00:00:01
as you know if all things go according to plan you're going to be my first guest on the Jimmy Kimmel show and by the time people hear this it'll
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already have happened so I'm going to apologize ahead of time for my awkwardness uh during the headlight look
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uh my jokes messy hair fitting suit do you know do you get how do you like how do you stop the hair people there I mean because you don't want to get TV hair you know if you go to a studio and
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your hair looks like kind of bed hair cool all the girls like it by the time you get on the set you have TV hair like you've never combed it like that I was doing a thing recently and the hair
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person snuck up behind me with goop in her hands behind me and just went all over my head and pulling my hair back
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with all this goop and I said I spent seven hours on that mocked up to make it look tousled and thrown together like Owen Wilson hey how's it going yeah you know we could go to Argentina
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and surf you know I love it that is a good out Owen's great that guy lives a fun life uh we're here to talk about John Mulaney though but I will tell you Dana that that on uh Kimmel we're gonna
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have some laughs I might even say this listen to this this is a real story I had a Miss Guido in my house last night
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I miss you you know mosquito yeah mosquito and so uh Dana's baffled I said mosquito and so okay go ahead I I don't know how to talk
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so this guy comes in and I think he brought some reinforcements because it was two nights in a row and they get in your ear it's like you once I hear that I have to get up I go okay breaks over middle of the night gotta kill it but
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now there's no way to win because I got the raid and everything so now what I do is I spray my whole body with raid and
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then I just lay down I set a trap so now they come they think they're gonna have to talk so smart yeah they come and they
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go and then they go oh I got a bad batch have you did you guys have blood earlier and then they're like rubbing their eyes
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going wow it feels so shitty and then they croak and right before they die they look at me and they go it was a
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trick and then I have to go to the hospital too but but insects could talk yeah it's crazy everybody talks in my in my act so that
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I got that going for me Dana John Mulaney okay I wanna I wanna dovetail from my little thing I just saw into
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John mullaney because you and he are seeking out stories and you're really aware as you navigate the universe if like that could be an interesting story extrapolate so I pulled up to this place
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I saw a woman with her dog the dog went poopy on the lawn the woman picked it up
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with with a glove and then sniffed it just what I saw now mullaney to his ability that could be 20 minutes
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you know I was walking down the street today what else is she sniffing I mean no one mullaney writes this [ __ ] out of his bits in the best way he and and uh
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his stories are great I think it's that old school Seinfeld thing where Seinfeld was saying the other day like there's
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there's Comics that do phrasing and words and just the way things are written and the structure which which I
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love I don't know if I'm not good at it but I love it and then there's bigger Comics that are
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playing broader like you see even even a Carrot Top I still laugh at there's prop Comics
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I laugh at yeah so it's just he was saying there's almost he's almost jealous that they do something so
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different I I feel the same way I don't I don't look down on them I think they're a crack up but Melanie is such a pure great written comic in these
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stories I think I wish my next special was just five stories I love to just find some tent poles in a story that's
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five minutes long enough blah blah blah keep them and entertained it's not really thought out you're actually just
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telling stories in real life and then one day you go oh that actually might be something for my set you know well it
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gets it gets it away from doing a bit because sometimes you just have to make fun of the fact that you're doing this
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prepared little bit but if you are telling a story that starts from a truthful place you know Melania is very
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good he's got the Seinfeld writing you know really deeply deeply a lot a lot of punch lines little punch lines big punch
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lines throw away punch lines and then he also does you know he moves a lot and he
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does little act doubts and Little impressions so he's pretty he's a he's a dynamite performer he's like you David and he's selling out some big big rooms on the road and uh I just I told him I
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was checking out his list going goddamn dude I know these places they're huge so uh you it's a treat to talk to him we're
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lucky to have him and uh really really smart and uh we just talk all about his life and everything that's going on and and it's uh very enjoyable hopefully for our our
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fleas our flies Okay please here you go John Mulaney [Music] foreign [Music] I love the show I've listened to every episode um even jugs even judge interesting
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he was not even on SNL but it was fine but he's discovered so many movie stars from it uh yes he is somebody who just gets stuff done like if you
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call him with an idea he does have that engine let's just make it let's do it you know I don't know if you you don't need to get anything from him right um so we reached a point in our
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friendship where I didn't it was kind of clear I wasn't going to try to write a movie for him you know
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there's like everyone my generation was in a stable where he just kind of I think without
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even holding deals or money he just had so many people like myself you can peel the Lucas Brothers all uh Bill Hader Rich all these people had a
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movie deal with Judd and I would kind of watch it and be like wow everyone from SNL on their summer break writes a hundred drafts of a judge movie
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and he doesn't make them he makes one movie every two three years so if he's making train wreck that means
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it's like all these people I know who's like you know thing is passed over so as
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soon as I as soon as he and I had some weird unsaid understanding that I was never gonna write a movie for him we
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became a lot closer because then we could just talk about stand-up we're talking about Judd Apatow David yeah I
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um he does seem to whenever there's a shiny object that that emerges on the scene it seems like Judd is is there
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he's recognizing it early it's always it's funny to me when he like people go like Judd has denied for talent it's like well they're on SNL you
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know it's not it's not rocket science it is a bit not it is kind of not rocket science I had a spectacular accidental set at The Improv once and Carol Leifer
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I think contacted Judd and saying it's different now so then we started emailing me and stuff I go I'm almost dead I mean there's nothing there's nothing left here but anyway but
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uh I he's affable you know I I we we did the podcast in person with him it was kind of nice actually that is nice yeah yeah now I saw I saw John uh just so the
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people know I don't know John very well at all but I I uh obviously think you're funny and so here's my microphone
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said so said so business-like I would say that your stand-up is really starting to come into its own you're very you've got that thing figured out in the last week yeah yeah over over the
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weekend I was eating it I was bombing so hard till last week finally no can I can
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I just say the first time I met John because they really made me laugh so I go I'm hosting the show
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uh I go in a little room it's Bill Hader and John and I didn't know them they didn't know
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me like what do you want to do you know and I didn't know I thought people might say a Wayne's World thing or something like that or and you guys both said uh
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our favorite thing you've ever done is Mickey Rooney yeah and like that was your Mickey Rooney was you know we were talking about how we
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were going to ask you to do it before you came in the room it was it was sort of like okay the the week is here he's
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here I immediately by the way Dana you then told us we knew the impression from um theater stories yes guess you did yeah on the show I had never heard the
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unused anecdotes of Mickey Rooney until that day and I think it's the hardest I've ever laughed
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um the uh was the one Corona story which you now have to tell oh yeah uh Mickey Rooney he was a down point in his career and he had a 38 revolver with
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him at all times we were you know and he would wave it around he had one of the rare down points yeah
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and he had the gun and New York had a crime spree going then in like 1981 he would said he would walk around with his hand on the 38 and they're not gonna get me you know but he he said he told his
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story where he his idea with this time Dana at this time Dana you were doing a multicam with him yes dirty Rockefeller with uh Meg Ryan Nathan Lane Scatman Carruthers uh where
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Letterman and then Conan did their thing so but he did at one point said he wanted to go meet Juan Corona the serial
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killer or whatever murderer and he says I was gonna walk in there and say do you know my name uh and you say I'm Mickey
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Rooney and then I was gonna plug him [Music] if I do Mickey Rooney stories every time
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I start to talk about them with people there's new tributaries and things that I forgot to mention but maybe that
00:10:36
Mickey Mickey's stories do that as a sub podcast like a 20 minute a week about I
00:10:42
think about the Mickey story a lot because that's funny I like that he thought he could walk into a Maximum Security Prison like he what he had
00:10:54
worked out in his mind was what he was gonna say yeah not and not any of the logistics of walking in I believe Juan
00:11:01
Corona was probably there's a commuted death row sentence but he would have not been just in an
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open prison search where Mickey Rooney could walk in May land land a great enclosed line and
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then shoot him I never went that far of the logistics of his mindset like how would he get in there how you know yeah he but he worked that out he goes listen I don't know how to get a gun into a
00:11:26
jail I I don't know what'll happen the moment after I fire it but I've got my I know what I'm gonna say which is deep
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yeah who I am John I've been a lot of gunfights out in the street and you you think you'll have a lot of time to do
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one-liners but it just moves too quickly that's true a lot of people only plan the logistics and then they don't when
00:11:45
they land on their Mark they don't have a great job that's right or you miss it you go uh the one chance I had and I
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kind of fluffered my line what I would have liked is if Mickey Rooney entered the prison
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Corona and said do you know who I am and if Juan Corona said you're Mickey Rooney
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then Mickey Rooney wouldn't be able to go oh right right and then I that could have saved one's life because they would have had he had to explain what he was in oh yeah he goes oh you are Mickey no
00:12:14
no or you've said you're Don Knotts and then he goes is wearing a hoodie Dana and um I feel like most people see don't see you out
00:12:32
and about so is it sort of Hoodie suit suit hoodie what is it is there any in between um since having a baby it is congratulations same pair thank you the
00:12:46
same pair of elastic drawstring khakis and a free t-shirt yeah like a Jimmy Kimmel t-shirt uh I
00:13:01
have a um I have one from the Robin Hood Foundation from a chair anything I did I
00:13:06
have one for every venue I ask for a free t-shirt uh I have a Houston Astros one a team and a city I have no affiliation with I wear that but John
00:13:18
doesn't that invite conversation like I just wear black t-shirts if I wear anything with something on it invites
00:13:25
conversation and I'm an introvert at like an airport or something also known as an [ __ ] I remember uh yeah yeah
00:13:33
black T-shirt and wear a black T-shirt it's very standoffish yes yes they say hey how
00:13:40
about those Astros and John's in the airport going oh [ __ ] then John later that night yeah ago yeah they've got a
00:13:48
full team this year it looks like they got a roster but maybe John's a full roster this year you're type of comedian
00:13:55
that if someone said how about those Astros at the airport it seems to me that you might have 10 minutes on it
00:14:01
within a day or two the way you write things out uh from oh I know I'm a bit of a I'm a bit of a story Seeker so um David is too yeah I think I'd be
00:14:12
delighted me too you know what I saw on your uh when I was looking up stuff about you I have a
00:14:19
couple questions one when you started uh I mean this is SNL stuff we can go back it's like I do with
00:14:25
comedy notes it's Justice yeah you're you're [ __ ] you're gonna get them all sides no we we just go wherever we've
00:14:31
we're already halfway through I start I when I started Lauren um I saw a couple things you did uh talking about SNL and we're just going to really regurgitate them for a slightly bigger audience we
00:14:43
don't know and I hope we'll have a chance to go through what the week is like yeah
00:14:48
it's never been covered in any media yet and what your relationship is with Lauren Michaels we're going to break
00:14:54
break the seal on that dude the code of a muerta that surrounds that office I like that the code of them when you started did you do here's my question because I was
00:15:07
assigned promos did you do promos right um so all writers wrote a promo you're talking about the Thursday standing on the stage Premo yep all writers had to submit promos
00:15:24
I was you I I wasn't uniquely bad at it but that's kind of that's not a skill I have that's a very special skill I always wanted promos to be
00:15:36
really minimal and weird and I would try to engineer that to happen um and of course uh I was wrong I just I don't have a knack for that I was very
00:15:48
jealous to hear that you were on the floor every week when you were writer doing Pro did you hear that oh that is
00:15:54
true yeah yeah you said that on this podcast yeah yeah what happened was I was an okay writer and I was new and it was sort of jury duty like Downey would be like who can we lose for the couple
00:16:05
hours during the rewrites and none of the writers wanted to do it because your your nose is in the rewrites and so we
00:16:12
go send Spade down and Lauren Lauren I got along but you know there's not much getting along there it's just promos but you do get to
00:16:19
see the host and the music which that's fun but the pressure that that Thursday that Thursday afternoon mess of like
00:16:27
uh you know Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers uh doing sound check and then trying to
00:16:34
Corral a host and a cast member for promos was a lot of them oh that is true they like to have a cast member in and
00:16:40
you could write them in it was kind of a little power trip but you have to say for people listening there's like I
00:16:46
don't know 10 seconds and then you have to put hi I'm blank with musical guest blank and then there's like four seconds left for a joke and they've already done 10 million
00:16:56
promos you're trying to think of anything weird or different and I would personally have to write about 20 give
00:17:03
them to Marcy Klein she would hand them in to Lauren whoever or the host and and they would kill a lot of them you know
00:17:09
like the host and kill them kill them now having hosted they kill them with prejudice they even go like we hate this one we hate this one we know you won't like
00:17:21
it it's mean it's mean about you this writer's an [ __ ] you know read it and I go oh okay yeah yeah this writer is trying to [ __ ] you over I remember I
00:17:31
just saw a clip of someone on Instagram and it was a live shot of promos and it was Eddie Vedder was music Emily West of us is the host and it's me and Lauren just Milling around in the black back
00:17:43
and I'm pointing pointing and showing eddieved or something and then Lauren nods and said like do that one do the
00:17:49
one then we step back and they go three two so they had like a three minute chunk of promos which is I don't another
00:17:55
filming it's so weird that that would get out somewhere and wouldn't Lauren if you finally got it wouldn't he put his
00:18:00
hands in his pocket and then turn and walk away I don't know it seemed like I liked it hands if you like it and he
00:18:06
would pivot but I like when you like it yeah say something cryptic like well less is less yeah um some people think it's funny
00:18:18
um see you on I mean see you at the party are we trying to repel viewers you know we're on in all 50 states I feel like was a note I got a lot on monologue jokes as if I was I was so
00:18:32
as if I was writing like for the crowd at cbgb's in New York I was like sort of like uh he goes I know below 14th Street that works he
00:18:43
says I love that he literally just thinks of America as just New York uh especially right before there's going to be a vacation or a break it'd be it's our last show before the break and it
00:18:54
would be like nice if it was like really really funny you're gonna see a lot of people over the break and wouldn't you like it if they said hey that last show was really good you know we're not
00:19:04
nervous enough and also I was like are you seeing a bunch of people during break because I'm laying on my couch
00:19:10
watching DVDs with like a stye in my eye only Lauren was doing heavy socializing during the break his endurance should
00:19:17
have worked that yeah no one like him a lot of people will tell you the funniest one in the show you're not
00:19:23
wow that's what I got a lot you really and I go oh and he goes it just happens it's okay and I go well it stings a little to hear that
00:19:34
I did I didn't knock on his door and say Lauren I'm hearing a lot of people say I'm the funniest actually it'd be now kind of being now
00:19:46
being out of it for many years and and having a wonderful I mean I always loved Lauren but having a really nice
00:19:52
relationship with them it would be fun to go back and do those things I know I know because you think I went I don't
00:19:59
mean to interrupt you you're with Chris Dodd but do you think I'm the funniest writer yeah because a lot of people in my family in my high school say I should be on more thoughts on that
00:20:14
I have family in Milwaukee that think I should be on yeah they're [ __ ] you man well you weren't as stressed were you because you were just writing and then they would pop you on update which
00:20:25
is like more of a gift and it wasn't expected it's probably better I had the absolute best situation
00:20:33
um that you could ask for uh honestly like I look back on it and I was I had a there were a few gifts um it looked like you were getting up and leaving David no no I I haven't even
00:20:45
no I like the idea that like as a listener that sometimes when someone's about to go into a long story David
00:20:51
always just does a quick errand yeah I go I just gotta go wash my car um so I writing there means producing there like as you know so
00:21:02
you got to produce live television you work with every department and you're really you really own your piece you you
00:21:08
do everything for it and you're given you're given a nice amount of credit behind the scenes for it
00:21:15
um I'd already been doing stand up and continued doing it and do you know what made the biggest difference though I got
00:21:21
to pop up on update and honestly Bill Hader when when he would do press about the sh
00:21:28
you know about about something and they'd talk to him about sketches on the show it means a lot to me the more the more
00:21:36
over the years I think about it like he would always name me and give me credit for it yeah um which
00:21:42
was not done a lot before that and um just I try not to do it yeah no I try not to do it now that I'm more of an on-camera guy but
00:21:54
um no I uh that seems very I meant a lot because it was sort of like oh there uh I I felt like I had a bit of a um
00:22:02
reputation in comedy as oh there he's a writer there and we sometimes hear about what he's written right and at the same
00:22:09
time I got to pop up on update a couple times which like yeah it that's just that's just 10
00:22:17
million people I've been on VH1 uh spec the VH1's best week ever a hundred thousand times at that point so I was like I've been on TV but what was your what was your nerve level that's one of
00:22:29
my questions being a writer and then doing update where was your because you're not acclimated to performing your
00:22:35
writing and all of a sudden you're in that chair and they throw you a Saturday that Saturday was like oh not only am I yeah
00:22:43
terrified as not only am I under a lot of stress as a writer but I like I have to go out there tonight yeah those were those were out of body do you remember what you did what what what
00:22:56
your first one was like here comes John mullaney saying a word yeah I had a it was Girl Scout cookie season and I did
00:23:02
an editorial about how like the Girl Scout business model is completely flawed because they have a like
00:23:09
tremendously popular product that they sell once a year in front of like a Gelson's you know from a little lunch
00:23:16
table um I can't remember specific jokes about it but uh that was that uh so it was
00:23:23
like I remember thinking before I did it I was like this isn't real this is sort
00:23:28
of like a uh I've got a complaint about the Girl Scout cookies you know like yeah like Hey Girl Scouts but I was sort
00:23:36
of like I I I'm so inexperienced at this I'd rather play an attitude so I like you know I'd rather pretend to be the guy actually mad about this right then
00:23:46
Matt is not a bad angle on update no what do you need a when you need something energy nothing it's it's good
00:23:54
to act like you are exasperated and did you pound the table and get animated or did you kind of push it I remember at one point I go have you ever put thin mints in the freezer they're delicious yes like sell the mirror out it was just
00:24:07
it was a real like uh when in doubt act extremely exasperated which I followed my whole career but I remember before I went out on the update desk Lauren looked at me and he said um
00:24:18
he goes relax your face he goes when you get out there take a beat relax your face
00:24:24
oh funny and look directly into the camera like you're talking to someone you know but I remember relax your face
00:24:30
was a good note because I was gonna come out like this extremely high structure [Music] John let me add Dana I just have seven in a row I have seven in a row questions
00:24:45
uh John when you go out there and it's Saturday and you're doing update I think when your writer the one extra love uh layer you don't think of is how you look
00:24:57
and it sounds egotistical but all day you're like oh wait I gotta get hair makeup what am I wearing
00:25:03
and and then sometimes they'll go I wouldn't wear that not that yeah no I remember I brought my little shirt and sport coat from home
00:25:19
and it was like a blue shirt and a navy blue jacket it was the you know safest able choice I tested safest yeah I remember showing it to Tom Broker in
00:25:31
costumes I was thinking of this and he goes he gives he went yeah as if like to say
00:25:39
like look we couldn't we have an entire show to design we couldn't possibly care what you wear on on your cut it dress
00:25:46
update well that's honest that's that's you think you're getting on oh oh you think you're going all the way to the show oh then I know yeah I was that and I think I said to him like this this shirt doesn't uh it don't worry it
00:25:58
doesn't like Moray on camera you know the yeah like dance on camera yeah it doesn't dance on don't worry Tom my
00:26:06
shirt will be fine on air he goes you'll cross my mind at 11 when I realize you're on the show yeah and then we'll
00:26:12
ask you to maybe do something about the adult acne so I go hey Tom I brought a shirt it doesn't wrinkle I got one of those kinds it doesn't wrinkle he's like I don't give a [ __ ] dude and I'm like okay
00:26:24
as if as if as if like uh Emmy and Tony award-winning costume designers would be
00:26:30
impressed by a wrinkle-free shirt yeah I know that's the funniest part you get that man they're like well we're all
00:26:35
worried about what you're doing on the show we don't care did everyone ever call any Old Timer ever call you a kid
00:26:41
because then you use that in your specials Hey kid it ain't gonna work out for you kid I'll be honest with you kid
00:26:48
I will say what was nice was that even people like Phil Himes hmm yeah the lighting director they learned they like the everyone in the booth and ever they learn your name which means you know so
00:27:00
I didn't get kid but I uh uh I once had a sketch on that was like and it was an impression parade it was just every cast member doing an impression and I changed it a great deal
00:27:14
in between dress and air so on air I watched in the booth and it didn't go great uh it was a little clunky and I'm walking out of the booth and Phil High I walked past Phil I'm pretty you know is
00:27:26
at a low point in the season like it's like February doldrums or something I'm walking past Phil and he goes not your
00:27:32
best work and I was like getting this I was getting this like I've been here four
00:27:38
years kind of edge so I was like what Phil you know like what oh are you going up in his grill and he went and he went
00:27:45
you know why that wasn't good I go why and he goes none of the people sounded like the people and that's not your fault but Phil but I
00:27:57
like that that review of an impression piece none of the people sounded like yeah that's a really what you don't want
00:28:03
to hear just so listeners know philheims he seemed old the entire time I was there and he he had this cranky exterior
00:28:10
but then he was an incredible Heart of Gold underneath an incredibly sweet but he was kind of intimidating in the early days what do you want what do you want you want a light there we can't get it
00:28:21
there you know but then he was dude then he would put the light there I got it for you and that yeah yeah and uh we we
00:28:27
were once doing um I think Fred as Obama I didn't write it Colin Jost wrote it it
00:28:35
was like a Christmas time Oval Office piece and we wanted um Fred to look out the um uh Windows behind the desk in the Oval Office and
00:28:46
see like snow falling like a kind of a Cheesy Christmas moment so we were I remember I was for some reason on the floor with Colin and Seth we were telling Phil
00:29:01
oh boy oh and he looked at us and he went I lit John Kennedy in the white house he walked away oh wow
00:29:08
yeah that's David I heard a story that you you and Phil had like a close relationship is that right Phil Himes
00:29:15
yeah I did think I mean other than having sex we were just sort of like buddy buddy uh no we
00:29:23
um he would just always bust my balls when I walk around there so I thought it was funny well I heard when you were hosting he came out and said
00:29:30
oh God he's back yeah of course that's very I heard you said and I heard you said Phil I I heard you died well he is old well yeah he was 60 for
00:29:43
50 years I mean he was yeah you know he was a hard 90 when I met him it was like
00:29:49
that I think one of the first things I learned at SNL was that Don Pardo and Phil Himes two extremely integral people
00:29:55
here are solidly north of now yeah mid to late 90s and spry yeah like one of the most a couple of the most important people here are north of 90 and like yeah you got to give him a wide berth at
00:30:10
the pudding table I I heard you say something about asking about how people date the host now and I thought it was so funny because I think you were saying that it sound
00:30:22
for us it sounds a little dicey like back in our day the hosts were so off limits as far as just it mentally you know you don't do anything and I'm I'm
00:30:32
we at and we have beautiful hosts we have talented I think Marissa Tomei was there after my cousin Vinnie and there's
00:30:39
so many that were great but I would be so scared if you even flirted with a host
00:30:45
and it got back to you you know like they complain like HR and then Lauren David uh were you asking out Susan day you're making her uncomfortable like if it came
00:30:58
back that you were making a host uncomfortable wouldn't that be it's obviously worked every time so far but
00:31:04
it seems like if you ask that a host and they didn't like it then it would be so you'd be in so much trouble I I can't I
00:31:11
literally I didn't even know we could like hang out yeah I would have never been like you know I would always be like I'll have I'll have the I'll have a page call your manager's
00:31:24
assistant you know the idea of even like reaching out personally and I wrote a lot outside this show I wrote a lot of
00:31:30
models no during the week I mean like I wrote a lot of monologues and occasionally there'd be this like hey
00:31:35
Thursday night 2 A.M for Friday Night 2 A.M the host wants the host suddenly has a thought about the monologue and that that was fine that's what the schedule was
00:31:47
um but like yeah to even be to even be in um contact with the host let alone ask them out and without having a script in your hand to walk up to them for what reason you know
00:32:00
what I mean I know hey what's up I I always felt like when Simon Rich and I in most weeks we wrote a monologue for the host um I always I didn't even sense if they
00:32:11
thought we were writers like I think they thought we were just like two children with pieces of paper
00:32:18
who kept asking them like not personal questions but like Wikipedia level questions be like we would just be like
00:32:25
so um maybe something about I think your family has a lot of dogs and they'd be like why why are you
00:32:31
telling me about that be like we're just trying to think of any angle for you yeah it is hard because no one introduced you like is the writer should
00:32:37
just walk up and they go go ask you know and you have to go up some huge star and say hey I I always liked Tuesday night
00:32:46
when they bring the host around to each office because they could be the biggest
00:32:52
star in the world but they had to sit on my couch like they had to sit yeah on my
00:32:57
field like with me and Bobby Moynihan smoking inside with the window cracked as if that's at all acceptable and like you just had to
00:33:09
sit there Mick Jagger sit there and now you're gonna hear a grumpy idea now you're gonna hear an idea that kinda makes fun of you that you won't like now you're going to hear a fake idea and
00:33:21
then if you like it it's a real idea I I make fake questions I go uh Mick uh can
00:33:28
you do a Russian accent [Laughter] and he goes uh probably and I go nah this one's out I crumpled up that's first I go I'll save this for uh next week I remember
00:33:42
pitching an idea in my office to Josh Brolin and he went I mean well it's not funny
00:33:48
and I thought I was like okay that's the that's the litmus test I like I'm not gonna oh he's sort of like I mean and if you I I didn't mean to make it sound like he was really harsh it was
00:34:01
more like well you can write it it's not funny and I was like well then then you've just saved me a couple hours you
00:34:08
can spend the rest of the night riding it I'll pull it from read through yeah and I'll have it pulled and I'll
00:34:14
make and I'll let them know I told you so you'll be in trouble with Marcy dude when a host is reading a sketch and if it's your sketch and they and they quietly give up in the middle it's so
00:34:25
sickening just to watch him take a time and like they don't really get it I've seen hosts suddenly put like the
00:34:33
celery in their mouths like truly be like I'm gonna eat during the rest of this just a signal yeah or they're Whispering if they can get an order of food sent in during your sketch like hey is there any
00:34:44
way they get out you always try to discern it a little bit I know we talked about this before like Lauren reading
00:34:51
the stage directions does he stay involved does he kind of think he's hooking something great or is he sort of
00:34:58
middle of the road or is he done with it there's a whole energy thing it's hard to tell sometimes yeah because Lauren
00:35:05
reads the stage of directions and he starts out pretty high energy like CNN bumper
00:35:13
and then that's at three I like when he kind of summarizes it towards the end yeah he'll start to summarize it like uh Kristen has a hat and walks in and
00:35:27
Communists there like he'll read a whole paragraph and boil it down uh uh uh Kristen Kristen enters uh as
00:35:37
the McIntyre uh five hours it really takes the energy out of it and you're like oh he's he gave up oh David entered when people had long stage directions to describe some
00:35:51
farcical like slamming doors comedy I was like you know who's gonna read that don't you yeah like you know how that'll
00:35:57
get presented at read through don't you help me yeah or they write a like a Schneider used to write or he would call
00:36:03
you out like if you go uh and then the uh doorman played by Phil Himes and everyone laughs and Rob goes Trek not a real laugh don't count it he would yell that out during yeah he would say trick
00:36:16
Trek because he didn't win Schneider oh Schneider it's a trick it's a total track yeah because you're not gonna get you're not gonna get that laugh on the real show that's not funny read through
00:36:28
laugh read through laugh flag man how was that graded that's a little harsh no Schneider was funny because uh he would do things to
00:36:41
almost intentionally rub you wrong just to go huh that's fine yeah he was just he he'd say about three years in you're
00:36:47
coming along uh anyway by the way copy machine guy I watched her I think it was your last monologue on there uh any differences hosting along the way other than you're just getting better at it or you maybe you're
00:37:01
not getting better at it I mean five times in like with a covid you're in between so like in three years five or
00:37:07
something very that's a lot yeah two in 2020. so what's that all about two two two I'd
00:37:15
like to do two in a pandemic yeah uh that was the request that was um that was a really well wait what's the question I don't know it was it it's
00:37:26
been so cool it's been so fun um I definitely have had thoughts like I'm like oh maybe the second time I hosted was I I I I uh believe when Lauren says
00:37:41
you're getting better each time because that makes sense there's moments where I go oh but on the second time I hosted I
00:37:48
had this laugh here and whatever um but I've had more and more fun each time the first time I hosted I was
00:37:55
deeply in my head about um yeah normal it wasn't gonna be good and this wasn't only not going to be
00:38:02
good but everyone was going to go see we told you to stay behind the camera we've
00:38:08
been clear with you where you belong in this show The Audacity Of you to show up
00:38:14
and try to do this like I really thought like uh I had a very weird kind of uh I was
00:38:22
like I remember the Friday night before I was like miserable I was like I'm so bad at SNL and that's the thing I
00:38:29
thought I knew the best and then I had a really fun show and I realized that I was just trying to make myself miserable
00:38:35
because if I'm miserable the night before then it will be a good show that's a good trick this trick I used to
00:38:41
do but I try not to do it anymore because it's too excruciating throughout the day and like mental health-wise to
00:38:48
stretch myself to sorry to tie myself into knots so that I quote unquote you know deserve a good show because I'm so miserable uh by the second time I hosted
00:38:59
I made an active choice I was like I'm gonna be happy all week I'm gonna have fun all week and if it's a bad show then
00:39:07
I'll know that yeah it was wrong to have fun but at least I will have had fun and it was
00:39:13
a very good show so since then I've been like you have to enjoy these weeks otherwise
00:39:19
um otherwise what's the point it is it is funny to take such a beating of over yourself when you host Dana's probably feels the same way you're just so stressed and then at the end you're like
00:39:30
why do I even do this like right before the show you're like I feel so sick and tied up and twisted then you go I did it
00:39:36
you're like so I did now the fun starts and with the rap part is the only time I'm starting to have fun it's over
00:39:42
and you realize could I just get to the point or have fun the whole time I had a little bit of uh I couldn't
00:39:49
really live up to what the lucky crazy fortunate three or four years I had on the show with Wayne's World and all this stuff so you know it was always you'll do church lady and then it was you'll do
00:40:01
George Bush a senior and it's like 18 years later so there I the the thing in my head was like how do I compete with that across the board and that was a
00:40:13
very that was kind of difficult for my I and especially I think what's nice the way you're it's happening for you John
00:40:19
is that it's kind of condensed it's not like you hosted it in 2013 and then you're coming back eight years later I
00:40:26
think it's kind of nice that you've done five already in a short period of time just to acclimate to that yeah yeah no
00:40:34
one's expecting a lot of growth well but you have those crazy those stand-up specials and then your monologue is always great pretty much right right because that's that's your
00:40:46
superpower and so that that sets a great but also like I remember saying to Gerard Carmichael who had an amazing
00:40:52
episode as a host this year it was a brilliant comedian and a brilliant many things I remember
00:40:59
um I was like it was when I was talking to him I realized I was like oh you know what
00:41:05
it's it's eight minutes of stand up uh in front of 10 million people um and you're the only thing I realize it's like you're the only thing on NBC for 10 minutes like you're
00:41:23
the your stand-up is the only thing happening I'm terrifying you're so very relaxing reminder I find that kind of uh
00:41:31
emboldening it's like wow you gotta go out with an attitude I mean how do you do your specials I mean how many times
00:41:37
do you shoot a special like say two kid gorgeous just two two shows that's two in one night two shows um I think it was one night yeah and so how do you deal with that
00:41:49
pressure if the first show in your mind is like a c plus just in your mind the first kid gorgeous was a c plus in my
00:41:56
mind I was so disappointed I couldn't believe it I'd been on tour for so long and now
00:42:02
this special was bad it was going to be so bad that everyone would be mad at me uh or
00:42:08
disappointed in me and say you used to be good and you're bad and we don't like you and all of that stuff and have you
00:42:14
had therapy um we'll talk about that no it's it's funny I've had a ton of it so go ahead
00:42:20
well John also the cameras are there it it I've done a few but the the cameras are there it just throws it off somehow it's just not a normal club or theater night when there's cameras the audience
00:42:32
is stressed everyone's different it's just not the way it normally is I the thing is like I remembered that it's
00:42:41
um I I thought one the second show felt better so that so when I when I say I came to some Epiphany I didn't just the second show felt better but were I to pretend I had an epiphany that night I'd
00:42:54
say no one else has done every show with me so they're not comparing them and this is the film of the material like um a special like especially is for the
00:43:07
cameras and I I I think it was um Whitney Cummings gave me that advice after she had done
00:43:14
her sitcom Whitney and then she did her first special after that and I remember she said to me we play so big because
00:43:19
we're trying to play it at the back of the room but um I think it'd been something she learned
00:43:25
doing a you know three camera sitcom like it's for the camera and I thought about that each time since that it's for
00:43:31
the camera the size of the performance is for the camera um and also you I mean where where the
00:43:37
area where you could maybe have a good night or a bad night because the material is immaculate and it's really
00:43:43
really it's like a magic trick it's so fun to watch your stand up because it's flowing so organically he's talking to
00:43:49
me oh sorry sorry yeah I said that to David before the show but then you're also doing a lot of uh sneakily physical comedy and you're throwing your voice and you're moving so you're you're
00:44:00
performing it as well so I would I would assume on some nights with a hot crowd you may take a rhythm slightly further or the bit you did about Jagger not funny you'd throw one more in is that
00:44:12
where there's a little bit of improv when when you're on and the crowd is with you you go to that other level oh
00:44:18
my god when I have when the crowd is with me sometimes when the crowd's not with me
00:44:24
I'm like do I even have skills like can I even can I even perform to a slightly indifferent audience like I should be able to do this like I should be able to still do the 90 minutes but if they're not like if you don't
00:44:39
feel like they're you know carrying your chair and uh yeah um at the Jewish wedding like you know if you don't feel that like bounce I'll suddenly be like how the hell do I do
00:44:50
this what do I give it like what am I doing I'm shooting a speed what do you think like you're horrible
00:44:56
you're like am I doing stand-up because nothing's working it's almost like did this turn into a corporate gig why am I
00:45:02
yeah and then I always want to ask the audience I want to be like hey are you embarrassed for me is that happening is
00:45:10
that happening now too yeah comfort in the room and then the elephant in the room that no one is
00:45:17
saying and you can't hear it is is like this realization on their side not as good as I thought he would be I guess
00:45:24
it's this is kind of a rough night and then sometimes it takes a lot of guts and a lot of determination to go [ __ ] it and you try to win them and you normally can't but you just really the last
00:45:36
sickening yeah yeah yeah no but I think that's a that is the right move I remember when Nick Kroll and I were doing oh hello on Broadway our director Alex Timbers said to us because doing um
00:45:48
eight shows a week for 16 18 weeks whatever it was brutal well we could have crowds that were just Broadway ticket holders who heard oh there's a comedy and didn't know it was
00:46:00
me and Nick screaming in turtlenecks and being insane and uh Alex Timber said to us hey um I noticed that some nights When the Crowds
00:46:11
aren't great you guys decide to pull way back and just amuse each other and you do the show poorly and we were like yeah because [ __ ] them right he was only 300 I remember I remember he
00:46:24
goes here's an idea when they're not good you guys try to be twice as good and we were like yes as if it was like another way to show them we don't care but it was a good trick he put in our
00:46:38
heads because now when it's bad I think well I'm gonna Pretend This is on film sure and people will study it uh in terms of how how good you can be even
00:46:51
when a crowd is bad I think people you know when you're not doing well and people later say no it was good there's
00:46:57
some people that smile and the vibe of the crowd isn't to be too noisy so they don't want to be too loud so they're
00:47:03
just kind of liking it and smiling and they don't know it's a bad show and later they're not at all they do I thought it was great and you're like and
00:47:09
you're telling them how bad it was and they're like no it wasn't that bad yeah and you go like that part no that part
00:47:15
normally gets that part normally goes towards and normally yeah normally yeah that was my favorite part I'm like a lot of times there's someone in the front row that looks like my dad so I go oh
00:47:28
there he is now and everyone that normally goes to Applause but that didn't happen tonight and they're like
00:47:33
oh so it was bad what is it about when we were when I was coming up like Steve Martin was God he was huge and he would
00:47:41
play stadiums or Arenas and now there's so many comedians and I'll bring it back around to you that just their plain 20
00:47:48
000 seaters and I don't know when this started for you but now you're playing Madison Square Garden for four nights if
00:47:54
I read it right or three nights three nights three nights so what does that do to your brain how do you think about
00:47:59
yourself like because that is so much love of your fans I mean it's just like insane yeah how do you wrap your mind around that one should not get used to
00:48:11
it um I just keep thinking that like it's pretty it's pretty funny man it's pretty yeah it's just a big room it's a big room
00:48:23
well it's it's so I mean I just want to give you a compliment it's so hard to get to those big venues and I was
00:48:29
looking you're on a tour right now and if you look at the venues I'm like holy [ __ ] this guy is hitting the biggest spots and Hollywood Bowl is huge who
00:48:36
would ever get to play that as a stand-up you don't even think of that when you're yeah he's playing Northern California there's a stadium in the
00:48:43
Sierra Nevadas and it's an open air thing and John is playing Yellowstone he's playing
00:48:49
but what what do you do with that like when you go out it feels um it's like it's it's um it's a kind of I wouldn't say okay
00:49:04
um I wouldn't say it's imposter syndrome which might sound really arrogant I don't mean like I I'm up there and I'm
00:49:09
like yeah I belong here but I do recognize that the crowds have grown and grown and now we're in a now we're in a
00:49:16
basketball court yeah and that's home base yeah yeah yeah so there's sort of a like okay this is where it's at now um and I'm so lucky there's a few things
00:49:30
happening at once it's only been this year that I've played Arenas it's the first tour I've had since a couple trips
00:49:37
to rehab institutions so what what what what do you mean rehab I haven't heard this story well listen no one knows about this well that that I want to ask you only about
00:49:48
that how it pertains to your stand-up just because it pertains to like um I think if I
00:49:54
um oh man thank God cocaine and Arenas didn't overlap oh dear God I'm just realizing now that would have been a disaster there is something extremely fun there's an energy about playing an
00:50:08
arena that's very like holy [ __ ] if ever a person took this for granted they might become rather intolerable uh that's what I think and so I'm really
00:50:20
lucky to do it I know it won't it will it will just it it can't sustain it won't be this forever so at the moment I'm just kind of like enjoy it because this is literally
00:50:32
you know like this won't this won't last and that's okay um so I wouldn't say it's imposter
00:50:39
syndrome so much as I'm acutely aware that this is just a moment in time [Music] well did you think uh John right uh did
00:50:50
you think I'm doing David now uh so you know you have those specials that explode on Netflix and then you do the
00:50:57
five hosting and and then there's the pandemic and then you have this rehab issue did you ever think that that would
00:51:04
I had an issue with rehab it was more advanced oh okay so that led to the rehab but yeah rehabs were quite healthy it feels to me like there was a uh your
00:51:15
fan base just saw you more human and it it it do you feel a bigger Connection in
00:51:21
a way maybe it's like Oprah question or something but with your fans I'm really um yeah I because they're your friend you know I mean they relate and everybody's
00:51:32
got I can't like I I there's no I'll just be kind of sappy for a second I we love that here it means like I didn't know if I'd be on a stage again like I didn't know
00:51:45
what um I was at a point where it wasn't just that like today was miserable it was that I could absolutely guarantee you tomorrow was miserable so
00:51:56
to be doing shows and to um you know uh look I it's uh I'm aware that uh someone's persona
00:52:13
and you know I'm aware that it might have thrown I'm aware that it was a new information to people I've been I've been upfront that I've used drugs in the past but I I
00:52:26
understand it was new information to people I I I'm I think I'm humble enough to know that like
00:52:33
you know fans can you know I'm very grateful people come to the shows like it's not that I think that that you know Revelation about me would make people
00:52:44
not come I don't mean in that I just mean that I I also like I want to be a realist about entertainment and
00:52:52
um to to maybe have one kind of image and then have it be made clear I was dealing with
00:52:58
a lot more stuff yeah and then have people still come that uh sort of I feel very lucky to
00:53:06
physically be there on stage and I feel it is so nice I feel if you don't John if you don't mind talking about it like when did when you said you made maybe you didn't think you'd ever do it again was that your what what kind of bottom
00:53:20
was that I mean were you seriously thinking I may never become to stand up anymore
00:53:26
it was like um you don't have to answer it it was kind of it was almost like being in it was like kind of like
00:53:37
um that's a good question exactly how to articulate it was a bit like a horror movie where I was like how
00:53:44
did I like um I I don't trust this sounds this sounds a little dark but it is it's not a super happy
00:53:57
topic so that's fine um I was sort of like I don't trust being alone with me I mean I'm the person that did all this damage to myself you're with when you're a drug addict you're
00:54:10
with the person that has tried to destroy you all the time so I just didn't have a sense of I was like
00:54:21
uh wow I don't know if the person in charge of this life has any clue what they're doing it wasn't so much oh I can't do stand up without drugs because I wasn't I didn't
00:54:33
use and do stand-up that wasn't really what was happening um it was more like I might have absolutely no idea how to manage my life as it was the second episode was maybe
00:54:46
harder in a way the relay yeah because I'd had a lot of problems when I was in my early 20s and I'd stopped by
00:54:52
um age 23 and had a long bout of sobriety but um yeah through prescription drugs and other things started to slip and then slipped hard and do you think that
00:55:06
you're you're it's a genetic predisposition like the way your brain is situated and the way the drugs hit
00:55:12
your brain can you specify why it appealed to you at that level or because it seems like addicts sometimes have
00:55:18
they can be hypersensitive or redundant thinkers or whatever kind of mental health would predispose them so yeah it's a good question because like I
00:55:31
I do love life like I have a lot of fun I always I always have laughed very hard
00:55:38
multiple times a week with like really funny friends and like I I'm lucky to be in this life as a comedian where it's pretty fun uh yeah I have my own I
00:55:52
have my own demons but um it's pretty it's pretty [ __ ] fun I wouldn't trade it for anything so
00:55:58
I was also like I I had a very I have wonderful parents I I had a lot of green lights it's it's hard to say um that I had some uh inclination to
00:56:12
uh to uh to mess up my life I uh a couple things in my case I think I've had a lot of anxiety in life so some of the
00:56:24
um chemicals that help that I certainly are very addictive and then I think I I think um I mean I do think addiction is a disease
00:56:36
and I think I have this you know oh let's do more oh let's do more I mean there's something in my
00:56:42
brain that uh does that it wasn't always um you know it wasn't uh it wasn't a story of someone who uh
00:56:57
was always going to self-destruct The Life just life just became hard and and now you're out the other side and you're have a have a son you know so
00:57:08
it's yeah yeah so then yeah yeah so so then that's like okay that's real grown-up stuff right when I heard you had uh it's the greatest it is when
00:57:19
you're in rehab I was like I don't think so that guy wears a suit yeah people and
00:57:24
I mean it's been proven people in ties don't happen yeah I mean it through me and did we have dinner at koi when I was at me you Dana and hater was it and just
00:57:35
Judd yep yeah that's like one of the few times we've gotten even that was a fun night we took a picture
00:57:41
yeah we did take a picture you guys came and did my Largo show yeah that was great
00:57:47
uh uh uh Dana you and Bill read yeah okay sketches oh that's right yeah a sketch that I wrote um
00:58:00
the same the same hosting stint when we uh bombarded you with Mickey Rooney request but I I was regrettable at the time the only thing about Mickey Rooney
00:58:12
was the first time I had some Prosthetics that created the illusion path and and helped me too doing Mickey Rooney and then that time whatever quick change for whatever reason it kind of
00:58:24
looked like me and it just didn't you know and then Casey Kasem bombed but you have little Legos I did the first time yeah for some
00:58:35
reason something that the look wasn't the same and then Casey K it wasn't my best hosting effort but uh I think I'm
00:58:43
in large part I'm in large part to blame for that if uh now that he was bad that week now that I
00:58:50
remember that you remember that the Mickey Rooney and Casey Casey we're not at the moment uh right but I love the passion how much you guys loved
00:59:02
it in case of case some killed a 300 seat theater bill and I read it again in front of you we explained it a little
00:59:09
better it just it's sketch 101 they just didn't hook it it was over in the corner
00:59:14
and once how big of a second too too big of a set giant set they didn't always want I always want sketches like that to just look like A Garfield cartoon like a
00:59:25
like a single Square animation cell like you just it was massive yeah and it was
00:59:30
a massive backyard the sketch was Casey Kasem and his son JC Kasem Jason are having a fight and they both talk like Casey Cason and uh
00:59:46
you know it was like son I know you've uh son I know you've been borrowing money to buy crystal meth and how do you
00:59:52
know that Dad here's a list yeah like it was it was that yeah it was just them both he was like there's a letter I know
00:59:59
you've been borrowing money to buy crystal meth and here it's a letter it's that classic Casey Kasem for people I've
01:00:05
ever heard of Rhythm and then you know checking in at number five the boss my favorite line was well Dad you were always hounding me with questions when are you gonna stop hanging out with
01:00:16
those deadbeats when are you gonna do something in your life and which female vocalist had more number one hits than
01:00:22
any other Debbie and Dana says the answer Mariah Carey so why do you think for uh young people why would that bomb well I thought it was because they're too big of a set we've already explained
01:00:34
it wasn't the right yeah it wasn't the performance I was washing my car it was a quiet they're kind of quiet voices
01:00:40
They Don't Really project that much and I think if you're in the audience and a camera's going by or they're leading a horse across the studio they don't hit
01:00:47
hook it leading a horse oh just noise distractions yeah if it was cold opening an enter with us you weren't at home base for you one of those secret sets day needs to go never be in the [ __ ]
01:01:00
dead zone over there I would go where they they were writing up the planning where the sketches would be and how
01:01:06
you'd go tell them why is my sketch not there yeah go ahead yeah I remember watching I think it was a Wayne's World
01:01:12
I was talking to Steve Higgins and I was like it why is this I mean besides the fact
01:01:18
that it was so popular I was like what is the why is does this feel like they're just yelling directly at an
01:01:24
adoring audience and he was like because those were at home base like everything everything that seems like why is this like right
01:01:32
in the lens right down the barrel right to the audience so then all of us would go up to Don Roy King during the
01:01:39
production meeting Wednesday night all the writers would go like we think this could play at home base so I think it
01:01:45
could play I remember one time he had because they write in they basically they pencil in everything
01:01:52
and there were like six sketches that we're trying to play at home base well they would say to me well you can't have
01:01:58
it at home base because you have an entrance and I go what if I get rid of the entrance and they go well then you can have it at home base wow what a scam
01:02:06
I'm gonna go to Victoria Jackson and go you gotta just be in this set the whole time I was gonna I don't know how much longer we have but I was gonna just ask
01:02:12
you your latest thoughts about your son and how old is he because I I don't follow okay um my son Malcolm is six
01:02:19
months old okay so you're you and um your significant Olivia are racing for that first Mile in the morning when he's in his crib
01:02:35
I'm a little bit drunk nope but anyway uh we that's very funny you mentioned that we both love to wake him up
01:02:42
together and he he'll be kind of like what I love about Malcolm one he's my son that's so that's what I love about that's good it's good you love it that's as good as yourself but but also
01:02:54
um he's so independent like I listened to him on the on the Miku on the baby monitor and he's just babbling to
01:03:02
himself like as he's trying to fall asleep he's just talking like ah I love that he kind of sounds like Jiminy Glick like he's like Adam Sandler oh yeah
01:03:16
yeah there's a lot of the low register like yeah and he's doing characters he's doing character work and also I think he enjoys the reverberation of his voice in
01:03:30
this uh when he was sleeping in this pack and play the other night and I was like you really just so back and play
01:03:36
you love your you love the sound um that it's making in your little crib there so
01:03:41
we'd love to come in and he's just I don't know he's so independent he's just chatting with his like stuffed elephant
01:03:48
in the crib with him well that moment where they wake up and they're saying then we then surrender
01:03:55
yeah and he have a pack in place so we unzip on top of it this cover and he he's sitting right there and goes like flashing and then his face goes and that yeah back and plays like a duffel bag
01:04:07
you carry him in or something well it does kind of fold up into what looks like those bags they carry machine guns in yeah it's like it's a long black bag
01:04:18
that becomes a crib because at the beginning it's just a shoebox you have to carry them in and then as they get
01:04:23
older I don't know how it works yeah when a baby's born they tell you to put it in a shoe box with red and newspaper
01:04:28
and you got to keep them stimulated there's a lot of focus on kids it even started when I was oh more now my God
01:04:36
mentally stimulated a genius you feed them this way and it's like yeah God damn a lot of everyone's got an opinion
01:04:43
yeah he um uh uh he likes songs by he likes songs that The Wrecking Crew worked on the the famous Studio musicians he kind of likes like um there's something about
01:04:56
that yeah the Righteous Brothers and those yellow Specter wall of sound I think there's something sonically to a
01:05:03
baby you know like I've always said babies love feels Specter well the baby when he's three if he picks up a rock
01:05:08
people will go he's gonna be an archaeologist I mean everyone's gonna want to project I think he's funny like
01:05:14
you you know I've seen it anyway there's nothing like Instagram when they say and
01:05:21
Instagram they're always there's always someone in trouble for doing something wrong with their kids and then everyone writes in a million comments you should
01:05:27
not do that it's like no one who why do you give a [ __ ] about my kid like oh yeah are you gonna come babysit I've
01:05:32
always wanted to put as a caption if anyone has any parenting thoughts please please leave them in the comments yeah
01:05:40
please I'm about to get my six-month-old uh a bunch of pork sausage and dairy if
01:05:47
anyone has any thoughts once a good toaster I should put in the tub with him uh but John I would say we have to let you go but first of all great chatting I
01:05:59
saw you at Largo I saw Olivia uh the other night it was a lot of fun to see you were hilarious it was great to see
01:06:05
you you were David we were talking for a while that just just you backstage talking about trying to sell your house
01:06:11
was the funniest five minutes thank you you know it's funny my special just came
01:06:18
out I was you guys are talking about specials and uh it came out on the dirt.com right on the
01:06:24
Real Estate website that's where my special came out which was so stupid yeah everyone knows about your house David let's do some housekeeping it's
01:06:35
called nothing personal I wanted to say to to John that and Danny you might feel this when you get to bigger I don't tour as much I I actually this first time I was sort
01:06:47
of doing some theaters and they're not as big as yours but even if it's two three thousand seats I sometimes feel
01:06:53
like I'm not enough it's almost like more pressure to go I can picture a band here like wailing away to fill this big
01:07:00
energy so much more energy than a club and people are paying more and it's a big deal there's a line outside and you
01:07:06
go I'm just here talking a little bit it feels like it's not enough for them and I had a weird thing about that where I
01:07:12
go I want to be extra good or do a little something more razzled as I don't know yeah I mean that's why I really like uh I mean I remember hearing I remember
01:07:25
hearing an interview with Chris Rock when bring the pain came out about how why he Paces so much it's like I gotta
01:07:31
fill the stage and I've I've never forgotten that I mean I like I like a lot of Mike cord and a lot of walking
01:07:38
yeah yeah and I I've never saw I I always think that I'm like this is just me this is like a random person talking about right very specific topics what is this
01:07:53
yeah maybe I'll just yeah I and mine they they I got off stage to talk about having a tough set like my first taping
01:08:00
you know mo most comics for you listeners pick a place and they do two shows in one night mostly yeah Adam Adam got to do a little more but uh you know you do
01:08:11
that then you pick the best of the two whatever and I got off stage my opener wasn't doing as well as he usually does
01:08:17
and I'm like oh please don't be a [ __ ] tough crowd you know and then I get on it and they were tough for the
01:08:24
first five and I'm like these people are coming to see me and they're my fans and this is tough and I get off and I go
01:08:31
[ __ ] well the second one will be a little better and they go you know they have n95s on I go no they don't and no one told me they had those masks
01:08:39
on them we didn't know they were all all the fives I didn't even think because we moved it there because it was during coven they go you do get a crowd they might have to wear a mask but I
01:08:50
think of the blue ones but I heard they walked in everyone had to take theirs off and they were given the worst kind
01:08:56
of like drywall masks it was it was Minnesota and I have to say they were a good crowd it just when 50 of it's gone and you can't hear it as
01:09:08
because they're they even look like a good crowd they're moving they're bending over laughing and I'm like and you know I just see the front rows but I
01:09:14
go oh what's going on because it's so bright when I taped well it wasn't to bore the [ __ ] out of you it was in Austin and because Netflix
01:09:28
there's some rules you have to for covid blah blah and Austin said no we won't abide by it so I'd either wait
01:09:34
six months or the next weekend I was doing when you guys go out now they're not wearing masks they're not right nah
01:09:42
they're still there's still a couple bucks I think it's I think it's dealer's choice I think you yeah because I see
01:09:47
people with them but those are for a while there was show your vax card or um if you don't have it you get uh sorry if you showed your back's card you got a
01:09:59
wristband if you didn't have a wristband you had to have the mask on there's been but crowds have been really
01:10:04
understanding about it which is nice at least they're still coming which is nice and that's whenever there's a surge to
01:10:10
whenever there's a surge on tour it's sort of like okay you know some stuff might get canceled and like what's
01:10:16
whatever is best for the health and safety of the crowd is the best choice but I'll sometimes look at the map in my
01:10:22
calendar and be like well I got luckily luckily like my Florida and Arizona yeah
01:10:28
yeah states where you're like they're literally We're Gonna Cancel they're Never Gonna Cancel well they say some people for a while there during uh when there's a last surge they go just expect
01:10:40
about 20 to 30 don't show they buy the tickets it's sold out but they don't come and you go oh because they get
01:10:46
scared so it's sort of a bummer because you want the people whoever gets ticket to come Sometimes It's Tricky you know I found
01:10:53
that um like people in Los Angeles have been more careful than anyone else I I know
01:11:00
like I I was in New York for a lot of the early pandemic people were obviously extremely Sheltering in place then
01:11:06
however there still was a bit more of a uh sometimes a bit of a Cavalier attitude like look we we're gonna go out we're gonna try to do this La seemed more locked down for longer but yeah
01:11:19
then this Netflix is a joke Festival game and like everyone I knew who used to lecture about like spray down your
01:11:26
groceries with you know like all those people are suddenly like at a huge brunch with Kevin Hart
01:11:34
you know everyone everyone went out [Music] well John uh thank you and uh you know I always thought you'd make a good day and
01:11:49
it wouldn't make a good talk show host great monologue first of all articulate yeah get going I mean as Malcolm gets
01:11:56
older you'll you'll be financially so secure you'll be able to pick your dates and and pick how you want to work you
01:12:03
know I go now it's you're he won't miss you now but you're going to want to be around when he's you know seven and
01:12:10
eight nine ten eleven twelve those are the those seven years my friend Dan Levy and I
01:12:16
um a wonderful comedian and a good friend of mine Dan Levy and I talk often Dana about how uh you know how you
01:12:25
specifically uh we were like that might be the best life ever to um name a corporate rate that is so high but have so many people meet it and you
01:12:37
can edit this out if you're uncomfortable no no no no no no no when you just kept doing I was like man what
01:12:43
an amazing we talked so greedily about like man well I think you probably describe all
01:12:49
those corporates I wanted to get out of them they kept saying yes I kept going up and up and up
01:12:55
and hoping I'd get out of them but it was very I know it's the it's the greatest problem I've ever heard anyone
01:13:02
having and we're so envious of it well it's a nice adaptive way when the kids are you were office you were off SNL you were living in Northern California and
01:13:13
you were naming the highest rates possible yes it was a it was it was very very good I I was get I was hiding in
01:13:20
plain sight making more money than maybe almost anyone but like big movie stars but no one knew so they just figured I
01:13:27
was broke so that was good but it's it's a pretty good schedule for uh a dad because you could take two months at
01:13:33
Christmas take Summers off and have your just adapt your schedule to when you want to be with them so anyway it is
01:13:40
great are you guys on the are you guys going out on are you guys on the road now too David is I'm on the road I'm
01:13:47
doing a scripted podcast finishing up which is hard it's like making the White Album it really has taken a year to do
01:13:52
it with my two sons oh right right yeah I've heard on this I've heard on this podcast yeah so I'm working on that but I'm kind of itching to do stand up again I don't know what I would say or what I
01:14:04
would do though at this age you know because it's like you don't want to be boring that's that's the worst sin of a
01:14:10
standing boring you don't want to be canceled but you don't want to be canceled you want to be honest you want
01:14:15
to be real you want to be funny but for me doing in small clubs with my sons I figured out for me personally being a
01:14:22
sketch player at heart I was so much better in small rooms I mean because I'm doing these little intricate little characters and stuff so I love small rooms but big rooms play different you
01:14:33
know if they have screens it's very nice I'm sure Madison Square Garden you're gonna have big screens yeah yeah yeah there's there's sort of
01:14:41
these like portrait length screens they really do I was very when this tour started I was like okay
01:14:48
this is gonna be cool but is this gonna just be like yelling in a hockey arena and everyone's like what but you gotta
01:14:54
see the faces and stuff yeah the production the production and my tour manager Beth
01:15:00
um like it's been it's been made into a really good show I think yeah he's like I have Kid Rock's trucker guy that runs
01:15:07
the 18-wheeler with my favorite thing about touring Arenas is that is like talking to bus drivers who they just had
01:15:16
here yeah who were you just with like Robert Plant Robert Plant Steve Harvey then you and I'm like I love it I love that have you ever gotten right before you went on dinged like that from some
01:15:29
well-meaning crew guy last week Sinbad came in here I gotta tell you he took every local reference he destroyed now Dana flarfo I mean do you ever get dinged like that where it's like Chris
01:15:40
Rock levitated This Arena I don't think I don't think he was trying to ding me but I still don't know
01:15:45
I don't know but uh no Brian Dorfman a Booker um a promoter excuse me Brian I apologize you're a producer and a promoter and whatever other things you do but I was in I was backstage at
01:15:58
Nashville Zanies and uh we're standing there and I'm really about to walk out and he just goes I remember promoting Paulie Shore
01:16:12
and when the door opened and the shadow of his profile hit the stage I've never heard a crowd go crazier first it's like as I'm about to walk out how's your brother I've never heard a crowd go crazier for someone and it was the
01:16:27
greatest stand-up show I'd ever seen I know they go on and on it was no one has ever ever done anything like this but you'll do fine you know yeah and then he pauses and go hey got any new stuff
01:16:38
I remember um someone else uh at zany's Nashville I was like at that same weekend I was like who are
01:16:49
your favorite Comics um and uh this woman Ruth Ann who uh was managing the club um like who are your favorite Comics you know and like a lot of people this was
01:17:01
like 2000 for 2000 you know people would go like oh I tell Hedberg you know people just list the same names and she goes okay
01:17:10
oh here we go and I and I can't remember exactly the three but it the first was Tony Rock she goes I go okay she goes funnier than
01:17:23
Chris I go okay okay okay um she goes funnier than Chris uh Chick McGee I think maybe is a uh the last one was Killer Bees uh Jose
01:17:37
Killer Bees Killer Bees is a road is an American comedian not known to everyone but she goes Killer Bees is the best comic funnier than Chris you know you need the material you know you need
01:17:50
new material when they someone says to you no matter how many times I hear your stuff I oh I still laugh you know you
01:17:57
know you need to do that yeah yeah I uh I the the the sound guys the the lighting uh technicians everyone I'm on this tour with is amazing and they they
01:18:08
are very sweet about it but they're like we as we're setting up we just recite your jokes and I was like man that's
01:18:15
such a compliment but it makes me feel like so you're saying I don't have enough new stuff
01:18:21
all right John get out of here uh I like it it's nice I like that you guys are acting like I have somewhere to be but I
01:18:28
don't I know I keep making the interview longer I know but it is fun because people like
01:18:35
to hear from you oh one little SNL memory I have of just how big and inescapable the show felt was I was
01:18:43
hired August 7 2008. and then we had the commercial writing weeks um we start we start pre-production for the show not pre-production we start
01:18:55
uh everyone's kind of back and we're gonna shoot commercial parodies um then we have the first show week in the first show that I was ever a part of Michael Phelps hosted and it was the
01:19:07
first time Tina fated Sarah Palin SNL is like back kind of like to being when you guys were on like it felt like
01:19:21
oh yeah it felt like the 92 election again um it was like huge and it was on every
01:19:27
magazine cover and Seth and Amy are on every magazine cover and Tina's on every magazine covered it was so big and we
01:19:34
did these Thursday Prime Time update shows so we did 12 we total we did 12 shows in eight weeks and I just remember I was sitting in a taxi cab going home
01:19:46
and my eye was all infected for me from being awake so long and uh a bus pulls up next to me and it's a gap ad with Forte sedakis
01:19:59
and Lisa at then Fred yeah like they did like a winter clothes like scarves in half but I just remember being like I can't [ __ ] escape this show and still haven't yeah you never if it's a seminal
01:20:13
moment in your life being in Rockefeller Center doing that thing with all the characters well yeah it's like saying
01:20:18
hey I used to play for the Yankees um now I have a sports marketing company which would you rather talk about yeah yeah that's true there's nothing
01:20:31
experientially or tactically like that show people always have a question about it something about it that's why we're
01:20:37
doing the podcast and to hang out with people I said listen to every episode I was very flattered to be asking you down you must have gone free time or that's when you're on the bus or the plane or a
01:20:48
lot of you're driving and uh a lot of driving a lot of bus yeah he's used to that we talk over each other Dana John yeah well we have well smartless has three guys did you like
01:20:59
doing the live one with Sandler yeah oh yeah yeah I was um I should have filmed it it's [ __ ] great it was so fun yeah different sport but uh different sport
01:21:10
but it's it I'm whenever there's a live episode of a podcast I love I'm like this is like
01:21:16
no one's uh everyone's bringing out the big guns oh yeah well yeah you just you tend to perform a little more but yeah I just I if I put myself usually I'm there I'm them Sandler and
01:21:28
David Spade so there's a sense of like I'd like to just hear what Adam Sandler had for breakfast you know uh they wanna they want to know you as a person the one thing we haven't done with you we
01:21:39
don't have to because I always like to put think of 10 year old John Mulaney because I like that
01:21:46
favorite toy as a kid or a toy that you remember that you really was important to you or you liked
01:21:52
oh that's a good question um cocaine uh yeah but little bags of cocaine and rolled up dollar bills dang that Stretch Armstrong didn't you yeah and evil can you shut your Armstrong was
01:22:06
a [ __ ] scam I liked anything I liked anything um with Ernie I kind of uh with Ernie
01:22:14
from Bert and Ernie I sort of realized later in life that Ernie was like I thought Ernie was so funny Ernie is really funny he doesn't give a [ __ ] and his roommate's uptight yeah which one's
01:22:26
gay bird or oh I think bird is the rumor was that they were both gay I guess that's how it would work okay
01:22:33
did you have a bike that was special to you like in fourth fifth sixth grade I had a bike which growing up in Chicago
01:22:40
like it's an easy City to bike around and that that was like we already had a lot of freedom like we
01:22:46
were a little feral um I just walked around the city of Chicago it was like like 10 9 year old
01:22:53
like we really could just go I remember having a bike and riding it along um the lake from my home to like the middle of downtown Chicago and I was
01:23:03
like this is so much Freedom it's crazy it won't be like that with your kid huh no I mean that's interesting it's an interesting thing because Olivia you
01:23:16
want it to be good we want it to be but then we obviously I'm like do I have the stomach for just being like all right
01:23:22
see ya do you have the Instagram followers can you handle what they're gonna say about that yeah hey leaving
01:23:29
Malcolm alone on Michigan Avenue yeah he'll be home by when it gets dark like I did is this a good idea question mark Arrow to comments and you
01:23:42
do you have ideas of where you would like to settle with the time School Years start or is it just completely
01:23:48
wide open you don't have to mention a town or anything but do you think uh it's either Southern California New York
01:23:53
or out there somewhere yeah we're very open to uh to different places you know I mean I feel like also the me and Olivia and
01:24:04
Malcolm have been on the road so much that we kind of you know we're in this place of like home is wherever we're
01:24:10
together you know yeah yeah they're just so portable now and you had told me once that you thought
01:24:15
flying too much of my age people so do you take more buses and cars I said that I thought you said to me always they thought I might fly too much with sounds
01:24:27
sounds a little uh Speedy Cokey talk oh you've got some Go-Go juice I didn't know you're you're not no no but I thought I said that but but now you know I do think that no there's something like you know
01:24:45
how you feel when you get off a plane and your feet are all swollen and like your stomach's weird I was like this is
01:24:50
not you shouldn't do this constantly like like bring a bring up um you know you bring like a half empty 20 ounce bottle of soda on a plane and put it in your
01:25:03
backpack and see what the pressure's done to it yeah yeah right it's not it's not normal which but what it does to
01:25:09
your body I get done with it I'm at that phase of celebrity now where I weigh in on health theories so I'm gonna go out
01:25:15
ahead and say that planes no one should be fine John the late this week we got our trips
01:25:21
John Mulaney said no drug addict flying is dangerous and not because they're gonna crash but your body is Neil Brennan said when I first got back to doing stand-up he said you should be
01:25:34
introduced Neil Brennan said this he goes you should be introduced as you know him from TMZ please welcome drugs
01:25:45
let's end on that one that's funny all right guys miss you John pleasure love you see you
01:25:53
somewhere bye guys on campus hey what's up flies what's up please what's up people that listen we want to
01:25:59
hear from you and your dumb questions questions ask us anything anything you want you can email us at fly on the wall
01:26:06
at cadence13.com Howard Wright says he says he loves the podcast and the behind the scenes stuff that's great here's his question David with the crazy efforts of bringing a
01:26:21
live show on the air each week did Lorna the staff ever review the previous week's show to discuss what what went
01:26:28
right or wrong with the cast or specific performers or skits or is once the show
01:26:33
perform everyone moves on to the next uh I would start and say I think the Monday meeting we have the new host sitting in front of us so we don't want to overdo it but it'll
01:26:46
be like last week Sharon Stone I thought you know pretty good I like this I like this I thought update was strong
01:26:53
uh I think this week you know let's not let our foot off the gas we've got uh Michael Keaton here today that's pretty accurate right that is accurate but it's uh it's not like I mean to me that
01:27:06
reminds me of the NBA or something where that you you're going to watch the whole game with the team and start and stop it
01:27:12
you know can I can I do my impression of Steph Curry the coach of the Warriors for a second yeah yeah yeah I think uh I
01:27:20
think Steph had a great game tonight I think he was good on both sides of the floor uh moving the ball a lot and I
01:27:25
think clay was a active as well on the offensive boards it's almost Bill Clinton but [ __ ] it man I can't get him
01:27:31
yeah by the way I see her like that now I now when I put it with that voice and I go it's a classic where you never even think of his voice until you just did it the only yeah it's just a very rough
01:27:43
voice and all those sort of sports Arts things I think we uh we controlled the boards in the first half we our offense
01:27:49
was um a little slow in the second half I'm Steve Kerr anyway um if there were um sadness or or recriminations it would be at the party like yeah and we beat
01:28:01
ourselves up we wouldn't need Lauren to do it be like yeah let's lay there that one sucked or I don't know what happened
01:28:07
but we do just move on like David wasn't on his game tonight well I thought like that yeah I mean what Lauren would do interesting enough because Lauren was not heavy on
01:28:20
compliments but that like a good coach but when he did compliment it was a big thing but in the Monday meeting he would
01:28:25
take some obscure part of the show and say I I thought Jan's exit was breathtaking oh yeah you know how he would do that I like the lighting and
01:28:35
the receptionist I think they finally got it right well also I think they have a pre-meeting for this young man who's
01:28:42
asking Howard Wright they have a pre-meeting with just the heads of the Departments it's like you know in my era
01:28:48
it was Downey maybe Smiggle and Franken and then I think that's when they would iron out any problems but I wasn't privy
01:28:54
to that if there was any but you're right Dana's right we don't watch tapes we're not like football going over and
01:29:00
going what about last we just like on to Cleveland we just say this week is whoever and you're locked into it from
01:29:07
Sunday I'd be like I thought David was terrific in the receptionist guy I thought he scored offensively defense he
01:29:14
set up people still Steve Kerr they should go to Steve current update Steve how's the show
01:29:20
going so far cold open was all right I think I think the teams I think everyone's moving very well on their
01:29:26
feet they're committing to their lines uh the cue card reading is a problem we're going to take care of in the third I'm doing Bill Clinton but [ __ ] it I had
01:29:32
it the other day I did it for a family I think Opera man went a little long so I think we're gonna have to pick up some slack after update because uh
01:29:39
Something's Gonna have to get cut I thought Tim Meadows was terrific and the ladies man I like Dana when you're doing a sketch I was literally remember in my head
01:29:50
walking in the hall in full Gap girls regalia at about half hour you know quarter to one in the morning and they go Gap girls is cut oh it's big on the live show because it
01:30:01
goes so it just means everything went long and you don't have time and I just fall to my knees
01:30:10
and then I got my cheeks with my fake nails oh you were bleeding at the after party you had a little napkin good day
01:30:16
or something no I walk up to Lauren's table at the after party in my phone okay yeah happy now wait Lord you never told me to my face is it cut
01:30:35
you blew it yeah blew it I could be funnier than anyone on this show oh it sucks yeah uh okay there's your
01:30:49
answer thanks guys there's your answer thanks guys goodbye that isn't funny that was a good answer [Music] this has been a podcast presentation of
01:31:00
cadence 13. please listen then rate review and follow all episodes available now for free wherever you get your podcast no joke folks
01:31:11
fly on the wall has been a presentation of cadence 13. executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade Chris
01:31:17
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