00:00:00
Wow. Do you notice? Welcome. Yeah. Welcome to the uh the flawed flast. Welcome to uh you can guess. Look at this [ __ ]
00:00:11
By the way, I'm so freaking ripped. No, the problem is my shoulders I had removed for a movie and so it doesn't
00:00:18
look like I'm that strong. But Well, these are roomy. I mean, they're friendly. These things you
00:00:25
they're you know, they're not for showing off muscles. Mhm. Oh yeah. The merch has landed.
00:00:33
The merch has landed. They said it couldn't be done. And they have everyone said it. You're never going to get merch. You're
00:00:39
never going to get merch. So um you know I've got Smartless sweatsuit. I've got a Kona
00:00:46
needs a friend sweatsuit. What What do we get? I've got um Stavros moccasins. Okay. I've got Theo [ __ ] banana clip for my hair.
00:00:59
scrunchies. Yeah, I have a I've got uh Giggly Squad scrunchie. That was a Yeah. Yeah, I've got Amy Polar good hang um
00:01:11
just sort of sandals that I gave to my wife. I got I've got a Joe Rogan yo-yo. So, I've got everything. But this is the one thing I
00:01:23
was missing is our own show. Look it. The best part is this little spade carvy right there.
00:01:29
You see it? Is that in there? Very tiny. That's cool. Yeah. I can't do it backwards, but yeah, there it is. Even though fly is good. Then on the wall is a little smaller. I have to walk you through it.
00:01:41
These colors are blue. Various shades. My favorite color. I'm wearing a blue t-shirt. Coincidence?
00:01:48
Dismissed as chance. And what is it called when you do that? It's like a color color pattern. A
00:01:54
little dash of blue around your neck. I mean, RZ, I live in the country. I don't really
00:02:00
know your strange city. You're unfrozen caveman country guy now. You know, guess what? We're having our
00:02:06
This is kind of exciting. Our septic tank. Oh, the poo is going to be sucked out around
00:02:12
sometime during the podcast. Oh, we called them early and they go, "No, that's still got some room to run unless you got some gastrointestinal issues out there." So, we wanted to get it sucked
00:02:24
out early rather than have a barbecue and have them go, "Uh, h, what is that?" Oh, smell. Mhm. So, you got room to run. What does it mean room to run in your pipes?
00:02:36
The septic tank probably is 6 months away from overflowing. We decided to air on caution. Can you can you empty it now? So, they're they're coming soon. Oh, I I don't really understand
00:02:50
what a septic tank I think I had one in Malibu and they talk about during the fires a septic tank they're going to sewer. Now I'm like I don't quite get
00:02:57
it. It's poop floats in a bag in your yard for a while. I think that's No, it's a giant tank and all the poop is directed to it. It's buried under the ground. It's a poop tank. It's buried
00:03:10
under the ground. Um and then um lovely. it gets cleaned out and that's so you're not connected to. But anyway, back to our merch. I didn't want to do a teaching. I'm going
00:03:22
to stand up for a second because I This is People have been Oh, no. I don't know. I'm gonna You stay seated.
00:03:28
Okay. Oh, look at that stripe fly P. Oh, that is cool. Lift it up. You can't hear me. There's the fly. Okay, good. Yeah, that is good.
00:03:43
We should have done a collab with the running man because you look like the running man there.
00:03:50
Glen Pal is Dana Carney. Glenn Pal is Arnold Schwengger and the running man part two.
00:03:58
I like this. This looks cool, man. The fly down the leg. I think it's cool. Well, how do we get the uh how do the
00:04:04
folks Oh, I'll tell you. Here's what you do. You uh It's a limited time. We're dropping exclusive Fly in the Wall merch. Mhm. Only till November 13th.
00:04:16
Holy [ __ ] man. What a time limit. Um, okay. We need final confirmation, but it looks like it's going to be a hoodie,
00:04:23
matching sweatpants. You showed t-shirts. This is not it, but we have t-shirt, trucker hat, mug, which you're good at doing. I stole your joke.
00:04:37
Mug. We don't mug. You have to go to shopflyonthewall.com. That is shop f ly onthewall.com.
00:04:51
Mhm. That's all. That's all you do. And I'm just going to say Christmas is coming up. I'm not I'm not going to put the two together. I'll let you guys decide that. There's literally no better present.
00:05:03
They're soft. They're cozy. And they're kind of sexy. Is that going too far? It's very sexy. Yeah. I We're ra We're breaking sex appeal
00:05:16
uh meters in Japan. It's going all over. Is my name literally on there or is it just Yeah, you can't see it.
00:05:24
[Laughter] Have you had merch before? You have merch because you have Heather and you're your Oh, I do. I did have some merch for the U. Mhm.
00:05:35
Not even the tour, more it was sort of Joe Dirt. I've never had merch. Well, I did sell
00:05:41
churchly posters back in 88 back at a card table on a median cuz Lauren didn't want to do any any merchandising. It's not what we do.
00:05:51
We're Bob D. We don't need extra money. Now it's like yada. Yeah, they got they got cone head oven mitts at the SNL store. Hey,
00:06:04
but Lauren Lauren Love it was the one who told Lauren Dana is selling merchandise, you know, cuz I own the church lady. Oh, he ratted you out. He's making a lot of money. Lauren said,
00:06:15
"Really?" [Music] Yeah. Because when I was there at the NBC store, they had like the liar like greeting cards. They had uh uh love it
00:06:28
when he plays the devil. They had everything. Yeah. They had the receptionist. When I
00:06:34
got a greeting card, I was like receptionist got a greeting card. You [ __ ] know it. Wow. That blows my mind,
00:06:41
man. Don't be so shocked. How many times was it on the show? It was like, "Oh, I heard it's your
00:06:48
birthday. I've been so crazy lately. I don't even remember." Anyway, how old are you again? Right. How many times was
00:06:55
I a guest on the receptionist sketch? You were an alien in one. I only did MC Hammer, Roseanne, and maybe that's it. Maybe one more.
00:07:06
Mhm. I tried to get one with Paul McCartney when Alec Baldwin hosted and uh we couldn't get the script to him for him to pass on it. And so yeah, he'd be coming in. I'm here to see Steve Bachner. You know, you're
00:07:19
like, and you are right. And what was the bad McCartney? How do you spell that? Yes A capital C M capital C. He's like
00:07:33
I go, I'm not really. But also I the one with the big mixup with David Bowie. Remember that one?
00:07:39
Uh episode 391 408G when I asked Bowie to be in it and he loved it. And then I had to call him about it and he said,
00:07:51
"I love it. I'm 100% in. If we could do a tiny tweak and we switch characters. You play me, I play the guy. By the way, that was Dana before it was
00:08:04
even on yet once. And so I said I didn't want to give it up because it was like a character I
00:08:10
wanted to do and he immediately was like, "Huh?" Okay. Well, I had the same thing, you know.
00:08:17
Um, was it McCartney when he was on the show? He we did church slain read. He said, "You mind if I play the lady?" Did he? I like to play the lady. You know,
00:08:30
he would be good. He would be better because in Britain, you know, there's a lot of, you know, drag and Benny Hill
00:08:35
and stuff. So, could I play the church lady? I already done it for a year. I had merch.
00:08:41
It didn't make it past dress, but he he he did play the church lady. Not special. The the readings were
00:08:48
slightly different than I expected. Who who could that be? Satan, you know, it didn't have the same maybe. Yeah. He goes, "Who?" He's very nice about it. Also, did he say the word plunk in it?
00:09:02
That's directly from an interview with him. Sit down for a plunk. Yeah. We'd start plunking away and I was like, "Oh my god." Be and Mosart sat down for a tinkle. I
00:09:15
know a little I have to say that if we get Paul back I have another question which you all
00:09:22
know the answer because you're the fanatic but I just saw a clip on Twitter of the rumored story that Jimmyi Hendricks heard Sergeant Peppers and a day later they went to see
00:09:34
him and he had memorized it and played it for him and it is Jimmyi Hendris playing Sergeant Pepper
00:09:40
right live and I don't know if that's right away or what but it was so cool they hear it and he knew the words and [ __ ]
00:09:46
You have any prompters? Well, Sergeant Pepper came out on like a Wednesday or Thursday and they saw him
00:09:51
that weekend or something. But the riff of Sergeant Pepper at the beginning is not very complicated, but for Jimmy to make it Jimmyi Hendris, he did it Jimmyi Hendris and it was just super
00:10:03
heavy. But yeah, look at those heavyweights. The Beatles no less come to see you. And the stars
00:10:10
are there and I think Pete Town, the whole town came to see Jimmyi Hendris. And you bust out Sergeant Pepper. Oh my god. How I know. Well, Hendrickx is a freak. What
00:10:22
he could do, he had giant hands. He played the guitar upside down. The sound he could get out of the guitar was just
00:10:31
not normal. You know, you have your Jeff Becks, you have your Eric Clapton's, you
00:10:36
know, um, your Eddie Van Halen's, uh, Ed Ed Van Halen and Jeffrey Beck, uh, Erica Clapton, you know, all these guys and James Hendris.
00:10:49
Uh, sorry, sorry, Gen X. I call him X. It's like one generation had music that was a little bit better. Runaway Gen X
00:11:02
with your Taylor Swifts. Dude, I'm worried long. I'm worried about Post Malone and now
00:11:09
Jelly Roll have lost weight. We'll get back to that, but I'm h I met Jelly Roll, one of the nicest
00:11:14
guys I've ever met in my life. Literally at SNL last fall. Just a sweetheart of a
00:11:20
person. I'm glad that his he got some weight loss that make him feel better. I met cucumber roll at a uh sushi place.
00:11:29
Okay, that was what I was just exactly trying to think. Jelly Roll, what would be the joke? So, you went to cucumber
00:11:34
roll. I think one time on this podcast I called him Jellyfish and I kept saying it wrong accidentally. Well, I called him Donnut hole for the first part of the week. Hey, Donnut
00:11:45
Hole. I love that new song. She's my my new my new baby. I called him [ __ ] face accidentally. I
00:11:52
was like, wait, what is it? Yeah, I call him I said to him I said I want you to take one step back and literally [ __ ] your own face.
00:12:03
Oh boy. Where's that from? Tom Cruz. Yep. Tropic Thunder. Tropic Thunder. Wowee. One of the funniest lines ever.
00:12:14
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00:14:27
All right. So, this one, Dana, this is Pura. This is uh sort of a new move here.
00:14:33
I know. Re-imagining the future of fragrance. Interesting, right? It's the smart home fragrance
00:14:39
brand that's uh redefining how people scent their spaces. So, this is an app control diffuser, right?
00:14:46
And it's got premium clean safe fragrances. So you just you pick one and you pick intensity and you can throw it when you want as strong as you want because you know
00:14:58
sometimes you go in a house and you go this house is like an old person's house or you go in and you go oh they like to
00:15:05
party or whatever you we go into yours and it's like lots of hair products. It's like oh
00:15:12
spray uh yeah straightening irons. I mean you need pure. I'll be honest. You can personalize it for your environment or your car and it can be a gift.
00:15:24
Yeah. I mean, you tell someone, "Hey, let's judge up that car. Let's jij up that house." But some people want that because they go, "Listen, my car, I bought it. I don't love the smell."
00:15:36
And uh let's fix it, you know? And this is Or maybe you just want new car smell, right? Forever. I'm sure they can do that with
00:15:43
smart sensing technology. I hear it's like sleeping with sort of a noise behind you or something like puts you in a better mood, that kind of thing. Uh the promo details are uh November 1st
00:15:55
to the 31st and uh get a few you get a free Pura set when you subscribe. Smarter Sense starts with a free Pura diffuser.
00:16:06
You did that pretty well. I know. I said it really well. I just thought of it. You thought of it. For a limited time, you can get a free set when you
00:16:12
subscribe to two cents monthly for a year. I'm saying the word scent. It's kind of nice because you can customize your experience with the app control tech they've got and enjoy
00:16:24
premium long lasting scents in a sleek modern device. Just in time Oh, just in time for holiday hosting. So, it's gonna smell like the Christmas tree. People over you can tweak it a bit.
00:16:35
That's a good idea. It's like having music. It's something like that. Yeah. Yeah. background music backgrounds.
00:16:42
Yeah, that's that's what I said. Um, subscribe to a festive scent now. Easily swap it out later. This exclusive deal won't last. Shop now at pura pur.com.
00:16:54
Will you wear it? Now that's the thing for me and you to wear it out. Heather will wear it. If I
00:17:00
wear it, I might I have to go on the road again. I might wear it. Dude, I just did I just did, we didn't have a show last week. Apologies.
00:17:13
I did a week with Adam for fun. They don't like you to say you're on these shows because they change them so much that and sometimes I can't go. Two I had to cancel in the middle.
00:17:24
So anyway, so to go to the shows quickly was just fun overall. We did five states, seven days. Mhm. and Nick Croll jumped on some
00:17:36
Schwarzson. Sarah Sherman sounds fun. Fortune was on the one right before I got there.
00:17:42
Fortune and Kim Whitley, I think is her name. She was really funny. And um who else? Oh, and then Schneider. Schneider and I switched. And then in Las Vegas, I sang a song and Schneider opened and the
00:17:55
next night I did a set. Whoa. Whoa. Wait a minute. You're singing. I don't hear you singing much.
00:18:01
That's right. Dana, can we have a 10-second example of you singing? How do you sing when I'm a Russian cosminot named Yuri?
00:18:09
Oh. Oh, coming down out in the harness and everything. No, I didn't have to do that. I wore I wore a spacuit though.
00:18:14
Yeah. Okay. And started singing like Russian guy. I'm Russian astronaut. I have fun in the spaceship every time. Yes.
00:18:26
I have it for it's when I I space it's called space station 69. I go but my favorite part of space I go I look through telescopes and instruments to
00:18:38
fix but my favorite part of space is when we suck each other's dicks. Now we're in zero gravity spinning round and round. It's a well written song by
00:18:51
Dan and Adam. Is it the same one he did on the one show? He did on the special. Yeah, I did.
00:18:57
Yeah, I've done it once before, but I always talk about it because it makes me laugh. And then in H Vegas, he goes, "Why don't
00:19:03
you do it tonight?" And then Rob, I said, "Hell yeah." Super fun. And then I mixed it up. I
00:19:10
came out too early. It was so total disaster, but it was so funny cuz A can't sing. B mistakes are funny.
00:19:17
Not supposed to sing. I walk out early and I'm in my whole AST. You can't tell it's me. And I get
00:19:22
to him and he's saying, "What are you doing here?" I'm like, "They sent me out." I don't know. And then he rushes
00:19:29
his part. Then he goes, "Now it's you." And then I lift my lid and they go, "Oh, it's spade." And then I
00:19:34
And then I said the wrong line. And he's like, "Stay on the cards." And then it was funny. No, I I
00:19:39
high note. Oh, I hit a high note. You hit a really good high. I'm going to try to get a clip, Heather.
00:19:44
I have it of me hitting the high note. Oh my god. If you do. Yeah. Send We got to see that. Yeah, I saw the picture. Mhm. Oh, show that picture of me of the
00:19:55
picture of me lifting the lid. That's good. We could show uh I didn't know I was going to talk about this, but she has something. Um
00:20:02
we'll come back to it. But that was it. So, the tour the tour was fun. It ended, but I couldn't do the podcast cuz I
00:20:08
can't do it. I don't have the mental capacity. People think you just open your laptop
00:20:15
and do it. That's hysterical. I wish it was that easy. Look at these notes. It's so funny. It's
00:20:22
so hilar. So [ __ ] I have one story. Well, there's two things. One, I was a good boy. I went
00:20:28
and voted for There's a Prop 50. What is it, Dana? Right. Wait, first of all, Dana, when you have a special election, what does that mean?
00:20:38
There's not I didn't think there's elections till midterms. I know. Sometimes they call for a
00:20:44
special election if they get enough signatures for some referendum. Wait, wait. shoe. Gee, it's the happiest
00:20:52
I've ever seen you. That's one thing I'll say. I've never seen all those teeth at once. That's cuz the crowd's applauding and I
00:20:58
drink smile that big. That's hysterical. Well, they don't know I'm there. So, when I come out in the middle of the
00:21:03
show Oh, yeah. And you do the reveal and then they go, he sings a song about in the audience there's always a guy
00:21:10
that drinks at work and then then they cut to people in the audience and there's just some lady there. There's
00:21:15
always a guy and there's always a lady that broke got her lost her virginity on a rocking horse or something and they cut to some woman. So they just find people in the audience and then they did
00:21:26
one where somehow the guy looked like Kevin James and then Sandler stopped and made him stand up and then he it was Kevin James and so the crowd goes cuz he's sitting
00:21:37
in the middle of 13,000 people and then he just stands up. Then he then he goes, "Can I come up there, Adam?" And he
00:21:42
goes, "I don't know. That's not really what we do." And then he walks up, grabs a guy's beer, and Adam goes, "Kevin, you don't drink
00:21:49
anymore. Don't drink." and he goes and he just looks off camera and everyone tells him to do it and he goes, "I'm
00:21:54
sorry, Adam." Then he chugs the whole thing and then he walks on stage and they sing a song. Very funny.
00:22:00
Sounds like the greatest show I've ever heard. It definitely is fun. Yeah. Well, it sounds like a a barely
00:22:05
controlled mayhem. A lot of miscues and an honest would love that. Eat it up. Okay, go back. So, you're explaining to me what's a special election? Well, special election, sometimes there's a
00:22:17
referendum or a whoopdedoo or or a signatures to try to recall a governor, whatever. It's just a special election.
00:22:23
So, it came about through this Proposition 50 that would allow the Democratic party in California to redraw lines because they kind of know where the conservatives and liberals are. So,
00:22:34
they can make districts in a way that they know that they will either be in Texas, they would do it for the Republicans, in California, they'll do it. So they create by redrawing lines,
00:22:46
they create more Democratic congressmen that will go to Washington. So that's what the referendum is about. And Obama came out. It's good. Redist redist. And
00:22:57
so uh what's your what's say you? Oh, what do I feel about it? Uh I guess they've been doing it back and forth for a while. So this is sort of bound to happen. But uh I wish each state would
00:23:10
just go by how many Republicans and how many Democrats. That would help even it out, but that's not really how it works. Well, it's Yeah, it's congress congressional I had a couple before
00:23:24
congressional districts and but this game I don't know when it started uh drawing these lines. They It's gotten pretty absurd. It used to be kind of general. Okay, this this this area voted
00:23:36
for this uh Democrat or Republican, but then they can redraw it and slide down here and add some of their party and then Yeah. Well, I think the part that bothered me
00:23:46
and it would bother me in Texas, too, is when it's an extra 200 million to do it
00:23:52
when no one's really asking for it's their idea. It's like, hey, come on. That's and it it bothers me because my
00:24:00
buddy's selling his house and he has to pay $750,000 off the top for homelessness. And you go, "Well, that's
00:24:07
a hefty fee for homelessness." And especially when it's not guaranteed, as we found in the last couple years, to go to that. It's not getting any better. It's getting worse. They lose some of this money. and 750 I said don't pay it
00:24:21
but you can't not pay it because it is so mandatory and legal but it's not mandatory to pay it
00:24:28
on to homeless I mean it's not they passed it's called a mansion tax so the mansion tax yeah I know that yeah if you're in this certain area of LA county Yeah
00:24:39
it's a 1% added added on tax or something I don't think it's or is it more 3% I think it Yeah, it's either 3 or 5% or
00:24:52
Yeah. So anyway, all complicated issues that just infuriate me because I just wish California would fix some [ __ ] roads and just not just keep
00:25:04
there's just so much money flying around that's not helping everyday people. I'm not an everyday person. Let's take me
00:25:10
out of it. It's just a [ __ ] Yeah, I would say we call it infrastructure. We want water. We want
00:25:16
power. We want clean, safe neighborhoods. We want potholes, potholes filled, all kinds of things. Uh
00:25:24
that we pay for cuz we don't cheat on our taxes. We've got the same business manager. We're being very
00:25:30
We pay extra extra because we're like, "Oh, we don't want to get busted." I'm like, "Who cares?" Like, this is
00:25:35
everyone is everyone going by the letter of the law anymore? That's what I get sick of. [ __ ] [ __ ] Everyone's
00:25:40
bending [ __ ] Anyway, I won't bog you down with that, but that's what's going on. Uh, I did hear another story that
00:25:47
Jennifer Lawrence, speaking of politics, says, "I I'm not going to talk about politics anymore."
00:25:53
She came out. I see that. I thought that was interesting that she said, "It's just pointless. Celebrities
00:25:59
talking about politics. People, it doesn't move the needle enough." She goes, "And I want people because people
00:26:04
get mad. Half the crowd gets mad, obviously, no matter what side you're on." So, she's like, "I'd rather have
00:26:10
that half still come see my movies. because I don't want to alienate them and they're like, "Oh, I don't like that person that talks [ __ ] so I'm not going to." So that's
00:26:22
Yeah, I think she'd say it out loud. I think it is a reverse thing. I don't I think the Democrats made a mistake. They
00:26:29
had all these superstar people up there. So So then they're lecturing people how
00:26:34
they should vote and you're like, "Wait a minute. So you get to have a billion dollars or 500 million. You fly in a
00:26:40
private jet. you're either the former president of the United States or you're a movie star and you tell me how to
00:26:46
vote. It's a little bit like, whoa, too much then, you know? I think it backfired. I don't think uh people most
00:26:53
people would vote. Well, who am I going to vote for? I just uh Let me pick a random celebrity. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, um
00:27:04
who who is is I'm trying to think of the most Is anyone from Punky Brewster chiming
00:27:09
in? and I could join in. Yeah, I know. By the way, has Drew Kerry said something yet? Yeah. When is he going to break his silence? Uh I remember the Camala thing
00:27:21
where Megan the Stallion performed and I I kept thinking corporate gig like those
00:27:26
are hard. It goes back to me doing my corporate gig going that's a tough crowd. I just didn't want to Vegas. Oh, talk about your corporate gig. I drove to Vegas for some reason. I just
00:27:37
got tired of being an airport. kind of like that. Yeah, I kind of like that. [ __ ] it. I'm driving and then I'm coming
00:27:43
down the strip and the the AI or whatever is going, "Your destination is on the left." So, I look at it. It's not the hotel. And I go, "Fuck, it's rush
00:27:54
hour in Vegas." So, it's an hour to do the loop, get on the 15, come back around, and I it still says destination
00:28:03
still on the left. So, I drove in there, and it was the Hilton, not mine. I go, "Do you know where this hotel is?" And
00:28:09
and he goes, "It's across the street." So it was another 45 minutes. So that was fun. Played to about 4,000 insurance
00:28:18
people. Really, really nice people. But there was an hour speech before me, a very nice woman
00:28:24
that was very technical and and and she was a little, you know, it was just like
00:28:30
you literally I did find a pin. I was talking to the backstage people and I dropped it and you could hear it. It was
00:28:37
the deadest. I got them going, but it was a lot of lot of work. Yeah. Sometimes those things are always mean well. Sometimes they're really fun and sometimes they tack it on at the end
00:28:49
of like an eight hour day, a work day as a favor. Now there's some entertainment. They're trying to leave and they're
00:28:54
like, "Oh, oh, I have to sit through this Joker. I was This was 11:30 in the morning, which was
00:29:00
fantastic." Oh, I got them going. But the the room they give you sometimes they give you a suite I could run laps in to be able to turn the lights off just to get all the lights off.
00:29:12
We just went through this 45 minutes. I literally couldn't. And then this it's it's too fantastical, you
00:29:19
know? It's just it's a workload and uh you get lost. I know it's first world. Don't write letters, but I'm like
00:29:25
we hate you. We hate you. No, it's the difference between too much of a good thing. I was
00:29:32
there with Heather and I'm like, I can't figure out how to get my lights off at night and I can't figure out how to
00:29:38
close the Yeah, I get that all the time. Or get the TV to go down. I mean, everyone said
00:29:44
cuz I was walking to go down. How funny. It sinks into something. They come out of a thing. Well, I guess
00:29:50
it's going to be on and I can't get it down. I've got the thing. So, everyone said, "You got to go to the sphere. Got to go to this sphere." You know, and the
00:29:56
ticket prices. They're playing the Wizard of Oz in the sphere and they literally throw apples at you and there's snow on your head.
00:30:02
So I just said [ __ ] that. Everyone likes that. So I just went to a kind of a a counterbalance. Another competitor of
00:30:09
the sphere. It was at the Frontier Hotel. It's called the Big Round Ball and it was circle. Yeah. It was you know there's fears of fear. It's called the big round ball and you go in there's just bleachers about
00:30:21
25 people in there. A guy's juggling. Okay. a guy did some some mime impressions. Anyway, it was not probably as good as this field. Did you do a guest set?
00:30:32
No, I was just hiding in the back. I had my merch on. It was $9.95 to go see the
00:30:38
show. And there was a stripper toward the end. But um that's nice. We should put you in this fly on the wall hoodie and have you just
00:30:44
walk around Vegas and see if I get mugged. Okay, I'm going to give you $1,000 right now. You have two
00:30:50
seconds. Can you pronounce the name of the gentleman who's maybe now the mayor of New York? Yeah. Zambi. You got it.
00:31:03
No, it's I think I remembered it's mom dami. It's not mandami. Zoran. Zoran. Mom. Donnie. Mom. Yep. Even though it's an a in there. You don't say ma'am. Donnie.
00:31:15
Yeah. Something like that. Yeah. Is it official already? It's probably happening, right? No, we're Yeah, we're
00:31:20
kind of Is it today? It's happening today and we'll be out in two weeks. Yeah, we'll be out in three and a half
00:31:26
weeks. So, this is the day of the election. I hate to date this thing up, but I wanted to say this is that only in
00:31:34
America, you have to have pride in the idea of it that a guy from Uganda named Zoran Ma'am Danny can run for mayor of the largest, most maybe the greatest
00:31:46
city in the world. We've had Barack Hussein Obama. We've had Zoran Manni and I thought is there any does that happen in reverse anywhere? Hi everybody. My
00:31:58
name's Bill Wilson. I'm from Toledo and I'm honored to be the new leader of Iran
00:32:04
of Zimbabwe. My brother Steve Wilson runs Al Qaeda and my uh Carrie Wilson's the head of
00:32:12
the Taliban. We're all from Toledo. We're white Christian and we just love it over here in the Middle East and
00:32:18
we're glad to be your leader. And everyone clamors to vote them. Yeah, I know. It's, you know, that's why USA
00:32:25
is so wonderful. Yeah. You got to give ourselves a feather first. Find a cap, put a feather, and go, "Look, we lead the
00:32:32
world. Sorry world." Do you ever hit that point where everything just starts to pile up? That I've hit that point. work, stress, life, anything. Endless to-do list, and you
00:32:44
realize, I need to talk to someone. Well, I've been there. Every time I try to find a therapist,
00:32:50
it's always a hassle. It's a maze. Half of them weren't taking new patients. The
00:32:56
other half don't take insurance. That's why Rua stood out to me. Mhm. You know, they work with insurance. Yeah. Just explain that. What do you mean they actually work with insurance? Well, there's over a hundred plans. In
00:33:07
fact, the the average copay is just $15. What? What? It's even free depending on your coverage. And uh instead of just matching you with the first available
00:33:18
therapist rule, it takes time to find someone who fits you, fits your goals, your preferences, your background. Makes
00:33:25
such a difference when you actually click with your therapist. The whole process is quick and easy. Tell us about
00:33:30
it. Okay. From what I hear, there's no weight lists. Okay. No back and forth emails. You
00:33:36
could book an appointment as soon as tomorrow. Nice. And RULA stays with you through it all,
00:33:42
checking in to make sure your care is helping you move forward. Thousands of people are already using RULA to get
00:33:50
affordable, highquality therapy that's actually covered by insurance. Oh [ __ ] Go visit rua.com uh/fly to get started. After you sign
00:34:00
up, you'll be asked how you heard about them. Please tell them and support our show uh and let them know we sent you.
00:34:06
That's rua.com/fly. You deserve mental health care that works with you, not against your budget.
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at 5hour energy.com or Amazon. Now, now it's time for buzzing around. Oh, it's already buzzing around. Okay. Yeah, buzzing around. We got it. We got a name.
00:36:01
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three of them fivehour energy.com. That's five the number fivehourenery.com. I don't like it. I love it.
00:36:30
So for this week's buzzing around, I'm gonna Okay. All right. Buzzing. a scenario and then you
00:36:37
work in some impressions. Okay. Um so just do do your best. It doesn't have to be great. So I'm going to give you Jimmy Stewart maybe getting pulled over
00:36:51
by a car working Christopher Walkin and if you can Trump if you can't that's fine. Oh I I can do it. Whether it'll be entertaining is an entirely subjective
00:37:06
idea. Okay. Jimmy Stewart. Um, let me see. Jimmy Stewart, Christopher Walkin, get pulled over for a speeding ticket. Sure. And and work in Trump, you know.
00:37:19
He could be the cop. He could be whatever you want. Yeah. Well, I'm having a fun time drive
00:37:24
driving around with you, Chris. Yeah. Always like it. You and me driving. Whoop whoop. They're already getting pulled over. Okay. Well, well, it it looks like there's a
00:37:38
light in the back. I don't know what it's for. The cop is saw going too fast. Lead foot. No. I like that one.
00:37:50
Then it's like knock on the window. Can you do a sound effect? You got pulled over. Can I see your driver's license and registration? Can I
00:38:04
see it? Holy crap. Trump's the cop in this scene. Yeah. Well, what what do you want from us? I never heard of you. I'm the president of the United States and I
00:38:16
moonlight as a highway patrolman. You were going faster than you're supposed to go. I'm going to have to give you a
00:38:23
ticket and I'd like to give tickets. And if you look at it, everybody gets tickets. No. I'm telling you, you got to
00:38:29
get a ticket now. You got to get a ticket. You got I like it. Keep going. All right. Now, I'm going to add one. Jimmy Fallon. I don't have co Jimmy Fallon comes by.
00:38:48
Oh [ __ ] This is crazy. Jimmy, hey Chris, see you later. We don't need him. He's a stone cold
00:38:59
loser. We had a better show that go bad, but it doesn't really matter. Jimmy, what have you got to say? Well, I don't
00:39:05
like what's going on here now. You see, we were just out for a drive. Oh, all we wanted to do was do a little drive and then Leadfoot here went too fast. I'm not going to get the ticket.
00:39:18
He is. Yeah, for sure. Now, let's get out of here. Do a sound if that car goes fast.
00:39:32
They got away. Captain, I'm sorry. Captain Vance, they got away. They got away. Vance Vance. Oh boy.
00:39:42
This is Highway Patrolman Donald Trump saying stay tuned for next week's episode. It's going to be
00:39:51
That's great. Jimmy Fallon could have been on a moped. He came in, got kind of admonished admonished and then he left. Jimmy Stewart and J Stewart Chris
00:40:02
getting a ticket. Now, one of our viewers will make that animated and it'll be funny.
00:40:07
Who can edit it? You know, you can animate it with AI now. 5 seconds. You can if you have eight seconds. Yeah,
00:40:13
you I don't know if it was magic, but it's our it's our first one. This is a bit of a runner.
00:40:19
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00:40:49
Yep. All right. Great scene. And now we can go into headlines. What stories are out there? Let's see them. We'll do a couple. We always just say we'll do a couple. I know. And then they're so magic we
00:41:02
can't stop. Truck allegedly carrying monkeys with hepatitis C, herpes, and and COVID crashes in Mississippi. What is this? The clampets.
00:41:17
This sounds like a real uh zoo I don't want to go to. All right, load them up. Load up. Yeah,
00:41:24
the heepsi monkey and the herpes. Yeah, get them. Is there a video? Oh, update. All but one of them. Oh, this is sad. Destroyed. Oh,
00:41:37
destroyed just means they destroyed the reputation. Okay, I don't like the term animal
00:41:44
disposal. All right. Well, this is a fun story. Fun story. How did they get hepatitis C?
00:41:51
Is it an animal experiment or what? You don't want to know. I don't I don't want to know. I do not I would say I don't as a joke,
00:41:59
but I don't. Okay. So, everything's fine there. Mhm. That's my summary. Uh that was the feel-good uh clip of the year. Yeah. Now,
00:42:10
Florida just became the first state to ban atmospheric Oh, chemtrails, commonly known as
00:42:16
chemtrails, aerosol spray, cloud seeding, weather modification, climate manipulation via
00:42:23
biological or chemical agents. So, this is I heard now 22 states have done this. So, it is kind of real. They're doing something and people are just saying, "Hey, if you're doing something, we want to know what it is."
00:42:35
and we don't really want it, but uh let's just stop and realize what is it stop for now because they said during
00:42:42
the shutdown there weren't any problems the sky I don't know if that's true but that was a big people doing videos going see how clear the sky is so I don't know what would
00:42:53
they even be putting in there what would it be I don't know my question is does it
00:42:59
actually really work like you can you just make it rain with that I think weather manipulation uh condensation trails. Yeah. Uh geoengineering and aerosol
00:43:13
operations are real. The state is finally admitting it. Yeah. I also I heard that appeal is getting stopped.
00:43:20
What's appeal, Dana? No idea. Appeal is uh the spray they put on fruit now. Organic fruit that Bill Gates invented.
00:43:33
That's not I don't know. They just go, I don't know if it's needed. It's any one more thing on your fruit. Let's just I don't know.
00:43:40
I don't know what the problem is, but I heard they're stopping it. So, some people like that, some won't. How about
00:43:46
that? Pesticides, all that stuff. I don't know. It's supposed to be good, but is that I just always wonder his
00:43:52
field. It's mosquitoes and that. I'm like, just didn't he make computers at one point? Um, he was a good salesman. I don't
00:43:59
know. Yeah, he uh Windows and all that stuff, but uh Windowsep, but it's like you you wake up and you go, "Yeah, I'm famous. I gotundred million
00:44:10
dollars now. Maybe I'll solve mosquitoes, right? I mean, probably means well. It's
00:44:18
just Yeah, he means well. Let's leave the [ __ ] mosquito. I mean, I don't know. Unless it's a 100% guaranteed. We don't
00:44:24
need to add mosquitoes. Uh okay, moving on. And everyone can chime in and say, "I
00:44:30
don't know what I'm [ __ ] talking about." Okay. China now requires influencers to have a degree to discuss
00:44:35
serious topics. Uh oh. Uh oh. For us, fines of 100 grand. So, China has introduced new rules requiring influences to
00:44:47
have a college degree or a degree about how to be a good Yeah. before commenting on professional topics
00:44:52
like finance. All like us talking about pesticide. Bill Gates. Well, this this is Yeah. But this is
00:44:58
everyone knows we're two comedians, but to say seriously finance, medicine, law,
00:45:03
and education. Oh, they're coming down on them. I don't mind that. I just don't know how you really control the non-ol degree influencer. I mean,
00:45:13
then you have to ban them and control their podcast or something. I mean, China can handle that. I don't
00:45:19
think they have a problem. China China doesn't play. I mean, actually, you can go to a movie theater
00:45:24
in China. Or is it North Korea? in China and then they'll they'll you get a grade. Yeah, it's China. You get a grade
00:45:32
for what kind of citizen you are and you're just in a movie theater and you'll see that you're you're like a
00:45:37
face recognition. Yeah. You're not a great Yeah. They they categorize everyone and you get a number
00:45:42
and I don't know. I'll just you know there are no solutions only tradeoffs. So if you want to have freedom you have to put up with a lot of [ __ ] Otherwise you go for this police state kind of
00:45:53
stuff. Listen, I will tell you, and this is a bold statement, I feel like I'm at
00:45:59
the low end an A+ citizen. Well, pause. Uh, Dana, what is your vote? You think where where are you?
00:46:11
Well, have you ever committed a crime? A real crime? Oh, they're going to factor that in.
00:46:16
Okay. Um, have you ever incited a riot? All right. Well, maybe let's not do this
00:46:22
because my grade is plummeting. Yeah, because I there was that time in South Tucson where I guess you were South Tucson. I like when you could do Arizona
00:46:33
references. Oh, yeah. I mean, you were in Prescott one night. I did go to jail in Tempee uh when I was
00:46:41
at ASU. Yeah, you got in comedians jail when you had a rough set at the temp. I was leaving a party in in fairness I was buzzed but that
00:46:54
back then I don't think back then it was you were kind of like you are now. Yeah. Just mildly drunk.
00:47:00
Yeah. And they pulled me over for a tail light or something and they um took they they said you have a warrant. They handcuffed me and there
00:47:12
was people around all my people I knew and they're like they got the big fish. So, I'm in jail. Had to call a comedian
00:47:19
to get me out. Another guy, Mike Sterner. Anyway, the problem was my brother kept getting pulled over and he
00:47:25
had a warrant, Andy. So, he kept saying he was me. Oh. And so, I had a stack of tickets and I went to jail. And when I told him, he didn't he wasn't really bothered by it.
00:47:39
Okay. I don't if we have time for this story was true. So, when I was living, I don't know if I told this on on the podcast, episode 30041, above the garage, remember Bob Dubac,
00:47:52
our sort of de facto house manager. Joe, what was Joe's last name? Hell. No. Uh, Joe some writer. Yeah. And Kevin Nean. Okay, go ahead.
00:48:04
So, I was there alone in the house. This was when I was on uh that afternoon. I was going to read for a movie, Tough
00:48:09
Guys with Bert Lancaster and Kirk Douglas. Suddenly knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock on the door come in the driveway
00:48:14
it's like a patrol it's just an unmarked car two guys men men in black suits Mr. Carvey we understand that because we the previous place we lived some kind of
00:48:26
when we were moving my my wife and I from Northridge somehow they these people thought we had a box of a ring a
00:48:32
$300 ring what did you do with the ring Mr. Harvey, what did you do with the ring? And this was like 18 months later. I
00:48:38
don't I didn't do anything when they ring. So then I go, I'm about to read for a movie. I I
00:48:44
make 60,000 a year in standup. I mean, I Why would I steal? And they started circling me. So, and really intimidating
00:48:51
me. You want to get in the car, Mr. Carvey? You want to get in the car? Why don't you just get in the car? Get in the car.
00:48:56
Not get in the car. In those days, I didn't have a cell phone. I didn't have an attorney. So, finally, I did a trick
00:49:02
that I do when I'm really pissed. I I tried to reverse it. So I said, "Look at me. No, no, you look at me. I did not
00:49:09
steal the ring." He starts talking to his partner. "Nope. Nope. Right here. Look at me." So I'm being because I was
00:49:15
so pissed. So So they finally left and the guy had a vendetta. He was going to arrest me on a Friday night. So I'd have
00:49:22
to spend a weekend in the jail. That point I somehow got a hold of a lawyer. I had to go down to the police station, fingerprints, sign my signature a thousand times and
00:49:34
be photographed. There's my story. I know it's not hilarious, but it is interesting. But I think people always are wanting to
00:49:40
know what did you do with the ring? I stole it and I sold it. I mean, what? Yeah. Did you eventually
00:49:46
just sell it or No, it was ridiculous. We never The box may have came out. We just never I like $300 ring. Meanwhile, you could
00:49:53
steal it all day here in California. You'd be fine. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, okay. So Dane, I think we jump off
00:49:59
because we How can we top my We can't top anything. This was an A+++. Yeah. And that was the United States Postal Service. They have a lot of power
00:50:11
and no accountability. This was a long time ago, but still that was who busted you cuz you they thought you stole it.
00:50:17
Yeah. They just report robberies and it took them like 18 months to show up. We think that when the Carveys moved,
00:50:24
maybe it was them. So that they took this box intentionally and this $300 ring. So um just, you know, I survived, but yeah.
00:50:34
All right. Well, we'll look for comments in the YouTube. Okay. Thank you, Dana, for coming by. Thank you. And we did it again. We'll see you next week, guys.
00:50:45
See you next week. We can't get enough and we won't stop until we do. Look at that thumbnail.
00:50:52
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