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I'm here to talk about Colin Quinn one of my old good buddies Dana Carvey you might not know him he's always in
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the shot with me he's on the show with me but um he's not feeling well today and I said
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you know what just lay low it's not his heart because he did have hard things
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he's not feeling great I said you know what just I'll just handle this because
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I'm such a stage hog it's embarrassing it's just so honestly just stay home
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but Colin who I saw at The Brooklyn Diner last time I was in New York you know that's the famous book of that he
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goes with precious Seinfeld but then I got to go with him and he said it was underwhelming whatever that means uh
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by the way I was watching the VMAs last weekend the VMAs are on the MTV it's a lot of
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code Video Music Awards MTV stands for used to be Music Television you can use it
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um no but there the funny thing was aside from me not knowing literally one person I don't know was JLo not there
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why was she not at something we have a JLo not sighting what a [ __ ] burnt no I like JLo
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um but the funny thing was on the carpet Addison Ray's mom Addison Ray who I did
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when I hosted Jimmy Kimmel she was on with me and Adam Ray's mom is this really pretty nice woman we sat next to
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it the fights anyway she's there with young gravy who again I don't know
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that's my fault because I have [ __ ] to do um but he's a singer rap or whatever but
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he's a big good looking guy but then we realized they called each other to go on
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a date because he likes cougars and then I thought this reminds me of you know machine gun scarecrow Machine Gun Kelly
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and Megan Fox good looking mouth wrapper with blonde hair likes to do press they're doing press
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anyway just a thought sorry Colin um but that and uh but back to Colin great friend of mine legit
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always see him when I'm in New York and uh you'll hear from one little piece of
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tidbit trivia came up with the title grown-ups wow boom take that Meghan Markle and your
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dumb podcast oh there I said it fighting words Online Fight jack up ratings okay uh that's it
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Dana's not here he would say the same thing we both love Colin he was there when I was there he did update for a
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while I think right after Norm uh he'll tell you about that and then listen to
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mostly what I say when I try to talk over here he is Colin Quinn [Music] you will punch Colin I like more of your
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tweets it's so embarrassing compliment hits wall disintegrates yes Colin I would like to goof around all
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day but let's we have to get down to business we have a specific orders uh yeah no I just want to stop by saying
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even though we're not on camera do you think David was bothering Heather going
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should I wear a collared shirt with a sweater she goes no not with that being a kid's World okay she said everything
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works on you I go good she's reading a cue card I gave her if you took a bat to
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David's hair it would be solid no it's it's wispy it's still from the uh well I
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won't say when this aired but I was in I was in a certain worldwide Award Show
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recently oh really so you were looking for trouble Colin one last question [Laughter]
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I'll start it I'll start it off since you guys so the first time I uh went to
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SNL I wrote these sketches and I brought them in Sandler got me in to meet with Jim Downey
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and he showed me the sketch I wrote these sketches and one of them was a sketch what it was basically I'm still
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very proud of it even though it got rejected by every host and I was one of those catches I kept showing up with you
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know people were like stop it was this it was basically Roman Emperor so it was like uh uh sanctimonious it was like
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well I don't know and then uh obsequious yo you're right every time my Lord and
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then Tim Meadows played thesaurus who goes that means this so anyway I I brought that in and down he goes yeah
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this you know the people are gonna this is too you know and just handed it back to me
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here's the thing about Downey is as intelligent as as brilliant as he was if
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you showed up with something that he thought was smart and precious of a word yeah yeah precious was the worst thing
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you'd be called you just throw it back at you and by the way I also gave it to Chris
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Walken who snapped at me Chris Morgan said he goes I go hey that sketch he goes I saw it and I was like wow oh boy
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what accent is sorry what is that New York what what that's Chris walk and he's from Queens Queen he always said I
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know that okay the first time I met Chris walking was at some hotel and I go hey my family used to go to walk-ins
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Bakery which was his family bakery legendary Bakery and queens my family traveled only from Brooklyn that's how
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good the bakery was German because German German bakery and he goes yeah that was a long time ago and just turns
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his head away from me God damn I've had it with him meanwhile when I'm with him I can't shut
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him up David this was great that was great everything you do is great I'm like oh
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come on Chris John Lovitz is uh the the truth Terror Show Business he went up to
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him and goes Chris come on be honest are you kind of making up your accent are you
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[Music] he just starts laughing very good job I told you Colin he asked me once he goes
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you have a work with an actor uh dog and I go yeah um and he goes you have a worker then act a cat
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they tell you the story and I've told it before and I go an actor cat he goes
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they don't do anything they just they're like a regular cat they you they don't
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move and then if you like push them they jump but any cat will do that and I go yeah
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I guess and then he waits then he goes you have a work with an active Mouse and uh I go no and he goes I he did on
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mousetrap this movie so it checks out and he goes dead good you tell him to go up and and take a beat and go to the
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left and they do this mat see that's when you really do agree with John Lovitz like he must be acting a
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little bit were you there were you there why would you say that I know why would
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you tell me that story and it's not just my bitterness about about the bakery
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it's a little bit it seems like actors are pretty subtle in the 70s and then
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later on they sort of get bored and then they just extenuate their self like Pacino yeah no they're screaming and
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just you know I only do Val Duval managed to keep it oh keep it under keep it real you know I have to give Colin a
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compliment he's uh always highly respected this is for the people that are listening highly respected popular
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one of the smartest uh also writes these one-hour shows that I wouldn't even
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understand just watching them and then he also does all the research makes jokes out of anything I can't if you
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gave me a subject my ACT is about like a thousand different things but if you had
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said oh right an hour about one thing I'd be like give me 500 years and he does it and he does it again and he
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takes something that probably doesn't sound funny on the surface like the Constitution or something and he goes I
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think there's an hour there and it makes it really good well that's so Google does half of it
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but thank you you're you've done seven stage shows but we're gonna get to the
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part we'll get to that now but I like tough crowd that was uh wind was tough
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crowd before after it was it was before it was in the early 80s because a lot of
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shows get compared to tough times no I'm lying it was in the 2000s I thought you
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were 90s I thought it was interesting if this is true Colin you start stand up they said in 84 you're on remote control
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three years later nobody gets a TV show in three years how great did your stand-up get to get that I mean in three
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years well it's funny you say that because my stand-up Was Not only was it behind but it was always like a
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comedians comedian even in New York so I would do these gigs it was really the one time I had like that heat where you
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look like I'd go to a college in the Midwest and it'd be 2 000 people and the
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first time I did I go who are they here for is there a show here they owe you and I go oh no oh wow and like half my
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Act was half my Act was about like specific streets in Brooklyn and you know it was kind of a rough go but but
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they didn't care as long as I stayed and signed autographs and did pictures afterwards nobody cared yeah so I'd hang
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out like two hours after I do like 45 minutes to my laughter yeah he does after halfway through his act I
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saw him in these uh 17 year old kids are cheering and then he goes and now I'm
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going to read from my Roman Empire sketch yeah so now I'd like to read The Works of James Joyce please listen but
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they were just excited so you're saying they see you on that show everyone's
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freaking out I'm in Arizona watching it going this guy's super cool he's funny
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to get a show that's cool like that on MTV they weren't always hits or it would
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always work and it's a music show I mean it's a music station but you've got Kara
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Kari the beautiful guy gorgeous Kenny and by the way before I did any of that my biggest celebrity gig and I was paid
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very well and was treated very nicely was opening for Dana in Wilmington Delaware well yeah yes
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he was totally nice paid better than anybody that ever paid and was just a cool guy nice guy before and after jeez
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that's nice David was one of my Dandy openers he was yeah oh yeah Arizona uh no uh New England New England tour
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the summer sheds where it was like 100 degrees and humidity it was it was those are tough you ever play those outdoor
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sheds in August Dana did we share a car I think I drove us around I think you had a rental car yeah yeah
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and that was fun that was fun for me because Colin it makes fun of me but it was true he goes dude 20 minutes I'd
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walk up there with shorts and flip-flops and drink a Heineken and go what else is
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going on over the stool and he's kind of whispering what's up I'm dancing hey in
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that special gotta do it got a few David Goes this is going worse than the Challenger hell yeah I go Dana
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um my closer is about the Challenger exploding last week so just you're gonna
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go up right after that and he's like oh I don't know maybe and I go NASA need
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another Seven astronauts and he goes you know what I wouldn't even put that in
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there I would probably some girl screams David Goes who's that baby Jessica I remember Willington though with you
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because you were a great comic I remember about it 15 minutes and I just said to the sound guys there any way we
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can kind of uh can you have you given him the light that was my first move hasn't gone on yet could we get him all
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I mean I just like because the waves of laughter were vibrating and I was like can we just is there any way we can get
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him off politely oh how long did you I really love that yeah like 20 20. [ __ ] it's fun I love it when they honest so
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after remote control is it three years between that and SNL and what do you do during those three years it's well it
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was fun it was more like five years and I'm just doing stand up and really I
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mean it was going pretty badly you know there's something about being back in
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coach after you in first class maybe it's very humbling and very good it's
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very good for you but um but then what happened was I was I wasn't I was drifting around doing stand up and I had
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a couple of uh things going on but nothing really and then Fred Wolfe yeah hey no one's coming out to see people I
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wanted to see you I really think you should be on the show it's ridiculous and you know Fred when Fred says puts
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his mind to something it's happening yeah and so we had this big audition in
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LA and I'll never forget it was during the South the the the long desert nice
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when stand up was finished so they had to bring in audiences for free so this is a improv they'd bring in all these
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kids from like from a summer camp 15 year old kids 200 kids from a summer camp in the
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middle of their Camp so it's like a summit I think I remember these crowds yeah wow and I bombed so badly
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so badly and I was so fat that uh Aaron Aaron told me afterwards she goes I told
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Lauren he goes I thought this guy was did look like this she was I think his face is in there somewhere
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I don't remember being that that's so funny [Music] he's in this song that's such a great
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thing to say David Lauren really likes you she used to go David Lauren really likes you I'm like why am I not in the
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show I don't know I think he really likes you Aaron was very like a positive fun Force
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running around that place and then she was great and then and then uh Lord hired me as a writer because Fritz goes
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no you hear the writing do you hear the jokes a little one and then when I got there long ago yes you kept a couple of
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people's careers alive for a few more weeks with that performance basically saying how badly I bombed and um and
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then hired me as a writer and the only one I knew that really was David and Norm you know did you uh was Marcy there
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or Shoemaker or any writers there Marcy and Shoemaker were all that but I didn't
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know that yeah yeah so you come on as a writer and I was probably it was at 95 maybe yeah 95 was you and huge Fink it
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was your last year all right my last year I think yeah and that's when you started Hollywood minute yeah I think
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I'd done Hollywood man a few times and then I was I had my own five minutes right that's what I mean Lauren said if
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you stay a year I think Farley and Santa left there was too much of a shake-up to
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have everybody go at once yeah so you and Norm stayed yeah huh wanted to do is play football in the
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Halls oh yeah we also had that Magic Johnson basketball hoop we had fake Sports in the hall that was the only
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thing we did all day and Norm would storm down the hall and those you've dressed like crisscross
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like this young rapper they're like these giant he was dressing and called can I jeans I'd just be like like
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storming down the hall just starting trouble I know where he wasn't going the
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bathroom because he had that in their office [Music] we found so many ways to not write Colin
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because we would shoot hoops in that little tiny uh Nerf hoop and then we'd throw the football and it was anything
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to go we got to start writing and I would always want to write while I was fresh in the middle of the day but it
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was so frowned upon I was the same way I would write on Sunday and Monday it was I always
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thought that was so fake that everybody's like we have to stay up all night Tuesday it's like no we don't you
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could ride on Monday and Sunday and you could come in at 12 in the afternoon on Tuesday I know you really look down like
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a nerd if you were writing like what are you doing Spade I go what was this thing
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from the old days when people did Coke which I understand that was organic but by the time we were there it's like why
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why are we staying up all night yeah it's fake the the all-nighters with no Coke was just a bad idea because I I get
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why they used to do it but now I'm like we don't have Coke and we do have the
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day off so let's we could fix this I feel like you just reiterated what I said yeah literally exactly right and
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you know while I was waiting for Dana um I just was trying to by the way Colin has another real big credit Wi-Fi issue
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Colin you know what his big credit is what movie did Colin think of the name of do you know this answer Colin
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I know it of course I don't know it I'll give you a hint it was called it was
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called lake house for a long time oh I would be uh black sheep or Tommy Boy no no okay it was Corona
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Godfather you thought it was grown-ups we couldn't think of anything why would
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you change the subject in the middle of SNL I know we're going back to it I just
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had to make sure I said that because you told me that I have to say that at some
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point okay so um you're on SNL and you're a writer and uh you're a really
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good writer so it's different um being uh I think you were very comfortable in that position right oh I
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was too comfortable yeah I was uh I remember the first time my first sketch was a Chevy Chase was the first host and
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my first sketch was first and it was called the blame game and it was a racial game show with a white guy
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and a black guy Tim and Chevy and it was called the blame game where everybody just blames each other for what's going
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on right you know and then we get to our we get to rehearsal and one goes where's the buzzing sounds for
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the because there's no buzzing sounds for the buzzers buzzers so I go I didn't
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think like that was the important part of the sketch he looked at me oh boy oh this guy's an idiot so they got buzzers
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but then the buzzer during the game Chevy just starts pressing the buzzer how to [ __ ] it up well I don't know if
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he meant it it's hard to tell it's almost like a kid with a butt yeah oh and it kept screwing up and it turned
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into that yeah yeah I don't think he was trying to stop sure you turned into the buzzer sketch and it
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lost all the smartness yeah that's awesome uh who knows I know God who knows but but it was good to get it
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you know like early on I didn't realize how important it is to get sketches on
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you know what I mean I was so cocky like when my sketches wouldn't get on I was
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like what's that problem you know like everybody at SNL you go in there everybody's like my stuff should be you
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know I always got a little bit of an attitude I feel I feel that everybody who makes it out of their life has a
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little bit of an answer I'm so damaged uh it's a combo of things I I blame I
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blame my dad leaving me second and then I put yes or no so but I did get a lot of fun off it I'm
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not saying negative but uh I I actually wasn't prepared to write like you had to
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write there I was a rookie and it takes so long you were ahead of me in that department but it was fun you were you
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were always pretty cool to me about sketches yeah I don't know if you remember this you would after read
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through come up and give me a compliment if you liked it and those are not always
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easy to come by in a in a semi-competitive situation and so I always appreciate it because you're such
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a smart writer and then I thought maybe you were just doing that to do it to make me feel better you know to make me
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feel like it was good you're just saying it and then one time you came up to me
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after read through and you go hey that thing and I'm ready for my compliment
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and you go yeah you can't do that and I go oh I think he said we're gonna do it
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and you go yeah but you can't you can't why it was hacky yeah it was hacky you go it's it comedically you
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just can't you can't do it and I go oh and then I was like oh you are thinking
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it through every week and you are giving me actual compliments and now is a time
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where your honesty is uh appreciated unwanted yeah unwanted appreciated and but I I got scared because I go oh no by
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the way disappointing you is horrible you were just telling me Oh yeah because all of us kind of look up to Colin and
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go oh I hope Colin thinks it's funny and then when you didn't you weren't mean
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about it you were just like basically save yourself and save your reputation and you don't need this and I'm like uh
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I didn't understand I go but it'll get on you're like I'm not kidding to you
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yeah I mean that's the whole thing about my my arrogance when people ignore my
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advice I go what like right like I never think to myself like hey you know what they have to do what they have to do I'm
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always like I just told you what to do all right it's awesome it's a kind of delusional
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grandiosity that I'm capable of where do you you where do you fall in like because I'd heard this from other people
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about you being especially generous in a sincere way if someone's but you know
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Smiggle told me about his cartoon and you you would come up to him and really tell critique it and tell him how
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much you loved it and if you know so what where do you put yourself on the competitive spectrum of comedians like
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sharp elbows and that kind of thing or do you feel like you have a different Irish attitude or something because you
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seem so centered in a way to me yes as a person well I mean I want to do well I mean I want to be successful but I mean
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but uh yeah I don't feel I never felt I feel like comedians are really the only
00:21:49
ones that really understand each other so it's like I always love comedians because I feel like somehow there's
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something in the comedian's frequency that we like even when they're not even
00:22:02
if you take the hackiest comedian in the world if you're sitting somewhere with
00:22:05
them it's like a different conversation than with anybody else not not that we're better or worse it's just they're
00:22:13
on my wavelengths and I just yeah you're right they're all we have you know I
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couldn't agree more if you're in New York at a party or something and there's
00:22:21
no comedian there and you're talking to businessmen and CEOs and then a comedian
00:22:26
comes in instantly both kind of even actors or right anybody there's something in them that's different than
00:22:35
comedians comedians have this this like uh Dead part of us that is really funny and makes us who we are where we're just
00:22:44
like oh like you don't you don't have to have that enthusiastic or you know that
00:22:50
Earnest thing that a lot of people even actors have where they're like it's just
00:22:55
another layer we like oh God that's brutal but it's like how we feel I I
00:23:00
can't even articulate it but it's like ever you know it when you see it you
00:23:04
know it's the elephant in the room they usually identify it and then you have a
00:23:07
co-conspirator whether it's about someone's dress or the guy is soiled as
00:23:12
tuxedo whatever it is and they just go right at it yeah I went to a uh when you go to any party in Los Angeles where
00:23:18
there's celebrity types you you always sort of find a comedian and then another
00:23:22
one finds you and then you're on a corner and then sometimes other people like to come over thinking that'll be
00:23:28
the fun group yeah and then they also like what do you guys think about blank you know
00:23:33
what's going on right now and then you get to you get to blab around but yeah
00:23:37
it is always fun because you feel some sort of comfort or yeah the classic yeah somebody who comes up and goes I don't
00:23:44
know if you know a civilian quote unquote I don't know if you could use this but I always thought this was funny
00:23:49
you know one of those guys and you're like oh no oh no yeah I don't know if you could use
00:23:55
this it's like I know we can't we know um we'll tell you right now they should show about my job you should
00:24:04
hear about my job because there might be something there yeah so what okay so you did Joe Blow
00:24:12
remember Joe Blow on updates yeah so you're a construction worker of the name
00:24:18
that was my happiest things was that Joe Blow and then uh and the lion those are
00:24:22
my favorites yeah I saw that yeah when I did those two things those and I I at that moment I think it was the first
00:24:30
Millennial Diablo where I was like I just lived my dream now I can die because being on SNL live so it's NE it
00:24:41
could never be taken at that time especially Yes To This Day live that still means so much and then to do those
00:24:48
things that I really important to me I was like that was it I could have died right then and you got to write it and
00:24:54
you and that there's something about writing it and you go you do a TV show you do a movie and a year later it comes
00:25:00
out and you go oh they cut out that part yeah oh it didn't get picked up it never
00:25:03
got aired well the news change yeah yeah it's right there it's how you wrote it
00:25:09
it how you want it out there you actually present it and then you walk off and your phone can ring and go I
00:25:15
just saw it and I'm in Milwaukee and you go oh it's out okay so what I thought of
00:25:19
is out and stupid Norm right before I go on here yeah to the court I'm in a lion costume the
00:25:28
first time ever and I'm nervous because it's an allen just you know I wrote this
00:25:32
thing totally getting it on you look down you know nobody really women you know some people maybe remember me from MTV
00:25:39
but it's been a few years you know and then I'm sitting there in a flying
00:25:43
costume and then no one goes to the crowd is that Colin Quinn he's dressed in a lion suit yeah
00:25:51
but he's you know he's not a lion right he's not a lion he just sort of in an
00:25:57
alliance sure you know what I mean uh don't be frightened he's not actually a
00:26:02
lion knowing like no one like Norm no I mean how do you I I you followed Norm and
00:26:11
Norm was one of your favorite comedians and yeah how is that was that for you it
00:26:17
was very ugly and when I look back now I feel like I sabotaged what I was doing too because I
00:26:25
was so afraid of being like you know hey like no I'm screwed up I'm gonna be the
00:26:30
good guy and so I kind of went out of my way to be villainous I feel like it just
00:26:35
sabotaged my time at that spot because SNL for me is such a demarcation between the great times I had there which was
00:26:45
before that and then the dream gig was just to be an update why I was miserable lawn was miserable it was just not it
00:26:55
was a it was a bad thing it was a bad time what to speak to that was it because the hangover of Norm being fired
00:27:03
is that what came it's because you know I'm getting fired and then suddenly I
00:27:06
found myself a position where oh so I'm gonna be like the goody two shoes I had
00:27:11
never done that in my life I felt like I went out of my way to sabotage every episode that I could
00:27:18
until I formed until that became my thing on and it was not a good thing but it was it was how it went so I kind of I
00:27:26
feel like I destructed starting I'd get off on that foot you know with the norm thing and then I just
00:27:33
I just could I would never I would never try to be like uh engaging I would barely smile and I mean I was kind of
00:27:40
like that in stand-up to begin with I guess but I took it to another level and I really feel like that's what I did but
00:27:46
I didn't realize that till like seven years ago you know and how have you grown into your face by then yes I
00:27:53
sometimes I add sometimes I hadn't my weight's been up and down a lot your
00:27:56
face during that update time Aaron was always over in 8h right near you just where their arms crossed kind of staring
00:28:03
and pointing to your face but I heard that was a rumor sorry if you think the podcast that made sense but it has to be
00:28:11
a bit of an uphill battle no matter who you're following you know it was like
00:28:14
Dennis there's Neil and there's you uh so you gotta go okay I'm the new guy
00:28:19
there might be mad because Norm gets a little more legendary status because he got fired or whatever so like he's like
00:28:25
right and then it's like oh what do you got and you weren't like super sketch
00:28:30
guy at that point so it wasn't like bringing Fallon up or something no but it was it was more than like I said it
00:28:36
was also me just saw like sabotaging it because I was like I'll show you on that
00:28:41
you know what I mean I was not it was just a it was a weird vibe it just it was a weird fit and when I look back I
00:28:48
know why now but at the time I didn't I was just like I don't know what's going
00:28:51
on on what specifically would you say to your younger self then about that moment
00:28:56
you know I would say if you're going to do it yeah try to charm Channel but don't just be
00:29:04
like going on like yeah you know what I mean yeah but I mean I would say that to
00:29:09
myself in comedy in general I feel like you know I always had this weird thing about comedy was like you shouldn't be
00:29:16
trying to cheat and you know smile and win them over and you know what I mean like do you your material so I always
00:29:22
had like a uh an attitude that didn't incorporate that which was then I wasn't even enjoying it
00:29:29
so it's like what are you doing if you're not gonna bring your personality
00:29:34
too you might as well just hand out books here are my jokes everybody read them and I'll sit on stage and after an
00:29:39
hour time is up and we'll just leave but it's true it's like it is show business
00:29:43
and you have it they go like Sandler can't he knew what he's doing right away
00:29:48
yes well no not right away I knew about the first time he started yeah it took him about a year and a half and the
00:29:55
first year and a half he was up there like a young boy you know and then he came back he went on the road for a year
00:30:00
and a half and he came back and you're like oh he was he had all his Charisma
00:30:04
was there suddenly but yeah confident I mean Charisma yeah same thing but also because I mean you don't want to overdo
00:30:11
it because how many people do you know that were just I worked with a lot of 80s really hacky people that were just
00:30:19
all fake and it is we always enter this when they go up there and they'd start
00:30:25
laughing and the crowd would start laughing and they'd be just it was all this Sound and Fury signifying nothing
00:30:30
so I was like you're like wait a minute that's not stand up this is and so then
00:30:35
you over correct the other way and just go I'm not gonna move I'm not gonna I'll
00:30:41
just and so there's you know what I mean [Music] can I just interject for a second that I
00:30:50
think you found the title of maybe your next book what sounded weird signifying nothing
00:30:55
that is an incredible phrase if you just just think of that well it shakes me it
00:30:59
shakes me oh it's Shakespeare oh oh Bill Shakespeare okay I love it oh I'm not
00:31:05
literally red so what was what was funnier than Phil Hartman going uh then oh no then Chris Farley going looks like
00:31:13
we got ourselves a bill Shakespeare when Dave David goes I really was thinking to become a writer hey look at
00:31:22
this guy and he goes well actually we try to encourage his writing yeah Chris Wally's face his Folly's face was
00:31:34
so depressed with that and then he Flex his glasses up and down hey I can't see
00:31:41
too good yeah he was always a little Shakespeare I don't know how to write totally denies him he goes actually we
00:31:52
try to encourage him and his face was so depressed and mad I like when he turns on he goes you know
00:32:00
Dad I wish you'd shut your big yeah I like at the beginning of that sketch they'd think of different reasons to
00:32:08
make him gacked out so they go we hired a motivational speaker he's been down in
00:32:13
the basement eating coffee beans for three hours like why just to explain why he's gonna bust out
00:32:20
of the door I know but that was the problem speaking of the show here's what
00:32:25
the problem in my opinion there's two big problems with SNL one is structural
00:32:30
things which obviously it's the most genius structure of all time right it's
00:32:35
still the most genius structure a live show where every Sarah Silverman once described that go what do you think of
00:32:40
the show last night she goes it's like it always is it's a casino even if the
00:32:45
first that sketch you watched didn't work you're like you know what the next
00:32:48
one's coming up and I was like yeah and but the two things that I thought were
00:32:53
big mistakes was one when they would they would have the the right rewrite session where suddenly everyone's
00:33:02
throwing in these funny lines that ruin the like the whatever the magic that sketch had that that writer wrote so
00:33:11
you'd have all these lines and then it just killed the sketch those jokes are better than what was
00:33:22
originally in the sketch but they ruined the Alchemy or whatever oh yeah and then
00:33:27
the other thing was which I'm sure you guys much more than me must have dealt with the frustration
00:33:32
especially Dana which is dress rehearsal some of the best things who care the dress crowd's not laughing
00:33:41
that doesn't mean it's not the greatest sketch and it's a different animal
00:33:46
so cutting things based on an audience response between dress and air I felt like that was crazy because how many
00:33:53
great sketches you see I know you can't cut that it's gonna work but just
00:33:57
because that dress audience didn't work that Dana you must have like five characters that you had that you were
00:34:05
like no no no just let it go to air you know uh yeah and then eventually you know I I had so much status there and
00:34:12
had a lot of great collaborators that I would try to not peek at dress I wanted the air show my brain and we all had
00:34:19
that in it update too beat the system you want your live show to be the the voice in your head going this is the
00:34:26
best I've done it this week and that took me a while to learn I you know I peaked at read through a few times just
00:34:32
trying to get it on the show that's crazy and never got back there um but yeah I get that yeah I can see
00:34:39
that you know when De Niro one of the big things was on was Joe Pesci was on with the Brewers She's So yeah so they
00:34:47
asked me to fill in what I was going to do yeah as De Niro said De Niro shows up
00:34:52
and a dress rehearsal it was the most magic thing because we didn't really I hadn't seen them yet we
00:34:59
heard they were coming and it was this and that air was good but dress rehearsal was just terrible thing you're
00:35:06
always even De Niro had a different energy to him you know well then you're discovering it still a little bit
00:35:10
because you're so beaten down after the read through with Thursday Friday and
00:35:14
then Saturday walkthroughs by the time you get to an audience you really think the thing sucks so that's the first time
00:35:21
you're getting laughs since read through since Wednesday and so it's hard to get
00:35:25
back to that on the air show that discovery of like well I'm killing this is great you know well Shoemake used to
00:35:31
always talk about you and he said Dana even if he didn't have the guy's voice
00:35:36
down completely he always had something about him that he discovered that was so
00:35:43
funny that made it that took it to another level you know what I mean he said you will always do that now did you
00:35:49
do that like I don't know how impression is really did you do that consciously or
00:35:55
did you just did you watch tapes or did you or yeah like how many times how long
00:36:00
do you have to watch somebody how many times do you have to watch Ross Perot before you go ah that
00:36:06
um he was pretty immediate but if if you if anyone cared to look at the first one
00:36:11
I wasn't as committed I wasn't extending the rhythms and then as you watch
00:36:15
someone these sub rhythms keep coming out you know can it finish one time can I finish one time I don't know if that
00:36:21
was in the first one like a press conference right you're not listening that frustrated kind of thing I just
00:36:27
yesterday and I'm not really I'm not like James Austin Johnson but I I thought I heard a new Trump Rhythm that
00:36:34
I that I hadn't heard before which is like it's not a great Trump but the
00:36:38
Rhythm you'll hear at the end where he Fades away he's like and gas is going up
00:36:43
five dollars a gallon seven dollars ten dollars a gallon how high can you count how high can you that's that's the one I
00:36:52
hadn't heard it yeah 15 times as colors again how high can you count it's just yeah and he looks
00:36:59
away sometimes yeah so he turns aside yes excuse me excuse me and but no one's
00:37:08
interrupting him my angle was that he would just take a word and repeat it for three minutes and make it work we're
00:37:13
gonna win like everybody we're gonna be winning we're going to win excuse me
00:37:17
we're going to win so much you're going to be tired of winning you're going to
00:37:19
win we're going to win we're winning too much winning people are saying please
00:37:24
enough with the winning so that Trump was an amazing people saying things to him yeah people
00:37:30
are saying people are saying many people are saying yeah many people don't like I
00:37:35
like when he says many people don't like this person a lot of people have come to
00:37:38
me just to make someone look like an [ __ ] but yeah that's he's a loser a
00:37:45
lot of people are whispering to me many people listen many people excuse me many
00:37:49
people are saying like he's not very well liked you know you were nice now you're not so nice okay so he's uh uh
00:37:57
you know a one-off uh someone asked Rudy Giuliani before he went a little cookie
00:38:02
what who do you what do you how do you how do you define Donald Trump and he said he's unclassifiable
00:38:10
like like a rare insects there's never been another one like him so what do you um I don't know where to
00:38:19
go there's so many things I ask I have a question go ahead no I was gonna say when you do
00:38:26
update were you working with was it a Downy or was it her Sergeant or who was kind of running it with you no no it was
00:38:32
we had different people but it was Carlock Robin Carl Robert Carlock yeah oh wow yeah
00:38:39
yeah and was Tina on yet no Tina was all no she wasn't on the show but she was
00:38:43
the head writer oh [ __ ] and when um we had my ears on and that I mean I think he did he did did he say he offered you
00:38:52
what was it what part Scotty Scott yeah but that's right that's was that rumor
00:38:58
no he literally Sarah's open again Colby she goes Mike Myers is looking for you
00:39:04
like all right yeah he calls me up and he and he goes hey I'm doing this movie
00:39:08
it's whatever it was uh it's about he describes Austin Powers he's this guy
00:39:13
from the 60s and I go that's great man I'm I ain't nothing I literally
00:39:18
he goes so I'll fly out you do this part you know I saw you on Gary shanling
00:39:22
playing riptorn's son so just do whatever you did then is great just do that in the morning wow nice and
00:39:29
I go yeah I'm working on my own movie though and he goes oh you're shooting
00:39:32
something I go no I'm just rewriting and he goes all right well this will take a
00:39:36
few days it's not a big deal I go nah I'm busy and he literally goes what like he goes
00:39:44
what's going on like he didn't understand what's happening he goes I go
00:39:46
you know plus the show is happening goes yeah but it's a week off I'll talk to
00:39:50
Lauren don't worry about that I go nah I'm just thank you and he goes [ __ ]
00:39:54
funny so stupid and then he goes um look I go it sounds great good luck with your
00:40:00
movie I go it sounds like the kind of movie I said you can even get like a bird back rack type music he goes no we
00:40:06
have Burt Bacharach doing the actual background music this is a big production and for whatever combination
00:40:14
of stupidity on my part I still you know I just kept turning it down I mean I was all he did was say
00:40:22
look I love you and carry Shandling this is the part do your thing and that's it
00:40:26
and I turned it down and he goes well he goes I can't beg you to do it he goes
00:40:30
you know I'm often and whatever idiotic thing and I've turned out a lot of
00:40:36
things into business but I never regretted them you know but that one I regret because it was great it's I have
00:40:42
heard you've turned down stuff and I go it's great but you know in your own mind
00:40:45
if it's not for you whatever reason yeah you move on well what is your reason so
00:40:51
in most cases I was right most I defend it all that one case I was wrong I was stupid because he made it for me he said
00:41:00
just do what you did yeah it's this walk of walk in the park sometimes you already did it
00:41:06
I think for all of us you know if you're lucky enough to get on TV or be in show
00:41:11
business and you have things coming at you and later on you I would always say to
00:41:15
myself I did not know what time it was I didn't I was in something that I had no
00:41:22
context for so you know and how could you know that awesome powers would be a Trilogy and a global smash when you turn
00:41:30
I couldn't know that but it sounded fun yeah yeah and he's funny it was like him yeah it's great I don't
00:41:38
know what my problem was yeah but Dana I agree and I'm chiming in even though
00:41:42
people say I talk too much but uh my wife is all over that she's yes you're
00:41:47
great when what you're saying about that Dana I like to use words like frequency and
00:41:54
Alchemy when I talk uh because I just stole them from Colin I'm going to use
00:41:58
them all the time but uh full of Sound and Fury signifying nothing and I I can't I wouldn't be able to get away
00:42:04
with that one but they would buy Alchemy from me maybe but uh when I Dana you're
00:42:10
saying you're getting sort of a Vortex and I wasn't in like a super Fame Vortex
00:42:13
like when you were on SNL but when I did SNL and in the summer we did uh Tommy Boy and then we come back to SNL and
00:42:22
they go what do you guys want to do this summer what movie there's this one black sheep that Fred
00:42:27
you know has and we're like oh yeah okay and then we do that hey and then you're
00:42:31
good hey you're not so good okay all right no you're really good you're not
00:42:34
so good okay Dana I'm gonna talk about you in a second I just want to tell something to David but I have a big
00:42:37
compliment for you at the end that was really good no I swear to God that was really good but you're not so good okay
00:42:42
we're doing Fred Wolf uh so then uh uh and then the next summer I think there
00:42:48
was uh do you want to do a gap Girls movie or something but the point was I didn't realize how hard it is to get a
00:42:55
movie and how it just that's a that's a that's a thing you're caught up in where
00:43:00
things are getting kind of thrown at you and then I was like nah maybe and then like a summer later I'm like I think I
00:43:06
wanted this movie and then like oh that ship kind of sailed and I'm like well
00:43:08
what about this they're like nah and then I thought holy [ __ ] is it hard to
00:43:12
get a movie and they're like yeah dumb [ __ ] if it makes you and then feel better I turned down Wayne's World one I
00:43:19
thought right before we did it a couple weeks before I go I don't know I I don't
00:43:23
think so uh that'll be all right I love it yeah just like you know maybe I yeah you know yeah of course and well
00:43:32
it's also everything you do is a gamble that could hurt you you you almost rarely think about the upside you go if
00:43:38
this [ __ ] up I look I'm in a bigger hole Yeah but that's what you think but
00:43:42
we won't it doesn't mean any the more you do it the people that do everything
00:43:45
is Teflon you know what I mean yeah right yeah the last time anybody got screwed was Billy Squier doing his video
00:43:53
for uh you know and Shane was told me that when he goes you remember him telling me yeah this
00:43:59
Billy's quiet video from 19. I was like what he goes on it destroyed him because he did oh he was laying on his
00:44:04
silk sheets it messed up his credibility yeah at least why it was amazing yeah he's [ __ ] I did some video and it was
00:44:12
like a on some silk seats doing like a pretty boy video and he didn't lose me
00:44:17
for good I took a little I'm sorry I'm back familiarize myself I'm representing
00:44:22
this other part of the audience Billy's choir what was his song Lonely is the
00:44:26
night oh okay Stroke Me stroke me yeah I was trying to clean it up I was trying to PG in for the
00:44:36
audience oh okay and that's because I think Sandler used that in uh Billy Madison I think he did I have a thing
00:44:42
that every time Adam's name is mentioned I just do it to myself thought about oh
00:44:46
every time Sandler's mentioned on the podcast I just do that I've already done
00:44:50
it twice yeah Show Business the only guy who seemed to have Show Business Wire first the people who are like I always
00:44:57
see Jerry Seinfeld and Jay Leno happen to be the most successful metrically in many ways they both were so pragmatic
00:45:07
about it and Leno was always oh you never stopped his whole thing was don't stop right guys stop don't ever stop and
00:45:14
it was very very logical advice you know Colin what you were saying about people
00:45:18
that do a lot of stuff I sometimes do a lot of stuff but also it's because out
00:45:23
of some of its fear and some of it's uh if I'm getting a script for a movie we
00:45:29
did this one father of the year I don't even have to say individual movies but they're never handing me the
00:45:34
number one movie out there that's the funniest one written because there's a
00:45:38
hierarchy of who's getting that so sure if I get a script and they're willing to
00:45:42
do it I mean they're co-writing it or I'm trying to help punch up or they're
00:45:46
saying this one's a little bit of a mess there's a reason it's not made right now
00:45:49
but there's something there right and if you want to put into the work put the
00:45:53
work in and try to help it or do whatever or you think you can bring something to it and those are more
00:45:57
opportunities where you go I can't sit back and say I'm going to get the best
00:46:01
of the best of everything or you won't do anything so I I think what you're
00:46:06
saying has made me think yeah you keep you try stuff to go I if I get to take a swing that might help me because I can
00:46:13
get in there and do my best so anything to talk show anything just get in front of people where someone goes oh because
00:46:18
it's constantly on an audition so if you hit one that wasn't supposed to be a hit
00:46:23
people go okay maybe we'll give them another one you know that kind of thing
00:46:26
it's got to stay out there but what you also said even talk show movie whatever
00:46:30
when they let you write on it I feel like all of us comedians are like oh let me get it let me get a swing at this uh
00:46:38
script too yeah like that's how I feel every everything I've ever read I'm
00:46:42
always like that's good I could have made it better I'm a reading and Colin
00:46:46
Dana had uh the Colin had a few scripts and I'd say oh can I read that one and
00:46:51
uh the compliment is really I don't know why they're not making them other than
00:46:56
it was almost too smart it was very funny and very smart and I think smart in our world you know sometimes you
00:47:05
don't want to be the smartest one in the room what room are you in it's that
00:47:09
thing of like you know it's going over people's heads and you it's like a
00:47:12
really big audience out there just do what you want I mean the Beatles were smart and dumb do you know what I'm
00:47:18
saying they had a good beat and then you have Strawberry Fields it's that whole thing of like um so
00:47:25
Colin [Laughter] so smart [Music] if you see Dana if you see any of his uh one-man shows yes I watched all the time
00:47:46
I've seen all of them I believe oh thanks they're just they're they're
00:47:50
really fun to watch what I was just going to ask I don't know if you were David it's like the research part of it
00:47:55
because you're how how steeped are you in the history of when you the research
00:48:01
part before you make the comedy part how well it's so easy like I said yeah yeah
00:48:06
because of Google it's not like the old days but the only one there's a lot of
00:48:10
research the woman was alive research was the Constitutional one because yeah I had to read these books to understand
00:48:15
what everybody's thinking about it at that time so I read these horribly boring books because in the old days
00:48:21
they wrote books you had nothing to watch on TV so you had to read the book so they could write it as intricately as
00:48:27
they wanted yeah I'm reading these books going oh my God this language is you
00:48:31
know from another it's just a it's another animal and uh but that's it but mostly now with Google
00:48:37
any facts I want I just Google them but you know it is then you're on a you suddenly you're on like a uh you're just
00:48:44
lost in a rabbit hole and I'm like why was I here originally again because hours and hours yeah well on the
00:48:51
premiere night of grown-ups I think number one uh we were we came we're all in New York and doing press and we all
00:48:58
came to see your show right was that which which show was that that was that was long story short long story short
00:49:04
how long that's how long ago that was that was 12 years ago you guys were there gross uh anyway we walk out of
00:49:11
there in a day is going why are we all in comedy it's all like so thought out
00:49:15
and put together and I'm like yeah even the Constitution one I'm like do you
00:49:18
think he had to read the Constitution because I would never and then it's only
00:49:23
four pages I couldn't do it yeah it's really really four pages of constitution
00:49:27
yeah what's the one-man show for you versus stand up for you personally as a
00:49:33
performer I mean the same thing I I I I feel like it's the same exact thing to
00:49:38
me it is because I had clubs when I work it out I work it out at the club so I mean it's the same thing you
00:49:46
know if it's not getting lamps there I'm not gonna put it in the show you know
00:49:49
because back in the day if a comedian was was too dry or whatever people might say oh it's a one-man show you know
00:49:55
because it's not they're showing for the oath of the comic that will get six
00:49:58
laughs a minute or something by the way I know yours are extremely funny that's
00:50:04
different by the way what's better than Fred armis since one man Chicago yes yeah Fred Armstrong It's a patch
00:50:14
yes comedian and he did his comedian guy on update do you remember that the guy the ACT yeah and then the accent guy who
00:50:21
goes around the room with the accents where are you from well that's amazing
00:50:24
yeah remember we did the stand-up guys I got Army jacket he's like look oh yeah
00:50:29
yeah New York Times okay my father okay he just wouldn't interrupt himself so
00:50:37
beautifully I asked him how would you do that because that's like a mental technique you know and he goes yeah just
00:50:43
do it he's yeah Colin lastly were you a roast guy did you do roasts yeah well
00:50:49
the Howard Stern Rose to you know the Audi rose the Gary roast oh my God those are my favorite things [ __ ] yeah they're
00:50:56
not they're not doing this you've done a joke that you thought you had to kind of
00:51:00
check it with people to see if it had crossed the line in a roast from funny to cool or you just what's wonderful no
00:51:08
but I feel like they're all you know I mean yeah they're all going to be
00:51:11
they're pretty they'll have to be they all have to be Godless to a certain
00:51:14
extent but nothing now comedians like the young comedians do these ropes put on YouTube yeah so much
00:51:22
more brutal oh yeah anybody we thought we were like I thought I was like whoa that's hardcore these they don't give a
00:51:31
damn it's really funny to watch so whatever we did was like light compared to what it goes on now it roasts you
00:51:36
know I think what happened is like Amy Schumer sort of got known from Rose and maybe Whitney and there's people that
00:51:42
blew up so they go here's my one chance if you're the worst is if you're getting
00:51:46
roasted and they go oh we're gonna have a couple of your friends in quotes and
00:51:50
then eight new comics and you go so there's no fun between you two it's just
00:51:55
an assassination yeah no and they they get famous from it well what I hate is once again my little critiques of
00:52:02
everything is that there's writers at Rose I hate that I hate it like when we did roast you
00:52:10
wrote your own jokes that was the whole Pride like these are all for me and yeah
00:52:14
once I want somebody to go to their friend hey I'm making fun you know I'm
00:52:17
sure people took jokes from other people but it was you and now it's writers and
00:52:21
the jokes are good but like you said they're brutal nobody cares it's not you
00:52:25
up there saying it you wrote it and tell us the other person is desperate for jokes she got these celebrities making
00:52:31
some obscure you know jokes about somebody's you know first wife dying or whatever yeah they don't know what they
00:52:37
say you know I mean right right they're up there going hey which one's being
00:52:41
roasted Chevy okay hey you [ __ ] [ __ ] and you're like my friends can say that to me but I
00:52:47
don't know who you are yeah and that's why people get mad if no one's getting
00:52:51
beat up at a roast I don't know how this thing happened with Will Smith I mean
00:52:54
Rose are brutal all right well I guess we should let Colin go come on by the way
00:52:59
um you I I moved so if you want to stay here next time uh it got a spot for you you moved yeah got a mansion no
00:53:08
beautiful what you knew what's your new address I almost made you say it in the
00:53:13
air it was so close pattern Ram in 10 minutes well I I will I will keep liking all
00:53:24
your stuff on Twitter even though I get mad at myself I keep liking too many in a row and I go this is no I appreciate
00:53:29
it appreciate it and I can't wait to see you when you come stay here and uh see
00:53:34
you in heaven thanks Colin Quinn nobody like him okay guys thank you so much but
00:53:40
I I heard you knew opening and I don't like it you go live from the podcast it's Dana and David why do we never
00:53:49
think of that I was saying that oh really all right we'll stop that there it is
00:53:54
open oh by the way let me tell you one more SNL thing sure uh Dennis mcnicholas was right oh he's still he's working on
00:54:01
the show but we were sitting there one day and I'm listening to Nick Drake because you know in the late 90s it was
00:54:06
like ooh Nick Drake so yes I'm one of those [ __ ] but but this song comes on called Saturday Sun by Nick Drake and
00:54:14
Dennis mcnicholas goes to me that's the Saturday Night Live at the end of the show that's the song
00:54:22
and then we went down we went down and asked um you know she was in charge of Hal
00:54:28
wellner no not how but she yeah she was in charge of the piano I'm sorry Cheryl and we go Cheryl
00:54:38
could that but be possible that they took a Nick Drake song and she goes Howard when Howard Shore was in charge
00:54:45
of the music shows yeah Howard definitely would have done that so that Dennis mcnicholas discovered not that
00:54:51
anyone asked but the mystery of that last song at least everyone has that answer now Colin um
00:54:58
I'm not gonna leave I took his shots we don't have a corny ending we have a good
00:55:04
solid ending you don't have a corny and except what I just said no except here's
00:55:08
how we end the show now bye-bye this is what he does yeah that's my story and I'm sticking to it
00:55:29
all right oh that's a great one that was a good one yeah yeah that's a great one
00:55:33
thanks all right buddy thanks thanks guys Colin love you hope to see you I love you good to see you bye-bye
00:55:39
[Music] hey what's up flies what's up please what's up people that listen we want to
00:55:44
hear from you and your dumb questions questions ask us anything anything you want you can email us at fly on the wall
00:55:52
at cadence13.com all right here's a question uh this is a question from Jason Smith
00:56:00
your podcast is better than cats the plague the movie I hope the animal I doubt it cats are great
00:56:13
I will listen to it again and again anyway I like when they start with a compliment that's smart that gets me in
00:56:19
imagine if you well there's a comedic Heaven you're standing before it's
00:56:22
hilarious gates in order to be admitted you must submit one piece from your body
00:56:28
of work and be judged what would you submit oh Dana's not here I don't know if I can answer for Dana
00:56:39
I'll answer for me I like the people that go I can't speak for him but then I do
00:56:46
I don't mind speaking for people what would I pick a lot of people would say
00:56:53
Dave pick Tommy Boy but Tommy Boy is mostly far like it's not really me I mean it's mostly it's a hit because of
00:57:02
uh I liked just shoot me and Rules of Engagement the sitcoms I did but those are other people too
00:57:10
that's based on other people doing great you know and they make me funnier so
00:57:14
that's kind of a cheat Emperor's New Groove is um I mean I like it I'm in it a lot voice
00:57:27
I'm handing in Voice work to get it oh my God desperate but you know coosco and easement that's
00:57:36
they're so funny though [ __ ] and so the total of that makes that movie funny and the animation is so
00:57:42
great animation helps every joke [ __ ] um maybe my stand-up specials I love them
00:57:49
and it's just me I mean I love Joe Dirt Joe dirt's mostly at least I'm driving it and co-wrote it
00:57:56
so it's a good representation but if if they don't get it in heaven and they really don't get it because
00:58:02
some people don't like it this is tough glad Dana doesn't get to chirp and I get
00:58:09
to just take all this time and just stare off into space ah it's so glorious but I would have to
00:58:17
go with but what if it's R-rated because it's Heaven I can't hand it anything already
00:58:22
then I'm screwed it's been very R-rated lately someone even commented it was a
00:58:27
little blue during your Mike Myers interview I go I don't give a care okay um
00:58:35
special one of my specials I think Dana has a lot to give in so I would say that or some one of my
00:58:42
appearances on Ellen out of my 30. now some of those talk shows were fun funny there's just different things
00:58:52
some of the stuff I wrote I thought was funny I don't know I'm just not kidding
00:58:56
it thank you for the question [Music] this has been a podcast presentation of cadence 13. please listen then rate
00:59:04
review and follow all episodes available now for free wherever you get your podcast no joke folks
00:59:12
fly on the wall has been a presentation of cadence 13. executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade Chris
00:59:18
Corcoran of cadence 13 and Charlie finan of brillstein entertainment the show's
00:59:23
lead producers Greg Holtzman with production and Engineering support from Serena Regan and Chris Basil of cadence
00:59:28
13.