00:00:00
okay our next guest is Will Arnette and unfortunately I'm not on this podcast so
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it probably be one of the better ones I do miss interrupting guests and David as
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much as I possibly can so I do miss that but I don't really have an excuse other
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than I forgot that's a good old Steve Martin remember I forgot on robry was illegal here's the reality though in 20 seconds I the week before someone I won't name names say
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said you'll do it on Wednesday so I thought it was on Wednesday and I had it in my head Wednesday so normally with these things I like just forget Tuesday I went to get a presto log at the
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store and I left my phone in the car and I was just watching Lost uh the TV show and I didn't hear the phone and I was like hey it's Tuesday I'm relaxing
00:00:55
because tomorrow Wednesday is Will ornette well guess what ladies and gentlemen will was on the on the
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Riverside Zoom whatever it is with David waiting for me and I just want to apologize to will Arnette and the
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hardest thing to do is to apologize to my partner David David Phineas Spade my first public apology to my partner in podcast crime David from your point of view what happened well what happened
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first of all I like the slice of Dana's life I wake up I go in the backyard and put uh M80 firecrackers in a bu Frog's
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mouth and then I bought a presto log and then I lit my phone on fire in the fireplace instead of the log and that took forever I thought a little
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flavor I like it so anyway we started it and Dana to his uh shagrin sh I don't know he he's always on time and always early and always prepared and so I got nervous because I was the only one on
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the zoom and then will popped on and after a while I said Dana must think it's at 5:30 so let's just start and
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then he'll jump on and then of course he's getting annoyed with just me because he wants to talk to Dana and
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then he goes so uh what's the deal with Dana is he jumping on and I go oh yeah I don't know he should be on soon then I'm
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like Anyway me me me me me and then we laughed and kicked and scratched and tickled and then it had been the whole
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time an hour so I said I don't know what happened and then he said all right well if you want to
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just do this one or we can do it again so I said it was pretty funny we'll just do it let's let's here's two thoughts
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one thought is I think I'm about 108 podcasts I was there on time and then one loss so that's pretty good for an NFL team over six seasons
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secondly it's I really would have loved to have talked to will Arnette but you and he are pretty good friends you did
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snake oil the game show with him so I knew for this particular one I might have actually gotten in the way so I'm sure it's a very entertaining so right now I am the audience so I'm going to
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listen to what this podcast is like this will be good because then you can take notes and say where where were we on
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where were we off what could we change now objectively well my casual nickname in terms of the podcast is loudmouth and
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so I try not to be that so I'm sure it's great I would listen to it if I were driving somewhere right now mine is gestus
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interruptus well that's just you know that's a genetic brain chemistry thing you have like if someone's on a roll
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you've got to pounce on it I got to kill it I got to kill it I got to stop it tracks so we here's will Arnette and we
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did we did laugh a lot I mean we were a little bummed because there's no Dana but we were just sort of
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bullshitting and uh that's the best stuff that's what it all is anyway you know what in the end of the day it really is MHM we should just call our show [ __ ] [ __ ] bull [ __ ]
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plus we CH we charge more yeah okay well thanks everybody and here's will and I think you'll laugh and dog ear the parts that you think are funny and let us know thank [Music]
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you oh my God it's actually happening my computer I had to reboot my nothing makes me sound older than I had to reboot my computer dude you know what you do you go www do hang on W WiFi help.
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ww okay start okay hang on I'm gonna write this down W are you guys still are you still
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doing smart lless did that get canel it's so good I like to start off on like a fake burn that doesn't make
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sense no I'm just hearing some grumblings on the streets I don't know I don't know if any of that was true did
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you guys I no I'm just checking I was like there's no way money back I was where's the truck that dropped the money off is that still there or do they leave yeah apparently now they said we had to
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reload it from our side shut the [ __ ] up don't now I'm getting mad um does it make the beep sound when it pulls it and puts the money in your driveway meep meep
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you know what you want to know something funny and I should save this for the Pod it's already on this is it is this it
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yeah this is about this is the high energy po this is the is I live in the I live right next to one of the world's richest men like he lives like
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sort of kind of two properties down but also kind of like there's this back road
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anyway and he's got [ __ ] trucks and cars going in out of there all [ __ ] day and when I say trucks and cars I don't mean I don't mean like five or six I mean 100 200 a
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day and he's using this other and well I think he's getting married is is is one
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of the things that I heard a scuttlebut I heard from a from a worker dude on the street to a car and and all his car
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friends are coming he's getting married it's so [ __ ] weird no they're all work trucks
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and the beeping and it's like you know most neighborhoods it's like like LA County you can work seven six days a
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week they can they can work Saturdays Beverly Hills it's Monday to Friday no weekends and it's like 8:00 am to 5:00
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p.m. or 6 P p.m. whatever this this dude's got trucks 247 [ __ ] Sundays Martin Luther King Day these
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[ __ ] are beep beep dude I've seen like F-150s with beeps on them I'm like you're not adding that to
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a regular [ __ ] truck on top of all I was in a parking lot this guy's like beep beep I look it's like some crummy
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truck I go no chance dude you don't get that and I this sounds rich but I live in a mansion that's all no I um I live that was the whole story 55 Windows
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six pantries um so well I have I have some some dirt road or some little road by me I didn't know when I moved in that they were going to be working on this guy's
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house for the rest of my life and I don't know where they're even driving so they're just driving up a road and then
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there's a cement truck and there's a truck with a bunch of logs from from that movie where Things fall on people
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and they all die what's that movie called sure you know the one I'm talking about Final Destination so every day I drive
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up my street it's Final Destination I'm following a log truck and then I'm following like a bunch bunch of Boulders on one I go why is it always noisy and
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it's always trucks that need to make an 80 point turn and they go up there and I don't even know what they're building and it's never ending I hate
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their guts it's so it's so [ __ ] crazy and this guy here's the other part here's what's maddening so yesterday they're bu and it's the weekend and [ __ ] holiday weekend they're beep trucks and
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there's like a back road behind my house into this guy's house middle of Beverly Hill by the way so like these are talk
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about 1% problems and then I see photos of this [ __ ] guy he's at the [ __ ] fashion shows in Milan with his soon the be wife
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all over the place [ __ ] flexing his muscles while I'm dealing with his [ __ ] work trucks Flex he's flying over in his
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Global or whatever he's got a private 747 or some [ __ ] he's one of the richest men in the world beep be he doesn't give
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a [ __ ] what I'm going through you know what that's a great trick great trick is when he's got a girlfriend her wife and
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he's like let's go to Milan so I can stare at the chicks it's like a fake way to like we're at a fashion show check
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out that Beaver he's like I mean in a fashion sense I love I Love's check out that beaver in a fashion sense I think beavers are actually coming back babe I think beavers are
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let's get out of here beavers did no I'm serious nothing it's a nothing is a better sign of
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prosperity than being knee deep in beef save a tree to Beaver honey I put it on all my trucks it's funny no but you got the beeps I got a case of the beeps Dana moved out to uh I
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don't know where it's about two or three hours away was it ohigh Heather he moved somewhere like that way and uh he's got
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like a nice little chunk out there so he just likes the tranquility and he used to live on you know sort of right in the
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heart of town and just got to him after a while they were they were digging up the street with construction forever and
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he goes I just got to tap out for a while it's just too much cones and beeps and trucks and yeah man everyone feels so bad for us everyone's like are you guys okay okay I have questions for you
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about your career though but it's it's very relatable every time I every time I complain about something like it's very
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relatable about like my house or something totally [ __ ] unrelatable my buddy Josh is always like please tweet
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that he's like you know please hang yourself just tweet it everyone will hate you the
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[ __ ] the guy at the the the billionaire who's driving his trucks up my back gate your back
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gate [ __ ] who has a back gate it's not it sounds fancier than it is if you saw it you'd be like nice try but uh it
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is legit my garage is my driveway is so skinny that I that two of my friends have can opened their car on the side they pulled in and they pulled in when
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they got in they go what the [ __ ] dude I just RI I just heard something I look and there's a full rip down both their
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sides of their car no I'm like what did you do yeah and it's 100% know it's coming because it's so skinny and it sucks and they bring like their whatever it don't even have to have a big one
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it's just I have a crummy driveway in a dog [ __ ] house but other than that things are going pretty good I think the I think the house is great I'm I'm guessing the house is
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great it looks like a office it's like glass it's like classic like look that I kind of hate now but it's got glass and cement and everyone's like oh is this an office building I'm like no it's my cozy
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house they're like this isn't a house is it a Restoration Hardware or something is it a airw
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anyway if it was an air one talk about it'd be filled with beef hey do you um hey you pulled back don't you dare pull back well always no cuz I'm reading off
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something that somebody else wrote I would never suggest that what uh how long have you been in your house I was
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in one before this for 20 and uh now people listening are like so you're at least 20 yes I look so young I come off very young so uh and then I lived here
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for two so I'm at least 22 and I I live I used to live in trale which is nice and Rich and now I live in Sunset Plaza which is you know it's fine
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it's a shoulder [Music] shrugger I will say that one thing people don't know is maybe this isn't
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for you but I've never met my neighbors really in my other house for 20 years and I don't know I'm here no one likes
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me no one talks me no one and I'm on a hill so even walk to my house it's like Barry's boot camp to go 40 yards it's no
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one will do it it's so no one's like hey come over for barbecue hey there's no camaraderie there it's very weird no it's very very weird I I agree with you and I moved into this house coming up on
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um almost three years ago and um the only people I've met are like the housekeeper who for the people who live across the street who are now moving out she's my friend and I and I see her and
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then she always waves to me she's nice she's worked for them for like 40 years and she's super nice the people I never see I'm like where are the like my neck
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my actual on one side next door neighbors I've never seen them I see gardeners and stuff and
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then on the other side's super weird some older dude and his like way younger wife and then here's another one I was
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out for dinner I had all the kids uh and my partner Alexandre and we were out having some um having some dinner and I get a notice
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that there's somebody's ringing the doorbell like one of those apps on my phone I'm like who the hell is this I
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can look at it look at this rich guy with his apps I I know look at me with my apps by the way not even a yearly
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subscription month to month and um so cancel no I don't need to cancel it I'll [ __ ] pay it I don't give a [ __ ] it's a buck 99 a month but he calls me baller dude I'm killing
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it with the ABS so I look and I see this dude like staring down my staring down the camera of like my doorbell with his um woman behind
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him 10 times I'm not exaggerating 10 times hit the thing and I can speak through the app and I finally go yeah he it's kind of like one of those ring things it's not
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actually ring it's another one but anyway I'm like hey what's hello you know hey you're you've got a fire going
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in your place you've got an illegal fireplace I go no I don't you've got fun and I know and you can't
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do that that's not right blah blah blah I go I don't know what you're talking about I'm your neighbor blah blah blah blah blah blah so like what keeps
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ringing so finally I go stop ringing the doorbell I don't have a fireplace you've
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got the wrong house blah so then I'm at dinner I'm like [ __ ] [ __ ] is there a fire at the house so I drive I'm like
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and I leave we've just ordered dinner way all four kids and my girl and I get in the car cuz I'm like now I'm nervous
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that there's a fire so I drive it's like 22 minutes away I drive home I get here
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of course there's no fire I don't have a fireplace like what the [ __ ] she [ __ ] so then I drive back so I'm like I'm
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gonna find this [ __ ] guy I drive around the neighborhood he sort of said and then and then uh I call him and I go
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hey you came by my house and blah BL because he' left his number on a card and on the card he' said you're not allowed to have a fireplace that you put
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in jez he has to reiterate it we know who you are guy yeah so I [ __ ] call him and he goes go Hey listen I go I didn't have a friend he goes I know it's the wrong house it's the other people
00:16:03
and I go you ruined my night you [ __ ] rang my doorbell 10 times I I I'm like the biggest crime I didn't eat my dinner um and I'm like you [ __ ] my sushi
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that was cold got cold but then he goes look well he's like an older he goes well well look we're in the same
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business we got a lot of mutual friends I go really and he goes you know I'm old
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he goes I'm old friends with Jay Leno I go what he literally said that to him dude
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I get I get the mutual friend thing too all the time we got a lot of mutual friends I went to one of Sandler
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premieres I go do you know him no but I got a I was a plus one I go oh well we're on the same boat I guess I'm not really asking real questions I'm not like that this isn't
00:16:49
like a real show but I I saw I mean I saw obviously Blades of Glory was stupid schwartzen in that movie Nick schwartzon that little p does he officially go by
00:17:04
stupid yeah he's a [ __ ] he was he wasn't that SS he's like that dog on Tik Tok that looks around and goes when you go to the airport and you don't know what gate you're at and it
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goes the dog just stares into the lens and looks around I get that video every other one and it makes me laugh and I go
00:17:24
Schon is this you but yeah he's so super dumb and he doesn't know really anything but he was in that movie and uh Blades of Glory was a fun one man that was a fun movie um I
00:17:38
was just talking about the other day I went to a King's game with Will F and and our kids and wife and stuff and all right and he was he was
00:17:49
saying I was talking about I ended up doing a bunch of the skating I'm not the best skater in the world but I played
00:17:55
hockey growing up so I I skated and that I did the the most skating of everybody in that
00:18:01
cast really of my own yeah uh I didn't do any like tricks or anything l i get crazy but skating is hard skating can
00:18:09
you skate backwards yeah oh yeah and I skated with like you know my my ex Amy was she and I played brother or sister in that and yeah we I ended up doing a lot of skating
00:18:22
with her double uh it was one of the first movies they did face replacement where they did like CG oh yeah they could do I didn't know that in that
00:18:33
movie that's way back too 2006 we made that we shot it what year did you start quiet Burns and I know SNL
00:18:48
67 so you were pre SNL before they called it SNL you were you were in the pre years I was I was on SNL when I heard Jack Ruby shot that one guy
00:19:00
when they do that do you remember where you were you yeah I was doing a sketch you were doing a sketch you were you were doing Tuesday night writing uh when you heard Jack Ruby yeah Jack Ruby and
00:19:12
they go Jack Ruby shot somebody and I go Lennon and they go [ __ ] let me check let me call I call you right back was Downey
00:19:19
wrote didn't Downey wrote a cold open about Jack R right that week he did that's oh yeah he had a cold open we had to keep changing it cuz everything was changing so fast we had Matt Damon come in and play
00:19:32
him cuz all this cast wasn't good enough I like when the cast goes hey we're gonna play This dairo is Gonna Play Your Part Matt Damon's playing your part and you 22 cast members can sit in
00:19:45
the balcony if you want to watch the show that's always a bummer yeah nothing really major happened when I was on SNL like that nothing good oh you were in Toronto by
00:19:55
the way 416 in the 416 is definitely in the house is it still 416 are they still miling that I
00:20:02
mean the cool kids yeah yeah but there are like there are a bunch of new like sort of Valley codes now um oh gross you
00:20:10
know what I mean you know but is 416 the good one like 310 out 416 the old it's the O if we say I always say the OG do you know I don't know if you know what that is and I uh 416 is definitely the
00:20:25
OG and then the new one is 647 block that's like the that's like going 818 yeah that's block I got 818 block on my phone I don't I don't talk to people in
00:20:37
the valley I go you whip around the hill you say something to me I don't even know what I'm talking
00:20:45
about oh your dad ran Molson breweries I'm not reading this off Wikipedia your dad ran Mo I don't know if you know this he was and molsen we chugg that [ __ ] in
00:20:56
Arizona we had Molson kagar it was it had a big wide did it have a different bottle I know there was Mickey's big mouth you ever heard of that no what is that that's a beer that was a weird beer
00:21:09
that had a big their Hook was where you drank out of it it was bigger it was like a bigger Circle and uh that was her
00:21:15
only hook but M get more wasted dude yeah you get so [ __ ] wasted then you do it with a straw yeah but Molson and then uh we went to kagar I put you
00:21:26
through college we drank so much Molson did you really in Arizona were you a big were you a big Beer Drinker you know I
00:21:34
was I was such a [ __ ] puss I mean you'll never believe this but I was such a little dandelion I wasn't this athlete
00:21:42
you know hard ass stunt man you see before you I was just always like falling down from
00:21:48
weakness but I did take you know what I could do in school which was shocking yeah aside from not get any action was uh
00:21:58
I would um we took weightlifting as an elective and I would I could bench you know you bench you deadlift you do all these things you get graded on but I could jump rope oh I [ __ ] you know
00:22:11
I'm so F I can't now I could whip it out I would do You' do one minute forward one minute backward one minute of crisscross one minute of doubles o and I
00:22:23
don't know what the last one was but it would burn you out so bad and I was so good at it
00:22:29
and it didn't get me any action I thought it would it wasn't really the panty dropper I thought it would be but
00:22:34
it was um something I need something on the old pick and res it's too bad you don't do it now no now it would be a
00:22:41
cool thing to do because I would do it on Instagram all day and film it you know and show everyone like [ __ ] you got to rise and grind but I barely rise
00:22:48
and I do not grind nothing's is nothing's worth anything if you can't record it and post it otherwise what's of course why would I do why would
00:22:59
anyone do anything there's no value yeah it's I can't believe I used to do anything cuz I couldn't post it yeah
00:23:06
same here I don't man the people that do stuff and just film every goddamn day and I'm like all the funniest thing is
00:23:12
these girls obviously they're cute but they're either Instagram whatever and they literally like lean toward the
00:23:17
camera fake cover their boobs like don't look or whatever and then they turn it on go back to standing and there's a
00:23:24
song on they just kind of look around with dead eyes and this kind of move not that great and then they and then they kind of fake laugh and then they go back and turn it off and I'm like 22 million
00:23:35
view what what the [ __ ] is going I think the problem is by the time I figure out it's dumb I can't reach to stop it it's
00:23:41
already clicked in right she's like counted you counted they got me to yeah yeah yeah so do you think it's ruined this is this is this week this
00:23:54
week on a very special fly on the wall do you think the internet has ruined us no do
00:24:02
you think social media has [ __ ] destroyed us as as a society just turned us into bigger morons than we already
00:24:08
were I do yes no one thought it was possible but yes I think it's it's exposed us as it's exposed our inner
00:24:16
[ __ ] well there used to be a little mystery I I do feel a little bit for the uh the women out there that you know when you were cute my high school had like the two for sure babe
00:24:28
and then their only pressure was they heard some girl at Arcadia was pretty but they don't even know outside of
00:24:34
their town so they're doing okay but when you're in competition on Instagram with the rest of the world world you're
00:24:40
like oh my God everyone's and every girl is pretty or don't even don't come I mean Instagram is ridiculous and then
00:24:47
between filters and all you don't know if you're competing in a real competition or if they're that's their version of steroids they're like wait
00:24:53
you had a filter you're disqualified but you don't know so every sing single person is pretty it's too stressful I'm
00:25:00
sure for women just like how can I even look like every whatever and uh that's part of it the dumb things everyone films are part of it and America's Got
00:25:11
literally no Talent that's really the big underlying theme here when they show what they do and stuff I'm like nothing
00:25:19
got nothing no there's nothing there's no there's no wit to any of it right I mean this is like this is my biggest complaint is that there's zero it's
00:25:32
there's no wit and there's no real premium paid for wit anymore you know I mean that's the that's a good way to put
00:25:39
it and I watch I watch my kids my teenage boys they're pretty good but for a while they were watching stuff they're
00:25:44
getting a little more Discerning but they'd watch stuff and I'd go like my 13-year-old Abel is and both my kids are
00:25:51
my older boys are funny dudes but AEL is like seriously funny kid and I'm like you're way funnier than the [ __ ] you're giving your watching the wrong stuff right he's just watching a bunch of crap
00:26:02
and I'm like what are you doing dude yeah you know what's funny I I block when they do those pranks and they're
00:26:09
unfunny like they go in a they go in a store and like throw a ball at a guy's head and they look around like hey we did it I'm like first of all I really
00:26:16
want you to get the [ __ ] kicked out of you second of all these aren't funny they're to make you look great and
00:26:21
everyone look stupid yeah and it's and and and then they put all the like crying emojis to let you know oh this
00:26:27
this is funny there's five crying emojis you didn't laugh but I'm showing you that this is a comedy piece and then I
00:26:34
block anyone that's not funny I block them I give one shot and then I get mad I go no please don't come up again I
00:26:40
can't it's I love that you said that about the crying emot crying laughing emoji it's the equivalent to the
00:26:46
Applause sign right it's like oh oh now I it really is it's like this denotes funny [ __ ] man I watched an award show the other night I'm not going to say which one and there was
00:26:58
yesterday exactly so this was recorded this is timeless and I was watching uh pieces of entertainment I
00:27:05
won't say if it's a movie or a TV show that were nominated as comedies Oppenheimer Oppenheimer is the funniest
00:27:11
movie of the year no I agree with you are you about to say that comedies you don't you're
00:27:16
like that's not a comedy is it that's not a comedy no and I saw show it was and it won all this stuff and I'm like f
00:27:24
well made great like really like good not not a comedy I I would dare to say that they don't think I saw one I saw one like that and I go and it said for supporting actor in a comedy and they
00:27:37
showed the show and I or whatever it was and I go yeah that's a comedy yeah I'm not sure it is it would be like if they
00:27:45
said succession was a comedy and you'd be like yes it it feels like it's a way to get in a category to helpfully win or
00:27:51
something weirds going on like that because I I I don't know what's going on it it freaked me out but then I'm like
00:27:57
I'm like the worst person to what we were at our mutual friend's house watching and then I'm like
00:28:02
every the restaurant yeah the restaurant and I had the [ __ ] I had I had the uh
00:28:08
I had the uh you know the the laser laser beams I had the laser pointer going and I was just it was brutal and I
00:28:15
was I did not that that's a tough room but it's [ __ ] hilarious but that's every room in America we were done of
00:28:22
course yeah everyone does that what it's so [Music] awesome I have to say I have nothing to say did you see Chelsea Handler on a on
00:28:38
an award show which could have been yesterday or 6 months ago and she she I she looked great she had a joke but she kind of had a burn on her ex-boyfriend I
00:28:49
wonder if they if he texted her and said what the [ __ ] I don't know I saw that I
00:28:56
I saw bits and pieces of it I think yeah she's always she's funny she makes me laugh I think she's super smart and
00:29:03
funny and then and I saw that too and I was wondering if like oh uh I wonder if I mean that's a joke
00:29:10
that the next person that hosted might have capitalized off Joe Koy and said I'm going to say a joke but at his expense you know saying like oh I'm going to thank my writers that wrote
00:29:21
that joke because I do like my writers and then it kind of gets like an Applause or something but I think I
00:29:27
would have felt a little bad if I was JK because those shows are so we Dan and I
00:29:33
talked about they're so tough and I've HST some stuff and it doesn't always work and even if you ever gone out for
00:29:38
like an award show and do your clanker joke and you like work on it I'm like why am I working on this it's going to
00:29:44
get absolutely nothing no matter what unless you're will FOH you come out singing or something with Kristen wig
00:29:50
and it's like okay people are going to laugh that's funny it's it's there's so little upside I I was I texted with well
00:29:57
after the Globes cuz he and Kristen came out and did that bit with the music and I was like that was the highlight of the
00:30:04
Night by far nothing else was close but then you see like first of again there's
00:30:09
no upside there's no why do it I've I've been asked to host a bunch of those things and I've always said no and I'm like nope including I won't name
00:30:21
them but but ones a bunch of the ones that were just very recent I was like no way right the stunt man Awards yeah the
00:30:28
stuntman um production Design Awards and PD and Catering catering cat ring Awards um no I but because there's no upside I'm not saying I'm a big I'm
00:30:41
not showing off that they asked me I mean they've asked a million people like I'm one of 800,000 people that they ask
00:30:46
uh I just mean that my thought process is it's very tempting it's hard to win it's very tempting but it's hard to get
00:30:51
a win out of it so why and and so few people are really great like Kimmel's great at it I love I think he's so good
00:30:59
at it and he's pretty smooth and he's very he's very non plus and he kind of giggles and non but they're used to him and I think that was Joe koi they didn't know him like back and forth like they
00:31:10
know Kimmel and so they're sort of like you got to earn it with us guy and uhh and you know and by the way he didn't totally bomb there's a couple things didn't work like everything but I think
00:31:22
the Taylor Swift thing along with some others just sort of put him in a hole he couldn't get
00:31:28
yeah it's tough to come out swinging like that if they don't know you I thought the same thing which is they're like you you have you don't have it's
00:31:34
not like you don't have any Goodwill you just have no will they have no idea who you are so that's tough I felt for him I
00:31:41
really did I I um a lot of people were like [ __ ] on him I just thought man that [ __ ] poor guy that that sucks
00:31:48
like no matter what that just must feel lonely as [ __ ] um I don't know yeah I I
00:31:54
was just saying to uh well I don't know anybody but I was talking to them myself the other day and I was saying I saw on
00:32:02
Instagram you'll laugh at this and you better so I'm queuing you with emojis that it's funny but uh I I saw a picture of me in a premiere of like Terminator
00:32:14
and I'm and I realized I was such a [ __ ] Premier [ __ ] that when I was on like
00:32:21
just shoot me or after SNL I know me and Farley went to at least we were at casino SC it was so exciting like hey
00:32:29
they treat you like a king hey you want to come to our Premiere hey it's a huge movie you get to see it a week ahead and you get Front Row free everything
00:32:36
there's a press line you're going to see all these people and I I wet the beak a
00:32:42
little too much on that one and I was looking back and they keep showing me now I'm in this algo it's like anded he
00:32:47
was at another Premiere they don't say that they just say oh here's the premiere of speed there's K Reeves there's David Spade I'm like [ __ ] was I
00:32:54
at that too and then it's like here's True Lies David Spade Chris Farley I go you're kidding me and I look like the biggest dope at everyone I'm like but you know what it was different back then though stylist but it was different back
00:33:07
then too there wasn't as much here's the other thing about the word show I have two things I want to say about that one
00:33:12
is I this goes back to my earlier point about social media now you turn on the thing you're like why do I get they're
00:33:18
like so and so is on the carp I'm like so what I just saw them on [ __ ] Instagram yesterday it's not special it used to be you never saw these people
00:33:25
now you just see them all the time you're like who gives a [ __ ] the other thing is I think you should put together a coffee table book of you
00:33:31
at premieres and it like Premier [ __ ] yeah show me yeah dude it would be amazing it's [ __ ] is funny that every outfit and have everyone just checking out go you're joking with these pants
00:33:45
and [ __ ] but it was funny because everything got approved by me and I thought it looked pretty pretty styling um sure and now I'm a sad about it yeah
00:33:57
but it was and I was like oh that was fun oh that one was fun it was fun but I was a little drunk with like hey I get
00:34:04
to go or you know it was fun and this that and I'm at the MTV Awards I'm like God take a your foot off the gas
00:34:13
guy and I didn't even have a hair makeup I didn't have anything it was just like
00:34:18
hey this this coat doesn't fit me I'll wear that and these jeans are out of style I'll wear those and I'll wear
00:34:26
these goddamn shoes and then um my hair will look stupid and here's glasses that
00:34:31
I'll regret later and I'll put those sunglasses on and then maybe give a few PE signs and God duck lips I was early
00:34:38
on the duck lips I tell you duck lips nervousness what about pray hands but they're I haven't done that you know what's funny you're right about like Harrison Ford the real movie stars you
00:34:50
didn't see out on Instagram you know growing up you go Paul Newman and it was old school with like you know there's some big star like Frank Sinatra and he comes out of a club and there's a
00:35:01
Paparazzi going Flash Flash oh wait I'm sorry that's not your wife I'm sorry we'll burn the film yeah but you know
00:35:06
they weren't like out to get you no and uh and now yeah and then you don't see these guys unless you see them on stage
00:35:12
in person it's very valuable to see them you go to their show or you see their movie and that's it you don't run into them in real life and now keano Reeves is doing like noon chucks on Tik Tok
00:35:25
you're like no you stay you stay in the movies actually that's a bad example he's one of the few that's super cool and just yeah he's cool he can he can
00:35:36
carry it but but I know what you mean do you think what was the deal this boy hey
00:35:42
tell us you're old without telling his you're old Martin squirt say's done all these videos right he's like on Tik Tok or uh Instagram with his daughter yeah
00:35:51
it's like okay and people have been it's become like a thing and like it's like him I don't know what he's doing but something I'm thinking like you didn't
00:35:57
see like cesil B demill on Tik Tok you know what I mean like this guy I didn't see John Wayne doing the hot pepper [Music] challenge here's Jane FAA trying to
00:36:09
swallow cinnamon throwing up on camera it's so true it's so weird here's Clark Gable doing the Ice Bucket
00:36:22
Challenge Clark G will put his nuts in a [ __ ] mouse trap got a million views you're like I'll see his movie no you see him in his movies and then like
00:36:33
every once in a while they'd have a photograph of just you know him getting out of a chauffer driven Rolls-Royce and
00:36:39
you're like ah right so cool yeah Maryland the old days like and now they want you to jump around and you know the mon right now would have Mar Monroe
00:36:52
would have 50 would have 500 million followers on on only fans you know what I mean like that's the difference oh yeah she would flip the only fans quickly oh for' be like should I should
00:37:06
I be a trillionaire overnight or not it's a tough call every time I look on Instagram
00:37:12
they're like oh look at this nice young lady and there's like a Chili Pepper by her picture I go uhoh link tree
00:37:23
uhoh Boop millionaire millionaire it's [ __ ] true [Music] man I was going to ask you if you have if you skateboard it says you skateboard
00:37:37
does it say you skate no skate you don't skate I mean said skate and I'm such a skateboarder that we call it skating that's where we got messed up do you
00:37:49
skateboard did you skateboard in Arizona [ __ ] yeah yeah I would skate desert pipes I would skate pools and [ __ ] I was cool for a while I didn't even know I had some components of being cool and it
00:38:00
didn't really pay off my favorite thing was when I was on Smart list and I and and Sean said he goes to the seafood
00:38:07
restaurant I always think about that when I go to cor remember when that funny when he goes I was at a seafood restaurant and
00:38:13
we kept going I'm like you don't mean Coy it is Sushi and he's like yeah Seafood I go who on God's green earth
00:38:20
calls it Seafood did you ever I hope you ragged him about that oh my God are you kidding we [ __ ] n [ __ ] stck thing
00:38:28
in the world it's so [ __ ] fun it was it when we did we did I did smartless his show and at the beginning I'm waiting to come on and uh and uh and
00:38:41
oh yeah Heather blew it I think Heather said hang on David you're up but they still didn't know what David it was but
00:38:48
the idea of smartless for those of you who don't know uh two of you guys aren't ready whose guest was I do I remember I think you were were mine right weren't
00:38:58
you okay so I think so anyway so I come on and then two people aren't prepared but they just wing it and then um but Sean before I got on was talking say it
00:39:11
again oh so he gets on and he starts before I get on and I was listening waiting to come on and he's like we were at the seafood restaurant and he kept talking I'm like I see David there I see this guy there all the time and I go
00:39:22
I've only seen him at the sushi restaurant and then I go and then when I got on we start busting his balls he
00:39:28
goes yeah that's what I meant we all were like by the way it's pretty fun it's amazing and your episode is one of those episodes that people I'm not just saying
00:39:41
this because I'm doing this people love your episode your episode was [ __ ] hilarious you told so many good stories that story about you waiting tables and
00:39:51
then your manager giving you [ __ ] and you're like hang on a second man I'm [ __ ] killing it over here why are you
00:39:57
when I'm a bus boy in Arizona oh you're a bus boy you're a bus boy even everyone hated me and I got fired from every
00:40:03
goddamn job and then when I went over and the manager tells me not to talk to the people and I said I want to be a
00:40:09
waiter he goes you don't got this stuff and I'm like what stuff I do the hard part I lift everything I do it the
00:40:15
waiter just goes hey everybody and then walks away and goes take care of that table bring them their food so he kept
00:40:21
ragging on me because I kept doing little bits to the tables yeah and then well the punt the the last part was it
00:40:27
was he told me a 100 times and he was standing nearby and I went by a table and they go hey shark was on the menu
00:40:35
remember that it was a special day with shark yeah for some reason in Arizona and I go someone I'm over there squeak squeak cleaning their [ __ ] plates and they go hey h how's the shark I go oh I
00:40:48
got a motto I don't eat them they don't eat me Spade I'm like godamn it I go what he goes what are you doing
00:40:57
over there I go [ __ ] killing and he goes dude I just well I just told you don't talk to I go I'm getting Applause breaks at the big tables and he's like dude you got you're
00:41:10
you're done today and I'm like are you joking these people will [ __ ] riot if I'm not
00:41:17
here I'm the closer dude I'm like headlining it was so embarrassing and he fired me and I'm like okay you tell him and he's like no one notices no one cares but I thought I was like the hit
00:41:30
of the whole place he [ __ ] fired you never ever was a waiter yeah never was a waiter never got it I bust so many times
00:41:36
and got fired and then I finally and then I was a dishwasher I go I think I'm going
00:41:43
backwards and um it was sad that I'm going to sum you up ready because you've been very nice okay and I know we we joke a lot we did snake oil we did snake
00:41:55
oil snake oil we worked on uh that was a lot of fun that was on Fox and they they
00:42:03
those products were actually so funny you know the funny the only funny thing I'll say about that show is it's it's a
00:42:08
show where you guess the products and to guess which one's real and which one's fake yeah and even after I shot it first
00:42:14
of all I was wrong every time when I shot it even when I watched it I still don't remember and I still don't know
00:42:20
that's how dumb I am I'm like that was the fun of it you there they're like there's no way it's that and then it's I
00:42:26
wouldn't I wouldn't remember if if if I had to go back cuz I came on and did that episode and if I had to come on and
00:42:32
and they gave me the same products again I wouldn't remember exactly but but I will say this the guy who was I was partnered with he didn't take my advice I would have
00:42:44
won I would have won my you remember but I would yeah I would W sometimes it goes the other way but yeah yeah cuz he
00:42:49
didn't take my advice at the last I said I think it's this he's like okay up to you buddy hey and he it is up to them so
00:42:56
but you know I remember when Bethany Frank was on they had one of the craziest ones was just a square piece of
00:43:02
wood and they go this is a fake camera to take fake selfies so you can really live your life out and I'm like this is so ridiculous and of course it was real
00:43:14
and then I go the idea is you take you just hold up it's the same as a picture like why wouldn't you just do it with
00:43:19
your camera why is that this is ruining your night also oh [ __ ] I'm not going to fix this overnight all right well you're
00:43:27
a sweetheart and I do miss you and I'll see you over at our friend's restaurant soon hopefully I'm going to tell Dana
00:43:35
you came by this has been a presentation of Odyssey please follow subscribe leave
00:43:42
a like a review all the stuff smash that button whatever it is wherever you get your podcast fly in the wall is
00:43:48
executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade Jenna Weiss Burman of Odyssey Charlie finan of brillstein
00:43:53
entertainment and Heather Santoro the show's lead producer is Greg Holz