00:00:00
Dana we have a we have an old favorite uh who is there both of us mostly you but also with me the overlapped you I five years with me and then vict Jackson
00:00:13
Victoria the one and only Victoria Jackson we had a great chat with her um she is so fun and bubbly and I think very memorable from the show because we
00:00:25
all sort of had a crush on her she's very nice very sweet she seemed like such a downto earth young lady yeah I
00:00:33
mean I think in the early days people might think it's a character she's playing but she's exactly the same
00:00:38
person on TV on not on TV and she does some really funny songs with a ukulele with her style and singing about
00:00:49
different topics oh yeah and they're really really funny so I'd stay tuned for those and she's just a a kick in the
00:00:56
pants just a yeah there's a lot about her I did not know and we we really just cracked up and she's so sweet about
00:01:03
everything I remember I did a few sketches with her you obviously did more but what a sweetheart and also that but
00:01:10
they should know the audience should know that right after we did this about a week later she did announce she's
00:01:15
having some health problems and uh that's why we don't address it but um I think that's up to her so uh but we just had a great chat with someone we are fond of and hopefully a laugh along with
00:01:28
her yes and we we wish her all all the best um and um I just uh enjoyed talking to her so much I was so glad we got her on the show so enjoy the one and only
00:01:43
Victoria [Music] Jackson don't mind my Scruff don't mind my age age you don't have a line in your face I don't know what you're I want to meet your dermat just I have a ring light and I have a
00:02:04
filter and oh you have filter too oh you look great I didn't I couldn't that couldn't afford a filter this is raw I can't afford a ring light I just lit my room on fire this just Raw it's got a
00:02:16
nice glow I love you guys' show it makes me makes me feel 28 again when I listen
00:02:23
to you guys really okay I'll try to make my voice young well isn't that special you we're so happy to have you because um you're we were there you and I
00:02:36
together for six freaking years I know remember were you the whole run with Dana Victoria um I was 86 to 92 and I
00:02:48
stayed one more year but we were there yeah embarrassing and we always got along great you are the nicest person in the cast to me when David came he was with
00:03:01
spade and Farley and Sandler all the time so I didn't get to see him that much but right I when he first came he
00:03:09
asked me to be in a picture with him for his mom I was in that picture I think oh
00:03:15
that magazine cover it was very sweet s you were so sweet how much you loved your mom I love to watch your show it's so fun I mean listen I don't I only I
00:03:29
never see people on it though I just hear them well we're we all we have a second podcast uh call we called it
00:03:37
Superfly that comes out on Fridays on YouTube yes I watch it I saw love itss on it hello hello you saw love itss I saw love itss I just try to always do
00:03:50
love itss right back to love itss no matter what he says do you remember when we used to hang out that for a period of
00:03:57
time wait aren't you supposed to say this for the show no this is the show this is all the show did we start yeah
00:04:05
yeah we're almost done an hour ago no no what we what we do as you know is we we
00:04:10
record your intro and then we just come in and we're talking now good like there's no rules did say
00:04:19
anything do anything I don't know if that'll I don't know if it'll we'll able to he it's ukulele right it's the Dana
00:04:27
and David show fly on the wall buzzz SW I made that up for you wait it's the wrong key okay try it
00:04:41
again fly on the wall that's actually simar so silly it's it's actually great buzz buzz SWAT I love that buzz buzz SWAT buzz buzz SWAT
00:04:56
buz you know all that kind of stuff mm well isn't that special oh you know Victoria when I came on there with spade and Farley and with
00:05:07
yourself um uh that we all kind of had a crush on Victoria to be honest of course
00:05:13
really who didn't I have to say all the girls were very very attractive and uh they were very talented and so coming in new even though they weren't really much older than us but you're new and so
00:05:27
they're above you because they're cast members but it was a little intimidating around all of them you know I was intimidated about
00:05:34
everyone because these were these were giant talents and when Dana I I would hang out the most with Dana and Kevin and love it because Kevin's office was next to mine and they would spend hours
00:05:50
making each other laugh and trying new bits and I was just in there laughing I couldn't come up with one add on what do
00:05:58
you call it what do call when tag tag I tag I couldn't come up up with one tag and they would be inventing Hans and fr and I'd be like yeah I I couldn't I had no idea how
00:06:15
to make up a character and the weirdest thing is I haven't been on the show for 30 plus years and I'm still trying to
00:06:22
figure out how to do a character and make one up and I even enrolled in an improv class at my church recently oh really a month ago oh
00:06:36
good for you because he's teaching improv and he's really good at it and the only thing I've come up with in 30 years is Harriet I'm Harriet I'm a blue blooded liberal from my head to my toes
00:06:48
Obama I love him why cute baby pictures herble G and free condoms you're never too young or too old I'm I'm a good person I uh I uh I got a new washer
00:07:05
dryer I took empty cardboard boxes down to the end of the street I created a neighborhood I'm a community organizer well that's amazing that's
00:07:17
amazing I'm watching you talk as Victoria all up here and you might want to go lay I don't know I got kind of turned on I don't know is that a male or female K it's very sultry you don't know
00:07:29
oh yeah well that's all I've come up with in 30 years and I actually I actually stole it from my friend Fran who was making fun of her ex-husband's new wife and I said could I buy that
00:07:42
from you because I Haven and I gave her $50 it's a funny character and a funny tape good on SNL though didn't you update once you kind of took off like a
00:07:55
fake wig and then you had a brown wig and you did sort of this is the real me or what ever yes what that was the same
00:08:02
low voice but not as low as I just did but that was because you know I was getting tired of
00:08:10
being typ cast as the dits even though that's the strongest I'm good at that you know yeah and so uh I and also Jan
00:08:20
and Nora were always being mean to me and I thought and I kind of smooshed it all together and I and I was like I I felt like people wanted that they wanted
00:08:32
to see the real me I was like okay shut up Dennis you know I was like I mean I could be like that if you want me to be I'm trying to be a nice person but you
00:08:44
know Christ she turned on me like a rabid Wolverine hey that was perfect okay yeah Miss Miss Vic coming on with the heavy duty artillery tonight
00:08:55
huh okay what we got some kind of high pitched was going to do a handstand on the desk
00:09:02
tonight is that our move oh I can't do them anymore I I did my last handstand at age stuck it at age 60 stuck it you're 60 you don't look 6 no I'm
00:09:17
65 I just enrolled in Medicare and I had to listen to all these boring boring conversations about supplements and and and and plan a and Plan B I'm like I
00:09:31
just would rather die than listen to you one more second oh my God so you you were on the first I just want to give people a little bit of background I think one thing that's very quirky is
00:09:43
that you befriended for people of our age group Johnny Crawford of rivalan he played the son of the rifl man who had this rifle everyone else was using a six gun so they pull it out of
00:09:56
the holster take him like 10 seconds he would just point the rle and kill people yeah but then then I used to do Johnny
00:10:03
Crawford in my standup act when I was in college what cuz he always said pa pa pa
00:10:11
how come I sound like dinosaur PA you ain't going to get this is early stand up but explain your friendship with Johnny Crawford and how he helped you in your career back in the
00:10:23
80s I'm trying to get rid of my ring light so I look naturally dewy um naturally you look really good honestly um look great yeah you know Molly Shannon did all the characters that I
00:10:36
wish I would have thought of superar and I'm 50 years old I I mean man those were
00:10:44
fantastic Wen they oh yeah she's yeah she's incredible and it would have been fun to see you two together you know
00:10:52
because you could dance you had great well you have great legs and you're like dancing and you could move and do
00:10:58
cartwheels you could do flip so I can see a there's a kindred spirit with Molly well I do I like physical uh humor
00:11:06
I don't think about it it just comes out but you guys man when I you know David was late into our cast yeah but man I was so spoiled you know being laughing all day
00:11:21
for six years in a room with Dana and Kevin and love it that when I went into the real world it was so depress in normal people are
00:11:34
boring such a real quote real normal people are I know that's what Lauren says he always has to be around funny people man I missed it so much but I watch a lot of
00:11:47
YouTube so I feel like I'm still with you guys a well we laughed our ass off we did and you were our kind of our mascot we did some silly do you remember we have the dance parties in in Kevin
00:11:59
and I's office we put we would put on don't get me wrong by The Pretenders and Dennis would come in his socks and do
00:12:05
this funny don't get me wrong one of those times just to release the tension we would just go crazy in there so much tension and you and love it would always have just in a PG-13 way simulated
00:12:20
sex oh I didn't know we were having sex by the way no you weren't oh what when he would bend you over and stuff yeah
00:12:28
yes I have to tell you I I never I had I was so innocent my dad raised me like to
00:12:35
never see we didn't have a TV and I never saw an X movie or an R movie so like I was working out all the time and maybe I was bending over stretching and love it started humping me right right
00:12:47
and I started giggling and like I didn't know that was a sex position yeah I played the fifth I seriously did not know it one time it it it didn't it it was it was and it own
00:12:59
way kind of innocent because John is sort of yeah just it was innocent it wasn't me to movements it was no it was more silly it was silly I thought of it
00:13:11
as gymnastics but yeah that's what I tell girls stretching but 's actually Victoria I had something happen with you quickly
00:13:24
Dana this is if you remember this it was uh gymnastics related it was we were doing a Schiller Vision I think it was you tell me if this you remember this so a Schiller Vision which Dana knows is a
00:13:38
um little video that goes on at five Tom Schiller wrote and direct these little shorts and he would kind of make little
00:13:45
mini movies and some of them were just quite brilliant actually some were black and white some were whatever they always
00:13:51
he did that famous one with blushi dancing on his grave in black and white in the old days so so sometimes they
00:13:59
uh ship us out to do a Shiller vision and uh I think Victoria and I played a couple and the only part I remember is like the last scene was we had our whole
00:14:11
life and now we're fast forward to we're older and we're walking along on that upper west side but that
00:14:19
River on that other side whatever that is you know not Central Park Side but the other side we're walking along and
00:14:24
then things are going well but a like a nuclear bomb drops on my head I don't right like a I have no memory
00:14:32
don't remember this okay so Dana I have a bad neck already and this is part telling you yeah they drop like a fake looking bomb that looks like a missile and they have a guy in a ladder about
00:14:44
10t up and even know it's made of plastic it's kind of heavy it falls Square on my head and then I fall over and die H in this in the scene and it
00:14:53
hit me directly jamed my spine down into my [ __ ] and it's just bad for your neck and
00:15:00
we kept doing take after take and I didn't want to be a puss and I didn't want to complain like anything when
00:15:05
you're on a sh a set but I remember I kept going this hurts so much it jams my neck down even though it's light but
00:15:12
when it fall now you have neck issues yeah and I still have neck issues and uh for some reason I blame Victoria what I
00:15:20
don't even remember the sketch but I I did what well as far as injuries it was one time it just is in my head indelibly running behind Victoria we're running to do another sketch it's all dark there's
00:15:34
wires around and Victoria did a massive Pratt fall but I think you knew out of fall or you rolled or something and you got up you know I I don't remember that
00:15:45
but I remember Dana backstage I was doing my first impression Roseanne and they never let me do any and I went to Smigel and I said why don't I ever get to do any Impressions and he said cuz
00:15:58
your nasal and I said well is there any celebrities who are nasal and he goes Rosanne and I go yeah she kind talk like that and everything and he goes yeah and
00:16:10
so he wrote me my first my first impression and I had a fat suit on and a wig and I said Dana I'm so nervous what if I slip into Vicky in the middle of it
00:16:22
what if I slip into myself and Danny goes C an attitude C an attitude and I was like like I still don't exactly know what that means but I it was the
00:16:36
sweetest thing it was like we were on football team together yeah and our whole lives depended on it and he was he
00:16:43
was like my cheerly he was like Dana was so kind to everybody yeah but you know I think it
00:16:50
mean yeah I got mean later no but no I think it's just fake it till you make it go out I got this just fake confidence
00:16:57
and go out strutting I'm rosan freaking bar right now yeah you know yeah just reverse the fear oh and plus the best
00:17:05
guy you're asking and he's right there helping you he's so good at it I I remember I put a poster what go ahead
00:17:11
you nailed it though I remember you going out there I remember you did great well thank you and then they let me do
00:17:16
it a couple more times they let me do it with Roseanne I was with Chris Farley and Tom Arnold and
00:17:22
Rosanne and then I got to be jah jaah darling I Ved all over the V and and then I got to do other things but man it was so exciting and scary and we always
00:17:34
thought we were getting fired but I didn't know Dana was afraid because he was the star you know before and then
00:17:43
and then when I found out Dana was nervous too I was like my D knew he was worried about getting fired well I was lucky because
00:17:54
accidentally I got the church lady and if I am not mistaken I did it on the first show so and were you my first
00:18:00
guest yes I was Jenny the church girl yes and so you came out and you were perfect in that and you did this whole lament of church lady I go to pray and I
00:18:11
do this and this and all of it was beautifully done totally sincere now I was incredibly nervous this is our first show yeah but you said this whole setup and I pray every night to Jesus whatever
00:18:23
and then I did I just well isn't that special and got a huge laugh and that relaxed me but that was you you set that up I a good straight man for the church
00:18:34
lady definitely that's a hard job though to do it right you got to nail [Music] it there's so many tales we could tell where do we
00:18:48
start I think it's great that smigle when you went over smigle for that's really hard I used to try to talk smigle
00:18:54
into doing stuff and he's so busy and everybody wants him to write he's very tough to get on your team and to have
00:19:00
you say what about rosan you do a little piece of it and he kind of hears it and he goes yeah okay and then you get to do
00:19:06
it and he probably helps with it and then you're in there and that's great because I remember one with Farley were
00:19:12
you guys on the couch you and he's like all nervous as Tom and yeah you guys are like I I can't remember what that one was but of course it's and in Hans and
00:19:19
frons uh they put me in that I got my cellulite sucked out and I showed everyone my tattoo on my butt as Rosanne
00:19:27
all right all right that's right yeah Kevin yeah he wrote my first sketch I was ever on the subliminal guy I was the secretary oh we were so
00:19:40
nervous and hey we got to talk about Alec Baldwin because he was on fly on the wall and he said my breasts look like garbage cans
00:19:51
wait do you remember yeah what yeah what did he mean by that yeah that's what I want to know I think he meant big boobs and he but not garbage C I don't know
00:20:05
who describes him as garbage can the kind that you push out in the morning the green ones okay I think he's mad at
00:20:11
me because oh uh in my book I wrote that he well when we were on the set I had to
00:20:19
kiss him a lot in when he was playing Marlon Brando and I was the 50s girl in a tight sweater on the back of it and we had kiss then had kiss in that other scene where Alec kissed everyone even
00:20:32
the dog remember oh that's green hilly yeah I was the frenchmaid so we were doing a lot of kissing that week and Dana says that I had a crush on him but
00:20:42
I don't remember it that way well what I remember you saying because it was so specific was that the second time he came in you just sort of it was a a non Secor I'm not going to do it I'm not
00:20:55
going to do it this week and I said what he goes I'm not I'm not g to fall in love with him but you didn't mean really
00:21:01
in love with him but you know he had piercing he has piercing blue eyes and so that by Friday you'd rehearsed or
00:21:08
probably rehearsed the kiss and no didn't sorry make it fell in love with him again was with all the kisses though what did you not like them or something is that what happened well I sort of liked it cuz my fire eater husband at
00:21:20
the time wasn't kissing me or hugging me and I was desperately you know desperate for some
00:21:28
I don't remember the fire either cical affection and I I did enjoy all the kissing but what do you want to stuff fire were you talking about Nissan for a second yeah when my headphones popped
00:21:40
out oh yeah so he was a fire reader yeah my husband the fire eer and there wasn't much call for that so he worked about
00:21:47
once a year and he made about $100 a year slowed down I saw yeah this is my little joke in my ACT I go um I saw he made about $100 year I saw his income
00:22:00
tax return most of it he spent on supplies disposable big lighters fire [ __ ] and hairspray secretes when we got divorced I got half of his stuff I
00:22:10
got a big lighter I keep it as a momento but and no he that doesn't seem like a very good settlement of a divorce a big lighter and two suets he got a he
00:22:22
got a lot of money oh I I know but you got I got scarlet and she's 38 now oh my gosh she's pregnant with her third child
00:22:36
my grandchild who's the father hello it hello speaking of the fire eater Dana was at my house for my
00:22:48
birthday in Laurel Canyon one year y yes I like that little house it was cool oh
00:22:54
it was so cute and it was 150,000 in 1984 when I got it and now it's over a million easily it's like it's like two rooms but anyway it's on the hill and
00:23:07
it's so charming and you have to walk 50 steps up to the front door and there's deer and everything and it's so wonderful but um so I never associate
00:23:19
with famous people because they make me nervous right and I tried to be friends with an actress once I won't say the
00:23:27
name and I'm invited her over and stuff but say it but she took her shirt off in
00:23:32
front of my husband Nissan what and so I never asked her back after that I said why are you taking your shirt off she said oh I have it on backwards and you
00:23:43
know and so I was like no wonder why I don't hang out with famous people you exactly and you said to your husband is
00:23:50
that a can of wizard in your pocket or what's exactly okay I'm just going through my
00:23:57
head so I can't believe Leah Thompson would do that yeah I can't believe Victoria didn't say any
00:24:04
names well I'm just making that up guessing I'm guessing because you were in uh casual sex together which was she
00:24:12
does have a great body I must say she's great but anyway she's very talented she
00:24:17
was in a movie once with a French accent I forget the name of it she is great she
00:24:23
nailed it so anyway what I was saying was I was having birthday party and I was like Vicky come on invite your cast members they're not yeah they're not
00:24:34
monsters they're human beings you know and so I invited Dana and Dennis and um Phil and Bren and uh mil Larson was there who owned the Magic Castle and he
00:24:49
he gave me my big break to do standup at the Variety Art Center where I got discovered for Johnny Carson so he was
00:24:55
there and um Robert Downey came cuz I had just done the pickup artist with him where I had to kiss him a lot and it was so funny he came with a guy they came in
00:25:07
the front door they slowly walked through my whole house I'm like do you want a drink do you want do do you want
00:25:13
a drink do you want anything to eat and I was so proud I had a bathtub full of ice and drinks I thought that was so
00:25:19
clever cuz I never hosted anything I'm like 28 or something and and Scarlet was two years old she 38 now she was twoo she's in the bathtub too uhuh no and so
00:25:33
Robert Johny slowly walks through the house like kind of like a king very slowly looks around and then walks right out the door oh no and I was like I'm
00:25:43
always been wondering what maybe that there was no drugs maybe there was no one I don't know he just anyway and I think Weird Al might have been there oh
00:25:56
yeah your friends is Weird Al right yeah I still have a crush on him oh look at that I remember you and
00:26:04
weird out together a lot oh here comes the song about it Weir I always will after I die I love him still he should have
00:26:19
married in 1980 but but what did we know what did we know I love weirdo I always will I love after I die I love
00:26:33
him still how you like that you should have part the you should I like your song for fire instead there's a purity
00:26:41
to that you know there's a Simplicity to that that kind of it sort of has a charm
00:26:46
your your stuff's all Charming that threw me back to Weekend Update yeah oh I got to show you my handstand in Paris my last handstand was two years ago go
00:26:59
in front of the Eiffel Tower I got to find it but anyway okay so here's back to my story Dana and Paula are at my birthday party I'm nervous I'm trying to
00:27:11
be friends with my famous co-workers who intimidate me can you imags with you guys are so freaking talented like right now I'm gonna have to calm down the rest
00:27:22
of the day from like being with you well we consider you a peer yes we're all in the same you were ex you on Satur live and you you were not worthy
00:27:35
I'm not worth you took the picture from my mom's magazine which is very sweet of you it's up in her house still today I
00:27:42
still oh I still can't believe that your mother left you in a desert with guns for eight hours while she drove away oh
00:27:49
you been listening I listen man yeah I'm very you know what it's all good and well if no one gets shot it's fine if you someone gets shot then it's like a story you know that or if you
00:28:03
disappeared you know there's all that stuff now about satanists kidnapping kids and everything I me oh there's so
00:28:10
much going on I'll tell you this you know how Dana this is a off story but you know how they do these tricks like
00:28:16
if they want to kidnap a woman or they tell you to watch these things around La or wherever where they'll put like
00:28:22
something on your car that you have to pick up or you know what I mean something where you have to do something to stall and then they pull up in a car
00:28:30
and grab you so the other day I parked at a parking meter how did I didn't tell you this and uh I try to keep this stuff
00:28:37
from you I Shield you from The Real World so I pull up to a parking meter but they also put fentanyl on stuff this
00:28:43
isn't everybody but this happens so I pull up a parking meter and I always go in my head watch for the stuff they do watch for these crazy things they put like a fake ticket just so you'll pick
00:28:54
it up then you get a little dizzy you know so it's a great scam so anyway I Jam my
00:29:01
shitty credit card into the parking meter so they can slurp all my money and it won't fit so I look under there's
00:29:08
already one in there so somebody lost their credit card so I took it out I put mine in and then I saw a parking guy and
00:29:15
I said dude do you ever have this happen they leave their credit card there and you want it he goes that's your problem
00:29:21
and I all right so it'll I go it's going to be Heather's problem in a minute so I throw up my car and I and I'll go I'll
00:29:28
try to get it back to the person and then I thought what if that was one of those tricks and I just fell for it I
00:29:33
grabbed it it could have been covered in fentanyl yeah what was the name on the card Dan Garney is that your stage name
00:29:42
I was in West Hollywood and I lost my car so you know what that was mine was it a discovery back to Victoria's story what do you want to tell us well I thought it was interesting because um
00:29:56
while we were having my birthday part party a young goodlooking 17-year-old comes to the front door and he goes his niece on here and I go who are you and
00:30:07
he goes um can I talk to Nissan I go who are you I'm his son and I go what and so
00:30:16
I go get Nissan and uh there's a blonde woman in the at driveway 50 steps down and they talked for a while and after the birthday party they was there
00:30:29
I was there yeah Paul I go who who is who and Paula who I adore I adore Paul Paula I adore you she always Paula always adored you see I curled my hair
00:30:40
to look like Paula cuz hers is naturally curly mine isn't she it's too curly for her so so
00:30:47
you find out that your husband has has a son who's 17 you didn't know and Paula has a perfect body and perfect hair and a perfect face and she's the sweetest person okay so anyway so I so when
00:31:01
everyone left I go Nissan is that your son and he goes oh you know that lady slept with everybody when in Baltimore she slept with all my brothers you know
00:31:12
it's not my son so after we got divorced the reason why they looked us up was because they thought I was on TV and I was making money Rich yeah and they're like oh we'll prove it that they you
00:31:24
know it's his son so after we got divorced Nissan took a DNA test and it was his son oh boy and the funny thing
00:31:32
is he looks just like Scarlet because it's Nissan's jeans and a blonde wife and Scarlet and Christopher look like brother and sister Christopher turned out to be a famous
00:31:46
artist he's a really good artist his name is Christopher me m.com and and and and it's just kind of interesting how you know how life is
00:31:59
it's like you know Nissan was 10 years older than me and um you know I was like a Baptist virgin when I met him and then like when you look back at your life you're
00:32:11
like and then I remember I found letters in a in the closet with a baby picture Nissan had left the baby to go to LA to be a rock star and there was letter
00:32:22
saying you were right to leave Baltimore you know anyway I I'm learning new things about my husbands every day he still married I'm married to Paul the uh
00:32:36
SWAT guy helicopter police pilot yeah we've been married 30 years yeah I think I remember Paul of course yeah yeah when I when I when he came to the show for
00:32:48
his first time to to see me at SNL because we were starting to longdistance date um it happened to be the night he shot and kill killed the first man of his
00:32:59
career and I go maybe he was anxious to see me or something uh that's my little joke because I'm just processing that yeah yeah so picture this uh he comes to
00:33:12
the set at 8h and uh he had stayed up all night filled out paperwork gotten counseling because that's what happens if you kill someone and he comes to the stage and I'm getting out of an alien
00:33:25
spaceship with eyeballs on my nipples because we're doing a sketch about a planet where Women's eyes have mutated
00:33:31
to their nibbles because men stared at Women's chests for so long and Jacky was Deion Sanders in it no that was a different one okay go ahead sorry
00:33:43
sorry Kirsty Ally was our leader and uh Paul comes up you know and I I go Paul this must be so surreal for you to kill someone and stay up all night see me getting out of a spaceship and he goes
00:33:56
yes it is that's how he talks and uh I thought man our worlds are completely opposite then I took him upstairs and I introduced him to the cast I said hey everybody this is my boyfriend the cop
00:34:09
and Mike Myers goes hey you got any War Stories Co um I have a residual cough from Co so
00:34:24
anyway he he goes got any War Stories and Paul goes I killed a man last night and there was
00:34:31
silence gosh this is in my act that because it's true and it makes every there was silence and I realized the comic genius minds of this Century
00:34:42
couldn't think of a come back Dana you were probably in that room do you remember yeah and it was just it just
00:34:49
sort of hung there there was no way to come back nothing funny in any in any funny way the only one I might been able to come back maybe nor McDonald you know
00:35:02
there's certain comedians are you know oh but I I just thought Paul was just very sincere so I didn't want to
00:35:08
undercut yeah that he he didn't feel bad about it because the guy was shooting at
00:35:15
his wife because she wouldn't Wife Swap anymore and and the TA as old as time so
00:35:21
she called the SWAT team they came the the husband pointed a gun at Paul and he was train if someone points a gun at you you shoot them so he didn't feel bad but
00:35:33
we've had a very difficult marriage and it's really really really difficult what
00:35:42
is difficult about it yes oh my gosh well for one thing we disagree on the definition of adultery okay let's that's a good
00:35:54
argument yeah and I what what is your definition versus his well I think flirting is adultery and I think when he comes home from the gym with fake tattoos drawn on
00:36:06
his biceps by a an 18-year-old hot uh lifeguard that that's inappropriate and he he thinks it's harmless workplace fun harmless because he was working
00:36:22
parttime at the gym but anyway we have a lot of fights about that but I wrote I write out all my pain in songs and poems and paintings and I'm I just made an
00:36:34
album of 18 songs and a lot of them are about my difficult marriage what is the name of the album and where can people get it and Paul won't listen to it because he knows it's
00:36:48
about it's called this isn't about Paul it's called Paul listen to this podcast I hate Paul is a song actually I did
00:36:57
write aong song called I hate you here we go here comes the guitar everybody Qui sometimes I fantasize we never met we never got
00:37:09
together never got reconnected and allthough I tell my friends that this will never work and and that I despise you and that you're a jerk I would never
00:37:22
say I hate you all right so there's that one but anyway another another winner I
00:37:29
like these are better this is called when I get so what's it called okay when I get home no when I get to Nashville when I get to Nashville Victoria see
00:37:41
this is my handstand in front of the oh oh sweet that's a famous statue in Nashville you know the naked statue mhm and um on Music Row you had clothes
00:37:54
on though well I do but they don't but like there's songs like how do you undo how do you undo I do oh yeah how do you clever yes but China Phillips thought of
00:38:09
that line and I'm in China Phillips Bible study group okay that's is it online or
00:38:16
does she live in Nashville too no China Phillips lives in right now she lives in
00:38:22
the Hollywood Hills and you know Billy Baldwin's her husband yes and China is on fire for Jesus and I'm a Christian and I was watching her YouTube called
00:38:36
California preaching because her parents wrote the song California Dreaming remember the mom the course incredible her parents and like I'm a she's a good
00:38:48
singer too I'm a oh yeah wion Phillips China yeah yeah and they had that hit hold on for one more day and hold on yeah China Phillips
00:39:01
like uh go ahead you can no no I was faking like as if because David did I thought it was no you know when when she
00:39:08
I ask her say we apologize for when we did a songs to save the chickens with Michael Bolton on the show and we played we did Wilson Phillips and we had two
00:39:18
extras and then Farley played the oh you did I forgot that you were there you probably play I played uh Dave perner from Soul Asylum or Kurt Cain or Tom Petty or something but I remember that
00:39:31
Tom Petty I played Dylan right was that the one that in that we're all standing in Michael Bolton sing instead of we the
00:39:36
world we were doing we of the chickens or something yeah I think I played Dylan and Victoria played Roseanne Bar I was
00:39:42
Cindy ler when we did the We Are the World thing oh Cindy loer yeah they put did you they put a thing in my neck so that when I sang the big note blood would squirt
00:39:55
out and and and it and it worked but you couldn't see the blood cuz I was wearing
00:40:00
red plaid no yeah you couldn't see blood was squirting out that was an unforced error by the Wardrobe people usually doesn't happen a
00:40:11
matching blood shirt versus comedy blood squirt the Wardrobe Department was so great they that one time I said I want
00:40:25
to be a Christmas tree and do a handstand F and Pam she came up with this brilliant costume I still have it and it was a Christmas tree and I said
00:40:35
you have to balance all the ornaments because I'm balancing upside down they they're Geniuses that wardrobe they
00:40:43
really the Wardrobe the makeup the crew all crack they couldn't make it but they
00:40:49
they can improvise something up really fast um we need Victoria to come out of a giant cupcake um we have 20 minutes yes by away sir yes
00:41:01
yeah and you get spoiled and every job after that is so much worse you know I it's all slow motion you know you know movies and well
00:41:14
go back to China Phillips we interrupted you I'm sorry go oh well China thought of that line um so like we have these
00:41:20
this group called California healing and we read the Bible and pray together I she made me one of the leaders I have to
00:41:27
do it tonight actually and we uh pray and study the Bible and China is really good with funny she's very funny she's very charming and uh I was I loved her
00:41:42
YouTube channel so I would always write stuff and she wrote back and then yeah anyway we're in this group together and um so she said how do you undo I do and
00:41:54
I said China can I steal that I thought of a song for it and she didn't get mad so no 50 bucks for her no she doesn't need it I don't think on the house but
00:42:08
but well it's flattering When someone tells you something and they have a comedian say I have people go oh my God
00:42:14
you can use anything I say that would be nice it'd be fun for me so I think she's flattered well John LoveIt wrote me um
00:42:21
Victoria Secrets on the show and I still do that in my standup act oh good do you
00:42:27
remember Victoria Secrets how does that bit go well I I was always very uncomfortable doing um seduction and arrogance I've analyzed
00:42:40
SNL my whole life since I've been gone from it and uh because in the Baptist Church I was taught don't be seductive don't be arrogant and um Jan Hooks was
00:42:52
really good at those and I was really good at well Jan hook was good at everything okay she was great but I don't think she can play innocent that's my specialty course that
00:43:05
was you yeah I'm getting yeah I am getting bitter in my old age so I don't know if I'm so good at playing innocent anymore and I've been working on seductive and arrogant for 30 years so
00:43:17
maybe I can pull it off we all have give me a little seduction yeah what would be
00:43:22
that attitude look at that well it's the Victoria Secrets thing and John love wrote it for me okay go I have three
00:43:30
Secrets I like to share with you but sh don't tell anyone it'll just be our little secret my first secret is a lot of men
00:43:43
ask me how do are you as dumb as you appear on the show and I say I don't know I never
00:43:54
watched the show [Laughter] my second can you hear me I'm talking quiet yes we're giving we can hear you we're just making sure my second secret
00:44:06
is a lot of men ask me how do you like it and I say like what and they say you know your sex and I say you mean my sex
00:44:21
like being a woman or like having it and they say the second one and I say I forgot which one was the second one and they say Victoria stop doing that stupid
00:44:39
character and I say I'm not doing a character and they get mad and walk away my third secret anyway there's there's more no is there how many are
00:44:52
there 100 the next one is arrogance yeah what do you got oh arrogance ooh arrogance um oh oh that's hard your hair looks good it's curly pop
00:45:06
attitude well I curled it for you to look like Paula D oh Paula's gonna be so happy Paul listens to all these and she was she'll be so happy to know you were giving her all these coms I love her so
00:45:20
much she's she's adorable she is what's what is that album called because you're GNA we want to give you a on oh it's uh nobody buys CDs anymore so
00:45:33
I just did it for me uh it's on streaming on Amazon it's called when I get to Nashville and then there's uh some standup at the end and one song is
00:45:44
like a dog uh when I get to Nashville I'm gonna knock him down I'm still trying to get to sing at the grand old opera and they're not having me I don't know why
00:45:57
well wait till this comes out and people start slurping that up off of Amazon yeah okay
00:46:03
arrogance I am the best S no I can't give me some lines give me some lines it's funny you have you're so not arrogant which is well I just do it as a character let me tell you something you
00:46:14
know we could very easily come to your house you know and flick you with our little finger and you fire Closs room
00:46:21
and land in your own baby poop that's koi arrogance cuz bronze arrogance this is Hans was almost feminite in his arrogance oh I made up a
00:46:33
poem once about an arogant girl okay It Go my name's Lucy and I'm rough and I'm tough no one calls me [ __ ] names or any of that stuff no one walks to school
00:46:46
with me because I am too cool everybody wants to though and they really wish they could wait because I am too good everybody wants to though and they really wish they could but they knew I
00:46:58
would show them up because I sometime next to all my looks and charm they feel like a fool no one invites me to parties because they know if they did I'd win
00:47:09
all the prizes because I'm the most talented kid being smart in every subject Here's My Philosophy the whole
00:47:17
world would be a much better place if this one thing could be that everyone was exactly like me I had enough of
00:47:25
stupid people that just get in the way I'm content to be alone and that's the way I'll stay I've had enough of stupid
00:47:32
Humanity I'll leave them on a shelf the only thing I can't figure out how to do is enjoy kissing myself I like it that last line was very
00:47:45
interesting yeah heavy can't kiss yourself nless you have a mirror I guess you could close as you can get but so how much standup do you
00:47:58
do yeah yeah yeah well I was doing it every week you know Kevin nean got me into to stand up because when I got on Johnny Carson I only had like 12 minutes I had six good
00:48:13
minutes and then I had four minutes of B material and I got on John Carson in 83 and then he said they he wants you back he gave me the okay thing yeah he
00:48:25
goes but I go I only have my be material and Jim mcau goes okay do that and then
00:48:32
he wants you at the panel so I did that and then the third time he goes Johnny wants you back but it has to be something really big and I go I got nothing I got nothing else because I
00:48:44
never like toured and then got SNL I like got SNL and then I toured to milk it so I can make money so I can send my kids to a Christian school but
00:48:55
anyway so so um so the third time I go something really big so I'm like um so I thought I'll do my balance beam routine from
00:49:09
when I was a gymnast and I'll sing a song no one's ever done gymnastics while singing I did a handstand poetry that was my first
00:49:19
Carson doing a poem upside down but no one had ever mixed gymnastics on a balance beam with singing so I made up this song called angry woman and it was
00:49:30
based on the fact that my coach in college never told me I made small College Nationals because she didn't like me and I found out years after why
00:49:41
weren't you at the small College Nationals I didn't know I made it so I wrote this song I am an angry woman yeah
00:49:49
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I got a streak in my hair yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I like to air my dirty laundry if
00:49:55
you don't like me honey don't care I drink a cuss a smoke I swear a spit it ain't my problem if you don't like it I
00:50:02
hate you yunko Pinko Jero I need a little love and then I would do my balance beam routine now that is on YouTube right now oh boy
00:50:14
because Jim mcau knew that someday I would want this on video it was the hardest thing I ever did 4in balance beam live TV Johnny Carson not fall
00:50:25
because it's funny if I don't fall off the Bean if I act dizy and I don't fall it's way funny so I I did it didn't fall I didn't
00:50:37
fall I almost fell but I I didn't fall did these hard tricks I went to the gym for three
00:50:43
months to learn the some of the tricks back I was 204 so I was way older than a peaking gymnast at 15 or
00:50:53
whatever and you guys I'm talking too much much no wait wait what is this story is great so Johnny likes it how
00:51:00
does it Go Johnny loved you you were on there 20 times right yes he loved what but my what was the point of my story
00:51:08
the story is you're third one you're supposed to do something big you came with some Kevin was GNA help you Kevin
00:51:13
was stand up this is how it started so so then I got SNL which was you know what it was you were there now and and so now
00:51:27
after SNL and I lost all my money and divorce and I married a cop had no money so then I was trapped in the suburbs of Miami I had no friends no one spoke English and I nobody was making me laugh
00:51:40
all day but anyway I love my raising my kids but Kevin nean calls me one day I just broken my wrist I think uh accidentally
00:51:53
and and um he go purpose it looked like it was on purpose cuz it it was cut right on my wrist from dishwasher oh I see I took a wine glass
00:52:05
out of the dishwasher and it sliced my wrist and I was in the hospital Miami going I wasn't trying to commit suicide
00:52:12
I do hate being a housewife I do hate Miami maybe it was subconscious I don't know but so anyway Kevin knan calls me he goes it was like 97
00:52:27
and he goes uh would you open for me in Vegas and I go Kevin I don't have a standup act I have like 10 minutes that
00:52:34
was from a long time ago and which involves a handstand I can't do one right now and he goes no all you need is
00:52:41
like 20 minutes would you what did you do on Carson I go I can't remember so I looked up my Carson tapes and I'm like oh I told the PO and then I handstand then I play you and then and he and so
00:52:55
anyway I opened for Kevin for a bunch of times and so fun the little joke was uh
00:53:03
I videoed him and love its once in this limo and I go Kevin why did you think of me to open for you and he goes because
00:53:11
uh I wanted someone who wasn't that strong uh you know you don't want your opener to you know be too strong and I
00:53:22
go you know it's because I wasn't that good I wouldn't show him up you know what I mean well it's also that you're just totally opposite yeah you're different than him yeah which is good so so I
00:53:35
started doing it with him and then I got to go to Vegas and I did one or two I did a Y2K with Dana and Dennis and in Minnesota yes we did you meet Dennis and
00:53:50
Kevin and everyone thought it was the end of the world so not many people came and uh then I did a bunch of shows
00:53:58
with Piscopo I opened for him and then I I so I was doing it like once or twice a
00:54:04
month for my whole motherhood years in the 90s and then when the tea party started and uh I was in this club and I and I wrote this little song called
00:54:16
white men are good white men are good my daddy was a white man my brother is a white man white man invented everything White invented the universities white men
00:54:28
invented the English language white men invented airplanes white men invented cars white men and and and then a good resume yes so I sang that song the
00:54:40
audience was like because it was the beginning of you know um not supposed to say that
00:54:47
yeah what do you call that when you're not allowed to say things censorship um what what was before woke it was way before woke it was like politically correct yeah it was 2010 and I thought
00:55:02
Comics were supposed to be brave and daring and break the rules but oh no no don't say white men are good white men were getting all bad rap all the time
00:55:15
I'm like people anyway they told my agent at APA and she goes I can't send you out anymore um oh my my God and and she said all the club
00:55:28
Owners are liberals and and you're becoming an outspoken conservative and and you you I can't I can't send you anywhere so then I'm like okay I wanted to quit anyway I don't like traveling
00:55:41
but I just was so surprised that in America with freedom of speech we can't have freedom of speech
00:55:47
anymore and now you know what's been happening and now I'm so proud that I'm proud that Dana is do making fun of Biden which is the unforgivable sin and
00:55:58
I'm glad that Rob Schneider is saying I can say whatever I want people freedom of speech I'm very proud that people are fighting back and even Seinfeld is saying hey come on freedom of
00:56:13
speech yeah it is tough on Comedy in general to do uh to be you know tamped down a little bit you just want to say what the thing that people want to say or the thing that people aren't saying
00:56:25
or just try to break the rules like it used to be very like you have to be outrageous you know and it's it's
00:56:30
definitely toned it down a little bit I have to say Dana you're Biden things are super funny isn't he funny thank you I I
00:56:38
made that was kind of a personal challenge just because in the beginning there wasn't much there you know my
00:56:44
father lost his job that kind of thing then as he went along I added in you know I you know and added in a lot of
00:56:52
hooks and I got it to the point where I thought it was was really funny and so I didn't really care if anyone had a
00:56:59
problem with it I just thought we got to be able to do the president United States we can't do the Pres if it's a
00:57:06
Republican or Democrat we it's our job to kind of tug on the king's corn poop was a bad dude that's true man come on this is my
00:57:16
one that that kind of broke it it was uh there's no crisis at the border how do you know sir because it says so in the
00:57:23
piece of paper yes and then he came out for the Border a little while ago I just thought it was funny I'll shut a border
00:57:30
faster anyone's ever shut a border but you said before get your facts straight Jack beat the hell out of you I cut a
00:57:37
shut a border border patrol the Border Can't Believe It's Not Butter so then it was so silly that he always ends with
00:57:44
this declarative so people accept it but now everyone's doing him obviously become
00:57:51
the dam is broken open you are a trend setter [Music] Victoria before we let you go I wanted to say I do remember you did a lot of
00:58:04
tunes didn't you Tunes the driving cat I was so happy because I didn't have any lines and it was it was a hit sketch and I didn't have to do anything me and Dana
00:58:15
were in a lot of tunes we were in a lot of tunes and there was one time you know they got the cards were in the fake car
00:58:23
and um this happens all of us but it was your line and the guy was pointing and you were just kind of enjoying the scene and I started kicking you kind of like that you go I know and
00:58:36
then went oh and then you hit your line it's just funny we all do that the lines are usually like tces you shouldn't be
00:58:41
driving over here on the wrong side of the road yeah and that was a great use of the character that you would play on the
00:58:48
show often the sincere sweet yes uh character toun says don't do that you know so Jack Handy is the greatest they had me and Dana be brother and sister a
00:58:59
lot or husband wife or they had us in our underwear remember when we had to wear our underwear and don't go down to
00:59:05
the basement yeah yeah we had a lot of yeah you were you were romantic was that the name of the sketch yeah don't go down to the basement and I was felt so
00:59:18
naked I don't feel naked doing gymnastics on the update desk with my butt in the air because that was my whole childhood but I feel naked standing upright in my
00:59:29
underwear well the idea it's a uniform versus your underpants and even though they look the same yeah one seems like normal well also Dana when you on other
00:59:41
fly on the walls you're talking about the Italian restaurant where you were oh right you were humping me with my legs in the air yeah that was one of the biggest laughs that I've ever
00:59:53
participated I wasn't really doing much it was just the situation and the build and the scenario and it's true that
01:00:01
right before they said maybe don't do it or do it as much or move around as much but we just did it and it was a big
01:00:08
laugh and you were the perfect one to do it with well the funny part to me is I didn't know anything all of a sudden
01:00:15
people come up and they go Siobhan quit the sketch you have to do it I go what sketch nobody told me anything I didn't have time to say you get plowed yeah I I
01:00:26
didn't have time to say I'm a Christian I don't think that would be appropriate I didn't have any time like go out there
01:00:32
I go what am I doing what am I doing they go get on the table stick your legs in the air I'm like okay and then Dana's
01:00:38
like you know and I'm like I don't even think I knew that was a sex position I might be exaggerating but I don't I don't know that I knew
01:00:49
that but anyway it did seem really wrong and and it seemed x-rated but anyway then it was aired and then but Dana's my friend I like and I thought that's pretty funny well because it was you and
01:01:03
me it was just innocent and silly in the in the big picture and also that that I'm still yelling about some order something you know I've got your legs over my shoulders hey what do want come
01:01:16
on cappuccino over here down there it was pretty VOD villian and a little body but um funny with the sound off like that visual within that Italian sketch
01:01:29
based on these extraordinarily horny Italian waiters one of the biggest laughs I've ever been a part of okay to answer your question about how much I do
01:01:41
stand up and then I'll quit talking and you guys can go back to your life um I did Vegas about two weeks ago so I'm I'm
01:01:49
not blacklisted I think the country's getting their Common Sense back into their brains I'm not blacklisted and uh it was a small place yeah and the only problem was I was
01:02:02
coughing my residual covid cough that was kind of unnerving for the audience but that you gave all Co yeah they're like yeah I think things are loosening
01:02:13
up a little bit I think there was so much exhaustion over you can say this say that that at this point it's kind of
01:02:19
like no one no one has to come to your show just don't or or watch anything they want to watch watch you know you don't like a Netflix special don't watch it I mean it's just Freedom maybe this
01:02:31
is controversial what if the screen just went completely black and our podcast was
01:02:38
cancelled ioria we love you and miss you and if you come to Southern California please reach out okay thanks for your podcast it's super good and entertaining
01:02:51
and we we appreciate David and Dana's laughs that you've given us all these years jeez thank you you're still so sweet you're also very funny I mean just the way you're telling these stories
01:03:03
it's hysterical so you still have all the stuff you there is there's a funny thing that you a funny bone there no one
01:03:09
else does it's it's just a very honest quirky unexpected language you're using unexpected moments of honesty I'm going to make you self-conscious about your gift so then it'll you won't be able to
01:03:21
do it anymore okay I'm kidding you can't it's like gum on your shoes you're just funny you're just funny just funny so um
01:03:29
all the best we all miss you and we want to see more of you you have a closing song Same Song
01:03:37
[Music] closer I forgot how it something about buzz buzz SWAT SWAT yeah buzz buzz SWAT all right we did it bye sweetie this has
01:03:49
been a presentation of Odyssey please follow subscribe leave a like or review all the stuff smash that button whatever it is wherever you get your podcast fly on the wall is executive produced by
01:04:01
Dana Carvey and David Spade Jenna Weiss Burman of Odyssey and Heather Santoro the show's lead producer is Greg Holzman