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[Music] okay yeah there you
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go okay oh
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Jesus oh [ __ ] [ __ ] let's just show this camera test
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Jesus godamn Lord have mercy someone just threw thems out the
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[Music] window Okay so
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first of all I'm just so glad you got the clothing memo oh to do you know this is dark blue
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and I have this nice watch so I thought I had to cut the sleeves off my shirt so you could see it better oh it's dark
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blue okay yeah oh you're black so we don't we don't look alike I honestly get
00:00:49
so much flak on the YouTube about we look the same that I do not wear a black T-shirt because I know you wore one so I
00:00:55
try to stay away from your Turf I actually was I have bought I just bought
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two white t-shirts at the Gap and I was thinking I might wear a
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white T-shirt at some point oh really I don't wear white ever because it it makes me too pale
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what well I know I know what you mean it looks really good on me I don't know why if I do say so myself um I bought the
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t-shirts in in I I was ready to purchase them in about a minute and a half and
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then they pitch me signing up for the rest of my life oh wait you mean in the store yeah right at the point of
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purchase I went to Banana Republic with my and they said instead of 600 it'll be 300 and it'll only take a couple minutes
00:01:44
dude you know what it's worth $300 not giving your email to someone because yeah they go you know if we could just
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grab sometimes just for free do we have your email I go [ __ ] I hope not and
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they're like you just want to throw your email down here and they kind of and then I go why just we have it I'm like
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[ __ ] how about for $55,000 you can have my email to ruin my life and constantly spam can we have your cell phone number
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that yeah give me your cell phone yeah can I have your email on cell phone uh and they do it real casual just for
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records can I have your cell phone so I went to uh an unnamed store Ralph Lauren
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you know what that is I named my two stores I love both stores in case anyone's mad I know you blew it cuz you
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already trashed okay I went to Ralph lawren over here in BH fancy yeah and anyway I
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bought the funnier story is I don't have any turtlenecks and it was so freezing on the road I go I'm going to buy a CHT
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I'm going to roll the dice of like fashion I don't know where chts fall in the world caned guys wear them I don't
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know but I found a cool one then another one then another one so I got
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three and they were not cheap The Beetles well they wore them in 19 65 so
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uh will just I'm I'm I'm an audience member now will you debut this
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turtleneck first of all explain why it's called a turtleneck and secondly will you debut it on this podcast Superfly oh
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that's a great idea I will when it's not 106 like it is today but I bought it 112
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I will say at least a year ago and I have not bought I and I have the bag of all three and I haven't even taken out the bag cuz I'm scared mostly because I
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don't want to mess up my hair but I will wear them soon and I will debut it here and we'll take an audience poll on
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YouTube can I ask you a question go right Ahad did you
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ever own a Dicky oh a Dicky I had a
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Madre shirt a dress shirt this is fourth grade and then a Dicky madress whatever
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what it's like made in Madrid you say tomato I say Madrid it's kind of faded checkered shirt yeah kind of it looked
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like it was dipped in ink and Faded preppy yes and I had an orange Dicky that would
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just for those of you at home that don't know it's a turtleneck but it's not a full shirt it just goes around your you
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know neck oh and then you wear something over like a coat or sweater so it looks like you have one under I mean I've been
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tempted by Dickies on Santa Monica um behind Okie dog uh but yeah so I um I
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love the way you lean in for every punchline it's a punchline and time to laugh time to laugh every YouTube freeze
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frame you're like this you do end jokes pretty good because it goes like
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that I got everything everything I got about how to play this game is from you I just reflect what you do well I've got
00:04:43
I've got a better camera look today and I better hear some [ __ ] paw feedback from this well you're also in a a kind
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of a wider shot yeah like this we're really trying things um do you see that
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shirt I have some I can't even point where is NE I can't see
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God I can't do anything not not on camera everything that security shirt
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mhm is from one of your movies this is interesting one of my movies yep so it
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could only be three movies security oh WS World yep yeah
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because we had all all access pass yeah make people happy this is g at
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111 that is a trivia uh John Farley gave me that that
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was Chris's security shirt in WW2 this is from one of your
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movies where I played a llama is that garbage I thought it was a llama figurine is it a clean it almost looks
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like a little character doesn't it hey how are you David it looks more like it when you turn it sideways yeah like that
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looks like a person that was when I played Sparks in
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what Heather a a video game that was lost and found where you're in the parking garage
00:06:08
you ran over that that's when I sneezed at your house and I threw it in your
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truck uh oh what was I going to tell you about everything my turnl oh so oh yeah
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the story about that was and I will wear one is that I I bought the turnl and the
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guy goes I said oh I don't want to log it all the way I parked too far away he goes yeah just call and we'll run it out
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back so I call and the guy's like Gregory and I go hey were you just the
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guy that I just yeah so I pull out back and he goes ah this car is pretty cool
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is it got the old 418 you know whatever whatever so I go cool cool throw it in
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and then he uh then I get a te I thought it was the the store phone so about an
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hour later I get a text he's like that car is cool man I wish I had one in dark gray I'm
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like he's calling you at home this is he's texting me I'm like yeah anyway I
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go yeah cool got all the t- necks all good like it's a wrap on this back and
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forth and then a couple about a week later he's like I actually might be leaving this place going to a new store
00:07:22
I'm like what the [ __ ] going on are we still talking when do we turn into pen pals and I'm like yeah you know
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jobs are tricky I don't even know I think I answered I don't know why I kept engaging it's called block that the CER
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isn't it I maybe I missed something no I probably should have stopped talking anyway let's bring him out he's my
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manager anyway he manages me now no he doesn't I do I'm gettz don't make jokes about that that's
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funny I think he'd do really I think he wouldn't understand the complexities of the people think I'm not manage you anymore that's not a good look at that
00:07:55
the Beverly Hilton hi I'm David Spade I hate
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money I hate money that's the name of the book I don't know lot a lot of my
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clients like to work they like money you don't that's fine yeah you don't want to go to Anchorage for a one nighter I
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guess you just don't like money you don't like would you like would you like to come with me anyway I got to take a
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call yeah want don't you anyway patch me through so oh what I
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was going to say you today oh the quick story didn't tell you the other day on fly in the wall our sister podcast
00:08:34
that's amazing we have two can you really gave us two and they're all blowing through the roof Breaking unbel
00:08:40
record I can't the numbers are crazy numbers are still trickling in and so I
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said that litz and I played golf at Teran this weekend and um there's a guy
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that takes you in a shuttle sometimes when I I as I'm telling the story I realize it's boring but I'm just going
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to plow through there's a guy you got me you got me I mean you don't you don't know what's around the corner well I
00:09:04
just know love and you on a golf course that could be a move it's funny you just never leave the golf course every time
00:09:11
he gets a decent hit where it goes past the women's teas he goes jealous I me I'm not that jealous he hit
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it about 40 yards his favorite catchphrase yeah his favorite catchphrase and then he goes I have some
00:09:24
movies I want to pitch anyway so we get in a car they go to go to lunch you have
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to get in this shuttle and you go over there so we go to the sh lunch boring we
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eat he eats a lot boring then we come back I pay Bo and then the guy the shuttle guy's already there I go oh we
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just called you he goes yeah so I get in and love is is walking up that's actually good yeah doing his water like
00:09:49
kind of a jokey walk I do it yeah oh yeah definitely and then I get in the guy as as I'm walking up he goes oh not
00:09:55
this guy so he knows me with the hat and glasses he goes oh we got to get a picture I don't care if it's
00:10:01
unprofessional your your thoughts exactly yeah I go I don't care let's get a picture yeah so he goes let's get it in the car I go all right so he's in the
00:10:08
front I'm in the back I give him the obligatory goofy face keep it fun you know keep it light yeah and uh and then
00:10:15
litz gets in in the front seat and the guy starts go starts leaving and he goes oh I know this dude
00:10:21
too and he goes oh and he goes oh the wrong Missy and now he's driving and
00:10:26
he's looking back at me and there's a lady with a big baby and she's like hey and he's like oh and then he then he
00:10:32
almost hits her then he keeps dying cuz everyone's walking to the restaurant from the resort and then these two people are walking up and I go hey and
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he goes oh yeah yeah he's almost like [ __ ] them like why are they in my way of the driver that's not looking so lvas
00:10:46
goes look at the road and he's like oh this guy then he goes I can't believe I got David
00:10:51
Spade and this guy in the car oh you're kidding no really and he hated it
00:11:00
and then he goes Oh you mean the guy that was in A League of Their Own and then the guy that was on SNL and did the
00:11:06
liar 1986 first one was 1998 I said he's in a new uh not DraftKings but uh
00:11:14
FanDuel commercial which is good he's in a commercial right now oh okay and he goes yeah don't forget about that do you
00:11:19
have a TV have you seen it and so the guy goes oh yeah and then he he dumps US off and
00:11:26
he's like oh man I can't believe I was with Spade in this guy and he goes let's get a picture all of us me you and Spade
00:11:33
okay so we take a picture and then when I leave we all get in our cars I know love is fuming and I go hey love it did
00:11:40
you see that the guy almost hit three people while you were reading your resume to
00:11:49
him oh that's poor John he's a little n than that could man but the liar was big
00:11:55
and he reminds me of that every time I I was number one he reminds you oh he he
00:12:01
likes to tell me he turned down home alone Heather you cranked that AC um if you you know what movies I turn
00:12:10
down actually let's ask him we told him I told him that we might do a Christmas episode and he might have to dress as
00:12:15
Santa Claus your idea yeah I'll come on I didn't tell him Santa Claus part
00:12:21
though have you ever driven through in Cino where John grew up with him just on
00:12:27
a Sunday afternoon he'll just stop the car look at like some elementary school and go ah where did the time
00:12:35
go those were the days my friend Nursery School my friend you were four years old
00:12:42
those were yeah he wasn't famous what do he I know that's the last time I was
00:12:50
happy anyway he's always in a good mood as long as Jerry's with him I got
00:12:56
another news story before we get to all the headlines one I want another story
00:13:01
they're all [Music]
00:13:10
stupid there's a big Taylor Swift drama we're very dicey about this right we
00:13:15
don't want to be mised we don't want to jump the gun we don't want to take a hard position we're so edgy but we don't
00:13:21
take any positions about anything we can't because we like Taylor Swift like Kelsey uh there was a big thing about
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had is so uncomfortable right now are you uncomfortable fine you're like sleeping with your head on a rock uncomfortable what she's she's not her
00:13:37
backers that's all right she's here and laughing and in a good mood and looks great it's all that matters it's better
00:13:43
to look good why don't you marrier feel
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yeah okay so Taylor Swift and Kelsey they had I think some guy's playing a
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joke they put out they go oh this is a good trick
00:14:00
it was well thought out they show some's desk at her PR Company or and they look
00:14:05
through it and says this is for you know Linda and it's like their fake
00:14:10
relationship how long it has to go what their contractual obligations are and
00:14:16
then on the 20th of September they break up they make these statement you see this hether yes so dumb but it seems so
00:14:22
fake so I think the reason why people are sort of biting on it is because they're looking for trouble and also
00:14:28
it's one of those things everyone thinks about Hollywood I'm sure there are those out there I don't think that's one of
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them but I do think there's a lot of matches made for careers yes and I I
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would say like I don't think that they're doing it for that reason they
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seem to really like each other but they both know inside their brain looking at each other you know uh we don't really
00:14:54
need any more publicity that but this has made us Global Superstars I think think that's the best Taylor Swift I
00:15:01
have that was I thought that was Kelsey um but it's not like they're doing it
00:15:06
for that reason but it's like it hasn't been bad for for their brand it's not doesn't mean it's a plot you know well
00:15:14
Taylor Swift who I thought couldn't get any bigger is a bigger star and Kelsey is already greatl looking he's got all
00:15:21
you know his life is all green lights but this just got Greener and so fine
00:15:26
but also I saw an NFL promo oh Greg you could almost bring it
00:15:31
up a promo for the first promo of the NFL season of all the teams actually on
00:15:38
a side don't too many Quick Cuts maybe I'm getting old it's too many Quick Cuts everyone Cuts if edit editors want to
00:15:45
cut and they can't stop I can't even focus on where I'm looking and it's over and I over here terrible here's me
00:15:50
looking at it meanwhile it's on my phone this pick where am I looking it's like Aaron Rogers this but they said
00:15:59
somehow okay let's watch it and then I'll tell you the trick okay here it
00:16:06
[Music] is puka AA we've got your jayen
00:16:24
herz's make out okay no the the the interesting thing is aside
00:16:31
from you're dizzy right now probably because it's well yeah I get the idea but they're they're just a a big solid
00:16:38
beat too fast that's all you know I get the idea of like that but they went too too fast oh we get and that's okay they
00:16:46
made a mistake they're going to listen to this next time they do it they'll slow it down a little slow down what's your point of because my point of view
00:16:52
is I wish that was played more like the zuder tape I like it nice and slow I like to go that's John
00:17:00
Kennedy that's his wife here comes the bullet I mean at least I understand
00:17:05
what's going on this so it's like a pokeemon man but also guess good job
00:17:11
that's hard to hard to land a JFK assassination joke and not and not
00:17:17
offend the world that was uh actually okay I got it that was I was I said he's
00:17:22
going slow for me and they also play it in slow motion so I'm like ball at car
00:17:29
the guy in the cowboy had so the the the big uh comment about that
00:17:36
was Taylor Swift is in it five times in one minute so really Joe burrow zero
00:17:43
other famous football players zero that strikes me as more odd than the fake
00:17:48
contract because the NFL is not in business with Taylor Swift per se I don't know if it's dudes in a room
00:17:56
or people in a room or or AI or whatever but it is a business and someone
00:18:03
somewhere figured just doing those five subliminals because that's a that's a new audience for them are swifties right
00:18:10
I mean they probably had a certain amount were NFL fans swifties together are a larger population than the
00:18:18
Philippines I just saw that actually that's yeah if you put Thailand Indonesia in the Philippines together
00:18:23
you have one tenth of the of the swifties I don't even know is you know
00:18:29
but I would just say um it's a little disrespectful you think of Joe Burrows
00:18:35
he played in kindergarten the best player he played Pop Warner the best player High School the best player College the greatest player now NFL one
00:18:40
of the all-time greatest already $200 million contract is he in the Montage uh getting everyone excited about the next
00:18:47
NFL season no is a pop star in there she didn't ask for it yes but once right no
00:18:54
Twice come on three no more four no five freaking even Taylor's mad if we listen
00:19:01
real carefully cuz they're in LA right now you could hear them screaming about
00:19:06
that just listen she's like cut away from me my God I'm not I know it's not her fault that's like one of those
00:19:12
things where they just put her I think she probably goes I don't need this extra boost and then I don't want to
00:19:19
give anyone a reason to go come on Roll their eyes she's doing just fine I I'm sure she'll be the first game of the
00:19:26
season is she gonna be what do you think Heather absolutely it's the first game the
00:19:31
Chiefs I think it's I'll be in Minneapolis God dang I want to see
00:19:36
it God dang I um I met an adult woman or
00:19:42
I know very nice person and her relationship
00:19:49
with uh that that couple um is profound and how much she
00:19:56
follows it and what she gets out of it she's into it and she's an adult grown and how he is the first man she's ever
00:20:02
been with really knows how to treat her like a man I want a man and he can protect her well he's
00:20:08
65280 yeah I guess so but right right why are we all
00:20:16
no hey in our little frames here we could be whatever size we want to be see
00:20:22
I can cause trouble uh okay other than that let's get to I'm looking forward to football though let's get to what's our
00:20:30
goofy things we have M oh I wanted to talk about JLo this sounds like I'm
00:20:37
drinking haterade which I'm not drinking water but you know you just
00:20:44
got first of all on the positive side JLo's pretty perfect no one's arguing
00:20:49
that but when you get a divorce then you go all right I have to show my hot face my hot ass immediately it's like okay
00:20:57
it's it's day that's my problem L to death L to death but you can't we can't
00:21:05
miss you if you don't go away you got to give it a week solid week and then but
00:21:11
it's like look what you're missing it's one of those look what you're missing I think oh this is this is for Ben I I
00:21:17
called it wrong with this couple so I want to apologize I I thought that it looked so much like they were to get
00:21:23
divorced that they couldn't be getting divorced because it was so obvious so obviously so it it couldn't be possible
00:21:29
so I stand correct I always wonder how many selfies was it spontaneous and she
00:21:36
then she sent it to her team should we use this yeah um I don't know I mean you
00:21:43
your bathroom selfies which you'll just send to friends yeah um are they
00:21:48
advisable I don't know but if you think you look good I mean I do the same thing I st you can see my [ __ ] perfect
00:21:55
buttocks I uh get my makeup nice ly and then I make sure everyone sees my final net my V5 Hairspray the more interesting
00:22:03
thing is to see how many hair things she has down there uh she's got panten I see
00:22:09
per plus oh I see yeah and that's all intentional um you know fathertime wins
00:22:17
it's undefeated so she still looks incredible yeah she's winning so far though
00:22:23
54 so I guess if if you if you look that good at 54 yeah get get get that lens
00:22:29
out mhm you've sent me a few bathroom selfies that I'd have to say could use a couple
00:22:36
tweaks I mean they're all obviously first takes but I'm in great shape for the shape I'm
00:22:43
in all right next one we basically show stupid stuff and then we just say the
00:22:48
show's over oh this is burning man that everyone is like you got to go to Burning Man in LA and it's out in the
00:22:55
desert and it's what is it today 100 tomorrow it's going to be one yeah and it's 110 out there and this is you set
00:23:02
up camp and you just do this all day these are the current well this is the other day but still everyone wears
00:23:10
goggles so this isn't this isn't Iraq right this is not Iraq this is candahar
00:23:16
there's some of our old uh tanks and equipment uh yeah that's the fun and
00:23:22
there's no bands it's basically let's just pack our trousers with dirt
00:23:29
it gets worse than that I mean this I know people are obsessed with I was living up the Bay Area and they'd all take a van up there and they you want to
00:23:36
go man come on man go what's up there and they said they saw a thing where it's like six
00:23:42
dudes totally naked walking in a line and have either yarn or string or rope
00:23:49
tied around there ding wiy ding dongs to the next guy to the next guy to the next guy and then they go you got to go mans
00:23:57
h I've already seen puppetry or the penis I already I spit up and my fited
00:24:03
in my throat I don't want to go to burning man you don't want to go to that's a true story by the way that's
00:24:09
not yeah yeah they put yarn around their balls I know it's not I they have big
00:24:14
art installations but some of those are just like very cool like they have a big windmill and you go ah now I don't need
00:24:20
to get a sand storm it's I could just watch it through Instagram but people
00:24:26
really get into it it's drugs or a must and it's orgies and it and it is a lot
00:24:32
of that with the desert sand it's just like how you doing I love burning
00:24:38
man me too notice my I did this act out but my hair wasn't moving so it didn't
00:24:44
work also I do hate it made me mind when people film stuff and the wind is in their camera I that's one of my things I
00:24:51
cannot stand the sound yeah they do have an orgy tent for real
00:24:57
nothing worse than getting your Sandy puss and your balls caked with dirt
00:25:06
cloths oh get L yeah people get lost this is Heather bring this breaking news people get lost and they can't find
00:25:12
their way or they hunker down in the orgy tent because they're the only thing with the
00:25:17
generator and uh is there a sign that says there's an orgy tent for real
00:25:23
welcome org tent yeah what happens we have to test you to make sure you do
00:25:29
have an STD cuz people want to spread those around right yeah it's it's burning man
00:25:36
it's it's burning everything else too yeah it's burning crotch that's why it's called burning men all the men by the
00:25:41
time they leave are burning downstairs go ahead yeah it doesn't look like that fun I we're old though we don't like it
00:25:47
well I don't like it I don't like going to the desert and TI my ding wiy ding
00:25:53
dong to another guy's dingy D ding I'll just St next to the oven and pour dirt
00:26:00
over my head yeah I'll dig a hole in the mud stick my head in it that'd be more
00:26:05
fun than burning man shave my pubes and stick them with
00:26:12
glue on a thing cut my pubes shape them
00:26:17
into the the shape of a little seahorse and try to sell
00:26:22
it I was about to say when [ __ ] riffing goes wrong is what I just did I
00:26:27
got stuck and hit a wall uh when riffing goes wrong here's a
00:26:33
clip all right so that's that what's the next one burning man's Dana's out on Burning Man okay
00:26:39
yeah least oh here's a list of the least attractive Hobbies Hobbies okay for men
00:26:45
according to women okay okay all right let's go what do you think of these all
00:26:52
right number one playing video games that's what women think is a turnoff to men Heather what do you think about that
00:26:58
is that is that accurate magic tricks magic tricks I
00:27:03
like the magic tricks made it this High even into the list who's doing magic tricks other than hi the weenie what's
00:27:09
going on out there so the amazing cres never got laid I mean what's this say David Copperfield is not getting there's
00:27:17
no Green Room action no but actually David Blaine does really good ones and he does very well so that guy's amazing
00:27:26
I love he freaks people out collecting figurines I can see being number two almost could be number one I would put
00:27:33
that number one there's a lot of women that are now getting into video games and by the way Elon Musk plays video
00:27:39
games he's worth 300 billion so I'm not so sure anymore uh that that is has much of an
00:27:46
onus on it you know it's like a three-dimensional movie that you're inside of apparently right I think uh
00:27:52
two things one is that I think women are saying when it's 12 hours a day it's a
00:27:58
turnoff when the guy's more interested in the game but I also think right uh uh
00:28:04
when there's so many guns out there and there's so many killings when you're in a video game pretending to Gun Down
00:28:11
everyone and you're getting really good at it because you do it 12 hours a day for years going out in the real world it
00:28:17
gets a little blurry that you're doing it and you're really good at it I I think no one talks about that but
00:28:23
borderline political but it's just uh it's just it has to be a fact that it's
00:28:28
not good for kids to just practice gunning everyone down I do believe in education there'll be more of this this
00:28:36
learning learning by because there are video games where you try to build a civilization and you procure uh you know
00:28:43
food and shelter there are games like that they're not all you know but anyway
00:28:50
um so online trolling so that would eliminate you um I troll back people
00:28:55
yell at me and I get I fight back which is so um but I can't stand it uh
00:29:01
gambling I do do for NFL season and it's a good way to lose money
00:29:08
if you're looking for ways to lose money that's a good way yeah I I could only gamble when I
00:29:15
was highly buzzed I play blackjack with a few beers in me oh yeah and I I would win because it was just play money to me
00:29:22
but the the minute you take it seriously you just like feels Terri gigs Vegas or
00:29:28
at casinos we do a lot of casinos um it's very tempting but uh mhm I think
00:29:34
The House Always Wins they always say building model trains is that still a big it's this
00:29:40
big that it's made I think it's every young man's or
00:29:46
boy's fantasy and then some it does go into adulthood to have a giant basement
00:29:52
with a model train in there I think Neil Young owns lional trains or something when I did trapped in Paradise with
00:30:00
Nicholas Cage we're all we all of our hotel rooms I can't believe we're in this
00:30:06
movie anyway he he has this giant box in his suite this is the middle of Canada
00:30:11
and I go what's in there goes you'll find out so it was a huge model train his assistant put it together it was
00:30:17
very it's just they're comforting to watch the train go around I think they're kind of cool I
00:30:24
mean yeah but if a woman doesn't like it they may feel all of this is like if you
00:30:30
spend too much time Taxidermy makes who the [ __ ] is doing see that that's yeah
00:30:38
that's kind of interesting I knew a girl that was really to tax that was actually a girl in The Bachelor that was
00:30:45
in the tax Derby uh I find it creepy did I don't know if this is this goes way
00:30:50
back there was a guy on television named Roy Rogers and he played a cowboy in the
00:30:56
50s and he had a son so no a horse named trigger and apparently when the horse died he
00:31:02
stuffed it Taxidermy it and it was like in the foyer of his house oh boy little
00:31:09
fun fact all right say it again oh cat ladies and
00:31:16
then they stuff it oh boy yeah I don't mind bird watching I think
00:31:21
that one's interesting I would do that with a girl Steve Martin and ow Owen Wilson did a movie about bird watching
00:31:28
it wasy co bird watching I follow a bird on my Instagram a bird uh watching thing
00:31:34
they asked women women to fill out a form of what they found attractive in a man and most
00:31:39
of them just drew a drew a giant dollar sign
00:31:45
rude I thought they drew a picture of me oh there you go he saved it that's my
00:31:51
landed a laugh joke all right next one next one I like my lighting today I'm
00:31:57
really [ __ ] you look good it's smooth yeah let's see if it looks good on the clips on Instagram that's really where
00:32:02
it comes [Music]
00:32:11
together okay what's this couple in Philadelphia oh I just thought this is
00:32:17
interesting story accidentally roll into a river while they're having car sex so here's the reporter telling the police a
00:32:25
vehicle was parked along the Kelly Drive in a parking lot right near the grand
00:32:31
stand curb what we're looking at right there are the headlights and brake lights of that vehicle fully submerged
00:32:38
underwater so this is this was at 4:45 this morning so police say a man in a
00:32:44
woman were well were they said they were parked in the parking lot like like we
00:32:50
used to say they they were parking this is what when I was growing up if you were making out in a car this gu like we
00:32:58
were parking keep it real well the police said that their car was parked and keep going back to the police they
00:33:03
hit the gear sh theyed and the car went into so what you're telling me is these
00:33:09
two people were in the back seat of this vehicle I didn't say that I don't have the location of where they were actually
00:33:14
sitting in that vehicle well I do in the front I mean they're messing with the gear and then in the front I heard the
00:33:20
police I I believe in the police they were in the back seat of the car when
00:33:25
the woman accidentally I don't know what appendage uh engaged
00:33:32
the gear it must have been a stick
00:33:37
well both got out able to swim back to the shore police did say it was a uh
00:33:43
either a Range Rover or a Land Rover trying to get away from at one point in there this the slowest news day in
00:33:49
history yeah I like how the guy name drops his his Range Rover too he's like man I had
00:33:55
a Range Rover once shut the [ __ ] up but how I mean were they dyslexic or should they go to and they're uh parked and uh
00:34:05
they were in a car what was it again I mean that was like stretch stretch oh
00:34:10
they were like Phil it fil time he like you know we need I learned a drive on a stick shift everyone's like
00:34:17
[ __ ] apparently they were in the back seat did they ever say having sex so they just said it saiding out it said X
00:34:26
Aster X oh I see but that wasn't them that was the person on the Instagram but they I
00:34:33
love that the one guy was trying to keep it just vague and he's like so was it a hand job or and they're like no that
00:34:40
that's no we are just saying and some appendage hit the gear shift I mean
00:34:45
would that be his wiener and he's in the back seat hitting the gear shift knob in
00:34:51
the front seat and the female anchor is like not the most comfortable oh I've
00:34:56
done that a million times s that's because you got to grab the
00:35:01
headrest it work it works Range Rover yes all right we'll keep going we really
00:35:08
milked it out of that one I'll I'll keep my thoughts to myself oh wait this is an old school one Dana that was good I know
00:35:16
it was pretty this is an oldie but this is someone and I hate it because the noises are so gross this is the
00:35:23
newscaster this is one of the first things I saw online that she's doing a goofy bit
00:35:29
we're grape stomping up in Napa now how do you doing and you just get in here and you squish it and it goes sideways
00:35:36
all right let's see volume fill with grapes what kind of grapes these are filled with shamers grapes and the
00:35:42
winner this Saturday music eating International Foods having wine tours and tasting Vineyard tours seminars arts
00:35:50
and crafts it's a lot of fun a whole day stop oh
00:36:10
what oh dear hard this like Ann that's Philman
00:36:17
they're doing our job for us we're gonna make sure she is check on her and get back as soon as we can we'll be back
00:36:23
right after that first of all you think it's a dog then you realize it's her a dog and then
00:36:31
you're like either she's um incredibly babyish when it comes to pain or she's
00:36:36
truly hurt I think she was hurt I mean what was she falling on cement or mud
00:36:44
or by the way it was not set up well I mean just to be up there rickety buckets
00:36:50
goofy bit it was gonna happen was going to happen and she's
00:36:55
like jogging in it and the lady's like I wouldn't she like oh oh the first day D is like watch this man watch this yeah
00:37:02
keep going keep going yeah he's like three two I swear it felt like she broke her
00:37:09
leg in eight Place she's like it's like she swallowed glass
00:37:16
and anyway yeah she landed and swallowed glass oh I'm sure she's fine I think it was
00:37:25
just she's fine who hasn't fallen out of a bucket full of grapes onto the ground
00:37:30
thank you thank you all right what's next mik drop what time is it oh we got time for one or two more okay and I want
00:37:37
to do my um the bedding thing because maybe at the end this is oh yeah we
00:37:43
didn't talk about that yet okay well this is It's a teaser for anyone who's still with
00:37:49
us Hyundai reveals an electric car concept car that looks cool that's an
00:37:56
electric car that looks like an old Seville or something I like it I like it a lot you know what yeah it's I would
00:38:04
say vintage stuff young people like a lot of it because vintage cars were not
00:38:12
made for aerodynamics they were just sort of made they look cool so the fact
00:38:17
this is electric look at that oh yeah yeah that's that's crushed velvet oh my
00:38:23
God I love it yeah it looks like a classic like Ford LTD something Biden
00:38:28
said the other day that all cars will be driven by your feet like The
00:38:33
Flintstones in 2045 allby Jim was the hole the W yeah I
00:38:40
had a Volkswagen Bug once and eventually I had to get rid of it because there was you could see it wore through on the
00:38:46
bottom of the Volkswagen Bug oh really shift and [ __ ] whatever reason it could have I could have been Fred Flintstone
00:38:52
remember that that's how they yeah it's from too much parking Heather says did you did you do a lot of parking
00:38:59
Dana with a volt swing and Bug mhm you mean you mean to get in the back seat
00:39:04
are we going back to that clip again yeah we are well what I would do is get at the
00:39:09
top of a very Steep Hill undo the parking break and as we go back down she would fly into the back seat and you
00:39:16
know get frisky that's a way to do it that's not bad and again friskiness ensu okay one more wait what was the one I
00:39:24
sent okay oh wait oh I'll watch this one then we'll go to yours Dana we'll save
00:39:30
the other well it's just a topic yeah okay let's do this this is just I find interesting a bad luck situation
00:39:37
okay guy he forgot to put his truck in park and it actually rolled back and hit
00:39:43
and their house wow dope dope and when the homeowner came out to see what happened
00:39:49
she was not happy but the craziest part of the video is at the end
00:39:55
what she's being a little rough on Sor yeah I [Music]
00:40:02
need and while she went back to the house to write down all of his information he forgot to put the truck
00:40:07
in park again and it rolled away hitting the neighbor car oh my this four dude
00:40:13
the realization three two
00:40:21
God what a day what a okay now I'm a little suspicious about the clip oh you
00:40:27
think it's a foo well interesting what are the odds he's
00:40:33
terrified of it just happening I'm sure it's a big giant break it's I don't know I'm on the fence on that one okay wow
00:40:40
you're not don't hate me I'm not cical no I like that you're really analyzing
00:40:46
it because I just have questions sometimes I have questions you know sometimes I got questions I got
00:40:53
questions you take everything in life at face value yeah like if you see something you just believe it yes and
00:40:59
I'm like it could be Optimist ask too many questions yeah
00:41:06
so here's here was my question for you yeah oh you're not gonna I like to get
00:41:12
you to do it oh you got questions he undid the parking break two times I'm
00:41:19
going to tell the doctor I have to ask the doctor I have to tell the
00:41:25
doctor okay go ahead is we talking about my question was if you're trying to
00:41:30
predict who's going to be the next president of the United States there's the PO there's the polling called people
00:41:38
and then there's gambling in Vegas odds and big gambling houses and apparently a
00:41:44
lot of people think the gambling is more accurate because the stakes are higher than the polling so it's very
00:41:50
interesting to well I will say that Vegas takes it very seriously when they put a line on a football game it's like
00:41:57
three and a half points and you can't believe it's that close and it always comes down to so close to that it's
00:42:03
shocking they do so much research so I see what you're saying like polling we
00:42:09
talked a while ago where I've never been pulled you've never been pulled like and I've never met anyone who's been pulled
00:42:15
where is the polling I know they're legit but uh okay what are you saying Heather what do you want me to look at
00:42:21
Oh I thought you wrting something now uh I think that um Vegas what the Vegas
00:42:27
odds I don't know what they are right now but you're talking about the presidential race right yes I mean it's I it's they the
00:42:35
the cliche I don't know if it's true but they say that Trump always outperforms his polling um okay because I my thing is
00:42:43
like people get you get cold called are you gonna vote for Trump and people just sort of hang up or go I'm really uh not
00:42:51
at Liberty to say so I don't know I would go by the Vegas odds because to
00:42:57
your point they do the research because the stakes are millions of dollars and you can bet almost anything on Vegas I
00:43:04
Put ,000 on a 300 to one that Trump during the the debate will call kamla
00:43:11
his new nickname and it's a you're a Kam K Cula I'll tell you that Kam K Cula Kam
00:43:18
K Cula you're a Kam K Cula she goes really what's that it's your new
00:43:25
nickname but I bet that bet those I bet that she would say
00:43:30
unburdened even though I don't even know what it means I bet it's going to pop up well one thing she does and I know it's
00:43:36
hard to do a woman in her thing but she does say okay a lot is kind of her catchphrase like I close the border
00:43:44
first of all okay okay I also would close the border better than anyone else
00:43:50
okay so okay is her new catchphrase if Maya's listening she can what about her
00:43:55
last speech when she's like they unions that was funny and that's been
00:44:04
like that's been going on for a long time I mean John krey was this button- down ivy league guy I'm John KY right
00:44:12
and he's falling behind George W bush the 2004 presidential so they put him in
00:44:17
uh you know like uh military Garb and they gave him a riful and he literally
00:44:22
said remember he's a total Boston intellectual he goes I'm going to go beg me a critter you know just to get get
00:44:31
the rural vote to relate Elizabeth Warren they said she's too Elite she's
00:44:36
Massachusetts Boston whatever and so she did a video to try to get and she says
00:44:42
I'm gonna drink me a beer in a minute I'm gonna Dr and she kept mentioning it I'm GNA go get me a beer so with an
00:44:49
audience that made her sang wet ass [ __ ] one time at a
00:44:56
debate all the words just and then all the kids are like this maybe there's something there yes
00:45:05
George W bush said once in one of his trying to reach out to African-American audience say I like big butts and I
00:45:11
cannot lie and everyone went vote however you
00:45:18
vote but Kam Cula if I get that I'm going to make a100 thousand dollars
00:45:24
we'll split it [Music]
00:45:35
all right well we'll wrap up and I'll tell my tour dates which are let's do it don't be shy you're one of our great
00:45:43
standups well minis one of the great tonight molis yeah in Indiana yeah
00:45:51
you get it indanapolis great audiences in Minneapolis
00:45:57
Harford Connecticut Providence West Palm lot of Florida david.com Che now you got
00:46:03
me curious how are you transporting yourself between these bit some in
00:46:10
Florida like our cars you know we drive because I don't run a car I'm too scared but we'll Buzz around and then
00:46:17
some I think Providence I have a corporate in Boston then I go up to
00:46:22
Providence whatever and uh Connecticut what's that one
00:46:28
so those are always far I realized I didn't know this year 80% of the country lives to the
00:46:36
east of Texas if you go straight up the middle of the country 80% so that's crazy so that's why all
00:46:43
the gigs are back there 80 really is that true W that sounds like a lie yeah it
00:46:50
sounds like a lie 80% California's pretty populist but the rest for [ __ ]
00:46:56
and they if you take out like California and I think Seattle then it's
00:47:03
only 10% left in the whole country of
00:47:09
population if you this is all lies but I mean I think this is
00:47:14
true uh it sounds like it I would just say that especially in the Northeast the Eastern Seaborn things are kind of
00:47:21
squished together you know it's kind of like States you you know you're just talking for a bit and whoops are now in
00:47:27
Connecticut you know so I think that's they're very close together you can run around and do them like here you got to
00:47:33
go all the way to Arizona go all the way to yeah you're in you're in uh Austin
00:47:38
and then the next night Seattle it's a two-hour flight you know so I like tour
00:47:44
dates I got two in Denver I'm going to tape that one and then I'm going to my last one I think is um oh Kansas City
00:47:50
Chiefs so I will be there Taylor probably come probably come oh and they
00:47:56
out on I was going to hit up some of the players some have come to the shows when I'm on the road in their cities and uh
00:48:02
MH but during the season Saturday is a tough night for them to go if it's Friday maybe so you must be crushing I
00:48:09
mean you've done so many dates in the last year are you just the are you at you're like if you
00:48:16
athletically you're you're probably in the pocket because of so many I'm better now taping it in Denver and then I'll
00:48:23
take time off and then I'll come back you know first or second
00:48:28
quarter that's cool you know that I had a bit of a problem with the the name of
00:48:34
your last special um I felt it was too nondescript and easy to go out of your brain and it
00:48:42
is [Applause] called the last one yeah the last one oh
00:48:48
nothing personal is it nothing personal is that it that ESC my brain yeah was it
00:48:55
nothing personal or not my problems oh my fake problems is one but
00:49:01
what was the last one on Netflix I think that was nothing personal nothing personal okay so we can have the fans
00:49:08
right in if you don't have a name oh yeah that's right yeah but we want to name David's next special I have
00:49:14
something in mind oh you do well I had I know Dana Carvey but that's self-serving
00:49:20
that's not bad as a title of your not good but um I'm sure you have you know
00:49:27
put in the YouTube comments yeah because I don't uh have one yet well let me ask you a question before we jump off here
00:49:34
what is off the top of your head the best name of a special oh in the last 10
00:49:40
years oh you know I did like Sandler's last one is
00:49:46
great new one is great this the title of his last one was pretty cool certified fresh because I had um Critics critic's
00:49:55
Choice was the name of one of my special and for years people thought I was oh because Adam was getting so many
00:50:03
Rotten Tomatoes he always gets on certified fresh which means you got
00:50:09
lots of good reviews on Rotten Tomatoes yeah and now his latest special has 90%
00:50:14
positive on run tomato so I'm sure have to go change yeah that's a great one yeah I uh that's out now check that one
00:50:21
out it's called I love you I check it out called I love you it's very cool and very and different hilarious MH he's
00:50:28
always got good people involved doing those things yeah um okay thanks Dan it was nice to meet you and um and uh enjoy
00:50:35
the show tonight remember just try to make the people happy I'm running right there from
00:50:41
here okay see you bye this has been a presentation of
00:50:48
Odyssey Superfly is executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade Jenna Weiss Burman of Odyssey Heather Santoro
00:50:54
and Greg Holtzman hope you you liked it m
00:51:00
[Music]
