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[Music] what is the moral of that story what is the give money to everyone have a really aggressively successful relative be a
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billionaire is a moral story then everyone will still like you and then be a multi-billionaire yeah no then get GED
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he's like this he looks like one of those [Music] kangaroos you guys we're back in the old sweat shop here we are there's a first
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right now though what is that I think it's the first time on Superfly that I've had a shirt with a collar oh yeah I know it's important for fans out there that want to make a it's really
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important I keep you updated um I just wanted to look more like you David no you know what we look we look so much the same apparently but then I had a green shirt on I just changed and I come
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down and me and Dana both have grayana is that [ __ ] what a burn you don't I mean the phones are going to light up
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you're mic like my little brother you you don't look like me you're just we don't really look if I had a a little
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brother like a kid brother hey buddy yeah you the kind would get you in a headlock for no reason yeah yeah that'd
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be me but we set people wouldn't know I mean whatever it's just too General we don't look the same is this too low okay here's what I'm going to tell Dana about before we get started which we'll be
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getting started I went to movies over the weekend last night I went to a quiet place I went to cheese dick Factory first and uh and ate I love Cheesecake
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Factory and uh some people called the chees cake fctory but that's sort of been played out I don't yeah a lot of people do yeah a lot of people do hear that a lot some of the employees do so
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then I went there and it's connected at the Grove to the movies so I God how can I ask you a
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question how recogniz I mean you're pretty recognizable out there do you got a big hat on or something I mean I have
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a hat and Shades and then I uh Burrow under even though it's only 20 feet to the movie theaters I go underground special uh so I go in there and when you
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go to the movies I've seen the other quiet places and then I thought this one the poster
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should have been let's hear it for the quiet place wouldn't that be a good review let's hear
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it um yes okay would you like me to insert I'll just keep going and then cuz I have I have a quiet pit lace idea you well I just thought the sequel should be the loud place like if you don't scream
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you die let's get something to eat you have to keep talking keep yelling or you'll die the loud place where when
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you're quiet you die that should be the monsters decide We Like it Loud now yeah
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that's true the sequel is louder hey yeah it's so hard it would be hard to keep up the noise yeah I the whole
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[ __ ] place just shut down stay loud one bit in and we're [ __ ] collapsing stay loud and stay alive so here's the
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thing so I go in they play AMC you know first of all it's a good 30 to 40 minutes of horseshit it's like commercials oh my God and then there's previews give away every movie you're
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about to see I left once and came back that's why you don't have to go for the first half hour because a lot of my
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excitement is the first half hour and it's wasted on this [ __ ] so the movie comes I'm already I'm already plummeting
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I'm trending down so then when the whole movies is all you see Nicole Kidman and
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then they go hi welcome to the it's a star of The Quiet Place I'm like I'm already in you got me and why are you
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telling me they're sitting there like this is a great movie about New York I go I I don't want to see the Press chunk
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it I made it you sold me I'm here start this [ __ ] so true because before Top Gun
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it got through all that stuff and then he goes hi I'm Tom Cruz I know you came to the movie We're very F get the [ __ ]
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out of here now believe I'm another guy in thir seconds hi I'm Tom Cruz but now watch Sergeant mcgilly I'm Ain going to make that leap of faith [ __ ] so quiet place I forget we'll be quiet I forget
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it sounds easy it's a silent movie right pretty much at the beginning they don't
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know what to do with it because I just picture the pitch meetings like we did this or the other one this is all New
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York yeah and another big part of it is the aliens they have to be cool you know
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they have to be goodlook they have to be like interesting scary which they were probably the same as the other movies
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yeah oh but they all kind of turn into alien when they get close to you jows open you know like a boa eating an multiple sets of teeth right yeah yeah
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and thenit there's more te then there's another little head and then the head has a little baby head with two tues
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going M yeah there's like seven layers of teth coming at you and they're all sharper and uh and they breathe they're always dripping with something anyway
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yeah through this can I say this when I was watching scary movies as a kid the movie The Monsters were dry except
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creature La Black Lagoon they were just dry and then when alien came out goo was
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put on the thing and they got wet and gooey and a lot more scary it is scarier to be gooier I like a dry monster it's
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true um I do like my monsters dry I agree with you with a Twist yeah I don't I like I can light a match off of you said that about ET oh he's so [ __ ]
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dry yeah yeah to dry Frankenstein was dry the original Frankenstein all those old monsters are dry and then they got
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gooey and wet then I stopped going to the movies uh so okay so we're still in the
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quiet place so she has a cat and the thing about the cat you know the cat's GNA [ __ ] everything up because cats are
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already troublemakers and you know cat why would you have in the choir place they're up there and he's like this pushing [ __ ] cans
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off like and they're like and the cat's like what if I you know what I mean they did that in the first alien where the
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cat's like meow they want you can't do [ __ ] you take a Kit Kat and go and and the monster so you can't do anything in this movie and the cat I think has a bell
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around his neck which is another huge [ __ ] up it's like isn't it funny though the moment like you just did when the
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monsters are like and then they hear yeah and then the the music comes in yeah cuz they're like this they're like this walking down the street in Manhattan it's of course Armageddon and then like this and then a bird goes
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Tweet now the bird goes the [ __ ] I don't even know what's going on like I'm just beinging a bird and then the alien comes
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and eats him the monster Zim but they are from space am I giving too much away so the aliens are from I did not know that yes I did not know that Ed uh uh not from this
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planet extraterrestrial oh great one Martian like so they all go to the noise obviously bring on the noise and Bring
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the Noise uh uh anything else that happened let me see I wrote a few things down geez can you just watch a movie
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you're always working no the cat the cat true is white everyone's covered in filth cat is clean as a whistle for some and also the cat doesn't give a fat [ __ ]
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walking over dead bodies la la because you know cats don't know what's going on so that's like the fun part is the cat
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cat never gets lost um and then at the end I walked out but I tiptoed out well they always
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people get so attached to cats and dogs but remember if you had a heart attack in the laundry room and no one was around which one would eat your face
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first the cat or the dog let the viewers send us let's go to the phones Evan I feel like the cats would because they wouldn't even let your body they would sniff a little bit but in within a week
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or two first of all they go through your pocket get your iPhone see you mime that
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out with effects the cat eating your face that's the cat getting hit with milk when you go milk a joke and you give some of the kitty and then the people going aren't you guilty frisky
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for eating your Master's face no memory okay so now let's get to the other news what was the other news this weekend there there's nothing really going on this concludes this is a short
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one they don't have to be any length we do to uh talk about we have to acknowledge the
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uh assassination attempt because we won't try to do it in the super darkest way we just have to say this happened
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this week we are on Monday this is on Friday so if we say anything wrong sometimes we do our episodes two months
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in advance and they're all about current events so they don't wear well yeah that that quiet place review was about the
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first one I I'm not even kidding about the loud place I think the loud Place Crush cuz you'd you'd wear Jangles and things and pot some pans every second like someone hi he hi
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hey you couldn't keep stay loud and stay alive oh also I don't want to go back to
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the quiet place but I want to do it more everyone's filthy but now and then the leads they look like they took a shower
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and you know what they look too good and I'm like you didn't get a shower in because you can't go too loud like they
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they they think they look too bad so they clean them up a bit I I couldn't agree more I a western like I saw when I
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did see a western recently I three day 310 to Yuma I love that one and all the Cowboys had shitty teeth yellow brown teeth I hate it when you see a western
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it's all filth everywhere and then [ __ ] white veneers hello everybody I me it's like come on it's whole
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everything is filthy but giant white teeth throws me out of the movie David you know how much veneers were back then
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there would cost three veneers that's an Italian current okay three veneers to get actual veneers
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yeah they were like 10 cents but that was a lot but um anyway I'm agree with you I like dirty teeth in Western
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so the shooting I saw as it happened on TV and uh you were watching it they always say it sounds like firecrackers which is true when I heard it back because if it's a mountain range
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you think it's going to be very good get tied on that mic and do that I like that that is re that's your my f new favorite sound because the echo yeah that's in
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the mountains damn girl I feel like I let's get on out of here so there's a lot of questions about it because uh luckily uh the candidate for present
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didn't get shot but that the the scariest thing is that thing where it's he looks this way and if he didn't look
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that way he would have gotten it would have been like a JFK thing and for America to see that for kids I I was
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actually very thrown by it all it scared me because when it was real you thought oh my God what if he's shot in the back
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I don't know when he went down I go he could have one in the back couldn't feel and then they take him away and then he goes oh wait you know because you I
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don't know shock it's adrenal I mean I saw it was little age me a bit but I saw Lee Harvey Oswell got he got shot by Jack Ruby during a prison transfer funny
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that's that's not funny but it's it makes you think of Dennis Miller Dennis Miller had a bit he does it's so funny I
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haven't seen cor ography like that since the Lee Harvey Oswald prison transfer um hey boss I got the guy that owns the local strip club he's got a handgun should we let him through who
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the [ __ ] are they turning away if they're letting in the strip club own with a gun should we let him
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through yeah let him in yeah that's what we were thinking because when you say I look at all
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the EV Tik Tok I mean evidence Tik Tok I go on Twitter that's where all the Twitter Tik Tok I mean just picture if this was JFK I mean the amount of analyzation all we had was
00:12:14
that crummies of Pruder tape uh but now of course everyone has something going and you're you're going to a place
00:12:20
that's getting filmed anyway so everyone has questions I don't know I don't know
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it all sounds you can question everything about this everybody has questions um and this is going to go on
00:12:32
for quite a while and the questions are from everybody New York Times Wall Street Journal Tik Tok Twitter more traditional sites CNN Fox News and then
00:12:43
everybody has questions how in the [ __ ] yeah did that shooter get on that roof from that distance with that clear shot when we know because of Evie the
00:12:56
secret service agent on show interviewed ironically two weeks ago or something for a half hour about how the secret surface works and she really breaks down I think we have a YouTube video of trump
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is an ex president so the amount of security is massive so I said how many are guarding in a big rally she goes I
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go 50 60 100 more so they couldn't spare one person to be on highest building the roof that's closest to the so you're
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kind of like well let please explain this yeah I thought that was a little fishy I don't know I mean I don't know
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we just need an explanation here's my explanation that I want is is the sniper Secret Service whoever is watching and guarding looks like he sees the guy and he's got him looks up Trump gets shot
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goes back down and pulls the trigger don't you think it would be cool if you see a guy with a gun just shoot him I
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don't know the procedure but if a guy's laying down prone position with a rifle in camo or whatever just shoot him and worry about it later well you assume from people I've talked to I talked to
00:14:04
someone who's in the military yeah they don't have different frequencies they are all match so this whole thing you
00:14:10
see in the movies kill one section s clear fine I mean know a second Eagle we have so it's completely mysterious you could only say that it was like the Challenger explosion like 10 coin
00:14:24
coincidental things went wrong they say locally they give certain jobs to local police so the local police is like apparently Barney 5 or something because they didn't have someone on that
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rooftop I can't understand why they didn't have someone on that rooftop based on the scenario I'm seeing I'm not
00:14:43
a conspiratorial I like to get answers but I have a lot of questions yeah and I'm I have to say just out of sensitivity and respect the gentleman who did get killed saving his wife and
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daughter apparently you know my heart goes out to them and that is tremendously sad um there's so many
00:15:02
aspects to this story and there's so many did you see did you send me the video of behind the scenes I sent you
00:15:09
something that I yeah so behind the actual Podium where Trump was speaking there was a person short hushing people
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away from the yeah right before it happened it looked like Secret Service got up took people out from behind
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Trump and then he holds him there and then when everything happens right then when he gets there blam blam blam he
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doesn't run on stage they all run on stage when they're getting jump off he's still crouched over there yeah that was a weird one but again weird I don't even
00:15:38
know if he works there I don't know why you just don't know it's again you just have questions what was that we have no answers but who why they're making a big
00:15:44
deal who's that Vincent guy the hat that was apparently someone online saying was some guy was actually in Italy is that the story he's been at it sounds like there's a lot of videos of him behind Trump at every single oh
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there's a guy that was behind Trump he has they've him oh okay I don't know if that's anything everyone behind is like
00:16:02
a subject because the woman she went down then she immediately took her phone up and started filming you're like what
00:16:07
are you doing all I know is oh sorry just the um secret service bun there was three women involved in it and they were all badass but the one with the bun she really took it all in control just want
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to let every mean the one that Trump was leaning on she and then she even when he got in the car she still stayed and kept
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moving like she is that her on the screen right here everybody Dr the B she's the one that with a head back to
00:16:32
us yeah okay what about this one she's a star you know that who's playing her in the movie Greg
00:16:38
show I don't want to say okay okay see we can still smile we talk about this I'm not doing all my jokes because at first someone said it was Alec bald I was like oh no days off for
00:16:52
this guy no we're not putting that in no no that's just we can cut anything he just got to quit and he's like what about him leaving for coffee what did who you see Alec baldon's been on trial
00:17:08
for them H but he's acquitted and he just no but he got up in trial just walked while they were questioning and
00:17:13
he got up and he just went coffee and allers were like literally visibly like what like like shaken that he just got
00:17:20
the trial I didn't know that you didn't see this I like when they said someone go did you call him a [ __ ] and the
00:17:25
girl goes me uh I don't know I don't think uh I know some witnesses that one jury I don't you know you've handled guns in movies right I mean you you
00:17:37
count on other people and also protocol was broken because I I've done a few I'm not saying but every single time the guy
00:17:45
says here's your firearm they usually go like this he makes you he opens all the bullets he turns it he turns it he looks
00:17:52
down he makes you look down the thing you look in the chamber I mean it's all once that's not happening than anything
00:17:59
can happen and the tragedy happened but and there's low budgets you don't know but you know when I see rust when I run
00:18:04
to the see it at the Little Theater of the Grove with four people I'm going to every time he points the gun at the
00:18:10
screen everyone's gonna go hey come on is that the real one come on dud it do just make me nervous he's not done got
00:18:16
more Alex PA might be watching the show we don't mean any disrespect I'm glad he's got acquitted that was just a
00:18:22
tragedy and a freaky thing and we love Alec [Music] okay Dana this uh we're going to talk about a away luggage for a second and as you know I go away a lot because what
00:18:41
you do International stupid star so I'm still on tour I just did six days and look at this away luggage I have oh yes I have one too oh you went a kind of
00:18:53
green gray I went for it's a little bit what color do we call that hether what would you say light it's a dark peacock
00:19:00
blue dark PE okay I have kind of the very light sort of whitish gray look at how light it is because Heather can lift it up and she's just spinning it around so this is good to buzz around this one
00:19:14
you can bring on with you I think that's the right size yeah you can bring with you on the plane and then I have one I
00:19:19
checked thank you heather that was great she's still up there with my yeah smashing my head with it um so uh it
00:19:26
looks great it's it's uh anyway it's easy now when I'm traveling I used to have one that was just like pulling teeth it was like pulling bricks around
00:19:37
you know I didn't know there was lighter easier ones cuz I it's been a while yeah so I finally get a new one it it kicks
00:19:43
around it's uh it looks better than any of these soft side suitcase that's the term soft side right you know they're
00:19:50
not clams they're not like hard clams and that that's what they've done with this one and it's extremely light and
00:19:59
maneuverable as as were the other ones that they gave us thank you thank you away yeah away they they soft side comes
00:20:07
in four they're bestselling sizes and they're good colors the two carryon sizes two check sizes uh there's four
00:20:15
colors this is blue Heather it's not as tricky blue as you thought mine was gray technically gray and then there's a pink
00:20:23
and a black yeah it's high strength nylon you always wondered what these are made of yeah high strength nylon because
00:20:30
it doesn't get smashed it's tear resistant water resistant and I've spilled because there's so much stuff
00:20:36
here it doesn't even matter oh yeah you could throw anything on the one I have the gray one and just take a little
00:20:42
cloth boom and it's clean like if you miss your flight and you cry and your tears hit it it's fine doesn't matter
00:20:49
yeah it's totally fine it's soft but not sensitive it durable flexible and expandable everything you want in a
00:20:56
carry-on piece of luggage Max anti- tipping stabilizer yes understand the thing about these are they are kind of fun I'm not saying it's fun to snake through a crowded airport but you can get one of
00:21:10
these in front of you and it's almost like you're doing a dance you're going left you're right you're drag I mean you
00:21:15
can spin it around get it past people I mean it it is it's very very compact but
00:21:21
holds a lot you put another one on top of it I've got a smaller one just to like walk on with like lunch put right
00:21:27
on there yeah uh you got to check out the new softside luggage from away if you can head over to a awaytravel.com
00:21:34
that's a travel.com fly to see the new softside luggage from away already showed you one awaytravel.com sfly all right should we do some
00:21:45
headlines you want to talk more about well I just have one more thought that's not funny but I do find it interesting
00:21:50
yeah if you took all the cell phone activity we can find all the police walkie-talkie fine
00:21:59
all the activity when they're setting up before the audience comes in interview all the people uh mix and match with
00:22:06
other Arenas how the um how did the the killer get in there how did he get on the roof put it all and put it into an AI only when the AI might go David Spade
00:22:21
David Spade me could be I'm just saying you could I don't think you had any you didn't I don't think that's true I just
00:22:27
say the AI we don't know the answers yet we don't know yet I have but I'm not even kidding in the sense that it's that
00:22:33
we could get some sense of answers a everything's left untouched still I heard I don't know if that's true but
00:22:39
that they are doing crime SC and all the people with phones and little bits all have to be put together and everything
00:22:45
AI right now is going just let me know when you want to know what's going on just let me know when you know want to know the Killer and everything what
00:22:50
about that one I can't stop either the guy saying he saw him bear crawling up the I don't know I don't know true in
00:22:58
the world dude has got a gun he's on the roof and everyone's like oh my God they were standing and saw a guy bear
00:23:03
crawling on the roof how about you be a hero then and you go up and grab him yeah well again they say now that a cop
00:23:09
went up and kind of looked and the guy pointed his gun at him and said see you like that guy does not want his name released yeah I'm not afraid of heights
00:23:21
actually but no do whatever you want to do because I going down but uh whenever you do what Allen I'm going to do what you trigger me you trigger me of course it's um so anyway all we know is what we
00:23:35
don't know and um I think in terms of the macro remember that at Arizona State yeah the temperature of Biden and his apparent mental difficulties and all the
00:23:50
stuff about him stepping down waiting for that speech to the nation I'm not will not I won't even do them and then this assassination attempt on Trump it's rotating in such a way that
00:24:04
so heated up I'm just going to say it I've never seen anything this crazy and I was there for JFK and Martin Luther
00:24:11
King and this is just on all levels with social media it is crazy it's I'm going
00:24:18
out on Lim everyone in here three people in here nodding two of them nodding Greg
00:24:23
went to state school where did you go to school Temple where' you go to high school Temple that fig drop out of high
00:24:29
school he's not reacting he went to Temple no I have no idea what Temple is oh really I went to church anyway
00:24:35
yeah I went to synagogue you let's look at the hot headlines before we get oh yeah this is a feel-good story I love seeing Princess Kate at Wimbledon
00:24:47
because she's gone through the ringer and her kid was there I think that's Charlotte and she's smiling and Kate looks gorgeous out the whole day rotting
00:24:57
in the Sun I couldn't do it that long she's tougher than me she's there and she meets the winner and she has a great time and everyone is excited to see her so really nothing no jokes here just oh
00:25:09
really fun to see um Kate from England getting the Insight through Megan marle and priny
00:25:19
about how difficult that job is what they do the Royals have to do you know oh poor baby they live in a palace but
00:25:26
it's a fishbowl life it's a lot lot of just ceremonial stuff so from afar you find yourself uh liking her she has a likability factor is an empathetic vibe
00:25:37
to her and you know as someone who's been married for it feels like um to me because I'm mostly watch tabloids yeah that her and U Prince William have a
00:25:50
very strong marriage yeah they seem like uh good couple and the kids seem all cute and I like this story we'll move on cuz it's not funny but know what I like it I lik it we wondered where she was
00:26:01
for a long time so it is nice to see her and doing something yeah we can be sincere and real and then funny that's
00:26:07
how we are in real life right it's hard for me yeah no I've seen you I've seen you tear up at no I I cry commercials
00:26:15
all right holy Matra money this is just a story of another super rich guy that invites just famous people I think he pays him to come to his wedding and it's hilarious I'm not really hating on I
00:26:28
probably would have gone you know what my wedding fee is it's pretty high actually but I go and I go hey good job
00:26:33
you know hey I would go second what what do we know who went and how much pan chopa went because she's sort of the queen over there P chrup yeah the one
00:26:45
she was in Quantico and she's with Joe Jonas no one of the Jonas is that hello one of the Nick Nick Jonas hello so I would like to think I would like to
00:26:58
talk to Nick Jonas please I will hold hello Nick I want to come to my wedding and give you a lot of money you get 1 million shubbles and
00:27:10
they go oh and that's only $9 you don't know it um so I'm doing Indian ACC well it's India well my best friend is from India yeah who else who else went oh who else went I
00:27:22
heard Kim K yeah when you can get these people to come to your wedding it's so fake you just buying them but they walk
00:27:29
on great stuff oh my God you guys are so cute like what do you say cuz you you don't know them at all thanks for hiring me what do I got
00:27:36
to do shake your hand get a photo let's knock one out well it is kind of interesting that you got all the planes
00:27:42
you got the Mansions you got all this money and then what else don't we got we need
00:27:47
celebrities how about Danon Carvey and David Spade they'll come in for a cool million each we do the podcast there
00:27:54
well we do the podcast and then we mix and mingle cuz they're going to want that for they're going to pay us then you do a few Impressions I get up there
00:28:01
and whatever I do I'll do Biden Trump David will crush with a story about I'll talk I'll redo quiet place a Pizza Hut
00:28:09
chunk that's extraordinary yeah I got good stuff oh this lady says uh another solo I get the
00:28:16
first oh she's freaking out because she said people over 50 don't use filler words where they and that's not true because I do and I'm 48 well I'm almost okay I need more information so she
00:28:29
says it's very clear that if you're older you're smarter because you don't go like um like like words you don't
00:28:36
fill your sentence you just say what you want to say and also people over 50 don't have vocal fry which they have on
00:28:42
The Bachelor you know what that is where they go yeah where it kind of Fades out yeah Scott yeah they just kind of growl
00:28:50
it out everyone on Bachelor has it everyone on Bachelor in Paradise has it it was always interesting to me did you observe this that the where the valley girl Rhythm came from apparently was the
00:29:03
San frando Valley that was the appar in the 70s okay so it's like but now you can meet predominantly young women I don't know if this is sexist in different states Montana everywhere they
00:29:14
do it all over the country so like so like this guy was so cool but I was like so scared and I like liked him but my
00:29:20
friend Susan really liked him more than I did so we were like you know and it's everywhere that's just an observation I
00:29:26
don't have a punchline It's just sometimes you realize that people are dumb everywhere it doesn't have to be
00:29:32
just here in La it's like the dude did you ever talk like a surfer dude CU you were kind of a skateboarder I was a skater I would just adapt anything that
00:29:39
helped me or made me more appealing like in school they say you should try to stand out and be yourself I was like
00:29:46
nope I want to be exactly a carbon copy of everyone else I just want to not stand out at all and I just want to be
00:29:52
whatever is working for people you eat there in the cafeteria I do this you act like that I wear that I wear that so I
00:29:58
wasn't really a unique individual can I ask you a question yeah please um remember how Jerry Seinfeld got so mad
00:30:04
don't say what just ask just ask a question I don't need you to say can I ask you a question that counts as the
00:30:12
question have you ever gone to any of your high school reunions I did which here one which one
00:30:18
I went to the 10th and I think I was seeing Julie Bowen and so I said do you want to go no you weren seeing her at 28
00:30:26
that'd be your 10th you'd be 28 I'm 100 now no but it's SNL you're 100 count backwards I think it was you're 0 it can't be could it be 20 no it was a long time ago it was
00:30:42
probably 10th anyway my observation is that you early Saturday Night Live we had pictures then you by the time you
00:30:49
got just shoot me and SNL famous enough today go ahead you had cool hair you had
00:30:55
a cool goatee uh you had cool cloth you did we did video or audio picture Montage of you but so the time you were there if thinking of how you must have been at 17 in high school hi everybody
00:31:08
I'm David Spade and then there you were 20 years later you would have been a badass hello I'm David Spade hi Julie V
00:31:15
I'm David Spade no didn't do David Spade from uh they just shoot me hey what's up what's
00:31:21
up do this [ __ ] I we went to the punch drunk love from years and whenever that was so
00:31:27
anyway we go to it crazily enough she goes I'll go for [ __ ] shits and giggles so we go I and then stupidly
00:31:35
this is like a Time Warp Ben and JLo were dating so when they said sign in ago we wrote Ben and JLo to be stupid and this [ __ ] first guy that walks up
00:31:48
to me goes think you're Ben ALU I go oh boy he like wanted to fight me immediately I was like of course they
00:31:54
wanted to kill me cuz you had all the power I am you didn't ask for it you're just yeah one guy goes everyone my all
00:32:00
my friends think you're funny I go he's really not and I go all right cool guy a down a not like we get it do get you in
00:32:06
the proverbial headlock and give you aie did you go like that told I could beat the [ __ ] out of you I go um literally
00:32:11
everyone here can including Julie so that's it's not a big most of the guys who dominated me in high school by 28
00:32:16
they were completely bald and they they were putting gas in a tank at a full serve and they just wave as I went by
00:32:22
you think you're so great you don't want to Peak in high school just for any young people watching us I'm almost 80
00:32:30
still having fun don't worry just relax here's this next story which is I thought this is kind of funny this is interesting I think this is an Uber driver or something how's my son's drawing he puts his son's drawing in his
00:32:41
window and he goes good enough for art classes or just send them to trade school so the your any driver can vote
00:32:49
you go help the family decide if the kids a good artist I think he's pretty good well what is that a rock hitting
00:32:55
the guy's head I that's the other part that is is he is uh the moon behind him that's the only part where I think he should go to trade school because I don't know I like the the right side of the
00:33:09
picture well it's a part fine drawing does he have a man bun look like a rock is hitting his hitting him in the head but he's not
00:33:20
reacting no it's probably right before it's right when the rock hits his head well okay here's what I need more information what how old is the kid how
00:33:31
old is the bald guy he says enough for art classes he's talking about private art classes the kid wants to go to Art
00:33:36
School well let him let him be a plumber during the day and go to art school at night problem solved Jesus I don't know
00:33:42
if that's one of the picks you can vote on what do you have to vote J is like they go if you'd like to put an essay
00:33:47
then like well I was a bus boy and then I'd say look there there's shows in San Francisco tonight this is the holiday
00:33:54
and I was 30 miles from San Francisco the holy city zoo could I leave early to go do a show so then I'd go and do a set
00:34:01
there Robin Williams would come in Robin's here tonight and then he sweet Robin he would do two hours he would oh I can't believe it it's a crazy night I want to toast tot
00:34:13
the M but uh love him but uh anyway do both do it all here we David shirts with printed on sweat stains are being sold for 350 we had the P stains on the jeans
00:34:27
right and now you can do a shirt with sweat stains mhm what's what's next dropping a load in your Levites in the
00:34:34
what's what's the final mic drop on than human what's next socks with jizz all over them cuz I got a couple up in the
00:34:41
[ __ ] room at least we have a nice by line for the for today's Superfly listen actually I would do this I would do this
00:34:47
shirt if it was a button down I just don't like these pullovers well let me let's ask Heather hea look at this
00:34:54
picture that's funny why why how did did you get did John know he's using you're
00:34:59
using his picture we know him and I think he justs that's shirt no that's he just you didn't see the other one I made a j a little heavy you might sweat a little bit it's probably a very hot day
00:35:10
Heather let me ask you a question do you find it sexy at all a man kind of sweating yeah um from a distance but
00:35:21
I David do you find it sexy at all two reest man or woman no I do think guys are super hot but I do think that I've had uh you keep that a
00:35:33
secret I've had requested to be sweaty not like that's 90day fiance guy right yes yeah uh I've had two say you better get all hot and sweaty because that's
00:35:44
what I like honestly so they like what it looks like or the smell they want it to be a little randier yeah I can see people liking that not me oh well I like the looks though sorry
00:35:56
Heather because well what do you that's me 24 hours a day yeah huh but what is your choice of manly deodorant I mean what's the brand raw dog raw dog isn't
00:36:07
that just driving and not listening to the radio you can't apply it to everything in life everything Dana now
00:36:14
it's that's when you don't know what you're talking about make it it was going to the [ __ ] movies and not
00:36:19
eating popcorn [ __ ] raw dog the whole I know you should have saw the loud place it is it is out at the same time
00:36:25
oh I thought this is a this is a cute story and we won't talk about my raw dogging Bo okay ready mhm okay this guy's takes
00:36:33
his girlfriend out to dinner let's play it nope where's the cake come on Heather what are you doing
00:36:40
give me my Fork my Fork [ __ ] face marry me will you marry me oh my God are you serious are you serious I can't believe it isn't that
00:37:06
sweet and look at this part that's a ring that's a ring oh yes Diamond feels small I can still feel okay that's it
00:37:21
that's our producer Greg hzman isn't that a good one yeah this was the kid kidnap smash car proposal no so David what what is that you blind
00:37:34
right now a little bit am I making fun of a disability no I thought it was very cute see I what a
00:37:41
softy I cry at most in bad ones that I was waiting for something to happen no it was a nice one uh yeah if I gave
00:37:47
myself into that I would be a puddle of tears but that is very very sweet if because it didn't feel staged you know
00:37:53
when you see stuff all time I don't think that was stag that looked real yeah if it it was give that woman an Oscar if she can see mhm okay what are
00:38:01
we doing here is this Biden so although I wish I were here with better news the fact is that you and I are
00:38:08
sitting here today because this will be your last week of employment funny this is not an
00:38:15
assessment of your productivity try not to take this person cloney fireing well I just had a bad
00:38:23
night wow that is clever they put in that movie in the air yeah that's funny yeah that was just funny uh okay what is this dog doing I'm sure
00:38:33
I'll laugh okay stop it freeze freeze okay this guy wipes out in his chair all right does the dog help him up or go get
00:38:48
the bottle he threw um boy so we don't get a playback so I don't know how violent the I say goes gets the bottle okay let's
00:39:03
see he eats the cake he eats the cake there cake sitting there why didn't he know the cake was there like train a
00:39:10
leaves the station you got it wrong to Chicago going 40 miles hour dude take a cognitive test I fail hey I take a
00:39:18
cognitive test every day here he comes glasses off I take C put these on Cog test every day just have a dozen eggs
00:39:25
they drop them six break how am I got I got six come on what doesn't belong here
00:39:31
alligator ice cream bazooka none of the above I take a cognitive test every day oh you do every moment I take a cognitive test B SP David
00:39:42
Spade have another butter peanut butter sandwich cookie that's a whole another thing it's you know what happened this
00:39:49
week which will still be when this is there is they're not talking as much about Biden and now we're like three
00:39:55
weeks out it's gotten wiped out by the Trump assassination attempt I mean they better do something or not do something
00:40:03
Biden well by airtime maybe when is the Democratic Convention could they switch it there it's August they could do it there he said I'll see at the convention I like these people that are
00:40:14
private meetings with them and go hey I would be like hey what's this lunch about they're like just lunch and then
00:40:20
they're like you got a [ __ ] quit dude he's like you tricked me why I thought we were going to talk about quiet place or something everyone wants to meet with
00:40:27
him and he's like I know what this is about I don't want to meet with you dude I not quit cuz I'm the best passive to do the job no one could do the job
00:40:33
better than me he's not going to quit everybody wants to be the guy that talked about him the only one but he was
00:40:40
mad at Obama because Obama pushed Hillary in 2016 and not him so there's all kinds of subfuse intrigue sounds
00:40:47
like a real tangled web sounds like you you take you take a web you tangle it up and kind of describes the story why why
00:40:54
did I bore with this what is this [Music] is this an i at the DMV I got to take an eye test this might be a mistake this is
00:41:11
too far away how much cable oh this is to watch [ __ ] stupid oh I think I sent this for no reason this is to watch football this year it used to be just you have to pay for YouTube for Direct
00:41:23
TV or for y to watch all the games then they're going to add a game on peacock you got to join peacock mhm then you
00:41:29
join Netflix for a game Amazon's Thursday for billion dollar with Al Michaels and then uh our friend and then
00:41:35
ESPN and NFL plus like so it's getting to be a little dicey to watch for I thought you were going say it's getting to be a little like Christmas A Lot Like Christmas actually well this is how they
00:41:47
get you that was the old Barry so that's how they get you wait this reminds me of
00:41:53
why isn't this is a basketball question for you okay we have Greg hold who is the guy in the Celtics the
00:42:00
MVP um Jaylen J Brown why isn't he in the in the Olympics now that uh fell out didn't they pick another guy from the Celtics Nike what Nike sponsors the Olympic team
00:42:15
this is the conspiracy Jay Brown that sounds pretty clearcut Jaylen brown with Jaylen Brown don't know who he's with
00:42:22
but he and Kyrie both have like beef with Nike and they think that's why he's not
00:42:28
oh oh man glad we're really trying to put our best foot forward they said they go we got an alternate and they pull is it Derek white who's the guy his te his teammate and you're like Jaylen was the
00:42:41
MVP of the whole finals I think and they won the whole thing right he was so it just seems like so dumb you go come on
00:42:48
olyp first of all I have a real thing against the Olympics and do not get me started please do um you're against
00:42:54
Olympics I'm against it yeah really even like the swimming and gymnastics I'm against the beating it puts on people and then the next day what best case you win then the next
00:43:06
day you're like I won and then nobody cares and then if and then if you lose now you're like now I if you win you go
00:43:13
I can coach what can I do I've wasted 20 plus years doing one thing shot putting
00:43:19
every day and now where does that lend itself in the I say something yeah I barely started somebody say ask a
00:43:25
question sometimes I I want to ask question sometimes I want to make a statement okay if you're an Olympic gold
00:43:30
medalist yeah and you learn to give an inspirational speech of 20 minutes in length you go on the corporate circuit and you're getting 50k a night wait why do I got to do an hour they do 20 you
00:43:42
got to get in the Olympic team I'll buy you a shop put when's your birthday 16 pounds I have a Nerf one but as a you
00:43:49
know it is coming up oh oh no it's [ __ ] horrible don't go nuts Dana well you have money go nuts get you the I'll get you a girl shop put give me a Nerf one in practice no it's still 8 pounds
00:44:02
for JV it is yeah I think so no it's dense [ __ ] it you know I'm out but I like to watch the Olympics because of the drama of it but it is Bittersweet sometimes I'm saying that's fun for us
00:44:13
it's like fun to watch but then after all the dust settles I know someone that was in the Olympics training tore an
00:44:20
Achilles and then she goes I'm just going to try to be in the next Olympus because I what do you do now because
00:44:26
it's training every day now you're like I'm going to go work at Nordstroms like what skills do you have you're not ready
00:44:32
for the real world no that is I mean if there's a lot of intrigue going on too with special behind the scenes Medicine
00:44:38
of these athletes and if you do test positive for performance enhancing drugs they always say they had a chili dog it's a nit tra that's one of the excuses chil dog yeah had a chili dog and yeah
00:44:51
when I go run a mile I always slamming a chil dog blew out my hand R you know blew me out but um you know get this
00:44:59
David check this out so you're going to the Olympics you're in the 100 meter sprint got it this is your last chance
00:45:06
your favor to get the gold medal 50 million people watching yeah so you FAL start that's it end of career are you out if you fall start well definitely two I think they Chang it to one well by
00:45:19
the way your whole life revolves on eight seconds it's like so you do it you have an off day and now what now it's
00:45:27
the coach flight home you go to the Olympic Village and get [ __ ] plowed this is to quote our our friend Jerry
00:45:32
Seinfeld or just that he did a visual joke that was so great about you know when they show the silhouette black and
00:45:38
white photo when it's a photo finish of all the sprinters and Jerry did a a profiling he goes here's the winner
00:45:45
here's sixth place winner sixth place you know just funny right funny yeah thanks Jerry some other Jerry jokes some other Jerry jokes no Jerry's best joke
00:45:56
was uh at a funeral they say the biggest fear in people's lives is public speaking so if you're at a funeral most
00:46:03
people would rather be in the casket than giving the eulogy oh I heard remember alabel said the number one
00:46:10
fear is uh public speaking number two is snakes so someone's walking in the desert going oh my God a Podium so I guess it's like jokes I
00:46:23
don't know but I like mangling someone's joke and I go that wasn't that good I'm like alubel opened for me at Laughs Unlimited
00:46:31
where the The Comedy Room and the Green Room are had a common wall so you could you're sitting there waiting to headline and he's the middle act you're hear through the wall a pod and then he would
00:46:42
do a song with a tape and he would sing and belt out this five minute song like I'm I'm out and the whole room I'm in is shaking arms and legs and hair don't
00:46:54
mean to scared no no I know that song danag garfo and I'd come out look up the AL if you're listening or watching this was you were hard to fall I like when girls on Instagram go I was swimming in
00:47:07
the ocean and the lifeguard was like you can't go out there you're so light and skinny you're going to like get pulled
00:47:12
in a Riptide or something you're just so cute and little you can't it's just all about them saying that they're skinny
00:47:18
you can't talk about Olympics and River without talking about poop River I don't we don't know enough we have to they
00:47:24
cleaned up the S she's gon the s River s it's had eoli to dangerous levels for quite a long time and people are swimming it they spent billions of dollars in Paris to clean it up for the Olympics they have guaranteed it's going
00:47:38
to be ready they were supposed to test it today and the mayor was I think the mayor whoever is in charge over there uh
00:47:44
yes that made me sound smart um that they're gonna they said they will get it clean enough that they will be the first
00:47:50
person to swim in there it was scheduled for today they pushed it two days because they're only at 80% today just below the toxicity levels of River so
00:47:57
she for poop River so she wants two more but why are they calling it The Poop River oh we know this is she knows the
00:48:03
answer go ahead pretty amazing all the parisians are very upset that they spent so much money all the
00:48:10
tax pisser dollars to try and clean up the S and it's really going nowhere so they've all decided to plan a poop in
00:48:17
the river so it goes Downstream to where they're going to do the test swim and they even have apps so you know exactly
00:48:24
in your town where to let it off where and when to put when wear a poo so it could float down to where they're going
00:48:30
to do the test and say you [ __ ] up you spent all your money this was a dumb idea J what a and here's some poop I
00:48:37
thought don't we look at the French is kind of sophisticated in a way they're more redneck than red I'm red red N I
00:48:44
take a big dump in the river make people be sad they come swimming up on my stuff come get on come get
00:48:51
homef that's extraordinary if that's true yeah they take like okay a sifter and just go how many peanuts Pop Quiz go ahead the LA Olympics are in four years
00:49:04
against it thank you what is the thing they should clean up well we know they're going to go away and then come back afterwards we did we discussing about the homeless we didn't we talk about this frog town could be cleaned up
00:49:17
S I don't like the sound of any of this it sounds well how about 13 beaches in LA are closed until for three months
00:49:25
because of man we have poop ocean yeah I think San Diego on down it's full of I do too dirty poop all right now let's get to this important story which is nothing
00:49:37
we're almost done this is Jeff bezos's first office the humble beginnings no Lauren
00:49:45
Sanchez this is before they started dating he is a what a ratty little Bleak dump but that's everybody's office at the beginning bless his heart he
00:49:57
spray paints amazon.com I like the initiative there and the carpet is well I I have that in my room actually so I shouldn't I ran into him when he was not Jeff B at a conference at maybe the
00:50:10
early knots and Amazon a bit started but a lot of bigwoods were at this and he was just a little guy and kind of sweet
00:50:16
here's an interesting story about Jeff B so he's starting Amazon online it's books and stuff he convinces his relativ
00:50:27
his siblings to give him maybe invest a th000 or 5,000 and they get all these shares they're all worth hundreds of millions of dollars good night what is
00:50:38
the moral of that story what is the give money to everyone have a really aggressively successful relative be a
00:50:45
billionaire is a moral story then everyone will still like you and then be a multi-billionaire yeah now then get
00:50:51
gacked he's like this he look like one of those kangaroos Elon Musk um said he's supporting Trump borderline political all right uh
00:51:03
I was just vote for Trump oh that's Elon Musk little bit I don't know why he stutters he didn't pay enough to the stutter coach all we have to wrap it up because
00:51:16
I want a piece of go um all state would you like a a beverage what do you have a
00:51:22
slippery nipple I made a little side deal David wait for wait for check oh thank you very people say that people say that when we read ads that we're not telling
00:51:33
the truth we're saying that we use stuff that we they do that what people there a certain person that knows both of us no people
00:51:45
people um no not Paula I'm very careful people on YouTube Love the [ __ ] show they do sometimes all right all state wants to raise California homeowners rates by 34% this is why no
00:51:58
one can afford it here 34 not three or four this is they're doing a lot people don't know this in the other states a lot of people just can't get home insurance at all anymore they just say
00:52:11
no when I when I did a hear at this Mansion or whatever other people's words 15 windows four pantries whatever it
00:52:18
doesn't matter who cares um podcast room but they said 10 out of the 12 places said no we don't even we're not even going to make a bid we don't we won't and I'm not in some Tinder Box this
00:52:29
thing's made of like steel I it looks like a goddamn carport it's my house is not great looking but it's mostly made
00:52:37
of steel glass solid gold and platinum and what are you what are you saying you can't get insurance I couldn't I
00:52:44
couldn't out of the 12 places two said yes and they were Skyrocket prices it was seven times what I paid before I moved here so just saying it's scary for across the board California is in a
00:52:56
tough spot because who can afford the flip side of that story and I don't have details on it is that a lot of companies
00:53:06
left I'm surprised to see all stayed up there like they can move with their feet so what happened was in California we
00:53:11
have we were a Tinder Box because yeah all these old towers are sparking and so forth and so on so the insurance commissioner kind of just said to them
00:53:22
no you can't raise the rates and they said fine we're not going to do insurance in your particular State they
00:53:29
can just move to other states so it is a problem I I would like to see all the metrics but insurance companies what a
00:53:37
what a hard job to have I don't need to see any metrics I just make snap needer judgments and reactions David there's
00:53:43
always two sides to a coin I know we've talked about this at some of our dinners and you fell asleep and ordered another
00:53:50
Mimosa I I was like but but David the way the world works is a little more complicated but they don't they can't
00:53:56
make a profit so they leave and then we don't have insurance well they said mine they're making up mine probably won't light on fire they don't think but
00:54:02
they're making up for all the Malibu fires are the ones in the valley so they're taking it out on everyone else
00:54:08
anyway should we leave on that Downer is that the last one don't can we have one more so we're not leaving on a total
00:54:14
[ __ ] bummer play that one just CU we can cut it later one okay is it about yeah is that the guy about the shooting
00:54:20
that's this yeah I do this one this could be from years ago months ago mhm okay saw an attempt on his life uh that
00:54:29
this bullet flew by his ear and it came so close to his head that it busted his drum eardrum and I saw um he was he fell to his knees during this time frame and
00:54:41
he started worshipping the Lord he got radically born again during this time frame I'm talking people say he's saved
00:54:48
now but he becomes really on fire saying this in the past and ass Vision he saw if that's true it didn't bust his eardrum I don't
00:55:03
think but that's pretty interesting or he's a shooter I mean um because that's still too accurate I think the shooter is no longer with us but uh I didn't like seeing shooter pictures on Twitter
00:55:15
without without a warning well you did I saw the shooter after they uh hit him they just show it's right on it's too much I can't
00:55:27
see that [ __ ] D I'm a sensitive I'm on cancer 20-year-old male from Pennsylvania
00:55:33
that's yeah but he got popped you know he got a head shot I know I don't want to see it no I don't want to see any I
00:55:40
don't want to see any presents getting shot on it's crazy uh anyway can people can human
00:55:47
beings we get along if you're looking at like there's eight dimensions and there's you know four or five Dimensions
00:55:54
all these different molecues are going around and adoms and somehow some of us get into this frequency and can literally foretell the future oh yeah May that's the premise of that yeah what
00:56:06
do you think if that's [ __ ] say it in YouTube well by the way you don't have to remind people to tell you negative comments on YouTube um okay so
00:56:14
I guess that's it we did a great job I told the future once with you you remember when I was on SNL and you're
00:56:19
like you think I'll make it I go you're going to make it big you're going to have a giant mansion and pantries
00:56:24
everywhere and all this but save money because you're not gonna be able to get insurance oh yeah remember when I said
00:56:31
that 1991 I go bigger than Sandler you go I gotta take this call no Sandler are probably exact even in that respect well what is it I mean
00:56:44
you you're Mr Beast or Taylor Swift is it always in Show Business to be the biggest how about just being kind of
00:56:50
like David Lynch I'd rather just be I'm humbly just the best of in the world at my job one of the richest at my job whatever my job is uh I did see Sandler the other night it was fun
00:57:02
fa all right these Cals aren't going to eat themsel sounds okay bye guys I just want to thank our sponsor that's not a sponsor thank you you're thirsty sponsored by fruit in
00:57:21
general this has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly is executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade Jenna
00:57:28
Weiss Burman of Odyssey Heather Santoro and Greg Holzman hope you liked it [Music]