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Okay. Hey guys, listen. Uh, we're starting the show. I We already taped the show, but we're adding a little
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addendum because, right, it's a something just happened. We tape it a few days before, but then this just happened. I want to tell you about it. It's not lifechanging, but it's very interesting
00:00:16
to Dana and I. Uh, it's Yeah, it's an emergency podcast. Yes. Drop everything. It will. We just thought we'd do it, you know, Sunday afternoon. So, David, um,
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tell us your story. So, what happened is, uh, like, you know, Dane and I talk about doing these corporate shows, uh, now and then for these big companies. It's usually a lot
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of fun. Uh, Mhm. and pretty harmless and sometimes they're a little tough because not a
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typical comedy setting. That's fair, right? And by the way, let me insert this. You
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are a sideshow. You're not the show. the corporate party, the event, the president speaks, the slides and awards, that's the show. You're you're kind of a secondary show. So, if there it's not
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like a regular gig. Go ahead. Right. So, you're sometimes you're getting a burned out crowd or something. They've been in meetings all day.
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Sometimes you're a surprise. They start to leave the meeting. They go, "Wait a second. Here's an hour with someone and they're
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like," So, and usually not drunk. They're they're usually, you know, it's it's whatever. So, I get a call, quick story,
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which we can never do anything quick, but hey, do you want to cover for someone to
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do a corporate show in San Francisco? I go, it depends on what day I'm going into Arizona to see my brother Brian.
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And they said, well, it was Monday night. It's Thursday morning you'd have to go. It's actually a daytime show,
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which immediately rings slightly tougher, but I don't mind. And I said, okay. It's usually kind of a favor.
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Someone got sick. We don't know why. Whatever happened. Yeah. Yeah. They don't tell me. So I said, "Let me see if
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I can maneuver it." So by the end of Tuesday, yes, I can do it and then I'll go straight to Arizona. Right. So it's Salesforce. I said, "Okay." I've actually done this before. I think Dana,
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you might have, too. I've done a couple with with them. Mark uh is it Beni off is the CEO.
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Mark Beni off. Yes. So unbeknownst to you, what's going on? So unbeknownst to me, they say uh I think Heather finds out. Oh, I saw I think it was going to be Cam Nunani. Uh,
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he should put in parentheses in his name. Did I say that right? Because I like the guy. I see him out. He's been on the
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show. Super nice guy. KJ, that's easier to say. So, uh, and Alana Glazer. Yes. From Broad City. Another funny comic. Uh, I I don't know her well, but I think
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she's very funny. So, two comics that are pretty potent. Going to go up there and do a thing. and they say, "She will still open. Uh, but
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you're still going to do 45." I said, "That sounds great." Okay. I'd like to see her. It' be fun. So, I
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get up there. I'm already in San Fran. I'm going there to the gig. And there's an article that gets sent to me. Hey, they fell out. They both fell out
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now. They both cancel or fell out, let's say. Yeah. Fell out lingo because of uh possible political things.
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Uh well, I heard the word Trump thrown around. Beni off initially um had sort of
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welcomed the National Guard because he's had his big event every year. He has to hire extra uh protection and private
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police because it's a huge event. So he kind of invited that saying I would support the National Guard kind of policing my event. And then what happened? People
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some backlash. Now that's not why I was told. I was told nothing and then there was a rumor Kumale had COVID. So I'm like, so I'm on the way going, wait, am
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I supposed to not do that? You know, there's a weird feeling of like, oh, am I going into some situation?
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Yeah. You were had no idea what you're stepping into. And by the way, by the time you hit the stage, uh, Mr. Ben off
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had kind of retracted what he said. He misspoke or whatever. So it wasn't the issue was sort of gone.
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Right. I'm I'm getting trickled information. All I saw in the articles said these people
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stepped out, but David Spade basically gladly did it. It was sort of like that. I'm like, that sounds It just sound a
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little itchy. Anyway, I get I get there. I look at the room. It's in the round about 3,000 people. It's daytime. The lights are up like you're in Ralph's or something like a grocery store.
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There's no focus on you. Everyone's lit. Big screens. Uh well done. They had Metallica the night
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before. I mean, they they're not [ __ ] around. These places that do these corporate gigs, spend the money, they get people. Matthew McConna was reading
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from his poetry book. Katie Kurrick was there. I think Maria. So, they're peppering through all these events. I'm another event.
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Yeah. So, I said, "Okay." Uh and they said, "Uh, the other Okay. So, any long story
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short, I go do it." It was pretty fun. Listen, it's not going to be my Netflix special, but it was pretty fun. moments
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of glory and some good laughs and and some stuff that was sort of did okay. But that's kind of the drill in these things. So the thing is when I leave, all good high fives, I leave. Okay, we
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got it done. We got it covered. The next day I see on Yahoo there's a there's a talk about it and they're kind of talking about the comedians that dropped out. Yes. and and and it was kind of an
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indirect review from maybe not a reviewer though. I think he was a tech guy. No, I've looked him up. He usually reports on AI and tech businesses. He's
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new to SFGATE, which is sort of the big online newspaper. Okay. From in San Francisco. So, I believe and I can't
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prove this that he decided he should review you and he used AI because it sounds Oh, maybe he used a Oh my god. Wow. I think he he's an AI expert. By the way, we were looking for one if he wants
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to come on, but I believe it was written kind of like a cliche review. So, it feels like a generic AI. I don't know if you want me to read it, but I'll read a little bit of it. Uh it said
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he he's reading a few because it's sort of negative. Let's be honest. He's talking all about the dropping out of the comedians and the controversy
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then and then he goes to a paragraph about well he's talking about actually the whole show. He's like and then this day
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and this day we did this. So he's sort of reviewing or just talking about the whole week. I don't know if it's reviewing but he's
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just sort of here's what happened in San Fran for our one of our biggest events of the year. And then he gets
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the the part is uh two disappointing cancellations. So that's already uh there was a comedy show Thursday. It was an exciting prospect. Uh Nani and Glazer
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are a pair with different comedic styles unafraid of punching up at techs excesses and power structures. And then it goes but unforeseen
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circumstances so they don't put a you know sharp head on it but yeah no one really knows why they both
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dropped out. uh fellow comic uh David Spade replaced him. This part stings. I would have
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loved to see the company's list of beeless talent backups. That's me, I guess. I was like, "Oh, I didn't think
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of that." I go, "Well, look, I'll say two things. First of all, I do believe that's AI generated." I And
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secondarily, this young man who doesn't do this for a living. He used AI and the idea of a belist. I don't know the actual
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definition, but let's just say, let's say he's 21. He hasn't seen Grown-Ups. He hasn't seen
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Tommy Boy. He would have maybe no idea of this long career where you're selling out theaters all over the country. So [ __ ] AI does. Silly. If you're a belist that I don't
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know what I I I don't know where I would be on that. Well, he's here. I'll continue. Yeah. So, he delivered David delivered 40 45 minutes of rambly
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down home storytelling. Uh he made much use of his classic sarcasm but joked little about the
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conference, its themes or San Francisco. And then he which is true. Uh well and and he says because it feels like Spade had heard about the gig the day
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before flew up there jotting down the occasional ideas. That's kind of true. Well, you did
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[ __ ] You didn't have weeks to plan it or whatever. Yeah. Right. He talked about traffic, hotels,
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planes no longer having TVs, dot dot dot. You get it. Ah, that's the biggest burn of all. it's this type of dog [ __ ] You get it. And then he said, uh, blah
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blah blah. But so what I think is that's about it. But just that was a little stingy because when you're doing these
00:09:04
gigs, first of all, they take the edges off your act. You sign a contract and they send it ahead. Hey,
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we don't want you [ __ ] on the CEO. We don't want you going political. We don't want just keep it nice and fun.
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Nice and fun and light. Airplanes, all that kind of stuff. Nothing controversial. You're just there. The
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people are going all over to these symposiums. They're in class basically and they have a little reprieve of some
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nice comedy, but you're not there to levitate the cow palace or, you know, make I'm not there to punch up and get and make the focus me and have people go, "Holy shit." Do you think what he said?
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No. If I'm doing a theater gig, you know, you're not going to take any bullets out of my gun. I might go after
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San Francisco and the crime and the home. I might go after whatever because there's no real boss. people are coming
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to see me. Uh, but I have to kind of if you're a worker B and and you've grown up working and doing these things when they sort of stipulate this, they can
00:10:02
either not pay you and for two people to fall out in the old days that's a little tougher. Like corporations said, "We'll
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sue you. You're not going anywhere." Yeah. Like we, you know, but nowadays they go, "Okay." And that and that's nice.
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Yeah. But I I'd met these people before. I had a perfectly good time there. This time
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crowd was friendly. Seemed to have a good time. We got out. Yeah. Very nice company. Mark Beni off. Very
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nice guy. And you know there are jobs. Th this you playing a 2000 seat theater David Spade. You're just you can do whatever you want. Anything. When you take these corporate
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jobs, they just want it to be in a certain frequency. That's all I can do. Most of my active certain things I'm not
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going to drop an Fbomb or something or things like that. and it's still fun and it's no big deal. But this thing was written by AI. But anyway, we he can come on and robot us if he wants.
00:10:56
Yeah. I mean, I'm not really [ __ ] on the guy. I'm just saying it's all like I don't think I've gotten a corporate
00:11:01
review. It's sort of a hidden secret of the world. Have you I never have. You've done
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I've done a thousand or more and I have never got the review. This is highly unusual to get a review for because you there is no review. I've never got for corporate. I I thought it was a little
00:11:18
kick in the balls to me because if he doesn't like my act, that's okay, too. I mean, it's like, sure, but he felt like
00:11:24
he went a little out of his way to go, I would love to hear these people really go after the system and punch up, but I
00:11:30
don't know if that's what they were there to do either. No, I mean, you can throw in a couple
00:11:35
things, but you they want you to be David Spade into your standup. They hired you for a reason. This guy didn't
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hire you because they know you're great. You know what you're doing. You have a great act. And you get laughs. So, but yeah, I mean
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I I just think it was kind of funny that you're the only one that I've ever come
00:11:53
the history of these type of events that got reviewed in a snarky way when you're
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kind of doing a favor last minute. You're on your way to Arizona to see your mom. I mean, it wasn't your thing
00:12:04
you were in the mode to do. So, anyway, that's that's much it. That's it. Now, listen. In my defense, I
00:12:10
made fun of the setting. It was a very sort of unique in the round, fully bright
00:12:16
uh with trees everywhere. Talk about that. Did a couple chat GPT bits, you know, just let those tech guys really light up on those. But overall, yeah, there's no porn stuff. I don't put
00:12:27
my stuff that, you know, there's a couple things that work well. You go, nah, this isn't right. And you can, it isn't really a freedom of speech thing.
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I could say whatever I want, but do I want to get hired back? Yeah. Do I want the word in the corporate world to go,
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this guy is too much of a wild card. He's going to try to take your company down. Like, no. What's my job here?
00:12:45
It's a job. It's a different job, you know. I mean, so they um I don't know. I I I still think the guy just did it was AI and we should send him uh Tommy boy do a
00:12:58
direct thing so he can Here's something I did 110 years ago. Take a look. Part of the cannon. You're building all
00:13:05
this stuff. You wrong Missy, the biggest comedy of the pandemic on Netflix. Like
00:13:11
a billion views. So it I know these I I got a review I played San Francisco after my first year of on Saturday Night
00:13:18
Live and the review from Mick Lowl and I think he was right. He goes he fell in love with his own adorableness. I think I've done that. That's [ __ ]
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And I was a lot younger. I was cute. Oh but I got a shitty review there and he was kind. But this one is just AI and the guy's 21. That's all.
00:13:41
Yeah. Well, anyway, no hard feelings, but it was kind of funny to get a review and talk about it. Uh,
00:13:47
okay. So, we're back to our regular beginning, folks. So, here's where we started the podcast. Yeah. Different outfit.
00:13:54
Oh my god. We started. This is This is going to be a banger. Just don't, you know, don't go anywhere cuz
00:14:00
this is going to be Okay, that's good. Look at that. Look at my hair is getting a little lit up again. Just don't move your head too much.
00:14:07
Listen, I'll just state this unequivocally. the Beatles 65. They had unquaff hair. It was just sort of messy. And so that's what I've always
00:14:19
been trying to get because I maybe said this before in the podcast, my dad was an army type guy and he would basically
00:14:25
give us crew cuts in the mid60s and you wanted to look like a beetle. So he'd be like just just and if you look like you didn't like it, he'd cut it even shorter. Oh [ __ ]
00:14:38
We look like we look like Q balls by the end of it. My mom would come in and go Dana in the side pocket. You know, Beatles Let It Be album with a
00:14:50
four with their beards. I thought that was the coolest look. Long hair and beards. Yeah, because it was unkempt. They never
00:14:57
had most of those rock stars in those days didn't have like stylistically combed hair except for Elvis had. But
00:15:04
that was Elvis or a stylist or a stylist was just unckempt. Dana and I just got back from a gig and
00:15:10
um it was a lot of fun. We were at Yamava. We did a gig together. It was very fun.
00:15:16
Dana crushed. I opened I had a problem with my set, but I'll tell you what it was in a
00:15:22
minute. Okay. Well, I'll tell you the How did your set go? Because I I I drove out there from where I am, and it was like a four or five hour drive, so I was out on my feet. So then I just like I
00:15:34
saw the first few minutes sounded like it was going well and I toddled back to my room. Oh, me? Yeah. No, I wanted you to go
00:15:40
rest because you've put in a full day's work. I was just didn't want to come in a day early or I didn't want Well, anyway,
00:15:46
whatever. I was a little tired, but I heard on the grape vine that you crushed, right? I heard from the audience you were killing because I was listening um and they were into it and then I got
00:15:56
nice comments after about you. Uh uh well, that's I will tell you this. Do you remember this? They gave us a box of our own
00:16:03
cookies. Oh. Oh, good. You brought those. This was an exceptionally nice place to play.
00:16:10
Yamova, I must say, this is Hold it way up. A marquee. David Spade and Dana Garvey.
00:16:16
That's a cookie, guys. They made cookie thematically about our minuscule careers.
00:16:23
Here's a a llama. What? But a llama. What is How does that is that from me? Oh, from your cartoon. for his new groove. Okay, you got one for me. Slightly beat up isn't that special.
00:16:37
Everyone wants to eat the church lady. That's wrong. That window behind you. I know. Glass pane, man. And here's a little Don't. That's from
00:16:48
Joe Dirt Fireworks. They put some thought into it. Somebody went into like real minutia
00:16:53
with our careers. They had one for the Dana Carvey show that only lasted seven episodes. They had one of me being born.
00:17:01
How many episodes did that last? I'm trying to riff. My riff skills are a little off this morning. You can riff. Look, my only problem was
00:17:13
I got two into the Scarface and I didn't quite land it. I, you know, we were doing 40 minutes each. So I look down,
00:17:20
I'm at 35 and a half coming off of like Christopher Walk or somebody coming off micro micro impressions stacked and I had a really good tailor guitar there
00:17:34
and I thought, "Oh, I could grab it now because it was all set. I grab it. It's electrified." I'd already done crowd
00:17:39
work with two people in the audience. So I sing a song about them. It's the most surefire killer. But it's
00:17:44
Scarface. I just went a little too long. And I thought later if I'm doing Tony Montana at Thanksgiving dinner for people don't know every bit I've repeated sweet potatoes
00:17:55
all thing like that and then he gets mad at this grandma that we never grandma look at. So he goes off in this minutia for like five minutes and I just thought
00:18:10
he should have said the ending. He goes, "What you got to say, grandma? What you got to say?" And then you come back
00:18:16
with, "Well, well, well, well. We like ourselves, don't we, Scarface?" And that would have been [ __ ] tie it up. Tie it up. My god, the lady's back.
00:18:28
She's taking down Scarface. Talk about a mashup. No, it was it was it you always crush. I like your casualness. You're not I I was actually walking behind the curtain. It was a
00:18:42
huge stage when Bobby was on Bobby Miiamoto killing himself just to get physically used to moving. I go out there to Goomba Gamb style and I'm dancing around
00:18:54
and you kind of stroll out. What's up? Take it easy. You're kind of like what's and it's much cooler. Well, it's hard
00:19:01
because as anyone knows, Dana's known in the business is hard to follow. So, I just go, "Well, this is just a change
00:19:07
up, different style. They like us both. We could have flipped it either way." And it was fun. It worked out.
00:19:13
Yeah. Next time if you want and they were nice. I had people come in, Danny, you didn't know this, you know, high rollers. If you don't know
00:19:19
this, when you're in a casino, Caesars's uh next year and the first two rows, these shows are all almost just built for high rollers. There's a lot of paper, even
00:19:32
want to bring people into gamble. Like that's why they have different acts. They have Tim McGra coming up, Carrie
00:19:38
Underwood, they have us. So what happens is you want to get every facet of the community to go, I need a reason to go
00:19:44
to this casino, right? and I've never been there, but I want to see these guys or I want to see. So, I've done that. I
00:19:50
go, you go there and now you're walking in. You're probably eating at a restaurant there. There's money.
00:19:55
You play a few slots, bet a few things, roulette, see the show. Basically, they just want you to touch base in the show, and then go back out. They do not really want the show to
00:20:08
exceed 90 minutes. Yeah. If it was 2 minutes, they'd be happy because they just touch us and
00:20:14
then go back in the casino, gamble again, drink again, have fun, and then they have an experience like, "Oh,
00:20:20
Yamaba is a nice place." And then they remember that. So, they can go, "We could just go there on a non-show
00:20:25
night." Cuz like we ate at a nice restaurant, you know. Mhm. Well, very, very nice. I played a
00:20:31
hotel in Vegas for a number of years that was not as nice as that, you know? Just the carpet was nice, the rooms were
00:20:37
clean. I know which one you're talking about. You know what I mean? It's it was the theater was perfectly fine,
00:20:43
but it wasn't this this Yamab place was exceptionally uh nice and and easy to work with. But yeah, I just um you know uh next time I'll go a second
00:20:56
if you want. By the way, it was it was so lucky of me that you didn't walk over and pick up that guitar cuz I said he's killing so
00:21:03
hard anyway. And me and Bobby were like, "Oh no, if he gets that guitar, I'm just gonna go home." Because it's too hard to follow. It's so
00:21:09
No, the guy Well, look, I don't know about follow or not follow because uh you're you're
00:21:15
the great uh standups. I Sorry, I sneezed. I don't know what I said. Was I talking? Um but the guitar is a lethal weapon. I
00:21:27
started using it in honky tonk clubs in the 80s. You know, show us your dick. You know, Hell's Angels attacked me,
00:21:33
Beer, you know, the Comedy Underground, the second show on Friday when there's a
00:21:39
bar, they're coming right from the bar. Then I just start doing guitar stuff just to make noise and survive.
00:21:44
It also calms them like they It's hard to yell over that and and it just gets to listen. I only regret cuz they went to the they
00:21:51
got it for me. They tuned it tailor and the sound was big, but I'll get to it next time. you know, at the very end you were in slumbering, but um I'm kidding.
00:22:03
It was, you know, it goes a little late, so they were a good crowd for being later. At the last five minutes, I kid
00:22:09
you not, two high rollers came in and sat in the front row like this. And I go, "You are not just getting here." And
00:22:15
they go, "Hm." I go, "You see Dana?" They gom, I go, "You know, I go, you know, these are these people." Cuz I said, "Bow to the high rollers." because they basically
00:22:25
go, "We're coming into Gamble or Highros, front row to Spade and Carvey, front row to any other show, best restaurant, best table. We might come to
00:22:36
the show. Have the tickets ready." And they go, "That's right. High roller, you get whatever you want."
00:22:42
And that's so that first time I heard the phrase paper, you know, we're going to paper it. What? What do you mean?
00:22:47
Well, they're going to have high rollers. They're not going to charge them for the show. And if you get 10020
00:22:53
of those, you're you're halfway there. I probably told you this once, but it's a story that it relates to this. And I'm
00:22:59
quoting it exactly. It was at the old the wind is there now, the desert in or something like that. Anyway, I was doing a soundcheck, which I normally do, and this kind of like Dems and Doe's guys
00:23:12
was running the show. Dems and Doe's. So, I accidentally asked him, it's it becomes an accident. I go, "How are the ticket sales?" He said, quote, "You know what? What do I give a [ __ ] I got
00:23:23
Indonesians dropping 16 Lodge upstairs. What do I give a [ __ ] I got Indonesians
00:23:29
dropping 16 Lodge upstairs. So the Indonesians who are wealthy get their own private suite with young ladies and
00:23:36
the whole thing and they bet a [ __ ] ton of money. So what do I give a [ __ ] I got Indonesians dropping 16 large
00:23:43
upstairs. It's so perfect. Kevin Nean I think it was said he did uh Vegas and he you know
00:23:49
he's supposed to headline do they go do like 45 he did 48 he got off and the guy goes
00:23:54
what the [ __ ] are you doing three minutes they could be out in the [ __ ] casino what are you doing you trying to
00:23:59
kill me he's like oh I didn't I thought it'd be better if I went long goes who the [ __ ] wants you to go long
00:24:05
get off yeah well Dennis is always he's somebody who uh has show business he knows show
00:24:13
business so when he played this hotel used to play. He would time it where he would leave his room full stride. I
00:24:20
don't know if he had someone hold the elevator or not. And then he's walking right onto the stage as they're
00:24:26
introducing him. He's not there's no small talk. There's no green room. He just walks right to the mic, destroys
00:24:33
for an hour because that's Dennis, right? And then there's a clock and as soon as
00:24:38
it hits 60, even if he's in the middle of a bit, thank you good night. and he just kills,
00:24:45
but he's just like, there's no settling in bits. Like I walk out, hey guys. Oh, I used to come to San Bernardino all the time because I'm in a gang. Uh, so you
00:24:56
know what I mean? I know. So, and then they go, and then but Dennis walks out and he just goes, Ronald Reagan will be 77. Everyone's like, oh, we're starting. Okay.
00:25:09
And that goes to, you know, what what's the one where I don't even let my grandfather a remote control.
00:25:15
Ronald Reagan is 77 at the end of his next term and he has access to the button.
00:25:21
What am I? Okay. To put it in perspective, my grandfather's 77. We don't let him use the remote control in the TV set.
00:25:29
So Dana, you have a massive house. Obviously, I have a little tiny shack that, you know, it's just humble. is 2,000 square ft massive.
00:25:39
So, so when you need home security, which a lot of people do, it's not a bad thing. I always watch something online that shows someone got and they always
00:25:50
have video out front, which is yeah, better to have video, but could a home security system call security itself to
00:25:59
respond if someone's already inside? That's the idea. Can we improve this? Can we make it better? And um now I
00:26:06
guess we're about to announce there is a new way to actually stop someone from entering your home, right? Simply safe. This is a little different. You can stop it before it happens. The idea is AI
00:26:18
powered cameras detect threats while they're still outside your home and alert real security agents. And then uh
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the game changer is the agents take action while the intruder is still outside. I like that. They confront the intruder.
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They let them know they're being watched on camera and that the police is on the way and even sounding a siren allow or
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00:27:49
There's no safe like simply. You know how we always remember the quirkiest bits. So Dennis had another one. You know, they're coming out with that craftmatic
00:28:00
bed these days. Have you seen that? You know, getting that V going. You know what? You wake up and you go, "Wait a
00:28:06
minute. Did I blow myself last night?" Yeah. You get that V going. It's decision time.
00:28:12
Yeah. Get that. Did I suck my own dick? Yeah. Oh, weird. He tagged it with that, I'm sure.
00:28:18
Yeah. the best the Lee Harvey Oswald. He goes, "I haven't seen choreography that smooth
00:28:24
since the Lee Harvey Oswald prison transfer." Boom. Yeah. And he goes, "Jesus, hey." He
00:28:30
goes, "Uh, and he goes, "Look at that." They pull him in. They go, "Hey, boss. Jack Ruby's here. He owns a local strip
00:28:37
club. He's got a handgun. Should I let him in?" Yeah. Who the [ __ ] are they turning away?
00:28:43
He was probably the times where I had to follow Dennis because we used to me him
00:28:50
and Kevin went out a little bit and we'd flip a coin. You had to deal with that energy because that last 15 Pelosi out
00:28:57
there and it's like a wave of just the his rhythm and that sarcasm and all the references and then the here comes Dana Garney. Isn't that special?
00:29:10
Take me a while, man, to deal with that [ __ ] I got something else to tell you. I'm going to read you something you didn't know.
00:29:15
Okay, this is very It's hard because I know a lot. Even Heather will like this. This is
00:29:20
This is just some fun facts about playing cards. I didn't know. I learned this. 52 cards. The traditional playing cards
00:29:28
thing. Okay. Yeah. Oh, I thought you already knew it. Yep. 52 cards in a deck. Was that the question? No, there's more to it. Um 52 cards equals 52
00:29:39
weeks in a year. Yes. Four suits is the four seasons. Yes. Black and red is day night. 13 cards because 13 weeks in a season in each
00:29:53
suit. No one's shocked yet. Are you shocked yet? I love this. I'm a little I'm just I'm c I'm really
00:29:58
curious if it's why why it's all tied into this one. Well, also who invented these traditional playing cards?
00:30:04
I don't know what the last the last one is. If you add the cards together and go ace ace 2 two two it's 364
00:30:14
and if you add them all and then 365 days is the joker for leap year. It's pretty cool. Ain't that cool if it all fits? If it's not fullon [ __ ] Would you rather be able to [ __ ] AR?
00:30:30
I got a question for you not. Would you rather be able to juggle really well? Or would you rather be able to one of those guys with playing cards, you know, the Lance Burton, and they're playing
00:30:41
them out and then they're gone. And I think the cards, it's too I would say the cards. I palming cards. I saw a guy the other day
00:30:48
palming. He goes, "There's your card." And he goes, "No cards, no cards. There's your card." And it's on his I go, I never know what's going on.
00:30:54
When they do the sleeve and they're like, "There's the card." And then there's no card. You know, it's like
00:30:59
unreal. I love it. Lance Burton was always, man, was he brilliant. Is brilliant. Lance
00:31:05
Burton. Remember him? Yeah. He He'd be like this. Hey folks, how you doing? Then he'd have a lit candle in
00:31:10
his hand. You know, what's up? He's in a tuxedo. And uh lit candle, you know, it's like and then he goes like that and it's gone. Yeah, he's Gervis's guy. You seen Lance Bird? And he's pretty good. You got to
00:31:21
go see him. I'll get you in. Half off. What about What about Ger? I'm doing a little trick to you. Watch. I know it looks good. that phone. I didn't know where it went.
00:31:32
[Laughter] Lance Burton. Yeah, he was one of Lance Burton's guys. He go, "So, so just for the people at home that like to hear Gervid stories, you I guess Dana doesn't like money." He
00:31:43
goes, "I'm coming to your show. Lucky you." And I go, "Great." Brings his kid and Tommy from the office. And then they
00:31:49
go, "Nice boy. I got a booth for us. I know you like booths cuz you're a little baby. So, we got a booth. 5:15." I go,
00:31:56
"Get your high chair." 5:15. Are we going to get sunburned? I go there. [Laughter] And we do have a quick meet and greet right before. But I go 5:15.
00:32:07
Uh I go, "What do we do? Do I go back to my room? That's a little smidge early." He goes, "Nope." You know, okay. It gets
00:32:13
crazy in there and there's a lot of people coming to the show. 3,000 people. I go, "All right. Well, let's maybe a
00:32:18
little later." And he goes, "Why later?" And I go, he goes, "We got to get on this." I go, "Well, I don't want to rot
00:32:25
for five. I don't go on cuz till 9:00. So we So at 458 he goes downstairs. Everything six syllables with a chirping pause. Downstairs. Got your booth. Why
00:32:38
not? What do you want? Oh, I want a tuna sandwich. I can't eat it. My jaw hurts. Oh, my neck.
00:32:43
That's his impression of me. So I go, "Well, I'll order something, but I just got in. I think Dana is going to lay
00:32:49
around for a second." So I go, "I'll come down." But I feel guilty. He's already there.
00:32:55
And then I take a shower and get ready. And then I write my set list and I send him an order just to buy some time. Okay, order's in. Within seconds, I go in. Now all I got to do is eat it.
00:33:07
Now what? I got some bread. I'll save you some. I got you a napkin. Napkin's all ready. I folded it.
00:33:14
I was smart about that because I did the math and said, I'm going to relax here.
00:33:19
I don't I'm gonna go over my standup notes and I'm gonna order room service because I know it'll be fast because
00:33:25
everyone's in the casino and then I'm gonna toddle in at 6:30, have a little water because
00:33:32
too much small talk and too much backstage chatter kind of takes a little bit energy. So, every time you go on stage, you're like exhausted. So, I felt
00:33:42
sorry for you down there. I go, "Fuck, Spade's getting wiped out down there. I'm just relaxing up here with my
00:33:47
notes." I finally text you. I go, Dana, come. Because I was a desperate text pretty much. Where where are you? Well, we were having fun actually. Gervitz is fun to hang out. And it's No, it is fun. It's just energy before
00:33:59
the show and it was like 6:30. I'm like, Dana, get down here and then we'll all just hang out there instead of the green room
00:34:04
because it was a nice place. And then his kid goes, "You don't understand. We got here at 2." And I go, "Why two?" And
00:34:11
he goes, "Ask him." And Mark goes, "Got to get here early. Got to set up. Got to make sure everything's okay. Got to
00:34:17
gamble a little bit." Jackson, here's $10. Walk around for five hours. Spend it with you. I know. It just Those guys were just
00:34:24
young strapping guys, like six foot uh handsome young men walking around the casino. But anyway, this is what you said to me at 6:31. Are you coming down? Coming spelled COMG
00:34:38
denotes a bit of panic. Are you coming down? We finished just hanging. Yeah. Yeah. meaning you don't have to order. You don't do anything like I said, "Yeah, I was about to leave the
00:34:50
room. What's your problem?" No. I said, "Where where are you? I don't want to go to the Pine Cone restaurant."
00:34:55
[ __ ] we went to the Pine Cone. You know what happened to me? I met a super fan. Oh, boy. Here's a super fan. Cuz I was fluffed and folded looking
00:35:02
like Dana. Oh, you brought them over. Well, then she goes, "Oh, oh, you're you're with David Spade. Can I give this
00:35:08
to him?" So, I said, "Just follow me." Because she seemed she didn't seem dangerous. So I walked in and then she
00:35:14
handed you something and that was it. Yeah. She goes, "I'm your biggest fan." Blam blam blam blam. I go, "Dana."
00:35:21
No, I mean she did get, you know, do a soft headlock which I thought was you. It was legal in UFC. Yeah, she gave me a note because I did a
00:35:33
favor for her some That's right. That's what she said. She was a person. Uh I kept the note which was nice.
00:35:39
I can read the room, David. I knew she wasn't, you know. Yeah, I can read the room. I can read the the fan.
00:35:46
All right. What else did you do before we get the headlines? What else you got? Well, it's just the the week of uh the week of Trump right now so far, obviously because of the
00:35:58
ceasefire and the hostages being released and it was really funny. Yeah. Well, that I wanted to talk about. So,
00:36:11
I mean, obviously Time magazine and Trump are not best friends, but this piece thing,
00:36:17
this is a reluctant cover. So, somebody somebody at Time magazine went up to the editor, go, "Okay, we're putting them on the cover. We have to. The hostages are back. There could be a
00:36:28
peace deal. What picture would you like?" Well, sir, um, we have one where it's from below which shows kind of the folds in his neck look like he's
00:36:39
completely bald. How about and he has three wispy hairs or a cloud above his head. That's so That is so funny that they're like, "We got to put him on, but what is
00:36:50
the absolute worst? Let's go right up his nose, right under his chin, and then it's like I hate to use your term vagina neck, but he might have a little bit of It's unfair because
00:37:03
the shirt with a tie pulls your neck together like that." Yeah. Well, look at us. Yes. I mean,
00:37:09
basically a good f Trump does a lot. Like his mug shot, if they can find that, was straightforward. He took one
00:37:16
of the best mug shots during all those trials and it's straightforward. He juts his jaw.
00:37:21
And so this one was I thought it was just funny that they they must have been laughing at
00:37:26
Go back. Did they put his name on it? They don't put his name on it. No, it doesn't even say Trump on there. It
00:37:32
said this [ __ ] guy. This it said this [ __ ] guy. Yeah. I mean, come on. Could do you have any
00:37:37
other Time magazine things you can pull up, Greg, of a regular one like with, you know,
00:37:43
Clinton or Obama or something? Cuz that is just I thought it was pretty funny. I wouldn't even put that on [ __ ] Instagram. Cry six, you know, he's got more folds
00:37:54
in his neck than the Ben folds five currently. Ben folds five. So, okay, there we go. Those are
00:38:01
Obama is that many. Oh my god, man. Look, look at Obama's straightforward like A couple repeats on
00:38:07
this third from the top right. Click on that. That is a great picture. And the one with Hope is everywhere.
00:38:13
That That was Or third from the left. It's just him face forward. Well, they're all great. That probably got him the election. That
00:38:19
Hope one. Yeah, that one with the three colors. Trump's basically 80. And this is Obama became president at what 45.
00:38:30
Also, he didn't have any folds in his neck. That's the thing. thing I want to say which I did I did in my standup at
00:38:38
the casino you did Obama I was about how it's hard to compliment Trump if you have a problem with him so they'd sort of I just want to say there was the peace deal was a great thing
00:38:49
releasing the hostage one of want to give a shout out to Senator Rub Secretary Rubio and Jared Kushner and um and um
00:39:01
excuse Who's that? No, I said. So, I mean, I did that. I did that and then I did it. I hatched it on our
00:39:15
podcast and then I did it at the casino and it killed. That's always fun. Mhm. Um, okay. What next story? What else? Let's get into some stories. My fire alarm went off. I don't know if you want
00:39:26
to hear about that. I I would. Were you scared? So boring. I scared shitless, dude. It was 2 a.m. Oh, it was 2 a.m. It's pouring rain.
00:39:38
2 a.m. And not just a not that one, which will drive you bonkers, but like full sirens and fire. Fire. Not even questioning. It's a fire.
00:39:51
So, I pop out with no plan, but I'm scared. My heart's beating a million. And then it stops and I'm like,
00:39:58
I don't even know what to do. And here's how crazy. I think someone did something like put a match up to a smoke alarm to
00:40:05
flush me out of my bedroom like they're trying to rob the place. So I freaked out. Well, latest thought it could be the hot air in the brains. Oh, really?
00:40:16
Maybe. That's been a while. You know the brains of a ho house where you have like Yeah,
00:40:21
they get hot. You know, all these it got too warm inside a room. Might be kicking it off. But it took
00:40:27
this long. I've been here three or four years. But anyway, it went off. I pooped my pants. Obviously freaked out. And
00:40:34
then it stopped, but I couldn't I was like, "Are firemen coming?" It was terrifying. Couldn't sleep for an hour.
00:40:39
Oh, terrible. And then and then um you know, just whacked off, went to bed, whatever I do normally. And just to calm down and then
00:40:45
um so I wake up then I'm scared all day. We look into it, we go, it'll never happen again that night again. Fire.
00:40:52
Fire at at the same time or just at night? after our gig when I got home at five in the morning this time. Never in the day. Too convenient. AI will solve this. But that is You want
00:41:05
to know the weirdest thing I've ever seen at night or did you have finished your thoughts? No. Well, yesterday we fixed him and
00:41:10
Heather got electrocuted by by the way. Was it just a reboot kind of thing or He doesn't care. No one cares. I'm telling you, you can try everyone. And no one bites on that. They go, "Oh,
00:41:23
cool. So, she's alive or dead." Anyway, um, so it's I got electrocuted Dana. You did. You did. You like you fell away and got ladder. You Oh, you got a shock and fell down.
00:41:36
120 volts. 120 volts. Wow. What does that feel like? Your whole body. Your whole body goes, jeez. Didn't you have But no one's giving her enough empathy.
00:41:46
Gloves on. Did you have gloves on that? We did not have [ __ ] because we were rag tag mission. Put the ladder up. Get up.
00:41:52
I tried it. She tried it. I tried it. Unscrew, unscrew, unplug, forget the batteries. You got to get the wires out.
00:41:59
And our guy goes, "It it won't shock you naturally." He's like, "Okay, it might shock you a little bit." We're like, "So, he came over today. He's doing all of them. Redoing all of them because I'm too scared."
00:42:11
Mhm. I would pay money to not have that. All this stuff wears you down. I mean, I go, Dana, I go, "I'll pay anything. I just want this to stop." He goes, "All right, we're gonna each one's going to
00:42:22
cost this much." I go, "Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa." I said, "I'll pay anything." And then he goes, "I'll pay."
00:42:27
They're 40 bucks for a new one. I go, "Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa." Well, we bought a new range. Brand new
00:42:35
superstar range range. And they put it in the kitchen. Had to take the old one out. It's 50 years old.
00:42:42
Man, it's gorgeous. But if you put it to 400, the oven heats to 350. So, you have
00:42:49
to put it to 450. So, it was just bugging us like what was wrong. So, a guy came out like, "Hey, I'll fix this."
00:42:54
You know, usually the customer is too stupid to understand. He's got the whole thing taken apart. He's on his knees in
00:43:00
the kitchen. He's on the phone. I don't know, man. I don't know, man. So, they're coming back.
00:43:06
Ah, but I want to tell you the scarest I've ever been in the night. Go ahead. living in Enino didn't really understand
00:43:18
or wasn't I knew what a possum was but was not aware of possums in particular. So there's the alarm goes off the front door. We believe that we're looking at
00:43:30
uh a rat the size border collie like it seemed like a seven rat. Yeah. And we're both flipped out and then we had to go, "Oh [ __ ] it's going away." And the it's it's 2 am. Oh, it's
00:43:44
a possum. It's a possum. But that one blink of a rat that big stayed with me. I thought the scaredest you had been is when you had pressure on your chest from a ghost when you're on a trip.
00:43:56
Well, that was more Well, that was an actual poltergeist pressing down on me. It wasn't an illusion. It wasn't a mistake compos rat. It was just because it happened. Then I go, I must have been
00:44:08
in a waking dream state. Oh, I'll go back to sleep. Then it happened right again when I was awake as I am, you
00:44:13
know. Yeah. And then I remember when you had that illusion. Yeah. Yeah. No, that was this heavy weight,
00:44:18
you know, about 150 lbs on me. Terrifying. I realized it was you at Spade. I woke up my wife. Don't we have a show tonight? Let's get on the pod.
00:44:31
You're like, "Hey, wake up. Go get off me. This is a nice hotel. Get off me. I'm trying to do Chris Farley. Get off. I'm starving.
00:44:46
Lay off me. I'm starving. Uh, okay. Let's go to that story. This is a story you gave you had about AI. Okay. I just want to set this up that this is real and this is the future and
00:44:59
you're seeing this at some port in America where everything is a robot controlled by AI
00:45:05
or China. Yeah. Or China. I think it's China. Yeah. Oh, really? Oh, see they don't crash. Nope. There there's no road rage at all. No road rage. All
00:45:19
look at how close they come. Yep. Not a problem. Right in self-driving Tetris. Yep. I can handle that. We We would usually in America have a guy like this with a flag and like this.
00:45:32
But everything Yeah. Everything comes off the boat. Everything is moved. Everything is moved to another a truck
00:45:38
or something without employees. And that's what I call a secular trend. Do you know what a secular trend is? No, sir. It's just things that aren't political.
00:45:48
They're sort of like, you know, people are aging. They're living longer and now we're seeing robotics, AI basically doing all these jobs. So fighting it every step of the way, I
00:46:00
and that's not what whoever is the president or the Congress. We're just we're just transitioning into this this
00:46:07
world. Well, it saves money and that's what's making it go. It's the job of the corporation is to be
00:46:14
more productive. people that have jobs have no jobs and it's universal basic income. How much do you
00:46:21
think it should be? When there's just no jobs, you got to give people money. Oh, uh, it'll probably No, 50,000.
00:46:31
I don't know. Is that it? Too high, too low? I don't know. I mean, every you I don't know what
00:46:38
you'll be doing. You need money for gas. Well, you need It will be like a microchip in your hand and you'll have to just go I get this. I have carbon but
00:46:45
not I have carbon points against me. I can't do anything. It takes money out of your bank. I mean
00:46:51
the future I think those things are sort of happening. Well, you know, this slow
00:46:56
transition to a lot of 4 day weeks and stuff with companies, you know, three-day weekends or work from home or
00:47:04
because of the uh AI and machinery and automation, you know, like a McDonald's might have one or two employees instead of eight or nine, you know, because of automation. So,
00:47:14
that's the first thing that's planning jobs. But I think initially, you know, a,000 a month is a good
00:47:23
barrier for people who have some kind of job and have some income, but another thousand a month net keeps them.
00:47:30
Did I go too high? Well, I I don't know. It's depend how many how do we do it? I don't know. This
00:47:36
is, you know, Elon Musk is talking about we got to give we going to have to give uh uh uh money to people. Uh, we're
00:47:44
gonna give Buddy uh Gerice jokes. Gerbert's what? Heather, check in with him. See what he
00:47:50
wants. Losing his mind. Gervitz keeps calling and interrupting the podcast. He keeps track of our schedule. He knows
00:47:56
we're doing a podcast. No, I don't. I I talked to Stephen Marty. It's a nice little run. You start in
00:48:02
Toronto. That's all I'll say. He has so many comedians. He's like h Steve Martin and Martin Short are his favorites to put on the road. I went and saw Steve and Marty.
00:48:14
Yeah, I know. They do a lot of dates. They're great. All right, next story. Next story. Let's see.
00:48:19
Next story. Keep it rolling. Keep moving. We're just rolling right along. Mhm. My glowing hair.
00:48:26
Where does that door go into? Where does the door go? Into the air. Into the air. I don't biggest question I get is where do these doors go? Am I new place? Um, so you can
00:48:38
actually open these doors. We're not supposed to cuz they're health and safety stuff. But you can open them. Yeah. I don't really like heights, so I'm not opening it. But when you move
00:48:45
into a place like this high, basically you get given parachutes. So if anything happens, you have to open one of them
00:48:50
doors and just send it. Is that true? Is that true? He's got a parachute in his closet and if there's something happens, he'll parachute out. Just Tom Cruz designed the building or
00:49:01
something. Well, if there was some sort of 911 situation, you're up there, you'd be like, if this is my only option and
00:49:07
you have a you're so high, I would never live in one of those buildings, but if you're so high, what do you got to do?
00:49:12
Get a Phillips and take the hinges off the door first. It doesn't What's the highest you've lived? The
00:49:18
highest building you've lived in? Oh, not much. I mean, even New York, it was probably like 12th floor. I don't
00:49:25
like when your ears pop on an elevator. I don't like that. I my first year there I was in a 44th floor
00:49:33
at the Brmley Columbus Circle. No, then eventually I went to the Brmley was like three floors you could jump if there was
00:49:39
a dumpster and be safe. You know who lived at the Brmley? You, Mike, Barley for a while. Me first, then they all came in. Yeah, they did. They follow because they go, "Who do we know?" And someone says,
00:49:51
"Oh, the Brmley's nice." I was upper west side, but I never got to the Brmley. It was too rich for my blood.
00:49:56
But I think even Nean, maybe Dennis. Well, it was great. I mean, they had big big windows and that you're kind of on
00:50:04
top of a movie theater. You could leave for a movie starting at 2:00 at 1:59 and
00:50:09
still be early. So, you know, and it was Columbus Avenue was a block away and it's Columbus Cafe and you know, it's like a really, really good place to live.
00:50:21
Um, yes. So, it was by Columbus Cafe that John went to a lot. Love it. I went there a lot. Yeah, Columbus was cool. Okay, next one.
00:50:32
Mhm. Something about the rich richest man in man in China just bought a facility in
00:50:43
New Hampshire. Now, what is he doing? He actually bought it for his beverage company for over $60 million. Way over
00:50:50
the asking price. And it's right next to what? The town's water supply. He's gathering 2 million gallons per day for
00:50:57
his beverage company. So now the Chinese have control of New Hampshire's water supply. I heard allow a whole another country to
00:51:05
buy up freeways cuz they bought highways in your hometown. Farmland highways. So the the Chinese just bought the data. You know those fast lanes? What do they call them in in uh
00:51:16
uh the speed lanes? Yeah, speed lanes, right? They just bought a highway. That's it either. What? What can't they buy?
00:51:23
Well, I know that Chicago sold the rights to the parking meters in town to Saudi Arabia. China, Saudi Arabia because they needed quick money and now
00:51:34
they're they're making a billion dollars more than they thought they would and so they really Saudi won that one, but all that
00:51:41
money goes to them now. So, I don't know. Could you buy things in China from America? Could you buy the same things?
00:51:48
I think that's the point of that whole thing is are we being dumb? I don't um that is um that's the whole kind of issue I guess is like can they can buy
00:52:02
our stuff can we buy their stuff they can sell us their stuff can we sell our stuff that's that whole tariff thing
00:52:10
right which every president has tariffs but Trump went a little bigger we're going to go big to go big
00:52:18
and when the people get mad now he'll go I'm the hostage guy leave me alone Remember,
00:52:24
you just got to wait. It's going to be good. It's going to be good. I mean, it is interesting how much the stock market just goes crazy if Trump says something
00:52:31
or Jerome Pal. What happened with Bitcoin the other day? Took a [ __ ] It took a mother. I don't know. Bitcoin dirtiest [ __ ] It was like at 124 and in
00:52:43
30 minutes it dropped to like 109. And then the RA I'm not going to say which ones, but there was some apps that wouldn't let you buy low. They're like, "We're having difficulties." And I think
00:52:54
there's one dude that bought and then it went back up and he got 8 million. Do you And I'm just going to say it's John Kennage Center. Now, David, you be honest here.
00:53:06
Do you understand Bitcoin? I do not. I've I've had people who are, you know, this is the future and I've never I've never quite grasp it. I know because
00:53:19
gold is like 4,100 an ounce. So I could see a hedge alternative currency, but I don't know why it goes up to a million dollar a coin in 20. I mean, someone could explain it to us,
00:53:31
but I all I know is in my dealings with it, I buy high, sell low. You think you should buy low, sell high. I know. I think I heard it wrong because I definitely got out. I didn't really
00:53:47
lose money, but it went up and then it sort of came back down and then I got scared. I just have some which it's at a level
00:53:55
that it I can afford to lose it. It was just like in case it goes to 3 million a
00:54:01
coin. I don't want to be, you know, was chump change my dick in my hand. In my hand, I agree. I don't have any left, but uh
00:54:12
I do have a Pokemon card. No, I don't have anything really. I understand the premise of a company
00:54:19
that makes goods or services that people really like and pay for those goods and
00:54:24
services and then the company gushers in all this money and has net earnings and
00:54:30
so forth. I understand that. But Bitcoin as an alternative currency, I can understand it and the builtin um scarcity that they
00:54:40
have. So, so basically this is what I have a hard time wrap my mind around. There's a seventh grader in 2009. Hey man, I'm going to buy some Bitcoin,
00:54:51
dude. I don't know how much is it. It's about 4 cents a bitcoin. I'm going to buy 500 of them. And then my 2016, that
00:54:57
guy's worth 50 billion and gets out. He's like a high school senior. That I don't understand.
00:55:04
I definitely would get out if I would never be the guy that keeps is all in the whole time. I would be like, I'm going to trickle it out even if it goes up, but I'm going to get something out of this [ __ ] Because when FTX went
00:55:16
down, that's why I sold mine because I go, "Oh, I didn't know it could go to zero. I thought it could just go up and
00:55:22
down, but it everything went like this is FTF." FTX was when Oh. Oh, that thing, you know, Tom Brady was tied into it and you're like, a cryptocurrency. Yeah.
00:55:34
Some crypto thing just flatten and I go, "Oh, I don't like this. Somebody could be just scamming, you know.
00:55:41
Well, do you understand this concept? The greater fool theory. The greater fool theory
00:55:48
is that you buy an asset, say Bitcoin, and eventually goes up and up and up. You bought it for like 3,000 a coin. Now
00:55:56
it's 100,000 a coin. So for you to make money, you got to sell it to someone who's not disturbed by getting in at
00:56:02
100,000 or 200,000. So all you need is a greater fool to sell it to get out, convert it to cash, dollars, and then buy a mansion. But I I'm not against Bitcoin. I hope it
00:56:15
works out for friends of mine that are in it. I hope it thesis it already has, you know, Bitcoin thousand. Anyway, okay, next one. Let's see. Then we'll
00:56:27
wrap up. We're getting We'll wrap up. We're getting in we're getting deep in the weeds. It's been a great episode. [ __ ] weeds.
00:56:32
Okay. Okay. Okay, this just says the word machine. Oh, I know what this is. I thought it's like not heavy. It's not that big. I watch these every night.
00:56:44
How much time I need to do like same like waiting two years of training. Even within
00:56:49
I would say at least four. These guys are musclemen explaining to the guy in the We have to get anat.
00:56:55
Is it okay? I will just try with you. These guys are the hilarious looking. Look how [ __ ] roided they are. And look at his little suit and his
00:57:06
beard. He just picks it up. They're like shock. He's a professional weightlifter, but
00:57:12
they don't know it. So great. Look at he looks at himself. I want these. Yeah. He's one of the strongest men for his size in the world. We doing like usually like this one.
00:57:23
They use two hands. They can barely pick it up. Yeah. I'm just one of my mom. What do you think?
00:57:30
I'm naturally strong. Look at the rock knock [ __ ] on him. They go, "Are you kidding, bro? You're going to hurt yourself." That guy's That guy's the knock off the
00:57:42
ball. I can't believe no one has seen it enough. He can still go into gyms and fool people. But Anatoli is a world
00:57:49
class weightlifter. Like he can bench like, you know, 500 lb and deadlift 600 lb. He's incredibly strong for 510 170. And he goes in
00:58:00
there, he puts on a fake beard and he does have a bit of an accent, but he plays like the idiot. Hey guys, guys,
00:58:06
you mind if I get in there and they go, "Yeah, they think you're gonna They say, "Man, you're going to
00:58:12
hurt yourself, man." No, I just want to show you great technique. Great. And then he does it and then they go to
00:58:18
their all the time. My algorithm feeds that I probably watched 10 of them last night.
00:58:24
It's funny. I don't really like prank ones, but that one is good because nobody gets hurt. It's just funny. It's not really mean. It's just Yeah.
00:58:32
How do I do this? It's like, remember, we should go to a comedy club and just put on big beards and go, "Sorry, we
00:58:38
don't really know. We're first time. Could we please do comedy?" You know? I I don't know if it would be quite It's
00:58:45
like when Juel went in and did karaoke with a wig like she was just part of the girls from the office
00:58:51
and then everyone's like, "She's [ __ ] good." I don't know. We probably I'd probably bomb anyway by going too long with my
00:58:56
Scarface bit. [Music] [Laughter] Dana, we all loved it. No, it's great to have a, you know, I I sort of think to myself, huh, here I am
00:59:09
50 years in kind of or 40 years in and I still really care, you know, that I that I get a lot of laughs and I kind of wonder. I go, it's not going to change my life, but it's
00:59:21
the same vibe, same feel. You want to do good. Every time you get hired, you want them to
00:59:26
say, you're worth the money. We're glad we hired you. You did a good job. You were nice to people. You made everyone happy.
00:59:32
That's I'm glad I still have that, too. I don't like just walk in there and go, I don't give a [ __ ] Like, I was just Oh, no. I It's It's the exact same
00:59:39
thing. But when I do corporates, I know that a lot of great comedians have come before me over the years. And so I
00:59:45
always want them to say, "Well, you were the best." I just It's my 10-year-old boy of
00:59:51
competitiveness. You know, right? Sometimes they go, "Oh, you know, after your show, they walk you back. They go,
00:59:57
you know who really killed here was um" and I go, "That's all. I don't even need to hear the name. That's fine."
01:00:02
I know. You know who it probably was. Sinbad. I thought it was you. I just did one where they go, "Dana's on our next one." I was like, "Yeah."
01:00:13
Uh, I go to the trouble of spending a half hour online looking at the company and then I do stuff about them. That's my my little hat trick. That's smart. You know, I put in effort. I mean, I'm
01:00:27
in the hotel room. I'm waiting. They're paying me an ex, you know, very good money to do what I'm doing. So
01:00:34
you're like, "Is Dale Watkins here from uh the executive branch of sales division?" They're like,
01:00:40
"Dale, I heard you." I have all my shtick. I'll say to the minions that are there to guide me through. I go, "So, what do you I'm
01:00:46
sorry, but what do you want me to do again? Is it is it stand up or can I just play the guitar?" And they get they
01:00:52
take it seriously and sing songs. Can I just talk to the people? Yeah. Is it just sort of a
01:00:58
am I just answering questions about the company, right? mind like what do you mind if I mean I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do here I was hired but um could I'd like to sing a little bit
01:01:10
first seriously you know so can we play duck duck goose have you ever had them go don't do literally
01:01:17
anything to about the CEO don't look at him don't say anything don't do anything they say no political statements yeah
01:01:25
that's why I always say I don't I don't do political statements I roll up the whatever flag of whatever country I go oh for real okay
01:01:30
oh okay So that go there goes my chunk. There goes my 20 minutes in the middle. Roll roll up.
01:01:37
Uh, but the way I do it, it's not political statements. It's just political comedy.
01:01:42
Different. All right. Well, I think everyone I think everyone's walking away a little dumber today. And
01:01:48
uh, we learned about the greater fool theory. We learned about automation. So, planning jobs. And we try to entertain.
01:01:55
But if we can educate, we're very happy to do that. I think everyone's like, "This is like college.
01:02:01
Yeah, some people have to lie down. They get they put a cold compress on their They have so much intellectual
01:02:08
stimulation. These two [ __ ] are talking about so many things I can't even God. Why didn't we call this podcast
01:02:14
these two [ __ ] It's such a good word. Yeah, it's a good word. Uh, okay. Well, Dana,
01:02:22
I'll see you next week probably. See you next week. Same bat time. Same bat channel.
01:02:28
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