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all right so Ed O'Neill this was the first interview we did for this show and
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one of my all-time favorite episodes because of Ed and his charm and everything else and David before we get
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into that didn't you have a technical issue oh I had a microphone wasn't a
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microphone problem it was a problem with me because it was our first one and it was I mean this this one is our first
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one so it's been you know the problem is it fell between my seats and I just
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found it the other day recording device yeah so we were supposed to click record
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and it fell between the seats and so your sound is just going over the computer so it's a little distant but
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but well heard right no I found this whole episode in between so I said oh we should air this we never heard this Dana
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and I said and so we no we have it and Ed was by the way Ed we both know him pretty well super cool guy was our first
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one so it was experimental but he jumped right in said of course I want to do this and we talked a little about SNL
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but we mostly talked about how interesting his life is I became fascinated by because I kind of had a
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sense he's an East Coast tough character and he almost played professional football and he was almost a made man
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anyway yeah his his forearms are popped by forearms and there's a certain kind
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of power to him he just doesn't need show business but he's had Married with
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Children he's had Modern Family he's had this huge career but he's so eccentric
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and he is an extremely intense Brazil Brazilian Jiu Jitsu yeah it's like a belly guy yeah and I called
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him after the podcast and we talked for an hour about the technique of that of getting someone on their feet and laying
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your body oh just just you know like a street fight He he'll take you in a second it just shows you you just never
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know he's he's built like a truck he's like a Joe Rogan him he's tough like you
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don't want to get in a fight with him no no no regulate on the set remember we talked
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about that which one if somebody gets out of hand uh yeah he's the go-to guy
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and uh somebody it needs to be slapped around but he has no ego about it and he doesn't he's not like a normal show
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business person it's like something he does he's great at and he said he just
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lives one day at a time I said when you're getting famous and he talks all about that so I Get Married with
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Children too yeah yeah and he's so funny in that so it was a really interesting
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interview I would not click off right now if I were you no I would stay tuned hey that's what we do fly on the wall
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click on yeah there are any omelette but just keep it on yeah okay you're gonna
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reveal some stuff that you've not seen and or heard in other podcasts or interviews so enjoy Ed O'Neill
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[Music] by the way first of all I want to hear Ed's story of when he met Lauren before the show alone that never
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happens oh oh um yeah well you know the traditional thing right the dinner at that Italian restaurant in the in the
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Theater District yeah or so but that's usually padded with cast like Tuesday night when we're
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writing and supposed to be writing no this was like this was like Wednesday or Thursday
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and he wanted to have you know take me to dinner and you know bring your wife along hungry so we went downstairs and
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uh you know it was the three of us and uh it was great you know good food but we we didn't have anything to talk
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about I mean he didn't want to do anything he didn't want to get near Married with Children you know that was
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like forget that so he was trying to figure out what to do with me which was basically you know
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nothing I mean it was like well I said just throw me in skits with some of the the people you know just throw me in and
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that's what he did and that that's that's what happened but it was very I
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mean usually I can think of something to talk about but I had a difficult time with Lauren
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well that also is tough but I would go I would be assigned because I was sort of
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like the class clown everyone hated writing on Tuesday and that was usually the dinner that I went to and then Mario
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she would come around and go Lauren would she go to dinner and I'd be with my legal Pat huh and it would take you
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out of writing because it's right in the heart of the eight to ten right yeah and
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then he wants you he wants day and I wants Mike Meyer you know he just go around and pick and choose and then they
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would say no because they could and I'd have to say yes because it's more I was
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newer yeah that was a very interesting experience I can't say I liked it it was
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it was um I can't say I liked it I didn't like it no I didn't like it because first of all
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I didn't like cue cards and I didn't like uh the whole process of the first show
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and then they you know you you get together with you guys and you you know you're trying to get their bit in and
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you hate to tell them what you know well which one do you like you like uh David's better than Dana's or you know
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yeah what luckily they do that behind closed doors they they take the host just for
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for the people at home by the way I wasn't on when Ed was there I don't think I think Dana was I was you did
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Wayne's World with us that's right that's right yeah I did and that wasn't
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so bad um the girls you know I I forget which ones are Sweeney's sister yeah yeah yeah
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exactly yeah I actually thought they were funny how very funny yeah Sweeney Citrus is funny
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I like that one yeah and then I did something with uh oh I can't remember them all I mean I
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mean it was Lovitz was around well last season eat a Sketcher no is that a rumor no no we did a thing on on
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on the uh the Tyrant that was in uh what country you know oh God yes it was Noriega it was I the church lady in that
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and no it wasn't Noriega it was oh no it wasn't Noriega to he but but Lovett's
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played the dictator right yeah no no the dictator was dead in a coffin and we were standing oh okay
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I'm getting warmer everybody was pretending they were upset you know with this murderous you know [ __ ] guy it
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was actually kind of funny I mean it really it was but I just didn't I just felt like an
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eight ball you know like why am I here you know and I think I was just there because Mark said put him on the show
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you know yeah you're famous that's your fault and he talked like that when he
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was 28. put him on this show Mark he's a good guy Mark you know what one of the
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reasons in a philosophical quasi serious thing is that I don't know if SNL was
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unintentionally sometimes a live reality show because you're taking Wayne Gretzky
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and saying hey do 10 live comedy sketches hockey man with cue cards and no rehearsal the one that because I
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hosted it after being a cast member and it was awful you're just in so many things you're pulled so many ways and
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it's just a blur but so you could feel better Ed I've been in the slats during
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the commercial break and seen Michael Jordan the Michael Jordan kind of like uh okay what are we gonna do here you
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know I said just look at the car yeah Christopher Walken ignored the protocol so when he was first hosting he just I'm
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in I I'm the church that he said I'm looking at him he never looked at me he
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just looked straight at the card and never moved his head and read it directly off the cards and it was
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perfect you know he was on the week after me remember we did tell that story I was I wasn't there
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but you know when he when uh Lauren asked them what you know if he had anything he thought was yeah the thing
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about the bears bears are funny likewise bear suits best of funny and bears as well and if you break it down it's
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brilliant his brain went a bear funny circus bear oh yeah but a guy in a bear suit is funny as well but I remember
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when he came in he goes side O'Neil never look at the cods just look at him the whole time never moved your head
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well he had that brilliant brilliant bit about Mr Mr Belvedere whatever that was
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that guy all right walking around was that the Continental yeah yeah I thought that was great point of view yeah yeah
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but Chris is just Chris is he's he's great he's out there I did a movie with
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them years ago I did Dogs of War with uh Tom Beringer and Chris Walken and I was one of the mercenaries you
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know and it was it was fun it was fun he's sweet he's just so different I love the guy do
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you have time for a quick story and I'll tell you when you're done with your
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story yes uh I had a thing with Chris uh I was on my way to play handball at the West Side Y West 63rd and he was
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it was like a Monday all right so 11 A.M he's coming down the street you know
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with that hair and the coat you know and he's the big strides and I just read a review he had
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been doing Hamlet at Stratford and he got pretty good reviews I mean the play itself they said
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you know it's not great but he may have a hamlet in him so I you know and I had
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done dogs of war with him so we stopped each other and he said you know we're
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we're dark today I'm gonna go get a drink you know why don't you join me I
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said it's 11 A.M I have a handball game well all right I said I just read the reviews I did
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pretty well he said well you know when you do Shakespeare you got to do that thing you know that thing for them
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that you know the critical faculty they like to hear that the thing I said oh yeah yeah right you know what
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are you talking about what things one thing he said yeah but I refuse I refuse I won't give it to them [ __ ] them in
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their asses and do I not look Danish I said you do okay there you are there you are yeah and Away you went away he
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went he was just you know he was just a a free spirit all the way around he was I love it yeah and Joe Pesci was the
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same kind of interesting character off-screen because I remember him telling this long story he goes you know
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you got to know when do you want to fight you know Wendy when are you gonna fight it's just a non-sequitur I say a
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sugar bowl across the nose so he was a tough guy well he was and he was five two you know it wasn't a
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difficult step to play New York gangsters no I don't know what the [ __ ] I'm gonna do play in a tough New York
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gangster look at me I always said that about those guys I said it's thank God
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they weren't born in Cleveland or you know I mean none of them would have worked you know but because it was New
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York you know they're doing a New York thing yeah I I did it with Pesci and we
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did a movie together and uh and then he either I was with him or he did this on his own or this is a total lie but he
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was he was sitting and uh he was telling me what he doesn't like because he goes
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I don't like autographs I'm like all that [ __ ] and I go yeah and he goes this
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guy last night at dinner goes Hey Joe Bashi at the other table which we all get hey man you go hey you know and then
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he goes hey come here to the table come here and he goes what the [ __ ] you say to me the guy who's
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come here goes come here [ __ ] you and [ __ ] your mom [ __ ] you you want to be a
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man you walk over my table and ask if you're allowed to talk to me I was like
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and now I do that that's where I picked it up what am I like a clown doing exactly it
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was like that exactly Amaya [ __ ] how am I funny how am I oh that was funny that was great that was great yeah he uh
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he used to work in this restaurant I think it was in Queens it was an Italian joint and that's where Scorsese had seen
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him in or De Niro or both of them had seen him in this thing called a death collector with Joe cortezi remember Joe
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Cortez it was like a b movie but they liked Joe in it and they were thinking of him for
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so they called him and he it was a busy night he was he was a Mater D or something out there he was a wise guy
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joined go figure and he he said who is it he said it's it's Bobby De Niro God
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yeah tell Bobby go [ __ ] himself in his ass and then he kept working everything's in there yeah he called him
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back I never I I remember being at the Columbus Cafe with Lovett so we were just fresh off
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the boat in New York City and we're there with all these Goomba guys I love those guys yeah and his friends
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and love it says the one big guy he goes what do you do for a living and the guy
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goes what do you want to know for me John's like gives it to you he didn't
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know oh man I was in I was in there was this Irish bar restaurant Jimmy neary's on uh the east side like
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around 59th or 57th I forget but I used to go in there sometimes and it was a you know a lot of these detectives
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retired detectives hung out there mostly Irish and I was because I was doing a Big
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Apple for David milch and I was partnered with this young actor so we're in there with a bunch of
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guys and this one cop was driving us around he was a retired Detective and he says uh you know we're just
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talking he said you see that guy at the bar with a it's driver I said Jimmy coonan you're the guy that
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was what had you know he ran the Westies yeah well he's doing life you know but
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this guy was just drive this prick I don't like him they used to go down to this and anyway the guys at the bar
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smoking he just got out and I look around and my partner this young actor is over there because he
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also liked to write he's he's chatting this guy up you know at the bar and I thought oh that could
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be a big mistake you know so I I kind of went over and the guy knew me because you know I was there I used to live in
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in that area you know a Hell's Kitchen that was called Clinton at the time he says hey hi Ed how are you I didn't
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know him I said good what's up I said Mike you know we're our food's coming
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apparently he had asked the guy you know listen I I heard you drove for Jimmy Cooney and uh you know I'd like to maybe
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write something could you you could help me out well write a thing it'll be great
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and the guy's smoking a cigarette you know he's just looking at him he says
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you know that was a long time ago a lot of people don't even know about this you know you certainly don't need
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to know about it Jesus like that hey O'Neil go back nice to see you tell that
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[ __ ] donkey you're with that I [ __ ] hate him it was the cop you know that said
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I mean they all know each other you know it's just like it's like a little it's a
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neighborhood terrifying though [Music] I just was so curious about you know you being of trying out for the Pittsburgh
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Steelers yeah and you're being a black belt so like they could all sit on boxes
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or whatever or puffy jackets but you would be the guy who could actually yeah from that neighborhood you know I mean
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I'm just saying right the truth of my life has been that you know when I came
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from Youngstown which was a steel mill town and I grew up with Wise Guys you know their fathers my friends were their
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fathers and um you know there's a lot of stories there they wanted me to get in at one
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point not not I could never be made you know because I was iron right but they wanted me to hang out and you know after
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I got cut by the Steelers they wanted me to you know strong arm a few guys I always said no yes I said I can't go to
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jail I can't go to jail so but I knew all these guys it was I grew up with them at your Peak physicality like with
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the Steelers I mean what how how much do you weigh they're like six two and like
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when I was like 20 maybe 225. yeah so yeah with with big forearms he was the early Joe Rogan
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yeah you know it was it's when I did them you know it's what you did if you
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grew up there and you had any kind of physicality I read it right about Pittsburgh Steelers on your Wikipedia
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but I didn't really believe it because it's also on my Wikipedia But it said
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you're from Youngstown Ohio and I go is this just a sexy rumor because I my parents went to Denison is that really a
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school are they making this up is there no it's okay but it's not it's not in
00:17:01
Youngstown it's up near Akron I think okay yeah yeah she said she went to school I don't
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totally believe her and then my dad said he went to the same one and that story didn't really check out because it was
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the same school and I thought he was just piggybacking her story so uh if there is a Denison then that's good
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because now I know there is the Denison okay and it was it's a nice little private school I think okay good that's
00:17:27
good so there yeah I went I went to OU for a while I went to Ohio U and I I sort of flunked out of there and then I
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got back not a genius I don't think there's anybody who has a more of a regular guy persona than you
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like there's no pretense like literally nothing I mean you know 40 Years of Television I mean just like you could be
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just anybody it's it's really no start fighting I just I still want to go back
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to this idea that if you wouldn't suffer fools you're so nice but this East Coast
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physicality you have did you ever were you ever on a set where you thought I'm
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gonna I'm gonna set this guy down I'm gonna choke him out or I'm not gonna
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take this [ __ ] I mean I think you're the kind of guy who's incredibly nice until
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he's not nice that's right you don't want to ever meet that other guy I mean
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I've said that a few times because I've said look guys everyone thinks I'm such
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a nice guy I'm not I mean I have been very violent in my life I mean I love that I never I
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never pulled a gunshot or a knife to God but I was I was always you know I I didn't run away from those
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troubling things when you're young like I do I run away from everybody like most
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people should David you know yeah I mean I'm honestly lucky that I'm you know
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didn't have a lot more trouble than I did I'm what's known on the streets as a
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colossal [ __ ] you you fought with your wit money friends I made friends with the
00:19:07
guy named Steve Lee in fifth grade the big kid he was my enforcer you know I had like yeah
00:19:14
for a lot of you would have been I would have been your best friend was Irish yeah they needed a little help every now
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and then and I was always happy because I always I always dislike bullies I had to think about bullies and I had a
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little routine I used to do in bars like you know if somebody I mean I'm making
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this up pregnant if someone comes up and says hey you got a cigarette give me a cigarette you know not nice and you got
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it right there you know on the on the bar and I'd say um yeah how many do you want
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give me a couple then that's okay yeah here you go you got a match yeah can I apply it for you yeah and I just
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be like like I'd act like I was afraid of them and I just draw them in you know
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draw them in give them more room you know give them more space to feel like they're a tough guy routine and I'm
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just waiting to drop the hammer on them you know I would just get an angle I'd
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move over get a little angle you know we're sitting on bar stools love it and then you might say uh how's
00:20:16
that cigarette is it good and then I point it and boom oh Jesus I just wanted to do it I love it
00:20:26
but but yeah let me ask you a question and I put David in here too uh we're kind of Scrappy we have a lot of anger
00:20:33
we built that really weird childhood oh your comics and Ed I'm Irish and I do think that the
00:20:41
Irish brain I don't know you know The Gangs of New York Times we're suicidal if we someone pushes like
00:20:48
do you want to [ __ ] die right now what is that a border or thing you know where we come from the DNA the Scotland
00:20:58
Ireland they're living up in the you know they don't plant it was all limestones so
00:21:04
they had sheep you could steal sheep you know you can't steal yeah apples too well yeah so they
00:21:11
were always that that's all those guys that went down into the Ozarks you know those feuds you know The McCoys
00:21:18
and they were all from there and they they they they murdered you not for any kind of like you robbed me you insulted
00:21:26
me now I'm gonna kill you no I'm gonna kill you man you insulted me yeah I have relatives in Ireland
00:21:33
right now and they talking to them growing UPS uh my wife's nephew boy he's
00:21:39
just fighting every day yeah yeah in Dublin Street poor I mean that was part of the reason I finally left I mean no I
00:21:45
wanted it's a whole long crazy story how I started doing acting but I needed to get out of Youngstown
00:21:51
because you know I realized I'm I'm gonna die here you know I may die violently here or I'm just gonna die on
00:21:58
the vine you know in a bar drunk someplace and uh right so I realized I had to get the [ __ ] out of there because
00:22:04
it was uh you know at the time I didn't really realize how dangerous a place it was it
00:22:10
was a very dangerous I've been there it's terrifying you're like I gotta get out of here to a
00:22:16
different Bleak town called Blue collared tough and no matter where you go nearby it's the same thing
00:22:23
you know Steubenville Akron Canton same thing you got to get way the hell out of there I I'm there and I hear a
00:22:31
lot of hey [ __ ] boy I'm like me but I was there to do a gig I played a casino
00:22:37
there and you know Ed this might be uh a little heavy but when I played Youngstown it sounds sort of elitist but
00:22:45
when you do a casino gig and some of these towns I didn't really notice it but
00:22:49
sometimes talents aren't doing well and there was a lot of boarding up and then
00:22:53
you get to this oh beautiful casino and all you think in your head is this is where all the money's going like
00:23:00
everyone gets a check and they go to the casino and it's just like [ __ ] I'm part
00:23:04
of the problem I'm playing the casino I don't know where I'm going I'm in
00:23:06
Youngstown I go oh my parents are from here allegedly and um and then I go and then I go oh my God I'm part of the
00:23:13
problem here I am and they're like all gambling and there's a lot of little
00:23:16
scooters and I go these poor towns there's the million of them like that oh there's so many of them and and you know
00:23:22
they're all trying to get lucky because really yeah I mean David I don't know
00:23:27
I've often told people I said they said oh well you know you got you got out and
00:23:31
you were you're so successful now and and I said I am so lucky I mean I don't
00:23:38
know what my odds would have been I didn't even get to New York till I was 31.
00:23:42
you know when I was cut by the Steelers my father said you're gonna try what now
00:23:48
get in the [ __ ] Mill what the [ __ ] is wrong with our Shin protocol yeah yeah I
00:23:53
took a few hits my dad was a real tough guy you know my dad was a really physical uh nice guy by the way but
00:24:00
again that trigger Dana's same thing all right the same thing we I had you know
00:24:05
I'm five kids three older brothers pounding me all day long my dad would uh he if he thought you did something wrong
00:24:13
you had to go get his belt then he would snap it humiliating and you had to grab
00:24:18
your ankles and their siblings siblings would gather around and say how many and
00:24:23
then as he started to beat you he would scream at you oh Jesus Christ so it made
00:24:29
me it made me tough what I'm interested in at right now is did your father live
00:24:35
to see your incredible success yeah and if so what how did your relationship change with him and when you got all
00:24:44
that I mean what what was that like with you well we had you know he retired and
00:24:49
he moved down to North Carolina on the Outer Banks where my mother would my mother and father divorced
00:24:55
had a sister who was schizophrenic and um there were five of us okay so the youngest sister was
00:25:02
schizophrenic so my mother took her to North Carolina where my sister lived with her husband I'm lost and then my
00:25:09
father retired and he wanted to move down there he had a little house that he had that we had to compliment of getting
00:25:15
like a vacation home a little small and so anyway my whole family ended up down there you know not me because I was in
00:25:22
New York but uh then I had to sort of navigate you know uh I heard you about your mother a car
00:25:31
I'm driving a piece of [ __ ] here it comes I have to buy him a car yeah what the [ __ ] do I look like you know I
00:25:42
said dad you're living with another woman you're you know I mean it was a it
00:25:46
was a mess but that's crazy so he did not cozy up like my dad because I was the one he really had it in for because
00:25:54
they wanted a girl they got me yeah and they named a girl's name so you know so
00:26:01
he thought maybe I was a little you know whatever no I had I had an Angelic face
00:26:07
I was very boyish but after I left and had success it was like oh Dane you and I were the same person you're always I
00:26:15
always supported you I gave you everything you know anyway I was the oldest of five and my name
00:26:22
okay the same as my father's you know except our middle name's different but
00:26:27
so I was sort of his favorite you know and and again I was I became that guy that he wanted me to be which was a
00:26:35
pretty tough guy an athlete and my second brother was uh well like probably well he was my second brother's gay so
00:26:43
he went to the Seminary to be a priest and like four years and dropped out that's the whole other thing and then I
00:26:50
had another brother who was a good great kid who's kind of tragic he died young
00:26:56
then my my youngest sister died then my father died and my mother died then my father died
00:27:03
so it was kind of a you know uh crazy crazy [ __ ] but um wow yeah so my dad was a uh deadbeat dad
00:27:13
kind of in a when when that's where all my anger comes out I got in a fight in
00:27:17
sixth grade with this kind of Oscar and uh he uh I was I was at the Little League game just chatting up some gals
00:27:23
and he came behind me and rabbit punched me oh I was like first of all it's illegal but I didn't say anything about
00:27:29
that but I turned around and then it's the Sucker Punch Yeah Sucker Punch surprisingly spay didn't go down on that
00:27:36
I was just like huh and then he goes come on man let's go and I'm like talking to girls go I'm with some ladies
00:27:41
but meanwhile it was you haven't changed just talking and then I was but it was
00:27:48
10 white and they Groton so everyone gathers on I go and they're like fight I'm like no no there's no fight here you
00:27:55
know and then and then I go nice to see everyone I'm going to take off and I go I gotta get out of here it
00:28:00
hits me again on the way and I go uh so then I walk across the gravel to my friend's mom's car I go I feel like the
00:28:09
manly move is to get in their car and lock the doors and hide until the game's
00:28:13
over and then maybe it'll all go away and then I get to the door and it was like slow motion Juke it was locked oh
00:28:20
and it was an old Chevelle and I go [ __ ] and I turn around and I go because he'd hit me three times at this
00:28:27
point and I was looking like a big fool and I turn around and I go I and here comes my dad left me all my anger I'm
00:28:34
looking humiliated and then he tries to be cool and does a little rope-a-dope like look around he swings his hand up
00:28:39
and then Jabs me in the face and that was it and I laid a barrage on him and I backed him up and I kept hitting and he
00:28:48
fell and I jumped on him and I started wailing on him and then someone grabbed me and he stood up and goes coaches
00:28:53
coming coach wasn't coming and uh and he ran off and then when said he won I won
00:29:01
but I I I I still talk about this fight it rarely comes up maybe twice a week but I uh I I
00:29:09
tell everyone about it I heard it this morning did you guys you remember seeing that
00:29:14
cartoon when I was a kid it was it was it was a Disney thing I think it was called it was a short
00:29:20
but it was called Lambert the friendly lion did you you guys ever see that and I'm
00:29:26
36. I tell you this story because you guys should should get it you can Google it
00:29:32
Lambert Lambert lion the friendly lion and what happened was in a sheep it was a shepherd and sheep
00:29:41
on a Hillside and one night the stork makes a mistake and drops the baby lion in amongst the Sheep
00:29:49
um and the mother a mother who didn't have any shape you know takes the lion in and so
00:29:58
he's raised as a sheep and a lot again he's he's like a sheep he's afraid of
00:30:02
the wolf comes by they're all terrified full grown he's shaking you know of this
00:30:09
wolf but the the kicker was that the wolf backs the mother out on a precipice where she can't go anywhere he's got the
00:30:17
wolf's gonna kill her and all of a sudden you hear this [ __ ] Roar just behind the wall the wolves here goes up
00:30:26
you know and he turns around it's a salivating [ __ ] killer male lion you know it's just great it's just right
00:30:33
it's like that's what that was me that was you you got pushed to where you know
00:30:39
you'd rather take a beating like my father used to tell me when I was a kid look if you get pushed into it
00:30:45
Never back down it's better to take a beating because the beating will heal the back down yeah go away my dad told
00:30:55
me there's some [ __ ] I won't eat and he goes believe me Davey I eat [ __ ] every
00:30:59
day it shouldn't work ain't [ __ ] at home your mom gives me [ __ ] yeah and he goes
00:31:03
but now and then he goes I can't take it and he goes that's what happened to you
00:31:06
he couldn't take it your father was quite a character those stories on your dad yeah they're so hilarious and uh
00:31:12
that's why that's one thing thanks Dad meanwhile you're probably the reason I
00:31:15
got beat up and I'm a [ __ ] but thank you laughs [Music] and people you you're ripped he's Rich no I know
00:31:31
he's rich but um how long was it between you've been married with Children and then how long
00:31:37
is it between that and Modern Family well it was uh 86 to 96 and a half or once something like that and then
00:31:46
then there was that inner room where I did like uh Dragnet I did Dragnet I I did uh the two
00:31:55
series with David milch you know I did Big Apple right the surf movie the the dysfunctional surf family down in San
00:32:01
Diego do you think I think he's got Bezos money now I think it's more like
00:32:06
you're gonna open a rocket ship company because all that first pile of money and
00:32:09
then another pile of money well it's I I looked at it because I had to add it up you had to add it up
00:32:16
because I think it's a Guinness Guinness Book of World Records probably 459 episodes between Married with
00:32:24
Children wow and Modern Family not my question for Ed is when you dream do you suck do you dream is that Bundy
00:32:32
or your dream is Jay pritchell I don't dream as either one but you know the funny thing is I remember when that that
00:32:39
happened and I got a phone call from one of the news agencies I didn't know about it and they said you
00:32:46
just eclipsed Lucille Ball's uh oh okay record of shows you know for her you
00:32:52
know how many of mugging is she done playing it too bad whatever it was I was like one one above her and I said uh I
00:33:00
said Okay okay so what do you think about that I mean isn't that amazing and
00:33:04
I said well it's it probably should have been a crossword puzzle question but you're not saying I was better than
00:33:12
Lucille Ball are you yeah so I did one more show present date I've done one more show so
00:33:20
yeah I mean like say your first the pilot or the first episode of Married With Children yeah and this is your
00:33:26
first big star oh yeah yeah first time I love that show it's so loose and weird
00:33:31
and you're all great you know what was the guy walked off that show I mean how
00:33:37
much did you change like as an actor or performer or you got wealthy you got famous I mean that's such a tsunami in a
00:33:43
in a life you know and you're married and I mean it's just it's intense I mean
00:33:49
it kind of like was a it then it kind of happened in waves you know like the first three years I think we were just
00:33:57
trying to survive we didn't we couldn't believe we were going to be on another
00:34:00
season yeah and then they slowly started picking us up for like you know I don't
00:34:06
know five years I think was the biggest pickup and then I thought well you know that's
00:34:11
good I mean we don't win anything but we're we're running you know we're
00:34:14
running and we're keeping fox in the black which was kind of good for them and us and uh
00:34:21
I just thought of myself like wow I'm this is really luck you know this is lucky
00:34:27
and um I never thought much about it honestly I I wasn't um I would I would I always
00:34:34
have this kind of like one-track thing where it's like what's this week yeah what are we doing let me see the
00:34:42
script okay right what's next week I didn't even you know when I got that I never
00:34:48
I never thought about it much I don't know why I it starts out very humbly doesn't I mean did you kind of break
00:34:54
even your first year between housing costs I wasn't making it I think I was yeah so
00:35:00
now you never make one hand well I think I was making twelve five an episode the
00:35:04
first couple years this thing and I said um you know I don't want to be impertinent
00:35:23
but why do I need you guys for you know I've got I've got it I've got to go that's running and then
00:35:29
you leaned over and got an angle on Bernie why do I have to pay you now too I've already got the show
00:35:36
and Bernie you know how Bernie was you know that's a good question he said you
00:35:40
know what though what if I told you that the next door neighbor is making a lot more money than you are would that
00:35:46
surprise you I said yeah it would well Bernie Bernie Bernie was pretty honest he came out in the press
00:35:54
and said anybody who gives 20 of the salary a salary away is out of their [ __ ] mind and Brad gray had to meet
00:36:02
with him and go Bernie we got to take it easy with this stuff and Brad was in the
00:36:06
room and then I think the upshot was Bernie said okay this is the deal um you come with me
00:36:15
you're gonna make a shitload of money you're going to have a good time and I'm
00:36:20
going to teach you the business and uh I said you know I was doubled I mean there was
00:36:27
my agent yeah and I said well here I am I'm you know I'm given to him so I said sure
00:36:36
fine you can make a shitload or just a load well I never felt they knew what to do
00:36:42
with me ever I mean I I every job I ever got with them I basically got on my own
00:36:51
no because what I mean is that they create of management no no what I mean is it was like like
00:36:59
you guys had had uh shows that they created for you right kind of sure yeah you know the ownership of Saturday Night
00:37:08
Live David they they create a show around you they knew how to do that for certain people they just didn't know I
00:37:15
don't believe they knew how to do it for me because they didn't really know what
00:37:18
I was you know I wasn't a stand-up comic I never did stand up I wasn't even a
00:37:24
comedic actor when I got married with Children although I had done comedy in the theater but they didn't know that
00:37:30
yeah and so they didn't know what to do with me I I and I I don't I don't blame
00:37:35
them by the way it's like uh it was I'm like a difficult I may be a difficult to sell you know
00:37:45
who would be the easiest cell of a actor comedian coming into a agent's manager
00:37:52
Office in the 80s it would have been like Kevin Costner or something or Harrison Ford in 1980. Eddie Murphy
00:38:00
leading man well Eddie Murphy for sure because he was you know he was sexy yeah and he was funny uh uh brilliant it's
00:38:09
gotten me pretty far Chris Walken Chris Watkins hilarious yeah but again nobody is hard too yeah
00:38:19
that wasn't funny I think people discovered Chris was funny and decided he was funny yeah yeah wow no I was I
00:38:27
was the same thing I wasn't a leading man I don't know how to act I'm kind of
00:38:30
funny I you know where do you put me you know I'm just glad I live long enough
00:38:34
for this digital technology that this is my job I mean said Sid Caesar would have
00:38:38
had one of these oh God said Caesar was one of my favorite it's brilliant don't
00:38:44
you ever meet ever meet Sid Caesar I never met him I I was in the room with him a couple times where he was uh
00:38:51
but I didn't meet him I he was it was intimidated was at an airport and he goes oh yeah you're on
00:38:58
that show he goes how many shows you do a season uh 20. yeah we did we did 55. you know he's like yeah that's how he
00:39:04
better you know he was I I don't think he was any day at the beach you know and he was a bit stronger
00:39:10
I love that term he was a big strong guy too when he was young yeah uh he was he
00:39:16
was a he was a scary guy and uh but my God he was funny yeah you know I don't
00:39:22
think anybody has ever done that uh that talk that you know what what do they call it you know where he speaks
00:39:29
the language and it's not a language oh yeah the fake friends they can do it but he's the best he's
00:39:46
the best like his his Samurai you know the palushi took the peluchi stole from him the samurai was better than anything
00:39:54
you've ever seen do you ever see him do the samurai oh he was doing the whole like blue she did
00:40:00
all that wait well that's where Belushi got it from since he's oh really it was insane
00:40:07
and his Italian was the best I ever heard his Italian was oh it was you can actually Google since
00:40:15
these are speaking four different languages at a Bob Hope uh they're honoring Bob Hope and he gets
00:40:21
out and starts in French and then German and then Italian and then he ends up with the Japanese it's phenomenal yeah
00:40:28
and he was the first too I mean right right there with this yeah Sketch I read his book you know I don't know if you
00:40:35
saw his book because it's okay it's not great but he talks about heads at the
00:40:39
end well no I mean it's it's okay and some of the stories were good but all
00:40:43
right he was he was good with the accents maybe not he was doing the accident adjectives he was sober uh for a long
00:40:50
time and uh his wife said you know now that you're sober we should travel you
00:40:55
know you're retired and he said well where so how about Australia he said yeah I've
00:41:01
always wanted to go there and then he came to find out he had he had toured Australia you know one point in time he
00:41:07
was so [ __ ] up he just remember he was there I'm just interested in in bitterness in
00:41:15
our business like how to avoid it because I work with Mickey Rooney it was the most bitter Humanity too yeah it
00:41:22
worked so bitter right what year did you work with him I worked with him he he came up to me the last
00:41:28
time I saw him I was at Malibu you know what was that restaurant tretinoid sitting outside with some friends and he
00:41:37
came over and he said uh you know I'm trying to I'm trying to get a [ __ ] show off the ground with
00:41:47
Debbie Reynolds you know she's got the hotel in Vegas done very well for herself
00:41:53
I'd like to do Tugboat Annie with Debbie Reynolds I can't get past these Jew
00:41:58
producers oh he was like outraged I said Mickey Mickey he said now you know these I
00:42:07
don't I'm only coming to you because I know you know television producers
00:42:13
and I said yeah but I said I'll I'll bring it up I was thinking I was with
00:42:18
Ron Levitt you know Ron Levitt Michael Moy from uh Married with Children so I said well
00:42:23
I'll I'll bring it up he's 90 years old practically you know they're [ __ ] with me they're [ __ ]
00:42:30
me he said Gene Kelly Gene Kelly had just died National Treasure Gene I knew Gene very well
00:42:38
Judy Garland same thing look at who you're rolling with you know we learned a lot today uh
00:42:45
Judy Garland never owned a car that's he you do non-sequiturs because they pumped herself full of drugs and he
00:42:54
would talk until he couldn't breathe he said he said that they call me he said Gene's a National Treasure
00:43:03
that's what they're saying and he was and when I die they'll say the same thing about me that
00:43:10
I'm a National Treasure they won't hire me for [ __ ] yeah and they would treat
00:43:15
him like a treasure yeah get a job you know he couldn't get a job Ed did you
00:43:19
okay sorry did you ever did you ever run into an old-time movie star you would have been
00:43:25
blown away with that said they were a fan of yours like Bert Lancaster or something not Bert Lancaster not bird
00:43:31
okay I'm just throwing them out what was it was Ernest Borgnine oh yeah and uh
00:43:37
and that was great and then James Arness James Arness came in directly it came from his
00:43:44
brother you know his brother who had Mission Impossible what was his name you know
00:43:48
did you know he had a brother that was a a different name oh yeah yeah something
00:43:53
RNs I I had a G YouTube The reason I thought about that is because I had a weird one recently with Gene Kelly which
00:44:01
blew my mind because Lovitz we were playing Vegas and he went to some party and he met Gene Kelly's Widow yes and as
00:44:09
John says and she said make sure you tell Dana that Gene loved his Bush impression he'd tell everyone to be
00:44:15
quiet when Dana was on so just the idea that Gene Kelly knew who I was was saying my name out loud be quiet Dana's
00:44:24
on blew my mind David well yes I was at his house one night Dana I was invited this woman that I knew was friends with
00:44:33
his wife I can't remember her first name but she was quite a bit younger as you
00:44:36
know right yeah and they lived on Rodeo Drive on the floor so I was because I thought I want to
00:44:45
meet you know I want to meet Gene Kelly so I go and you know how it worked they would have like once a week she'd have
00:44:50
dinners and invited various people to amuse Gene you know to like you know keep them active mentally and that he'd
00:44:58
be upstairs and they'd have the cocktail hour and then he'd come down with a big
00:45:02
long dinner table and uh so I was introduced to him along with you know 15 other people and
00:45:11
he had no clue who I was but he said uh O'Neill Irish I said yeah where are you from I said Youngstown
00:45:23
Ohio Youngstown Ohio yeah well you know I'm from Pittsburgh I said I know that
00:45:27
Mr Kelly yeah well I was from Pittsburgh I used to play these gangster clubs uh in
00:45:34
Sharon PA I said oh yeah I had a girlfriend once that lived in Sharon PA I used to drive
00:45:40
down there you know three or four times a week he said Sharon you drove the Sharon
00:45:44
the [ __ ] are you telling me you drove the shared Sharon's 150 [ __ ] miles
00:45:49
from Pittsburgh or from Youngstown I said no no it's just over the line it's like 10 miles Jesus I just [ __ ]
00:45:57
kid he's from Ohio he's telling me we're sharing Pennsylvania he was mad
00:46:04
I'm at the other end of the table so I mean he's going over everybody else you
00:46:09
know to tell me what a stupid [ __ ] I was so I I finally said to him well maybe
00:46:16
there's two sharing you know there's not two Sharons God he won't let you off the
00:46:23
[ __ ] book I'm gonna make this short I love this he talked about a lot of other things you know Dan Fred Astaire
00:46:31
great stories phenomenal stories you know the guy knew everybody the popes you know the whole
00:46:37
thing so at the end of the evening where he walked every he was very gracious now
00:46:41
you know he walked everybody out to their cars valets and now it's my turn with my
00:46:49
friend and he says uh he was calling me Irish now you know hey Irish you got off
00:46:55
on the wrong foot but you know I like it I like I like something about you you know you're all
00:47:01
right Youngstown right Irish come back anytime anytime you tell so-and-so okay I go home
00:47:09
and I had an assistant and I said get a [ __ ] nap a map a scale map uh Youngstown to Sharon PA
00:47:17
and make it very clear and mail it to this or hand delivered to this address so he did
00:47:27
two weeks go by I thought this was a bad move you know and then I get a hand delivered note
00:47:34
I've got it right here you can actually showed I I could show it oh we just read
00:47:40
it I guess it's Gene Kelly stationary okay Kelly uh dear Ed they must have moved Sharon yeah
00:47:50
[Laughter] uh and you know I've got it he said listen uh the the Rolling Rock which is the beer
00:48:02
in Pittsburgh the Rolling Rock and the Humble Pie are on me your friend Gene Kelly yeah great so
00:48:09
I've got that I've said of course I framed it now nice I called his wife you
00:48:14
know I pushed it you know I called his wife and I said boy that was you know I told
00:48:19
her it's such a great so gracious you know she said hey that did not come easy
00:48:25
he was upstairs pouring over his Maps [ __ ] and cursing and acting things and finally he had you know he
00:48:34
finally he realized that you know he was wrong about where Sharon PA was it's a great story though right
00:48:43
[Music] yeah well I think that what I'm getting from today is behind the scenes kids
00:48:48
people who want to get into Show Business everybody behind the scenes is basically a guy with talks like this
00:48:54
what the [ __ ] is the matter with you yeah get over here you son of a [ __ ] even Gene Kelly Singing in the Rain he's
00:49:02
like what the [ __ ] [ __ ] absolutely exactly exactly that's the for talking to us and uh I have to tell
00:49:13
you I learned a lot that I learned that had after 480 episodes is more humble than I was after one 1-800 collect
00:49:20
commercial and uh I take away Ed is nice and Tilly's not nice and you never want to
00:49:30
meet that guy that's my takeaway well that you know I mean look now who knows
00:49:37
I mean it's like you know I'm up to an age now where I better watch myself but
00:49:42
yeah I got money on you yeah don't worry yeah you know it was it was just the way
00:49:46
it was only it's just the way you grow up you know you just grow up a certain
00:49:49
way and thank you and I think this will uh this will make a good eight minute show all
00:50:03
right bye guys thank you very much see you later guys hey what's up flies what's up fleas
00:50:11
what's up people that listen we want to hear from you and your dumb questions
00:50:14
questions ask us anything anything you want you can email us at fly on the wall at cadence13.com
00:50:23
hey David we get letters as you know and fans of of the podcast like to ask us questions this is from Robert Prince
00:50:31
hey guys I've always loved the SNL opening credits montage and was wondering what your memories are
00:50:38
shooting them do you have any say in the location or what you'd be doing during
00:50:44
your part thanks Robert in San Antonio so what was your little video thing I thought this question was about my
00:50:51
vintage op jacket but on sale now wherever you find your jacket wherever you find overpriced jackets
00:51:00
uh this is I like this because the opening montage it's always been pretty much the same
00:51:06
they pick a theme it's always a night shoot you don't care because you just
00:51:10
got an SNL and you got to pick out what to wear and I wore my own shirt um Sandler look cool and I used to always
00:51:18
bust as well because he kind of turned the game I go no no no it does a little yeah hey
00:51:25
what's going on what do you got going and uh and when I come I'm like this
00:51:30
Showbiz I was like JonBenet I really gave a new but I but you do a couple so he put me in front of a bar or something
00:51:36
with lights Jim's thing really probably right gym senior rally probably I had to
00:51:40
just run around a corner and kind of run down a stairwell near a Subway or something oh is that yours and then stop
00:51:46
on a dime and then I don't even know if I looked up or anything I think we're
00:51:50
just playing like Cinema verite yeah every year they did a different type of theme so yeah I was an action figure
00:51:56
mine was you were kind of what's going on around town because we had like 22
00:52:00
guys to cover so weren't you sitting on a bike rack and then you just turned the
00:52:03
camera and go a thumbs up no I was in the basket ring me you were like E.T you were in the basket
00:52:11
up front I was riding the bike yeah sort of like uh as as you know like Gilligan's Island they go Dana Corby
00:52:19
Dennis Miller and the rest okay that's all of us yeah you know how they they
00:52:23
[ __ ] the professor in me man oh yeah oh I remember Marianne Saran Marianne I'm thirsting how the third I can't
00:52:32
believe we're on This Island what was that guy oh he was great someone told me
00:52:35
there's only like 12 episodes I go no [ __ ] way there wasn't anything Bob
00:52:39
Denver would not sit down for 12 episodes yeah he wouldn't do that he was gonna yeah it was that was a great show
00:52:46
I love those 60s damn it now it's all so I like the opening credits but that
00:52:54
sad thing was when I got there for my first show I told the story when I got blocking it
00:53:00
did my first Michael J fox impression I think it was just a photo we did with Edie Baskin so
00:53:06
I'd say Ron featuring David Spade and they just show a photo of us until we got in the real Montage but
00:53:14
I did it and they forgot to put the photo up I can't wait to yell at Kenny among because all we do is say what a
00:53:20
nice guy is and he's the best guy in the world but I know he feels horrible because David David I forgot so they
00:53:26
didn't put me into no one knew it was me doing it so at the beginning of the show
00:53:29
my one time to be and it didn't happen and then the next year I think I did the video opening
00:53:35
there that's all well Lovitz was giving me a tour because he was on Saturday
00:53:39
Night Live and I got on Saturday live so we're walking Dallas walking around 8 H
00:53:42
and his way you get your changes and there's this stage and Don Pardo was there that day
00:53:49
and I was kind of nervous just seeing him and everything I know I might have said this before but John goes say his
00:53:55
name Don say it you know what do you mean his name's Dana Carvey say it you know I go John he doesn't have to do
00:54:03
that so then he does go Dana call me you know and just gave me chills I broke out
00:54:09
into a cold sweat and I fit myself in a little ball and started sobbing you got yourself into a shoe box right here the
00:54:17
nerves of that show man oh the noise just walking in there it just gets you tense oh you walk through there it's
00:54:24
like walking through the high school you went to on a Sunday afternoon so you know well yeah you get shook down we did
00:54:31
put you up against the wall and give me your lunch money then our coach said just start swinging I don't care how big
00:54:37
the guy is Don Pardo once um stole money from me and pushed me down and said don't tell the Lord
00:54:44
I want your lunch money come here you little [ __ ] you've got more than that I know what
00:54:53
you get here I'm Don Foster and I'll [ __ ] you up I'll [ __ ] you up
00:55:01
and drop your trousers David okay thank you for that question sorry now I'm going blue that means we're gonna
00:55:10
get sued we're canceled suit [Music] this has been a podcast presentation of
00:55:17
cadence 13. please listen then rate review and follow all episodes available now for free wherever you get your
00:55:24
podcast no joke folks fly on the wall has been a presentation of cadence 13 executive produced by Dana
00:55:32
Carvey and David Spade Chris Corcoran of cadence 13 and Charlie finan of brilstein entertainment the show's lead
00:55:38
producers Greg Holtzman with production and Engineering support from Serena Regan and Chris Basil of cadence 13.