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You're seeing an 8-year-old who got yelled at at a family dinner table. >> Mhm.
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>> That's all. But you're just seeing it in a grown-up body. One of the things that
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I teach everybody is this thing called the childhood development triangle. When you're growing up, what did that child
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have to do most of the time to earn and keep friends? So friends is one. And then to feel safe. What did the kid have
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to do to feel safe? For some kids, it was like, am I going to eat today? I'm
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gonna become safe by getting really small and shrinking so nobody notices me. Or I'm gonna become safe by being
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hypervigilant because I don't know if dad drank before he got home or if he's
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going to start drinking when he got home. What are the scripts that that child needed to run on autopilot to feel
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safe, to make friends, and then to get rewards? And that would be the third side. It's typically just appreciation,
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affection, love. That tends to get written in childhood. And the kid who writes all these permanent scripts, they
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put them in a backpack and carry them all the way into adulthood. And 90% of us are walking around with this exact
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triangle governing our life. And if you look around at people at work, you see this woman who every time there's a
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meeting, uh, she wants to speak up a lot, but then she shuts her mouth and her body shuts down and all this kind of
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stuff. You're seeing an 8-year-old who got yelled at at a family dinner table.
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>> Mhm. That's all. But you're just seeing it in a grown-up body. I'm not saying
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that you can go out there and there's like here's six steps that are going to
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change your whole freaking life if you if you do these six things. The awareness is what you want. with the
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side agreement of I am not special and I'm completely okay if I am never understood because most of what happens
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uh when we get into arguments with our spouse, we get into these arguments with people at at work, it's
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our argument to be understood more than it is for us to come to a solution.