00:00:00
[Music] when the husband marries who does he
00:00:05
pick the other one feels like an [ __ ] and then the other one is like well I guess I'll just sit here why don't you
00:00:11
bone my sister so one get sorry this is
00:00:17
[Music]
00:00:22
um here I'll give you a pop quiz I don't know if we're always rolling or we're not rolling are we rolling
00:00:28
quiz always rolling Pop Quiz who was the fem fatal in the remake with Jeff
00:00:35
Bridges of of uh King Kong and it was in Jess yeah God damn I you know the only
00:00:42
reason I like that damn it you're good the only reason I like because I love her so much oh my God and then Naomi Watts was in King
00:00:49
Kong and then it's always just whoever's the hottest blonde it'll be margar Robbie now and margar Robbie yeah she'll
00:00:56
do a she'll do like um bong will be Barbie and Kong No when
00:01:03
we call Bong maybe G will be in it gar never
00:01:09
smoked oh yeah he's a he's a a virgin well he got pubes at 38 38 so he
00:01:16
was a late developer now let me tell you something in the new go ahead I just got pubes what do I do with them I have G
00:01:23
glasses and I have a g yeah what do I do with them I counted them and I named them one's name's Lucy one name is David
00:01:31
Spade did you tie yours in nuts I said David Spade one's name is David Spade a
00:01:37
full name we could have had you in Wayne's World too just as yourself a cameo and you push it on your to the
00:01:43
microscope and you get to me you play a doctor you could be in Stan makita's dnut shop you could have been a done
00:01:49
been a psychopath or another Canadian some kind of weirdo no no you look at your pubes in the magnifying glass and
00:01:55
you get really close to one pube is me help
00:02:00
that is like incredible shrinky man yeah it's weird yeah that's like Raquel Welch in what was that called when she shrunk
00:02:07
down 50 Foot Woman No 1968 rackel Welch uh The Incredible
00:02:13
Shrinking Incredible Shrinking Woman that was Lily tomin yeah there was some other name for it but they
00:02:18
allat they went inside the body inside a boat Don Donald Pleasants gets killed
00:02:24
anyway all right listen let me do Godzilla half our audience and then we'll do Bethany let's pull over and eat
00:02:30
this is not start okay I'm going to start okay two three two welcome to
00:02:35
Superfly my guest is Dana Carvey welcome to take one we're back in the St Studio
00:02:41
these these albino shins are not GNA make because I saw the last one in the whole [ __ ] podcast is that that's
00:02:49
what you're showing I got so many letters yeah I didn't know so guess what look at it now while you can cuz good
00:02:56
night Los Angel you know when you're on a movie they have dulling spray they spray on stuff so it doesn't kick on
00:03:03
camera right we could have done that it accidentally spilled on meie those are decent cords well well I I don't buy
00:03:10
anything I don't have anything I'm a minimalist I didn't realize it I don't do anything or buy I know you're scree
00:03:15
McDuck on a pile of money I just wait a minute let me break down that wait a minute he's got all the
00:03:22
money he goes to the got I was allergic to my
00:03:30
oh that was Scrooge McDuck he's over a pile of
00:03:36
money [ __ ] you won't see that anywhere else all right all right oh that's Act One what else no I'm GNA tell about my
00:03:42
weekend the only highlight you new nickname is the weekend I went to The Grove to see Godzilla versus King Kong I
00:03:51
would do that if I could and uh you know you have to be kind of in the mood for that kind of movie but I was ready for
00:03:56
it I went I paid my $70 whatever it is to go to a movie I don't know popcorn no cuz I used to say to my
00:04:04
brother we go to a movie and then we go to the snack bar and I said what are you going to get he goes everything oh that was the the Garth
00:04:11
brother yeah there's popcorn and then Peanut M&M's or something like that PO
00:04:16
in them Po in them so you're going in let's just set the scene you're at the Grove you paid $70 you're they're by
00:04:22
yourself no I had with me you have a guy with you just in no no females want to see [ __ ] King Kong so okay so now so
00:04:31
I go what happens next I sit through the 44 minutes of commercials I know you see
00:04:36
it like you know there's Nicole Kidman she gets Applause now for that dumb AMC thing and then uh and then they show
00:04:42
commercials then previews and then another commercial when I saw Top Gun you're almost about to see it then Tom
00:04:48
Cruz comes on he goes welcome to the movie and thanks for coming I mean we're already here go we don't need you I know
00:04:54
I thought that was a bold move cuz like in a minute he's going to be Captain Maguire or something but Tom Cruz in 30
00:05:00
seconds you'll see me pretending I'll look exactly like this but suspend disbelief enjoy the movie yeah why one
00:05:06
more commercial where you got us we're in I go to a movie at 12 at 12:15 start
00:05:12
the movie starts at 4 o00 yeah that's true let's just put it say it what I stay at a Cheesecake Factory a little longer because I knew that cheesec so I
00:05:18
go in godilla versus Kong I I okay
00:05:24
naively thought innocently that Godzilla and Kong could be friends not a chance
00:05:30
so that was your first mistake yeah I walk in I go maybe they're buddies no it's not a two-hander they did you see
00:05:36
any of the trailers where they're chasing each other with fangs I know I think it's just when you're a monster
00:05:41
you're you just like the challenge of other monsters just I thought the wicked witch would be really friends with the
00:05:47
[ __ ] and The Wizard of Oz I thought they dance together I would I would do that age but we represent the lollipop
00:05:54
you need a bad guy this movie is two bad guys Kong versus K doesn't make sense so
00:05:59
anyway way they come out Godzilla who has like a American Eagle Head he's not that attractive because it doesn't match
00:06:05
his monster body no wonder he's single he's he's got a tiny skull tiny skull huge shoulders Godzilla the new Godzilla
00:06:12
has a little head big shoulders oh he's kind of fat he's Trump's got Trump's
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kind of pear-shaped body I'm Godzilla you've got a terrific
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weight down here I'm kind of thin up here the shoulders are kind of tiny the bottom is huge and the legs are huge no
00:06:31
but I I heard Trump is really pear-shaped I knew a guy went golfing with him once no I think he is I think that's it's pretty obvious he's got
00:06:38
quite a rump on me and he says he says King Kong everyone's saying bad things
00:06:43
about him he's a he's got he's got a fat ass get out of here Joe so here comes
00:06:49
Kong and Godzilla and they fight immediately um all my hopes are dashed
00:06:55
go ahead did Don did Dolly Parton write the soundtrack because it'd be like here you come again looking like looking like
00:07:02
a fat lizard five stories tall that I had a fight with yeah so Kong oh best
00:07:09
non Secor of Superfly take one dolly dolly so he's you sometimes BL I'm not
00:07:14
going to let you finish the story when you ask questions so I um that's pretty
00:07:19
much it um you wrote aiew yeah so the review is uh did you enjoy it I'm curious just as
00:07:25
a fan well he gets Godzilla gets jacked up by nuclear energy so he has to run
00:07:32
around all the nuclear pants and huff that's how he get super and he gets crazy and I'm like [ __ ] no one's
00:07:38
Whispering this to Kong because he's going to lose quickly I can tell because he's just a monkey who cares and then
00:07:43
there's a deaf girl in the movie that tries to help she's from an ewe tribe and she she can talk to Kong so like
00:07:50
when Kong gets stabbed he falls on the ground and the deaf girls like this but she's not dumb and blind because I'm a
00:07:55
big fan of no she can talk she's just dumb okay she's not deaf and dumb and blind that guy
00:08:01
not like Tommy okay so she goes does sign language to Kong and then he goes like this and then she goes Kong's hurt
00:08:07
I go well no [ __ ] Sherlock we he just got stabbed I mean we don't need the Long Island Medium in for this one we we
00:08:13
figured that part out medium I remind me after you finish your review I'll do my Long Island Medium please I I when I go
00:08:21
in to get my haircut I go give me the Long Island Med I like it today because it looks unkempt it's like Bed Head it
00:08:28
is good though accidentally looks good doesn't look we're going to get comments and [ __ ] I don't care I love the
00:08:34
comments I love the rage the radiation is is good but when he lifts his leg you can tell his balls are smaller it
00:08:41
doesn't doesn't matter is that a joke or you really see his testicles it's a p i look okay cuz in most of the reviews I
00:08:47
read they said disappointingly no Kong testicles were available screen godilla
00:08:54
he drinks got so much fat so much stuff the testicles are fine they almost dis
00:08:59
bottom in the thighs is so big it's an optical illusion if that's the end so at
00:09:04
the end Godzilla is a is a good guy and then the whole town likes him he's like throwing out a pitch at don't tell me
00:09:10
who wins well it's more like I won't even I won't even mention Mothra because
00:09:16
Mo I'm not there are too many spoilers [ __ ] but I would say it's if you if you
00:09:22
want to be confused and you have three and a half hours [Music]
00:09:28
go
00:09:36
okay so PE people have you found any subscriptions you forgot about I just
00:09:41
said this two minutes ago there was a streamer that hit me up hey thanks for your Moola for last month we just
00:09:48
charged you it didn't say do you want to be charged again there's a lot of these on your phone that just like whail on
00:09:55
you and and you don't even know it you need someone to get in there and shake the tree a little bit rocket money it it
00:10:04
alerts you of an increase in subscription price it could negotiate it for you if you want it can cancel it for
00:10:10
you it's so timec consuming nearly 75% of people have subscriptions they forgotten about so yeah this is a real
00:10:18
problem this product needed to be made and rock rocket money did I thought I had about 10 I have about 6,000 oh I one
00:10:26
last night we wanted to watch something and it said uh free trial oh free but
00:10:31
then you have to sign it took 20 minutes to sign up they got all information and the movie sucked
00:10:37
anyway yeah oh and it's such a headache to get on but then they got you and they
00:10:43
don't even let you know and then just every month they just do your bam bam bam thank you ma'am yeah when you got
00:10:49
Financial you know everyone's pretty tight in the financial crunch and you you you you don't want money going down
00:10:56
the drain that you don't even care about at all it's hard enough with the stuff you definitely need you don't need a lot of this stuff they come in it's a
00:11:03
personal finance app finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions monitors your spending helps lower your bill
00:11:10
hence grows your savings right yeah you don't you don't want to spend time
00:11:16
combing over all these charges you know that doesn't sound like so much fun they have over five million
00:11:22
users Dana that's a lot wow it's growing they saved people a total of 500 million
00:11:29
that's crazy in canceled subscriptions so wow that they save members up to $740
00:11:35
a year using all their apps featur it all compounds it all adds up y stop wasting
00:11:43
money on things you don't use cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to Rocket money.com
00:11:50
Superfly that's rocket money.com Superfly rocket
00:11:55
money.com Superfly Sarah it's spade and Dana and we're and and no one cares about your
00:12:02
50th Anniversary dumb interview I was so excited when I got the call for us call
00:12:08
us and you'll be on camera and it'll be seen by at least 3,200 people right we
00:12:14
get a lot of YouTube comments which mean nothing yeah so uh we're officially one
00:12:21
one 1,000 of Joe Rogan's audience yeah we have a lot of people that watch
00:12:27
our show that also watch Joe Rogan if that means anything and his brother Biff
00:12:32
Rogan get that mulls get that
00:12:37
mullet this is going nowhere this is going to be this this voicemail is goingon to be cut after don't make me sneeze again as Donald Duck that I will
00:12:45
do it if we need it that was so good I haven't done that in a while I actually was sneezing
00:12:50
[ __ ] okay oh Long Island Medium she's like
00:12:58
um what was it what was it oh they they she never says the loved ones or is they in
00:13:04
heaven what is it you know what's he saying to you he said he he liked his socks he liked the yellow socks he's in
00:13:12
the afterlife and he's communicating with us yeah he said he liked the yellow socks that he had in the drawer but he
00:13:19
did say anything about meeting God no he just really liked those
00:13:24
socks that's what he's wasting his time with in heaven it goes from there more little things you know yeah and then
00:13:30
they they're like why is he talking about that why is he talking about that he likes he he he likes it when you gave
00:13:36
he liked the warm blanket you had oh he didn't have a special warm blanket well couldn't you have got him a blanket he
00:13:43
died of pneumonia could he have gotten the blanket and so then she turns on yeah she just doesn't he make sense and
00:13:49
then she flips it on him I don't know this are tight as [ __ ] [ __ ] aren't they oh [ __ ] we are experiencing
00:13:57
technical difficulties please stand by so how are you nice to nice to meet you
00:14:03
Bethany nice to meet you too this is so exciting that's Dana yeah we have we have a little counter there's 36 people
00:14:09
watching us right now no there's not that's a lot the most you've ever had no this is just we we we tape it because we
00:14:16
have a video one now so we can see you which is way better right and it would be make you
00:14:21
insecure if it was only 6 36 people because you are comedians yeah that's a big crowd for me though are you
00:14:27
hydrating with a sort of a energy drink I'm Hydra I have like severe I'm a
00:14:32
thirsty [ __ ] like I'm a very dehydrated person by Nature I always have like multiple beverages around you mind if I
00:14:38
use that for a song title thirsty [ __ ] I'm just saying I do not I do not
00:14:45
mind I'm a thirsty dude listen the Fun's over we have to find out about the crime
00:14:51
so the crime the crime at hand Dana there's a story going on I I always F
00:14:56
Dana in but uh there's not one guy probably random guys running around I
00:15:03
think they're guys New York and punching girls in the face is that close so far
00:15:09
Bethy yes it was funny because when I was thinking about that we were going to talk today I was thinking about the fact
00:15:15
that you guys aren't originally from New York but lived in New York when you were doing SNL and what that perspective was
00:15:21
like what your version of vision of crime was then I was thinking of pre juliani and the 70s and then I was
00:15:27
thinking of how I think of it now how like some guy wrote an article during the pandemic
00:15:32
about crime Seinfeld pushed back on it it's been a discussion and there's been
00:15:38
like a defensiveness about it yeah because New Yorkers want a gasl light and pretend it's not actually happening
00:15:43
and close their eyes and pretend they're not seeing it so that's why I think it's an interesting discussion we when we had
00:15:48
crime it was crime but it was like big crime like there's a bank robber and they' catch him they'd go to jail
00:15:54
there's no real Crime and Punishment anymore it it seems It's watered a little bit so there's crime and there's
00:16:01
not as much punishment and that makes more crime in my in my rough math in my
00:16:07
head so when things happen like this they sort of go unnoticed and swept under the road well to insert this for a
00:16:15
second once you you you get used to it like in the 80s was pretty rough I was I lived there in 81 as well but then I
00:16:23
came back and like after Giuliani I don't know what he did but my wife and I
00:16:28
walking around New York and we're not looking over our shoulder he said what what happened and then Time Square
00:16:34
became like Disneyland so then the ju's position was like this was possible like
00:16:39
right what happened right so right right well the Giuliani was the not [ __ ] around crew and so that's very
00:16:46
interesting especially when you're dealing with a jungle like New York and it was left kind of unguarded during the
00:16:52
pandemic and the inmates are running the Asylum and so from a superficial standpoint if you go into CVS mascara
00:16:59
and eyelashes are locked up like shampoo like it's so so bad for business to begin with because you can't go in there
00:17:05
and just pick something up and go pay for it you have to like call four people and a supervisor to get a mascara I mean
00:17:11
so that's because anybody could steal anything they want and and a problem
00:17:17
Bethany just so I can interrupt you for sure um at least once is that when these
00:17:22
stores when you see that happening they're sort of counting on a a good-natured normal person with moral
00:17:29
saying oh I'll pay these people just carry stuff out at some point someone's
00:17:34
going to go why am I paying like it's it's just as easy to walk straight out like I feel like hardworking people are
00:17:40
getting the Sha by the way it's 100% it goes through your mind like well it's harder to pay
00:17:46
than to not pay right right and people it's harder to pay yeah well what was your blink I mean you you were
00:17:52
considering getting a place there but you changed your mind I mean was it worse than you thought I mean you
00:17:57
obviously got slapped or hit in the face we'll get to that in a second but is it
00:18:02
feel worse than ever well I ultimately it feels
00:18:08
really bad and David said it well in the sense that not everything is like the
00:18:13
most gigantic thing I mean the numbers don't lie but like I wouldn't have my daughter who's turning 14 on the subway
00:18:20
by herself which some of her friends do that's sort have been something she mentioned fluently and I was like absolutely not walking around what sorry
00:18:28
that's like darev move to go on the subway alone now to I think what you're going to say is there's two lanes of this is the actual crime and then
00:18:35
there's the threat of the crime so you know I was in a CVS in West Hollywood all of a sudden they're screaming on the
00:18:41
other side of the store so your day is you know your tense you're worried so it
00:18:46
the psychology of New York I had a friend move and he just said everyone is angry every so and he loved New York so
00:18:54
I have one daughter and it's unfortunate that like I'm putting the fear of death
00:18:59
in her and I don't even think she wants to listen anymore because every time I see something that actually has happened in New York like the punching of the
00:19:05
face or the other thing and like you said we'll get into it I'm constantly like almost badgering her because I'm so
00:19:12
helpless that when she's with her dad she's in New York and she's sometimes like oh we just were here or I have
00:19:17
something on my phone that says where she was like wait what do you mean how'd you get there how'd you get home like I am now a helicopter parent about this
00:19:26
thing because you're right when I'm in a drugstore my shoulders are up like any human
00:19:32
that's near me I feel like they're going to do something to me yeah for sure y in
00:19:37
the city yeah and so you got and you were one of the ones I think before this turned into let's call it a Tik Tock
00:19:43
Trend unfortunately but that's what it when it's on Tik Tok that's what they call things but so you got hit females
00:19:50
for some reason are getting hit just tell us that yeah tell us the story real quick so yeah yeah I ultimately did get
00:19:56
a place later than this which is conversation cuz but in a different area because I wanted to be safe and I had
00:20:02
reasons because of work because I didn't want to be like constantly in a hotel room with a garment bag like a hooker
00:20:07
that I am but so separately I was on this and a thirsty
00:20:14
B yeah yeah and a thirsty B so I was in New York City um I think it was like
00:20:20
72nd and West End um which sounds like kind of fancy to me like West End I
00:20:26
don't know like it was a new area that I was going to look at and the building was pre- wor super fancy and I I was
00:20:32
ironically excited cuz I I like doings around where I'm going to look like oh is there a Shoe a shoe repair or a nail
00:20:39
place and so there was this little Deli and then a little Bakery kind of right next to each other and I walked in and
00:20:46
it was this tiny place that all these different kinds of desserts that I was interested in and I took my phone out
00:20:52
because to take a picture of them and I turned around and a guy just as I was walking out the door just whacked me in
00:20:59
the face and I have a driver who is you know he's an Albanian tough guy he's a
00:21:04
security guy but he wasn't in the store with me he was outside by the car and when I walked out I made eye contact
00:21:10
with him like some you know something went down with this guy and he came over and they had words and the guy was
00:21:16
homeless and he seemed um unwell I mean he just seemed unhinged and unwell and I
00:21:23
was I said it just wasn't a situation where I felt like calling the police because it felt like this guy was
00:21:28
troubled enough on his own I mean I you know he's gonna be there for a night and more anxiety and they're gonna let him
00:21:33
out I I just thought and then he might have a vendetta against you because you threw them in you you just pay a big
00:21:39
price when you go through life on guard intense even if you're not directly affected and when you go to other places
00:21:46
outside of the city like in the country somewhere and then you go well this is the way it's supposed to be I'm not so
00:21:51
supposed to be worried at a pharmacy or just walking down front of my house so
00:21:56
it's it's sad to hear this and I hope that they fix it C up and it's it's interesting because this is sort of
00:22:04
might sound mean but when they say oh someone was mentally ill uh or they attack someone and then they have a
00:22:09
problem with the police and but they say oh but he's they always claim oh but he's mentally ill so let him go it's
00:22:14
like well listen that doesn't mean you're not going to hit someone with a brick that's the people you want sort of
00:22:19
pulled in somewhere to get looked at someone has a mental illness that that you know encourages violence inside
00:22:25
their brain that's a whole other whole other topic every seral killer is mentally ill obviously you're not supposed to kill people so that's not
00:22:31
the best excuse to say we should leave them alone and let them roam around it's
00:22:36
not it's not but there's a version of compassion there's a version of intellectual understanding that the
00:22:42
pandemic drove a lot of us who were sitting home and who are not broke crazy and so you're thinking about the
00:22:48
desperate it's the the thing is there's a feeling of desperation and you can like it's palpable when you're near
00:22:54
somebody on the street like there's a good chance if you see somebody kind of close to you they're going to just start screaming or go off and there's the
00:23:01
mental illness thing and you're seeing it in other cities too I saw it when I was in LA San Francisco is a you know a wild town now so it's this it's it is
00:23:09
this post-pandemic thing and then instead of like being the not [ __ ] around crew like the Giuliani situation
00:23:16
sort of just like letting if your if you let all your kids in the classroom just do whatever they want it's not going to
00:23:21
be a great situation that's what's going on yeah that's exactly so I'm so was that the first time you met John Lovitz
00:23:27
when you got SL when he punched you that's so funny no I did meet John LoveIt years
00:23:33
ago Shannon my friend Shannon and he was early he was an early adapter smacking
00:23:38
people a good friend of ours and we always use him as a are you jealous of my right hook I heard what you said to
00:23:44
Bethany are you saying I'm homeless I punched her I agree we try to
00:23:50
make light of this but it is it is such a compli traumatizing thing you're just
00:23:55
Sucker Punch or and you remember it forever that that that really scares you and you know you payt a good well I I
00:24:02
kind of feel like I feel what New York is like right now and I don't I don't want it to be that way I'm so fond of
00:24:08
New York Love New York I don't want it to be yeah angry and stressed but we're talking about
00:24:14
specifics and the thing is it is a whole macro situation because if I go there and then I text the realtor screw this I
00:24:20
don't want to live here this place is nuts because I identify the entire place with that experience plus I go to a
00:24:25
normal drugstore and things are in cages then it's going to affect the real estate market and the economy and then
00:24:31
it's really going to be a circular reference of of New York Doom I think that's what's happening yeah and Jerry
00:24:37
Seinfeld I hate to say because I love him and I know you guys love him but he was wrong when he responded to that guy's open letter the guy I think was
00:24:42
named Stephen and he wrote an open letter about New York in the beginning of the pandemic and Jerry got really annoyed and he wrote an open letter and
00:24:50
it's kind of not been great I think it's gotten exponentially worse even since
00:24:55
then that's what I'm saying me too I think I yeah I agree he loves New York and and I I do too we stayed there for
00:25:02
our whole run of SNL oh yeah um all right we'll let you go but uh that's very nice you to jump on with than
00:25:08
Bethany thank you thanks you guys I like funny you got funny guys having good important conversations I'm I'm I'm
00:25:13
impressed i' love to have more of them weird combo but I'm sick of the funny part I'm kind of burnt out what am I
00:25:20
going to do funny anymore you're serious now hey Dana are you going to New York
00:25:25
not gonna do it all right bye thank you bye David can
00:25:31
we call her collect next time um we'll bill her for that call she's such a talk
00:25:37
her she's such a wealth of knowledge she spits it all out well it's just fun when you're not trying to be Politically
00:25:42
Incorrect and we're still in the mode of like you [Music]
00:25:53
know we have another subject about one was the tick tock
00:25:58
there's an article in in your New York Times it says Tick Tock people quit
00:26:05
filming yourself getting punched and talking about it because it starts to Trend so they it's another thing where
00:26:10
they blame the people instead of the crime uh show a picture of one of the people that got hit one of the girls got
00:26:15
hit if we have one because they actually get get nailed look at this well that's a little baby one see in that left
00:26:21
corner but it is a goose egg uh if you can see it and then there was a blond uh
00:26:27
look at that that's a full egg on her forehead this is like my Brian shut up Brian it's the whole Trend we gotta go
00:26:34
to punch a woman because I saw it on Tik Tok I don't know if it's cooler to punch or get punched um we'll look at Tik Tok we'll
00:26:41
figure it out well one's the aggressor one's the victim I think you know no yeah I'm kidding uh but it is just kind
00:26:47
of funny a guy who's never hit a woman in his life is on Tik Tok I'm know start punching they start [ __ ] over it's
00:26:54
really just I don't know did you ever see Clockwork Orange that's a weird it's about Society just collapsing under this
00:27:01
in the criminals take over that's that's sort of what's going on quietly it's escaped from New York and you're Kur
00:27:07
Russell snake pilson I was going for the actual name snin yeah fiskin you're snake fiskin [ __ ] yeah you're our only
00:27:14
hope of a troubled oh my God I hope it doesn't come to that they're slapping people they're punching people in my
00:27:20
watch you're going to you're not going this one this this is a this is a good story so a guy was at Subway do you have
00:27:26
that one Greg guys at Subway waiting in line and the guy in front of him of course starts hassling the employee
00:27:32
spits on her punches her twice and the guy behind is a wrestler and he just takes him down right away I love it no
00:27:39
one gets involved anymore punched I know he let her punch twice he says one I'll
00:27:44
give you the trend two you're going down so he tackled him and he goes I didn't want to beat him up too bad I love this
00:27:50
dude and he goes but I held him and said you're not going any wa till the cops come you can stop fighting I'm a pro wrestler and the guy's like love it I
00:27:57
love those stories Death Wish Charles Bronson come on well because we were we were bullied of course right I mean if I
00:28:05
was you know Gabrielle P Zulo stud that's who did it stud let's make this
00:28:12
entire episode about this we're moving random violence no we got we going lighter what's the next one golden
00:28:19
Bachelor what do we got lighting up the people who oh no this is fun this is fun uh oh this is good news the conjoined
00:28:26
twins Abby and whoever went from violence they got married well we're
00:28:31
back to lighter fair this is a feel-good story I love them I actually like the taller one um when they took math they
00:28:38
really put their heads together I know there's too many too many I too many good jokes uh I didn't
00:28:47
even think I had a joke but they said they have three vaginas that doesn't make any sense does
00:28:53
it three you think they have one or two well one nature gets a little distorted
00:28:59
it'll start just yeah you know playing with the recipe it's turning out oh yeah was down they share everything only one
00:29:06
set of everything waste down so if they have diara that's that's first question
00:29:11
I don't want to think just one set of the poops only uh so I hear that it's so bonding that sometimes even though they
00:29:18
can get separated they decide to stay together that's what I heard I don't Oh you mean if they could well they're so
00:29:25
connected like literally in fig that's people right now that are joined at the
00:29:31
head at the head but and they have two bodies yeah that I could imagine they're
00:29:36
used to it okay um but these two are joined the body and they so they couldn't do
00:29:43
anything to that okay but when the husband marries who does he pick the other one feels like an [ __ ] he's
00:29:49
like well it's like the bachelor who gets the final row gives it because they're twins gives it to one the tall
00:29:55
one probably and then the other one is like like well I guess I'll just sit here and watch don't you bone my sister
00:30:00
so one get sorry this is just cancel me now so one is got a husband and they're
00:30:07
making out and having sex yeah and the other one is just there for the party and he's like you can bring your ugly sister he's like she's like well we're
00:30:13
twins that's a little rude um you know for some guys that's a turn on some guys it's a
00:30:19
nonstarter for trump it happened to him I'm Trump again they were two together
00:30:24
one I love beautiful but the heads were together I wasn't GNA go there so just I
00:30:30
think that's enough on those guys we have we got good stuff what's
00:30:35
where's our Feelgood not the Feelgood this is the darkest oh yeah we're supposed to do fun stor we've ever done
00:30:43
oh Bachelor broken broken love love yeah
00:30:48
no The Bachelor okay read it cuz people are driving golden Bachelor and his wife
00:30:53
still living separately 3 months after their dream TV wedding right don't
00:30:59
I hope this doesn't hint that reality shows are a scam I do not want to hear this [ __ ] yeah I just like the
00:31:05
Easter Bunny's not real or Santa Claus didn't come down the chimney I mean this is right up there with me I'm I'm fully
00:31:11
traumatized but there what I thought was maybe they're doing a couple thing like separate bedrooms oh yeah we like each
00:31:17
other better now why don't you take the house down the street now we really have a good relationship I think that's happening way more than you know but
00:31:24
their states away that's really love but their phone sex bill is massive he goes
00:31:31
I'm too tired to even have phone sex no she's like come on she calls him by his age come on 73 what are you going to do
00:31:37
73 come on you do it you like it like that 73 huh huh and she's he's like yeah
00:31:44
68 here's your Viagra smoothie from Marone why is why is why is sex dog
00:31:50
always angry what are you gonna do H you like that [ __ ] huh you like it why is it so mad when you say that to girls are
00:31:57
they go is that torical question you like that [ __ ] so I do or I don't I don't know huh well look I think they're
00:32:03
adorable and um I think through a surrogate they should make a human being and raise it and call the human being
00:32:10
David Spade that's good I'm in two different bits now as long as I get a laugh in the room
00:32:15
I'm you can use my name too but you're you're famous you're like funny name David Spade is funny it's funnier to use
00:32:21
me but oh here's well last thing I was going to say who was hornier out of those two on the golden Bachelor I think
00:32:26
the I think the female was okay B now this is squatter Burger Danny you like this is me trying to read this is a
00:32:33
squat you know the squatter situation squatters which I thought was kind of a joke but it's a real yeah you you stay
00:32:38
in someone's house more than 15 minutes you own it I think damn it my shins are coming out to play stay down get those glare sticks
00:32:46
away from [ __ ] shins well I told you theovon I came in with short black sleeve you come all in here with all his
00:32:52
wide arms with all your wide arms with all his wide arms and he was right I looked at mon like
00:32:59
squidy white super white and black t-shirts so then I bought this and all I
00:33:04
wear no those are cool is it is that James Pur no the Gap $13 don't act like a you are we're GNA
00:33:13
talk about your budget I just take a money gun into James first nothing today that's a money gun
00:33:20
youever seen money guns no why like the new effect rappers have it they stack hundreds in it walk in a strip club and
00:33:26
oh yeah and then it just flies okay so this okay what are you seeing so the funny part not that everyone's squatting
00:33:32
and should I face David more okay I think when you use your hand
00:33:38
it blocks that camera and mine probably blocks yours I'm blocking his is that what I'm doing is that what you're doing
00:33:43
uh no this camera is just overheating a little bit this one oh overheating okay because I'm overheating I but I'm glad
00:33:48
the camera's over yeah okay yeah you know what they named today they I I was looking down SNL
00:33:56
stuff the best sing cast so they said you know like for me they said 80 8788
00:34:03
but for 9192 they call it the best year of a single cast in the history of SNL oh for
00:34:10
real was I on that yes and they said Dana floro myself and had left and Chris
00:34:15
Rock and they didn't mention Mike Myers it was you Farley Sandler and it was a great cast but I was there in 91 and '92
00:34:23
it should have been the day it should have been the overlap with you Mike and then all of us that's what I thought I
00:34:29
thought that was the best most potent year that 923 but this your guys was
00:34:34
great too it was like when you took over it was more like 945 or three later 3
00:34:39
four five more of a 2 three4 was PR big yeah so I thought you guys were the
00:34:44
funniest honestly when I came back to guest house and I was in a room with you Farley and Sandler I said these guys are
00:34:50
the funnier than we we're good sketch players but it's different that's nice you to say it's
00:34:55
hard to see yourself the way everybody know you guys had those were the years I know like The Little Engine That Could
00:35:00
but there was a couple years there that you guys were kicking ass on that it does also take time to look back and appreciate so the newcast now I think
00:35:08
later will look back and say oh my God those guys are so great but at the time it's never like your time right then
00:35:14
they never I don't want it to end they didn't fawn over you they didn't fawn over us they waited till later and then
00:35:20
when we were there they said you guys are great then we left well you always whoever does it before you I saw Martin
00:35:26
Short in 78 onv and I was like and Steve Martin live at the boarding house I was like they're
00:35:33
doing what I want to do and I was nowhere so of of course then you see him later on and put you're still a little
00:35:39
bit in awe of them not to overt talk her but it's just so random that Bethany was an intern for SNL and she had a catering
00:35:45
company on the side catered a Joe Dirt Premiere party and her business took off
00:35:50
after that fun fact but it's just funny the overlap you guys have had your whole life it's kind of weird Okay quickly the
00:35:56
last about squatting is the the funny part they call it squatter Burger because the people you know these people
00:36:01
get in your home and then they don't and there shouldn't even be any squatter's rights laws at all why is it someone
00:36:07
steals your house they can have it no it's called stealing yeah stealing so these people said no we live there and
00:36:13
they go we we need proof that you live there so they sent a Shake Shack receipt
00:36:18
where they got an Uber Eats delivery and it had their address on it that was one of their pieces of evidence and it's
00:36:24
like what it could be stand in front of their house an order I just it's so
00:36:29
stupid the judge is like okay it all makes sense now so I don't know so anyway that was that was squatter bger
00:36:35
funny title though I looked it up because I I saw it on the preview of the
00:36:41
episode and I I couldn't find it oh but yeah Squad bger is a funny title well
00:36:46
that brings me to this one because that falls into uh there's no way that's real so this one I saw and I go there's no
00:36:52
way okay it says Michigan's giving illegal migrants 6,000 each if you move
00:36:58
there you have you have to have one condition you have to be an illegal immigrant the office wow that's stated
00:37:05
that they're renting they give you 6,000 towards rental of apartment so you'll move there I don't this might be
00:37:12
a fake story a side story because I was looking this up is that they're giving people who have a home and an extra
00:37:18
bedroom they'll give them 500 a month to house a illegal immigrant oh in the
00:37:23
extra bedroom yes in London M if you're old and they deem that your house is too
00:37:29
big for you they'll yeah they'll make you sell it to them so they can house more people yeah I get I love to people
00:37:36
tell me this house is too big for me I don't want them to steal that and start shov people in here well what's the next to fancy for you they paint it really
00:37:43
dull it's just too fancy no you shouldn't wear cords they're too young for you we're going to take them away keep that Shin down I want more
00:37:49
government telling me what to do I just like it no I like to be told I like to to wear I'm looking at the California
00:37:55
squatter's rights what do they say they actually have to pay taxes oh s they
00:38:00
have to in order to take over permanently you have to live there openly for five years but you're required to pay taxes while you're there
00:38:07
as a squatter I'm surprised but they can't kick you out right away they can um you just have to go through a whole
00:38:12
procedure of filing like an eviction notice and it says that you can but yeah
00:38:18
and that they don't necessarily have rights but there's things to protect them if they do follow they have to
00:38:23
follow certain rules squ why it's like saying bank robber rights if breaking the law why do you have so many rights
00:38:29
over a person that owns a house wouldn't that grind your onion if you bought a place like I just got that little
00:38:35
[ __ ] [ __ ] Shack down south if someone was there I'd be like how do I get someone out and they go no I own it now
00:38:41
I've stayed here for four days like get [ __ ] I turn the water on my name I'm like I didn't know how to do that and
00:38:47
they do it and now they own it and I got to go through hire a lawyer yeah it's the downstream
00:38:52
consequences there there is no solution there's only tradeoffs I would try to get into this country apparently from
00:38:58
where everyone else is trying to get in yeah I mean it's but when you came to Ellis Island cuz I was there doing a
00:39:04
benefit do you have a place there no oh you you did a benefit there did you for real yeah and it's pretty profound you
00:39:10
walk around Ellis Island and you see what the immigrants coming off and what the rules were one of them was you will
00:39:17
not become a ward of the state like you and if you if you couldn't answer no to that they put you back on what does that
00:39:23
mean Award of the government doll government money oh you couldn't be burden yeah could be a burden maybe
00:39:29
that's the way they said I think they crossed that part it was 1906 now I'm telling you you can come in this here
00:39:35
country but you better not be a burden to society CU that's where we draw the line we welcome all immigrants and let's they become burden to society hello I'm
00:39:43
David space Oh I thought that was little meech uh little meech is a rapper apparently and uh he's got a he's got a
00:39:50
broken finger I didn't know that um that's Dr Evil's uh son I mean it's
00:39:58
I thought it was funny he said between Nickelodeon uh Diddy and that bridge I don't trust [ __ ] these days yeah it's
00:40:05
funny I don't that is that the slang I don't I like that I just sort of figured it out yeah between nickel and Diddy and
00:40:11
that bridge I don't trust [ __ ] [ __ ] now what is your thoughts on the bridge quickly was it an I I still think it's
00:40:18
fishy even though it's water well what's the rumor of Diddy in the bridge I don't keep up no Diddy is I know we got
00:40:25
arrested Diddy got he's saying between these three things that happened lately there's some sketchy [ __ ] oh and the
00:40:30
bridge was the the bridge okay the bridge was the one where the boat went like this oh my God we have look at this here's the big thing oh my God we have
00:40:37
no control bam that's what I thought was fishy I'm like you don't do a button hook what he
00:40:43
Running P it looked like it just drifted in it didn't right angle turn I did I'm
00:40:50
just starting trouble oh come on I took the train across the bridge the friends offence took the train many times the
00:40:55
choo choo train across the bridge there was never a train train on the bridge holy
00:41:01
[ __ ] I'm reading the wrong cards all right next one F not working I
00:41:07
just thought that was funny I look sad we're going too long aren't [Music]
00:41:20
we what is this oh this is a fun one I had nothing on this other than robots
00:41:26
giving hand jobs no a a hand job from a robot is the worst they because they're
00:41:31
massusa now that's I forgot to say that part you can get a massage Mass the joke
00:41:37
was which jumps too yeah I wonder if there's going to be massage Robot porn
00:41:42
because there's regular massage porn they cut a hole in the bottom I'll tell you later massuse I probably said this
00:41:49
on this podcast what do they say to you give it give it she put her elbow into me and said give it give it so if they
00:41:55
had a robot that would say that give it give it give it to me give it or I will
00:42:01
punish you so M go like this she said give it you like that [ __ ] give it that [ __ ] I'm in the hole like this going do
00:42:08
I like what like that [ __ ] I put a fish tank down there and I put a scuba gear
00:42:13
thing so I can watch the fish it's an article it's an it's an
00:42:18
article article I can't I went to State School God damn it God damn all right
00:42:24
let me make sure there's no Sarah Sherman okay let's talk about that story then is it over let's let's talk about the story we've gone too long I'm going
00:42:29
to tell the story about oh the SNL story we'll get Sarah to call next week these are all Evergreen by the way these are
00:42:35
fun SNL is probably this week though f54 real we're going to end on this we could
00:42:41
have a two show deal we do yeah two times 30 so this woman says
00:42:51
this yes okay this is this down nitt SNL has never hired a like woman and I want
00:42:58
to be clear I'm not saying that every single woman who has been a cast M us is ugly it's just that none of them have
00:43:03
ever been like hot they all just going to have looks that eventually grow on you this has been on my mind for a while
00:43:10
but I feel like what really settled it in for me was when they hired this girl I'm sorry I don't know what her name is but um and then they make every skit
00:43:16
that she's in at least one at least one skit per that she's in being like where she plays like someone super hot super
00:43:23
dumb and the point of the joke is that she's super pretty and it always makes me laugh because like no offense to her
00:43:29
but she's she's not that pretty like was nobody else she makes money but if you
00:43:35
get defensive it's kind of she's I guess technically thumbs up well it's hard you
00:43:40
can stop it it's hard for like Heidi Garder to come out and say no I'm pretty that's for other people to say it we'll
00:43:46
say it she's very pretty so is chlo absolutely so is I think Sarah Sherman's super cute and uh well let me just tell
00:43:53
you from my perch in life where I'm at every one is pretty every single woman cuz that's
00:44:01
a real strong take that's a real they are I most most women when they look back or we look
00:44:08
back a picture of oursel let's just take women for a second they look back like my wife says I should just been in a
00:44:13
bathing suit the whole time yeah they realize every women are very harsh on themselves and we and we are harsh on
00:44:19
women and then they don't you're hard on me and I'm hard on you excuse
00:44:25
me um why is everything a sexual inuent it wasn't
00:44:30
psychologically no we're we're always hard ourselves and if we if we don't uh YouTube comments will pick up the slack
00:44:38
but let me ask you a question though so there's the the aesthetic of a potential
00:44:43
woman for David spooder I'm trying to find my camera find your camera find your camera so
00:44:50
Define hotness because there's there's the aesthetic of someone who would be called a 10 or like has like a perfect
00:44:57
that this woman I think is saying physically physically not to mention they're super talented not to mention
00:45:03
they're super cute Sarah Sherman has a great voice like all these things add up to what makes someone male or female
00:45:12
attractive and so if you're just saying should they all look like a Victoria
00:45:17
Secret I don't know I mean I just think it's a weird one then Sarah sh Sherman said the best answer which was she said
00:45:25
uh I'm sorry when I just found out to say I'm not hot I'd like privacy I like
00:45:31
Des her privacy to deal with my family oh
00:45:37
God no better word oh if I could grieve
00:45:43
uglily privately and ugly let let me just say this now she should do one on
00:45:49
the men even though she did say Jimmy Fallon was the definition of a hot man he's cute yeah yeah but what the [ __ ]
00:45:56
are we over here [ __ ] reron no listen Jesus Christ throw us a little bone what do we no listen the highest ranking I
00:46:03
got was a six so I I get it but a lot of comic dudes are are known for being
00:46:10
not that goodl looking that's part of the Everyman part of Comedy well let's just say if Carol Brett looked like reel
00:46:17
Welch she looked like reel Welch if you know the reference yeah K brunette looks like Rael Welch but she's doing the same
00:46:23
sketch show Google can't even find Rael Welch I think the best Lane for a comedian is to be kind of cute and
00:46:30
likable yeah like every single woman that we're talking about is adorable yeah and um I can't separate the the
00:46:38
personality when I see a woman who's funny and super talented um the attraction level go way
00:46:45
up because smart is I you probably don't know about this let me just set the table for you intelligence is sort of a
00:46:53
turn on for people you ever heard that no I'm not smart enough to even
00:46:59
understand that say that women would like you because because you're high listen you're not a dumb dumb I listen I
00:47:05
always if anyone likes me it's always starts with I never like good-looking guys I'm I always like guys like you I'm
00:47:12
always like I'm so sick of like the Brad Pitts and the Johnny depps I go all right you don't need to articulate like that I get people say to me I don't I
00:47:19
never like anyone who looks like David Spade and that's my wife ladies and gentlemen over here I tell it like it is
00:47:25
I tell it like it is they go I have no idea why but I think you're so hot they say on Instagram it's like a you're
00:47:33
actually kind of hot you're actually kind of hot you don't need to [ __ ] Pat it with that [ __ ] just
00:47:39
say she was my friends and I can't believe you're my celebrity so it's like a news flash like I'm swear to God I'm
00:47:46
not lying right now but I'm actually attracted to you physically isn't that
00:47:51
fuckzy this isn't a joke this is not an album I'm not doing a Netflix special about being being attracted to David
00:47:58
Spain but I'm telling you God damn it's horrible I can't help it thank you for
00:48:03
watching we did long we did an hour didn't we godd damn what the why do
00:48:08
these people get so much for their free money Fifi F mode I smell a second
00:48:15
episode this is a two-parter as long as I go F5 whatever
00:48:21
and complete it I'm happy come on come on the hall I'm going to show you two farter
00:48:29
oh we going to end with Scrooge thanks guys see you next week send us your advice
00:48:36
questions this has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly is executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade
00:48:43
Charlie finan of Brill entertainment Jenna Weiss Burman of Odyssey Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman hope you liked
00:48:51
[Music] it
