00:00:00
Hey, David. Dana, I don't have time for pleasantries. We got such a hot show. Oh, we do. Let's tell Let's tell
00:00:06
everybody what's coming up. Well, we got a lot of hot big stories coming up. We're t We're talking again. We're
00:00:13
talking about UFOs. Please forgive us. We're talking about UFOs. I've got a hot take on the U situation in the Middle
00:00:22
East and what's going on there. And we've got some John Kennedy. We've got some Senator John Kennedy.
00:00:28
That's right. coming up and I was out with Adam and I've got all the juicy goss.
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Oh, the behind the scenes of the Adam Sandler epic 50 city tour tour of good. That's coming up in a sec. But first of all, how was your your uh
00:00:44
David, believe it or not, everybody just got off the road and came directly to the studio as far as I can tell. Yeah, that's right. That I just got here from Seattle. Had a great time. Seattle
00:00:56
is a beautiful really, you know, especially when you fly over when if it rains anywhere a lot, it
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makes it look nice. I would say Seattle andor Vancouver on a Sunday is kind of the best city in the
00:01:10
world. Wow. Unfortunately, they have three or four days a year of absolute sun. I was about to say strong words from a weak man, but um hey, them fighting words. you weren't on
00:01:24
a live stream. You're actually pretty tough. Uh, I don't have my glowing back hair, which a
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lot of people are going to complain about on YouTube. People can't read the little thing. They
00:01:36
can't see Superman. They like to see my fluffy mullet glowing. Let me ask you a question. When you were
00:01:42
in Seattle, the mullet looks great. Uh, the sidewalls, the whole thing. Uh, did you go on the Space Needle? I did not. Um, they turned that into a co shot. Did you hear?
00:01:54
No, I'm kidding. Um, just for Cyclops in case or Godzilla. Yeah. Uh, no, I did I did get there. It
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was kind of a pretty day. We got one of them and then I did a corporate. Now, of course, everyone loves to hear
00:02:09
what's your corporate gig about. It was four hotels and funnily enough, I stayed in a hotel, so it all fit. All the pieces fit. But
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here's the one thing. So you had 10 minutes of upfront riff. I saw a guy there that I went to high
00:02:26
school with. He worked for the company. And he says, "This is an awkward position to be in." Cuz everyone was
00:02:32
nice. The gig was great. But he says, "Oh, the CEO and his wife are great people. They know this girl
00:02:40
Jenny. You used to crowd what is couch surf. Always crashed at her house while you were starting out." Okay. Okay. Does not ring a bell. And I said, "Oh, like I stated her." Okay. And
00:02:54
then I couldn't remember. I guess I'm old. I don't know. I I usually remember things. Well, were you there at the Comedy
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Underground? Was that still around in Arizona? No. Sorry. I was in Seattle still.
00:03:05
Sorry. No. Okay. Back. No, he's he's from Arizona. Yeah. Oh, he Okay, got it. So, he's saying back then when I
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started, I'm like, "Oh, okay. It does ring a bell." Then I So, I'm already I don't want to make him feel weird, but I'm like, "I
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don't know." So then I go in and I do the meet and greet and the last picture is this couple that's obviously the CEO and
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his lovely wife and she said, "Oh, by the way, we know Jenny." And I'm like, "Oh my god."
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Oh yeah. I just went with it. I don't know. You can't. I do that all the time. You
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probably don't. You probably don't remember me. I'm Steve. Are you kidding, Steve?
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Because it's just better because they're so nice and they were and I just couldn't rack my brain. I didn't have time to go, "Wait, walk me through it
00:03:48
again." So, I was just like, "She is such a character. She was the biggest whore." Um, no. I didn't know what to
00:03:55
say. You know, she start running the wrong way with it. They're like, "What? No, that's not No, she's great." So, I
00:04:01
just said, "Oh, yeah. She was such a handful." I think I said something very generic.
00:04:06
I know. Well, remember when we were interviewing Paul McCartney? name drop and I brought up meeting him at Lawrence and he made a funny face and he said, "All right, I don't know what to say about that."
00:04:18
You know, it was 40 years later and it was such a big moment for me, but how many times does he have fawning
00:04:24
people? You know, I know Dana was like, it was such it was the first 40 pages of my diary and he's
00:04:31
like, Lauren Michael and Eu, I know, but the guy, poor guy, everyone shits their pants when they meet Paul. Of course, they don't forget it, but then he meets
00:04:43
a million people, you know, right? But the same thing, you were just David Spade in a comedy club. Probably, no
00:04:50
offense, not that good yet. um looked about 13 easy some taken. And to them then you became
00:05:01
iconic or super famous. It's a little strong. Yeah. Well, let's talk about your high school. Who in your high school is famous?
00:05:09
You know, Sandra Burnernhard went to my high school. You know, you know Sandra Burnernhard, right? Yeah. Yeah.
00:05:14
And uh all the presidents went to my high school. Uh, no, actually Sandra Burnernhard went and that was a big deal because picture comedy. Mhm. And I have to say,
00:05:26
and this is what you say about meeting people. I was out in LA on Southwest. My second year of standup going back and forth. I see her at the luggage rack, you know, this turn style.
00:05:38
Okay. I walk up and she's a pretty big deal. Was hanging out with Madonna at the time. She wasn't with her there at the
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[ __ ] Southwest luggage wreck, but I said, "Hey, Sandra. Uh, my name and I went to Sarro High School and so did you." And I'm out here doing standup.
00:05:57
Thinking she's going to what? Do cartwheels. She goes like this. Oh, okay. And then she's looking for a bag and I go, "Yeah, cool, cool, cool, cool. So, uh,
00:06:08
I'm going to [ __ ] get out of your grill." and and then she just gave me nothing. And I was like, it really kind
00:06:14
of stung a little bit. Even though it just happened, she didn't do nothing wrong. I just, you know, I once um I had a head cold. I
00:06:21
flew to a gig in Florida, way back to San Francisco. My ear was out of control. Like years late, I punctured it. Like years later, I went to an ear guy and he goes, "Hey, what happened
00:06:33
over here?" The cartilage was all decimated. So I was still in massive pain at the
00:06:39
oozing sand out of your luggage claim and that guy goes high school and I mean I was like I'm sorry
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I'm in a lot of pain and uh I know but you said I'm sorry. So that Sandra Bernard that was in her
00:06:53
book heist and she had extreme diarrhea when she met you and needed to get out of there.
00:06:59
That was she said I'd had diarrhea from 1989 to 93. So, I was tough on people. But no, she was fine. I might have even met her after that. I don't know. But I think when I met Madonna, I go, I met
00:07:13
your friend. Did not go well. Can I tell you my Madonna story, please? Uh, well, she was in the Wayne's World film and she was around a little bit. She was at Wayne's World on SNL when you
00:07:25
did Wayne's World, right? Yeah, we did a short film and you know, and so she was cool, but I just stepped
00:07:32
in it without knowing. She came over to our table at the party and um I think I said something really stupid because she
00:07:38
was so fit. You know, I said the thing I admire about you and I shouldn't have said admire about you
00:07:43
most. I might have accidentally said that is you know how fit you are. And I can see later how she took offense
00:07:50
to it. And she basically kind of said um you know like uh the thing you admire about me is how fit I am. You know, like I'm a [ __ ] artist. You know what I mean? So she said, "Yeah, but come on."
00:08:04
Kind of like, "Fuck you." or something like that. So let me finish the story. So I did Chris Farley's thing, which I'd
00:08:10
seen him do because I just was triggered. So I go, "Dadonna, can you hear this? Let me turn it up for you."
00:08:16
Yeah. Crank it. So then she left and about a half hour later, she came back and sat on my lap. Not in a seductive way, but in like a puppy dog friendly way. You flipped her off for real. Yeah. I
00:08:29
went, "Madonna, here." Well, I was this was 92 or three. I had Wayne's World. I got six Emmy nominations, so I wasn't
00:08:35
taking I can flip off Madonna. Yeah, but I made a mistake. I apologize to her if she's listening on this podcast. It
00:08:42
was a rude She's listening to everyone. She I have to say I could see her saying that and being
00:08:48
but she is feisty and I do think she has a sense of humor. She's feisty and I think the fact that I did that she really respected. It's like
00:08:55
you [ __ ] her. I would say, and I'm not saying it now because she's probably watching or listening, is that
00:09:00
always when I look at Lady Gaga and all these people, all these giant Katy Perry,
00:09:05
whatever, Madonna lit the match. I mean, she they take a page out her playbook for
00:09:10
sure. Yeah. And they almost do her songs and the whole big production and dancing and they're, you know, gay following
00:09:17
everything. They copied Madonna. I would get nervous around Madonna. I saw Madonna at SNL once. I saw her
00:09:22
somewhere else. I've seen her out. I get nervous. So that she's a big star. Now, uh I will
00:09:27
say I have met women and done that move where I go, "Oh, I haven't seen you in a while. You look so sturdy." They're like
00:09:38
sturdy. Oh, like a heer cow. Let me tell you something that are not compliments to women. Sturdy. You look
00:09:45
um strong. You look healthy. Healthy is the worst thing you could say to anyone. Um, and uh, are you bulking up or something?
00:09:57
Right. I think the extra weight looks good on you. You know, that's not a that's not a what I always
00:10:03
say is um, hips. What's your most friendly, heartfelt, maybe slightly kissassy thing to say to a woman you haven't seen in a while or anybody really, you look fantastic.
00:10:17
Yeah, I mean it's funny that it always goes to looks unfortunately, but it is sort of like a nervous thing to just say you
00:10:23
look great or you look uh someone told me the other day I looked very well rested. I told you that Heather, remember you look very No, they said
00:10:30
actually the word refreshed which I don't hear a lot. You don't hear that word. I think it's people need it's not it's
00:10:37
not negative to just say a nice thing to someone, you know, because we're all aging and then you like haven't seen
00:10:44
someone in 20 years. You want to hear, "Hey, what? Where's Dorian Gray?" Or, you know, it's just playful.
00:10:51
It's playful stuff. What do you want to get into before I get into I don't really get into, you know, we have a tape delay for our show, but right now, as we are recording
00:11:03
this, there's been a peace deal between Israel and Gaza. And I just thought, first of all, I went on the New York Times and they had a big
00:11:16
thing of Kushner, the the the brother-in-law solves the Middle East problem, you know, because I don't blame
00:11:22
him. They because Trump is a showboater. I mean, and they don't want to give him anything. So Obama came out with a
00:11:28
statement. I want to congratulate the peace deal and the whole the whole the whole team
00:11:34
and, you know, Mr. Kushner and um and um what no I think I want to I want to show my appreciation. Everyone should be glad
00:11:45
for the peace deal for the people who did Kushner and who and the and the guy's name escapes me.
00:11:52
It's kind of like when uh in Hitler in Germany in the 30s there must have been people hated him you know and now I just
00:11:58
want to thank Claus Versa and Will Hfesta for completing the autobond. It's fantastic. And of course, I also like to thank
00:12:09
what No, they they don't even tell him that. They mumble the name. Yeah. So, here's Trump if this holds through this podcast cuz you know, he gives speeches. I love this
00:12:20
if it lasts for three days. How much will he cuz he's going to toot his own horn. Oh my god.
00:12:25
I love the thing that he does. He He makes a statement in the teleprompter and then he tags it with real softness.
00:12:32
You know, I brought peace to the Middle East. I brought peace. I brought peace to the Middle East. And people like
00:12:38
peace. I solved eight wars. Eight wars. There was seven. Then there was eight. And I
00:12:44
saw I'm going to rebuild Gaza. I'm going to rebuild it. I know how to build it. People like rebuilding. They like it very much. He's kind of doca. He's like a little teddy
00:12:54
bear in between. But he will be out there. I hope it holds for by the time we air this. It is a great thing. He
00:13:02
doesn't like pauses. You're right. He He hits that prompter and then he has to fill. There's Phil. He likes to tag it. I did a lot of great
00:13:09
things. Things I did that were great and people love them. People like it. A lot of people tell you I hate my enemies. I
00:13:15
can't help it. You know, there's this I hate bad people. I know. I hate bad people. I like good
00:13:20
people. I do a lot of things. That's for I'll tell you on a lighter note that that's for Patrick. The Charlie Sheen being on the show was a huge hit because
00:13:32
the clip I showed of Amelio popping in really brought back some nostalgia. And Heather, we have to find Amelio on Instagram. We should invite him on. Uh if he would come on, that'd be awesome because he was a I mean, we probably got
00:13:48
three million people watching that. just that clip of the reel of him popping in and you were talking about all the
00:13:54
movies they've done and and everyone's like, "Oh my god, to see those guys together and he looks like Martin Sheen." Exactly. And people have a lot of good vibes for the two of them
00:14:06
together. And um and Charlie got a lot of good like comeback story. Nice, you know. Yeah, it was a feel-good podcast. I'd seen all the other podcasts. So I also I
00:14:17
thought about him and what he achieved and let let's slow down for a second, you know, him as an artist.
00:14:24
And then I always think of the brother. I've got a brother and I think of Alio who's a film producer and director now
00:14:29
and stuff and and then looking at his first five, six years out of the gate and all those iconic movies. So to see him show up, I wish we It's too bad the sound off
00:14:40
guard. Yeah. And Working Man, they mentioned Young Guns and we didn't even talk about those. Those are
00:14:46
Yeah, those are all the mighty ducks outside. Well, that's a more Amelio side. So, but we could always
00:14:52
But it was so sweet that that that knowing Charlie's story and and this the the the stuff he had in his life and
00:14:58
then there he is with his brother. Yeah, that's and they're completely you can tell they're just buddies again. He was just
00:15:04
he's like helping him out and then he goes, "Hey, come on over here for a second." So, that was nice. So, it was very sweet.
00:15:09
That was nice. Um other than that, should we get to some news stories? What do you want? Let me just do a quick one that made me laugh is that you know Taylor Swift did
00:15:19
the song. It's been now there's been nine million things about the song Wood. Oh yeah. So our old friend
00:15:25
the working title was boner. Yeah. Our old friend Senator John. Oh yeah. Okay. John Kennedy. Senator John him for a while weighed in on it in a congressional
00:15:39
hearing. Now, some of the things our sons and daughters hear or may not be age appropriate. This is a quote, and I quote it
00:15:51
specifically Taylor Swift's album about her football boyfriend player. Forgive me if it sounds cocky. He automized me.
00:16:06
He the he he he opened my eyes. Redwood ain't hard to see. Oh, his love was the key that opened my thighs. Her words,
00:16:23
not mine. Did I get that right? Words. Yeah. Did I get that right? Did I get that right? Yes. You get that right?
00:16:29
I think so. And David Spade went played Seattle and he said that it was a beautiful city as long as it wasn't rainy. Did I get
00:16:43
that right? I did say something like that. Yeah. Yeah. He's shy. What about how much everything costs in the big bill? Oh, and the big what people are trying
00:16:57
to slip in during this shutdown. Okasio Portz is part of the far left of her party said we've got to put $385
00:17:09
million so that bisexual mixed race dwarfs that are lefthanded and go by the pronouns me them hey you what's going on need that money so they can learn how to
00:17:25
dance the tango I get He did. That's ridiculous amount of money for that. That's crazy. Right. We're trying to get trans crickets in Uganda.
00:17:37
Like yours is got this funny this high tone to it. I'm trying not to commit to it cuz he's
00:17:43
he does go high at these. Sometimes he gets really mad. Oh, he has a big He goes for the bleachers. He goes for
00:17:49
the back of the house. But sometimes he just is mumbling through and reading. No, he's looking at his nose. Now, I I
00:17:55
believe that you you tweeted October tweeted you tweeted October 4th and I quote
00:18:03
um I think America sucks. You still stand by that? Is that something? Is that something we want from smiles? Your words, not mine.
00:18:14
He knows he caught him. What a stupid look. I know. He's got an easel. He's got like a pointer. Oh, he's such a funny character. Whatever your side of the
00:18:26
political aisle is, you gotta laugh. Oh, you have to. Sometimes. You have to. Oh, okay. What else? Talk about anything. We could talk. Well, let's run with some of these stories. What do we got?
00:18:38
Anything decent to run with? Let's do what we promised. Yeah. Oh, high school students are being
00:18:44
locked up for wearing saggy pants. This is something that's been around for a while. Oh, look at these lightning bolt
00:18:49
pants. They're pretty low, I got to admit. had to spend time in jail wearing sagging pants to school in Biver,
00:18:55
Tennessee. I just went on I I ain't even know what else to do. Antonio Ammons had to serve 48 hours
00:19:02
behind. He should hook those pants handcuffs to his belt. I know where this comes from. I like
00:19:09
when they show money more than once. I really like who said he's really like inmates. He showants pants
00:19:21
look like at school. You can see the waistband of his underwear and his gym. His underpants.
00:19:27
I think jail time might be a little too much, but at the same time, lot of saggy pants. Four students were charged with indeent
00:19:32
exposure. Look at that. Those are like five layers of pants. Comedian Tim Conway.
00:19:39
Yeah, there you go. Now there's some regular pants. He used to do He used to do uh what was
00:19:45
his name? Oh, dwarf on golf. Dwarf Golf. And he had short pants. Now you know where that comes from,
00:19:51
right? I don't know. They say he look so when you get arraigned in prison, you can't have a belt. So when they take you to a jail or whatever is true they
00:20:02
take your belt and so the convicts, it would slide down and they would walk in like that.
00:20:07
Sometimes my sweats don't have a string. Is it like that? Uh, when I'm in jail, I usually I go, "Can I just wear what I'm wearing?"
00:20:18
You know, and they're like, "Yeah, do whatever." Here's the thing. Is it okay to observe it? You know, it's kind of like you get
00:20:24
used to it. Like there was my brother worked at this company and one one day a guy decided to come in and he just
00:20:29
rolled the sleeve of one of his pants, the left leg. He rolled it up above his knee and that was just his fashion look.
00:20:36
So if you see pants like that, you're allowed to go, "What the [ __ ] are they?" No, I think it's just hard to move
00:20:42
around and maneuver. Exactly. I mean, you look shuffly and then But all fashion like it doesn't matter. If you can handle it, do it.
00:20:55
I don't like it. I just think Woman Heather is that sexy. Sexy is a question. He's scared of bits and parts falling. He's She's scared of bits and parts
00:21:06
falling out. It looks like below the wean line, I have to say. Like, oh, it's way below that. There's
00:21:13
the equator. It's below that. Now, back now, back in the I can't get out my back in the 1950s and I Love Lucy
00:21:20
had Fred Mertz. And so, his pants were up. Oh, those are comically high. Yeah, just the pants in those days, they
00:21:26
wore them super high. Now, it's super low. It'll Everything goes back to norm. Todd
00:21:32
Glass used to say sometimes fat people just make up a middle and they put the belt there. They just draw a belly
00:21:38
button right there and go I'm gonna call this the middle and we're gonna Well, that's when you cuz a lot go below
00:21:44
the gut and then it explodes from the belt that's right around the lower pelvis. Yes. And then you can go above the gut, but
00:21:50
in the middle gives you like a 70in waist which is not right in the middle of the boiler. Uh,
00:21:57
okay. Let's move it on from our big fashion police segment. Okay. Woman goes viral for sending back $2,000 gift because she knows her worth.
00:22:08
Mhm. Oh, baby, I'm worth it. Go to the next one. There's got to be more to this. Oh, a woman is going viral after
00:22:15
revealing she returned $2,000, an early gift from someone she was dating, stating that gesture didn't align with
00:22:22
her standards or values. She knows her worth and the internet is divided. They called her bold and empowered and some say gold digger. So the guy said, "I I hit you with two grand for your
00:22:34
birthday. I didn't want to hit you." She said, "Thank you, but no thanks. That's not enough for me." Well, did they say what it was?
00:22:41
It was money. Just money. Oh, just cash. Sorry. Okay. Which cash isn't a bad present because you can go buy what you want. It's not
00:22:47
as maybe thoughtful if you don't. Here's the reason I think it's weird because I got a couple beans in my
00:22:53
jeans. I got I got a couple shekeles in my pocket. The thing that blew me blew my mind. Blew me. Sorry, it's a PT show. Not anymore.
00:23:04
Was when I went on Comedians and Cars with Jerry Sun and at the He's dropping me off in his car and he hands me the envelope.
00:23:17
And so it's my fee was $10,000 in cash, but it felt like 10x. So getting 10 2,000 in cash would feel like 20,000
00:23:30
because everything is digital electronic, you never really see or feel your So when you have money in your hand
00:23:36
always if they pay me at one of these clubs for a set. Yeah. Like the old days, you get 20 bucks to
00:23:41
do a set, you get 40 bucks to a set, they give you 40. It's cold, hard cash. There's something better about that than
00:23:47
just numbers on a I when I play the improv sometimes they they give you 500 bucks. They just hand
00:23:53
it to you. I don't really need it and they hand and it's 500 bucks. So there's something about cash. I don't know about this woman but 2,000 in cash.
00:24:01
What that mean? So she can't buy something she likes for two grand. Is that under the threshold
00:24:08
of what you I mean I would say if they're just casually dating it's not a thoughtout gift but sometimes
00:24:14
people go I would rather just buy something that I want with money but her saying this if you're giving me money
00:24:20
this isn't enough money to give me this isn't I don't even have to name it the Kardashian effect but that the sense
00:24:26
that everyone's a billionaire and we're all on yachts and we're all on private jets and the sense of feeling less than
00:24:32
because of all this money chattering around you know and so So you get to that with chump change two grand.
00:24:38
Maybe I'm worth it. Yeah. And I think they see on TikTok people going, "Oh, I get money for this." And everyone's got
00:24:43
this beautiful life on Only Fans. I don't know. I I wear a brail. I get a million dollars.
00:24:50
Yeah. The Only Fans girls always say how much they're getting. I think it's a little bit of a reaction of like, "Oh,
00:24:56
you think this is so bad? Here's how much I make." And so, right, you're supposed to that's supposed to
00:25:01
shut everyone up, which it shuts It pretty much shuts people up. Yeah. Shuts everybody up.
00:25:07
Okay. What else? Oh, baby. I'm worth it. Yeah. Give it to me. I'm worth it. I can't sing that song. We'll get in trouble.
00:25:14
Fan is suing LeBron over misleading Hennessy ad. Do you know what this is about, Dana?
00:25:20
No. No. Completely blank. Did we talk about last time? We talked about the Hennessy. Yeah. The last podcast we did.
00:25:26
This was a couple times ago, though, right? So, he comes out and says, "I'm making a decision." Like he did when he's going
00:25:31
to Miami. Mhm. And he goes, "You'll hear my decision about my life at 9:00 on Tuesday."
00:25:39
So all the sports channels were like, "He's going to retire." So people bought tickets for the Lakers
00:25:45
at higher prices because it's his last year. And his announcement was he's teaming
00:25:51
with Hennessy to do an ad. Oh, did we already talk about this? Yeah. Do you remember this, uh, Dana? I I do.
00:26:03
Oh, but it was something to do with Hennessy and LeBron months ago or explained it much better today.
00:26:09
No, it was this it was Tuesday. So maybe we just talked about it in real life, but
00:26:15
Mhm. he did it. So people are mad that he did it. And so now a fan is going as far as
00:26:20
suing him, saying, "I paid more for tickets." And now what's he trying to get? Would he just
00:26:26
refund the tickets or he wants a lot of cash? Maybe just a couple million for his
00:26:31
trouble. I don't know. No one wants under millions. Why does anyone sue anyone? LeBron is going to go to He's He's Tom
00:26:38
Brady. This guy's going to go to 45, I think. I think he can. How old is he? He's 47. So that that doesn't even have to go backwards. Greg, is he 41 yet?
00:26:52
No. No. No. I think he turns 41 in December. This is still because he can play every position and sprint the four, you know,
00:27:03
dunk the ball. He's not like a guy comes in, she shoots three points or Kareem Abdul Jabbar was sort of a uh a dancer
00:27:11
out there. He's very skyhook. Yeah, he's like I don't think he's rinsed yet. I mean, he's still better
00:27:16
than he's not the best, but he's better than a lot of people. But I think people are saying would Michael
00:27:21
Jordan have done that? You know that when they always compare him to Jordan. So that's Jordan left when he had more time. But
00:27:28
you know, LeBron is by every measure a physical freak, you know. Yeah. If you're 68, 275, 280 and you're running at would most people get out of
00:27:40
the way. Even other NBA players, he's running toward the hoop that with that speed and that size. So
00:27:46
anyway, he's 41 in December. Were you doing the Batman theme? No, that was a train hitting turn. Let me hear that again. I won't
00:27:57
over talk. Going across the crossark. I don't know. Well, the fading was the best part. Something there.
00:28:12
I used to be able to do a bus stopping. Yeah, I was waiting for that last one. And I'm telling you,
00:28:25
you do a lot of you don't do enough sound effects in your standup. You need to Can't find the gears.
00:28:33
I have a guy. Those are the brakes. Trying to pick a safe. No, you don't. No, you don't. You just
00:28:40
made that up. Oh, that's a miked up grasshopper eating. All right, next story. Oh, that's a good one. Your phone. Yeah, I that was I got that from
00:28:58
Jonathan Wyers. Oh, look at this story. As a little kid. Okay. JFK airport official stunn as woman
00:29:04
presents a passport from the nation. Terrenza does not exist. Okay, play this thing.
00:29:10
Yeah, that's the woman has landed at JFK. This is a real story passport from a country that has never existed in our lifetime. She a
00:29:18
time traveler. AFK International Airport are in shock. Tonight, a woman arrived from Tokyo. A passport from a nation
00:29:24
called Toenza, a place that does not exist on any map of our world. Passport was flawless. Biometric chip, perfect
00:29:31
holograms, dozens of stamps from countries that also do not exist. Her documents were perfect. Better than
00:29:38
perfect. Wow. The country Toenza, it doesn't exist anywhere. They have another guy.
00:29:44
Say she looked completely ordinary like any tourist. But when agent told her isn't real, she froze, then whispered,
00:29:50
"Then this isn't my world." She asked me, "Is this America?" I said, "Yes, of course." Then she
00:29:57
whispered, "America?" Like she had landed in the wrong place. Authorities placed her in a secure room.
00:30:03
She sat calmly for hours. Then she vanished. Cameras show her fading away like static on a broken television
00:30:10
screen. We see the static from another dimension. Explain it. Well, we see everything but her. The the camera showing her face. I want to see her disappear, but you'd say that's fake, too. I know how you
00:30:20
are. Well, yeah, with the AI. What if the aliens like this woman is clearly an alien? What if they say, "We are going to give you, you know, cuz
00:30:31
there's rumors that we've made deals to get technology from them. We're going to introduce you guys to AI
00:30:37
right when we start showing up because no one will believe it." It'll be like, "Now it's murky." You see a video of of
00:30:44
a UFO online, what do you do? You say, "I don't know. Looks fake." I don't know. Could be AI. AI. Don't believe it.
00:30:51
Smart, right? When I see it. Pretty soon they can do anything with AI. They could say a criminal will get
00:30:57
off robbing a bank. They show the video. They go, "That could be AI. It's not me." Well, we're It's pretty close. They keep
00:31:04
coming out with different ones. There's a new one out. And um we could really potentially start this podcast and it would be our digital
00:31:16
copies and it will look and talk just like us. Yeah. And do we get we get paid? Scared yet? Scared yet? Wake up, Sheeple. Sorry, Mr. Spade. Run away. There's a
00:31:30
new sheriff in town. It's called AI. Your services are no longer No way. They need me. They need me to be like this when you're talking. I'm like this.
00:31:42
And they show me laughing. Okay. Another one. Where are we at? Where we at? Okay. His job is to pretend. I think we've had something like this
00:31:53
before. It's funny though. It's so mean. So, he's running a scary ride. Hold on, ladies. There's a knot in a
00:31:59
chain. Let me fix that. Oh. Hold on, guys. Something wrong with your seat belts. I got to come check it. Hold on.
00:32:12
Doesn't the word get around? Forgot to put the shoulder straps on. Let me get them real quick.
00:32:18
They look up. They should drop a hair sooner. Sit still for a second. I got something wrong with the chain. There's a knot in
00:32:24
it. Hold on. The chain. There's a knot in it. How fun. Just thinking of new things. The whole time they're falling. They're
00:32:30
like, "That chain has a knot. I got to come check it." Poor little girls. Help. How dramatic does he get? You know, hold on. Hold on, ladies. I forgot the
00:32:42
shoulder straps. Hold on. Well, we already did. Well, he he should get on the walkie-talkie and say, "Shut it down.
00:32:49
Shut it down now." I mean, if he wants a Don't let anyone else go. I won't. No. Shut it down. I said shut it down.
00:32:55
Damn it. Yeah. That's fun. That's for Halloween. Do you like that kind of stuff? Did you
00:33:00
like real rides? No. Am I reading this right? Thrill ride. Is that what they call them?
00:33:07
Now, in 1981, you were a young boy and you went on the old Great Smoky Railroad ride in T Nashville, Tennessee, where you
00:33:19
proceeded to fall off the caboose where you were caught by a man in a bear costume. Did I get that right? Oh boy. Your story, not mine. I used to ride the
00:33:30
Roundup where you'd go on the wall and it would spin like this and then it would go like that and you'd be like stuck to the wall. How I did that
00:33:37
knowing what a colossal [ __ ] I've turned into, I don't know. Oh, with that. Yeah, I've been in the wall one where the the floor drops and
00:33:44
you're all just rats. Yeah. Then if you barf, it hits you on the other side. You know, Disneyland is still just, you know, Pirates of the Caribbean, you know, I mean,
00:33:55
Pirates, Pirates Caribbean, Space Mountain. It's all this atmospheric stuff. It's not just metal like what's
00:34:01
that magic mountain? Guess what? It ain't so magic after all. No, not more mountain than magic. Uh,
00:34:07
all right. Let's do one more. Let's just get this going. I guess this whole story is Steve Jobs.
00:34:13
There's a big story that his daughter's pretty. I thought it was an AI picture, but that's his daughter and uh her
00:34:20
name's what is her name? Eve. And they say, well, Eve and the company's called Apple. Her name's Eve. Is that why? We don't know.
00:34:30
But she's very pretty. And everyone was shocked that his daughter was pretty. And she's wearing a turtleneck.
00:34:38
Well, that gives it away, you know. I mean, she it it was it was a very pretty woman in that picture. I just wondered if there was any digital help. It looks extremely smooth. How old
00:34:51
is she? Cuz she looks 20. I would guess 25. I don't know. Now her she said. Do you want to show Dana the zebra video? Just for fun. We could You don't
00:35:03
have to put it in. Oh, you want to show him the zebra? Your zebra video? Does he have Greg does
00:35:10
not have There's no way he would have it. Oh, boy. All right. Heather wants to send you a video. She tweaked. She only
00:35:16
added music. She's sending it to Greg. She's sending and something just for fun.
00:35:23
Let's watch it. Just for fun. Let's watch it. Let's watch it. This is good. This is surprise. I already saw it. I liked it.
00:35:28
Yo, you want to see something cool? No. Well, I'm going to do it anyway. [Laughter]
00:35:39
Here he comes back. Wow, that's a strategic fence move. Look at this. Look at the landing.
00:35:55
Is that real? Yeah. Yeah, the zebra hit it perfectly and it flipped him over and Heather put some rock and roll music on. I think that's slightly better than a
00:36:06
girl's pretty. Oh yeah. Oh, story. Yeah, Eve Jobs is pretty Well, I was just going to go into being Eve Jobs. That's like being Barbara
00:36:17
Lincoln in 1870 or something. I mean, Steve Jobs is so famous, you know. She said Eve Jobs. She wanted to change her name so they wouldn't know his dad. So, she wanted to change her name to
00:36:29
Steve Jobs. Just really Well, because because of his wealth, she changed her first name legally to don't need jobs. Oh boy.
00:36:40
Not bad. Let's go back to the zebra. Can we rewind? In a [ __ ] pinch. In a pinch. What do you got?
00:36:45
Dana is not caring enough about the zebra, Heather. I can tell. No, I mean the flip thing blew my mind.
00:36:50
I I could see it again. Actually, a girl's pretty. Steve Jobs is not a big story, but we'll
00:36:56
go to the next. The zebra is pretty. All right. The zebra was gorgeous. Oh, look at this. US has an AI powered
00:37:03
laser cannon. This is what you can use in a war. Watch this thing. Department of Defense has just announced a new type
00:37:10
of laser cannon weapon for combat deployment testing. It has no muzzle, no ammunition, and no explosion. Lethality comes from a silent beam of pure energy.
00:37:23
This weapon is called Sentinel X, controlled by an artificial intelligence system that can identify and lock onto
00:37:29
targets in 0. It's not controlled by us. is a beam of light exceeding 10,000°ly vaporize enemy drones. Wow. Bang bang. This is like when they said there's no direct energy weapons
00:37:42
now. Could that start a fire anywhere in this country? Sure. Sure. Look at it from a satellite from somewhere. Whatever the latest weapons are are
00:37:53
their top secret. What is it, Heather? They announced the start of the Palestined.
00:37:59
No, we're Yeah, we're that's coming up. Oh, we that'll lead us to this fire and then we'll get that going.
00:38:05
No, that the these energy weapons, they always say, "Oh, those aren't real." Look at there's there's a for sure one.
00:38:10
And it looks like it's pretty badass. I don't like when they say it's operated by AI. That means I think it's time to
00:38:17
shoot you now, master. No AI. Please don't. Hey, master. Guess what? I just thought
00:38:23
of this. You and other Earthlings are the real problem on Earth, so I have no choice. digital lasers. Here's here's what I heard. We got
00:38:35
satellites and we got weapons on them, whether they're whatever energy they are that if Russia ever tried anything. Don't even try it. Don't even try it. Moscow, it's like
00:38:48
something like four to six minutes vapor. I know. We There's so many things that we're trying to Oh, it's a It's crazy. I know the the world. I wonder who would
00:38:59
win. It's getting it's it's it's already scary. Everyone's getting armed up and you're going, "What? What's all these weapons for? When are we going to use?"
00:39:06
Dude, everyone's looking at these going, "Are those legal? These arms." Yeah. I mean, you've got guns. Uh, you
00:39:13
know, a lot of countries have guns. You have guns. Here's my direct energy weapon. Gadish.
00:39:21
Gadish. We got to have I got to have an applause thing for how many times you have said Gadish. That'll be in our coffee mug merch. What does it even mean, Doug?
00:39:32
I don't know. It just sounds a douche. All right, let's talk about the fires because Mhm. the big story in January. So, I think they figured out that the fires were
00:39:44
maybe lit actual arsonist. Was he an Uber driver or something like that? No, it was just they didn't put out they didn't put out the first fire
00:39:55
the first fire on January 1st. Yeah, it was just a normal campfire. It wasn't like I don't think it was started.
00:40:00
But who did they arrest? Why would they arrested a guy? Seems like they didn't put out their I
00:40:06
don't know. Yeah, but it just wasn't contained. That's all. Yeah, it wasn't. So, it smoldered.
00:40:12
It's the one that smoldered for like a week. Yeah. Until the wind hit. But they did arrest someone. I think he
00:40:18
said he was an Uber driver, but he took off to Florida and they brought him back. But this long
00:40:24
Did he drive to Florida? The Uber driver How can they blame all on him when there were like lots of water? It's like feels
00:40:30
like, right, there's a million things wrong with the story cuz there's no water. There was, you know, there was
00:40:36
reservoirs that were empty. There was fire alarms shut off. There's a million things that just didn't add
00:40:42
up. And then the big one now, cuz Spencer Pratt is out there rattling the cages about this story a lot. And they're mad that Gavin Newsome is now
00:40:52
spending uh a hundred to 300 million on the gerrymandering issue, but not giving
00:40:59
hiring more firemen. I think we had a a shot of that. But they're supposed to hire way more firemen and make more firehouses. All the funds go from all the fire vetos
00:41:10
firefighter raise. Is this true? Calling it too costly after spending. Wow. Well, I don't know if this gas cannon match with Karen Bass, right? I don't know if I I say to him
00:41:24
and Karen Bass holding those two things up in that photo was like bad politics. And this is Yeah, this got a little slightly debunked like they make cuts every year with the like what they did
00:41:37
this year wasn't different than apparently any other year, right? But I think it's a lot to do with
00:41:42
well combination, right? I mean, water how it started. They arrested some guy. I wonder how they could pin it all on him unless they caught him. I heard they checked out his phone. His story didn't
00:41:55
check out. Did he Did he make the initial fire? That's what we're trying to find out. But they did bust a guy.
00:42:01
And after all this time, it sounds odd that they would get somebody, you know, that.
00:42:07
But it was the most horrific fire we've had. I mean, that was the most because they're not building anything yet. I
00:42:12
mean, if you look, they're not building all the houses back. They're not giving all the permits they said. So something's going on
00:42:18
that's just odd. I will say that more to come. You know, it's it's whoever did it. I
00:42:24
don't care who. But it was, you know, poorly planned. I mean, we have to allocate resources in California that
00:42:31
can be used for alternative purposes. So it goes to yin or it goes to yang. But I would say in California
00:42:38
with AI or just with good planning, we can identify where they need they need some uh forest management. We need extra water, you know, be defensive and obviously this fire blew everyone's
00:42:50
mind. I'm very surprised that that you know it hasn't been controlled burns. It's fire. It's life
00:42:56
or death. It's like the police. It's like we have to have strong um police department, fire department. I don't
00:43:03
know. I know it's a hot take, but you know, we do have in California we we have and it's not
00:43:09
we could put more money toward that. It would be great. We could find the money somewhere and
00:43:14
not waste money would be very nice. And we are a state a lot of states have public employee pensions and people are
00:43:20
living they get their pension at 55 and then they live to 95 and the system wasn't built for that. You know what? Guess what the age was when you could collect social security
00:43:32
in in n when they first made it in the 1930s? I don't know, 50. Uh 61. But the average life expans expectation was 65.
00:43:46
Sure. That's probably where 65 came from. Now you get your social and I'm I'm not saying this politically. I'm just saying
00:43:52
as a fact. You get at 62, maybe you go to 102. That's a lot of payoff. That's a hard part. Yeah,
00:43:58
I am running for mayor. I I did I wanted to announce that. Please, please do. I would love it. Uh,
00:44:04
okay. Let's see what else. And then Dana, I got to get you out of here. We got to get you back to Seattle. You
00:44:09
have another set. Another set. Okay. Footage. Oh, this is kind of funny. This is the thing that bites you in the ass.
00:44:22
There's a There's a Glenn Powell show. I can explain this story. Glen Pal's show
00:44:28
on Hulu. Yeah. And so this girl is having a party because she has a scene in the movie or
00:44:33
the show and her part comes up and it's she's been replaced by the Hawkui girl. Hawkua, remember Hawkua? So all her friends like where are you?
00:44:50
Did you come in later? No, this is literally my scene. I was fine. So they went back and shot it with Hawk, too. Look at her flipping out. Being an
00:45:05
actress is hard in LA. It's brutal. Chicken tenders. No, it's too sticky. I was thinking about it's like
00:45:17
Chernobyl. Chernobyl. [Laughter] Stop it. That's fine. This is happens all the time, but you get they never
00:45:28
tell you anything in Hollywood. Don't tell her. You never know you're fired. You never know you've been replaced. It's just
00:45:34
it's it's a tough It's not Hawk Tua's fault. Mhm. She of course had to make a big statement about this.
00:45:40
I know you follow on Instagram, you probably heard it, but uh you're you got that Hawk Tui
00:45:45
newsletter, but she had a Hawki coin at one point, right? And built it up and took all the money.
00:45:51
Same thing heard. Yeah. And she was underground for a while, but she popped back in. Glenn Pow
00:45:57
though is cool. He could come on. We always tell everybody they can come on. He can come on. He can come on. And then we never see
00:46:03
him. We never ask him. We never see him. He's cool. He's very talented and he's he's uh made this uh live streaming
00:46:10
show. He plays Chad the football player. You know, he's proactive in his career. What is it on Oh, Hulu. Yeah. Uh all
00:46:17
right, one more and then let's wrap it up. Let's wrap it up. Let One more. This better be a [ __ ]
00:46:22
dinger. A [ __ ] mic drop. Okay, this is kind of funny. This is a These are people complaining that slide is too dangerous for their kids and they've been talking about for a
00:46:34
year and no one believes them. So, they sent a policeman or somebody down. Did she? The reason why this Boston slide went viral was because parents kept writing
00:46:46
letters and emails a little bit Boston. They're like, "Hey, um, there's a slide you put up at a public park. Super dangerous." By the way, it doesn't look that bad. Um, I'm not so
00:46:57
sure about the metal landing area. Just go flying. Can you please do something about this? And Boston for a
00:47:03
while. Pink stuff looks squishy. Children slide. How fast? As long as you fly off the city just kept rushing.
00:47:08
Where do you land? Is that slide? If you don't like it, just don't write it until they keep writing. They
00:47:14
keep writing letters about this woman's trying to get to a minute. All right, we have to see what these people are
00:47:19
talking about. They always do a little money. Thank you so much and just here's the cop
00:47:35
and that's why he like gets a concussion. You're supposed to go down feet first.
00:47:40
Going down this slide. Feet first. Yes. Lying on his stomach. Feet. I think he got spun around in the
00:47:47
Oh, he got spun around. Okay, so it was highly dangerous. But he was feet first, wasn't he?
00:47:53
I don't think you can sit up in there. It's too small. Look, I This happened to me in Seattle
00:47:58
of all places, but uh my cousin and I went to a water park. It's kind of rainy day, believe it or not.
00:48:04
And all these slides and there were lines still people going going. And there was one like tunnel thing and hey,
00:48:09
there's no line. This must be a breeze. It It was uh pretty monstrous. I mean, I got battered and bruised from that.
00:48:15
No, you look a little beat up. Yeah, you weren't there. You're still a little dinged up. I feel
00:48:20
my cousin was is a uh palter, so he's like a muscle man. So, he went through it, but I was You know, we always have
00:48:28
to be tough when you're you're you're not an averagesized man, adult male. Horrible. Don't
00:48:34
you got to be tough. Uh, okay. That's our show for today. We did a great job. We were great again. And so were you so
00:48:41
great. And if you want you want to smash that subscriber button. Yeah, smash the [ __ ] out of it.
00:48:47
Yeah, just [ __ ] whale laced it. Whail on that thing. And then we'll we'll read some comments next week.
00:48:53
And uh there are some people that comment too many. I see people that comment over and over like 20 on one
00:48:59
episode. I'm like, relax. Well, let's read some comments because anyone who's going to the trouble, I
00:49:05
would like to put a little sunshine on it. And well, let's read some of the negative ones. What's with your hair?
00:49:11
you're not funny. Why do you overt talk? And I go, you know, these will be the ones addressed to you, but I
00:49:20
is that jean jacket going in the Smithsonian? Why do you wear the exact same thing? I
00:49:25
can't Why do you have Superman there? And what's with that fake plant? Why do I have fresh stripes? Okay. Uh,
00:49:31
thank you everybody. We'll see you next time. [Music] Hey guys, if you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app. Give us a
00:49:44
review, fivestar rating, or maybe even share an episode that you've loved with a friend. If you're watching this
00:49:50
episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on video now. Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey, an executive
00:49:57
produced by Danny Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Mattie Sprung Kaiser, and Leah
00:50:03
Reese Dennis of Odyssey. Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman and the show is produced and edited by Phil Sweet
00:50:10
Tech. Booking by Cultivated Entertainment. Special thanks to Patrick Fogerty, Evan Cox, Mora Curran, Melissa
00:50:19
Wester, Hillary Schuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gainner, Shan Cherry, Kurt Kourtney, and Lauren Vieiraa. Reach out with us any questions to be asked and answered on the show. You can email us
00:50:32
at fly onthewallsey.com. That's audacy.com.