00:00:00
J Moore is a cast member that you know Dana started when I was there as a very young man came in yeah Jay Moore who people know now but he came uh from SNL he had some great
00:00:13
impressions walk in a few others and very good mimic of that um he had a run there went off he does a lot of sports he does a lot of stand up
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um knows a lot about a lot been in a lot of great movies yeah oh yeah did a movie with Aniston uh he's in a lot of stuff
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beat me out for a part in a movie we talk about that you know we did a do you remember when we did our special about
00:00:38
the great Chris Farley those those two episodes yeah well Jay came in and had some very very funny funny stories some of it I thought was folklore but he was
00:00:49
there or maybe instigated it so anyway I would stay tuned for his his really funny funny stories about the
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great Chris Farley oh he's got so many Farley stories about everything in 8h and uh also talks about lately uh is
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marriage to Jeannie Buss yeah he's in a newlywed and uh he's in a really good really good space interesting yeah he's gone through a lot and um hey we [ __ ]
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laughed the whole time enjoy Jay Moore please [Music] foreign [Music] when did you come on 90 start 91 I was
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there till 93. I wait do you know who Dana is which one are you a church slay fan or are you more of a guard guy are you coffee machine
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I had to grow this so we look even I was not on Saturday Night Live with you today
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well we both were there in 92. so there's a little bit of a problem yeah do you remember when you and I were
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there David was Dana there also no Sarah and norm and David did you do it with Sarah and norm and David tell no that was later okay so you weren't there in 92 because that's when I was doing
00:02:05
was Wayne's World happening all the time what is this what's Wayne's World okay let's back up so you missed it by not as
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much you still just play a little bit of birdie told me but I remember being there once where where Franken and David
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were gonna fight Franken and Chris Farley were gonna wrestle and I remember you hanging around and I remember oh Jay you know like you were like I could take both you guys kind of like you were
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gonna there was a three so yeah and uh I also remember far okay SP David and um so weird to call you David David wolf were in the graphics I knew Fred
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Wolf would come up immediately he's the best but yeah he's really funny you're not so funny that's really good I just
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can't talk Shooters up here David it's really good you're really good I have to tell you a story but I'm gonna talk to you for one second I want to talk to you
00:03:00
today I have a question I just remember a waiter coming over going get the [ __ ] out of here he's in the middle of a punchline and the waiter would walk up
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because get the [ __ ] out of here because they always come on the punch I was pretty good right but I wasn't as
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funny as you guys uh so space and um Fred Wolfe or in the graphics room and I walk in to see what they're doing then Farley walks in and then Fred just Fred's like the
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master manipulator like hey Chris you know Jay Russell you wrestled no you know Jay says he could kick your ass at
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wrestling and I'm like yeah I'm 23 years old I'm like absolutely Chris is just like yeah all right so we
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square up the wrestle I like he's not even in this this was in The Writer's room where we no it was in the graphics
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room oh okay on the way to Lauren's office okay and uh because just you and Fred were just doing private time or something Graphics what happened so I made the mistake of
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shooting in on Chris's legs and he just collapsed on top of me and then I went to my stomach and I brought my elbows in and Chris for the next six minutes sat
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on my back going to get out no I thought I couldn't really thought my life was gonna end like you know of course yeah Chris you're trying 890 my back and
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after six minutes David saved me he goes get the [ __ ] off come on Chris and he just jumped first of all it was all
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Fred's fault oh okay Jay is is doing my mean Christopher Harley's running thing this heart attack thing where he always hits this here he goes I have uh are you supposed to have
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a tingling feeling in your left arm it's going numb yeah yeah so what about when he walked you to the elevator wasn't he
00:04:49
mad about that oh I pinned him yeah so the rematch was it was it was uh Dana Carvey it was wow that was the bro I was
00:04:57
reading your name right there it was uh it was Alec Baldwin I get you guys we know it's just a thing it was Alec
00:05:05
Baldwin and Kim Basinger where Co uh mingling yeah and um my my follow-up to that was like it really like bugged me because I'm like can I ask for a second how good were you
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at wrestling you're a good wrestler much better as an adult what was the weight when you took on Farley what was your
00:05:23
weight was probably 160. okay so he was lean okay so talk about how you pinned him by the elevator how did you pin a
00:05:30
five six 270 pound man he was sitting on the camera that's about what I figured he was at his prime glad you asked yeah
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you get him right after he went to Wally and Joseph's and he had shells Wally and Joseph's he's taking a nap that was our
00:05:43
go-to restaurant in New York he was sitting on the couch right inside the restaurant right right inside the
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writer's room yeah yes and I walked in I said hey I said I said something Hey fat boy I still want to go you know
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he went to get up and everyone's sitting at the giant table Yeah Boy you still want to go why are you doing this I was nuts yeah untreated alcoholism what are you doing
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it totally and he went to get his mistake was it's like never get in a fight getting out of your car you're
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dead so he got caught in that limbo starting halfway and then where'd you go so I went uh my right arm around his head and I just went bodied into him and
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then we just were falling forward and then I clasped my hands under his back of his knee so we did like a somersault in the room and I put my knee in his side and my
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forehead on his Temple just because I knew if I let him go he'd kill me I know so it's like when you're fighting people
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I don't want to let him go because he'll beat me up in front of I let him go and everyone's staring at me like what the [ __ ] is this guy doing
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so then I slap Chris's ass I go now we're even and I get up and I'm walking to the night elevators I don't know why I turn left instead of right and I just hear this like running up the Bulls
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behind me and I turn and it's like the entire room has emptied out and they're walking towards me but in front of them Chris is walking like a zombie like in a
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Scooby-Doo like with the big letter and his eyes are up in his head like his palms are terrifying so I had that time to get to the elevator and I'm hitting the button and I'm hitting the button
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the night elevator opens it's filled with people from the rainbow room yeah it's just a wall of black tie and gowns just taffeta and [ __ ] Ben Gay just
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all these old so I went into the elevator and then and Chris is walking towards the elevator now he's going to
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kill me and there's going to be collateral damage and I go look everybody that's Chris Farley and the whole elevator like on an episode of new
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heart just goes and he goes so lucky I gotta see what it [ __ ] murdered me oh my god when you get that
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temperature the only reason I lived is because just he had to get the laugh even in that even then like instead of
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running at me and grabbing me once everybody was mobile he was like I remember I told Dana I can't remember
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Chris and Jay there was a wrestling situation and then Jay got the best of them and went into the elevator I made him turn purple oh he got the best killed him so you had skill
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yeah a lot of confidence well I watch a lot of UFC so I you know you see me on that well I've seen guys that look like
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you I don't know but but a smaller person he just if it was he was the way he was getting up off the couch was just a godsend that I got really lucky and it just took a question well he was just
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obviously and he wasn't really happy man was he was quick he was just like hey he's like he always went like punchline
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first he's like all right young ballad yeah hey how are you and Farley walked in at like 1am on a Thursday it's just like whoa and he's
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like what are you guys doing and at the same time like creepy twins we said we'll pay you a hundred dollars to [ __ ]
00:09:28
out the window oh you you initiated that and he just went oh it gave me the money
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first give me the money and so he did this more than once 17th floor no that's we had to fill out a police report because they thought he was a jumper hmm so he
00:09:46
was just he opens the window yeah does he take down his pants and then he puts his ass out so yeah and it was obvious right away he didn't have to [ __ ] at all because he was just he turned like
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purple from effort he was just like nothing happened no like a one little thing one hairy Milk Dud yeah and Lauren Michaels it was coming back from orsos
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excuse me Paul do you have a napkin okay it fell in the window onto my desk oh what so you initiated and you become the
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victim yeah and then uh he there was nothing like this well so we wipe I always leave this part of the story out out of respect but you guys know how much how long we can't
00:10:38
love anyone more no so he wiped his ass with his hands and is the only people listening who don't who think being on Saturday Night Live is a barrel of monkeys you're right
00:10:49
and this isn't it yes because how much fun it is he would come in my office and go yeah yeah I've got a greasy Trail
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which I figured out later what it was and he'd take my USA Today and go give me a piece of that and you know you can
00:11:04
do this so after he wiped his ass with his hand he went back to that mummy walk and he [ __ ] chased this oh yeah it
00:11:12
was 17th floor with the [ __ ] what's the Mommy walk and [ __ ] and I'm running down the hallway past like research and
00:11:20
there's those bookshelves in the hallway and me and David tell are running side by side and I'm like we're not gonna
00:11:26
make this side by side we got to go single file someone's gonna I don't want to be in in the back and Dave like I I'm
00:11:34
like two years removed from competitive wrestling and David tell a chain smoking miserable guy just passes me oh yeah
00:11:44
I hit the bookcase my shoulder like pops out and I'm just laying on my back and Chris for like minutes to just standing on me going oh with that then you have that room
00:12:01
The Writer's room was a very fun uh late night chaotic place and we're even Downey everyone's looking for any reason not to write [Music]
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the first sketch I ever handed Downey I didn't know like he slept there if he's going through some [ __ ] yeah and he just
00:12:21
wanted us around like in the loneliest hours between three and six A.M so remember you'd make a Swatch like
00:12:27
Joliet high school basketball like look at this look at you look at the ball movement oh you were out by that he did like to talk about like have I ever
00:12:33
gotten that downy's office which all we want to do is get down these expertise and he was you know he's been there for
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20 years so when we get in there he goes Spade what is going on in Arizona and then I would go through all that but I'm
00:12:46
trying to go through my progression so I can get to my horrible sketch that he's not gonna like and uh I would talk and
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talk and just talk and we would just talk and Schneider let me in I'm next too much time
00:12:58
so two in the morning you leave and then Schneider goes in and then but poor Jim that's what he had to do is just take
00:13:04
okay ideas one time he did say something smart he goes he always said something smart yeah but he said something that I
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remembered where he goes there's times when you're gonna give me an idea and I'm just gonna say I don't think you
00:13:16
should write it and I can't really tell you why I just know it probably won't get on and
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I can't even articulate it's just not right and I said okay fair enough and sometimes I would do it he goes
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I don't think that's the one and I'd be like this is one of the guys that decides so why go through the motions of
00:13:33
writing unless it's going to be so Primo he has to overturn his opinion but he just goes um
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and that's hard to do it's hard to tell someone not to write something the first sketch I ever handed him was the Christopher Walken Psychic Friends
00:13:45
Network I thought that had to get on didn't you know eventually and um but I was you know I didn't see him till
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like 9 00 A.M oh and I finished it at like midnight so you stayed the whole night on the couch and this and then he
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they go oh you can go Lord I think it was Lori joke but you can go see him and then he's sitting on his [ __ ] little
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couch brushing his teeth it's like a face of foam yeah and he goes let me see it and I go hey and I hand it to him and
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he puts his palm out like this and I put the sketch in his palm and he goes yeah it feels a little long ah he just waited
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out and then handed it back to you he was right though oh my God it was a heavy sketch yeah it was long I get
00:14:25
there and sometimes there was a Franken or maybe was it Rosie Schuster they would be Rosie Shoes 18 pages and read
00:14:31
through now uh read it who is that which one's Franken oh Franken okay I remember
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I had Franken somehow in like some sketch that was gonna get on I think it was like good morning Brooklyn or something it was gonna get on like it was just the vibe was there yeah and uh I had Franken and no the second friends
00:14:51
it was the walk-in sketch and tonight goes you gotta you gotta switch out no you got to switch out Frank and you
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can't and I go no this is funny because he's like the guy and he goes no don't put Franken in your sketch and I go why
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not he goes follow me and we walked out of the office around the corner down the hallway and there's that you know the
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framed photos and it's when they were having the white sale with slaves with Belushi and I guess and uh Bill Murray
00:15:19
and then the third one is Franken and they're just standing there like whatever and franken's like oh yeah like all puffed up chest he goes
00:15:25
That's why because he's overacting that's why Schneider's an old soul you're a [ __ ] rookie what do you know you don't know what you're doing they're poisoning our water well he can also
00:15:38
note you in your own sketch you know no he's because he was one of the ones that got the picture so yeah that was I mean
00:15:45
I'm talking Franken like he would right he would uh you know if he's in it he's also a writer and he's also one of the
00:15:51
producers that picks sketches so he has a lot of control of your own sketch which might that rub you wrong is the
00:15:57
Game of Thrones of SNL partnering with someone even if you you go into the room and you go I kind of have an idea it'd be like your psychic walking and then let them start the ball rolling oh
00:16:09
that's great that's great so they get proprietary so when Lauren is there anyone walking psychic they're involved
00:16:16
yeah see I didn't know any of that oh yeah I think when Jay started I don't know if I knew you I know you had a timer isn't he there no okay so I think uh we all had trouble we got there me
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everybody I had a lot because I couldn't quite like this dope that was better than me this guy Dana so when I was
00:16:36
always there when I got here it was like my protege I was the longest feature player Rob went first Sandler went first
00:16:43
Farley and they all they all went to cast and so I stayed an extra year in the uh on the bench kind of and I remember when I think you came on it was like kind of tough and maybe I try to
00:16:54
tell you and at the beginning in my recollection you were like you know I know it's hard
00:17:00
I know how it is but the truth was you can't even be prepared it's like you know it and you
00:17:06
get there and you go well my sketch was funny what's going on and then it just that's exactly what happened to me how did you start to go how do you and then
00:17:12
after three weeks that like I gave my best sketch the first week and it almost got on and then after that it was a lot
00:17:18
tougher because that was the one I worked on I go this this has to work and then another week comes by another week
00:17:24
and you're if you're not getting stuff on you start to lose you let me ask both of you guys a question I mean the first year I kind of harvested or adapted
00:17:31
stuff that I worked for me in clubs a lot of the time you know so I'm wondering what what were your killer
00:17:37
bits when you got it and you too Jay like how you got the show I mean your walking is right away I'm more of a
00:17:44
mimic so I didn't have like you have the you're really great Dana at um like your
00:17:49
original characters and I'm just doing an impression of a person I met kind of it's a it's across but it's still an
00:17:55
original thing like I'm just mimicking and I remember when um Jim Downey said you know go to the guys uh you know go
00:18:03
around to the other guy's offices and just do Impressions let them know what you and I was like so offended like I'm not gonna be a door-to-door [ __ ]
00:18:09
clown but that's exactly what I should have done if I could have done it over again I would have just walked into your office and been like I wrote a list out
00:18:16
of everyone that I did really and just passed it all around yeah who were you doing at that point it says you've been in clubs for a few years
00:18:29
sure Andrew McCarthy was that oh yeah we did it uh I love her man oh yeah we did it with
00:18:42
Phil on uh sassy when he had that talk show yeah we were just talking about stuff oh yeah that was with Phil Hartman
00:18:49
but see that's funny like if people if it's not accurate for me like that's just funny I love her so much
00:18:57
attitude and then you just say that's Andrew McCarthy yeah and it works because if you have one move the eyes
00:19:02
The Voice look close enough there you get your laugh that's all you need really in those sketches and I did I did
00:19:07
a bunch of black care like Arsenio and um Tracy but he wasn't famous yet it was 1995. oh he [ __ ] [ __ ] stay what are you doing crippled yeah that's why I got
00:19:21
these wheelchair gloves David Spade and this was seeing him in the clubs he wasn't on SNL yeah I went to go see him
00:19:27
at DM I went to go see him at DM prom and I walked into the Improv and he's fist fighting the audience in the hallway before they redid it and uh it was like 80 against one and he's just
00:19:40
like yeah I miss my daughter God damn it and then I go to help him in the fight and he turns to punch me in the face and
00:19:47
his fist stops like right at my face and he stops and he goes I'm not gonna [ __ ] with you Jay Morris you legendary
00:19:56
that was his wife either of you I almost just punched you in the face put a baby in you yeah Jay Moore got me boy
00:20:03
pregnant I like when Tracy does observational humor but it's it's only observational
00:20:09
to Tracy he's on stage like Oxnard who else remembers finger [ __ ] Portuguese girls on their handball courts you know what I'm doing you know what I'm talking
00:20:19
about people they all have like turquoise jewelry on Earth well Tracy We're not gonna have you back oh okay
00:20:38
so funny uh Daryl Hammond tells the story of Tracy like was Daryl's savior like Daryl was struggling and Chase who goes we gotta go get respect to the man
00:20:54
like this is the streets down down so he's got to go like we have to have like our meeting with Lauren just let him know we're soldiers oh okay and so they
00:21:04
waited they wait for like two hours and they finally get in and Lauren's like I have a seat guys hold on a second hello Mick it's like Mick Jagger calls they're sitting in those big [ __ ]
00:21:17
chair waiting and he's like one second oh hello Mick how's the tour young man and then they start talking and Dick
00:21:23
Cheney's office called Jagger than Cheney they're just getting more emasculated so it's like eight minutes total and then he goes all right thanks and they go outside the office
00:21:36
and Tracy looks at Daryl and goes there ain't no eye rolling in that [ __ ] d and that meant like like we're in the big leagues yeah there ain't no eye rolling in that
00:21:49
[ __ ] dude yeah so did you did you uh partner up with with Daryl a little bit but too impressionist we've been doing shows oh really wow right yeah oh good uh like
00:22:02
just a night of Impressions like he does 20 minutes I do 20 minutes do you have any overall q a is this the two of you
00:22:08
yeah we shut down the Q a last year because it's like do uh the Q A's like dude Schwarzenegger yeah it's like I
00:22:15
don't do q and A's are tough yeah would you like to take all the variables out and then but we have a guy Greg Baldwin
00:22:21
who's like the moderator he's like the James Lipton and then we do you know we just go back and forth back and forth we tell a couple stories and then we'll do like speed round which is mostly
00:22:32
cartoons that sounds great that sounds like a great show you like cartoons yeah who's your favorite Muppet Kermit yeah yeah I hold Kermit defog no
00:22:43
I like some other ones uh Cookie Monster Who's a homeless guy are you guessing or like who was your favorite Muppet no I like you get something
00:22:51
I'm not a muppet Beaker beaker's tight see and his boss uh professor professor honey you're a bald guy yeah he had no eyes but he had glasses Muppets are killing him up again I'm old
00:23:06
school I like bird oh yeah Bert and Ernie what was the story with them everybody yeah one came out right
00:23:14
Bert everything's Bert's an [ __ ] but Ernie just wore them down and just snapped
00:23:19
Bert's just runs a tight ship yeah Ernie was a Navy guy all right yeah her name is kind of a [ __ ] around but it's a
00:23:27
total Navy guy make the bed nice and yeah and they have to be a little opposite to make it work out so going back to Dana's question yes yeah I
00:23:34
didn't really bring anything other than impressions in uh with me but then I kept my impression's like a secret and then I had resentments that nobody was
00:23:45
promising I've ever done yeah which is again untreated does that mean you did all these movies and I see you like
00:23:51
always and I got a question for you I'm jumping around I'm sorry oh my co-host was asking you something I
00:23:57
was just saying you're more than an impressionist in your career you know Sports commentator that's not what I was gonna say well that's the thing with
00:24:03
Impressions too when people go how come you don't do Impressions when you're on stage it's it's not to me it's not stand
00:24:08
up it's a whole different toolbox yeah I feel like I'm kind of cheating like this
00:24:14
isn't stand up I'm just doing these [ __ ] balls I used to be I would get teased a lot in San Francisco like Bobby Slade yeah yeah do a funny voice do a
00:24:20
funny fight you know that's all you do and then I walked into the holy cities of this little Club one night and he's
00:24:25
doing one of the Bowery Boys that's like his big clothes yeah the Bowery Boys timely going back
00:24:33
um yeah it seems like it's a big Advantage just to have Impressions to go to maybe not depend on but to go to on
00:24:40
that show only if people know that you have them you well didn't you just go around to office go hey about this you guys saying
00:24:46
it was they literally never found out you got this secret no they found out like you know it would be like whatever
00:24:53
movie was playing right I would start quoting the movie because I just talk in movie quotes all the time anyway so
00:25:00
that's how I got Keitel on and um kaitel look I understand you're super [ __ ] pissed I tell I don't know what you think you
00:25:12
know but you're wrong he's a good kid can I tell I never hear anyone do well next time you paid attention to the broadcast we did it you were in the sketch no I
00:25:23
know we did wow SNL secrets well why was it where do you guys hide the cameras we're not filming this stupid thing what you're doing because we're stupid
00:25:35
no my eye is [ __ ] up I was gonna tell you when you came in um I don't know I just I woke up my eye
00:25:41
was red on the side so it looks like [ __ ] but I think it's did you ever not life-threatening did you have characters
00:25:47
when you came in or you know we did the thing where you like what you guys are saying about your
00:25:52
stand-up mine was just stories and and stand up and punch lines and just talking so I really wasn't loaded to go
00:25:58
in there to go I think it's a good idea to go into the offices and say hey guys I can do this or hey if you ever need
00:26:04
some but they you have to I'm wondering why is no one write for me but no one even knows who I am and they
00:26:09
don't give a [ __ ] and they've got 10 guys that are great right there to pick from so you almost have to go sell
00:26:16
yourself which is what we both didn't do and I didn't have as much to offer like I was just like sort of sarcastic that
00:26:23
might have been what they picked up just around the office or talking at the read through table or it uh rewrites but you
00:26:29
had some things that were useful like Impressions and attitudes so I guess it would have been good for you to go to
00:26:35
the Smiggle go to Conan go to those guys whoever was still around Jack Handy probably wouldn't have
00:26:40
written that much for either of us because he was writing his own stuff that was almost didn't need people
00:26:46
well you want to have a reason you know what I mean to do the impression that's kind of organic those guys make it good right yeah okay you know it was funny
00:26:55
like the things that don't get on like when you're just swinging for the fences because you've had no sketches on for so
00:27:00
long though I remember me and Steve flucked her head Christopher Walken as a waiter at Fridays and that was the whole scale oh yes like you should have a
00:27:07
dessert it's mount it was funny but it's just like what's what's the sketches right
00:27:29
[Music] I remember Andy Robin had a sketch he wound up going on sign Villa as a writer
00:27:36
but when he was on a snowy the sketch where people walked by each other in an office and they go how you doing he goes uh this week or so they kept missing
00:27:43
what they were saying and that they'd say the wrong answer you know what I mean like he misheard him or something or something dumb but it was just walk
00:27:50
by it's the whole sketch I think and then he submitted it probably five times and that that is the hardest thing to do is if you're not getting on and the
00:27:57
second time you put a sketch in I've done it it's got a stink on it no matter why it didn't get on the first time even
00:28:03
if the host it got cut after dress or killed but then it bumped with something the second time just isn't as good and
00:28:10
it's just harder and harder to get something on did you re resubmit things you were saying you did yeah Friends
00:28:16
Network because it got it was first week with Charles Barkley and Nirvana when I did Barclay versus
00:28:27
Barney and then I had to write it and then um and you were Barney the dinosaurs no no
00:28:38
it's just because there was commercials of Charles Barkley playing basketball against Godzilla for now at the time
00:28:46
I was like oh this is great okay I'm in and then uh we shot it at Hunter College
00:28:53
it's like the next more at like 8 A.M Thursday morning and then when I get there like Al frankens just got like video Village and he's like all right he's got a shot
00:29:04
list in hindsight thank God because one of my I was like you guys play basketball you beat up the guy in the Barney suit they
00:29:10
had a stunt man in a Barney suit yeah and uh I was like it was like it's a very unfair tug of war guy that's been there eight days the guy that's gonna be a senator and um
00:29:23
and the new guy yeah yeah and the big argument was he would he's he didn't at one point I had Barkley knee just
00:29:31
basketball's out the window and he just needs Barney in the nuts and uh Franken goes no we're not doing that he's like you can't have Barney and you can't have Charles Barkley and Barney in the nuts
00:29:43
can't and that was like my only like thing where I dug in and I was like this has to be and we wound up doing it but
00:29:49
it was it was really was it in it yeah yeah so the Psychic Friends Network it was uh Nirvana and uh Barkley no sorry it was the second week with the Shannon
00:30:00
Doherty yeah and Cypress Hill what do you mean hey well I'll tell you so I had uh so the the conceit of the sketch is Christopher Walken's the last guy you want getting inside your head and
00:30:14
helping you with psychic issues it's like you know I can help you romance I could be in your garage waiting for you
00:30:19
when you get home security and so it's a really good tone you have and then we had other like
00:30:27
David was um Christmas you were Crispin Glover yeah like hey I want to help you it's all these celebrities that you don't want yeah okay and then we've got a way to a phone and the phone doesn't
00:30:38
ring because everybody's freaked out and he keeps going why aren't you calling and I have Shannen Doherty as Sean Young
00:30:45
in the cat suit because the story at the time was like she showed up to Warner Brothers dressed as Catwoman she freaked
00:30:51
everybody out and then Shannon Doherty like on Friday says I'm not comfortable making fun of Sean Young and he's like this noise exactly that's what I was
00:31:03
saying a sketch loses momentum for that and now you have to resubmit it oh I was [ __ ] heated ah and then so I was well
00:31:10
not on that show I thought my life was over and then it was week three Aerosmith and Jeff Goldblum
00:31:16
and uh I was in The Writer's room just just sulking just being a [ __ ] baby and Lauren comes in and goes uh how's the Christopher Walken sketch coming and
00:31:27
I said I'm not gonna do it this week and he goes well I think you have guilt and momentum on your side
00:31:33
oh and I was like [ __ ] do you think she doesn't have a computer oh yeah I was riding on yellow
00:31:40
yellow pad yeah looking border I didn't know where to hand it in like I don't know where to hand it yeah Claire Claire
00:31:45
went home at [ __ ] ten it's 3 A.M and she's just trying to hand it to somebody all the guys are hitting a button on
00:31:52
their computer and the sketch goes to the magic sketch place um I didn't know oh it sucked because you go in there you first of all you
00:31:57
write a legal pad I go home at three in the morning finish writing it I have to take a cab back from the up West Side to
00:32:03
hand it into Claire and the Mad Men girls that are typing it and then I go back home and then I come back for read
00:32:09
through so it wasn't like attachments and there was no laptop so it was [ __ ] horrible remember that's how it was for you right yeah and I didn't know I knew nothing about writing a sketch yeah I didn't
00:32:21
know if you're in the sketch I don't know if I write David or do I write Crispin yeah
00:32:27
like I just I still don't know basic the lowest common denomination I'm not sure
00:32:33
I know at this moment back then did we put um I just [ __ ] did we put names of us no you put character yeah yeah I
00:32:47
remember you know I saw yesterday Ian Maxton you remember that I think he scored away I don't ever see normal about to say Dave was why not I don't
00:33:02
know violent I never saw him yeah but it was a cigarette thing so Norm would smoke after the no smoking like
00:33:14
this is people don't understand like it used to be like you could smoke in buildings it was like whatever yeah and then all of a sudden it was like by the
00:33:20
way like you're not allowed to smoke in buildings anymore so there was a grace period of people like oh that's right I forgot or they didn't care so Norm was
00:33:26
on the same where Farley got where I tackled Farley he was on that couch smoking and Ian maxed on Graham all six
00:33:33
ten of them walks in with his little [ __ ] yogurt he always has excuse me you know what you mean you mean get a
00:33:39
festive yogurt happy that was the name of it was happy and um and he walks in with his yogurt and
00:33:46
oats and uh Norm smoking and he had a glass plastic cup of water and he just looked at norm and he threw the water on norm and Norm just stood up one punch out
00:33:58
Norm was deceptively a big guy you don't really think of it I mean he was sort of a bean pole in a way in the 90s he got
00:34:05
it thicker big do you remember when you guys did the uh the crystal meth sketch like you were like Tony Robbins the
00:34:12
weight loss guy it was I think it was you and Fred and it was ride the snake oh yeah right now
00:34:17
you know this show uh basically you get people hooked on mess to lose weight yeah and and uh on those commercials
00:34:23
were a little show like an outline of a fat body and it says like after six weeks and it goes in a little bit this
00:34:29
was like six hours skeleton yeah and so he's gonna so they had this thing of Farley at a drive-through window a pre-filmed piece and he's like let me have 14 cheeseburgers 14 apple pies 22
00:34:41
french fries and three chocolate milkshakes and the guy in the Box goes will that be all and he goes no
00:34:48
I'll also have so we argued for two hours over what the back end of that order should be like he should just repeat the exact same order or like no make that Diet Coke yeah or no give me
00:34:59
three apple pies and for two hours you know it just goes around and around and Norm was in the corner of the room like it was I think it was 3 30 in the morning at this point normally
00:35:10
goes hey you know you guys have uh Chris at that drive through window you know don't give me all these Burgers you know
00:35:16
and uh the guy in the Box goes hey will that be all and how about Chris says yes
00:35:25
it's a great norm and everything that's an incredible Norm when they filmed it Chris had like this look of incredible
00:35:33
Pride the guy goes without be all I remember he goes yes he was already working for him but he had different habits at this point in his Crystal Method I mean I think it's
00:35:47
amazing warm with one syllable we were just a pack of dogs hunting in the wrong direction you know I'm like hey yes simplified it yeah oh yeah and we would
00:35:58
go back and forth over many jokes like that like how do you get out of a sketch I and you if you're the writer of the
00:36:03
sketch or if it's your sketch you do get to pick like you get a Downy throwing a joke in a Smiggle a Franken it's great
00:36:10
and you get to add you like when Rob did copy machine and everyone's like staying
00:36:15
staying in it you know everyone throw in anything any you get the benefit of a room every sketch does not just robs
00:36:22
everyone that's fun down here remember when it's like week three and he goes you know I got um I want to talk to you
00:36:28
about comedy writing at some point and I was like oh yeah about what comedy comedy writing I was like right
00:36:34
and so I was like hey you got time and he's like no not today it'll be like down the line me and you were gonna sit down I want to talk to you about comedy
00:36:39
writing some space like week I don't know I'm 17 yeah and he goes Jay what are you doing all right he goes when are we gonna have that talk about coming right
00:36:50
it sounds like I'm ready and he goes come on in I'm gonna go in his office and he goes you know what the three
00:36:56
funniest words in comedy are I go no he goes full-blown eggs full-blown AIDS and I go yeah he goes
00:37:03
yeah all right thanks for coming by that was it he set me up for four months four
00:37:09
months and then he said when are we gonna have that talk we saw Downy this week really and I
00:37:15
haven't had dinner with him last night yeah he talked about the Indian British war uh in 1740 for like an hour
00:37:22
unbelievable oh yeah I just felt so fun to listen to him talk about American history he'll go
00:37:30
into a college library for hours in Yale or something he's just I love when I turn up on sketches or like when Smiggle
00:37:36
was turned up on a sketch I always feel like oh somebody from the other side crook cracked through cracked through
00:37:42
it's hard be a feature player I think Odin Kirk and Conan are future players and they never got a fair shake to be in
00:37:48
especially when I was there it was the only time I saw Conan on camera was that get handsome sketch when Mike Myers was all right get handsome handsome or
00:37:56
whatever one of the guys in the audience like I got handsome oh yeah that was probably for a Alec Baldwin type host
00:38:02
too how about the amount of rewrites when they're not needed like Mike Myers would just hand in these perfect
00:38:07
sketches and you just sit in a room for eight hours and guys would just dissect his sketch because it works bro it's
00:38:13
it's just it's I know why are we doing it it's perfect if people at home don't know the rear rewrite table would it
00:38:19
start at one on Thursday after read through read through his money ideally it starts around one but usually roughly
00:38:26
and it goes to about 4 am so you're there that's a long haul and uh every sketch gets about two hours or something
00:38:33
it's just gets most what's the name of the restaurant you mentioned well in Joseph I remember I went there I felt
00:38:38
like a big shot when you're like come on we're going oh yeah it's fun Wally and Joseph and I but I always felt because
00:38:43
you came in with like Timmy and like you said like Adam and Rob and so you guys were kind of a group and then when I
00:38:50
came in anytime I was with you guys I felt like a freshman hanging out with seniors but you weren't part of like the next
00:38:58
group you're sort of a tweener kind of right yeah it was me Sarah norm and all the Harvard guys like Steve
00:39:06
lookner Morton Dave Mandel and then uh David tell there's so many ivy league writers on SNL I know I know where'd you go to did you go to college you know no one's ever asked me that in
00:39:19
my life really ever that's the first joke about it nobody's ever asked me where'd you go to
00:39:25
college it just implied only because they're imagining their Harvard guys because this is New Jersey San Francisco
00:39:31
State baby 95 bucks a semester yeah oh it's just a joke because there's no curriculum for stand-up comedy right so it's just like what is this we're adding letters like
00:39:43
what the [ __ ] are we talking about yeah then you go but like she's just getting the clubs right out of high school then
00:39:49
yeah I started at 16. same as you 16. I didn't start at 16. what did I say you didn't let me finish you said 20. he said 60 said 20. yeah you didn't let me finish I have another question for you ready
00:40:03
by the way when you look up research on you it says but Jay's favorite songs are really why I think that was a Don Imus
00:40:10
question you got to give him your top five oh all right here because it's out in the answer what's the difference between if what you could talk about
00:40:16
your first marriage versus your recent marriage being a mature adult being getting married as opposed to being young Lauren said something wise every
00:40:30
man should have three marriages one in his 20s and 30s one in his 40s in the third in his 50s when he knows what he really wants and that's exactly how it went with me
00:40:42
yeah three okay and Genie's the first I'm not gonna say marriage because I don't want to put anybody on blast but like the first woman I've ever been with that just wasn't like depressed
00:40:59
I said there's some blast no no but I wouldn't expect but you're younger I found on that the one I knew was an actress seemed like a great girl and that I think everyone just changes
00:41:11
in life so you change maybe she changes maybe it's a great run and then it it just turns into something else where it doesn't work out what was that the first one I just was never like in love it
00:41:22
just sort of that's how it goes that's the progression of a relationship somebody you know when you're dating somebody and you're young and they go
00:41:28
why don't why don't we go steady and you're like you know because I'm from the 50s yeah when do you wear my sweater my pen when are you gonna do this when
00:41:35
are we gonna live together and you're like all right [ __ ] you know we'll live together I'm trying to call him Quinn all right we'll live together yeah
00:41:41
that's not you know cool habitats too long I digress and then it's like great calling when are we gonna get all these out he just did a brilliant column when are we gonna get engaged when are you
00:41:52
gonna get married and the proposal was like there's your ring are you happy like that's actually how it went yeah so
00:41:57
that's not a good one so that how long does it last six years and then when I was on the show and she was in LA so I
00:42:03
was let me insert this did you ever hear Lauren say this um there's something about a man in his
00:42:09
40s and a woman in her 20s they're both at the peak of their power did he say that it's almost Dr Evil that
00:42:16
was almost Jimmy Stewart yeah they're both at the peak of their power and the other quote have you heard this
00:42:22
one I said it on the podcast Lauren again marriage is a prison that everyone's trying to escape into you
00:42:29
know who said that's Kris Jenner anyway so the second marriage how do you know what you said because I was I'm embarrassed I was all fired up I had Colin oh holster well I wanted to call
00:42:42
out that you're just he's throwing in these subtle Impressions so give us a little bit what was the quote though oh
00:42:49
yeah uh marriage marriage is a prison that everyone's trying to escape into ah well I don't I don't feel that way this
00:42:56
time because I'm you gotta understand okay all right let's break it down I've been as of today I've been sober two
00:43:03
years and six months oh that's it so I met Genie after my divorce where that a divorce is the biggest hole in your soul because you get
00:43:15
married because you're certain it's an impossibility that you're going to get divorced that's why you get married like oh this is it this is great and then
00:43:22
when that starts when the panels kind of start coming off the space shuttle it's it gets it you get nuts Christy
00:43:29
McAuliffe said this same thing and it feels to me like a marriage the one thing a marriage can't survive is
00:43:36
contempt yeah either from either side well if you were not if you were if you were drink or whatever well what was your drug of choice were you this time it was
00:43:47
Adderall I went down oh it helped me focus on getting I think more people so then you started taking it just to feel okay after the divorce it was like well [ __ ] like I want to I just wanted to
00:43:58
like feel something I've always been a drug addict and an alcoholic it wasn't like this one event made me this thing
00:44:04
like I was an alcoholic and drug addict when I was born and long before I ever picked up a drink I I've always needed
00:44:11
more than anybody else in every capacity and yeah it's just a genetic brain everybody else has this like plan for a
00:44:17
living that I'm not aware of and I'm I always felt like on the outside looking in like if you and I were kids and uh I
00:44:24
was at your house and we were on your couch watching TV I would spend that entire time trying to convince you that we were having a good time on your couch
00:44:29
watching TV like I was just a needy desperation's got a very distinct scent and I stunk well yeah that's well we all
00:44:37
are having been a fist fight in our head yeah either a lot or a little yeah you know so I I quit drinking 1998 and then
00:44:45
I used drugs alcoholically I'm a big pill guy I love pills so it was like Viking and Norco and then when I stopped
00:44:51
that a couple times and then Adderall is the one that brought down the Beast and um
00:44:56
so that the divorce didn't make me use I chose to go back to using drugs like I felt like I was I like having a secret
00:45:02
like I'm getting away with something like yeah so this is right when the pandemic was starting kind of before in the middle of the pandemic was fantastic
00:45:09
oh I was just snorting Adderall and I was paddle boarding and fishing for my paddle board I was just insane I lived
00:45:14
in Malibu on the water and I would just snort brails about did it make you lose a tremendous amount of weight oh yeah I
00:45:20
went into treatment at like 160. I just I'll show you my before you know I was having lunch as people but only like a
00:45:27
year ago and the guy goes I wish I had my Adderall with me I don't have one and the waitress came and he goes do you have an Adderall and she goes yeah yeah
00:45:33
and I was like is everyone always like yeah I know people just take a decent amount and then write or do a project
00:45:40
yeah but but then add addictions a whole another well it's hard to keep it in check I'm sure so I met Jeannie at the
00:45:47
very beginning where it was like manageable it's fun fun with problems then it's problems so she met me at the
00:45:52
fun and it was fun with problems she was I had a radio show when I interviewed her over the phone and I imagine that
00:45:59
there was like a vibe there over the phone and I like all right Daniel's now is Genie bus on the on the hotline
00:46:05
and then I went to the Twitter DM I asked her to do my podcast and then I had left my house I was staying at the Beverly Hills Hotel and when I went to the elevators to go
00:46:18
get her when she walked out of the elevator it was just I was done like it was slow motion it
00:46:23
was it was actually it's great for me you talked to her on the phone or over in the radio and then you see her in person so the vibe is so strong just
00:46:31
instant I mean it was one-sided like you know she was she I don't think she had love at first sight but I like I
00:46:37
remember it was slow motion I remember like there was a green elevator door and that palm tree carpet I was like whoa
00:46:42
and I just wanted to be with her all the time and then she's a happy person it's kind
00:46:48
of what you allude to like that's that's very well I'm a happy person too like that's but you were coming right off the
00:46:55
addiction at that yeah and it was like this person like I I don't know it was just like it was a puzzle piece that had
00:47:01
been missing from my big jigsaw puzzle my whole life I felt and um then my drug addiction got really bad and she was at my intervention which was at my an intervention being
00:47:13
the worst surprise party you'll ever know and like everybody you love is there and you're like hey
00:47:21
and then I thought she did the intervention so you know when you angry pack you either never take your eyes off
00:47:27
you either don't look at them at all yeah or you never take your eyes off them angry packing yeah so I was like I
00:47:33
was just angry packing for rehab and I never took my eyes off a genie and then I got to rehab and all I had was socks
00:47:41
yeah and then you know so she stuck with me she stuck with you that's a big deal
00:47:46
like I was a mess like I was a mess there's if the world was fair like we definitely wouldn't be together I would
00:47:53
have lost that that prize and we got married last week it's eight days today any SNL people no they're gross there's only 20 people
00:48:04
yeah I guess I need you to pick the energy up a little bit high energy he's ever NPR over here no are you talking about something nice I'm
00:48:15
trying to shut the [ __ ] up for a second it's hard it's very hard [Music] so now this marriage is like none other like that and not not thin against the
00:48:28
first two wives no I think it's like it's also like you know it's your last yeah it's like I'm 53.
00:48:34
and it's um when you've when you've been so humbled and demoralized and you've come completely undone
00:48:47
and then you've Brick by Brick and Stone by Stone built yourself back up into a human being that you've been meant to be
00:48:54
the whole time and that person's waiting for you at the end of that Journey I mean that's who else would you want to
00:49:01
spend the recipe what's your coping mechanisms when you feel bad if it's not Adderall or whatever I'm a weird guy
00:49:07
like I don't really meditate do you take out yeah every day I don't really feel bad though I'm one of those weird I'm wired weird like I'm for an addict
00:49:14
usually it's original comic even like I just wake up kind of fired up I always know I need to be at peace yeah I'm a
00:49:20
happy dude yeah like I've always been that way I don't know it's just sometimes it's just the way your hard drive is installed I think so it feels
00:49:25
like it's a thermostat that you get at first yeah or a cover Rolling Stone or something I
00:49:31
felt I was always in this certain range on a one to ten maybe maybe six or a seven not have to go lucky but it stayed kind of consistent it's yeah and in in
00:49:42
addiction it goes the other way whereas it just becomes this Mania like yeah also when I was in my addiction I was diagnosed manic depressive I was diagnosed bipolar and then I work a
00:49:54
program and I go through 12 steps for a program that might be anonymous and then
00:50:00
that became I now I have like this monotheism for all of my problems like every single problem in my life it can be remedied
00:50:11
by the program so they're not no one's suggesting medication or anything for No actually
00:50:18
that's the end of the story that I forgot to put in is at about a year and a half sober I got off all my medication
00:50:25
and it was just it was a direct result of my drug addiction it's like the old equalizers on a car stereo where you get
00:50:32
them just right and when you snort Adderall you just buy you just blast them all up to 10 across treble base
00:50:38
fader this and then when you come off them boom they come crashing back down and then you just keep jamming them back
00:50:44
and forth back and forth and it's just not an accurate it's just not an accurate gauge of how you're actually feeling because you're either in Mania
00:50:50
or you're just completely panicked because you're going to run out of drugs damn yeah so Saturday live is an
00:50:57
emotionally violent uh place for anyone with mental health stuff or yeah but I was I'm one of the best things I learned in recovery was that I'm I am the reason
00:51:08
for all of my suffering which thrilled me because if I'm the reason for my suffering then I always have a solution I can change how I'm looking at something or I can go be of service and
00:51:19
help somebody else and then just because if I'm pissed off it's it's really just a perverse
00:51:24
selfishness because if I'm pissed off I'm only thinking about me so as an alcohol an active alcoholic on Saturday
00:51:31
Night Live it's you know woe is me poor me poor me pour me a drink so it's like I didn't get my I didn't get my sketch on like oh this [ __ ] blues and that's if I if I could do it again
00:51:43
if I to be I guess it's like the classic SNL lament oh if I could be 53 in that 23 year old body and just be like okay I can do it I get to watch
00:51:55
Nirvana rehearse all right I know you didn't even think of how great we had it like see Nirvana in the cafeteria eating
00:52:01
I never felt like they owed me anything or even in stand up I remember I would talk to Young comedians like they get
00:52:07
all into the drama yeah I was friends into the drama of stand up I'm getting [ __ ] man I should be middling by now
00:52:14
and they put that guy getting all wound up in that I think guys like you and me had a lot of success quickly
00:52:21
like it was sort of yeah don't you think so like you're I'm PR like I had a lot of stage fright well there were no comedy clubs when I started literally I opened so it's really the key to
00:52:32
enjoying the benefits of the program yeah that'll set you back yeah just opening for bands and getting it
00:52:39
annihilated stuff normal stuff but once I got into a club a real Club not a Not A Honky Tonk Bar like the other Cafe and
00:52:46
the hate I started to progress just because of the environment yeah well your talent though it's you can't it's
00:52:52
you can't deny it I think it's would you say that you Rose quickly once you got into the right environment of clubs I would say that as quickly as I can that I never was able to wrap my
00:53:05
mind around like I'm one of those guys like I'm going to be on TV yeah like like Jerry Lewis or Jackie Gleason or
00:53:12
something and so I was I did a lot of shitty television yeah because I had no they offered me Blue Thunder and I was in a helicopter James fiorentino who was coked out and drinking straight vodka by
00:53:24
the way and uh what else do you do yeah so it it it in retrospect it seems like I played Morongo Casino Morongo Morongo they sent the helicopter for me [ __ ]
00:53:38
yeah my pilot was Lorenzo Lamas shut the fudge up there yeah at Van Nuys airport
00:53:44
they're like this is your pilot we call them Lorenzo Lamas and I was like ah yeah it looks like him and then we're
00:53:49
like somewhere over like Ontario and it's I look at him it says Llamas on his headset to make to grind it into you
00:53:55
yeah I was like to make sure you ask him yeah only on my side and I wanted to ask him like are you Lorenzo Lamas but I didn't want to be that obvious so I was like so I was like
00:54:10
how much money uh do you think you've left on the table doing this that was pretty smooth to ask him that right is
00:54:17
that what you said instead of saying like and he goes oh I'm 95 of it I'm like okay that's Lorenzo Lamas
00:54:27
and then he stayed I said come to the show and he's like I'm not supposed to I'm like come on so he stayed he stayed
00:54:33
for the show and then we flew home and somewhere over like the desert he goes do you mind if we stop for gas
00:54:40
to the helicopter who says no to that yeah let's just ride it out listen you want E before Jay goes I have to ask tell one more thing was I
00:54:53
I audition for Jerry Maguire you did yeah for your part really yeah Bob sugar interesting so who got it anyway um no you know who had it when I when we
00:55:06
were auditioning is that Cameron Crow yes yeah there was already an offer to Owen Wilson because they had done Jim
00:55:13
Brooks and Owen Wilson had already done bottle rocket together hey so by the time that I don't know about you but but
00:55:18
hey hey it sounds like Jennifer Coolidge I try to do it but my mouth gets too tight and he's like I say we take it up
00:55:32
I do him uh telling a toddler he can't have any more candy please let me I don't think you should have any more
00:55:39
candy I'm just doing Melissa I do haunted mansion I'm like oh he was on the screen I'm like Owen Wilson I love this guy Woody Harrelson Matthew McConaughey yeah three Texas eccentrics
00:55:52
put them in some movie Hollywood I love those here's my Colin Quinn when I said his friend just moved in with his
00:55:59
girlfriend I go does he did he like moving in with his girlfriend he goes what do you think what do you think
00:56:06
anyway before we leave I don't know this is a quick podcast I got to tell you two Spade stories that are fantastic oh I
00:56:14
love it we're uh I was doing I went back to see the show and I was filming picture perfect with Jennifer Aniston
00:56:21
and I see Davey in the hallway news how do you like working with Jenny and I go I know I'm such a dick I go I don't know she smokes cigarettes and he goes let
00:56:32
her down easy when he goes and then uh we we were at a strip club and um the dancer I'm being generous the
00:56:50
dancer the artist the artist you know like when male bodybuilders they can Flex their pecs Arnold you see that yeah
00:56:57
so this girl would do it and so she's dancing for David and she's going like doing the bodybuilder boob flex and it's
00:57:04
like hey like two songs go by and she circles back around and she does it again and David Goes seen it she just she was like
00:57:19
she just got humiliated you're like seeing her saying it that's very David yeah God it reminds me we went out we got a picture with uh what a
00:57:31
who cares uh okay thank you Jay we we you have the best [ __ ] stories this is great I know thank you for coming on
00:57:37
buddy amazing this is crazy it's easy right he's like you could do it on Zoom I'm like oh I want hang out now it's fun
00:57:42
to come in here we like when people come out we do a lot of zooms trust me a lot of zooms a lot of zooms but we uh
00:57:48
carcenio oh yeah um yeah I understand that a uh a crib is uh your house and your bed I know I can't it's just long fingers
00:58:05
oh yeah I'll show you something when we're done here oh yeah because it's it's Farley and and Hartman on on the
00:58:13
Carson episode was it were they domed Eloise and uh Dom DeLuise where they flip out you ever see that yeah he's so [ __ ] funny do you remember when far on the Scared Straight motivational
00:58:25
speaker we we made an arrangement like when Farley falls through the wall of the prison we're all going to run out
00:58:31
then we all run out like Escape we're all gonna fall on top of Chris as a joke so he can't come back in and say live from New York oh that's funny so Chris goes through the wall me you Sandler
00:58:42
Schneider and Timmy fall on top of Chris and he just lifts himself like leaves bags
00:59:00
where him and Martin Lawrence are selling us back and forth for cigarettes because that's the prison thing and
00:59:07
barley was supposed to go sold seven [ __ ] to the homie in the cornrows and it's ten so here's the camera he goes sold seven [ __ ] to the core me in the homie Rose
00:59:25
I love you Chris all right [Music] guys this has been a podcast presentation of cadence 13. please listen then rate review and follow all
00:59:36
episodes available now for free wherever you get your podcast no joke folks fly on the wall has been a presentation of cadence 13. executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade Chris
00:59:49
Corcoran of cadence 13 and Charlie finan of brillstein entertainment the show's lead producers Greg Holtzman with
00:59:55
production and Engineering support from Serena Regan and Chris Basil of cadence 13.