00:00:00
[Music] I read about this too and apparently she's from India afterwards they found out she was there she [Music]
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went we could cut that now I love it people like disord organized hair that is bed head and I last I heard the
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ladies like you know the what's the guy the guy from The Bear Jeremy Allen White
00:00:39
has curls and messy hair and I hear it's all the rage David well first of all the
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rain is doing a real number on it yeah we started we're starting with my hair rain it's so flippy look at that though
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Dana well first of all I got distracted cuz you said rain I don't understand you mean it the atmospheric River I rain is
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kind of so 2013 you know what no one cares when they have weather porn rain gets no
00:01:07
views you have to say atmospheric uh Cloud burst or river or Oceanic let's go for a drive I hear
00:01:14
places are flooding Pineapple Express I'm getting inside [ __ ] that's what it is that's Pineapple Express I know so anyway my hair look at
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this side Dana I claim and I will go to the wall that's saying this is still blonde and it's [ __ ] gray that hair it's so swoopy today God dang
00:01:39
welcome to getting zo like a mirr I'm your hair's GNA turn a lot blonder as as your seventh decade approaches [ __ ] off listen here's the deal Dana we
00:01:52
have the laughers in the garage this time and I think it helps but they're they're only going to laugh at the
00:01:58
Quality stuff the Prof professional laughers Union sent us a nasty email what are you doing do they have a break do they have a dos and do they have beverages so we created a nice
00:02:11
environment they're in a secured location and they're not laughing because they're paid to They're laughing
00:02:18
because they find it funny right that's the dream I don't know is that what it is you know I have
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to tell you Dana this is our second podcast and when I heard what we were getting for the podcast I thought it was
00:02:30
one episode and then I realized we have two and then I realized we have a whole season so it's not as much as I thought
00:02:37
actually right we have a very good parent company it went through bankruptcy and it's really
00:02:45
good that might get trimmed um let's hear about your weekend Dana I rarely have these Zoom standup dates for a company but I had one late last
00:02:59
night I went on at like 11 o'clock so I'm standing yeah yeah standing in this room
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like this I'm standing up what's up I can't see or hear anybody and I'm just doing jokes and stand up for like a half hour [ __ ] yeah God I think I did one of
00:03:20
those and it's tough comedy waterboarding actually I had the CEO yeah it's like you're drowning you can't see anything I had the CEO prompt me and he was great and kind of a cheer
00:03:33
leer let's go everybody come on that's funny you know they laugh yeah yeah and dance and sing a lot a lot of energy because they were gonna get dinner after me and it was
00:03:47
like 11 o'clock at night so between a nice cocktail and a roast beef sandwich was me with my Shenanigans but I still crushed sometimes at the end of a corporate gig they go after your 8 hour
00:04:01
meeting uh before you go get food everyone's like HH and they go we have a surprise they go oh no no no no no they
00:04:06
go David sped and I come out Y and they go [ __ ] they're counting on the seconds
00:04:12
till they get their beef stew and they're like oh when you do these gigs do you do Impressions or or straight
00:04:20
standup oh oh I just no impressions are the best quick and fast I just did a quick I started with Biden because the borders All the Rage now everything's crazy for the border m so I did Biden uh
00:04:32
three years ago and he's at a press conference you know Mr President do you have any idea how are you going to
00:04:38
handle the crisis at the border and B's like first of all let's get our fact straight there's no crisis at the border
00:04:44
come on and he goes how do you know sir he goes because it says so on the piece of paper come on they just handed me
00:04:52
says on the paper say there a paper right there I close and then recently everyone wants to close the border everyone screaming binds up there I'll close the border harder than anyone's ever closed the Border I know how to
00:05:04
close borders come on Jack but the Press is like but last time get your fact straight I'll beat you the hell out of you will your dog Pace phon his shoulder come on let's do some push-ups I'll
00:05:15
close the border like nobody's ever closed it bread the border the border patrol the B border Can't Believe It's Not
00:05:22
Butter that's a good ending I got triple lock thr away the key and now I do Hunter is the only one who can understand his dad totally all the time hey Dad what's
00:05:35
UPA yeah I'll go have dinner with you a time 6:30 seven it is Dad I'll see you then don't get mad now I'm doing Cheesecake
00:05:46
Factory we ate that we ate there last night they could say hunter is an interpreter and it would probably make
00:05:53
more sense to give him money yes I like hun I have to say there mhm there's something about him I don't think anyone's having more fun on the planet based on the videos and stuff he's
00:06:05
always he's got a g string a whip he's naked he just seems to really be killing it on the planet I mean has a lot of fun I know I look at that I'm like I never put ice cream on my wiener what am I
00:06:17
doing wrong this guy's living life and he's got girls naked everywhere and he's just always in his underpants I'm going when does when does he get time to do art how did you notice I
00:06:29
cream on the wiener I don't know how many times you've seen these videos but NE apolog you have to slow it down
00:06:37
[Music] yeah so my weekend wasn't as fun I did fly I did a gig I'm on tour so I did fly
00:06:52
but oh it was the first time on a 737 that they recalled from the Alaska flight and you know Dana I I looked up which made me nervous cuz cuz I when I looked up the flight
00:07:04
when that door flew off no these people were dead silent there's a video everyone's just quiet I don't think I
00:07:10
could contain it first of all the noise of my diarrhea flying out the window would have been a little noisy but also
00:07:15
I think that's free reain to whale on your call button in that situation hey I don't want to be a pest
00:07:22
was there a door when I got on because I don't even look anymore but I'm just it's usually just given that there is a
00:07:29
huge door that shut and then the people on the way back they did they said they didn't even know what was happening it was just so windy they're like this [ __ ] blower is it still going there's my
00:07:42
necklace there's my baby godamn turn it off so when I get on now I just take a I
00:07:49
I think I recommend everyone have a little tire gun you can get them on Sky Mall and then you go in right and then
00:07:56
when no one's looking you just walk by the door and feel a bit and go it's got a little give make it flush hit the wing while you're
00:08:10
there I love that effect because it's a and that's the David Spade door fly that was a good bit I I like the voice of the complaining person excuse me
00:08:23
could we just was like a little CU it's so quiet they're Whispering they're like and and can I get a
00:08:29
go let me see thanks yeah everything goes right out I always assume the door is going to fly open I I always assume we're going to crash so if it flew open
00:08:41
I'd be like yep M got it yeah me and Dennis worst Flyers the worst Flyers ever me and Dennis Miller be like Christ sakes the car the door is gone Carvey all right I guess we didn't pay enough
00:08:55
for Bob's Burgers and planes is not going to secure the apparatus between us and the upper atmosphere all right just made that up here's the thing they found
00:09:07
out later David Spade yeah that they didn't tighten the bolts they got all the planes all the 737 Maxes from bow and checked them the bolts weren't tightened so somewhere there were
00:09:20
mechanics there was a guy hey did you tighten the boat yeah I tightened it did you go righty tidy Lefty Loosey no sir it's Lefty tidy righty Lucy oh my
00:09:33
goodness clam get back on them boats right it doesn't rhyme that's the wrong one I did it with this
00:09:48
Flathead I'm G start doing a face it's like we have a we have a question from the laugh Squad what is it would you
00:09:55
rather have the door off plane or the diarrhea poop oh would you rather have the door fly off the plane or have that
00:10:03
woman that had diarrhea that was coming down the aisle oh I'd much rather have the door fly off or the wings fall off I
00:10:10
don't I don't want I don't I don't play yeah papa don't play diarrhea exploding on a plane don't play that no no not my
00:10:17
thing not my jve not my deal so you heard about my weekend what about yours aside from my hair being on [ __ ] poof Patrol God damn Shez no
00:10:31
wonder you pulled is yosity Sam I need a [ __ ] Dyson collab so those don't work I think they're sitting on their keys I don't think
00:10:43
they're they're laughing this hard I don't think they're are you guys watching Tik Tok or what's going on over there they're good
00:10:49
laughers they are good laughers okay so here's what happened so okay your your friend Ted
00:10:55
Sandos uh works at Netflix he had a party kind of like a Grammy it's the only Grammy thing I did and he had uh right all comedians all comedian dinner anyone
00:11:07
like Netflix special so it was super fun and I know you couldn't go because you were invited but uh it was like Ali
00:11:16
Wong Sebastian yes billur Wanda syes uh arcenio um Bill hater malany Kimmel uh Chappelle Chris Rock Fred armers it was just so fun because everyone's just jammed on two tables dinner party drinks
00:11:36
for an hour laugh laugh laugh Sarah Silverman Martin Lawrence man it was just so packed I'm trying I'm trying to
00:11:42
I'm not name dropping on purpose just to say all these Comics are jammed in one dinner which you never really get that
00:11:49
or get to see them that much and no one's going on there's no cameras there's no one interrupting us to just laughing then we all sat down and ate
00:11:56
and then uh you know Ted Sandos is going to be on fly on the wall so in about two three weeks so yes let's we're GNA go
00:12:02
through the whole we're gon to break down the whole party with them because it was pretty fun to be honest of course
00:12:08
and people say when you're with Comics like that is everyone funny and I go not not not really
00:12:15
everyone's trying to be funny they're just kind of quietly clever just the the way everyone's talking you know what I
00:12:21
mean you know what I mean well a comedian a group full of comedians is not the best audience I mean you know
00:12:27
because they're you know how the rabbit gets out of the Hat you know so anything that comes off pushy or jokey like I was
00:12:35
I actually got the church Le dress on and drove to Ted sandis and I sat in my car and cried myself that's a little I
00:12:43
came back home cuz I thought look hey everybody well isn't that special John malany hey
00:12:50
Kimmel so I came back home and I missed the party yeah I have to say very few people were dressed as their characters let me do that just for fans of the church late for a second well
00:13:02
well well all the jokesters in one little place sipping their cocktails and telling Tales of fornication and sexual jokes like ice cream on
00:13:13
Hunter's wiener sorry call back you couldn't even think clean word well weener is good for church lady anyway we call it the Frozen
00:13:25
boner well why is your church lady better than I'm just doing impression of yours we
00:13:33
like ourselves don't we we look at our wispy hair and touch it all the time so our arms getting sore I do I do I'm
00:13:41
looking at my [ __ ] SW the I know we're looking at screens it's a weird it's not a normal thing it's not like
00:13:47
Johnny Carson was out there uh could I get a screen right up on my Noggin could you put a little monitor on the desk so
00:13:53
I can look at my Noggin while I interview Jonathan wyers so it's a little funny that way the Grammy party
00:14:01
was the night for the gramms but on the actual Grammys I don't have too much to say about the Grammys but I don't know
00:14:06
if you saw any any of it I thought it was actually pretty cool I liked it oh you did like it yeah all right the Grammys from last Sunday you know it's Friday remember did
00:14:20
you see the one guy it's Friday the one guy that got carded away in handcuffs murder murder Mike was that was that his name Mike Mike the Mur Mur and then he gets CED off why do and then and then
00:14:32
auto theft got two Grammys and they handcuffed him after the show I mean these guys got to use things like Dan or
00:14:39
something yeah oh here we go raer Killer Mike handcuff don't make it that easy for the cops Killer Mike come on just be called it's Mikey they go someone in
00:14:51
there was involved in some illegal activities they go was it Taylor Swift no I can't remember the name was it killer Mike yeah it might have been him
00:14:59
was it strangulation Steve Mur yeah was it Ken the knifer it said physical altercation my sources told me Oprah who's newly lean and strong
00:15:11
tackled murder Mike I don't know if that's true during the break and Trev Trevor Noah broke him up don't know if
00:15:17
it's true I hear stuff so I just I like how you bring in random people from the then Olivia Rod Rico put him in a leg lock Olivia rod go yeah they were
00:15:29
talented I did talk to Paul McCartney afterwards you know about the gramys what did he say I can't believe he called me first of all I'm s I'm such a fan he goes
00:15:42
perfect for this though this will be hard to get out you know you watching the Grammys you know
00:15:50
everybody's doing great you know The Chins are up they're all sucked and tightened you know an Oprah you know
00:15:55
doing the OIC I got to say she looks like a teenager she's shrinking down she looks like Tinkerbell she's a tiny tiny
00:16:03
version of Oprah you know she's like getting so small you know because of the OIC works on your brain your brain's you say I want a cookie like you I'd like a
00:16:15
cookie please if you're Aro zic your brain goes I don't think so 3 2 1 you don't want the cookie hypnotizes your brain that's how it works and I said I
00:16:26
got to go Paul okay Paul should be in commercial explaining it yeah he oh and he's like
00:16:33
oh don't forget it was on the Telly that's a good English word the Telly oh yeah we used to watch the Telly we watch
00:16:40
Elvis Elvis the pelvis they called him you know and he stretch around and jut his hips forward and the girls would scream and I called up John and I said in seven years we're going to make him
00:16:52
scream hard is that true is that timeline yeah well they became girl crazy Teen Idol oh yeah the timeline would have been Elvis in 657 David
00:17:04
please I can't explain all my jokes I can't you're not going to walk me through all of them I understand but I
00:17:09
will say Miley looked great I saw Miley at the Grammy's first of all I have a huge I'm crazy for Miley I just had looked up her singing look what you've done to my son
00:17:22
with Melanie who's an older singer who passed away and they did a duet once on that old song and she's so goddamn good
00:17:30
and then she also did I Think Like a Prayer I looked that up she's so good anyway she had a sweet kind of mullet last night that looks so cool
00:17:41
yeah and uh let check it out little Barbarella look at that oh no that's oh wow yes that's oh someone someone made that
00:17:53
um cool because I was no I actually was thinking last night she'd be great as jod dirt's sister if we ever did something with it because uh I can't find my sister play
00:18:06
that but yeah she also looks a little bit like Sigourney Weaver in someone said that in Ghostbusters you know when uh she comes out of the fridge great Che
00:18:18
cheekbones she looks really fit I have to say I mean got cool cool voice she didn't she win something big song of the year or something yeah something like that yeah she she
00:18:31
was great Co um did you ever guess on Hannah Montana no do you want to hear uh a
00:18:38
funny story it won't fit on this podcast but uh I thought we're it's funny we're only contracted for 30
00:18:45
minutes why give them stuff for free go ahead so I did the old Showbiz show was next to where she did Hannah Montana and so we had an office right next to it and
00:18:57
so I I didn't even know I was saying something that sounded dirty but they go you should go over there sometime and say hi because we have shows next to each other and they go and so I came
00:19:09
back from lunch and they go were you just over there they go I go yes I finally stuck my head in Hannah Montana
00:19:15
and uh no one was there and it sounded like dirty well David this is kind of weird this is kind of weird because I was doing a show and I'm not making this up called spoof it was a pilot for Fox I
00:19:26
was there with Spike fierston about everything was just commercials and and and Coming Attractions and Hannah
00:19:33
Montana was filming right next door to us as well and they said do you want to come by and I said I don't think
00:19:41
so I would have dropped by I didn't know you should have gone and stuck your head in Hannah Montana I was said hey Hannah
00:19:48
Montana I'm from Montana get [Music] it one story I wanted to tell you this week was
00:20:02
um Sophia varaga she plays a Colombian godmother on a new Netflix show uh and her her name is grisela but the funny thing is you know what Sophia
00:20:16
varaga looks like let's look at Griselda who she's playing did you have a picture of her so this is a this is kind of
00:20:22
funny where you go why poor thing I don't understand what you're saying Dan well oh because
00:20:29
the O you could get rid of that I mean you need she had so she had so many so many chins she needs a bookmark to find a mouth a whole joke go all right I was
00:20:43
trying to piece it together my head okay so this is the woman Sophia ra and I was
00:20:49
thinking why don't they just get someone that looks closer to this do you know what I'm saying without being mean I can't say that this woman is unattractive but but I can't say that
00:20:59
Sophia Vaga is too attractive to players so I'm really sort of stuck here but Show Sophia I mean we know what she
00:21:06
looks like and so she has to really tone herself down I mean I wouldn't be like there's our girl to your point this is a I used to
00:21:18
wear a lot of rubber on my face and Prosthetics to become somebody else so they're going to have to encase Sophia's
00:21:25
head in rubber and that's really how you get an Oscar they're going to have to work that yeah you would put a
00:21:33
prosthetic under here you would cut her hair really short uh widen the eyes the mouth be yeah you can do it but it will take 17 hours for every film day to turn
00:21:44
run a cheese grater over her cheeks um no but we can you pull up what's what she looks like in the movie when they went through all the stuff okay God she's got a square
00:21:58
jaw they did a really big jaw on her it it definitely hides her I don't know if they get as close to yeah looks like a Dick Tracy
00:22:09
villain Lantern jaw yeah look like a full square face so did you deliver the package I asked you to deliver very good underlay underlay my
00:22:23
underlay underlay oh excuse me just a sec I know we're we just keep rolling Sophia
00:22:28
yeah yeah we're showing the picture you look great what no no David made some jokes yeah no don't call I'll talk to
00:22:35
you later Sophia no she just called me it was a don't even pay attention to that ring
00:22:41
ring I think ring ring gazela gazela gazela is calling you now gazela gazela I didn't mean the bookmark joke
00:22:54
you look great and I I'm sure the movie is going to be great no thanks for calling no David loves you he was just
00:23:00
joking no hang up on her all right goodbye don't call me again don't call me again President Biden uh okay this is an
00:23:12
actress this this one well may mightbe get rid of this one I what is This Woman's name because it has to do with cervical cancer which is not the most hilarious
00:23:23
topic but no this is just an odd story because this bwood actress which I kept reading it going they keep spelling Hollywood wrong but I think bollywood's a real place because after the 10th one
00:23:34
I go I think they're doing on purpose so her name is pun Tang what is her name what is it P punting oh okay she had she yes died
00:23:49
with cervical cancer and then three days later she said no I didn't so she said she they said she passed away on Instagram wow she her family affirmed
00:24:00
confirmed it and then three days later she was Tada anyway no but it is serious Cal cancer is a bad thing and you should
00:24:07
get checked out everyone's like no but but faking your own death and you know I I read about this too and apparently
00:24:13
she's from India afterwards they found out and she go she fake she went we could cut that no I love
00:24:35
it sorry oh jeez that went I was so my what is he doing no I like it I like it is that does that make you mad or is
00:24:49
that normal I don't know how to take that that situation like are you allowed to be mad at that well or not no I would
00:24:57
say the the ones that frustrate frustrate me I had a little pop ones who frustrate me who are po you know because people want they want clicks right they want views they want attention and then
00:25:08
they're like on a cliff hey take it you know so this is now the next level fake your own death because look she trended globally probably made a deal with red laon or you know or fakey own death.com
00:25:21
hired her as a spokesman but it's all related to that got to get clicks so yes what is your take are you mad for her loved ones it's horrible but you know
00:25:33
well especially her fans and everyone and it's such a heavy thing to absorb and then but then she said don't be mad at me be mad at cervical cancer and I'm
00:25:45
like no I'm mad at you I I do I I really hate cancer but right now you're winning
00:25:51
I'm mad at you I'll hate cancer again in a minute but this is the first time something beat cancer that I was mad at
00:25:58
but to do that I think it would [ __ ] with people too hard it's to a little nasty yeah to be honest yes serious
00:26:05
opinion don't yeah I mean [Music] yeah cut to Greg editing this do do you have a scissor effect you're good at effects no I don't have a
00:26:32
trump I just have this I have little hands doing things when you're in a tight Zoom
00:26:38
you're like this I'm Trump it's fantastic this is TR got squeeze it in they lock me in the closet they lock me in the closet I can't get out and I'm in here and I can't get out that's Trump
00:26:49
and Coach he doesn't have a lot of room he's like let me tell you something okay let me tell you something
00:26:56
my hands are enormous I I don't care what they say he puts his hand close to the zoom
00:27:01
like this you know when you take wiener pictures you got lot of things I'll explain later that's two wienners if you get to three winners a a a viewer wins a
00:27:13
prize so I do my red Mick joke you got one you got a new one yeah because I was just trying to think of some because I knew that someone might put there I'm red red necki I came home school one day
00:27:26
I said Mama you drunk she said yeah jealous sorry I forgot to say my own catch phrase damn that's I'm red red ncky the redneck
00:27:40
comedian Red Red necky the redneck comedian I flunk KY Garden then my daddy started putting a can of beer in my
00:27:47
lunch P I passed with flying colors come get on come and get some you got to do that
00:27:56
good okay I'm jumping stories to Donna Kelce who is Donna Kelce Dana quickly without looking Travis kelce's adopted sister no Mom that was a good one lovely
00:28:09
woman she has a new job if she she's working for ziplock she has a brand deal she carries ziplock around and then she gets paid so when she gets her picture taken at the game
00:28:21
or whatever so I was wondering would it be I love it I wonder if my mom would do
00:28:28
that because I think would you feel like you're making money off this whole thing with Taylor and Travis and all that
00:28:34
because she's already obviously set but it would be fun to get a brand deal and what is her job called do we have that Chief leftover officer Chief leftover
00:28:47
officer okay put that at the top of the resume here's my take on this this is a it's called Dana's take it's a new it's a new is that nowadays if someone's famous
00:28:58
they can more easily spread it around and get people's deals like Elvis was lonely cuz he's the one I made all the money and sunny Ray his guitar player do you ever notice that Elvis the whole
00:29:09
band was really homely except for him was he h HED really hom but anyway yeah nowadays you can just throw a commercial you you all your relatives can get deals that's my point all your relatives get
00:29:22
deals if you're big enough yeah true she's the mom she got a deal yeah yeah your brother sister everyone gets a deal
00:29:29
so I think it's a good zip block gets your 23 in me and starts handing out deals you know what I want after last
00:29:36
week's podcast which uh really did well um through the roof I realized that I'd never met a Taylor Swift hater you know like really met one yeah and so I ran
00:29:49
into a guy at the gym and he had a t-shirt I hate Taylor so I said why why do you hate her and he say like I just
00:29:55
don't I don't like anything better she just I do like the songs I just hate her I go but but why I mean you don't have to listen to her songs I know I can't stand her face and just ha her makes all
00:30:08
that money and everything do you think you're a little jealous no I don't care about that I just hate her so I don't
00:30:13
get it tell so dumb I mean there are people out there that don't know why they just I felt bad for the Grammys because why hate always they're we don't
00:30:24
hate her she's great I mean I feel bad that she's always that like is she laughing is she is she smiling at this
00:30:31
singer did she not stand up for them is she clapping along I like when she sang along with flowers with Miley I'm like that'd be so fun if you're a singer and there's Taylor Swift the biggest star in the world singing along to your song I
00:30:42
would love that so I think she's very nice and tries to be nice just she can never do it right but here is my here's
00:30:49
my theory this is another hot take it's called a Dana take yeah and then there's really really hardly any Taylor Swift
00:30:56
haters she has 300 million fans or a billion fans there may be like 13 of them that really just actively have a life style of hating her I don't think there are people hate her I don't know
00:31:08
why anyone would hate her no they just are angry they just hate the biggest star whoever it is they get mad people
00:31:14
like you to be kind of successful but let's not get crazy and then they try to go M too far too far and then I'm not
00:31:20
going to like you it's too much and then they they don't know the price that you pay for that kind of Fame I mean you
00:31:26
don't you really don't want that you know trust I don't know the price I have to get more famous okay so Dana thanks
00:31:32
for coming and saying hi to me it was fun uh thanks for thanks for having me on the David Spade podcast uh I can't believe I'm invited every week I'm very
00:31:43
honored come on Superfly could go as long as it wants the superfly can believe it's
00:31:51
butter this has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly is executive produced by Dana car and David Spade Charlie finan of Brill entertainment Jenna Weiss Burman of Odyssey Heather Santoro and
00:32:03
Greg Holtzman hope you liked [Music] it