00:00:00
ah I like it so far Dana I nothing really bothers me there no one's expecting I mean I'm in a hotel room NOP
00:00:06
they're both going back c yeah that's fine this is a good beginning yeah this is the beauty of uh remote podcasting I'm I'm in different hotels
00:00:20
you know now do you now do you want your mirror in the background because it shows like that square oh that's why
00:00:26
maybe we should open it this is funny yeah we [Music] yank his head off Jes God I almost yanked my earphones off today and I almost killed someone it got caught on a
00:00:39
tree and I was like Snap yeah well we got a few minutes left Dana so what should we talk about H well
00:00:48
okay I got a lot of stuff I want to talk about we'll go back and forth but oh yeah I'm doing the tour so people exciting go to Davids bay.com I'm coming to your town probably not but I'm coming
00:00:59
to couple Town coming to some you know what was I announced the tour the first leg of it
00:01:07
and then everyone goes why are you coming to Pensacola that's all the comments are where I'm not going so uh I
00:01:13
will be adding and adding but uh that's all on that but it's you can buy tickets now
00:01:19
finally I just saw David we worked together at this event and I watch from the wings and um he's uh in very sharp form very fun I tried to cut him off I tried
00:01:32
to get get the mic get him out of my hands I said hasn't he done his time I kept going to
00:01:38
the crew and they go he's on a roll let him go let him finish I go yeah and first corporate gig together it was a
00:01:45
great idea because we went all the way to Indiana and in the daytime I walked across the street and went to the NFL combine it was right across from the hotel everyone in our hotel was either a
00:01:57
coach assistant coach weightlifting coach coach QB coach it was kind of funny all dudes not great it looked like a pirate ship and then I walked over there and got on with Rich Eisen and did
00:02:09
some goofy stuff and then walked around and saw the combine which I watch on TV every year just fun to walk
00:02:15
around uh you went to the combine how long did it take you to get there from the hotel did you sprint or anything or
00:02:23
yeah when I did this 40 over there I go I'm already tired cuz I sprinted here but I was I felt like I might be
00:02:30
imagination I was being scouted while I was walking around like people were like what about this guy he could be a good
00:02:35
Rover back yeah I mean I always saw you as Scrappy as a fighter and I see you as um
00:02:43
kind of Speedy quick quick um yeah so you know I mean the zero to 20 yards you probably be Make Some Noise yeah um and then I did some of the sled I did some sled work where you knock it back you
00:02:58
know push it back flip the tires a little bit like that just just let them know it's pretty easy if I seem a little
00:03:05
tired it's cuz we had there was a party last night at the hotel my wife was here oh and good night
00:03:13
sweetheart and then it just can you do the effect yeah and just people talking what up man so this went on for hours
00:03:21
going to the front desk and they're like I don't know we told them many times they they were had the balcony open it's
00:03:27
just blowing bongs pounded beard and they they kept knocking and they were like your walls should be thicker man we're not that loud it's your fault yeah so we're like we got all our [ __ ]
00:03:40
in the other room we know we won't sleep and they can't stop them so we could can you just give us a room to walk to so we
00:03:47
can sleep is where I am now oh you did that oh my God just so we could sleep because you drag your blankets and pillows down the hallway it kind of blur ey all blur ey so yeah
00:04:00
and then I went to the dermatologist today just for a classic skin check oh oh do your [ __ ] one that I wish I had in my ACT it's so funny age related he's got a little
00:04:12
eyeglasses going around age related this time this time the guy is really nice but this time I get I didn't realize I
00:04:19
was wearing powder blue underwear I just grab them right they go please get down
00:04:24
so I'm sitting on the paper just nothing but the powder blue boxers sitting for like 5 seven minutes waiting
00:04:32
it's like he comes in so this time when he checked me he goes there's a red dots
00:04:38
that's normal you're going to be getting a lot more of those these dark ones back here you're going to be getting a lot
00:04:44
more of those so your balls hang to here it's going to be getting a lot lower yeah and
00:04:50
then he said on my wrist he goes uh let me um H is I go is it cancer goes it's pre-cancer don't worry about it's pre-cancer so we're going to freeze it so is everything sort of just pre-cancer
00:05:03
until it's cancer I guess uh I don't know yesterday cuz I'm in town and I live in the country
00:05:10
uh country I keep thinking of Patrick trying he's thinking live real time I might be able to salvage that something
00:05:33
the coyotes the coyotes when they work in packs and you hear them coordinating out
00:05:39
in the field behind our house like coordinating oh yeah they definitely they attack and then they're they're like hyenas they're high
00:05:46
pitch they get horny it's you're killing but anyway I was in the big city yesterday I got the eye thing better now or better now better now better now
00:06:00
better now better now for about 45 minutes and then the opthalmologist came in that was that was
00:06:08
just someone that was just me by myself better now you're practicing better now better now now the left eye is kind of
00:06:15
weak but the right ey is pretty good so what I used to do and this is possibly considered cheating was I'm waiting for my turn I try to memorize each line and then I go up and they go okay I go GF
00:06:28
pf43 to one they go well there's no numbers in there I'm like that means I couldn't even see it when I was cheating
00:06:34
I was well let me ask you a question this is just straight up why didn't you when you go to the pharmacy and you get the you know 1.5 1.25 1.75 they're up in
00:06:45
Meed two why getting assistance in your eyesight is called cheaters oh you need some cheaters get some cheaters why is it cheating you can't see it's cheating
00:06:57
David David is wearing I'm wearing cheaters right now you'd be a total blur if I didn't wear these no I actually can
00:07:03
sort of see which is crazy so you have a lot of good gentics in the next grown-ups we should do this where we all sit down at the diner the next grown
00:07:13
five of us yeah in one of the next grown-ups that we all sit down and everybody puts their four the four out of the Five Guys put the menus like this you know way back here uhhuh and then
00:07:26
there because they all can't see and then I go you guys that's so lame and then I go like
00:07:32
this instead of growing UPS the next ones we call grow old growing it's not it's not growing up anymore it's kind of like it's going to be g r o a n grown it's not going be be good so I got the
00:07:45
eyes I got the skin I finally slept it's been a big weekend I don't know liver bad kidney bad what's that from is that from your act uh yeah I think so they go check you
00:08:00
Oriental medicine they go liver bad kidney bad sple well no that was when I used to go to a HomePath there was sort
00:08:06
of acupuncture doctor and I was on SNL at the time it was in the valley and I would go and they would take your pulse
00:08:13
and go oh you the LI band kidney bad everything bad right from your pulse you're tired you're tired you're so tired now and they give me these bottle of red pills now what they would do is
00:08:26
Caffe you do all the acupuncture stuff put here for you I'll go that I'm doing a Norwegian accent just a bad one okay
00:08:34
for you sure and go there so they also would put it in your head so one time and this is not a bit and not a joke I
00:08:41
drove away and I noticed I still had one of the acupuncture things come top of my head like an anten yeah so I was getting
00:08:50
this is FM radio kog from the San Fernando Valley um but anyway life you know is what it is picking up a radio in Iceland Christ sakes cvey I think next
00:09:03
time you should comb through the turf before you exit the Ure hey how much if you pluck them out let let me ask you a question because I like to do that um have you ever done acupuncture oh yeah
00:09:16
with this neck are you kidding me you know what was a bummer the other night we flew home we did pretty good on the
00:09:21
flight that turbulence at the end kind of tightened me up and from then on I went to the I went to this Oscar thing
00:09:30
and I went with Chris and we and then I couldn't go out late because it was killing me so bad I started getting such
00:09:36
a bad headache such a bummer what a fun night but we did put a lot in it we did flew all day me andu we came from 18
00:09:42
degrees everything about it was just a beating and so it's kind of interesting um we I I like to kind of just let the
00:09:51
turbulence exist on its own so I just flop like I I just go with it and I saw you tensing and tightening I thought well most of the time you're
00:10:03
sitting on the floor of the airpl which is kind of hip like a kind of a hippie thing like I my knees give him a bongo he's down there it bothers the other customers actually I think when I was
00:10:15
biting on the pilon's collar bone just because I was so nervous like on the way down um yeah I know well
00:10:22
we we had a we had a fun time and uh here's a funny thing so I go I don't see the Oscars at all um and our boy Conan was on them so I see little Clips here
00:10:33
and there but then I go to this shindig this Vanity Fair one with Chris so it's so when you get there it's going to be a
00:10:41
little bedum inside but there's a press line so that's kind of stuff they don't really want guys there because guys you
00:10:48
know I'm wearing a black suit so is Chris he looks good and um they don't want guys there they want a guy well
00:10:54
they just want to take the pictures of the girls gowns basically got it the guy who cares you know and so when you get
00:11:00
the Press line you know SNL The Press line it was like Log Jam I was standing there for 20 minutes waiting to go
00:11:06
through four degrees I mean was it outside or no no this VY fair this one SNL oh you weren't there yeah it was inside but it for some reason it David I
00:11:17
know I just keep bringing up that you missed it uh but this one was there's a few people waiting and we're behind Jeff Bezos and Lauren right so oh so you just never
00:11:30
know where you're going to be in line you know cuz whoever gets there like last year I was a slew of these models
00:11:37
came in like Gigi Hadid Mada they all were in line and so they all I said you guys go first because that's all they care about is this this stuff you know fine so I'm waiting and then they say
00:11:50
there's three circles this is this is inside baseball as we always grow someone El I love it I know don't be mad
00:11:56
don't be mad I want to I'm I'm getting information right now even though I've been to the Oscars a few you've done a
00:12:01
million of these so this is just the after party okay and there's a there's a wall of
00:12:07
photographers and so we're waiting and so Bezos who I don't really know I don't I don't think I know him at all I know Lauren a little bit so they go first so they get on their little circle a few
00:12:20
clicks you know Jeff Jeff Lauren La over here over here oh yeah you know they're doing they're doing action it's a couple you know so they go to the next one so
00:12:27
Chris Rock comes up there go Chris Rock Chris so he's in the next one okay and then and then when they move forward they go
00:12:33
Spade so now I'm on me it's a few clicks but you know we get it I'm wearing a suit I look around got it and then I
00:12:39
look at Chris and I go go like let's get out of here you know go to the next Circle let's get out of here yeah and
00:12:45
then Bezos is there but he's like hey hey you know he's he's kind of peacocking he looks good Lauren's very
00:12:52
pretty like hey did he have a sleeveless tuxedo with his biceps bulging out yeah I mean his skin brought a solo Flex with
00:12:58
him and he was on he jacked yeah he's ripped yeah and so oh there's a picture of us oh Heather will send a picture
00:13:05
maybe we can put okay I never saw that I didn't see any pictures from that night so that oh you should look for another one because so then they're still taking
00:13:14
long so we're not we're not getting off our circles and I'm just dying out there even and now the photographers are like
00:13:20
down they kind of shoot from the hip like now they're going across me and Chris trying to get Jeff you know Lauren
00:13:27
that way and then they're looking at their film checking their phones I'm like Chris go he go I'm waiting for them
00:13:33
so then then they finally move off so we go to that Circle then we Cruise no then we get a couple together I guess so then
00:13:40
we go off and now they stopped for something and now we run smack dab once we're off the carpet into Jeff and Lauren and Chris is with his daughter too and they say uh oh let's get a
00:13:52
picture of all you guys like we're all together and I'm like so I say hi to them and then they picture now we're all
00:13:59
like all the party together but they he was very nice and she was always been sweet so then if you're the woman you're very I'm sure very conscious of like oh
00:14:10
it's everything she I'm looking at my gown my makeup and then every every woman there is stunning and yeah so we
00:14:16
go in and then uh I run in of course to some comedians I see melany and I see Nick croll and uh uh a few others so we
00:14:25
just sit with them and [ __ ] and then you know you get acclimated then you start going
00:14:30
I'm gonna take a lap first of all Sasha Baron comes on now you know Sasha Baron you know he played Borat played Borat he pretended to be sort of a middle Easter
00:14:40
man that oh there they are oh there we are okay that's not bad right look at my hair shaving I don't know if it's your best picture I don't really thank you I
00:14:51
mean but that's not your fault you're incredibly handsome yeah I mean listen Maybe I had it was it was a bad pitch it
00:14:59
didn't didn't look like you to me can we see it again it's let's have no don't make me horrify let me see I've never
00:15:04
seen it looks perfectly fine but it doesn't well I think it's weird my sides are shaved so it looks a little
00:15:10
different right but look how Stern you are and look at Chris with the big spile yeah that doesn't look like your
00:15:16
personality I think I looked too smiley one time and from then on it was oh and then you're like Howard sterning it up
00:15:22
mhm yeah I just I'm like listen let's just get oh so here's this isn't Okay so just this is it good Lord stern look at how funny so this the other funny part
00:15:35
is Chris's it's Chris's daughter is with him who's obviously very pry how old is
00:15:41
his daughter I think she's 21 we all came together so we stopped and grabbed them
00:15:47
lovely daughter lovely and her friend and so then we're walking up I'm like oh Chris people think we're double dating
00:15:54
here this is a this is a problem so I kind of hang behind then we get there and then uh Lola gets there there's Lola and Zara his daughters but I go let's
00:16:07
have no confusion like we're all together you know so anyway anyway funny picture of all of us right that's funny
00:16:13
oh it was funny I just you know this I don't know if I'm liberated or not liberated but it's just interesting that men are covered in their Tuxedos and
00:16:23
women have to have their collar bones and their shoulders well no they they oh look at me oh my shirt's unbutton that looks like you have a mullet but it's not your hair in the back it look no but
00:16:35
it's really coming out U Chris Rock is leading the way he looks like he's about to do a standup bit Sasha he goes now the thing is he always says but Sasha is
00:16:46
Too Tall so I don't want to hang out with him all night this is true so he's always funny and I do like him he's very fun so
00:16:53
you know friendly so they go to the bar and I go I'm going to walk around yeah yeah he's brilliant so
00:16:59
anyway I run into a few people and uh obviously every other person is a celebrity because people don't really get plus ones not many do obviously Bezos and Lauren come together
00:17:12
and uh so I just see a lot of interesting people you don't see a lot but I was not feeling great obviously
00:17:17
with my horrible pictures and uh my shirt was too unbuttoned really good there's so many oh there's good ones no
00:17:24
I'm sure there's great ones a photo can be you catch someone in yeah oh there is oh [ __ ] show that was with rock too
00:17:32
right oh you'll like this one this is picture important to me I don't even know why I care it's important to me I
00:17:38
really want to see your big pH I want to find a good picture that's what I want to do I don't know I don't know if this is it I want to see it but you know they
00:17:46
walk around they kind of ruin it because Kim K was just on SNL and they're building a skims right by my house and I
00:17:51
wanted to grill her about it but it's hard to go up to because they always have someone sort of floating to nail some they get a picture with her yeah
00:17:59
and if you say hi and get a picture it looks like you're trying to get a picture so too sweaty out of
00:18:06
respect I said hi for two seconds but it was in between when the guy I don't think the only negative about the VY
00:18:12
Fair party and there there's really none is there's probably two floating photographers and so in a ballroom of
00:18:20
300 people yeah maybe 200 yeah and it's small so it's small it's like a yeah yeah okay here oh oh oh here's a bad shot of me well
00:18:33
but it is when MC Jagger was came over so that's good that's you guys you guys are kind of there's this I don't know
00:18:39
something like you're kind of is This what I look like from the side let me just go real quick I want to throw myself to a plate no you you do not look
00:18:47
like oh that one's better I got a smiley one yeah that looks more I know who that looks like but I can't think of his name
00:18:53
Star Wars you know C3PO no that's a oh Mark Hamill yeah from the side a little bit God anybody
00:19:05
better that was just a photo no I know I I kind of a gray beard I mean a blonde one so it's uh no I I'm fine with how I look uh but listen this woman came up I
00:19:19
was gonna ask you Heather do you know who Dr K is from Instagram or something anyway she's a plastic surgeon but she wanted a picture and then of course I do the classic Dan I she goes oh I do
00:19:30
plasic I go hey can you give me the the Brad Pit I don't even know if he's done anything just make me look like him she
00:19:36
wases oh I see what we could do and she starts touching my face I go I'm kind of
00:19:41
kidding you don't have to LEAP into action already with your professional opinion but she's very sweet here's what
00:19:48
happened to me when I went to the Oscars so I was invited to the Vanity Fair party this will be quick I was invited
00:19:55
with a big white envelope Vanity Fair inv you they invited me for 25 years straight and I just never went and I never responded but I kept getting
00:20:07
invited so then they stopped inviting me the year before I was invited to the 2018 one because Mike Myers was there for um the queen movie and so we went to
00:20:19
the Oscars got all dressed up I went to I go okay this probably my last Oscar so
00:20:26
I think we went to one of the Marcus or one of those okay I got to get a tuxedo right so I said to the guy I just want George Clooney I just want exactly what George Clooney so he started pointing
00:20:37
we'll put this we're gonna put this I go is this George Clooney goes oh No George do that I go no no no I mean literally I
00:20:45
want a George Clooney the shoes simple everything because George Clooney always looks the best in a tuxedo looks great
00:20:52
The Tuxedo cost money and um I looked a lot like George Clooney but anyway so we
00:20:59
we go there and then we're in some kind of Afterparty talking to Mike who is uh generous enough to invite us to go there um and his wife and we okay they're
00:21:13
going from there to the Vanity Fair party right so I go well we're not invited to the Vanity Fair party we don't have any invite they're like Oh Come Along we'll get you in but I I
00:21:24
couldn't I couldn't be the the third wheel with my wife like we don't really have an invite but we know famous people
00:21:31
could we go in so we decided to go we left and we went to catch I was in a tuxedo and she was in to eat to eat and not a bad move they are so ourselves
00:21:43
first of all you're as famous as anyone in there or more stop it and when you and people would love to see you people ask me about you all the time so but the problem I'm a recluse except for this
00:21:56
pod yeah it's good you have a little bit of to you I have none so I go there also I know my angle isn't this from now on
00:22:03
Heather when I'm taking photographs that's not listen those photographs nothing to do with reality they know I'm
00:22:10
personality driven so well you don't look you didn't look like yourself in that shot it couldn't have recognized
00:22:16
You Look At Me Now do I I'm angry to be at this party yeah okay so when you pull
00:22:23
up to Vanity Fair you see this woman and the and there's like a guard gate and they have police everywhere
00:22:29
because there's too many people in there that they don't want anything to happen to I guess there's dignitaries or
00:22:34
whoever like Bezos he himself is they're probably keeping an eye on him alone along with everyone else so you have a
00:22:40
stop you have to show something in the window of your car and then you have a hard
00:22:46
plastic David Spade Vanity Fair thing so you have to show that then even if they know you they would go ahead next one
00:22:53
stop get out show that again shake down I saw I saw a guy go literally hey David
00:23:00
do you know this guy whatever I go yeah and he goes can you tell him I'm stuck out here I'm supposed to be with him and
00:23:06
I'm like oh the chances I would run into this guy inside which I never did uh but he was stuck too sorry we just don't
00:23:13
have the thing and you have to have the thing so it might have been I'm saying it might have been a slight problem just
00:23:19
because I saw how rough they were on everyone they weren't even yeah and screwing around anytime you're in that
00:23:24
party and if you pivot left or right or look up or make a sudden move you will be tackled you were in danger of being
00:23:32
tackled for two hours at the Van Vanity Fair party just taken down guy with his knee in your back what are you doing you know so it's not why are you shaking Jeff bezos's hand yeah I know so uh and
00:23:46
then I pushed out on the guos Siri party because that goes all night and it's super fun but I felt such like [ __ ] pie I go I can't do it and then of course I
00:23:57
feel better now I'm like oh but of course I can anyway well I got a lot out of it and we got age related and we got
00:24:05
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00:25:10
out to our friend Conan did a great job yeah great jokes he had his serious Moments Funny Moments he kept it light
00:25:17
and I thought it was a home run for Conan and he's I bet I bet he's already been invited to do it next year and uh
00:25:25
Adrien Brody all the highlights I heard were he did a long speech which fine I mean I do love it when a guy goes stop the music I've been here before you know
00:25:36
he told him no no no stop stop please turn off the music I've done this before this not my first rodeo this is not my
00:25:43
first can I just I like the go ahead the gum one go ahead no not my first rodeo is such a funny figure of speech like apparently first rodeos are complete [ __ ] shows but the second Rodeo is
00:25:57
really nice but the first one you get messed up but uh I saw a girl with a hat on honestly about a week ago that said this is my first rodeo please excuse me this is my first
00:26:09
here's the cool thing about this that he talked about so this guy gets the Oscar 20 years ago he's a great actor right
00:26:16
and then he's kind of in the wilderness years it's not he's not getting as many a parts and he really talks to that like
00:26:23
I'm still here Hollywood it was very uh open and emotional but um after about 26 minutes of that I thought okay he said everything
00:26:35
he needs to say how funny yeah his pin was her second earring his so she took an earring off oh she took his her earring
00:26:46
off and and he wore it as a brooch yes what is brooches out there this early in a relationship is this romance like is it isn't in the first six months of all
00:26:57
right I'll I'll ask you about romance and Heather can chime in all right the clip I saw is he won he got up he
00:27:03
started walking got about 20 feet away took his gum out and threw it back to her to catch and uh I don't see that in lot of
00:27:10
Hallmark movies but you know maybe that's the new romantic gesture right take this [ __ ] and hope it sticks in your Oscar hair that you had done for two and a half hours I had a Hostess
00:27:23
snowball in my pocket one of those Hostess snowballs when I won the Emmy whoops how'd that get out so I walk into
00:27:30
the stage I look back at Paula she was sitting next to like I don't know Eddie Van Halen I just
00:27:36
went she had a catcher mask just romantic yeah it's very it's cute if I was her I'd be like hey next Oscars maybe not throw your gum at me maybe not
00:27:47
yeah well did he bring up Weinstein that's hard too that's a tough subject at the Oscars well I mentioned that
00:27:54
before and it has nothing to do with wiin scene or anyone it's just such a a turn to go from the Weinstein type
00:28:00
Harvey Weinstein to Adrien Brody who has um just this gravitas about him or sadness or he just has this seem like very cool guy incredibly um genuine
00:28:13
person based on what I like him obviously talented if he doesn't get an Oscar for 20 years it means nothing
00:28:18
about his acting it's just there's so many there's only x amount of good movies and so many actors that are good
00:28:24
that it's just it's sort of you get luck so if it's about he works all the time but if it's about the Holocaust you know there there's always a chance it's going to be taken very seriously and it might
00:28:36
get pushed to the front of the pile it's something I'm I'm sure it's brilliant it's just a place I can't go to anymore
00:28:44
but you know he Adrien Brody what do you I'm eating a banana I didn't know what time it was I Dana I still don't I just know I was like I I'm I spent the weekend with
00:28:57
you we were doing our own thing going around there but every time I turned around you peeling a freaking banana I
00:29:04
go is this guy got a potassium deficiency banana is my new go-to it's easy but anything on the podcast I can't
00:29:10
really eat I have [ __ ] around here but I can't eat remember when I handed you an orange you said what am I going to do with this and you threw it down I was
00:29:16
like give me goddamn banana you you're like a monkey you need a [ __ ] banana I don't want people to think I eat food oh by the way before we get into the stories there was a there was a quake
00:29:27
here the other day did you feel it what are they talking 39 it was a chumpy 36 embarrassing no that's nothing that's that's like is the
00:29:38
mattress moving I didn't really feel it um the there was a big one in San Jose I
00:29:44
flew over it while the earthquake was happening I think I was on Southwest and the pilot came on and said earthquake
00:29:51
down and San Jose right now now we're over San Jose now we're not now we're over San Jose now we're not I mean whole
00:29:58
city was moving I was shocked that's very shocking I was surprised I mean that's a big earthquake s slides out from under the plane and comes back now we're not
00:30:10
shakers Tremors I had a friend you know people are telling me they're like it was a 36 but felt like a
00:30:17
41 um we know our earthquakes out here so I'm like you get into the fives I'll start to listen six I'm scared and it's also dep the depth of it h and the way
00:30:30
it shakes and was it a roller was it a sideways one was it up and down liquify I have a good friend who during the yeah
00:30:37
I'll tell you more later about that it's not for the podcast uh Northridge Earthquake which which was a six
00:30:42
something but more like created action like an 8.0 by the friend was like one it was hitting was going this is the big
00:30:49
one this a big one uh we got to get out it was the bigest it was like 66 right well look look list listen the ring of fire in Japan and stuff Tokyo can take a
00:31:03
9.2 and they're on ball bearing so they just kind of go like that we um in California with San Andreas we're kind of tapped out I hope I'm right at maybe
00:31:14
a 72 um because our you know um things our tonic plates are moving this way you don't want them to move this way off the coast of Oregon they're going going to move this way and that'll be a 12.4 the
00:31:31
plates the plates if they're moving this way there's a certain you know but if they're moving tonic plates
00:31:38
yeah doesn't always have to be funny it can educate no I like it I'm rivet it do
00:31:46
but do you get it but can you keep up yeah all right let's go to look at some stories we've covered everything we didn't cover the Oscars at all but it's funny
00:31:58
kudos to Conan this is such a well-run machine I don't even know what this one is oh oh this Dana you have to explain to people at home I wouldn't do this for a million dollars two doofuses mhm are
00:32:14
throwing they they're blindfolded basically and look what they do what' you do this this is full of water they don't know it's
00:32:24
coming oh in the head would you take that'll break your neck I I mean are you oh my God and you're continuing to do it so
00:32:38
they have like a gallon filled with some water Dana could you take this hit to the head I can see uh understand the last part two
00:32:53
observations alcohol was involved obviously they're giggling they're numb number two is what in God's name will we
00:33:00
do for for clicks and Views and I want you to think about this you're a smart guy you're a tough guy you're a good guy
00:33:07
yeah um just tremendous think of a stunt we can do so we get you know three what
00:33:13
they get two million likes I doubt it that looks like a low Liker and they put in all that effort oh no I thought it
00:33:20
was 1.9 was there millions on that Heather I see 1.7 I mean honestly if you dropped a
00:33:27
feather to hit my head I would start crying cuz I cannot take a something filled with water no no and you're not
00:33:34
ready for it oh my God there that was not safe and and not good yeah welcome to the internet okay what's the next one don't try this at home don't try
00:33:46
this podcast at home either okay here's this yeah be be careful all right here we are what is this oh this is called
00:33:52
this is kind of interesting science okay this is sp phenomenon is called spontaneous synchronization
00:33:58
so they're taking like what are those things called melodrome or something melod
00:34:03
dromes yeah five melod dromes on and they're off spontaneous synchronization is a phenomenon where independent oscillating
00:34:14
systems like metronomes or fireflies they naturally fall into sink without any external coordination look they're getting closer to being the same for
00:34:26
what reason wow it it is observed in nature physics and even biological processes like heart cells little toy metronomes were all
00:34:41
discombobulated and then achieve synchronicity without any outside help see very cool okay you can stop it and you think that Universe was just
00:34:53
random yeah good luck but they say sometimes girls all have their like you know what's together so that's is that
00:35:00
is that sort of the same I don't want yeah I'm not involved in this bit I'm not saying a bit I'm saying that's I've heard that that happens when girls like live together in like a dorm they all
00:35:12
kind of sink it up somehow I'll just put it out there you're being quiet do you know this story have you heard of this
00:35:17
yeah periods get in s oh periods get in syn oh she just nailed it ham there's a lot we don't know about the Universe I was dancing around a little bit but yeah yeah you sums it up by saying there's a
00:35:29
lot we don't know about the universe it's fine eventually I mean we have a telescope out there that's a million
00:35:35
miles from Earth now and we're going to be able to see and I always have a hard time with this there's light the big
00:35:41
bang big bang big bang all the matter of the universe ahead of a pencil and then
00:35:47
it explodes and all this light comes out we're thrown out here we'll be able to see back to the beginning of the big big
00:35:53
bang and I Big Bang sorry and I think they just did it all these saw was a giant eyeball
00:36:00
blinking first I thought you said we have a telescope a million miles away and I'm like that's too far they should
00:36:05
have the telescope here that they could see a million miles away well it was cute when it was on a mountain in Hawaii
00:36:11
but then you get out in outer space you're going to see a lot better dude I don't want to know what's out there cuz I see stuff from the space station and
00:36:17
there's clearly UFOs flying around and everyone's like I'm like mhm oh it's real Dina there's a lot of
00:36:25
people got itchy last week when I said I believe and uh what was it cloud seating I don't know yeah Chemtrails and
00:36:33
everyone's like what what do you mean Chemtrails that was I there for that well they spray and they put stuff in the air and you oh oh that one yeah yeah I remember I think they really do it
00:36:45
everyone just says what can I do about it there's nothing you can do you just have to slurp up that parite poison or
00:36:52
whatever the [ __ ] it is I hope it's not bad that's what I was saying I said someone's going to MC somebody if it's
00:36:57
real because nobody likes to be slowly poisoned to death I don't no I'm crazy that way yesterday the I doctor said to me you eat a lot of vegetables I go yeah
00:37:09
yeah spinach this and that he says spinach is out and he he said no it's too many toxins when they make it too many chemicals spinach is out what is in
00:37:21
he goes well saw a picture of salmon with maggots salmon with a bunch of parasites in it parasites are the new
00:37:27
thing like they're probably in everyone to some degree even they're microscopic or they're the kind they pull out of people literally it's like this it's like I've only known kind of human
00:37:38
parasites that sort of try to use like plus ones I'm more worried human beings are the scariest thing on planet Earth I'll put it yeah we're worse we're wor we're
00:37:50
scary all right next great riveting story yeah let's do this let's dig in oh Daniel like this this is like a sign if thing Heather won't be able to [ __ ] the stairwell illusion is one of the hardest
00:38:01
to understand so here's a guy coming down here's a guy just stand he's going upstairs right loated Bu you're not going to like
00:38:08
it Heather I'm telling you right now I don't even understand it and you're going to think
00:38:14
it'swell hate it can't stand it brain is flipping like a pancake I like they give you a graphic like you can show like see how easy it is to
00:38:26
figure out it's a jump cut on the camera that's all I don't think it I think it's a real thing well it's a it's called an
00:38:33
aeran stairwell is a visual Paradox inspired by impossible a normal stairwell that just it creates an optical [Music] illusion I need
00:38:46
more I'm feeling sick from watching this s yeah I don't I don't understand it no
00:38:53
I don't um it's a documentary about how weird that is there's a docent so the basic idea is you're looking someone go up a stairwell they continue to go up then it looks to you like
00:39:05
they've gone down and are coming up a lower stairwell something like that something like that I call
00:39:12
[ __ ] oh you think it's a camera trick little yeah so funny well otherwise let's go to some building stairwell with a get he with an iPhone
00:39:24
and make history you'll be the guinea pig no offense or nothing I'll stay back with the iPhone let's build an isian
00:39:31
staircase and just do it that should be our big YouTube bit this we have a lot of mysteries and then they'll say it's
00:39:36
camera tricks though you know there be a bunch of Dana out there let's give them something to
00:39:42
talk about let's give him some who song is that Bonnie R yep what about you were
00:39:51
just saying the Big Big Bang the reason I'm that's a song on my iPod iPod old man okay next why the raspberries I don't know
00:40:05
[Music] okay did you know I saw that Chile you're saying it wrong Chile Chile mhm is it a country yeah they had 19 million people without power out of 21
00:40:27
million went without power that's what scares me those things seem so easy to happen
00:40:33
in this world that just a couple problems in the grid go you know that just scar no power they couldn't go in
00:40:40
elevators they're stuck here they're stuck in the street they're we yeah I mean I would not I would freak then
00:40:46
everything rots in your just too much too scary there was Dick Cheney uh love him or hate him but he had one of these quotes everyone's a republican when the lights go out oh oh I don't even know
00:40:58
what it means really well sounds like a good one it's kind of the environmentalist is the last person to
00:41:05
build the cabin on the mountain but um we're so dependent on power we take it for granted and um I don't know
00:41:12
sometimes we have brown outs I don't all I need is a k it first nope how many how many play by your rules how many bananas do you do
00:41:25
a day five it always looks like it has like a high collar on it hello it looks like an ice cream bar for I I don't know
00:41:31
I can't anyway it's a little [ __ ] on the ancient side did you ever have a frozen chocolate banana dipped oh [ __ ] yes I did okay that's a whole other kettle of banana oh that's so I don't
00:41:43
know if they have those anymore who invented those GP it's a good invention yeah I used to go a Dairy Queen and light it up with a Dilly
00:41:54
bar um I think as a kid a a banana split from Foster freezer like a banana split was a magic thing it had the vanilla the chocolate and the strawberry
00:42:07
neopolitan the banana and then chocolate syrup on top so it's like such an indulgent thing what you do dude I got a
00:42:13
banana split man oh they're unreal full monty yeah I wonder if people are still listening but I think they are this is
00:42:20
this is so in I like this kind of talk because it throws me back to when I I used to eat more sugar I [ __ ] loved
00:42:26
it I look good in this light let's do this at the God dang Vanity Fair party I looked at the metric and most people fast forward to minute 45 on super play
00:42:38
oh you hear anything about they just joined us for those of you just join all we'll show story okay
00:42:46
okay I don't know what this is okay paint smash ass onto a jean jacket and W it's a baba [ __ ] this girl just just rates people's fashion
00:43:02
pants that doesn't seem like a five minute craft to me craft all right take your [ __ ] shoelaces out of your shoes and do some early 2000s [ __ ] all her underpanties are going
00:43:15
to show that looks like [ __ ] she's a tough CRI well what am I watching please well people get on like a Tik Tok or something on one side they
00:43:29
show one like we do and then they just critique it from the other side like they'll have a cook and he'll watch
00:43:34
someone cooking something go okay you put the stuff in there you're good so far why are you adding that and then
00:43:39
they just CR criticize I like that woman just like trashing someone's yeah dreams
00:43:46
she was just uh she's a funny character you look like [ __ ] yeah um okay next one
00:43:53
that's good though I don't do that with you I like your outfits I have a uniform I just wear that Dana
00:43:59
look good at the corporate gig hether he had a little suit on did I little jacket yeah I'm never I'm never going to go do
00:44:06
standup again with a tucked in shirt because I'm fighting it the whole time it's riding up the buttons just oh it's
00:44:11
tough to do standup you're going to moving around you want I need an untucked sh remember the company untucked did they go bankrupt CU call us
00:44:20
untuck it no they're all there there's too many of them yeah oh I they still exist though because it closed yeah okay
00:44:27
call us we'll sponsor you okay can you do this Dana okay I didn't mean to cut you off there but not at all that was
00:44:33
all could you get out of this I always think could I do these things I think I could do this and I'm so delusional I
00:44:39
think I could do this you think you could do this I think you could Dan I I don't know that's pretty that's like a a guy sprinting in
00:44:52
this snow cone tunnel and just going up and up I would have to TR it I don't know I would that's a little par do it I would hope I could you're strong you
00:45:02
have strong quads and you have endurance that's a tough one but if you're in here's the one I think I can do in
00:45:07
parkour you this is one if I was stuck and it was life or death they jump off a building onto a pole and slide down it's
00:45:15
the only way down if it's the only way you just do it you clamp so hard but you got to grab it exactly perfectly on the
00:45:21
way down and grab and then you slide it slows you down a little bit I couldn't do it as good as they do but
00:45:27
I've seen those yeah I won't do it unless I have to so don't ask me to do it did you were you were you kind of a
00:45:35
daredevil as a kid a little bit sometimes because skateboard or what was your yeah skateboarding and then went
00:45:42
out for every sport I had three older brothers right stacked and so we're living in SEL California and there's
00:45:49
these old mattress mattresses you find at the dump oh yeah and they were jumping out of the Second Story window
00:45:55
on them and I was the I was years old so I was afraid but the next day they all went to school and I decided to climb out on the ledge no way and then I sort of panic so I'm hanging from the window
00:46:07
and the neighbor calls my mom and says I think your son Dana is hanging from the
00:46:14
window oh my gosh what are you doing out here what are you doing what in goodness
00:46:20
name the other time God's green earth are you doing I crawled into the dryer and somehow I got clothed behind me so
00:46:28
she said she came in I was just I'm 4 years old I weigh like 30 lbs and I'm just like going like this on the glass
00:46:34
again the glass from the inside choking on lint lint aun blabby all right let's do another we don't have to do too many more we can keep going we're we're
00:46:45
looking good we're killing it actually mhm what's this joke oh my daughter met poop and pee at the city wastewater treatment exhibit and cried when we had
00:46:56
to leave so they have mascots for poop and pee I guess and what is the point of that to to educate little kids about okay about toilets and how what goes down them okay look at the comment goes
00:47:10
and they say never meet your Heroes that's a good one that's a good one how do I land that
00:47:17
gig that's funny dude I would do that part time to make money oh yeah of course dress up in a
00:47:24
thing I would do rock paper scissors P I'd rather be PE I think did you ever as a youngster stand outside like a ice cream store or something and just hold a sign and turn it and stuff like hey come
00:47:36
over here oh no that thing I can't do yeah I'm not a great Stander I can't stand for hours on end anymore not not
00:47:43
as much fun as I it used to be standing's good for us it's the sitting compresses oh standing keeps your body
00:47:49
moving yeah yeah we already walked Heather your spine Heather do we walk you walk the crowd we have a crowd of one here in same old same old okay so anything
00:48:03
final thoughts I'll say there's an AI Tommy Boy thing that people keep sending me on
00:48:10
a I think the Bell Brothers or someone put out uh AI Tommy Boy M will play it next week it's a scene or a movie or yeah they it has us going on Shark
00:48:22
Tank within three to five years you will be able to say Tommy Boy 3 they're in the Army and then within one second you'll have a perfect feature film and
00:48:35
you'll have a film done I could say and I'll still complain that it was hard to do Wayne and G in
00:48:41
the wild west boom and then the movie be done so all those people out there the grips the lighting people the makeup AR I don't know what to the ACT what about Wayne's World three they go to Uranus
00:48:56
that feel like good way world one and then they would giggle they they say yeah let's go to Uranus and then they would laugh for like 90 minutes sounds like your butt I always
00:49:09
said people ask me what's with Wayne's World I said the two biggest losers in town are the happiest people in town
00:49:16
because they ritualize every single moment they're in a good mood they like people like to see people that having
00:49:21
fun yeah let's go to Stam makitas man get some donuts by the way I think there's an
00:49:27
assembly of bus boys so far an assembly I haven't seen it we're letting the director Jonah is going to do stuff well
00:49:33
like Spielberg you have assemblies just constantly updated you're seeing all every day you have a you have the scene
00:49:40
cut on some so you should have a rough cut by now I've only seen a couple scenes cut which I liked so but I think
00:49:46
the trick is what's everything in a Rog people don't know you shoot a movie out of sequence some people don't so you don't really have any continuity you're
00:49:53
like you shoot your last scene first and middle one then one of the first one then you go so it's very hard to get it
00:50:00
to feel how it's going as a story what's the heart Tugger they're Buzz boys they struggle yeah yeah his dad's in jail okay and you
00:50:13
get him out he gets hit by a car early on like he's a little off and uh and then we he doesn't really have a dad and his mom doesn't really like him so I take him in geez it's like Joe dur
00:50:25
or something it's like any any movie where people are like have stacked against them well if
00:50:33
this is a classic comedy are rated maybe 75 minutes and then you have the you know the closing credits and that's only an hour 15 well then closing credits will pad you to 85 so we'll
00:50:47
definitely do a gag reel if it's if it's got these tent pole funny scenes that's all people really live for they you know
00:50:54
like five or six really big funny moments yeah that's all you need I I I I think we're going to get it down to about an hour 40 and then have Jud look at it and make it 220 it's weird but
00:51:05
Theo hit me up and um this is kind of I shouldn't even say this but um I'm editing I'm editing bus boys you are I'm
00:51:13
I'm the editor and I think it's I wouldn't mind that I would trust you I think it's going to be
00:51:19
great you come off great the I don't know the editor but I've seen a few things so I and you know the the
00:51:25
director gets per the union he gets the first cut so I don't mind that that's the way it's always been so he's going
00:51:30
to get it he's going to report while he's doing it and then um we'll all go in there and take a look so I'm excited yeah anyway oh we did it we still it an
00:51:37
hour look at us Dana I know we're just it's [ __ ] I don't know how we do it no people are eating dinner and doing stuff yeah they're riveted this shit's great we should be called the backgrounders
00:51:49
this is what you listen to when you're doing while you're doing something important Superfly happens while you're
00:51:54
busy making other plans you know what yeah that's that's what life is too life wait what is the phrase but yeah life is what happens to you
00:52:06
while you're busy making other plans John lennin beautiful boy Double Fantasy album 1980 all right people quote the
00:52:13
line but they don't remember where it came from no uh okay that's it so we'll see you next time and we'll see you next
00:52:19
time on oh yeah you can buy tickets for the tour now on my David space and also we're at the Fantasy Springs oh yeah
00:52:26
we're going to we're going by the time this happens we'll be there the next day right so then you get a two for one no
00:52:32
it's not oh it's in a week oh yeah okay okay not the next we do our funny stuff and then we're going to come out and
00:52:37
it's uh it's going to be Mayhem we're going to take questions I don't want to use the term razzled Dazzle but you'll
00:52:43
be razzled and Dazz let's put it this way it's called nothing's off the table tour we only we only have two dates in
00:52:50
the tour we've already done one we've done one we're halfway done yeah but uh should be a Banger it's mostly because I don't think Dana wants to go around the world and do this I don't it's it's
00:53:02
getting late in the game to just go hey you guys want to do a world tour we're like oh my God I don't know there a podcast is seen everywhere she like you
00:53:08
want to go to Australia you want to go to England I'm like I love those places I just don't
00:53:14
know Heather wants to go of course you want to tour like the Rolling Stones they do a date and then they take four
00:53:22
days off they pack Mick and Ice they do a thing he's extraordinary but not my friend yeah your friend your buddy your
00:53:29
dopping or you guys are like twins or something but you're much younger but he's an incredible shape but they do
00:53:35
take four days off then they do another one so they tour and it's six weeks and they're in a 7:47 and they stay at the
00:53:41
Taj it's Aras but yeah you don't there's ways to do like little mini you know but
00:53:48
World which started three years ago and they're going round and round I mean it's just like I don't know that's it
00:53:54
wears people out I get it all right we're going to end okay I'll see you later Dana bye
00:54:00
guys this has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly is executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade Jenna we sperman of Odyssey Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman hope you liked it
00:54:15
[Music]