00:00:00
we're starting this is this is Big Time this is real this is the first time on our podcast that David
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has broadcast from a remote location yeah well wait a minute you did it for Paul McCartney Oh yeah McCartney we were scrambling in New York to do it in our little crummy hotel rooms yeah interview
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of my life and two hours of Tech Pressure God dang it darn it go I I've probably never been more nervous for for an interview and uh I see us as equals me
00:00:35
and Paul so sort of calm me down I have so much regret about everything I do the
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last the last sketch I did on SNL sondo or the the hey B I didn't know what I was doing out there and I just ran off and all I heard was crickets so that that tortured tortured me over the
00:00:54
holiday it's a sickness and then with Paul McCartney for the last two years when I think about it I regret not
00:01:01
understanding the idea that I could bring up topics that he couldn't because he's a gentleman yes and so that that really you know do you ever have any
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kind of regrets about anything never ask this well there's I do all the time of course daily but McCartney you know it's hard to ask about Lennon because Lennon
00:01:22
died spoiler but I I it's hard to say uh Hey because it's so personal meanwhile every interview anyone asks me about anything personally they don't care at all right they want a ruffle feathers we
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just show respect for him he showed respect for his bandmates uh but if the host in this case you and I yeah brought up something like who did the Baseline there and who wrote that middle eight
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and did you help George with this part or anything like that be in liver puddling terms be like well I don't want
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to be a showbo you know yeah I don't want to be a chess Thumper he's uh he's hum a gentlem a gentlem we should have been you know fluffing his feathers a little bit but I think he's been
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fluffing I think he got over that podcast yeah he's okay with it one second after he's like Google those guys
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let me see what I was just doing all I know is your entertainers into tness anyway so here
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we are and he thought he was on Good Morning America and it was going way long he thought I was Matt low I didn't
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hear I never knew about the controver KCK he just he got a great wig whatever it is on the top of his Skully skull Miss Skully by the way Dana I think for
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the first time viewers millions of our viewers should know that I'm doing this your trick in
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front of a window I'm not in love with it already but I always have these trusty Shades next to me like one time
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you wore Shades remember we were doing in the I used to wear funny hats and shades that was before the podcast got
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monetized yeah and then people started take a little serious Jesus that's before it blew up but yeah uh now I looking uh out the window and I see why
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it's blinding but you you have good eyes so it's do I no one's ever said that to me except my
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wife you know someone said to me the other day I walked in this store why am I leaning I walked in this store just a
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regular dip [ __ ] whatever run the I see something in the window tricked me to go
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in in and then the lady who's very eclectic look little like Stevie Nicks she just goes up she goes I like your look I like the whole thing and I go I
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never get that dude do you think she knew who you were I don't think that fast she was okay she was because she didn't say anything and I go oh yeah I don't I don't get that L she go yeah
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just uh no I like it any itemization here is it the the Scruff is it is it the hair back is it the shades it was what I was wearing the shade I was just nailing it and uh like 10 out of 10 I
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mean it's usually what I think but no one's ever said I mean there's the Kate Spade of the family and then there's the
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D spade and I was never that one even Kate and uh would pop quiz for you when you PR and primp and all that stuff before you're gonna leave your house for
00:04:23
yeah whatever activity do you have what's goes through your head like uh or do you ever think to yourself I look pretty good today yeah I've had I've thought that like right now on this camera I don't look too bad but for me
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that's for me I think it looks as good as uh your studio I mean yeah no I mean I'm just saying I comb my hair back and
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and I got my hair trimmed the other day so it's a little shorter on the Sid you know but the uh idea of I look in the
00:04:49
mirror maybe three times today I was trying to think of it the other day I don't unless I comb my hair because I have to see myself I don't look before I
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go out at night I don't do any of that stuff and I should but sometimes it's not what I'm looking for when I when I
00:05:03
see the answer well there there's your emotional brain and your logical brain if you're at a restaurant with someone and you go use the restroom and you look
00:05:09
in the mirror and you do a little readjusting your hair you know that no human being on Earth would notice any
00:05:15
difference except you and you know what you look at that you think is rough but so anyway I do find a way to get out of the house and this how this sweater is totally Kanye can you see I have so many
00:05:26
holes in it cuz the moths [ __ ] went at it and I grabbed the wrong one you in all holes see that so I walk in there and I go what
00:05:38
are you doing Moss they're like nothing we didn't do anything this is Cash hey you should go on SNL and dress up as a moth like Sarah and go do
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[ __ ] update eat eat Colin Quin from Spades moth lives in his closet I come out I'm [ __ ] stuffed and you're all got little feathers y do they have feathers well I
00:06:06
don't know what they got but I'm just saying someone's got booked for the 50th I'm texting Lauren right now say I know
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we're trying to make the show we're trying to keep it to seven and a half hours Spade wants to do moth guy you
00:06:19
know we can put a light and I go there's a light gotta go it's a clever thing that Bowen started I think or lit it up uh with his Iceberg character Titanic
00:06:32
thing and then it Sarah's got her and then he did the Drone and he's done he's done other thing so I think you as a moth I'm just gonna make a note to
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self I will have a I have a question for you Dana obviously I'm GNA jump around here obviously that's what we do on a
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flight you don't like people hacking and coughing obviously I'm gonna I'm gonna say yes I was in a restaurant the other
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day sitting at a six toop lingo I have to know this because of the bus Boys movie six top you know for being a I can
00:07:04
consult on the movie we by the way you can use this we didn't call ourselves bus boys because we wanted to get
00:07:09
girlfriends so what do you do we're I'm a table maintenance Personnel manager Jesus administrator that's good table maintenance Personnel manager Fred Wolf
00:07:20
used to say people uh yeah he says I'm a dishwasher so if girls say are you a dishwasher they go what are you doing he
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goes I'm the chairman of IBM okay that's another it sounds better it's another way to
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go so I go in and there was a sick uh person the week before fine I go in and sit at a six stop because it's early and I always sit there and then
00:07:45
the waitress comes up and she's like they're all very nice let's just start this is just for entertainment purposes
00:07:51
yeah they're very like full death bed and I'm like hey and she's like uh I can't you know what I'm not going to take your order I'm probably just going to get out of here and I go great
00:08:03
idea you know because nobody wants to get sick I would love to say you know what I can't get sick I'm starting this
00:08:09
movie you don't have to nobody wants to get sick so I shouldn't even have to say that I just go yeah that's probably the best idea and she
00:08:15
goes yeah feel like [ __ ] still air coming out so I'm like okay and then she goes it it's actually started last night I was feeling so bad I'm like there's
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this is a WP we know I'm 100% believe you and then she goes I'm actually going to talk to the manager see if I can just punch out and I go I'll call corporate just go just go we'll figure this out on
00:08:38
the way home just because it's all M you know there's dust from Co in the air I can feel it you know there's omnicron
00:08:45
big enough you can almost see them with your eye so she leaves she goes in the back another waiter comes up no another waiter and he goes I know but hey man I
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go hey she is is she okay she's feeling bad he goes uh she uh she actually left the other day she was feeling bad I'm oh she's back okay so I go great all right let's um all right let's order up and he
00:09:10
goes to be honest I'm not feeling a th% th% either I'm like so I hustle through my order then I go talk to my buddy there and then I and then when I look back they go food's here I look
00:09:26
back and the waitress sat kitty corner from me at that table so I go wait a minute is she dressed I mean she took off her a I mean she's she took off apron and now she's joining you
00:09:40
she's probably looking for a ventilator she's so sick that I'm I want to just take a small propane flamethrower and just cover the table just to kill some of it you know but she sits and then I
00:09:52
go and I sit CU I have to sit in front of my breakfast I don't know what to do to be rude all of it's about not being an [ __ ] and the biggest CRA the
00:10:00
craziest part of me is that I sit there aim straight ahead and she's [Music] like sweat hitting the table I'm like it's good effect it's so sickening and
00:10:14
just fullon like writing out her will and then she after about four solid minutes of silence she
00:10:20
goes you don't mind if I sit here do you I go not at all why am I a Psycho I go not at all
00:10:28
well I'm just you have to and just promise me you will stop eating at Denny's this is clearly Denny's no I told lady fine place I told
00:10:41
her promise me you're not g to leave I'm so overly nice Lounge the Beverly you're like this too you're overly nice and
00:10:47
you're like no there's nothing you're doing that bothers me please stay and get better just stay here throughout
00:10:53
your sickness and get better well did she at least do six feet away I mean how what are we talking here
00:10:59
like a two footer she's probably 3 and2 ft but then I'm like I hear some noise I'm like oh I guess that's you're being choppered out of here get the [ __ ] I got cocky because I
00:11:11
don't think I had a cold for a year and then everyone at SNL's got a cold and I got cocky I actually thought to myself yeah I some get colds I don't know what's wrong when you were doing SNL just you know everyone's calling I just
00:11:23
don't it's Invincible it's not my thing it's not my brand it's not who I am I don't get colds next morning raise
00:11:30
blade razor blade razor blade every time you swallow is not a good way to get a good Slumber sped spal when you catch yourself swallowing and then you swallow again and it hurts you go oh no I can't
00:11:42
stop swallowing that's the grossest feeling like well you try to go well I was yelling last night at David Spade you know just tearing him a new one about the podcast maybe give me your notes for
00:11:55
my hunter Biden were just like screams you were like great stuff we SL the door you hear what are you doing out there
00:12:02
you call yourself Hunter Biden you ain't a hunter and you're bid your time to start him no you crushed it Tom Hanks told me specifically isolated me know
00:12:14
he's very said very nice things about your Hunter Biden and he's probably the greatest actor in in our generation so
00:12:22
it's High Praise from that dude also when I left the restaurant that day of course I went around the corner and took a silkwood shower like Merill stre when she went
00:12:35
through every all your expressions and the sound effect you're like just a series of memes we got we got to get a
00:12:42
cartoon caricature of you and make these means and I'm in the shower you see David well do you remember silwood this is aging our audience but of course share Merl Street what happens in Merl
00:12:54
street she there's a leak of the radiation they're trying to do The China Syndrome didn't quite make it [ __ ]
00:13:00
without [ __ ] J syndrome without Janie Fondo and her sleeveless top I don't know what that means showing her cleavage no there's
00:13:14
better word so what what are we doing with Merl Streep and Cher Do we have any connection say I was saying that when
00:13:20
she got a rip or something in her outfit and they said she might have gotten radiation they go come here for a second
00:13:26
two two seconds strip down and they put her in the shower and scrubbed her with steel wool or something and she was
00:13:33
screaming and that reminded me of me leaving the restaurant radiation is actually maybe
00:13:39
not that bad for you it was kind of exaggerated oh we get radiation all the time you know because the next day I went in I go what was wrong with that lady they go oh she had bad radiation I
00:13:51
go oh I Dana said that's fine again you're like a meme staring at something you don't want to see give me the look
00:13:58
well no that's more funny serious that's cool also Dana we were talking about oh
00:14:08
there's a big fire in LA and we can't make light of it it's actually a th% terrifying because to it's we're doing
00:14:15
this the day before so we don't know where the fire is now but it's very bad and my big thing about it is Heather can
00:14:22
look this up is there no water in the fire hydrant is that even possible I know they can't
00:14:28
fly over because the wind they will be probably maybe by tonight or tomorrow but there's
00:14:33
no TR it's like how do you even try to stop it without dropping they went to fire hydrant and some of them had no
00:14:39
water why is that I don't understand what's going on I would need more information to have a strong opinion but
00:14:46
it seems like you know kind of a trying to suppress water or something I don't know I don't know if a fire hydrant has no water what is it former for LA water
00:15:00
commissioner says mismanagement led to low hydrant levels they ran out in pal they ran out in the Palisades um so some human beings what's your job oh I work for the water department what is it to
00:15:11
make sure all the fire hydrants are full in La how you doing just got fired I just got fired because I haven't
00:15:18
really even checked on them because there's not that many I knew they were pretty full but it was their tired I
00:15:24
heard that I just read obviously everything I say is a lie but I read that they had to cut budget last year
00:15:31
and they did cut maybe 16 million whatever that means in this grand scheme of things from the
00:15:37
fire department now if there hasn't been horrible fires I mean they got to weigh It All Out In fairness um uh not a good
00:15:46
not a good look we're the most World high winds and the sparking towers made in 1870 I mean the idea of it's called essential Services Fire
00:15:58
Department Department police department I mean there's more but those are the big two garbage yeah but you you would
00:16:05
survive garbage sitting on your sidewalk but Fire Department police department I'm just going to say I'm going to call
00:16:11
[ __ ] on that funding if that's true and by the way I'm running for LA County Supervisor gez Louise Steve McQueen just walked into the podcast David put on his
00:16:22
Superstar Shades I put on my Dana Shades Too Bright Now Dana um let's move on from the fire it's too tragic to even talk about it's probably the worst fire ever I've been there and it's only no no
00:16:33
no it's it's horrible that's all we're saying is that we uh we we're in show business so we know a few of these people that are being affected and it's also true in California it is sometimes
00:16:46
almost impossible to get home insurance because a lot of the companies left and so that's a double whammy if your house is going up and you don't have insurance so anyway and I think Florida's having
00:16:57
the same problem with hurricane Insurance like any insurance where the insurance has to actually pay you then
00:17:03
they go wait I know someone who lives there and his insurance home insurance tripled because two hurricanes hit it
00:17:10
within two years so yeah you know what can I say um okay Dana anything else before we
00:17:16
get to the news and well I just wanted to observe a few funny things because I'm watching new Trump new Trum oh yeah
00:17:24
that was good last week and some of his phrases are like this they've nobody's ever seen it nobody's ever seen anything
00:17:30
like it before nobody's ever seen it no one's seen a case like that they never done it before and all they do and this
00:17:36
is when he says talk he makes a very specific mouth which I'll do for our listeners and viewers okay this they've never seen it before they've never seen anything like it they never have it's
00:17:47
never happened before quite frankly all they do is duck all they do [Laughter] is all they do telling you all they do
00:17:58
is talk they just talk they just talk it's that far they talk they talk they just talk then it goes back normal I don't know what doing what they're doing but all they do is
00:18:09
tuck they tuck it does go it's kind of what he went China that's right they go China
00:18:16
they go they've never seen it and they're doing things you wouldn't believe and all they do by the way all they do is talk they're all talk and no
00:18:24
action and used to sing that this is the only time he makes this specific lips like this all talk no action all talk no
00:18:33
action I'm trying to give Patrick our editor different ankles it's funny it's like that old song all they
00:18:42
do to me is tuck tuck tuck tuck remember tuck tuck all they do and we're looking at things and we're seeing things and
00:18:49
all they do is duck he's trying to say all they do is talk talk they talk and they talk and they never stop talking when
00:19:00
I like the mouth all right now I have Trump the other funny thing is we don't need any else that's unreal Trump is so
00:19:07
entertaining I have to say if you're not panicked by him he's just [ __ ] funny I mean he's coming out now he wants Panama Canal he wants Greenland he's taking over yeah that's we're going to
00:19:19
we're going to take over Greenland we're taking over Greenland we're going to we're going to take it over we're going
00:19:25
to call it even more America that's the new name of that place even more Amica even more America we're taking over the Panama Canal we're going to take it because we build it we build it and all
00:19:36
they do is chck oh we're gonna call it USA super super Canal we're taking over Tahiti and Bora Bora Tahiti and Bora Bora this is not
00:19:50
talk it's not talk we're taking over Tahiti and we're calling it The Beautiful American islands and by the
00:19:56
way Canada is now we're taking them over it's going be called America we're call it an America it's America Canada
00:20:04
America yeah maybe super America up there it never made any sense we've got Alaska up there then we've got a [ __ ] ton of Canada then we've got America we're just trying too much Canada
00:20:16
between here and Alaska right it's like you know it's like if Florida was another country it's like a thumb
00:20:21
hanging off America but it's ours it's totally ours you know Pon Deon Pon Deon you remember him a lot of people talk about Pon de own looking for the Fountain of Youth in Canada but all they
00:20:33
do is duck all they do is do that's my new toy today it's all they do is I like it he did he did a what you can cut this he did a 20-minute rant on electric
00:20:46
heaters versus gas heaters you know what Biden was what they want they want electric heaters you could them they
00:20:52
don't work very well you get itchy quite frankly you get itchy with electric the gas is better it looks better it Heats
00:20:58
you up like you wouldn't believe and they're canceling water they're making dishwashers that don't have hardly any
00:21:03
water you put your stuff in there comes out it's not clean you got to run it 10 times and you end up using you end up
00:21:10
using more water by the way to our audience these are direct quotes yeah the dishwashers the washers they don't
00:21:16
have a lot of water they're worried about water even the way places it's coming down from heaven they have so
00:21:21
much water they want to stop the water and and you washer you wash your clothes they come out with they Duty you got to
00:21:27
do it 10 20 times you doing more water and all they do is tuck I will say if California has to do electric cars by 2030 I'm not ready I I'm not throwing
00:21:40
away my cars because just during this fire a lot of electricity is out so now where are
00:21:48
you well we go electric and then Gas and energy prices go down because we're not using any of it and then the CO2 goes up
00:21:55
there's a thousand metrics into this idea of Planet warming let's talk about it people rather than just do things
00:22:03
emotionally I like my hybrid sorry talk they talk that's all they do is talk got
00:22:10
to start them up again and no one's ever seen it no one's ever seen anything like this no one's ever seen it no one's ever
00:22:15
seen it and all they do is took has to be the Maro we all have a lot of dirty dishes and I had one more thing I was going to do because I had so much fun the last last
00:22:29
SNL a lot a lot of our friends were there Tina and everybody and uh but I hadn't seen Jimmy Fallon in a while so the minute the minute I see him he's like so much fun and it's such an upper
00:22:44
he goes hey this is crazy Dana Cy oh what's going on Dana Cy hey so I start doing Johnny Carson getting pulled over for drunk driving you know sorry officer I didn't know I was swerving I had two
00:22:55
slippery monkeys at the hook and Crook and Jimmy BW a gasket like his head exp oh my god oh so funny John Carson pull over he's talking to Tom Hanks
00:23:05
Johnny Carson pull over driving hey I had a tomato boom boom the desperate sponge Dana Garvey so all they do is all they do
00:23:19
is anyway I just had so much fun so here's Jimmy Fallon getting gets a gets the check in a restaurant I take the check oh my God this insane look at this check oh my God it's out of my I can't
00:23:33
believe it it's insane that's it that's it it's a little whispy but I like it well I took it
00:23:40
really far sot all right we have six minutes no we have we I have to say that the pickup on last week's show you know every week
00:23:50
they pick some article some crazy stuff you said what did what got picked up yeah well I didn't read the article
00:23:55
because I just thought it was about that we said uh I can't believe people text Lauren because I couldn't right but it
00:24:02
was nothing negative I'm like I wish I could have gotten a Lauren it was like that ninth floor door is shut you're not talking to him you know you know what I
00:24:08
mean you have to get an appointment and well you know I saw that and I thought about it later and the what we didn't have call Lauren we'd have to go to our
00:24:15
office dial nine get get a landline number see it's fun oh hello uh hi Lauren Dana I'm in my
00:24:29
office 86 Lauren's not here right now Lauren's not here right now let me give you to Marcy it's Marcy uh yeah so I felt like it sound
00:24:41
like I was being negative that oh I was making fun of I didn't see this part till today that in that in that meeting
00:24:47
between dress and air that Lauren was talking and he told Sarah Sherman I just love making fun of Sarah Sherman and she
00:24:53
goes and he goes Sarah uh you have to face forward a little more just so the light hits you she goes I'll try I'll
00:25:00
try it was funny Sarah's uh her is her charm is that she just says what's on her mind and she's very open you know she's hilarious and she's hilarious and so I could see the way she would be
00:25:13
casual with Lauren would just sort of work like why okay well all right but I think that
00:25:20
um we were in those early days maybe I don't know we just weren't as famili amiliar with Lauren Lauren was our boss the executive producer the guy
00:25:33
who started Sarah Night Live and so I think for a few it took me a while to get comfortable with Lauren because the
00:25:40
the way I really got to know Lauren maybe you could chime in on this is when you go back and you host and then you're
00:25:48
kind of hanging out with Lauren a lot as a host it's a different thing and you're seeing how he's just casually always
00:25:55
producing it's just put over there maybe he put let's move this I think the Cod opening is fine all I'm saying is and so you realize and also when you see him on
00:26:07
the floor you know the guy is he he cares about that show first of all he's so freaking happy when the show works or
00:26:18
the cold opening works and if it's starting to go sideways this is why no one else does Live Comedy sketch because
00:26:24
it's so [ __ ] hard so anyway you get to know Lauren but the idea that Sarah has it already and is sort of friendly
00:26:31
with him yeah yeah I mean did you ever walk by Lauren and see him in the hallway go hey Lauren I'm going to Huxley you want me to grab you a tunel
00:26:38
actually why don't you to come with me yeah come with you what Lauren we're going to the comedy strip come on man Marcy would tackle me yeah uh she could too
00:26:52
[Music] well it's January Dana I don't know if you uh have checked the calendar but I don't check the calendar but I just
00:27:07
sense the holidays are over the hustle and the bustle and the rustle and the the whole the turkey and the trees and
00:27:14
the Santa and the it's over but it's over yeah it's now a time to recover think a little bit you know after all that holiday spending you know who you are it's a hangover for your
00:27:27
credit that's right I say yeah you got to get back on track in 2025 Yep this is the year start building
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kickoff helps you build that credit let's say you want to get a car this year you want to do anything that involves credit a lower level bigger
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always seems overwhelming how do I do it and kick off kind of starts you slow and then slowly but surely you can let's say
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what compound is David how time we'll talk later by the way in the App Store it has over 100,000 positive reviews wow 98% or five stars sounds
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00:30:14
some headlines going my forehead looks the same color as the wall behind me I guess that's that's a funny observation
00:30:21
and true they mixed together it's not good or bad look at that Heather you see my forehead looks the same color as the
00:30:26
wall okay people driving prison officer filmed having sex with inmate admits another incident on same day and this is a female prison officer
00:30:39
the officer is the guy or the girl let me see that's what I'm tring only fans model oh so she's a prison officer and an only fans model is it wait she was
00:30:50
jailed after oh she's the officer you can tell we don't look at these ahead of time folks oh that's good we that's true okay so she caught on her
00:31:02
body cam what are you what I'm not saying the word [ __ ] but you I mean she knows she's doing does she air that as part of her only fans I'm sure I mean why else that and you're
00:31:16
gonna get caught there's been a lot of prison movies I think um Ben Stiller did one about female uh police officers
00:31:30
having sex with inmates so now it's a true story listen I'm not I'm fine with it hey scroll down a little bit because I want to read that it says it's a funny word prison officer filmed having sex
00:31:40
with a burglar in his prison cell why are they so specific why who calls anyone a
00:31:48
burglar anymore well first of all that's a pretty I mean it's awful Fe a burglar but it that that means it's someone
00:31:54
trying to get into a house without hurting anybody and just get the Freak Out is that what it means I think a
00:32:00
burglar is just sort of trying to sneak in and sneak out it's not your house is burgled yeah they would do it if if like
00:32:07
say you were um not in your house right now and you're at other location it' be a perfect time for someone to burglar oh forget sorry I brought that up yeah I've
00:32:19
been burgled that's a word that would be you've been burgled yeah mhm well as we
00:32:24
said the Hamburglar I never saw him actually in jail he was always out on parole well my forehead is exactly the color now as the sheets no it was it was like Heather took was painting the wall
00:32:37
and just happened to slap your forehead make a little less so because Dana looks
00:32:43
like he's got some color in his face no but look I want to well I have different I'm facing a window and for
00:32:55
editing ring lights that have color you look pretty good no one's going to notice this [ __ ] we'll do a new
00:33:01
story oh good you look fantastic everyone's running [ __ ] like a chicken with her head cut off because I
00:33:07
moved the curtain two inches anyway like Woody Allen came out for a second please me to throw the Earth off its [Laughter]
00:33:20
axis okay uh what's next my forehead's the color of the uh the raat hin please rent an ad on my forehead for fly in the wall also Superfly it's all
00:33:34
available what is this oh hang on oh this is a different only fans girl saying how much the one we did a report on actually makes okay let's see if it's shocking or
00:33:46
notop rain really making I'm gonna be giving you some inside too much is the answer by from an of girl myself I know
00:33:53
we've all seen the image of her making 43 million dollar in a year which is insane but this is the gross number and a lot of things are going to be coming out of this for example right off the
00:34:06
top only fans is going to be taking 20% so that 43 million drops to 34.4 million
00:34:15
now somebody of her caliber definitely has an agency to help with marketing and posting this agency also takes a percentage and agencies in general take
00:34:26
a percentage of anywhere from 15% to all the way up to 60% going to grab something right in the middle 35% now it drops her income down to
00:34:40
22.4 million this nobody is exempt we all have to pay taxes oh yeah welcome to the
00:34:47
club if you're based in Florida and you're making over a million year your average tax percentage should be around 35% we take 35% off of the 22 million
00:35:02
and now we are all the way down to 14.5 million take home which is still a huge amount of money yeah no [ __ ] all right first of all you want to be an
00:35:16
agent in that story up to 60% they start with 60 and then if people go I'm sorry what yeah they go no I'm saying 50 and then they grind him
00:35:28
down to what 15 was it well she's got 14 million net net net that's pretty good how embarrassing I know but still 14 mil that's like literally zero for an only
00:35:42
fans model but did you hear and we can probably look this up another one of my lies that I heard the average only fan
00:35:49
girl makes about a thousand a month that makes sense that makes more sense right because not everyone has a huge Jordans you could say I'm taking off my clothes hey everybody you have to
00:36:01
let your followers know and if you don't then you're a okay oh wow we're say we're getting a news flash that you get 150 180 per month most only
00:36:13
fans wow 2,000 a year that's that's the tough decision because you only hear these stories of how great it is now you're high you're dancing in a g string and you're making $150 a month
00:36:27
then got to check what's going on with your person I mean what is that yeah I mean it's still money but it just you
00:36:34
got to weigh it out I guess it is true I remember Jay Leno telling me once yeah that's why we get
00:36:40
paid we get paid a lot of money because after they take everything you still got a pretty good check you know yeah I mean
00:36:47
there's some things you still don't get it's still at this point if you go do Jimmy Fallon what do you make 780
00:36:55
bucks well it's it's it's the exposure that's just Union that wasn't the question sir on the stand Lady Gaga got 17 million for five minutes on Co Bear
00:37:07
show she just has that kind of clout wait why am I getting 780 you know I I don't know only fans is a fascinating thing and we should we
00:37:19
should for just because Superfly this is for Sophie let's get let's you want to get get one of them on and ask her let's get a you know an only fans we get that Sophie rain on
00:37:34
yeah that's that's doing well and just really think of it as it it grosses like 6 eight billion a year it's bigger than you know the NBA salary it's all
00:37:45
combined right it's bigger than us steel yeah I don't know that movie I'm too young Godfather in US steel there's a
00:37:52
big controversy um a Japanese steel company wants to merge with us steel and they
00:37:59
some people say it's a great deal for both it'll give us a steel industry and then some people say we should keep your
00:38:05
steel separate from our friends from China China right now they're talking about it they're talking a lot but it's all talk it's all talk that's all it is now let me
00:38:17
change I hate that talk is such an easy one to get back to China this merger is just talk right now it's just talk they just talk they've never seen it we've never seen it he's talking about the
00:38:29
lawsuits they've never seen it before talking about never seen it who's seen Greenland who's going up there for a
00:38:34
vacation it's a lot of fun try a lot of fun by the way it's got oil natural gas and Rare Minerals and it it it you can take a ship we have a air base there so
00:38:46
but the people there's only 57,000 people there and they mostly sell fish to Denmark they don't you got to bring in the big boys to for all the oil gas
00:38:57
minerals so that's why Trump get the Rare Minerals they're rare the reason they're rare is because you don't see
00:39:03
them a lot that's a very underused word Rare Minerals you gotta have them China has a lot of them but right now it's
00:39:10
Trump goes up there to to sort of you know G shake hands and say hey this what's this a largemouth lunker bass
00:39:17
what do you got here he's trying to like blend in with the locals to pitch the sale I know Trump Jr just went in and
00:39:23
just hung out he just hung out but the thing is those people make an average news flash 36,000 a year for the average
00:39:34
um Greenland human being so Trump will say we'll make we'll give you a million a year
00:39:40
each to make it can also buy a cow for nickel up there to make it what did I call it even more America even more America is our latest
00:39:51
acquisition that would be the biggest state probably Greenland because it's three times as big as Texas is it it's
00:39:57
all it's 80% covered in ice the reason it's called Greenland is when the Vikings and the Danes went in there it
00:40:04
was all green and lushed so if it melts we may see so is my wife that's what you
00:40:10
should say if you're Henny Youngman it's 80% covered in ice so is my wife there you go that's a good one it was a hair
00:40:17
late let no let's do it officially so Patrick can clip it okay ready go Greenland is covered 80% in ice yeah so is my
00:40:30
wife well that sounded too s too sincere so is my wife you almost want I should have done use the other so is my wife Patrick we'll see what that looks like yeah okay uh next story here we go we're
00:40:42
doing good we're doing [Music] good and now a word from our sponsors at betterment do you want your money to be motiv ated do you want your money to
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to get started investing involves risk performance is not guaranteed all right here we are look at this oh teen finds
00:41:50
out Anonymous Internet bully who harassed her for a year is her own mom whoa oh Mount Pleasant Michigan I'm from
00:42:03
Michigan this is the one that has like the music behind it head that goes scary music I was doing a mission
00:42:11
impossible sub theme oh you were sorry I stepped on it that's Mission Impossible lost poy I
00:42:24
lost I'm to the Finish cuz I my SP and all of it is talkinging my first bit I've said it before my first bit in 19 when oh you
00:42:41
did popy ladies and gentlemen Popeye getting kicked in the groin I was not expecting I know it's just if I get claps from David Spade I
00:42:55
like that one that was a good oh you know um you know uh Popeye like you're wa now
00:43:03
speaking of popey yeah uh that goes public domain more fishy [ __ ] guesses on my part public domain like Mickey Mouse and Winnie the Pooh so they're going to make a horror
00:43:16
movie about it I think but they can't use spinach I heard that too this all sounds like a lie oh a mash up popey and
00:43:24
a horror yeah like make popey I'm gonna I olive oil and D stabs her and he's like I'm not a great going
00:43:32
after and then what's his name wimpy comes in I'll gladly stab you tomorrow if I can stab you today for a hamburger today yeah for a
00:43:42
hamburger Wimpy's like on drugs he just he was adding nothing but I did always laugh when he'd say that I'm like like even in a comic strip gladly pay you tomorrow for a hamburger today is
00:43:54
brilliant Tuesday that's like hear me now me later listen to me me L and believe me later I like how we don't even talk about the mom who's I guess
00:44:04
it's just sort of discipline right I assume she it's parenting in her mind yes not in mine that's rough it depends on how rough she got I like they make the kid look like
00:44:17
they're in Squid game for some reason in this photo yeah if if your kid is dressed like that which is this death
00:44:23
mask in a pink jacket with a hood on you you maybe want to harass him online just
00:44:29
to get him to take off the mask unless that's just to hide his identity yeah okay you were chopping
00:44:36
you're being choppy but we got it Patrick's got it okay let's go to one more now we got time what time is it we
00:44:43
always say one more we got time people are too riveted they're on the edge of their seat during this the edge of their
00:44:49
Ed of their watch this okay let see seeing Oh this is funny okay this is a woman from America seeing Big Ben as you know Big Ben is a big clock
00:45:01
in uh London padilly Square but this woman sees it this is the reaction I would figure also Dana having too but then some kid gives a gives a summary so
00:45:14
watch her and then watch the kids summary all right stand up right now [ __ ] stand
00:45:22
up why the hell is she crying over a clock I've lived in the UK and London for eight years and I've seen this every single time and if I was even in America
00:45:33
I would not start going on the floor what's Big Ben done what's Big Ben done for you has he done has he cleaned your house is he a made at your house is he done as he overed your floor no he's not he's a clock BL he's a big massive
00:45:47
clock that lives in the middle of London why are you crying over a [ __ ] CL so that's her mother no that's just some chick on Tik Tok and
00:46:01
okay so that that kid seems like she's 37 years old not visually she looks eight but it's like extremely mature why would you cry over a clock mother why
00:46:14
are you falling on the ground it's a [ __ ] clock if you saw a human being who was over 6 feet tall would you so look how tall they are it's
00:46:26
stupid yeah cry cry over things I want follow this lady around and see what she's crying over every day anything normal she got a giant
00:46:38
hamburger and so for two hours it's larger than a regular hamburger don't let her near ry's Donuts the donuts on the outside are so large she broke down in tears and had to
00:46:51
be taken away by an EMT Squad Dana choppy I'm choppy you're blurry blurry break the tie gray I'm
00:47:03
blurry well oh it is don't you [ __ ] dare blame me it's blurry and [Music] choppy that should be our show by the way this hotel graciously said we'll give you some dog [ __ ] internet that
00:47:20
nobody you know what I did for our friend Paul McCartney going full circle I went to the Four Seasons way up in the
00:47:26
mountains because the Wi-Fi was sketchy down in I can hear and see it terrific thank
00:47:33
you for traveling to a better Hotel well at least you saved a couple bucks on the hotel I can tell it's a no I'm at a nice
00:47:41
hotel but I we went and said we don't want the regular internet where's the back door special and so they right here we go ding uh so this is the good you thought
00:47:53
you got good oh okay gotcha Bast yeah I know we we we vetted this whole thing because I knew if I'm on the road I got to make sure we could do this and nail it and make it a th% because
00:48:07
all of our millions of views they freak out's happen oh here's another story okay I
00:48:14
just thought this was interesting okay this isn't great this isn't hilarious I just think I could watch this for an
00:48:19
hour how is rubber made from rubber tree how do you harvest rubber I like that scrape noise it's a specific never think of doing it like this very straight
00:48:30
lines yeah freehand what's that like this little instrument that's me with my toenails at
00:48:45
night is that the actual rubber that's coming off I would never think this tree was a rubber tree I think it was some dumb [ __ ] tree run of the- mill
00:48:57
[ __ ] it oh look everybody oh say just made a little tap and then Here Comes it and
00:49:03
then it kind of is that it wowe that's what rubber looks like coming right out that's what it sounds
00:49:11
like I don't like the water part god get a grip on it dude relax yeah rubber trees really were name named properly that's a lot of
00:49:24
work what and they don't do anything with it collecting rubber you're not making a
00:49:31
tire out of that why are they black they don't do anything with it no but that was a rubber tree uh go if you're
00:49:36
driving go look at YouTube around 45 minutes you'll see it it's fascinating that was kind of cool it was cool very
00:49:43
light tapping angle scraping and then a funnel so some of it came out kind of watery and then it coales into a big I think it's like sap coales he said
00:49:55
YouTube can light that one like Aila and the be okay what's the next thing what's this human deaths caused by
00:50:08
animals okay Heather pay attention this is interesting this is going to tell us what an it's kind of like the running
00:50:14
thing we did what animals and how many deaths do they cause per year in order we're starting at the lowest so bats Bears okay okay I sharks I get it
00:50:29
moose is more than sharks spiders wolves cows cows used to yeah horses even more lions and leopards make sense ants
00:50:43
Dana bees bees because allergic P jellyfish tiger tiger that far ahead of shark deer ahead of
00:50:55
tigers Hipp way up there elephant killing us tapeworms crocodiles never liked them scorpion scorpion wow and what's the ti ti flies
00:51:10
and then assassin bug snail snails snails kill us dogs number way above everyone else snakes wow humans kill other hum 430,000 big mosquitoes above
00:51:24
humans but tis fly where is that in Africa I've heard of them it's in Titi the land of tisti you fly over it I don't know it's Africa I think I think
00:51:35
it's that or southeast Asia you know commical disease carriers what about okay shocking on that was cows dogs were so high but why
00:51:48
do cows how do cows kill you because I'm around cows a lot they don't want anything to do with me I oh I'd be
00:51:54
scared oh you know if you had a bull that's different if you have female cows but bulls will attack yeah oh because if you're flirting with a with one of
00:52:06
their uh okay and then toward the end hippopotamus there's not that many are there um 20 to 25 deaths occur each year from cattle
00:52:18
uhhuh involves the Bulls there it is yeah oh mple multiple cows are involved in most
00:52:25
attacks and it's it's bulls with horns and [ __ ] and they want to [ __ ] you up
00:52:30
yeah mhm wow well I thought who else was on that list that was really odd ows didn't make it for a third year in a row they one thing they left out was hu
00:52:42
who kills more humans than any anyone else and then would say David spay because you kill your audience as a
00:52:49
standup sorry long way David bab was a killer last night oh you killed him hey have to turn this light up a little bit more so it doesn't match for the only reason so it won't
00:53:02
match so we have 30 seconds to go and now you're doing a lighting design you go now turn that one I'll
00:53:08
close that one we're doing a whole thing here listen we're not [ __ ] goop oh it
00:53:14
is a little darker Jesus Christ Claude Reigns just walked into the podcast go that side yeah yeah yeah oh you can't do that all right we're back to normal wait hold on stop stop stop right the micos
00:53:27
right there beautiful that's fine mhm NOP I got to put these on so it matches oh where are the sunglasses you got a continuity bronzer yeah continu we
00:53:40
got to match okay what's next story I like to bark out orders hey hey hold on wait I think so
00:53:57
um let's see what this is I don't know if tell us how you are going to break there's a guy sitting there and he's
00:54:03
going to talk break the world record for sleeping with the most men in one day I'm trying to get 1,000 guys 1,000 guys
00:54:09
in 24 hours my plan kind of is to it needs to be a room with two doors is what we're trying to work out like the logistics of this is insane because one thing it's hard enough getting a
00:54:20
thousand guys together it's another thing actually like making sure they all do it in the time limit so honestly I'm just hoping for like convey about of
00:54:28
like they need to kind of like walk in the room one pump in one pump out and then leave how's the current world
00:54:35
record though it's 99 in I want to get to 1,000 cuz like 900 is weak you may as well got to a th000 you know what I mean
00:54:41
004 hours though this is why I'm training you know I've done the Just Another Sunday in like a few weeks um a
00:54:50
she's going to do 300 warm up but I think as long as they're in out in out in out it's going to be pretty quick I
00:54:55
think I'll get s towards the end but I think I've got hope right determination just well look listen
00:55:03
fun she sets the world record she retires she wants to start a family she's dating regular guys they're having a glass of wine the guy says well let's just be honest you know I've had a
00:55:16
little bit of sexual experience just just tell me of how many men have you been with I mean ballpark body count
00:55:22
five six 10 and then she has to say um 177,000 yeah it's a tough number is that real first of all is that real well she
00:55:35
just broke a record for it's like a new kind of thing they're doing for clout where but is there any evidence it's
00:55:44
real um they interview the guys well because how many guys would you sign up for that would you be number
00:55:51
684 do they pay them well you know my nickname in high school was uh I was a boxer and they called me the one pump chump I think that's why they called me that so you
00:56:02
might you might go through get in line and come through another time with sunglasses on the second time high five
00:56:10
yeah no I I don't know how it works they did a 100 and she said she was had nightmares after I'm like I don't even know what's going on with the world it's really just an uh for record and is Guinness book
00:56:24
really coming out there with the nerdy guy I don't I mean they did interview her
00:56:29
parents you know very workingclass Brits and they're very sweet about it hello we'll always be proud of our daughter
00:56:37
she's a hard worker she's worked way up to a thousand milon and it took a lot of
00:56:42
effort and time and and strategy oh my daughter is the nicest person in the world she's got a heart of gold she likes having sex with thousands of men
00:56:53
but she's not all talk she's she's not oh no she's not she she's not talking she's not saying I'm going to have sex with thousand men it's not oh
00:57:07
talk yeah you know even if she gets 900 we still love her and McCartney was she's it's a lot of shagging I'll be
00:57:18
honest yeah it's more you can really comprehend I'm sure McCartney put up some world record numbers back in the
00:57:25
day uh I I who the horniest Beetle we should have asked him who is the horny probably
00:57:31
Ringo probably has to be the drummer ah piece of Love piece of love oh yeah that's a tell I think lenon had bed ends that guy's horny but what about uh I think they were all kind of the
00:57:43
marrying kind they all got kind of uh married and a couple divorc and married again I mean the Beatles are actually pretty corn I think what happens that kind of Fame it's so overwhelming to
00:57:56
even talk to someone that they probably no girl that's a fan could even comprehend they were even in the same room with them so it's just too weird they just got to find one person where
00:58:09
it's normal and stay with them Paul's first wife Linda Eastman uh she was a she was a well-known photographer from a very renowned family Eastman codak and
00:58:21
she had a child from her previous marriage and so she was very grownup and I think uh and and lovely and so I think that's what attracted Paul to her to your point
00:58:33
David yeah agree okay let's do one more and then we'll talk about a horny other band members that was a good question we blew it with Paul okay let's see what this is
00:58:44
wait is this another oh is this oh this is robots they made robots to look like ants and they give them chores I'm already scared
00:58:58
these robots are inspired by ants and were developed by South Korean scientists each micro robot is 600
00:59:04
micrometers tall and interacts with others using magnetic fields o so am I the micro robot swarm was able to unclog tubes that resembled blocked blood vessels this technology could
00:59:15
potentially be used to clear plaques from clog fill you full of robot ants in this other application how do you get the out of your body a chunk of the metal indium to
00:59:28
this allowed it to turn light we're done guys punch out the micro robots were able to assemble into a group coordinate
00:59:35
their movements to walk over an obstacle by leveraging their Collective Strength and synchronized actions they
00:59:41
successfully overcame barriers demonstrating their ability to adapt and perform tasks they moved in 1976 Ford
00:59:48
Bronco the micro robots used centrifugal force for self propelling themselves over obstacles they're throwing gigantic
00:59:56
200 micro robots successfully separated heavy liquid metal into smaller pieces in just 5 Seconds despite its high
01:00:02
surface tension they then mov the pieces join them back together and shaped the metal this demonstrated their ability to handle complex tasks with precision and
01:00:14
control the M let's ask AI well AI is all possible without cut to an actual ant going why do we even try
01:00:27
oh well just a noted fake ant person why do we even try they're all talk and then
01:00:33
another ant goes it's uh it's uh not much but it's an honest it's honest work I'll be I'll be honest with you you know I'm just an ant but I see that and I go you know it's all
01:00:47
right you know what else you got is what I'm saying the ants are leaning in an alley going these [ __ ] ant robots are
01:00:53
going to take over that's it that's it for us guys you see the question is do they have a queen bee do they have a nest with a queen bee they got no Queen be best part is they don't they don't
01:01:05
they don't need it they an's like we never needed it we never needed the queen we can do this H we just got to get and by the way to go full circle you
01:01:11
know what a queen be does all day has sex with a thousand ants oh he does just based on that
01:01:20
Queen all talk this is the all talk all talk all talk that's all there was and everybody SE it all talk all talk
01:01:32
all talk face all all I think we should end on that Dana any any final remarks I'm going to continue for the next
01:01:38
Superfly with my all talk Motif no I have a new one for next week folks and we are we are looking forward to getting some people some scientists and and different people I actually have an idea
01:01:49
for a brilliant investor to teach people how to how to really invest in the stock market David sweet
01:01:56
um Greg yeah everybody you're right and uh YouTube shorts we put up the new version
01:02:04
of trump which is uh you going slower don't give it away and uh that was Rel Trump speaking softly instead of screaming at the big rallies you know yeah because now he won now he's like H
01:02:16
now he can just slow and what we're gonna do he talked for a half hour straight in the most uh abstract way it
01:02:22
was really entertaining I recommend it to anybody we're looking at a lot of things you
01:02:28
don't want dirty dishes you got to do them six times sir will you attack Panama this the country of Panama to get
01:02:35
I'm not gonna rule anything out I'm not GNA rule it out I'm not gonna he wants Panama he wants the Gulf of America and he and he wants even more America I.E
01:02:47
Greenland he should take South America they're halfway there they already what would the name be would he South America
01:02:54
no we'd rename it oh to America lower America lower America additional America after the skinny connected part America plus then
01:03:08
they can charge you oh I know it would' be South Central America South Central America because we have Central America South all right all right so we'll figure it out thank you Dana are you
01:03:21
working tonight Friday night yeah show tonight where sold out should we plug it no it's a corporate whoops that's all right it's going to be great I this is one where they don't
01:03:34
want me to be dirty and then I just saw two employees downstairs and they go you better be dirty tonight and I'm like I
01:03:41
can't I get in trouble you never listen to the employees you get the they're like
01:03:47
sorry I know because the audience is not as prudish as the the team that's scared
01:03:52
of offending them that's the irony they laugh if but anyway all right well my banana
01:03:59
looks like a dolphin weirdly enough right now your lighting is the best it's been during the whole podcast
01:04:06
oh what is that what was the impression look like a dolphin oh flipper flipper okay miss you D I'll see you
01:04:20
when I'm back we'll talk to just laters this has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly is executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade Jenna we sperman of Odyssey Heather Santoro and
01:04:32
Greg Holtzman hope you liked it [Music]