00:00:00
[Music] if you wanted to be a hater and you're out at a bar with this guy you go oh here's a guy that knocked it off his wiener and all the girls like ooh and
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then you go yeah and you know p vaing is such a precise sport that you could be just you could miss the bar by a quarter
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inch and you'd still win so you have at least an eighth of an inch wiener and he's like wait what but he was seen
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before he started down the runway with his hands in his pants Oh was he SLA it Dana we can start but I just have to tell you that I only have I was going to
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Raw Dog it I only had this much water for the whole time right smart smart I have to work the word raw dogging and
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everything in life so then I realized I found one with this much mhm water so now you are ra for whole no not raw do this is just I'm G to be scrimping like
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Scrooge McDuck so is that HW tuille or is that HW tuille HW tuille duck yeah Scrooge McDuck
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started that yeah the Haw tuy girl yeah I don't know when we are officially in some sort of futuristic society when Haw Tui now has a five pitcher deal God
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bless her Hawk two I'm surprised she wasn't in Deadpool and Wolverine she's such a huge star now I know she's
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everywhere she she's hosting the Oscars her and Kevin har yeah her and Tina Fay yeah and her vietmanese brother-in-law
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H H sorry um we can cut this out no no there's Hawkeye and there's HW tuille and they're in the H ye okay so I saw Deadpool the other
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day and I'm gonna tell the whole thing in 25 seconds okay what's what do we call them uh thumbnail grab yeah this oh you you
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got a couple I'm jealous because there's a couple you're like last week I had the ugliest YouTube shorts thumbnail grab I
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can't even recreate everyone is talking about it trended quite everyone my sister said well gang what's
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up with his thumbnail G dang gang he was cute and then I looked up his thumbnail uh okay so uh I I go to Wolverine
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of course sit through the 45 minutes of previews the the problem with that is that's when you're extra Juiced to see a
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movie that's when you have the most attention and they waste it with preview after preview after commercial after
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commercials Nicole Kidman bless her heart I love her but enough no Kidman yep and then and then Ryan Reynolds he's
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funny in it's so long he's funny in it but he I think he has too many jpms jokes per minute as we we know in the business MH so each sentence is a
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paragraph he says nine jokes I could go through there and pluck out a few because a lot of them land he's very
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funny I'm not saying that they know what they're doing but it's it's a lot so my
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other only pet peeve aside from not understanding the movie is that I think as I get older I
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don't understand things um but Bonnie anded I understood yeah around they try to shoot him they rob back anyway dead man and wolver uh school is um is uh
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they fight a lot they're friends but they fight right I guess because the movie came in only two and a half hours
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so like well we got to Pat it so let's have you guys fight even though you're friends and so the problem with that
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Dana is they both can't really die and this bothers me about like Superman fighting people yes you get slammed into a rock yes it hurts yes you get your
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bell wrong yes you get stabbed with Wolverine claws which are 12 Ines long and go through your heart right but it just makes you mad or annoyed and then
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they keep fighting and they both get tired and they go anyway let's go go find whatever we got to find and they keep start walking down the street no one needs any medical care they just
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beat the [ __ ] out of each other for a half hour not back teen not B Trac not an eyelash in the eye it's perfect perfect up I'm worse after doing
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the podcast I need a little medical attention oh yeah you need a whole adjustment you got to go to app plaes
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class but there this is just made in a factory it's great it's it's called a mashup can we possibly get Wolverine in the boxing ring with Deadpool does it
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make any sense that they exist but they have green lit the Hulk versus Superman you wait for it for next summer Y and
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they'll fight each other no one dies but they'll fight for two hours and you know um that is the truth that because
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Wolverine was dead that's that was why his last movie was so good like oh and so he jokingly digs him up out of the Grave to let people know I know he's dead you know he's dead but we got to
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make our money here so they make they make fun of it it's a Global Financial smash it's a [ __ ] smash aash they will get Haw tuille in there okay so on
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the sequel so then I went to a birthday party um Saturday I'll let you talk toward the end of this I I I like to
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listen because I'm a I'm a shud in as you know you went to a party yeah tell me I want to hear more a party you were
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invited to but it's a hike to come into town um I I actually saw Adam that day so the part's for better I'll just say Eddie better because who cares because oh Eddie V we love Eddie
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60th birthday Pearl Jam and um Pearl Jam lead he was on SNL in the old days uh very sweet then we all of course are fans one of the best voices out there sweetheart guy iconic Rock voice yeah
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yeah got it you can't you can't argue that he's very talented so fun fun I don't see Adam that much everyone thinks we're together all the time but he's in town I'm in town which is rare so we go
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golf that day and then he says I said there's going to be an 80s band tonight you think is Eddie going to get up and
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rock out with those guys and that'll that'll be fun if he does and he goes oh yeah he goes what are you gonna do get
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up and sing American Girl and I go Tom Petty no I said I don't sing I said are you gonna sing and he goes yeah and I go
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course full band I go what do you mean he goes yeah I think I'm singing ACDC I go you already know and he goes yeah
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you're singing American Girl I go no he goes a son I've been assigned I didn't know it I go he goes it's on the list I go shut the [ __ ] up I'm not singing and it's obviously a joke because I can't
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sing but I did Tom peddy my they go give him that and but Eddie will sing with you so super fun I go I'll embarrass
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myself and but the problem is like I'm just a regular clown Dana I'm not I'm not I'm a basic stock clown I don't have singing I don't have the extras you know what I mean Sandler give me a clown with
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all the extras can he sing yes can you play music can he write can he do everything yeah he's got all that I'm
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just standard stock right you do have a little bit of a Tom Petty singing a a line or two yeah because that's like a because I'm free
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Free fing I'm doing Bob Dylan now but that's kind of easy but American Girl yeah she was an American Girl ra On Prom I mean you can kind of fake it but you
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can't fake a whole song so anyway it'll be just goofy and uh and anyway I go there now I'm I'm a
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little nervous that I if I have to get up but the party starts at 6 which is early bir special but I forget it's 60th
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birthday so I'm fine with it I roll in at seven because I think I'm King [ __ ] you know I'm like I'll roll it starts to
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fill up Dan it it's totally full at 7 and it's at our rich man it's at our Rich managers backyard in Malibu oh my God the acreage and the views and G the
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The Columns and the dogs my God gerit is our manager and we laugh and do an impression of him that doesn't sound like him but he's like hey you like it one day save up your
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money because he's got he's richer than us and it's when your managers don't ever go to their house manager and agent they're richer than you and it will make you sick to your stomach I'm like yeah
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he's wait he's got a 100 clients they're all famous I go well it makes sense but I don't want to see it in my face I
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remember I was I had lunch with one manager and I at that point I had a Honda pilot and he he had a gold
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rollsroyce and it was we're we're Ving and they're like who's the star here what happened they go careful with the steering wheel it's made of diamonds and everyone's like his shoes were literally
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Platinum yeah and you're like [ __ ] Platinum starting ears in the front no I didn't have automatic window I done roll it roll it up yeah you're the all we're saying all we that's right cross your
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fingers put some away yeah so yes Dana doesn't like money you just don't like to work you turn down one gig sorry Spade thought you liked money well you know I mean we God love
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him but it you said it before but it was so funny that on a a little um sheet that tells you where clients are going and it would say David to Istanbul and that's all they saw it was just little
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words on a page but had to fly to Istanbul and you killed I I heard I say you do
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it not that bad fun little road gig six days of travel yeah you going to mares yeah mares and it's a cute little hop to stumb yeah quick little
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layover 14 hours no big deal thinking the money we get paid to travel I forget some of my gigs if I have a 12-hour flight 24 hours in the hotel 45 minute
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stand up 12h hour flight fight back how'd the gig go I have no idea I have no idea gig's the least of my problems
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yeah yeah it's just the drug get my last gig was a corporate gig they just wanted me to meet some people and do 20 I'm
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like 20 uh I think I told you this and halfway through there were kids in the audience I'm like are there effing kids
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here they're like yeah and uh I'm like all right but I I still kind of and I was like oh I'll edit these jokes it's funnier to act like I'm worried about it uh anyway so go uh to gert's house so I
00:11:01
got to drive out there which is you know I think we could all get a decent place out there because it's so far in Malu
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it's an hour to away I don't mind the drive and uh so uh I get things done I make calls so uh I don't like that
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traffic so all day he's the happiest human on earth all Dana and I do in in dinner is
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just talk like this about gerits yeah so I get there first guy I see you'll be jealous Ringo mhm oh really peace and love peace
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and love [ __ ] peace and love love peace and love like me Brothers they're like me Brothers yeah oh man I I would have had fun talking you know who you missed Neil
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Young oh man look at my life I'm a lot like you were now mention someone else and see if I can do no I saw him at the buffet he goes you have any chalupas left
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little false set oh but that's okay I was just copying you no I was at the bouet with him I snuck in and I took his plate and you said hey hey mine mine and
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he and he grabbed it back he said Hey Hey My M are you GNA eat that last french fry okay assist there it's all Buffet
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that's not bad yeah it was a big buffet and then yeah it was a big buffet and there was lot of lot of stuff there
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keeps me searching for a heart of FS for my salad okay there you go Ringo is next to me he said uh peas and carrots peas and carrots Ringo was there and I said can I
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help you he says I'll goodbye With a Little Help From Me friends I mean they were all just singing their songs to
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answer with lyricss so there's a couple comedians it was definitely fun but the big story is it well I have a question yeah go ahead did
00:13:05
Sandler wear shorts golfing I'm sure of that did he also wear short pants to the
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birthday party you know I think he wore a dressed up version of Sandler which is like a puffer with a golf shirt and a long pants Jets sweats on or
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something but it wasn't it wasn't too gussied up I know he lovely wife Jackie with him and uh and then I got worried
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cuz it got dark and then they said oh oh this 80s band went up and they were great and then um but I said I don't
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think they're singing and then they go we got a special singer so I'm like here we go who's it
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gonna be you know what it was Eddie's daughter and she's about 14 and she's sang the nicest song really good and it
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was very emotional and you know listen I know I'm the Tin Man but even me I got a little
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choked up very sweet and uh is it the Tin Man doesn't have that much emotion I think you get it well no uh no wait okay
00:14:12
let's was a coward was a coward the Scarecrow oh yeah the Tin Man didn't have a heart how how did it take me 20 seconds to give it that only I didn't really get it I
00:14:24
thought he just needed oil I didn't know anything I was like like what is his main thing though so you got it Tin Man
00:14:30
um Tin Man so you have a heart of Steel and then you're melted yeah I'm melted then Eddie says nice things he gets a no I put is that
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oil oh you have a little clicker thing lot going on all right so then you're you're in tears I tear up a commercial I tear up constantly most of
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the time when I'm said I better get I better beat everybody out of here so it went from tears to like oh but anyway and then Eddie tears to fears and uh but
00:15:08
by then you know there's probably 30 people left because now it's 9:30 which is midnight for people yeah yeah
00:15:15
Hollywood yeah yeah and you know it's freezing out I got heat lamps you want a sweater so it's freezing out and gert's this massive backyard next to his tennis
00:15:27
court and so so I say I'm going to bounce to no one cuz I just leave I sneak out like Homer Simpson in the
00:15:34
bushes because what's there to say so I say I talk I hate I i' like to just go because then I'll see it hey this is fun how are you uh okay uhh uh you just
00:15:46
disappear you're not going are you yeah yeah that guy yeah stay come on just have one little one little drink just one little drink we could say for a while go
00:15:59
Joe Biden what are you doing here how he does drink I even drink what happened to
00:16:09
Arthur movie reference John Sir John Gil good who played the assistant to Arthur the
00:16:15
billionaire alcoholic would you like me to come in there and wash your dick is I
00:16:22
believe so it's PG-13 look look it up so anyway I left because oh one of our comedian buddies said hey um they're not singing Eddie's not singing they're not going to do that whole thing I said oh
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okay well I don't care I mean by then I was like yeah I had got a lot out it was super fun beautifully thrown by his wife
00:16:42
Jill so I I took off and then Adam says the next day oh yeah about an hour later
00:16:48
it got going they started singing I was like oh of course oh that's like at the 40th it was
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like A4 to 5 a.m. I've been up 80 hours so my wife and I slipped out the big out
00:17:03
the back and there was like oh you missed Prince yeah [ __ ] never leave if there's a rock star in at the park never leave for any reason anywhere never just
00:17:14
stay everywhere and never go anywhere all right that was a boring weekend but that was fun uh but that's my story and
00:17:20
now I want to talk about the Olympics because that's really the big story [Music]
00:17:33
obviously I'm on the road I'm doing this tour Dana you're out there I took my new away bag let's take a look at it
00:17:40
Heather's here he gonna okay I'm an international stupid Star as you know yeah yes I've heard the rumor this is
00:17:46
the black one here twist a little bit you're not being a good well sideways yeah this is the one so everyone has black but you know this one is great you
00:17:59
can tie a little thing around it that's enough but it's good because it's not completely Rock Solid it's got you know
00:18:06
the the uh yeah totally it's got the soft side right and these are the best ones in the world this is a game changer and you can take it on the plane so you know like when you go out and you shove
00:18:18
all your props and all things from your acting all my wigs and my G glasses yeah
00:18:24
yeah Hans and frond outfit and when people kept stopping me to sign a million things most of them were like
00:18:31
what's that is that new is that an a away luggage and I have to go through the whole RI roll with them there you go
00:18:37
okay you can put it down there's getting sore umic you like Bob Barker you've got
00:18:43
assist holding holding away away luggage uh you know this is their best seller is
00:18:50
the uh black best color but they come in four sizes four colors guess what I'm a
00:18:56
rebel look at this what do you got it's kind of a a whitish gray soft side feel it touch it got to do it so I love maneuvering I these things can maneuver
00:19:10
through an airport like nobody's business yeah cuz my old one was like I was carrying bricks around and these are
00:19:16
a little lighter you kind of push them and just you don't think about it they have four wheels and they turn and
00:19:22
they're very uh this packs a punch you can fit a lot of stuff into this little guy here you know this is like an art 2
00:19:29
D2 size it's tear resistant water resistant cuz you know those guys don't care and in your case fan
00:19:36
resistance it's a shield get back Talent resistant um if you spill stuff on it wipe it off that's easy uh if you cry and your tears hit it that's fine it's
00:19:48
like water it thinks it's water even though they're y baby tears and and listen softside is actually made of high
00:19:55
strength nylon so it's durable and tear resistant as well as water resistant that's a threesome right there it holds a lot it stays upright check out the new softside luggage from away and head over
00:20:08
to a awaytravel.com fly that's us fly there's never been I mean the Olympic is every four years there's never been this much crying of defeat crying of
00:20:21
Joy just it's a real SOB Fest it's like if they win they lose whatever it's just
00:20:27
sobbing and crying happy crying sad crying okay all right here we are M go ahead and read it uh okay for you drivers Olympic gold
00:20:37
medalist found sleeping in park due to subpar conditions at athletes Village I didn't see this
00:20:44
one what what does that mean he said it was it was so bad at the Village oh yeah
00:20:50
there's no air conditioning he says it's hot food is bad athletes move for this reason it's not
00:20:58
Al excuse It's the reality of what perhaps not everyone knows okay uh I know the
00:21:05
background on this well the guy they put in charge to clean up the river he also
00:21:11
built the village the poop River it's poop Village too the poop river guy the poop river guy also did poopy hot Village so that guy I don't know maybe
00:21:23
he should look for work elsewhere it's France's Secretary of eoli that guy yeah they said you're going to a condition in the Olympic Village right of course I will stinky and hot oh and that's that
00:21:35
place is a toyot of fuckathon that's where the all the athletes get it together and they but they
00:21:42
also but they also um all the beds are made of cardboard because they don't want them I guess to hook up but the
00:21:50
truth is you need these athletes even though they're in Prime physical condition they all look like models well
00:21:56
but they can't sleep that well it's not that comfortable could we talk about that I mean just
00:22:01
being uh of any age watching these people walking around like divers and these women gymnast everyone they're
00:22:07
just muscles with a head attached everything is just perfectly balanced and they're just like so you just feel
00:22:13
so shrunken down by and beat up when you see these people I know I'm always kind of I get up to go eat another gallon of
00:22:20
ice cream and I'm like walk by the mirror two years ago I could beat the [ __ ] out of that dude I know I put on
00:22:28
unit Ard get in front of the mirror and just like pose I give angles and I say to my wife could you just adjust the lighting but that's you know that's just breakfast time I pull a juke box in my
00:22:40
room because I I it gives you an uplo not a no it's the wheels that's a jukebox Wheels movie it's got wheels on it what won't you
00:22:52
ATT it just sound like I got to push this rusty old jukebox in and then it gives you uplighting but then what does it sound
00:22:59
like when you lock the wheels in place oh yeah so it won't roll I no you got to lock in the
00:23:07
hubs and then you gotta push some [ __ ] Lover Boy song everybody is working for that's what my jukebox has all8 I love SE seated dancing because it
00:23:18
only it only yeah all arms hey man but still the Olympics I I I admire the homeless
00:23:26
people in in uh Paris for not taking that guy's gold medal from him whoever else was sleeping on the street that night they just said leave him alone when you have to use your gold
00:23:39
medal as a pillow you're like this and as a blanket you're using your gold medal as a pillow you maybe should have tried a little harder yeah well go to the next story because there's a lot of
00:23:49
Olympic Village stores we got a lot ofm this girl Lana yes Alo kicked out of Olympic Village for this is inappropriate behavior now this is a I would say beautiful swimmer
00:24:03
from well that's to my point yeah she's fit and a lot of them just look exactly like models she looks gorgeous and the best thing she could have happen for is this because everyone's curious about
00:24:15
her now and if she could have said for having sex in Olympic Village you know she walked out of the the Jamaican bob sled thought hey guys it's a team effort
00:24:25
you know but no one says what it is they just said hey inappropriate which means vague
00:24:32
which really is trashing I think I know what it was there was an outdoor shower and she had bikini bottoms on and sort of like a bra and she would take long
00:24:43
showers outside to the point where it was distracting the other athletes that's I'm that is not a joke there is
00:24:49
that picture somewhere just the story is distracting to me these long sudsy steamy showers you can find that picture
00:24:56
of it she looks cute anyway and then she even sideways yeah MH mhu so isn't there
00:25:05
a shower one I saw the shower one in line but anyway if you can find it but what what country was she representing
00:25:11
because I Paraguay was she okay so she was actually a world class swimmer she was a not world class because she got
00:25:17
smoked but once she was done I think what happened was she oh she oh she got smoked all right she was defending
00:25:23
herself saying I think she went to Paris Disneyland and took some selfies is and they're like oh no no
00:25:32
no no no no there she is there she is click on the shower one so that was hours a day where people would walk by and they go are you clean
00:25:46
yet uh this is her picture of her click we'll put it up on the podcast I mean on the outdoor shower so anyway uh God
00:25:54
bless her I wish her all the best and um she's very clean and what's her only fans link I mean honestly if you have
00:26:01
this much of an audience and you've ever thought about only fans Now's the Time and when are
00:26:07
you going to get that crowd again like but maybe she's very against that I'm not saying that's what every girl does
00:26:13
you don't have to do porn on only fans you can also just be a nice person do your day Hi here's a fit check from revolve okay yeah what's the next
00:26:25
one what's the next Olympic big story I like this girl who is that is that Gabby Gabby Thomas Thomas I thought she was great she's a Harvard grad she just
00:26:38
won the Olympic championship in the 200 meter she she looks like a model and she's going to open a children's hospital so every time they mentioned her which I get it they said well the
00:26:50
Harvard grad is coming out of the blocks fast here the Harvard grad's coming on Fast Harvard grad by a nose so it goes
00:26:57
to show tell you that a lot of these athletes just were kind of like us went to Community College for a semester was
00:27:03
she inever I don't think the Army someone was we do have army people which is great but she is um kind of like made
00:27:15
out of a a factory she's America's top Runner she's America's top model she's she's super top in a top intellect she's already already put her hat in the ring
00:27:26
for 2044 for presid she could be the president this year by the way she's already way way it's going yeah she good in the did she keep winning because I saw in a couple but as of press time I
00:27:39
don't know if she's won she won more well I just know that there she's probably part of the relay team which
00:27:45
isn't I don't think it's happened yet 4X 100 yeah uh but she won the 200 meter and um she won it in impressive fashion like she was dominant now Dana here's my
00:27:57
big thing about her before we leave this story okay don't worry about my hat how [ __ ] cool it is uh okay look at this
00:28:05
she's wearing a uh watch gold watch that's during her race I thought I know sometime they have long hair and [ __ ] which I would think I would shave my head I mean I don't know if it drags I
00:28:17
don't know all that stuff coefficients that you know but a heavy when I wear my gold watch I don't have on to dinner it hurts my shoulder so I think if you're
00:28:27
running it has to slow you down I would just not I would thin it down yeah I know I'm I'm kind of surprised because a
00:28:33
lot of times it'll be double bracelets heavy multiple necklace yeah a big sort of head thing made of carbon um so yeah you have to be really it's very dominant
00:28:47
to do that with a giant heavy watch on your hand but she was dominant yeah she's like don't make me take this off
00:28:52
and then really smoke you okay move on I always just thought that was an interesting comment by me
00:28:59
we're gonna leave with that with the YouTube shorts wait what's this Michaels [ __ ] is that your what is this this
00:29:06
is this is amazing so this guy Al Al Michaels the Al Michaels probably the most famous sports announcer of the last many decades brilliant he wants to go to
00:29:18
the Olympics they ask him can you narrate the highlights each evening for us and he goes yeah I'd love to and then
00:29:24
they said well guess what we're going to have an A I do your voice so every night
00:29:31
he sits at home with a nice cold beer his AI Avatar does the highlights the vocal voiceover and he doesn't have to do anything he they don't show his picture they just do a voiceover I
00:29:44
believe so oh my God but but if you hear that voice no it's AI Michaels do you believe in miracles yes that's his you believe most famous quote which is yes
00:29:56
deserve it he's so so funny and and uh he just seems like the coolest guy he he did Monday night football with our friend Dennis Miller no he's great and uh I think you just embraced the concept
00:30:08
of it I'd like to announce right now and I know it's awkward we've been going for a while but I am a digital AI copy copy
00:30:15
of Dana Carvey you are um yeah Dana Carvey is hiking Dana ising right now it's G to happen who can think of our blistering
00:30:26
onliners what what robot could keep up with us I'll take on AI yeah is comedians trying to be funny that's the hardest thing to
00:30:38
do yeah if an AI is better than me immediately I'll get sick okay this is more cry here's the thing it's every four years if you win or you lose it because you don't get a second chance
00:30:51
it's a big deal you and I get a million chances we go for decades bombing in clubs and theaters but we go again and
00:30:59
again and again but these people have one shot if we had one shot our entire career every four years there'd be a standup comedy for the gold medal all right David Spade now he's going to
00:31:11
attempt his joke he's picking up the mic and now he's laying down the premise he's saying that's he went to Burger
00:31:17
King the judges are look at the crowd is a small little laugh let's let's look for the turn here here comes the punch
00:31:25
line he was looking for but it wasn't as big or whoppy as he thought the gold medal is going toy as he thought the gold medal is going to David's face oh
00:31:38
he really missed it he said double cheesburger he was supposed to say Whopper and that sort of I think that's
00:31:43
just nerves Dana Carvey closing with his Ross bro from the 90s he's coming in hard can I finish one time oh my God but yeah we're very lucky that we get to bomb and fail so much but for Olympic
00:31:56
athletes they do have the the events between but the Olympics is very painful cary's joke wins by0 fifth of a second with his joke Carvey wins but judges say
00:32:09
it was a steal from David Spade special get her done special done take the hit take the hit that's where they came
00:32:22
I like your yeah all right next there is crying in the Olympics no crying in baseball
00:32:28
okay this is what we're just talking about this one I would have bet money on who won and I would have been wrong even
00:32:35
the announcer got it wrong yeah everyone thought Jamaica had won and and Noah lyes in the 100 meter dash just came up at like he was behind at 98 meters well
00:32:47
this isn't a straight line right here this is because what has to cross first is body head or foot or hand well they decided in the early early in the oldie
00:32:58
days like 1920s and stuff they did they just had anything across the line so some some athletes were wearing like oversized shoes and they just kick their leg out to win or really tall guys they
00:33:10
just throw their hand across the finish line so they made it so it was they'd hold a tape and if your chest hit it
00:33:16
normally it would wrap around the athlete who won so that's why it starts so it's your torso first so Noah
00:33:25
leaned Jamaica didn't lean in the same fashion his foot's across first but not his torso but I've never heard of this he lost the race think of this by five
00:33:38
1,000 of a second right I mean that's not like that that's like one of that so you're looking at this red pole and it's going across the white line but see we're not looking straight we should be
00:33:51
like this because you need a better angle something's poking across it might be as hard we need a direct shot but think about the gentleman I'm sorry I
00:34:02
don't know his name that took second place by 51,000 second Jamaican walking around the village how'd you go oh I got silver that's too bad would have been fun to be a champion I lost by 51000 hey
00:34:16
it doesn't matter dude you lost I don't need to hear any kind of time details the loss is the Lost [ __ ] Jesus yeah all I heard was second dude all I heard
00:34:26
was second I don't need any gobbly goop after that you could have been a 100 yard that Franklin aai you know that
00:34:32
comedian oh worked with him many times he said uh could you picture being in the uh mile race in the Olympics and
00:34:41
you're last and you're running along going wait am I last wait I trained for four years and I'm last I didn't have to train at all and I'd still get last that's a great one that's a great I
00:34:54
had a coach that when he in uh high school we had tough coaches so one would he'd hear us talking about what we would
00:35:02
do in the next season and training goes the Cry of the loser was his thing so this guy this guy going like that well I
00:35:08
took second but it was by hey man that's the Cry of the looser I don't need details this is what you're doing this
00:35:15
is what I wants you to do you're a loser you'll always be a loser but I was second in the world don't want to hear
00:35:20
it don't want to hear it you're a winner or you're a loser there no such think a trump I'm getting so bored of
00:35:28
doing Trump I'm taking a okay next next one let's see we're really we're really jumping on I want to get to the on oh is that okay this this Snoop Dogg is um a pop culture of
00:35:43
phenomenon this is a rare time he doesn't have sunglasses on this guy everybody loves him it really is true
00:35:50
he's like he's the coolest most effortless personalities is wandering around the Olympic Games and
00:35:56
this was true when Noah WS was doing the 200 meter Heats which we can talk about
00:36:01
that in a second they had it on Snoop I guess he was sitting with Martha Stewart so this is what Snoop Dogg is saying
00:36:08
while Noah runs down the track okay he goes don't eat don't eat don't eat now you now you go ahead and eat so he meant pace yourself pace yourself now go for
00:36:21
it I thought he really me but he's saying don't eat don't eat now go ahead and eat just who would say that I like
00:36:28
it I love that guy he's all over the Olympics he's sort of turned into our Ryan seest because he's at all these
00:36:34
events he's very big uh in every commercial well they got him in outfits he's dressed as a jockey he's feeding horses he's at every event
00:36:45
he's like yeah he is like where Snoop yeah so so he's doing a good job and I heard he's getting up the ass uh which is good I'm glad they paid me
00:36:57
[Music] are you catching the big game or making big mods going on that first date or
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or die alive at ebaymotors.com eligible items only exclusions apply oh this might be I Dana I didn't know what this was and I saw a clip I go wow weird
00:38:00
so look what they do diving all right let me see the difficulty here 45. so they all jump in the pool they can't touch the bottom I don't
00:38:11
think and now they do little tricks it's like synchronized swimming wow incredible incredible athletic o this is their speed and
00:38:23
passion looks like they're being attacked by a shark but you know what look they move their heads they stick their arm they're all great
00:38:30
they all have great legs very solid and good height on the flying wow one didn't
00:38:36
shave her legs please that's not all she didn't shave please tell me they won the gold
00:38:43
metal one point down for a bush yeah look at how good they are I don't know and they can't look at their feet they're like on swivels no they're upside down in the water kicking legs
00:38:55
and see it's like they're not Brea they would have put this in an MGM musical in 1950 really exactly too loud this is amazing all right you can turn
00:39:08
the sound off I just want to stare they're all so goddamn good look at kick kick kick I know but doesn't it
00:39:14
make you want to swim and jump up like they can I mean it's just all this physical honestly Dana you think I'm
00:39:20
like I put my legs up there and got in that water you would not tell the difference I have good legs Carry Underwood legs people are whispering iar
00:39:27
hear it is other people's words yeah yeah but would you say they're feminine legs or masculine legs I don't let's go
00:39:34
to the phones I don't know uh I do have probably eight to 10 hairs on my legs not that many I always had what they called chonkers like I had I was I had no upper body when I was
00:39:48
running in high school and college and just gigantic legs I had the legs of a 200 lb man and I hated them cuz when I
00:39:55
when I would when I would I just in those days you wanted to have lean distance Runner legs but they were just
00:40:00
gigantic hey choners you going to lunch yeah chers so you said Sandler seen them yeah
00:40:10
Sandler's got I went golfing once and I had short shorts short short song and s's like car your
00:40:17
legs what the [ __ ] what are you doing no but yeah he's got some chunkers on him too yeahh all right next what else we got we got a lot of stuff maybe
00:40:29
not oh no this guy with a Tik Tock ha oh oh okay I think he's the he had his nether regions knock the pole off now I had heard this is on purpose is this
00:40:45
possible for uh I you could say it he did it on purpose but he couldn't do it like 10 times in a row he's this is a pter who hit his uh unit private bag
00:40:59
that made the bar fall off so you go way over and he came down on it if he intentionally did that I don't know if
00:41:05
you could do that every time that's almost harder than just clearing I mean you're trying to get your arms back
00:41:11
everything back so you're H in a weird way you're pushing your wiener out because you're getting everything back
00:41:16
and you don't really think about that you want to create space the guy who wanted doing like a 25 foot fall he's on
00:41:24
he he you you go into kind of a curl so the bar is really kind of your you're concave it's it's sort of inside your
00:41:31
waistband but but but you put it this way if you're P alting the first R PO alting is do not let your penis touch
00:41:40
the bar on the way down and the funny doing John Kennedy if you could I love John Kennedy from last week Senator lot
00:41:47
of comments on that um if you if you wanted to be a hater and you're out at a bar with this guy you go oh here's a guy that knocked it off his wiener and all the girls like ooh and then you go yeah
00:41:59
and you know pole vaing is such a precise sport that you could be just you could miss the bar by a quarter inch and
00:42:05
you'd still win so you have at least an eighth of an inch wiener and he's like wait what they're like oh it might be a
00:42:12
quarter even to knock that bar off and everyone's like huh but he was seen before he started
00:42:19
down the runway with his hands in his pants Oh was he slapping it it was just his hands were in his pants they have a video of w it up a little Chub yeah yeah I know that trick he he has a deal with
00:42:31
Netflix he's going to do a short film with Hulu he has a small t tour Atlanta I guess he's playing tasse only fans I mean listen Dana if you were one of these Olympic athletes you're going to
00:42:44
blend into the crowd you're going to win or lose and you're going to go on your way you've trade trained for probably 15
00:42:51
years for this and then if you're not doing the next Olympics suddenly you have everyday free what are you doing M
00:42:58
so this is the place worldwide audience whatever you want to get out there get the word out if you want to stuff your pants and knock the pull off and go hey I'm the guy with a wiener you want to
00:43:09
hire me for whatever let's do it well by the way he was hanging out with the Jamaican who who lost by 51000 and the
00:43:16
same people they go what place did you get well I didn't win I that's all I need to know no but but I hit my wiener
00:43:22
on big I yeah my huge man one huge nut I got over the bar I got over the bar but I had a passenger with me called my dick it's funny story I cleared the
00:43:39
bar that's all the time we have no no I cleared the because of my dick my di no I have a partner there's two of us getting over the bar I have my unit and
00:43:52
me now I call it my sper after David Spade cuz I am a huge Joe Dirt fan we had an anaconda situation and they brought out a Terminex because my my trouser snake took over the
00:44:07
Olympics well this guy bless his heart no I mean um next time where Hooter clamp I've said this before in the podcast the Hooter clamp will clamp it into submission right sometimes I
00:44:19
take a chip clip I clip it to my balls that's one way you can always use a bunch of there's other there's other products out there but Hooter clamp kiss
00:44:25
it done long story short I'm okay next one M as you hear my computer go up oh this is just a random story okay we're off the Olympics I guess story well Michael Jordan was in the Olympics uh
00:44:38
yeah his kid was seen snorting something by the way this is not a blurry pop roazzi picture my head shots didn't come out this good uh and he's snorting something off a little spoon
00:44:52
could be baking so I don't know no idea I believe it was I I think my Micha Cade was there and Michael Cade said if you
00:45:00
like something to clear your SES a dig the Brit call Stu it's just a little powder it's not anything elist it's just
00:45:08
British and it stuff and if you'd like some Bish I could give it to you so that's my take so it could be booger sugar it could be powdered Pepsi we don't know it might
00:45:20
be uh um hang ony jiy it's not a great look I mean you don't want that picture out there I mean it's no wonder he's not that hungry look at him he's like I'm
00:45:34
falling I'm not most in the olden days people if they were doing something like that they go to the bathroom but now
00:45:41
he's out at a coffee shop with photographers around so maybe it was kind of a joke I think it's a joke I
00:45:46
think he did it as a joke like he's holding up kind of an eye dropper yeah look at look at me paps that's it yeah I
00:45:52
have no idea if this is true or false it's just you know Michael Jord like really I mean I probably doesn't get
00:45:59
that mad he's like come on guy I think knowing that it was just a joke um it's probably Michael had they both had a good laugh he goes now you care that I'm his son now you
00:46:13
care oh I know that made it took a sad turn but you know people are looking for usually negative stories they're not looking to pump wait a minute are you saying that no no I'm not saying that
00:46:25
I'm not saying people do people do like to take you down a notch okay what is this who who are these two cuties who are these people this isn't oh North Korea North Korea d d
00:46:39
dpk yeah oh that spells North Korea okay I think so Republic the Republic of okay
00:46:49
so what did they win well I I just think like they have to win or they might as well not go home oh yeah you don't go back and go yeah Kim Jong is like oh a
00:47:00
bronze that's awesome blam yeah hey you're because you did so well you're GNA go camping in a camp great should I bring my sleeping bag you
00:47:11
won't need that in this Camp should I bring food and a bathing soup no you won't need anything you check into the
00:47:18
camp but you won't check yeah it's like the roach motel yeah exactly okay next one all right there's only one more I'm trying to think okay I can't remember it was
00:47:30
about oh these two guys so this was for the Olympic gold for surfing this is these are the two finalists and they go out in the water for a half hour and catch waves I think the guy in the red
00:47:43
only caught one wave so for 20 minutes there were no waves and these two dudes were just talking and finally they had a
00:47:50
recorder they was just like I don't know what's up me they're in the Olympic final just sitting on their board so
00:47:57
risky yeah you don't know when you don't know when the waves are coming and they were in like Tunisia or Puerto Rico
00:48:02
where were they no it was in Tahiti and there have been good ways but sometimes the ocean doesn't cooperate there was a
00:48:08
couple but there was at least 15 minutes in the Middle where they heard saying so I don't know if I'll marry her I could I
00:48:14
don't know yeah um you could just maybe borrow some surf wax yeah yeah you know I think that it's very odd to be in the middle of nowhere you don't really feel like you're in the Olympics cuz everyone
00:48:25
it's fun to be inmp Village everyone's ripped 90% of them are like chiseled beautiful men and women and they're all just hanging out going with from other countries how fun and this is just
00:48:37
you're on an island but they stay on a boat which is beautiful they stay on a yacht and that's the difference they
00:48:42
stay in the most beautiful yacht like a Bezos type yacht and they need waves unless that french guy who did Pooh
00:48:49
River and then messed up the village I will do it I I will do indoor waves no he goes we'll make that full of poop just give me a couple extra weeks and you say ocean full of poop that sounds
00:49:03
funny it won't be where do you get in it I just made the poop River I only touched my toe at it one time okay oh who is this person so um I sorry I can't
00:49:16
remember her name she's lovely is that Sunni is that her name is she could be American she's an American and she's um you know you know
00:49:26
Simone biles these she fell this other person fell it was a Fall Fest and they said that sometimes it's sort of catching or the beam is wrong right well
00:49:38
the beam whoever made the beam is a torture artist because at some point they were making the beam in 1896 and
00:49:45
he's like hey should make the beam a little wider they could fall off a lot the guy said no that's a perfect width
00:49:52
meanwhile broken Limbs and Os bruised egos but they all started falling and one of the reasons is is that when they're doing the Olympic trials there's music on and the crowd can go oo and a
00:50:04
there's ambient noise in Paris they want it dead quiet and then their teammates would go woo It Go and then the the
00:50:12
people in the audience were shushing them and you're on the balance beam trying to do three backward Som results on a thing an inch wide so that you know you hear the shushen and then you do a
00:50:23
nose dive honestly Dan you just hear your heartbeat because it's just too dead silent it's too scary it's fun to
00:50:29
have all music and [ __ ] like hey let's just blend it in uh just anything that get out of your head yeah yeah this is a
00:50:35
prototype for the pommel horse and uh it was too wide it was too painful too wide
00:50:41
people fa failing so they go we got to use it somewhere let's make the girls walk on it terrifying they always hurt
00:50:47
themselves Sunni Lee is a girl am I right she's on Olympic team she won last time but anyway great Olympics this year uh there's more to come but we only got to cover it all the way till now it's
00:51:00
almost over and thanks for listening and watching thanks for listening watching and if you want to we're supposed to say
00:51:08
this it's in our contract you can smash smash that subscribe yeah don't don't just push it you have to smash smash it and uh there are enough
00:51:18
comments on YouTube I think it's nice to read the comments because it does shape us if I hear something a lot that they
00:51:25
do or don't like I like to hear do you have any constructive criticism they want to share with of the own oh
00:51:31
about you oh just real quick I can't CVS receipt full of notes for you I can't look at comments because I my inner monologue is so much more negative than
00:51:43
what I read that I'm I don't need we're crazy people but surprisingly YouTube it
00:51:49
keeps it keeps getting more and more comments and people are saying honestly shockingly for YouTube nice things so
00:51:57
uh it was good that's nice we're yeah well this is fun yeah fun to do and to cover the Olympics is in our own little
00:52:04
sort of funny yeah we covered it this is was enjoyable I I I'll just close with this I mean I have loved the Olympics I
00:52:12
love when it got away from politics and all that and it was just these athletes well trained dealing with the pressure
00:52:18
crying hugging uh just feel good Olympics I'm going to say it's a good family thing to do at night everyone talks them and I think they're good it's two weeks too which is crazy CU every
00:52:30
last night I was like there's a race and then 2 minutes later okay they're lining up again I'm like oh another one oh there's another one drama drama drama
00:52:37
and handball and badminton and volleyball and just you're riveted by Sports you would never watch except for the Olympics yeah you're like hang on it's a steeple chase I don't even know
00:52:47
what it is actually steeple chase they run and then they jump for no reason then they jump in water for no reason
00:52:53
I'm like what are you running to work I was trying to mimic I guess Ancient Man or something three barriers and then you
00:53:00
go over the water but yeah that's a brutal sport I am familiar with that but I saw one-on-one badm and they were
00:53:07
going so fast it was just funny yeah pong bad it's unreal yeah um but I think uh overall good job Olympics you did a great job and uh good job I it's not an easy thing to pull off and guess what
00:53:21
and see you in LA in four years this has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly is executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade Jenna Weiss fman
00:53:34
of Odyssey Heather Santoro and Greg Holzman hope you liked it [Music]