00:00:00
J Moore Dana was probably more from me being on SNL, but did you overlap at all?
00:00:08
>> He was there when I hosted. Oh, >> but I he wasn't there when I was part of
00:00:11
the cast. >> J Moore, who did uh he came on when I was there. >> He we got to be friends. I still see him
00:00:18
here and there. He has a funny podcast. Uh talks a lot of old stories and throws
00:00:23
us in impressions. He does good impressions, which >> you probably remember. He does he does a
00:00:28
really good walk-in. >> Um that was the last time I saw him do, but he has a lot of people
00:00:33
>> and he can really imitate well, but he is a funny dude. Um we sat down with him
00:00:37
and we had a blast. Uh the guy is funny. He's always been funny. Uh he had sort
00:00:42
of an really up and down time on SNL and he tells those stories. It's It's
00:00:48
always interesting, you know, but I always tell people all everyone who's ever been on SNL will spend a lot more
00:00:55
time being an e x ex everybody except for Keenan, but that's all right. So far,
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>> Daryl Hammond, Keenan, they were most of their life was on SNL. >> Yeah, good for them.
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>> But uh anyway, J Moore, this is entertaining. Please listen. When did you come on?
00:01:19
>> 91. 91. I was there till 93. >> I wait. Do you know who Dana is? >> Which one?
00:01:27
>> Are you a Church fan or are you more of a guy? >> Are you Coffee Machine?
00:01:31
>> You're Dana? >> No. >> I had to grow this so we look even
00:01:36
>> I was not on Saturday Night Live with you. D >> But we both were there in '92. So
00:01:41
there's a little bit of a problem. Do you remember >> when you and I were there? David, was
00:01:45
Dana there also? >> No. >> Well, let me ask you a question. >> Sarah and Norm and David Tell.
00:01:50
>> Did you do it with Sarah and Norm >> and David Tell? >> No, that was later.
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>> Okay. >> So, you weren't there in '92? Cuz that's when I was doing Was Wayne's World
00:01:58
happening all the time? >> What is this? What's Wayne's World? >> Okay, let's back up.
00:02:02
>> So, you missed it by >> much. I used to just by a little bit. a birdie told me. But I remember being
00:02:09
there once where >> where Franken and and Chris Farley were going to fight.
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>> Franken and Chris Farley were going to wrestle >> and I remember you hanging around and I
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remember oh Jay you know like you were like I could take both of you guys kind of like you were going to there was a
00:02:25
three. So I don't know if you ever >> I do remember that now. >> Yeah.
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>> And uh I also remember far okay spa David and um I still call you David.
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David, you call me >> and Fred Wolf were in the graphics room. >> I knew Fred Wolf would come up
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immediately. >> He's the best. Fred Fred, >> you're really funny. You're not so
00:02:44
funny. That's really good. Do that. I just want to talk to you shooters up here. Really good. You're really good.
00:02:50
>> I have to tell you a story, but I'm going to talk to you for one second. I'm
00:02:52
going to talk to you. I have a question. >> I just remember a waiter coming over
00:02:55
going, "Get the [ __ ] out of here." But he's in the middle of a punch line and
00:02:57
the waiter would walk up. He goes, "Get the [ __ ] out of here. Get the [ __ ] out
00:02:59
of here." >> Cuz they always come on the punch line. I wasn't as funny as you as that. But I
00:03:04
was pretty good, right? But I wasn't as funny as you guys. >> Uh, so Spade and Fred Wolf are in the
00:03:09
graphics room and I walk in to see what they're doing. Then Farley walks in >> and then Fred just Fred's like the
00:03:16
master manipulator like, "Hey Chris, you know Jay wrestled. You wrestled. Jay,
00:03:20
you know, Jay says he could kick your ass at wrestling." And I'm like, "Yeah,
00:03:23
I'm 23 years old." I'm like, "Absolutely." >> And Chris just
00:03:28
>> Chris is just like, "Yeah, all right." So we square up to wrestle like he's not
00:03:33
even in his in the writer's room where we >> No, it was in the graphics room.
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>> Oh, okay. >> Like in the writers on the way to Lauren's office. Okay.
00:03:42
>> And uh it was just you and Fred were just doing private time or something.
00:03:45
>> Graphics. What happened? >> So I made the mistake of shooting in on
00:03:49
Chris's legs >> and he just collapsed on top of me and then I went to my stomach and I brought
00:03:56
my elbows in and Chris for the next six minutes sat on my back going Like like and I really
00:04:05
>> get out. >> No, I thought I really thought my life was going to end like you know Chris was
00:04:10
trying to say like Chris you're trying my back and after 6 minutes David saved
00:04:16
me. He goes get the [ __ ] off. >> Come on Chris. >> First of all, it was all Fred's fault.
00:04:22
Oh yeah. >> Okay. Jay is doing miming Chris Farley's little running thing. this heart attack
00:04:30
thing where he always hits this he goes >> son of a >> I have uh are you supposed to have a
00:04:34
tingling feeling in your left arm it's going numb >> yeah he let yeah so what about when he
00:04:39
walked you to the elevator wasn't he mad about that >> I pinned him yeah so the rematch was it
00:04:45
was it was uh Dana Carvey Dana Carvey it was the I was reading your name right there it was uh it was Alec Baldwin I
00:04:52
get you guys confused all the time >> me and Alec we we know it's just a thing
00:04:56
>> it was Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger were So, uh, mingling. >> Yeah. And, um,
00:05:03
>> my my followup to that was like it really like bugged me cuz I was like, as
00:05:08
>> well, >> can I ask for a second? How good were you at wrestling? You're a good
00:05:11
wrestler. I'm much better as an adult than I was. >> What was the weight when you took on
00:05:14
Farley? What was your weight? >> I was probably 160. >> Okay. So, you lean. Okay. So, talk about
00:05:19
how you pinned him by the elevator. >> How did you pin a 5'6, 270 lb man?
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>> He was sitting on the couch. >> That's about what I figured he was at
00:05:27
his prime. I'm glad you asked. >> Yeah, >> you get him right after he went to
00:05:30
Wall-E and Joseph's and he had shells. >> Wall-ally and Joseph's taking a nap.
00:05:34
>> That was our go-to restaurant >> in New York. >> He was sitting on the couch right inside
00:05:39
the Right. I said, "Right inside the writer's room." >> Yes.
00:05:42
>> And I walked in. I said, "Hey." I said I said something and he like, "Hey, fat
00:05:47
boy. You still want to go?" >> And he went to get up and the everyone's
00:05:52
sitting at that giant table. Fat boy, you still want to go? 40 people going, "Why are you doing this?"
00:05:58
>> I think I was nuts. >> Yeah. >> Untreated alcoholism. >> What are you doing? Untreated.
00:06:04
>> Totally. And he went to get up. His mistake was it's like never get in a
00:06:08
fight getting out of your car. You're dead. So he got caught in that limbo between getting up
00:06:13
>> starting halfway. And then where'd you go? So I went my right arm around his
00:06:18
head and I just went bodied into him and then we just were falling forward and then I clasp my hands under his
00:06:26
>> like back of his knee. So we did like a somersault into the room and I put my knee in his side and my
00:06:35
forehead on his temple and I just cuz I knew if I let him go he'd kill me. >> Yeah. No way.
00:06:40
>> So it's like you're fighting a bully. >> You are brave. I don't want to let him
00:06:44
go because he'll beat me up in front of Alec Paul and more importantly. >> So I let him go and everyone's staring
00:06:52
at me like what the [ __ ] is this guy doing? So then I slap Chris's ass. I go
00:06:58
now we're even. >> And I get up and I'm walking to the night elevators. I don't know why I turn
00:07:03
left instead of right. And I just hear this like running of the bulls behind me. And I turn and it's like the entire
00:07:12
room has emptied out and they're walking towards me but in front of them Chris is
00:07:17
walking like a zombie like in a Scooby-Doo like with the big leg and his eyes are up in his head like and his
00:07:24
palms are out terrifying. >> So I had that time to get to the elevator and I'm hitting the button and
00:07:30
I'm hitting the button. The night elevator opens and it's filled with people from the rainbow room.
00:07:38
just a wall of black tie and gowns just tapida and [ __ ] Ben Gay just all these whole. So I wedge into the
00:07:45
elevator and then Chris is walking towards the elevator now he's going to kill me and there's going to be
00:07:50
collateral damage and I go look everybody that's Chris Farley and the whole elevator like on an episode of NEW
00:07:55
HART JUST GOES AND HE goes he just turned around and walked away and the elevator
00:08:01
>> you got so lucky >> I got would have [ __ ] murdered me. Oh my god. Did he get that temper going?
00:08:08
>> The only reason I lived is cuz he's just he had to get the laugh. Even in that
00:08:13
>> even like instead of running at me and grabbing me once everybody was mobile,
00:08:17
he was like >> I remember I told Dana I said I remember Chris and Jay >> there was a wrestling situation and then
00:08:25
Jay got the best of him and went into the elevator. I just went into the elevator.
00:08:29
>> I made him turn purple. >> Oh got the best of him almost killed him. So you had skill,
00:08:34
>> you had a lot of confidence. >> Well, I watch a lot of UFC, so I you
00:08:37
know, >> you've seen me on that. >> Well, I've seen guys that look like you.
00:08:40
I don't know. But but leverage a smaller person. >> He just if it was he was the way he was
00:08:46
getting up off the couch was just a godsend that I got really lucky and he just took my shots.
00:08:51
>> Well, he was just obviously ready. Man was he was quick. >> Oh, he was just like, "Hey, he always
00:08:57
went like punch line first." He's like, "All right, young ballot."
00:09:00
>> Yeah. Hey, how are you? >> Sorry. >> I remember when David Tell and I were in
00:09:09
the office and Farley walked in at like 1:00 a.m. on a Thursday. It was just like whoa. And he's like, "What are you
00:09:16
guys doing?" And at the same time, like creepy twins. We said, "We'll pay you
00:09:19
$100 to [ __ ] out the window." >> Oh, you you initiated that infamous and
00:09:24
he just went, "Oh, give me the money first. >> Give me the money first." And so he did
00:09:31
this more than once. >> 17th floor. >> No, that's We had to fill out a police
00:09:34
report because I thought he was a jumper. >> So he opens the window. Does he take
00:09:40
down his p I mean And then he puts his ass out. So >> yeah. And it was obvious right away he
00:09:46
didn't have to [ __ ] at all >> cuz he was just he turned like purple from effort. HE WAS JUST LIKE
00:09:52
>> SO nothing happened. >> No. Like a one little thing. one hairy milk dud
00:09:58
>> and hit Lauren Michaels who was back coming back for more. >> Excuse me, Paul. Do you have a napkin?
00:10:07
>> She's on you. >> One of the feature players [ __ ] up. >> It fell in the window onto my desk.
00:10:13
>> Oh, what? So, you initiate it and you become the victim. >> Yeah. And then um he there was nothing
00:10:21
to wipe his ass with. Well, >> so we wipe I always leave this part of the story out out of respect, but you
00:10:27
guys know how much how love we we can't love anyone more. >> No. >> So he wiped his hands with his hand.
00:10:37
>> For people listening who don't who think being on Saturday Night Live is a barrel
00:10:40
of monkeys, you're right. And this isn't exact because when he how much fun it
00:10:44
is, >> he would come in my office and go, >> "Yeah, I have got a greasy trail," which
00:10:50
I figured out later what it was. Then he'd take a my USA Today and go give me
00:10:54
a piece of that and you know you can do the rest of that. >> So after he wiped his ass with his hand
00:10:59
he went back to that mummy walk and he [ __ ] chased us on the 17th floor with the [ __ ] on his face.
00:11:06
>> What's the mommy walk and [ __ ] on >> and I'm running down the hallway past
00:11:10
like research >> and there's those bookshelves in the hallway and me and David are running
00:11:16
side by side and I'm like we're not going to make this side by side. We got
00:11:21
to go single file, but I don't want to be in in the back. and Dave like I I'm
00:11:26
like two years removed from competitive wrestling and Dave tell a chain smoking miserable guy just passes me like he's
00:11:33
on a jet ski >> and I hit my I hit the bookcase my shoulder like pops out and I'm just
00:11:41
laying on my back and Chris for like minutes is standing over me going >> oh with that didn't you have the
00:11:47
broomstick though or was that a we don't talk >> yeah that was >> we don't talk about
00:11:51
>> oh that's even more okay Yeah. Well, the writer room, the writer's room was a
00:11:55
very fun uh late night chaotic place and and we're even Downey, everyone's
00:12:00
looking for any reason not to write. The first sketch I ever handed Downey, I didn't know like he slept there. He was
00:12:11
going through some [ __ ] >> Yeah. >> And he just wanted us around like in the
00:12:14
loneliest hours between 3:00 and 6:00 a.m. >> So, remember he'd make us watch like
00:12:19
Juliet high school basketball. Like, look at this. Look, look at the ball movement. Oh, you were out by then.
00:12:24
>> He did like to talk about like if I ever got in that Downy's office, which all we
00:12:28
wanted to do is get Downy's expertise. And he was burn, you know, he's been
00:12:31
there for 20 years. So, when we get in there, he goes, "Spade, what is going on
00:12:35
in Arizona?" And then I would go through all that, but I'm trying to go through
00:12:39
my progression so I can get to my horrible sketch that he's not going to like. And uh I would talk and talk and
00:12:44
just talk and we would just talk. And Schneider, let me in. I'm next. Too much
00:12:50
time. So 2 in the morning you leave and then Schneider goes in and then but poor
00:12:54
Jim that's what he had to do is just take okay ideas. One time he did say something smart. He goes well he always
00:13:00
said something smart but he said something that I remembered where he goes there's times when you're going to
00:13:05
give me an idea and I'm just going to say I don't think you should write it
00:13:09
and I can't really tell you why. >> I just know it probably won't get on and
00:13:13
I can't even articulate it's just not right. And I said okay fair enough. And
00:13:17
sometimes I would do it and he goes, "I don't think that's the one." And I'd be
00:13:21
like, "This is one of the guys that decides, so why go through the motions of writing unless it's going to be so
00:13:27
primo he has to overturn his opinion, but he just goes," and that's hard to
00:13:32
do. It's hard to tell someone not to write something. >> The first sketch I ever handed him was
00:13:35
the Christopher Walkin Psychic Friends Network. >> That that had to have gotten on, didn't
00:13:39
he get on >> eventually? And um but I was, you know, I didn't see him till like 900 a.m.
00:13:45
>> Oh. And I finished it at like midnight. >> So you stayed the whole night.
00:13:49
>> Slept on the couch and this. And then he they go, "Oh, you can go." I think it
00:13:53
was Lori Jo, but you can go see him. And then he's sitting on his [ __ ] little
00:13:57
couch brushing his teeth. It's like a face of foam. >> Yeah. >> And he goes, "Let me see it." And I go,
00:14:02
"Hey." And I hand it to him. And he puts his palm out like this. And I put the
00:14:05
sketch in his palm and he goes, "Yeah, it feels a little long." >> He just weighed it out and then handed
00:14:11
it back to you. >> He was right though. >> Oh my god. Feelsavy. It was a heavy
00:14:15
sketch. It was long. >> I'd get there and sometimes there was a Franken or maybe was it Rosie
00:14:20
Schustster? They would be like Rosie Schustster 18 pages and read through. >> Now, uh, read it. Who is that? Which
00:14:27
one's Franken? >> Oh, Franken. Okay. >> I remember I had Franken somehow in like
00:14:33
some sketch that was going to get on. I think it was like Good Morning Brooklyn or something. It was going to get on.
00:14:38
Like it was just the vibe was there. >> And I had Franken and No, Psychic Friends. It was the walk-in sketch and
00:14:44
and Schneider goes you got to you got to switch out no you got to switch out Franken you can't and I go no this is
00:14:51
funny cuz he's like the guy and he goes no don't put Franken in your sketch and
00:14:55
I go why not he goes follow me and we walked out of the office around the corner down the hallway and there's that
00:15:02
you know the framed photos and it's when they were having the white sale with
00:15:06
slaves with Belushi >> and I guess and uh Bill Murray and then the third one is Franken and they're
00:15:13
just standing in there like whatever. And Franken's like, >> "Oh, yeah."
00:15:16
>> Like all puffed up chest. He goes, "That's why." >> Cuz he's overacting.
00:15:20
>> That's why. >> Schneider's an old soul. >> Schneider is Schneider will tell you.
00:15:25
Oh, you're a [ __ ] rookie. What do you know? >> You don't know what you're doing.
00:15:28
They're poison water. >> Well, he can also note you in your own sketch, you know.
00:15:33
>> No, he's great >> cuz he was one of the ones that got the P sketches. So he that was I mean I'm
00:15:37
I'm talking Frank and like he would >> oh man right >> he would uh you know if he's in it he's
00:15:42
also a writer and he's also one of the producers that picks sketches so >> he has a lot of control of your own
00:15:46
sketch which might that rub you wrong >> is the game of thrones of SNL partnering
00:15:52
with someone even if you you go into the room and you go I kind of have an idea be like your psychic walk and and then
00:15:59
let them start the ball rolling ah that's great that's great so they get
00:16:03
proprietary so when Lauren is there anyone walking psychic. They're involved. They
00:16:09
>> Yeah. See, I didn't know any of that. >> Oh, >> yeah. I think when Jay started, I don't
00:16:14
know if I knew you ahead. Did I know you ahead of time or I just knew you there?
00:16:16
>> No. >> Okay. So, I think uh we all had trouble when we got there. Me, everybody. I had
00:16:22
a lot because I couldn't quite this dope that was better than me. This guy Dana.
00:16:27
So, when I got there, >> David's always there. >> When when I got there,
00:16:30
>> he was like my protege. >> I was the longest feature player. Rob went first, Sandler went first, Farley,
00:16:36
they all they all went to cast and so I stayed an extra year in the uh on the bench kind of and I remember when I
00:16:44
think you came on it was like kind of tough and maybe I tried to tell you and at the beginning in my recollection you
00:16:51
were like you know I know it's hard I know how it is but the truth was you can't even be
00:16:56
prepared. It's like you know it and you get there and you go >> well my sketch was funny what's going on
00:17:01
and then it just that's exactly what happened to me. How did you >> you start to go how do you and then
00:17:04
after three weeks that like I gave my best sketch the first week and it almost got on and then after that it was a lot
00:17:10
tougher because that was the one I worked on. I go this this has to work and then another week comes by another
00:17:16
week and if you're not getting stuff on you start to lose your mind. >> Let me ask both of you guys a question.
00:17:20
I mean the first year I kind of harvested or adapted stuff that I worked for me in clubs a lot of the time you
00:17:27
know. So, I'm wondering what what were your killer bits when you got it? And
00:17:31
you too, Jay, like how you got the show. I mean, your walking is right up there.
00:17:35
>> I'm more of a mimic, so I didn't have like You have the You're really great,
00:17:40
Dana, at um like your original characters. And I >> But I'm just doing an impression of a
00:17:44
person I met kind of. It's a It's a close, but it's still an original thing.
00:17:48
Like, I'm just mimicking. And I remember when um Jim Downey said, you know, go to
00:17:53
the guy's uh you know, go around to the other guy's offices and just do impressions. Let them know what you And
00:17:58
I was like so offended. Like I'm not going to be a door to door sales, >> but that's exactly what I should have
00:18:03
done. If I could have done it over again, I would have just walked into your office and been like
00:18:07
>> I wrote a list out of everyone that I did really >> and just passed it all around.
00:18:12
>> Yeah. My nar What did you Who were you doing at that point? This mid come in
00:18:17
with >> you've been in clubs for a few years. >> Hacky like Peshyes.
00:18:24
Andrew McCarthy was that heard that one movie too. >> We did it. Uh >> I love her man.
00:18:32
>> Oh yeah, >> it was we did it with Phil on Sassy when he had that talk.
00:18:37
>> Sassy. >> We were just talking about Sassy. >> Oh yeah, that was Phil Harin.
00:18:41
>> See that's funny. Like if if people if it's not accurate for me like that's
00:18:45
just funny. I love her so much. You know, >> I love her, man. >> It's just a funny attitude. And then you
00:18:51
just say, "That's Andrew McCarthy." >> Yeah. And it works because if you have
00:18:53
one move, the eyes, the voice close enough there, you get your laugh. That's
00:18:57
all you need really in those sketches. >> And I did our I did a bunch of black car
00:19:01
like Arenio and um Tracy, but he wasn't famous yet. >> 1995. >> Crippled [ __ ] Stay wet.
00:19:10
>> So you crippled [ __ ] >> Yeah. That's why I GOT THESE WHEELCHAIR
00:19:14
GLOVES. FAMOUS. >> And this was seeing him in the club. So he wasn't on SNL.
00:19:18
>> Yeah. I went to go see him at the I went to go see him at the improv. >> And I walk in the improv and he's fist
00:19:25
fighting the audience in the hallway before they redid it. >> And uh >> I go to help him. It was like 80 against
00:19:31
one. And he's just like, "Yeah, I MISSED MY DAUGHTER. Goddamn it."
00:19:35
And then I go to help him in the fight and he turns to punch me in the face and his fist stops like right at my face and
00:19:41
he stops and he goes, "I'M NOT GOING TO [ __ ] WITH YOU, JOROS. YOU LEGENDARY."
00:19:48
>> That was his way of That was his way of saying, "I almost just punched you in
00:19:51
the face. >> I put a baby in you, J." >> Yeah, Jmore got me boy pregnant.
00:19:56
>> I like when Tracy does observational humor, but it's it's only observational
00:20:01
to Tracy. He's on stage and like Oxnard. Who else remembers finger [ __ ] Portuguese girls on their anvil courts?
00:20:09
>> You know what I'm talking >> You know what I'm talking about. Old
00:20:12
white people with turquoise. They all have like turquoise jewelry on. They're
00:20:15
all like earthy on his went down to Austin. >> You know them Portuguese girls been
00:20:21
giving up the [ __ ] >> on the handbook cards. >> Well, Jason, we're not going to have you
00:20:26
back. >> Oh, okay. >> God damn. That's so funny. That's so [ __ ] good.
00:20:35
>> Uh Daryl Hammond tells me tells a story of >> Tracy like was Daryl's savior like Daryl
00:20:42
was struggling and Tracy goes we got to go give respect to the man like this is the streets Daryl Daryl.
00:20:49
>> So he's got to go like we have to have like our meeting with Lauren just let
00:20:53
him know we're soldiers. >> Oh okay. And so they wait and they wait for like two hours and they finally get
00:21:00
in and Lord's like, "Have a seat, guys. Hold on a second. Hello, Mick." It's
00:21:04
like MC Jacks. >> They're sitting in those big [ __ ] chair waiting. And he's like, "One
00:21:10
second. Hello Mick. How's the tour going?" And then they start talking and
00:21:15
Dick Cheny's office called Cheney. >> They're just getting more emasculated.
00:21:24
So, it's like 8 minutes total. And then he goes, "All right, thanks." And they
00:21:27
go outside the office and Tracy looks at Daryl and goes, "There ain't no eye
00:21:31
rolling in that [ __ ] D." And that meant like, "But like we're in
00:21:39
the big leagues. There ain't no eye rolling in that motherfucker." D. >> Yeah.
00:21:44
>> So, did you did you uh partner up with with Daryl a little bit, Bob? Two
00:21:49
impressionists. >> We've been doing shows >> Oh, really? now, right?
00:21:53
>> Yeah. Oh, good. Uh like just a night of impressions. Like he does 20 minutes, I
00:21:57
do 20 minutes. >> Do you have any over Q&A? Is this the two of you? >> We shut down the Q&A last year cuz it's
00:22:02
like do uh the Q&A is like do Schwarzenegger. >> Yeah. >> It's like I don't do
00:22:07
>> Q&A are tough. >> Yeah. We like to take all the variables out and but we have a guy Greg Baldwin
00:22:13
who's like the moderator. He's like the James Lipton. >> And then we do, you know, we just go
00:22:18
back and forth, back and forth. We tell a couple stories and then we'll do like
00:22:22
speed round which is mostly cartoons. >> That sounds a great that sounds like a
00:22:26
great show. >> Cartoons. You like cartoons? >> Yeah. >> Who's your favorite muppet?
00:22:32
>> Kermit. >> Yeah. Yeah. I just >> I Kermit Defrog. >> No, I like some other ones. Uh Cookie
00:22:37
Moss. Who's a homeless guy? >> Are you guessing or like who is your favorite muppet?
00:22:40
>> No, you're guessing. I'm not a muppet guy. I'd be I'd be
00:22:43
>> shimp. >> I'm not a muppet guy. >> Beaker. >> Beaker's tight.
00:22:47
>> See? and his boss, uh, Professor >> Professor Honey, Dude, >> a bald guy.
00:22:52
>> Yeah, he had no eyes, but he had glasses. >> Muppets are killing it.
00:22:57
>> I'm a Muppet guy. >> I'm I'm old school. I like Bert.
00:23:00
>> Oh, yeah. Bert and Ernie. What was the story with them? >> Everybody.
00:23:04
>> Yeah. One came out, right? >> Bert. Everybody thinks Bert's an
00:23:08
[ __ ] but Ernie just wore him down until he snapped. >> Berts just runs a tight ship.
00:23:13
>> Yeah. >> And Ernie military guy. Ernie was a navy guy. >> Yeah. Her name was kind of a fuckound
00:23:18
>> for a total Navy guy. Make the bed nice and early. >> They have to be a little opposite to
00:23:23
make it work. I think >> so. Going back to Dana's question. >> Yes. Yeah.
00:23:26
>> I didn't really bring anything other than impressions in uh with me. But then
00:23:31
I kept my impressions like a secret and then I had resentments that nobody was writing. Dumb thing ever.
00:23:38
>> Yeah. Which is again untreated >> because I mean you did all these movies
00:23:42
and I see you like I got a question for you. I'm jumping around. I'm sorry. I
00:23:46
was >> talking to >> my co-host was asking you something. >> I was just saying you're more than an
00:23:50
impressionist in your career. You know, sports commentator. You're >> That's not what I was going to say.
00:23:54
>> Well, that's the thing with impressions, too. When people go, "How come you don't
00:23:57
do impressions when you're on stage?" It's It's not to me. It's not standup.
00:24:01
It's a whole different toolbox. >> Yeah. >> I feel like I'm kind of cheating. Like,
00:24:06
this isn't standup. I'm just doing these [ __ ] voices. >> Well, I used to be I would get teased a
00:24:09
lot in San Francisco like Bobby Slate. Yeah. Yeah. Do a funny voice. Do a funny voice. You know, that's all you do. And
00:24:14
then I walked into the holy cities this little club one night and he's doing one
00:24:18
of the Bowery Boys. That's like his big closing. >> The Bowery Boys. >> Yeah, the Bowery Boys. Sorry. Going
00:24:23
back. >> Um, >> hang on. >> Yeah, it seems like it's a big advantage
00:24:28
just to have impressions to go to, maybe not depend on, but to go to on that show
00:24:32
>> only if people know that you have them. >> Didn't you just go around office go,
00:24:37
"Hey, how about this? You guys >> they literally never found out. You got
00:24:42
this secret." Well, they found out like, you know, it would be like whatever
00:24:45
movie was playing, >> right? >> I would start quoting the movie cuz I
00:24:49
just talk in movie quotes all the time anyway. So, that's how I got Kaitel on.
00:24:54
And um >> Keitel, >> look, I understand he's super [ __ ] pissed.
00:25:00
Uh Joe >> Harvey Kitel, >> I don't know what you think you know,
00:25:04
but you're wrong. He's a good kid. >> Kaitel, I never hear anyone do. Well,
00:25:10
nice thing you paid attention to the broadcast. >> We did it. You were in the sketch.
00:25:14
>> No, I know. >> We did. >> Wow. SNL secrets. >> Well, when was it?
00:25:20
>> Where do you guys hide the cameras? >> We're not filming this stupid thing.
00:25:23
That's why >> we couldn't afford what you're doing cuz we're stupid. No, my eye is [ __ ] up. I
00:25:29
I was going to tell you when you came in. >> Um >> I don't know. I just I woke up. My eye
00:25:33
was red on the side. So, it looks like [ __ ] >> But I think it's >> Did you not threatening? Did you have
00:25:39
characters when you came in or >> you know we we did the thing where you like what you guys were saying about
00:25:44
your standup. Mine was just stories and and stand up and punch lines and just talking. So I really wasn't loaded to go
00:25:50
in there to go I think it's a good idea to go into the offices and say hey guys
00:25:54
I can do this or hey if you ever need some but they you have to I'm wondering
00:25:59
why does no one write for me but no one even knows who I am and they don't give
00:26:02
a [ __ ] And they've got >> 10 guys that are great right there to pick from. So you almost have to go sell
00:26:08
yourself, which is what we both didn't do. And I didn't have as much to offer.
00:26:12
Like I was just like sort of sarcastic. That might have been what they picked up
00:26:16
just around the office or talking at the readrough table or at uh rewrites. But you had some things that were useful
00:26:22
like impressions and attitudes. So I guess it would have been good for you to go to the Smiggle, go to Conan, go to
00:26:29
those guys, whoever was still around. Jack Andy probably wouldn't have written
00:26:32
that much for either of us because he was writing his own stuff that was almost didn't need people.
00:26:38
>> Well, you want to have a reason to do the impression that's kind of organic.
00:26:42
>> Those guys make a good >> cavalcade of you know. >> It was funny like the things that don't
00:26:48
get on like when you're just swinging for the fences cuz you've had no sketches on for so long. I remember me
00:26:53
and Steve Lner had Christopher Walkin as a waiter at Fridays and that was the whole sketch.
00:26:57
>> Oh, it is that you >> like you should have a dessert. It's Mount Fudgeopoulos.
00:27:04
And we would laugh. We would laugh like this. [ __ ] hilarious. It goes to the table and it just takes a dump. Really?
00:27:12
>> That's such a funny >> It was funny, but it's just like what's
00:27:15
what's the sketch? The sketch is like, "Hey, I work here." Right. >> I remember Andy Robin had a sketch. He
00:27:26
he wound up going on Seinfeld as a writer, but when he was on a snow, he had a sketch where people walk by each
00:27:31
other in an office and they go, "How you doing?" He goes, "Uh, this week or so."
00:27:34
They they kept missing what they were saying and that they'd say the wrong answer. You know what I mean? Like he
00:27:39
misheard him or something or something dumb. But it was just walkbys the whole sketch, I think. And then he submitted
00:27:45
it probably five times. And that that is the hardest thing to do is if you're not
00:27:48
getting on and the second time you put a sketch in, I've done it. It's got a
00:27:52
stink on it. No matter why it didn't get on the first time, even if the host it
00:27:56
got cut after dress or it killed, but then it bumped with something, the second time just isn't as good and it's
00:28:03
just harder and harder to get something on. Did you re resubmit things? You were
00:28:06
saying you did >> Friends Network cuz it got it got Why did it get cut? >> How did it get cut?
00:28:13
>> The first it was first week with Charles Barkley and Nirvana when I did Barkley
00:28:19
versus Barney. >> Oh, that's great. as the cold open which was just I panicked. I was like Barkley
00:28:24
but like I didn't know what the [ __ ] I was doing and then I had to write it
00:28:27
>> and then um >> and you were Barney the dinosaur or something. >> No, no, it was just cuz there was
00:28:31
commercials of Charles Barkley playing basketball against Godzilla for night at the time.
00:28:37
>> So I was like I was like oh this is great. Okay, I I'm in. >> And then uh we shot it at Hunter
00:28:44
College. It's like the next mo at like 8:00 a.m. Thursday morning. And then when I get there, like Al Franken's just
00:28:52
got like video village and he's like, "All right." He's got a shot list.
00:28:57
>> Which in hindsight, thank God, cuz what am I? I was like, "You guys play
00:29:00
basketball. You beat up the guy in the Barney suit." They had a stunt man in a
00:29:03
Barney suit. >> Yeah. >> And uh I was It was like It's a very unfair tugofwar guy that's been there
00:29:10
eight days. Al Franken, the guy that's going to be a senator. And um >> and the new guy. Yeah. Yeah. And the big
00:29:17
argument was he would he's he didn't >> At one point I had Barkley kneing just
00:29:23
basketball's out the window and he just knees Barney in the nuts and uh Franken
00:29:28
goes no we're not doing that. He go you can't have Barney kneing you can't have
00:29:32
Charles Barkley knee and Barney in the nuts. >> You can't. >> And that was like my only like thing
00:29:37
where I dug in and I was like this has to be and we wound up doing it but it was it was really bizarre.
00:29:42
>> Was it in it? >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Got a lot more. Yeah. So, the
00:29:45
Psychic Friends Network, it was uh Nirvana and uh Barkley. No, sorry. It was the second week with the Shannon
00:29:52
Doority. >> Yeah. >> O and Cypress Hill. >> What do you mean? O
00:29:56
>> well, I'll tell you. So, I had uh so the the the conceit of the sketch is
00:30:02
Christopher Walkkins, the last guy you want getting inside your head and helping you with psychic issues. It's
00:30:07
like, you know, I can help you with romance. I could be in your garage waiting for you when you get home.
00:30:14
saturity and so >> that's a really good tone you have. >> And then we had other like David was um
00:30:20
>> Chris you were Chris Glover >> like hey I want to help you. There's all
00:30:26
these celebrities that you don't want, you know, and then we got away to a phone and the phone doesn't ring cuz
00:30:31
everybody's freaked out and and he keeps going, "Why aren't you calling?"
00:30:35
>> And I had Shannon Doerty as Shawn Young in the catsuit cuz the story at the time
00:30:39
was that she showed up to Warner Brothers dressed as Catwoman cuz she wanted to party and she freaked
00:30:43
everybody out. And then Shannon Doerty like on Friday says, "I'm not comfortable making fun of Shawn Young
00:30:50
>> and was like this Pac-Man noise." Exactly. That's what I was saying. A a sketch loses
00:30:57
momentum for that and now you have to resubmit it. >> Oh, I was [ __ ] heated.
00:31:01
>> And then so I was well not on that show. I thought my life was over. And then it
00:31:05
was week three, Errol Smith and Jeff Goldblum. And uh I was in the writer room just just sulking, just being a
00:31:14
[ __ ] baby. And Lauren comes in and goes, "How's uh >> how's the Christopher Walkan sketch
00:31:19
coming?" And I said, "I'm not going to do it this week." And he goes, "I think
00:31:22
you have guilt and momentum on your side." >> Ooh. >> And I was like,
00:31:28
>> [ __ ] have a computer. I was >> Oh, yeah. >> I was writing on yellow legal pad
00:31:33
looking where I didn't know where to hand it in. Like, I don't know where to
00:31:35
hand in sketch. >> Yeah. Claire Claire went home at [ __ ] 10:00. It's 3:00 a.m.
00:31:40
>> And she trying to hand it to somebody. >> All the guys are hitting a button on
00:31:44
their computer and the sketch goes to the magic sketch place. Um, I didn't. >> No, it sucked because you go in there,
00:31:49
you first of all, you write on legal pad. I go home at 3:00 in the morning, finish writing it, I have to take a cab
00:31:54
back from the upper west side to hand it in to Claire and the madmen girls that are typing it.
00:31:58
>> And then I go back home and then I come back for read through. So, it wasn't
00:32:02
like attachment send. There was no laptop. So, it was [ __ ] horrible. >> Remember that's how it was for you,
00:32:09
right? >> Yeah. And I didn't know I knew nothing about writing a sketch. I didn't know if
00:32:14
you're in the sketch. I don't know if I write David or do I write Crisen.
00:32:18
>> Yeah. >> Like I just basic low the lowest common denominator. That's a good question. I'm
00:32:24
not sure I know at this point. >> And back then did we put >> um >> I just [ __ ]
00:32:33
>> Did we put names of us? No, you put the name of the character. >> No, you put character.
00:32:38
>> Yeah. >> Yeah. I remember, you know, I saw yesterday Ian Maxton. >> Remember when
00:32:43
>> Remember when Norm knocked him out cold? >> Oh, >> you remember that?
00:32:48
>> I think he scored. >> I don't ever see Norm being whatever you're about to say.
00:32:52
>> Dave was Why not? >> I don't know. >> Norm violent. I never saw I was always I
00:32:58
don't want to say I was violent. >> He squirted it with water by chance, you
00:33:01
know. >> But uh >> it was a cigarette thing. So Norm would smoke after the no smoking. Like this is
00:33:06
people don't understand like it used to be like you could smoke in buildings. It
00:33:09
was like whatever. >> And then all of a sudden it was like by the way like you're not allowed to smoke
00:33:13
in buildings anymore. So there was a grace period of people like oh that's right. I forgot or they didn't care. So
00:33:18
Norm was on the same where Farley got >> where I tackled Farley. He was on that
00:33:22
couch smoking and Ian Max Graham all six 10 of them walks in with his little [ __ ] yogurt. You always had like
00:33:28
>> Excuse me. >> You mean you mean gay? >> Uh a festive yogurt.
00:33:33
>> Happy. That was the name of it. Was happy gay yogurt. And um >> and he walked in with his yogurt and
00:33:38
oats and uh Norm smoking and he had a glass a plastic cup of water and he just looked at Norm and he threw the water on
00:33:46
Norm and Norm just stood up one punch out. >> Norm was deceptively a big guy. You
00:33:53
don't really think of it. I mean, he was sort of a bean pole in a way in the '9s.
00:33:57
Thicker, >> big. >> Do you remember when you guys did the uh the Crystal Meth Sketch? Like you were
00:34:03
like Tony Robbins, the weight loss guy. I It was I think it was you and Fred and
00:34:07
it was Ride the Snake. >> Oh, yeah. Ride the Snake. >> You know, they show uh basically you get
00:34:11
people hooked on meth to lose weight >> and and uh on those commercials where
00:34:16
they'll show like an outline of a fat body and it says like after 6 weeks and
00:34:20
it goes in a little bit. This one was like six hours and it was like a skeleton.
00:34:23
>> Yeah. And so he's getting so they have this thing of Farley at a drive-through
00:34:27
window, a pre-f filmed piece, and he's like, "Let me have 14 cheeseburgers, 14
00:34:31
apple pies, 22 French fries, and three chocolate milkshakes." And the guy in
00:34:36
the box goes, "Will that be all?" And he goes, "No, I'll also have." So we argued
00:34:43
for two hours over what the back end of that order should be. Like he should just repeat the exact same order or
00:34:48
like, "No, make that diet coke." Or, "No, give me three apple pies." And for
00:34:53
two hours, you know, it just goes around and around and Norm was in the corner >> of the room like we it was I think it
00:35:00
was 3:30 in the morning at this point. Norm goes, "Hey, you know, you guys have
00:35:03
Chris at that drivethru window, you know, go and give me all these burgers, you know." And uh the guy in the box
00:35:10
goes, "Hey, will that be all?" And how about Chris says, "Yes, >> it's a great norm."
00:35:20
>> That's an incredible norm. When they filmed it, Chris had like this look of
00:35:24
incredible pride. The guy goes, "Will that be all?" I remember his arms. He goes,
00:35:31
>> "Yes." >> He was already working for him. Like, he had different habits at this point in
00:35:37
his crystal meth. >> I mean, I think Norm with one syllable, we were just a
00:35:43
pack of dogs hunting in the wrong direction. And Norm's like, "Hey, yes."
00:35:47
>> Simplified it. >> Yeah. We would go back and forth over many jokes like that. Like how do you
00:35:52
get out of a sketch? >> And you if you're the writer of the sketch or if it's your sketch, you do
00:35:57
get to pick like you get a Downey throwing a joke in a smile, a Frank and it's great and you get to add you like
00:36:03
when Rob did Copy Machine and everyone's like sting stinging, you know, everyone
00:36:09
throw in any thing and he you get the benefit of a room. Every sketch does, not just Rob's everyone. That's fun.
00:36:16
down here. I remember once was like week three and he goes, "You know, I got um I
00:36:20
want to talk to you about comedy writing at some point." And I was like, "Oh,
00:36:23
yeah." >> About what? Comedy writing. >> Comedy writing. I was like, "Great."
00:36:26
>> And so I was like, "Hey, you got time?" And he's like, "No, not today. It'll be
00:36:29
like down the line. Me and you are going to sit down. I want to talk to you about
00:36:31
comedy writing." So it's my like week, I don't know, 17. >> Yeah.
00:36:37
>> And he goes, "Jay, what are you doing?" Like he goes, "When when are we going to
00:36:41
have that talk about comedy right?" And I was like, "I'm ready." And he goes,
00:36:44
"Come on in." I go in his office and he goes, "You know what the three funniest words in
00:36:49
comedy are?" I go, "No." He goes, "Full-blown aids." >> Fullblown AIDS.
00:36:54
>> And I go, "Yeah." He goes, "Yeah." All right. >> Thanks for coming by.
00:36:58
>> And that was it. >> He set me up for four months. Set you up. >> Four months. And he says,
00:37:02
>> "When are we going to have that talk?" >> Full-blown. >> We saw Downey this week.
00:37:06
>> Really? >> And I haven't seen >> I had dinner with him last night.
00:37:08
>> Yeah. He talked about the Indian British war uh in 1740 for like an hour.
00:37:15
Unbelievable. This just in Oh, yeah. It's so fun to listen to him talk about American
00:37:20
history. He'll go into a college library for hours in Yale or something. He's
00:37:25
just >> I love when he turn up on sketches or like when Smiggle would turn up on a
00:37:29
sketch. I always feel like >> somebody from the other side c cracked through.
00:37:33
>> He cracked through. It's hard being a feature player. I think Odenkirk and
00:37:37
Conan were feature players and they never got a fair shake to be in especially when I was there. It was
00:37:42
>> the only time I saw Conan on camera was that get handsome sketch when Mike Myers
00:37:45
was doing Get Handsome Handsome or whatever. >> One of the guys in the audience like I
00:37:49
got handsome. >> Oh yeah, that was probably for a Alec Baldwin type host too.
00:37:54
>> How about the amount of rewrites when they're not needed? Like Mike Myers
00:37:58
would just hand in these perfect sketches and you just sit in a room for eight hours and guys would just dissect
00:38:03
his sketch. Bro, it's it's just it's why are we doing it? >> It's perfect.
00:38:08
>> If people at home don't know that the rewrite rewrite table, what it start at
00:38:12
1 on Thursday after read through read through Wednesday. >> I mean, ideally
00:38:16
>> it starts around 1 >> roughly and it goes till about 4 a.m. So you're there. That's a long haul. And uh
00:38:23
every sketch gets about two hours or something. It's just gets my >> What was the name of the restaurant you
00:38:27
mentioned? You >> Wally and Joseph. >> I remember I went there. I felt like a a
00:38:30
big shot when you were like, "Come on, we're going." >> Oh, yeah. It's fun. Wally and Josephs
00:38:34
and I but I always felt because you came in with like Timmy and like you said like Adam and Rob and so you guys were
00:38:40
kind of a group and then when I came in anytime I was with you guys I felt like a freshman hanging out with seniors.
00:38:46
>> You're in the conversation but you're not really >> but you weren't part of like the next
00:38:50
group. You were sort of a tweener kind of right. >> Yeah, totally. It was me, Sarah,
00:38:55
Norm, and all the Harvard guys like Steve Lner, Lou Morton, Dave Mandel, >> and then uh David Tells
00:39:04
>> There's so many Ivy League writers on SNL. >> I know. >> I know. Where'd you go to Did you go to
00:39:09
college? >> You know, no one's ever asked me that in my life. >> Really?
00:39:13
>> And ever. That's the first I used to joke about it. Nobody's ever asked me
00:39:17
where'd you go to college. It's just implied. >> Only because they're Harvard, guys. This
00:39:21
is this is New Jersey public school >> state, baby. 95 bucks a semester. >> Yeah.
00:39:26
>> Oh, it's just a joke student cuz there's no curriculum for standup comedy,
00:39:31
>> right? >> And so it's just like what is this? We're adding letters. Like what the [ __ ]
00:39:35
are we talking about? >> Yeah. Then you go but like >> she just got in the clubs right out of
00:39:41
high school then. >> Yeah. I started at 16. Same as you. >> 16? I didn't start at 16.
00:39:45
>> Oh, what did I say? >> You didn't let me finish. >> You said 20.
00:39:49
>> I said 60. >> Said 20. >> Yeah. Hey, you didn't let me finish.
00:39:51
>> I have another question for you. >> Ready? >> By the way, when you look up research on
00:39:57
you, it says what Jay's favorite songs are. >> Really? >> Why? >> I think that was a Don Imus question.
00:40:02
You got to give him your top five. >> All right. Here, cuz it's out in the
00:40:05
ether. What's the difference between what you could talk about your first marriage versus your recent marriage?
00:40:11
>> I mean, being a mature later in life, being a mature adult being getting married as opposed to
00:40:17
being young. Lauren said >> something wise. >> Every man should have three marriages.
00:40:24
>> One in his 20s and 30s, one in his 40s, and the third in his 50s when he knows
00:40:29
what he really wants. >> And that's exactly how it went with me. >> Oh, three.
00:40:36
>> Three. >> Okay. >> And Jeanie's the first >> I'm not going to say marriage cuz I
00:40:41
don't want to put anybody on blast, but like the first woman I've ever been with
00:40:44
that just wasn't like depressed. >> So, it's like interesting. and like her own like, "Oh, I'm going to
00:40:50
go look at I'm going to go." What' you say? >> I said, "There's some blast."
00:40:54
>> No, but you're younger. I think that the one I knew was an actress seemed like a
00:41:00
great girl and that I think everyone just changes in life. So, you change, maybe she changes, maybe it's a great
00:41:07
run and then it it just turns into something else where it doesn't work out.
00:41:11
>> I was never the first one I just was never like in love. It >> just sort of that's how it goes. That's
00:41:16
the progression of a relationship. somebody, you know, when you're dating somebody and you're young and they go,
00:41:20
"Why don't why don't we go steady?" And you're like, "You know, cuz I'm from the
00:41:23
50s." Yeah. >> When are you going to wear my sweater, my pin? >> When are you going to do this? When are
00:41:27
we going to live together? And you're like, "All right, [ __ ] you know,
00:41:29
we'll live together." Turn into Colin Quinn. All right, we'll live together.
00:41:33
>> Yeah, let's not, you know, cohabitate too long. >> I digress.
00:41:37
>> And that is a great callin to call these out. He just did a brilliant call.
00:41:42
>> When are we going to get engaged? When are when are you going to get married?
00:41:44
And the proposal was like, "There's your ring. Are you happy? Like that's
00:41:48
actually how it went. So that's not a good >> So that how long did that last?
00:41:52
>> Six years. >> But I was on the show and she was in LA. So I was >> Let me insert this. Did you ever hear
00:41:58
Lauren say this? Um there's something about a man in his 40s and a woman in her 20s. They're both at the peak of
00:42:04
their power. >> Did he say that? >> It's almost Dr. Evil. >> That was almost Jimmy Stewart.
00:42:09
>> Yeah. They're both at the peak of their power. >> And the other quote, have you heard this
00:42:14
one? I said it on the podcast. Lauren again, marriage is a prison that everyone's trying to escape into.
00:42:21
>> You know who said that? Chris Jenner. >> Anyway, so the second marriage,
00:42:28
>> but I don't even know what you said cuz I was I'm embarrassed how I was all
00:42:31
fired up. I had Colin holsters. >> Well, I wanted to call out that you're
00:42:35
just he's Jay is throwing in these subtle impressions. So, give us a little quote. I'll give you
00:42:40
>> What was the quote, though? >> Oh, yeah. Marriage. Marriage is a prison
00:42:43
that everyone's trying to escape into. H well I don't I don't feel that way this
00:42:48
time because I'm you gota understand. Okay. All right. Let's break it down.
00:42:52
>> I've been as of today I've been sober two years and 6 months. >> Oh that's it.
00:42:57
>> So I met Jeanie after my divorce where that a divorce is the biggest hole in your soul because you get
00:43:07
married because you're certain it's an impossibility that you're going to get
00:43:10
divor. That's why you get married like oh this is it. This is great. And then
00:43:14
when that starts when the panels kind of start coming off the space shuttle, it's
00:43:19
it gets it you get nuts. >> Christy McAlliff said the same thing. >> And it it feels to me like a marriage
00:43:25
the one thing a marriage can't can't survive is contempt. >> Yeah.
00:43:30
>> Either from either side. >> And you were not if you were if you were
00:43:35
drink or whatever. >> Well, what was your drug of choice? Were you alcohol?
00:43:38
>> This time it was aderall. I went I went down. Oh, it helped me focus on getting
00:43:44
>> I think more people do that. So then you started taking it just to feel okay
00:43:48
after the divorce. It was like well [ __ ] like I want to I just wanted to like feel something. I' I've always been a
00:43:53
drug addict and an alcoholic. It wasn't like this one event made me this thing.
00:43:57
Like I was an alcoholic and drug addict when I was born and long before I ever picked up a drink. I I've always needed
00:44:03
more than anybody else in every capacity. >> And yeah, it's just a genetic brain.
00:44:07
Everybody else has this like plan for living that I'm not aware of and I'm I
00:44:10
always felt like on the outside looking in. >> Like if you and I were kids
00:44:14
>> and uh I was at your house and we were on your couch watching TV, I would spend
00:44:18
that entire time trying to convince you that we were having a good time on your couch watching TV.
00:44:22
>> Like I was just needy. Desperation's got a very distinct scent and I stunk.
00:44:27
>> Well, yeah. That's Well, we all are having a fist fight in our head either a
00:44:32
lot or a little. Yeah. You know. So I I quit drinking 1998 and then I used drugs
00:44:38
alcoholically. I'm a big pill guy. I love pills. So it was like Viking and Norcco and then when I stopped that a
00:44:43
couple times and then Adderall is the one that brought down the beast and um >> so that the divorce didn't make me use I
00:44:51
chose to go back to using drugs. Like I felt like I was I like having a secret like I'm getting away with something
00:44:56
like Yeah. >> So this is right when the pandemic was starting kind of >> before in the middle of the pandemic was
00:45:00
fantastic. Oh, I was just snorting aderall and I was paddle boarding and fishing for my paddle board. I was just
00:45:05
insane. I lived in Malibu on the water and I would just snort rails of >> Did it make you lose a tremendous amount
00:45:11
of weight? >> Oh, yeah. I went into treatment at like 160. >> I just was all I'll show you my before.
00:45:16
>> You know, aderal is big. I was having lunch with people about only like a year
00:45:19
ago and a guy goes, "I wish I had my aderal with me. I don't have one." And
00:45:23
the waitress came out. He goes, "Do you have an Adder?" She goes, "Yeah,
00:45:25
>> yeah, it's >> And I was like, does everyone have?" Like, yeah, I know people just take a a
00:45:29
decent amount to and then write or do a project. >> Yeah. >> But but then add addiction is a whole
00:45:35
another >> Well, it's hard to keep it in check, I'm sure. >> So, I met Jeanie at the very beginning
00:45:40
where it was like manage. It's fun fun with problems then it's problems. So,
00:45:44
she met me at the fun and then it was fun with problems. She was I had a radio show and I interviewed her over the
00:45:49
phone >> and I imagined that there was like a vibe there over the phone. I like, "All
00:45:54
right, joining us now is Genie Bus on the on the hotline." And then I went to
00:45:59
the Twitter DM. I asked her to do my podcast and then I had left my house. I was staying at the Beverly Hills Hotel
00:46:07
and when I went to the elevators to go get her. When she walked out of the elevator, it was just
00:46:13
>> I was done. Like it was slow motion. It was it was actually for me it was love.
00:46:17
>> You talk to her on the phone or over in the radio and then you see her in
00:46:20
person. So the vibe is so strong, just instant. >> I mean, I think it was one-sided, like,
00:46:25
you know, she was she I don't think she had love at first sight, but I like I
00:46:29
remember it was slow motion. I remember like there was a green elevator door and
00:46:32
that palm tree carpet. I was like, whoa. And I just wanted to be with her all the
00:46:36
time. >> And then >> cool, she's a happy person is kind of what you allude to. Like a that's that's
00:46:43
very >> Well, I'm a happy person, too. Like that's >> But you were coming right off the
00:46:47
addiction at that point. >> Yeah. And it was like this person like I I I don't know. It was just like I it
00:46:52
was a puzzle piece that had been missing >> from my big jigsaw puzzle my whole life
00:46:57
I felt. And um then my drug addiction got really bad and she was at my intervention
00:47:03
>> which was at my an intervention being the worst surprise party you'll ever go
00:47:07
to. You walk in like everybody you love is there and you're like hey oh no >> and I thought she did the intervention.
00:47:15
So, you know when you angry pack, you either never take your eyes off, you either don't look at them at all.
00:47:21
>> Yeah. >> Or you never take your eyes off them. >> Angry packing.
00:47:24
>> Yeah. So, I was like I was just angry packing for rehab and I never took my
00:47:28
eyes off a genie and then I got to rehab and all I had was socks. >> Yeah.
00:47:35
>> And then, you know, so she stuck with me. >> She stuck with you. That's a big deal.
00:47:38
>> The like I was a mess. Like I was a mess. There's If the world was fair,
00:47:43
like we definitely wouldn't be together. I I would have lost that that prize. And
00:47:48
we got married last week. It's 8 days today. We've been married. >> Any SNL people?
00:47:53
>> No. >> They're gross. >> There's only 20 people. >> Yeah. I guess the odds are all
00:47:58
>> David, I need you to pick the energy up a little bit. >> This J NPR over here.
00:48:06
>> No, you're talking about something nice. I'm trying to shut the [ __ ] up for a
00:48:09
second. It's hard. It's very hard. So now this marriage is like none other
00:48:18
like the not nothing against the first two wives. >> No, I think it's like it's also like you
00:48:23
know it's your last. >> Yeah. >> It's like I'm 53. >> Mhm. And it's um when you've when you've
00:48:31
been so humbled and demoralized and you've come completely undone and then you've brick by brick and stone
00:48:42
by stone built yourself back up into a human being that you've been meant to be
00:48:46
the whole time and that person's waiting for you at the end of that journey.
00:48:50
>> Mhm. >> I mean that's who else would you want to spend the rest of your life? What what's
00:48:55
your coping mechanisms when you feel bad if it's not at all or whatever? >> I'm a weird guy. Like I don't really
00:49:00
>> Do you meditate? Do you take a >> Yeah, every day? I don't really feel bad
00:49:03
though. I'm one of those weird I'm wired weird like I'm >> for an addict. Usually it's
00:49:07
>> a comic even like I just wake up kind of fired up. >> I always known you to be upbeat.
00:49:12
>> Yeah, I'm a happy dude. Yeah, like I've always been that way. I don't know. It's
00:49:14
just sometimes it's just the way your hard drive is installed. >> I think so. It feels like it's a
00:49:18
thermostat that you get at first. Even if I was on the color cover of Rolling Stone or something, I felt I was always
00:49:24
in this certain range >> on a 1 to 10, maybe maybe six or a seven. Not happy golucky, but it stayed
00:49:31
kind of consistent. >> It's Yeah. And in in addiction, it goes the other way where it's just becomes
00:49:38
this mania >> like also >> when I was in my addiction, I was diagnosed manic depressive. I was
00:49:44
diagnosed bipolar. And then I work a program and I go through 12 steps for a program that might be anonymous. And
00:49:51
then that became I now I have like this monotheism for all of my problems. Like every single problem in my life, it can
00:50:01
be remedied by the program. So they're not no one suggesting medication or anything for
00:50:10
>> No, I actually got off that was the end of the story that I forgot to put in is
00:50:13
I at about a year and a half sober. I got off all my medication and it was just it was a direct result of my drug
00:50:20
addiction cuz you it's like the old equalizers on a car stereo where you get
00:50:24
them just right and when you snort aderall you just b you just blast them all up to 10 across treble bass fader
00:50:31
this and then when you come off them boom they come crashing back down and then you just keep jamming them back and
00:50:36
forth back and forth and it's just not an accurate it's just not an accurate
00:50:40
gauge of how you're actually feeling cuz you're either in mania or you're just
00:50:44
completely panicked cuz you're going to run out of drugs. >> Damn. >> So, Saturday Night Live is an
00:50:49
emotionally violent uh place for anyone with mental health stuff or >> Yeah. But I was I'm
00:50:56
one of the best things I learned in recovery was that I'm I am the reason for all of my suffering, which thrilled
00:51:03
me because if I'm the reason for my suffering, then I always have a solution. I can change how I'm looking
00:51:09
at something or I can go be of service and help somebody else. And then just because if I'm pissed off, it's it's
00:51:15
really just a perverse >> selfishness because if I'm pissed off, I'm only thinking about me.
00:51:20
>> So, as an alcohol, an active alcoholic on Saturday Night Live, it's you know,
00:51:24
woe is me. Poor me, poor me, pour me a drink. So, it's like I didn't get my I
00:51:29
didn't get my sketch on like, oh, this [ __ ] bl >> and that's if I if I could do it again,
00:51:35
if I to be I guess it's like the classic SNL lament. Oh, if I could be 53 in that
00:51:42
23 year old body and just be like, >> "Okay, >> I can deal with it."
00:51:46
>> I get to watch Nirvana rehearse. All right. >> I know. You didn't even think of how
00:51:50
great we had like see Nirvana in the cafeteria eating. >> I never felt like they owed me anything.
00:51:55
Or even in standup. I remember I would talk to young comedians like they get all into the drama. Yeah. I was friends
00:52:02
>> into the drama of standup. I'm getting [ __ ] man. I should be middling by
00:52:06
now. They put that guy getting all wound up in that. >> But I think guys like you and me had a
00:52:11
lot of success quickly. >> Like it was sort of Yeah. Don't you think so? Like you're I'm like
00:52:18
>> I had a lot of stage fright. Well, there were no comedy clubs when I started.
00:52:22
Literally, I open the key to enjoying the benefits of the program. >> Yeah.
00:52:27
>> That'll set you back. >> Yeah. Just opening for bands and getting
00:52:31
annihilated stuff. Normal stuff. But once I got into a club, a real club, not a not a honky tonk bar like the other
00:52:37
cafe and the hate, I started to progress just because of the environment. >> Yeah. Well, your talent though, it's you
00:52:43
you can't it's you can't deny it. I think it's Would you say that you rose
00:52:49
quickly once you got into the right environment of clubs? I would say that as quickly as I can that I never was
00:52:56
able to wrap my mind around like I'm one of those guys like I'm going to be on TV
00:53:02
like like Jerry Lewis or Jackie Lisa or something. And so I was I did a lot of shitty television.
00:53:08
>> Yeah. >> Because I had no they offered me Blue Thunder and I was in a helicopter James
00:53:13
Fentino who was coked out and drinking straight vodka. Fantastic >> by the way. And u
00:53:18
>> what else do you do in >> So it it it In retrospect, it seems like
00:53:24
>> I had I played Morango Casino and they >> they sent a helicopter for me.
00:53:30
>> [ __ ] yeah. >> And my pilot was Lorenzo Llamas. >> Shut the fudge up actor.
00:53:34
>> Yeah. At at Vanise airport. They're like, "This is your pilot. We call him
00:53:38
Lorenzo Llamas." And I was like, "H yeah, he looks like him." And then we're
00:53:41
like somewhere over like Ontario and it's I look at him, it says Llamas on his headset
00:53:45
>> to make to grind it into you. >> Yeah. I was like >> to make sure you ask him.
00:53:50
>> Yeah. only on my side. >> I was only on my side. >> Switch it
00:53:57
>> and I wanted to ask him like, "Are you Lorenzo Llamas?" But I didn't want to be
00:54:01
that obvious. So I was like, "Hm." So I was like, "How much money do you think
00:54:05
you've left on the table doing this?" That was pretty smooth to ask him that,
00:54:08
right? >> Is that what you said? >> Instead of saying like, "Are you" and he
00:54:11
goes, "Oh, of 95% of it." I'm like, "Okay, that's Lorenzo Llamas."
00:54:15
>> Yeah. He's a helicopter pilot. He just digs it. And then he stayed I
00:54:21
said, "Come to the show." And he's like, "I'm not supposed to." I'm like, "Come
00:54:24
on." So he stayed he stayed for the show and then we flew home and somewhere over
00:54:29
like the desert he goes, "Do you mind if we stop for gas?" >> A helicopter.
00:54:33
>> Who says no to that >> in the helicop? >> What do you want? E.
00:54:41
>> Before Jay goes, I have to tell him one more thing. was I I auditioned for Jerry Magcguire.
00:54:48
>> You did? >> Yeah. For your part. >> Really? >> Yeah. Bob Sugar.
00:54:52
>> Interesting. >> So, who got it? >> Anyway, um No, I remember
00:54:57
>> you had it when I when we were auditioning. >> Is that Cameron Crow?
00:55:00
>> Yes. There was already an offer to Owen Wilson because >> they had done Jim Brooks and Owen Wilson
00:55:06
had already done Bottle Rocket together. So by the time that I don't know about
00:55:10
you, but but hey, when I do this part, >> when I do Wilson, it sounds like
00:55:16
Jennifer Coolage. >> I mean, I I I try to do it, >> but my mouth gets too tight. And I like
00:55:23
I say, we take it up, but >> I do him telling a toddler, you can't have any more candy.
00:55:28
>> Please let me >> I don't think you should have any more candy.
00:55:33
>> I'm just doing Melissa. I love that guy. >> I do a Haunted Mansion. And I'm like,
00:55:37
"Oh, he was on the screen." I'm like, >> "Owen Wilson, >> I love this guy."
00:55:40
>> Woody Harrelson, Matthew McConna. Yeah. >> Three Texas eccentrics. Put them in some
00:55:46
movie. Hollywood. >> I love those guys. >> Here's my Colin Quinn. When I said his
00:55:50
friend just moved in with his girlfriend, I go, >> "Does he did he like moving in with his
00:55:55
girlfriend?" He goes, "What do you think?" >> What do you think?
00:55:59
>> Anyway, >> I got before we leave, I don't know. This is a quick podcast. I got to tell
00:56:03
you two spade stories that are fantastic. >> Oh, I love it. We're uh I was doing I
00:56:08
went back to see the show and I was filming Picture Perfect with Jennifer Anderson and I see Davey in the hallway
00:56:15
and he goes, "How do you like working with Jenny?" >> And I go, "I'm such a dick." I go, "I
00:56:21
don't know. She smokes cigarettes." And he goes, "Let her down easy.
00:56:26
Is that the most David joke ever?" >> That is exactly how it went. >> Let her down easy. And he did that David
00:56:32
thing when he goes >> and then uh we we were at a strip club >> and um the dancer I'm being generous the
00:56:42
dancer the artist >> you know like when male bodybuilders they can flex their pecs.
00:56:47
>> Arnold used to do that. Yeah. >> So this girl would do it and so she's
00:56:52
dancing for David and she's going like doing the bodybuilder boob flex and it's
00:56:56
like and like two songs go by and she circles back around and she does it again and David goes seen it.
00:57:07
>> She just she was like like she going to be she just got humiliated like that.
00:57:15
>> You were like seen it >> seen it. That's very David. Yes. God, it
00:57:20
reminds me. We went over We got a picture with Oh, what? Who cares? Uh, okay. Thank you, Jay. We We You have the
00:57:26
best [ __ ] stories. This is great. Thank you for coming on, buddy. >> Amazing.
00:57:30
>> This is great. It's easy, right? Easy. >> Like, you could do it on Zoom. I'm like,
00:57:33
"Oh, I want to hang out." >> No, it's fun to come in here. We like
00:57:35
when people come in. >> We We do a lot of Zooms. Trust me. >> A lot of Zooms.
00:57:39
>> A lot of Zooms. But we uh >> Carcenio. >> Oh, yeah. >> Um, yeah. I I understand that a uh a
00:57:45
crib is uh your house and your a bed. I know. I can't long fingers. >> Got to love a [ __ ] wig.
00:57:56
>> Cario. >> I Yeah, I'll show you something when we're done here.
00:58:01
>> Oh, yeah. >> Because it's it's it's Farley and and Hartman on on a Carson episode.
00:58:07
>> Was it Were they Dom Deloise and uh >> Domo Reynolds >> where they flip out? Did you ever see
00:58:12
that? Yes. So [ __ ] funny. >> Do you remember when Far on the Scared Straight motivational speaker, we we
00:58:19
made an arrangement like when Farley falls through the wall of the prison, we were all going to run out. We're then we
00:58:24
all run out. >> We're all going to fall on top of Chris >> as a joke.
00:58:29
>> So he can't come back in and say live from New York. >> Oh, that's funny.
00:58:32
>> So Chris goes through the wall. Me, you, Sandler, Schneider, and Timmy fall on
00:58:37
top of Chris and he just lifts us up like leave bags. like he didn't the peak
00:58:45
>> not even one second was was it didn't just from New York >> and he had he had the line where him and
00:58:54
Martin Lawrence are selling us back and forth for cigarettes cuz that's the prison thing and Harley was supposed to
00:59:00
go sold seven [ __ ] to the homie in the cornrows and it said so you're the camera he goes sold seven [ __ ] to the
00:59:08
corny in the homie Rose oops He just looks >> looks in the camera. >> Oh, I love you, Chris.
00:59:18
>> All right. >> All right. Thanks, boys. >> Hey guys, if you're loving this podcast,
00:59:27
which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app, give us a review, fivestar rating, and maybe even
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share an episode that you've loved with a friend. If you're watching this
00:59:37
episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on video now. >> Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey,
00:59:43
an executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman, Mattie Sprung Kaiser, and Leah
00:59:50
Reese Dennis of Odyssey. Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman, and the show is produced and edited by Phil Sweet
00:59:57
Tech. Booking by Cultivated Entertainment. Special thanks to Patrick Fogerty, Evan Cox, Mora Curran, Melissa
01:00:06
Wester, Hillary Shuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gainner, Shan Cherry, Kurt Courtourtney, and Lauren Vieiraa. Reach
01:00:15
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01:00:22
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