00:00:00
I I'm such a notorious mumbler. Last night at the comedy store, half the time they can't even hear me.
00:00:07
That's if a joke doesn't work. I think they can't hear me. And then last night
00:00:12
I was getting a lot of like echo. And I don't even know anything about mics even
00:00:16
to this point, >> but I could tell something was off. >> Well, I have the name for your next
00:00:22
special. >> Go ahead. >> The Mumbler. >> Oh boy. Now that's what I'm playing in
00:00:27
the next Batman movie. Heather, can you turn that one down now? This is my eye that gets all Tom Cruz and squinchy like
00:00:33
this. >> I know. >> Uh, so Dana, >> I have to talk to you about some things.
00:00:41
>> Okay. >> Some real serious thing. Well, first of all, I know I want I want to hear about
00:00:44
your trip. I just want to tell you that >> it's not that exciting. Go ahead.
00:00:48
>> Well, nothing I'm going to say is exciting. >> That bus boys, I just saw a good piece
00:00:54
of news that there's a movie. So, first of all, this is my funny take. There's a
00:00:59
place called box office mojo.com. >> I go to it all the time and I checked it
00:01:04
last night to see how Bus Boys was doing. >> Oh, have you heard the story?
00:01:08
>> No, I I Bus Boys was a ghost. So, go ahead. >> Jumping ahead. So, um Sorry.
00:01:14
>> I go to Box Office Mojo all the way back to like Grown-Ups all these other
00:01:18
movies. >> Yeah, that's the go-to place. It >> says every night what it made the night
00:01:22
before and like the top 40 or 50, you know. >> Yeah. So, we're independent, right? So, it says,
00:01:29
it had some weird name, but now it's called Bus Boys Holdings or whatever, but it usually says like Disney,
00:01:34
Paramount, >> whatever. You know what I mean? >> Yeah. >> A24 >> distributor, producer, whatever. So,
00:01:40
when we were eight that first weekend, we were the only independent only independent in the top 10. Fine.
00:01:46
>> So, the next week during the week, I did some quick calculations in my head. I
00:01:52
go, we're going to be about sixth right now. just during the week >> and then by the time I get wamped by
00:01:58
Michael Jackson on the weekend and five wide releases will be pushed down but fine.
00:02:03
>> So Monday doesn't say anything. Tuesday nothing. And I go are they going to make
00:02:07
us they're not putting it back on till the weekend. So we have no idea what it
00:02:11
made all week. On the weekend nothing. You know what? I think big movie got to him. Like big pharma. Big movie. Oh wait
00:02:20
a minute. So what Oh okay. Okay. Big movie. So basically what you're saying is
00:02:26
>> Bus Boys was still in theaters incurring revenue. >> Yeah. >> But Big Movie Mojo, whatever they are,
00:02:34
box office mojo box office mojo and said, "Why are you putting It makes us look a little weird.
00:02:41
>> They don't like indie films. You're off the res. They want you in a big
00:02:45
corporate bubble." So I think Warner Brothers made a ringy dingy. I think Paramount made a ringy dingy.
00:02:50
>> Conspiracy theory going around. Yep. They can't stop the people though. Let
00:02:53
me just put that out to you. >> The people are >> The people spoke. >> Yeah.
00:02:58
>> $2,000 per theater with no advertising first weekend. Go ahead. >> Someone wrote in and said they'd only
00:03:05
made $2,000 per theater. That sucks. I go, why don't you check the top 50? Because I think the top three make
00:03:11
2,000. Anyway, we were in lower theaters. But listen, it's it's not changing the world. As I say, this is
00:03:17
the kind of movie that you watch on your phone while you're driving. It's not a real cinematic experience,
00:03:24
but it's fun, right? >> Or if you're, in your case, if you're in
00:03:27
a bubble bath, you can just hold your phone up and play with the duck with the other hand. Go ahead.
00:03:32
>> Or hold it under the water. You can still see it pretty good. >> Yeah. You Yeah,
00:03:35
>> you don't have to hear it. >> Or get the audio book version that is
00:03:39
already out. Bus Boys, you guys do a great uh job of uh vocalizing the movie and just put that in. Yeah.
00:03:46
>> And look at look at pictures of you and Theo from the uh >> But how about this? So listen, our movie
00:03:51
All In, we lied. It cost 37, not just three, but that's cuz music was about 500.
00:03:57
>> Jesus, I can play a couple instruments next time. >> I know. We should have had you come in
00:04:01
there because, okay, it's a 37. So, let's say it made another million during
00:04:05
the week, blah blah. But I just read that this new movie, it's called Desert Warrior. Heard about
00:04:13
it? I didn't think so. >> Um, no. It made 480,000 Heather this weekend.
00:04:21
>> Whoops. >> Budget 150 million. >> No, that's not possible. So say tell the
00:04:26
real story. That's very funny, David. But what are the what are >> in recent memory?
00:04:32
>> It's Ben Kingsley, Anthony Mackey, big stars. It just something about it did
00:04:37
not work. Obviously something >> Well, something didn't work. Well, let
00:04:40
me I've got to unpack this. They make they make a movie for 150 million. Normally they match that with
00:04:47
advertising another. So they're 300 deep and their first weekend Ben Kingsley is
00:04:52
have popping champagne. They do 400,000. So 100 one 900th of the box. I mean it's
00:05:00
there's flops and then there's flops. >> That's how it shows you how rough it is
00:05:04
out there. So their per screen average was about 12 bucks. I don't know what
00:05:09
>> I don't know what it was. But you know what I'm saying is it's a brutal blood
00:05:13
bath. >> That one I don't know what could have happened other than just no awareness.
00:05:19
Now we didn't have advertising. >> Well, I never heard of it. >> What's the name of the Ben Kingsley one?
00:05:24
>> Desert Warrior. >> Well, no, the real name cuz that's ridiculous.
00:05:28
>> That's a good generic name. >> That's like a guy with a gun or
00:05:35
>> desert craziness. >> Tanks nearby. >> Tanks and things. Yeah. Think of the
00:05:41
worst title that would never have a human being buy a ticket at a centerlex. It' be like
00:05:45
>> Desert Warrior. So generic. Yeah. You're >> Yeah. You can't remember it already.
00:05:48
What is it? Warriors in the Desert. >> Desert Warrior. >> Desert Warrior.
00:05:53
Um Yeah. Sometimes Nail on the Head doesn't get you box office. >> You remember a funny part of cuz people
00:05:59
are saying our movie is like a little too uh >> what? >> Just pushing jokes too far. But remember
00:06:07
when you go the opposite way and in Top Gun Maverick, the funniest thing of the whole movie, which I did like the movie.
00:06:13
>> Oh, I thought it was fantastic. >> They were so scared to name a country
00:06:16
that they were fighting that would be the bad guys. So they just kept calling them the bad guys. They never once said
00:06:22
who it was. >> Isn't that funny? Go bad guys are coming. We got to fight the bad guys.
00:06:26
They showed dark planes, but no markings on the plane. You go, who is it? Which country? No. Nice try.
00:06:33
>> Come on, soldiers. Let's get out there AND FIGHT THE BAD GUYS. WHO? THE BAD
00:06:39
GUYS, YOU IDIOTS. >> JERKS. >> By the way, here's a little fun fact.
00:06:44
>> Yeah. >> Christopher Nolan, one of our great directors, >> Chris Nolan,
00:06:48
>> all time. Chris Chrissy. >> Um, Don Kirk, brilliant World War II film,
00:06:54
>> Inception. >> They referred to the en they referred to the enemy. They said the enemy. They
00:07:01
didn't say Nazis or Germans, which was factual. They just said the enemy. >> Well, the funny thing is like Wonder
00:07:08
Woman, there's there's some movies that go back in time, which is smart >> to
00:07:14
>> when the Nazis, the bad guys, because everyone can go, "Okay, we'll give you
00:07:18
that one." But if it's present day, it's hard to say, >> "Oh, it's these guys. Oh, it's these
00:07:23
guys." And then they >> Right. I mean, in in a lot of movies, there's like um there was uh the rebels,
00:07:31
there was the Confederacy, and now Jets and the >> now it's called the Confettes. All
00:07:37
right, let's fight those confettes just to kind of soften it. You've seen it.
00:07:41
It's on Amazon Prime, right? >> It's called the fight of the confetti.
00:07:45
>> And when they get shot, they just explodes confetti. There's no blood.
00:07:49
>> Yeah. I mean, you know, it's okay to kind of modify things. You know,
00:07:53
historically, you don't want to say Confederates, so you say the confettes. And what would they call the Union
00:08:00
soldiers? >> The firecrackers, >> the unison's. >> It's the unison's versus the confettes.
00:08:08
>> That's funny. What about in in Batman and those movies that the most violent
00:08:13
movies that are PG-13 and you go these are so violent for kids like more scary violent but
00:08:19
>> they can't show I think blood exploding out so you'll see people get shot and
00:08:26
sometimes they turn into smoke in like the Avengers or something because they can't show blood. So it's a good trick
00:08:32
of like they're dying >> or they just go, "Oh, you got me." >> Yeah. It's grabbing your stomach. You
00:08:38
got a squib there. You know, look, I mean, there's PG-13 movies. I won't say which ones. In the
00:08:45
'9s where the star is talking to two young, attractive Asian women's and asks what
00:08:53
their names are. One says, "I'm sucky me and I'm sucky you." PG-13.
00:09:00
>> Porkies. >> I won't name movies. I won't name names, but I'm just saying that was the the
00:09:08
culture and era of that was pre-political correctness. You could pretty much say whatever you want.
00:09:14
>> There's a joke a comedian did about watching the credits for Hawaii 5. This
00:09:18
is a long setup. >> Oh, but he goes, "You ever seen the credits?" Like Kang Fun as Fun Kang. Why
00:09:25
are we changing the names? Just say Just use the guy's real name. Ping pow as pa ping.
00:09:33
>> Ping pong as the pingpong player. >> Yeah. >> All right, let's hear about your trip.
00:09:38
I've had enough of my stupid movie. >> I like the I love talking about movies
00:09:42
and box. But let me just for the audience contextually. This was the little engine that could. It's just
00:09:49
doing its theatrical release. Its first weekend did great. it's trundling around
00:09:54
and then it'll be on live streaming thing and >> you'll be able to type it in and say
00:10:00
where can I buy this or rent it. It'll be that'll be probably June 1st but
00:10:04
we'll believe me we'll blab about it then. >> Little bit of advice just [ __ ] buy
00:10:07
it. It's the kind of movie you're going to want to see over and over again. Your
00:10:11
friends are coming in from Canada. What do you got? Eh, >> you want something funny? We got Bus
00:10:15
Boys. So buy it. Anyway, I was in New Orleans. >> Newland. I was in Nalins. Yens
00:10:22
>> they instead of saying where you at or where you from, they say yeah. >> I'm not kidding. Yeah.
00:10:29
>> Cab. Yeah. Cab driver yet. Uh we flew in from LA. Oh, that way you at? >> That was a little
00:10:36
>> That's a tough accent, huh? Can you master New Orleans? >> Well, jumping ahead a little bit. So I
00:10:42
was at the airport and I wanted a little pop before I got on the plane cuz me no
00:10:47
likey eight miles in the air and a tube with two guys up front going. >> So the all the bars are packed cuz it's
00:10:54
an afternoon fly like could I you know >> and then I'm like okay [ __ ] it. So I
00:11:00
wander around the other side of the terminal >> in the middle of nowhere with no nobody
00:11:04
around was this little tiny bar with this very large Nons man. >> No. And he was so sweet and sanguin. Do
00:11:14
you know what the >> sanguan >> sang? >> I don't know what it means. I've heard
00:11:19
it. >> But you know, it's kind of like, so, hey, how are you? You know, I'm I'm
00:11:23
doing okay. I'm doing pretty good. You know, I mean, gentleman before you, he
00:11:29
wanted to bring some food on the airplane. You know, I said I wouldn't bring a poboy with shrimp and hot sauce
00:11:36
cuz that can get a little loud. >> I mean, stinky. >> Yeah. But he said loud.
00:11:42
>> No, I like that. Yeah. >> I I live in a small one-bedroom apartment I like very much. And this
00:11:47
Yorkie dog came available and I said I Oh, I want that. I want that Yorkie. But she was scared of me for about a month.
00:11:54
She just sat in a little bed looking like that. Now when I get home and I put the key in the door, I hear her
00:12:01
whimpering with joy. That that's kind of nice, >> you know. I mean, um, what else he say?
00:12:09
So then >> like a box of chocolates. >> So then we get >> I know it's it's in in that area. Have a
00:12:16
good time. I could get you the plastic cups on top. And yeah, it's in the general area. I got I got land in
00:12:23
Mississippi. So after I'm finished here, I'm going to build this house. I did
00:12:27
have a a job where I was managing people, but it wasn't good for my brain. So then the thing is we get on the plane
00:12:35
in Nandins where we at >> and we find out the toilet is broken in the pointy part of the airplane.
00:12:43
>> Oh >> the guy comes on sounds just like the bartender. So we got understand that
00:12:49
Lavatory is out of order up here but we still got one on the back. So, it's 160
00:12:54
people for five hours and it was kind of weird because the plan you start going back there, man, and it's all pitch
00:13:02
black and everyone's like this and no one's talking. It's and they're all
00:13:05
frozen. Feel like in a science fiction movie. Then you have to stand in the aisle for like 20 minutes. What's up?
00:13:11
>> How you doing? >> How you doing, T? So, you're uh waiting to take a [ __ ]
00:13:16
>> Hey, number one or number two? >> You're leaning against the guys. They're
00:13:20
like reading a magazine. You're like, >> "Oh, yeah. My thigh is on on this guy's
00:13:24
shoulder and my hands in another guy's mouth. He's I'm like the aisle is like
00:13:30
this. >> Those aisles are getting skinnier. You have to die. You can't just walk. You
00:13:33
have to kind of cuz everyone's got their elbow, their knee out, their foot. So I
00:13:38
go back there second time. 5 hour flight. Why not? That all happens earlier in the day. We I'll put a memo
00:13:45
out later. I got this. I got >> You got that? So then they bring the beverage cart down and it's halfway
00:13:51
down. It weighs a ton. So I I guess I'm trapped. So I just sort of stand in the
00:13:56
aisle for about 20 minutes. Oh, I thought you were bored with my story and you were set in a trap.
00:14:07
>> Oh, yeah. Go ahead. >> Okay, so a couple more. So Jazz Fest is there was the weekend big time Jazzfest
00:14:13
thing. >> But I saw that some of the entertainers playing at the racetrack were pop stars.
00:14:18
So they had Stevie Nicks of Fleetwood M. >> Really? >> Yes. In Jazzfest.
00:14:26
So I went over there. I said, I wondered if they had to kind of stylize their songs in a jazzy way. I wasn't sure. So
00:14:32
Paula in the racetrack and we're just looking. She comes out and she's like,
00:14:38
um, now there you go again. You say you want your freedom. >> Oh, jazzing it up. But who am I I I
00:14:52
to keep you down down. So I thought it was amazing. Then the Eagles came on. Well,
00:15:05
>> go ahead. Wait a give me a second. Change gears. Welcome. Welcome to the to the to the hotel.
00:15:24
I got a phone. And I looked out at the crowd and they had left. There was nobody there.
00:15:33
Dana, have you ever caught yourself mid-sentence and think, "Wow, maybe I shouldn't have had that extra coffee
00:15:39
this morning." >> Mhm. >> Yeah, you have. >> Yeah, >> I have, too. But by the time I realized
00:15:44
my flossing game was more of an optional hobby than a routine habit, it's funny
00:15:48
how little things in your mouth can make a big difference in how you feel about yourself. And that's exactly why I love
00:15:54
what Smile Generation does. They're a community of trusted dental professionals who help people understand
00:16:00
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00:16:06
affects your heart, your brain, and your overall well-being. Oral health issues have even been linked to long-term
00:16:13
conditions like heart disease, diabetes, and Alzheimer's. So, >> caring for your smile really is caring
00:16:19
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00:16:26
can catch potential concerns early, sometimes before you even notice symptoms. >> Yeah. To learn more about the connection
00:16:34
between oral health and overall health, visit smilegeneration.comfly. That's smilegeneration.comfly
00:16:43
to learn more about the mouthbody connection and find a trusted provider near you. Wait, that h that happened at
00:16:50
stage coach because you know LA does Coachella Coachella which is like Bieber and Billy all
00:16:56
>> and then >> and then stage coach is pure country. So that's the third weekend. So now it's
00:17:03
turned into some rockers, some rappers, and you just it all turns into like >> just have a music festival because they
00:17:10
don't stick to the theme and then it's like, "Okay, well this person's famous.
00:17:14
Throw them in there." Blah, blah. >> They Yeah, >> it gets blurry like
00:17:18
>> it gets a little blurry. Jazz Fest. Are there any actual jazz players? >> I guess they're adapting like Stevie
00:17:25
Nicks if they go there, they're sort of tweaking it a bit if that's what you're
00:17:28
saying. which >> yeah, Stevie probably was just There you go again. You want some freedom?
00:17:41
>> I thought it was great. So anyway, I love Stevie Nicks. I hung out. >> You were there for Jazz Fest though,
00:17:46
were you? >> No, I happened to be there. >> That's great. It was the uh Zurich company, insurance
00:17:56
company, fostering a big golf tournament that was on television. >> Okay. >> And then also the Jazz Fest. But Paul
00:18:03
and I, we toolled around. We went, we're on the big red bus that went all around
00:18:08
New Orleans, you know, to the right is, you know, that kind of thing. >> And then we go, "Oh, there's a tour of
00:18:17
these beautiful old houses the next stop." So we got off the bus. No one else got off. So, it was just Paul and I
00:18:23
and a really nice guy named Colin, but he sounded like George Carlin. And he's
00:18:30
walking us through all these or Orlando houses. >> Yeah. This house came here about 1850.
00:18:37
The Creole built most of it, but they didn't want anybody to know that. >> The guy doing the tours. That him.
00:18:44
>> Yeah, that's him. Yeah. And then up here, there's those lights lighted off.
00:18:48
And that keeps the voodoo magic away. You know why? Cuz nobody likes voodoo in their house. And it was like an hour and
00:18:56
a half of that. >> The voodoo that you do. Yeah. I I I do get scared of that stuff. When I was in
00:19:04
>> N Yeah. N Oh, yeah. We did a movie there and I said to I was in a pretty decent
00:19:10
hotel and I go, "Oh, there's a um" I go, "Where can I go eat?" I go, "Oh, there's
00:19:16
McDonald's across the street." He goes, "You know what? This is a pretty good
00:19:19
neighborhood. I wouldn't go out to the right." And I go, "To the right of the
00:19:24
hotel." He goes, "Just go to the left." I go, "There's a McDonald's on that
00:19:28
corner. It's not even 100 yards." He goes, "Don't go to that one." He goes,
00:19:31
"There's one down there." >> And so from then on, I never walked to
00:19:35
the right, even in the daytime. and he said, "No, I I wouldn't do it." I'm
00:19:38
like, "So that is a bad neighborhood." No, no, no, no, no, no. >> It's uh Yeah, there is that. I mean, out
00:19:45
on the sidewalk there was a kind of a cool woman dancing with chakras on you, you know. And then u we go up into our
00:19:57
room and this is no joke. I'm not getting around here. My none of my stuff works. The laptop, the phone, just what?
00:20:05
And then Paula's phone, brand new, just goes to weird, spooky, uh, like wispy dial tone type stuff,
00:20:14
like noise, like white noise. And we open the window. >> So, we went to an Apple store that
00:20:23
wasn't an Apple store. It was an Apple, it was a place that fixed phones, >> you know, it had little bells on the
00:20:29
door and it was really tiny. >> Yeah. But they were able to fix it. They just picked it up and went, "Oh, voodoo.
00:20:35
>> We know how to do this." >> Yeah, it's been hexed. And so they put
00:20:38
it in a machine and it said anti voodoo hex machine, which was like the old Batman TV show. Press the button. Ding.
00:20:46
Then it was fine. >> I like going in those and they go, "We're just going to plug it in here and
00:20:50
slurp out all your information and we'll give it back." Okay. Yeah. I should have been warned because
00:20:58
um my doctor's nurse when I told her I was going to New Orleans, she said, "Oh,
00:21:03
>> there she comes." >> Oh no. >> Me and Heather are already laughing.
00:21:09
>> Oh, you're going to New Orleans. I'm going to have to talk to the doctor.
00:21:16
>> Why? >> Yeah. >> Cuz of the voodoo. >> Oh, he can put a screen on you.
00:21:26
Make sure you bring an extra iPhone. >> It doesn't work when the voodoo hits.
00:21:32
>> Oh, I'm going to have to talk to David Spade. >> Why? >> Why? I don't know. We both say why.
00:21:42
I like being the other guy against the the secretary. I'm I'm the one for
00:21:47
Heather. >> For Heather. I told Dane on the break, I go, "If we're ever stuck, all I want to
00:21:53
do is just say, "What's the doctor's secretary up to?" And then he just
00:21:56
couldn't go into it. >> Well, by the way, uh she's a incredibly sweet person. She almost came to our gig
00:22:05
up in Lincoln, >> but it was just a Friday. >> I couldn't get a chance to ask the
00:22:11
doctor. >> There's too much traffic. I talked to the doctor. He thought it was too far to
00:22:18
drive on a Friday night. So maybe she'll be at our next gig in Saratoga >> on June beep beep
00:22:26
>> or our gig >> this week >> comedy festival Oreium Theater. >> Oh,
00:22:36
>> Wednesday night. That's Wednesday. Two days >> at 6:00 PM. So you can go to the show,
00:22:44
have a couple pops, go to the show, and then eat dinner and afterwards. 6 p.m. show Dana and I grill Chris Rock about
00:22:52
whatever we want. >> Yeah. We just said we wanted probably we want one of the best comedians of of the
00:22:58
last 30 years and we put it in an AI and it came up Chris Rock. So we call up Chris.
00:23:06
It's time for my nourishment and nutrition. >> Why are you suddenly a robot?
00:23:14
>> Drinking vitamins. >> What's your blood work look like when you do a lab?
00:23:22
>> My labs come out pretty good, by the way. >> Green. All green or some big
00:23:26
>> Everyone's shocked. The guy doesn't allow me to look at them. He goes like
00:23:29
this. Okay. Mhm. Don't love that. I go, "Well, >> yeah, it's really the honor system. I
00:23:42
have to trust him." Oh, here's something. Oh, not to get you off, but >> Well, I wanted to do impression of your
00:23:47
doctor. >> Of my doctor? >> Yeah. Um, >> okay. Good. >> No reason to bring that up. Okay. Okay.
00:23:56
>> Huh. Just, you know, enjoy your life. Okay. Go ahead. >> Okay. Okay, let me see.
00:24:05
Viagra, that's an easy fix. Okay. Do you um do you have trouble lifting up uh Avian bottles? I do
00:24:19
use your legs. >> How many times do you get up in the night to go to the bathroom?
00:24:26
>> 30. >> This says here it would be 300. Is that possible? Kevin Nean, who's going to be on next
00:24:33
week. >> Kevin Neon, >> he says he sleeps in the bathroom and gets up to just go back and lay down,
00:24:40
sleep, and come back to the bathroom. So now he goes bathroom more than he sleeps.
00:24:45
>> Okay, we'll ask. We're going to unpack that when he's on the show. We're going to
00:24:50
unpack it. All right. What are you looking at? I was saying that there was that uh mishap with uh that President
00:24:58
Trump had and the my angle on it is not really the whole situation. It was that I just picture every school going, "Do
00:25:07
you have your manifesto ready? Uh they're due this weekend. >> Everyone has a [ __ ] manifesto." I'm
00:25:13
like, "I don't have one. Do I should I have one just in case anything happens
00:25:17
to me?" >> How How do you define a manifesto? I mean, it is a funny word.
00:25:21
>> It's a cool name. We all Yeah. >> Yeah. Mine's a pamphlet right now. The
00:25:25
first time I heard manifesto, it's like a phone book, right? It's I think it was
00:25:29
Ted Kazinski, maybe. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Uh, not think of news of Tim Kazarinski.
00:25:35
>> But that was the Uni Bomber, was it? >> Yeah. Yeah, the uni bomber wrote a
00:25:39
manifesto which basically I think was sort of like reorientating being critical of the way society is organized
00:25:46
and humanity is going about its business and here's a better way to do it. It's a
00:25:50
manifesto like a call to arms. >> If we could implement this immediately, I will stop bombing people.
00:25:57
>> Right? I live in a cabin and I make homemade bombs, but I think I got the
00:26:01
brain pan to figure out what to do with society. It's funny because sometimes
00:26:05
those people are very smart, but it's they're socially awkward. >> They're on the spectrum is what people
00:26:14
say. Now, >> here's another thing I say about these people that are out there killing
00:26:17
people. It I I know mental illnesses, we've talked about this. It's very
00:26:21
serious. >> We've talked about it, but there's a certain point where you go, "Oh, this
00:26:27
person got off because they're they're they say they're insane. They can't they
00:26:32
don't know what they're doing." Well, I think if you're a serial killer, no
00:26:37
one's defending them. They're in. I mean, they don't know. They know
00:26:40
something's wrong with them, right? >> Getting a machine gun and shooting down
00:26:43
into traffic is by definitional mentally. >> Planning a killing every week for some
00:26:49
women and you're like John Wayne Gay or one of these guys or you're the BTK
00:26:53
killer. So, you're not you're not mentally >> you could say argue they're not fit to
00:26:59
stand trial. They don't understand s that's not someone that gets it out
00:27:04
there how you're supposed to deal in the world, >> right? That's >> it's conveniently used sometimes to get
00:27:08
people off and sometimes you just say, well, if they're me that mentally I don't let's say they don't go
00:27:14
to jail, you know, put them in a rubber room somewhere, but don't get them on
00:27:18
the streets again. That's my only argument. >> If I was on trial for something like
00:27:21
that, I would just say, look, before we start this whole proceeding, I feel terrible. Number one. Number two, I'll
00:27:29
never do it again. So, I think we're ready to go. Let's save the taxpayers
00:27:33
some money. What do you say? >> Yeah, I'm ready myself and my own recognizant.
00:27:41
>> I'm sorry and I'll never do it again. So, bye-bye. >> Right.
00:27:45
>> And when these horrible things happen, they go, "Oh, they but they're just not
00:27:48
on their medication right now." Well, when will they be? Because if they're
00:27:51
not if they're going to go stab someone, not make that's not our fault. If
00:27:56
they're not on you, it's just such a complicated issue, >> right? Because off their meds, they got
00:28:00
to get the meds and then they stab the pharmacist. >> They have >> and then they can't get their meds.
00:28:07
They took away the source. >> That's the real worst case scenario. That's where the system breaks down.
00:28:12
>> Yeah. He's all just get his meds and we'll throw the knife away. But
00:28:16
>> stab you should have taken one first. >> All right. That's all I have to say. I
00:28:21
like the word manifesto because it comes up a lot. >> I know. And I agree. And I've um I've
00:28:26
been working on one. >> You should have something. That's it. That's all it is. Your manifesto.
00:28:31
>> Oh, it's up there. Cocky Whistler guy. >> I have a Hollywood story. After your
00:28:43
next story, >> let me tell you what I thought that last story is about. This is This is
00:28:47
something I That means when something is shaky. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. You can do it. Let me see you do it.
00:28:59
>> Good. >> Can you do an octopus going across your screen? >> Probably not.
00:29:08
That's just visual. Don't we get a little I could do that but with better.
00:29:15
Well, that's pretty good. I got to wear the cameras. See, they slurp up some. They They go
00:29:27
backwards because of >> Here's an impression of you eating clams at a restaurant.
00:29:32
Finally. Here's me when I'm Here's me when I'm about to have sex. the girl. We're
00:29:48
jumping over here and she's naked and I'm naked. I walk up and I go, "Any
00:29:54
allergies?" Okay. >> Any allergies I need to know about? That's what the waiter said.
00:30:01
>> Here's you postcoidal with a robe on turning away from the fireplace to the
00:30:06
bed where the woman is. >> Yeah. I give that after sex the slow clap. >> The sarcastic clap.
00:30:18
Mhm. I go, "We're done here. >> You accept any of my premises."
00:30:23
>> Here's here's Dana. Here's Dana after he takes the number two. And he gets up and looks down at it
00:30:30
and he goes, "This isn't over. Here's you. You're about to be on
00:30:37
Artemis, the next one that goes around the moon." And you're in your spacuit
00:30:40
and you're right at the door and you take your hat or your thing off. Go. Yeah. Not today. Okay.
00:30:48
That's it. >> That's it. Not today. >> Here's here's you when you're an Artemis
00:30:53
going around the moon. >> Now it's an Artemis theme. >> Yeah. You go. Uh, which is the one that
00:31:00
doesn't work? >> Cuz there's already a line for the one in the back and there's only three of
00:31:05
us. So, where's which is the pooper that works? >> Because going down the dark side of the
00:31:10
moon scares me a little bit and I get nervous and I [ __ ] Well, everything ends with no that
00:31:17
people have religious experiences on the dark side of the moon. The guy was up there on Artemis, which by the way,
00:31:23
Trump has already named the next ones to be called epic Artemis. >> I know it's called Trumpopotamus.
00:31:30
>> Trumpy, >> why did he put his name in it if he's renaming it?
00:31:33
>> He put his name in Earth. There's a movement to change the name of Earth
00:31:37
just to trurf. >> Trump Town. >> Trump Town. But uh yeah, people get
00:31:43
religious out there when they see the sun and sound. They get kind of So the guy came in the splashdown, got on the
00:31:49
ship and talked to the chaplain. He goes, "Is there a chaplain here? There's
00:31:52
always a chaplain on a ship." Because he was so moved by that. He kind of got the
00:31:57
idea of, you know, just go planet all alone. Why can't we get along? >> Did he see all the buildings on the dark
00:32:03
side of the movies moon? All the UFOs and when they go inside the moon? >> No. But he did see a small figure with
00:32:10
little weird binoculars. >> It was me. >> Yes. >> Instead of pumping bus boys, you stowed
00:32:21
away on Artemis 2 and parachuted it down to the lunar surface so you could harass
00:32:26
the astronauts. >> I'm going to tell everyone a shot something about Hollywood that they
00:32:31
don't always know that I think Dana kind of knows. >> I mean, you sort of get it. You don't
00:32:36
really get it, >> but you want to get it. >> My hair gets it. >> You get it. Uh, Simone Biles came out. I
00:32:46
thought it was good she said this. >> The gymnast. The genius gymnast. >> The gymnast. Of course, I have no
00:32:52
information on the story and it's a total lie, but I'm continuing. >> Uh, she went to a,
00:32:59
>> let's say, a premiere, >> a Met Gal something. I I think the Met
00:33:04
Gala would be a little bit of a cheat. I think it's just a regular >> big red carpet appearance.
00:33:09
>> Okay. >> And she said, >> "You know what, guys? I want to stay
00:33:13
home from now on because >> all in to doll me up 23,000 for the Glam Squad. Heather believes it.
00:33:22
I believe it. I used to know this uh young lady that worked for Leno and she said, "Glam is getting so expensive that
00:33:31
we had one really famous female just ask for 20 grand for glam." >> So you do the show and you get like $800
00:33:40
>> to be on a talk show. >> Yeah. >> Will you cover my glam? It's 20. That's
00:33:46
>> outfit, stylist, hair, makeup, >> steam, >> nails, I don't know what, you know, to
00:33:53
get ready for one. Nikki Glazer would be a good one to ask cuz she's going to a
00:33:56
lot of stuff lately. We should have her on again anyway, but uh >> Oh, I'd love to have I'd love to have
00:34:02
Nick back on. >> She knows about it. So, is that crazy? I think the regular average person. So
00:34:08
Simone's basic point was like I can't keep going to these and parts of it are
00:34:13
right off I'm sure but you still have to pay it. It's too much. >> It's too much. But I'll tell you that
00:34:20
seems inexpensive and I'll tell you why. >> Okay. >> Uh when Jay Leno was still doing the
00:34:26
Tonight Show, >> Kim Kardashian was on the show and afterwards Jay Jay didn't say it in a snarky way. said,
00:34:34
"Yeah, it was 17,000 to she looked every penny of it." >> Yeah. So, I bet it's more.
00:34:42
>> This reminds me of I played a birthday party on the break and I'm like, "What
00:34:47
is this guy's birthday wish to watch me come bomb in front of his friends?"
00:34:50
Anyway, so I said, "You look good for he was 60." And I said, "You know what? You
00:34:57
know what you don't want to hear from people? They talk about someone, they go, "He's 60 and he looks every bit of
00:35:04
60." The rudest. That means every day is accounted for. There's a little wear and
00:35:09
tear every [ __ ] day. They don't go, "You look 50." Every bit of it.
00:35:15
>> Yeah. >> You ever heard that? >> Oh, yeah. Every bit of it.
00:35:19
>> It's so rude. >> Yeah. >> A rude way to say it. >> Hey, you look good for your age.
00:35:27
>> Listen, >> I go hide that. Guess what actor never wore makeup? Speaking of $17,000
00:35:33
on television or in film ever? >> Nope. Rob. Rob Redford. >> Someone I worked with long time ago.
00:35:41
>> Mickey Rooney. >> Yes. No way. >> Mickey Rooney. >> Mickey Rooney again.
00:35:45
>> Never wore makeup. You know why I don't wear makeup? Cuz makeup is for girls.
00:35:51
>> And had some logic to it. >> Yeah. Back then it was for sure for girls.
00:35:56
>> You know who wore makeup? Judy Garland. I guess all the actresses do. >> Uh,
00:36:04
>> you know who needs to wear makeup? David Spade. You know what people don't
00:36:07
realize the when they say we look like [ __ ] in the comments, I shield you from
00:36:11
this, Dana. I shield you. >> I I'm pouring over the comments during this. It's It's I read a lot. It's like
00:36:17
a live stream. >> My live feed. Yeah. I just It's a lot of >> We don't wear makeup and they say,
00:36:23
>> "Oh, you look rough. More makeup." I'm like, "We don't have any makeup.
00:36:28
Well, we we have I have ring lights, man. Better than makeup. They call me Ringo Star. I walk around with a ring
00:36:34
light everywhere. >> Oh, remember Ringo? Remember when we interviewed Ringo?
00:36:38
>> A He's our friend. >> I know. He's Day in July. Uh we maybe we
00:36:42
could get to some stories. What do you think of that? >> Well, yeah. And whenever you want me to
00:36:46
do uh >> Oh, buzzing around. You want to do it? You ready for it? >> Well, might as well get it out of the
00:36:51
way. Now it's time for Buzzing Around sponsored by 5Hour Energy. With a wide
00:36:58
variety of bold flavors to choose from. >> That's right. >> You can get as much caffeine as a 12 oz
00:37:03
premium cup of coffee, but with zero sugar and zero sugar crash. >> That sounds like buzzing. Find five
00:37:12
energy shots online at five energy.com or Amazon today. So Dana Carvey right here, master
00:37:21
>> of voices >> of of something. >> When I figure it out, I'll let you know.
00:37:25
>> He's going to give us a scenario. >> Okay, we we talked a little earlier and
00:37:29
we're going to have a little scenario here. >> This is a little sketch. I have a couple
00:37:34
cliff notes, but it is not written out, so it might be a bit sloppy. >> No, they're very messy, which I like.
00:37:41
>> Yes. So, here's the premise. in the future cuz AI is going to take over and we're
00:37:46
going to have robots, right? >> The LA and robots in the house and housekeepers and gardener all that.
00:37:51
>> Good evening, Mr. >> Last thing will be an AI robot comedian and they will make those and they will
00:37:58
base them on iconic comedians. So, and sooner or later, sooner or later, these AI cyborg comedian robots
00:38:10
will screw up. Order. Order in the court. >> We're going right into it.
00:38:20
>> Yeah. >> Okay. J1000, you're accused of murdering 300 patrons
00:38:27
at the laugh stop in Hermosa Beach on November 7th. How do you plead? Oh, you know, guilty, of course. I am guilty.
00:38:37
You're guilt you you freely admit your guilt. Oh, yeah. Yeah, of course. You
00:38:42
would you care to explain yourself? It's actually very simple, you know. So, so I
00:38:47
was there in the green room, you know, and um you know, basically uh my handler Mickey, you know, he's he's my human guy
00:38:54
and he just said before the second show, he said, "J1000, knock him dead." Right? So, what the
00:39:02
problem was is that my empathy chip was completely on the fritz and my logic chip wasn't working so well. So, I took
00:39:10
him literally and I took their stool and I beat the hell out of all them until they were dead.
00:39:14
>> Oh my gosh. So you have no remorse. Do you want to do the judge? >> So you have no remorse for the
00:39:22
situation. You killed the whole crowd. >> No, I do it again in the same circumstances. It was just cuz u it was
00:39:27
really Mickey's fault because um he's supposed to be keep track of my maintenance. And like I told you, my
00:39:33
empathy chip and my logic chip were completely on the fence. >> Well, this is starting to make more
00:39:38
sense. >> You know, I'll just say this to you, honor. You know, to be to be totally
00:39:43
honest, I think humans got to be a little bit care more careful. >> Case dismissed.
00:39:48
>> You know, we all learned a lesson here today. I feel >> I'm still the judge.
00:39:54
>> All right. I know, but okay. I'll we'll go back. Okay. >> I'm not beating you right.
00:39:59
>> Next to the stand is the Sebastian 200. >> Okay. Good. >> You are accused of violently throwing a
00:40:06
man into the Beverly Hills Hotel on July 9th. How do you explain yourself? >> Well, I was sitting there poolside. Then
00:40:16
this guy walks down in his sandals. He starts clipping this nail. So I pick him up. I throw him in the
00:40:30
pool. You got to go like this. in the pool and picked them up and threw them in the
00:40:39
pool. >> Yeah. Two arms. >> Now you say, "And your chips were working."
00:40:45
>> And your chips were working at this time. >> The chips were perfect.
00:40:49
>> Yura, >> well then this court has no recourse. >> No recourse but to dismantle you.
00:40:57
Dismantle me. >> I'm going to dismant you can >> This course, this court has no recourse
00:41:05
except to dismantle you piece by piece and take you down to the nubs. >> Whoa.
00:41:12
>> Sebastian 200, you're going to take me down to the nubs. That's what I just said. Take you down
00:41:22
to the nubs. Get him out of here. Bayift Johnny 500. >> Everyone's a robot.
00:41:30
>> Yeah. So, the judges too. I was I was gonna do the judges. Henry Fonda. Well,
00:41:35
get him out of here. You know, like a AI. Who would be a great judge? Henry Fonda.
00:41:40
>> That would help construction. >> We're going to take you down to the
00:41:43
nubs. Johnny 5000. Take him away. Sorry, Sebastian. Apparently, we got to take you down to the nubs. Down to the nubs.
00:41:52
That's right. [ __ ] face and scene. Whoa. >> It's a little sloppy.
00:41:57
>> No, that was great. >> You became the judge. >> I did. I tried to help and then I really
00:42:02
hurt it a little bit. >> I'll work on it and bring it back for another edition of
00:42:07
>> some buzzing around. There it is. That was buzzing around if you didn't know.
00:42:12
It's sponsored by Tasty Caffeine Flavors. Enjoy big flavor in a tiny bottle.
00:42:17
>> Mhm. >> 5hour energy shots. pack the flavors of the season portable 2 oz shot.
00:42:26
>> Wherever there's a 5hour energy, I'll be there. >> Wherever people are taking 5hour energy
00:42:32
to give them five hours of energy, I'll be there. >> Henry online at five energy.com or
00:42:40
Amazon today. I don't even slow down for you. >> I just buzz right over you.
00:42:45
>> Buzz buzzing over me. No, I I I did it. It was good. You did great. You
00:42:50
>> Come on, man. Who else? I'm going to work on that and put it in my standup.
00:42:55
>> Okay. What? Oh, let's get to some stories. >> Yeah, we're in our second hour.
00:43:00
>> Let's see what this is. Oh, this is funny. Wait a second. Ready? This is
00:43:04
that cop show. >> Arrest this guy. Yeah. What? What's the point? >> Spain 26 of 83.
00:43:29
>> This is real. >> Yeah. >> This guy's pretending to be you.
00:43:35
a false name of >> David Spade. She a movie called Bus Boys coming. >> Go see it.
00:43:51
>> Well, I love the whistle. >> Why was the funny whistle? That's what they added to it. the guy.
00:43:59
But it's funny cuz it's a real cop show where they just arrest people live and
00:44:04
the guy goes, "David Spade, don't you have the movie Buzz Boys coming out
00:44:07
speaking and the guy's like, so after a while they go, you're not him."
00:44:17
Oh, Heather has a special whistle. She does that they do when we go to um storage.
00:44:26
Your family whistles to find each other. My dog's spitting up in the woods. >> Oh my god. It's Oh, it's how to get
00:44:32
their dog back from the woods. >> Does whistling come across? >> She does the real one.
00:44:42
>> Uh >> uh with these mics. >> Oh, people I think hate the whistling.
00:44:46
It's too loud. >> Well, I think you have to get further away. >> You know, this water drop is really a
00:44:56
whistle. That's pretty. How long did you practice to get that? >> But it's really just a whistle.
00:45:05
You know what I mean? >> No, it's something more than that. I mean, I >> No, doesn't sound like
00:45:13
>> You could probably do it in a couple thousand years. >> If I didn't have a life, I'd have time
00:45:17
to train. >> Yeah. >> Here's you at midnight in your mansion. By the way, you asked me the other day
00:45:24
that Bullet Train in California, what's the latest tally? It was 100 billion.
00:45:28
It's up to 230 now. >> You could make the Desert Warrior movie 5,000. >> Oh, full circle. I like it.
00:45:38
>> Ah, it's not even political. It's no one's fault. If you have an
00:45:42
unaccountable monopoly that has no competition, unlimited money, you know, hello, we could use more money for the
00:45:49
train right away, sir. You know, so dysfunction is normal of government who's ever in power. So we have to hold
00:45:56
it to account. But 200 billion's getting a little thirsty as you would say. >> Governors of states
00:46:03
are like CEOs, but they would get fired if they were like CEOs. So if you just say, "Hey, I don't know where this money
00:46:09
is. Hey, it we've tacked 100 billion. I don't want to pay for this thing. They
00:46:13
want me to pay for it by myself." >> I disagree that the train is going slow,
00:46:19
your honor. I mean, we we have 12 tracks laid. Of course, it's been 200 billion,
00:46:24
but there's been some local fires, some flooding, and well, I think we're right
00:46:29
on track. We will be able to build five miles of train track for true $2 trillion. You got a problem like that,
00:46:37
bro? >> I know nothing you can do. They they always show a comparison like China
00:46:41
built a train across the whole goddamn country in like two years for a billion. You go. So, so someone knows how to do
00:46:47
it. Well, China could just take go around in a truck with a bullhorn. Attention everyone, leave your home,
00:46:53
drive 5 miles east, and begin building the home. >> Beginning building. Yeah.
00:46:57
>> All we need is 25 million people in the next hour. Leave your homes immediately.
00:47:03
See, I didn't do a Chinese accent. >> No, that ruined it. >> Oh, wait a minute. Quick Japanese
00:47:10
earthquake. >> Oh, boy. He's happy and he's out. >> There comes a tremor.
00:47:21
>> He's confused. >> I'm sure it's nothing. Crosses his eyes. Of course.
00:47:41
>> Oh no. Again. >> Oh no. Oh, I messed the thing. >> I like when your computer goes blank.
00:47:46
>> Yeah. Where are we now? I just It's all black around my screen. Can you see me?
00:47:51
>> Let's Let's do another story. >> Yeah. >> We overloaded these stories, I guess.
00:47:55
>> I know. It's so funny, though. >> Okay, let's see if this is funny. Okay.
00:47:59
What? Wait. Oh, there's a new invention. Edible water. >> Oh, edible water
00:48:05
>> is an edible water bottle. Meet Uh-oh. A revolutionary solution to single-use
00:48:09
plastic. These water blobs are made from seaweed that are designed to hold water
00:48:13
in a natural edible casing. You put one in your mouth, bite down, and enjoy a refreshing burst of water. And it's 100%
00:48:20
biodegradable, breaking down in weeks if not consumed, unlike plastic bottles that take centuries. The company is
00:48:27
working to bring to market, marking a major step forward in the fight. >> Half a dozen blobs.
00:48:33
>> Um, that's great. >> Yeah. What's the name? I'm trying to
00:48:37
think of the brand name. What are they calling it? Seaweed water. I mean, is there better name than that?
00:48:41
>> I'd call it blobs. >> I call it weed seaw Well, weed blob. >> I'd call it blobules.
00:48:49
>> Um, hey Dana, we're going on a drive. Grab a couple blobs for the road. Are
00:48:54
you thirsty, honey? We just walked across the desert. Of course not. I I took a seaweed blob. It was a half an
00:49:00
ounce of water. Do >> you have any blobs on you, dude? I'm dying. I got cotton mouth.
00:49:05
>> Don't jelly it. Jam it. >> Oh, don't jelly it down your throat. Jam
00:49:08
it. >> Okay, that's the that's the by line the commercial. >> That's the lady last week.
00:49:14
>> Oh, that's right. >> What's the difference? >> What's the difference?
00:49:19
>> They don't care about the creos. >> I finished the joke. She goes, what's
00:49:23
the difference? I go between bad breath and heltosis. >> Bad breathtosis? Those are two towns.
00:49:32
>> Cuz she's right here. Uh, >> I smell like [ __ ] Malibu rum mixed
00:49:37
with Coke or RC Cola. I'm like, >> see if you get this, Joe. Cuz I did it
00:49:42
as Red Red Neck and I've confused people. Red Red Necky, the Red Comedian, you know.
00:49:46
>> Okay. >> Yeah. I I just got back from Ooz and Sore, Mississippi. Friend says, "How are
00:49:53
the folks doing down there?" They are dabbing cotton. >> It's ooze and sore, meaning
00:50:00
>> oozing sore, Mississippi. So the whole town has oozing sores. How are they
00:50:05
doing down there? DABIN COTTON. >> I got it. >> That doesn't work for that corporate
00:50:11
crowd. >> I don't do red redneck for you. They're like Proctor and Gamble.
00:50:17
>> Can you see this wrinkle, Dana? Where is it? Heather on this side. >> There's a wrinkle in this jacket when I
00:50:22
bought it. Would you have bought it? I shouldn't have bought it. I said, "There's a wrinkle." I go, "That's
00:50:26
normal. It comes out in two seconds." This is honestly four years ago. You did. Wasn't one of your specials my
00:50:33
so-called problems? >> No, my fake problem. >> My fake problem. So, you're doing a
00:50:38
perfect impression of that special. >> This is It's a wrinkle down and it looks
00:50:42
so weird and so I never wear it. >> Stolen from the shoot as everybody knows
00:50:48
>> from the 50th anniversary New Yorker magazine shoot where you said let's
00:50:52
walk. >> Yeah, I repeat myself a little bit. >> I remember. >> But yeah, this this is a Gap t-shirt.
00:51:00
You want one with the pocket? They fit better. >> What do you put in the pocket?
00:51:05
>> Nothing. >> Just like a uh >> nothing. >> A compass from school.
00:51:11
>> No. Everything goes >> your phone. Little heavy. >> Normally I do have a puffy jacket that's
00:51:17
very lightweight. And that's my man purse. Paula tried to get me a thing that I would put around like a I'd look
00:51:23
like a mailman from England. All my stuff in there. I left it in every car, every cab, you know. But if I have a
00:51:30
zippy jacket like that, I get wallets, cell phone, keys, and stuff in the zipped up pockets because if you have it
00:51:38
somewhere it can fly out, it'll fly away. Oh, you're going to put your stuff
00:51:42
in your breast pocket. It'll fly out. I'm going to have to talk to the doctor.
00:51:49
Oh, the doctor says don't put your iPhone next to your heart. It's too close.
00:51:57
Yeah, that's true. That's true. >> Guess to start with O. Does she laugh at
00:52:01
this joke or not? >> I don't know if she knows it. I mean, it's >> it's so funny. It's a compliment. It's
00:52:08
an homage. >> Uh, like I said, she's just the nicest person in the world, but it's like,
00:52:14
could I get that med this month? >> You are now just the meanest. >> I'm going to have to talk to the doctor.
00:52:20
I never really got you. who I never really worked on. I just said, "Hey, buddy." But I don't really have a
00:52:26
perfect. >> There's not much of a personality here to deal with. >> It's sort of flatlining.
00:52:30
>> No, you've got your hooks. You know, you your standup kind of like the way you
00:52:34
move around and like I was like, you're like, you know, she's like boozy.
00:52:42
>> Little little effects. Little effects. It's very entertaining, >> dude. I walk into a room now like I'm
00:52:48
fajitas. I'm like, what's up? I went that >> I got that sizzle. >> Got that sizzle. Yeah, you're on fire
00:52:57
today. We should put a fire emoji up. >> [ __ ] spade fajitas. >> You are presenting today. You You are
00:53:04
not phoning it in at all. >> Oh [ __ ] it's late. All right, we'll do
00:53:08
one more story. We had way too late. >> Two hours and then we have Yeah, we got
00:53:11
a lot more to >> We'll push them. We got a lot of ads. >> My hair got higher during this.
00:53:16
>> People like your hair being high. Okay, go ahead. Oh, this one's about a
00:53:23
brewery in Wisconsin. This is ballsy of this guy. >> Wisconsin Brewery Company admits they
00:53:28
would give away free beer if a president was successfully assassinated. >> How [ __ ] sick are these people? How
00:53:38
completely and absolutely mentally ill are these people? It is kind of that guy should get his own show or at least get
00:53:47
a podcast. >> Napoleon Dynamite impression. >> Oh, I love that movie.
00:53:52
>> Um, so this brewery guy got in trouble. >> Mhm. >> Of course, you can't go too far one way
00:53:57
the other. It's just, >> you know, >> you can't say free beers if he gets
00:54:02
shot. >> I know. I know. And they get even weirder. If there's some kind of bomb
00:54:09
attack in uh Nova Scotia, we give you give you a round of onion rings. I mean, there's rewards for all different kinds.
00:54:17
If there's a title wave in Singapore, you go all get free pizza. >> That's Poly Market. These people that
00:54:23
bet on stuff you can bet, this is a way to get the rest of the world in on gambling. You can bet on almost anything
00:54:30
like when is Taylor Swift's wedding. You can, you know, there's a lot of just
00:54:34
dayto-day things that aren't sports. So now everyone can be addicted to gambling,
00:54:39
but I'm sure one of them is >> and you can bet on anything. >> If the Iran, if they open up the Hermuz
00:54:46
Straight of Hermuz, straight of Hermuz, it's an incredible name. Who whatever
00:54:52
pirate or whoever it was centuries ago looked out and said, "I'm going to call
00:54:59
it THE STRAIT OF HORMUZ." >> Who is the guy? >> Why? Cuz your name is Steve Hormuz. Is
00:55:06
that why you're naming it? That >> was it. Lancaster that goes her. How
00:55:10
does he do? >> Oh, Kirk Douglas. I'm going to call it the straight moose.
00:55:16
>> What do you think? But I think that's a fine name. Straight a moose.
00:55:24
I read that a lot of the Trump cabinet, you know, you get to be in the cabinet of administration, they're living on
00:55:32
military bases, a lot of them, for protection. You finally got your dream. You're Secretary of the Interior. Now
00:55:38
drop for 20, [ __ ] >> Oh no. Give me them potatoes. You're working missile.
00:55:43
>> Yeah, they're in boot camp all the time. But they got to be in a mil. They got to
00:55:47
be in a Well, they got to be in a military base. We're putting them in. We're putting them in
00:55:53
Kadesh. I think >> Kadish. Yes, sir. >> How many things does Kadesh for you
00:56:00
represent? So saluting is a Kadish. >> Yeah. What else is a >> I had dinner with Nick Schwarz and we
00:56:07
just make that noise the whole We pick up our chopstick. Gadoo. Gadish. >> God, you and Nick. I wish I was there.
00:56:15
>> Nick is a mental case. He's >> You guys must He's terrible.
00:56:19
>> He He puts a story on Instagram maybe every day about me and just makes fun of
00:56:23
me. It's unreal. >> Let's have him on. >> I know. We should have him on again. He
00:56:27
wants to come on again for his tour. >> He came on maybe a little while ago. So,
00:56:31
he can come back, >> of course. He's a friend of the show. >> He's a funny mofo.
00:56:37
>> All right, Dana, I got to go. So, just let me walk to my car, then you stay on.
00:56:42
>> Yeah, I'm going to stay on. I'll stay on and then I'll close the laptop by doing
00:56:46
this. >> Kadish. >> Hey, >> see, I can learn. >> You've learned. All right. Thanks, guys.
00:56:59
Hey guys, if you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow
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00:57:14
video now. Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey, an executive produced by Danny Carvey and David Spade, Heather
00:57:20
Santoro, and Greg Holtzman, Mattie Sprung Kaiser, and Leah Reese Dennis of Odyssey. Our senior producer is Greg
00:57:27
Holtzman, and the show is produced and edited by Phil Sweet Tech. Booking by Cultivated Entertainment. Special thanks
00:57:35
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00:57:46
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00:57:52
You can email us at fly onthealla.com. That's audacy.com.