00:00:00
Dana yeah what do you got well we have Eliza slesinger today who is uh comedian I actually see a lot down at the old
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clubs and colleges I play I have yeah she goes to Comedy Store she's she works
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man she's a she grinds it out like Nikki there're are these I'm not gonna say
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these women yeah it's just really these Comics just grind it out and she's good
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I think I see her kill I I follow her a lot she comes in cuz she does like three
00:00:34
a night and cuz she's got a special coming out you know this the uh the Amazon Prime special oh the one called a
00:00:43
different animal that's right March 11th I think Amazon Prime and that's going to
00:00:49
be a good one because I've seen some of the stuff she's doing on it uh yeah she
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talks uh well you know she talks uh she's got so much great stuff and she's
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had so many specials she's been out out there books specials podcast she does it
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all and it's all working and um we get to talk to her just about her process
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and uh I love that word her process she she's someone who went to her first open
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mic and then was a headliner in clubs within three years which uh is not easy to do hard took me a lot longer than
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that took me three years to learn how to hold the mic three years I had about you
00:01:29
know 14 minutes I I mean honestly you think you have an hour you don't no so
00:01:35
she had a killer hour in 36 months of standup she has a cool name we talk about how people just you know like I
00:01:42
was always instead of Dana KY it was Dana Garney horrible introductions early on in your career yours was oh I gave
00:01:49
her I gave her a bad introduction too I didn't even mess up this lesser part
00:01:54
there's a controversy about there controvery there was a big thing that happened between Ela and David and we
00:02:01
talk about that and we talk about what she wears on stage her marriage it's a
00:02:06
fun episode I really enjoyed talking with Eliza without further Ado here she [Music]
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is he was like a John balushi thing yeah you got it going man he hated women oh no John balushi hated women yeah yeah
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it's he's like famous for for quoting a good start what do you I like pizza I
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like movies and I hate women he was he's famous he's famous for saying women
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aren't funny and I only think about that because journalists always bring it up
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and I'm like he's dead so I guess I win HS follow forever have you ever been
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like you read something and Eliza said this and it's completely made up obviously have not or just like a half
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quote and you're like I'm sorry that I said that like half awake on a podcast
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in 2010 like do I still need to yeah remember my my Firm Stance on dogs versus cats on a sandwi which being a
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pea going out on a limb literally dude Peta had a good run I mean that pea bread that was a good bit for well like
00:03:09
Stoner podcast people have to be like oh no is a is a tender McNugget is a pita a
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sandwich and you're like the world's on fire I don't I don't know well it's
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literally on fire literally I was going to say it was too soon but when I said last night to someone well this is rude
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we'll take it out but I said uh I said oh where do you live and they said and
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Ceno and I said oh did you get have any problems with what happened in the Palisades they said no and I said oh
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even the Fire doesn't want to go to the valley and then and they just stared at
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me and I go no but actually so it was horrible so everything okay I had to skim over it you know what I mean I'm
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gonna defend Ino right here the first house casino and I would go over the malland hill into the Hella Hollywood
00:03:58
Hollywood party who loves you go back to the country I'm defending I'm going on
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record defending I likeo do you I the first TV show I ever shot we shot it in enino in like a mansion it was like a
00:04:11
reality show and I had no real reference for it but as I get older you're like oh
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that's where all the money in the valley goes like if you want to live like a
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millionaire in Kansas City buy your house in enino and you can live like a person is the nice version is it like
00:04:27
closer to the mountain is better that way but it's on the flats but you want
00:04:32
to be south of ventur you don't want to be in the crime ridden areas although
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they have their advantages and fun too um was this show called The Bachelor no it was called you would only
00:04:45
know this if you had trouble sleeping and or a a Coke addiction because it aired so late um well what was the
00:04:52
subject of it let us see if we can guess the title what was the idea of the show
00:04:56
it was called Excused and it was like a dating show people was the host people would date oh yeah I did we did 230
00:05:04
episodes holy [ __ ] I have eaten the bigger issue is that no one knows the show but I have eaten at every single
00:05:10
restaurant in enino out there I love Rosa and enino if there was a lunch special if there was a
00:05:17
sushi bar I ate there who does two what network was that on how did I miss a 230
00:05:24
episode it's like s it's like I'm I mean it's like friends minus the money it was
00:05:30
syndicated it was CBS Studios so it was picked up in all these crazy markets so every once in a while I'll get some like
00:05:37
dude in skinny jeans that's it's like I used to watch you when I was getting
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ready for my shift skinny jeans I used to watch you before I go to Ruckers did you like it it wasn't really for me you
00:05:48
ever get a backhand compliment I I heard you're pretty funny but it's not for me
00:05:52
man I saw some of your stuff I I sto I stopped watching when you got married I stopped watching oh did they say that oh
00:06:00
it's you can take the go with the bed you get all kinds of weird compliments
00:06:04
that I'm like look you would still love to have sex with me we both know it but
00:06:08
thank you so much for buying this ticket and enjoy the Improv enjoy the show I want to walk around with that attitude
00:06:15
you want to have sex with me we both know it we both want it uh you could we both want it but I am married and so
00:06:22
it's tough but yeah but do women comedians who are photogenic let's put it this way attract the creep element
00:06:32
more than the stud dudes that the in I guess I can't comment on more than uh
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because I but I think it's not even about being attractive I think you just as a woman you just like leave the house
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you're like here I am and then the universe is like well here's the list of
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weirdos that are going to make it tough for you no matter what you look like so I don't even know if being attractive
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matters guys are just like hey let's do this they'll figure it out later if
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you're attractive they just need some they just need to get something going I
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mean it's defin I've definitely talked to male comics big male Comics lesser
00:07:08
known ones that have I mean I think stalkers come in I think mental illness knows no gender and yes that's your next
00:07:16
that your next special good hookie title yeah because it includes everyone Ali Wong always
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slams when she gets on stage she goes like Paulie Shore brings her up she goes paully there's so many girls that would
00:07:30
[ __ ] this guy's the grossest guy out there all male Comics are gross and all
00:07:34
these girls will [ __ ] them it's so rud we're all in the back on now here here I
00:07:39
am now here here let this meeting come to order now see here oh I thought you meant here here like I I like I agree
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with that like I like say here here yeah I say uh I think uh most male Comics are
00:07:54
would Proclaim themselves degenerate scumbags and I think they wear it proudly and and you become a comic cuz
00:08:01
you're like look we can all agree I'm physically repulsive right but if you
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can make a woman laugh I mean it's dis we've all heard that rumor yeah and I
00:08:09
always say music I mean comedy is like music where how what kind of Comedy are you doing are you like it's like saying
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I like music it's too General so oh you can make a girl laugh that's on their
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wavelength like what kind do you like dry humor do you like goofy do you like so sometimes you do sync up with someone
00:08:29
because of that of course I mean if that's your only listen I wasn't famous
00:08:33
in high school there's nothing going on it's just all trying to be funny that's
00:08:36
all and you're a platform go ahead Li well I was just going to say what's
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weird just for a moment if I could I pull back the current well you said you weren't famous in high school but like
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and I don't I watched you guys in high school and that's what's crazy for me oh
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wow yeah yeah yeah and like just shoot me chopping broccoli the church lady like I I mean I know all of your resumes
00:08:59
and David sometime some parts of the Year you and I share a similar haircut but and and we were on many lineups
00:09:07
together and Dana I've never met you but it is very weird to finally talk to
00:09:12
people and I felt this way when I met you David where you're like oh my God like you were my reference for so many
00:09:18
funny things for all the sketches I wrote in high school and oh I mean that's great is that that's nice right I
00:09:24
mean David I probably never got to talk to about this because we always see each
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other in passing but like I don't think there was any one of the most impactful
00:09:33
sketches was like the Gap girl sketch and Dana like my mom bought me the Wayne's World on VHS as a surprise for a
00:09:41
sleepover I memorized the whole movie like you guys are massive bricks in like a comedy Fortress that I've like built
00:09:51
in my mind and so this is I like that this is crazy I totally get that you know the things that I saw like if i'
00:09:59
met John CLE uh at a certain I still oh good I want to wake but I get if you're in your
00:10:08
formative I say 6 to 12 or 134 that time frame shows you watch comedians you see
00:10:15
so we get it but of course you know now that we're just people who were went to
00:10:20
a club on a bet and then ended up on television we get it you don't can you kind of emotionally or mentally touch
00:10:27
your Fame and how much accolades and money you're making doing this is it or is it still a little bit
00:10:34
surreal you're pretty young it's uh I don't know there's I it is it's
00:10:41
grounding and surreal at the same time like sometimes you look around you're
00:10:44
like oh my God like every Stitch of everything in this really nice house is because I thought to make a joke about
00:10:52
something and then I look at weird all the things I don't have and I'm like and
00:10:56
you could be making more jokes and have nicer things if you got out of bed quicker I think we all on the weird you
00:11:04
always look to someone that's sort of wellknown and you grew up with and you
00:11:07
forget that they're sitting there going I could do more I could do better that's
00:11:11
all you're thinking all the time is like work on my ACT work on this try to get
00:11:15
this going where are you at on the disciplines uh you know because we've met different people on this podcast who
00:11:21
really do Workshop like Nick Nikki Glazer you know uh Jim Gaffigan it's an amazing thing how how
00:11:29
how effortless was or how hard was it for you to get a position on standup mountain did it come quickly or was it a
00:11:39
grind or I don't know your what it came relatively quickly I think I got my position relatively quickly because I
00:11:46
became like a solid touring headliner uh in 2008 and when did you this I started
00:11:52
when I was 21 so 200 what well 20 I I gradu wait I graduated college I started when I was a so I graduated college in
00:12:03
like 2004 2005 and so I did it for about 3 years okay became a touring professional after wow that's fantastic
00:12:11
and this was you know it's it was when it was and so I was able to sort of become a headliner and bypass a lot of
00:12:18
sexual harassment uh very early on um shocking but I don't know David could tell you I mean he sees me out I'm out
00:12:26
when I'm not on tour I'm out every almost every night of the week um I mean you're jumping club to club
00:12:32
right yeah and and it's something that you think would like kind of like lighten up over time but I'm about to
00:12:39
turn 42 and if I'm not on the road I'll knock back like two or three sets a
00:12:44
night just to Just For the Love of it you know you Rec do you record always or do you just go and do it you know do you
00:12:53
remember it it's hard to remember for me I tend to if I do record I have trouble
00:12:58
listening back so I tend to I can't I'm like who wants to hear this this is
00:13:03
awful uh I tend to listen back if it's a brand new joke like my new special is
00:13:09
out on Amazon March 11th and so I've already started different animal a different animal Amazon Prime Amazon
00:13:16
Prime not regular you can get your while you're watching me you can shop for air
00:13:21
filters toilet paper Chinese socks you know this is kind of a this is inside baseball I love that phrase but uh
00:13:30
sometimes uh when you're trying Tobit your setup just happens to be perfect maybe sometimes CU it's a new
00:13:37
bit and then if you don't record it or you don't remember you're like oh [ __ ]
00:13:40
it's not working as well what was that setup that made enter the joke perfectly
00:13:45
you know it's frustrating it's frustrating what I have done and I've
00:13:50
I've done this I don't rely on this but I have a pretty close relationship like
00:13:54
if you follow me you're a pretty decent fan I will put on my own Instagram stories hey if you were at the 8:00 at
00:14:02
the theater tonight what was that thing I said about pigeons and people or I'll
00:14:07
say it on say be like could somebody text that to me and someone always remembers it that's smart I CR sour my
00:14:14
own memories and phrasing I'll tell you Liza I'm the same way first of all I saw
00:14:19
we were on the same show probably three nights ago but I have to say when I do it I don't know what it I like to do new
00:14:26
bits I record them but I it's almost worse to listen to them it's awful because it's so sickening that I have to
00:14:35
make myself go I recorded I did it the right way I just have to hear it or write it down so I memorize like just
00:14:43
the phrasing because it worked and then it's so lazy but it's something sickening about it repels me to and I
00:14:50
have to like I do another show and I wait all day and then I go I got to just hear it and go that is how to do it okay
00:14:56
but it's so hard to make yourself do that it's hard hard to I mean I recently
00:15:01
you know I got all the promo cuts for my Amazon special and I I have to watch myself back and I have to take like a
00:15:08
deep cleansing breath gross yeah and it's weird it's like so this is something I wish on other people but I
00:15:15
can't watch myself like there's something very very removed about all of
00:15:19
it like you have the ego to get up there but actually digesting yourself for yourself is a weird existential kind of
00:15:28
torture and how long did you do your special tape it and then how so you taped it and
00:15:34
you said you're already working on do you want a full new hour or do you want mostly new before you go out or
00:15:41
what do you want yeah I mean the timeline to to the to the average civilian the timeline is seems different
00:15:49
than it is because and you guys know this by the time people see your hour you've already been on the road and
00:15:56
working because it's like a 4mon Time period between when you record it and when it's actually released but even
00:16:03
yeah and even prior to recording it you had jokes that didn't make it or jokes
00:16:07
you were taking out that you still want to work on so it's you're just constantly the other night I actually
00:16:13
got up and I seldom do this with just a list of jokes that I that I've written
00:16:17
that I've written down that I haven't gotten to and I just read them and then
00:16:21
we'll just start with those little just see what what pops out you're right
00:16:26
sometimes it's a bit of a trick give us one of these jokes yeah give us one sure
00:16:29
okay sure sure uh I basic I want to explore um the absolute rage that I feel my I have to preface it by saying
00:16:42
my husband is awesome we have a lovely relationship he wakes up at like 5:00 a.m. he gets our daughter ready he makes
00:16:49
all of us breakfast he does everything he's elegant he supports wom like he's the best the absolute abject
00:16:58
rage I feel toward him when he takes a when he takes a nap like he needs it for his so he won't
00:17:07
collapse so he'll live there's just something too gentle I'm like why don't
00:17:11
you take your nap you little gentle toddler why don't you take that little baby nap and rest your eyes like this
00:17:17
he's been up for 18 hours like he has to take a nap so he doesn't I didn't see
00:17:21
this napping on your resume I don't think we would have had a first date if I knew you napped all day and you're
00:17:25
like he's like I get five minutes a day just relax it's a 1 hour nap and I'm
00:17:29
like but what if I need to talk to you like it's so it's less that it's more
00:17:34
about making fun of the unjustified anger it's never an anger an actual anger toward him that is funny that
00:17:40
you're just enraged you're not kind of bothered or a little bugged you're just
00:17:43
furious is funny I yeah I just someone would be like hey can you ask Noah a question I'll be like don't know because
00:17:49
he's in the Land of Nod so I guess we'll just put our lives on hold while he naps
00:17:55
meanwhile it's 1 hour everything's fine is he on a couch public publicly or is
00:17:59
he in a bedroom with the door no he retreats to the bedroom and no one can go in
00:18:05
there sh trying to he's trying to I'm getting mad too I'm getting [ __ ]
00:18:09
pissed at this guy if I was at your house talking to you guys and he was quietly going in the other room I'm like
00:18:15
where are you going you probably say going were you creeping off too I need you na time yeah I got to talk to you
00:18:21
about a conversation I had with a female friend can you get back here a female friend female friend here's what you
00:18:27
tell your husband to say which will make it slightly funny and less annoying oh Eliza um I'm going to take to my
00:18:35
bed that sounds like he's ill like take to the water well or it's very Regal
00:18:40
it's a king no it could be worse take to my bed take that does sound like you're
00:18:45
sick uh because I also remember you were in the road to wellville so I wonder if
00:18:50
that's oh you saw that I did see that who was Dana me yeah he played like a street weirdo guy excuse me who was uh
00:19:00
Anthony Hopkins was my dad and I got I said unhoused I said unhoused it was an unhoused hobo I got to hang out with Sir
00:19:08
Anthony Hopkins or uh Tony um but then the last day there I I just said see you hoppy but anyway we're close that was
00:19:18
we're close that was a a thrill being with him you know just couldn't couldn't
00:19:23
imagine anything more you played an onh house bum an on house like when you combine the good and the bad creeping
00:19:29
around this mansion in Upstate New York and terrorizing Bridget Fonda yeah I actually have been to that it's called
00:19:37
Uh Mohawk Lodge yes and it is haunted right I mean anything old is going to be haunted I mean but we used to go there
00:19:45
my dad used to take us there really when we were kids yeah it's so Random it's in
00:19:51
wait Eliz is it called Mohonk yeah m o ho o and didn't we do a SNL Retreat there or no retreat in New York in
00:19:59
Mohonk it's in uh not p uh platsburg Platz something it's it's up there by
00:20:06
Huds it's like way way up up the Hudson did you remember that we all went Eliza
00:20:12
all the cast went up I was there I was on I was in the cast I was on SNL you were there yeah I I didn't do a lot that
00:20:21
year you could have been there for three seasons as a 10-year-old feature player
00:20:26
just never got on yeah you could have played the the the Junior High girl with the ponytail what's
00:20:35
up I will tell you I showed I my daughter's just turned three and so it's
00:20:40
on me to show her what's funny so I showed her a bunch of In Living Color and then I was like you need to see this
00:20:46
sketch it's called Matt Foley whatever whatever he was and it was the one with
00:20:50
you and Christina Applegate oh yeah when he falls on the table and I was trying to explain to her why that's funny when
00:20:57
someone Falls onto furniture and that took the funny right out of it did she react to it I mean she's three that's
00:21:04
nope but she will she will ask for it in like six months she'll be like I want to
00:21:08
see the furniture guy and then you'll be like I will pull it back up the furniture guy yeah does she watch Miss
00:21:14
Rachel no really just never thought about it I thought that was the big hook no but we watch a lot of uh Michael
00:21:24
Jackson Thriller on repeat the whole video oh my gosh wow that's a little scary right it's monsters coming at you
00:21:32
and stuff I was like you need to know what good music is Halloween was there I was
00:21:37
like you have to know this and now I mean if you're a parent you will just live to see all of your favorite things
00:21:44
repeated to you ad nauseum until you hate them we listen to Thriller every morning oh boy multiple times if you had
00:21:51
to guess next Halloween what would your child go as you think would it be Spider-Man oh what what oh she's going
00:21:59
as Elsa I already asked her it's either Elsa or Michael Jackson it's whatever
00:22:04
it's funny next year it's in nine months she's already on it three four five
00:22:10
Halloween rocks I mean Halloween is for that age the cute kids twick a tweet you
00:22:16
know and then the uh the 15-year-old High School dude could I get some candy you know not fun so my block does the
00:22:24
Halloween for the for our entire area so it's like a thousand people job not only that
00:22:32
the kids are so rude they don't know to say trick-or treat and I my like joy in
00:22:39
life is putting on a witch face and I Heckle these kids oh I love it I try to be and they kind of crave it and when a
00:22:48
kid comes back for candy and I'm like I recognize you get out of here you little
00:22:51
fat brat and I turn them away I don't call him fat but right I love to scare
00:22:56
them because you have to say please and you have to say trick or treat and they don't no they don't know they know I I
00:23:03
was telling uh Dana that the Super Bowl has a Roman numeral like 48 I'm like let
00:23:11
me tell you something no [ __ ] kids know what godamn Roman can we drop it with the Roman numerals they don't even
00:23:17
know what numerals means they know the word number barely they can't read cursive they're not reading ancient
00:23:24
numbering systems the AI is going to teach your daughter so true they're so stupid no idea so excellent uh Eliza you
00:23:33
are uh I'm not reading this Eliza you from Dallas but do you remember was when
00:23:40
you were there you're too young but my favorite Club was the Dallas improv on
00:23:45
um on Bel Central Central and walnut oh it moved because now it's in Addison
00:23:51
Addison is one like next to a freeway the whole City's next to a freeway it's
00:23:56
Dallas Texas the whole city was built off a toll road that's so funny that the Addison Improv
00:24:03
I used to call that okay I played the Addison Improv but there was a Dallas one and the manager used to take us to
00:24:08
the Million Dollar Saloon Dan it wasn't a real regular like old west Saloon spellbinders in Houston anybody I'll
00:24:16
tell you what I think Dallas has at least it used to have like more strip clubs per capita and then I think
00:24:22
Portland and probably Atlanta join the chat but join the chat join the join the strip chat but Dallas has a lot of them
00:24:31
kind of down there in that area in that whole area down there the manager would take all the comics down there and he
00:24:37
gave them free passes and they be like oh this is good oh wait it's good Monday
00:24:42
Tuesday and Wednesday was that when you were playing there no Eliza that's just they they
00:24:48
only allowed to goer the room I could just see like any female comic working like being like oh
00:24:56
cool thanks for these strip club passes I yeah I'm so glad I'm so glad I uh we
00:25:02
had a good good thing going I remember you won't know this cuz you're too young
00:25:06
but when I worked there uh at the Addison impr this cute waitress said she dated the drummer for nxs now this is
00:25:12
going way back that's an old band and we're like you don't even know who nxs
00:25:18
is there's not a chance cu no one anywhere but La sees anyone famous just never happens right God lo and behold
00:25:26
the God dang drummer friend EX say comes in the club when I'm there I'm like
00:25:32
what and he said this ties into you you got oh The Comedians if you want stay a day and on the night off we'll all go to
00:25:41
see Michael Jackson and I'll get his tickets and he took us to Michael Jackson where did you that's amazing
00:25:47
somewhere in Dallas at some big dome I was like oh my God this is it sounds like a lie it might be a lie actually
00:25:52
I'm going to back off a little bit what do you mean it might be a lie did you go
00:25:55
or did you not no because you reacted too big so I was like wait am I lying I saw think it's true no I think
00:26:02
it's true I saw him live but I met him when he was I 13 oh yeah you met him when you were a bus F bus boy waiter at
00:26:09
the holiday and bringing Michael Jackson and the all the Jackson family dinner and Fruit Loops at a holiday in Holiday
00:26:16
Inn which was near a a regional theater called the circle Star Theater 3000 in the round the jackson5 was playing there
00:26:23
in 75 I was a bus boy waiter um you know room service guy and so I got to know him a little bit you
00:26:30
know he I always brought him raw carrots and is that you getting to know him you
00:26:35
know in the story makes the story better I'd rather than I gave him carrots and
00:26:41
left also Little Richard I waited on him he answered theor naked that's true what
00:26:45
city is this this is this is San Carlos California I feel unqualified to be on this because I don't have these I don't
00:26:53
have these storied other than you know like I I don't Dane Cook at the bever
00:27:01
nobody wants to hear that yeah who' be the person you'd most want to meet right
00:27:05
now like of of famous person well he he uh like Taylor Swift you met her I'm
00:27:13
just throwing it out okay most famous person I've never met her I guess it's
00:27:17
let I don't know I don't think I it's about like oh I want to meet them it's
00:27:21
more about like love to work with them but but I mean I met Billy Crystal once and I cried and he was so nice cuz there
00:27:29
as a comic you know it's not about rock stars I mean I I think if I Met m if I
00:27:34
met Nicki Minaj I'd be like we have to talk I have so many things I've always
00:27:37
wanted to say to you and she would tolerate me and she'd be like whose mom is this but as a comedian there are so
00:27:43
many people if you are if you're lucky enough in your career your Idols become
00:27:48
your colleagues you know and that's very unique and uh kind of weird well put
00:27:55
kind of sad it's sad for the idol but [Laughter] but it's I don't know I I think I don't
00:28:03
know any anybody from I mean if I ever met Jim Carrey of course obviously I could never meet Chris Farley but that
00:28:09
would be impactful will frell I'm sure I will take a meeting with at some point
00:28:13
and well embarrass myself big fan of Elizabeth Banks I've only met her executive good barely I
00:28:21
think I've chatted with her but you know you see like women that were on SNL like
00:28:25
you see these people um and then you remember remember that you know they're
00:28:29
just like you these are just normal people but Billy Crystal I did cry cuz that was incredibly meaningful and was
00:28:36
big when grure to Billy was it was it him on SNL or him no because that was again I think this podcast should be
00:28:44
called you're too young to remember this but uh you're so young and you're going
00:28:47
to blow away I'm just wonder where you intered with Billy Crystal uh he cuz he
00:28:52
was on SNL obviously yeah at the very beginning he did a movie I mean obviously there was City Slickers yeah
00:28:58
but he did a movie called Mr Saturday night which sometimes gets overlooked by standup Comics as this like seminal
00:29:05
piece of work in terms of like movies about stand-up comedy right but we watched it a lot growing up and now that
00:29:11
I look back at it you realize how much of it was true in a way that you couldn't process it as a kid oh yeah
00:29:17
with no context he did that character in a special I think he did a special where
00:29:21
he played all these characters at a house somewhere or something and I remember it standing out he's like
00:29:25
really in the pocket with that character and then he did the movie yeah yeah uh and um so yeah what he what'd he sound
00:29:34
like was he like this or something no it's just a New York Jew just like a New
00:29:38
York like sticky what do you want what do you want from me king of the jungle how about queen or King of the it was a
00:29:45
Davey Crockett joke it wasn't it wasn't the jungle it was King of the Wild it
00:29:50
sounds like a joke how about and then uh and then b b bum and so I don't know but I will say I
00:29:58
mean anytime you work with anyone bigger than you you're just kind of like oh wow
00:30:02
this is I feel bad for this person but this is really cool that I'm here where
00:30:06
did you see him he was doing a town hall like for the New York Comedy Festival and I had a
00:30:12
show the y or something no it was at Town Hall like it was called Town H in New York oh yeah and I snuck back there
00:30:20
and I went like under the stage like Phantom of the Opera style and I like I was like I bet he'll be here and he was
00:30:26
no security cuz it's Sean hankley style more like I did it yeah and so you see
00:30:32
him and you go up and you're and he's nice to you that's great somehow I
00:30:35
always let people know like I'm a comedian just so you know like I'm not a
00:30:39
weirdo like I'm like I do what you do we're the exact same can I get a picture
00:30:43
which means I'm a weirdo I'm a weirdo I a picture equals I'm a weirdo well
00:30:48
there's also that thing with Comics someone is a comic and you're like are
00:30:51
you or is this something you like think about doing but I do think it is a nice thing like to level the playing field
00:30:57
when comic comes up to me they're like hey I do comedy too it's a nice way of
00:31:01
being like hey like I mean you no harm yet it kind of like you're on the same
00:31:07
club like anytime you go on the backstage Comedy Store you walk in a club on the road or you do a guest spot
00:31:12
and you see Comics it's all like equal everyone's like hey hey hey what's up BL
00:31:17
yeah like you could at least introduce yourself or say hi I mean but there is I always feel bad when like a comic is
00:31:23
like I couldn't get in I'm like if you're a comic you can come in you can
00:31:27
always come in for for free I don't want people to think that and then you just
00:31:30
say it but you're you're allowed into these spaces to just hang out it's very
00:31:34
interesting when you get an out of the blue compliment because if you're just
00:31:36
slumping around on a Sunday afternoon or something and I think yeah you totally forget that you're on TV kind of at
00:31:43
least intellectually and then all of a sudden some guy goes I love you man and then walks away like oh thanks oh and
00:31:51
they don't want anything too and sometimes that's kind of nice they don't
00:31:54
want anything oh the most humbling is when I'm like did you cuz sometimes I'll
00:31:59
say it cuz I know someone will be nervous because I'll pick up on the energy I'll be like did you want a
00:32:03
picture and then they say no and I'm like I'll just go [ __ ] myself then I
00:32:07
didn't want to give you I feel so bad like I don't want to go I don't want to
00:32:10
go that far I'm not really into I mean you're fine but let's not get off the
00:32:14
weight in your VI this this may not be relatable to a lot of people listening the weight in your VIP line with people
00:32:21
who paid a lot of money to meet you and have a photo and then they'll say I don't want a photo I just wanted to say
00:32:27
hi or thank you and I'm like okay but you spent this is still $100 you sure you don't want a quick Snapchat quick
00:32:33
something nope you just want it okay I respect it what about the people take a photo let's let's take phot backage take
00:32:42
it that is good but Dana she's saying what if you say no what I've never had
00:32:46
anyone say no I don't relate to I've had people say I only get 100,000 photos on
00:32:51
my say hello bro um but I backstage let's say Eliza you're doing a corporate
00:32:58
or regular backstage meet and greet and they have a professional photographer right yeah so they go this moves boom
00:33:04
boom and then you do it and then everyone slowly pulls out their phone after they get the real picture goes
00:33:10
let's just do one on mine and it just stops everything and they're like how do
00:33:14
I flip my phone I'm so nervous what's my code again okay so that's what you
00:33:20
that's your tour manager's job we have a policy one picture per group you guys
00:33:24
all came together you have each other's numbers you give phone to the tour manager and we bang him out there's no I
00:33:30
don't want to see you fiddle with your LG Chocolate razor fiddling no fiddling
00:33:36
now with your Sidekick I don't want to see it just have it ready Suzuki Sidekick with your um with your Kawasaki
00:33:43
jet ski I don't want to see why did they stop making that Sidekick phone whatever
00:33:48
I remember Kid Rock had one I thought he was so goddamn cool he go and it kind of
00:33:52
spins out remember those it it was so I never had one but they looked really cool I never had one either they were
00:33:57
two I have I have a question about phones and no one's ever answered this to me
00:34:02
like they make these giant you know Library booksize phones and you know all that could I get a second phone that was
00:34:09
that was Tiny that I could just talk on that has the same number everyone at home knows Dana carvey's holding up an
00:34:15
iPhone 6 and I don't know how he still has it is that a six no no it's a normal
00:34:21
phone it's a normal phone he's holding up an iPod Shuffle shuffles were a great IDE people have
00:34:30
people have phones that just perform a phone call duty it doesn't have the internet like people are going back to
00:34:36
that now since we're all getting called a drug dealer well nice if you're just
00:34:39
around town you could have like this really light phone with the same number and still have this when you want to go
00:34:45
show people videos come on Tim come on Tim Cook get your ass that you want to show people
00:34:52
videos like Dana car just walking around like look at this cooking video look at
00:34:56
this Habachi video this is being recorded look at this is me with Eliza this is me with David
00:35:02
Spade you know yeah so wait actually if I've seen women and they at dinner and
00:35:08
they put down the two phones like stacked on each other I'm like hook hook hooker oh that's what you oh I thought
00:35:15
you meant like you got me Hook Line and Sinker you me that they're sex workers
00:35:19
that's what they think I mean and then I go nope we got a hook alert here when I
00:35:22
first met David he had B he had a burner phone I go what's that for never mind
00:35:27
you know yeah what is that David what's that about I he's lying but it's a it's a
00:35:31
funny fictitious scenario so I'm gonna tell you the truth that nobody's gonna
00:35:35
cop to often times when you see someone with two phones m if they're not a drug
00:35:41
dealer and there are I can think of a Kevin Gate song about having two phones it's called two phones um it's often
00:35:48
times just a performative flex like they're like sorry I just get so many I can't I'm like this is sorry this is a
00:35:55
micro computer with the entire power of the world in it and you're telling me you're so disor you have so
00:36:02
much going on that the the internet can't hold all of your information your phone book is so full that you need two
00:36:11
different and I think if you're a mega celebrity like most people just won't
00:36:15
have your number I'm not even that famous and most of my calls go to an assistant so the two phone thing unless
00:36:21
you have one for work that you throw in a drawer at the end of the day is really
00:36:25
and people like hold them up to be like oh sorry I just have two of is like okay
00:36:29
we get it that is a good Flex like have three performative Flex is another possible special for you yeah with three
00:36:37
X's so six specials how how in a pretty short well I guess they would spread
00:36:42
them out but uh it's a lot of specials it was in one year it was in one year we
00:36:47
did two every two a month man how do you know when you show up what you're going
00:36:52
to wear cuz I I never know till like 10 minutes before I guess I'll wear this
00:36:57
shirt oh on your special you mean on your special yeah plan it out for to be fair Dana right now you
00:37:04
look like you're in a sleeping bag to be fair you didn't think anything before this it's an Adam Sandler puffy
00:37:12
jacket how it's a Coto paxi original oh no we can tell no no no no you're right that is a
00:37:22
very funny observation women know more about guys clothes when they walk up and they size it all up and guys don't even
00:37:27
know their being analyzed and it's like think this a pretty good outfit and they're like later going did you see the
00:37:32
shoes he had this with that they just know everything it's not I I used to in
00:37:35
one of my old specials I have a bit about how we scan like we scan everything and it's not about because
00:37:41
I'm not a gold digger it's not about like oh was that a nice watch it was
00:37:44
like oh are you are your shoes weirdly outdated to where it's like you had to
00:37:49
make a choice between like these shoes or your electricity being on are you wearing like a Kenneth Cole Reaction
00:37:56
shoe like that shows that no one's dressed you in a long time are you wearing workout gear but you're
00:38:01
obviously you haven't done cardio are you wearing a tech vest are you wearing
00:38:06
a Cotopaxi jacket and they all inform us about your are you wearing an arctic's
00:38:11
flannel like do you have a cocaine addiction like there's all these things for better for worse but to answer your
00:38:18
question of course not I mean we play in the outfit I think I work my M I think the outfit is second to how as the
00:38:27
material is and then the lighting and everything else but the outfit gets planned well I saw a clip of you well
00:38:33
you were wearing it was kind of black and then there was sort of you were hip flexors were were exposed EXC yeah and
00:38:41
it was uh it was kind of a cool look you know I mean it's very cool um I don't I
00:38:47
just buy trying to be invisible you know I have like um I'm a bit of a 50 black t-shirts
00:38:57
you know look I'm not going to pretend like as as a woman what you wear doesn't
00:39:03
matter and I there certain Silhouettes I enjoy and for this special we I just wanted to do something sexy but powerful
00:39:12
but fun I found the pants prior to having my last baby so I held on to those pants for like a full year and I
00:39:20
was like I'm going to get into these pants come hell high water and I just stared at them every day for pregnancy
00:39:27
feel like when I was trying on [ __ ] for my stupid special like oh I might it's
00:39:30
guys it's like nobody cares 90% time a T-shirt and a coat and it's usually
00:39:35
those jackets with no collar whatever whatever so I was trying something on but I don't usually wear coats on stage
00:39:41
I don't do much movements but I don't want to have any resistance anywhere
00:39:45
like yeah it's too tight or you're trying to look good and you're like I
00:39:48
can't really do what I do and I'll think about I'd rather just be loose so that's
00:39:54
why my excuses I don't look that great on them uh Al Al I have one coming out
00:39:58
in the future I didn't know I was to wear what is the title of it David would
00:40:03
you call it your stupid special that's what you just said you were like in my
00:40:06
stupid special my stupid special this this garbage I think it's called this garbage and I didn't decide I was
00:40:13
wearing because I brought two things to the special and we were backstage and I was doing them both and I go this what
00:40:21
this we W up doing a combo platter because they said you have five minutes before you go on so this is what I'm
00:40:26
worried about before I go on and the crowd is there and they're like guys which what is he walking out in so we
00:40:33
just know for whatever reason they want Ste they got to steam it they got to steam no matter what you're doing steam
00:40:38
as long as you don't have wrinkles look here's the deal in terms of men's comedy
00:40:42
there's Eddie Murphy Raw and then there's whatever else the rest of you guys wear like it either has to be
00:40:48
impactful and iconic or literally no one cares I'm going with literally no one
00:40:54
cares I'm going with people go what did he wear special and they're like oh did
00:40:58
he have any clothes on we don't even remember that's how good the material
00:41:01
was laughed at the jokes or we don't but we go that means literally nothing why
00:41:06
guys K that's why I go I don't really care just what do I wear all the time
00:41:10
people have already decided they like me or they don't let's just well I don't
00:41:13
think I don't think people I don't I think it's all about what you give to
00:41:16
your audience and I don't think people watch you for a sorial experience and I
00:41:21
think when you're a woman people have to like it is about what you're wearing you
00:41:25
know does it are you does it hug your body can they see your body are they not seeing your body is that deliberate I
00:41:30
think women get judged on these things in a good and a bad way but for guys it's just not the way that we think
00:41:36
about you like if someone sees you it's like oh my God it's David Spade not oh
00:41:40
did you I mean maybe on a Saturday night like did you see those leather pants you
00:41:44
know it's just not your it's just not part of your brand and some females are
00:41:47
like are you a hoodie comic or do you dress up I it's almost you know what I
00:41:51
mean well that's because for the longest time you know the audience it took them
00:41:55
a while to wrap their mind around the fact that a woman was speaking but now I think you know I see a lot of younger
00:42:02
girls just going up and just everything's out and they don't think about it and the answer is you're
00:42:07
welcome it's because of women like me in our generation putting in that work in
00:42:11
those American Apparel hoodies so you could wear a belly [Music] shirt hoodie comic hoodie comic I was
00:42:23
one of them my picture is on the Improv wall next to yours actually and I'm in
00:42:27
that hoodie very low yeah you're right next to mine it's right when you walk in Eliza do you
00:42:34
remember when I brought you up wrong not yes do you want to tell it because it was a very sweet story you tell it I
00:42:42
feel like I remember half of it it was in the original room at the Imp at the comedy store so I I think I brought you
00:42:52
up and I said your name wrong right definitely I said your name wrong it's a
00:42:57
tricky name it's to be fair it is awful I think I got the first name wrong yeah
00:43:03
not even your last name yeah so what oh yeah so I felt so bad because it was very unprofessional even though intros
00:43:12
are always screwy like Bobby Lee's coming in this idiot blah blah blah he's
00:43:16
my dad you know it's always screwy forget mess up the credits but I said her name wrong I didn't know her enough
00:43:21
to do her name wrong and then I oh Adam OT was working there so I said can I get
00:43:27
Eliza's email maybe or just to apologize for doing that it was a you got it and
00:43:36
and I got it so for people listening Adam egot was the manager general manager of the comedy store and now I
00:43:41
think he manages Mothership in Austin and he texted me and he was like Spade's
00:43:46
going to message you and I cuz I think I may have said something to you um or I didn't but the way he said
00:43:56
Spade's going to talk to you the vibe was like hey you did something wrong and
00:44:01
now comedy royalty is about to not only Blacklist you but you should never have gotten upset that he mispronounced like
00:44:09
the it was like Spade's gonna he didn't say Reach Out Reach Out is a good thing
00:44:13
it's like space better bring down the hammer and I was like okay and you reached out and I was never going to say
00:44:19
anything ever again because I knew it wasn't personal and you went out of your
00:44:23
way to say that it was a mistake and you were sorry and I couldn't believe that someone of your stature that
00:44:30
someone that David Spade was reaching down to little old me to be like hey sorry about that in an industry where
00:44:36
people are like aggressively awful to each other for fun and I always remember that about you and unfortunately for you
00:44:44
I was like oh cool now we're friends now I can always talk to him yes and then I
00:44:49
said no I got to get it right now all the time all the time yeah cuz I I can't
00:44:53
mess it I can't keep messing it up one time day and I went on on the original
00:44:56
room and Bill Burr was next but he was in the hallway bullshitting just like a typical
00:45:01
night and I got the hiccups like I'm sure to Bill like a girl and I've never
00:45:06
done this and I hied up every joke and they started laughing but it was too much because it was like the same thing
00:45:11
over and over and they're stopping laughing and after about three minutes I go hey is Bill out there and and I go
00:45:19
and I hear what and I go can you come up now I have to get off and he's like you
00:45:24
got the [ __ ] hiccups and then I was like oh this is the worst guy to go after me because now his first five
00:45:31
minutes was like this [ __ ] [ __ ] so that was funny but that was another o story similar he didn't apologize ever
00:45:39
no but just know that if you're watching a show and Comics give each other [ __ ]
00:45:43
like that it's because they're friends I don't think I've ever really seen a
00:45:46
comic like [ __ ] up and then the next comic gets mad about it like it's never
00:45:52
I've brought up Comics I don't even like and I've never given them a bad intro
00:45:55
I've never been like this next guy tried to sexually harass me over the phone and
00:46:00
now I'm famous and he's not please welcome like I would never do that I think all you did now I'm thinking about
00:46:07
it when I walked up and said your name wrong you took the mic and you go it's
00:46:10
Eliza and then you just went on and but you weren't scolding me you just said it
00:46:15
right for the audience to know and then I was like shot leaving the stage like platoon I was like oh and and because I
00:46:22
dained to softly correct it and then Adam's like Spade's going to talk to you
00:46:27
I was like oh my God oh my God he's going to get mad that I knew my own name
00:46:31
and you were so nice there's a rumor you softly corrected someone you're like um
00:46:38
I think I did he's like what the [ __ ] you owe David Spade an apology your name
00:46:43
is now Elisa Shell Shell uh Miss uh shell singer um that's shell singer there you go M Miss Eliza sh what's the
00:46:53
most common mispronunciation or is there one what Dana just did deliberately or not I can't tell if it's a bit no I I
00:47:01
was kidding okay thank God uh uh it's oh yeah Shel singer wessinger but I don't
00:47:07
even correct people because it ultimately doesn't matter because the more painful part is having to then hear
00:47:14
them try to correct it and then it becomes like a Linguistics lesson sure and you're like I'm just trying to
00:47:20
promote this show got this special yeah I was introduced gy a lot Dana Garney this
00:47:28
next comedian is kind of funny some people Dan Garney uh it's just reading off piece of paper Dana D Na and then
00:47:35
they just the the V came in in or something Dana Garney ladies and gentlemen Greg Fitz Simmons told me that
00:47:41
he one time and he's in my phone is this got grapefruit Simmons I don't mind that people are
00:47:51
just uneducated not checked in just out to lunch just making up words not reading but Eliza how nerve-wracking is
00:47:58
it when they go there's no MC and you're up there and they go and you go who's
00:48:03
next and they're like Bill squank Meer and you're like this next guy is so good
00:48:07
you don't even know who they are you've never even heard of them you don't what
00:48:10
to say oh yeah I mean the art of standup is 99% making up a [ __ ] credit for the next comic who you have no real
00:48:18
reference for that's a good way to put it right it used to just be clubs and
00:48:22
colleges but now that's if you're playing colleges as your main thing like
00:48:26
maybe not doing great and so and so and used to be Comedy Central which it really isn't anymore so now I mean I
00:48:34
brought up a comic the other night and I was like you know him from the internet
00:48:38
please welcome it was it was Morgan Jay and who is known from the Internet it's
00:48:42
not like you met him on Star Search and so I thought I just I just usually like this next comic is hilarious one of my
00:48:49
good friends please I do that anyone anyone is next y CRA throw someone out here
00:48:57
all right let's plug let's plug Eliza's thing one more time before we let her go
00:49:00
and I will say Before I Let You Go Eliza different I just talked to today someone
00:49:04
I said you were coming on and they said teller good on paper movie is great and that is a Netflix movie that's right
00:49:13
that you wrote I wrote it it's a it's based on a true story and uh I start in
00:49:20
it and it's available for streaming 24 hours a day and it is a very hard to write a movie and and you were in it
00:49:30
even harder to make one turns out turns out it takes a so hard to make a movie yes so vou for that uh and and the
00:49:37
special Dana say the name of the special I'll let you do a different animal Amazon Prime March 11th we shot it in uh
00:49:46
where in Salt Lake City which I knew that's a great place right secretly an incredible comedy Town
00:49:54
Town yep yep yep mhm you wouldn't think that and they're the best and I have to
00:49:59
be honest with you guys you are my first podcast I've done to promote it so you're the first person I guess it was
00:50:06
Dana that I've heard say the special out loud because the title been a secret
00:50:11
that's cool how big was the theater what did you what did you do this time sizewise it was um the Eckles so that's
00:50:18
I want to say 2300 I want also want to say 1,800 it's all such a blur but we
00:50:23
filed we did two tapings at the echles and it was gorgeous and um the outfit was hot fire so I'm
00:50:30
excited forone to see it I would do an insult Lake they're good good crowd the
00:50:34
outfit was cool if it's the one I think yeah I hope it is I hope they sent you
00:50:38
the materials Salt Lake City is basically people not everyone there is Mormon but what you get is a city of
00:50:44
like almost no crime people who don't really drink alcohol jacked up on sugar
00:50:49
from soda shops and just really looking for a good time before church that's
00:50:54
who's there that's right I got to play that they're good you got Dan yeah yeah
00:51:01
all right thanks Eliza we'll talk soon I'll see you at the store I'll see you
00:51:04
tonight all right thanks for enjoy bye you guys bye thank you thank you this has been a presentation of Odyssey
00:51:12
please follow subscribe leave a like a review all the stuff smash that button whatever it is wherever you get your
00:51:19
podcast fly on the wall is executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade Jenna Weiss Burman of Odyssey and
00:51:25
Heather Santoro the show lead producer is Greg Holtzman