00:00:00
all right let's do it three two one go D Super Fly this is probably it's right up
00:00:08
there with the most discombobulated I've been starting the most superly tired and
00:00:14
beat up discombobulated because I've not not not a complaint just observations from doing the Friday night uh last Friday the run through for uh
00:00:27
the cold opening on SNL goes to like 1: a.m. so forth and so on and then long yeah they do things late and they go all night a lot they're young they do a lot of I mean yeah we didn't go after
00:00:41
like 11 I don't think no we went yeah Dennis was well anyway was had a Broadway show at seven but um because he
00:00:48
had he was update but um just rehearsals I mean Andy Samberg did a video and it was an 18 hour day the day before but that was his primary thing it was really funny God dang so then you want to stay
00:01:01
it's Lauren's 8th there's a birthday cake a crazy party um oh yeah so you sort of turn out
00:01:08
the light at four or five and you get up maybe five hours later then you find your way to the airport and then it's a
00:01:15
six hour six and a half hour we uh we have to announce some headwinds and then you know it might be
00:01:24
longer it could be longer so here I am now but I'm I'm very vulnerable I could say anything I might say something crazy cuz I'm so so burnt out but you know
00:01:35
anyway uh I'm full of joy and life and happiness and bounce on the other hand you should uh you are literally fresh as a daisy person literally look at this so
00:01:48
I have a sweater on and what I was thinking of telling you just to give you premium content and our listeners I it's
00:01:56
cold in LA in the morning so I put a sweater on and then it quietly gets hot and now I'm getting mad I ref I don't want to take the sweater off so I refuse so today I'm going as long as I can
00:02:08
without taking it off and Heather's taking off her sweater as we say this hoodie I called an audible right before I saw you on the zoom I had a cool hoodie I looked amazing but I was
00:02:20
starting to heat up and I love a t-shirt like the collar is like this the day you
00:02:27
buy it and then it's [ __ ] you know oh it's getting little Flash Dance over the
00:02:32
shoulder I hate that so much Dana when you go to hotel now rich man's problems of course this we call them what do you call world we call them first world problem I go hey this is my old
00:02:44
skateboarder magazine t-shirt my favorite in the world fits tight it's all good they go great just wash it
00:02:50
delicately fold it sure they give it back to you they pull it over a a a hanger and now it's a scoop neck this big from shoulder to shoulder yeah and
00:03:01
they go oh that'll pop back I'm like not a chance never will it's hasn't for 30 years you just stretched it out so now I'm rat [ __ ] um but other than that I
00:03:12
the sweater is still on I'm fighting it but I don't want the heat to win I'm like I don't care it's hot I'm like oh as long as you don't get sweaty but basically yeah with they bring back if
00:03:25
you put a t-shirts in into laundry and they bring them back on the hanger you I just throw them right in the garbage cuz
00:03:31
you're done yeah that's [ __ ] garbage I look like I'm wearing sort of a low cut halter top that and then it's it
00:03:38
hangs low like a skirt you just belt it we wear mini shorts under it yeah I'm I'm just you you sweater you sweater you sweat that's what I'm doing today that's my whole that's an old who
00:03:50
song remember that mhm here's here's an insert on this I had a $2,000 suit this is in the 90s I had to have one good suit suit I don't know what it was Armani or something the Russian
00:04:03
housekeeper just happened to be Russian I wash good for you she put it in a regular wash and dryer it came out that hervey vill would have fitted perfectly
00:04:15
it was justu I have a good name for a bar ready it's German bar they serve liver worst and all that
00:04:26
stuff to make wor it's called the worst with the w right and then you go let's go that place is the worst trademark hello sharks I'll give you 5%
00:04:43
for a million dollars let's go to I love the accents I hear in the elevator in New York just
00:05:03
[ __ ] excuse me could you talk in a regular language that's scaring me I said a lot of people have accents they sound like John Rocker all of a sudden uh okay also we talked about my sweater
00:05:16
we got that out of the way that was good uh you butt you butt dialed someone here
00:05:21
at the show at the party and it made me laugh when I heard that because yeah you if you if you pick
00:05:28
up a cell phone yeah um then you can dial any anyone in the world I once I once had Putin on the
00:05:35
other line I mean I don't even know how I Touch Myself touch the phone it goes to that's why you got to edges I hate it
00:05:42
it's like don't touch the front something's happening yeah I didn't even tell Kevin
00:05:47
nean this but he was doing a movie once apparently and he butt died me and I listened for 37 minutes and it was just
00:05:54
like do another take let's do another take no I didn't listen that long but uh yeah did butt dial and I don't know if
00:06:01
they heard much but it was just at a loud party man all they heard was like oh Dana's coming out to sing Happy Birthday to Lauren and Marilyn monrose
00:06:11
dress yeah does he have the dress no he has the stretched stretched out kind of silver t-shirt so it looks like a dress I could barely hear you saying Lauren do
00:06:22
we get paid here at the party or how do I get the money for the show what do I do he goes after that cake I'll be honest he's not shy about cake oh really
00:06:33
oh no he's not a heavy gentleman but uh he's you know I actually had a sliver and then uh you know I had a cholesterol test yesterday and I just got the
00:06:44
results okay you want to read them live in the air like myy Povich no it just said too much cake at the top I don't
00:06:51
know how they know that they should have a cake cutter [ __ ] Shark Tank again they should have a sh a cake cutter that just cuts it slivers because everybody doesn't want a full piece just give me a
00:07:02
little sliver yeah well they they have a thing called a knife and it pretty much does
00:07:08
that so no no no I can't your knife come back with the okay you have 10 seconds try to think of something you could monetize in your life I'm saying a cake sliver cutter it's just a sharp knife
00:07:21
you call a sliver cutter okay I have well I don't have any good ideas that's it uh that's all right um I've got pie
00:07:30
scooper so you're able to put ice cream on top of the Cherry Pie and then you can scoop it up and my scooper design it
00:07:37
away it keeps the ice cream in the in the it's not work oh by the way other news uh bus
00:07:45
boys is happening now Dana you're kidding bus boys is a gopr yeah wow can you tell me what it is
00:07:54
about what do you mean bus boys I think it's a movie I think it's a movie the boys are start the promotion right here yes uh spade and theovon are two losers
00:08:08
of course it's kind of like you know dumb and dum or something we're just two guys that are bus boys and think that
00:08:16
becoming a waiter is the ultimate goal and will really straighten out our loser lives I won't say it why are you bus
00:08:23
boys well uh my girlfriend leaves me and uh we have nothing or no one in our town
00:08:29
likes us we're we're driving to see my girl I find out she's cheating and I said dude let's just go to Mexico all
00:08:36
good things happen in Mexico and he goes I've heard that and then we kick it to Mexico and
00:08:43
then we see a sign that says because she left me for a waiter so I want to be a waiter so basically you're you're uh
00:08:51
senior bus boys because normally you think of bus boys late teens the oldest bus Boys in America yeah yeah and then
00:08:58
you everything goes aai and you just head to Mexico for an adventure a bad idea yeah we and does Mayhem in Sue not right away but yeah but I think uh
00:09:11
Theo's really funny he's got that really quirky way of talking and then jux suppose with you count me in I'm sure pluto.com is Gonna Love Premier I'll be
00:09:23
is it the it's the Penny Saver magazine is doing a new streaming service so it's a first for them so yeah I thought
00:09:31
brought to you by Newman's Own Italian dressing no Italian dressing has a streaming service now yeah yeah you know just we just put on their
00:09:42
website yeah uh Theo's interesting dude and uh I'm I think I'm the smarter of the two dumb asses sounds like you've got kind of a southerner uh not quite as big Chris
00:09:56
Farley on your hands so L Cannon well I think if you have I'm always sort of grounded a little bit in reality in movies um just because my disposition
00:10:09
and demeanor I guess but I would I'm never the crazy over the toop so if I do a movie with Jim Carrey I would let him handle that part even though it is fun to do that stuff but even wrong Missy I
00:10:21
was the Ben still or in you know something about Mary or Meet the Parents where everything's crazy and you're just trying to hold it together but I mean there has to be a movie where you're not the straight man you're funny no this
00:10:34
isn't really the straight man this is two guys are funny and yeah so it's really us you know you know I heard that
00:10:40
was a funny joke on Weekend Update I think you were there um about Mike Tyson fight which was
00:10:46
uh it wound up being Mike Tyson and Jake Paul against the audience uh defeat the world or something I don't know what it was yeah because it was such a and listen we love
00:11:00
Ted and uh Netflix did a great job I mean that's they got what they want a big showy thing that everyone would watch we got that part it's the most
00:11:10
watched boxing match in the history of the world go ahead I didn't know that is million 60
00:11:17
million yeah oh yeah but is that more than like The Rumble in the Jungle or thrill and Manilla I think so yeah the
00:11:24
tangle in the weeds that was Frasier and Norton you got have Skirmish and the burmish but I like this bus boy movie I want this to be the beginning of the uh
00:11:35
people having awareness you know I would say it's a trilogy but it's actually 15
00:11:41
so whatever could we just for a second I'm going to work on the trailer SP vaugh bus
00:11:52
boys I'll get your uh server for you hey buddy let's go and it goes coming soon that's all they get and then cut you with senior readers you got
00:12:07
some yeah c yeah cat dressed as something crazy going did I ever tell I've told you on this podcast about love it and I billionaire bus boys billionaire bus boys yeah love it
00:12:19
talks about that sometimes you know that's my idea I go well I I think it was both of our ideas but billionaire bus boys that have to be employed as bus boys um to keep their their inheritance
00:12:33
I guess Lis and I were brothers is it like Brewsters millions or something well it's kind of like then
00:12:40
they would be just super obnoxious to people they would sit they a guy sitting eating they would just sit down eat
00:12:45
their food they're trying to get fired because then they get 24 hours of fun before they so they're just the most
00:12:50
obnoxious bus boys in the world and then we had a theme song do you guys have a song like Ghostbusters no I'm trying to connect oh yeah who are you going to
00:13:03
call bus boys when you need more water who are you gonna call so when might this film be completed and edited January we start
00:13:17
okay so so you'll be uh early 26 or you're going to get it out by next summer if you what's next year 2025 I
00:13:25
guess it will be in 2025 202 can't let comedy rot I don't like when it sits I don't like a special sitting I don't like any joke sitting someone else doesn't like it uh
00:13:38
especially if you you and John Rush billionaire bus boys and Greenlight it you might that might come out first we
00:13:44
couldn't even get it on as a sketch of sat Night Live um bus boy the bus boys right off
00:13:50
into the sunset right okay yeah we we are it's gonna be called the oldest bus boys in the world that's just the first idea but we are anyway it came out pretty funny we wrote it together and uh
00:14:02
he's a very funny dude but we can move on to more [Music] topical well uh Christmas is coming and you know for a gift that's always on
00:14:23
time and lasts a lifetime you can't do better than Master Class if you want to be kind of unique kind of different
00:14:29
right you're giving some someone something that may change their life forever right I mean it's never too late
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00:14:50
whatever yeah this is why wire cutter which you don't know what that is I do calls it an invaluable gift it used to be something you get after like uh you know Bob wire that's what we call that's
00:15:02
what we call shot I had a couple shots of wire cutter last night but um but it yeah I don't need wire cutter to tell me this is a good gift it's a it's a gift of unlimited learning put it this way
00:15:14
you're going to learn from any Master Class instructor anywhere on a smartphone computer Smart TV or even for
00:15:21
you David in audio mode for me I don't know you can overcome your fears with Amy poer who uh I just ran into Amy Poler so funny and if you could get her on just one-on-one
00:15:33
teaching you stuff I think it's definitely worth I just ran into Amy polar too is she okay we both ran into
00:15:39
ran into really hard I ran into her and Tina Fay it's a long story but they're adorable brilliant people yeah Amy po
00:15:46
take a class from her that's going to be charming and funny stand up stand up with our boy Jud appow Jud appow he's a
00:15:54
director he's a standup he's another Pro or David for you you could turn fions into achievements with cultural icon wait for it Martha Stewart okay
00:16:07
okay wow now they got big names on here these classes make a difference 88% of the members feel that Master Class made
00:16:13
a very positive impact on their lives so um I mean this is probably the way to go
00:16:19
I mean what to gift this to someone I think is a good idea no risk new memberships come with a 30-day money back guarantee um God I would I would
00:16:30
probably take I always say Steve Martin would be an interesting one scor SE if you care about movies like there's great
00:16:37
people and you can learn anything on masterclass you know there's so many so many categories masterclass always has great offers during the holidays sometimes as much as 50% off head over
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00:17:02
sfly I will say lastly the last thing and I've been hear one more word about the Jake Paul fight is the Jake Paul fight when all the dust
00:17:13
settles I feel like they did it and they the way out of being a good fight was this wasn't it was for entertainment purposes like a exhibition entertainment
00:17:25
match but the problem is there was no entertainment so now I'm suing over [Music] that let's take some um it was that's a
00:17:39
big statement what I just made someone said that Logan Paul who uh probably is a very normal sweet guy but he knows how to stir the pot how you start with that
00:17:50
every time a normal s great guy in the world yeah I love this guy but he learned that he could play the bad guy
00:17:57
and then his clicks and views and money and fights and ex you know is really good for him and so it was a show um well did you know this part what
00:18:11
um just to interrupt your thought thoughts I think you said Jake I think you said Jake or Logan but oh which one is it at the be at the beginning of at the beginning of the fight Jake was one fighting I think you
00:18:22
meant but Logan is not twin but looking the same brother was behind him spraying
00:18:27
him and I guess that was his deodorant line it's just all he knocked his hat off I think he did that on purpose Heather so I got that wrong so Jake Paul I would have
00:18:41
been [ __ ] pissed I was Jake right at my moment and he sprays that [ __ ] and plus That Gets In Your Eyes then he knocks his hat off to get more attention back there yeah that's just like can you
00:18:52
can you stop promoting you would have you could punch you in the face you hold up anti swelling Brave you know
00:19:00
available now but I got his name wrong I thought it was Logan Paul so it was Jake Paul and it was Eddie Eddie Tyson I
00:19:07
thought it was Mike Tyson but it was Eddie Tyson right you got it right yeah okay and Jake Paul has a you know I'm
00:19:14
sure they have their own biof freeze that you rub on where you got punched and deodorants and things like that it's all like hey buy our [ __ ] and act dumber
00:19:24
than you did that you bought the fight it would be even dumber if you bought this stuff too uh other than that I
00:19:30
thought the fight was free if you have Netflix the fight was free I'll give it that yeah I'll give it that I'll give it
00:19:39
that that's Netflix when you hear that that's why it does better than the other fights it's free you don't have to pay
00:19:45
100 bucks yeah has 280 million subscribers yeah they got billions listen if I have to get a crowbar in my wallet it's a different story yes I'm
00:19:58
you next one I'm so excited who's he who's he fighting hey come on let's fight come on I I yeah Biden should get in there and
00:20:09
fight Biden should Twitter him and say Hey [ __ ] face come on you want some of this [ __ ] I'm not kidding around I'm being serious here here's the deal come on and by the way and guess what the
00:20:22
fact of the matter is you don't want to know what I did to Corn Pop yeah I popped him in the corn
00:20:29
I know how to popcorn I had a thing where I was going to go Bed Bath and Beyond but then there was a rewrite and
00:20:34
they kind of did something else they [ __ ] you it was kind of funny what about a picture I saw Biden like in the Amazon rainforest what is he doing
00:20:41
what's going on the G20 I mean 20 countries got together and said hey you want to be part of the G20 sure Count Me In G20 do it let where can we meet let's
00:20:51
meet in the rainforce of Argentina or something so Biden was down there that's where he should be wandering around that's not a great idea well he was at the podium then they thought he wanded off in the jungle he just said that's
00:21:03
the way people do it all the time and he walked out of his frame into the into the jungle it's like I like walked out
00:21:09
of frame M show is he walked out of frame he had a really nice single on him he had a PA with him going I think uh number one in the call sheet is going
00:21:22
10200 that means oh I number one is walking or whatever that yeah when they say that's Steve Martin yeah number one in the call sheet they go number one is walking the other thing they say is uh
00:21:34
we're going to U go 10 100 which sounds like a nice way of saying go PE but if you hear 102 200 everyone goes like [Laughter]
00:21:45
this Steve Martin has go drop a King Kong finger that's like a cart meme of like how much joy can you derive from I know what they mean by that
00:21:59
yeah he means poop yeah I'm gonna laugh a little more yes entertainment all right anything else before we get to uh some
00:22:12
stories and headlines try to keep the balls in the air for that yeah you're tired from the
00:22:18
party you flew back from SNL I'm down a court I want to use the word tired that's kind of negative I have a stretched out t-shirt there we have seven hair dryers between my wife and I
00:22:30
my wife has my wife she story just got better seven hair dryers and her hair is so thick that she goes I'm gonna go dry my hair it's wet hair I go I'll see
00:22:42
tomorrow I'll see you tomorrow no it's literally an hour so because we're moving in so many metrics La San Francisco up in the
00:22:55
undisclosed Farm New York all the hair got in different locations so I washed my hair disaster and I was like so I said good yeah yeah right like that's
00:23:07
gonna win an Emmy so anyway I had no hair dryer so I put the hat on and that is the end of the
00:23:15
[ __ ] girls I don't know they got the hair D it's got three speeds then they got a upside down and throws out your clavicle one time this
00:23:27
is embarrass ing Michael Keaton show on SNL I went down to 9 where they rehearsing on eight I went up to 9 and I took a shower and some sketchy wherever and I brought my trusty blow dryer down
00:23:41
mhm why did I need to blow dry my hair I you were with a blow dryer I walked around think herb Sergeant was in there naked I just walked right past him anyway I take a shower I get out I go
00:23:55
upside down like sometimes you see in movies where they blow dry their hair and I flipped my hair up and I passed out on the ground I hadn't eaten I love Vero and just went and also my neck
00:24:08
was so tight CU I was Su stress that this holding this thing was tightening it it was like I couldn't even turn to the side but I obviously you got to push
00:24:14
through to get the fluff and bounce in the hair how long were you out you think what a [ __ ] disaster I'm ah am I in the cold opening
00:24:25
is that where I am and everyone's like no you're not in the show I have a hair dryer story and don't be
00:24:31
alarm but it tops yours so you know have no way sometimes hair dryers do things sometimes they wear out sometimes whatever there's coils in there and there's heat Co I'm drying my
00:24:44
hair guess what comes out warm hot air and then Flames no yeah [ __ ] I throw it down coil related yeah coil related shorted or
00:24:59
something Flames came out and I thought I don't want a [ __ ] blowtorch I want a hair dryer with cool warm air and yet I had a blowtorch for a minute Lauren
00:25:11
walked in it was the same shower you ready for the SK he got he got cinged it's a long story there was a police and Elon Musk you pull back he's sitting there going this is a good idea I'll
00:25:22
make a flamethrower hey right I got my hat I'm do Mega do me do Mega I can't do Elon Musk
00:25:31
very well but I can do something that sounds not like anything he has a incredible accent where is his accent
00:25:38
from South Africa via Canada via Pennsylvania South Africa it's almost like uh it's a little bit of um Australian in there a little bit of
00:25:51
British engagement with South African South African a deer and uh Char does sound Charlies let's just admit she took the beautiful cutaway award at the God
00:26:05
dang Tyson fight you see that Heather you see her oh my God stunner Charlie yeah she's
00:26:13
she's very tall oh I mentioned her in my special too s Charlie your just men I saw her
00:26:20
her and Chris Rock at a party standing next to each other and I just looked up and I just started singing Ebony and
00:26:27
Ivory cuz she's such aall blonde yeah I don't know which was which but I like that song sh she's great uh oh you said you
00:26:40
you I we were talking to the do not destroy guys who are going to be on fly in the wall soon and uh they you had
00:26:47
Charlie X KX XX CC what are the X's stand for what are the what's going on I don't know but she was game for anything and I I loved her I didn't really know please don't destroy I really don't know
00:27:02
I didn't know much about her because I you know I listened to Franks and arra and stff but she's really cool she and
00:27:09
she came out and she goes I I'll be honest with you she's practicing her monologue I smoke I drink and I can't
00:27:18
sing without autotune I thought this is the coolest you know because everything's about authenticity and I think she was great I smoke I drink and
00:27:26
I can't sing without autotune so that that she had is it turned into brat fall or are we into brat winter yet because it was brat song you're a brat brat am I
00:27:37
a brat yes well you know what it is what is it a lot of people think it might mean
00:27:45
kiss Charlie oh kiss Charlie kiss but she just thought it sounded oh it sounds catchy it's definitely hard to say I don't know how C she is I didn't need to repeat that you
00:27:56
didn't repeat that well oh she's people thought it meant you know for you know yeah because kiss is an ex but she really just picked it it sound she picked it because it sounds cool but I'm
00:28:06
saying it doesn't sound that catchy it's hard to say Charlie X CX Charlie XCX I don't know if that's cat she's
00:28:18
it's working so I'm not gonna say that working um I'm gonna be Dana oh no l s LLC D5 no I'm just like a I'm a automated
00:28:37
robot or something oh boy well let's throw up some headlines let's see what's going on
00:28:43
I think so rescue the [Music] podcast now this is footage from the Jake Paul fight let's see a couple shots okay
00:29:01
I like the music yeah why is it so [Music] funny cuz cats are happy and acting like cats are funny and they're barely
00:29:13
touching and they're squishy and they didn't hit each other that hard so [ __ ] funny to me Absolut uh I'm gonna
00:29:19
throw you a curveball Dana because I just read this in the weigh in maybe you can pull this up I don't know it'll Greg
00:29:25
this wasn't the plan but the voice of Milhouse on The Simpsons is quitting and it's an interesting I'm wondering why because they've done milh house for 25 years and
00:29:37
it is a female I think I think that's what I read I get apparently I get all these stories wrong everyone on YouTube like you didn't even [ __ ] know what you're talking about it's all right but uh if we can pull it
00:29:51
up here we're GNA go down again Heather oh this isn't bad right here this is what Heather deals with all day I just
00:29:57
go up down I think there's oh yeah Simpsons voice actor Pamela Hayden retiring so she's
00:30:03
retiring from maybe the easiest job in the history of the world I don't know those people who got on Simpsons wow you could do this Danny you should audition for this this is a great job hey billh
00:30:17
house how does he sound is that I don't know how it sounds do have Bill house does Jimbo Jones too go ahead sorry geez
00:30:26
there was a while where Harry Shear was thinking of not continuing and they they reached out to me I go I can't do Harry
00:30:33
Shear stuff or or could I whoops hey there hey there I'm Mr I'm yeah did you just do a voice and have it I'm any character hello my my
00:30:49
name is Milhouse I like chocolate no I go like this I'm milhous I'm I'm grown up now how are you I'm Jimbo Jones oh yeah Jimbo Jones sounds like a
00:31:03
funny character like your eyes I'm Jimbo Jones how are you today I'm your new neighbor I just was saying I'm available for some kind of
00:31:15
35y year animation gig where I come in once a month and and go to a window and collect actual cash [ __ ] we need another Hotel Transylvania that's if anybody has any Deets on that hit me up I need a
00:31:26
secret life of pets three yeah welcome to the Hotel Transylvania is such a gift that keeps giving and they're funny I have to say they are great for the fam yeah okay next
00:31:44
story oh married man fakes his own death to meet woman across the seas I I read about this you know what's funny about this that I thought if this is right his name is Hogwarts no it's bog
00:31:58
wart he was he was missing after a kayak trip I think what he did was like flip the kayak upside down that's a good touch wow you know maybe I drown who knows left clothes or some kind of what
00:32:12
just nearby there's keys and he he called her and left a uh okay oh so what happened is he's asking
00:32:24
for advice somewhere and someone goes hey that's the guy so he gets on a Tik Tok like almost accidentally and they go that's the guy that disappeared and that's how they find him that's why it's
00:32:36
interesting really oh my God even she's excited so he shows up in this thing in what town I think it says San Diego he didn't go that far
00:32:50
then but he fakes his death and then he goes to he said should I go to usbekistan to meet with a woman despite
00:32:56
being married and they're like oh that's the guy and so they go did he go there and and get married to someone else so
00:33:04
that's how they Crack the Case God that's uh that's what they think oh maybe it's just think so that guy's been arrested what is the crime for faking your own death it's not as
00:33:15
bad as killing someone no I think it's more it's you get you get uh accused of being a coward for not divorcing your wife so in the Public Square people shun you and say
00:33:28
card Shame Shame Shame liar FIB you can fake your own death but can anyone fake their own birth let's look at a clip I don't know
00:33:43
just sounded funny I don't know faked his own funny it makes no logical sense we
00:33:51
talked about butt babies last week we didn't put that clip did we but babies yeah yeah I don't I sent it to you like I don't know if this is a real clip I'm not calling that real next
00:34:02
one okay don't say anything yet hold on she has This brilliant Talent okay this girl does okay I don't think it's that
00:34:10
groundbreaking but the length of it is funny she does we will quickly comment as she goes okay she has impressions of animals wow okay
00:34:21
good easyer Robin American robin of all things pretty good Too Fast Too Fast anyone could do it
00:34:35
anyone easy easy making her tongue weird is the key oh that's nothing I'll give her that they're too
00:34:50
fast stupid sheep two out of 10 eight out of 10 I like that yeah I like her face depending on what part of the country what what who is this
00:35:13
person they pull the camera back and she the [ __ ] knows what a claba sounds like every child can do that in school
00:35:28
wow that's pretty cool Grandma's a lesbian with the little whisper I mean she might be the fastest I'll tell you what and I'll just
00:35:40
hope Lauren saw that the the book's apens if you think about the bio evolutionary advantage to
00:35:48
have someone who can do these sounds and ancient man on the Prairie or hiding out in rocks trying to sleep they can scare
00:35:56
off or you know so there is a reason I just figured out why certain sounds talk like other people talk like so if we go across the plains in a in a uh covered
00:36:08
wagon she might be the one to bring with us you're the sound effect guy oh the coyote walks up in the middle of the desert and I go oh there's a sprinkler
00:36:29
Co like here's a here's a cocka Poo's like here's a Kaka bird kaka kaka kaka kaka I mean after about three of them I don't know what the I did get a
00:36:47
headache okay here it is ready morning birds birds bird flying away that's the best one oldfashioned rodeo R rotary phone how do we get into
00:37:06
this operator get me lion or 5 47532 I like when it's a short one you just do the one no one knows the
00:37:20
joy of that Heather's too young okay uh next one let's see we're really boot scooting along Columbia bans marriage after 7 17year
00:37:35
campaign oh they banned child marriage you have to be 18 now to get married let's go Colombia good job how young could you be in Colombia and still in
00:37:45
Iraq it's nine nine I think they just said it's nine I everything I say I think I think I just saw that that it was nine and everyone's like I think that still feels low uh so so 17 years
00:38:03
it took them to get it to be like 18 years old so that's good progress yeah progress thank you you know I mean in caveman times when you you were an old man by 30 you get married at 12 you know
00:38:20
we do have to adjust it a little bit yeah yeah but you got to speed up life a little bit when you're I think when when
00:38:26
people are like at a party and I'm like how old's that guy they're like 85 I go Jesus so people are hanging in there no
00:38:33
ancient tribe you see a guy with gray shagly hair and JS he's like I am chief of this tribe I live for
00:38:45
28 Summers they used to go people quickly calculate and go so he's 28 yeah why did they not just have make a mark on a tree I
00:38:58
I live 31 Winters the oldest guy's like oh okay next one really these are worldwide stories we're breaking it's great it's
00:39:10
International okay this is a basketball player Hansel Manuel oh and he has one arm and he's a
00:39:19
is this college yeah right L will drive all the way the only question still lingering is
00:39:26
that if Tennessee a large Hill to climb for that so he's really good look at that Manuel's got it here look out
00:39:37
Emmanuel that was with a right hand wow L that's pry that is extraordinary one crazy Superstar basketball player I can't do that well with
00:39:53
two well a lot of you know when you look at Steph Curry and stuff he he's kind of balancing I mean depend he must have
00:40:00
pretty big hands but you need to kind of you know when I the way I shoot everybody when when you're doing those
00:40:07
pickup games when I'm doing fadeaways I uh this this hand does help left hand helps me no no I mean obviously two hands is better but you know but that means that guy he's got
00:40:20
guts he's got tenacity he's he's adaptive and uh he's good he's really good he's walking shots lot is just one arm he probably has a good vertical he's
00:40:32
stuning the ball so you know he's stunk it's fantastic good for him good job Manuel that that was our feel good story story I I gonna say that yeah go ahead read
00:40:45
this one this store in China uses real people instead of mannequins to sell clothes okay um oh and they are little treadmills
00:40:57
[Music] ah looks like they're doing Tik toks so they're just talking they're walking on
00:41:03
a treadmill in a store window so people can see what it would look like not on a
00:41:09
a still mannequin but on a moving human right I like the idea how long you think your job's hard how long could you walk
00:41:15
in that treadmill without drenching and sweat well the way I saw it because it was a really short treadmill there was
00:41:22
scarier not a lot of room for error so I think they last until they fall off you
00:41:27
know God dang you got to go hey time out like because you have to let them know before you jump
00:41:33
off you can't get too tired and get swept back like uh George Jetson or whatever yeah treadmills can be scary if
00:41:40
you're really going fast you fly off yeah they really make they really make it to like the the Instagram fail videos
00:41:46
there's a lot of treadmills in America's Funniest Home Videos yeah I don't know if it's you I just do this but at the airport where there there's a really
00:41:53
long people mover moving along and people get on that I like to go not on the People Mover but go so fast that I go way past all of them but you go on the regular sidewalk I go on the regular
00:42:04
stuff I don't have nothing helping me but I want to beat them yeah sometimes I do that just out of
00:42:10
sheer uh I'm so cramped up for the six hours I want to walk I want to move yeah yeah I know I've sat more in the last
00:42:17
four days than I have in the last 4 and I'm sitting now yeah it's embarrassing all right one more let's see no we do a couple more oh I just thought this is a crazy photo
00:42:30
this is a Miami strip club look at the floor uh after the weekend what wet cement and mud or something mud that's money is it oh money oh wow and that's a
00:42:42
strip club they're just almost drowning in money it's like ankle deep in a in a I think they kicked everybody out they flip the lights on they go okay GS grab what you can but who on gods green are
00:42:53
just spending that much that's one of those things I never got into if I had a cple beans in my jeans I don't throw my
00:42:59
money I don't try to waste it this fast and this hard I have been to strip clubs in the
00:43:05
old days but it's such a clown show where they just you know they don't like you as much as you think oh this this really got my goat it almost burned my
00:43:16
onion a little bit mhm uh if I could think of any so when you go to Vegas and take out 20 bucks you have to pay $1.99 fee at the
00:43:28
ATM well hello hello hello it's vasc and I'm going to take $20 out of the ATM machine in Las Vegas $20 and the fee now
00:43:37
here at MGM properties $.99 so I'm hoping to make more than $1 from this video please watch it come on and we will see whether or not we can get any views but $12 to take
00:43:52
outy Farley would have hated that yeah well Farley take out $20 a day and then uh you know what strippers like is when you give them 20 and then you go
00:44:03
can I get 18 back they go I'm sorry what they don't like to give change 18 back I'm just thinking of the Goombas you know These Guys these these Vegas
00:44:15
guys upstairs you know all right we're gonna have the ATM meeting all right opening what do you think what's the most we can charge doll people tell us to go [ __ ] ourselves what do $5 I got $5
00:44:28
here could we go high and still have them use the ATM boss I'm down there I'm telling you they need money bad I think
00:44:34
we go 850 850 okay we got 850 got anybody 10 we have 10 $10 so that they can pull their own [ __ ] money out of the only [ __ ] machine you know boss I've been thinking I had a dream last
00:44:46
night we go 1199 11.99 once 1192 twice 99 folks do you understand so to to get when I I heard if you told me because I don't use
00:45:00
an ATM anymore cuz I don't like getting shot stabbed it's really the most vulnerable like people behind like I only do it in a grocery store I don't do
00:45:10
it out on the street not in La I only do it my doctor's office yeah so you get the money to pay him
00:45:17
cash who's your doctor Dr Bingo by the way I haven't I haven't been to a doctor that uses Insurance in about 10 years no
00:45:23
one they're always like actually we don't use Insurance here you pay us and then or they go you pay us then you
00:45:29
figure it out with your insurance oh yeah yeah and you figure it out and then Insurance never sends anything yeah then
00:45:34
they go you could pay us right now and then after that you can go [ __ ] yourself I don't care at all what you do go [ __ ] yourself is always the best way to end
00:45:41
any conversation okay so that one I will say if you told me what's too high at an
00:45:48
ATM I would [Music] say 199 is about as high as they could ever go I think there was an ATM in the hotel and I think it was
00:46:02
450 [ __ ] that's un that's sickening that's such but in the moment you're like you're like a monkey with a little must have money I'll pay anything
00:46:13
just yeah yeah yeah yeah you're just rip up ripping up $100 bills at that point when you're in Vegas or you're at the strip club you're like you you know
00:46:21
exactly that's what they want they want all right let's do one more and then Dana I got to get you to bed I know I will go right to sleep as
00:46:28
soon as oh we're going to end on this one this one might be too long I just thought it's all right we did something like this oh I I like how far is a
00:46:35
kilometer is that like a mile a kilometer is like two and a half laps around the track okay we'll just turn it
00:46:41
on so basically you can have no sound doesn't matter Yeah so basically what's the fastest animal on earth now okay so obviously cheetah gets to 500 for 100
00:46:53
100K 100 kilometers cheetah yeah so here's one kilometers the horse starts beating the to beat and the cheetah here comes a [ __ ] ostrich guys who had
00:47:03
money on the ostrich so now it's just down to the horse and the ostrich wow three miles three miles the ostrich
00:47:12
beats the horse right they destroy everyone else okay the camel comes in that's three miles in the a camel and
00:47:19
then the camel's catching up to the horse and the ostrich is hanging in with all three now it's catching up to the
00:47:25
ostrich around 12 miles looking at 12 miles look at these babies Coyote's back oh here's a human that's human we go far enough the human will win I do know that
00:47:36
okay you wish you know that I guess you haven't seen this 20 no 13 miles oh where is it going to end we 22 miles
00:47:43
we're ending at 100 I guess that seems a little 100 miles no one's running a 100 well no they have 100 mile runs yeah
00:47:50
okay so the human is gaining Kil is it close to a mile well 100 kilometers would be um 60 miles okay the human is passing the camel folks it's just in and
00:48:02
the horse the human is in the lead the horse too at one camel second wait horse or thir
00:48:11
ostrich beat the [ __ ] horse at the last second oh at the last second the off came in but photo finish 60 miles
00:48:18
humans dominate ye take that is that how much is 60 um 10 uh 100 kilometers should be 62
00:48:28
mil 100 L is a kilome well 10 kilm is 6.2 miles an oun is so 100 miles can you count 6.2 time 10 52 Dumbo
00:48:42
62 and guess who got in last the elephant fourth year in a row so if you try to run away from an ostrich just try to get away within the first 100 meters cuz it will H hunt you claw you and kill
00:48:56
you by the way the ostrich is like why am I running 100 me what are we doing why did I do this 60 miles without water
00:49:03
or food yeah get [ __ ] I could tell by the little the animation that the guy had he had a a Power Aid and ay in his pocket the running I pictured you I was
00:49:15
like look at Dana running Dana is a good runner oh I was back in the day well I tell you we didn't run we hopped we were running
00:49:28
from a lion I'll tell you a fun fact that okay I was coming you when you leave the good nights at SNL sometimes
00:49:35
you do it with the host yeah you go into the sort of under the bleachers and you come out so I think it was John meany he
00:49:42
just went right before me and I think he was going and then he started skipping and I started skipping too and
00:49:50
skipping feels really good compared to walking or even running it's kind of mus so now if you ever seen on SL I'm going back in December you see me come off the stage just remember within seconds I
00:50:02
will be skipping for quite a while okay that's kind of inside baseball well we learned something new about Dana lik day yeah well Dana it's been a great time
00:50:13
with you uh thank you for having me David oh next week we have two guests oh we do oh should we I'll tell I'll tell you later oh interesting okay
00:50:25
you're you're full of surprises sck around talk to us on YouTube smash the button beat the [ __ ] out of button yeah
00:50:31
we're our contract's coming up pretty soon so just [ __ ] annihilate the button like it your comment I know what
00:50:39
help pretend to be other people and hit it again yeah yeah yeah uh all right thanks Dana all right we'll uh we'll
00:50:46
catch you on the Fly this has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly is executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade Jenna white SPM of Odyssey Heather Santoro and
00:50:58
Greg Holtzman hope you liked it [Music]