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Why Are Millennials Not Having Kids? with Stew Friedman, Author of Baby Bust

March 12, 2024 / 26:38

This episode features Dr. Stuart Friedman discussing his book, Baby Bust: New Choices for Men and Women in Work and Family, and the changing attitudes toward parenthood among younger generations.

Dr. Friedman, an organizational psychologist and Emeritus practice professor at Wharton, shares insights from his research comparing the class of 1992 and 2012. He highlights a significant decline in the desire to have children, dropping from 78% to 42% over two decades.

Key discussions include the reasons behind this shift, with men expressing concerns about financial stability and work-life balance, while women report greater freedom and societal pressures influencing their choices.

Dr. Friedman also addresses the impact of recent societal changes, including the pandemic and climate change, on young people's willingness to become parents. He emphasizes the importance of policy changes to support families and the need for individuals to challenge traditional work norms.

The episode concludes with Dr. Friedman encouraging listeners to create a world where parenting choices are more feasible and to advocate for policies that support work-life integration.

TL;DR

Dr. Stuart Friedman discusses declining interest in parenthood among younger generations and the societal factors influencing these choices.

Episode

26:38
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this podcast is brought to you by knowah
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[Music]
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warten welcome to knowledge at warten
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I'm Angie bessan with me today is Dr
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Stuart fredman he's the author of baby
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bust new choices for men and women in
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work and family it's a really
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interesting look at how our competitive
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demanding work culture in the United
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States is leading more and more young
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people to question whether they want to
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become parents or even have
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families Dr fredman is an organizational
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psychologist he joined the Wharton staff
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in
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1984 and in early 1990s set up two of
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the seminal programs here at the
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university the Wharton leadership
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program and the Wharton work life
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integration project he has uh been a
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sought-after expert in the topic of work
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life balance and he's won numerous
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awards for his teaching Excellence now
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he is an Emeritus practice professor of
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management Stu thanks for joining me so
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great to be here Angie thanks for having
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me thank you well we have something to
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celebrate today because it's is the 10th
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anniversary of baby bus so it's been
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reissued to marthy occasion
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congratulations that's an achievement
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thank you I'm very glad to have this new
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addition and grateful to the Wharton
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press for uh for doing it absolutely
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well this book is based on your research
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using Wharton graduates as your as your
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subject matter you talked to the class
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of 1992 and then 20 years later the
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class of 2012 you surveyed them about
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their perceptions and their attitudes
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about work and family give us a bit of
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an overview and really what inspired you
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to write this
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book well uh you know back in the 80s I
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was doing research and practice uh
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working with organizations on leadership
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development talent management for uh for
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how companies prepared and selected
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their senior
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Executives um that was my dissertation
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at the University of Michigan that's
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what I've been working on and it was all
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going quite swimmingly when uh few years
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into that in the late 80s I became a
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father for the first time and that sort
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of changed things for me and I realized
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at that moment of meeting my son for the
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first time that uh that I had a new
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question to pursue and that was how am I
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going to contribute to making the world
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one in which he's going to flourish so I
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brought that question to everyone
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including my students in the Wharton
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School uh in the MBA program and asked
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what are you as future Business Leaders
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going to do about uh cultivating not
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just the next generation of talent in
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your companies but the Next Generation
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full stop and that uh that conversation
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led me to to become a lot more active in
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doing research starting to develop
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teaching models and uh sharing knowledge
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about how people integrate the different
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parts of their lives for Mutual gain it
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led to this the start of the work life
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integration project which did uh
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research in the field finding people who
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were good at this uh and identifying
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what it was about what they did that
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helped them to find Harmony among the
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different parts of their lives as
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parents and in other aspects of their
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lives we also did large scale survey
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research uh starting in
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1992 uh which was uh the basis the
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original basis for the uh the baby bus
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study so uh we started tracking
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different classes of of Wharton students
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and as the project grew and aged and as
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I aged uh we we decided 20 years after
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the initial
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study uh the first in a series of
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studies we decided to go back to the
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class of 1992 and ask them a series of
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questions about their lives their
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careers their hopes their dreams their
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passions their
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interests um their political views lots
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and lots of questions about who they are
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as people but we also surveyed the class
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of 2012 which enabled us to do a
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cross-generational study 20 years apart
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so we compared the class of 1992 when
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they graduated and the class of 2012
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when they graduated so we had a true uh
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you know cross-generational
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comparison that's the study that uh baby
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bust is about and now 10 years after
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that study uh I've had a chance to to
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provide some new commentary on what we
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observed then in 2012 or 2013 was
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actually when the uh um the study was
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published and and now 10 years later the
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the main finding the thing that really
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struck me when I looked at the data uh
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comparing the class of 1992 to the class
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of 2012 was what men and women were
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saying about their interests in planning
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uh to have or adopt
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children in
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1992 uh about 78 79% of men and women
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said that they plan to have or adopt
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children so the the response scale was
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uh yes probably not sure probably not
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and no so 78 79% men and women said uh
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yes or probably in 1992 in 2012 that
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number dropped to 42
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43% that's really dramatic I was it was
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crazy I thought no that can't be that's
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just too too huge a drop uh but it was
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true so that became kind of the focal
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point for looking at what had changed
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when we when we studied the Gen xers
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compared uh to the uh compared to the
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Millennials um and so in in the book
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what what I do is to
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describe what
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changed uh and why uh and and how the
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story is a little bit different for men
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and women as to why fewer young people
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were planning to have or adopt children
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let's talk a little bit about that um
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first of all I do want to show the book
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here it is this is the newest edition
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with the orange cover um the the there
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is a striking number of differences in
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the attitudes and the perceptions
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between the Gen xers and the Millennials
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um some things were similar as you put
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in the book there's good news and
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there's bad news can you highlight some
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of those differences that you found for
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us well people are less likely to want
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to have children now I thought uh and
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and in indeed the original response to
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the to the
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book uh was oh that's just Wharton
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students we can't really generalize well
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it turns out that these are trends that
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are both National and Global uh I I
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became much more knowledgeable about
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Trends in birth rates because I had to
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to try to learn something about uh what
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it was we were observing among
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students uh and and now alumni turns out
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um these are not isolated findings among
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you know these Elite Business School
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students these are uh broader findings
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and uh there are a number of reasons
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that explain why men and women uh
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shifted in their in their interests
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their willingness to want to have uh
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kids of of their own uh it's not that
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they think any less about the importance
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of long-term relationships or even
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becoming a parent it's still an
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important part of life it's just that
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many many fewer of them are planning to
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actually do it uh for for men it had to
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do in part with
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um having a different attitude about
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what a modern father is a a different
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father than the one that they had in
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terms of their role in the family
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wanting to be more involved more
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active um and also wanting to be able to
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uh to uh to fund their family's needs
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and their concerns about that so we
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found that people uh young men who were
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caring uh a high level of student debt
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for example they were less likely to
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want to have kids because they were
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afraid that they couldn't provide the
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support uh they also anticipated greater
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conflict uh in their uh relationships
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because uh of their um expected amount
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of Engagement in the role of Father uh
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and how that was going to conflict with
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their um being you know uh
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successful in uh in their careers women
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on the other hand had had very different
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reasons uh for their reduced interest in
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having children one was uh greater
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Freedom uh they they had a greater sense
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of choosing not to become uh a mother uh
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compared to their uh the the um gen xers
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before them that the social pressures to
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become a mother were not as great
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uh they also were conflicted about their
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role in society more women who felt that
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uh it was important for them to be
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contributing to social good through
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their work those people saw a conflict
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between that role and their ability uh
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to have the time and attention that they
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wanted uh for for children so those are
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just some of the uh ways in which men
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and women shifted over the course of
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those two generations I think for me
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what really struck me about that shift
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that change is is almost like the the
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Gen X uh cohort had these rose-colored
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glasses on right the idea that they
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could achieve it they could do it all
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and um the Millennials uh went into it
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with their eyes wide open this that you
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mentioned in the book they're concerned
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about student debt they're concerned
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about climate change they're concerned
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about social injustice um it reminded me
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of a Betty for Dan the famous Betty for
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Dan quote uh you can have it all just
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not at the same time and it felt it felt
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like the Millennials kind of got that
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message so they were sort of scaling
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back their expectations of what their
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life might be like and understanding
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that perhaps these are choices now that
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they have to make that they cannot have
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at all would you say that that's an
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accurate uh sort of depiction of uh the
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differences yeah one of the fascinating
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of observations comparing those two
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generations was that men seemed in their
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attitudes to become more egalitarian in
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terms of how you know two career uh
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relationships were going to work where
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men were going to be more active at home
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and to be uh more equally Distributing
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you know domestic responsibilities
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however to your point women seem to have
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um learned from the generation prior to
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them uh some hard lessons uh that that
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perhaps the Gen xers didn't quite
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Envision with their more Rosy or
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optimistic view about you know anything
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being possible and so the uh the uh Gen
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X women were less likely to have uh the
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The View that relationships at home
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would be egalitarian than their
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forebears so they saw it as necessary to
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make sacrifices more so than uh the
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people 20 years prior to them uh the
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result though is that the attitudes
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about
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egalitarian relationships two career
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relationships and how they were going to
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work converged uh and so they're more on
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the same page now uh than men and women
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are than they were in the past and that
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uh that there's a note of optimism I
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think that comes from that observation
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definitely you you as you mentioned
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there's good news there but it also what
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was striking to me was just how much the
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the men that you surveyed really um were
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vocal about their concerns about their
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worries yes they see uh women's careers
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as being equal to theirs they see their
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role in fatherhood as being much greater
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than the generations previous to them
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but they were also concerned about how
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they were going to accomplish that as
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well um if I ask you to prognosticate a
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little bit into the future um if you
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were to survey the attitudes of the
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class of 2022 which would be 10 years
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forward what do what kind of differences
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do you think you might find
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now well these last 10 years uh have
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been um really tumultuous of course we
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all know that uh and and the trends uh
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that I observed in that earlier study
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continue so birth rates continue to
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decline uh in our society and it's it's
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a frightening Prospect for the
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future um the pandemic had a radical
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shift uh in how people think about the
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relationship between work and the rest
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of life um there's a greater recognition
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that people have lives outside of work
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um there's also a greater recognition of
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the need for uh us as a society to be
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investing more in education uh as people
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came to realize that uh professional
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Educators do an enormous service to our
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society and need need more support and
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uh you not just economic but all kinds
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of support in society um so there's a
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greater recognition of the need to
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support the whole person and to help
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people to create bound boundaries among
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the different parts of life uh and to
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invest in the whole person that shift is
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definitely happened it's a good thing
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however the digital revolution has uh
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created a a an environment in which it's
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it's harder to focus uh on one thing at
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a time it's harder to focus on work
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people young people especially are even
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more socially isolated and alienated
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feeling lonely these are not my own
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personal observations there's a lot of
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research supporting this and I think
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that makes it harder for them to connect
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in ways that make them want to become
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parents of course there's climate change
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which has become a much more present
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issue in the minds of most thinking
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people uh and people who are informed
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about what's happening in the world and
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uh when I when I had a discussion about
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the original findings of the baby bust
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study uh in a recent class uh in my MBA
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uh class on leadership from the point of
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view of the whole person What I Call
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Total
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leadership um which is another outgrowth
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of the work life integration project
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another another topic which I won't
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delve into here but in that class we had
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people reading this the study findings
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and then learning about what the impact
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of climate change was going to be on the
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future and our future business um ideas
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and this was uh a heated debate uh that
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ensued about well is it is it moral to
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bring children into a world that is
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going to be
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uninhabitable so so there are those
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kinds of concerns on top of all the
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other uh sort of chaotic changes that
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are happening in our world that I think
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make it ever less likely for people to
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feel confident in taking up the role of
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uh being a parent I would love to have
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been a fly on the wall in one of your
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classrooms during one of those debates
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um it's certainly a debate that you hear
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pretty much in every corner now uh
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younger older people doesn't matter um
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it's just something that's on the top of
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our our minds right now um let me ask
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you one of the things that I really like
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about this book is that it's not just a
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summary of your research it's not just a
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narrative you also offer these policy
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recommendations okay doct Freeman what
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can we do to fix it and you put those in
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there you have them at the society level
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which is more cultural policy you have
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it at the organizational level and you
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have it at the individual level and of
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course we can't talk about all of them
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but I was wondering if You' pick out
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some of the ones that you feel are the
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most important maybe the most doable
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that we could start looking at well
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where we have seen some change at the
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policy level though not nearly fast or
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enough substantial enough is in child
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care and uh family leave there is no
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reason why the United States cannot be
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the world leader in providing real
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support for families all kinds of
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families uh and that starts with family
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medical leave and child heare uh we are
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woefully behind the rest of the world
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the rest of the developed world for sure
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uh and um you know that's a that's a
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matter of political uh will uh we again
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have made some progress not nearly
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enough the real progress seems to be
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happening at the municipal and state
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levels that are more malleable perhaps
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uh but at the federal level there's been
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very little uh so that those are two
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that's where I would start uh and there
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are you growing movements uh of
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political actors of Advocates of All
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Sorts activists who are pressing for
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this and you know that's something that
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each and every one of us can have an
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impact on in terms of the people we vote
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for um at the at the organizational
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level in businesses all kinds of
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organizations there has also been
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progress probably more progress on that
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front where you have the private sector
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responding to the demand of the labor
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market wanting more flexibility and more
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control over their lives so that they
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can do the things that matter to them in
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all the different parts of their lives
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including becoming parents you see just
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greater uh understanding and respect for
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how to enact a a real flexible uh
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workplace there are still many sources
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of resistance to that uh including
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traditional outmoded views about what u
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a good working life looks like but that
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is clearly changing and will continue to
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as young people especially gen Z are you
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know pressing up against and pushing for
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change at the individual level and you
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know within families I've done a lot of
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work on that uh in what I referred to
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earlier is the total leadership program
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which I created when I was I took a
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leave from Morton for a few years about
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20 years ago to become head of
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leadership development for Ford Motor
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Company and what we did there was to
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develop a model model of leadership
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that's about the whole person we called
00:19:01
it total leadership and you can learn
00:19:03
all about that at and about the baby bus
00:19:05
study and some other research uh at
00:19:08
total leadership.org that is all about
00:19:12
how you learn to become a better leader
00:19:15
and have a richer Life by knowing what's
00:19:18
important to you knowing who's important
00:19:20
to you and experimenting continually
00:19:22
with how you get things done and we've
00:19:24
seen incredible results in helping
00:19:26
people to find greater freedom
00:19:28
and greater control of their lives to be
00:19:31
able to create a bit more Harmony in
00:19:33
their lives and to perform better and to
00:19:35
grow faster As Leaders the most recent
00:19:40
um version of that work is a book called
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parents who lead where we took the the
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essence of that total Leadership Model
00:19:48
and practice which is a course that I've
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been teaching at Wharton now for over 20
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years and we applied it to parents
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people who are in the parenting project
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together and so we had another set of
00:20:00
Orton alumni uh develop with us uh a set
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of tools that help parents get on the
00:20:06
same page in terms of their values and
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their Vision uh who is most important to
00:20:11
them and how to connect with them in
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meaningful ways and how to experiment as
00:20:14
a family with new ways to become uh uh
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more close to each other more trusting
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and better able to meet the needs of
00:20:25
both parents or however many parents
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there are and the children as it grows
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uh in in uh in their communities and in
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their business lives uh people are more
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fruitful as a result because they are
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consciously and deliberately creating
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positive change that works for them
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their families their businesses and
00:20:44
their communities uh so there there is
00:20:48
hope I think the the the best action
00:20:50
that I've seen and where I tend to focus
00:20:52
my background is is is as a psychologist
00:20:55
is at the individual and family levels
00:20:57
because I think that's where you can
00:20:58
have the most tangible kind of impact uh
00:21:02
so there is some hope but you know uh I
00:21:06
am pessimistic as we talk right now in
00:21:09
February
00:21:10
2024 about the prospects for positive
00:21:14
social change uh you know depending on
00:21:17
what happens uh in the upcoming election
00:21:19
I think it's going to have a profound
00:21:21
impact on so many aspects of social life
00:21:25
uh cultural life um including especially
00:21:29
uh in support for families and the kind
00:21:32
of
00:21:33
freedoms uh like control over our own
00:21:37
bodies for one and also how we choose to
00:21:40
live in the kinds of families we want to
00:21:43
create um so political action at this
00:21:47
time I think is an imperative for all of
00:21:49
us to try to create the world we want
00:21:51
we're definitely at a Tipping Point um
00:21:53
one of the things I wanted to bring out
00:21:54
uh when you are talking about the
00:21:56
individual level is you really in this
00:21:57
book you encourage people uh to push
00:22:01
back to challenge the stigmas of uh of
00:22:04
work being this badge of honor this
00:22:06
sense of heroism that I'm I'm working 10
00:22:08
12 14 hours a day you encourage in
00:22:11
particular men to push back against the
00:22:13
stigmas of uh masculinity um the one of
00:22:17
the phrases we use these days toxic
00:22:18
masculinity to sort of engage and this
00:22:21
what I'm hearing is this the sort of
00:22:22
idea that it can come from the top from
00:22:24
management from organizations and it can
00:22:25
also Bubble Up From The Bottom from
00:22:27
people saying no this isn't really how I
00:22:29
want to live my life I think I can find
00:22:31
a deeper richer more meaningful life in
00:22:33
both work and at home so I think that's
00:22:36
a really important message in your book
00:22:38
and and uh that it is possible to not
00:22:43
have it all at once as as you cited
00:22:46
Betty frean speaking but we can have
00:22:48
more of what we want as as people in
00:22:52
society parents and in other roles if we
00:22:55
take seriously the idea that to grow as
00:22:59
a person as a leader in your life you
00:23:02
need to really identify what's important
00:23:04
to you what's important to the people
00:23:05
around you and then continually look for
00:23:08
opportunities to make change that's good
00:23:10
for you and the people around you so to
00:23:13
get beyond the trade-off thinking that
00:23:16
the term work life balance canotes it's
00:23:18
a bad phrase because it's it compels you
00:23:22
to think about the trade-offs you must
00:23:24
make now of course trade-offs are
00:23:26
inevitable but there are more
00:23:29
opportunities to create positive change
00:23:31
that can have an impact on all the
00:23:34
different parts of your life if you are
00:23:36
intentional and smart about looking for
00:23:38
those starts with knowing what's
00:23:40
important to you who's important and
00:23:42
then looking for ways that you can act
00:23:44
to make a positive impact on the world
00:23:46
and and there are many many
00:23:48
opportunities and everyone can do this
00:23:50
yes so that does give me uh some hope
00:23:54
but it's a uh it's a difficult Road for
00:23:57
us given the political environment that
00:23:59
we're in right now let's stay let's stay
00:24:01
positive uh I'm going to close but I
00:24:03
wanted to read just a couple of
00:24:04
sentences from your book uh you say the
00:24:06
call to action described in this book is
00:24:08
as relevant now as it was 10 years ago
00:24:11
perhaps more so we can create a world in
00:24:14
which people are free to choose whether
00:24:16
to become parents and to make the
00:24:17
parenting path more feasible for those
00:24:19
who want to pursue it that's exactly
00:24:21
what we've been discussing in the last
00:24:23
couple of minutes what are your closing
00:24:25
thoughts on that where do you hope we
00:24:27
are in work life integration I won't use
00:24:29
the word balance uh 50 years from now
00:24:32
where will we
00:24:33
be I really think it's going to depend
00:24:35
on what happens this year in the
00:24:37
presidential election uh and you know if
00:24:41
if we have people who are thinking about
00:24:43
the future and thinking about us as a
00:24:46
society who are in positions of you know
00:24:49
executive Authority making choices about
00:24:52
investing in families and the the health
00:24:55
and education that they need to to be
00:24:57
supported in growing uh healthy
00:25:01
well-nourished and open-minded citizens
00:25:05
uh you know that that's going to help a
00:25:07
lot uh I think you know it's hard to
00:25:09
predict how the world's going to be 50
00:25:11
years from now uh you know and it's uh
00:25:17
you know my hope now as a grandfather
00:25:19
I'm I'm the proud grandfather of three
00:25:21
amazing people and I you know I think a
00:25:24
lot about them and about what their
00:25:26
world's going to be like
00:25:28
and my hope is that we will make choices
00:25:32
today that will that will enable them to
00:25:36
be free to choose the lives that they
00:25:39
want to
00:25:41
live uh in all aspects of their lives
00:25:44
That's My Hope and I hold on to that
00:25:47
hope and I doing what I can to try to
00:25:50
make that hope uh become real absolutely
00:25:54
thank you so much again the book is uh
00:25:56
called Baby bust uh
00:25:58
new choices for men and women in work
00:26:00
and family this is the 10th anniversary
00:26:01
edition it is put out by Wharton School
00:26:03
press you can download it or get a copy
00:26:05
from your favorite book seller uh I want
00:26:08
to thank Dr Stuart freedan for joining
00:26:10
me if you enjoyed this conversation you
00:26:12
can check out all our content on our
00:26:14
website it's uh just type knowledge of
00:26:17
warten into your search bar I'm Angie
00:26:19
basuni thank you for being
00:26:21
here thank you
00:26:23
Angie for more insight from knowledge at
00:26:26
Wharton please visit knowledge. won.
00:26:29
up.edu
00:26:32
[Music]

Badges

This episode stands out for the following:

  • 70
    Most shocking
  • 70
    Best concept / idea
  • 65
    Most quotable
  • 65
    Most surprising

Episode Highlights

  • The Baby Bust Study
    Dr. Fredman explores the dramatic decline in interest in parenthood among young people.
    “In 1992, 78% planned to have children; by 2012, it dropped to 42%.”
    @ 05m 47s
    March 12, 2024
  • Generational Differences in Parenting
    The conversation highlights how Gen X and Millennials view parenting differently.
    “Millennials are scaling back their expectations about what their life might be like.”
    @ 10m 15s
    March 12, 2024
  • Policy Recommendations for Family Support
    Dr. Fredman emphasizes the need for better family leave and childcare policies in the U.S.
    “The U.S. cannot be the world leader in providing real support for families.”
    @ 16m 51s
    March 12, 2024
  • Creating a Meaningful Life
    Exploring how to find a deeper, richer life at work and home.
    “We can have more of what we want as people.”
    @ 22m 31s
    March 12, 2024
  • The Call to Action
    The relevance of the book's message in today's political climate.
    “The call to action described in this book is as relevant now as it was 10 years ago.”
    @ 24m 08s
    March 12, 2024
  • Hope for Future Generations
    A grandfather's wish for a better world for his grandchildren.
    “I hope we will make choices today that will enable them to be free.”
    @ 25m 32s
    March 12, 2024

Episode Quotes

  • I realized at that moment of meeting my son for the first time...
    Why Are Millennials Not Having Kids? with Stew Friedman, Author of Baby Bust
  • You can have it all, just not at the same time.
    Why Are Millennials Not Having Kids? with Stew Friedman, Author of Baby Bust
  • There’s a greater recognition of the need to support the whole person.
    Why Are Millennials Not Having Kids? with Stew Friedman, Author of Baby Bust
  • We can create a world where people are free to choose.
    Why Are Millennials Not Having Kids? with Stew Friedman, Author of Baby Bust
  • That's my hope and I hold on to that hope.
    Why Are Millennials Not Having Kids? with Stew Friedman, Author of Baby Bust

Key Moments

  • Introduction00:10
  • Celebrating 10 Years01:05
  • Research Overview01:39
  • Generational Comparison04:42
  • Policy Discussion16:13
  • Work-Life Integration24:29
  • Hope for the Future25:47
  • Book Promotion25:54

Words per Minute Over Time

Vibes Breakdown

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