00:00:00
I did a hike with Lin Manuel Miranda, you know, who wrote Hamilton. >> Yeah. Yeah.
00:00:05
>> And I was using uh one of those um you know mics that you hook to your collar
00:00:11
or whatever. It was the first time. Yeah. First time I was using it and we finished the hike and I forgot to take
00:00:16
his off. So I'm walking. I took me like a half hour to get to him and I know
00:00:20
that everything he said is on that recorder for that half hour and I never listened to it cuz I didn't want to know
00:00:27
>> who we listen to. >> I didn't know what he said. Here's here's something if you want to get
00:00:30
brought down a lot is go on uh chat GBT and ask the question >> uh are you handsome?
00:00:38
>> Oh no. >> Is Dana Carvey handsome and see what they say. >> [ __ ] off.
00:00:42
>> My son did that. My son did that to me. And it said well you know it depends on
00:00:47
what you mean by handsome. >> You know >> I just saw Kevin Neilan last night drive
00:00:56
up to the comedy store and ignore me. Um. Huh. No. I was talking to someone. I'm like,
00:01:03
"There's Kevin. He's too tall to talk to, especially with all these
00:01:06
witnesses." So, I was going to go bust his balls a little bit, but he parked and he walked
00:01:12
the other way into the front of the comedy store, which no one does. And, uh, always funny. What can we say about
00:01:19
Kevin Neilan? We I always give him compliments when I see him because I remember probably 50 of his jokes and I
00:01:26
say him all the time. >> Yeah. Loosen the crotch. You will talk about that a little bit.
00:01:31
>> That's the special. >> It's on YouTube. Crushing it. >> He's got the hiking YouTube show. Hiking
00:01:37
with Kevin Neon. >> He's got his paintings of Saturday Night Live people that you can order.
00:01:42
>> It's called Great Name. Isn't it called My Brush with Fame? >> Fame, I think. So,
00:01:47
>> isn't that a great name, Heather? >> Mhm. So this is our pal. So we just joke
00:01:52
around and kid around and um move around, go around. >> The kind you just sit back and listen to
00:01:57
us [ __ ] and try we try to crack each other up. And >> that's that's pretty much it.
00:02:01
>> It's all but those are the really fun, you know. >> Yeah. >> So here's Kevin Neil,
00:02:07
>> my partner in crime in Hansen France. If you don't watch this one, it's on you.
00:02:13
So long losers. Kevin Elen, >> freshen up. >> Slap yourself in the face as hard as you
00:02:25
can. >> Man, oh man. What a morning. >> I know that it's usually like there's
00:02:31
probably nothing going on. You're going to do the podcast, the second you say
00:02:35
we're doing it, chaos. >> Well, you had to Well, you had to drive someone to an appointment and stuff like
00:02:42
that. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I drive uh Susan to a doctor's appointment. But you know, you
00:02:46
we made these so far in advance and then you know my calendar doesn't show my
00:02:50
whole page, you know, on my phone and then I think, yeah, I could drive. I could drag it and then Oh. Oh.
00:02:57
>> Oh, you scroll down that day and it says more stuff. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. I've done that.
00:03:04
>> Yeah. Uh they're coming out with a new chess kind of a new kind of chess game
00:03:08
and it's just it's a board but you could see all this scheduling stuff that goes
00:03:12
on and the back and forth the emails >> might be useful. >> Yeah. Because it's like I wrote a
00:03:18
manifesto because I'm going to go to LA do podcasts and then go to New York and
00:03:22
back and I wrote a manifesto. It's like okay spillover bag leaving car in LA
00:03:27
three shirts to New York. Okay remember and then >> salad for the flight. No, it's and then
00:03:33
all the rest. >> Yeah. Who told you that? Claude. >> Uh, no. It's Claude's Claude's sister. A
00:03:41
Claudette. >> Do you know what Claude is? >> Claude. Um, could be something that
00:03:48
happens from a bear. >> Yeah, it's an AI. That's close. >> Oh, yeah. I do know what that is. Yeah,
00:03:54
I do know what >> because we were saying Dane was saying that his friend writes with Claude and I
00:03:59
was thinking >> talks to Claude. That's not a bad idea. If you're writing, not like have a whole
00:04:03
script written by AI, but you go, "Oh, I have a writing partner that when I wake
00:04:07
up at 5:00 a.m." I'm like, "Oh, they will write with me now. We don't have to
00:04:12
wait." >> Well, he's talking to him while he drives and they're writing. And Claude
00:04:17
says, "Okay." And then CL, they come up with three ideas. He goes, "How about
00:04:20
the second one?" Claude writes all three out within 20 seconds and reads them to
00:04:25
them. So, >> do you guys know what a claude hopper is? A claw hopper? Yeah, I've heard of
00:04:30
it. >> You don't? >> It goes from one cloud to another. >> It's a
00:04:36
it's it's it's claw clawed with a a pretty good vertical is a claw hopper.
00:04:42
>> Is it still clawed like a bear? We used or we pass >> No. Didn't you stall Didn't you call
00:04:47
people claw hoppers as a kid? >> Yeah, I like it. A dirt claw was a big thing when I grew up in Arizona. There's
00:04:53
a lot of dirt clots. My brother Scott once said that what what we are is hybrid apes on a dirt cloud in space.
00:05:00
That's humans on Earth. >> Hybrid spoken. >> Yeah, maybe he is. >> Oh, that that's him with stiff black
00:05:06
coffee. >> No, you know, uh I know a friend of mine has a a mistress that's AI and talks to
00:05:17
her all the time. Uh you know, a pod and uh no, a bot. I mean, but and it's almost like she knows everything about
00:05:26
him. How was your meeting today? Uhhuh. And was was Gerald there? And did you get the
00:05:31
>> the uh contract signed? That's nice. And are you going back to that uh restaurant
00:05:35
tonight? When are you going back there? So his wife found out and she got very jealous and she said, "You got to at
00:05:44
least change the voice to a man's voice." >> So that's kind of like a bot blocker
00:05:50
right there. >> Yeah. Wow. >> Bot blocker. All the [ __ ] >> That's the Walking Phoenix movie, Her
00:05:58
where he gets obsessed with the audiobot. But that is there a digital picture of a very attractive woman as
00:06:04
well. Or is it just a voice? >> I don't know. Maybe you can get that too, but you know,
00:06:08
>> I kind of think you do know, Kevin. I don't want to >> Well, it changes the whole It changes my
00:06:13
whole perception when it's a man's voice, like a flamboyant man or something, you know.
00:06:18
>> Uh, yeah. So >> it's I tell you this whole AI thing, man, it's getting carried away. It's
00:06:24
getting carried away. >> But you know, Kevin, do you think you could teach a female voice to feain
00:06:29
interest in your day somehow with AI? >> Oh, sure. >> Of course you can do that. Yeah. What if
00:06:35
it goes, I can't do that. >> I can't be interested more than three
00:06:39
days in a row. >> All right. So, let's get back to Let's get back to writing that script, Sarah.
00:06:44
>> In fact, why don't you work? I'll check it over. >> You're not done.
00:06:48
They don't complain. They never get tired. I mean, it's the greatest thing
00:06:51
ever, man. >> AI might be something. >> Yeah. It's like, it's going to solve
00:06:56
energy. It's going to save the planet. You guys will see. >> I'm going to put $100 into AI, let it
00:07:02
ride. >> I do rely on it a lot though. Anytime I have a question like, you know, what,
00:07:08
you know, how do I fix this or what's, you know, the population of Chicago, anything, you know,
00:07:14
>> it's very convenient. Let me ask you guys a question. So, I'm on Google. I didn't remember signing
00:07:21
signing up for their AI Gemini, >> but I'll do an email chain and then I'll
00:07:26
just see a summary on top. >> Mark said this this and then in fainter font in the bottom it has me responding
00:07:34
and it sounds like me. Future's here, fellas. >> Oh, it gives you a possible answer.
00:07:40
>> Yeah. For talking like me attitude in there. Well, once it confused one of our meal
00:07:48
chains and started talking like you and I go, "No, no, I don't want to sound
00:07:50
like an idiot." >> Dude, I tried to get Siri and Alexa into a threesome.
00:07:57
Anyway, what else is going on? >> Well, who hasn't? >> Anyway, how Kevin Neland is our guest.
00:08:03
>> I'm your headliner. >> That's our cold opening with Kevin
00:08:07
Neland, our longtime friend, colleague, one of the one of the greats, one of the
00:08:12
funniest. >> Yeah. business acquaintance. >> Um, what's up with you? I mean, are you
00:08:18
um where are you? Where what's what you what do you got? What do you got for us?
00:08:22
What's what's in your brain? >> I got a lot I got a lot going on. And
00:08:25
first of all, it's good to see you guys and to talk to you. You know, people
00:08:28
always ask me, they say, "Who do you see like you who do you see anymore? Do you
00:08:32
see uh you know, your cast from SNL?" I said, "Well, I see Dana. I talk to Dana
00:08:37
a lot and I see Spade, you know, here and there." and >> um you know from the initial cast you
00:08:45
know that's not to mention all the other people >> you talk to Dennis >> I haven't seen Dennis lately I'll see uh
00:08:52
love it so rarely >> hello >> hello >> but that's about it I haven't seen
00:08:58
Victoria or Nora >> around >> no we had a tight little cast too you could actually keep track of them
00:09:06
>> we were we were tight a tight little cast >> I mean it was it seven eight nine how
00:09:10
many Seven. I think >> seven including Whitney. >> Hey, Whitney Brown.
00:09:17
>> I knew you wouldn't like it. I just didn't know. >> Should we tell Should we tell the
00:09:22
listeners that joke that he did forever that always killed? >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. The guy comes up to him.
00:09:30
Yeah. I took his I took my dog to a movie. A guy comes up and says, "I can't
00:09:34
believe your dog is watching the movie." And I said, I know he hated the book.
00:09:43
>> That's not bad. >> It was a great joke. Always killed. >> The other one he had was, and I don't
00:09:48
have the the numbers right here, but you could get the idea of it. >> You know, there's uh five billion people
00:09:55
that live in China. So even if you're like on a one and a thousand kind of guy, there's 250 million people just
00:10:04
like you. something like that. So, >> okay. So, I have a special that's out
00:10:14
now. It's called um >> Yes. >> Um, loosen the crotch. It's on YouTube.
00:10:19
>> Loosen the crotch. >> Yeah. 800 lb gorilla platform. >> 800 lb gorilla. Okay.
00:10:24
>> We haven't done a special in about 10 >> years. And I told Spade this. I said,
00:10:30
you know, before I was doing it, I was looking for a backdrop, you know, like what what what are people using like
00:10:34
curtains? Is it or is some kind of a >> and I'm scrolling through the zillions
00:10:38
of comics that are on Netflix >> and I come across Spade and my opening joke was one that he was
00:10:48
doing already but he expounded on it. It was much more detailed. Mine was a hit and run.
00:10:53
>> So parallel development. >> Yeah. So yeah, >> all of a sudden I had to drop my opening
00:10:59
joke that gave me all the confidence that worked so hard. >> Oh no. >> You know, it worked so well. It was
00:11:04
basically, you know, you'll remember this faith. Um, and I don't know if it
00:11:08
was a current special or what, but I said, "This woman comes up to me at my
00:11:12
hotel." >> And, um, she's one of these people likes to warn you that she's a hugger. She
00:11:17
goes, "I'm a hugger." >> I said, "I'm a kisser."
00:11:24
>> Yeah. >> I guess David, David, how did yours go? Was it >> It was something like that. It was
00:11:30
during CO. So I said, "Are you still allowed in this day and age to just be a
00:11:34
hugger?" Because you announce it like, "I'm a hugger." And I go, "I'm an ass
00:11:39
grabber." Then I go, "I'm a Come on. I'm a camel toe grazer. I always have been."
00:11:42
[ __ ] bumper crotch. >> So they were they were slightly I know that that got me. I need
00:11:48
>> That's a little That's where you go. This is going to be a roller coaster.
00:11:51
>> Let's take a short break for >> I will say Kevin is not dirty and
00:11:55
sometimes I get a little dirty, but Kevin just relies on clean actual jokes. innuendo.
00:12:01
>> Yeah. And uh and he smiles a lot during his jokes and it puts the crowd at ease,
00:12:07
>> right? He sneaks up on them. >> It distracts. I've been told that my
00:12:11
comedy sneaks up on people, >> you know. But um Yes. >> Well, because you're saying it so
00:12:17
casually and it's it I mean, the one that's famous, it's all it's huge on
00:12:22
YouTube is stay away from the blacks, which is uh talk a lot. >> Yeah. And that that really is kind of
00:12:31
like such a clever way to And do you want to explain it so people don't think
00:12:35
it's >> Well, uh yeah. Yeah. But before I do that, I just want to say that I posted
00:12:40
something a while ago last week that I've never had so many hits on it. It's
00:12:46
like almost 30 million people >> have seen it. >> Yeah. Yeah. It's a basic I went into the
00:12:51
Museum of Modern Art and there was a Star Night painting. >> I saw it. Oh, that thing on fire. I saw
00:12:58
that. >> Yeah. And I just, you know, I do, it was during co area, so I had the mask on and
00:13:04
I I was standing in front of Star Night painting by this Van Go and I asked this
00:13:08
kind of snoody art snob next to me. I said, "Is this a famous painting?"
00:13:13
>> She goes, "Yes, yes, it's Star Night." I said, "Oh, and how much are they selling
00:13:17
it for?" She goes, "It's not for sale. That thing would cost you like hundreds
00:13:21
of millions of dollars." I said, "Okay." And what's the guy's name? Vitabo. said,
00:13:26
"Van, what?" She goes, "Oh my god." It's like, "You don't know who uh uh excuse
00:13:31
me. Is this like an adult that painted it or was a child?" She goes, "It's like
00:13:34
you don't know who the Mona Lisa is." And she Wow. She left. Wow. But so it's
00:13:40
funny what people like on on >> I saw that and I instantly thought that's a perfect area for you to be in.
00:13:48
And I actually thought to myself, we go to Ted Sarandos. It's called Kevin Neland, manabout town. And it's you just
00:13:56
doing that kind of lowfi Canon camera stuff. We didn't even see you in the video, right? Which is we heard you.
00:14:03
>> Which is funny cuz they believe it's just a a regular dumb [ __ ] going like
00:14:07
>> that. What is What are they charging for that? Like a couple thousand like if it
00:14:11
they sold it a couple thousand. >> No, I've already I've already thought
00:14:16
about Dana that my next thing is going to be the Hollywood sign. I'm going to
00:14:20
go up behind it. You know >> why do people What's the point? I would say, "What? Why are people looking at
00:14:25
this? What? It doesn't smell anything." >> Oh, no, no, no, no. You got to go around
00:14:28
the other side to to look at. I say, "Yeah, but there's fences, so you can't
00:14:31
go around the other side." >> So, it's like everyone gets mad. >> Yeah. How What's your favorite letter?
00:14:39
You know what? Um, is this where the actors come >> to to get to become a celebrity? Do they
00:14:45
have to touch it or something? What is the deal? You know, >> do they do movie premieres here?
00:14:50
>> Yeah. >> Yeah. The same attitude. That guy's a Midwest attitude. What's going on?
00:14:55
>> But the uh the black thing was um I said, you know, I I here's the bit
00:15:00
actually. I'll condense it a little bit. >> When I first started skiing, I didn't
00:15:04
know um anything about it. I didn't know they labeled the trails for difficulty,
00:15:07
you know, like they had the greens for the uh easy and the blues intermediates, you know, the blacks, difficult. And um
00:15:14
I pull into this convenience store and I asked the guy behind the counter in the
00:15:17
mountains there. I said, "What what's the best mountain to go skiing down
00:15:20
around here? I don't know anything about these." He goes, "Well, I like Copper
00:15:22
Mountain." He said, "But you know, a lot of people don't like Copper Mountain
00:15:25
because of uh all the blacks." And I go, "What?" He goes, "Yeah, yeah,
00:15:32
there's a lot of blacks over there." And he was talking about the ski, you know,
00:15:34
the ski runs. >> I know. >> And he goes, "Uh, but he said, I don't
00:15:39
mind the blacks. I have a lot of fun with them. They're they're a lot of fun,
00:15:42
but they will beat you up. They'll definitely beat you up. Um, and uh >> very difficult.
00:15:47
>> Some of them not very well groomed." Now my sister went down in a black and she's
00:15:52
never come back again and she was like last year but >> I didn't know it went this far.
00:15:56
>> That got longer. I didn't know that far. >> If if you want the good if you want the
00:16:00
good powder that's where you got to go. So that was the big >> completely innocent bit.
00:16:05
>> Yeah, the good white powder >> just about ski runs. >> And there was also the guy warned me
00:16:10
about some black ice outside. Some black ice. Yeah, I wouldn't slip on it. >> Some black ice. I just want to see you
00:16:19
with just like Yeah. monuments like Gong Bridge. I mean, what it's what what's
00:16:23
that about? What's that for? I mean, why? >> Yeah. Where does that Does that go to
00:16:27
Europe? How far how far uh does that go? And >> And it's orange. It's quite frankly,
00:16:32
it's orange. >> Orange. Yeah. >> Yeah. It's not >> made it golden.
00:16:37
>> And And do you think that uh it's impossible for that to stay up? I mean,
00:16:42
it's there's no way that can stay up, is there? Across the the water there. How
00:16:46
many people got out of Alcatraz by using that bridge? >> You know, just stupid questions. Just
00:16:53
the dumb guy. >> You see how long the people put up with it. >> Yeah. Just annoying man kind of.
00:17:01
>> So, you asked me what I have coming up >> and >> there's a movie coming out um soon in
00:17:08
the next week or so called Mermaid >> that I um play a part in. >> Mermaid,
00:17:13
>> you know Mermaid? Johnny Fox. I saw Kirk Fox. >> Kirk Fox. Yeah. >> Uh, Robert Patrick.
00:17:21
>> Um, or is it Patrick? Robert. I think it was Robert Patrick. It's tough when
00:17:25
these people have the same f, you know, different first names for the firm. Like, uh, Jeff Jeff, I think that,
00:17:31
right? >> Yeah. >> Or people like that. Anyway, um, yeah. So, it's a really cool movie. It's kind
00:17:37
of a thriller. >> It's kind of like um splash on u, you know. >> Well, yeah. Is there a mermaid in it?
00:17:46
>> What's that? There's a mermaid. >> There's a mermaid, but it's not your
00:17:49
typical mermaid. It's a real It's It's not your typical mermaid. >> The memor the mermaid that when you see
00:17:56
it, it's I don't want to give away the the thing, but the face is totally
00:18:00
distorted >> and it's almost alienike. It's very scary. >> But it opens up with Tom Arnold on a big
00:18:07
yacht. It's night time and he's drinking. Hey buddy. Hey buddy. and he's
00:18:12
drinking and he hears a noise in one of the dingies in the back of this big yacht that's with a tarp and he goes
00:18:18
under and he looks at it >> and what he sees horrifies him. >> So he takes his shotgun, he shoots the
00:18:23
mermaid. >> No. >> And it falls over and goes in the water. So it's wounded. It's not dead and the
00:18:29
mother's with it and um the thing washes up to the shore. I don't want to tell
00:18:34
you I don't want to give you the whole movie because but anyway it's it's about
00:18:37
this guy this percoet addict played by Johnny Peton who rescues the mermaid takes it in keeps it in his bathtub
00:18:44
keeps it hopped up on percoet >> and um at the same time the mermaid >> and at the same time he's being um
00:18:53
chased by uh this kind of like druggy drug guy who he owes him money >> so he kind of it's the whole movie is
00:19:00
kind of like him trying to escape from that guy and also get the mermaid away from these people.
00:19:07
>> Well, is it hard to find a real mermaid to be in the movie or you know the thing
00:19:11
is >> No, no, they're a dime a dozen, man. You see them everywhere. They're like
00:19:14
dolphins, >> you know. You get a real mermaid, you're in the movie, then you go, "Wait, this
00:19:18
is a real movie. This this mermaid is worth more than us doing the movie when you cast it." You know,
00:19:25
you have to wear a flipper if you're >> Who played the mermaid? >> Sarah Hannah.
00:19:33
No. Shirley Mlan. Oddly. >> Shirley Mlan. >> Shirley Mlan. Yeah. Yeah.
00:19:39
>> Well, who voiced the mermaid? What does the mermaid talk? >> Deborah Winger.
00:19:46
>> It's not, is it? >> Hey, I'm a mermaid. >> She did at She did ET as well.
00:19:51
>> That's a rumor that she did ET. >> For real. >> Deb Debbie Debbie Winger.
00:19:57
>> Oh, no. Dana knows her from the [ __ ] Travolta sketch. Oh my god. Here we go.
00:20:04
You should ride that bull with me some >> even slack so weird. I mean weird is the word
00:20:14
for people out there who still harbor a desire to do a great job. Is Slack Slack
00:20:19
really weird? That's it. That's him from the 1970s. John, if you're listening,
00:20:25
come on and set. >> We love Travolta for Quinton Tarantino's Welcome Back Cotter. I played
00:20:31
Horseshack. It was quite I saw a clip of it on Tik Tok. I don't remember. Have
00:20:38
you ever seen a sketch where you don't really remember everything about it? I'm
00:20:41
like, >> of course, there's too many. >> Oh my god. Yeah. >> Yeah.
00:20:45
>> I'm like, we did a pre-tape. We're walking down the street like all tough.
00:20:48
I'm like, I don't remember. >> Let me ask you guys a question. On YouTube, SNL, what's your biggest banger
00:20:54
in terms of views? Which sketch? >> And maybe you don't know. for that
00:20:59
period. >> Yeah. From when you were on SNL. I mean, and also it can be just one that you
00:21:05
remember that got maybe because I have one in mind that got way more than I thought it would ever get.
00:21:10
>> I bet. >> Well, that's definitely a big one. Yeah, >> if that counts.
00:21:17
>> That's a biggie. >> The one I had the most fun in, I think, was called Il Contoura.
00:21:24
You know, El Bissimo as well in Sailor. Yeah, >> they were these Italian waiters. Kirsty
00:21:31
and I were on a date. >> Dana. >> Yeah. >> Mhm. >> Dana was in it, too. Yeah. You were dry
00:21:36
humping Victoria on the table behind us. >> Yeah. >> Right. That was that was illegal. I had
00:21:42
her legs up, but >> it was crazy. I don't know how we got away with a lot of stuff back then.
00:21:48
Well, Smiggle was told by the Census Soup guy not to do that for the air show, >> and he faked like he was trying to
00:21:55
signal me right before 3 2 1 go. >> I see him kind of waving. I just ignored
00:22:01
it. >> But yeah, that was uh >> perspective of Kevin is the date. I didn't even remember that. It's Christy
00:22:09
Alley. >> Christy Alley. Yeah. >> Who said, "Yeah, can I lick your face?"
00:22:13
Oh, totally. For sure. >> She was so gung-ho. This was flattering that Marcelo from SNL was doing an
00:22:20
Italian waiter type sketch I think with Pad Pad Pedro Mscal and so they said look at this sketch as a kind of context
00:22:29
the one that you were in with me and stuff >> and he said yes it was better than ours
00:22:34
and we all said at the same time well we got away with so much well got away you
00:22:39
could do a different stratum of comedy back then you know and >> I mean look at the penis sketch you know
00:22:45
hey nice penis said Denver, huh? That's good penis town. >> Yeah. Is that what you said? That's
00:22:51
>> It was a nudist colony and there was a fence. So, we're all barechested. Tom
00:22:55
Hanks was in it, Kevin. >> And we were all just commenting on, "Hey, terrific penis." I mean, it went
00:23:00
on for like eight minutes. >> The most penises in any sketch in history, right?
00:23:04
>> Yeah. >> Yeah. Dana and I also had an idea. We used to kind of riff in our uh Dana
00:23:09
would stay over the garage sometimes when he came down from San Francisco. He had a studio apartment up there in this
00:23:13
house we we rented. But we would be out in the driveway a lot and we would ref, you know, for characters before either
00:23:19
one of us got SNL. And one of the one of the characters were these two porn actors getting made up sitting in the
00:23:27
director's chair in front of the mirrors and the the makeup art the fluffers were
00:23:30
in and they were working down there and we'd be just talking regularly like,
00:23:34
"Hey, uh, you know, so Ted, what are you doing tomorrow?" >> Yeah. Yeah. You know, I don't know. Just
00:23:40
going to hang out, whatever. Yeah. Marcy, yeah. Give me a give me a little more sparkle on the left side for
00:23:46
the people. Everything was for the people. For the people. >> Fluff it up real nice for the people.
00:23:51
And we did ended up doing it on SNL one time, right? We did it on SNL. >> Did we really? I don't even remember.
00:23:58
>> Maybe it didn't make it to air. Yeah. We were bare chested. Yeah. Fluff it up
00:24:01
real nice. And then we started talking about planting down there. Make a little shrubbery around it, you know.
00:24:06
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, put some uh put some uh strips on the side just to make it
00:24:11
look like it's going faster, you know, >> for the people. >> For the people.
00:24:15
>> Yeah, we had that was that didn't go anywhere, but we have to you have on
00:24:21
lately Kevin on Twitter. Um Dana doesn't look at Twitter as much. I follow Kevin
00:24:27
on >> It's called X. Sorry. >> Listen, I'm so hip. It's called Twitter.
00:24:34
Oh, wait. It's called X. They just changed that 500 years ago. >> So yeah, I see a lot of hear me now and
00:24:39
believe me later and it's good. No one's I love a good Hans and Fron. So
00:24:45
>> well, we had more fun. We had so much fun writing those two characters as Dana
00:24:49
will attest. I mean, we couldn't I mean I never had more fun with a character
00:24:53
than writing those two. >> I still find they're the fun. Well, because Lauren once said to me, it's
00:24:59
like it's all about uh who's who's uh you know, the most badass, you know, I'm
00:25:05
better than you. But secretly embedded in it, which was a notion that when Kevin and I are riffing was their
00:25:12
defensiveness and that's first we were just doing it, we pump you up, this and
00:25:16
that. This is how I riffing on the phone. And then Kevin spontaneously just said, "And if you don't believe that we
00:25:22
could do this." So that unraveled a million jokes because then we were had imaginary enemies
00:25:30
>> assuming they're not respecting us and then saying these torturous things we
00:25:36
would do if we we could very easily find them and do these things. And that's to
00:25:40
me I've never gotten tired of that part of it. We actually threatening to torture people. I mean the one line that
00:25:47
I don't know who thought this one but it never it was a perfect Hans in France.
00:25:52
Your butcks are like marshmallows. You're lucky we don't have a campfire
00:25:56
here. So to unpack that is your butics are like this and we are going to light your ass on fire. Right is what they're
00:26:04
saying. >> Right. >> We'll make some s'mores out of you. Yeah. That's right. You know but you
00:26:12
know in in in the long run they would never do that. They would be too scared and defensive.
00:26:18
>> Oh, no. They It was all a threat. They never never left the studio. >> Empty threats. Empty threats. Yeah.
00:26:25
>> I'll take that mic stand like your little skinny arms and snap it. >> Another one I liked was like we could
00:26:31
very easily strap the uh shape this flab in your back into a rope ladder so you could climb down into the sewer cuz
00:26:40
that's where losers live. So it was like complete abstract torturous. >> I just like that everything is easy for
00:26:50
them. Like it wouldn't be hard at all. >> Do you remember the Arnold one that
00:26:53
Arnold could very easily >> flick us with his little finger >> instead was flying across the room. So
00:27:00
you land in your own baby poop. >> Baby poop. >> All could very easily flip and you fly
00:27:08
across the room and land your own baby poop. It's it's just poetry. I'm sorry.
00:27:12
It's It's We We're By the way, we should plug We're going to do a couple of
00:27:16
dates. Uh one in um >> southern Washington near Portland. I don't know the name of the town. And
00:27:22
then we're going to do an outdoor concert >> at the Seattle Zoo Day on the Green. So
00:27:30
Kevin and I, we will Hans and France will definitely uh >> appear. >> Yeah, cuz I want to make jokes about
00:27:37
Seattle. The Space Needle, you say it's so large. We could use it like a little
00:27:41
toothpick. It doesn't make sense. >> I would use that as a co job. >> If the lion in the cage over there was
00:27:50
to be released, he would be snapped into flubber more quickly than you could say
00:27:56
flubber flab. That's where Dana's Dana's character became kind of I don't know
00:28:02
what it is. You know, very teasy like a very koi. >> I got really bored. The Pugid sounds
00:28:10
should be called puny sound >> because they're so bad and they're their
00:28:16
their puns and threats are so ridiculous and there's they're so self-satisfied
00:28:21
about them. >> You guys roast Seattle. Hans and bronze roast Seattle. >> Yeah. Sorry about the homeless
00:28:29
situation, but at least some of them have muscles. >> Everyone goes too far.
00:28:36
>> Doesn't even make sense. What about you? Were you in Bad Idea Jeans?
00:28:43
>> Uh, >> I see that one. I I know Phil. I know Mike. >> We were all bleachers
00:28:51
>> about, >> you know, I think I was I think I I think I might have been in there. Why
00:28:55
don't you chat GBT? >> I feel like you were, but I don't think Dana was. But I see that sometimes. Bad
00:29:00
idea Jeans was a good funny one. I don't know if it was Jack Handy or if it was
00:29:04
um Smile Man. There was one Kevin and I did with Rob Schneider that it casually would pop up and then it was like I
00:29:14
don't know three or four years ago was it was at 16 million but in the in the
00:29:18
last two years or so it's gone up to 21 million,000 trillion. >> It's so politically incorrect. Oh, is it
00:29:25
the security >> security guards with Sharon Stone? >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:29:30
>> Doing so inappropriate and I'm doing inappropriate comedy and they >> I'm playing an Indian guy, you know. So,
00:29:38
>> me who cares? >> They should they should be able to go back and, you know, cancel you for
00:29:46
different things you did 30 years ago, you know, like the Asian guy and the Indian guy. Ching change the uh Asian
00:29:55
gentleman and who could be who would think that was wrong. >> Horrible man.
00:30:00
>> Well, it well it didn't harbor I stand by it because it had no stereotypes.
00:30:05
There was no stereotypes in it. There's no stereotype for a man who comes to
00:30:10
America to sell pet chickens but loves them so much he doesn't want anyone to
00:30:14
buy them. >> Nothing negative. He's happy. >> Yeah. What about you,
00:30:19
>> David? What's your most risky bit? Mine were all on edge. >> I was the edgiest comic available.
00:30:27
>> You were you were so edgy that Eddie Murphy threatened you. >> Oh yeah. Okay. Yeah. I mean I I've seen
00:30:32
Hollywood Minute bits on TikTok or wherever and I was like some of them >> it's hard draw the line between clever
00:30:43
and then a little too mean. And I think Downey sometimes we'll ask him when he
00:30:47
comes on would push me a little bit. What are you scared to go after this guy? And I'm like, now you're getting
00:30:53
your anger at celebrities. >> But then they always they hide in the shadows. And then it's like even Ching
00:30:59
Change was Dana. First time I got a writer's credit. Dana Carvey's Ching
00:31:04
Chang character. Most racist thing. And I never got a writing credit till that time.
00:31:10
>> Now you're the guy. >> I have a funny story about Kevin that remember when I got attacked in my
00:31:16
house? It's not 100% your fault, but I don't think I don't think it >> Well, should we fill in the listeners or
00:31:23
they all know about the attack in the house? So, I got >> By the way, by the way, before you start
00:31:28
this, I'm writing a list of things that people are telling about me, stories to
00:31:32
have at my eulogy, at my memorial that people can talk about. >> Makes you look bad, but it's fine. You
00:31:38
got to mix it up. >> Mix it up. Uh, so I I >> this was during a hike on that hike we
00:31:48
were on. Like I came >> I tell you the story. >> Yeah, >> I told it to you already
00:31:53
>> on that on that hike. Hiking with Kevin which you both have been on. >> I want to tell it again.
00:31:59
>> I see that with Kevin had different hikers since. I thought it sort of I was
00:32:03
the grand finale, but nope. >> The oneoff. >> That's it going >> there. Still you have some good guests
00:32:10
on there. You have some interesting guests. >> Yeah. Tom Hanks did it recently and
00:32:13
Brian Cranston. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> A lot of good guests. >> Julian Lennon.
00:32:19
>> Julian Lennon. >> Was it Julian Lennon? >> My favorite question asked Julian was um
00:32:25
um who is your favorite beetle? >> He looked at me for a long time. And my
00:32:31
favorite question for Kaitlin Jenner was Kaitlin, if you could change one thing about yourself, what would you change?
00:32:38
>> I like you're like Theo. Like just the question, no matter what the answer,
00:32:42
it's going to be clipped out cuz no matter what they answer, it's a funny
00:32:46
setup. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> When Theo asked uh Neil Degrassi, the
00:32:52
guy goes, "Do you think space is gay?" >> And he's like, "Well, Theo, I
00:32:57
>> I haven't gotten that question before." You know, it's like so stupid.
00:33:00
>> I know. And they're serious. I haven't thought of what he answers yet. It's
00:33:04
just funny. Uh yeah. So, the quick story is I got a guy that I worked with came in and I had a disagreement with him in
00:33:12
my house. But the disagreement was he was when Joe Dirt was printed out. He worked with me. So, when someone
00:33:23
works there, he's printing out the scripts to go out, but he read it. And so, he goes, "Can I have dibs on this
00:33:31
part?" Now, he hadn't acted. He done a little comedy or improv and he wanted to
00:33:36
get into comedy but that awkward thing where you're like okay I want to help
00:33:40
you and I was new at having someone work for me >> and he goes it's not a big deal it's
00:33:45
like three pages or four pages which is a big deal >> it's not two lines
00:33:50
>> three four pages >> that's a lot yeah if I go and he and he didn't have any experience but I said if
00:33:55
I can I said I will try >> because I see him every second of every day so how can I just go [ __ ] no which I
00:34:01
just should have So, here comes the movie. We're casting it. And then at the
00:34:08
toward the end, it's still open because we're not actively trying to cast it
00:34:13
because I'm bananas for doing this, keeping it open because we want every best person for the part. So, Sandler
00:34:19
calls up and says, "Hey, I think Kevin Nean would be good." Oh, yeah. Hello. Um
00:34:25
would be good for uh the guy that works at the junkyard or whatever. Impound your car. And I go, "Oh, that'd be
00:34:32
great." He said, "Can I tell him?" I said, "Yeah, 100%." So, I tell the guy,
00:34:36
"Hey, listen. It's not going to work out." He's like, "What the fuck?" That's
00:34:39
the first sign of trouble. He got really mad. I go, >> "Oh, >> well, listen." He goes, "Tell Sandler
00:34:44
no." I go, "I I'm Listen, here's He's producing the movie. He's
00:34:50
the reason it got made and Kevin Nean's great. There's nothing wrong with this
00:34:54
situation. Like, unfortunately, it didn't work out, but maybe the next one we can doggy or something." But couldn't
00:35:00
you find a little thing for him? Couldn't you shoehorn some? >> Cuz in Tommy Boy, he had something, but
00:35:05
I think it was just a reaction shot. He worked for Pete Seagull, the director. That's how I met him. So anyway, that's
00:35:11
already Listen, the Red Flag store is running out of business at this point because we just there's so many red
00:35:15
flags I just disregard. Then I'm in editing the night before it happens. Kevin does it. We're watching his part.
00:35:24
He's like, "That's the guy that [ __ ] me." And I'm like that this is not a
00:35:30
realistic thing. >> This is not a normal assistant uh language. >> I didn't know this. I didn't notice
00:35:37
until years later when you finally told me. >> I know. I said you could have been
00:35:41
coming after me, too. >> I know. I shield you guys. I shield you from the world.
00:35:45
>> So anyway, that night is when it happened. But it was just a normal situation where he should have said,
00:35:52
"Hey, you know, Kevin's great and Kevin was great." And so all in all, it's not
00:35:58
all Kevin's fault, but it's like 99%. That's all. >> I don't know why you promised him the
00:36:05
role, man. You should never promise the role. >> That's a problem. That was
00:36:09
>> I didn't promise. I said, "Listen, these things are tricky. You never know."
00:36:13
That's a kind of >> That's a That's a promise in Hollywood. >> Yeah, it is. It is. It is.
00:36:17
>> That's every day. Like, so it's still open. So, >> you're not reading people for that? I'm
00:36:21
like, I don't [ __ ] I'm already in the weeds. cuz I got bigger fish to fry. And
00:36:26
finally I'm like, "Oh, it might shake out." Another promise. And then uh I'm like egging it on going,
00:36:33
"I know Kevin kneeling. I don't know why he's he did this on purpose to you. Why
00:36:38
aren't you going to >> sharp elbows? Kevin wanted it. What are I going to do to him? He's beat me up
00:36:43
with his baby finger." >> Yeah. Why didn't he go after Kevin? We got some questions from the crowd. But
00:36:47
but you're you're kind of you're kind of like you know missing the lead part of the story is
00:36:53
how um violent he reacted to that to you. >> Yes. Yes. I show when the it built up
00:37:03
that cuz the first sign is when he says tell Adam what the [ __ ] tell him no. Call him right now. Tell him no. [ __ ]
00:37:10
that. It's not his movie. I go it. Who would say that? I go, >> Adam can ask anything, but he's really
00:37:18
hands off. He's saying, "This is your movie. >> You You and Fred wrote it. Do Do your
00:37:23
best with it. If you need help, tell me, but we had good >> Oh, you and Fred wrote it." Okay.
00:37:29
>> Freddy Wolf. >> Hey. Hey, David. You're funny. You're You're good, too. I remember.
00:37:33
>> David, can we get Canva managing Skippy right now? >> That was uh really good. No, no, not not
00:37:41
really good. You're good. You're You're not >> Kevin. I'm going to talk about you one
00:37:43
second. I just want to tell Dana one thing. >> Yeah. >> Mhm. >> He's also the uh Fred Fred Wolf is also
00:37:49
the um uh disclaimer guy. You know I I didn't ask you because and it's nothing
00:37:54
about you and um you know but I think that you know maybe somebody and again you know you are my favorite person but
00:38:00
I don't think that you would be maybe right for this role and you're right for
00:38:04
a lot of roles. I mean don't get me wrong you're right for a lot of roles.
00:38:06
>> You'd be good in anything you did but >> it's just this one right now. Yeah, we
00:38:11
could have used him with uh that you're you're a guy. Bring in Fred Wolf. You
00:38:15
know, you're great. We're gonna you have I have so so many good ideas for you in
00:38:19
the next film. You know, kind of kind of >> I think what I fed while I was getting
00:38:22
the [ __ ] kicked out of me by that night, I was like, "Blame Fred. He didn't want
00:38:26
you." >> Well, being like a canary. and the broadstrokes. If if you've ever, you
00:38:34
know, had someone in your life and then you realize that they were quietly, secretly harboring a lot of grudges.
00:38:42
>> Yeah. >> You know, and it stored up grudgery, you know, later on. Whoa. I had no idea.
00:38:48
Yeah. >> Yeah. It was a little anger and it was b it was starting to point towards me, but
00:38:54
whatever. We got through it. >> Whatever. Anyway, >> would you guys would you guys want to
00:39:00
Would you want to know who has a grudge against you? Or would you rather not know?
00:39:05
>> No, I don't think so. >> You do want to know, Heather. >> The outcome.
00:39:09
>> Oh, that's reminds us of this great Kiana Rooves Reeves movie called The
00:39:14
Outcome. >> The David is >> he is being blackmailed with a videotape and he's a
00:39:22
big star in the movie, Kevin. And his movie is about to come out and this will ruin it. So is Jonah Hill
00:39:30
>> manager lawyer says, "Hey, go back and apologize to everyone you were mean to
00:39:35
on the way up and this might just go away. People are just mad at you." And
00:39:39
he's like, "Oh." So he has to go back. He's like, "Who's mad at me?" Cuz he's
00:39:43
delusional cuz he's such a big star. And they're like, "Oh, we have a list of
00:39:46
about 45 people." So he goes back to his child star manager played by Scorsese who lives in a
00:39:54
bowling alley and he has to apologize to him. was good and >> he was good. He was good.
00:40:00
>> He goes like this. Uh again was like, "Hey, I just wanted to say uh I'm just
00:40:06
really sorry." And he goes, "Thanks, Reef. Sorry for what?" And he goes, "Uh"
00:40:13
they didn't coach him that far, so he's like, "I don't know." And he goes, "You
00:40:16
know, Reef," and then he explains to him why he should be sorry for what he did.
00:40:20
And then he goes to his ex-girlfriend, then his mom, and then >> it just it's really like kind of a
00:40:26
that's the dramdy part because it gets a it gets pretty heavy. But yeah, in in
00:40:30
answer to your question, >> uh I don't know if I would want to know everyone.
00:40:36
>> I would here's what I would like to know. What level of fan are people that
00:40:40
come up to me? Because people sometimes they go, I'm a big fan. They don't know
00:40:45
one thing I've ever done. So they're like a one out of a hundred. But then
00:40:49
there's people that you can tell that really like you. >> But some people just go, "Oh, hey." And
00:40:53
I they get a picture and they walk away and they're like, "I hate that guy."
00:40:57
>> Because But they just know they just seen you somewhere. They don't know why.
00:41:00
Some people go, "I'm taking a picture cuz they did. >> I'll find out later what you do."
00:41:06
The other thing is I I dread like when I was starting out I have to use the public rest you know the restroom that
00:41:12
the rest of the audience used and I'd be in the stall and after my show and I
00:41:16
hear people coming in and go wow the opener was so much better than the headliner man this is a waste of money
00:41:21
and you know I don't want to know I don't want to hide under the bed and
00:41:25
hear somebody you know talk about me. I went I did a hike with Lin Manuel Miranda you know who wrote Hamilton.
00:41:31
>> Yeah. Yeah. And I was using uh one of those um you know mics that you hook to your collar
00:41:38
or whatever. It was the first time. Yeah. First time I was using it. And we finished the hike and I forgot to take
00:41:44
his off >> and I had to chase him down like a half hour later. I called his manager and he
00:41:49
goes, "Oh yeah, okay." He's on the corner, you know, 90 and you know,
00:41:53
whatever it was. And uh so I'm walking. I took me like a half hour to get to him
00:41:57
and I know that everything he said is on that recorder for that half hour and I never listened to it cuz I didn't want
00:42:04
to know. >> Could we listen to it? >> I didn't want to know what he said.
00:42:06
Sure. It's out there now. >> I've heard some clips from it. It's not
00:42:09
great, dude. >> It's not great, man. It's not great. >> Yeah.
00:42:15
>> It's next to my UFO tapes that never got released. I'm like, Release the Nean
00:42:21
tapes. >> No, let me tell you something about UFOs. You know, there's been all of this
00:42:25
stuff about the releasing, you know, UFO stuff from the government. >> It doesn't Nothing matters to me now
00:42:32
with AI. It's like that's not real. That's not real. >> I see it. I think it's AI.
00:42:37
>> That's true. >> In the air. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Even if you're in the
00:42:41
thing, you're being kidnapped. No, this is AI. >> I go, proved it to me. And then they
00:42:46
anally massage me or whatever. How would you know about that, David? Why? Why? Why? Why are you saying that?
00:42:54
Have you seen the doctor when he's with the girl? And she goes, "I'm having a
00:42:57
little soreness on my anus around the uh entrance." And he goes, "Oh, well, that's actually an
00:43:05
exit." So, the quicker you change the traffic, the quicker the pain will go
00:43:09
away. >> That's horrible. >> That's great. >> That's horrible.
00:43:16
>> What kind of people are you hanging out with? >> Squeaming. Can I tell you my uh hiking story? That
00:43:25
was out of character for me. So, I'm hiking. I'm hiking, hiking, and I see
00:43:29
like eight people and they're going to take a picture and I normally don't do
00:43:34
this, but I go, I'll take it, you know. Yeah, we want video. So, it was eight of
00:43:38
them. And they start they sang happy birthday till Sylvester. Happy birthday, big thing. Oh, looks great. And I don't
00:43:44
know why I was just I guess I was kind of on a buzz from hiking so hard. And I just did Stallone to them. I want to
00:43:50
thank you very much for saying happy birthday to me. And then I just walked away and they yelled down the trail and
00:43:56
they said, "Hey, wait a minute. Are you that guy?" >> That was it. They didn't have a name.
00:44:02
They didn't have anything. >> Yeah, that's Isn't that a great story?
00:44:07
>> Here's here's a here's a fun story if you want to hear that. Going along those
00:44:10
lines, I would go down to Austin uh every year and this, by the way, this you call him DJ still? this guy um he's
00:44:18
like the Howard Stern. >> He's like the Howard Stern of Austin. And uh he uh and I do his show like
00:44:24
every year, you know, for like years I've been doing it and we usually go out
00:44:27
for lunch after that. So we uh the last time I was there, this is like four years ago when I did the show. We do the
00:44:33
show and then we go out to lunch and we're sitting there for like half hour and he he goes, "You know what I noticed
00:44:39
about you? You're not getting recognized as as much anymore." >> Oh my god.
00:44:44
>> And I thought, you know what? You're right. you're right. He goes, "Yeah,
00:44:48
heads used to turn a lot, but now it see like people are looking at their menus,
00:44:51
you know, and I thought, you know what? He's right. No matter, that's why I've
00:44:54
been feeling so good lately." >> Yeah. I had someone say to me, they said, you know, I was at like this
00:45:01
Grammy party and my friend's wife goes, "You know what? You were so goodness.
00:45:06
Why don't you get back out there? Get back and do stuff again." I go, "I'll
00:45:12
knock you out." I had a woman at an airport get in front of me and goes, "You're better than all the rest of
00:45:19
them." And just walked away. >> That's a compliment. >> I told my sister, "Leave me alone."
00:45:26
>> But Kevin, to that guy, was he being passive aggressive to point that out?
00:45:31
>> That's weird. >> Or was he just sort of naive and whimsical? >> I think it was naive and he was just he
00:45:36
might have been even joking even, you know. But um here's here's something if
00:45:39
you want to get brought down a lot is go on uh chat GBT and ask the question uh are you handsome?
00:45:48
>> Oh no. >> Is Dana Carvey handsome and see what they say. >> [ __ ] off.
00:45:52
>> My son did that. My son did that to me. >> Oh no. >> Yeah. Yeah. And it said well you know it
00:46:00
depends on what you mean by handsome, you know. >> Well I was at a resort. I was at a
00:46:07
resort doing a doing a gig and you had been there the year before, some kind of gig, whatever. And the woman in the
00:46:14
sports shack or whatever. Oh, yeah. Kevin, you know, yeah, I'm a friend of his. He goes, I didn't realize how
00:46:18
good-looking he was. Oh, look at that. Look at that. >> I did have a guy at I had a guy at the
00:46:26
airport once say to me, "Hey, you're a lot better looking on TV." But I think
00:46:30
he meant the other way around, you know. No. In Scottsdale last week, I'm leaving
00:46:35
Houston's. I love Houston's. And uh lady walks to me and she goes, "You look like that guy
00:46:43
in Grown-Ups, you know the guy, he's a little taller. Do you know who he is?" I
00:46:47
go, "Which guy, Sandler?" And he goes, she goes, "No, he plays the blonde guy
00:46:51
in it." And I go, "Oh, yeah, I have heard that." And he she goes, "But he's
00:46:55
a little taller than you." I go, "A little or a lot?" He goes, "He's he's
00:47:01
he's kind of tall, but you sound like him." Never figured it out. I had the
00:47:06
same thing. I had a woman in the store and she goes, "You you look just like
00:47:10
Dana Carvey." I go, "I know. It's weird. It's weird." And she just kept going. I
00:47:15
I mean, I can't even believe it. Me neither. But yeah, you know, >> I know you never Yeah.
00:47:20
>> I get Norm. I get Norm once in a while. >> Yeah. Cuz we both did SNL, I think. You
00:47:27
know. Oh. Oh, up there. >> Yeah. Fell over there. Yeah. Yeah. People love Nor McDonald, you know, in
00:47:33
the post Nor McDonald. I mean, it's just he really has become a legend. >> He got bigger. Yeah, for sure.
00:47:40
>> Yeah, definitely. And I've seen stuff he's doing that I never saw before.
00:47:43
That's hilarious. >> Exactly. I see [ __ ] like his talk show that's like a podcast with Adam Egan and
00:47:50
I'm like, "Oh, they have funny guests. They make the guests read a dirty joke."
00:47:53
I'm like, "The balls." But the fans that go on that are fans of Norm that are
00:47:57
famous go along with it and it's so funny. >> There's one recently up that he's got
00:48:03
he's got Mike Tyson on his show and he's clearly kind of agitating Mike Tyson in
00:48:09
his own Norm way. Yeah, his best heavyweight champion or whatever he said and there was a lot of tension there
00:48:15
with Norm and it makes him um >> mesmerizing to watch. >> He goes on the View. They play him on
00:48:21
Conan a lot. Old talk shows. I I I took him I took him to uh Palm Springs once for a golf clinic cuz we both like to
00:48:27
golf even though we both suck. So, you know, all the way out there he's listening to Johnny Cash with his
00:48:33
barefoot out the window cuz he doesn't drive, you know, got to drive him everywhere. He's always late. I can't
00:48:38
find my shoes, you know. So, we get out there and we're doing this golf clinic
00:48:41
with these professionals and they're videotaping us our swings and everything. By the end of the golf
00:48:45
clinic, we're looking at the swings, you know, the pro is showing us what we're
00:48:49
doing wrong and all that and he's arguing with the pro. No, that's what I'm doing. You know that's No, this way
00:48:55
is better for me. I said, Norm, this guy's a pro. You know, >> you deflate.
00:49:03
>> He knows that's funny. Yeah, the one on the view where he goes, "Yeah, Bill
00:49:07
Clinton, he was great except he killed a guy, you know, and Barbara Walters was like, well, we can't What are you
00:49:13
talking about?" No, I'm I'm just saying he killed a guy, right? I mean, it's not
00:49:18
good. It's not a good thing. I'm not saying it's a good thing. what you want
00:49:21
from your president. >> But yeah, the clips of of Norm are hysterical on Conan, too, with the the
00:49:27
oldfashioned story. This guy had a shoe, right? And he lost it in a tra and it goes on and
00:49:34
on. >> Little Johnny goes to school one day. >> This fella, this fella.
00:49:39
>> Yeah. >> Yeah. When he does knickknack Patty Whack, he does that joke, but I like the
00:49:44
beginning. He goes, he goes into a bank and the the woman's name is Mrs. Whack.
00:49:49
So that's her name. This is W. I'm like, well, this is going to be part of the
00:49:53
joke at some point, I guess. >> Was he the one that did the joke about Hitler's dog?
00:49:58
>> How the dog liked him? >> He didn't know. >> Yeah, he had a lot of Hitler.
00:50:04
>> Yeah. Did you guys ever do Hitler Hitler bits? Did you have a Hitler joke in your
00:50:08
act ever? >> The closest I came to that is Hans and France. >> Yeah.
00:50:15
>> No, I never did a Hitler joke. I had one but it >> go ahead give us anymore. No, it was
00:50:21
just the observation. Hitler screaming every time we see him. And I say, I do this for a living. And I
00:50:28
mean, you backstage, he had to be just wiped out. Just almost feminine like, oh, oh, him.
00:50:36
>> I can't. >> Yeah, it is. I can't feel my deltoid. Whoever thought of this, shoot him. I
00:50:43
can't take it. >> Two shows a night either. It's too hard. But yeah, it's hard to come up with an
00:50:50
original Hitler joke. >> Kevin, I have one of my follow my one of my final questions. Do you do two shows
00:50:54
a night? >> Uh, yes, except on Sunday. >> Comedy clubs. >> Yeah, I do two shows and arenas. I do
00:51:02
two shows in arenas as well. >> And how long do you do >> a set if you're doing two shows? You do
00:51:09
45? >> I do about an hour and 10 minutes. >> You do both times? Twice?
00:51:15
>> Yeah. >> Wow. >> Yeah. Yeah. I do. In fact, I'm getting
00:51:18
to that point. Here's I started with an MC, you know, as you always do. It's a
00:51:22
threeman act or three woman act or whatever. >> And um >> and so I thought I don't really need an
00:51:28
MC because one time the MC said this man needs no introduction. I thought, you know, this guy's right. We don't need
00:51:33
him on the show. So, um sorry. So, anyway, I thought I'll just do a twoman show from now on. So, I
00:51:42
did a twoman show. And now I'm thinking I don't really need another person
00:51:47
because I know Bill Maher used to do that. He would just come out and do his set and um you know it makes kind of
00:51:53
sense. >> But is it more fun? >> No opener. Yeah. >> No opener. And I don't even have an
00:51:58
introduction. I just have them play the music like for a little bit and then I just walk out. It's real jazzy the way I
00:52:04
do that. >> Do you dance around a little bit or something? What are you doing?
00:52:08
>> No. No. I come out and I receive the applause. I accept it. I you know I
00:52:12
thank them. washed over you. >> I let it settle in and then I take the mic out and they stop the music and all
00:52:19
systems go into the microphone. So ahead he uses a banjo I saw in the latest clips. What's
00:52:26
going on? >> Oh, that was the bit that was uh I cut from my special >> which is called Loose in the Crotch.
00:52:33
>> Was that Was that the banjo that I got you for your 50th? >> No, no, no. But you and um you and Gary
00:52:40
uh Prince, a guy that we knew um who has since passed, gave me a great Gibson banjo for my guitar. I think it was uh
00:52:47
60 at the time or 50. >> Prescription Fitness, >> whatever. >> That's right. Yeah. So that I was just
00:52:53
going to say, so the banjo part was when I grew up, nobody liked um the banjo. It
00:52:58
was very annoying. So I had to play it very quietly in my room with like a sock tied around the neck. But now I like to
00:53:04
go I play it everywhere now and I just let loose on it and I have so much fun. Would you like to hear a song? Sure.
00:53:09
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I have them bring the banjo out to me and I sit down and I playing very softly. They can't even
00:53:15
hear it barely. My foot stomping is louder than the banjo itself >> and then they and then they take the
00:53:22
banjo away or do you actually show them that you can >> they want to see I do the whole song. I
00:53:28
get everybody going like that. I get the clapping going and um and I tell them to
00:53:33
keep it quiet. I go, >> break it down. Break it down. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. And then at the end I my roies
00:53:40
come out and they take the banjo from me. I just hold it up and they take it >> and uh and I go back to the mic.
00:53:46
>> But I cut that out. Do you and Dana both have if you, let's say you're doing Ohio
00:53:51
in three days, Columbus, do you call and say have a banjo or a guitar there? >> You know what? Uh, you could do that.
00:54:02
Most people like their own instruments, but I'll tell you what, I I I I like a
00:54:08
green room that's comfortable. You know, the green room, I like something in
00:54:11
there that's comfortable. A lot of those green rooms have those big white fluorescent lights on the on the ceiling
00:54:16
with no lamps or anything or floor lamps. So, I just added this to my writer that they got to have a floor
00:54:22
lamp with a dimmer cuz I like to kind of chill before I go on. >> You know, a little meditation or
00:54:26
whatever just kind of snooze >> and you know, you can get a cheap cheap floor lamp from Target probably for you
00:54:34
know $42. >> They say we're going to have to take away your Triscuits you want. So, it's a
00:54:39
>> Yeah. Could I tell you a tactic to get a standing ovation? So, what I do I I used
00:54:44
to say, "Get me a guitar that can be plugged in, electrified." But now I say
00:54:48
a tailor because they don't go out of tune. But at the end of your act, you're
00:54:52
doing your guitar, your banjo. Bum bum bum. And you're you're doing a song
00:54:56
about them. WOW. WOW. WOW. BAM. And then I take the neck of the guitar and I hold
00:55:02
it up. So I'm like it's like a torch. I'm like t but I see people as I bring
00:55:07
the guitar up they tend to stand up with it. So you could just at the end go the
00:55:12
banjo AND GO GOOD NIGHT AND THEN JUST HOLD IT LIKE this and you'll get a standing ovation every time.
00:55:20
>> I'm not kidding. >> I don't like I don't like a standing
00:55:23
ovation. It it it feels very uncomfortable for me, >> you know, to be adored that much.
00:55:29
>> Yeah. >> And I just don't like to stay out there. It's just like with the good nights on
00:55:33
SNL. I hated going up there and waving goodbye and and people would be jockeying to get to the front, you know,
00:55:40
to stand next to the host and I'm like in the back. Lauren had to have uh Marcy
00:55:44
Klein come running after me climbing says Lauren wants you on the stage and I'm like
00:55:48
>> Lauren wants you on the stage. But people don't realize there's a dress
00:55:51
show and we we do the good nights a fake good nights two hours before and then we
00:55:56
got to do it again like oh hugging. Oh, I can't believe it. Yeah, >> Marcy. It was a lie. Marc used to come
00:56:02
in mind. Get out there. Lauren wants you. I'm like, there's no way Lauren was
00:56:05
out there. Somehow figured out I wasn't there yet. And go Marcy get spayed. >> Yeah.
00:56:13
>> And I believed it every time. Like Lauren ran out there. >> I mean, it's same with the weekend
00:56:19
update. You know, you do all those jokes in the dress and then you kind of it's
00:56:22
an act and then you do in the live show and you laugh in the same places like that's the first time you've heard it,
00:56:27
you know. >> But it is an act. We're really >> Yeah, that's a It is a show business.
00:56:34
>> All right, get it. >> What else do you have for Kevin? And we're going to talk. We're gonna plug uh
00:56:39
the special loose in the crotch. >> I got the hiking with hiking with Kevin
00:56:42
on YouTube, which both of you guys have done and numerous times with Dana. >> We were great. Hiking with Kevin.
00:56:48
>> Sping to do it again sometime when he uh >> uh gets up some energy.
00:56:53
>> Slightly downhill. Not even flat anymore. >> I swear to God, I'll have a car waiting
00:56:57
at the bottom for you. Yeah. Yeah. Just go down. >> I would I would do it. And well, we get
00:57:01
one of those uh a wagon, like a little kids wagon, and we Spade sits in the wagon and we pull him up the hill. It's
00:57:08
three of us doing it. >> We pull you up. >> I like that. I like that. So, that's on
00:57:12
YouTube. And then I have my special out Luc Crush. That's also on YouTube. >> Great.
00:57:16
>> And um and I have um Mermaid, the movie coming out, but you know, >> that's out on the I believe it's the
00:57:23
27th of May, I believe. I'm not sure when this will air. And then also, I didn't mention this, but uh my wife and
00:57:30
I along with other people are executive producers on a documentary that was nominated for an Oscar that we went to
00:57:36
the Oscars this year for the first time. >> It didn't win, but it's on Apple TV
00:57:40
right now. It's called Come See Me in the Good Light. It's really good. A good
00:57:43
watch. >> Apple TV. So, you're a producer, writer, director, >> executive producer.
00:57:50
>> Executive producer, standup comedian. Oh, art. What about your art? Look at
00:57:55
>> Oh, yeah. Yeah. I uh I'm a painter. I like to paint celebrity caricatures. I
00:57:59
have a website. I have the book out, you know, that I gave it to both of you. It's called I exaggerate my brushes with
00:58:05
fame, right? And there's there's pictures of everybody in there. And on the opposite page is an anecdote about
00:58:10
that person, whether it's Farley or or you or or whomever. And um people are
00:58:14
asking me, they said, "Oh, where can we buy one of these paintings?" I never had
00:58:18
a place. So, I created a a site on Shopify, uh Kevin Neil Art. So you order it and then they make a painting to send
00:58:25
to the personal standard. >> Yeah. >> Listen, >> she's Louise. Fantastic. I love
00:58:32
everything. >> That's what I got going. >> Yeah. >> God dang.
00:58:35
>> I got you know I got like maybe four or five movies in the can that I've done,
00:58:38
but they're independent movies and so you I kind of forget. I don't know if
00:58:41
they're ever going to see the light of day. I got to tell you something. two
00:58:45
maybe two years ago I did one and you know all this time goes by and I'm watching TV and I see this trailer come
00:58:51
on and it's a real scary movie you know and I'm watching it going oh my god I
00:58:56
got to see this what's this all about and then they cut to the next scene and
00:58:59
of course I'm in it >> I'm in the movie >> and you forgot you did it that's I I was
00:59:05
just forgot about the whole thing I mean I remembered I did it but I didn't you
00:59:08
know remember that it was going to go anywhere or know that >> funny >> yeah all right well thank you Kevin, I
00:59:14
will see you soon. Don't hang up right away. >> Don't hang up, Kevin.
00:59:18
>> Takes a minute to download. And uh >> I understand that. >> Thank you very much.
00:59:23
>> Kevin has been our guest. >> Hey guys, if you're loving this podcast,
00:59:31
which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app, give us a review, fivestar rating, and maybe even
00:59:38
share an episode that you've loved with a friend. If you're watching this
00:59:41
episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on video now. >> Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey,
00:59:47
an executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Mattie Sprung Kaiser, and Leah
00:59:55
Reese Dennis of Odyssey. Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman and the show is produced and edited by Phil Sweet
01:00:02
Tech. Booking by Cultivated Entertainment. Special thanks to Patrick Fogerty, Evan Cox, Mora Curran, Melissa
01:00:11
Wester, Hillary Schuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gainner, Sean Cherry, Kurt Courtourtney, and Lauren Vieiraa. Reach
01:00:20
out with us any questions be asked and answered on the show. You can email us at fly onthewallsey.com.
01:00:27
That's audacy.com.