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[Music] I have a question for you too oh boy I saw this video this girl and she she goes I'm a furry and then she goes here's how I talk to my friend so if I'm
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happy I'm like no if I'm angry I go do you think that that uh human beings that identify as cats are actually cats I don't but do you
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[Music] John give us your best face go toward the camp no you're a handsome man oh handsome man that's pretty good it's like Master
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thesbian with the one eye I just realized that doesn't he kind of see eye and one eyes kind of open Master
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thesbian hello very handsome man now the world's ugliest man [Laughter] the happiest
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man the saddest man oh this has been Superfly and this has been John L quizzical man okay you're passed curious why is he
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doing what we're telling him I don't know I like it though someone who has to poo oh that's your regular face I'm just trying to make John happy someone who
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bought the worst covering of a couch in history oh that's your regular face because it's right behind you that belongs in a Native American Casino where do you live in a
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TP welcome to Superfly welcome to Superfly I want to hear about Dana's gig this weekend and then we'll get to you
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in about 40 minutes go ahead Dan well first of all I just want to tell about my adventure at
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McDonald's okay driving today I go in the bathroom the urinal is running uh just all over the floor and it won't stop running then I go through the
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driveth through and there's a guy where you pay and he doesn't move there's cars
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two cars and a guy where you pay doesn't move for 25 minutes and it's behind us no one's
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honking so I go finally I get to go up there and the woman says we don't have receipts we we have no receipts so that guy was fighting for up set he couldn't
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get a receipt for his Big Mac what kind of accountant at the end of the year says I've got this bill from McDonald's
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and Gilroy and I've got no goddamn receipt you want to get audited [ __ ] and that's your that's your best friend
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is your account you red flag [ __ ] I yes I have a McDonald's story when you said the guy didn't move there was a guy I was late I was getting breakfast and the guy in front of me
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would was for 10 minutes he's ordering I got so frustrated I yelled I yell I go I
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go pick a number for God's sake it's McDonald's and the guy spazzes out andu and I'm like he has Tourette's so now we get he goes to pay
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and I now I just want to see him do it again so I scream I go hurry up and he goes [ __ ] just goes nuts I'm laughing my head off I drive up I said to the guy I go what's wrong with that
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guy what do you have special needs and yeah oh how rude did you hold him like a baby after that give him a kiss on the cheek and say dadd the guy nursed him
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you know what the guy said in the car behind you does that guy have special needs I he had Tourette's it was very funny I have a McDonald's story everyone
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has one great okay go David so I'm in line of McDonald's driving through and there's a kind of a not a hobo but whatever is John looking at himself
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John's admiring himself in the zoom what a loser Focus he turned his chin and he smiled focus on my fake story so let's
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hear your fake McDonald's story I'm just trying to get in the game with you guys so I wait and there's a guy
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sleeping under the where you order fine you know so I say uh I go quarter pound with cheese I go uh hot apple pie Diet Coke and then I hear he stands up and
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leans in and goes and some fries and he jumps back and I go no that wasn't me that wasn't me that that and then I how many times does that work in a day where
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then I go up to get my food and I'm going to be like that was you that was you had a fillet of oh wait hey who are
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you what wait a sec but it worked I got his fries they put them in and then when he came to window I gave him his
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fries but what a good scam does that all day and that guy was Dana no was Rob Schneider what that's
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not true Dana what you like eat like a health nut what were you doing eating at McDonald's I'm just shocked you were
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there well because I was on the road and I was in a hurry and my my car kept saying pull over you're driving erratic
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so I just needed some quick carbohydrates I got an Egg McMuffin your car said that well yeah hey what you think about pulling over the funny thing
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about I played a casino this past weekend and I went to get room service before the show I was doing two shows
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and they go oh I'm who I I'm gonna have to call the front desk and so they called the front desk then two people called back on the phone and said I'm sorry you can't order room service and I
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go I didn't want to say well I'm headlining the casino you know [ __ ] Dan Garney you give so I was the only
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person in the hotel was a thousand people that could not order room service but I'm not bitter they say
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why I think it's because when I got there I I pulled out I said card for incidentals I had two friends with me
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and she waved me off no no no everything's on the house that's why you're Tak care of they said we have
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food vouchers and they would find my friend in the casino they chased him down in the casino you're with Dana
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Carvey have you picked up your vouch where's your voucher you got have your voucher go Dana um if they stand up at the end is
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that a good thing or I want to hear more about the vouchers oh here's your vouchers no I
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mean I I think it's great to have vouchers I mean but anyway I know I eat John luckily you don't have your earplugs into show John two John I can
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hear you both I know we can't hear you is the problem yeah you can why doesn't he have the earphones in that's what normal people have because I can
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hear sound like you're an aquarium why do I need him I can hear him without him it'll make the sound better for us all
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right are you gonna admire John is admiring him I like when he pin and primps and for the people who are listening to this podcast John cannnot stop admiring himself actually
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do you have ring lights you do look pretty good do you have some better light no I just I lost some weight so
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I'm very I think I look better you look nice uh you do you look good I have I'm GNA go back to McDonald's I have one more thing while John is printing okay wait David just
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quickly so John so you don't you don't have headphones that's the answer or earbuds or earbuds no I can hear I can
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hear you it's not that it's we we're we're getting an echo from we have to keep all this because people need to know what we deal with people had to know John does not want to put in his
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earbuds cuz he's admiring himself he's lost a few pounds he looks great yeah and I can't I don't like the new John
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yeah it's like guys that have a white a bright window behind them they go I can see you fine you go we can't see you if
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you put it in John then we'll your sound won't drop out when we talk put it in quit acting so put out by this he's like oh this is a great episode I like this episode because this is the
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real this they're right there this [ __ ] this little [ __ ] was playing [ __ ] games with us look at those look at the if it's Joe Rogan he's like I have
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five headphones I'll wear I'm a human headphone Mr Rogan I'll do whatever I'm told you don't like this couch I'll cut it up with a knife joh can you can you
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hear me Princess Leah look at face Princess Leah can you hear me oh my God turn this is Harrison Ford now I look like Princess Leia from
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Star Wars that's what I just said please let's keep all this it just shows what I have to deal with first comes headphones You Remind Me comes of
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that other character chw Kaka David's having period mood who me what let the blood
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[Music] flow John you don't have to be quiet I you can hear through the headphones and
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you're doing fine right I just I'm worried about yes okay just the fact that you were not talking for three
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seconds I thought something was wrong okay so I don't like when I well when I go to McDonald's I say uh do you have the f I say wait hang on I when I go to
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McDonald's I go what's the fet of fish of the day I go yesterday I think it was a
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Branzino oh it's oh it's a big laugh yeah and then other thing is which remind me at a restaurant last night I like fish and guys tell me if I'm way
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off I like fish but like like big fish and I canot lie I smell my glass and if anything smells fishy it makes me sick so I do like fish in quotes but
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even can you wait for the end or anything let me get get the punch line out I took a joke ruining class like when do I call but the punch line yeah oh that's
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perfect so this is a real story so if I eat fish and it's fishy I don't like that you know what I'm saying like if it smells you go this smells fishy even though it's fish you [ __ ]
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[ __ ] Ain you both David don't order Branzino it's made in a lab it's like an artificial smelly [ __ ] freak of a fish never
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order bran Zeno why are we focusing on this part of the joke this everything's gone sideways I didn't want to interrupt you but I kept thinking for the last minute while you're going for your punch
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line breno don't ever order brino it's made in a lab Lauren told me that it's it's made in a lab it's for it's for
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rookies uh okay so that's that bit and uh maybe we some headlines and we let's talk about some headlines because then we'll have something to talk about this is I have one question
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okay I think you guys said this is a they can hear it but they can't see it this podcast no no they can they see it on YouTube that's that's why your bits are playing
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so that's why yeah you look great John this this did you get a little little little help did you get a little help
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okay we're gonna just show things that are happening in the news John feel free to cough or tell a joke so this is okay
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for people driving this is a picture of Justin Timberlake sorry David go my only
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comment he did get an inordinate amount of uh press for this um I will say he looks great and he almost looks too good and now I'm getting mad about it because every blurry head shot I see in
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the paper it looks like it was taken through a shower curtain he has a [ __ ] ring light this is like if Kim K
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got pulled over remember when she went to the DMV she took 27 practice pictures with a ring light to get her licensed this has Vib that which I'm not hating I
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would do it he looks good it was P they were piling on too much too much he was going five miles hour no one got hurt I
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I it feels like I I read cuz I'm all up on the tabloids that they told him beforeand don't drive the police said
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hey maybe you should but that's rumors and then he gets this cover of Rolling Stone head shot taken by Mark
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seliger and and his tour went up his sales went up so it's always he he looks great he doesn't look like a some kind of homeless alcohol looks great John
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whenever you're ready jump in well I ready said he had W martini and that was it and so my question is if that's true then why did he refuse the breathalyzer
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test but that being said I've met him many times he's a very nice guy I knew someone would throw that in I knew
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someone say he's a great guy he's ex of course we all like him he's super nice guy I take him I take him at his word yeah I remember at the 40th and the 30th that's a lot him at the 20th the
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guy can sing and dance and he's very funny on SNL too I met him in the 90s when he was spear I came off an elevator
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at a hotel and and he and Britney Spear were standing in the hallway talking spear
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Spears I went that's a that's a great story that's a that's a terrific story John they were in the hallway talking David what about I got off the elevator and there they were know that's an
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that's an incredible story save it for Ellen now listen what about oh let's show that next one that's the party Greg do you have that one that's the party I want to show this thing look at
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Jerry Jerry are you guys on your way to the dentist I don't want to keep you look at Jerry's too John takes good
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care oh love it from [ __ ] we start with this one okay now this is Debbie Gib 's 18th birthday was a rager okay go
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back oh I think it was an ed de bevic okay that's wait is that will will weaton oh maybe Milano okay next one not we
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shouldn't have started with that's bayat yeah her name is Bay Watch and they hired her on the show uh is that Nicole Egert yes okay yes okay keep on next
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one um that's uh that's williiam ZKA no that's um no that that is um that is that's Joe Biden Brian
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Robbins right okay who's okay uh that's the girl from Camp find me love I think no way remember that show that movie
00:16:01
with Patrick whatever 1988 get ready for this mic dropper coming up are you ready for this
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okay wow yeah by the way look at your lovely wife Paulie you don't have to show this one if you don't want but lovely Paula and J she's adorable but
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it's a bit of an odd picture of her but yeah look at look at the comments on the side someone goes when I
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saw the caption I said no way love it got the invite the other one says the most unexpected love yeah because this website it shows
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all these events from the 90s and I'm like at all of them and it's the big joke that's why by the way In fairness I
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was a I used to go out a lot they were fun it was really fun back then look at this it's says I miss celebrities with normal teeth cuz everyone has veneers now I know funny all right go to the
00:17:05
next one let's see who else there oh that's Tammy Tammy noler Shannon dhy who the [ __ ] is Tammy I made it up it's Tammy F Baker it's it's Tammy noler not
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F Baker so that's who that's go ahead John who is oh shanor okay y our boy our boy
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um Anthony Michael Hall John you on the show with him is that Anthony Michal John I no it doesn't look like him maybe
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it is he looks different I'm not sure I think it is it is yeah oh it is okay now
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that's debie Gibson she had the hoop earrings and the the kind of Boy George hat on by the way there's no one could have stopped me from wearing that
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yeah generous that's no from brate kid yeah yeah yeah oh no just kidding look it on the right and the guy says the most
00:18:12
unexpected love its appearance I apologize for underestimating his attendance rate that's pretty
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[Laughter] funny can be found anywhere anytime six FL I said this website they show every event from and I apparently I was it like almost every single one listen I
00:18:32
was a premier too I went to premieres more than I went to parties but I'd go to like True Lies
00:18:38
i' go to freaking Matrix whatever it was fun right well if you're on SNL how many shows did you do on SNL 130 or something
00:18:50
David oh me probably six years 120 yeah so every show as people know has an all night party with giant celebrities dropping in really well I remember sting
00:19:04
sting just watch oh yeah yeah joh remember you on the show was from 85 to 90 you had yes you had hit characters
00:19:17
remember the master thesbian yes but also sometimes the host would say hey come to my Premiere if you guys are in La next week and so they did the show so you go okay we'll go to your premiere
00:19:28
right well Willie Nelson invited us to Texas this was my first season to play golf that was really nice John I didn't get that
00:19:43
in he was very nice he's got a memory I saw him at this event he goes John last time I saw you was at Saturday Night Live I was about to say it I go oh yeah you remember then I saw him 20 years
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later he goes last time I saw you was at that event 20 years ago he remember thaty that shows you that cannabis does not affect your memory there it's it's he remembers everything yeah all right
00:20:08
show another one this might be the coach one you have that one oh this is funny oh we go back to the original girl do you know who the
00:20:19
hawk twoy girl is Dana no okay it's a girl that's kind of blowing up right now because they interview these people when they're drunk outside of a bar and all people
00:20:31
always say dumb things it's the oldest trick in the book smart and then the YouTuber gets all the views and all the
00:20:36
attention but this and the question was Heather is popping up the question was which they'll do this is the original well how do you do what do you do to keep your man no something what do you
00:20:47
do to satisfy him in bed satisfy your man in bed the first girl says oh I'm enough for and then the other girl just
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jumps in and says this one move in bed that makes a man go crazy every time you got to give him that hu too and spit on that thing you get me okay so she's purp by the way look at
00:21:07
Dana is horrified uh what' you say she is surfaced with merch are you sure she's surfaced with merch I saw a picture of her signing a merch hat oh her yeah oh you should have sent it in
00:21:20
um yeah well she uh so she's on every most famous person in the world right now of course we want her to come on
00:21:27
here and talk about her I think she's a teacher because look at there's there's probably
00:21:33
one million follow-up memes this here's just one of them is that my daughter in there is that my daughter in [Music]
00:21:44
there cuz everyone keeps playing that video okay okay uh anything could seem funny out of context that sea Penn name of the movie
00:21:58
oh my god with the Clint Eastwood movie I think called it was called is my daughter in there that was the title of
00:22:04
the movie no wasn't that the one where his Tim Robbins it's a little slow sleepers or yeah that one where he won an Oscar what was that one called oh
00:22:16
A River Runs Through It river runs through it no that's Robert Redford up in Montana something with rer mystic river mytic river mytic river Mr Rogers
00:22:28
oh oh I got it wrong no the working title was is that my daughter in there the working title was two part three I made Sean laugh I ran into him I go Sean
00:22:40
what you know you're such a nice guy then I'm watching this movie all of a sudden you're like stabbing Tim Robbins
00:22:45
I go what is wrong with you spoiler he was laughing I like when people go don't tell now I can't watch if I couldn't differentiate between them movie in real
00:22:59
life this might be her this might be her she's young but she's a teacher on the right or the left she immediately got fired because of that Hawk Tu e thing
00:23:11
yeah here she is at a Berke Chrysler show now uh yeah because that's Jack Black oh that does look like Jack Black Jack has a nice big beard right now oh yeah we got to get Jack Black on yeah I
00:23:25
like can you talk about the Bruce Lee on your wall on the is that on a skateboard you know funny story you know not really funny story um that was a
00:23:37
present and the one over there is my brother has a company called Jack Spade obviously they used to have Kate Spade so Jack Spade was the men's line and he made just a handful of Jack Spade
00:23:50
skateboard sent me one and then some a [ __ ] skater Skater Boy and then um I got that Bruce Lee one from uh one of our friends and it's great so I put it up it's kind of cool but I don't use
00:24:03
them it's more artsy look at John just staring he asks a question then he falls asleep I'm no I'm listening I'm listening and not
00:24:15
interrupting how was joh love he was a great listener here I'll wake John up with here's a Japanese man in an earthquake what's
00:24:37
I guess it's okay I like John's not interrupting I don't know what to do I can't win
00:25:00
all right here's another one so look it in this universe Kevin and home alone remember Trump was in it as a cameo here's the Cameo if Biden was in
00:25:11
it excuse me where's the lobby no Heather's going no no that's too that's not right I think it was too loud it was [ __ ] grosser than I remember well there's rumors that he
00:25:31
does have a flatulence problem that macron's wife had to literally back off she almost passed out he
00:25:39
was he was given a speech yeah because I they said he crapped his pants yeah I know he went to Europe to make peace instead he [ __ ] his pants and passed out
00:25:53
poops no come on PO the the Bush threw up on the uh Japanese oh the guy in Japanese guy could I could I tell
00:26:06
a short thing about that oh yeah yeah tell a short thing there was an article in the New York Times Marine Dow said they're running Joe too hard so part of Joe being tired just to offend him a
00:26:18
little bit he's 82 they fly him to Europe then they fly him back to do an event in New York then they fly him to Italy then they these are all just in a few
00:26:30
day period Then they fly me gases up in Newark gases up then he flies to an event that's where Obama pulled him off
00:26:36
the stage so you got to slow down Ronald Reagan a summit in Japan took a week to
00:26:42
go there Nancy insisted so he'd be rested they flew to California they went to the ranch they rode horses Hawaii
00:26:49
Guam they surfed they relaxed he showed up rested George Bush Senior went over there flying too hard so then he threw up so they got to Slow Joe down don't whip a guy like that around the globe
00:27:01
jet Le is a mofo can sleep on the plane they have a bed you could sleep on the plane I'm sleep during the story it was more informational Slow Joe
00:27:15
down I agree they packed him they packed him in ice and gave him two B12 shots this week to rest for the debates which
00:27:22
was last night they pack him an ice in the back like of a ship like of a tuna booat they put show in the back of a plane let me ask you guys think that the
00:27:33
candidates will have earpieces in their ears telling them what to say you mean from the sh the debate that
00:27:41
happened last night yeah the the big debate last night do you think they had you're last night well this comes out
00:27:49
Friday we can edit this last night oh you know John let's start again you mean the debate from last night yeah that one you know I have to say though that's the
00:28:02
ticket this reminds me of when they say that special goe byebye byebye byebye byebye you I'll
00:28:14
always stay quiet for a catchphrase okay so the Biden gets to pick is it true that he gets to pick it's it reminds me of a Jake Paul fight where you go okay so you know Jake Paul fight Tyson he
00:28:27
gets to pick the judges makes the rules all it's always harder but listen I just
00:28:33
want to see a fair fight I just want to see an actual fight yeah I see I just want to see an actual
00:28:39
Fair fist fight from from last night's debate yeah oh yeah from the debate I already saw I saw a great the most generic way
00:28:53
we could say this like it was it was something else trump it real that was a sh went down B was okay and they lot of
00:29:00
surprises pretty interesting They Came Out Swinging they both a lot they both said
00:29:08
a lot of things they've said a very little with a lot of words they both um had some misses had some hits
00:29:20
jealous jealous what what if like it turned out that they both just like took lost battle control but we haven't seen it so we don't know and they're like why aren they we're doing everything we can
00:29:33
and we're working we're doing everything we know it we're doing it and we're going to do
00:29:39
more of it I'm sorry did both candidates have the Branzino from McDonalds yeah because of come on you got to do I can go to
00:29:53
B I told you I'm Punchy I'm so I apologize John Dana drove six hours okay show One More Story then we'll do advice and get John out of here this counts as a show oh this I don't want to
00:30:05
[Music] leave uh show let's do advice I guess is this an advice okay here's a love advice
00:30:19
Sean you can start well we've never seen okay hey Dan and David Brooks Lawrence here from Washington DC big fan uh been a huge fan for a long
00:30:31
time now since the SNL days um I'm 37 years old and I still haven't found love and I was hoping to maybe get some advice from both of you but specifically
00:30:44
David oh and I made a little video For You video on top of the video oh that's me so a montage of Davis see it's been hard for me to find love
00:30:57
and 37 years old I didn't think it would be possible but looking at David throughout his career of having hot
00:31:06
chicks on his arm I think maybe it's possible that a schmuck like me can find love and I'd really love to hear from David to see if that might be
00:31:20
possible thank you for your consideration and please for the love of God help me find love Montage of David's love
00:31:32
interest this is my favorite part oh there's David with the gold gang Chris Rock and Dana yeah there we are um well you help me find love why am
00:31:45
I his favorite he's got a Sandler shirt on for starters but that's fine was it uh was cleverly done I assumed it was a
00:31:52
joke that because I first thing I would say is don't have a t-shirt that says Adam Sandler if you want to be cool
00:31:58
if if you're over 11 um no that's fine no um let's hear from John on this you John you're the well he wants to hear from David I know but you're our guest so we have to struggle through your
00:32:10
answer yeah you have any thoughts well my advice would be as Spade he's he's you're right he gets lots lots of beautiful women in his
00:32:22
life now this guy seems like a good dude uh it is hard out there I don't have any great advice I would say the more normal you are it helps I'm
00:32:34
not that normal but for a comedian I'm not that crazy for a comedian for a normal person I'm crazy but for this world you guys are pretty level-headed
00:32:46
that's why I like to hang out with you but if if you're pretty normal with someone over time no one like likes me
00:32:52
right away it takes a long time so if you are nice these girls it's a tough world where Instagram and everyone's
00:32:59
bragging and you got to be 65 in finance and make 500k a year it's so tough out there so it's an uphill battle I will say that um if you can be famous Do It um if you can't
00:33:12
um then it's going to be tough I remember until I was known it was pure crickets nothing no one nobody cared so I guess that's it John anything you want
00:33:24
to add to that yeah I would go to uh I don't know what city he's in but I would go to um like
00:33:32
Nashville a South and you'll you'll meet someone there nice southern girls because they're not all narcissistic nearest no they're about what can I do for you not what can you do for me they're
00:33:45
not looking in the mirror and taking photos of themselves that's a narcissist you get to forget those girls oh the
00:33:52
South Chicago the Midwest are the nicest people ever head south mhm I have one word for him Thailand Thailand that's the best advice
00:34:04
go to shortest and best okay Spud meister and the carve Meister who is a hawk tuy sexy fitness instructor I've been married to for 30
00:34:18
fantastic years does he underline that uh but she keeps playing if you like P colot song over and over sh I be worried just kidding kid what's your dating advice to spice up our relationship how
00:34:31
long we been together 30 years Rel 30 years and to spice it up love your Super Fan Rockstar brusi um Dana you take this
00:34:40
one uh spice up your relation 30 years I'm thinking what I'd like to share or not share some paprika that's a spice
00:34:54
L meet at a bar and pretend they're different people is saying meet at a bar and pretend you're different people and then try to hit on her and act like you're someone else not bad
00:35:05
that's pretty good yeah that's something right I like that pretend you're different people even though you've been
00:35:11
married for 30 years John it's pretend I would say pretend like you're still single in the sense of how you take care of yourself
00:35:22
pretend that you're single no not well not that part but try to you know take take care of yourself and you know just as if you're if you're still try to be dating basically he says keep the
00:35:37
marketing campaign up because you can't just let yourself fall apart is that what you're saying yeah just uh do the
00:35:43
best you can I don't know no you don't don't finally John John what's yours get rich
00:35:57
I don't even understand the question Jesus gotta walk this guy through the one on the bottom here is that another
00:36:05
one okay let's hello I'm a huge fan I'm a fan of David since I was young and my dad forced my brother and I to watch Tommy Boy basically once a week but I'm 26 and have been single for three years
00:36:16
now I've tried every dating app possible and zero luck should I start dating losers comedians or both canand har the
00:36:24
same is that the question it's all dating um should I try dating loser comedians is that you you one of you two didn't know I was gonna be on the show
00:36:39
I'll say this I'll change it John is it harder to date comedians well most of the comedians I know are um they're very smart they're
00:36:51
very funny and they all have problems with their father and they're angry so it's
00:36:57
are you and they're angry a lot of them when they're younger I'll agree but uh well I but um I don't know I think it's tough meeting
00:37:11
somebody on an app because you're not meeting them you're just looking at a photo and then you're reading what they
00:37:16
say and you're interpreting what they wrote in your own way so none of it's uh none of it's accurate so I think it's better to meet people in person go to places that you figure out what you like
00:37:28
to do in your spare time and go to those places and you'll meet other people that are there because they enjoy it and
00:37:35
they'll be there right that's AET them in person meeting in a club is hard you can't really talk I see you like going to clubs you you know you then go there I but online I think
00:37:47
it's I don't I think the people online they're not looking for relationships they're looking to have sex right and if
00:37:54
you can meet in person it's a a lot different just you're on those apps am I [Music] right no I say if you meet people in
00:38:04
person it's it's very different than just photos and talking online so if meet people in person a lot of people
00:38:10
want to meet people in real life that's very hard to do these days uh oh here's one here's an app
00:38:16
called fly me out it's a dating app where you can apply for trips and then and they'll take dudes will say hey I'm going to my Miami for a week we need
00:38:28
we want four girls to come and they say we want to go it's an app do you understand this John this is what's happened to the world I par at the
00:38:37
seams so my advice for anyway girls looking for free trips and they have nothing to do with the guy yeah it's a great app it's great
00:38:50
appk movie thanks for the trip in the hotel bye suck Felicia or they might say this
00:39:00
bye-bye oh or they might say everybody everybody goodbye everyone has a goodbye catch race goodbye everybody goodbye here's John everywhere hey fly
00:39:13
me out here I have a I have a friend you know V anyway friend dates a lot of girls and then and they'll go can you take me to the mall and then they'll want him to buy him he doesn't even know
00:39:25
him buy a $5,000 first to me that's as they say in yah balls plus nerve and they expect it you don't even know prostitution yeah I know it's hard
00:39:38
because it feels like there's a new world where people are like if it's not a serious relationship they're like okay what what sort of business deal is going on I've had that happen to me once and
00:39:50
it was but it was when I was on S live and I met Dana Carvey for the first time and he goes do you want to write a
00:39:56
sketch joh or I said to him do you want to write a sketch he goes yeah but buy you need to buy me a purse and then I'll
00:40:04
write a sketch with you and we had to go to she said let me buy fth Avenue and I
00:40:10
had to buy him like this $5,000 purse and then we wrote the sketch I thought the joke was over i s I didn't
00:40:17
it was the joke over was I done talking I think David I think it's David who talks over people now I agree I've been doing a lot on this one and David's phoning it in I said to you do you want
00:40:31
to write a sketch and you said well can you buy me some diapers okay so I went to write Aid and
00:40:38
got some depends and you said let's write all right here we go that's all true John do you have any final thoughts
00:40:45
like a summary of your time here well I just appreciate you having me on your show I as a usual everyone says
00:40:58
they're always people come up if you listen to Dana and David's podcast right they're always talking about you and I
00:41:05
said well we're friends yeah but uh I'm glad that I can contribute do you have any standup dates in July yeah where you any standup dates
00:41:17
John coming up no not for a while not till like October and November and I got to get some more I want going on August August 1 excuse me David I August 1 I'll
00:41:33
be doing my musical comedy show at the Jazz Club VI yes and where that's La I saw this
00:41:42
show it's great you have a full a five four five pie Beverly Glenn in Los Angeles yeah I
00:41:49
have a four piece band and the the the piano the Rangers Randy Waldman it who uh he's
00:41:58
worked with Frank Sinatra Michael Jackson he produces George Benson anyway it's a great band shut up D John LoveIt
00:42:06
has probably the I sing and tell jokes can you give us just sing Fly Me to the Moon just one line so people know Fly Me to the
00:42:20
Moon oh so John is quite quite a singer what was I singing during ragster for some reason was stuck on my head well there's Johnny yeah vi from the Tiana breast he
00:42:37
and his daughter even own the club it's a great Club Great Dann should take Paula it's good it's fun
00:42:43
time no comps oh no comps you like Madonna John Love itz August 1st at vibratos in it only holds 138 people you better get your tickets it will sell out
00:42:55
it sold out last time yeah and it sold out the time before that they keep bringing me back they like the show what
00:43:02
does that you get it oh yeah I think it'd be a good show it is a good show no I think it
00:43:10
could be a really good show it does could be it is uh all right thanks for coming on
00:43:22
John I'm like a cat when they have the camera wa I have I have a question for you too oh boy I saw this video of this girl and she she goes I'm a furry and then she
00:43:35
goes here's how I talk to my friend so if I'm happy I'm like if I'm angry I go if I'm anyway do you think it do you think that that uh human beings that
00:43:48
identify as cats are actually cats I don't but do you no I ran into someone who said my pronouns are they them and I said my pronouns are what's up
00:44:05
[ __ ] well those are my pronouns what's up [ __ ] John's are poo poo peeee no John's pronouns are sir and Lord sir Lord mine are F
00:44:21
and hey sound Effy I just know going what are your pronouns I'd be huh huh what are your I
00:44:31
go what a I don't know what you're talking about what do you call yourself John listen our transphobic much our
00:44:44
viewers no I just don't I don't it's like what thought about it zero uhuh all right well I'd love to hear the
00:44:55
end of that story you apparently mock people who think they're a dog or a cat I met a woman I had a date with a woman once and
00:45:08
she and she she said she was a cat and she opened her shirt and she had six nipples and I said do you want to get
00:45:22
spited piure one John love it on a date where the woman he finds very attractive he will soon find out that she's a [ __ ]
00:45:35
cat this is an imitation my friend would always do this is a cat's butthole was he a ComEd how old are you how old was he
00:45:50
two we've got to have a raspberry count anyone making this sound we're probably double ditches ditches oh and [ __ ] okay well John lovit has
00:46:02
been our guest today um the debate was great last night we'll say it again debate was great doesn't identify as a cat he identifies as a
00:46:15
[ __ ] for those listening John is beside himself with joy he's going for the close up with the big eyes and a huge grin huge I'm doing my cat in the camera
00:46:28
again the ring camera David Spade has a disease it's called small [ __ ] let's end on that one that's not bad that's a pretty good one John I
00:46:40
don't know how you think of this stuff um all right thanks buddy this has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly is executive produc By
00:46:51
Dana Carvey and David Spade Jenna Weiss Burman of Odyssey Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman hope you liked it
00:47:00
[Music]