00:00:04
so today's show Julie Bowen I was gonna go Julie Bowen okay good we'll start
00:00:10
over no don't start over I was inspired by yourself what song is that it's James Bond oh
00:00:23
dude come on wake up come on we're gonna get I just didn't know that too so she is uh
00:00:33
Modern Family she's done a million things Happy Gilmore Happy Gilmore a lot of movies she's what
00:00:40
I would call a kick in the pants she is a lot of fun she's a pistol she was funny the whole time uh she made fun of
00:00:48
me the whole time we did in the old days and so wait a minute what what was that
00:00:53
so this is one of David's ex well girlfriends but friends yeah we're still
00:00:59
friendly and I don't see really much because she lives in the valley ain't
00:01:03
gross but um no we're still friendly and she's always funny to talk to is she um
00:01:09
busts my balls the whole time which you thought was funny she was gonna I was just Barrel laughing the whole time I
00:01:17
was bent over with tears of joy she is she was just funny yeah uh this one is just a lively energetic funny funny
00:01:27
little visit with Miss Julie Bowen you know I had never really met yeah and so I just enjoyed her company I thought she
00:01:36
was so cool she just produced a uh a movie prom Pact bless you uh and she has this pre-teen
00:01:45
skincare brand called JB scrub you know how to get your pits uh no I I wouldn't
00:01:50
use pre-teen skin products would I I've never heard of that you're 14. no man
00:01:55
that's teenager no this is tell us tell us it gets your pits butts and nuts that's the hook isn't that funny pits
00:02:02
butts and nuts yeah with a JB smooth cream and JB scrub JB scrub and by the way 15 off if you put fly friend 15. so
00:02:12
for our audience that is 12 is this or for their kids or for their kids okay so it's JB's move pits butts and nuts
00:02:23
speaking of yeah speaking of young someone thought I was 48 recently your mom said yeah
00:02:32
JB scrub and uh it's not to be confused Shady smooth hey I got something for this oh these
00:02:42
are my dreams remember JP scrub rub a dub dub who could say in the tub I set it up for you yeah oh I didn't say
00:02:50
it again in the butt it's close but you know what let's let's let her
00:03:05
tell you about everything here's Julie Bowen blabbing go on and wait till the
00:03:11
fireworks start to happen between young David and Ms Julie Bowen no she's safe
00:03:17
to start trouble with me and I just some stuff happened on this particular episode that's never happened on other
00:03:24
episodes I'll put it that way stop your car don't even drive listen to this one pull over and call in sick over
00:03:32
[Music] so serious oh wait why am I in like a tiny chair oh that was intentional we
00:03:44
want to feel is she low this is like a this is like a um a teacher parent conference
00:03:52
Julia's being very yeah will you grab one more I don't know what's going on the same
00:03:58
height you look like Megan that movie Megan Megan I don't know the Megan dance she's 11
00:04:04
year old sex doll [Laughter] why did they make Megan into an 11 year old sex doll well that's a good question
00:04:16
I don't know if the robot needs a Kylie Jenner lip kit did you see she has like eyeshadow she's
00:04:23
like I'm Meg and I'm like that's not the movie is it for the teenage girl
00:04:26
audience I'm having a candy bar I think it's for that I don't think it's for the
00:04:29
teenage girl I think it's teenage boys and trust me they are all spending a lot
00:04:35
of time in the shower or four boys in my family four which one were you I was the youngest so I got you
00:04:48
know oh so they ignored you no not necessarily well thank you so much my sisters
00:04:55
possessed that we all bullied her Lori we were all in our own lane we were all wait a minute there were four boys and a
00:05:01
girl a little baby girl how Catholic are you we don't have sex and we don't make a
00:05:10
lot of kids my mom had five kids by the time she's 31. [Music] when did you know they were twins you're
00:05:23
having twins uh I knew uh you know what I'm not a hippie and I'm not like super
00:05:28
fruity but I had one kid shut the [ __ ] up David I can already see you like he rolled his eyes I'm not [ __ ] super
00:05:37
fruity but I did have a dream when I was pregnant and I woke up and I said to my then husband there's more than one
00:05:46
I could I just I had this crazy dream he goes they're better heading back you're
00:05:50
coming to this appointment with me today and we went and that was the day they're
00:05:53
looking around and stuff and they're like there's one there's two there's the other one hiding
00:05:58
and he goes he looked at me like you [ __ ] witch what have you done like how did you make how did you create two
00:06:04
babies in you I think it safely was gonna be harder on you than him I don't know my breastfeeding kept him
00:06:10
up at night kept what does that mean he used to tell me he goes press you breastfeeding is
00:06:16
hard because it keeps me up at night what's hard on him he was joking so how do you two know each other I get
00:06:28
a sense you have your friends right you know what you I know I'm just guessing
00:06:31
yeah I don't know why did she tell him why don't you tell him David why don't
00:06:36
you tell your friend Dana how you know yeah what is going on here I mean I'm
00:06:40
just I I'm just I'm a fly in the wall right I met Julie I think at a uh going
00:06:45
gloves party is that possible Golden Gloves party uh HBO Golden Globes part of you with Steve Levitan oh I was you
00:06:54
were there for you've been nominated for um just shoot me second time yeah I'm so
00:07:00
sorry we're not keeping track no no he's like he's like I don't know when was it
00:07:03
a second time so you sure wasn't the first time David no I you know what I mix it up it's jaw jumbled it's all
00:07:09
jumbled it was one of them I can't remember I don't remember I don't think
00:07:12
it's about that sorry it doesn't make you a better person did you wait David
00:07:16
did you win an Emmy for just shoot me I honest and I did not okay it doesn't
00:07:23
make you inferior others it doesn't matter well I was back when those Emmys really mad I would have
00:07:29
given you yeah they meant something yeah now they just hand them out like candy I
00:07:33
think you got handed too I think you got uh 2011 was that the pandemic and uh I got one of those pandemic I got a Cove
00:07:45
it I mean how many nominations for Modern Family just say it I don't know something like that was it
00:07:53
you know what Julie honestly I thought you hosted SNL twice and it's you I've
00:07:57
never [ __ ] no I wondered SNL no I would never host SNL you kidding me that is terrifying I watch it
00:08:06
now also I I'm kind of into like right now how you guys watch SNL every week
00:08:11
right no no we've seen I see I see it on Instagram we'll see Clips I'll go you know on
00:08:17
Sunday you can go on yeah yeah you can go on watch all the sketches right and watch all of it but the guests this year
00:08:23
in particular are like it's like completely it's all new like there's
00:08:27
none of the none of the classics you know you there's no there's no Tom Hanks
00:08:30
it's oh the guess uh the host yeah yeah all the all the hosts and so this when I
00:08:36
watch it now I'm like oh I could maybe do it now because the it's just like
00:08:40
they're much nicer and warmer it seems like and it feels like I don't know it
00:08:45
feels like you used to have to come on and kill in the uh in your opening hours so now the hosts don't have to be here
00:08:53
no they they are they're really funny but it's it's much more gentle and kind
00:08:57
about that they're like I'm so honored to be here this is so exciting serious yeah political statement yeah
00:09:04
and and a little bit of like this is you know what SNL meant to them growing up and how much it means them to be there
00:09:11
now like even you know Liev Schreiber did a whole like this is such a big deal to me and I was like huh and Martin
00:09:18
Short is on top of a piano exactly right and so it's not as hard on the jokes as it was
00:09:29
back when when they reach out to you I would imagine they're in your 10 years
00:09:35
or 11 years there was there was a soft there was something they're pretty loyal you were not on NBC
00:09:42
right you're ABC or not I was on NBC when David um tracked me down I don't know that was
00:09:48
that other show that was Ed I did a show I was doing Ed when you were doing this
00:09:55
he stalked you he stalked me we were at this I was with Willie Garson he was on he invited me as he's like
00:10:06
I've had this set to me more than once you look like somebody's got a nice
00:10:09
dress hanging in the closet it's like the day before some award show clearly
00:10:15
everyone else has dropped out could you possibly Chuck on your dress and show up
00:10:19
that wasn't me that was will no that was Willie okay yeah so I went with Willie
00:10:23
and you were there with Steve lavatan and you walked by me and then walked right back again and go hey do I know
00:10:31
you I know you what's up what's up and I said no no I think I said we have the
00:10:37
same Barber Spade she had a short haircut with women I mean just just even the flight attendant or whoever you do
00:10:46
you have a good they like the funny funny matters my family when I started dating David my family was like here we
00:10:53
go oh dear God they're like what and I said funny counts I don't need to hear
00:10:59
behind us that's the name of your you can't marry a face because eventually that's why you don't even see
00:11:12
the face so you have to marry a personality what's better than someone makes you laugh all day long right so
00:11:18
David David tried to track me down through but this is where he shot them what channel are we allowed to swear on
00:11:23
your show what the [ __ ] I don't think we can say track me down again but we can
00:11:27
swear how to do what kind of tracking device did you use was a private detective he had no a publicist okay
00:11:33
which was such a [ __ ] scene this isn't it flattering we dropped down a little bit not by a publicist there's no
00:11:41
other way by telegram when you figured out when you figured out that because I told you I was a dog walker okay because
00:11:49
you were like I know you I gotta no because I and I was like if he doesn't know what I'm gonna give you my resume
00:11:55
no you had no idea who I was you just did the right thing I thought I was curious I said I was a dog walker you're
00:12:00
like um and then I ran into another party somewhere and then the next thing I knew
00:12:06
I had you did track me down through you figured I would have been Happy Gilmore with Sandler
00:12:11
but anytime he's mentioned I try to do that and she did the best but you didn't she
00:12:17
didn't bother to go through Adam you didn't go through anybody personal I
00:12:21
didn't think I want Adam knowing my personal business this is what this is Conan Johnson PR firm and we're looking
00:12:25
for right now it was literally this woman uh I don't remember her name but he she tracked me down I had a bunch of
00:12:32
a couple calls from her David would like to talk to you David liked and I was like [ __ ] that if they would like to see
00:12:37
in his office you literally were [ __ ] that well [ __ ] that publicist you were on Ed right
00:12:44
I was on Ed it was not a lascivious [ __ ] that no it was not like I'm gonna [ __ ]
00:12:48
that no it was it was no it was not that for sure it was not that it was not that
00:12:53
and then with that you did that I was living in New York in this building uh I remember I was in the gym really early
00:13:01
watching TVs with no you know they had with no no volume and I see that you had been uh tased by Skippy
00:13:10
well okay that's the story you haven't explored this on this podcast it's been mentioned though David
00:13:17
was tased by skipping I know the whole story tazen beaten well today's was the
00:13:22
beginning to disarm me my attention did I mention that the volume was not on on the TVs I was doing
00:13:32
my best so what did you what did you so then I was like weird anyone gets tased I'm gonna go to Arby's with yeah I
00:13:39
definitely I know I was like now where was that scrap of paper I wrote down from the publicist give me his number so
00:13:45
I called him and I was like hey that's when you called me about that's why I
00:13:49
called you I go hey are you all right I just saw you got tased by Skippy and you said now will
00:13:57
you go out with me no I said no my mom I realize my dick's still working because
00:14:00
I got all excited I'm sorry I didn't say that well wait a minute was it you said you said now we go out and
00:14:10
it sounds more like this now we now after I was laid up for a while and very pain I uh started coming to my sense I
00:14:20
didn't remember these calls because it was it was so much pain so much call so
00:14:24
much pain I didn't know about Vicodin until right after this so uh anyway yeah your little V chippies yeah yeah I
00:14:34
remember a lot of that oh yeah I had a puka shell made of Vicodins everybody needs to know about David is
00:14:42
that he's the most like sensitive um delicate flower who has low blood sugar has to carry around a little rat
00:14:49
bag full of like turkey and chicken protein bars all over this mansion and and they're everything and like even
00:14:55
though he's having a puppy he wants to go and like party but it's at like 6 00
00:15:00
p.m 6 30. embed it in bed at 8 45 but yeah Kindred Spirits we like to eat it for 3 30. we ask the restaurants to open
00:15:08
so we could go to four o'clock but that's when I was on Conan he goes this
00:15:13
was a few months back he goes well you've been doing this podcast with Spade how would you describe him and I
00:15:18
did not prepare for that answer but the first word that came in my head was gentle oh [ __ ] kind of cute but
00:15:25
that's exactly what I'm saying he's like a gentle sensitive Soul who doesn't want
00:15:29
to admit the greatest story that David ever told me was I'm telling all yours
00:15:33
Julie went to Brown University she graduated and so did Marcy Klein okay but didn't know we're there now what did
00:15:40
I do no you told me the story once about this cooking up with a girl when you were doing you were living out here you
00:15:47
weren't on SNL yet you hooked up with some girl you were so excited and you spent the night at her house and you
00:15:52
didn't want to tell her about your low blood sugar and I think you got up in
00:15:56
the morning to go get coffee or something or breakfast and you passed out in line waiting because your
00:16:02
blood sugar was so low and you were so embarrassed so ever since then uh well that happened at SNL in front of your
00:16:10
Terry at lunch it happened with at Taco Bell when I was going to meet Sandler and those guys to play tennis in the
00:16:16
valley at Taco Bell I slid on the ground and slept on the ground and was out I think that was awesome because I found a
00:16:23
dog tooth in my burrito so no one knows exactly what the problem was you did not
00:16:26
find a dog what do you think no you didn't I didn't even take it back Joy because they just shrug their
00:16:33
shoulders but uh Spade passed out was it I passed out I used to pass out more but
00:16:37
now I don't now but I think people think that you were like snarky and like lecherous no that was the Persona the
00:16:43
comic Persona first update well that's me on update on every TV show in every
00:16:48
movie so that's where it gets a little blurry right yeah right the fact that I should be in a Stretcher
00:17:03
at all times what are you trying to get to is this we're not trying to get anywhere
00:17:10
you have a year and a half or anything no you're not great you're a superstar
00:17:18
[Music] I was gonna ask you how do you deal with that emotionally when people come up to
00:17:25
you because you were going along famous the Modern Family was this smash maybe the latest or the last Super yeah last
00:17:33
one I'd say yeah and then you're famous yeah and people come up to you and I
00:17:37
can't believe it's all of you yeah how do you process that you go yeah what's
00:17:41
up well no I I was pregnant with with the twins when I during the pilot of Modern Family and I gave birth May 7th
00:17:50
was we got picked up a little early and I was waiting I was in labor I'm in the
00:17:54
hospital and my phone's ringing between contractions I'm a little bored you know
00:17:59
there's like there's time between contractions so I answer the phone [ __ ]
00:18:02
you and answer the phone and it's Steve Levitan and he goes Julie I got exciting
00:18:09
news we we got picked up we got picked up early they're gonna show the whole
00:18:12
pilot at up front this is a really big deal and I'm like oh my God that's great
00:18:16
he goes you got to come to up front and he goes you're in labor and you answer the phone it was a quiet moment
00:18:28
so but the point being that I literally the exact same time the Modern Family was happening I went from having one kid
00:18:36
to three babies and so you didn't it was like I was in a Fugue State and people
00:18:42
would come up to me and talk to me and I was like I hadn't slept I hadn't eaten I
00:18:46
was exhausted all the time um but the pickup is one thing but then the fact that it did it come out of the
00:18:51
gate huge I think it did yeah because I remember hearing about the file that it was because Steve Levitan in our
00:18:58
meat uh story but Steve if you don't know was my boss on at the time just shoot me any was yours are you saying
00:19:05
that to you the listener because you think I don't know that no I'm sorry the
00:19:09
college kids are going how do we get in show business name was Steve Leviton you won't
00:19:15
remember this just you just shoot me and Modern Family Modern Family and how many homes does
00:19:21
Steve own today uh uh I can count four three four full private jet if he had his money I'd
00:19:30
throw mine away so well you know at least divorce in California is not oh divorce you got divorced so I usually
00:19:36
get 70. they get are you divorced no no I'm not rich enough to get divorced sorry honey she's listening no but you
00:19:45
you split everything and then there's alimony so so aggregate over time I heard this from other divorced men not
00:19:51
myself I've been married for 71 years no divorced men divorced men yeah well Julie isn't it
00:19:58
Julie is in an odd situation is not typical it just seems like it's a little sexist
00:20:04
to think that only only men are paying oh wait no no that was me not filling the other we rumors are that Tom Arnold
00:20:13
made a tidy sum from Roseanne so there you go I'm all in favor you as the money shall pay yes yes so I
00:20:27
don't know if Steve has a private jet I've never never heard of it when I just
00:20:31
sold my house he came looked at it that's what I heard yeah did you buy it what was it up for I said you want this
00:20:36
for like the kids or something like a like a little Shack yeah like a stabbing cabinet that's one of his favorite
00:20:45
what is the origin of stabbing cabin quickly just a funny terminal isn't it from the 1930s it's about a place you
00:20:52
have an affair with a shack for shagging yeah it's a shagging check yes I've
00:20:57
learned in a bunch of different places it's funny I think some agent told me
00:20:59
goes well I live out in Malibu I got a stabbing cabin in town I go what then I sort of did the math
00:21:12
you don't have to have mistress to have a stab again so do you want to hear about our first date I want to hear
00:21:18
everything I can about you two because David is uh you know my partner and was a good friend and I love to hear about
00:21:25
him as a boyfriend but he showed up at it really is fluent in Italian nice truck he showed up at my um
00:21:34
apartment in New York uh after doing Letterman and it was Halloween and you had a clip in
00:21:40
colorful like blue or black hair clipping uh yeah because you left it on the floor and you had a tiny bottle of
00:21:48
Jack Daniels in your sock and I was like that's cool you think that's cool anybody I mean so
00:21:58
illicit to have like I'll just go get a pop you know because he's do like that's all it could like he's
00:22:04
he's a gentle soul he's a gentle Drinker back then I get about three drinks a
00:22:09
night but I do two now but that was a Jack Daniels I don't drink anymore I drink vodka but that that was a little
00:22:15
too sugary plus my heart it was too but it kept a little tiny airplane socks yeah it's a lab experiment when David
00:22:22
gets a cocktail there's a Diet Coke right and you get the Tito's neat and
00:22:25
then you're mixing and matching and pouring and pouring just to get so I don't get but I used to get the hangover
00:22:30
so bad so now I just want to get a buzz I don't want to get so [ __ ] like collapsing so I think it's a combo of uh
00:22:37
being a puss and being uh a loser there's it's some sort of doctor doctor
00:22:46
yeah so what happened on this first date he shows everybody's got the ball on his
00:22:52
hair he's got Jack Danielson he's got he's got clip in hair extensions
00:23:00
extensions they were it was for Halloween oh maybe something you had gone on Letterman on Halloween because I
00:23:07
was like what's happening with your hair and you're like it was Halloween
00:23:12
um and then uh he just started a constant stream a barrage of funny came at me absolutely for about 45 minutes
00:23:21
and I next thing I knew I was naked and I was like how the [ __ ] did that happen it wore you
00:23:29
down so you endorphinized you completely relaxed and by the time he's reaching
00:23:35
for buttons and stuff you're like whatever I don't even I'm laughing
00:23:39
laughed all the way laughed all the way through I did laugh through sex okay because
00:23:44
come on well that's not okay that's a whole other story no that's not no
00:23:48
that's good it should slow down right toward that part it could be phase nope
00:23:53
no it was funny because I remember calling my sisters next day ago ah it sucks good no why did you say to
00:24:00
your sister I said I saw the dares for you they're like oh no and I said he's
00:24:06
funny funny cows why is everyone [ __ ] funny it counts that's the name of this
00:24:09
episode but you know when I came and said we saw you New Year's Eve I when we'd been seeing each other for a while
00:24:15
and like Molly my sister and I came to see you and at the Delano we were at Miami right we stayed at the Delano and
00:24:22
she laughed so hard in that performance and she leaned over to me at the end of it she goes I'd [ __ ] him yeah
00:24:29
Molly yeah comedians All Over America there are chuckle [ __ ] out there I'm not a
00:24:36
chuckle [ __ ] a chuckle [ __ ] is that a people that go out with you are chuckle [ __ ] no they're not yes they
00:24:42
are no I'm so because you're funny I am no you're not you're very funny no you
00:24:48
think this is about looks you are very funny so you seduced each other comedically
00:24:54
you have two Emmys versus my zero that really [ __ ] burned my onion it doesn't mean you're not great if you
00:25:00
don't have an Emmy we have Emmys oh you dragged yourself into it doesn't mean
00:25:06
Dana how many how many Emmys do you have two it doesn't matter six nominations look we need to move on
00:25:14
David you are a superstar I don't think I was with Julie when they announced at
00:25:20
the Emmys David Hyde Pierce and I started to get up you should have he was so sickening
00:25:26
you were like I go dude I wear that guy yo are you serious yeah it was good though because it was a good wake-up
00:25:34
call why did I think I could win that's the thing what I know I was I was laughing I was laughing and I didn't
00:25:41
want it I didn't want to like I didn't want to blow out your mind professional
00:25:44
no you wanted to and but but okay back to fine I'll let you ask questions well
00:25:50
I love that story Julie and when we when we went to the commercial you were naked
00:25:55
uh you you just it was like a wall of words it was it was like getting roofied by
00:26:02
humor oh yeah I've seen him do that where it's just tumbling tumbling tumbling
00:26:08
liners and references and it is a bra well you have to say the same uh uh humor and then you're laughing
00:26:17
a great audience yes yeah I was laughing and laughing but that was about the last
00:26:21
time we went on a we were on a date alone because then he was always you you always brought somebody yeah
00:26:28
got silent oh he always brings people on days oh yeah the worst Sandler found out about us
00:26:35
going out because then these two will uh gang up against we have time for one more question uh this is cut all this
00:26:43
out you were on ER where you did a strong turn [Laughter] these kinds of questions that don't
00:26:54
involve I know well I wanted to just let the audience know about her career the Happy Gilmore of it all we do have to
00:27:00
just because it's excusing the Congress did that thing for Adam because they did
00:27:04
that yeah you were at the dinner by the way I watched your uh your Kennedy Center strong oh yeah turn off the
00:27:10
cameras for a moment that was really really good I wanted a joke that's a good oh starter and we'll use it once it
00:27:19
was fantastic thank you I wouldn't like that one it was really good uh thank you
00:27:24
very much for watching that and uh we had a blast out there we saw you at the dinner before the intimate dinner for
00:27:29
200 people did it for 200 I call it the b list it was it was it was the spillover it was a spillover it was the
00:27:35
it was the LA crew that was not going to be invited did you wait Dana did you go
00:27:39
to DC I was there oh sorry you were there no you were in DC I was you're right
00:27:46
at the dinner yeah and then I went to DC I was like the you know yeah is an old-school call sheet of all his
00:27:56
movies combined right exactly because it was you were Happy Gilmore and Phoebe Halloween and then Dennis Dugan did both
00:28:02
of those right yeah directed and no no Dennis Dugan didn't Direct shuby he didn't no
00:28:08
um no uh hang on give me a second don't do this I think it was done so embarrassing
00:28:14
no it was I would [ __ ] know if it was I know Goosen did pickups no yes he did pickups but it was
00:28:22
someone has the internet they'll figure it out Heather Bob will you finding who
00:28:25
directed Jeff for real quick right yeah steep role sorry you did Happy Gilmore and QB Halloween right for
00:28:40
Adam Happy Madison yeah yeah and Happy Gilmore do you get uh recognize do you get asked about that
00:28:46
you must get recognized a lot from that from Happy Gilmore most people like oh I
00:28:51
didn't realize that was you because I look like a I look like I was 50 in that
00:28:55
movie he had a spade haircut for sure it was like a princess dye like frosted and like sprayed into place we
00:29:05
were in Canada we had lovely crew but like I've got sad white trash hair that
00:29:10
wants to like run back to the trailer it looks pretty cool yeah it looks good every afternoon like so they just they
00:29:15
wanted to be you know I was no one knew who I was that was fine they wanted to get my hair done in the morning they
00:29:21
never have to touch it again so it was like this orb like I could turn my head and it would come after me you know like
00:29:26
and it was it was it was like a helmet and I thought oh it's bad but no one's
00:29:33
gonna see this movie let's be honest no I thought No One's Gonna See the movie I
00:29:37
thought it'd be like you're like a billy a Billy Madison which was really really
00:29:40
fun and like a lot people saw it but it wasn't like a humongous thing I was like
00:29:47
did anyone refer to it as a turkey during during filming yeah that feels that sounds very specific and personal
00:29:54
Dana old guys here this turkey Ain't Gonna Fly I just heard it as a figure of
00:29:59
speech from old days look kid you're in a turkey you're in a church I was I
00:30:05
think I lost and found when when the camera guy goes hey get up next time come on
00:30:21
you do the first rehearsal at 8am you get all the chuckles by the time it's on
00:30:25
your shot 12 hours later yeah it's like Dresden in there okay but I mean why
00:30:32
then why don't you director do you direct your own stuff now I do yeah yeah I can't do anything with something like
00:30:37
keep it in Two Shots because who wants a close-up I like two shots well that's
00:30:41
why everyone loves dailies back in the day because you could see the watch that is so funny then it's cut into a million
00:30:46
pieces it doesn't go funny to less funny it goes to not right in control of my career look at this I
00:30:54
say whatever I want right no obviously you you're the master of your own domain
00:30:58
I can see the view of an Empire yeah kind of Two Shots Antonio's deli Productions have a production company
00:31:06
with my sons and yours is called phone and Sons is that to do with your size no I just always thought it was funny
00:31:24
no this this is the best podcast I've ever been a part of because it's it's
00:31:29
like a pinball machine I love it I'm just going all over oh that's me I'm
00:31:32
really sorry if you guys had like a direction you need to go I can buy it be in the moment no okay because I can
00:31:38
really I can do um I can be quiet and like answer questions no no this is new we are done
00:31:43
a lot of these you're you're you're you're in your own Fiverr your own lane
00:31:47
your stuff with David have you been so far favorite interview so far don't ask
00:31:53
us that [ __ ] you know what I guess it relates to you only because it was very different and it was like our second one
00:31:59
or first one Ed O'Neill oh Ed O'Neill as our first one so he would call and go hey Ed saw you
00:32:17
on this he wanted me to tell you that this is fine Ed he would do that now and then which is a very cool thing I like
00:32:22
to do it he's older school I do it on someone's Instagram I will DM say hey I just saw
00:32:26
you on this thing you're funny or hey I decided right right and so I like getting those feedback from people and
00:32:31
then when he did it and then we said we're doing the show he told girls yeah
00:32:35
come on right away we hadn't started he goes yeah I'll do it and so he likes
00:32:39
comedy he likes Dana and so we he was super cool and right away our first one was kind of about us now you know it's
00:32:46
like General like like for five minutes yeah and we go you hostess now he goes yeah I didn't really like it
00:32:51
and then it was silent and then we go what else is going on and he I had the most interesting stuff I heard things
00:32:57
about him anecdotally um and also met him and this and that and I it was our first one so I didn't
00:33:03
know we had to emphasize it has to know that much for 45 minutes I got fascinated by his childhood oh yeah he
00:33:10
told his young story you know the the martial arts guy yeah the tough guy with no ego about it
00:33:17
because you know sometimes I stop I whisper in the bar I get real soft you know and you can see he's making a fist
00:33:24
and the guys the bullies are leaning because then I dropped the hammer so I was so fascinated by a Hollywood actor
00:33:31
who first doesn't give a [ __ ] about Hollywood none or at all none Fame zero
00:33:36
and was almost a maid guy in New York yeah a real footballer like a legitimate badass guy who's so alpha male he's he
00:33:45
doesn't wear it and it started in the theater yeah like actually he like has
00:33:50
this like training and everything great actor so he was one of our favorites maybe
00:33:55
because it's our first well he's also super cool he knew we were new at it but
00:33:59
we're just it's just a [ __ ] session so there was really no super wrong way
00:34:02
to do it and he had so many good story after story that we got entranced by that stuff and then it was
00:34:08
it was a fun one so what was he like for you he's the best yeah I mean you don't [ __ ]
00:34:13
with you don't you don't [ __ ] with Ed right but he's just mostly just uh he's
00:34:17
fantastic farmer we would joke that he has a uh a book we would all refer to Ed O'Neill chapter nine because he'd be
00:34:26
like why sit no why stand when you can sit on a scene why sit when you can lie down why come to a work when you can be
00:34:34
at home like every the minute he got there he'd look at his watch and go when are we rapping we do a rehearsal
00:34:41
and he go I think we got it yet we have one foot out the door well and he one day he did leave drove away
00:34:50
they're like we're not done you get what he had no idea um he just he works
00:34:55
really fast he's very smart uh and he doesn't waste any time and he also is
00:34:59
like never start the day in a sweater you'll regret it he has all these like
00:35:04
bits of wisdom we were shooting this outdoor like the families playing touch football we started shooting at you know
00:35:09
seven a.m we're cold so we like all oh can I get a sweater yeah and then it's
00:35:15
two in the afternoon and he's like just crosses his arms never starting a sweater because you
00:35:22
have to match for people he has so much with wisdom did you direct him ever uh yes I did have to
00:35:29
direct him is it hard directing everybody no you just like you just make sure the cameras are in the right place
00:35:35
and walk up let's go when you get them in you go he's coming so let's be ready
00:35:39
yeah yo let's be really ready because you're not even gonna get a whole take
00:35:49
that when you got a neurotic director and you're doing wearing everybody out
00:35:53
wearing the crew out we're in the overview it was neurotic in this story not you I know you're prepared I could
00:36:03
tell you I had a director once so that you're just gonna drop bullets on it's a
00:36:08
close-up yeah I'm gonna say an hour on dropping bullets yeah oh that could be reset just a little okay A little
00:36:17
frame different and just like that were you even in the shot or just your hand but I was watching and realized okay
00:36:23
this guy is in a sandbox and right now he's dropping bullets and he doesn't
00:36:28
want to go in and have dinner right he does not want it to be over right right so that kind of director just exhausts
00:36:34
this [ __ ] out of everyone but if you have it O'Neill like you're smart you
00:36:37
went over and said Ed what are you going to do here right we'll be on you like
00:36:41
this right that's it and it's more about the people around him and I mean Ed is
00:36:45
and if you tell them where you're starting and where you're finishing he
00:36:48
he knows where to go and the man is so Savvy and he was so great with the kids because they were you know they started
00:36:55
they were 11 and he would be like you know bring them aside and tell them this is you know you you don't want to cross
00:37:01
in the middle of a scene because then they got to film you twice like things like that all the old school old school
00:37:06
like find a comfortable place and uh to the not in the middle but to the left or
00:37:12
the right of the scene so you know they're they you don't have to be in every single shot in the background when
00:37:17
they're shooting games he knows all the tricks cross off before say your line
00:37:22
and cross off and then you'll never have so he's about conserving energy he is
00:37:27
you know what it a little goes a long way with him and he knows it he's a face
00:37:32
all his tricks and it still works it's not like people are like oh now it's bad
00:37:35
it's like no it's still good you just cut the horseshit out because there's a
00:37:39
lot of fluff and [ __ ] when they do overtakes I remember we were doing so many takes on uh Dickie Roberts oh a
00:37:45
couple people remember in the back sticky Roberts a comedy starring David space yeah from 1990s the very last day
00:37:52
we have Brick Wall Waterfall Dicky thinks he's got it all but I don't you don't but you don't but I do but I
00:37:59
do so boom boom boom attitude so boom crunch I got something you can't touch
00:38:06
which is really problematic that line a 10 year old girl is going peace punch Captain Crunch I got something you can't
00:38:17
touch and they cut back to David going she's telling me I can't that you can't
00:38:22
touch her that's the right thing to say well it's a little [ __ ] up and then she goes
00:38:29
bang bang points down there choo choo train what's his name where does this go fudge
00:38:36
lemonade yeah well that's what David I mean Dana's a dirty man yeah oh my God oh my goodness
00:38:44
my mind is in the gutter no he's he has to keep sexual thoughts all the time and
00:38:49
no one wants to know what I'm thinking Dana keeps me in check because I get a
00:38:53
little uh R-rated on the thing you get a little R-rated but you guys you have editing power well we don't take it
00:38:58
right we don't like to edit much you know but yeah sometimes David will go on
00:39:02
a little Pusher and I'm like yeah that said that yeah maybe not that no I think
00:39:07
we said once that homeless people sometimes have really good hair and huge dicks and it's not fair and then
00:39:16
a lot of people like in general it's all not fair I don't like any of it
00:39:23
you're wearing a big dick pisses you off yes and you don't care if they're living
00:39:27
on an underpass foreign [Music] [Music] anyway we're really Our Guest today we're going to start now okay Julie you
00:39:55
guys can ask me questions or whatever yes should we just do one SNL no no let me
00:40:01
tell you my finishing story that and Dicky Roberts were done to get Robert's
00:40:05
out now you can take it if you want I just don't understand it just look at our flying away I know if
00:40:13
it's a lunch pail or whatever it's just a little bit like something like you
00:40:16
made in leather tooling class this is a I was given uh people can't sleep or something and I I was giving it back
00:40:26
safe it's very sweet I have to put it back where it belongs okay sorry go ahead okay so at the end of the movie
00:40:32
like you were saying we had Sam Weissman was the director and he was great the whole time was great we moved
00:40:38
quickly that's always I'm sorry does Dana always like an old lady at a matinee unwrapping her werthers no this
00:40:44
is yeah I hate people do this in a movie theater drama yes go ahead David thank God Dana takes
00:40:51
the heat he's eating a protein bar over there you're like David got me into
00:40:55
protein bars I'm not even hypoglycemic but I'm like I guess I better have a bit
00:40:59
of one you have to I'm gonna wait till the story is over this is the Dickie Roberts Lifetime Achievement story award
00:41:06
starring David Spade we all know that when you move quickly in a movie like if Julie's director she's got like this you
00:41:11
know I know how she is and she's smart thinking ahead and she will keep that
00:41:15
set moving that keeps morale up now on this movie everything was going pretty pretty pretty good but at the last day
00:41:23
we were rapping we said we're gonna rap around five early because we only had a
00:41:26
couple things to do so we plan a party and then we said oh and then everyone will stay and we'll have a catering and
00:41:31
all this [ __ ] we wrapped at uh 12 30 in the night and I at night at night like
00:41:36
am we missed a party and I think bless his heart the director had rapophobia and that's what Dana was talking about
00:41:43
they don't want to go home they don't want it to be over and they keep shooting they're playing
00:41:46
and making up things to shoot basically but don't you they also they they have
00:41:50
overlords and people at Studios being like you didn't get this you didn't
00:41:53
recover it and they start to doubt themselves and they're like they know they have it but they're like uh I might
00:41:58
have to shoot it like you know POV from the squirrel uh shooting up and they're
00:42:03
like no we didn't get that like what the [ __ ] are you doing out there so the
00:42:05
methodology of some companies just cover the [ __ ] out of it and then make the movie in post exactly make it in editing
00:42:12
it's it's an old uh thing they do and even on Sailor movies like if he's not
00:42:15
there because he usually he's sort of uh masterminds the whole thing and if I'm on a movie and he's producing it
00:42:23
then they want to know that they're second guessing what will he well exactly for exactly but you're in them
00:42:29
with them so it it's fun when you're in with them when it's not you have to do a
00:42:33
little extra coverage I get I don't know I've been I've been with him like I've been blessed to be in
00:42:38
the good ones where Adam's in them every movie I do with Adam I just did two
00:42:43
cameos they both were not his biggest box office Jack and Jill and Little Nicky all very funny he's a big cold hit
00:42:50
though yes that one is yeah I mean Billy Madison Happy Gilmore are huge now with young kids yeah again
00:42:59
because those 90s comedies early knocks comedies they were just funny and Light I don't know how do you what's what's 2
00:43:10
000 to 2009 I've been saying that for two years it's like that it's what you didn't want
00:43:20
to do in the Arts that's a not okay we thought about this the other day and what's 2010 to 2019 oh I don't have any
00:43:27
idea that's the two not eighteen the naughty teams what are we into now we're up to like the 2020s after a
00:43:39
minute I'm finally Roaring 20s just like 100 years ago what was your strong turn on ER
00:43:45
I played a woman named Roxanne what do you do oh I made out with uh it was somebody's I was a
00:43:53
I can't remember what my role what my character wasn't she had insurance or
00:43:57
something and end up with Noah Wiley strong turn strong turn um who did you give a BJ to in Horrible Bosses uh
00:44:06
just look at my notes Jason Bateman was it close no I'm guessing Sudeikis it was
00:44:10
sudakis but do you ever see it you just hear the Improv where I say your balls [Laughter]
00:44:22
and who is your husband oh Kevin Spacey this before Kevin Spacey Kevin Spacey this was he
00:44:37
was at the he was top of his game we did not there were no one of the biggest stars at the time probably was huge this
00:44:45
was even pre- uh she still had he still had some he still had some life in him when
00:44:54
now you were you were you're still it says you're fluent Neutrogena I'm
00:44:58
reading this wrong no I'm not she's uh you're a spokesman twice I always get Perfection for
00:45:06
neutrina twice when I was a younger person and then they got me to be as an old person then they didn't renew my
00:45:14
contract because they said they needed someone who looked more mature Nicole Kidman
00:45:20
hmm what are the two words that make you sound drunk say judicial oh yeah I went to the
00:45:30
judicial and I got something you're right those two are huge Stone sober Eagles yeah that's that's a world
00:45:37
churches Julie on the back of a magazine in a Neutrogena picture yeah that was yeah
00:45:45
and then you you were finally like okay it's I guess she's worthy of this Spade
00:45:49
Hall of Fame it was it was already rolling by them no she was on Ed and then you went to
00:45:57
Boston Legal ah yeah she I had an Asian character named Ching change and she was in those
00:46:20
sketches I would never do it again I swear but it was uh it was a a character done very
00:46:30
lovingly and sweetly but um in the audience I'll tell you that much do you worry about that like like I'll get
00:46:37
someone someone's gonna cancel you because what you did in 86 because I know I know where it came from I know
00:46:42
the intent in my heart intentions matter so I got it it's based on someone I knew
00:46:49
and no one said anything who had a pet chick or appeared to have a pet chicken do you want a leash in his front yard
00:46:55
which is which is very sweet I just yeah I it's it's it's crappy now that you
00:47:01
have to worry about that like I think about it all the time like am I gonna say something that I think is funny and
00:47:06
then well they try to ding uh Ben Stiller who's brilliant about Tropic Thunder and it just says they don't have
00:47:14
time for but Tropic Thunder was like ahead of it Rising narcissistic actors who will do anything to get an Academy
00:47:20
Award it has nothing to do with anything else so we just didn't apologize and oh
00:47:24
was that for simple oh it's for Simple Jack no and also Robert Downey she's
00:47:28
Robert Downey Jr an Australian actor who was so narcissistic and so desperate that black face essentially yes yeah and
00:47:36
it was but I thought that was a simple Jackson was trouble too Simple Jack all right well that was making fun I always
00:47:42
say to my kids like if you see people play man you know mentally deficient human beings they always have short
00:47:47
khaki pants and awkward haircuts and big ears and so I saw that in two actors I won't name them who got the Academy
00:47:54
Award from playing a character like that so Ben was satirizing the cliche that if
00:47:59
you're that type of person you need to have really short khaki pants and a really short haircut and hair stick out
00:48:05
right and that and he was satirizing it but sometimes the satire there's cringy things all over you know
00:48:17
movies and con it's fine I mean I'm I'm open-minded I haven't watched Wayne's
00:48:22
World recently I'm not sure would it would I would it be like we're good on
00:48:25
that one because we didn't do any drugs the only thing we did was we'd see a
00:48:30
girl and and thrust her hips and say Swing Swing sorry and so it's pretty you
00:48:36
know sphincter says what Schwing it's pretty benign guy which is a brilliant Trilogy went harder
00:48:47
at some of those things okay I don't God that might have been a Wayne's World
00:48:52
did you say uh I'd like some gang bang chicken I don't I just know that it made all
00:48:58
those movies made me laugh really hard and I Revisited we just I produced a movie for um Disney plus it's the first
00:49:06
Disney the first TV 14 movie they've done called prom packed it just came out
00:49:10
last week and it has like red Solo cups and people uh reference sex and there's
00:49:19
gay characters and it was during it kind of fell between the Bob chapek going out
00:49:24
and the and Bob are coming back in people were not really paying close attention and I can't decide if we're
00:49:31
gonna be like if Disney's gonna love us and hire us again and again or they are
00:49:35
like freaking out because they actually have characters saying some racy racy things so 14 means just 14 and up
00:49:44
instead of just totally kids exactly it's not even PG it's like it's like
00:49:48
yeah there's there's some content up in here um but yeah it consists there's some
00:49:54
content up here content all up in here we've had some content up in here but it you know you
00:50:00
get concerned that you're gonna get in trouble later on yeah um I I'm it's been around so long and no
00:50:06
one cares about me I'm I'm uncancelable I mean I can't no one would cancel me
00:50:10
because they don't even know I'm too I'm too superstitious I don't
00:50:15
want you to get canceled Emperor's New Groove we had to take out all the dry
00:50:18
humping scenes oh no and it was animated so the um but for that for prom pact we
00:50:24
decided to address all the 80s problems uh and the John because it's a reference
00:50:30
it's a it's all like an homage to John Jews but then we have to talk about how
00:50:33
problematic John Hughes was so we watched all those movies again Ferris Bueller uh Ferris Bueller holds up well
00:50:40
that seems kind of like an iconic comedy Breakfast Club a breakfast club mostly pretty well but there's some well I mean
00:50:49
now that we go over to like Weird Science Weird Science oh God I love it not what
00:50:54
what is the main ding what subject I mean are the character in in in prawn bag says it's an episode of SVU like
00:51:01
because they it's like you create a woman and just to Banger I think oh yeah
00:51:07
Weird Science I got you yeah yeah I got you yeah yeah um Revenge of the Nerds very problematic
00:51:14
sure yes there's some really all those movies like drill a hole through walls
00:51:18
into the watch girls remember that one [ __ ] Galore that might have been a poem about that I
00:51:30
don't know where I saw it I made that up they're going really that's a movie
00:51:34
that's a movie that couldn't be made today today for 20 Bob Glory there's a
00:51:39
great glory hole in Peak this is today today it's all we're hanging it all out this will be one episode this
00:51:51
one won't happen my wife will be driving and she'll be what's the prom pass what is the prompt
00:51:57
act what do you mean what is it yeah what's the actual pact oh it's uh that
00:52:01
the the two best friends in the movie agree that they're they've never done
00:52:05
anything no they've never gone to any of the high school stuff they're both like
00:52:09
nerds and really serious they're like well they've never got a problem they're
00:52:12
like fine we'll do it together and then the the lots of complications and so
00:52:19
yeah I don't give everything I'm not gonna give it away you guys are two
00:52:21
girls two girls no girl and a guy they're best friends are they going to go together or yeah they're going to go
00:52:25
together streaming or coming up now streaming you would actually like you would actually I don't know what your
00:52:31
taste is you actually like it's kind of sweet and it's kind of cute sweet and
00:52:35
cute it's sweet and cute and there's some ones and there's some perfect
00:52:39
things and then like the first alien you like 2001 A Space Odyssey yes sober I've
00:52:46
seen it 40 times how many of those times were you on altered no no unaltered I've
00:52:51
memorized uh Out of Africa is my wife and I touched 2000 did you just say you have it memorized well kind of there's
00:53:00
only like eight words yeah I'm like I remember three weeks no I'm sorry you know I can't do that
00:53:10
there's not much in high school when we would see it and I would say open the bathroom door how
00:53:15
we would they were stoned my friends were still in the Volkswagen bug in 1969 and I would go open the bathroom door
00:53:22
instead of pie they would laugh for like an hour and a half you know because they
00:53:26
were high but yeah I never understood it's it is brilliant and Way Beyond me
00:53:32
in a lot of ways I feel like it's just is there a better topic for a film than
00:53:37
how we got here and the idea we've been seated by aliens basically that infused
00:53:42
uh primates with intelligence that become that's what it was about I mean the greatest mic drop in a movie is with
00:53:48
the discovery that he can use the bone as a weapon how he takes his time and then that music and he throws it it
00:53:55
turns the spaceship I mean come on come on come on go with me what's your favorite movie besides Wayne's World I
00:54:02
love Dickie Roberts of course here's a question movies you watch every couple years movies it like like for me
00:54:10
The Godfather one and two I'll see every couple years I um Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
00:54:22
very very heavy cool did Charlie Kaufman write that Charlie Kaufman wrote it and
00:54:27
Michelle gondry is that how you say his name I'm trying to say right that's his director
00:54:32
that's her name yeah that's her name you're an [ __ ] I feel like you can watch again and
00:54:42
again and again because it's like they're so layers the one with Nicholas
00:54:46
K is that the one or something was that was the um that was the one uh not Being
00:54:51
John Malkovich that was the adaptation yes adaptation was phenomenal Charlie Kaufman wrote on the variety show I did
00:55:00
96 with Louis CK he did yeah Charlie Crawford yeah wait what what was that like uh Charlie is you know he's
00:55:09
brilliant he's quiet he's you know just he was just around doing crazy stuff but
00:55:14
he would like write a like a sketch that would be easily digestible to an American audience well the show is
00:55:22
essentially essentially canceled after 12 minutes we went from 16 million to 2 million as
00:55:32
I was playing Clinton breastfeeding puppies so that we we did not have a commercial bone in our body that was
00:55:38
Disney Disney bought ABC after after we agreed to the deal and so we were a square peg well you after Home
00:55:46
Improvement which was a very family Spin City Home Improvement you followed home
00:55:51
improvement yeah which is a great show capacity but we weren't they thought we
00:55:57
were blue we weren't blue at all we were just abstract that's where Bill Clinton
00:56:02
breastfeeding puppies you're not joking that [ __ ] cold opener it was Louie's idea not to blame Louie
00:56:09
We banked it a month before and it was like it was Clinton's like and I believe
00:56:14
in our country I know we're in a crisis and he goes and that's why I have and
00:56:18
then I'm just opening buttoning the jacket and you see these teats have been
00:56:22
put on and then puppies are brought out and I will feed these puppies like I feed a word Nation you know that kind of
00:56:29
thing right after Spin City what's going on laugh track oh my God it makes me so
00:56:36
happy to hear you do impersonations I know I'll do anyone you want really well
00:56:41
you do so many like just right there you just did you just did Bill Clinton and Michael J fox but like barely just like
00:56:47
whiffing past them so perfect oh he can do uh I do Trump um I don't know this will be after you
00:56:56
can cut this out when Trump got arrested put it that way you know you could put the cuffs on me but you don't have to
00:57:02
read me the rights because I wrote the rights I wrote the rights I could write a lot of things I wrote it with a lovely
00:57:07
lady name a Miranda I told her the other right to remain silent she put her down
00:57:11
and we're gonna do it some people said no but we're doing it anyway we wrote
00:57:14
the whole thing so that's just a poem basically for me you want to hear my fouchy poem yeah yes it's a poem that
00:57:21
maybe wouldn't work anymore to me they're all faucy poems okay I know I told you when you had the the covet shot
00:57:27
you'd be dancing in the streets okay I missed it by that much all right now you
00:57:32
have two coveted shots three boosters you're getting and given kovid to another guy who's got two boosters and
00:57:38
three shots that's why I'm introducing the daily covert shot every day you go
00:57:43
to your health care provider to get you shot by the time you get to your car you
00:57:47
got no immunity but it's a beautiful 39 seconds I'm Tony fauci and from the
00:57:53
bottom of my all new leather fouches gold [ __ ] yourself I had to get the end who would you I'm
00:58:02
sorry if I've done that before on the podcast no would you like to go would you ever go back on SL and do characters
00:58:08
yeah of course it was like but like come on let's get real my father's father
00:58:12
lost his job no joke I'm getting around here because if David space is the funniest guy fights God fights Governor
00:58:19
Zane this is people the buyers the Pirates of Caravan sorry I would I like doing it on the podcast because there's
00:58:25
no rehearsal no script no one yelling at me yeah he's not trying to control me
00:58:30
you know they don't make as much fun as as Biden is would maybe as you would
00:58:35
like to well let's just split it down the middle just keep it fun make fun of
00:58:39
both sides yeah they just have that guy that um Jim James Johnson he's just so
00:58:44
good his his cold open this last week yeah it's it's unbelievable and he was
00:58:50
doing singing and he is amazing he's so good at it that it kind of doesn't
00:58:54
matter it's too good it's so good I don't my style is like I don't want to
00:58:58
teach or be taught so I'm not going to try to overtly sneak in a political statement I don't like preaching to a
00:59:04
choir and getting you right right right right right so I'm trying to find what
00:59:07
is [ __ ] funny about right people both these two guys are really funny rhythmically personality wise I but
00:59:13
first when Biden came out it was just like Grandpa of the country yeah Trump made everyone crazy yeah he's like yeah
00:59:19
come on folks he's very gentle then he started yelling that was like what a great hook yeah he whispers guess what
00:59:25
the rich don't pay their fair share they got it share it's a fair share and it
00:59:31
goes up and screens like the grumpy old man right basically the ball went in his
00:59:35
yards mine he'd get off get off Milan but to your point uh I don't know what
00:59:40
the point was no no I just wanted would you want to go on and do any uh like do you guys miss that
00:59:53
the point is yes uh it's fun I go back there and do a guest spot they could easily bring Dane into coverage I love
01:00:00
being on it uh I love sketch comedy um and I love watching the people doing it now but if you're doing a small comedy
01:00:07
club in riffing or podcasting I get a lot of a fix off that yeah you know yeah you're not going through 100 channels
01:00:14
and you know getting edited oh you watch even though Mark Twain we had a great time but they took 90 minutes out of the
01:00:20
show so they did I got four jokes lost I only did four and a half minutes you want to do one of the Lost jokes do you
01:00:26
want to do one right now yeah let's do it what if they suck um I said uh I said oh and this uh woke
01:00:33
age of PC and comedy police I think Mark Twain would be the only one that would not win the Mark Twain award
01:00:39
yeah What's it gonna be I said that was designed to be cut yeah they held up scissors with their fingers
01:00:49
nope that is the most low-hanging food you had salted Mark time I said he had some iffy stuff uh and then oh there's a
01:00:57
here's a harmless one I've done a lot of movies with Sandler instead of listing
01:01:02
them just go to your unmarried uncle's house and look at his posters in his bedroom
01:01:06
that's my movies of Sandler do-over that's fun that's harmless little jacket
01:01:11
that's harmless the dentist thing make it I don't think so oh on the actual
01:01:16
show oh no I don't think what was yours Dennis Miller about Sadler getting the
01:01:20
twin if I can remember it all right criminy so the Sandman got the Mark Twain Prize all right that's a pithy
01:01:27
moniker one of the great minds of the last Millennia has a Cracker Jack Motif okay sandman makes 60 movies gets a tiny
01:01:36
whistle first at first it's just like little they were working yeah we got a
01:01:42
good Nancy what'd you say because Nancy that's me channeling Nancy below she was
01:01:46
in the front row and problems yeah how is Paul you look okay he's still great I did I did pelosiers I
01:01:54
said I do you it's very exaggerated the Republicans drive you crazy and you always look like you just sat on
01:02:00
something cold and wet and then I go she was not smiling Scissors by the scissor time
01:02:09
she's like she goes guess who's the exact exact producer of this thing the
01:02:14
light started flashing people are evacuating attention attention attention Breeze removed
01:02:21
Fearless at night or stupid well but the the the the the the dinner d-squad dinner uh here for right spill over
01:02:30
dinner for those who were not going to DC they're everywhere everyone got up
01:02:34
and they everybody gave their did the a loose not a tight five a little like a loose seven and a tribute and there were
01:02:43
some really dicey stuff and I'm not gonna name names I'm not gonna call anybody out but I was like holy crap
01:02:48
these people have no fear right well at the Kennedy Center everyone was well dressed it was almost
01:02:54
like a corporate audience there was a little more gravitas about the situation but there that was like playing to your
01:03:00
peers yeah most of the comedians were in the odds but yeah Fearless Schneider what come on
01:03:07
he was there both he any any Adam was there or sorry yeah Schneider was there was there and he he performed tonight he
01:03:15
did yeah oh amazing okay you can sing I kind of sang uh grow old with you grow old with you that was one of
01:03:24
Sandler's songs oh yeah you could really sing he said he's a great singer on the
01:03:27
road when you go on the road with Adam he said he goes up and sings uh Now or Never as Elvis
01:03:35
right any [ __ ] belts he gets a big they go crazy because he opens because he can actually see him
01:03:42
sing and he was Elvis in Japan for six months so he knows how to do it wait for real or like as a joke no he went there
01:03:49
when we started stand up and he did he tells a 10-minute story on this podcast about how he became tiny Elvis in Japan
01:03:56
was it a big hit you said 10 minutes like it was a bad thing I feel like no no it was great I mean because it was a
01:04:01
lot of building blocks of how it came about and how he became tiny Elvis no he would refer to he said I was Tiny
01:04:09
when we got to ask you know didn't he call himself tiny Elvis the first show of the season when
01:04:19
we came back from Summer he did a sketch work Nicholas Cage was the and we did Tiny Elvis that's where I got it from
01:04:25
because of you and it's me I'm tired of Elvis and wasn't he keyed in on his
01:04:29
shoulder or something yeah sorry Rob that's where I got tiny Elvis was Tiny Elvis on a uh on the on the dashboard
01:04:36
and uh sex not like I'm Tom Brady over here you know [Music] you guys really just free fly it no they
01:04:48
fly okay here we go you're like well there's no there I'm like do they head
01:04:52
towards something I'm most crazy fill in the blank with Julie there we go okay
01:04:58
let's sing with Duty yeah harmonize David um girl in the blank I'm most crazy win
01:05:07
filled in the blank I'm most crazy went oh that could be an answer when you go
01:05:12
to bed no no no I'm most crazy when around my kids when they're when they're
01:05:17
jackasses that's perfect yeah okay um have you ever gone on and checked somebody's celebrity net worth because I
01:05:24
do it a lot I think they're yes have you checked your own net worth yes is it
01:05:29
accurate no and that's how I know that the other ones aren't accurate I was
01:05:33
like that is so inaccurate okay you know that's uh I think what they do is they
01:05:38
you're you're what you've made they guess on everything you've ever shot
01:05:41
with no taxes and never spending money right and then you've never spent a nickel of that money and that right
01:05:46
you've never put a kid through privacy no divorce like no divorce yeah gross
01:05:49
cash turns into tissue paper in a fireplace and it's not a complaint we're very
01:05:55
privileged in the last year 's the first to go we already goes up like tissue paper because there's
01:06:08
nothing there when I read something negative about myself my reaction is oh panic panic and shame
01:06:18
these people no no so I have a strict no reading about myself ever policy I don't
01:06:25
look at anything I look at any picture I don't read anything it's too horrible
01:06:28
nothing the smart is to believe the good but don't believe the bad no but that
01:06:32
you can't if you believe the good then you got to believe the bad so you can't
01:06:34
read the good my mom used to always try and send me [ __ ] like this she you know
01:06:38
cut out of the paper or cut out of a magazine but it's good and I said I don't want the [ __ ] that's good because
01:06:43
then then I have to believe it when they say that I'm like everyone sees this 10
01:06:47
examples of how Dana Carvey was never funny concrete proof my biggest Indulgence is
01:07:00
glasses I'm not wearing them right now but I really I've spent an enormous oh
01:07:05
spending money that's an adult yeah what about your skin wow but that's for the
01:07:10
kids I'll spend money on my kids sure so you could say my kids with it that's
01:07:13
boring can we switch the answer judges last time or a little a little sort of uh Barbara Walters last time I felt
01:07:22
Brave oh wait how come you don't ask these questions because he's the brains of the
01:07:28
oven okay I'm just here last time I felt great he also can say pass it can be
01:07:33
like a game show no uh wow when you went down uh [ __ ] all right Devil's ball sack no I did not
01:07:41
go down Devil's ball section I was I did go skiing with my kids and they were
01:07:45
trying to make me do a lot of jumps and so physically Brave I actually did one and it was terrifying and I was sure I
01:07:52
was gonna break 10 pieces of a good skier but um I used to watch my kids go down a giant Hill laying on their
01:07:58
stomach on a flexi so it's little wheels and the helmets are kind of not really
01:08:02
on and my wife could look and I would always have to look away because of childhood trauma no one time I did look
01:08:09
that was the bravest although my kids just say to me Mom I think if when I'm a
01:08:13
parent I'll never do this with my kids because it's so dangerous it's got told that my parenting was
01:08:19
rough by my own things I have a hard time saying no to I mean you're offered a lot of things
01:08:28
like charity benefits I say no to everything did you feel guilty at all oh my God so if a friend hits me up for
01:08:37
something that's charity oriented School charity all that yeah I do a lot of
01:08:42
stuff for my kids schools that um well you want to say no how do you do it email phone call text just can't ghost
01:08:48
too busy right now if I want to say no I I'm out of town out of town I'm out of town even if
01:08:55
you're not and then you have to hide out those then you have to hide that weekend
01:08:59
favorite full circle because we have a theme favorite everyone has theirs I know mine favorite SNL cast oh full full
01:09:09
cast part of a hybrid oh you can do fantasy football you guys should do a fantasy
01:09:16
football because then I would do that I mean I would obviously have to have you guys I have to yes I have to yeah Hall
01:09:22
of Famers in every cast yeah you know I mean who's the starting because my my
01:09:27
starting lineup would have to be yeah but there's some there no I hate doing
01:09:32
that because then I forget someone no I know but like Beck Bennett who was in the last kind of cast great cast quiet
01:09:40
slow roll for the first movie four years and then on fire for the last two or three I mean Putin with the shirt off
01:09:49
um uh and then you've got the guys who by Mikey day and um the one to play the
01:09:54
the Trump Brothers yeah um but I'd say overall I mean you gotta have Will Ferrell yeah we know we have
01:10:00
to have will you have to have will knows we have that well yeah I mean he's in
01:10:04
tonight or you have to have Kristen wig it goes on and on you know Keenan gave us uh
01:10:10
yeah future episode but he gave a great answer I guess thought we could save it but he said the women
01:10:16
the women since 2000 and of course shario Terry is one of my favorites before that and Jan Hooks and everybody
01:10:22
but if it's kind of been so dominant like never before in the history of the
01:10:26
show when you start adding them up and if yeah no I agree do you like people say oriented or orientated
01:10:32
orientated isn't a word I know my friends who says it he is there more family
01:10:38
orientated and I go family oriented people say it all the time oh it is an easy one my favorite
01:10:44
exercise is exercise like with my body like walking do you do a stair Mouse because I I'm out of bullets I got
01:10:54
nothing exactly over and over in the sandbox a while ago um my favorite I exercise all the time
01:11:01
obsessively because I'm crazy and I have to get my brain to shut up so I ride a
01:11:06
bike to nowhere I could have answered that uh okay Julie we know you got to run thank you for coming by we're gonna
01:11:11
go to a break uh we have everyone find you good she doesn't have to go I know
01:11:16
she doesn't have to go they're like we just really we need to be done with this
01:11:19
no we did good though we thought it was really good there's a we were counselable in a couple segments right
01:11:24
counselable Council I went to state school I mean yeah are you where are you from Montana Montana and then and then
01:11:33
the peninsula where's Montana Missoula is that what you just were I was just in
01:11:37
Montana I was there too I was in Big Fork visiting relatives I was in big dick yeah there is big dick Dixon County
01:11:51
I don't know but I like it I like it because you go skiing there and there's dudes in
01:11:57
Carhartt jackets and like no helmet and they're like old school right and then
01:12:02
you know they're like they come up here to cut a butt damn it drives up in this
01:12:06
Volvo and they go look at this city boy well it's a poem well well well well well
01:12:13
well looky what we got ourselves here we got a City Bar you're from Stockholm is that
01:12:20
what y'all see boy of your Swedish car driving all around oh you got airbags oh
01:12:26
you got a little pillow can't you hit a grizzly bear I sound like Chris Rock hey sweetie pie
01:12:32
by the way do I have a Volvo yeah I just want the audience to know do you have a
01:12:37
vulva I do have a vulva but I do not look at a clip of it look at what we got ourselves
01:12:48
that's what your plan is actually I gotta go Julie he has a lunch midnight toker you guys work fast that's good one
01:12:57
hour we got to get them in and out we don't want to uh yeah Ty Burrell is the greatest person that
01:13:05
ever lived lightning round yeah Jesse Ferguson is uh the most unrecognized of our cast as being freaking funny as hell
01:13:14
Sofia Vegas Sofia Vergara it is a a heart of gold the most generous she's a queen my kid
01:13:24
just spent 12 hours with her two days ago um because he went to see America's Got
01:13:29
Talent and with another friend she's there and I said if you have a chance to
01:13:33
add it Sofia she had cameras on him she took pictures she said it to me she's
01:13:37
the most generous kinds what's your impression of Sophia where you have to it has to be about
01:13:44
something oh the one that people really like we said we were on on Ellen and they were saying what's your
01:13:50
relationship with with Sophia like and I said she just she's keeps to herself and
01:13:55
like she lives in a castle you know like in the sky with like a beautiful man but
01:13:59
every now and again I'll get a call and just go uh Julie this thing tonight it
01:14:03
is cocktail I'm like what do you mean what do we wear it's cocktail well I mean you can wear a dress or you
01:14:12
just have to look nice but there's a cocktail it's a cocktail like she has
01:14:18
this very specific cocktail means something tight into the knee and in evening means tight into the floor and
01:14:26
cocktail it she's like cocktail you know with like fruit or flour and like so
01:14:31
your dress can have fruits or flowers on it for cocktail but not for evening she's like Jess
01:14:36
so that was that's Sophia I have a good ear is it just that's cool you she's you
01:14:43
spend time around you the best way to learn someone is just to be around them yeah just being around you start telling
01:14:48
stories and talking for them and then you realize you're doing an impression
01:14:51
yes yes what was Sandler's spillover party was like cocktail it was well for me it was
01:14:59
cocktail for Sandler it was Vagabond it was it was green Jets I want to see this house
01:15:28
[Music] this has been a podcast presentation of cadence 13. please listen then rate
01:15:35
review and follow all episodes available now for free wherever you get your podcast no joke folks
01:15:43
fly on the wall has been a presentation of cadence 13. executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade Chris
01:15:49
Corcoran of cadence 13 and Charlie finan of brilstein entertainment the show's
01:15:54
lead producers Greg Holtzman with production and Engineering support from Serena Regan and Chris Basil of cadence
01:15:59
13.