00:00:00
you you got on the Zoom and I thought, "Wow, this is the best David has looked since the beginning of
00:00:07
the podcast." And this is the first time you're going full Dana. You have a black
00:00:13
t-shirt, Noah. And it works for you. I threw this on last minute cuz it's kind of cold today. Otherwise, we would have been black on black.
00:00:24
No, you know what the the riveting story is? And this is an emergency podcast to tell you this. This is green.
00:00:31
Oh, really? Dark? Okay. Yeah, dark green because I go We have black, so it's dark green. Can you tell, Heather?
00:00:36
No. No. Well, I want to say that the It looks like navy gray. It looks navy gray. I thought it was uh It looks Well, I could see a gray, green, black.
00:00:47
I'm going to give it all three. A lot of people got stimulated. I heard it anecdotally the idea of an emergency
00:00:54
podcast. Um, and it was an emergency. Um, and it was good that we got it out there, but it was an emergency. It wasn't a level 12 emergency. Yeah.
00:01:08
You know what's funny is that some people in the comments are like, "What the [ __ ] Why is an emergency?" I'm like, "It just sounded funny." Like, it
00:01:15
was kind of a trivial story, but it's like Dana. But we did talk about it because there were articles about it, so
00:01:21
why not? And u, you know, we learned a lot. We laughed. We cried. Well, look, this is what I my take away from it besides all the different machinations, politics and stuff. It's
00:01:34
very hard. Like I said, okay, David's feelings were a little bit hurt. Okay, so then I went in and said, "Worst reviews Dana Carvey ever got." And I got
00:01:44
a collage. Was he ever funny? Whatever happened to him? What a hack catalog. And I was like, off get out of here. I
00:01:53
know it's hard because some of it stings. Yeah. One of the one of the then someone
00:01:59
saw what we said and said David Spade pleads ignorance of the situation. Like I like it was some actual huge controversy. I'm like I
00:02:10
don't see I see nothing. I'm like I heard a an article in the car going hey this is what's going on. I'm like well I don't know all the facts. Like unlike everyone else you got to get a few facts. like I'm gonna pull out of a gig
00:02:23
because and they're like, "Oh, they already fixed that. He's calling you a liar." But it did trend fast and wide. My doctor's
00:02:30
assistant, you know, I was talking to her and she goes, "Oh, David Spade, he he went to the comedy show, but he said he didn't know about the controversy.
00:02:43
I'm going to have to tell doctor." She told the doctor that I pleaded ignorance.
00:02:49
Yeah, pleaded ignorance. That's calling you a liar. That's the greatest phrase. I love that too. There the greatest phrase Rose was
00:02:56
that. But number one is he talked about traffic flying dot dot dot. You get it. The guy like he's a comedy connoisseur. I know this is it's just I just want to
00:03:10
insert something here so because I have it now. Uh Halloween is coming up, right? And that's right. We have a lot of
00:03:18
trick-or-treaters and a lot of times I'm giving out the candy. Sometimes I'll just buy a mask, right? But this year
00:03:24
I'm having one custom made and I'm basing it on on someone. And so here's the picture and then I'm going to make a mask for when I give out the Halloween candy.
00:03:36
That's cute. I thought that was high school. That's SNL. Is it kind of scary? I mean, is it or is
00:03:43
it terrifying? But it is scary that I turn into this [ __ ] monster. Hey, who wants some candy? Shabash,
00:03:50
want a Zagnut or an Aba Zaba now? Hey, buddy. Uh, let's put on Tommy Boy. All right, I was about to say I don't have to change my voice. Well, the joke was it's not a scary picture was my joke.
00:04:05
No, I don't. That was it. Okay, we got that out of the way. That was it. Is there anything else we
00:04:10
have to talk about? Because we just did the good stuff. Actually, I'll tell you this, Dana. What was your I'm loaded.
00:04:15
What was your laziest costume growing up? Because I'll give you one example, two examples. One, I was going to a
00:04:22
party in college and I I'm like, I'm not going to Hollywood Halloween parties. Of course, I cave in because I pleaded
00:04:30
ignorance like I wasn't going to go. And then I went. So, I had a white sweatshirt with a
00:04:36
black bat on it like the Batman bat. Just a bat. No circle around it. just a black.
00:04:41
I wore that with jeans and I was Batman. [ __ ] got horrible reviews then. Well, this is in college. You're in your early 20s doing this stuff. Doing this stuff. Yes. Don't play
00:04:54
ignorance. Well, when was the last time, let me ask you a question. And this is an emergency part of this emergency podcast.
00:05:02
Yeah. When's the last time you seriously went out, made a costume, made a costume, got I we would get pillow cases
00:05:13
information and run around the neighborhood. This was probably ended at 11 or 12 or maybe 13 where you were actually seriously going
00:05:25
trick-or-treating to get candy. Yeah. And you're doing it in your late 20s with a funny costume. Come on. Come on, dude. Here's my worst costume. That was the
00:05:36
worst. But in my 40s, no. Very recently, I went as I had a uh I had no costume, so I went I had a a
00:05:49
suede like bomber jacket, you know, like brown. Yeah. And you're like a military guy or something
00:05:54
that No, I went just that. And I was David Suede. And that one went over a little better, but no, no real work put into it. But then
00:06:05
my buddy had a shark costume from something he did where he puts on. I go, "What could we be?" I go, "Oh,
00:06:12
so I greased my hair back and had a jump jacket and I was fine." Have you heard this story? Sorry. Sorry to jump your idea. You jumped the shark.
00:06:24
I was in a state of emergency. I'm going to de deep calm down. I have to say when this podcast is in a
00:06:30
state of emergency, everything moves quicker. We just jump around. Okay, I'll give you two Halloween stories that I probably
00:06:36
done have done the last few years. One is my brother in New York I thought was pretty interesting. So, he gets mirrors,
00:06:44
little mirrors. I guess some of them he was an artist, maybe they were cut in different shapes and he put them all
00:06:49
together and then he put it around and it was just mirrors all around him. And so people would say, "What's your costume?" And he said, "I'm going as you." Because they would look in the mirror.
00:07:01
Kind of clever, right? Now, this is one I probably to I'm trying to raise a family. I moved I moved to Mil Valley. I've got a fireplace. It's a little cool little uh
00:07:13
gingerbread house, you know. And I go, "She enough with Hollywood. I'm with the real people. I'm hiking in the woods.
00:07:20
Everything's great. My past is behind me. That's no big deal. And I was looked up and framing the the door was open and framing it was a tall kid dressed
00:07:31
exactly like G. I mean it was the wig the whole thing and then I I can't you know.
00:07:42
But then you got slightly excited. You're like I feel tingles in my underpants or
00:07:47
whatever. Oh. Uh, I feel funny like when I used to climb the rope in gym class. I did like you didn't rush that. You gave it the real reason. I gave it the real thing because you know people
00:08:00
even during this emergency podcast, you didn't rush it. I like G. I want to be G or I want G as
00:08:07
a friend. I'll just put it out there. And you're the same you're the same way with um
00:08:12
Dicky Roberts. Dicky Roberts. I heard some Dicky Roberts praise on the road this time.
00:08:19
The It was the most mentioned on the road, shockingly. What do you mean on the road? What do you mean? Like a security guard backstage and a woman that was friends with Vessie.
00:08:31
Oh, that's funny. Yeah, it was nice to hear. Um, but Oh, I have here's my best Halloween costume. Ready, Dana? Are you ready? By
00:08:39
the way, could we change the name of the whole podcast to Emergency Podcast? because people would click on that. It
00:08:45
would be fun. Well, they'll be I we will do more of those cuz now that we know sometimes
00:08:51
something happens late and whatever and our producer was kind enough to go in, you know, on the Sunday and just do that
00:08:59
emergency. Heather was very and Heather Heather Sant was there too on her one not really day off. Um okay, so here's the costume.
00:09:12
It was back at those fun Kate Hudson parties, which probably still does. I don't get invited. So, I You know why?
00:09:19
Because I stole all the attention. That's what it is. I crushed so hard. All right, let's hear it. Me,
00:09:31
I don't know what I wore. Then I had the babies that were little. What were they?
00:09:38
They We had a a blowup doll full size and then three little Oh, yeah. little like
00:09:44
Oh, yeah. Blowup size full on biting on my butt and taped me with a diaper on and then three little babysiz
00:09:52
blowup dolls kind of like adolescent adolescents or little people's eyes and they were taped to each other and I went
00:09:58
as the human centipede. Oh, it killed. It's a It's a really filthy movie. offensive scary movie where everyone, you know what it is? You'll gross out.
00:10:12
They kidnap all these teenagers naturally in an old like house naturally. End of a road,
00:10:18
dark out. They seem nice at first. Anyway, it's a fate worse than death. They line you up and they sew the mouth to the next guy's
00:10:33
anal region, his anus. Of course, it sounds fun, but I don't want No, it sounds fun for a little bit. Then they go, "This is a fun game, like a frat game. We literally sew with the
00:10:44
doctor. Your mouth to their butthole." And then they do it to the next one. And then they have to poop and then the next
00:10:51
person has to get it and pooping. By the way, one day of that, it's not fun. Hey, hey, I think I'm gonna hurl. I know you're gonna hurl. G would
00:11:02
freaking hurl. Oh my god. And that was a hit movie. Like a small hit. Like a But everyone
00:11:08
knew about it because it was so gross. Well, guys said, "Hey, you got to go to Burning Man, man. Go to Burning Man. I
00:11:14
go to Burning Man all the time. Why don't you come next year to Burning Man?" I go, "What do you see up there?"
00:11:19
Oh, one time I was just hanging out in the desert and I saw five naked guys walking along and they had a rope taped
00:11:25
or something t uh their wieners tied around and then to the next guy, the next guy and the next guy. So, it was
00:11:32
like a wiener chain, man. You got to go to Bernie, man. Yeah. Where were you? Yeah. Go to Bernie, man. They got wiener
00:11:39
chains, man. And you blew it. You could have been there. You could have your iPhone.
00:11:46
I went to smoldering, man. It's like three miles down and there's a Denny's there and a Motel 6 and much nicer.
00:11:54
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www.5ourenergy.com. Number fiveenergy.com or Amazon today. Okay. I have an emergency podcast moment. Okay.
00:13:07
My favorite dire well I don't I have there's Kubri there's Kubri there's Tarantino
00:13:13
Tarantino Francis Ford Copala the Godfather one and two in the conversation of the best
00:13:18
movies ever made he lost 120 million on Metatropolis because he's an artist he put his own money into it didn't do man boys but it hasn't come
00:13:29
out yet but I I didn't see melopolis but I heard that uh it didn't go perfectly anyway Anyway, this is part of the emergency podcast is that he's had to start selling his watch collection. So,
00:13:42
I'm announcing a GoFundMe for Francis Ford Copala. I knew him because he could be sitting on his lawn with all those watches out in a signed picture of Michael Corleion.
00:13:54
Let me let me try it. Just sometimes I just try to It's almost like a spali thing. I try to get a voice. Francis
00:14:01
Forcopola. What does he talk like? What does he talk like? I'm Francis Ford Copela. How are you?
00:14:09
I don't know if it's any good, but I got it. Now see here, Shia Labou. You're acting crazy on a set. Well, I tell you, I tell you, Shabboth,
00:14:21
that's why I'm metropolis and that didn't make a lot of money. I'm Francis Ford Copela. You got to announce who
00:14:27
you're doing. Yeah, that helps. After the fact. Now you see here, Al Patino. The studio wants you out of here, but I want to bat for you. I'm Francis Ford Copela.
00:14:39
I tell you, boy. Now listen, boy. For catering, we got five Triscuits in a slim gym. And that's because we ran out
00:14:46
of money. Keep talking. Hey, good guy. What a good guy. What's that, young guy? I know. That's why life in me. SNL hadn't beaten the [ __ ]
00:14:58
out of me yet. This was my alternative choice. It's funny. That's my uh high school senior year. That's where I look so different because I got my haircut so short. I didn't know it was me. And I
00:15:10
look through the pictures and I go, "Where's mine?" And they go, "This one." I go, "That's not me." Hey, hey, my name say David Spade. Would
00:15:17
you like to go to the Satie Hawkins dance with me? I'm David Spade. Look, it says under almost interesting. That was the name of a book. Okay, you voice you voice what you're
00:15:31
thinking. I'll just move it. Okay. Oh, it's picture day. Luckily, I wore a suit. Um, I didn't know, but I
00:15:38
pleaded ignorance and my hair is nicely blondish. And I was probably thinking of
00:15:43
if I was going to the football game that weekend and who I would ask to the prom that would try to get out of it.
00:15:49
Yeah, I know what you'd be thinking right then. Well, it's not my best pitcher, but I'm begging. I'm begging
00:15:57
ignorance. I'm pleading. Oh, pleading. [ __ ] me with a [ __ ] brick. I'm pleading. I hate when a joke [ __ ] up. Okay, I got one more topic for
00:16:10
you and then I have one topic before we get into the real topics. Sports betting scandal. This is the big story, guys.
00:16:16
This is big. Set the table. Oh, I will. Oh, me? Uh, you're closer to gambling. You're No, you're closer to basketball. But yesterday a story blew up and I was flying back from Minneapolis and I was
00:16:29
like, "Oh, wow." I mean, it was pretty big. It was on everywhere and it was about sports betting. You know, more a lot of players involved, some coaches go. Um, yes, there's Terry
00:16:44
Rosier, Chance, Chancy Bilips are kind of Chanty Bilips. Chanty Chanty the coach and and all NBA
00:16:51
player. Apparently, again, innocent till proven guilty. Apparently, one of the things they would
00:16:59
do is they got him with the mafia. Hey, you know what? Hey, Jany, guess what? We got some high rollers here from
00:17:05
Indonesia and they like they like playing poker with a celebrity. So, why don't you call me in? So apparently the
00:17:11
mob got to them. They set up these special tables with listening devices, cameras, all kinds of high tech stuff, cheater stuff. Yes. So that our our guy would win.
00:17:24
That's one. And then some one player potentially if innocent proven would also in games bet on games and then fake an injury so he'd go out of
00:17:34
the game. He could sort of turn the game for points and stuff. And that guy was making 26 million a season at the time.
00:17:43
So you ask yourself, oh, you know why? Why? Why? But here's the thing. You know, and I
00:17:49
know that you can bet on anything in Las Vegas. It's hysterical. You can bet on anything. Bets. Yes. I'll be just totally transparent, but we can say to each other now that we've
00:18:01
never spoken about this. It's completely on the up and up. But you can take the high and the low on standup sets in
00:18:08
Vegas. Now with you, it was an over and under. Like I bet if if David would in a
00:18:15
in his set would get more than 60 laughs and I bet that then I win two to one or
00:18:21
less than 60. So I've made a small fortune. Normally I'll just be totally honest taking the under that you would get less than 60 laps per set and I made
00:18:32
a fortune. Well, what if they say, "Okay, me and Nikki Glading ignorance. We're at We're at Caesar's Palace and we
00:18:39
and they could bet on if Nikki's wearing a skirt or pants, right? You can make a bet on that. I I've I've
00:18:44
made money on that." You could say, "What's the over under on how long Spade will do, will he do an hour, under an hour, 40, 48? Bet the
00:18:52
exact number." Um, starts when he walks out when you see him. I Those are bets. I I once well I think it
00:19:02
was a hundred grand that you would say uh [ __ ] be smoking hot during your set and you did. I did. I said it too much that show.
00:19:17
No, I said uh I bet Dana that he would say he would look off to the side of the stage and say, "How much time do I have
00:19:30
left with these idiots?" And then someone would yell 25 and you go, "Fword." Well, what I I heard on the down low that you and Tim Meadows got a little couple pops in you.
00:19:43
Yeah. and bet that I wouldn't say, "Well, isn't that special during my set?" And you lost your bet. Well, isn't that special?
00:19:56
We thought you would accidentally say, "Well, isn't that interesting?" Because, have you ever done a bit like I did this weekend and there was one word in it and I couldn't remember it
00:20:07
and I just skimmed over it. I'm like, "What is going on? I don't there's the one word that was a key word and I skimmed it and I'm like it just doesn't pop in your head. It's so weird. It's so
00:20:18
stressful. Oh, it's it's just a sinking feeling when you realize you got a five minute
00:20:24
bit. Like I have this thing about flying on Irish Airways and if I skip this one
00:20:30
piece early on, you go, do I go doesn't make sense. Can I go back and pick it up? it's not
00:20:36
making sense or do I confess to the audience I got confused which normally the route I take
00:20:42
you know I go I [ __ ] that up you know God I I said the wrong punchline and then I backed up and said the right one and they were like oh and it was so I didn't even say I go ah
00:20:54
I did that wrong god dang it they were like [ __ ] what an amateur hour that's I love the audience You know, and one time
00:21:06
I get the punchlines that you're doing, right? Hey, one time I was up there and I got a
00:21:12
little confused and I'm going guards and Hans and fr all of a sudden I'm doing this bit that is killing about watching
00:21:18
porn on airplanes and I'm going and it's killing and roars of laughter and I go,
00:21:24
"Oh my [ __ ] god, I'm doing Spain's bit." So I waited till I killed the whole thing. And I said, "I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen. I just That was a complete mental." No,
00:21:36
I remember cuz you pled ignorance. Pled what did I say? Are you think about uh pleading ignorance? That's your thing. Also on the basketball scandal,
00:21:49
Shanty Phillips is in the Hall of Fame. I heard today they're saying, "Could they take that away from him
00:21:54
if they find him guilty?" Right now it's apparently. And also uh Rosier, is that his name? Terry. Terry. Terry Rosier, I believe. Okay. R O Z I E R.
00:22:06
They said he was cuz coaches can take a guy out and say he'll play less. Rosier, maybe. I don't know.
00:22:12
So the coaches can fix it by saying he'll play less. Bet the under of how long he plays or something.
00:22:18
And this is the this is Terry saying he fixed games. Watch how funny this is. Okay, let me just
00:22:24
So what number is he? So there he is accidentally dropping it. Gives it to the other team. Here's a shitty pass. Let me see. Oops. To that guy.
00:22:34
He makes a basket. So he's in the black. Now next pass. Oops. To the other guy. Oh. Oh. Oh. Okay. He keeps throwing it. Bad to the other team.
00:22:45
Yeah. Air ball to the other team. I mean, you could watch a game and go, "God, he's having an off night." or well before the coach would take you out
00:22:56
if it's crunch time right at the end and the over and under is three. Look at that over the basket.
00:23:02
You know look all I can say is I don't understand. I mean you don't understand when you're making 26 million what do you why he would do this if it's true. Yes.
00:23:14
I I mean I think there's a feeling that it's so competitive. Someone says are you addicting to gambling? They're like, "I'm addicted to competing." So, they want to gamble so
00:23:27
they can beat someone, right? Well, Michael Jordan's famous for that. Charles Barkley. Um, they would
00:23:33
they would a terrible. I disagree with everything those guys are doing. Um, Charles Barkley, it's terrible. They're terrible. That's that's all you have to say.
00:23:44
That's all I have. Uh, but yeah, innocent to prove guilty. But it's an amazingly it looks like a
00:23:50
very big scandal. Big story for sure. Okay, here's a smaller story. We don't have to have an
00:23:56
emergency. Not an emergency, but friend of the show Aniston, Jennifer Aniston said, Jen, I saw a couple of these interviews this week. So, she turned down SNL when she
00:24:08
before landing friends. And she has a funny way to explain it. She felt the sketch at the sketch show was very
00:24:15
male-dominated. And when she auditioned before Friends, she met with Lauren. She said this on
00:24:22
Dax's uh podcast, she thought she goes, "I always thought I was such hot shit." Which is
00:24:28
funny to say. Uh and she said uh she would love to ask Lauren how it went because she said she ran into me and Sandler in the room right outside
00:24:42
and uh I knew her briefly because she her mom lived in my apartment complex next to me. So she
00:24:49
goes, "My daughter's an actress. My your mom was sweet." And then I'd see Jennifer and I was like, "Oh, that is your daughter." So now she had a
00:24:57
self-righteous attitude and she didn't like the way women were treated on the show. She said if it was back when it
00:25:02
was the Guild or Radner days, it would be better, you know. So she said she was sort of like
00:25:08
just passing, by the way, without friends. Kind of ballsy of her to say. I think she's admitting it was ballsy to
00:25:14
say she she wouldn't do it. Like why would you pass on SNL? Ah, that's cool. I like someone who has
00:25:22
confidence in themselves before they But what had she done? Here's my two questions. Did you What Who were the
00:25:29
women on the show at that time? Was it 95? Was it Julius? 911. It was probably 91. So I was there then. Maybe Jan. Maybe because she got friends
00:25:40
right around then. Well, let's look. Let's Hey, can we find out when she got on Friends? Yeah.
00:25:45
I would guess Friends was about 92 because she blew up so fast. But her father was a soap opera actor and they said she was a Nepo baby. But 94.
00:25:58
So it was like maybe you were gone. Maybe I left in 93 because I think I would have got up in her grill a little
00:26:04
bit. You know, just my nature. Go. Listen, man. You got this. Don't you wa Don't you walk away, woman. Don't you
00:26:11
walk away from me. I I would have schooled her a little bit. Yeah, I think she admitted it was weird.
00:26:17
I mean, luckily she landed on her feet, but it was it's it's a tough situation for all these people that are trying to get on SNL, especially then. It was a big deal. But she had done Ferris Buer's Day Off
00:26:29
the TV show because she did it with Yeah. And she she had a she had a pop. I mean, obviously we saw it on French. She was very gonna make it because uh
00:26:41
just charismatic charismatic. But look at this. I mean, I'll tell you, I I tell you this right
00:26:46
now. Um SNL's great. It's just generally for most people a launching pad. You She
00:26:54
couldn't have gotten anything more spectacular than what she did in history. Yeah.
00:26:59
Except unless you didn't want to be that famous. But it was uh it was with Seinfeld they were the 90s and that was
00:27:06
you know so not much bigger sitcoms as far as moneymaking Seinfeld Friends Cheers maybe.
00:27:17
I don't know if they got to that level but I remember hearing I I heard it at some point that everyone knows this the
00:27:24
friends those six people were going to be favored nations. No one was going to negotiate separately. Yeah. So they
00:27:30
eventually started going, "Give us each a million dollars, a million dollars an episode for each of us." And they got
00:27:37
it. When they got a hundred,000 episode, everyone freaked out. Also, who were the
00:27:42
three that they wanted to pay and who were the three that they said they weren't going to pay? And that's why they banded together.
00:27:48
Oh, you got me. I had heard this question and someone just g All right, I'm going to call it right now. 26 minutes in. We have We are just in the emergency podcast.
00:28:01
This is the part of the show we would have come in to give you this answer. You've just entered the emergency
00:28:08
podcast zone. Zone. Oh, I think Aniston. I think Courtney because she was the biggest star at the time when they started. She was the biggest star in the world.
00:28:19
And I think Schwimmer because Schwimmer was in like a love story with Aniston on the show and he was very valuable. And
00:28:25
it was a Ross and Rachel was peing. I think that makes sense to me. They all did a great job. So, I don't know. But here's a question I have for you, please, because it popped into my head.
00:28:40
So, you're going in those 90s and there's still syndication. You get all your money, million dollars an episode.
00:28:46
Yay. And that's your contract. And you fulfill it. And then live streaming comes in and the office and other ones.
00:28:53
So did did they get a piece of that the actors when when they sold Friends Friends is on live streaming there goes to Netflix dollars
00:29:04
cuz reruns I think they say they averaged 20 million a year shockingly that's about
00:29:09
the most you anyone could ever get. And this is in the '9s late 90s I think I think up until a couple years
00:29:15
ago like they said oh just from all the live stream just from all the horseshit. Yeah, they're rerun.
00:29:22
TBS and HBO buys it or Netflix buys. Can I be a little envious? Is it okay? It's just bad. Well, I'm sickened by it. It's hard to get out of bed. It's like what? I wish I got a funny
00:29:34
voice on the Simpsons. I know. You know, hi, I'm mail. You know, I got one voice. Mailbox Manny. Hey everybody, I'm your local treasure
00:29:46
secretary and you're in the uh secret life of pets. Um, you were weren't you? One and two. And then I am on the ride. The rides
00:29:59
make more than the movies, but I don't get a piece of the ride. Yeah. Over time,
00:30:05
the ride I'm the dog yelling at you when you're coming in in the little cart of that secret. I'm going don't go in here.
00:30:12
You know, it's the grumpy old man who's a dog with no with wheels for hind legs.
00:30:17
All right, let's look at a few stories unless you have any more. No, I just have answers, but I was I was grateful for that
00:30:24
question. Okay. Okay. Oh, this is the US announces seventh generational fighter jets have seventh generation fighter jets have been begun
00:30:35
their operational testing. Let's take a look at the new plan. United States of America officially admitted that the seventh generation
00:30:43
fighter jet has entered the real world verification phase. They didn't disclose the model number. They didn't show the exterior only one sentence. It can end a
00:30:54
war without opening the weapons bay. What does that mean? A fully AI controlled combat platform can strike,
00:31:01
leave the battle zone, and even change the enemy's data chain before the other side realizes it's there. Not only is it
00:31:07
stealthy, can even fool enemy radar and satellites, creating false target images
00:31:13
and disrupting the entire airspace. This is not an air superiority fighter, nor is it a bomber, but an intelligent that
00:31:20
integrates command jamming and surveillance. It doesn't even need human pilots. The
00:31:27
we're not going to need human pilot. The only thing that makes me feel a little strange about this, cuz I'm a blade at
00:31:32
night, and uh the president of China, Yei, and of course Putin are huge fans of this podcast. So, didn't they just get the whole enchilada laid out? So, we should be careful what you're sharing.
00:31:45
I know what they comment on. I know their fake name when they leave comments all the time on the YouTube.
00:31:52
I know which one's Xi She and which one's Pang. Tang, listen to me. Listen to me. Oh, one thing I wanted to mention how funny it is that Trump just demolished half
00:32:06
the White House. Like, we got to take it down. We're taking it down. We're taking it down. It's going to It's nice to take
00:32:12
things down, isn't it? It's a good thing with people like it when you take things down. We're taking it down. We're chopping it in two and have a bonfire
00:32:20
that noep dumping garbage. Yeah, I guess they're fixing the White House all the time. If I was him, I just
00:32:33
wouldn't bother. Like, how long are you going to be there? Well, he he and some friends paid for it. It's like a rental.
00:32:38
It's 300. He wants to say the Donald J. Trump ballroom forever. It's going to have my name in gold. My name and gold.
00:32:45
It's going to be It's kind of like one of those monkeys with the symbols. He's like when they have the when people come into Walts, it's like who's in a ballroom anymore?
00:32:57
I like monkey with symbols. Clank clank clank. I got to take it down. We're taking it down. It's a good thing we're taking it down. People like to take things down. We're gonna take it
00:33:07
down. Is he going to have any parties there or is it all like just Oh, it's going to be like gone with the
00:33:13
wind. Why, Miss Scarlet, may I have this dance with you? It's going to be Let's do the minuette.
00:33:21
It's an old dance. Uh, the menu. Well, you know, back to our story as people are hang with us, folks. No one knows what we're talking about. Go ahead. There won't be pilots very soon. Of course, it's going to all be AI. They
00:33:34
can react and we're going to jam things. Look, we spend a trillion on defense. A
00:33:41
trill. That's 18 war department. Okay. A trillion down there. What kind of aircraft you get for that much money?
00:33:52
You know, my Southwest flight plane costs at least a hundred grand for the whole thing. All
00:33:57
in. Yeah. I had a corporate date and I thought, well, maybe I'll try to lease a private jet, but it was uh I would I would have to take out a loan against my
00:34:09
house to pay for the check. No joke. It's crazy that we have a shortage of private jets
00:34:14
in America. There's so many rich people now that they can't make them fast enough. Yeah. I mean, that's the one thing where if you ever use it,
00:34:26
it's not an investment. You don't get that money back. So, that's when you land, you feel sick. It's like blowing
00:34:32
money on cocaine or something. You're like, "So, I got here. It's over. The ride is over
00:34:37
and I spent all that money." I know. When you come off Southwest and you go, geez, 88 bucks. 88,000. You're
00:34:46
like, and I'm in the same place and it's like, now I can get an extra shrimp cocktail
00:34:51
tonight cuz I saved money. I'm going to the sphere pretty soon. Hopefully. What are you talking about? For what? Well, I'm going in Vegas and I have an afternoon off. There's a 5:00 matinea
00:35:02
and they're playing the Wizard of Oz. Are you going to do that one? Oh, I want to hear the whole review. I guess I guess you're inside the Wizard
00:35:08
of Oz. You're inside Judy Garland's dress. Yeah, I know. No, I'm riding in the basket with Toto. You get on the witch's broom.
00:35:19
We represent the lollipop. I'm one of those guys. Mhm. I haven't seen that movie since I was four. But ter terrified. I want to hear it. Get out of me. The the sphere is a big question. They
00:35:31
they're having no doubt coming up and people are like is no doubt big enough or is the sphere the story? Is that 70% of why you go?
00:35:43
I think if a monkeykey's uh fake band went in there, you'd sell it out. I believe it's like an audio visual a fourdimensional. there's rain coming down and wind and you're in seats and
00:35:57
you kind of feel like you're going to fall and every seat has they're already building more of them. They're building,
00:36:02
you know, one in China and one I think there's one in Dubai too, I heard. But I agree. I went to once and
00:36:09
um you threw up during during YouTube. There were no monkeys and I was sad. There was no witches, there was no nothing. I'm like,
00:36:15
what are we doing? I think movies getting immersed. I like to see 2001 in there, you know?
00:36:22
Hi, Dana. This is your favorite movie. Open the open open the bathroom door, Spade. Open the bathroom door. I can't do it, Dana. You know the drill.
00:36:34
I'm pleading ignorance. As a kid, we used to do that. As a young man with my friends when they were
00:36:39
stoned, I would do open the bathroom door, pal. How? What's he supposed to say? Oh, I'm sorry, Dave. I can't do that,
00:36:48
Dave. Cuz Hal turns on him, right? Is it AI? Open the bathroom door. Sorry, Dave. All
00:36:54
right, raise your voice at me. All right, I'll go through the urinal. That'll be very difficult. Dave,
00:37:02
you could pee your pants. Dana, have you seen the movie? I don't think so. Think I'm getting it wrong. No, it's actually fine. It's actually pretty good. I just can't imagine you
00:37:14
sitting for a 4-hour movie with no real plot. I mean I mean there's a plot but it's a it's a spirit show.
00:37:24
Next story. Here we go. Clip before we wrap up. Man was discovered to be unknowingly
00:37:31
missing 90% of his brain yet lived a normal life. Wow. Do we need our brains? Is this a big scam? We don't I think we'd have to look it up. I think we use
00:37:43
maybe 10% of it. Really? And this looks like this guy nailed the 10%. There's a condition known as what the [ __ ] is going on? Uh, no, that's not the real one. It's called a hydro syphalis.
00:37:58
Sounds dirty. Well, they interviewed this guy um you know perfectly and um I thought it was
00:38:06
really interesting because how did you do this with 90% of your brain missing? And the guy was quot saying I was normal
00:38:15
life I Jesus doesn't sound that smart and but um he was he led a normal life. He rattles his head like a paint can
00:38:29
when he moves around. Yeah. Wouldn't part of your brain be so light without the brain in it? Your
00:38:35
skull would just be tilted over. That's what Ozmpic does. that it erases 90% of your your brain
00:38:40
apparently. Allegedly. Now I understand that you have only 10% of your brain. Your words, not mine. Uhoh. And that makes for what we call a stupid
00:38:54
person. That make sense to you? Make sense? Did I get that right? I'm just punchy. I can't. I love it. Okay, one more and then we'll go. Punchy. Give me something good.
00:39:08
Give me a good one. Don't Come on. Give it to me. Good and hard. All right. I don't know if this is gonna
00:39:13
be it, but Okay. Let's see. It's people. Oh, this girl's juggling plastic bags you get from like Ralph's. I bet I could do that. I could do that.
00:39:27
I think so. Oh, she's got her buddy. I couldn't do that. We couldn't do that. Dana, it's getting more sophisticated now.
00:39:33
Maybe next week I'll try to do that. Let's see a razzledazzle though. Give me give me a closer. Okay.
00:39:40
What are they doing? Oh, he's got them. It's a smart thing because these things kind of float. So, they stay where you
00:39:46
can grab them in a you have a space to grab them with a tennis hard though. But they're bigger than a
00:39:51
tennis ball. Yeah, they kind of float, but they get really hard to move. So, if you grab it
00:39:57
wrong, it's over, right? You got to space them and separate them. You got to keep them full of air. So, you can't grab them too hard or you
00:40:03
squish all the air out. Now you have what I like to call too much time on your hands when you're taking plastic wrappers and juggling them all day long.
00:40:17
Heather, let's get some multicolored plastic bags so I can show the world how good I am. I can do this trick.
00:40:22
Mhm. On it. On it. David shocks the world. I can juggle though, Dana. Don't. I kid you not. Yeah, I'm sure you can. Have you Have you ever been seen juggling? No. Would
00:40:34
you ever do it on a TV show? No. Have you done it on this podcast? No. But I'm sure you can juggle. Just no one's ever
00:40:40
seen you juggle. Have you been accused of recently pleading ignorance? Yes. I'll say you do juggle like this. You go
00:40:47
to a stand-up date. You do the podcast. You go to koi. You go back to the plane. You get You juggle your life.
00:40:55
Yeah, I juggle my schedule. Uh, okay. I will film myself juggling and we'll play it next week. We might
00:41:01
have to have an emergency one though. If you if you can do that, well, I'm gonna give you multiple $100 bills. Did you ever give anything what's in the box behind you?
00:41:16
That's still That's for That's for the end of the season. There is something in that box. A big se during sweeps.
00:41:21
If anyone can guess it, do you want I mean, I think it's in there, but no, let's just leave it for next week.
00:41:26
That's That's cliffhanger. That'll be an emergency one when we reveal that. Okay. Okay. Well, I thought we did a really good job. I'm very proud of us. Um, we we covered a lot of ground.
00:41:37
Copala, the bedding. We did a little Trump Halloween. Um, I thought we brought it today.
00:41:44
You really did good. Will it translate into smash that subscribe button or Yeah, break your [ __ ] finger on this on the like button. Subscribe. I don't
00:41:55
even know what they're supposed to do. They do comment. You don't have to tell them to say that. Oh, boy. But uh we got
00:42:01
a lot of nice comments on Isla Fischer last week. Really? Oh, she was fun. She was fun. Definitely fun.
00:42:07
She was fun. I don't look at the metrics because then I just cry myself to sleep. Metrics, they're good. Why?
00:42:13
Uh okay, Dana, if if I can, I'll have you on again next week. Uh thank you. Should I go black t-shirt or gray? Green black t-shirt? I will not wear another dark green black
00:42:25
gray t-shirt. I'm gonna shock the world. And but don't our t-shirts look like slightly different color? Mine not is
00:42:31
not as black as yours. Okay, here we go. Here we go. I didn't want to get I didn't want to get to this. Here we go.
00:42:37
Whoops. Heather, can you see any difference in our t-shirts? His does look darker.
00:42:42
Well, I do have a lighter I have a black chair, but I have more, you know, you can see. Is this an optical illusion?
00:42:49
Whoops. Oh, Jesus. Not only tigers get out of their cages. Oh my god, that's a tiger. Got his skin. Whoops. All right, we'll come back with a big
00:42:59
banger show next week just like this. And we're going to look like this. We're going to talk like this. And I'm going
00:43:05
to do this kind of things. We're going to demolish the place. Goodbye everybody. Goodbye.
00:43:11
Goodbye. Hey guys, if you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app. Give us a
00:43:23
review, fivestar rating, and maybe even share an episode that you've loved with a friend.
00:43:28
If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on video now. Fly on the Walls presented by Odyssey,
00:43:35
an executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman, Mattie Sprung Kaiser, and Leah
00:43:42
Reese Dennis of Odyssey. Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman, and the show is produced and edited by Phil Sweet
00:43:49
Tech. Booking by Cultivated Entertainment. Special thanks to Patrick Fogerty, Evan Cox, Mora Curran, Melissa
00:43:58
Wester, Hillary Schuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gainner, Sean Cherry, Kurt Courtourtney, and Lauren Vieiraa. Reach out with us any questions to be asked and answered on the show. You can email
00:44:11
us at fly onthewallsey.com. That's audacy.com.