I mean, we're all broken records, right? And I don't mean that as it like a like we're all broken souls. Like you
01:04:42
know you your customers will never love you until your employees love you first. You'll never find somebody to love you
01:04:48
unless you love yourself first. And look at failed relationships right where there's so much tension. It's somebody's
01:04:53
lack of self-love that contributes to the failing of that relationship. I mean I have a dear friend who's going through
01:04:59
it right now. She just can't find love and she it just but it's because she
01:05:05
doesn't love herself and and she knows it. You know, it's a hard thing to do.
01:05:10
So, if Bumble can crack that code, more power to him. It's it's a but this is the problem with a lot of these things.
01:05:16
You know, they're common knowledge. We just don't do them. Everybody knows how to be healthy. Everybody knows how to
01:05:22
exercise. Everybody knows what eating right means. Don't do it because wrong is easier and
01:05:30
right takes effort. Everybody knows what we're supposed to do in a relationship. Everybody knows that we're supposed to like hold space. Everybody Everybody
01:05:37
knows philosophically what we're supposed to do, but we don't do it. By the way, it's the reason why most people I've written all these lovely books and
01:05:42
it's the reason why most companies don't use them. It's because my work is like exercise, which is I can tell you every
01:05:49
single if you want to get into shape, hey Simon, how do I get into shape? Easy. Every single day, work out for 20 minutes every single day. Okay. Can I
01:05:56
take the occasional day off? Yes, but not too many. Work out every single day. And 100% of you will get into shape. I
01:06:02
know it 100%. When? I don't know. And neither does any doctor. And that's my
01:06:07
work. Yes, I can profoundly help you find purpose with start with Y. I can help you build trust on a team with
01:06:13
leaders at last. I can help you embrace the infinite mindset and have this incredible calm in life. And the reason
01:06:19
most companies won't do it, this innovate, this is a book for innovation right here. You want to innovate? Infinite game. The reason most companies
01:06:25
won't do it is because they need it to happen by the end of the quarter or the end of the financial year. It may or may not. I have no clue and I cannot predict
01:06:31
that it will or won't. It'll work 100%. I just don't know when. And the problem is goes right back to the beginning of
01:06:37
this conversation. We're all so obsessed with the output. We're all so obsessed with the result that we've completely
01:06:44
ignored the value of the journey. And people would rather hit the number at the end of the year than build a good
01:06:50
strong company. Think about it, right? If I meet another entrepreneur when I say, "So, tell me about your company."
01:06:56
Like, "We're hyperrowth. We're a hyperrowth company. We're a gazelle, right?" Like, "Show me." Then I always
01:07:01
say the same thing because I'm an ass. Can you please give me one article from a reputable publication? Just one. And I
01:07:07
don't care the publication that says that building a hyperrowth company is good for business. Just one. And the
01:07:16
answer is you can't because it's not. And so why are we're so obsessed with highspeed growth? It's because our
01:07:23
investors want us to be obsessed with high-speed growth, right? Or our egos want us to be obsessed with high high-speed growth, right? And if
01:07:29
high-speed growth happens by accident, that happens for many of the unicorns, right? It was an accident. I think
01:07:35
building a good company is better than building a fast company. I think building a good relationship is better than building a fast relationship. And
01:07:42
we're all so obsessed with speed and immediate results. present company
01:07:49
included. I've had to learn this the hard way that I think there's something joyful and beautiful about slowing down,
01:07:57
saying thank you, rep prioritizing friends. It's okay. I mean, by the way,
01:08:03
cell phones and so but before cell phones, we went to work and then we went
01:08:09
home and we didn't do work at home because we couldn't do work at home. Yeah. Because we didn't have computers at home and we didn't have cell phones
01:08:14
or people to call us. And so you you did work at work and then you left. And I
01:08:21
remember when cell phones started, I remember the advertising, AT&T had this campaign that they showed people working
01:08:28
on the beach, you know, with their computers. I mean, this is like the future, right? And they said now, um,
01:08:37
well, I what was the what was the tagline? It was really funny. It's like now you can leave work, right?
01:08:45
And that's not what happened. Work came with us. We never left work. Work came with us wherever. This is the problem
01:08:50
with cell phones and computers and the internet, which is we do not leave work. Work is with us in our pocket every day,
01:08:58
every vacation, every evening, every weekend. As you said that, I thought, do you know what that's so interesting
01:09:04
because that kind of means that friction creates freedom in that regard,
01:09:10
if you know what I'm saying. So the friction of not being able to go home and tap away on my computer all night
01:09:16
meant that I had a certain level of freedom because I had to kind of wait for things, right? So in the same context with AI coming along, now I can
01:09:22
build software throughout the weekend whether the agency is working or not. Now I can build anything I want at any time using the phone in my pocket, the
01:09:29
friction has come down again and therefore the pressure to do it now because I can do it now goes up. And
01:09:35
this is kind of maybe what I was alluding to earlier on in, you know, when I was saying about how you're gonna get more stressed and more overwhelmed and more isolated. That's so good.
01:09:43
That's so right. It's we're taking work with us. I mean, it's like, you know, then everybody has a story of like where the battery ran out on their phone and
01:09:49
they ended up having the best night. Yeah. Or the internet went out at work and they actually got more done. Like
01:09:54
you hear these stories all the time, you know that that when when we're forced
01:10:01
not to take work with us, forced. It takes a bit of time sometimes to relax,
01:10:07
but it's always better because you learn to stop worrying, stop checking, you
01:10:13
know, you know, and you just I one of the things I did I I can't delete
01:10:19
Instagram completely as much as I'd love to, but I hid it. So, you know, you can
01:10:24
do that on iPhone. You can take it off the It's gone. It's hidden. It says hide app. And then I and when you go into the
01:10:31
search, you know, when you go search suggest, I took it off the suggestions, which most people don't even know you could do that. So, I took it off the
01:10:36
suggestions. So, when I go to because I realized what I was doing is I'm like when I'm bored, I just pick up my phone and I just like and then I see Instagram
01:10:42
like and I just click it like a like a zombie and then I'm done for an hour, you know? So, I hit it. So, the only
01:10:48
time I go to Instagram is when I have to go to it and I have to type in Nst, you know, and then it pops up. And my usage
01:10:55
of Instagram has plummeted, plummeted because it has to be
01:11:00
intentional. And the problem with most social media is it's unintentional. One of the big things talking about
01:11:07
community, Instagram, AI that I think a lot about is is
01:11:13
the is the value of in real life community going to rise? And I I think
01:11:18
we might be on the precipice of the community revolution. I say this because
01:11:24
when I think about what's going to remain in a world where creating things goes to zero like when you know once
01:11:29
upon a time if you made a social network or if you built an app or if you built a med a movie or a media company or a
01:11:36
podcast that was half of the job and the other half of the job is like getting it out there in the world. Yeah. And so now
01:11:42
the people that have the other half of the job which hasn't gone to zero now have this tremendous advantage because
01:11:48
we can all create but we can't all distribute. And so having community and building and fostering community I think
01:11:53
now is one of the things that remains. What are the values of a community? Like how do I build the community? Well, I
01:11:58
have a definition of community and I think we said it before which is community is a group of people who agree to grow together. Interesting. Community
01:12:05
is a group of people who agree to grow together and I believe friends are at least two people who agree to grow
01:12:10
together. In marketing this is the absolute obsession at the moment. Community run clubs and yeah brands
01:12:16
becoming um offline is the new online, right? Um, offline's the new black. Um,
01:12:21
like there's a there's a company called Clicks and it was started by she's a talented entrepreneur and she was in
01:12:27
college and she suffered severe depression and loneliness and literally struggled didn't know how to make friends and uh she oh I just call her by
01:12:36
her name. Her name's Alex. Um but her company clicks she started it to solve
01:12:42
her own problem right my favorite kind of company. and basically to help her
01:12:48
friends at school, quote unquote friends, people at school make friends. And she did it by taking people offline
01:12:53
and taking their phones away. And she would come up with reasons to come together, whether it was running or this or that. Just like it didn't matter what the reason was. Come and just a reason
01:13:00
to come that made you that when you saw the ad hung up on a piece of paper at college, you know, they' be like, I
01:13:07
like horror movies, whatever. I like baking. I'll go to that. Right? Just a
01:13:13
trick. and then basically just and so she's built this business predominantly for
01:13:18
young people but it's available to anyone but she's built this business to just bring people together to meet people without phones offline and she
01:13:26
want she has and there's a great irony in it she has an app that she wants people not to be on you know and what is
01:13:33
it that holds the community together is it so like sh we want to improve together so we have to have some kind of shared value that we want to improve on
01:13:41
presumably it's like a community of runners. They're trying to get fit together or they're trying to improve their I don't think it matters. I mean,
01:13:48
it's like it's it's shared shared interests is a is a is a way to start a a relationship, right? Comic-Con, you
01:13:56
know, you know, Nerd Vana, you know, Burning Man, all of these larger than
01:14:01
life events, big and small, going to the going to the going to the football, you know, it's like you're everybody's
01:14:07
friend when you wear when you wear the right when you wear the right colors, you know. You know, you see people on
01:14:12
the on on the tube who's going to go into the same game. They're wearing the same jersey, your friends. Yeah. Your friends, right? So, I think common
01:14:19
interest is a is a is a trick. It's a way of getting people to come together. And it's a nice place to start because at least conversation is easy, right?
01:14:26
You know at least one thing about this person that you have in common with them. Do you need a shared goal in a community, do you think? Thinking
01:14:32
because in the football analogy, we have a shared goal. Oh, yeah. You want to win? I think that's a very good question. Do you have a shared goal even
01:14:37
in a relationship? Yeah, I think so. That seems to make sense. The reason why I'm asking these questions is I am
01:14:43
building businesses and brands. And I know that community is one of the most important things that everyone building
01:14:48
a brand or business is thinking about at the moment. So there's a big difference between having an audience, which is
01:14:55
what you might have on like a podcast or something, and having a community. And I'm as a brand leader and
01:15:01
as an entrepreneur, I'm trying to shift from having an audience over to having a community. And that's about like
01:15:06
relationships and shared values. Shared values. I
01:15:12
mean, I like to think the people who really like my work, not the ones who just like passively like it, but the
01:15:18
ones who really like my work, like if somebody says, "I love Start with Y or I
01:15:24
live my life by the infinite game." that it says something about who they are and how they see the world and that we share
01:15:30
the same values and that if and because I am you know me you know I'm an
01:15:37
idealist and and my I I'm consistent in
01:15:42
the way I talk about things from the day I started to to now and won't ever change and and I think that's the value
01:15:49
of values and the problem with the modern world we live in and the pressures that people face is money and
01:15:55
fame and all the rest of it and you know influencer status. I think it sometimes forces us to question our values or walk
01:16:02
away from them. I was invited to a a group of they called it a mastermind group where it's a bunch of folks like
01:16:07
me author speakers who wanted this is what they told me come together based on shared shared goals shared values how we
01:16:14
can work together to improve the world together and I'm like oh sign me up I'm in right so I went and we sat around and
01:16:20
you know who some of these people are you know and we sat around a room and
01:16:25
they spent all of their time talking about how they can share their lists with each other and how they can cross-promote with each other and what
01:16:31
margins are you getting on this? And I'm like, you guys are and I spoke up. I was like, you guys are just talking about
01:16:37
making more money. What? I thought we came here to like do common good
01:16:42
together. They didn't invite me back. But it was but the point is is like the
01:16:48
money and the fame is seductive. You know this is this is this is this is Joseph Campbell's hero's journey which
01:16:53
is you start off as the reluctant hero and you get called to your mission for some reason and at some point in your
01:17:01
journey there will be something seduce you away from your mission money or
01:17:06
power you know Luke Skywalker was nearly seduced away from the vision you know
01:17:12
from the journey like this is what this is what the hero has to go through and do you have the friends who will slap
01:17:19
you around and keep you in line and say, "No, you signed up for this. You have to stay true to what you're doing." Because
01:17:25
I think none of us have the courage or the strength to stay true to our cause by ourselves. Very few of us. We need to
01:17:31
have at least one person who believes in us to give us the strength to stick to it because the temptation the temptation
01:17:37
you and I have both at various times gone through it like when you start making money and you start making money for something you didn't expect. Like I
01:17:43
never expected to have a career from any of this stuff, right? It happened by accident. And you get to the point where
01:17:49
you start thinking you're more important than you are. Do they know? Do they do they know who I am? No. No. Get over
01:17:58
yourself. You know, and you start becoming seduced. And I think the seduction when we turn on social media
01:18:04
and we watch Kardashian, the Kardashian model, and like you have people who pursue
01:18:10
influence without knowledge or skill, like those two buckets. They have the other three buckets, but they don't have
01:18:16
the first two buckets. And it is temporary for some or unfulfilling for
01:18:21
others. And you know the funny thing about that job, you know, I was I was I
01:18:27
went to a concert and there was this this woman who walked down the aisle and
01:18:32
some guy was taking pictures of her and she was posing and the person next to me goes, "She's a famous influencer." And I
01:18:39
said, "You mean she's a freelance employee of an algorithm?"
01:18:47
And and somebody who chooses to be an influencer, that's what you are. You are a freelance employee of an algorithm.
01:18:53
And the minute they change the algorithm, you might be out of business.
01:19:00
Uh you just lost like 170 followers. I mean, maybe you just lost like 170
01:19:07
blue ticks. But like I don't have a problem with the concept of being an influencer if you bring something of
01:19:13
value. The only time I have a problem with it is is if you make it about you
01:19:19
and I have to get more of everything. In the early days of influencing, there was a young couple that were trying to get
01:19:26
followers and they would do crazier and crazier things. And so what they did is he took a d a big
01:19:33
book, a dictionary I think it was, and he put it over his chest and she took a gun and shot it at the book thinking
01:19:38
that the book would stop the bullet. And she killed him. She killed him on camera. right
01:19:45
now. They admitted she admitted afterwards she he's dead. But she admitted afterwards they were doing it to do bigger and crazier stunts to get
01:19:51
more and more followers because the financial pressures of driving at those YouTube views was overwhelming. And so
01:19:57
it's an extreme case obviously of the the the the the how we will lose our
01:20:03
minds trying to gain followers. And I don't mind if people gain followers by
01:20:09
giving but to gain followers by taking. Look at me. Look at me. versus I have something that I think
01:20:15
this will help you. And like there's not there's I don't have a problem with what
01:20:21
it's it's the it's the input, right? It's the intention.
01:20:27
Um anyway, anyway, I sound like an old man complaining about No, but you kids
01:20:32
these days and you were influencers. S I printed off some graphs which I think are absolutely fascinating and dovetail
01:20:38
into everything you've said today, but also into your work generally. So, I'm just going to give you all of these to give you a second to look through them
01:20:44
and I want to get your read and interpretation on them. Okay.
01:20:49
Adults lack of meaning and purpose. Overall, lonely. Okay. I mean, that makes sense.
01:20:56
To me, that didn't make sense. I couldn't understand how if someone is
01:21:01
low in purpose, then they are lonier. I mean, it just makes sense that when
01:21:06
you have lack of purpose, the likelihood that loneliness comes nearby. Like, I
01:21:12
think family gives meaning, friends give meaning. Like, you feel like you're there for someone else. Um, but if you
01:21:18
don't know why you're showing up every day, I think it it it feels like a lonely existence. Like, you feel like you're searching. When you have a sense
01:21:24
of purpose, it gives you a mechanism to meet people. It gives you a mechanism to make decisions. It gives you a mechanism to talk about yourself in a way that's
01:21:30
quite inspiring to others. You know, when you say your why and somebody says, "So, what do you do?" So I I wake up every single day to inspire people to do
01:21:36
what inspires them. What do you do? You know, like it's it's I Yeah, I do. I do.
01:21:43
And I think it's it's not the thing that makes you less lonely. I think it's a mechanism to make you less lonely. Just
01:21:48
as you said that that why you just gave it becomes a magnet for me. Yeah. Because then I know who your people are
01:21:54
and I know what to talk to you about and it throws down this bridge for me to walk across. Yeah. Versus Yeah. I'm a
01:21:59
dentist or I don't know. Which is even worse. which is even worse. Yeah. Yeah. So, so
01:22:05
yeah, that that doesn't seem unusual. Distribution of people feeling lonely worldwide by gender. So, it's about
01:22:11
50/50. Are you surprised by that? I thought
01:22:16
for some reason I thought men were more lonely. Not at all lonely. Looks like women do
01:22:24
better. I would think. Do you think you thought men were more lonely? I thought men would be more lonely. I al I also don't know what the age groups are cuz
01:22:31
like I want to know what how they like what age are they to start are they starting at is it 18 I guess if we just
01:22:38
put that all aside I mean women being slightly less lonely than men I think makes sense because I think
01:22:45
women are probably better at making friends maybe I have that wrong what else we got here adults mental health
01:22:51
health ratings 68% of people who have depression are lonely and 67% of people have anxiety are lonely do you think
01:22:58
good mental health is a foundation for being not lonely, I guess. No, I think
01:23:05
having somebody who cares about you is a foundation for not being lonely. And when you're in a period of strained
01:23:11
mental fitness, it definitely can manifest as loneliness and anxiety. And the best way to manage
01:23:19
through that period of is to lean on the people who you know love you. That will help. So I don't think you can separate
01:23:26
the two. So does it affect it? Of course it affects it. Can it make you withdraw from your friends? Of course it
01:23:32
can. Um so I don't think you can separate the two. I read um a couple of years ago
01:23:39
that when people are lonely, they fall into a state of self-preservation because of some evolutionary uh sort of
01:23:46
mechanism which meant that if we were alone on the Serengeti in Africa, we
01:23:51
would sleep worse. We'd become more selfish. We'd become more angry. our cortisol levels will be up which means more inflammation. And this idea of
01:23:58
self-preservation basically means that lonely people become more selfish, more bitter, more angry. And that that's not
01:24:03
conducive, ironically, with finding more friends, but it is conducive with survival. It is conducive with being
01:24:09
able to fend for yourself. It makes it's more conducive survival as an individual. Yeah. So like if you're in a
01:24:14
deserted island and you're lonely and all those things and the cortisol rises and you become better at being on edge
01:24:22
being on edge which is a survival mechanism right but if you live in a
01:24:27
community with other people then it is counterproductive because we are social animals and I need you to help me and
01:24:34
you need to help me. So if we live in tribe together and I'm the selfish [ __ ] I'm not you're not going to
01:24:40
wake me and alert me to danger tonight. Mhm. you're just going to leave me. So, so it's a it's a it's a though I think
01:24:46
it's 100% true in a social environment it becomes counterproductive. And I think you're right. When somebody feels
01:24:52
lonely, they do go into survival and they become paranoid and they think everybody's out to get them. And it's but the problem is is you don't live on
01:24:58
a desert island. And that's one of the reasons I think it's it's dangerous. We're increasingly being living on
01:25:04
islands. The islands are different now. They're four walls in a in a white city. And um it's so funny that so many of my
01:25:11
friends are using this word loneliness when 10 20 years ago it wasn't it wasn't something that I heard
01:25:17
frequently from from adults but now it seems to be also common. In fact my masseuse yesterday was saying to me that
01:25:24
she's lonely and this is a woman that lives in Los Angeles has people around
01:25:30
her but she's lonely. Yeah. And I remember when she went and she's cuz we had a conversation and I text her and said oh thank you for for being so open
01:25:36
and stuff. I was thinking about like what advice I could give her. She's got no friends. She's in Los Angeles. She's
01:25:42
desperate for friends. She doesn't have a partner anymore because she's had a divorce. What advice do you give someone? Is it take more risks? So, it's
01:25:49
it's too it's easy to give the obvious advice like you got to put yourself out there, right? But when you're in a period of loneliness and stress, it it's
01:25:56
hard to find that that energy and that risk takingaking, right? Especially when you're down on yourself. We've all been there. I've definitely been there. But
01:26:02
the um I think for me what I've learned is um to put myself second meaning don't
01:26:08
worry don't try and solve my problem but do I have somebody else who's lonely that I can help like how do I help
01:26:13
somebody else who's dealing with their loneliness and it's the act of service that is so valuable if you know you guys
01:26:19
are talking and she has many clients and somebody else like and her willing to admit that I'm lonely that one of her
01:26:24
clients might say you know me too like her ability to admit her loneliness out loud creates a safe environment for
01:26:30
somebody else to admit the And then once she learns that they're lonely, now she can say, "Tell me about
01:26:35
it." And then she can talk them through it and hold space for them. And her ability to help somebody else manage or
01:26:41
understand their own loneliness will will help her. So interesting because one of the hallmarks of her personality, if you met this person, something she
01:26:47
says to me every single time she comes over um for the treatment is that she doesn't like sharing herself with people
01:26:55
because she thinks if people get to know her, they'll change. So literally, she has been my misuse for many years now.
01:27:01
And if people get to know her, they will change. She's scared about people knowing her. She's scared about people knowing the details of her life. So, she
01:27:07
guards it all. And it's it took me, and I'm someone that just asks way too many questions of every student I meet.
01:27:14
It took me like 20 sessions just to figure out she had a family. I had no idea she had two kids. Took me She goes,
01:27:20
And when I asked her, her her body language went like this. Yes, I have kids. And I was like,
01:27:27
why why are you so guarded with your information? Well, if people know who really I really am and they know more about me, then they'll change or um they
01:27:34
may not like me anymore or they'll think differently about me. So, I just keep it to myself. But, I mean, this is the age-old problem. I mean, it's everything
01:27:39
you said when you when people who are driven only by the thing that they want, you know, versus the givers. And this I
01:27:45
mean, this is the age-old problem, which is I'm never I'm going to keep my walls up high. I never want to love anybody because then I'll get hurt. And then you
01:27:50
just end up learning and hurt. And this is this is goes this this is goes back to struggle which is this goes look you
01:27:56
and I both know that that if somebody who chooses to go on an entrepreneurial venture or ad venture the statistics
01:28:04
bear out that the over 90% of all new businesses will fail in the first three years right what idiot would ever start
01:28:11
a business right you have to be compelled by something else to make you do something with overwhelming stat
01:28:18
statistical chance of failure right and And it's opening yourself up to failure
01:28:23
that is the thing that makes it work you know at least for a small percentage of
01:28:30
course but it's the same for love which is or a relationship or friendship which is it absolutely comes with risk there's
01:28:37
nothing risk- free like yeah they will they some of them might change yes some of them might not like you for that very
01:28:44
yes yes and the odds are equal that somebody will fall in love with you and love you
01:28:50
and like you and think you're the best thing and think you're amazing. And so if you can't take the risk, you can't get the reward. If you don't play the
01:28:56
lottery, you don't win the, you know, you don't win the jackpot. If you aren't willing to take, I'm not telling you to open up and tell everybody your deepest
01:29:02
darkest secrets. But if you're not willing to give somebody anything to latch on to to be like if you can't give
01:29:09
them anything to say me too, then then it's going to be a hard road
01:29:16
or it'll take somebody to chip away at you 20 times, you know, to before you
01:29:21
open up. But but the fact that you did and she got her to open up a little bit, she could make a friend in you. Now
01:29:28
she's fully open and we've been through everything. I know where she wants her house to be. Well, there you go. You see that thing down? So, you have to point
01:29:33
out to her that this friendship and that you know so much and that she feels so safe with you only happened because
01:29:41
um you chipped away at her and she finally you wore her down and she opened up. And it can happen in two directions,
01:29:47
right? Which is sometimes we have to take the little risk to just tell somebody some a little something about
01:29:52
ourselves to find something. Or sometimes it's somebody who's so curious
01:29:58
about us that they chip away and chip away and chip away and chip away and chip away until we give up and open up and that that person becomes a friend,
01:30:04
you know, and so one of the reasons you should be grateful for the friendship is you kept trying. You could have just tried it three times and like forget it.
01:30:10
I'll just lie here quietly and have a massage, you know. So yeah, I mean all
01:30:15
of this stuff comes with risk. I could see it in her face though. I could see. But you're also curious. Yeah, I could
01:30:21
see this. She locked out because you're curious about people. Is this what connection is? You when you said me too,
01:30:28
finding something to say me too with someone, is that the essence of what like connection is? I mean, it can mean
01:30:36
it could be values, it could be interest, it could be many things. But I think to find I think yes, like this is I mean,
01:30:43
if you want to go political, you know, one of the problems in our politics is
01:30:49
both sides think they're right and both sides think the other side is wrong. Mhm. And neither side is willing to try
01:30:55
to even understand what the other person's point of view is without thinking them an idiot or thinking them
01:31:01
wrong or thinking them sheeple. And the ability to say, "Can you tell me more about how you came to
01:31:08
your beliefs? I'm genuinely curious." and to not agree or disagree, but to be
01:31:14
curious, to be an investigator, you know, and I and I have done this with
01:31:20
people who have polar opposite political views with me. At some point, we will
01:31:25
get to a level of me just chipping away trying to understand that they will say something that I'm like, 100% I agree
01:31:31
with that. M and then from that point on there's a there's a simple validation not agreement but a validation that your
01:31:38
opinions do matter and we do have common ground that we can build from there and on that on that validation they become
01:31:45
vastly more open to my point of view also and curious to my point of view also and so yeah the person the person
01:31:52
like the ability to listen and be curious even if you disagree is one of the most underappreciated skills on the
01:31:59
planet and yeah I think when you find the ability to say I agree. Then you can find community. You can and maybe that's
01:32:05
what we need to heal this country or most of the countries in the world right now which is one group or one person to
01:32:13
just be curious rather than agree or disagree. There's something about relationships here as well because my girlfriend is you've met my partner and
01:32:20
um she's very spiritual but also like all of us she's emotional. So sometimes in those interactions when we sit down
01:32:26
and there's a problem and we spend the first 60 minutes to 90 minutes trying to figure out what the problem is. It
01:32:31
doesn't sound very logical to me. And one of the things that I think sort of is adjacent to what you're saying is my
01:32:38
job in that moment actually isn't to like pass through truth and to figure
01:32:43
and to correct truth. It is to sit and let someone get it out. Get it out. So
01:32:50
you and I have the same problem. We do. Which is we live above our necks.
01:32:56
Yeah. And you and I both have the same struggle, which is to learn to live below our necks, right? Like you and I
01:33:01
are head people and we have to learn to be more heart right and I want to understand everything explain everything
01:33:07
you know evaluate everything analyze everything and when I come to my emotions I'll give you an analysis you
01:33:13
know when it comes to your emotions I'll give you an analysis and so I have to learn to be like I feel this and that's
01:33:20
it and I feel the same way it's funny because I'm good at it with art you know I always tell people you don't have to understand art I'll take you to a museum
01:33:25
I'll take you to a gallery and if you look at a piece and I know you're intimidated to come because you don't
01:33:30
understand art or you don't understand music, whatever it is. And all you need to do, this is the only rule, is do you
01:33:35
like it? I do. Why? I don't know. I just like it.
01:33:40
That's it. You're done. You're done. I don't like it. Why? I don't know. I just don't like it. Great. Excellent. And now
01:33:47
we're going to look at four, five, six, 10 pieces that you like. And I'm going to see four, five, six, 10 pieces that you don't like. And I'd be like, you
01:33:54
like all of the impressionists and you hate all the old masters. So why don't we just go see more impressionists, you
01:34:00
know? And so when when your girlfriend opens up to you, you know, you don't have to agree. You don't have to
01:34:06
disagree. You just have to and you and I both have to learn to stop thinking and to just like feel something. When
01:34:13
somebody says, "Where do you feel it?" I'm like, "What? That's the stupidest question I've ever heard. Where do I feel it?" And they've literally like
01:34:18
I've had somebody take me on this journey and she goes, "You told me an emotion you have, Simon. You told me an
01:34:24
emotion." Yes. Where do you feel it in your body? Where do you feel it? And I'm
01:34:30
sitting there going, "You've got to be kidding me." You know, but all right,
01:34:35
we'll go through this. All right. And she says, "So you said you feel X." I'm like, "Yes." All right. Where in your
01:34:41
body did you have some sort of reaction? I here. What happened? It got a little
01:34:47
tighter in my chest. Okay. And I went on this journey with my friend with my
01:34:54
friend Bea. Beavce. She's she's incredible. And she took me on this
01:35:00
journey and she does repair with couples and she's just incredible. And she helped me recognize that my body does
01:35:07
react to my feelings. Tension in my shoulders, heavier breathing in my
01:35:13
chest, clenching my fists, you know, like my body does react. And so I'm
01:35:19
learning to experience feelings beneath my neck when
01:35:24
my inclination is to do everything above above the neck. It's a hard skill. Oh my god, it's hard. And so I have for men.
01:35:30
And so when you're when you meet spiritual people, they are all below the neck and we think it's stupid, but they
01:35:39
recognize that we have an ability to feel because we want to think about everything. And so we both have a lot to
01:35:45
learn from each other which is there the thinking about things has value not all the time. And so your girlfriend and I
01:35:52
because I know her ability to know her body when she has feelings I
01:35:59
think is way more is has a lot of value to you and to me. I think it's like the biggest opportunity I have to form
01:36:05
relationships. Yeah. Yeah. Change in number of posts for automationprone jobs compared to manual intensive jobs. So
01:36:12
this is a graph that shows the drop in job postings online for jobs around
01:36:20
automation is yeah the knowledge work is going to get hammered by AI.
01:36:25
[Music] Um I met a guy in Japan
01:36:31
who he's one of the very few guys left like a hundred of them left 150 of them
01:36:37
left who makes samurai swords in the traditional samurai sword way you make them. hammer them metal and he folds his
01:36:43
own metal and he makes samurai swords. They made them the way they made them 200 years ago. And we went to this little workshop
01:36:50
and he's this little old guy and he's telling us the story like how did you do this? He's like well I had a desk job. I
01:36:57
worked in a company and I woke up one day I was like I can't this I can't do this. Like this is this can't be my life. And I just I've always been
01:37:04
enamored by sword making. I found an apprenticeship and tried to learn and
01:37:11
you know I'm I I'm just starting to get the hang of it and but I have a lot of room for improvement. And we're like how
01:37:17
long have you been doing this? He said 30 years. 30 years. But that's so Japanese, you know, the Japanese like
01:37:23
they'll never be good at this. I'll just keep working at it. And and like it's such hard work.
01:37:28
But he I think there's something to be said for I think a lot of us like think
01:37:34
about how many white uh knowledge workers like ask them what their hobbies are you
01:37:41
know and like maybe there is an opportunity to learn a skill. I mean
01:37:46
look at look at look at lockdown when we all went through lockdown. I mean what skill did you practice during lockdown?
01:37:52
What did you learn? DJing, running, cycling. DJing.
01:37:58
DJing, right? I did kugi, but it's the Japanese art of fixing broken things
01:38:04
with gold. So, basically, you take a broken plate or broken cup and you put it together and with gold paint or gold
01:38:12
epoxy, you put it together and you make it. The whole concept is you can make something more beautiful. Like, things
01:38:19
can get more beautiful after they're broken, right? I love the philosophy of it. I spent hours doing freaking Kugi.
01:38:25
Ask me how much Kugi have done since we came out of lockdown. How much DJing have you done? Zero.
01:38:33
And so maybe all this free time that we're supposed to get, which I still don't think will
01:38:39
happen, maybe it's not such a bad thing. Think about the joy you had DJing. I had so much fun doing kinugi. I
01:38:46
had so much fun. I would spend hours just my head down, focused. I was so
01:38:52
relaxed, not thinking about work. So why why that's the other question we talking
01:38:57
about how we're all going to have all the spare time. We've lost all of our spare time. We have no spare time
01:39:03
because all we do is work and think about work and talk about work. Like if we go back 40 years, 50 years, there was
01:39:09
plenty of spare time and people went bowling and they went to the movies and they went over to each each other's
01:39:14
houses for dinner and they cooked.
01:39:20
Isn't it a good thing that we're getting time back? You know, a lot of us got a
01:39:25
lot of con good things out of lockdown and that's extreme. So like
01:39:31
maybe maybe it's okay that we get some time back because it sounds like we've lost all of our own time. It'd fix the
01:39:38
loneliness. You'd have space for relationship. You'd have space for relationships. You'd have space to try things and we couldn't bury ourselves in
01:39:43
work and escape from our lives that we hate by just burying ourselves in work.
01:39:49
Maybe maybe AI doing some of the work for us is the thing we've been desperate
01:39:54
for for the past 30 years. Just
01:40:00
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order. What are you struggling with in this season of life? I think I've asked
01:42:06
you this in every conversation we've had and the answer's evolved conversation to conversation. Yeah, we'll both go.
01:42:14
I'm doing so much right now. By the way, absolute joy and I wish I had more time in a day.
01:42:23
And not in the sense that I'm dep prioritizing my friends. You know, you talked about how you you know, you you would give them all your money to to
01:42:29
secure them, but you don't give them any time. I actually treat a lot of I've actually gotten very good at this. It's probably when you write a book about
01:42:35
friendship, you sort of like take yourself on a little bit where I I will schedule friends like meetings in the
01:42:41
middle of the day. Haven't seen a friend for a while. Um 4:00 in the
01:42:46
afternoon, tea with I go and I leave the office like
01:42:52
I'm going to a meeting because nobody says, "Hey, Simon, where you going?" Go to a meeting. Where you having the meeting? At that restaurant. People like
01:42:57
have fun. Nobody will give me any kind of grief if I'm leaving to go to a meeting.
01:43:04
Now I go and see a friend and and when somebody says can I cancel this French tea with friend
01:43:10
because that you have a phone call you have to I'm like no just like you wouldn't cancel on my meeting don't
01:43:15
cancel on so I treat I I put it in and I give them equal waiting to things that I
01:43:21
have to do at work because I become much more discerning like do I have to have this meeting or this phone call today or
01:43:27
can I do it next week? I could do it next week. And you realize we fake we
01:43:32
fake ur we add fake urgency to things and I I have a friend who's kind
01:43:38
of amazing. He he's way busier than me and
01:43:43
he he says I don't want to spend time with anybody like I saw I saw it was really funny. He came out of a meeting
01:43:48
and it was he had a meeting with a very fancy person who's who's courting him for business, right? Or he should be
01:43:55
courting the other guy actually. very fancy person and he comes out of
01:44:00
the meeting. I'm like, "How was it?" He's like, "Total waste of time." I'm like, "You don't want to do business? You he doesn't want to work with you?" I
01:44:05
was like, "No, he wants to work with me. He wants to work with me badly. Total waste of time." I'm like, "What are you
01:44:11
talking about?" I was like, "He's just some rich [ __ ] Like, I learned nothing. I didn't enjoy it and I don't
01:44:18
want to work with them." And I was like, "Tell me more." He's like, "I only want to work with people who when I spend
01:44:23
time with them, they teach me something. I laugh or I feel inspired when I walk
01:44:29
away. And if somebody is sucks my energy, I do not want to I do not want to work with them. And I was like,
01:44:36
that's amazing to have that level of confidence that you would turn down money in your business. And and now what
01:44:45
if we applied that to as much as possible in our lives? Like what if we stopped hanging out with friends who
01:44:50
just sucked our energy? Are they really friends? rather than spend more time
01:44:56
with people who we enjoy. What if we take meetings from people we're excited to take a meeting with, not that we just
01:45:01
see dollar signs and opportunity? And what if we only partner with companies where we really like the people who are
01:45:08
who work at those companies? Doesn't you don't have to have a relationship with the CEO, but I really they've got a good culture. I really like working with them
01:45:14
and we make a little less money with them versus that other company, but I I
01:45:19
really like them because when things go wrong, I want to call that person. And and people ask me this all the time.
01:45:24
They say, "How do I choose a publisher?" And I've seen this mistake a thousand times. I've seen people like like former
01:45:29
CEOs who are like, "I now I'm going to write my book." I'm like, "Great. You've got a lot to say." And they've got
01:45:34
multiple offers and there's a bidding war. And they always ask me, "Which one should I go with? Which publisher should
01:45:39
I go with?" And I always say the same thing. Choose the one you're going to fight with best. Choose the publisher
01:45:44
you're going to fight with best. They're like, "What?" I'm like, "The goal is to make a good book. There's going to be creative tension. There's going to be
01:45:50
fights. Choose the the the publisher who you believes in your idea, believes in you, wants to make a great book, who
01:45:56
you're going to fight with really well. They every single one of them ignores me. Every single one of me takes the
01:46:01
biggest bid. And every single one of them has written a shitty book that didn't sell. Isn't that just relationship advice as well, though?
01:46:07
Probably. Yeah. Choose the person you're going to fight with best.
01:46:13
And the the the number of times that we forget about the quality of the product and we just want the it's the same it's
01:46:21
the same for job interviews. You know, don't take this is especially true for for young people. Like when you're
01:46:26
interviewing in in in a relatively junior job, entry level or slightly
01:46:32
above, don't worry about how much they're going to pay you. Like just as long as they pay you a livable wage, you
01:46:39
know, choose the job. Choose the job based on who you're going to work for.
01:46:44
Choose the person. I used to in early on in my career, people, you know, HR people would say, "What are you looking for?" I always I'd always say the same
01:46:50
thing. I said, "The thing that I'm looking for is probably like looking for love, but I'm looking for a mentor." And
01:46:56
every time I would evaluate a job, I didn't care how glamorous the brand was. I didn't care how much money they were going to pay me. And by the way, it's
01:47:01
not like I had money. I knew they were going to pay me something. I knew I could pay my bills. It's not like I've got I'm not a I'm not a trust fund baby.
01:47:07
Like, I needed I needed an income. Mhm. But one company offered me, you know, $5,000 more and one company offered me
01:47:13
$5,000 less, but I really like the person over here. I took that job. And it was a simp if I got one thing right
01:47:20
as a as a as a as a young person, it's that I always chose jobs based on who I would work for, not how much they were
01:47:26
going to pay me or what account or what brand I was going to work on. And that's the one thing I got right
01:47:31
because yes, I made less money than all my friends in the short term, but I got a I got a I got an education and a care
01:47:37
and a love from somebody who took me under their wing. I am a I am I am I
01:47:42
learned leadership from Dennis Glennon. I learned leadership from Peter and Tomaggio. I learned leadership from
01:47:49
Pamela Muffet. I learned leadership from these leaders who took a weird liking to me and took me under their wing. And
01:47:55
they were exceptionally good leaders themselves. and I got that education and all of them in the early days paid me
01:48:01
less than I could have got somewhere else and it's the same choose the people
01:48:07
in my um my book that I wrote I was the first chapter in it talks about this idea of these five buckets and I'm
01:48:14
giving I'm trying to give young kids advice on how to prioritize their career and it sounds somewhat similar to you so I'm going to throw this concept at you
01:48:19
and see see how it lands with you so the idea was that we all have these five buckets when we're starting our career
01:48:25
and the first bucket is your knowledge the second bucket is your skills. Now, these are the f the only buckets that
01:48:31
no professional earthquake in your career can unfill. You can be fired, you can be cancelled, whatever. You still
01:48:36
have your knowledge and skills. But the other three buckets I'm about to name, they can fluctuate. Bucket number three
01:48:42
is your network can fluctuate. Bucket number four is your resources can
01:48:48
fluctuate. And bucket number five is your reputation can fluctuate. And the idea is that focusing on those first two
01:48:53
buckets when you're young optim choosing jobs based on how much they're going to fill those two buckets and also what
01:48:59
they're going to fill them with and how relevant that information is. And when knowledge is applied, it becomes a skill. So you focus on filling your
01:49:06
knowledge. You apply that knowledge into skills and that really is the essence of career longevity. And as I noticed over time with people that I I hired and then
01:49:13
watched them throughout their careers and what they did, it seems to me that life over the long term typically brings
01:49:19
you back down or up to the level of your knowledge and skills. I.e. I had this one kid stepped down from my company
01:49:25
because he got a job offer at 21 to go be a CEO in America. And as he departs, I'm thinking he has not got the
01:49:30
knowledge and skills to be a CEO. Within 24 months, the company had gone bust. He was back down to doing the same job he
01:49:36
did for me. And I thought life just like resets you to the level of your knowledge and skills over time. So what
01:49:41
do you think of this? Are these I think we're saying the exact same thing. You did it more eloquently than me, you know. I think I think it's 100% right.
01:49:49
Uh um and the people who will fill that bucket with knowledge and skills are the
01:49:55
people who again for some reason they're good people. They're good leaders. They take a liking to you and they will give
01:50:00
you they will put you in situations and they will let you screw up and fix your own problems. fix your
01:50:06
own mistakes. Then that's what my bosses did for me. They rewarded my behavior when I got it right as opposed to my
01:50:12
results. Never got rewarded for my results. I always got rewarded for my behavior. So if I showed initiative, I
01:50:17
got a I got a reward even if the results didn't follow right. And I could there's I can tell you a great story on that.
01:50:23
And if I got things wrong, they would say, "Hm, wow, what are you going to do?" Really screwed that one up, didn't
01:50:30
you? Okay, what are you going to do? And they didn't they weren't happy with me,
01:50:36
but they let me fix my own messes and they stood by and I knew that they were there if I needed them. You know, Peter
01:50:41
and Tomaggio, one of the best leaders I ever worked for, annoyingly he never answered a single question I asked. Hey,
01:50:46
Peter, what should I do? I don't know. What do you think we should do? Well, I think we should do this. I'm like, okay, so go do that. You know, what do you
01:50:52
think, Peter? I'm asking you because I don't know. That's why I'm asking you. He's like, well, should probably go
01:50:59
think about that. He was he it was the worst. But what he taught me was self-reliance. What what he taught me
01:51:05
was self-reliance. What he taught me was if I don't know then I have to go keep searching and keep talking to people. I
01:51:11
have to have a point of view. Mhm. And may not be right and I'll find that out
01:51:16
myself too. And I also learned to have backup plans from him because something went haywire on me and it went so wrong.
01:51:22
It ended up being okay. But they he made me sweat it. And I remember at the end of the day, at the end of this whole
01:51:29
thing that went wrong. That was totally my fault. The phone rings. I see his 6 p.m. phone rings. I see his name come up
01:51:36
on the caller ID. And I pick up the phone. I remember the whole call word for word. Right. Pick up the phone. I go, "Hello." He says, "Close call
01:51:44
today." I said, "Yep." He said, "Better to get shaved by the bullet than hit by the bullet." I went, "Yep." He said,
01:51:52
"Have a good night." I said, "You too." That was the whole phone call. And so
01:51:58
since then, since that experience, I always have a backup plan. Now, it doesn't mean it's all ready to go, but I've thought about if this thing that
01:52:04
I'm trying to do doesn't work, what will I do? And I have at least committed some
01:52:09
thought to it. So, if if something does go wrong, I'm like, I'm a little bit ahead. Either have it planned or I'm
01:52:14
like, okay, okay, don't worry. I kind of if this happened, I thought about this already. And it's only because of these
01:52:19
great leaders. And it goes, this is this recurring theme of this whole conversation, which is it's the
01:52:24
struggle. It's the journey, not the destination. It's the human beings that guide us. It's the human beings that
01:52:30
hold space for us that make us better what we do better better than how we show up in the world. And AI will
01:52:37
absolutely make our lives easier. Like most technology makes our lives easier. That's kind of the role, the rule of
01:52:42
technology, which is to make life a little easier, a little more efficient, a little quicker, a little less, you
01:52:48
know, strain on the muscles. you know, that's kind of what it does, you know, from the from the plow, you know, all
01:52:56
the way up to the internet and AI. It just makes life a little easier. But we're still human beings who
01:53:02
are forced to live with human beings. You're writing a book about friendship that we're all waiting for. Yeah. I'm
01:53:07
not going to ask you when it's due cuz I don't want to be your publisher, but um I know that they they chase and chase and chase and chase, but my I guess my
01:53:15
closing question is why? Of all the things you could have written about, Simon, you're someone who's able to traverse se several subject matters
01:53:20
across business and life and everything in between, but you've committed yourself to the struggle of writing a
01:53:27
book about friendship. Mhm. There's an entire industry to help us be better
01:53:32
leaders, right? There's an entire industry to help you have a successful relationship or successful marriage or
01:53:38
even find a partner, right? Industries, books, companies.
01:53:43
There's very little on how to be a friend. And if you think about if you're
01:53:48
going to have a successful career and can and can survive the stresses of career and if you're going to have a
01:53:54
successful romantic relationship or marriage and survive that, do you know what what you need in both of those
01:54:00
circumstances? Friends. Because when your marriage is falling apart, you go to a friend. When your job is falling
01:54:05
apart, you go to a friend. When and and there's a few things that I've discovered about friends that I find
01:54:12
delightful. And I have been reorganizing my life to as I and I mentioned it
01:54:18
before like I've been reorganizing my life to ensure that my friends aren't taken for granted and that sometimes I
01:54:24
do depp prioritize work in order to see my friends and spend time with my friends because I know it feels good to
01:54:29
them and I know it feels good to me and I know that the only reason I can get
01:54:35
through any work stress or personal stress I have is because of those magical human beings and I will not take them for granted and um doesn't I mean
01:54:42
it's always easy. I'm conflicted often but I'm trying. And I also know if you
01:54:49
look at the work the world today and like there's so much conversation about loneliness, depression, anxiety, inability to cope with stress, even the
01:54:55
obsession with longevity. Like there's so much about these subjects and some people treat it with drugs and then
01:55:01
meditation and vacations and burn. Like there's so many theories. The one thing that fixes all of those things is
01:55:08
friends. Friendship is the ultimate biohack. You know, we've talked about this before. I fundamentally believe
01:55:14
that. And if it's so valuable, like if I know if you know vegetables are good for you, you eat more vegetables. If you
01:55:21
know exercise is good for you, you do more exercise. So if I say friends are good for you, shouldn't you do more
01:55:26
friendships, right? Like shouldn't you exercise is not fun or easy and you have to get over a hump sometimes? Eating
01:55:34
vegetables can sometimes be boring and unsatisfying, but you do it and you find new ways. And so maybe friendship is not
01:55:41
always easy or fun, but it's still really really good for you. And it the
01:55:46
best thing about friends is it actually doesn't taste like spinach. It's like you get the benefits of spinach, but it tastes like chocolate cake. If you get
01:55:52
friendship right, it's it's the healthiest thing in the world. How do I know if someone's a friend?
01:55:59
Have that conversation with them because I know a lot of people. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, like, and you have deal friends,
01:56:04
you know, you have a lot of deal friends, you know, podcast friends. Podcast. Yeah. uh work friends, you
01:56:10
know, and you and we have and not look, I'm not talking about there's all kinds of friends. There's friends that you just like hanging out with. They're just
01:56:16
fun, but you're not going to go with them with your problems or to sort out, you know, issues. You're not you're just not work or personal. They're just fun,
01:56:24
right? There's nothing wrong with that. Um, but I think, you know, I'm certainly guilty of spending time with people
01:56:30
that, you know, they fill a space and they make me feel not lonely, but at the end of the day, I don't feel
01:56:36
smarter, inspired, brighter, lighter when they when I say goodbye. I'm just like, "All right, bye. That was fun."
01:56:42
And I kind of want to spend more time with people who lift me, teach me, support me, love me, give me a give me a
01:56:49
chance to serve. They open up to me and let me serve as well. You know, I struggled to make friends and I
01:56:56
think Do you know why? I think
01:57:02
I I think I'm lazy with it. Lazy with friendships. So, I will meet someone,
01:57:08
I'll have a great connection with them and then my followup like I don't really
01:57:14
know what to do next. So, I'll meet your followup is crap. Oh, [ __ ] But this
01:57:19
is what I mean. Like my I'll meet someone. I'll text you and maybe I'll get a response. Vice versa.
01:57:26
I think you left me on red. But you you're the same. Are you the
01:57:32
same or is it just with me? It's just with me. It's just with you. But but I think my follow-up game is like crap.
01:57:38
I'll meet someone. I'll go, "Oh my god, I'll see I'll see the potential for a friendship and then I won't know what I
01:57:45
have." Or maybe I'm just being lazy. I'm trying to I want to be honest. So I I I maybe I just don't prioritize it enough.
01:57:51
I think also when you start having fame and money and you're used to being the boss, you get away with stuff. So you
01:57:59
show up late, everybody's like pissed off and angry and then you show up and they're like and you're like sorry. Like no, no, no, don't worry, don't worry.
01:58:05
Right? Like you get away with stuff in the world, right? And so I think what that does is I see this with celebrities
01:58:11
all the time, right? Because everybody yeses them to death and they get away with it and nobody ever holds them accountable. At some point they just get
01:58:18
lazier and lazier and lazier because they can. Oh yeah. You know. Yeah. And so they don't have to put in the effort
01:58:23
because other people put in the effort. Yeah. And nobody bees like like somebody who's a nobody won't say to them, "Yo,
01:58:31
[ __ ] Not respectful. What? You think my schedule doesn't matter? I've been
01:58:36
waiting here for 3 hours. Just because you're a celebrity, you think you can just keep me waiting?
01:58:42
Not cool. Nobody says that to them." Yeah. And somebody should say that to them. But uh they should say it to themselves. They should say it to
01:58:48
themselves. That would be ideal. And some of them have the self-awareness to know they're getting away with it. That's even worse cuz then they're doing
01:58:53
it on purpose. At least blindness, I think. You know, they can at least hide behind ignorance. But, uh, yeah, I mean,
01:59:00
friendship takes effort. Yeah. There'll be a lot of people listening now, I know, that understand. I think they'll
01:59:06
resonate with what I'm saying, which is I'll meet someone, I'll be like, we could be really good friends. I see so
01:59:11
much in us. I love what you stand for. We we have so much in common. and then it drifts because neither party have the
01:59:18
tools or the skill of like what to do then. We also live in a strange world where I've met people where I have all
01:59:25
of that and I follow up like immediately. I'm like, "Hey, I had such a good time. Let's make a plan." And they're like, "What? Huh? What?" Or I
01:59:30
call as opposed to like texting. And people like, "What? Why are you calling?" Like, "Well, we we had a nice time. I thought we'd maybe talk, you
01:59:38
know, and I think we live in this strange world where people put it out there, but they don't really want it."
01:59:43
Looping us right back to the beginning of this conversation as you said that about the call. That made me think again about how this going to become a premium
01:59:50
on human because calling is so archaic to me that when someone does it, it's
01:59:56
like a treat now. And I was thinking what's what's taking that even further would be writing someone a letter. If
02:00:02
someone Do you know who wrote me a letter? Evan from Snapchat came on the podcast, the founder and CEO of Snapchat. And then by the time I'd got
02:00:08
back to London, there was a letter on my desk from Evan and it just said, "I had a great conversation with you. Um, thank
02:00:13
you for being so thoughtful with the questions. Thank you for the research. Here's my number. would love to stay in touch. Yeah. And it blew me away. AI
02:00:19
wrote that. No, it was with He had an auto pen. He
02:00:24
just It was with a pen. I had a signature and his phone number. I thought that is so beautiful. It's classic. It's classic and classy.
02:00:32
There's a premium on being human. Simon, thank you so much. Thank you for being so generous with your time always.
02:00:37
Thank you for always my show. um you always move me forward in my thinking in such a profound and unexpected always
02:00:42
unexpected way that I'll tremendous I'll value tremendously for a very very long time in our friendship I I'm going to
02:00:48
text back even faster you know we need to go on more dates um and I look forward to that and look forward to our next date in London which I know is
02:00:54
coming up sometime soon yeah we'll go out for sure it'll be fun we have a closing tradition which nearly forgot I do know the tradition which is the last
02:00:59
guest leaves a question for the next guest yes what's my question what are you doing in your life to mentor someone
02:01:06
coming up behind you and Then who is a person that you'd like to mentor, teach,
02:01:12
or coach that needs your voice the most? I it's it's my team is everything
02:01:19
right now. Like I want to give everything I've learned to my team. I want the folks on my team to benefit
02:01:25
from all the mistakes I've made. And one of the joys of being in founder mode when it's
02:01:31
not the the actual beginning is I have way more in my skill and knowledge
02:01:38
bucket that I want to pour out. And so I one of the reasons I'm having so much
02:01:44
fun in founder mode is because I want to give away everything that I've learned
02:01:49
so that my team can be stronger and stronger and better and better cuz I want to leave something that can survive
02:01:54
me that you know if if I you know the whole school bus test you know if the founder gets hit by a bus will the
02:02:00
company continue or will it not and I really want to build something where they want to build it without me. Feels
02:02:07
like there's been a change here. M what was the catalyst? For the past couple years, I've been just trying out a lot
02:02:12
of different things to find to to find uh a level of excitement and energy that
02:02:18
I think I'd lost for a little bit and I found it. Like this has been like the founder mode. My team are so great and
02:02:25
they so want to they so want to push boundaries and all I want to do is take take the reinss off like take the leash
02:02:31
off. Like I want them to experiment. I want them to try things and I'm trying to create an environment where they're creative. They do things. Half of them
02:02:37
will fail. I don't care. Let's try again. And I I just love being around
02:02:42
all the creative ideas that they're coming up with. My team asked you to bring something that meant a lot to you, and you brought me this. And I don't
02:02:49
know what's in this
02:02:54
box. Oh, two medallions. Medals. Mhm. Those
02:03:01
are military challenge coins. Um, I brought the one, the round one, just to show you what the traditional ones look
02:03:06
like. Um, uh, this is the one I care about. I mean, I care about them both, but this is the one I brought. So, these
02:03:13
are, uh, only generals or commanders will give these out. They're hard to get. You get them when you do something
02:03:20
of service. It's, it's less formal than a medal. They can give it out to whomever they want. And it's their way
02:03:26
of saying thank you. And the challenge coins that I've been given, I'm very, very proud of because I feel like I earned them. And the thing that I love
02:03:32
is when they give them to you, they don't just hand it to you. They put it in their hand like this and they shake your
02:03:37
hand. Go on. And that's how they give them to you. And they say, "Thank you, Simon, so
02:03:43
much for coming here and helping us out." And that's how they give me the coin. The reason this one means a lot to
02:03:49
me is because I did some work with the with Air Force Top Gun. It's called the
02:03:54
Weapons School, but it's Air Force Top Gun. And this is their coin and this is their patch. That's And um I did some
02:04:00
work with them to help them get to the core of their why, what their true value was. just to make sure that their culture stays clear and good for a long
02:04:07
time. And we came up with three words, three actions that everybody who goes through Air Force Top Gun is required to
02:04:12
do, which is build, teach, lead, which is the idea that you build a skill set,
02:04:18
you teach that skill set to other people, and then you build leaders and you lead, right? This whole idea that
02:04:24
you have you have a responsibility to build, to teach, and to lead, accumulate and give and serve. And the thing that
02:04:31
is so powerful is the comedant of the weapon school after we did the work. He took those words and he put them on the
02:04:37
coin. Oh really? And they exist on the coin and they have been on there for years since. And I am so proud to have
02:04:43
given something that has longevity that is literally on the coin.
02:04:49
Build, teach, lead. Yeah. That is such a beautiful mantra for life. Yeah. And
02:04:55
they're they're wonderful people who go there. And uh what an honor that work
02:05:00
that I did ended up on a coin. And so they gave me the coin out of gratitude
02:05:06
for the work that I did and it had my words on it. So it's not my words, it's their words. I just helped distill them.
02:05:11
It's who they are when they're at their natural best. I just helped them put it and codify it. Simon, thank you. Thanks.
02:05:18
Always love our conversations and long may they continue. Likewise.
02:05:24
This has always blown my mind a little bit. 53% of you that listen to this show regularly haven't yet subscribed to the
02:05:30
show. So, could I ask you for a favor? If you like the show and you like what we do here and you want to support us, the free simple way that you can do just
02:05:36
that is by hitting the subscribe button. And my commitment to you is if you do that, then I'll do everything in my
02:05:41
power, me and my team, to make sure that this show is better for you every single week. We'll listen to your feedback.
02:05:47
We'll find the guests that you want me to speak to and we'll continue to do what we do. Thank you so much. Heat. Heat. N.
02:05:54
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